Transcript
Speaker: Hello everybody, welcome back to Roleplayers. I'd like to say hello to my co-stars and all of our listeners and thank you for listening. Today we're going to be playing the Land of Eam and it's going to be a lot of fun.
Speaker: hello I like your kind of ah Delilah radio voice thing that you're doing right now.
Speaker: Hello. Welcome back to Delilah's Roleplaying Podcast. Yeah, totally. I'd like to say hello to all of the people out there listening and to all of my listeners who are not listening who have jobs.
Speaker: Thank you for supporting me. This is Delilah. You better listen after you get off work. Just saying. Yes. the ah The downloadable will be up on funinstaller.network.biz right after this.
Speaker: I would just punch my microphone. Fuck. ah Adam, you sick fuck. i'm so I am a sick fuck today. why Why are you punching things? It's not. as i was sure enough I was trying to fist something else and I fisted my microphone instead.
Speaker: ah That happens. That that does happen. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Anyway, what are we doing today, Cass? So we are going to be playing a really fun game that is um one that I found on a different little game server thing.
Speaker: And it is called The Land of Eam. And they've got quite a few different games that they have with this thing. So are a few adventures. So we might come back to this if you guys like it.
Speaker: um It is created by Exalted Funeral. And um make sure that I get all the names. Yep, that's it. Correct. Yep.
Speaker: ah hu Yep. Sure is. And yeah. Adam, who is your character? and what are you playing? What do they look like?
Speaker: Well, I... i met more later I picked from a pre-created, a pre-made character sheet. um And I picked the class of the Dungeoneer, which is um essentially just like Imagine a Ditto from Pokemon, but without any facial features.
Speaker: um And they're blue. And they have a hard hat and a bunch of shovels and like a dungeoneering pack on their back and like a little utility belt and a bunch of bags hanging off of them and a little torch.
Speaker: Just like a little little mud person, like a little slimy guy who just likes to go digging for treasure. um It's like a giant flubber. Yeah, pretty much a giant flubber.
Speaker: And I'd say he's probably like three feet tall, maybe like dwarven size, I would say probably. Okay. And ah he goes, his name is Squalweegee, but he goes by Squeegee for short.
Speaker: um And ah yeah, and he has like a bunch of little fairies that work for him because he's a like a, he's ah he's real big in like finding treasure and selling it and making a bunch of money and hiring little underlings to work for him.
Speaker: So he has a bunch of little fairies that are like within earshot that he can call out to come and help him. And he has two that are kind of like his main fairy guys. There's one that's really good at going and getting information. That one's name is Reddington.
Speaker: And then there's one called Buffington, which is like a really beefy fairy that can sometimes fight when I need them to fight. And then all the rest are just a little expendable fairies that will do like work for me every now and then if I don't feel like working.
Speaker: So I really cracked the whip on them when I'm um like a little foreman guy. yeah, that's Squawigi. That's my name. Awesome. I like it. And Squawigi will also be kind of sick today, because I am kind of sick today.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm sorry, buddy. It's okay. I've been told that I sound ah like I could do some blues at some point, so i'm trying to work on that while I'm still sick. Well, mean, you could tell me some bedtime stories later and I'll take a nap. yeah There once was a ship.
Speaker: Well, actually, I can kind of do that. That's not too bad. Let me work on that one. I sound like what? You sound like Dan. Who's Dan? Being an old lady. Oh, yeah. When Dan, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, so my name is Gigi. Danny. Yeah, I don't know any Dans. Actually, I can kind of do this voice and it works with my sickness. So I might make that squeegee's voice. perfect Anyways, who else wants to go next?
Speaker: Popcorn, David. andpping Yeah, David next. Well, my name's Mario. Who's asking? I'm a little rascal. I don't... i I have a problem with lying and gambling and stealing.
Speaker: That's about it. I have a problem with the Dungeoneer. That's what I have a problem with. um You owe me money. and don't know you shit.
Speaker: But yeah, so I'm just playing a little scamp, a little scoundrel, a little rascal, you might say. Okay. And this is also a pre-made character, heads up. And um oh, yeah, one more thing is my character gets along really well with Justin's character, who I'm going to pop over to now very quickly.
Speaker: All right. What does your guy look like? Oh, tell us. He looks like Luigi Mangione's brother. What does Luigi Mangione's brother look like? Luigi Mangione, but a little older.
Speaker: Oh, nice. okay Then I am playing a knight errant. It was also a pre-made character sheet. Can you believe it? um but I chose him because he's a fraud he's a frog guy. Can you believe that?
Speaker: He's a frogman. I named him Grumble Wartsworth. He has a magnificent and beautiful sword. and a froggy sort of body and stuff like that.
Speaker: And he's very, he's a noble and jovial fella. He also has a turtle that he rides. And I think I just decided I'm going to call it Bippy, but he has a turtle, ah tortoise even.
Speaker: um And yeah, it's pretty much really it. He just wants to, you know, do good and spread mirth and merriment throughout the land and be a good boy. Right.
Speaker: And he likes me, right? Oh, yeah. dale My relationships are as follows once I find them. um With the little rascal, I just kept the default one because I liked it. The little rascal and I crossed paths once as enemies, but now we travel as companions slash friends. Isn't that nice?
Speaker: That is nice. I kept half of the one for Adam's guy, the Dungeoneer, which is the beginning. I respect the Dungeoneer, but I am jealous of his gelatinous and squishy nature. That be as squishy and soft as is.
Speaker: That's me. That's grumble. I love that so much. Yeah, I changed mine after you said that, and I just put, the frog is squishy like me, so he's all right. so then How little you know!
Speaker: I wish I was squishier. But the rascal owes me money. I got to get money from that little rascal. So you guys all live in what is essentially with the woman the old woman that lives in a shoe, except this woman is definitely not old. um But you're, you know that she has lived a while.
Speaker: You're just not really sure how old she is because she will never disclose um how old she actually is but she's at least a couple hundred years old and she takes in people that have showed up in the land of aim in some way or another which is how you guys all live because she has taken you guys all in and she pretty much just gives you guys your quests and everything um She pretty much talks to the people around town even though she doesn't leave the house ever. It's kind of weird. you You never see her leave the house, but she seems to talk to everybody.
Speaker: um She has ah very beautiful face with pink curly hair that is very... like but It's kind of very poofy and is up in an updo with a little tiny hat that sits on top. and she has like one of those... um like sticks that has like the cigarette at the end um and then she has like a little black cat named Harold that's her familiar and she pretty much just runs the household and makes sure that you guys are fed and cleaned and taken care of and are safe so when you guys start out you guys will be in your respective rooms and
Speaker: in each of the well I mean this this huge shoe has like like kind of like a Harry Potter closet type feel for your little rooms but you're you're comfortable you're fine so Adam what does your room look like when you wake up It's just a big jello mold.
Speaker: and just i'm just i'm just on ah ah I'm on a big plate and a big jello mold on top of said plate and I sleep in the middle of the jello mold and I feel cozy and comfortable and jiggly.
Speaker: And it's the best room I've ever had in my life. All right. Yes. and and And there's no fruit in it. Stop putting fruit in Jell-O. It's stupid. ah Just let Jell-O be Jell-O.
Speaker: It's a beautiful Jell-O mold and I love it. All right, Adam. Don't get, you don't need to get political here. All right. I'm just saying you don't need to fucking put fruit in Jell-O and make it seem like it's fancier than it is is because like Jell-O is supposed to go down smooth.
Speaker: Now I have lumps in it. That's like putting nuts in a soft cookie. That's stupid. Just don't do it. God. All right. Message received.
Speaker: Brownies too. Brownies with nuts in it? That's dumb. Brownies are soft. We've just lost our fruit and jello fans. Wow. yes i'm not I'm not sorry. vote better next time Yeah.
Speaker: Grumble, what does your room look like? Grumble, I guess I'm guessing that based on that, these rooms magically contort to us. So I have a, the walls are all like a tree, like It's like a, it's almost like a stage thing where, you know, like they have, it's supposed to look like there's a forest or whatever behind everybody, but it's not because it's just a room or it's just a stage.
Speaker: So like there's like tree, tree trunks and shit. And it looks like there's like a misty dark swamp beyond the tree but that they'll make up the walls. But if you touch it, it's just a wall.
Speaker: Um, and it's drippy and I sleep on, um, was gonna say a lily pad, but no, I sleep on like um a rock, um, or whatever i really want to sleep on. There's like mud and there's Lily, there's a Lily pad there, some water, um, you know,
Speaker: some leaves hanging down and some vines and that's and i have like some i have a chest you know in there i have a little box of mud that i keep personal press you know it's from my homeland wherever that was um and i have a nice place to hang my magnificent sword that's my only nice thing i have it's not just mud and frog stuff all right awesome and mario it's a room what what else you want Do you have any fun things hung on the walls?
Speaker: No. I sleep there and then I leave. Also, my character's a human, so there's literally like a bed. Perfect. ah Oh, I have a chest in there too. I have my own chest and probably a wardrobe maybe.
Speaker: and Maybe a desk. And there's probably there's definitely a bed and it probably has sheets. There's a lot more stuff coming out in his room just as a bed all of a sudden. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Anyways, so Mario is going to get his short sword and get dressed and leave for the day and then, you know, forget about his room.
Speaker: Awesome. Help out his adopted. Wait, adoptive. His adopted family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to go down to breakfast? Yeah, I want to get out get out of this room and go down to breakfast.
Speaker: Yeah, you definitely smell breakfast cooking, um Miss Valentine. She always makes sure that you guys are well fed in the mornings with a big breakfast.
Speaker: So wait, the lady the old lady is named val Miss Valentine? Mm-hmm. Okay, right. The young old old lady. yeah Yeah, she's a young old lady. Whatever. Miss Valentine, what's for breakfast this morning?
Speaker: Oh, don't you know, I've got all of the French toast in the and the pancakes and the bacon and everything that you could ever want, child. I got it for you. Here you go.
Speaker: Don't you even worry. I've got all the syrup you'll ever need.
Speaker: Now I say, pass me the strawberry syrup that will go down my gullet smooth. wow um Yeah, so just I just like like my belly kind of pops forward and like the the bottle pops out of my gut back towards you.
Speaker: nick Thank you very much. You don't eat the whole bottle, sweetie. I was a gutter. You were eating I'm turning more into slimer the more I do this. It just came out of you. of my sin I can't. It's ah it's a... o screame Anyway, what's what's Mario doing? Hold on, Squeegee. I must say, i've some of your mu your goop has dripped off of this bottle onto my pancake. um by You're delicious.
Speaker: Am I ready? The one rule about being as ah a slime person is you're not allowed to eat yourself. Ah, I think that's a rule most living things can go by, but alright. Wow, I feel so close to you.
Speaker: Wow, Mario, how you how is your bacon and egg or whatever? you what are you eating, Mario? What? No, it's fine. That's wonderful. Do you like calzones? No, stop asking.
Speaker: ah Do you like spaghetti? No, i'd stop asking. Do
Speaker: like do you like pizza? Yes. Who doesn't like pizza, sweetie? I love no stop asking. No stop asking. Yes.
Speaker: Mario takes his knife slash dagger and then slams it into the table. scary. Oh, didn't ruin my table, young one? I will pow pow on your bum bum.
Speaker: Get off my back, ma. Well, since I have you here today all in one place, finally, i do have something I need to send you out on.
Speaker: Fine. but good chicken Good, good, good, good, good. I mean, as you know, there's always trouble and turmoil in the Mucklins, but it's just there's been rumor that this infamous witch has been wreaking havoc in the used to be forest.
Speaker: And it's just, you know what? Everyone in town, they're they're just dedicated to ending this witch's reign of terror. And the they've all gone missing. And, you know, there's no one left to to stop her. And, you know, she I don't know what else to do.
Speaker: Elle Dorothy Sandwich, she sent me a ah ah message the other day and she says she needs you to meet her at Wally's Waffles and Worgs as soon as possible.
Speaker: yeah Would there be treasure? i don't know. Maybe there might be treasure there. the The Chara, the chicken what fish, afo oh goodness, the chicken foot witch. Yes, that's what it says here.
Speaker: um The chicken foot witch like a Baba Yaga. Yeah, I think so. But um she has that crazy crunch familiar, you know, it's that wug, the cursed pug that is just, he's humongous and he's just so mean and he likes to bite people. and And then next thing you know, like he's taking all of your your goodies and you have in your bag and the the treasures.
Speaker: So it's just... um we she's She sent word and she needs your help. The Baba Yaga needs our help. you that's right Are we helping the Baba Yaga? The Foot Witch?
Speaker: The Foot Witch. No, the Foot Witch is the bad one, right? Wait, which witch is the good witch, which witch is the foot witch, which witch is the bad witch? Dorothy Sandwich, she's the good witch, and Chara the chicken foot witch, she's the bad witch. how could i Sandwich is good witch, foot witch is bad witch.
Speaker: We're gonna whack the foot witch. Let's go whack a foot witch. She ain't gonna my mom or come on let's go off Let's go off that wacky witch. And Mario stands up and takes his sword slash dagger slash whatever bleated object out of the table and then cheats it and heads out.
Speaker: Squeegee slops down onto the floor and sucks all of his gear up into his body for a second. th tu tu His backpack, his shovel. He says, let that dog try to take my stuff.
Speaker: And Grumble shows a bunch more pancakes in his mouth. Thanks, Bob! but You're welcome, child. You guys be safe out there, okay?
Speaker: Mario's holding the door open for the other two. I do a cartwheel out of it.
Speaker: scurry through it that's mario but but squexs quickcks quick quickx me no problem you're a good guy mario anybody ever tell you that no stop asking um i love it stop asking so who do we gotta find the sandwich witch going to go talk to Dorothy the sandwich or something. right Dorothy! Dorothy!
Speaker: Dorothy! I only just left a shoe, Mario. Oh, I thought we were in the shoe neighborhood. I'm going to ask i'm goingnna ask my my little knowledgeable fairy Reddington where Dorothy lives.
Speaker: She's going to be at the Wally's Waffles and Wargs. It's a local watering hole in um the town. Yeah, Reddington's like, once you're fucking listening, dude, she told you it's at the Waffle House. Just go to the Waffle House. forgot.
Speaker: Oh, man, that's why I have you around, Reddington. Thank you so much for your help, bud. Let's go to the, what what what was it again? Waffles, Waffles, and Waffles? It's Walmart, Wally World.
Speaker: wow All right, let's go to Wally World. Let's go, Willy's, Wally's, and Waffle Houses. it ah Oh, and I say, i go... Rippy, come hither!
Speaker: And ah very we wait a a couple minutes and a turtle comes around the corner of the shoe house. and He's got a big saddle on his back. No, he doesn't. yeah I ride him bareback.
Speaker: we're We're natural. Oh, wow, dangerous. Your balls. I'm missing, man. And he's just a big old tortoise. He's one of those he's he's like he's one of those big old ass, like 100,000 year old tortoises that are on that one island. They've got a long neck, look like a little dinosaur with a shell on it.
Speaker: Yeah, that's real. We all have 100,000-year-old tortoises. Okay, 100-year-old man. Back off me, man. no no You don't know Jack, man. I know. I don't know too many people here. and i kind of Most people can't speak my language. and and And I took Faithful Steed as my level 4 ability.
Speaker: he can He can follow complicated orders. He's a smart little sloven. Is he a turtle or a tortoise? A tortoise. Okay, just want to make sure. His tortoises are kind of the land guys.
Speaker: Yeah, but he also says he can float. so You got room on there for me? but There's always room on old Bippy's back for anyone who wants to bip up on here. Bip your way up. All right, I'm going to stand on it.
Speaker: Oh, wow, you're so tall. You're usually a little short guy, right? Aren't you short? And stop asking.
Speaker: just like I stretch myself up onto the tortoise, and just squish my way down. sque I just squeeze in wherever there's room. Excellent. Onward, Bippy! And we go.
Speaker: Slowly down. People are walking faster than we're going. Getting passed out by like, we're just like crawling children. yeah You guys really shouldn't be on the street like that.
Speaker: You guys are so adorable. So you guys make Wally's Waffles and Wargs. And you're going to see around the town, a bunch of different little shops and things, you know, a blacksmith, he's over there swinging the hammer. Ting, ting.
Speaker: Remember that? ha um And just a bunch of different random people walking through the village and everything else, little kids running around, but they're they're just normal, everyday folk.
Speaker: There's a baker along the way at some point. but Is there a butcher and a candlestick maker too? Of course there is. You guys can walk into the Waffle House if you like, or the local watering hole. We're going to the Witches, Warbles and Waffles um to go check out that place.
Speaker: All right. So you guys walk in. and Where are you at? or I parked my tortoise. o um You're going park it at the little, you know, those tie down things that out front.
Speaker: um Yeah, I park him, and I don't tie him down because Bippy is his own smart man. He's tied up to nothing, and if any of the guardsmen want to say something to me they can say something to me. and Grumble, use your backup cam.
Speaker: Back him in, that way you don't have to tie him to the post. No, he's not going to be just died tied either way. I'm going to leave him right at this angle I've left him. He will meander where he wants. He will find a bit of water to slurp and a grass or a bug to eat, and he'll be happy.
Speaker: Just leave your full ways on. That way they know you're going to be right out. I'm not going to. we I don't know how long we're going to be. Bippy will find his way to where he wants to go and we will go to where we want to go and talk to the sandwich here.
Speaker: Mario's holding door open. Mario's holding the door open. Wow, what a gentleman. Cartwheel through the door. You cartwheel through the door? Yeah, that's how I go through doors so I don't get stuck on the sides. see and i never say So you'll you'll see a guy. he kind of looks like the guy in the Muppets that like is always like, hey, guys, wait for me.
Speaker: yeah so he's running after the car in the movies. Yeah. What are you talking about? Nope. You know in the Muppets where it's like the big dude and he's all like hairy and then he's always like, hey guys, wait for me.
Speaker: and like the movies that they have. Hold on, I'm to get the... I'll get it. You're doing what? I'm getting a picture. This guy. Audience, podcast, everyone, you're going to look really hard at this picture.
Speaker: I'm showing you guys so that you guys know who I'm talking about because I'm sure everybody else knows who I'm talking about. He's like the big i've never seen the big tall dude with the long hair. He's got the big nose and the big eyebrows. and he's just like a big, fluffy, scruffy looking dude. He looks...
Speaker: ah like a troll, I guess. A big so a big hairy troll is what it looks like. His name is Sweetums. His name is Wally Dunkwiffle. No, I looked up that Muppets name. It's Sweetums.
Speaker: Sweetums. Oh, okay. I can never remember his name. I just remember him at the the one where they go from ah New York to California, I think. And then um they're like hey do you want to go with us or yeah we're going to hollywood and that he's like do you want to go with he's like yeah and then they think that he's just not coming and then the whole rest of the movie he's spent like chasing after him he's like hey guys wait for me he's like my favorite dude anyway sorry i yeah um he's in the walk clothes right now
Speaker: ah house Is he cooking? That's what that's what you see when um ah you walk into Wally's Waffles and Woorgs. And no, he's not cooking. He's just the proprietor.
Speaker: i see. Okay. Do we see the witch? You can look around to see if you see anybody in there. You can roll a d12 for me.
Speaker: d12 like the main skills move? Yeah, pretty much. if I just click this button. I rolled 4. Did it work? 5. You just hit Nice. but just just saw that. a that's not a restaurant.
Speaker: It's like a bar. It's like a local restaurant. um so you guys are going to be seeing a no as the countertop of the restaurant and well i guess it's not a risk it's like a bar it's like a local yeah, it's a watering hole.
Speaker: And so she is sitting at like, there's like a countertop with like the button seats and she is going to see you guys walk in and go, thank goodness. You guys got here when I, I just was hoping that you'd show up sooner.
Speaker: Um, man, you guys got impeccable timing. Um, I need you to, I, I, Miss Valentine sent you right Yeah. Yeah. Who's asking?
Speaker: Oh, I'm Dwothy. I'm Dwothy Sandwich. Oh, you're the person we're supposed to meet. Okay. Oh, whoops. Yeah, sorry. I thought you'd be taller. Mario's going to sit down next to her. Well, I saw you guys' as weapons and your armor, and I figured you were the right ones that, you you know, because I i so to um it talked to Miss Valentine yesterday, and so I was hoping she'd send you, like, right away. And you look, and she's, like, eating a stack of pancakes with a knife and fork. Yeah.
Speaker: how big but she also how many kind of looks like her face looks really weird she's a gnome but her face looks like a muskrat and she's gonna be like just well i'm glad you guys are here because like that that chara she you're not even gonna believe it she cursed me and she changed my my normal face She even was. She took my wand of decussification so I can't even take this off. And she's like furiously still sawing these pancakes with a fork and knife.
Speaker: That's terrible news. I can't believe this. we were skeptic forward why What else terrible has she done around here? like Look, look, look. but Don't. Don't feel too bad. you know look Look at these two guys that I live with, alright?
Speaker: you know You look like a muskrat. One of them's literally a frog and one of them's a blob. We were born this way. This was forced upon her. I don't want to look like this. and zoo It's so gross and I look so oily and it's so it's it's not ah not attractive. I want to be a gnome again, you guys. You still you look beautiful.
Speaker: no don't don't Don't feel that way, all alright? i mean, if you ain't squishy, you're ugly. That's what I say. So, I mean, everybody's ugly to me. Shut the hell up.
Speaker: Mario, be nice to Squeegee, please. He's a little rough around the edge. Well, he's soft of body, but rough of spirit sometimes. But he's alright. Leave him be nice to him. I have seen some shit. If you're asking. please right Anyway, man...
Speaker: hey ex thanksta Thanks, Grubble. You're a good guy. You're all right. My B. What's the lady's first name, Greta? Dorothy. Wow, where the fuck did get that from? Dorothy, um but where can we find this witch's lair of evilness? We will go there post-hastedly and make her return anything she's stolen and undo anything she's done.
Speaker: well like it's some her Leah, it's it's quite a ways. There's like a couple of things that you have to go through. this like you know it it's He's a map.
Speaker: and She's going to give you a map. and It has us flower four different areas. that kind of it looks like a big mountain.
Speaker: um let me see. Hold on. i got to get the image into my brain. So it looks like a big mountain and there's like caves and there's a couple of different areas that look like it's just kind of carved out of the mountain where you can see like she's got little drawings where like one it has like this weird looking worm and then one has like ah like a scorpion and then another one that has like a skull and then another one that has like a weird looking frog.
Speaker: look like drawing and then at the top of the um mountain therell you'll see like uh what are they called oh a rope drawn bridge that goes across like a chasm that leads up to like a house it's basically just a ah house that's made out of um chicken legs.
Speaker: It looks like it's supposed to be stone, but they're all like skulls. Like the walls are made out of skulls. Oh my God. That's, that's clearly the place that she lives. And look at this frog picture here. This looks like my uncle Grismo.
Speaker: but him Oh, is that Grismo? It might be easy to get past him if he's up there. um We should stop by there and see if it's Grismo up there. If he's holding a ah part of the passenger seat for us, he might be able to be able to sneak by him when he's napping. Anyway, if that's him.
Speaker: ah but Don't worry, Dorothy, about the long trip. We've got my old steed Bippy outside. He'll get us there. no No time at all. No trouble at all. And we'll get to that cave and we'll do the things we've got to do across that bridge.
Speaker: And we'll get that stick for you that makes your face better. Hey, We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. That's all I'm saying. Quite. and the um Might we have some pancakes for the road?
Speaker: I mean, yeah, of course, if you really want some. Hey, Wally, Wally, get these guys some pancakes to go, okay? You're beautiful. He just gives a ah thumbs up, doesn't really say anything.
Speaker: hey yeah Hey, Mario, can you open the door for me? I need to need to do a cartwheel out of here. Yeah, I got you. Thanks, man. You're the best. ah You're such a good guy. What a mensch. All right. See you, Greta. should Whatever your name was. I'm sorry. Sorry, Mario. All right, Dorothy. We're going to head out and we're going to whack that witch off and know take care of take care everything and save the day and all that good stuff. So, yeah. Indeed show.
Speaker: All right. Thank you, Mario, for holding the door. Sweet. What a nice guy. it isnt eitherer Isn't he the best? What a little sweetie. you can do Shut the hell up. Oh, shit, he heard me. Damn.
Speaker: like I look around the street. Bippy, where have you gone, Bippy? He comes meandering back. it's he's ah no He's here right. Oh, Bippy, why you? He's been rolling around in the grass. He's all covered in dirt and mud. I thought he was just a little small pile of ground with grass on it.
Speaker: Bippy, come here. but Watch out, that small pile of grass and ground is starting to move towards you. Look at his big, long, slithery neck that looks like old penis. I love a big, long slithery neck.
Speaker: any What's a penis? I don't have one of those. If I do, I don't know about it. You know what you've... Right, I'm going to end this conversation. Don't pretend you don't know. we There's no one here to fall for it. We all know, you know.
Speaker: Anyway, get on Bippy. We're going to ride to that mountain where the faces of the creatures were and see my Uncle Grismo. if He's there. All right, everybody, let's get on Bippy and go whack this witch off.
Speaker: Yeah. mush Oh, man, yeah. Boy, my penis is hurt. Right? What are we talking about? You don't have one, Squeegees. Enough of this. and Stop saying penis out loud in the street. time You're making me yell the word penis in the street. It's not right.
Speaker: Sorry, everyone. Terribly sorry. I don't mean to say penis. Burn him! Go hell! <unk> just kidding. Burn penises? Is that what they said? No. You guys. think they're talking about i think they're telling us to burn the witch. We will burn her, don't worry.
Speaker: Yes, all the penises will burn them with the witches. You got a nice switch or something on this turtle? This thing is... I mean, I don't usually like to complain about Bibi, but... What are you talking... Mario, he's... We need to get a move on.
Speaker: Yeah, he's going too fast. He's actually running. I need him to save your strength because we've got a long journey ahead. He's eager to get there. I think he heard about my Uncle Grizmo. He wants to meet him again. how How fast are we moving? One mile per hour. Yeah, one mile per hour. It's too fast.
Speaker: I'm going to puke Bippy. He's doing like his leg slowly lifts up and it steps and the next leg slowly lifts up. All right. and can Can I get off Bippy and then pick Bippy up and just run with Bippy? Like above head. yes you they I'm just kidding. Sure. why Well, careful. Oh, God.
Speaker: like i I throw up like a matchstick from like my Dungeoneers kid. like bla Too fast. but Just like shit's falling out of me off a bit because I'm puking. Oh no. My shovel!
Speaker: Alright, I'm sure we'll encounter no problems on our way there. We're just going sprint straight to the frog face. I mean yeah, that was the plan. Sure.
Speaker: ah you guys are, uh, walking at a slow speed and i knee now we're sprinting. Cause we've got our guy, we've got our guy Mario on the job.
Speaker: ah You guys get to what looks like to be a cave entry and it doesn't oh smell very good, but um you can hear ah what sounds like burping and like ah i don't have a enough water babbling just inside the cave entrance. But there's like a weird glow, like a colorful glow coming from the inside of the cave.
Speaker: Hey, real quick, which part of i are we in? You're in the northern part of i right there. is It'll say Moldy Cave where those little mushrooms are at. That's where you guys are at. There's Wall-E's.
Speaker: Hey, look, there's Wall-E's. Yeah. see oh fuck. Oh, we're going Wall-E's. Hey, guys, don't worry. Dungeons are kind of my thing. Caves are kind of my thing. Don't even worry about it. I'm going to send Reddington in there to go do a little bit of recut.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, isn't this where your Uncle Grizz or whatever of the fuck lives? Yeah. it great Does Griswold live in here? I don't know. I mean i don't know if we're at the Scorpion or what else was there?
Speaker: This other thing. and don't know what that is. ah But let's let's find out if this is Uncle Gris' house or a Scorpion's house or whatever this is. I'm just i just going to send Reddington in as I approach the cave and see see what Reddington finds.
Speaker: I'm just going to yell into the cave. Hey, Gris! Get out here!
Speaker: Yo, Chris, is that Reddington, never mind. Then I'm like, Uncle Grisbo, sorry if he woke you up. Are you home? Are you here?
Speaker: You just hear loud belching. I'm just going to cartwheel into the cave. I should have to run after him. Hell yeah. As you guys go into the cave, you're going to see what looked to be a very large toad.
Speaker: it is purple in color with green eyes, and it looks to be about the size of a large grizzly bear. And it is emitting ah toxic poison gas out of its rumpus and its a mouth every time it burps.
Speaker: So you'll hear it go... oh And then it'll... I didn't have a belch at that moment, but... us Is Griswold short for grizzly bear frog? Is that what Gris is short for? No. Can you lore roll for that? What is this? Who are you pretending to be my uncle?
Speaker: Lore roll. Oh, no, that's a d20. There we go. No, I'm kidding. Claire, hang on a minute. I'm joking. Oh, damn. I was going to do it. I was going to a lore roll for fun. No, no, no, no, no. D12. You can... Guess what? It's a two. Okay.
Speaker: Okay. I don't know shit. I don't know shit about this.
Speaker: is this ah is this here Is this your uncle emitting poisonous gas out of both ends, Grumpy? No, this is not him at all. Why are you pretending to be my uncle, you son of a gun? It's a gun.
Speaker: it's ah It's a bad thing. That's why I said it. It's a nice way saying son of a bitch. How bad does it smell? Really bad. Is it like toxic for humans? Yes, if you smell his burb it ah you can be stunned Okay, well, i think I'm smelling it.
Speaker: You guys are pretty far away from it still. You can see He's standing on the other side of one of those toxic pools because you'll see the green green sludge just in like pools around and he's on just the other side there's like a small path on one side on the left hand side of the big pool of toxic sludge so you guys are pretty far away from him still but you're just on the other side of him do we need to go through there to get to where we're going or can we just go past this
Speaker: You can try to get around him. You guys can all- But we have to through a cave to get to where we're going? yeah Yes. Yes, you do. right. So you guys can either either attack him or you can try to get around him.
Speaker: He's not talking, though. You stop talking? No, he's not. He's not talking, right? No, no, no. He's not able to talk. He just makes a burp and- This is a lame frog. I prefer Grumpy over this kind of shit frog who just spews toxic gas everywhere. He said, I missed it, but did he look like he's just sleeping? Is that why he's not answering us? He's or he just sitting there with his eyes open, farting and burping.
Speaker: Well, he's what he's doing is you can see like there's a like a nest of eggs right behind him. So he's basically like protecting the eggs.
Speaker: And um they he what he's doing, you it's kind of funny. You'll see him like... ah How do I explain this? It's it's funny in my brain too. You'll see that toxic...
Speaker: you'll see inside that toxic pool of the sludge every time a bubble like comes up and goes boop that toxic gas comes out and you'll see the toad jump and grab it with its mouth so he's like sucking it in and then he's farting it out and then he burps he's sucking what in again the first part the toxic gas that's coming out of the bubble of the toxic sludge in the ground
Speaker: Gotcha. oh well He's like farting on the eggs, so it almost looks like he's like fertilizing the eggs with his farts. but That's nice. Alright, well, let's just get around it. No sense messing up nature.
Speaker: ah I'm just going to try to squish around it. I don't need to mess with it. It seems like he's alright. He's not bothering anybody. I'm just going to go by my way. Okay. Roll a d12. A d12 for what?
Speaker: To see if you can get around him. is it very ter to yellow Is it a skill roll that I have to pick? Is it like a sneaking roll or something? ah Yes. Okay. I think I have a sneak roll. I do. Okay.
Speaker: Let's do a d12. Fuck. I got a three. Is that good? No. Is the three good? Nah, shit. definitely not the psych that wasn't my role i was was lying that was a test
Speaker: her you definitely caught his attention and he looks at you um do you want to do another let me look at your hold on I just like I don't have a face. so I just kind of like like wave like a big old chunk of like my my goop at him like a big hand. and' like, a nice eggs you got there, guy.
Speaker: Rumbles, maybe you should come and talk to this guy. He's your people, right? bob he to you no i frog but maybe i don't i don't i don't know the difference. If you're not slimy, I don't know. i'm sorry i'm sorry I'm kind of slimy.
Speaker: You are kind of slimy, yeah. You can do nimbleness roll if you want to try to run through the to the next cave without getting attacked by him. nimbleness roll? If you want to. yeah Yep.
Speaker: If you want to. Uh, what if I decide to intimidate him to leave? wait i want to do Can I do one of my abilities, discerning I, if I roll plus perception, once per session I can create a narrative weakness or vulnerability in someone or something within line of sight.
Speaker: I want to do that. I like it. So how much dice do I roll? Where's my perception at? There it is. Yeah, should be just a ah clicky click. Should be able just to click the perception and then it'll roll for you. click it When you click it, it still tells you to pick a dice. You have to roll with it.
Speaker: That's weird. Okay. ah Yeah, just roll a d12. um Oh, roll. I got a four. does that do for you? Yeah, five. Five. What does that do for you? What success looks like on this game? but
Speaker: uh it's on a d12 system so it's like basically five is like it's basically like monster of the week um you have no idea what you can use to uh distract this thing but now it has changed its eye color from green to red and it's going to try to come after you guys he's gonna belch Roll a d6.
Speaker: D6, you say? All of us are d6ing? Can she usually beg him to let us pass? no just just earn His turn! His turn! king He's already turned red.
Speaker: I don't know if I did this right. That's a 6. You said rolled a 0? How did you do There you go. That's fat 6. center mace you said it roll to zero how did you do that open there you go four roll the four that's a big fat six Okay. you guys are able to dodge his first belch that comes after him. He's like going to look at you guys and just throw out a big old belch that throws out a big poison gas cloud. But you guys are able to basically dodge that and get around it. Let's see here.
Speaker: I imagine I suck it up into my into my slimy body and it just absorbs in there like like those little silico gels that they put in shoeboxes and stuff and electronics. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: So ah let's see. What do you guys do? Roll, I guess, ah ahla Grumble, what do you do? um i am going to...
Speaker: land, landing style after I've jumped from the big pile of the smoke cloud of gas. And I'm going to try to do a charm and say, by say old fellow, and if we mean you not harm, or we don't want to take your eggs, we just want to walk past here and through to the next place that is by yond you.
Speaker: Sir and gentlemen, scholar as you are, egg layer and watcher i beseech you i roll i got a one i got a two you got a two okay the the giant frog just kind of blinks and tries to wrap their tongue at you and they miss i say watch it there uh ah mario what do you do next I want to use my slingshot ability.
Speaker: Right when he sticks his little tongue out, I want to blast him. Okay. And I roll plus nimbleness. Okay. And it looks like I got a six, I think. I don't know. Should i re-roll that? i don't know this fucking works.
Speaker: Should be in the chat. Should it roll? ah yeah Once you hit the roll button, so you click the skill, and then you pick the dice that goes with it, which should be a d12. and then does it roll as soon as i click the skill though okay gotta roll all right so it should be a d12 that you're rolling oh it's a it's a yes i have to like pick the dice it doesn't okay i got you yes yes it's a new system that we're a new website that yeah it's different a little better a seven right all right so yeah i'm blasting that motherfucker right in his tongue
Speaker: Yep, I'd say you split it in half. Damn. Oh, shit. Yeah. So he's definitely injured. a Roll... me see here.
Speaker: Roll a d4 for damage. A d4? Yeah. All right. I know that plus two, but yeah, they got a one. Okay. Splits his tongue in half, I guess. I like it.
Speaker: I like it. maybe it's like Maybe it's like golf rules and low numbers are good. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's it's different system. um So then, Squeegee, what are you going to do?
Speaker: A little stunned at the moment. I'm going to suck up his eggs and run. Okay. Because want treasure. I want trinkets. I want souvenirs from the road trip.
Speaker: Okay. I'm going to grab some some eggs and just cartwheel into the next game. You're into the next cave. Okay. Yeah. i'm just going to like suck it like three or four up into my body. Like, the the the and then just like slowly, like have my gel, just like throw them in my backpack and then just fucking just like start rolling away.
Speaker: Okay. What what is that? What do I have to do for that? Nimbleness. I don't have that skill. Oh no. let's see a Let's see. Let's do athletics. there we go That's okay. I'll do nimbleness. That's okay. okay I'm fine to do that. I chose my path.
Speaker: D12. Go. yeah one a on the why yeahp You got egg. You're fine. well like You got one egg right i got one egg. All the rest of them fell out. One is better than nothing. squish I just squished away.
Speaker: See you boys. See you on the other side. All right, Grumble, what do you do next? Grumble, I hate your uncle. He sucks. say, yes, i've I've tried reasoning with you, old bean, but here it goes. And I withdraw my magnificent sword.
Speaker: And I don't know ah how we want to do this, Cass. I decided that my magnificent thing about it is that it's so beautiful and awesome. It's awe-inspiring to people. so i don't know how that works. If it we want to say I have to Jenga something to make him like be a little intimidated by it.
Speaker: Or if he just is, i don't know. But I'm going to try and slap him slapping style with that bad boy. Okay. You can roll intimidate for that if you want. First, once I find that on your hold. Fuck. Intimidate.
Speaker: um D12? Yeah. Six. One plus two. or Eight. right. He's starting to cower. of course, he's hurt, so he's starting to cower. this, and I want to say, I'll give you another chance, my good fellow, ah frog to frog.
Speaker: Step aside, and we will not harm you further. You've seen this shiny blade. It will slice your cockles right off if you don't step back. And he goes, pfft. Yes, I would fart in terror, too. And it's another cloud of gas.
Speaker: the cloud of gas Hey, he just threatened to slice cockles off. You better show him some respect. I'm going to attack him if he's going fart shit at me again. what i ah What do I roll for attack?
Speaker: Should be combat. back oh there's an attack right here. Is that still a d12? Yeah, attack. Yep, d12. You a eight, six. Okay. Uh, you missed. Stand still, you scoundrel.
Speaker: You were talking. I feel like it was just like you were trying to be too showy of it and it just, you just missed by a hair. Sounds right. All right.
Speaker: Uh, Mario. Um, I'm going to sneak up behind him, behind the frog as this shit's going on. Even though i just yelled, even though i just yelled at him, I'm still going to try to sneak up and then, uh, I want to take my sword and just... I want to jump up on him and then smash him in the face with my, uh... with the hilt.
Speaker: Oh, dang. Just try to knock him out. Oh, shit. Roll an attack. Gonna give him a black eye. Uh, wait a second. What the hell is this? Would I roll for that? I need add a d12. Yep.
Speaker: Oh, damn. Yep, he's definitely he's definitely dead. Well, I didn't mean to kill him. ah Grubble, help me hide the body.
Speaker: He, like, smashes his skull in. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not again, not again. Yeah, you're right. He was an asshole. Let's go.
Speaker: yeah you're right he was an asshole like girls move oh Wait a second, I thought Grz was a- he's Yeah, kind of a prick. Where the hell did our slime boy go He's hard to keep track of, he's very smart.
Speaker: He keeps cartwheeling everywhere like an asshole. Hopefully, hopefully ah Mario, you can find a way to squeeze around this water of noxious fumes. I am going to leap over it frog style.
Speaker: I shadow step. I shadow step over the water. Oh, fucking cool. I can only do it out of combat. That's little jilt-a-lil-il-il-il thing. It's useless. you You literally just used it.
Speaker: Yeah, but it's used. Okay, yes, I can use it, but it's like, it's only in situations. It's not like I can just like teleport to somewhere really important. it's only like to avoid minor inconveniences, like getting my boots covered in toxic goo.
Speaker: Well, you said you're oh out of combat, right? You know, most of the time you're not in combat. So it sounds like a pretty cool skill. I love shadow stuff. I'll take it. Can I have it? Alright, well, alright, I- no, you can't.
Speaker: Can I have it? And stop asking! You don't like a treasure, you can't just pick it. Yeah, we squeegeed. Anyways, do we meet up? do we meet up with the Goo Boy? Yeah, what do I see in the next cave room?
Speaker: So the next cave room you are going to see... oop, sorry, okay. sorry wow k mouse. You just totally fucking glitched on me.
Speaker: So the next cave you're going to see what looks like worms that have like the teeth.
Speaker: You know, like the giant worms with the the mouth that has the teeth. the the Yeah, the worms with the teeth. Like tremors. Yeah. like They're called leechlings. Shh. They got them at the bottom jeans, worms with the teeth.
Speaker: Yep. They're slimy and slippery and bore-sized leech monsters that lurk in the swamps and rookie lakes. They are preying on anything that they can get their grotesque.
Speaker: toothy suckers on. um a single leechling can drain a horse's blood, and while groups have been known to feed upon ah creatures as large... Oh, I don't even know what that is. um As large as dragons.
Speaker: but i don' know I say, be careful, lads. These things can feast on something as big as a dragon. You're surely toast, Squeegee. That's true.
Speaker: ah How big are worms? Bore size! bowl-sized. How did you say they were? Okay. They're very squishy. I would like to hire them as my underlings.
Speaker: Okay. I want to. That easy, huh? We could have just hired the frogs. Yeah, I thought about it, actually. I wanted to see if I could just hire one of them. Like, hey, hey, you know what? Okay.
Speaker: I like the cut of your jib there, Mr. Frog. You should come work for me. i like it. I don't know if I actually have a skill for that. I'm pretty sure I do. um I can either pay for service without using money or ah named lackey joins the Dungeoneers crew. So I'm going try to hire the fucking worms.
Speaker: This is crazy. But if you pull this off, i'm right there with you. Charm? you have a charm? ah Let me see. or um Wouldn't you know what? I have a plus one in charm. Let's see if I can just ah pull out like a couple of shiny little like gem rolls that I've pulled from like previous excursions and I pay my little ah ah my little fairies with like, hey, I like the cut of your gyps.
Speaker: How would you guys like to be my body guys to get me through the rest of this cave? um And I'm going to see how that roll. How's a 10 treat you? comes That works for me. the All of a sudden you see like your little gooey, just something like comes out of your body, slides across the ah floor and it like gets into their mouths.
Speaker: and into their brains and next thing you know you see their size just kind of go all the way down to like little tiny chihuahua size and they're all like hopping and like yip yip yip and like they look like little dogs that are running around you like yeah right so these guys have I'm gonna make them be like little little fighters so gonna give them plus two and whatever the fighter like toughness is okay I think it's called brawny I'm going to give them plus two and brawny skill. and They have minus two and everything else.
Speaker: They participate in combat. They have 10 courage and they can deal one, six dread. yeah And if I get hit, one of them can take the hit instead.
Speaker: I like it. Ah, yes. Alright, so gonna call you guys... Let's see, that guy's name is Bippy over there. I'm gonna call you guys Slurpee and Derpy. Let's go.
Speaker: um And I'm going to take my little so my little worms into the next room. Okay. Is there any treasure in here? Because that's like what I'm down here for. want to see if there's any minerals in the walls or any ore? Nope, not in that area. It's it's ah lots of bones.
Speaker: bones All over. you could me that they could probably pick up some dragon scales because I'm sure there's like some dragon scales that are left all over. Those are oh good good money. Oh, you know what? I have a skill for that. It's called Looter. Game plus one treasure hunting. Rule plus search.
Speaker: ah After a combat, ah you can see if you can find anything. So maybe I'll find something yeah i like it what what is search where is that oh i have plus two in search come on baby let's go let's go uh shit i did it wrong this character sheet thing is very interesting uh okay yeah i it's i'm still trying to get used to it oh a fucking 14 baby on 14 what's that skill nine Let's see. On a 9+, I get a magnificent item that I happened upon after resolving like a ah hostile situation.
Speaker: What do I find, Cass? What do I find? You're going to find, like, ah but so behind all the bones and the scales, and it looks like, art like you know, like crushed up armor and shit, because these things have consumed things and people.
Speaker: um You're going to find a whole, like, horde of, like, gemstones and gold coins. Oh, fuck yeah, I'm going to suck that up into my body and transfer it into my bag. the
Speaker: Yes, yes, I'm going hire so many more fairies. if it Okay. we'll be king I'm going to hire frogs next. Hey, Grumble, you want a job? I've already got one, you see.
Speaker: Grumble. Mario, you want some money? No, stop asking. Enough of your slimy ass. That's just what you're talking about, Willis.
Speaker: Okay. I love it. Okay. All right. right Well, I'm sucking up treasure, whatever, while whatever they're doing, whatever they're doing with my little worms next to me. Let's see what awaits us in the next chamber. and Hopefully it's the witch. We can whack her off and get home. Right off of her pedestal and into the death world or whatever we're going to do. Let's go. Roll her up in a carpet. Awesome.
Speaker: Alright, so the next cave that you guys get to you're going to see... um it it's There's nothing in there. However, on the other side of the cave, you're going to see um the opening for like that drop-down where you see like the rope-drawn bridge.
Speaker: Here's the rope-drawn bridge. Oh, there's... Yeah, there's the bridge. yeah we got Mario, what else was on that map? I think that I had it, but I think Squeegee took it for me because he loves taking things.
Speaker: Oh, we should see. like Do we see a house made out of stones? We don't see that here There was something. There was my Uncle Grisbo. um Those worms were on there. And there was another critter.
Speaker: It might be here. I think it was... that be I want to see if actually my guy is dumb or not about it. or It was a scorpion. Oh, yeah, a scorpion. Thank you. The scorpion king.
Speaker: Yes, The Rock is here. And he's weirdly animated. I hope not. We're here to buy stock in your Zoa company, Mr. Rock. I love energy drinks. I'm three quarters energy drink myself. That's great. That's very good. Thank you for telling us Slurp me, Grumble. Slurp me and you'll get all the powers you need. You did taste pretty good earlier. I've been feeling pretty energetic since I slurped some of your pieces earlier.
Speaker: See, I told you. You guys keep that to yourselves and keep that in the privacy of your own rooms, okay? we We call it get gooing. It's like get going, but with goo. Get goo.
Speaker: so All right. So do we see that we see the bridge, right? Yep. There's no scorpion yet? um want Nope. That's next. Are we still in the cave? yeah I want to look up. ah like What are you looking up? up and what are you looking up like on google ah Up with my eyes at the ceiling.
Speaker: I want to see if I can see anything up on the ceiling. Oh, so you ah you look up and you're going to see oh a scorpion that's just kind of like hanging out on the ceiling.
Speaker: And it's weird. It's a very beautiful scorpion. He's a kaleidoscorpion. And um it kind of looks like a ah disco ball on the ceiling.
Speaker: And he's sleeping. So should we be guys you can try to sneak through before you catch his attention or that's up to you. This is what Uncle Grismill would have been doing if he would have been here.
Speaker: Shut up. sorry Yes. he's he's even man ah I must... Let's all roll stealth checks and get past this motherfucker. I'm not very... I'm not very creeping around. Hey, mister, would you like a job? I'm just kidding. I pour acid onto... Oh,
Speaker: What are we doing? You we we you guys want to sneak? Yep. I would like to not sneak. I just want to athletics my way across the bridge. Okay. Can I can i just just gonna take off running through the cave? I just want to go. Okay.
Speaker: You said you're not good at sneaking. I figured we could just outrun him. I'm going to try and do a frog splash jump across the tunnel as well. Okay. Actually, I don't even have an athletics roll. I don't even know why I'm going to offer it up.
Speaker: I'm rolling some dog water, but five on my jump. All right. right Well, let's let's do it. I'm sneaking. 10. Yes. Okay.
Speaker: That's a 10 plus zero. 10. You're sneaking. love it. You're sneaking. Goodbye, Mario. You can do it. No, I can't because I don't like this fucking... I have to clear it. You have to clear it every time.
Speaker: You do have to clear it every time. You gotta pick your dice, and I don't know what dice to roll. What am I rolling? A 12, buddy. Yeah. It's a 12, yeah. Yeah, every time. Unless I say otherwise.
Speaker: Doing a 12. Well, get seen. Or heard. Hey, we all we all do. Well, I guess... Because I'm trying to sneak. Because I rolled a 4. you do. was gonna say, I just goes... and just like cartwheel fucking across the bridge.
Speaker: ah Let me see. i sir i play do it I'm going to roll on my end to see if he stays asleep. um maybe he'll Maybe he'll stay sleepy. He stays asleep. I thought it was an offscore. Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, you're lucky. um So I was doing odds. They wake up evens. They stay asleep. So you're you're good to go. um So you guys get through the cave and um you see the the rope bridge.
Speaker: And on the other side, you definitely see the house that the walls are made out of skulls. And from the inside, you can hear... It sounds like music playing and and a hoarse voice go like trying to sing along with the music.
Speaker: And it sounds like um someone is like tapping something like. You know, like almost like they're tapping a cowbell. Like yeah words like ah there's a when you say when you say a horse voice, do you mean like how I have right now? Or do you mean a horse voice?
Speaker: Like, no, like a horse voice like you have right now. A horse voice like at a brothel. Yeah, like, you know, like this kind of what who Yeah, horse voice. Yeah. Okay, got it. Okay.
Speaker: ah Mario, go charm the person. go You have a beautiful singing voice. Go go deal with it. Right. Well, this bridge looks safe enough. I'm just going to walk across it, and I walk across the bridge.
Speaker: yep you i already crossed out I already crossed the bridge. It didn't fall apart for me. oh yeah, that's right. you already ran across. My bad. Anyways, I was hoping, tell the I was thinking it would like collapse or something, but I guess not. You have to trust more bridges. what What bridge hurt you in your past to make you not trust bridges?
Speaker: Your mom. No, stop asking.
Speaker: and All right. There's a door on the other side of the, or on the, that you guys come to on that house. Do you guys knock or do you just walk in? Fucking knock. You don't just walk into people's houses.
Speaker: Of course. light He's polite. I'm glad you're polite. Yeah. No, I'm glad you're polite. Mario, knock at the door and see what she says. Maybe it's all big misunderstanding. Why are you guys making a meeting? Fine. You just said you wanted to knock. Because you have because you all that rustic hospitality. I'm going walk up there and bang on door as hard as possible.
Speaker: ah God, he's banging the door. Go away. I'm practicing. ah Lady, you got to come outside or but we'll let us in, actually. We got talk to you. I'm not coming out there. I'm practicing. I got a big show coming up, and I'm not going to mess this up this time. It's going to go over before. I want to try charm again.
Speaker: I'm going to clear my thing. going add my plus one. Well, guys, she says that we should go. So, all right, adventure over. I got my treasure. I'm doing real good on this. I got 13. ah My fair lady, your voices sounds like the the song of a beautiful bird in the woods or an angel from on high.
Speaker: I don't think you need any more practice. You've broken my heart with how beautiful your voice is sung, these singing words you've sang. Please, allow us entry so I may see the visage of the fine singer that I've heard.
Speaker: i must see you. She comes You just the door just fling open. ah okay and she see the
Speaker: and ah she like has heart for eyes well you see in the background a large um Pug looking creature that is about the size of a large man. And ah she is like, oh who has befallen my wonderful boat that is coming to jump me? like So when you ah see this lady, she has...
Speaker: She looks like a goblin. She's green with and a pink nose. She's got a pink tutu on with chicken feet, a blue witch's hat, and she's holding ah a stick staff, like a wooden stick staff. has chicken feet or there's chicken feet on her tutu?
Speaker: She has. No, she has chicken feet. Mario's shoulder. I bite my knuckle. I'm like, I think I'm in love, old man. ah ah bars Mario is like dry eating.
Speaker: What was her name? I forget. Chara. Gosh, he's not going to remember that. What what is the name of this beautiful singer and i'm a beautiful visage I see it before me as well?
Speaker: I'm Chara, the chicken foot witch. And who are you? I'm Grumble. hold on let me look at my title I am Grumble Wartsworth and the so Sir Grumble of the Reeds I am known as the Green Knight seventh level knight of the Order of the Lillipads and I must say you've stricken me
Speaker: it
Speaker: Ooh, and who are your friends? I don't do parties like this. I'm just a single person like that. I don't do the group things. I would not even dream of such a thing. This is Mario. He is a human male. Don't tell him my fucking name. Mario, it's fine. This my future ex-wife. My future love of my life, I mean.
Speaker: and this is This little fella here is Squeegee. I'm just here to pet your dog. I want your and I want to pet your cat. Jesus Christ Mario loses Mario loses his then I then i look i hear a but hear i hear ah I hear a fly buzzing and I look over and I shoot my tongue out and I go that's not all this tongue can do Mario loses his dinner from the previous day While Mario is puking, I'm just like soaking it up with my jelly body. No, squeegee, wait. M'lady, we have brought you this generous offering as well. Look at this fine putrid pile here that he has graciously given to you on your doorstep of puke.
Speaker: Mario jumps off the rope bridge. Mario's dead, ladies and gentlemen. ah it It wouldn't be an episode of Roll Plays without David trying to walk off the podcast. No. My lady, I must ask you, that is we've met a ah poor woman in a town not far from here who made delicious pancakes for us, and she's got the face of a muskrat.
Speaker: She doesn't seem to like it, although I thought she looked kind of okay. um She said that perhaps there was some sort of disagreement between you two, and that you had done it to her, and maybe you have her more, and they can make her not be muskratty anymore. She just wants it back, really, and I just, ah my friends can take it. I can hang out with you afterwards, if you wouldn't mind,
Speaker: Oh, like a date? Yeah. yeah wo like I mean, in I really like being able to curse people, but you know, if I, yeah if I'm got my time taken up by a handsome fellow like you, I guess I can give it to you.
Speaker: ah lady, you ever have a frog in your throat? Of course. like sometimes like you know Sometimes when I'm eating it and it just like gets stuck in my throat, I just go, and it comes out.
Speaker: ah What did you say? What? Before that. Sometimes when I get a frog in my throat, I just go, and it comes out. Why did you say that there was a frog going in your throat in the first place? um ne When I've nothing.
Speaker: I think you said you've eaten the frog. frog No, definitely not. I didn't say that, no. I think you should take your chances with her. Grumble, go for it. I guess, you know.
Speaker: You'll be the exception. You can fix her. I've eaten my fair share of little critters as well. It's fine, I suppose. um Everyone has their faults. i am Just give us that wand, and then you guys can go on your little date.
Speaker: Yeah. I also have a couple of worms that can play with your dog. Don't give a dog worms, s sweetie. Is someone going to try to charm to get her one back? Oh, i thought i thought that I thought that he already did when he rolled that 13. I guess that was to get her to come outside. No, he rolled the 13 charm her out of the house.
Speaker: Go again, Grumble. You really got her on the ropes. All right. Charm, d12. You can do it. I got a five. This going to be the best roll. 14 coming up. Oh, five. Plus 10. Plus 10. Have it to my fair little fellow here, and we will see what sort of trouble we can get up to together. Yes.
Speaker: You know, i'll i'll ah I'll also add to that charm roll, if i may. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What did I roll? ah four? How's a four treat you? you know Maybe four plus five was nine? not ever i mean, pulls the wand the Crunch's mouth.
Speaker: He's been chewing on it. And she hands it to Grumble. and she pulls like the wand from the crunches like mouth he's been chewing on it and he she hands it to grumble Thank you very much. i give it I go to it to Squeegee, but I'm like, ah Mario, please come take this.
Speaker: I don't trust Squeegee. Mario crawls back out of the really like the unnecessary crevasse that really didn't need a bridge over because was only like five feet. Yeah. yeah ah What a pain in the ass. Give me that. you ah Now, ah you've relinquished one wand, milady. Perhaps you would like to have take hold of another.
Speaker: wo Crunch, get out of here. Do you guys want a dog? This guy drives me crazy. Mario's shadow steps back to the Waffle House. and Okay. ah Yeah, you know what? I'll take it, dog.
Speaker: That's the best treasure I can take from this dungeon. Let me have him. What's your name there, big guy? Crunch. Crunch, crunch. Wait, are you saying crunch or are you telling me your name is crunch? My name's crunch.
Speaker: Oh, fuck, you talk? That's great. Do you want a job? Crunch. Sweet. All right. The pay is worms and... and you And fairies. Do you eat fairies?
Speaker: Grinch! Sweet. Alright. Reddington, get in his mouth. You heard him. Mario Shadow steps back. mar shadow says Hey, fellas, aren't we supposed to whack her off? I'm going to. and we're just supposed to get the wand, bro.
Speaker: I thought we were supposed to... I can fix her. We're supposed to take care her. There's a heart of gold. I'm talking quietly so she can't hear us. Stop talking at all in general. I don't want to hear it.
Speaker: grumble just Rumble, just give Mario the wand while you go in your deck. I already have it. It's right here. There you go. Cast the spell. Decursify this place. lady back at the thing I'm going to you know i'm goingnna work on it. We'll make sure she stops being mean.
Speaker: Oh, turn her into a frog. That way they can be frogs. Can I use the wand? If you want to. Can I decurse this whole thing? Just cursed. Yeah. I'm going to try to decurse the lady.
Speaker: Oh, man. Okay. Fuck. What if she's a frog under there? Oh, shit. Exactly.
Speaker: Uh, roll... Let's see here. You turned me into a newt. Roll trickery. Trickery, okay. rick Oh, man.
Speaker: Trickery dickery dock. I rolled a six. Oh, um Definitely. Well, you um instead of decursing her, you added like just one chicken wing to her back. oh Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker: Try again. Do it better. Hey, you know what? this whole No, i'm not going to do that. i think i' want to i have that i think I think there's no help in this lady. nothing um Nothing like a little green slime, i think yeah I think. What did you do to my wonderful back? Look at me. I'm not even beautiful anymore. It looks amazing. I love that. Shut up.
Speaker: you You do? i mean, I didn't think it could be any better, but now look. Oh, my God. Okay, well, you guys better get out of here so I can have some mal alone time with my new husband. Goodbye now, oh goodbye. Skull Shack! Don't have to tell me twice. Shacks are rocking.
Speaker: Don't cover docking. ah i will ride Bibi back to town, and it'll be all fine. Well, i hop ah I take my worms atop my new dog steed. this I'm like, alright, well, bon voyage, I suppose. see it crumbles ill See you guys back at home, I guess.
Speaker: Okay. I leave like a big old chunk of my own slime at the front door as I leave. who areria Mario's going to just walk back to the Waffle House by himself, I guess. Now you can hop aboard my doggy if you want. Hop aboard. This thing goes way faster than that turtle.
Speaker: okay Okay. Has that tortoise been in this cave this whole time? Where's he been? He's parked out outside. He's at the front. Yeah, he's outside. He left outside, I guess. Did he make it past the frog too? Did he have to make a stealth check?
Speaker: ah Scorpion, you mean? I mean, both. i mean Did he come to the cave with us the whole way? No. He stayed outside. Okay. Well, we can put him on it we can put him on the the dog's back. all go back home together. i don't take my now he's not No, we got to leave Bippy there for for for our boy.
Speaker: for grumble Grand Theft Turtle. Oh, you're just stealing it? or You're really going to steal a turtle in front of me? Yes. That's an asshole. That's a fucking dick move. Yes, and stop asking. shit
Speaker: And I ride off into the sunset with a dog and some worms and a tortoise. Oh my gosh. I walk back to the... Alright, well, he made it off with our shit, so I'm just gonna walk back to Wally's.
Speaker: Okay. You give the wand back to Dorothy? Dorothy? Use your wand, Dorothy. wouldn't believe this shit we had to go through to get it. thank you so much!
Speaker: I'm not gonna look like this disgusting thing anymore. She taps her face and she looks like a really cute gnome, like an actual really cute gnome. Oh God, you made it worse. we You're here.
Speaker: just I'm everywhere on this giant dog. Yeah. Can you like, what do you call it? Like split, like I would reproduce asexually or something. like Jesus Christ.
Speaker: Yes, I can. Hang on a second. Yeah.
Speaker: Does it look good already?
