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i had a human moment & that's okay
174 Plays1 year ago
Dani is here with a solo episode all about giving yourself grace when you want to be hard on yourself. We all have bad moments, bad days, hard times. How will you handle it? Longingly? with growthy and compassion? Or will you make it harder on yourself by judging yourself for experiencing a human emotion? Dani's weekend was a whole rollercoaster, and she's choosing to remember it for the peaks, not the pits.
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Transcript
Introduction to Awaken Bake
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awaken Bake, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, pod cast from one girl, one joint, and a journey to awaken what's inside all of us. In the words of the wise Wiz Khalifa, let's roll something and get the day started.
Solo Episode with Danny
00:00:15
Speaker
What up sluts?
00:00:17
Speaker
Another day, another podcast episode, solo episode with your bitch, Danny, Kelsey is, you know, busy being a mom, breastfeeding, getting to know PJ, figuring out the new schedule. And I am happy to be here because boy, do I love talking about myself and I have, I would just like to tell a story today. Okay. I have an experience that I went through recently as of yesterday and the day before that and today.
00:00:39
Speaker
that I just need to talk about because there's definitely some lessons in there. I've actually been spending the whole fucking day trying to find the lesson and trying to figure out what am I supposed to learn from this situation. So yeah, if you're down, let's just have a good old hey, it's okay to be human. You're still human. You don't have to be perfect. Give yourself the same grace you give everybody else type of chitchat. That sounds like something you're interested in. Let's get the fuck into it.
Coping with Daily Struggles
00:01:03
Speaker
Basically, have you ever felt like you were just on top of the world and then suddenly whether you get triggered or something random happens, all of a sudden you're at the bottom of the barrel and you feel like all hope and progress is lost because bitch, fucking same. This just happened to me. Nothing too traumatizing. Okay, I'm just talking about day to day struggles. I'm not talking about anything severe, please. I have compassion for that. I totally understand. But
00:01:25
Speaker
I'm talking about like when I need to just remind myself that I'm still a human with my own battles and struggles to overcome throughout each day. I have my own story. I have my own history. I have my own life. I have my own little things. You know, we all have our little things. Nobody's perfect, but that's kind of like the best part about humanity. If we were all perfect, we would probably all be the exact same. So because we're not all the exact same and we're all unique, we're basically all perfect in our own way. Oh, that was beautiful. That wasn't planned is what I was going to say, but love that. Okay, anyway.
00:01:55
Speaker
when I'm feeling these feelings, right, these day to day struggles, I try to tell myself, like, just be kind to yourself and treat yourself the way that you would treat your best friend. I know this seems really basic, but spoiler, I already know exactly how the fuck I would treat my best friend because she and I have these type of conversations every day. The conversations I have with you guys are, you know, something I'm used to having. I love talking about this stuff. I talk about it with
00:02:19
Speaker
all of my friends basically 24 seven. And I just can't get a fucking enough of it. So now I'm here sharing with you guys because a lot of what we talk about. That's why we started this whole podcast is we were like, Wait a minute, we're already sharing all of this. We're already getting high and talking about the universe and what is the meaning of life and I just can't have a simple experience without dissecting it and breaking it down into a million pieces and
00:02:40
Speaker
I take everything very deeply and at a very spiritual universal level, like I try to just be very, Oh, what does this mean? What are the signs saying, I love to be as aligned as I can with my connection to source power, and with my psychic abilities. So I am a very like emotional person, I go internal a lot, and I like to
00:03:00
Speaker
feel a situation and try to really see like what's the deeper meaning. Maybe I don't need to be doing all that, okay? But that's how I am. That's how I do it. And it's because of all that that I come up with all of these great realizations and lessons and I'm able to like notice for the most part, negative behavior patterns within myself or at least ones that just don't serve me. Nothing is really negative. It's all perspective, but things that don't serve the direction that I'm trying to go in.
Wedding Stress and Period Woes
00:03:23
Speaker
So basically, here's what happened. Let's get into the story and everything I learned. I am at this beautiful out of town wedding. And I mean, it was stunning. And I was already a week late on my period due to stress, OK, from a recent trigger, something that was out of my hands.
00:03:39
Speaker
But yeah, I'll be fine. By the way, it's nothing major. I've grown. I handled it beautifully. We're fine. However, my body felt that stress, right? So I'm already like a week late on my period, but I'm not worried about it because I know I'm stressed the fuck out. I'm also getting stressed acne at this time. It was awesome. I felt like a fucking queen.
00:03:56
Speaker
But no, seriously, like, even though all that shit was going wrong, I still was like having a really good mindset. I was so excited about this upcoming weekend or the one that we just had this past weekend. So we're pulling up to this nice ass venue. It was gorgeous. Like, think Redwoods think, you know, that scene in Twilight where he's like, this is the skin of a killer Bella, like that type of vibe, that type of earthy setting. Right. I know that's not the Redwoods. Those are two completely different things that was in Seattle. I know, guys, I'm not good at geography.
00:04:26
Speaker
And I'm not actually that good at nature, even though I jokingly call myself nature bitch.
00:04:31
Speaker
what I'm saying is it was a gorgeous forest. I was so happy to be there. I love a good nature wedding setting. I also fucking love love and I love the people who were getting married. So I was just really excited about this whole event and this whole weekend and I had been looking forward to it and really looking forward to dressing up and seeing how handsome my husband looked because he went and got a special suit and had it tailored and he just looked so awesome in it and so handsome and he was so happy and I was just really excited to be part of that experience.
00:04:56
Speaker
So yeah, I'm keeping a positive mindset. We pull up to this nice ass venue after about a three hour drive. And I start massively bleeding, like blood clods, think endometriosis, like me, bitch. Lots of pain, lots of cramps. It was messy.
00:05:12
Speaker
But I'm like, oh, you know what? It's OK, because we're not going to be at this location that long. We just had to stop here first. They were they were going to do a quick rehearsal, but like it wasn't supposed to take long. It wasn't like scheduled to take long, I guess. Psych. It took a couple of hours. But to be fair, everyone was running late. We were all running late. And again, another thing out of everyone's hands, not our fault. We were not the only ones late. Every single person was late, including like the bride and groom.
00:05:36
Speaker
This was just a rehearsal, okay, right? So try to stay on board. So I'm sitting in the car with the dogs. Did I mention we brought our two chaotic puppies? I love them dearly, but they don't do well in the car. I'm looking at you, monkey. And we're hanging out in the car because not only do they not do well in the car, they don't always do well with massive groups of people. So I'm like, you know what? You go to the rehearsal, I'll hang back. We can't check into the hotel yet anyway. And so I'm in the car with the dogs.
00:06:02
Speaker
But mind you, I'm bleeding like a motherfucker. However, I didn't start bleeding until my husband was already out of the car doing the rehearsal thing. And they all went like off location, like away from where we had parked. I didn't know like exactly where they were. And I also didn't know where the bathroom was. And I also couldn't leave my dogs alone in the car. So I'm just sitting there in a pool of my own blood trying to like, you know,
00:06:24
Speaker
hope for the best, I guess. I don't know if I'm just trying to do Kegels and try to keep it in, but I knew I was sitting in a pool of my own ish, right? I shouldn't say ish. It was not shit. It was period blood, okay? It was my menstrual cycle. But anyway, I'm staying positive, okay? And the pain, yeah, it was extreme, but I was so happy to be there. Like I said, I felt so confident and I felt very beautiful and I felt so grateful that I got to be part of this with my husband. I know that he was so excited about it and I just really love all of his friends and
00:06:53
Speaker
people that I've met through him and in his life. He has really great people in his life. So again, mind you, I'm still excited as fuck to be there. We had an awesome night on the beach. We were playing frisbee. We did laser tag. We were hanging out with some really lovely people. I got to meet one of his childhood friends. They're like one of his longtime friends. And so it was really awesome. 10 out of 10. I loved it, right?
00:07:14
Speaker
Next day, the period cramps are way worse. Okay, I'm not going to give you TMI. But again, think endometriosis. So think extreme bloating insane pain. And I still felt cute. And I made it work. And I put on that dress that I was excited to wear. And I was being nice to myself, even though it didn't look the way that it looked before, because I was so incredibly painfully bloated, right?
00:07:35
Speaker
Well, I love the ceremony. Skip to the ceremony. The ceremony. Sorry, guys, I'm fried and I'm tired. And this is literally this is the end of this chaotic story today. So like I have not even gone to bed since all this has happened. Anyway, I love the ceremony. I cried. It was so beautiful. And also, hey, congratulations, Victoria and Paul. I love your love. Anyway, then at the reception, my cramps started getting worse. But I was like, you know what? I'm just going to hit my pen and then we're about to eat. And sometimes food kind of helps. OK.
00:08:05
Speaker
I ate the best food possibly ever. It tasted so fucking good. I loved every bite of it. I savored every bite. I also ate a lot of everything that was offered. So I did also eat a lot of these really yummy fucking green beans.
00:08:23
Speaker
I forgot that I was allergic, you guys, because I was in the moment. Okay, I was enjoying everything. And also I haven't had green beans in so long. And these green beans were cooked differently. Like they were like, bright and crunchy. And they looked like, I don't know, like, it was just so fucked like a string bean almost. And it was just so scrum dillium shifts. I mean, I loaded my plate with those and I took my time eating those like I ate those actually with my fingers like a fucking disgusting barbarian at a wedding table, bitch, I was sitting at the wedding party
Green Bean Mishap
00:08:51
Speaker
table.
00:08:51
Speaker
not part of the wedding party, eating it with my fucking fingers. That's how good it was. I threw up four times. I was throwing up the entire rest of the night. However, I will say the universe was on my side. I made it all the way home without throwing up. I will say on that walk home, I almost threw up on the side of the road a couple times. So the shuttle dropped us off super, super, super close to where the hotel was.
00:09:14
Speaker
Um, and I had to walk from like that parking lot, just like a block or two away, but it was on a very busy street with no sidewalk. I was in a very tight dress and high heels. Didn't even notice my heels and ankles and toes were fucking bleeding from my shoes. Cause I was so focused on my stomach pain and not throwing up, but, uh, I definitely had a couple dry heaving moments on the side of the road. And so I looked like just the hottest bitch in the world, but then I'm just like dry heaving. It was so it was
Overcoming Night Terrors
00:09:41
Speaker
humbling. Okay. It was humbling. Cause it definitely took away from the hotness level.
00:09:45
Speaker
Anyway, all of that being said, I get home, I'm vomiting, but you know how after you puke, you feel better. And I was like, Yeah, you know what, this was out of my hands. Okay, actually, let me rephrase eating eating the green beans was totally my fault. But I wasn't thinking I didn't go into it like, Oh, yeah, I'm about to eat these green beans, even though I can't have these. They looked different. They just looked scrumdily, um, just
00:10:06
Speaker
But basically, I'm having like a good night. I ordered, you know, some uber eats so I could get a little snack, some hydration going in my system and I spent the night hanging out with my dogs. It was great. This was followed by my regularly scheduled night terrors. But this one really fucking stuck with me. I've talked about this many times before on the podcast, but I have nightmares basically every single night. I've had this since I was a little kid.
00:10:28
Speaker
And a lot of times, depending on what mental state I'm in and what part of my cycle I'm in, and also the part of my cycle, how my cycle is going will affect my mental state. So it's just all, it's like a vicious, it's a vicious cycle is what it is.
00:10:41
Speaker
So anyway, this was just one of those night terrors that just stuck with me through the next day. And I spent most of the day in my head fucking panicking and then calming myself down with the tools that I've learned throughout therapy and everything, but then panicking again and then calming myself down. And you know, this is why honestly, I love being slightly I shouldn't say awakened when I'm panicking, but like, I am awake to my divine spiritual journey, right? Because I've prepped for this. I've been studying this for a while. This is not new to me.
00:11:07
Speaker
this is where I'm really grateful that I have all these tools to be able to handle it. I'm not saying I handled it perfectly, right? I still had to ask the hubby for reassurance. I still have to, and this isn't this isn't a flaw, but I just have to talk things out. That is how I process things is like verbally. Sometimes I can't always trust what's in my head if I don't say it out loud, because I don't know if you guys know this, but you're not your thoughts. And depending on your traumas or your mental state, like
00:11:31
Speaker
a lot of the thoughts we have are not our own. So yeah, there are times where I have to talk things out so I can make sure that the thoughts that I'm deciding to trust are legit, right? Anyway, I'm not saying that I handled it perfectly, but I was really proud that I was able to kind of come to multiple conclusions on my own about why I was feeling the way I was feeling. And more than anything, I realized that
00:11:52
Speaker
I need to just give myself some fucking grace. Holy shit. I know exactly how I would reassure someone else in my position in this situation, but instead I found myself quite often feeling defeated and disappointed in myself for not being in perfect physical and mental health.
00:12:07
Speaker
And I told myself while I was having these negative thoughts, right? I was like, no, bitch, be honest about the reality of this situation, the way that you would to someone you care about. Cause like, if it's, if you, you have to be specific in these kinds of mental situations, if you're like, Oh, well just be honest about it, that can have such a negative connotation cause you can be in a negative mindset. So try to do it in a way of someone who you're trying, who you respect, right? Someone that you care about.
00:12:31
Speaker
Then also, I'm not gonna blame myself for being human. I have to realize that this shit happens. And aside from eating the green beans, okay, things are out of my control. I'm not always being like fucking punished for something, okay? And instead of focusing on what went wrong, I need to notice how well did I handle the situation? How well did I handle myself in each moment of that situation? And how did I recover from it? There are so many other ways to look at it other than beating yourself up because things didn't go perfect or the way that you planned.
00:12:59
Speaker
And this might seem so simple to someone who is fucking healed, but if you're fucking healed, why are you listening to awaken big? There are so many other things you could be listening to. We are, we are wiling over here. Another thing I realized is it's okay to reach out to someone for a pep talk. I had to have my husband multiple times, like just do a quick little check in like, Hey,
00:13:16
Speaker
My brain is telling me this, but that's not true, right? Okay, right. Awesome. Got it. That's absolutely
Mental Balance through Therapy
00:13:20
Speaker
fine. Also, I did reach out to my best friend, Emily, because she and I have these conversations with each other almost daily. Like, hey, my brain's lying to me when it says this, right? This is the correct answer. And it's just nice to have someone who will validate you and not judge you for whatever you're going through and who will love you no matter what, even if you're going through something and they need to say, you know what? Your brain actually is on par with this one. You might need to check yourself a little bit.
00:13:45
Speaker
Like having someone who loves you and isn't going to judge you for the situation is so helpful. So always feel free to reach out to someone. And if you don't have someone to reach out to, guys, awaken because of community, you can DM us. I can't promise we'll DM back right away, but I am trying to be more present on Instagram. That being said, I am not your therapist. Find a therapist. I highly recommend.
00:14:03
Speaker
Also, I want to shout out Jill's Gerwin. So her recent video that she posted on YouTube today, it was titled something about like how to build confidence or how to like actually attain confidence for yourself and like confidence that's uniquely yours. But it actually helped me in multiple ways with what I was going through. And I'm just so grateful for those awesome tips. And just make sure that you go ahead and check that out because it's not just for
00:14:27
Speaker
the everyday situation. It's also for very specific situations. Like, I really feel that the collective consciousness is so connected. And we talk about all the time, we'll post an episode or a YouTube video and then we get comments to people like holy shit, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Jill's Gerwin's video about confidence, you guys, I feel like we can all learn something from it. Yes, it was just focused on confidence. But those were like some life tips, honestly, that she was giving. So shout out to you, Jill's and thank you for helping me feel better today.
00:14:56
Speaker
So the last thing I wanted to talk about was something I touched on just a minute ago. And it's something that I think a lot of us probably ask ourselves when shit goes awry or not how we planned, but we don't like to talk about it because, you know, we're supposed to be positive or we're supposed to think that, oh, it's this beautiful spiritual journey. And it is a beautiful spiritual journey, but I also don't believe in toxic positivity.
Embracing Imperfection
00:15:18
Speaker
Now, to be fair, I think the term toxic positivity in and of itself is faulty because if you have a positive outlook on life, then that's fucking awesome.
00:15:25
Speaker
But I also think that you can't ignore the reality of a situation, right? So with that being said, a lot of times I get a little bit overwhelmed, especially when my mental health isn't perfect, right? When it's not aligned with my higher self or with the way that matches the goals that I have. A lot of times when my mental is kind of acting up
00:15:47
Speaker
I will sometimes think I'm being punished or wonder like, how did I manifest this? Like I'll start to blame myself and be like, I must be doing something horribly wrong to manifest negative things happening to me. Or I must have done something wrong and this is my karma and I'm being punished for this. Or I'm like, Oh my God, this is a sign. This is a bad omen. I told you guys I overthink everything. I can't just make anything simple. But that's I'm also working on simplicity because simplicity is key. And I know that it will help me so much. But I'm a complex bitch. Okay, I am deep. And I'm wired differently. I don't know.
00:16:16
Speaker
But what I'm trying to say is it's not your fault. You did not manifest these things to happen. Like, can we just give ourselves a little bit of slack because you deserve it, you rock, bitch. And maybe that's not what the point is after all. Like, these aren't life ruining situations, right? These moments that we're talking about, this is just uncomfortable day to day issues that we all go through. And like, yeah, it's uncomfortable. But you can see it more as an obstacle and decide how are you going to overcome it? Look at it as a challenge because
00:16:43
Speaker
I'm sorry Megan said it, but sometimes we simply have bad days. Bad bitches have bad days too. It doesn't mean that you suck or you did anything wrong. It doesn't mean that we're off our path or being punished by law of attraction or source, okay? Each situation is an opportunity to grow in how you react to it and how you respond to it.
00:17:00
Speaker
And I don't know, guys, like sometimes I think it's almost nice to be able to see, OK, things cannot go perfectly, but I'll live. I'm not going to fucking die. I can get through a tough situation without it being the end of the world. And I think a lot of that goes back to like.
00:17:18
Speaker
maybe childhood programming, maybe when you were a kid, maybe you had a parent who didn't have a regulated nervous system and couldn't handle change or when something went wrong, or would have a lot of outbursts at the slightest issue or when something wasn't perfectly as planned. I think we can kind of all relate to that.
00:17:36
Speaker
So I think a lot of it goes back to that as well. It's actually really healthy for me to have these experiences where things don't go perfectly as planned or maybe not even perfectly as planned. Maybe they just don't go as planned at all, which I didn't want to throw up four times last night and then once again this morning. But it happened. But I lived I'm totally fine. It didn't cause a fight. Why would my husband be mad at me for being sick? That makes no sense. You know what I mean? And he's also not mad at me for forgetting that I'm allergic to green beans because we both forgot he saw me snacking on those he didn't say anything.
00:18:03
Speaker
And yeah, we're fucking human. It's not a big deal. Shit happens. And I think that's one of the things that my husband has actually taught me a lot throughout our relationship is that life happens, but like we can control how we handle it and it's not the end of the world. Like you can, you can have bad things happen in a day, but it's not a bad day.
00:18:21
Speaker
And it's definitely not a bad life. Like you have to sometimes we can allow those little things that go wrong throughout the day to kind of spiral and then we hyper focus on those, right? So try to zoom out a little bit and be like, okay, a handful of things went wrong today. Ideally, we would want nothing to go wrong. But when we zoom out, it's still just a handful of things. It's not like the entire day was a fucking fail. You know what I mean?
00:18:42
Speaker
I hope that this resonated with someone. I really needed to talk this out because it's been on my mind all day and like I said, I'm someone who has to talk things out. Shocker. That's why I have a fucking podcast and a YouTube channel. Yeah, thank you guys for listening. Thank you for being another pair of ears to help me talk through this. I hope this resonated with some of you. I'm sure even if it didn't right now, it will eventually and Emily Glott if you're fucking listening.
00:19:05
Speaker
Hi, I love you and thank you for helping me through this today. Shout out to my husband and shout out to Paul and Victoria. Before I threw up, it was a beautiful wedding and it was a beautiful wedding after I threw up. I left before I puked because I knew what was coming, right? So I actually didn't ruin their wedding at all and they didn't even know that I was throwing up. But I just want y'all to know your wedding was so beautiful. I can tell you're going to be together forever. Also, your vows made me cry. So love is real.
00:19:28
Speaker
Everyone's safe, everything is fine, you are loved, you are divinely guided and protected and stay high. And in the words of Kelsey, that no longer pregnant bitch, that just gave birth ass bitch, bye.