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The Truth About YOUR Dating Life
11 Plays1 month ago
In this weeks episode, Katelynn opens our eyes to why you may be dealing with a trash dating life and how to make it better.
Email us your questions at: thenotsorrypodcast@gmail.com
Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thenotsorrypodcast
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Transcript
Introduction of the Host and Her Cat
00:00:01
Speaker
what's up bestie welcome back to your favorite podcast i know you know it's true it really is today we are joined by my other cat which you have not met yet so i have to announce our name is jasmine she's been here um with us for, oh my gosh, my tummy's rumbling. She's been with me for 14 years now. um Anyway, thank you again for coming back. I am your favorite tough love bestie. So if you want to give it, if you need someone to give it to you straight, I am your girl and I'm not sorry about it, but I love you.
Dating Scene Challenges: Personal Insights
00:00:39
Speaker
um Today's topic, we are continuing the dating scene.
00:00:44
Speaker
Sort of situations to help help my girls out. You know, I have not been in the dating scene for um Three and a half years and if my calculations are correct, I'm not gonna be in the dating scene For quite some time now I mean like for the rest of my life, hopefully. Knock on wood. Oh crap, where's the wood? Right there. Yeah, so that's what we're talking about today.
Weekend Health Struggles and Impact on Lifestyle
00:01:09
Speaker
um But yeah, I had a great weekend. Mark and I got a tummy bug. So that is why my tummy was rumbling just now. I made sure I had to go to the bathroom. I went to the potty right before this just to make sure everything was okay.
00:01:24
Speaker
Today's like the first normal day that I had. My appetite is back the past like two and a half days. I don't even think I ate a thousand calories like altogether. Wild. It's wild not having an appetite, which hasn't happened to me in a long time. Like I've been sick here and there, but when it comes to like losing my appetite, it's crazy. Kind of like I was like that all the time. No, that's toxic. Like,
00:01:53
Speaker
weight loss behavior. We're not here for that. um So yeah, that was my weekend. Don't recommend the tummy bug, but we're we're on the up end. We lost a couple pounds. Woo! That's one way, right?
00:02:09
Speaker
No, we're not toxic. No, we don't know. We don't starve ourselves to have better numbers on the scale, please. All right, let's dive into our topic.
Personal Responsibility in Dating: A Key Factor?
00:02:19
Speaker
Like I said, we are getting into those dating scene issues because it is a really common theme that I do hear about among my friend groups. I see ah everywhere. I hear people talk about The dating scene in Nashville is just so trashy. ah New York is the worst dating scene. The men here are awful. No, Atlanta's the worst. Like, are you seeing a trend here? There's a couple trends going on. 100%. And you're not 100% responsible, but you're also 100% responsible. Allow me to explain.
00:03:02
Speaker
Um, when it comes to like dating around, gosh, you know, it's so nuanced because we all have like our own preferences, our own dilemmas or whatever, you know,
00:03:16
Speaker
And the problem personal problems that we have along with, there's just so much, right? So where you have to begin and should always begin with, regardless of your upbringing or what you talk to your therapist about, like regardless of all that.
00:03:35
Speaker
Oh wow, that street is so loud right now, I'm sorry. Regardless of what you talk to your therapist about or complain about to your friends, it always starts with you. I'm sorry, it really does. When I see these girls like complain about why can't I find a good man? All I want is these 50 things. ah and Or you know just all these complaints, why can't I this? Why is dating so hard? Blah, blah, blah, dating's hard.
00:04:04
Speaker
One, accept that. My advice is all over the place. um So if you need to take out your pen, um you can start taking notes, class in session. ah Yeah, dating's hard. Deal with it. It's just gonna be hard. You're gonna have to run into people. You're gonna have to go out with people that you don't vibe with. That's okay. Some of them aren't gonna be douchebags. are gonna be douchebas to be like, meh, you know, whatever, didn't.
00:04:30
Speaker
float my boat, but cool guy, whatever. I've been on plenty of those. I've actually been pretty lucky in my life ah to not have awful dates. Like some of the dating stories I hear, I'm like, how? Literally how? So I get where the pain is coming from, so I don't blame you for that, because there are just awful people out there. But you can't attract the right ones.
00:04:59
Speaker
Allow me to explain even further. um Like I said, it really just starts with you.
The Superficial Nature of Online Dating
00:05:06
Speaker
It is a little bit harder when it comes to online dating because it's so, it's kind of like super transactional in my opinion, where you really are going off of surface level opinions. You only have these descriptions and these pictures and things like that. I actually heard, um I listened to this podcast, The Diary of a CEO. I catch a couple of his episodes and I see a lot of his clips online. I'm about to burp.
00:05:35
Speaker
But one of the clips I saw he, I think it was some dating expert or something like that. He was interviewing and he told this quick story of a friend who had swiped on a guy, like declined him or whatever. I can't remember which way it went. You know what I mean. Declined this dude said no to this guy on his, based on his profile picture, because there were boxes on top of his cabinets.
00:06:01
Speaker
What? Literally what?
00:06:10
Speaker
If I judged Mark based off of how he kept his home, which It's a different story because our first date technically was our first everything. If I judged him the first time we hung out was at his apartment, ah we had met before. I'll tell you a story in a minute. We had met before. We hung out one-on-one, right? um So that was at his apartment and um I can't tell. It looked like this guy had been homeless. He dressed like he was in comfy clothes, but they were just like,
00:06:48
Speaker
clothes he had had since he was in high school. And I'm like, oh, this guy loves dresses, so impressed. And his apartment was a bachelor pad. It just was it like, are you still in college? No, you're in your thirties. And it was it's just hilarious to me that people are so judgmental because like, yeah, I could And I thought for a minute, I'm like, gosh, I've never been the cleanest person in a relationship before. It's one time for a change of pace. I'll tell you that right now. But also, I could see some potential issues, but it's nothing I can't work with. It's nothing I can't manage myself, or you know what I mean? So
Realistic Expectations in Dating
00:07:29
Speaker
my first piece of advice, literally have realistic expectations.
00:07:36
Speaker
like Like, have some common sense. Have some common sense. That, I also will say, applies to girls who are needing a man who's over six foot. You need to go. Literally leave. Because I can't stand when that is like such an insane criteria. You don't know what you're missing out on when you aren't saying no to a guy simply because of his height. That is so shallow, I'm sorry. The only exceptions, because dating is very nuanced, everyone's different, the only exceptions that I will agree to is if you are a woman who's like five foot 10, five foot 11, or five foot nine,
00:08:23
Speaker
and you someone taller than you. That's okay. I want someone taller than me. I'm five foot five. And for me to expect to only have a man that's over six foot is so ridiculous.
00:08:38
Speaker
So I will accept a guy who's five six or higher. I love it. My ex, a lot of my exes were under five seven. Some of them were over.
00:08:50
Speaker
and I've dated great people, I've dated trashy people, Mark is only five seven, and I cannot imagine my life without him. Girls, it's time to wipe the slate clean, change your expectations, change your criteria, do whatever it takes, because that's so stupid, I'm sorry.
Self-Improvement: What Do You Bring to a Relationship?
00:09:11
Speaker
I could go on and on and on about this six foot height criteria, like I'm a woman of the people,
00:09:19
Speaker
I'm a woman for the girls, for sure, but that doesn't mean we don't have our own problems. Oh my God, I'm gonna get buried for this, but I don't care because I'm right, I'm right, I promise you. like You need to have some realistic expectations. Please, it's just so, okay, I'm done, I'm done with that part. I need to take a sip of my drink.
00:09:51
Speaker
It's time to take a look at the mirror, ladies. It really is. And times, as you, as you, as everyone gets older, it happens to everyone. Things change. Your priorities change. You start to realize what's important in life. And if you're in your 20s, when someone's telling me that when I was in my 20s, I was like, well duh, yeah, of course, that's the natural cycle of life, right? You get older, things change, your priorities change, all that.
00:10:20
Speaker
Do it now to save yourself some time because if you're sick of being single, it's time to start evolving. It really is time to start evolving a little bit quicker if you're sick of being single. If you're sick of being single, you need to be okay with being single. I know you don't wanna hear it. I'm sorry. No, wait, I'm not sorry. That's what this whole podcast.
00:10:41
Speaker
Yeah, no not sorry about that. I take it back. This starts the the portion of this podcast, of this episode where we talk about our personal development.
00:10:55
Speaker
and how important that is for ourselves. We need to be um personal development queens. We need to do whatever it takes to be the best partner we would want someone to have that you would want for yourself, right? I can't tell you how much I cannot stand double standards. If you have all of these standards, expectations, whatever you wanna call it for a guy,
00:11:23
Speaker
you need to have the same expectations for yourself. Set the bar high for yourself. If you want a high value man, be a high value woman. mit That's like the most cringe thing I've ever said, but it's so true. It honestly is so true.
The Role of Self-Reflection in Attraction
00:11:40
Speaker
I went through such an evolutionary period in my twenties. Wild.
00:11:47
Speaker
Thankfully, I have had a wonderful, wonderful childhood beyond blessed, wouldn't take it back for the world, where I don't need therapy. um because of my past or whatnot, but that doesn't mean I'm perfect. I read so many books. If you're not a personal development sort of like book reader, become one. Listen to a fucking podcast. I don't, I don't care what it is. Consume whatever it is that can make you a better person and be that like,
00:12:26
Speaker
I can't tell you how important that is because you start to attract the right things in your life. Your life is literally a mirror. If what you're looking at, if what's being reflected back to you is something you don't like,
00:12:42
Speaker
it can start, it can change with you because it starts and ends with you. I learned that and that's such a simple concept like duh, right? When you hear that you're like, of course. But I actually read that in one of the first personal development development books that I had ever read.
00:12:59
Speaker
And I highly recommend it to anyone who isn't really interested in that niche when it comes to books. Um, but it's kind of interested or curious. It's, um, you are a bad-ass by Jensen Charo. So funny. It's the best place to start when you want to grow a little bit, develop a little bit more. That book is so funny and it's light enough.
00:13:24
Speaker
to where it's like hilarious writing, but also in such a good introspective way that it starts to get you to be a lot more self-reflective. And that's important. We need more of that in the world, right? right We can all agree on that. It helps you become start to become more self-reflective. And that is a ah brain connection you need to start making um to make your life a little bit easier is becoming more self-reflective.
00:13:51
Speaker
Think about like how your actions are affecting the people around you, the way you're commuting communicating to people and how their response is. I'll tell you, when I started to learn about um the whole mirror effect or whatnot, and I experienced so much resistance in my life.
00:14:12
Speaker
for, in in the at the time, for no goddamn reason. and Why are people so mean to me? It's me against the world. I have to defend myself against everyone and everything. Poor me. but I'm a warrior. I really was like that. And when I started to learn, like,
00:14:31
Speaker
No, you can communicate better so that other people don't get offended as easily. You can do this so people um know your intention. You can do that, Caitlin, you can do that. And I was so salty for so long because I was like, why is it my responsibility to make sure everyone else is comfortable? Why is it my problem that other people aren't offended, mean like what Caitlin said? like I was like that, and it's still a part of who I am, but I was like really, really mad about it for a long time because it's not my responsibility to manage other people's feelings. Still, to this day, like same for you, it's not.
00:15:14
Speaker
but that's how it felt when I was learning all of this. And I realized, okay, let's like put the ego down, relax. It's not that big of a deal. And realize that you just need to become a more effective and creative communicator so that what you're saying is so much well, more well like received. And so you get a better outcome for what you really want.
00:15:43
Speaker
Ding, ding, ding. Okay, so that applies to this whole topic, okay? If you want a better outcome in your dating world and the dating scene, even if you meet a great guy and he's not the one, like I'm not trying to like tell you a how to find the one, but if you're sick of like a shitty dating scene, you can change it. You honestly can change it and you have such immense personal power you don't even know.
00:16:10
Speaker
And if you're gonna continue to complain and complain about this dating scene, how men are trash, that's your problem. It gets to a point where it's your problem. And you're choosing that because you're not being self-reflective enough. Like, oh, this but the mirror of life is showing me something consistently. Like there's a pattern here when it becomes a pattern.
00:16:32
Speaker
That should be your clue. The mirror of life is showing me something that I just do not like. What can I do? It's not about a different dating app or getting the lip filler or losing 20 pounds. Like, no.
00:16:51
Speaker
I'm always an advocate for a healthier lifestyle. Side note. But you know what I mean. So it becomes a point where yeah it's a pattern. Time to look a little bit inward. What can I do? How am I like presenting myself to the world that I don't even realize and it's attracting the wrong kind of guy?
00:17:09
Speaker
you know and and you can discover those things in therapy you can discover it through good conversations with your friends like the right kind of friends that can be open and honest with you and of course you always need to like present that to your friends like guys i need some unfiltered advice i need some help or do it through books or do it through podcasts and just continuously be curious about yourself. And that's the best way to get through this evolutionary period. We're always evolving, but I feel like everyone goes through like a real good chunk of one, you know, in their 20s and 30s.
00:17:47
Speaker
And to get through that period, you have to be, in ah in a good, less stressful way, you have to be just curious and open-minded about yourself and be gracious on yourself when you start to realize your faults and um how you could have done X, Y, Z better or why that happened because of the way you did something. You know what I mean? like When you start to learn more about yourself,
00:18:14
Speaker
be more gracious with yourself because we're all at fault of something we all have these ugly evil sides of us or however you want to say it evil is a strong word but you know what I mean so it takes a lot of time so be gracious with yourself and that's why I said at the beginning of the episode is that you have to be okay with being single I remember well water break
00:18:40
Speaker
I got divorced at 24. I'm gonna be repeating myself a lot through this podcast because I ain't gonna try and remember everything I've said. I'm not sorry about that.
Staying Single for Growth: A Journey to Finding the Right Partner
00:18:51
Speaker
um I got divorced at 24.
00:18:54
Speaker
And I am 34 now, it's been 10 years and it took me basically that long to find the one. At least he better fucking be.
00:19:07
Speaker
um But during that time I was in a couple of serious relationships, but it was always like back to back, back to back, right? There was always another relationship lined up.
00:19:18
Speaker
and I never like stopped, like took a beat, and one healed from my marriage, grew as a person, and then moved forward. No, who wants to do that? Fuck no, you need the validation of a boy constantly texting you, sending dirty pics, and being on the dating apps, and having all this attention. It feels so good, it does. like I 100% get it. And so if you want to date around, like date around, but at the same time, don't ignore you and you becoming a better person. Um, so I was dating back to back, back to back and they were okay. Some of them were really bad. And I went on like, and if there was like a chunk of time in between this more serious relationships, I was on dates all the time.
00:20:11
Speaker
And I remember after my last relationship, I was so sick of it. In my last relationship, I was with him for four years. Was it four years? Damn. I was with him for about four years. And I did a lot of growing during that time with that guy. I'll say that. He was an older guy. And so he a lot of maturity was there that younger men just don't have.
00:20:39
Speaker
So he offered me a lot of space and ah he held a lot of space for me to evolve as a person. Because he was older, he's like, noh she needs to grow up a little bit. But um the way we talked and the way he like.
00:20:55
Speaker
just offer different perspectives and just left me a lot of space to be myself and really grow and I'm so grateful for that time and for what he allowed me to be and to evolve into and of course the relationship to work out for other reasons that was one of my more peaceful breakups and um sorry I gotta sneeze oh not gonna happen But after that relationship or I knew that when, you know, when you start to, you, you catch on to the ending, the end is near, you know, like it's a matter of time, matter of time. And so I started to see the, the, the end of this relationship coming toward me and I thought, all right, when this actually ends, I, um,
00:21:48
Speaker
I'm gonna stay single. I made a promise to myself. I'm going to stay single. I'll go out on dates because that's just who I am. I'm an extrovert. I love the attention. I love getting dressed up and beautiful and impressing someone. Like I'm so good at dating. I'm really a great date. Like I'm a good date, guys. If you want.
00:22:09
Speaker
if you want some advice let me know um well i am giving you advice no i'm talking about like being on a date even if the guy is kind of a dud i can still have a good time like it helps me an extrovert so and i have advice for you introverts i'm sorry um I'm a good day. I'm a fun time anyway Anyway,
00:22:35
Speaker
anyway I promised myself that I would stay single and I did so I was on on and off the dating apps I ended up staying single for I think almost two years and And it was the best time. I loved it. It ended up being the first time at one point it got to the, it got to the point where I, um, lived by myself for the first time. And girl, I was, hold on. 30, 30, 34, 30, 29.
00:23:09
Speaker
30. No, 30. And it just feels embarrassing to say that I didn't live by myself until I was like, in my 30s. But I think that's a pretty similar experience for a lot of people. Regardless, I had such a good time. I was Yeah, I went on a lot of dates, all these things, but I stayed single. And I made I made peace with myself. I wasn't Yeah, I want to get married. I want to have kids and all that stuff. But I kind of said,
00:23:37
Speaker
to myself that that is going to happen. That's a guarantee that will happen. So I'm not going to pressure myself into making it happen right now because everything in my love life and my dating life has been so fast that I never took the time. And of course, if I am here, if 19 year old self me was listening to myself right now, I'd be like, fuck you. No, let's go. You know, it's just, yeah it's a whirlwind whenever you're young and you just ride the wave, right? So it is hard. It is really hard to tell people who are younger to like pump the brakes.
00:24:20
Speaker
like nothing's going anywhere, nothing's changing. Everything just have, like literally have some fun and it feels even better to, you know, keep jumping to the next thing and the next thing after that. It really does, like I don't blame you. But if you can have a little bit of wit about you, pump the brakes and take some time. And if you're single, figure out a way to be at peace with it because it's gonna happen. And if you do what I'm telling you to do, I'm serious.
00:24:49
Speaker
you're gonna find you're gonna all of a sudden this like gem of a man is gonna be walking through your door and you're gonna be like holy fuck I promise you every single person I know that purposely stayed single and enjoyed it had that exact experience myself included. So I'm not trying to like brag, like be like me, but no, it's a theme and a trend I've been seeing amongst my group of people and also so other stories I've heard of from people around the world. It really is just a thing. you When you are at peace, peace will walk into your life. I promise you.
00:25:34
Speaker
Please trust me. So yeah. And the and the the end of that story is that Mark did walk in my life. We, did I tell the story right? It's only me episode three. Jesus. We probably, I probably said this, right? One of my biggest pet peeves is people who repeat stories and that is Mark. And it's the most annoying thing about him. And I'm slowly realizing I'm starting to like turn into that.
00:26:03
Speaker
Anyway, um whatever. I'll give it like 10 more episodes before I repeat that story. We're gonna make that promise to myself right now. um Yeah, so where are we at right now? Oh, we're gonna start a new segment. Let me pull it up on my phone here.
Post-COVID Restaurant Rant
00:26:21
Speaker
This is the start of the new segment that I like to call the buzzkill.
00:26:29
Speaker
Segment, let me pull it up. Let's see theta So this segment is all about things that I consider just a just a buzzkill of life not a literal buzz, but Just like a buzzkill bro. So Mark and I oh It still grinds my gears man Mark and I were out on a date a couple weekends ago. We were in the mood. It was still really cold outside. We were in the mood for some ramen. And he had never been to this ramen spot in East Nashville that I...
00:27:05
Speaker
love and had not been to in so long it's called 210 Jack the best ramen in Nashville slash that I've had I have not been out of the country if you can't tell at least not to Asia and so I was looking forward to this mini cute little like cozy date night and I wasn't able to make a reservation the night before. They had one spot open and I wasn't, the site was glitching or something. So I was like, we're just going to have to risk it. It's probably going to be a wait, but there's other bars that we can go and get a drink at. So, and he's just down for art like, he's so easy going. Oh man. I would, there was a guy I used to date who any kind of inconvenience like that would just set him off. I'm like,
00:27:53
Speaker
And sometimes I'm like, people are you okay with doing this? And he's like, yeah, sure, totally. And I'm still so surprised sometimes by his responses and how like easy going this guy is. It's so weird. Anyway.
00:28:05
Speaker
So we walk in and I was like, let me check the bar first to see if there's any seats open. Cause I actually prefer bar seating. It's less pressure to get out of there quicker than you would need to be at a table. At least I feel it's a little more relaxed. Um, there wasn't any opening and I found out that this fucking place It seats, like the bar seating is not open seating. Like the bar seats at the fucking bar is not open seating.
00:28:42
Speaker
And you know when that started? I'm sorry, but do you know when that started? No, I'm not sorry, fuck. That started during COVID.
00:28:54
Speaker
I promise you that was the way restaurants changed after COVID is such a fucking buzzkill because they realized what they could get away with. Okay, from a server, restaurant tour perspective, yeah, it um contains the chaos. it um helps the turnover, whatever. I see some benefits of it, I'm not gonna lie. But honestly, to not have open seating at your bar is so stupid and such. It literally is a buzzkill. I can't just like walk in there, wait for my table, just grab a drink, stand at the bar. And this place, it's not the biggest place in the world.
00:29:35
Speaker
it is but regular little regularly sized restaurant. And it's a good restaurant. And I'm telling you how much money that they're they're missing out on for people not being able to walk up to the bar, just grab a drink while they wait for their table. That's restaurant life. like That's what you do at a restaurant. That's the way it is. And it just grinds my gears. I don't know why. like Bar seating needs to be open seating.
00:30:06
Speaker
like Oh, and you know the other thing that restaurants stopped doing during slash after COVID? No one ever believes me until they start noticing it. Salt and pepper on the tables. It stopped. It literally stopped. I don't think I see so salt and pepper on tables anymore.
00:30:28
Speaker
it I think it's kind of rare if I do. um I remember after COVID, like when things were pretty much back to normal and I wouldn't look, I'd be like, oh, there's no salt and pepper on the table. It was kind of like, oh, it makes sense right after COVID, whatever. Then I would have to ask for, I'm like, hey, can I get some salt and pepper? And they're like, oh, ah ah yeah. They're like, I'm gonna have to go look for that. Like seriously, you're gonna have to go look for the most basic table ingredient of all time.
00:30:58
Speaker
And it stayed that way. It stayed that way, so it's annoying when I have something that I need to put salt on. I'm like, bro, where's this fucking server? I need salt. I don't wanna bother you for salt. Keep it on the table.
00:31:12
Speaker
And I get it, like it's one less thing to manage on the table, one less task for the the servers to do. I'm always gonna see both sides of my arguments, but I will very, very, very clearly be on one side.
00:31:30
Speaker
um All right, that's my buzzkill of the week. Let me know yours. It's actually kind of a fun subject, not gonna lie, because it's just so much fun to complain about those little things in life. um Okay, anyway, that is it next week.
Conclusion and Future Engagements
00:31:46
Speaker
I'm looking at next week's episode topic. You know, I think I might change that. I don't know if I want to continue on the self-development kind of,
00:32:00
Speaker
routine here. What else we got? Maybe I'll switch some of these around. um Yeah, we're just gonna have to stay tuned because I'm not sure about that one anymore. um But thanks for listening in and joining. We're all here to make dreams come true. So subscribe, review, share all the things. As of this episode, I'm not quite on TikTok, but I'm going to be probably by the time I'm done editing this. So I don't even know why I'm saying all this.
00:32:30
Speaker
You can get what I mean, but supporting is the best way to spread the love, to help things grow, and I love it so much. I'm so happy I found my spark again with podcasting, so um I appreciate your support, and I love you. Talk to me in the comments, talk to me on the email. You'll see that below if you are listening to the actual episode, and I look forward to hearing from you. Okay, love you, bye.