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EP. 75 Motel Hell (1980)
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 75 of the two guys, one screen podcast. That's so aggressive. 75. Yeah, it's the fucking 75th episode, goddammit. We're three quarters of a way to a honey.
00:01:09
Speaker
We almost there, bitch. Yeah. but ah What's going to be our Benjamin episode? Benjamin Franklin. umt Benjamin Button. ah Yeah, that movie sucks. Fuck that movie. It's not good. If any anybody out there believes the movie's good, you're fucking wrong. i don't make the rules.
00:01:24
Speaker
There's a reason it's the only Criterion release with a normal Blu-ray case. they click it They couldn't even put the money out to make a clear case. Yeah, fucking terrible. ah We are the hemorrhoid homies, the Poe Town boys.
00:01:40
Speaker
ah Hey, do you think when we start like getting diarrhea, we should be the diarrhea daddies? Yeah. Yo, that needs to be a shirt ASAP. I'm a diarrhea daddy. I want to be a diarrhea daddy, but I haven't had diarrhea in a minute. Well, I did take some milk of magnesia this past week, and boy, does it work. and I will say the bottle did did ah advertise as gentle. What you ratwell it did It did advertise as gentle relief. It was not gentle.
00:02:11
Speaker
No, it was just you were on the pot all day. i was shooting missiles. No, I was at work. Bro, i was I was stopped up so bad at work that I actually left my job, walked up the street, bought milk of Magnesia because I couldn't find anything else.
00:02:25
Speaker
I drank it. And then i was like, hmm, wait for this to work. And then I was bent over a sink getting fucking railed. i will I mean, I was bent over a sink. That did happen.
00:02:36
Speaker
I was bent over a sink. I was trying to clean the shit out of it. Not my personal shit, like food. You're right. And then my cheeks clenched. And I was like, oh, I'm fucking stuck. Yeah, I mean, you could have just shit in the sink.
00:02:48
Speaker
You're cleaning it anyway, you know? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, just act normal, walk upstairs. And I walked upstairs. And I... Don't mind me, employees. Yeah, I jumped and I proceeded. We only have one bathroom. mic for thes for the guests, too. So, poor souls. Wow.
00:03:04
Speaker
And I... I mean, it just it just shot out like a fucking missile. Was it like a ah log or was it liquid? it was It was like pellets. it was like... du dooo It was fucking... Oh, so it was like constipated poop.
00:03:16
Speaker
It was like my ass was a fucking AK-47. That's my normal poop, though. Like the little pellets. That's crazy. That's bad. Yeah, I mean, I can't believe we just started recording and we I didn't even do the finish the
Social Media and Listener Engagement
00:03:28
Speaker
fucking intro. We're talking about asshole. Well... ah But hemorrhoid homies, Diary of Daddy wannabes, and the po the Poe Town boys.
00:03:38
Speaker
My family's no longer in Poe Town. Uh... And we are recording today an episode on a fucking gem of Motel Hell. Who's even heard of this movie?
00:03:50
Speaker
I don't know, but i didn't I do appreciate you for putting me onto it. Of course. It was a great... i have I own two copies of this fucking movie, which I don't make no mistake was not a mistake.
00:04:02
Speaker
No, because they're moving both steals. And they're both gorgeous 4Ks. They're not both 4Ks, but they're both gorgeous steals. Yeah, that's what meant to say. One is a 4K, one is not. The Blu-ray of this from Scream Factory, little rough.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah? little rough, yeah. i i enjoyed my my watch today. We'll do a... Plug it in, plug it in.
00:04:29
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpiod. Piod? Yeah. odd yeah I want to fucking take my rod? Yeah. Follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod.
00:04:40
Speaker
Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com.
00:04:48
Speaker
You okay? I got fucking Pepsi in my eye. That's all right. Follow us on YouTube, TikTok. Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail. 508-8-5-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- that gets your submission straight to the as soon as we can get to it shoot me up like a snot rockcket right shoot me up with a turkey baster yeah yeah we and who ah and then listen to our
00:05:20
Speaker
physical media podcast yeah you'll want it on the same page. It is on the same fucking page. There's a like, comment, rating, live whatever you do on podcasts.
00:05:33
Speaker
We don't have a Patreon, so you can't subscribe to that.
00:05:38
Speaker
yeah if any of you fucks answer, think we would do one. maybe Maybe that's our big 100 reveal. you could fuck You could fucking have all these episodes at fucking three months ago if we had a fucking Patreon, but you're too fucking stupid.
00:05:50
Speaker
Well, that's just hurtful. Not you. I mean the audience. Yeah. Now you're insulting the audience.
00:05:58
Speaker
This is your what? You're taking you, Mark. Yeah, you're taking. We talk to audience every fucking episode. Yeah, we do. But because sometimes they deserve it. I would say they deserve it.
00:06:11
Speaker
You know, what episode is this way back when. I just want to tell you because I know it'll make you happy. Poughkeepsie Tapes eclipsed 30 views. Let's fucking go. So, it'll make you happy.
00:06:22
Speaker
See, because i've been I was preaching it. Yeah, you preach, but we don't believe in God. Yeah, exactly. Because he's dead. And I'd rip his tongue out of his fucking mouth.
00:06:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well, if you're new to this podcast, we a scene by scene. ah So that's what we're going to do with this movie. i would I would say go seek this movie out.
00:06:46
Speaker
Check it out. It's a fucking... If you're one of these people who is like, what is camp? It's this movie. In a good way, though. Yeah, this is camp, and it's done really well. Motel Hell did come out in the year 1980. We are pre-Crisp and Wah. Let's go pre-9-11.
00:07:03
Speaker
Yes, it's directed by Kevin O'Connor. I said O'Connor, it's just Connor. Kevin Conner, sorry. got the Yeah, he's done nothing. Yeah, none of these movies are movies that I i know of, but, you know, maybe they're decent.
00:07:19
Speaker
I don't know. Who might have said that? He did make up and a Frankenstein movie. It's probably trash. Most are. Who is who this piece of shit? Oh, okay.
00:07:31
Speaker
So that's Kevin Conner. He looks like fucking... ah George Lucas. Looks like George Lucas and Alfred Molina mixed together. Yeah, a little bit, huh? He looks like Ron Perlman.
00:07:44
Speaker
Who the fuck's Ron Perlman? ah The first Hellboy. Oh, okay. Yeah, big dude, white hair. He's like fucking 6A or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was also in a movie called The Baker where he was a baker who beat the shit out people.
00:07:59
Speaker
I watched it. I watched on an airplane coming home from somewhere. remember where. So like John Wick type? Not as good, but yeah okay yeah yeah. John Wick, but he's a baker. did i i Yeah, he's a baker, right. He's made bread.
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah, and I think John Leguizamo was in that movie. Beat someone up the head with a fucking baguette? Yeah, I mean, basically it's what it is. Did I rate it? I'd give it a star and a half. yeah it's fucking terrible. Oh, okay, yeah. yeah Anyways, back to a good movie, Motel Hell. We both like this movie.
00:08:29
Speaker
Just get that out there. we do I mean, any movie that's confirmed for this month, we both like. Yeah, ras aren but you know, we settled on nothing but bang. Yeah, straight bang.
00:08:41
Speaker
ah Here's your cast. Well, I mean, we just get this the way now? Most of these people are not fucking it. Almost all of them. Yeah, most,
Discussion on Movie Cast and Plot
00:08:51
Speaker
most fucking it.
00:08:53
Speaker
I mean, I would say there's one person in this movie. That's about it. That's about it. So here's your cast. Rory Calhoun. He plays a farmer Vincent Smith. I mean, in this letterbox picture of him as a young kid, he's a cute kid. But I mean, in this movie, I will say he has nice teeth, though.
00:09:14
Speaker
Maybe they were dentures. They're definitely dentures, bro. They were nice looking teeth. This man could like barely move. He tried. Yeah. It was probably like 80 when this movie came out.
00:09:25
Speaker
Yeah, dude. He was probably born in 1900. Oh, it doesn't say his birth year in here. Okay. Next, we got Paul Link. plays Sheriff Ruth Smith. He's one of the most fucking annoying humans ever.
00:09:37
Speaker
Yeah, but isn't it sad that he becomes the good guy? It is sad. It's crazy how you how he just fucking turns real quick. Also, how do you go from trying to molest a girl to being the good guy? like you know How do you recover from that?
00:09:49
Speaker
He did. In this and age, would never happen. Yeah. He was in a movie called Shrunken Heads. Hey, Ernie. yeah that Wait, you've never seen Smart House, bro?
00:10:02
Speaker
Smart House. Yeah. Is this the a sequel to Roadhouse? Unfortunately, not. They used to show this all the time on Disney. it was like AI before AI.
00:10:13
Speaker
Like this bitch took over the house. This guy in the movie is called, his name is Kevin Kilmer. how about rip off Val Kilmer? RIP. Right. Right. So that's Paul Link.
00:10:25
Speaker
Next, we got Nancy Parsons, who plays Ida Smith. She is a fucking menace society. A menace to society and probably one of the biggest fucking ugly porkers I've ever seen in my life.
00:10:39
Speaker
She is butt ugly. She's also called Porky's, which was recommended me to watch. Haven't seen it yet. Isn't that like a teen sex movie? From what I've here heard, heard. hereed heard.
00:10:51
Speaker
Well, if it's anything we like right there if it's anything like fucking Hot Dog. Hot Dog was trash. Ass. you You sold me for like 20 minutes of straight tit, but then it just went downhill.
00:11:02
Speaker
The movie did. I did i told you was a blind buy. Yeah. But also shout out Synapse. True. Now you own a Synapse. Now I own a Synapse, which is cool. ah Next, we have the only fucking it.
00:11:15
Speaker
ah We got Nina Axelrod. You can fucking grease my rod. Bitch. Yeah!
00:11:24
Speaker
She's a fucking piece. It's just unfortunate her name is Terry. That is a problem. But... She is in Critters 3, the movie debut of one Leonardo DiCaprio.
00:11:36
Speaker
oh So you think she was fucking Leo DiCaprio or what? Well, he was a kid, so I'd really hope not. now He fucks kids. I mean, that's why. They're legal, you know?
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah. He doesn't fuck kids. They're at least 18, you know? ah Yeah, I mean, we what's the... It's just creepy.
00:11:58
Speaker
It's definitely weird. But he's he's got he's bagged. He's literally bagged out. So they probably come to him and he's like, I'm not going to pass up on this sweet piece of ass, you know, like a young piece of puss.
00:12:10
Speaker
Right. I mean, is he's still a good looking dude. So, yeah. Yeah. ah Next, we got Wolfman Jack, who plays Reverend Billy. i was in first with Billy. I thought i was just Reverend.
00:12:22
Speaker
Yeah. It's like a big deal. No, I've never heard of him. Wolfman Jack, but his real name is Robert ah Weston Smith. If you had a nickname in Hollywood and it's Wolfman Jack, you're running from something.
00:12:34
Speaker
Think so? I don't know. It just sucks to me. That's a fire name, though. Wolfman. It's right. Maybe because it kind of looks like Lon Chaney. I don't know. He's in this movie, American Graffiti, which I kind of wanted to watch. It's George Lucas movie.
00:12:47
Speaker
I see that all the time in, yeah like, To Buy. Yeah. Next, we got... ah Elaine Joyce who plays Edith Olsen. I don't know who Edith even is actually.
00:13:01
Speaker
Was she one of the ah people trying to like the kinky bitch? Oh, she was in Trick or Treat, which is not a great movie. Is there anybody else? I guess we could shout out.
00:13:15
Speaker
They don't even call him by his first name on this fucking list. That guy that was Bob the Inspector. Oh, yeah. Shout out Bob, though. Is it this guy, Gwil Richards? I guess it's Gwil Richards, based on the picture.
00:13:27
Speaker
Mr. Owens? Yeah, probably, right? Yeah. mrses He didn't have a wife, though. Mrs. Owens, too.
00:13:39
Speaker
What the fuck? Oh, Bob Anderson is E. Hampton Beagle. What a fucking weird name. Wow. People just had a weird names back then. E. Hampton? Yeah.
00:13:50
Speaker
Also, there's a guy here in the cast list who's credited as being Ivan.
00:13:58
Speaker
It's a i be completely honest you i mean it sells paper ah we have to cut most of that i can't be fucking doed people like that and call them fucking homeman new and sure what does he know all right so we're gonna do a scene by saying ah fucking strap in the strap on stra on your fucking meattick a strange movie <unk> a strange movie but it's good it is yeah uh the movie opened with the mo a motel called motel hello and the o doesn't work and it's motel hell which i get it it's the 1980s but they lean to this hard it's like bruh we fucking get it like you don't have to shove it down my throat shove something else down my throat your fucking beef stick beef stick shout out
00:14:51
Speaker
Shout Farmer Vinny. Shout out Farmer Vinny. And we see Farmer Vinny who's sitting on on his porch smoking a pipe. And we kind of watch him walk around a little bit as the credits roll. But he goes inside and grabs some bullets and a gun. Now we're talking.
00:15:10
Speaker
Let's go. And by his age, you know what he's trying to do? Ha ha!
00:15:18
Speaker
ah yeah I know where you're coming. He's like, I'm a farmer. I know you're coming for my chickens. no market dollar
00:15:31
Speaker
He doesn't have chickens. he has fucking He's growing humans. He's got pigs. He does have pigs. And he's got a egg pig of a sister. His sister is a pig.
00:15:43
Speaker
That's true. ah And he sees his sister who's asleep watching some like Joel Osteen type fucking gospel Bible. What fuck is Joel Osteen?
00:15:54
Speaker
You know who Joel Osteen is? He's fucking huge. No. Let me show you picture motherfucker. Is he like Jimmy Fallon? No, but he like preaches the fucking Bible. Joel Osteen? It's not Osteen. Osteen.
00:16:07
Speaker
Joel Osteen. You ever seen the motherfucker before? Then how do you know of him if he's never preached, if he preaches? Oh, I've seen that guy on like. Oh, okay. So get the fuck off my dick then. How about that? i didn't know his name.
00:16:19
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, he look, when your parents watch the, the today show every day after the today show, he just comes on and he's in this big fucking stadium and giving preaches about the Lord. Right, but he little does he know he's not real.
00:16:33
Speaker
So Vinny. Vinny Mack. ah turns the He turns on this sign from vacancy to no vacancy, and he gets in his truck, um and he drives by ah a sign that's promoting his fucking schmeat. It's Vincent's.
00:16:49
Speaker
Farmer Vincent's schmoke meat. schut one Yeah. It's what it is. No one lights my dick on fire and schmokes it. I mean, I'm really upset. I don't think I fucking want that.
Vincent's Sinister Activities
00:17:00
Speaker
ah And he drives. It was kind of weird. He just drives, like, pulls off the side of the road and, then like, gets and like, walks into the woods.
00:17:08
Speaker
um And he sees this biker and he's riding with his girlfriend and they crash because they don't show him. It's like a reveal later in the film.
00:17:20
Speaker
They don't show him do anything. And they crash. And then ah Vinny walks over and drags the guy into his truck. And then the girl, this is Terry, she's like, ah and he's like, we're going to keep this one. Yeah.
00:17:36
Speaker
I like the way she fucking moans. Yeah. He takes the mask, hair little fucking goggle, whatever the fuck she had on. She's like, he's like, yeah, this is for me. She looks better than my sister.
00:17:48
Speaker
For sure looks better than her fucking piece of shit. Porker sister. Yo, fucking hang smoke your sister, bro. You make fucking tons of money. You're short. Yeah, bro She's a fucking hog and a half. Yeah.
00:18:00
Speaker
So we cut and his fucking porker sister Ida is making breakfast. Singing some dumbass song. keep Right. And Vincent tells her to open open up Granny's room.
00:18:12
Speaker
And they lay this girl down, Terry, inside ah Granny's bed. And not lay her down, just like fucking go to town on her. Like literally just lay her down. They could laid her down, yeah.
00:18:23
Speaker
Uh, and, uh, Vincent tells Ida that the Grim Reaper spared her life. Shut the fuck, the, uh, we're led to believe the boyfriend is dead. um and Ida's like, I'll heal her, but I need a few things. And she asks Vincent to go get some, like, random fucking, like, plants.
00:18:41
Speaker
Uh. Uh, we cut and then we're at like, uh, his, we're at Vinny's meat market. Hell is yeah. And this couple's there with her kids and, uh, they're telling Vinny that they love his meat.
00:18:55
Speaker
She can't get enough of Vinny's fucking meat. Bro. And, uh, this guy's gotta be slinging. He's bagged out. He sells meat to the fucking, in a hundred mile radius. He's just slinging fucking meat.
00:19:06
Speaker
Right. But he's also probably packing. No way, not that age. don't think so? Ida's got to stay around for some reason. Ida's his sister. I know. think he's fucking his sister?
00:19:18
Speaker
Yeah, look at her. She's never going to get a man. but Why would he fuck her? She's ugly as shit. Man's got to do what a man's got to do. He's not going fuck a pig. He might. This guy definitely fucks pigs, dude. i don't think I think he'd rather fuck a pig before fucking her.
00:19:34
Speaker
I would. also Also, I feel like he's at the age where you're not really thinking about fucking anymore.
00:19:40
Speaker
You don't think they do? cause then his brother later His brother later in the film was like, yeah, his dick don't work. Should go talk to Big Len? You can ask Big Len. Who's Big Len fucking? I don't know, dude.
00:19:54
Speaker
ah So, Vinny offers a the these people his Souvenir sample of fucking... it's that It's the fucking stick souvenir sample.
00:20:08
Speaker
Sampler. It's just a sampler of fucking schticks for them to eat. i'm a big I'm a big meat schtick guy. like Slim Jims are like... You ever go to like a boardwalk and you got like the the hot sauce places that sell like the meat sticks of gator, kangaroo, and things like that?
00:20:25
Speaker
I'll be honest. I'm happy you enjoy that. I've never indulged. I've never had a Slim Jim. You've never had a Slim Jim? No. Macho Man would be rolling in his grieve. That's unfortunate for Macho Man, but he's dead now.
00:20:36
Speaker
Oh, yeah. You want some of the Macho Man's massive meat stick? I'd be giving it to Miss Elizabeth.
00:20:48
Speaker
Never really happened. Also, it's only $2.95 for lot of fucking meat. It was 1980.
00:20:55
Speaker
You think it was $2.95 or $2.95? Because if this dude's getting a fucking bag. No, it's probably $2.95. For all his meat? For the fucking meat stick sampler.
00:21:07
Speaker
Let's go. Think about how much fucking money he's making off that because he's mixing with fucking humans that he's getting for free. You got no cost on that. That's true. but It's just free meat. So this this question was going to come along eventually, right?
00:21:20
Speaker
Yeah. Would you try human? No, don't think I would. No? although Although, if I ate it, not knowing that I ate it, and they're like, yo that's that's human, like, damn, this shit slaps.
00:21:30
Speaker
It probably does, right? i don't know if it's, I don't, I can't say it probably does slap, i have no idea. It's gotta be from, like, a big, beefy dude. Like, not like beefy as in me, but like beefy as in, like, Jason Momoa. Like, someone that's, like, ripped.
00:21:45
Speaker
Oh, you want to eat Jason Momoa's meat? Well, yeah, but I feel like someone's got to be in good shape because if you eat me, it's just going to taste like blubber. It's going be like if you get a steak and it's all fat.
00:21:56
Speaker
you know what mean? Yeah, I like fat on a steak, though. Some. Not all. Not all. Yeah, that's basically, yeah. I don't want to be eating fucking gristle. Maybe you got enough fucking fat on you. fucking a Wagyu over there.
00:22:09
Speaker
yeah the hay. You know what I mean? You're like 50-50 beef and fat. That's what I'm talking about. They cost big. Wagyu costs a lot. Yeah, the fucking house paid big money for you. Hey, sign me up, all you hair women.
00:22:23
Speaker
ah So these motherfuckers are so distracted by fucking Vinny's meat sticks that their kids wander off into this barn. um been called i called it a barn. I don't know what else you'd call it.
00:22:34
Speaker
It's a fucking barn. It's a slaughterhouse.
00:22:38
Speaker
there's fucking pig heads everywhere and random pig pieces. Pig parts. And there is like a jump scare because this door opens and these fucking pig carcasses come swinging in.
00:22:51
Speaker
ah Swinging pig. Also, there's some fucking, I guess it's Ida, some fucking motherfucker pops wearing a pig head. i mean, it looks the Like right you run out.
00:23:02
Speaker
ah So the girls fucking run out screaming and they're ready to leave. And Vincent gives them a little sticker souvenir like I have for Bull Moose, but it's Vinny's meat.
00:23:14
Speaker
You know those stickers that are like, i climb I climb Mount Washington or whatever the fuck it is? She's like, yeah i fuck i took Vinny's meat yeah on every and every customer's car. I took Vinny's meat.
00:23:25
Speaker
You'd be driving around town like, who the fuck is this man Vinny? but I'm trying to get his meat though. oh I want to try this fucking man's meat.
00:23:34
Speaker
Uh, so they're like, these girls are like fucking screaming and they won't say what's wrong. And then Vinny offers to calm him down, but he just like, was like, rah, I don't know.
00:23:45
Speaker
He scares him. Yeah. But they leave and we cut to a Vinny tone of tractor. And, uh, he opens this fucking gate that looks like it's just like the woods, but it's a gate gate.
00:23:59
Speaker
And, uh,
00:24:02
Speaker
And we cut again. That's all we see. And then there's a cop, an officer arriving at the motel. And this is sheriff. And he's ringing the bell at the front desk and there's no answer. And we see Ida hiding with the fucking cleaver.
00:24:19
Speaker
And then she jumps out and tackles him. And this is Bruce, who is the sheriff, but he's kind of a fucking bitch. And Vincent tells Ida to let Bruce go.
00:24:32
Speaker
And ah this is when Terry awakens. She's the girl that crashed before. It's good, Terry. And she's like, I'm about to Terry Crews your ass, you know. Who's Terry Crews?
00:24:43
Speaker
Terry Crews? You'd know who Terry Crews is. That black guy? Yeah. Yeah. He's big and black and probably slinging, so about to Terry Crews your ass.
00:24:53
Speaker
She wants to see her boyfriend, but he died. And she still wants to see him. And Vince is like, I buried him already. um And then she like grabs on to fucking Bruce. She's like, please tell me he's alive, but he's fucking dead.
00:25:08
Speaker
And bruce that Bruce just showed up. He don't know nothing about it. Nah. Also, you know what really bothers me? What? That Bruce is supposed to be Vincent's like brother and like...
00:25:19
Speaker
Vincent's like 80 and this dude's like 30. Well, he does say he's my kid brother. Kid? My kid brother. Mom and dad banging when they like 80 to get 80 and then 30.
00:25:32
Speaker
I didn't follow that algebra. You just did. Fine.
00:25:39
Speaker
Vincent tells ah Bruce that he was out hunting and he just found them crashed. We cut and we're at Bo who is her boyfriend's cemetery. And, how the fuck do write Bo here? It's not Bo. Bruce is mad that Vincent didn't call him about it. And Vince says the body was fucking tore up.
00:25:58
Speaker
And, uh, Bo offers to put, don't want say Bo again. Bruce offers to put Harry up, but Vincent Ida could use the help. So basically she's going their slave.
00:26:11
Speaker
I mean, that's what's up. No, if okay, if you could get a legal slave, legal, legal sex slave. Yeah.
00:26:22
Speaker
I was thinking like, what the fuck would I have her do? you do nothing in my life right now. Your laundry. I guess. clean the cat box, bro.
00:26:33
Speaker
At this point, I did. Why do i need her to do that? That shit's nasty. At this point with my work schedule, I'm just taking clothes out of the dryer and weren't. I'm not even folding anymore. That's fair.
00:26:46
Speaker
Just taking clothes. I just. Huh? huh You don't really have dishes either. I got no dishes either. i don't fucking eat. have no food my house. Yeah. You don't eat. I do eat.
00:26:58
Speaker
But I'm company, company policy. Just don't eat here. Yeah. ah We cut to Vincent who's feeding his pigs when Bob shows up and Bob is an inspector of sorts.
00:27:14
Speaker
And he's like, oh, you're here like a surprise. And he leaves them to look at his pigs and Vincent goes in the barn. And the inspector hears, he hears the subtitles called it ominous noises, as well as some machinery coming from this slaughterhouse barn.
00:27:30
Speaker
And he goes to like open the window, but there's a jump scare of ah Vincent opening the door, making sure everything's okay. And he's like covered in blood, wearing an apron holding the cleaver. Cleaver.
00:27:40
Speaker
so Cleveland Steamer. and then but like Bob falls over and he like lands into this big-ass pile of mud. Shout Odell Beckham Jr. Getting Cleveland Steamer. That's just his thing and it's just what it is.
00:27:59
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I'd rather get a rusty trombone. What's that one? That's when you're getting a rim job but the girl's jerking you. At the same time. A rusty trombone.
00:28:10
Speaker
Why is it rusty? i don Poop, I guess. Yeah. like yeah Yeah. I was going to say my dick after fucking a girl is like a rusty trombone because like the blood is not like red blood. It's like fucking... know mean?
00:28:24
Speaker
I've never banged a girl on her period. Well, that's what I would associate with rusty trombone. Or an underage girl.
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah, me neither. Yeah. I haven't banged a girl on her period, but I haven't banged a girl on underage. Well, when you were underage...
00:28:42
Speaker
They were underage as well. feel like you're trying to incriminate me or something. What's going on here? daughter Not intentionally. I have not banged anyone underage while I was of age.
00:28:53
Speaker
Yeah. I want to make that clear. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Okay. we don't We don't like kids.
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm into. I don't like kids in general. Keep your kid away from me. Yeah, they're fucking gross. Gotta pun them. Yeah. 2009 Randy Orton fucking kids. Yeah, I'm going to fucking buzz my head.
00:29:13
Speaker
have you seen american Have you seen American History X? I haven't. All right. you know that You know the general gist? Yeah. Edward Norton's a skinhead? Right. Okay. So we had this guy at my job, which he just changed his name so I can say his old name, Lorenzo. he ah He used to have like kind of like my haircut, but he went full buzz.
00:29:34
Speaker
Like just like army, like barely any the hair on his head. And I was like, yo, Lorenzo's Mexican history. act um i know No one. Cause he's a fucking Mexican. Do you get it?
00:29:48
Speaker
Did anybody get it? I told my, uh, my sous chef and he laughed at it. Yeah. He thought was funny. I didn't tell anybody else. I tell, only tell certain people, right? Shout out skinheads. Yeah. No, no, no. that yeah American history. X is a good movie.
00:30:02
Speaker
Uh, should a Black History Month. Yeah, let's go. Dude, he's a he's a KKK member that gets reformed and like loves blacks by the end. Oh, nice. Okay, that's a good message. That's the whole movie, yeah.
00:30:16
Speaker
Any hard R's? i mean he I mean, they definitely dropped a hard R in that movie for sure. Edward Norton does? Probably, I don't remember. Not my Hulk. Yeah, he gave... It's not my Hulk. Definitely not.
00:30:27
Speaker
I recognize him. I recognize Eric Bana as my Hulk. That's Hulk 2003. Shout out to, uh, you're wrong. I forgot that guy's name.
00:30:39
Speaker
What the fuck's his name? Director. No, the director's name. Yeah, what was that guy's name? an Angie Lee. Lee Angie? The guy that plays Hulk. Ang Lee is the director. the ah Eric Bana.
00:30:52
Speaker
Eric Bana plays Bruce Bana. Exactly. Yeah, that's why i remember it. And Jennifer Connelly's Betty Ross. And Sam Elliott is the fucking general. And make no mistake, I would fuck the shit out of Sam Elliott any fucking age.
00:31:04
Speaker
Yo. I would fuck him right now. Yo, know couldn't you see Sam Elliott playing Vincent in like a Motel Hell remake? Yeah. But don't remake this movie.
00:31:18
Speaker
leave it it Leave it the way it is. i don't... Yeah, I don't... That would be a good like ida unquote modern day casting, but I don't want that.
00:31:29
Speaker
And Ida is like... Rebel Wilson? Ida's the lady who played is what's her name? Ida is Rebel Wilson? You're not even close in age.
00:31:41
Speaker
Yeah. ah What is her name? oh this is bad. She fat? Kathy Bates. Oh, yeah. Okay.
00:31:52
Speaker
That's terrible, right? No, not at all. She's definitely hotter than ah ida Yeah. yeah let's get Let's get fucking that bitch from Pink Flamingos to be Ida.
00:32:05
Speaker
She's dead. Divine. Yeah, she's dead. Yeah. All right. Well, either way, I would fuck the shit out of Sam Elliott. Yeah. Talk about a piece in your pants. the Divine.
00:32:15
Speaker
you know And ah Mexican History X. That was how we got here. Right. Wait, how the fuck did we get? I don't even know who we got. Oh, you said not my Hulk. ah i don't I don't remember.
00:32:27
Speaker
don't fucking know. So we cut to Terry who's watching TV. and She's all sad. and just She's confused. And she's like, know if I want to go home. But i don't know what home means because there's just no mention of her home after this.
00:32:38
Speaker
And Ida's like, you to stay and get better. She's fine. They've just convinced her that she's not. Yeah, she's very manipulative. Yeah, which i you could you could convince her to fuck you. You know mean? Wouldn't take much.
00:32:49
Speaker
Not manipulative. She's easily manipulated. Yeah. And I'm also easily stimulated. Hell yeah. you know ah Vincent asks, just randomly, do you feel all alone? She's like, yeah.
00:33:07
Speaker
All of a sudden, she's like, yawwick yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Yeah, my boyfriend died. I don't know if you know that. Yeah, also her boyfriend, this lady loves old men. It's just what she's into. Her her boyfriend was an old fuck.
00:33:21
Speaker
She's into not even dilfs like gilfs. Yeah, i don't know why she's trying to go home because her dad definitely isn't there. or He's probably dead. Just because she likes old men. She's probably fucking her dad on the side.
00:33:35
Speaker
Dad is the side piece. So this was kind of fucking weird that they were like, oh, you're not alone. You have yourself. I don't know what that means. That means you're alone. You just that doesn't mean anything.
00:33:47
Speaker
And they could just said, oh, you have us. But they didn't say that. They said you have yourself, which is kind of a weird approach. And it bothers me because she just magically is like, I feel good now. You're you guys are right.
00:33:58
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I'm gonna stay with you. Thanks for making me feel better. Yeah, sexism. Sex is right with me poorly. Yeah, I'm just gonna be used by you. Hmm.
00:34:10
Speaker
Vincent turns on the no vacancy sign, but as he's turning on, he sees a car pulling up, and it's Bob. Bob is back. Scubba. And Bob is back to investigate the ominous rumblings, subtitles called it, by the fake wall, the fake gate.
00:34:27
Speaker
Gate? So he, like, jumps. He fucking jumps the border. He does. He falls over. He's a little mu Mexican jumping bean. Mexican history X. Yeah. That's, that's fire as shit.
00:34:39
Speaker
It should be my username on a, I don't know. On a, some platform. On some platform. Mexican history X. Make like a, a Twitter burner and just start roasting like every minority possible.
00:34:51
Speaker
um
00:34:54
Speaker
if for some reason, someone else think to that, it's not me. Cause I'm not going to do it. Cause I don't like Twitter. Yeah.
00:35:02
Speaker
but he like kind of falls into this. I wrote farm, but at the end, we do call it a garden. It's a garden. And there's some plants. They got bags on their fucking heads. Yeah, shout out bag heads, I guess. Yeah, shout out bagging bitches.
00:35:16
Speaker
I don't do Which you and I don't do. Never. ah Did I tell you, there's this we might have to cut this. there's Yeah, but she's like a hot...
00:35:30
Speaker
All right, it's a motherfucking ball head. It's not a ball head. It's just a head. And it's a human head. And its vocal cords have been removed. Kind of goes like. oh Yeah, exactly.
00:35:44
Speaker
And as Bob is like putting this together, Vincent fucking knocks him out. what We cut to this van ah that is sponsoring this band, Ivan the Terribles, which is a terrible name for a band. I 100% agree.
00:36:03
Speaker
and They smoke in weed. And we see Vincent put some bear traps in the road. And this van hits the bear traps and like tumbles down the street. And Vincent releases some kind of gas.
00:36:15
Speaker
It looks like a fucking fire extinguisher, but it's not. It's probably ah chloroform. In gas form. You can put chloroform in gas? That's scary. i don't it's Probably, right? Yeah.
00:36:27
Speaker
Make a solid into a liquid? Maybe it's fucking Saddam's mustard gas. Saddam? I don't know. He didn't use mustard gas. The reason why it's funny is because I fucking, it's not true. That's why it's funny.
00:36:42
Speaker
ah Don't think about it. Mustard gas was like the fucking Germans in World War I, right? but Right, yeah. Yeah. And then it banned. Yeah, it banned. Then it got banned.
00:36:53
Speaker
I never understood that How do you ban shit for war? That doesn't make sense. i't Yeah, yeah. Like, we're we're going to war, but no kicking in the nuts. You can't do it. Right. No guns. Yeah, no guns.
00:37:05
Speaker
No capes. So this fucking gas puts him to sleep. Puts him to sleep. He picks up Ida and he tells her that he loves these traps because they're so important because he can express his creativity.
00:37:20
Speaker
Am I not important? No, bitch. He's not just autistic. He's also artistic. I don't think he's artistic. I was just no making a joke. He's a smart guy.
00:37:31
Speaker
Yeah. Oh. Damn, so you fucking clogged up, huh? Yeah, I don't know why. You are fucking Mr. Clogger today. i think I got like dust up in there from work or something.
00:37:45
Speaker
Or you were just fucking doing whippets. i was not. ah Vincent shows Ida the incapacitated band members in his fucking trunk and they go to the farm and Ida takes the bag off their fucking heads and she says that the wound from removing their vocal cords is healing.
00:38:07
Speaker
How is she like magically a doctor? I don't know, bro. She's like she can magically cut people's vocal cords out and then sew them. Sew it up.
00:38:20
Speaker
I thought they'd sell my pee hole closed. don't know why you wanted that. ah Vincent reveals Bob, but he's a plant now. A plant?
00:38:31
Speaker
He's a plant. He's in the ground. He's growing. And then Vincent uses a machine to dig a hole to plant these band members. Watch them all get planted. It's an auger, sir. I don't know what called, so I just put machine.
00:38:45
Speaker
I only know that because they use those for ice fishing.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yep. ah
00:38:53
Speaker
They inject these band members' heads with some fucking, i don't know what it is. have no clue. Chloroform in liquid form.
00:39:03
Speaker
ah And then we see one of them get their throat slit. But it quickly cuts to a picnic with Terry and Bruce and Ida and Vinny.
00:39:15
Speaker
And Vinny tells ah Terry that he keeps his business within 100 miles. And has Granny started his business back in the day smoking all sorts of animals and fucking vermin. Granny smoking.
00:39:26
Speaker
Dick. ah Granny got smoked by a reindeer.
00:39:35
Speaker
Fucking disgusting. Uh... but ah So basically they didn't have an icebox or like refrigeration back in the day. So they started smoking stuff to preserve it, which it does check out.
00:39:48
Speaker
Uh, and then they used to have a dog that Vincent killed because she asked, granny asked Vincent to fucking shut that dog up. So he fucking killed his dog and smoked it and they ate it for dinner.
00:39:59
Speaker
Would you try dog? No, we had that conversation to before went to Singapore. I wouldn't eat dog. No. It was never offered to me either. I don't think I'd be interested in eating dog or cat. kind of Or your guinea... Isn't guinea pig big over there?
00:40:12
Speaker
Guinea pig's big in, like, South America. I couldn't do that either. No, I wouldn't do either. yeah it's a wreck. I don't have the button today. Sorry. It's okay.
00:40:23
Speaker
Ida... Ida... I don't know if you was like, kind of sloshed or something, but she's like you know why Vinny's meat tastes so good? No, I think she's like retarded. She... I was about to tell Terry and Vinny punched her her fucking gut, her big ass gut.
00:40:38
Speaker
um She'll look kind cute with them pigtails though. Yeah, you'd fucking pull on them? No. I wouldn't either. ah Bruce and Terry go out in this boat and Bruce asks if Terry's going stir crazy in the house. She's like, nah, I like it.
00:40:53
Speaker
And then Bruce asks her to go out to the movies with him to the drive-in, not the movies. It's the drive-in. I guess shout out to Overlook Drive, actually it closed. ah No, it's open still.
00:41:05
Speaker
The Hyde Park one closed? I think it's the Hyde Park one because i every time I drive past it, it's still got fucking new movies up on there. That's your Poe Town talk segment.
00:41:17
Speaker
But fuck the drive-in. Not a fan. It's alright. If you go there with a girl and you're just going not watch the movie, it's fine. Oh yeah, just give me top while I'm watching a good movie. i want Yeah, I get fucking stroked while watching The Conjuring. It's fucking cum in your mouth with a jump scare.
00:41:32
Speaker
that what happened? Give you a jump scare. No, I just made that up. Oh, okay. Yeah, but did actually go see The Conjuring at the drive-in. That did happen. The jump scare... I'd not get stroked. Okay, the jump scare is that it goes down the row it goes down the wrong pipe and then you start choking on my cum.
00:41:49
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah. So then you're like, ah and like you sound like one of these plant people. These fucking Maharinoy plants. Yeah. ah We cut to Vinny and I going to the farm. It's like night now.
00:42:03
Speaker
And they have these fucking contraptions. They're like funnels strapped to their heads. What are they eating, them bro? It's like shlop. Straight fucking protein powder. now you look It did not look like... It looked like fucking powder. it was not like shlop. It was like powder.
00:42:20
Speaker
Powder. rest ah draw like That's cinnamon challenge on a different level. Yeah, but like these people... Can they choke? Yeah, it's just the vocal cords.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah, i don't i mean yeah i don't know. How do you even cut someone's vocal cords out? You gotta to ask a doctor. Ask Ida. Ask your sister.
00:42:42
Speaker
Yeah. Ida asked Vincent if anyone will appreciate what they're doing for the sake of the planet, and then he's like, don't be silly. We cut to ah Bruce with Terry and they put up this spot there's a bunch of couples fucking in their cars.
00:42:59
Speaker
You see Tit in this movie? I forgot. And she's like, what are we doing here? And then Bruce kicks them all out and puts his sirens on this cop car. Y'all leave. And he gives ter Terry some binoculars.
00:43:11
Speaker
Why did say it like that? Binoculars. Binoculars. They're bisexual binoculars. I might be bisexual. Who knows? Me too. ah And then you can see the drive-in, but it's fucking stupid. but You guys could just went to the drive-in.
00:43:25
Speaker
yeah I don't want to be holding something to my face while I'm watching a movie. That's fucking stupid. It's like a viewfinder. You know what those that is? A viewfinder? Yeah. Yeah, they have those at like the top of like buildings and shit.
00:43:39
Speaker
In case you want to like enjoy the view before you kill yourself. You're right, yeah. Look at the look at the C. ratwell yeah That's not a rut row, that's my life goal. I meant like, rut row like a kill yourself joke.
00:43:52
Speaker
Yeah, it's my life goal. Yeah,
Terry's Predicament and Vincent's Plans
00:43:56
Speaker
exactly. I'm coming, Empire State Building. Don't let me up there. This is a warning. Let me catch a fucking quick view of the city. I'm going to throw myself off of it. Yeah.
00:44:03
Speaker
You'd be like, wow, this shit looks ass. It's junk. Yeah. Wow, this shit's polluted as hell. Oh, look, there's a crime going on over there. me throw myself off this shit. i'm gonna drop this penny too who who hits first you wouldn't even have to fucking throw yourself off the top top you could go like fucking 20 floors up probably be dead oh yeah probably like six you wouldn't have to do that much work it's not that hard to kill yourself that's the crazy thing you could just fucking kill yourself easily easily and that's sad yeah is it unless you want to die then it's not but like well
00:44:36
Speaker
It'd be sad if you really wanted to die because you couldn't kill yourself that easily. Yeah, you're trying to hang yourself, but the rope breaks. Like, fuck, I want to fucking die so bad. I just can't fucking do it. But, like, it's actually pretty easy. Just throw yourself off a building.
00:44:49
Speaker
Yeah, and don't drink bleach. That's going to be very painful. Yeah. um The next scene is two girls who are coming back from ski trip.
00:44:59
Speaker
Yeah, one cup. ah They put the shit in each other's mouths. One already has
00:45:07
Speaker
rabo so um But essentially we're on a ski trip. One's not too pleased about it. The other one was banging the ski instructor and she's about to tell the other girl that that the ski instructor had some kind of STD.
00:45:20
Speaker
But they're just slamming the brakes because there's fake cows in the road. They don't even look real or like cardboard cutouts. Yeah. And... This one girl asked Debbie to go out there with a gun and move the cows, and she refuses, so the other one goes out. Fuck you, Debbie!
00:45:39
Speaker
Oh, we had that as a fucking soundbite, huh? We did, yeah. Yeah, I still do have it, but I can't pull up right now. Fuck you, Debbie! And she's moving the cows out of which are cardboard cutouts, and then she gets grabbed from behind with a fucking gas mask.
00:45:55
Speaker
See, it's got to be chloroform. Yeah, it's... Rubbo. Yeah, I would agree. It's got to be chloroform in every kind of form. Right, yeah. It's got to be. It's got to be Kane!
00:46:13
Speaker
Debbie, meanwhile, fucking puts her pedal the metal and drives off. um And we cut to Bruce and Terry watch the movie where Bruce is trying to put the fucking moves on Debbie and she don't like it.
00:46:25
Speaker
And she's like, hey, know what ah you know what that is, Bruce? That's called rape, buddy. Right. yeah And she's like, no And then he grabbed just fucking grabs her tit. That is the definition of the shit out of him. And now on the radio, someone's like yelling for help. And he thinks it's Terry, but it was on the radio.
00:46:42
Speaker
We cut to Debbie's being chased and the cops are trying to like figure out her location. Yeah. And eventually she crashes into this lake.
00:46:53
Speaker
Right. Kind of crashes into the lake a little bit, but Vincent backs the truck into it, like push it all way into the lake. You back that ass up, baby. And Vincent leaves as ah Terry and Bruce arrive.
00:47:06
Speaker
And Terry tells Bruce that she saw something pulling out, but their car is stuck. So Bruce has to get up, get out of the car and push the car out of this fucking hole.
00:47:17
Speaker
And he falls in this pile of shit. We cut to Vincent and Ida who are planting the girls they captured. um And a car arrives outside because they forgot to turn on the no vacancy sign. Fuck it, stupid ass Ida.
00:47:29
Speaker
Dumb bitch. yeah Dumb bitch, you look like a fuck. You fucking bowling ball head ass. Wow, that's a good one, yeah. That sounded very sarcastic. I didn't appreciate that. No, i stick my fingers in her eyes and her mouth. Yeah, the fucking mouth do.
00:47:44
Speaker
I don't want to Yo, the sad realization she probably gives crazy head.
00:47:51
Speaker
You know? think so. yeah Ugly bitches always do. think she gets top like crazy? Absolutely. Vincent comes out and brings to the front desk. And we hear, as he's talking about cop car pulling up, and the lady, like the wife of this guy, who theyre of Guy, the guy's name is Guy. Her name is Edie.
00:48:08
Speaker
She's real suspect. um And the sheriff ass comes in and asks if Vincent heard anything on the police scanner. ah But he didn't hear shit. But Ida did.
00:48:20
Speaker
Yeah, she said his kid's pulling a prank. So he leaves and the couple comes back to the desk and they have a ah brochure for Vincent's motel, which is not that motel, but Vincent's about to tell him, but I was like, no, no, to go along with this. And she's like, here's your key, whatever. And they go, can we have 10 minutes? Cause they're fucking swingers.
00:48:40
Speaker
Yeah, they are. Where'd I upside down pineapple at? I actually forgot this whole scene. Honestly, this, yeah, me too. This dude is but ugly, by the way, he really is like, but ugly.
00:48:53
Speaker
We cut and Edie, she's a whip and she's like fucking destroying this room. Like, you're not going to get, like, you're going to to pay for that, no? I mean, it's not going well, yeah, but they're going to get fucking planted, so.
00:49:11
Speaker
I guess in the end doesn't matter. That's a Guy comes out and asks where his jelly is. He's wearing a tutu. ah It's like a see-through tutu, though. It's like like plastic. Yeah, he wants to show his fucking man meat.
00:49:23
Speaker
It looks like he's about to get pissed on.
00:49:28
Speaker
It's waterproof. That's what i'm saying. He's into some golden stuff. Vincent and Ida arrive, like that fucking classic. know that classic photo like the farmer? And it's like he's holding the fucking pitchfork next to his... American Gothic. That's exactly what it looks like.
00:49:43
Speaker
But they got ropes, and a guy thinks it's kinky that they're into bondage. And they just let them tie him up. And the funny part was Edie asking if it was doggy style. He's like, nah, it's hog style.
00:49:57
Speaker
Hell yeah. I'm going hog tie you and put a fucking apple in your mouth, you fucking pig bitch. Rubble. Rubble. They're going serve you on Thanksgiving. Put that foot in the fucking intro.
00:50:11
Speaker
do that You fucking hog bitch.
00:50:16
Speaker
It's funny. Oh, boy, football! um Um...
00:50:27
Speaker
So, they use the same gas, polychloroform, to put Edie and Homeboy out cold. um We cut to Terry talking to Vincent and... ah Vincent wants to teach her someday the art of meat smoking. You want to learn smoke some fucking dicks?
00:50:43
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. coming to the right place. and Ida will fucking show you the way. Ida's like, you got to fucking grab the balls. Yeah. Or maybe they're like, instead of weed, they smoke ball hair.
00:50:54
Speaker
They smoke fucking, they're just rolling ball hair. but Ball hair. Ball hair.
00:51:03
Speaker
Next scene is ah Vinny showing her his fucking tractor. He's like, hey, want see this? yeah You can ride this like me? well If you can ride the tractor, you can ride my fucking dick.
00:51:14
Speaker
yeah ever You ever heard that song, She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy? I feel like I have. My is freaking the fuck out right now. Yo, relax, cuz. What are you doing over there?
00:51:27
Speaker
Alright, so ah she gives viny a little kiss on the cheek and then he leaves and then Terry goes to investigate the the slaughterhouse. And she's inside slaughterhouse.
00:51:38
Speaker
There's all these pig parts everywhere. Then she starts to open this door and as she opens the door, Ida comes out and grabs by the fucking throat. And she's like, yeah, you want it? And she's like banging her up against the wall. you know She starts like...
00:51:53
Speaker
Sliding her glove up her fucking asshole. Yeah, Ida asked her, uh, Ida grabs her by the throat because, make no mistake, they're calling fucking one throat goat in this long house. It has to be me.
00:52:07
Speaker
That's the only thing I'm good at is that. I'm mad I stumbled my words on that. Fuck. The only thing I'm good about is choking on dick. Mm-hmm. ah So Terry's like, well, Vincent told me he was going to teach me one day. She's like, oh, it's okay.
00:52:22
Speaker
And then she they're walking through just tries to hide this barrel that has a foot in it. It's like floating in blood. And was like, let's go tubing. um but What the fuck is tubing?
00:52:34
Speaker
And it's basically you take a raft and you go and jump in a lake and then you almost die. That's what tubing is. I mean, yeah. So basically just floating. Uh, they both don't want to swim and then they have like a little splash fight in the shirt in the lake and homegirl is wearing just a white shirt and they're just tit and nipple out. Yeah. Big titters. Good thing. Idol was not big titters.
00:52:59
Speaker
That's how you make uncle Vinny's critters. What was the saying for this movie? Oh, about have it we'll just fucking say titters. yeah I have it written down. Uh, It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Vincent's fritters. It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Vinny's titters.
00:53:19
Speaker
You want to fucking make my dick critter a little bit? That wasn't very good. What the hell does that mean? it's like it starts like trembling in fear.
00:53:30
Speaker
My dick crumbled in fear? Yeah. It starts like having a seizure. Yeah. Yeah. And then it just fucking throws up cum. Right. Yeah. It's basically what an orgasm is. Your dick having a fucking seizure.
00:53:42
Speaker
That's true. Yeah. It starts foaming at the mouth. Yeah. Exactly. Foaming at the cock head. Yeah. Uh, Terry goes over to try to, uh, I'm sorry. I skipped over with something. So white shirt fucking titters.
00:53:56
Speaker
And then that pulls a razor out of her fucking hairnet. And i don't know if she was, I guess the plan was to cut her own tube or she cut it by accident. I couldn't tell. Nah, dude, she definitely did it intentionally to get Terry over to her.
00:54:09
Speaker
It looked like she was like in her fucking floatie and she was holding it and was like going to try to swim over and then cut her shit out an accident she wanted to cut fucking Terry's raft. Either way, she slits her fucking raft, not her throat.
00:54:22
Speaker
Cut my shit, know saying? And obviously Terry wants to go help her and then Ida just tries to drown Terry but Vincent comes to the rescue because make no mistake this fucking old ass man can swim because he's not a non-mean. can't swim.
00:54:37
Speaker
i can't swim
00:54:39
Speaker
That's unfortunate. It is very unfortunate. I've tried. What, you do the doggy paddle? Yeah.
00:54:49
Speaker
Yeah, kinda. Yeah. My favorite's the breaststroke, though. Titterstroke. We cut to Terry, who's now in a bag, who, like, wrapped in a fucking towel.
00:55:01
Speaker
And Ida tries to apologize kind of awkwardly and leaves. um And Terry is telling Vinny that he saved her. And he puts ah his hand on her fucking tits.
00:55:13
Speaker
And she's like, kiss me. And then she literally just fucking exposes her fucking tits. Like just drops a towel and tits out. And she's like, fuck me. Just fucking give me that meat. And he's like, fuck I want to but wanna fucking smoke your dick.
00:55:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm fucking talking about? I want a different kind of fucking. I want Vinny's fucking meach dick sample. You know mean? Just me all of it. yeah Yeah. Give me that extra long, John.
00:55:39
Speaker
But Vinny wants to wait till marriage. That's cute. Are proposing to me, Vincent?
00:55:48
Speaker
So because he's not ready to fuck right there on the spot, she wants to be alone. And the next scene is Vinny going to see the Reverend, Reverend Billy, to set up a marriage.
00:56:00
Speaker
Which is odd because like it seems like they're not they're like at odds with each other. Then the next scene, Vinny's just setting up a fucking marriage. Right. ah So they set it up and then Reverend sees Bruce while looking at nude magazines.
00:56:14
Speaker
And he's like, let me fucking get rid of that for you safely. Which means he's going to fucking jerk it later. Yeah, he's going to go show the little choir boys. Yeah, they're not Eskimo bros, but they have jerked off at the same magazine.
00:56:26
Speaker
Ew. Yeah. This is gross. Want to share cum rag? No, don I don't think looking at your cum would throw me off. Well, we bust at the same time. No, I definitely could. I'd have... I've we been over this. I got stage fright. I couldn't do that. And then we like mix it together and like make a smoothie or something.
00:56:44
Speaker
And then turkey bastes it into a girl's twat. Shout out don't breathe. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm fucking talking about.
00:56:56
Speaker
I talking about so you're say to fucking everything i'm talking about talk about you i just feel like you can be yeah
00:57:09
Speaker
Time me up. i Yeah. I mean, it works for everything. That's what fucking talking about. That's fucked up. Yeah. um So Reverend tells Bruce that they're getting married and he thinks Terry's getting married against her will.
00:57:23
Speaker
So he storms into the hotel demanding to see Terry and he tries to break down her bathroom door. And the first time he just runs into which kind of funny. And the second time he breaks in and she's just in the tub tits out again. Yeah.
00:57:34
Speaker
and She's like, what are you doing in here, Bruce? this Yeah, opened like a fucking porn scene. She's like, fucking Bruce. Yeah. It's just was like fucking. Yeah. Chilling. Are you here to assess my plumbing?
00:57:47
Speaker
m um But she confirms that she's getting married to Vincent. It's gonna be wonderful. And Bruce decides to confess that he's madly in love with her right fucking now.
00:57:58
Speaker
And that Vincent has syphilis in his throat and he got ED. I mean, who doesn't? A dick don't work. um Vincent then shows up with a shotgun and escorts Bruce out of his motel and does fire some warning shots that damage the walls.
00:58:14
Speaker
He doesn't break the walls down, but he does do some damage to the wall. Yeah, he does. We cut and Vincent presents tear with a ring and she's still in a towel from her bath.
00:58:27
Speaker
And Ida walks in and brings some champagne. And Vincent makes a toast. But Ida wants to be included because the toast is only to her, to Terry. ah we see Ida drop some chloroform and liquid form.
00:58:42
Speaker
don't know what this is. Into some champagne. And it literally turns the drink fucking like straight green. Yeah. And she just and Terry just straight up drinks it because she's a dumb blonde. Yo, Twix, shut up. I'm recording, bro.
00:58:53
Speaker
You ever drink that? They're going at it over there. Hey, yo. Hey, be nice, cuz.
00:59:00
Speaker
Only way to do this, throw a sock at him. Oh, okay. Then you break it up. What were you going to ask me? You ever drink that apple pucker? No, what's that?
00:59:11
Speaker
It's like literally the same color but it's relation to apple chucker? Uh, no, but i will be your butt plugger. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, I haven't had it. Why? Do you like it?
00:59:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's pretty good. This guy definitely has tizzy hard. Yeah, don't show me. You'll fucking end the canceling again. I don't mean to. It's just he has tizzy big. I want to play football.
00:59:39
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:59:42
Speaker
Anyways. So Terry fucking knocks shit out because she drinks this fucking chloroform. And Vince is like, let's go to work. It was kind of like that scene at the end of Serbian film. Yeah. He's like, all right, let's go.
00:59:55
Speaker
Let's go. Start with the little one. Start with the little one. Not okay. ah We cut and Bruce is following this blood trail in the woods and he finds the bike, Bo's bike. Bike!
01:00:05
Speaker
Bike! And it's intact, but there is a hole in the tire. And we cut to Ida and Vincent at the farm, the garden. And Vincent believes that no animals should suffer.
01:00:16
Speaker
So what they do is they hypnotize these little plant heads. oh And Ida wraps a noose around all of them and they use a tractor. or the auger, whichever one it was, to fucking yeet them, and it snaps their neck. And then, shout out fucking Poughkeepsie tape, they pull their fucking dead bodies out the goddamn ground.
01:00:35
Speaker
Yeah, the crazy part was they're like, they're like hypnotizing them when it's happening, and they're like, so for like Vincent's like, ah we're going into outer space. And he's like, we're going to count down from five. And when you we when we reach lift off, I'm going to snap your neck.
01:00:54
Speaker
Fucking get up and get your neck snapped. Yeah. yeah um Next I'll pay someone to snap my neck. Hell yeah. Assisted suicide. we'll go like well You can go to like fucking Norway and get your neck snapped. Like assisted suicide.
01:01:06
Speaker
Oh, really? Or go to Sweden. You can go to Sweden and they they snap your neck. Ooh, Sweden snapped my fucking neck while I eat the fucking schnitzel. Snap my fucking vette Vienna sausage. Ew, yeah? You ever have one?
01:01:20
Speaker
Not good. No. The ones that are canned at least suck. should not in can. No. Yeah, they shouldn't. Well, spam's fire, but... Spam is fire? You just said that?
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah, you don't like spam? You're a wild boy, bro. I'm sorry that you... Oh, fuck. Alright. ah Was that your cock hate? I wish it was my cock hate.
01:01:43
Speaker
a Bruce finds these cars, like ah several cars in the lake. We see in a garden a little human plant trying to escape. This is Bo. And he eventually is able to break free of his fucking chains. They're not chains, his shackles, but it's just dirt.
01:02:01
Speaker
Vincent tells Ida to strip the bodies and clean them. So we see Ida cutting the clothes off of him and throwing the fucking tub. Rub-a-dub-dub. It would be weird for her to fuck them.
01:02:13
Speaker
It would be weird for her to fuck them because they're dead. Their dicks are definitely limp. Yeah, but you just stick a pole in it. Oh, they ain't dead. They're just fucking alcohol. I forgot. Yeah. Stick a pole in it.
01:02:24
Speaker
Yeah, bro. how why that shit I don't know. Sounded it. Yeah. yeah sound and ride Fucking sick fuck. I don't. I've never tried it. Never will. Exit only.
01:02:39
Speaker
Strictly. I cannot emphasize this enough. You want to do anal? That's fine. Peehole? Wait, anal like you get fucked in the ass or anal like you're fucking someone in the ass?
01:02:50
Speaker
Either or. Doesn't matter. Anal in general. right Hang me man to man. Whatever. P-hole, though, strictly exit only.
01:03:02
Speaker
ah We see Vincent try a piece of smoked fucking human meat. Yeah, he's tasting his own fucking meat. He's, like, bending over and sucking himself, you know? Bending over? he's What are you even talking about? He's, like, tastes like anaconda because I'm packing. Yeah.
01:03:19
Speaker
I just don't agree he's packing. I'm sorry. i just don't think he's packing meat, bro. He's not giving me a meatpacker vibe. i mean, he does pack meat and ship it to other people for sure, but he's not packing personal meat.
01:03:32
Speaker
Is he a fudge packer? Is he gay? I mean, it could be he want to fuck Terry. I don't know. But if he's if he's like big into religion, he's definitely not gay. That's true.
01:03:43
Speaker
Probably hates queers. But then why is he killing people? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I also had that thought. um
01:03:53
Speaker
Bruce sneaks into the motel and wakes up Terry and tells that Vince is going to try to kill her. um We cut back and Ida's stomach's growling because she's a fat fuck. And Vincent sends her up to go eat real quick.
01:04:04
Speaker
And we see him start to chainsaw guy's head off. We cut to Ida who is eaten and hears Bruce talking on Terry. Bruce is even like talking quietly. He's like, and they're going to kill you.
01:04:16
Speaker
Yeah, and I just like... I guess there's somebody here. um And he found Vincent's shotgun shells in the motorcycle, her boy's motorcycle, and a bunch of cars. He said like 200 cars, which is a little bit dramatic, but he found cars in the marsh.
01:04:34
Speaker
ah Ida attacks Bruce, knocks him out fucking cold, then holds Terry at gunpoint. Um, and we see Bo is now he's an escaped plant. He's a free, a free man, a free plant a fucking uprooted.
01:04:46
Speaker
Yeah. And he frees the rest of the plants. And, Ida comes back to the barn with, uh, Terry and Vince is like, let her go. yeah Batman, but in the spirit of dark night being released very soon.
01:05:00
Speaker
Uh, it's already outweigh listening to it, but who cares? Martha comes out tomorrow, by the way. I know. Uh, leaves uh so terry ida leaves terry with vincent and vincent sends ida go get bruce Terry's.
01:05:17
Speaker
Ball hit. And on her way to get bruised, she gets attacked by all the escaped plants. And I guess this is her death scene. I would have liked a better death scene for Ida. It was definitely bad. She like banged her head against a pillar.
01:05:30
Speaker
Yeah. Like did they fucking eat her? Like what the fuck happened? I hope. We cut to Vincent who was just casually cutting a guy's ankle off. She probably got plump. What?
01:05:42
Speaker
Huh? You want to fuck my stump, would you say? said she's probably got a plump rump. She's got fucking titters on her, though. Yeah. um it's just It was funny how he was ah just like casually cutting this guy's ankle off. He's like, I treat them right.
01:05:59
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know about that. um And honestly, his his idea kind of makes sense. He's like, there's too many people in the world, not enough food. So I'm solving both problems. That does track.
01:06:11
Speaker
Yeah, unfortunately... It's not ethical. It's illegal. um We see Bo trying to break into the barn because Ida locked on her way out.
01:06:23
Speaker
ah Vincent's loading human corpses into the smoker. This is like real big Nazi propaganda. You're putting people in the smoker? but Yeah, but I like it.
01:06:37
Speaker
Bring back some life! yes ah um Terry tries to escape, but the door is locked. and Vincent knows it's locked. and He puts her to sleep with chloroform.
01:06:50
Speaker
Yeah. He's like, I'm going to like that little fucking buzzer later. He's just not going to do that until they're married, though. In front of the Lord. No, definitely not. Uh, Bo breaks through the ceiling.
01:07:02
Speaker
It's like glass. Uh, and he tries to fight Vincent, but Vincent chokes him out and throws him in the fucking smoker with the rest of the Jews. medical I was just kidding. Not okay.
01:07:14
Speaker
Uh,
01:07:16
Speaker
Bruce wakes up and he grabs a shotgun and heads for the slaughterhouse and he shoots the lock off the door and he finds Terry tied up to a conveyor belt. Which is leading to, i think it's called a bandsaw. It is called a bandsaw. used to use one of those my old job.
01:07:32
Speaker
They're scary. Between Bansaw and Augur, you know all the fucking tool terms. Yeah, because I am one. You're a fucking tool. You could like easily lose a finger. Yeah, me yeah you for sure can.
01:07:46
Speaker
ah Why is there no guard?
01:07:49
Speaker
Well, you they you can buy an accessory that's like like a guard, but there's no guard
Climactic Battle and Resolution
01:07:53
Speaker
for like... yeah um So anyways...
01:08:01
Speaker
Vincent comes out in a fucking pig hair. He got a fucking pig hair. He got fucking pig hair. And a chainsaw. And Bruce has a gun, but he's able to disarm Bruce. And then they have a full-blown chainsaw fight.
01:08:14
Speaker
Well, he's kind of he-hey. Yeah, how's he seeing? He's like looking through a pig eye with a pig-hey. Yeah, motherfucking pig-hey. He's like, my chainsaw about ah cut off your dick-hey. Yeah, I'd better get a fucking free circumcision. That's what I'm talking about. You think circumcisions to him are like fucking delicacy? It's oh, you gotta savor these.
01:08:35
Speaker
Oh, that's like the special like seasoning something? The sauce, yeah, or whatever it is. ah They have a chainsaw fight and end up hitting an electrical panel that turns on the conveyor belt that Terry's strapped to.
01:08:48
Speaker
She's strapped, you know what mean? Yeah, because she's fucking gay. Yeah, fucking dyke. ah Bruce gets... ah I didn't understand this part.
01:09:00
Speaker
Vincent gets a chainsaw to his body, but it looked like homeboy took a swing and missed and then he walked into it. Yeah. It was kind of bad. Kind of. I'll be honest.
01:09:12
Speaker
I'll be honest.
01:09:15
Speaker
ah That's a song. don't know song it is, though. You're right. ah So Bruce leaves him there and saves Terry. And they go back to see Vincent who's trying to pull the chainsaw out of his side.
01:09:26
Speaker
um And Vincent tells Bruce that he can have the motel in the secret Barden. bar Barden? Barton, like like like fucking Hawkeye? Barton? All right. right Right.
01:09:40
Speaker
His last words that he's the biggest hypocrite of them all because he used preservatives, which his whole thing was no preservatives.
01:09:52
Speaker
And then he dies. And they hear a woman screaming in the garden, and they unveil a bag, and it's just feet. Straight up feet. And they move it around. They suck on them.
01:10:04
Speaker
They don't even fucking save them, I guess. They just walk away, and Bruce is like, there's going to be an investigation. Yo, maybe that was Ida.
01:10:13
Speaker
Yeah, it could have been Ida, but her fucking cankles weren't fat enough. That's true. That bitch got big cankles. Come on, bro. Big cankles, plump rump, and a fucking pig face. Yeah, you know something? I'm... I actually... That's a good ah observation. It probably is Ida. That makes sense why they didn't save her, because it's fucking Ida.
01:10:31
Speaker
Yeah. ah Fucking...
01:10:37
Speaker
Bruce says there's going to be an investigation, and Terry's like, just burn it down. And then that's basically the end of the movie. The hello of motel hello. The oh burst and it's just motel hell, which we get it.
01:10:49
Speaker
And that's the end of the movie. ah agree
01:10:55
Speaker
So I think with rating, I think I'm going to give it a three and
Movie Review and Final Thoughts
01:11:01
Speaker
a half. Fucking rape me, daddy.
01:11:06
Speaker
Yeah, you're going to. Yeah. Yeah. Three and a half. What the fuck are you at? I was really hoping because I had it logged once before at 3.5. I was hoping to bump it to a 4. ah But it is going to stay at a 3.5 for It is a good movie for the year of our Lord who's not real 1980. Yeah, don't get it twisted.
01:11:29
Speaker
Make no mistake, this is a good movie. It just has a couple plot holes and that's fine. nothing It doesn't have to be perfect. it's great It's a great campy horror movie for the year 1980. And it was a movie when we were planning out this month. We were like, yeah, we're definitely doing this.
01:11:45
Speaker
were like, yeah! We'll do a...
Social Media Wrap-Up and Upcoming Episodes
01:11:48
Speaker
Plug it in, plug in. So follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com.
01:11:58
Speaker
Follow us on Letterboxd, TikTok, YouTube. Send us a voicemail, 508-8-Fist-Us. Do you think if there was ever a guy that wanted to fuck Ida, they would just say to her instead of plug it in, plug it in? suck it in, suck it in. And then maybe they'd fuck her because you wouldn't look like a fucking pig trothy bitch.
01:12:17
Speaker
Potential. Wow. Potentially. yeah ah Yeah. But anyways, our voicemail box is 5088 dip tip six minute limit, please. And thank you. And then ah give us a rank.
01:12:29
Speaker
Give us a like. Go listen to our rank asshole. yeah Go listen to our other podcast. Yeah, you want it? Do you fucking want it or not? It's a physical media podcast where we buy blue rays and 4Ks. We go fucking crazy. Autism man is back.
01:12:47
Speaker
Sup, football? Oh, boy, football. That guy probably wants the love of his mother. yeah He's probably looking for the short bus.
01:12:58
Speaker
want suck mommy's titters. Yeah. Mommy, put me back on the breast milk. Yeah. All right. So. eat my boogers.
01:13:10
Speaker
eat my boogers. ah Yeah, that's a good movie. ah This is coming out on a day of the week that happens to be Tuesday. So on Friday, because as you know, we're in horror month, you get fucking two a week. And if it's anything like last year, just not going to keep up with all these. So it's just. one Yeah, it's OK. The views are going to be down. Kind of like the syndrome.
01:13:34
Speaker
Yeah. Friday, according to. Didn't I say on a recording the next movie was the sadness already? Didn't i already say that? Potentially. All right, well, I'll be honest. We're recording this in August, so the next recording could be the sadness, but I'm pretty sure I said on a different episode it was going to be the sadness.
01:13:55
Speaker
So the next record the next episode you guys are going to get is probably going to be The Fly. Shout out to Mr. k Cronenberg. Yeah, and the big papa himself, Jeff Goldblum. Jeff
Chaotic Farewell
01:14:07
Speaker
fucking Goldblum, and make no mistake, I forgot her name, but she's a fucking piece.
01:14:12
Speaker
Doink, doink, doink. ah Gina Davis. Gina Davis, you fucking hot mommy milker. want to suck the fucking pussy juice out of your waddle. Shit, the fuck is going on? I got a signed copy of Stuart Little by Gina Davis.
01:14:26
Speaker
You don't. That's right. ah All right, so we'll see you guys ah Friday before I taste my fucking crazy. its Fucking toodles and shit. Fuck you, Mark.