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Dungeon Dive Inc 13: Office Party
69 Plays10 months ago
Our heroes thwart a cult's dark efforts and return home and spend the night in their bosses office to celebrate. Check out funinstallersnetwork.com for playlists and more and consider supporting us on ko-fi.com/funinstallers. Don't forget to rate it if you hate it!
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Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
Brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr coming to you live from Adam's butthole. This is role players. Hello, everybody. Welcome to this episode. Yeah, I was pointing the microphone by your butt. We've got dungeon diving for you again today. We fantasy, we goblin, we human and we orc.
00:00:30
Speaker
Uh, that's about all you need to know. Really? There's Adrian. Don't forget you never, you always forget Betsy. The fourth character. Can I remember, um, there's, uh, the cast there plays Tulip and she plays Betsy. She's a Renaissance woman, multi-faceted plays multiple roles. And then there's Adrian plays goblin protects gall and hi. Yep. Hi.
00:00:58
Speaker
And Adam playing boom, papa.
Twitter Mishap and Recap of Dungeon Adventure
00:01:03
Speaker
So I clicked on seductive Sunday on Twitter. You know, out of curiosity, I'm seeing things I didn't know I liked. I'm so disgusted. I accidentally flipped on this nasty, disgusting hashtag. How do you type that exactly? I've clicked on it so many times by now. Oh my God. Oh my God. I keep accidentally clicking on this. Dear Lord. You just got there. I was up there already like three hours ago.
00:01:29
Speaker
Pan the camera lower, my guy. You see, I need to look at these things so I know what the centers are doing so I can counteract it. That's why I've got all these subscriptions to pornography. I'm testicules.
00:01:47
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, we're playing Dungeon I think today. Adam's getting his rocks off while we're doing it. So, hey, listen, here's what happened last time. We were still in the swamp. Boom. Papa was hanging out with the goblins, not the goblins, the frogs, which are basically the goblins of the swamp. I feel the same color. Yeah.
00:02:09
Speaker
But see, I don't see the world through that lens. I don't see greens colorblind. I'm colorblind. All these pieces of greens. I see greens, cabbage. Anyway, yeah, he was hanging out with those frogs. They gave him some tips and tricks about the swamps and the people that they were seeing in the creepy place that the other guys were at. And the other guys finally figured out how to open the door up. And they were real smart with it. They knew just exactly how to do
Exploring the Dungeon and Loot Decisions
00:02:37
Speaker
it.
00:02:37
Speaker
And everything worked out great. And then boom, papa came over with his new friend, cram at the frog and he had cram it, watch the door while boom, papa came down. I had a mud up the door. Yep. They snooped around and found some things. And then, uh, they heard people yelling from the top of the tunnel and that they were getting shot in their legs by cram at the frog who had been given the order to maim anyone he saw on their way in.
00:03:08
Speaker
Sorry. Mm hmm. Oh, yeah, we heard we go. Oh, oh, things are shooting at us. Oh, I'm sorry. There was a guy that said, oh, I got shot in the leg. And it's what I said. Oh, I got shot in the leg, too. I got shot in the leg, too. And that's where I left off with. We'll never be adventurers because we're being shot in the knees. God damn it. God damn it. Wrong. Wrong. Oh, shit. Sorry. We're not doing cowboys. Hit that music.
00:04:09
Speaker
And a natural mole. Here we are with our swampy characters in the swampy tunnel. What do you guys do with the information you have now available to you that there is people getting shot upstairs? You have a dagger you found and some treasures and other things seen in a rod, apparently.
00:04:29
Speaker
You're in the use of a staff. That's just some loot. It's not relevant to the story. So don't worry too much about that. But it doesn't do magical things. It does, but not relevant to the store. I mean, unless you make something, it makes things go to sleep. I think it makes me a 24 hour analog clock. No, no, no, no, no. All right. I want one. Anyway, you guys are going to pick. You're in the room with the giant pit in the center of it. Not really giant. It's like.
00:04:57
Speaker
Just regular size pit and you hear people getting shot upstairs. Oh That's my boy cram it he's doing things I can't believe we can hear that all the way down here That's pretty really loudly Yeah, he must be really hit them in the nurse Oh cram. It's a little frog buddy of mine I had him watch the door and muck up the place so that way the bad guys couldn't get it Whoever they might be we should probably figure that out. But yeah, was there a pedestal around here? Did you say there was like a dais? Oh?
00:05:27
Speaker
Here's a little post, oh yeah, in one of the rooms.
00:05:30
Speaker
I would probably put that knife on there. It's probably where it goes. Do you really think it's just a good idea? I don't want to summon any bad spirits. You know, what I'd really like to do is just go and defraud and fraud a church some more, you know, but I'm down here in a hole. So I figure if I'm going to be in a hole, I'm going to go as deep as I can go with the two stabs that I got. I'm a two stick man. And I'm going to go as deep in this hole as I can go until I hit a wall.
New Character and Dream Manipulation
00:05:54
Speaker
Right now, I'm thinking we can. Twisting to while we're at it.
00:05:59
Speaker
Do you some twisted bop it, pull it, spit on it, all those things until we get real good and raw. So let's just put this thing on a daze and see what happens. We can't go out. They're going to staff and just take them back and maybe sell them or like something. I mean, we, you know, add spirits, you know, what we could do is just take the staff back to the cochleas and then just say, Hey, look, this is what we found. Send other people down there. And then with jobs done, we get to go home and then we can see how, uh, Evans doing.
00:06:29
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yes. I don't know. What do you think, Betsy? Tulip? I think we should follow Bill. Oh, no. I knew it. Betsy's turned into a simp. Betsy, what is wrong with you?
00:06:47
Speaker
What? Nothing. Hi, Bill. Hey, hey, Betsy, what's happening, girl? I like your dress. As if to derail that horrific situation, you hear like a... And some guy comes sliding into the... The door's open. She slides down into the room and just...
00:07:13
Speaker
Fireball! Who are you? No, I'm not going to actually fireball the guy. I don't even know who we're talking to. Who are you people? Sleep staff of your rethrees. How's an eight tickle ya?
00:07:40
Speaker
Let me see I forgot what I gave that staff to have an 8 through 10 is a success everything above it is a super success I know I forgot what I made the staffs things me Makes people go me music Okay, so he yeah, he's like who are you guys and he falls over? Go get him drag him back here. Go get him. We'll take it was hostage. Go somebody get him that's targeted me
00:08:04
Speaker
Does he look like a cultist or he's got like a robe on Take the robe. Well, we'll have we'll have we'll have we'll have to live infiltrate. She's about his height Yeah, would you say back? I like drag their body over another take the robe. Oh
00:08:27
Speaker
You're stripping him nude? Yes. He's got like a tunic and some breeches underneath, I suppose. Probably gonna go nude underneath it. That's our rule for our cult, we must go nude. He's got pants on, but yeah, you got his robe now. Good job. It's rude if you aren't nude. And I'm going to jump back on Boom's shoulders and put the robe on so that you're both hidden.
00:08:51
Speaker
Wait, you think that robe's going to be big enough to cover both of us? Yes. You realize that that boom is also a rather large chubby gentleman, right? I know. I don't care. He just like shoves like a protex on top of his shoulders and then we're doing like that scene and print this bride.
00:09:13
Speaker
There won't be no survivors. The robe ends. The hem of it ends at your gut. Yeah, of course it does. All robes end at my gut. OK, you've done that now.
00:09:30
Speaker
We need to be intimidating. No, give the give it to give it to Tulip. She can infiltrate. Actually, I don't know if they have orcs on their team. So maybe not. I know. Let's just take this guy and and and keep him as a as a ransom. We don't know who we're dealing with yet. Yeah. Yeah. Are there more people that are getting shot? I'm really hearing too much now. Tulip's going to pick up the body and use it as a body shield.
00:09:55
Speaker
You're gonna use a sleeping man as a shield? Yep. Nah, nah, nah. People are getting shot upstairs. I'm not gonna get shot. I cast Read-A-Kiss Mind-A-Kiss.
00:10:05
Speaker
I'm the guy. I guess. Yeah. I'm the guy. I'm trying to think. He's asleep. So, I mean, yeah, I'm not going to make your own mind. That's my new rule is if you want to read a mind and they're asleep, especially affected by a spell, it's fine. All right. I just put my hand on him like either. Either I'm going to melt his brain or I'm going to learn a bunch of things. How are you going to see his dreams? I don't know. Goblin Man, just like keep an eye out and protect me because I can't really see what I'm doing when I'm doing this. I mean, that's the whole name.
00:10:34
Speaker
So sure. All right. Go protect me. Go watch the door. I'm watching. So you're Tula, can you bring them over here so I can kind of tuck behind the entryway here? Yeah, of course. So she like she does like where she twirls them around her waist like they're doing a ballroom dance and then just like
00:10:58
Speaker
flops his head over in one of those dips and puts it in Boom's lap. Oh, all right. Well, that works too, I suppose. I just wanted you to move him a little bit. I like the flourish. I dig it. It's good. Makes your dress look nice when you spin. Thank you. You're welcome. Riddicus, mindicus, activateicus. See, he noticed all dresses.
00:11:25
Speaker
You see you're sitting you're sitting in a classroom And you don't have you you're sitting there and you realize everyone's turning to look at you and you realize you don't have pants on And you can't take the channel move forward He's like oh no And then he suddenly he realizes now he's on top of a snail And he's riding the snail through the swamp Is he wearing anything other than his robes in these dreams?
00:11:52
Speaker
Uh, he can't, he can't, he's not looking down on himself now, he can't see, he's just going, woohoo, snail! Are there any other people around that he sees? Oh, he's just dreaming about snails. Alright, uh, I'm gonna try to influence his dreams by, um, uh, doing nightmaricus on top of this. Roll mindicus, okay, knicus.
00:12:12
Speaker
16, baby. Oh, well, you guys dreams. I am trying to create a nightmare about the people he works closest with. Like I want to influence like the robes he's wearing the, you know, maybe like remembering that he just got attacked by a frog. I want to see if I can get an image of the people he was with. I was going to say, like just a second ago, you see him. You're walking through the swamp and all of a sudden you hear boom, boom.
00:12:42
Speaker
And a giant bow comes out of the trees and a big giant arrow comes out and obliterates one guy, no nothing. He's a pink mist. Oh, holy shit. You hear yourself saying someone else's voice because you're reading this. Is he turning his head to look? He looks and he sees this girl's face and she's like, oh, my God, Jeff, you have to save me. And he's like, I love you, but he pushes her and he runs.
Interrogating the Cultist
00:13:08
Speaker
And was there anybody else with him?
00:13:11
Speaker
Yeah, he sees this guy with a big bushy beard who looks out of his hood and says, Jeff, I always knew you were the strongest one of us. You have to stop the guy with the bow and the forest, the giant bow monster. And Jeff says, you got it. Greg and he's shooting his own arrows out of his hands at the bow and it blows up and he says, yeah. And then the girl comes back over and he says, hey, baby,
00:13:41
Speaker
And they kiss and you kiss that chick. Nice, nice. Was there anyone else there? Then she turns into a giant bow too. No, that's about all I saw. Damn, OK, I was trying to see if I could see anybody else. It was with them, but they're all wearing the same robes. Yeah, brother. All right, since I rolled so high, could I get a little bit more information about?
00:14:03
Speaker
what he saw before he went to sleep. Because, you know, usually you dream about the stuff. What you what you saw throughout your day influences what you're dreaming about. And if that's the most recent thing you thought about before I put him to sleep, you'd think you'd have a little bit more of a clear image because it just happened. Sure. I mean, you know, they're they were walking and talking about, you know, trying to summon blasphemocks and everything like that. And how great is the blasphemocks? But then the boat came out and it was a nightmare.
00:14:33
Speaker
Blasphemox is kind of like, like a soap that the church wouldn't want you to use on your tongue. Blasphemox, it'll, it'll turn your, it'll turn your tub to Satan's tub. Blasphemox. And after, uh, you, as Jeff and his dream makes out with the lady, uh, cultist who he has a crush on, uh, you look back at Greg, the guy who has a bushy beard and Greg says, Blasphemox will certainly not cull you whenever he comes to cull the weak.
00:15:02
Speaker
And then Jeff, you see his fist in front of his face as a guest. Fuck, yeah. And Greg says, let's go into this hole now, Jeff. And then Jeff says, oh, no, the hole. I'm so scared because people did something to me down there. Jeff said people did things to him in the hole down there. Yeah. And then you see a big fat wizard pointing the staff at you. That's like he's remembering me. Got it. Excellent. All right, cool. Oh, am I dead? The protex, you die? You OK, bud?
00:15:32
Speaker
Well, all of that happened. I'll try to steal the Black Dagger. I think you had it last. You haven't already. What do you mean, steal it? That's good. I didn't remember that. I'm stealing it for myself. I've got it. I'll show me. OK, then I'll just watch the door. OK, great. All right. So yeah, you get out of the dream, dream-watching boom, and everybody's still where they were when you did that. Cool. Hey, Tulip, do you know what a Blasphemox is?
00:16:03
Speaker
Or something of that ilk. A what? A fucking what? A Blasphemox. You know, it's a... I don't know, these guys want to summon it, whatever it is. Something about killing... What? Something about killing someone. I already forgot what the dream guy told me, but I remember the name Blasphemox. I couldn't trust them. I suppose we could. I don't think so. I've never heard of anything like that before.
00:16:31
Speaker
Hey, do you guys just want to maybe just take what we got, take this guy with us and teleport out of here and then like, you know, maybe take him to a place so we, you know, maybe to the frog people, we can interrogate him. Sure, I can do that. You guys just kind of want to do that. I don't know if I got Kermit's phone number. I don't know if I got his rock number. Did I get his stone, his stone number? He doesn't have a stone. I think you asked him. He's like, I don't have one. Oh no, he doesn't. I don't have one of those. Didn't we have like some sort of, I thought we had some kind of way that I could communicate with him.
00:16:59
Speaker
I telepathically talked to him or something. What was I doing? You just talked to him normally or is walking down the street with him? All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to talk to him mentally and tell him to meet me back at Meet me back at the Frog Kingdom. Okay, we're all mine to send a mental message. Oh
00:17:17
Speaker
I love it. Maybe you tell them that concentrate really hard on his cute little frog face. Hey, hey, it's me. Hey, dude, I'm just trying to let you know that, uh, yeah, I'm going to be at your house there pretty soon. We're going to bring a guy that we can question. So just run away and, uh, you know, don't, uh, don't get killed. Okay. Meet me there. I'm going to bring my friends. Okay. Bye. Excellent. You've sent such a message. I did. Excellent. I guess.
00:17:46
Speaker
I don't know where you're casting it so you can talk back to you. Oh, no. Wait, what yes voicemail you want to get casting I'm casting telepathy so we can talk to him. Oh Who's this? Hello? Oh, sorry. I was just trying out my friend. It's nice. It's boom. It's boob up. Oh, well, hey boom You say we're gonna go back to town. Oh
00:18:05
Speaker
Yeah, go back to town. Don't get killed. I'm bringing my friends and a guy that we got to interrogate there. Oh, we'll be careful coming out. I shot three of them in their legs, but they're all hiding at the front entrance. Now, I think it's OK. I can I can teleport. They could have seen me. Oh, wait. All right. Then we're going to leave these guys here. I'm going to kill them. No, I don't. I don't know enough about them. You know, maybe just pin them to the ground or something. Oh, how they're injured. I recognize that back in town. Well, I don't have the ability unlocked.
00:18:30
Speaker
No, no, yeah, it's OK. No, you're looking. If I see them back in town later, I'm just going to look for people who are living really bad. What knees did you shoot them in? Oh, I got them two of them in the left. One of them in the right. I tried for a clean sweep, but I didn't get it. All right. Hey, can you shoot that one also in the left? That way I know that there's three people with left knees that are bad. Well, they're hiding and they went in there and now I don't know.
Return to the Frog Kingdom
00:18:50
Speaker
I can't. Oh, damn. All right. That's OK. OK. OK. All right. I'll see you back there, buddy. Later. Later, Tedder.
00:18:58
Speaker
Later, taters, like a thing. What? Do you like my new, well, wolf pelt? I just got it. Oh, what? Oh, what'd you get that? I didn't even notice. It's so dark in here. Oh, I found it over in the room upstairs, and I thought maybe it was a good accessory for my dress. What do you think? I think that it probably gives you some resistance to being cold. I think it's neat. Thanks. I hope you like my glowing collection suit.
00:19:29
Speaker
I made your golden conch in suit. Of course, I love it. I made it. OK, let's go. All right. Pick up the pick up the guy and then everybody give me give me a high five. I'm going to take us to the frog kingdom. High five gives him a low five. Ready? Three, two, one boy.
00:19:49
Speaker
You appear in the frog and the muck and the muck of the town. You appear in the frog and the muck of the frog. You're inside of a frog. You're appearing in the muck pound. You see sort of like there's some frogs lounging in there outside of their little muck holes and they're smoking their little pipes and things they have. Where's Bart Guckerberg? What's the guy's name I was talking to?
00:20:17
Speaker
Oh, hey. Hey, boom. It's me, Squigglesworth. Squigglesworth, hey. Hey, where's the king at? What's the king's name again? I already forgot. His name's King Rugg, and he went back to his chateau, as he calls it, and he's got a lady frog with him, so I mean... Oh, okay, gotcha. He's been in there for about three minutes, so he's probably done, if you want to go in there.
00:20:42
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, it's about that's about it. I mean, that's pretty. That's it's all. That's a long time. I mean, who hasn't had any longer? It's been done for at least two and a half minutes. Yeah, for sure. For sure. You got to recuperate. But anyway, hey, these are my friends. This is this is a goblet, a goblet, a protect. I remember. Hi, I'm protect. I'm pretty sure you were both racist to me. At least one of you was for sure. You know, you know, they were just or my orchish friend is a little, you know, she's not used to the slimy skin people. So, you know, just give her some time. I promise she'll be, you know,
00:21:12
Speaker
A flattery will get you nowhere with me. All right. One of my whole I'm going to sleep is I'm done in this day. All right. Hey, is there a place that we can go and like hang out for a second? I got this guy here. He's one of the jerks that's been infiltrating the hole in your swamp. And we kind of want to talk to him in private. Is there any place I could take him? Oh, I mean, are you going to torture him?
00:21:33
Speaker
I mean, I hope I don't want to. So I'm hoping I can bring it in my place. But I don't really want to watch it. Ask questions. So I don't know. I mean, I don't go behind a tree somewhere. I don't know. I mean, all right. I mean, as long as you don't think it'll be fine, I want to disturb your slumber if in case he gets loud. Oh, I mean, no. Yeah, I know. I don't. If you're a torture might say bring it in my place. But if you're asking questions, I'm that's boring. I'm going to go to sleep on the torture. All right. You go to sleep that big. I will try to keep it. We'll try to keep it to a low volume. I guess. Whatever. All right.
00:22:01
Speaker
Who looked tortured this guy? I'm just kidding. Don't torture him. Just question him. She starts cracking his knuckles. Her knuckles. She's cracking his knuckles. So crack, crack. Two of his knuckles. You're going to help to crack her knuckles. Her knuckles are cracked. Roll for cracking. The guy is just whoever's holding him. He's just.
00:22:31
Speaker
She puts her finger in his nose. Jesus, Louise. What are you rolling for? For knuckles cracking. That's right. You crack and crack. You got a six. Actually, it gets to hell. I don't know if anybody who cracks knuckles or knows that when you can't crack your knuckles and you try to, how shitty that feels and how depressing it is, you get that going on. Yeah. Anywho, the whole day is ruined. The whole day is ruined. Tulip, you put your finger in his nose, huh? Mm-hmm. Hey. Hey.
00:23:04
Speaker
Wake up. Um, give me one second. Uh, he's, he's starting to... What? What, mommy? Why do I have to slap him? Let me see my nose! Ow! You slap him? Yes. Ow! The f- time to wake up.
00:23:24
Speaker
I'm going to get your finger on my nose. What's this? No, wake up. I'm awake. I'm awake. Gosh, geez, what's happening here? Oh, what's in there? Hey, you. Put your finger on his chest. Oh, come on. What the heck is this? What's going on here? You know, that's what we're wondering. What's going down there in this hole? What hole?
00:23:54
Speaker
Where are we? The hole in the swamp. Somebody was shooting us, man. It was crazy. I had this terrible dream. Are you summoning any evil spirits in it? No, I don't know what you're doing. What? He looks down. He's like, she's not wearing robe. He's like, no, I'm just, I was lost, man.
00:24:22
Speaker
You know, you do kind of look like a cool swiffer drop, so I don't quite believe you. No, man. Look, I'm just a normal, a normal everyday, normal guy. As Forrest was shooting at us, man. Hey, listen, guy, for every lie, for every lie that you tell us, my orcish friend here is going to stick her finger even farther up your nose. Oh, God. Mm hmm. Until she starts picking pieces of your brain.
00:25:04
Speaker
Tell us about... Look my orcish lady friend in the eyes and tell her who blasphemoxes.
00:25:13
Speaker
Um, uh, TBH, uh, which is a shorthand for, to be honest, um, Mike, that girl taught me that, uh, for scroll writing, uh, when he sends more a letter. Um, um,
00:25:32
Speaker
Keep that girl from scrolling. I don't I don't really know for sure as I've just started apparently he'd like he's they always say Blasted box bringer of darkness. He's gonna call the weak I don't know why he's gonna call them like was he gonna say like hey, I'm like on a stone ascending stone He's gonna call them weak. I don't understand Different
Planning Next Steps with the Cult
00:25:50
Speaker
strokes for different folks, I guess but like yeah, he's barely down there in that pit or I
00:25:58
Speaker
He is that pit or something. I don't really understand it fully. Um, but they're trying, I don't know. They're like, they brought like a couple of goats they're going to kill. And hopefully, and then they were going to put that dagger in that pedestal down there. Did you guys see the dagger when you were down there fishing around? I got it right here. Whoa, geez. You weren't supposed to tell him. Why would you show him protects? You.
00:26:24
Speaker
Why? You little pointy-eared dingus. Why would you show him that?
00:26:30
Speaker
She give slaps him. Hey, I don't know if they're like a plant and of the tiger. Guys, let's not do this again. I swear to God, I will scorch this entire planet. I mean, hey, hey, listen, listen, guys, you know, like I said, I just started. I was only there for a girl. I thought it was kind of weird what they were doing. And I didn't really like all the sounds of it. I was just hoping, you know, you know, how it is. He looks at you, but we think, yeah, it is. You're trying to get a girl where he looks at protects, you know, you know, right.
00:26:56
Speaker
You know, I just go there and put my finger where it doesn't belong. That's how goblins do it. Yeah, that's true. They just like to put their grubby little fingers in grubby little places. Oh, well, I mean, I mean, that's that's great for you guys. But we got to we got this whole thing about like, you know, not doing stuff people don't want to do to them. And who has that rule? Everybody. Who? Who are you a part of? Who? What group did you join?
00:27:24
Speaker
Well, I mean, I'm not talking, they don't have, I mean, I'm sure they probably have rules about sex and stuff there, but I mean like, you know, just like the kingdom, they say, don't like put your finger into somebody's holes. They don't want, right?
00:27:36
Speaker
I want to listen, my guy, I want to know why you're wearing robes to whom do they belong and who is your boss? Who's your daddy? What does he do? I mean, I got Greg, you know, he's he run. I don't know if there's like a bigger higher ups from here, but like the great he runs our little group and he's always saying, hey, we got to bring blast mocks. He's going to bring darkness and and we're going to all be raised up and be powerful. I don't know. I mean, like I said, it's creepy to me. I don't know why they want to like bring darkness.
00:28:06
Speaker
And, uh... I kinda don't want to kill those goats either. They're kinda cute. Cool. Where does Greg hang out? I mean, I don't know. We usually meet, we meet like, um, in Dovin and we walk down here. You know Dovin? Yeah, we gotta go there all the time. Is Dovin part of this? No, we leave Dovin to come here. Of course you leave Dovin. He's not gonna get his hands dirty. That son of a bitch. Dovin's a place, dude.
00:28:35
Speaker
Yeah, now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you really like the guy, sure, he can be a place. It's like heaven place on Earth. You know, I understand. Are you guys? I mean, listen, I don't want to. He's in coach with all the guys. Listen, you know, like half of them are shot in the leg. I'm like, they're not. And you got their dagger. They're not going to do shit over there. So I mean, like, don't please don't hurt or kill me or anything. Like you guys are scaring shit out of me here. Yeah. Dovans a man, dude. You're right. You're right. He's a man. And he's real bad.
00:29:06
Speaker
I think we should just let him go and let me check out what these other cool tests do. Did your girlfriend get shot in the knee? I don't even know, dude, it was there was so much going on. I just slid down this muck, all that muck that was in the front of the place. I mean, and at this point, you know, I don't even care, dude, like she's weird. She's not worth it, dude. I agree. You you know, you can't. She doesn't deserve us. We're too good for her.
00:29:36
Speaker
If you got the other questions you want to ask this guy How high was she on the crazy and hot Diagram, that's an excellent question, but I was asking to look protects. Yeah, protect you like you like gives you like an eye like a like a naughty like I'm saying Maybe the swamp for us you can imagine dude
00:29:59
Speaker
Actually, I would like to know that, too. Why don't you go and answer that question? All right. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Everybody wants to know where we're all thinking it, even cram it probably. I mean, I mean, yeah, like it was like she's like she's like kind of like this scary kind of like hot, crazy chick, you know, like with like obviously with a cult and shit. But like, you know, I was kind of like hoping if we ever did anything, you know, she'd be like kind of like she like throw me around, you know, usually, you know, the guys always say, oh, I was throwing her around. I wanted her like, you know, boss me around, you know, I thought she could be like, oh,
00:30:28
Speaker
You know, take take charge of me and, you know, do some crazy stuff, you know. You know, I was reading a story about a dwarf and an orcish lady that did stuff like that. And yeah, it gets real freaky. Oh, no. Yeah. That's disgusting. What was that book called? It's called it's called Dungeon World. You should check it out. The Adventures of the Sterilizers.
00:30:50
Speaker
You should go listen to it. Listen to our podcast that you're listening to right now. Listen to it. Okay. I mean, like, are you guys, is that enough? Like, I don't know everything. Like, I'm sorry. Like I just started, but. Is there anything you have on you right now that they would expect you to have? What is this group called? What do you guys like the covenant of blasphem- mocks?
00:31:19
Speaker
I think they call this God don't laugh. Okay. I think they call it. We call it. We call it. They call themselves. I'm not always gonna say yes, but I'm not. I'm definitely not being a part of that anymore. They call themselves a black daggers. I guess because we have that one dagger there that when you have their dudes like black metal or something on it, like, I don't know. It's weird that I used to plural of like just one dagger. I mean, they're like, that's there. There's more than one of the people. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. That's what they call them. All right.
00:31:49
Speaker
I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I could do it. Oh, my God. Oh, hey, Kravit. What's up, my guy? Oh, this is the one that got away. Hey.
00:32:04
Speaker
Did you happen to shoot a guy with a big bushy beard and the left knee by chance? I can't say for certain. I was just looking at legs mostly, not at heads. Yeah, same, dude. Same. Would you recognize him again if you show you his knees? Do you recognize his knees and then I pull up the guy's knees? Have you seen his before? I didn't see those ones, no. Oh, damn. All right.
00:32:31
Speaker
All right, well, we're going to take you back to DDI, I suppose, just to make sure that they know what they're dealing with and then we'll let you go. OK, I guess you don't really have a choice. I'm just kind of letting you know. I don't have to tell you anything, but I am. Yeah, OK. All right. Hey, Graham, and have a good one, buddy. I'll be back for cricket time tomorrow morning. All right. Hell yeah, brother. You guys want to go?
00:32:57
Speaker
Oh, dude, catch me the fattest one and give me one with long legs.
Office Antics and Reporting Findings
00:33:00
Speaker
Oh, hell yeah, brother. Do you guys want to go back to DDI with me or do you guys want anything else in that cave or what are we doing? We could go back and grab the lead of this group to see if he knows more. I'm also fine with just going back. He says that we're hanging out with the dagger anyways.
00:33:21
Speaker
Yeah, we should probably hold on to that dagger for a little while longer, because if we sell it to somebody and then those schmucks find it, they're just going to get it and go back and do what they were going to do. Yeah. We should probably just put it on top of a of a mountain somewhere or maybe just chuck it into the ocean. Oh, maybe we shouldn't take it back to DDI. I mean, I guess that's another good option. I forget. Yeah, we could probably do that, too. That's probably a better option than what I had in mind. Yes. Maybe we'll get a promotion.
00:33:49
Speaker
Maybe we'll finally get candy. Probably be safer there. You think we can get candy for it? Yeah, we turn in the black dagger from the black daggers and they don't have some jolly ranchers or something. I'm going to be pissed. Oh, me too. Let's go. Do you think we will get more money if you get promoted? Yeah, that's typically how promotions work, Protex. I most never really promoted in my life before, so I wouldn't know. I believe you. I mean, that's too bad.
00:34:21
Speaker
Right back to DDI, we go. I didn't need to be promoted. Understood. Anyway, let's grab this guy and go. Come on, Jeff. Boink.
00:34:33
Speaker
And I take this back to Berakkalee's office. Are you appearing in Berakkalee's office? It's night time and there's no one in their office. Uh oh. I locked the door. I locked the door. I've worked your eyes, Jeff. I don't know if there's anything you're not supposed to see. Huh? Nothing. You're in Berakkalee's empty office. Oh, it's empty. Can you move out?
00:35:02
Speaker
Um, I mean, you could just sleep here. Yeah, let's just sleep in the office of the night. Hey, Jeff, you feel like spending the night in a really nice office. I mean, I guess. Well, hey, listen, it's going to be real cozy. I know where the snack bar is. I'm going to go get a few things, bring it back. We'll have like a whole story time. It'll be great. We'll all take a nice little nap.
00:35:27
Speaker
Okay. I know you guys don't like me, but I mean, if you're getting stuff, could you, I mean, can I, do you have, what's, what's down there at the snack place? Uh, Tulip, what was in the snack bar last time you checked? Um, not really anything very good. I mean, there was like some jerky and I'm pretty sure it was made out of goblin, which gross. And, um, I'm
00:35:51
Speaker
I don't know if it was crackers or bread, but I'm pretty sure it was crackers. It's all I saw. It was like anything good. Oh, shit. Well, I mean, hey, if you guys, yeah, I could eat any, whatever it is, crackers. I like cracker. Hey. I like cracker. Do you want some cheese with that? Well, yeah, it's got the cheese. Yeah, man. That's great. Okay. I'll find some with the least mold for you. Hey, do you want to?
00:36:21
Speaker
Do you want to be an intern for us? Guys, we need a team name. We need a team name so he can be an intern for us. When we get promoted, let's tell him to give us a team. Could I be your assistant? Who's? Jeff's? Yeah. You want to be Jeff's assistant? Yes. I mean, if Ed Mays, I don't get like thrown in jail or something. I don't know like what, uh,
00:36:46
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so he's, wait, so he'll be our intern and you'll be Jeff's assistant. Tinsons don't typically get assistance, so you'll be like an intern to the intern. And then I could just work in the office and then I would be able to wear pretty dresses all day. That's true. You could just dress real nice because you don't gotta worry about getting blood on them and stuff. I mean, I like this one.
00:37:10
Speaker
What? What did you say, Protex? You always like to talk when tulips talking. What did you say? I don't know. You have to like, we had my connection. I don't know why. I know. It's starting to freak me out. I'm starting to feel like a loner over here. You guys always want to talk at the same time. Don't you already like we are pretty dresses all the time? Don't I? No, this is my first one. OK. But if you don't go with our, with us on a trend test, then that would be kind of lonely. Betsy will come with us.
00:37:40
Speaker
I don't really count Betsy as a person. Wow. Wow. She's right here, dude. It's going to make this, it's going to make this room situation really, really uncomfortable. If you keep talking that way. No. Close my eyes. Yeah. You're hurting. You're hurting her feelings. I'm going to go to the snack bar and get us some snacks. And then we're just going to have a nice, come on, Betsy. We'll go pick out whatever you want.
00:38:14
Speaker
to look like holds up her middle finger that doesn't exist but like hold her hand up so she like makes a middle finger when Betsy has her watch out the door and then in turn flips him off. All right you two actually you go get your snacks I'm gonna stay here to make sure Protex doesn't start ripping things off of Jeff over here. I'm going to write a real middle finger
00:38:41
Speaker
Guys, I don't know what this finger thing is that you're doing, but it looks like it's meant to be mean. I don't know what it is, though. I've been practicing something with my thumb, actually. Does this look weird if I put this up? If I just put up a thumb and make a fist? Does that look like it's a good thing or a bad thing? I just kind of... Whoa! I just kind of noticed I had a thumb recently. That makes me feel happy.
00:39:01
Speaker
It makes you feel happy offensive. You're saying good job. I thought, oh wait. So you think it looks like a good thing. Goblin thinks it's offensive, but he's a goblin. His opinions don't matter. Yeah. Uh, you know, uh, Betsy, I'm just kidding. Protects. It was getting a hard time. Cause you said that Betsy, Betsy, uh, isn't a person.
00:39:20
Speaker
I mean, I won't be wrong about that. Anyway, I get, well, I give a thumbs up to Jeff and I also give a thumbs up to Protex. I get from the middle finger. We're just having like a standoff with like fingers and thumbs. Like this scene in the office, like minor crossbows, minor thumbs. What have I started?
00:39:46
Speaker
Jeff, get on this. You're the third person. It feels better with the third person doing stuff in their hands. He sheepishly puts his thumb up. He's like, eh. Try putting one upside down. Try putting the other one upside down. See what that looks like. Well, he does it. Oh, well, I don't like that. That looks like it's bad. What do you think about that one, Protex? That look good or bad? That looks bad to me. I'm going to do a, like, upside down middle finger. Whoa. Hey, that looks like it looks like a penis. Stop that. It looks like a one-legged man to me. Oh.
00:40:15
Speaker
Boy, different jokes for different folks, I think. I have an idea. What? It's where I was still glowing. Probably, yeah. We wanted a DI. We can do shadows with our fingers. Oh, let's try that. Let's do, you know, oh, let's see. Jeff flips off the wall, he's like, look at that over there. You can see, it's like the two legged guy. Hang on a second. I got a second. I'm going to hang you from the ceiling like a big lantern. That way we can have more room to do this.
00:40:44
Speaker
I'm going to spin you that way the lights flash off the walls. I'm a disco ball. You guys want to play some music over here? The door slowly opens and a goblin comes in with like a broom and he's like, what the fuck? Oh, hey, get it on this. Can you just close the door slowly? I was going to say smash cut to the goblin maintenance guy also doing shadow of office.
00:41:15
Speaker
Hey, who's that? You know that guy? Who was that? I don't know. Was that maintenance? Was that maintenance, Mark? Oh, maybe there was one of the cultists and they already found us. Oh, damn. Go get them, Protex. But I'm up here. I can't. Oh, yeah. I hugged you from the ceiling. Shit. Hang on. Let me get you down.
00:41:36
Speaker
OK, now that I'm down, I'm going to sneak after the guy. We all spent like the next like hour just doing that shit, bonding with Jeff, doing shadow puppets with snacks and Tulip and Betsy. We try to get the maintenance man to come and join us.
00:41:51
Speaker
Let's just let's just leave it a question mark is what happened fully that night? And you guys sleep in bureaucracies his office. Absolutely. We've partied like it was no tomorrow. So you he opens his door like it gets stuck part way up. He's like, what the hell? He's like, behind it. Smacking you like smacking you in like a shoulder to a look. He's like, hell's going on.
00:42:13
Speaker
David, where's Mark? What the hell did you do in my office last night when you're cleaning up right here? Sorry, sir. And he's like, he's like, wake up, wake up, Dola. I like have his diary draped over my face to block out the lights.
00:42:41
Speaker
He's like, is that somebody took off the lights? Is that Boob's gut I see hanging out by my desk? What are you guys doing there? Nothing. We were waiting for you. He like squeezes through the door because you're still in the way. He's like, what the hell?
00:43:00
Speaker
You guys asked me the other day if I have a home, if I stay here all the time. I said, no, why did you come here at night? I told you I don't live here. Don't ask me. Ask the one who teleports. Whenever he goes around, he's like, sits in his desk. He's like, all right, what's going on, you guys? I see you have a new friend. Is it true that you have a fear of long stockings?
00:43:23
Speaker
Why do you give me that? Anyway, uh, are you guys back? Cause you completed the, uh, little one and then the investigation. Yeah. Show them the pointy thing. And I don't mean your finger. I like slowly raise at my middle finger. No, not that, not that. That's for making shadow magic.
00:43:53
Speaker
And then I pulled the black dagger. That's for making other kinds of shadow magic. That's pretty good. So it looks like you guys found some good, uh, something good you can sell there for a little bit of money, huh? Uh, no, we, uh, we can't do that. This is, uh, do you know what Blasphemox is? Oh, Jeff, Jeff, get up, buddy. This is your part. You had to talk about this. Yeah. Hey, what's up? Hey, we found this guy. We want to hire him as an intern. And by that, I mean, we mean don't pay him, but hire him.
00:44:22
Speaker
Okay, if you guys want to have an unpaid person hang around with you that you don't pay, that's fine. What's the deal? What's his deal?
00:44:31
Speaker
So Jeff here told us that he signed up with this organization called the Black Daggers and there's some guy named Greg and they're trying to summon some guy named Blasphemox to bring darkness to the world or some stupid shit like that and they need this Black Dagger to do it so we removed it from the hole in this swamp. Also there's frog people there that don't want people snooping around in there so you might want to stop sending people in there first of all.
00:44:56
Speaker
And, uh, yeah, and, uh, and I'm kind of like really close with them now. So I'll lead a revolution against this kingdom if I have to. Um, but anyway, that's a different story for another time, but, uh, anyway, yeah, you should probably look into what blaster mocks is and keep this black dagger as far away from everyone that you can. And if I find out that you're part of the black daggers, Ooh, buddy, hell hell. Hey, hey, hell no, buddy. Hey, listen, I don't know.
00:45:20
Speaker
How much church going you guys do? Apparently, none, since you don't know who Blasphemox is. But hey, listen, I'm an out-to-sash man all the way, all right? I hate Blasphemox. He's a piece of shit. Me and all my homies hate Blasphemox, okay? I don't even try and pretend that I'm one of those people who likes him. It's bullshit.
00:45:39
Speaker
Sun all the way. What's his deal? He wants to bring darkness, shut out the light of Altuzash, you know, it's real messed up. Altuzash gives us his nice white
Debating the Dagger and Team Dynamics
00:45:50
Speaker
light from the sun. And every year, his blasphemocks, hey, I don't like that. I'm going to put a little darkness over that sucker. That's why, you know, we, on all the eclipses and things like that, we always hold it big. There's big vigils we hold at the church of Altuzash.
00:46:06
Speaker
Make sure we all stay safe and we keep the faith of Altuzaz strong. So Blasphemox can't get us. Blasphemox is like the opposite side of Alcatraz. Hey man, watch how you say it. Alcatraz. So you're telling me that Alcacellsir and Blasphemox are enemies or are they frenemies? Are they brothers, sisters? What are they? Hey Boom, listen here.
00:46:33
Speaker
I don't like that you're taking my God's name and changing it all up there. It makes me offended. All right. I'm just asking if Al Bundy and Blasphemax are enemies or if they're like friends. They're enemies. Oh, are they family? If you've got to put it that way. No, I don't know. No, no, no. You know, I read about this other thing where like some gods are like related, but they hate each other and they want to kill each other all the time. Hey, Blasphemax isn't even a god. He's a,
00:47:01
Speaker
A horrible being. Uh, inscrutable. Undefinable. Well, I mean, Hey, if you really stopped to call it a blast smoke, that's pretty good news. Uh, what are you, what's your, uh, well, we really, I guess we can, we do try to contain some bad things. We find here, we get ahold of somebody who can help us. If you guys are trying to keep that dagger safe, we can find a way to do that.
00:47:31
Speaker
Uh, no, I mean, I could just destroy it if we really want to. Uh, well, uh, we want candy. Well, I don't have any of that, but, um, it might be a little dangerous trying to destroy, uh, potentially magical, uh, daggers such as that, especially one used by people who like blaster mocks. I don't know. You could also collect all the daggers and then hold the whole world ransom because otherwise we'll summon the shadow demon guy.
00:48:02
Speaker
Um, uh, either one of you guys want to take that dagger off him or, or why don't you give me that dagger protection. Did I accidentally hit you with my, my shadow hammer when we were making, making things on the walls last night? Like, what are you talking about?
00:48:17
Speaker
You know, a goblin's got to have ambitions to like, provide for his family. If that requires some demons, he might just do it. March in the back of the lake, he's like, yeah, he's right. He's right. Oh, boy. Different community outlooks, I suppose.
00:48:39
Speaker
Uh, yeah, you know, we're not going to cast the world in darkness, but, uh, you know, it's all just a joke. Maybe we'll become King and Queens. Yes. We all bow to Queen Betsy. That's my goal one day. Um, you know, I feel like I'm sure that, uh, either the archbishop over there or, uh, I mean, there's, there's a pretty, pretty high level paladin over there. They got garden a place named Zach.
00:49:02
Speaker
He could probably, they could probably use their magic from out the dash and banish whatever bad jujus on that thing, or they could contain it themselves. I don't know. Well, we want to get paid first, so we did the job. We figured out what was down there. Give us money. It's not one of those kind of jobs. It's kind of one of those ones you go find stuff and hopefully there's stuff there and you get some money. Did you find anything other than that there?
00:49:28
Speaker
Did somebody take the staff with them? Yeah, it's on my big fat back. You guys did find jewels and coins. If you forgot that or you're just telling them no, that's fine. I don't remember finding jewels and coins. While I wasn't there, they must have found them. Oh, yeah, but I don't remember how many we got. We didn't really say.
00:49:47
Speaker
Okay. Roll, roll to five D twenties. Find out how much you got. Five D twenties. Sure. Yes. I'm not the GM. Don't do that. I'm just kidding. That's fine. Yeah. 30s found 37 coins, but I think you guys fought over them. So, um, divide that by two. When you got that much, when you got the other amount, 37 divides evenly into everybody knows that. Higher amount. I'll be obviously, when you guys, one of you has the other, the other number.
00:50:17
Speaker
Um, okay, cool. Well, is there any other jobs that you want us to do? Otherwise I got some stuff I got to go get, get doing. Um, no, I mean, if you guys don't want any work right now, it's fine by me. Whatever you want to do. I want a promotion. We just stopped the cult from summoning the arch nemesis of Alcatraz and we want to be compensated for it. Hey, right. Like I said, that's pretty good. If that's, you know, really, we'll talk to this guy, Jeff here. Um, probably got to get in touch with the church over there. Like I said, and like, are you guys, are you going to leave that with us or what's the like? No, I'm going to keep it with me. Give me that.
00:50:47
Speaker
Well, that's mine now. No, it's ours to him. I'm going to put it in a pocket dimension that way. Nobody can get it until we need it. Unless you don't need it. It's a tea. Goblin has one for us. Protex, look, man, I don't make me set you on fire and replace you with Mark. OK, just give me just give me the dagger. Fine. You also want a team name. We want a team name. Yeah, we want one. OK, you can have one.
00:51:17
Speaker
Awesome. What is it? The Betsies, boom in the Betsies, Betsies, Betsie in the booms. I vote for nay. You guys can discuss the name outside. Excuse me, Beroccolis, we're having a conversation here. I know I would rather you had it not here, but I'm just saying I really. You're in our bedroom, Beroccolis, leave. You're in my place of work and I'm working. What about this? What about this?
00:51:47
Speaker
The Boom Pop Paws. How about that? How about Benny and the Booms? Who's Benny? How about the Black Daggers? We'll take it from those other guys. I got to say, I know you want to trust only to yourself, but I don't know. That's a big deal, what you're talking about there with that dagger.
00:52:12
Speaker
Might need to do something more with that, okay? Yeah, I agree with you, but I can't tell you why I disagree with you on the other things because I'll upset you. And I don't want to do that any more than I already like to. I have a quota that I have to reach and that's it. But I can't do what you're telling me to do and I can't tell you why.
00:52:32
Speaker
All right. Well, let's say by the right of the bylaws of this company, finders, keepers, losers, weepers, as they say. Yeah. You didn't send us to retrieve this dagger. So by right, it's ours. We can do what we want with it. As long as I can trust your boom to not do anything wrong with it.
00:52:50
Speaker
Well, it depends on what you think is wrong. But I gotta tell you, me and your boy Alcatraz, not on the same page right now. At least, actually, I take it back. Me and the guys who represent your guy Alcatraz are not on the same page right now.
00:53:04
Speaker
Well, all right, let's not get too into that because as you said, neither of us want to get upset. Right. Politics are a touchy politics of religion. Yeah, I still want to have a good working relationship with you, my guy, and I just want you to know to keep an eye out for who you donate things to for a little while, because there's just some things going on with the Church of House of Sifs and Ash. And, you know, I just don't want you to get hurt. All right.
00:53:33
Speaker
Hmm. All right. I've heard. I think I know the claims you're talking. I think those are all trumped up claims you're talking about. But whatever you say, boom, oh, that's fine. But if you want to keep that thing, just put it somewhere really safe. I'm going to fire it into the center of the earth. No one will get it. You'd be surprised, boom. I mean, I would probably or I wouldn't. I have a guy trying to glue my mom together. Give that back. The black attack us. Oh, my God. You want to be the bigger, the bigger blacker daggers. The bigger black attack us.
00:54:05
Speaker
Oh my god. That's our team name. The bigger blacker deck. Oh my god. I don't know. I love it.
00:54:59
Speaker
Well, does it look good already?