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Loading the Dishwasher
10 Plays1 month ago
In this weeks episode, Katelynn rants about how household chores are dividing relationships, why they shouldn't have too and her HOTT take on this weeks buzzkill segment!
Email me! thenotsorrypodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Today's Topic
00:00:00
Speaker
ah Welcome back, Besties. It is the Not Sorry podcast. It is time to begin. We are, I don't know, are we bitching about something today? I think I need to take my glasses off because my video looks like it's sending a massive glare, so we're going to be blind for a second.
Shifting Goalposts in Relationships
00:00:20
Speaker
um no thanks for joining me thanks for coming back really appreciate your love and support um today um we're gonna talk about something that i've been passionate about for my entire adult life for quite some time so it's been a little bit it's a little like um i don't know battle of the sexes if you will because Times have changed when it comes to the dynamic in relationships, shared responsibilities, things like that, who does what, who expects who of what to do that. you know um And I think that's an important topic because I have been
00:01:06
Speaker
Well, how do I want to phrase this? um I have been in relationships where the goalpost was always moving, right? We don't like that. And a lot of the time, well, pretty much every single time, if we're being honest, it always had, I don't know why, but it always had to do with cleaning, like OCD-ness, not maybe clinical OCD or whatnot. But just I could never, it could never be good enough type of thing. And it always wasn't a way or it came out with cleaning. Not necessarily like the way I looked or
00:01:46
Speaker
whatever you see where i'm going with this i hear this problem so much in like my friends or just overhearing things i see on tiktok or the problems i've personally had you know i hear about this all the time especially when it comes to women and how they have to constantly clean up after their guy or he's such a slob or things like that. We're getting into some like tricky, tricky territory
Choosing Battles Wisely
00:02:22
Speaker
here. And I know that, but it's important to talk about because I always been the victim well i have always been the victim of being the messier one in relationships until now, which is kind of refreshing.
00:02:39
Speaker
but it was always like the the rules were always reversed where I was the one getting nagged on constantly for leaving a dish in the sink or you know what I mean like it's just so it's just too much and the way I look at it is that there are bigger problems in this world than the way that the dishwasher should be loaded If your dishwasher is destroying your, side note, if your just dishwasher is destroying your um dishes because it's not arranged in a particular way, you need a new dishwasher and you need to stop bitching, okay?
00:03:20
Speaker
That's a big one. that well The dishwasher is like a classic example, right? Where people will just pull their hair out, seeing their partners like load the dishwasher. And I'm like, well, you're not doing it. That's a win. Also, um they're getting clean. That's a win.
00:03:44
Speaker
And ah what do you got to complain about? and The only time I bitched at Mark about the way he loaded the dishwasher um was that he would put the knives knife blade up. That's a no-no. I nicked myself a couple of times.
00:04:01
Speaker
and um That's the only like critique I had. Like, can you not do that? I just, I shoved my hand in there. I want to get this over with. I'm not trying to pay that much attention. It's going to get this done. So that's the only time I've really
From Messier Partner to Mutual Respect
00:04:16
Speaker
bitched about it. And people, oh my gosh, I've had this debate with some of my friends and I'm like, are you, and the dishwasher is the example for the larger picture of chores and keeping things clean or things like that.
00:04:33
Speaker
My argument is like, is that the fish you really wanna fry? Is that the hill you're gonna die on? I love a clean home. I appreciate tidiness. I, yeah, I don't wanna do everything. I'm not your mom. I'm not cleaning up after you. You know what I mean? Like, I get it. Like I'm on your side. But then there comes a point that everyone gets to where it's like, how much am I gonna care about this?
00:04:59
Speaker
to where I might turn into an argument, it might stress me out too much, or you know what I mean, there's always that line that anyone can cross, right? And whenever I get to the point where I might, my blood pressure might be rising or I'm just like, why is he, like Mark leaves his shoes out, oh my God.
00:05:19
Speaker
And this is an apartment. If we lived in a big house and I saw a couple pairs of shoes hanging out around somewhere, it's not that big of a deal because she doesn't look visually too cluttered, but an apartment, it does.
00:05:34
Speaker
And um luckily we have like a great, great friendship to where I'm just like, bro, come on. I mean, can you just like clean up your shoes and we'll just kind of laugh it off and he'll do it.
00:05:45
Speaker
um So everyone gets to the point where it's like, okay, it is this a battle. It's really about choosing your battles and people, I just can't understand why some women, mostly women But like I said at the beginning of this episode, um I was always, the it was always the roles reversed. I was always the one who's getting bitched out for like not doing the dishes right. Or I cleaned the house from top to bottom but left this one thing out and nothing else would be appreciated. like It was awful.
00:06:22
Speaker
And, where are they gonna get that? Yeah, I just think, and when I'm in those that position, when I was in that position of just like constantly being nagged at, it was this point in my mind where I was like, I love them. And I i was always trying, but my my trying was never seen or appreciated. And it was always like, oh,
00:06:48
Speaker
I have to do it your way. That's a no from me. I i am not gonna be your brain, and I never will be your brain. And if you're gonna bitch at me for not doing it a certain way, that's your problem, not mine. You want this done? I'll get this done. I'm happy to contribute to the household chores. Happy. It's necessary. We're a team. But oh my God, if you're gonna sit there and complain, huff and puff, about how i this, I wanted this done yesterday, or I just like eat really bitchin' about that kind of stuff. If we're having a party today and I'm doing shit last minute, yeah, you're, you can be annoyed, I've been there.
00:07:32
Speaker
You know what I mean? like Look at the bigger picture here. And I just can't understand how, I'm sorry, I love you guys, I love you so much. But I just, the brains that decide to be so stressed out and upset over such small, trivial things,
00:07:54
Speaker
Has blown me away, constantly blows me away. Do you want the dishes done? I'm gonna get the fucking dishes done. I'm gonna get them done. I will. So go in the other room, don't want, you know what I mean? It's like, I can't, I can't manage.
00:08:10
Speaker
your brain. I can't read your mind. I'm not gonna do it the way, not in a disrespectful way either. Like I'm not gonna do it the way you're gonna, you want it done. It'll get done, but not the way, I'm not gonna do the exact same process you will.
00:08:25
Speaker
It's too stressful. And I just see so many times where I've been punished or other people punish their partners for not having their brain. That's kind of what it boils down to. And there are points where, sure,
00:08:43
Speaker
that your partner can be an asshole about it, because I've been in those that position where it's like, okay, I could be an asshole about this, or um be respectful, or because I love this person and I want to make them happy. And if, oh my God, if putting this bowl in the corner of the dishwasher is what's gonna make them happy, I don't know why, like there's bigger things in life to be more appreciative of. I can go.
00:09:11
Speaker
about this subject on and on and on and if you're watching on TikTok I want to know your opinions about this because this is a hot topic I need to know what you think um but like I said there are guys out there who are being assholes like if you're if you kind of understand that your lady may not want shoes everywhere all the time make more of an effort. If you are the lady who doesn't like the shoes being left out all the time and you see them making effort, like appreciate that. It's not going to be perfect. You could roll your eyes and find something else to complain about. That goes back to my original thing about how the goalposts are always moving and I can just see so easily and I've been there or I just give up. Remember like I'm making an effort to do something that is not a habit of mine and habits are hard to change.
00:10:00
Speaker
So I'm making these efforts to contribute more, do better, be better, be cleaner, whatever, um but I'm still getting bitched at. Oh my God. Can you just, I'm not a child. I don't need to be coddled and be like, good job. You put away your shoes. You're such a good little boy. I don't need that. But what I also don't need is like the constant need for perfection. And the, again, the goalposts always moving. That's exhausting. And if you're doing that, I hope this might be a wake up call for for some of you girls. Cause like,
00:10:40
Speaker
You want more peace in your home, just wipe this light clean and find things to be more appreciative about. watch your life change and watch him change
Apprehensions and Positive Dynamics
00:10:54
Speaker
too. I promise you, I promise you, when Mark and I first moved in together, I was actually pretty nervous about this subject because I all obviously knew that he was not as clean of a person as I am. He was living in such a dorm style apartment, just clothes everywhere, dishes everywhere, only cleaned the dish that he needed at that moment and just like,
00:11:19
Speaker
I don't want to turn into the person I've hated for so long or the, you know, what I've experienced for so long over the years. Um, so I was nervous about that, but of course you take risks, right? Every relationship is a risk, but we moved in together and I just was kind of being very hyper aware of how I would respond to this subject if it got to a point where I just could not stand it. And I don't know what I was thinking because this man, I gotta tell you, this man is so
00:12:00
Speaker
I don't even know how to explain it. It just is a stark difference between like, yeah, he's not cleaner than me. He's never going to be tidier than me. He's just going to be a a kind of a messier guy. That's the fact of life. I'm not going to punish him for that. But the fact that he stepped up the way that he stepped up.
00:12:22
Speaker
The second we moved in together has blown me away. It just showed me this level of respect that he had for the way that I like things.
00:12:33
Speaker
And he was like he notices that, and he like takes note of it. like He's not dumb. like Guys can play. I feel like, you know as women, we complain like, oh, men are just so dumb. They're so oblivious. I don't think so. And it's an act that works very well of men just being like, what's going on? I've been with them. I've been with that guy.
00:13:02
Speaker
And so I just couldn't believe how this guy would just, he would just do that. I rarely have to ask for anything. Sometimes like after dinner, if I'm just like exhausted, I'm like, can you put these in the dishwasher for me, please? And he'll just do it, whatever.
Humor and Words of Affirmation
00:13:19
Speaker
And the way he loads around loads of dishwasher is hilarious because it takes him all night long. Oh my gosh, he'll do it during commercials. But he gets it done.
00:13:31
Speaker
I might be like, oh, can you just complete this task, please? I cannot stand how long it takes you to to do one thing. I can't. But I just shut up, scroll on TikTok and ignore it because it's getting fucking done. And it just showed me the stark difference between a man who respects me and a man who just like doesn't give a shit. Maybe I love me, yeah. And they respect me in other ways. But when it comes to that,
00:14:02
Speaker
Boy, were my eyes opened. But there was one incident. When was it? I think it had been a couple of months maybe, very recently that we had first lived together.
00:14:16
Speaker
and A couple of times he had been saying these things along the lines of like, did you see I did the dishes? Did you see it at the trash? And just like that little doe eyed kid like looking for the, you're such a good boy.
00:14:33
Speaker
Okay, if you know our relationship, that's how we talk to each other. It's sickening and cute also. But he was looking for, oh, did you see what I did? Did you see that? Did you see that? And we're both words of affirmation people, so we know this about each other.
00:14:50
Speaker
And I got to this point where I was like, oh my God, I'm about to shut this down. I was like, yeah, yeah, thanks for that. ah Did you see how I did all of your laundry and put it all away and cleaned up your shoes and then I made you dinner and then like, I listed off these things and was like, I don't, I can't, what about me? Like, I'm not being, every time I do something and I turned it into this joke where it's like the amount of things that I do versus what he does is huge difference.
00:15:19
Speaker
And I'm not getting appreciated for every single thing, but yet here you are being like, I put that dish away. Did you see that? Did you see that? And we had such a good laugh about it. It was funny because it was true. And from then he shut up.
00:15:38
Speaker
He did, he really did shut up and it kind of put him, it reminded me and like, oh, this man, like he loves to be verbally, priest and so do I. Like we're the exact same person when it comes to like words of affirmation. Constantly, you could lay it on me, lay it on me. And if you and if that's not your love language, I don't care because everyone loves to hear how they're appreciated, okay? If your man is like, I just want no sex and touch, blah, blah, blah.
00:16:09
Speaker
ignore that just use your words words are so fucking powerful but that that situation was just so funny because it was just so true it was like dude you're not you're not giving me that same appreciation but is this like oh what you expect of me as a woman now that we live together I'm in my place and like this is just the dynamic now where Like, it was really funny. ah But yeah, no, since then, he um he stopped ah he still talk to that oral quick, I'll tell you that. um But yeah, I want to know your guys' opinion on this sumpjunct. Or if you need a little bit of guidance on how to get your dude a little um up off his ass, we can do that. oh We can do that. um And I've actually kind of said those things already.
00:17:03
Speaker
because my words are powerful in telling you that. And it's to the point to where, you know, every relationship is different.
Effective Communication on Chores
00:17:13
Speaker
Literally, duh, duh, Caitlin. Every relationship is different. So it's like, my so I have my strong suits. I know going into this relationship that I am a cleaner person.
00:17:25
Speaker
I set the expectation that I know I'm gonna be cleaning more often. I'm gonna be doing his laundry. That's just, and he does his own laundry too, like. I'm not stressing if he needs a load done and I didn't get to it, like, and he doesn't bitch about it either, okay? He's a grown man. But um I just, I knew these realities that I was just gonna be doing more because that's what I wanna do. And he's also not an asshole about it, not making it harder on me. That's a key, that's a key. um So the fact that I started out with the right expectations and not resenting him for it is huge.
00:18:06
Speaker
Because knowing these expectations of myself, like, I'm gonna be cleaning more. Not a big deal. If I don't feel like doing it, I literally ask Mark to pay for the cleaners to come. He's like, hey, can you text them? And even though it's technically in my budget, he's the one who always pays for it.
00:18:26
Speaker
But does that make sense? Right? You know, and that's just who I am. And that's just who he is. So if you can wipe that slate clean and realize like, oh, I prefer to do this or that myself and he's he usually does the trash or he does this or whatever. And if you need to sit down and have an adult conversation, again, we're back to this. We're back to needing to have some unsexy, unfun conversations about your relationship. Because if you're living together, if you're in a marriage, you're a team, right? You're running a household. A household is a type of business and you have to do it together. And if you if someone is feeling that the burden is a little bit heavier,
00:19:08
Speaker
then it needs to be, then talk about it in a way that don't ever use the word you. You'd be like, you don't do this, you don't do that. Because that instantly puts up their walls of like, oh, I need to defend myself. And that conversation will promise you it will not go the way you want it to. So just say like, hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed lately with how um How much needs to be done around the house? Can we figure out a way? Tap into their brain as a boy and and tap into that, what do you call it, the problem solving aspect of how men are.
00:19:45
Speaker
So it's really easy to have those kinds of conversations if you do it the right way. And it does take time and practice, but um there's times when I've seen, man, so much resentment in relationships because of tasks like this. Like it doesn't have to be that way if you just sit down and talk about it and also not be an asshole about it. You know what I mean?
00:20:07
Speaker
Cause I've been, like I said, I've been in that position where it's just like, I can't, I can't do this. They can get over it. I'm gonna get this thing done. I'm gonna do these dishes. And if they're gonna bitch about how it is arranged in the fucking dishwasher, they can get over it. They need to be happy that it got done. Amen.
00:20:27
Speaker
and
00:20:30
Speaker
Seriously though, like that's just how I approach it and I did grow up in a house
Critique of Modern Super Bowl Commercials
00:20:35
Speaker
full of boys. So this might be a little bit of a inside look into a man's brain. Not that I'm a boy, but you know what I mean? Like it's like, can you just get over it? The dishes got clean. Please, please, please. Let's have some peace. but Anyway, let me grab a drink of water here.
00:20:57
Speaker
Yeah, let me know your thoughts. Like I said, if you're on the TikTok watching the little clips, I need to know your thoughts and feelings about household chores and the way it's divided, what the expectations are for you or the way they should be for your situation. you know I'm just like really curious how what your relationship is like. All right, let's look at our time. Perfect.
00:21:22
Speaker
So now is the time for my favorite segment called the buzz kill segment. where I talk about just things in life that are just a total buzzkill. you know Aside from not having a buzz, it's a buzzkill. Most recently we had the the Super Bowl, which was so good. I'm so happy that the Eagles won. They needed that. Casey had their time. They had their moment. It's over and it needed to be over. And I'm from Nebraska.
00:21:56
Speaker
Okay, there's the closest NFL teams in Omaha is Denver, or Kansas City and most people are KC fans. ah I'm over it as everyone's been over it. I am on that bad bandwagon of like hating the Chiefs. They can, they can suck it. And I'm really Kind of weirded out that I'm becoming more and more of a sports fan since dating Mark. It's getting awful. Don't tell him I said that. Anyway, it was the Super Bowl. It was a good game. Love the halftime show, I'll say that. But recently I have noticed over the past couple of years, the the commercials, that used to be such a big deal. And it kind of is because you're spending millions and millions of dollars on these ads
00:22:49
Speaker
But do you remember how good Super Bowl commercials actually used to be? My favorites off the top of my noggin are the E-Trade Baby. For sure, that one killed. Even the second one they made after that was really good. But the ones after that were awful.
00:23:10
Speaker
The E-Trade baby was just a classic example. And those old school Doritos commercials were always so, so funny. And now it's like, you just put a couple big names in these these commercials and it hits. Like, no, save your money. I could care less about seeing Taylor Swift in a Doritos commercial or some high profile actor or actress in that Pepsi commercial. You know what I mean? Am I the only one feeling this way? I can't. like Get back to the original creativity and use your brain. Don't think that just some pretty face or popular famous person and is going to make it into the commercial hall of fame. Absolutely not. There was one. I will give one example. What was it being advertised for? I think it was Logitech.
00:24:08
Speaker
Computer stuff like accessory computer stuff. It was years ago obviously and it was Kevin Bacon and Excuse me Kevin Bacon was Not playing himself but his character was obsessed with Kevin Bacon it was so funny and I think what they were advertising was the Logitech keyboard being able to like connect to your computer TV and like search up Kevin Bacon films and all this stuff. It was just it was so obviously him It was so funny. That one is ingrained in my memory What's your favorite Super Bowl episode or Super Bowl commercial That you'll never ever forget. I'm really curious and I know I believe 100% that these recent commercials will not make it into that TV show that they created for like a
00:25:04
Speaker
the commercials over the years. They always have it like the day of, like airing the day of the Super Bowl or like Super Bowl weekend. They'll have that like TV show where they put all those commercials together.
00:25:17
Speaker
these new ones, they really are. They're the buzzkill. You shut up for the commercials and um you kind of bet on if it's gonna be a Doritos commercial next or um a Pizza Hut commercial or something like that. And it's just not like that anymore. but They really took the fun out of it, you know? And oh, oh! And can we talk about the episode for him Hers and Hymns or the commercial for Hers and Hymns?
00:25:50
Speaker
What a hit and a miss, bro. It was like, if you don't know what I'm talking about. The commercial started out and sometimes you don't know what is being advertised to like the very end. Like they hook you. It started out like the American food system is designed to keep you sick. The the healthcare care system wants you to be sick and they profit off of your sickness. There's no time for that. Like wait, it's time for a revolution and everything. Yes, let's go. And then it was about like basically Ozempic, their version of Ozempic. Are you joking me?
00:26:27
Speaker
I don't think it got past anybody cause it was like, you know, screw the healthcare system and the, you know, food system that is designed to keep you sick and overweight and it's time, blah, blah, blah. Here, here's a drug. but For all. That was a real swing and a miss. And I just, I couldn't believe it. Everyone got hooked pretty quickly because it was such an intense start to this commercial it's like oh yes yes it's like having you say yes and then the ending was like wah wah wah wah like a drug so you can stop being fat okay yeah mean but you want it real quick right yes that was funny I'll say that out commercial was hilarious anyway
00:27:23
Speaker
That concludes this week's
Episode Wrap-Up and Teaser
00:27:25
Speaker
episode. Let's see what we got next week. Do I wanna announce next week? Yeah, you know, we're gonna be talking about some breakup stuff. I know what it's gonna get a little serious, so stay tuned for that. um I don't know what Buzzkill will have next week. That's probably just what this podcast should be about. It's just things in life that are Buzzkill. um But again, thanks for listening. If you could do me a quickie favor before this episode ends, just hit the rating and write a quick little review just for the algorithm. I think that's how it works. um But I appreciate your support.
00:28:03
Speaker
Love it, and I'm here. I'll be here all week. Okay folks, peace out.