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EP. 28 Black Christmas (1974)
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Transcript
Introduction: Episode 28 and 'Black Christmas'
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 28 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today, our Christmas theme month continues with 1974's Black Christmas.
00:00:17
Speaker
show
00:00:20
Speaker
This is a movie that y'all try to have me convinced was good.
First Impressions of 'Black Christmas'
00:00:26
Speaker
And I watched this movie for the first time in January, and it wasn't good then. I don't want to call you out or anything there, my lovely co-host, but I'm pretty sure you're like crazy. I said this shit's crazy. I didn't like it. Oh, yes, because I watched it for the first time last year.
'Black Christmas' as a Genre Pioneer
00:00:47
Speaker
And for some reason, I really liked it last year ah on this subsequent rewatch. A boy. o
00:00:57
Speaker
just fucking disgusting this shit's ass bro but so it's generally classified as like the first slasher uh you know it heavily inspired halloween uh you can tell by like the POV shots i guess sure uh it's got some iconic imagery we'll say that does it and what is that iconic imagery uh The bitch in the rocking chair. Oh, yeah, you're right. Everything kind of parodies that. Even Terrifier 3 did it earlier this year. It's a good movie. yeah Yeah, it's a good movie. um Before we get any further into this ah discussion, we'll do a little plug it in, plug it in.
Social Media and Community Engagement
00:01:48
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail dot.com.
00:01:58
Speaker
Follow us on Letterboxd and follow us on TikTok. Links will be in the description. Yeah, TikTok is getting banned in the US January 10th, so enjoy it while you have it. If you don't follow us on a on Instagram, go do that. Jesus and friends. Because that's where...
00:02:16
Speaker
or that's where the clips will be once the talk is gong gone gone gone gone in the join John John John is gone gone yeah boy um we were debating going back and forth about do we do a scene by scene do we do an open discussion.
Format Decision: Scene Breakdown or Open Discussion?
00:02:38
Speaker
I think the problem with the open discussion is I don't want to just shit on a movie for a whole hour. So yeah. See by seeing in breakdown will be better because once we get to scenes that really bother us, then we can just kind of un unleash our wrath on them. I'm not going to lie to you. This might rival the Winnie evil lurks rant because I feel very strongly about this movie.
00:03:01
Speaker
Okay. ah Also, not to shit on Screen Factory because we're big Screen Factory. Shut up Screen Factory. Send us free shit. Shut them out, yeah. ah But 4K transfer on this is a little rough. i'm Is it? I don't know why. I watched the Blu-ray. I don't know if mine's a 4K scan. I forgot. It looked a little blurry.
00:03:21
Speaker
um I don't know if the camera negatives just asked because this movie's ass or Or what's going on? But no for the viewer at home when you say camera negative, what does that mean? And when I say the viewer at home, I mean me The literal, you know what they shoot it on ah the film Oh Camera negative.
Director Bob Clark's Filmography
00:03:40
Speaker
All right. Well, thank you for that yeah um let's go over the cast and the director first let's do it black christmas released 1974 by bob clark you wanted me to live reveal my reaction to what else i because i don't know what else he directed yeah but apparently something so we're gonna find out he did another big christmas movie i'll tell you that much drum roll please
00:04:03
Speaker
ah A Christmas story. Yep. Yeah, I don't remember much of that movie. I mean, I know it. I just don't remember a lot of it. It's kind of crazy that he did both of those. Right. And that movie's fucking ass, too. Is it? I think it's worse than this. He also did a movie called Karate Dog. Oh, boy. He also did Porky's. Bob Clark. I haven't seen Porky's on my watch list. It's on my watch list, too. I think it's like a sex comedy. Kind of like an American pie or something. I am done.
00:04:32
Speaker
ah Anyways, Bob Clark directed this piece of shit. yeah
00:04:40
Speaker
We'll go over the cast list here. You got Olivia Hussie, or I don't know, whatever it is. She's a little batty in this movie. ah She was in the OG It. She was in the Ice Cream Man, which is on my watch list because of you.
00:05:01
Speaker
yeah um That's really it is This movie. I don't really know if it has a main character like Jess kind of turns into it by the end But like right through most of the run time
Character Focus in 'Black Christmas'
00:05:14
Speaker
like who are we focusing on here? Yeah, it feels like we focus mainly on Claire, but that's just cuz she's dead, right? Oh We'll get to that, all right. ah John Saxton is Lieutenant Filler, the iconic ah John Saxton, who's in Nightmare on Elm Street from Dust to Dawn. um He's in a bunch of shit. He's he's ah he's a pretty well-known actor. Yeah. Andrea Martin is Phil. I did not find her attractive. Sorry. Is this the same Bob Clark? Is the director also in the movie? Is he?
00:05:51
Speaker
Yeah, Bob Clark, the director, plays Billy. Oh, in the movie. Interesting. There you go. ah Marion Waldman plays miss Mrs. Mack. Margo Kidder plays Barb. but
00:06:09
Speaker
She is hot as fuck. She's in stuff. She's in stuff? What else is she in? Any porns? All right. um Halloween 2. Rob Zombie won. Not a good movie. Not a good movie. She's in Superman from 1978. Yeah, she's Lois Lane. Christopher Reeve. She's hot. And she's in the Amityville Horror, which is a bad movie. I don't make the rules. so She's in all Superman movies. i I have all of my watches. I want to watch them eventually. I've seen the fourth one. I liked it. I don't see more of her. Hide them.
00:06:44
Speaker
um
00:06:47
Speaker
James Edmund is Mr. Harrison. He doesn't have a picture, so I'm guessing he has't he hasn't done much. Nope. Doug McGrath is Sergeant Nash. Fuck this guy. Doug. Lynn Griffin is Claire. Holy shit. This movie's old. Look at this lady. Whoa. It's Claire now. Whoa. Wow. our Time is a real thing, guys. She was in Thanksgiving.
00:07:10
Speaker
Really? Eli Roth's Thanksgiving. Interesting. She was grandma. She only does shitty movies, apparently. She was in Fahrenheit 451. She was in Priscilla. I haven't seen either of those movies, but I was trying to see Priscilla at some point.
00:07:25
Speaker
ah Our Hindle is Chris, which is Claire's boyfriend. Michael Rapport is Patrick. It's not the Michael Rapport. I think it's a different guy. That'd be crazy. Leslie Carlson is Graham. Graham is fucking cool. I fuck with Graham Heavy. You do? Yeah. Okay. And I can't pronounce that name. I'm not sure who this is. It says queef. I don't know how else to say it. Martha Gibson is Mrs. Quaife. Look at the name. Can you see it? more right Yeah. I'm not sure who she is in the party. In the movie, I mean. The party? What the fuck? In the party. I'm sorry. I'm i'm fucking up.
00:08:06
Speaker
Uh, that's your cast. Shout out to not a woman. I'm just kidding. Uh, all right. We'll start our, um, our review. Can I ask you before we start the scene by scene, why do you think people call it some masterpiece? I don't understand where we get this movie and masterpiece in the same sentence because it did a lot of firsts.
00:08:35
Speaker
I know it doesn't and the ah very feminist aspect of the movie. and i don't have and And I have no beef with that. Sure. It was very, ah you know, for 1974, I feel like it was probably very hot. OK, but here's my thing. Like there's.
00:08:54
Speaker
Nosferatu from 1922. That was like the first of a lot of things. Sure. But we're also not going to sit here and watch the movie and say, that's a really good movie. It's pretty fucking mid today. I agree. It's hard to sit through because it's a silent movie, and we're all cooked as a society. I don't want to read. No. I mean, I did. I've watched it, but it's yeah you seen the it's difficult. i I tried to rewatch it, and I couldn't get through it. Yeah.
00:09:20
Speaker
um I just don't get where the masterpiece part comes into this. I get how it's a first on a lot of things. We can call this movie iconic, but I really don't think masterpiece is the right word. Too many holes. Too many glaring issues for me. But we'll get into it. I just want to preface this because I will be shitting on this movie pretty heavily.
00:09:41
Speaker
um Anything having to do with abortion. We are a pro-choice podcast. absolutely We're both two white sis men um So it's not our decision in anything women do our opinion does not matter on that I like luby see kids a really good joke if you need to get an abortion you better get one like it's It's how I feel. um So it has nothing to do with anything thematically as far as abortion is concerned. I think that's the only part that's relatively well done. But we'll talk about that at the end. I agree.
Themes and Stances: Abortion in 'Black Christmas'
00:10:17
Speaker
um My issues are with the actual narrative plot of this movie or decisions like they're of. Yes. OK. So we'll get into it. We're going to spoil this movie. you Haven't seen it. Cheek. We're at Peacock.
00:10:35
Speaker
I don't have peacocks, so I had to pay for it. Oh, I have the physical media copy. I have a screen factory. I didn't fucking, what the fuck, cut that. I don't know why he just volunteered that I rented and moved, I didn't even rent.
00:10:48
Speaker
ah You're all over the place. What? We're at a sorority house, and there's a Christmas party going on, or whatever holiday you, all you sensitive wildflowers out there celebrate. It's a holiday party? Yeah, we're in the POV of the killer.
00:11:05
Speaker
which is, you know, would be copied again and again to come. um He's kind of scoping up the outside of the house, he or she, whatever. Girl comes down the stairs and notices the front door is left open. I didn't write who this was. it Was it Jess or was it Barb? um Doesn't matter. All right. No, it was Phyllis. Phil, as they call her. Closes the door. And this door, I guess, is broken and has issues like staying closed.
00:11:34
Speaker
Uh, no, it does because later on the movie, Mrs. Mac, it's like fucking fix this door. Right. Um, the killer is like looking for a way to go up and he scales like the lattice up the side of the house. Lattice. It's called lattice. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Uh, interesting. and never knew that Well, I learned that word and I'm like, I'm never going to forget it. Lattice. Images. It's like this. It's like this shit.
00:12:04
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't know that had like a proper term I'll never I'll never forget it now I learned that and I was like you mean lettuce you fucking idiot they go no lattice It's like a ladder, but but you can't really climb it that well. I just call it the little well this does climate it actually so hexagon shit Is it a hexagon is it?
00:12:25
Speaker
They're diamonds. Ah, shit. Or they're ah squares, sideways, whatever you want to call them. They're fucking dodecahedrons. Who cares, right? That's how I identify, is a dodecahedron.
00:12:38
Speaker
the um So he climbs his shit, just so you guys know. This little spider monkey. Little spider monkey. The phone rings, and Jess answers. She's a little piece. And she answers the phone, and it's for Barb. It's a long distance phone call.
00:12:55
Speaker
ah We come back to the killer who's breaking into the attic. ah And he's kind of walking around. He like opens the door and he peeks out and you see Barb talk on the phone with her mother and she can't really hear ah her mother that well. So I don't know. And then like while she's on the phone, that it pans up and they're like, all right, the party's over. So I guess ah these people leave.
00:13:21
Speaker
right right but it's a sorority
Setting and Initial Events: Sorority House Christmas Party
00:13:24
Speaker
so everybody's still there because they're a bunch of girls live in a house together right we should mention because this is it happens later on there's a guy there that dressed up as santa claus like during the holidays yeah and they they have some boring dialogue that nobody cares about exactly um so you hear a barb ushering people out the door Um, we cut to a couple kissing out front. This is, uh, Jess and, uh, Billy, right? The fuck's his name. I'm so confused. Peter. Justin Peter. Who the fuck is Billy? The killer.
00:14:05
Speaker
Bill, who's Billy again? The killer. So it's not Peter. No.
00:14:16
Speaker
What? What do you mean what? I for sure thought the entire time it was Peter. That Peter was the killer? Well then the end he wasn't, but like I for sure thought it was Peter. No. Who is Billy in the movie? Like do you see him on screen? He's the guy in the attic. No, I'm saying it's like oh they don't, it's just some random guy. Right, you don't see him or know him. They don't know. Correct. Okay.
00:14:45
Speaker
Well, I hate this movie even more now, so I don't have to tell you. I'm derailed. Peter. It's Peter. He's ugly, motherfucker. He's ugly, motherfucker, yeah. He is.
00:15:01
Speaker
um Jess and Peter are kissing out front. um And then Jess goes inside, the phone rings, and it's the moner. And all these girls gather to listen.
00:15:13
Speaker
um And it sounds like someone's getting strangled on the phone correct um And I wrote down some of the words that this man says I was gonna make it a button but I didn't have time ah But he's like, let me look let me lick your pussy or let me lick your pig cunt is crazy. Yeah, that's crazy and He's like, you want to suck on my juicy cock? And he's like, you want my fat cock? Just this guy is fucking deranged, man. Off the rails. And she ah Barb tells him to stick his tongue in an electrical socket. And then it's really weird. He like completely shifts tonally and goes, I'm going to kill you. And then just hangs up. um And the group was talking about some girl getting raped. um And Phil is like, you shouldn't encourage people like that or like provoke them. And Barb does not really give a fuck.
00:16:06
Speaker
knock at the door and it's Mrs. Mack who is the house mother. hey um We cut to, and Mrs. Mack has a drinking problem. Snake drinking problem. ah We cut to Claire who goes upstairs and she finds Mrs. Mack's cat named Claude. What a terrible name for a cat by the way. Claude. I didn't hate it. It's a cute ass cat though. Big fluffy white thing. Not really in it that much.
00:16:34
Speaker
No. Would more Claude make the movie better? No. Okay. What would make the movie better if it wasn't made? Okay. Well, there's two remakes, so there's that. Fuck. ah So she takes some clothes out of the closet, and there's like a jump scare of the killer's face behind like those clear plastic sheets they give you at dry cleaning. Right. Those things.
00:16:59
Speaker
Um and she walks away and she hears something so she goes back to the closet and like a jump scare her getting choked out essentially ah But right as the jump scare happens it cuts back to mrs. Mack who's downstairs with the sorority and she's been gifted like pajamas like a gown It's ugly and the yeah, it's for old people and the girls wanted to put it on um And the camera constantly pans up and it's you see the ah killer shadow going downstairs um And you pan over to the attic and see the door slowly closing so he's out of the attic
00:17:40
Speaker
Ooh. Spooky. ah We cut to Mrs. Mac, who's like in her office, or I don't know where the fuck she is, the library. And she pulls a book out that has booze hidden inside of it. um And she takes a swig. Jess walks in, and they're talking about whatever. And there's a phone call for Jess, and it's Peter. And Peter, by the way, in case you guys are wondering, is a fucking pussy.
00:18:06
Speaker
ah But also he's a pianist and he's so wiped out from practicing that he can't see her Whatever he's wiped out from fucking pressing keys. I guess so man. No disrespect to musicians. I'm ah I was a musician not No disrespect. No, no disrespect but going finger-banging your wife or something whatever girlfriend Sure finger blaster, you know Fingerblaster, they should make that a new Nerf gun.
00:18:36
Speaker
um Stick it up her cooter and it just... There you go. ah She says that you'll see him tomorrow. and He says, I love you, and she says I know. That's that Han Solo shit right there. so that's You don't want to hear that from a woman, though. No, that's right. Han Solo says it like a cocky bastard and she's like, I don't love you anymore. Yeah, I mean, who can love him? He's fucking ugly as shit. And he's dumb. And he's a dickhead. And he's annoying.
00:19:03
Speaker
ah Mrs. Mac is brushing her teeth very theatrically and she looks in the medicine cabinet and there's no booze in there but she does have some booze hidden in the commode which is like the back of the toilet. Which is clean water by the way.
00:19:18
Speaker
case you you're wondering Clean water so it's okay to hide your booze in there for all you booze bags that are listening booze bags Yeah booze bags never heard that. Why do I say things you're like, what is that? i've never heard that before really Yeah booze bags like an alcoholic, okay, but uh She uses this ah alcohol is mouthwash crazy and She goes to knock on Claire's door, there's no answer. And then we just, nobody cares.
00:19:51
Speaker
yeah yeah right ah And then it cuts to ah Claire who's been choked to death, the iconic her in the rocking chair with the plastic bag, like down her throat. um It is frightening, this image. I'm not saying it's not, but it gets a little old.
00:20:12
Speaker
Yeah, because they go back to it ah all the time. Like, remember this? I do, actually. Yeah, it's the only memorable part of the movie. We cut it to a church ah and there's like a man, this is a Mr. Harrison, this is Claire's father and
Mr. Harrison's Search for Claire
00:20:28
Speaker
he's like kind of pacing in front of this church and gets snowballed in the face. He's another ugly motherfucker. Yeah, this is what happens when you get old though, bro, you just get uglier, you know? He's like, he's got that weird haircut where he's bald on top but he's still got the sides rocking.
00:20:45
Speaker
Yeah. Just be bald. I work with a guy. I'm not going to say his name, but he does the same thing. It's like, dude. And then like every once in a while he'll yeah he'll shave it completely bald. Like you look way better, man. Right. So, uh, moral of the story. Yeah. Moral of the story. Jake, just go bald. Jay, I've offered Jake. Jake, if you go bald, I'll go bald with you in solidarity. There you go. It's like a cancer patient, right?
00:21:16
Speaker
Oh my god. Yikes. Yikes. Bob and Jerry, dude. ah
00:21:24
Speaker
Anyways, Jake, if you want to go balls, we support you here at the two guys' ones. By the way, be on the lookout. Jake will be our ah next special guest in like two weeks. Yup. What movie? Can't tell you. What movies? Can't tell you.
00:21:38
Speaker
um He's like pacing it's fucking smack the snowball not Jake mr mr. Harrison If I would throw a snowball jigs face make no mistake quarter percent yeah And a random guy is this Peter it's not Peter it's just some random dude some random fucking guy he helps This guy pick up his glasses and he asked mr. Harrison asked his dude for help because Claire is in pie Kappa Sig and they were supposed to meet and she hasn't showed up and and he kind of points him in the right direction.
00:22:10
Speaker
um So Mr. Harrison goes to the sorority house where he meets Mrs. Mack and she suggests that ah he's she's probably in the common room. They go up to her bedroom and she has like all these teen, like edgy posters. Couple of fucking in like a ring of flowers. and Very Midsummer vibe, that poster. um Is this that supposed to be a comedy as well?
00:22:37
Speaker
No. Not that I found it funny, but I feel like that whole part, they're like trying to make funny. Oh. ah I could see it, but no, it's not funny. Okay. ah Mr. Harrison sees a picture of Chris Hayden, who's the voice she's been seeing. um Mrs. Mack offers Mr. Harrison a ride to the store. ah And while they're on their way down, she hears Claude while she's doing her makeup.
00:23:04
Speaker
ah and she'd been looking for Claude, and then she drops her things down the stairs. Also that whole conversation, like he he was like, oh, I didn't send my daughter here for her to be interested in boys and drinking. like Dude, she's going to college. like Well, if she wasn't interested in boys, she was going to be scissoring fucking girls in that sorority house. I don't know what you were expecting, sir. Yeah. like Isn't that the whole thing of college? like That's the very appropriate button.
00:23:34
Speaker
You like drink, you fuck. That's the college life, right? i Guess i wasnt my college life was a bit of a loser a ah Did the drinking part Shout out Bennett. Hey, I can shout him out. That's okay. Shut him out. If you're listening Bennett I got a driving ticket because of you. Well So ah so
00:24:05
Speaker
She kind of gives up on looking for Claude, and it cuts back to Claire in the chair. Claire in the chair. It's a nice nickname for a cripple. Oh,
00:24:21
Speaker
oh man. So should I start ranting now or wait? Because this is an issue. Get it. Go off, queen. Actually, I'll i'll do a little bit now, a little bit later.
00:24:34
Speaker
So this killer's bright idea, right, was to hide in their attic, which can be like hiding inside the same house can work. Like 13 cameras is like pretty, does it pretty well, if you've seen that movie. ah His bright idea was, let me kill this girl, put her in a rocking chair and put her right next to a window and no one's gonna see her ever. Who looks into the window though?
00:25:05
Speaker
but No, I'm not trying to like you know make this movie sound better than it is. It's just a general question. All right. let We'll get there. But like if you're the police, yeah and there's a girl who's missing, and you're like, let's go back to where she was seen last.
00:25:25
Speaker
and you walk to the front of this house and you're supposed to be like ah like paying attention, observing, right? you're not see You don't see ah a fucking head in the window with a bag over her head. What the fuck is that? Police, yes. Average person, no.
00:25:45
Speaker
um I really hate that part of it, that she's like in the window. Sorry. No, it's fine. I think it's fucking stupid. I think it's terrible. ah But anyway, she's just in the rocking chair next to the window in case you're looking for fucking idiots. I'm sorry. ah jet We cut to Jess who is at, ah she's at like the conservatory where Peter practices and she tells Peter that she's pregnant and Peter's hype. She's not because she wants to get an abortion. And Peter's a fucking piece of shit. He's like, you're gonna have that baby.
00:26:24
Speaker
And it's like, bruh, it's not your body, dude. You have no choice. And he's not even like he's not even making the argument of, like oh, like you're killing a living thing. That's not right, like morally. He's just like, I want to have the baby. Yeah, he he's not thinking of it from like her point of view.
00:26:43
Speaker
which is what you have to do. I'm just saying he's not even taking the best argument against abortion. Right. He doesn't have an argument. Again, if you're, again, I'm i'm all pro-choice. I'm just saying the best argument pro-life has, maybe use that and not just sit like not just selfishly say, I want to have the baby.
00:27:01
Speaker
Right. I want kids. OK, well, maybe if I want kids, then maybe this relationship isn't for you. Well, maybe you should relax there, Johnny Appleseed. Fucking calm down. Johnny Appleseed. You know, it's a that that's that's that's better. That's what it's about. Yeah. Yeah. All right. If you don't know that, talk to Jake. He knows I know Johnny Appleseed. No, I meant like the listener, not you. Other the viewers. Yeah. I talked to Jake. I'll tell you when he comes on, he'll explain all the Johnny Appleseed to you guys.
00:27:28
Speaker
I'm gonna put my fucking apple seed in his asshole, alright? I'm gonna plant my seed. I'm gonna fucking cum in your ass, dude. Get ready. So she's pregnant, he wants to have the baby, and she does not want to have any, he tells her to get out. And then, on her way out, he's like, can we try to talk again tonight at like nine?
00:27:49
Speaker
no no i'm not changing my mind on this is what she says so we cut to mr harrison who's on the phone looking for claire and he's sitting next to barb but who's giving a little kid sparkling wine i'm not sure if it's supposed to be funny again i didn't find it amusing but teach their own um we cut to the phone ring in the sorority house and the jess and uh and and the jess and jess answers and it's the uh the moner again and he's just saying
00:28:17
Speaker
like What I wanted to fucking get for this was the scene from from the hot chick with Rob when Robert Snire's like So mr. Harrison is getting nowhere with ah these phone calls so they go to the police and I don't know Again, you and I haven't had these experiences and I'm not sure if it's like factual but like the common theme we just reviewed a Kremlin's of Police just not giving a fuck and like not believing that initial reports of like, uh, crime or missing people or not. Like that, that really happened. I've never known anyone that went missing. You know what I mean? Like it's not. Like it, no matter what you say to the cops, right? Isn't there like job to investigate? Like they should be going into every complaint. Like it's authentic. Yeah. I guess if it's a college girl, like, cause this cop, they tell the cop that like Claire is missing.
00:29:13
Speaker
And he thinks she's just shacked up with, what's his name? Chris Hayden. But it's like, yeah, I mean, I get it because she's college or whatever. She can do whatever she wants. So she could just leave if she wanted to. But yeah, I don't know. it the whole So I don't know if like it's trying to speak on police not doing their job right. I don't know. It just doesn't really hit for me at all. It just seems kind of dumb.
00:29:43
Speaker
um So they tell the they tell the cops, and he's like, just fill this form out, which is stupid. um We cut to the sorority house where Mrs. Mack is coming in with groceries, and Jess goes to help her, and she tells Jess that Claire is MIA. And while Jess is bringing the groceries into like the kitchen or whatever, ah Mrs. Mack is like in a ah jacket closet, and she finds some empty bottles of alcohol. She's looking for a swig, but they're all empty.
00:30:15
Speaker
Fuck, man. And then this part's supposed to be funny. I don't really find it that funny, but we come back to the police station, and the cop asks Barb for the sorority house number, and she says, Felatio 20880. And this dumb fucking cop, Nash, doesn't know what Felatio means, I guess. If anybody's out there and you don't know what Felatio is, it's a blowjob, giving head. so Suck a dick. Suck a dick.
00:30:42
Speaker
All right, like, damn, dude, you've really never gotten pussy or easy. He's the 80-year-old virgin, this guy. It's crazy. 80, dang. He's oldest. This guy's oldest fucking, bro. Come on. Dang. Dang. Heck. Shit. And he has no idea what fellatio means, and she says it's a new extension, but whatever. We cut to Jess, who is visiting her Claire's boyfriend, Chris Hayden, at hockey practice. He's a goalie, and he sucks.
00:31:10
Speaker
But she hasn't, he hasn't seen her. And Jess tells Chris that the cops don't give a fuck that Claire is missing. And then they think they just like ran off to go bang. ah We cut to Peter at the piano audition. ah Long story short, it's not going well. He sucks. And then this part really fucking pissed me off. ah We cut to the mother of a girl named Janice, Janice's mom.
00:31:37
Speaker
Uh, and Janice's mom is telling, uh, the cops about her daughter who was missing after brand practice. And the cop was like, well, it's only been a couple hours. Isn't this normal? And she's like, no, it's not normal. Uh, and the cop kind of cares, kind of doesn't, this is Ken, right? Lieutenant Fuller. Yeah. Uh, he doesn't want to give a fuck about that either. Um,
00:32:03
Speaker
Meanwhile Chris like burst into the room fucking on a rampage about why do you guys give a fuck about uh? You know Claire being missing And he's kind of pissed nothing's been done We cut back to the house and mrs. Mack is setting up dinner for mr. Harrison and Barb and Phyllis and And Barb shares that a certain species, she's fucked up. Barb is drunk. Sorry. She's drunk off her ass. She's drunk as shit. And she shares that certain species of turtles fuck for three days. um theyll because i watch She watched them at the zoo. that That's some horny shit. She's flicking her bean to turtles fucking. That's hot. And she said zebras take 30 seconds. Me too.
00:32:52
Speaker
But I think I take less than 30 seconds. I'm probably like three pumps, and then it's over. Three pump jump? Yeah, basically. Yeah, it's pretty accurate. it's and I mean, it just it is what it is. It is what it is.
00:33:03
Speaker
you know um She's laughing about that to herself, then gets real fucking serious. um And she starts to like have this conspiracy thought on her head of, like they think that I did it. And she like starts going, like having a full blown meltdown.
00:33:20
Speaker
Like, whoever thought that? And they're like, go to bed, you're fucking drunk. No, she's just drunk. That's why, probably. Yeah. um We cut back to Peter, who starts breaking the piano with the mic stand. Peter? and My notes say, I guess, didn't go well. Like, do you understand how much pianos cost?
00:33:41
Speaker
Next scene, Jess and Chris show up at the sorority house and you see them through the window and they're talking to ah Mr. Harrison, Mrs. Mack, and Phyllis, but you can't hear anything because you're outside, so there's no audio here. or you um and and on the way They all like go to leave the house and Mrs. Mack tells Jess that she's going to see her sisters for the holidays, so she won't be around.
00:34:03
Speaker
ah We cut to ah a group in the park who is looking for Janice, OK? Keyword, Janice. Janice. We're looking for Janice! Janice! OK, we're looking for Janice, guys, ah because Janice, Janice, OK? Janice was last seen in the park. Janice was last seen in the park, guys. And they have fucking snowmobiles. They have all these fucking people out here.
00:34:31
Speaker
um And we cut back to the house. And we see somebody go and sit outside. This is Peter, or this is, who is this? I think it's Peter. All right, Peter. Hey, Eunice. Listen, Peter. We cut to Peter. Peter, show me your pecker. All right, so we cut to Mrs. Mack, who's packing and also drinking. Packing? Hey, yo. You got a fucking hog on her. She got big fat titties. I don't know what to tell you.
00:35:01
Speaker
It's not a boy going but because they're because she's old. So she is old and I'm not trying to hit that. No good titties. Yeah. For sure. I love that little sha skip. afters going on I didn't do that intentionally. Yeah, she's packing and drinking and we cut to the cat Claude who's upstairs and licking Claire's face that's covered with a bag.
00:35:26
Speaker
ah The taxi cab is outside of honking for mrs. Mack and she's like yeah, I'll be there a minute. She was looking for Claude and she hears a meow coming from the attic and She goes up there and even she's like how the fuck did you get up here Claude? So how do we think Claude got up there the killer put him up there had to Claude can't climb a ladder right because Claire found Claude a lot of sees Claire found Claude in That room which was not the attic Right. It was in her bedroom Bedroom hot um So then the killer brought the cat too Yeah, I mean, yeah, probably this is probably a hot take if the killer killed the cat better movie Off-screen off-screen off-screen. We're not for the animal violence guys do it like we're animator did it right clear some of that episode Claire all right Harada Claire Claude killer click got it
00:36:24
Speaker
kill that clit you think the killer is a necrophiliac no all right no why would you think that because he just keeps the body for like days I don't know he likes looking at it he was waiting to fuck it he ain't fucking it he ain't fucking it yep all right dude all right wow you're so hot this us ain't fucking it yeah he's not the guy from the bikipsi tapes no he's not fucking it but he There's definitely something wrong with him. We should get Go ahead. These schizophrenic. We should have made the name of this podcast the Poe town boys Poe town bullies. That's fire. Anyways, if you guys want to change the name of the podcast, let us know ah We'll keep going I Actually don't know where I was so give me a second you should review two girls one cup Does that actually exist there's a myth I
00:37:17
Speaker
What do you mean? Yeah. Is this a real video? I've never seen it. You've never seen it? Is he thinking it's on Pornhub? No, it's not on Pornhub. Where do you think I'd find it? X, X, X? Nah, you just got to type in tonet taio and i just got two girls one cup. don't think it's that easy. It is. All right. Well, I'm not doing that right now. Okay. So i'll I'll give you the rundown. It's a trailer. So the two girls, one cup video is a trailer for a movie called hungry bitches.
00:37:46
Speaker
Now, does hungry bitches exist? I don't know if it's a fake trailer. No, it's a real trailer for a real movie. I just don't... I don't know where to get scat porn, alright? I don't know. I'm not into that. Me either. But it's not real shit or it is real shit. It is real shit. I thought it was chocolate pudding. No, it's real shit. I've actually watched the video, so... yeah I do realize now that I've been lying to everyone saying I've watched it and I haven't watched it. You need to.
00:38:14
Speaker
ah Yeah, for the for the namesake of the podcast you need to that's what yeah, right, right So mrs. Mack is in the attic with her fat tits and she's confused about How the cat got up there as we all are we all were all confused. What the pussy doing up there? I need fucking answers um and Her dress rips and she goes like look at it and you see the
Continuing Horror: Mrs. Mack's Demise
00:38:41
Speaker
killer with like a hook and And she comes back up and sees Claire, and you see the hook swing and pull her up into the attic. I wish it was on screen. A little bit, yeah. Would have helped. Taxi driver at this point is at the door, banging on the door, like, where the fuck are you, bitch? Come on. They don't pay me by the hour. They might.
00:39:04
Speaker
I think it's just the fair. I don't know. If you're a taxi Uber driver, write in. Let us know. Well, Uber, I know you don't get paid when you're just going to do nothing. But taxi driver, let us know. So we're in the killer POV, and we watch the driver go back to his car and leave.
00:39:21
Speaker
And then he said like a freak out. So like knocking over shit in the attic. You kind of sounds like, oh, yeah, I don't know. if that's Dude, that was actually really good. Thank you. That was phenomenal. I'm a little retarded. We all have a little bit of tizzy in us, right? Yeah. We come back to the search party for like literally 30 seconds. Like it's not even it's so short. I don't know why I wrote it down, but they're a whole huddle around a garbage fire and they haven't found Janice again Janice Okay, in case you guys are fucking wondering it's Janice. We're looking for here there is we cut back to the reveal of mrs. Mack who is dead she got hooked to the Neck, I don't know. She got hooked we come back to the search party and The mom and Janice's mom starts screaming and I wrote found by question mark, so I'm pretty sure they found the girl Janice Janice
00:40:22
Speaker
Phone rings and just answers and it's just some noises and it's the Mona again and it's a Filthy Billy something something something And she hangs up and goes looking for mrs. Mack and then she calls ah The police because she's been getting obscene phone calls from this guy and you can kind of see someone start coming down the stairs And it's Peter Which is why Peter was the killer, so. Hey, Peter, why the fuck are you up in the water? Hey, Peter, can you tickle my balls? I really like that. um He says he's upstairs, he was upstairs sleeping. That's bullshit.
00:41:03
Speaker
ah tells And then she tells Peter that she was out looking for Claire. When in reality, they were looking for Janice. Janice!
00:41:19
Speaker
okay what is this bullshit and they they keep saying this over and over again like for the next 10 ish minutes of this movie that they were all out looking for Claire when the search party is very obviously out there looking for Janice right because what do you think the point of this was why did they do this I don't know the cops don't care that Claire is missing so why would they have a search party For Claire. For Janice. It's for Janice. It's for Janice, guys. God fucking damn it, dude. A little girl is more important. ah The cop on the phone does not give a fuck about the phone calls. And he says it's someone just playing a joke. ah She tells Peter they found a little girl.
00:42:01
Speaker
ah Jess tells Peter they found a little girl murdered. Shmurdering. And he says, I don't know if you caught this, he says this very matter-of-factly. Oh, Claire's all right.
00:42:13
Speaker
ah Fuck do you know cuz he's the killer. That's why I thought that's what I thought that's why I thought um He tells Jess that he's leaving the conservatory and he doesn't like sharing a bathroom with his roommates Who cares dude, so he says it's very matter of fact. He's like look I'm gonna leave the conservatory and we're gonna get married and She and Jess is just kind of like, huh?
00:42:38
Speaker
Like ah she's confused about like, did you just propose to me? Cause most people get on one knee and like, I love you so much, blah, blah, blah. What'd you say? Don't tell us. Uh, and, and then she's like, I'm not getting married. She's like, I still have like ambitions and things that I want to do. She's like, I let you do what you want to do, bro. Right. And not the, not, you know, the fact that we still have this child issue,
00:43:07
Speaker
Also, uh, Peter says back, which I guess is kind of valid. It's like, well, you can get married and still pursue your dreams. And she's like, well, I don't want to, just I just don't want to marry you. That's what it comes down to. Right. You're ugly for that baby away. Um, you're ugly. He is ugly. yeah So she doesn't want to marry his fucking douchebag. Well, we cut to Mr. Harrison and Ken discussing his daughter, Ken is Lieutenant Fuller. Sorry. Uh,
00:43:34
Speaker
He's pissed off that Nash didn't say anything to him. Um, and then he looks, he finds the number that has the fellatio on it. And, uh, the fucking detective in the back, this actor got hired. They're like, listen, you're going to play a detective that just laughs. like His name is detective Buchanan. He just laughs the whole time. Doesn't even speak. No word. Uh, he confronts Nash and Nash just doesn't get it. And this detective is still laughing his ass off.
00:43:58
Speaker
He's like, Oh, it's something dirty, isn't it? Oh. We cut to ah Peter who's breaking a Christmas tree light. Why? Uh, because he calls her a selfish bitch for not wanting the baby. How is she a selfish bitch? Right. so child If you're not in the, if you're not able to raise a child properly, not having it is actually less selfish. Exactly. So I don't really promise you the baby doesn't know what the fuck's happening.
00:44:28
Speaker
We're not educated, but either way, uh, if she doesn't want to have the baby, don't have the baby, right.
00:44:37
Speaker
Uh, she kicks him out and he says to her, you're going to be very sorry about this. And he leaves. And as he leaves, he runs into a Nash Graham. I'm sorry. I, at one point in time, I confused Lieutenant Fuller and Nash. So my notes are kind of backwards, but it is attendant full earth not nash ah Lieutenant Fuller. Lieutenant Fuller.
00:44:56
Speaker
Graham who is like the phone line tapping specialist dude and Phyllis. He like kind of bumps into my seat on his way out. ah And Jess shows Fuller Claire's room. ah We see Graham working on the phone line and Lieutenant Fuller wants everybody in the house's phone numbers.
00:45:14
Speaker
This is another part that pissed me the fuck off. ah They're asking about how many phones are in the house and they say there's just one. And then they mentioned that Mrs. Mac has a phone line and Lieutenant Fuller immediately shuts it down and goes, no no, no, no, no, that hasn't been used. No one's using that phone line. Yeah, he's like, it's a different number. When in reality, if you looked at the phone lines properly, you'd see that ah that's the only other phone line he could be calling from. The killer. oh Bad look, cops.
00:45:42
Speaker
o Yeah, I agree with you. They station a cop car outside and we see Peter hiding behind a tree. Fucking weird. Suss ass. Suss ass. And then we cut to Phil and Jess and Phil's crying because she's so worried. Jess kind of consoles her and she feels she said I think she says that she has pills for her colon. Is that what she said? I don't know. That's what I heard. I didn't rewind it. I'm just going to go with that. I have pills. Oh, no. Oh, no. Stick.
00:46:13
Speaker
I have no idea. Let's go. That'd be kind of fire, though, because I'd use some pills from my colon. Oh, yeah. Clean me out. Please. You know you can buy the juice that they take for colonoscopies on Amazon? Really? Yeah. good Whatever you want. Just buy it. I might have to do that. Right? We probably shouldn't, but. Juice me out. Yeah. What if I drink the whole bottle?
00:46:38
Speaker
I think you're supposed to like over like 48 hours. Oh, really? I think that's what I'm not a doctor. I mean, I'm just trying to shit normally. That's all I want in my life. I want to shit where it doesn't hurt my asshole. Shout out, broccoli.
00:46:54
Speaker
well We cut to the killer who's rocking Claire's dead body in the chair with a baby doll that's like kind of burnt in the face. Again this this dead woman that everyone's like trying to find it has just been in the attic the whole time Right why the cops going into the attic shouldn't they be doing a whole investigation of the house shouldn't they search the whole house? Hold John if someone if they suspected that someone in the house murdered her, right, right You're gonna hide it. You can't really go very far. They're college. They don't have cars.
00:47:30
Speaker
You can't go very far with a dead body. Right. So it'd be on the premises. I'd be digging i'd be tearing up the lawn. Yeah, like what are these fuckers? We need the fucking answers. Something, please. We cut to Jess who's waiting for a phone call as are the police. So the plan is they're gonna, they tap the line. They're waiting for this guy to call and they're gonna try to trace the call. And Graham's whole thing is you gotta to keep him on the line for long enough so I can trace the call.
00:47:58
Speaker
ah So we see the killer POV of him leaving the attic looking at Barb who was asleep because they sent her to bed And it looks like he's gonna stab her but we cut to Jess who hears Barb choking. It sounds like Right that's something you're sucking dick. I mean I want Barb to I also spill my dick that is a hide that What you spell wrong I spelled choking, chocking. Extra C. Extra D. All right. So Jess hands her in a halo, this bitch has asthma. My fucking cock won't help that. Nope. My semen, my lubricator, little air hole though. Yeah, that's 100% possible. She says ah Barb tells Jess she had a dream of the killer coming into her room.
00:48:56
Speaker
And, uh, there's carolers outside. What else is fucking new? Fucking stupid carolers. I fucking hate carolers. If you're a caroler, stop listening to the podcast. If you're a caroler, literally kill yourself. You're a caroler. I didn't mean that. It was a joke, but I just, I don't get it. I really don't get it. Why are you singing at people's houses, right? You're not gaining anything. This one is more awkward than the Gremlins one.
00:49:19
Speaker
Because, first of all, they're not gremlins singing outside your house. It's fucking just funny. It's just girls, like little kids, that are standing outside singing, and you try to stare at them. That's weird. It's so bizarre. And when Jess comes down to see them, it's just a very, very weird vibe. I don't like that. Do you have more important things to worry about than walking outside and listening to these carolers? Also, it's just crazy. They made a movie that's like, how long is this movie? 90 something minutes? Yeah.
00:49:47
Speaker
ah They made a movie that is... I think it's 96. 98 minute movie to go find a girl that's been in the act the whole time. Yeah. You know what they should have done? I just thought of this? What? Get the Nazis to look for it. They would have checked the attic.
00:50:08
Speaker
Come on and Frank come on. Oh, am I crazy? Am I crazy for saying that? No, the Nazis would factually speaking would have checked the attic a hundred percent Do I know if Claire's Jewish? No, no But they wouldn't they would get Christopher get Christophe walls from in glorious bastards. He would have checked get his doctor Yeah Good. I've been yelling too much your neighbors are probably fucking. Well, I actually just found out that the people next door don't moved out, which is what all the construction has been going on. Also, a little ah update for you all. The sprinklers in my building just went off. There is no fire. They just went off. So everything went way. Not here. ah Luckily, my building is in an L shape. So the other part of the L that I don't live in is just like soaking wet.
00:51:01
Speaker
So, i like, people's apartments got fucked up. Yeah. You have sprinklers in your apartment? Yeah, there's one my right ah right there. Oh. Yeah. That's interesting. Fucked up, dude. Fuck. So, hopefully they have renter's insurance. Yeah, because this building is going to go under.
00:51:19
Speaker
I mean, but ah if the sprinklers just went off for no reason, then I feel like the apartment complex should be done. They actually sent out a yeah letter about it. Luckily, a mind didn't. Are we talking about this? The attic? The Nazis? Yep. That's why. Yeah, definitely bleep that, I think. So there's carolers outside that we don't fucking like.
00:51:42
Speaker
And the killer comes back into Barb's room and there's like a glass unicorn. What is this thing? I don't know. All right. Well, either way, he stabbed a glass unicorn. I mean, you hit the nail on the head. But who the fuck has one of these?
00:51:56
Speaker
yeah working out over there Also, no disrespect. But you literally had the perfect shot of you could have just stabbed her in the throat with the fucking unicorn horn and they go for the gut off camera.
00:52:09
Speaker
Right. What the fuck are we doing? Like, it's just, it's there. And even if you go to fucking rape their body, what the f- Shut up, Pikippy Tapes, again. How come I'm crazy for saying that I ask you if he if he's a necrophilia, and you're like, no? But now, you're like, you could've raped your body? What's this about? What's this about? What do you mean? What are you, a hater? What are you, a hater?
00:52:30
Speaker
No. What I said earlier in this episode, this not this episode, not the one before, this one, the one that we're currently in in the year of our Lord, who's not real. Because Claire's ugly. said Claire's ugly? Yeah. I don't think Claire's ugly. She's kind of ugly. Letting that movie kind of a piece.
00:52:50
Speaker
Not. No. No? You don't think so? Barb's better. Barb's better, Jess is the best one. Right? Uh... Is it just the hottest one? Jess is the hottest one. Yeah, she is. Jess got that thang on her, you know what I mean? That fucking cock between her legs. You think so? No. Maybe that's why she doesn't die, because she's a cock? Oh, final guy. Right. No, the final girl was supposed to be Barb. And then she dies. And she died. Now she... Right. Now it's just a guy. Well, I'm saying was she was drunk, so he could've, you know... Oh, I'm se...
00:53:27
Speaker
Look, if you rape one, you rape them all. That's what I'm saying. Cut that. No, why? What? Okay, no, wait, stop for a second. In the mind of the killer. This is all in the mind of the killer. It's a character piece. this Dude, yeah what I'm saying, seriously, I'm being straight up seat like this is not a joke, okay? Yeah. If you are a murderer, right? ah hu And you decide, I like to murder women and rape their dead bodies, right? Okay, yeah. If you rape one of them, you're going to rape them all.
00:54:01
Speaker
100% okay, so what I said is not that crazy so i'll say So what I'm saying is if the killer in this movie who is not Peter if he decided if he decided to rape Claire Then raping Barb too would make sense because it's his mo Sure, right You're correct. What I'm saying is, I don't think Claire is so ugly that he's like, I'm not gonna rape people because she's so fucking ugly. A hole is a hole, these people. To thee, not to me, to these people. A hole is a hole. Right? You're onto something here. But, is he gonna rape the old woman? Did I go to criminals, criminology courses? No, I totally fucked that up. Did I go to school for criminology? No, I did not. Is he gonna fuck Mrs. Mack? No, but you could definitely get a good titty fuck.
00:54:51
Speaker
aggressive kidding fuck that bitch you know what' saying
00:55:00
Speaker
<unk>fuckerin come on her chin
00:55:04
Speaker
jesus cri i hope no one in my family ever hear this sound i We're talking about dead bodies ah All right um So either way can we just say now He's not fucking the dead bodies. 100% he's never been included bar's not Because it's not his MO. No it's not. well we're What we're saying is we would both fuck Barb. Alive. Alive. Consensually. lot Yes. Why'd I pause? Why'd you stutter? Yes. All right. I'm not actually sure we were anymore. Oh, so he goes back and he kills her. They won't show it. ah Phone rings, and it's the Mona guy again. He's like, Agnes, it's me, Billy. Who the fuck is Agnes? I don't know. Oh, I'm sorry. I got ahead of myself. we cut He says
Tension Build: Carolers and the Killer
00:56:00
Speaker
that to Barb, and she like wakes up and he stabs her.
00:56:03
Speaker
We cut to the carolers and this lady shows up and she's like, get the kids out of here. Cause why the fuck are kids out when they were looking for Janice and she was missing and right was found dead. And these little kids are out singing. So obviously there's some fucking pedophile going around killing kids and your kid is out caroling, which is fucking weird to begin with irresponsible.
00:56:24
Speaker
Fuck the 70s. I mean, the 70s have some good movies. i just This movie sucks. Jess gives the lady who's chaperoning the carolers a tip, which is crazy. Like, what does she do? Right. Nothing. Do you tip the carolers? I never got tipped. Well, you also went to an old person home. Right. They don't have money. They're in a home because they're fucking old and dying.
00:56:52
Speaker
ah So Jess's phone starts ringing and the lady who she gave the tip to points out. It's like she's like hey lady your phone's ringing We cut to Graham who's tracking the phone call and he disconnects too fast before Graham to trace it Ken calls Jess and asked about Peter and he's like he's a little fucking weird, huh? um But for some reason the cops in the room are getting in an argument. So Lieutenant Fuller has to hang up the phone And this guy comes in he got shot in the ass and by a dude who says he was defending his property. And the cops just kind of laugh it off? But this man got shot in the ass.
00:57:32
Speaker
you Right, you you shot a cop. I don't even care. I had this watch up my face. Shout out Pulp Fiction. All right. But like this guy should be arrested. He shot somebody. So this whole argument happens, and the phone rings again. It's Peter. And Ken tells Graham to trace a call anyways. And even Peter disconnects too soon for them to trace the call.
00:57:57
Speaker
And Ken wants to know about the baby because they were talking with the baby on the phone. And he thinks that ah she's hiding something. And she says it couldn't be Peter because Peter was always in the house when the calls would come, which makes complete sense. Why would be Peter? Because the calls are coming from within the house. But they don't know that yet. Right. I'm just saying it would make complete sense. Because everybody, you know, the stereotypical, the call is coming from inside the home. So the cops think it's Peter.
00:58:25
Speaker
ah Buchanan is showing Nash a map of where they have searched already. We cut to Phyllis who's frantically calling for a jest because there's a search party outside. These dudes just pop up by their window, their kitchen window. One guy's a gun. Yeah, yeah or their neighborhood watch. We're keeping out. we're We're working with the cops. I'd be like, can you like get the fuck away from me with your gun? Yeah, please.
00:58:50
Speaker
like I'm not trying to cock you and load you, you know what I'm saying? I am, but my cock is loaded. Cock and loaded. My cock is loaded for for Barb. If you're listening and you want to fuck, hit Nick up, you know? No, no, don't hit me up. I don't want to. I don't know. You guys want screen pod? Pod at gmail.com or comment on a TikTok clip because I made those. Yeah, I don't want to. No, I'm not. Actually, I'm not interested. Don't hit me up, please.
00:59:18
Speaker
Although if you wanna send, if you're a dude, cuz I'm straight, if you're a dude and you wanna fuck, send it anyways. That'd be funny. Yeah. and be it Let's see who out there could convince me to go gay. Through email. Try to sex me as a man.
00:59:35
Speaker
let's see If it works Sex me man to man, dude yeah ah Please no dick pics. Okay moving on you don't want to see it like and maybe a big juicy schlong will really see know i I want to see Jake's rod. I don't want to see anybody else's rod Although, since we're here talking about pieces right now, I did go see the new movie by Luca Guadagnino called Queer, and there is a lot of dick in that movie, but there's no Daniel Craig dick, which is unfortunate, because I kind of wanted to see James Bond's piece. He's probably packing, right?
01:00:07
Speaker
ah to I do. I have a theory. This is spoilers for queer. If you didn't already just get it spoiled. But I, I think that he might have asked the company to not show his piece because they're just so willy nilly showing dick and they just don't show his. It's probably because he's too big of an actor, but I want to see it. All right. DM him. Yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
It's up to Craig on a podcast. I might've heard of any might've heard of it. The executive producer or producer or whatever the fuck he was of Despicable Me knows we exist. So there's that we didn't talk about that. No, we didn't. We ah one of our posts. It has two likes, I think, total right or three. Yeah. And one of the three is this man. I have it up. Hold on. Well, always only say liked by Tyler. Shout Tyler.
01:01:01
Speaker
But it says four likes and I, oh, here we go. Yeah, John Cohen. Shout out to John, producer of Despicable Me, Angry Birds, Garfield movie, and executive of Ice Age, Horton Hears a Who, Alvin and the Chipmunks. This guy knows us. Shout out to you, dude. If you want to sponsor us, let you know we're looking for a sugar daddy. If you need some voice acting, let us know. Gerald could do voice, I can't do it.
01:01:28
Speaker
yeah I'd be like, I bombed as Coach Steve at the Halloween party. That was terrible. Well, I just can't deal with that well. So they send the neighborhood watch away and Phyllis is like doing something. The door closes. ah The door is Barb's room. She opens Barb's door. She's like Barb. And she goes in. The door slams shut because the killer was behind the door the whole time. She's definitely dead.
01:01:53
Speaker
I'd open Barb's door. ah I would too. We got du we gotta stop.
01:02:01
Speaker
ah Killer POV, he's calling the house, Jess answers. ah We caught Superintendent Fuller who finds the piano that Peter smashed. Graham gets the group and terminal number of the phone call, but it does ah cut out too soon. ah He calls Fuller and you get the reveal here. The calls are coming from within the house.
01:02:22
Speaker
ah Ken tries to radio Jennings who is the cop that was stationed outside of the sorority house, but he is de ad dead um So again, it looks like Peter fucking did it right But he didn't. ah So then Ken calls Nash and tells him to call Jess and say, drop the phone and leave it, don't fuck it up. But Ken fucks it up because he's not able to calmly get Jess out of the house. Jess just leaves the phone line open and tries to go like, fight this guy. She calls for Phils and Barb and nobody answers. She takes a fire spoke and goes upstairs. ah She finds the dead bodies in Barb's room, both of them together.
01:03:02
Speaker
um And the killer is sitting there behind the door and he says it's me Agnes And I'm sorry. He's behind the door. They have a chase and She smacks her head into like the What is it like the railing? Yeah, she goes in like lock stuff in the basement with all and there's like some pretty heavy banging and of like not fucking like banging on the door. Then it stops. It cuts to the cops who are en route and then we come back to her and she sees a shadow in the window. but rob um And yeah, and then she walks over to
01:03:39
Speaker
ah Different like corridor in the basement and there's a door with some glass on it and you see somebody waving who looks like Peter ah But there's some frost on the window the frost he this person moves a frost out of the way and it's Peter and She's not answering because she thinks Peter. I also think it's Peter So Peter, you know like a normal person would do smashes the fucking window open Not a good look. No And she goes and hides. And he's looking around the basement. And he sees Jess. And he kind of smiles. And it cuts the cop cars who are arriving. And we hear screaming. The cops find Peter dead. And it looks like Jess is dead. And they go, Jess? And she just opens her eyes. Like, oh, I was just arrested. I'm just hanging out. I'm just hanging out.
01:04:28
Speaker
ah
01:04:31
Speaker
The doctor says we cut the Jess who's laying like in her bed and the doctor said she'll be out for at least four hours And then it's like you're better off not talking to her till tomorrow, which is like more than four hours, but okay And so and then some random guy in the room who is this dude? He's like did anybody call Patrick Cornell? Who was Phil's boyfriend and nobody even thought to call him not that he's the killer but whatever ah First time we heard of him The press is outside, Mr. Harrison randomly faints in in the chair that he's like also in the hat in the room with Jess. An officer turns the lights out, they escort Mr. Harrison out, she's by herself. and The camera slowly pans to the attic where you hear laughing, the chair rocking, a zoom in on Claire's face and the it slowly zooms out to see the full view of the house. The phone rings.
01:05:23
Speaker
And that's the end of the movie.
Ambiguous Ending and Unanswered Questions
01:05:25
Speaker
Talk about fucking terrible. I mean, just... This is... I mean, this is just fucking... So, the movie started with, uh, Claire it got killed. We're gonna go looking for her. And now we're just never gonna find her. Never gonna find her. She's in the fucking house. She was in the act the whole time. I mean, there are... How many troops or officers do you think show up to the house when, uh, at the end?
01:05:46
Speaker
Four or five cop cars. Yeah. A good amount. And one of those fucking idiots was like, let me go look in the attic. They probably do. After the fact. Also, she's in the fucking window. Right.
01:05:59
Speaker
like up I'm just, I'm just asking, are police this bad at their job? No. I just, away like, I don't know. I'm just, I genuinely don't know. If that's what this movie's about, congratulations. You made police look fucking retarded. But it's gotta be like, you also made your movie look fucking retarded. It's gotta be for plot. I really, I just, I hate that. And you said the movie's boring. I don't know if I find it boring necessarily, but it's not, it's definitely not compelling. Not a lot happens.
01:06:28
Speaker
We don't get anywhere. No, we're running around in circles the entire movie. He kills two more girls. Peter's not the killer. Peter should have been the killer. Peter, this is what I was thinking actually last night. Peter should have pulled an inside and cut the baby out of...
01:06:45
Speaker
Yes, that would have been fucking insane heater Five-star movie, but he wants the baby, right? Oh the lady and inside wanted the baby, too Yeah, but she's the lady lady and I remember in her fucking name. Sorry the lady inside like she was pregnant She was like nine months. Like that baby was ready to come just like doesn't got a bump. No, she's um, yeah I got you. So you'd be taking nothing out
01:07:11
Speaker
So, unfortunately, this is a dumb fucking movie. They were going to look for Janice, but made it seem like they were looking for ah Claire, which they weren't. Claude's still in the attic, too, you know? Yeah, she's up. The cat. Yeah, he's probably eating the corpses. He's hanging out up there with ah the killer who. So the killer is Billy. Billy. And what's Billy's story? He doesn't have one. OK, so that's even worse. So this movie ah for me is a star and a half.
01:07:41
Speaker
It was a star and a half when I first watched it and I watched it this year. It's another star and a half again. Fuck this movie. I don't know how any of you could ever put this in the masterpiece category. That's fucking crazy.
01:07:54
Speaker
I originally had this rated on letterbox as a four star when I first watched it. I'm not too sure what kind of influence I was under when I gave it a four star. However,
01:08:08
Speaker
On this rewatch, it is going down to a two star. I was going to give it a one. And then I was looking at my star and a half. And I was like, no, it's not that that bad. Like it's watchable. I don't want to watch be honest. I never want to watch this again. I probably won't. Actually, I would love to watch this with someone who is a really big black Christmas fan and then just shit on it with them and explain. I genuinely want to have somebody on the podcast who likes this movie.
01:08:39
Speaker
Who can defend it? Mid-level media likes it. I've talked to note, well, he's never going to come on our podcast. I don't know that. but We can ask him. No, we have dreams. ah Actually, you know we're going to do this. We're going to, when we get a Patreon, we'll make 100 Hour Level. You get to watch Black Christmas with us.
01:08:57
Speaker
And you had to pay for at least three months. Yeah. Oh, boy. I think the the whole plot is very, very aggravating. And as I said in the beginning the of the episode, i I have no issue with abortion. I'm more pro choice here. None of that bothers me at all. It's not why I don't like it. I feel like it's easy, but you don't like it because you fucking don't like abortion. And it's like, that's not even what I'm talking about. Right. That's a whole side plot to make you hate Peter to make you think that Peter's the killer. Which is done, which is what's holding up the star and a half. Yeah, that for me is that part. Do you know what the average on letterboxes for this movie? I believe it's a 3.7 or 3.8. It is a 3.8. Yeah, that's disgusting. Disgusting.
01:09:45
Speaker
um Yeah, so write in. Let us know what you think about Black Christmas. If you like it, I mean, you can try to defend it. You can write us an email. You can ask. If you like Black Christmas, I'll have you on the podcast. You can try to come defend it. Steelbook Obsessed gave it a four and a half. Steelbook Obsessed respectfully. You're wrong.
01:10:02
Speaker
I'm not gonna share in that guy, he's great. He is great. um Said it made him, made his skin crawl. Yeah, I can't. The killer's, the killer in the rocking chair with Claire is cool. I'm not saying it's not cool, but why are we putting it in the fucking window? Right. And why can nobody find her? Just go up there. Because this is the thing, right? With horror movies, people will,
01:10:30
Speaker
Whether they want to admit it or not, they will lower their rating of a horror movie because of bad decisions. Absolutely. I am quoted on this podcast doing that from our first episode of Vacancy. I cannot forget i cannot forgive them not grabbing the shotgun in that police car. That's a terrible decision. This movie is terrible decision after terrible decision. I think the best part of this movie is Mrs. Mack.
Discussion on Movie Remakes
01:11:00
Speaker
Yeah, she's fun. That's the only thing gets she has an alcohol problem now. She doesn't cuz she's dead problem solved So I'm very curious. I've never seen any of the remakes. So there was one from 2006. Mm-hmm. I haven't and there's one from 2019 one from 2019 I've heard is like Super fucking like woke like Fuck that shit. Not interested. I would watch the 2016 one. Wait, 2006 or 2016? What the fuck did I say? The first time you said 2006. So the first remake is 2006. Okay. Then you said 2006. I lied. The second remake is 2019. Right. You said that the, okay. So which one do you want to watch? 2006. Okay. Which is one year off from 2007, which is our podcast. That's our podcast.
01:11:53
Speaker
um I'm gonna stay I'm gonna say no because it's hard for me to think you can't really back away from the whole She's dead in a rocking chair by the window That's pretty hard to like not do in a black Christmas remake and get any kind of traction So it's probably gonna be just as fucking stupid. I mean it might but It can't be worse I Guess it could be it's a fucking horror remake. It's gonna be terrible So mid-level media gave it a two yeah and then steelbook obsessed give it a three no i mean you hey listen if you want to watch it you can but there's absolutely no way it's going to be better than the original i don't see that happening is this is some stupid trash decisions but also
01:12:39
Speaker
Also, like they could have been like, Jess could have went to the abortion clinic and there could have been like um a kill there. There could have been, I mean, there's so many opportunities to make this more about abortion than it already is. And true away from the stupid ass, he's in the house and it's not Peter. It's not Peter. i'm billy I'm sick of it. um'm so I don't, I own this movie. I'm not going to get rid of it, but I i don't want to watch it ever again.
01:13:07
Speaker
I think it's terrible. I just think it's so stupid and dumb.
Inviting Listener Opinions
01:13:11
Speaker
But again, if you like this movie, all the power to you. We're happy you enjoy it. Come on this podcast and defend it if you want to or don't. I liked it a year ago. I don't like it this year. That's fine. ah Do you want to hit us with?
01:13:27
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram. Two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, requests. And if you like Black Christmas, two guys, one screen pod at gmail dot.com. Follow us on Letterboxd and follow us on TikTok. Links will be in the description. Do all that. TikTok's getting banned ah January 10th or something like that. So enjoy that while you have it. If you follow us on TikTok and not on Instagram, go follow us on Instagram.
01:13:56
Speaker
ah Friday, our best of two guys, one screen episode will be coming out as a little boner alert for you guys. And then next week, we're here, dude. We're fucking here.
Closing Remarks and Future Plans
01:14:10
Speaker
Nosferatu, which has gotten very, very, very good reviews. Nothing but praise. Yeah, so I'm very excited to go see that on the big screen.
01:14:23
Speaker
Um, and then, uh, next year we got, we, we, we got some plans next year. We got some, some big things going on next year. Big things brought out. We're doing big things. Uh, well, we'll keep you in the loop. Um, but until next time, we'll see you guys doodles. Fuck you, Mark.