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Peace or Chaos?
8 Plays15 days ago
In todays episode, Katelynn reads off more listener responses. Including, someone who says they are living their dream life, but is fantasizing about other men and someone who feels like they are going crazy because of their peaceful life after years of chaos and toxicity.
Email the pod your questions or situations at: thenotsorrypodcast@gmail.com
TT @notsorrypod
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Transcript
Introduction & Welcome
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome back, ladies. It is the Not Sorry podcast, and I am your favorite Tufts love bestie. You know it, girl. And like I always say, if you don't have a friend like that in your life, get one or just keep listening.
00:00:17
Speaker
Or do both. That's the key.
Community Responses & Contentment
00:00:20
Speaker
um Now, thanks for joining today. um Today, we have a couple of responses. I reached out into the stra stratosphere of the interwebs, my community,
00:00:32
Speaker
And I got some good responses, got some good questions, some, you know, so we're gaining traction here. And I'm excited to talk about this because the two that I picked are pretty similar um in terms of like contentment, if that makes sense.
00:00:52
Speaker
But let's dive in.
Life Crisis: Friendship with Partner
00:00:53
Speaker
First off, this one is more toward like relationship advice, if you will. um But she titled it or um the subject line is life crisis.
00:01:06
Speaker
um She goes, hello, thanks for reading. I am in a life crisis and I would appreciate hearing your thoughts or advice on it. Okay, yes.
00:01:17
Speaker
um I'm living my dream life and I'm living with my boyfriend and our child. However, the last year I have been unhappy and now I'm finding myself thinking about someone else. I don't want to leave my relationship because of our child, and our child has only ever lived with mom and dad, but our relationship is just like friends.
00:01:37
Speaker
We never kiss, never have sex, nor do we ever go out or cuddle, etc. We're basically living as best friends. He says he's happy, but there's no sparkle in the eye, and I'm unhappy as well.
00:01:49
Speaker
However, I think we both have created our dream life, but we can't leave each other because then we'll lose it, and for our baby's sake, I'm torn. What? do I do?
Personal Experience & Child Impact
00:02:02
Speaker
That is tough, I will say. It's really hard when a child is in the mix, but I've been in this situation before when I was married. For those of you who remember, I will not repeat myself, but um it was... I've been in like more than one relationship like that where you do feel more like roommates and basically...
00:02:25
Speaker
There's more to life. There really is. And what are you teaching your child? Honestly, like that's if you're doing this for your child's sake, think the bigger picture. And what are you teaching them? What are you modeling to that child?
00:02:38
Speaker
It is not ideal for a kid to live in a broken home, if you want to call it that. It's not.
Debating Staying for the Child
00:02:45
Speaker
And I can agree with you on that. But at the same time, what are they getting while living in a home that's still broken and divided, but not divorced?
00:02:55
Speaker
that make sense? I'm a child of a broken home. Well, I was like in my twenty s when my parents divorced and there's no good age for when it's going to happen. But if you stay together because of your child, I guarantee you there's going to be a point when you do end up separating and it's never going to be easy for that kid.
00:03:15
Speaker
Yeah, I was an adult when it happened with my parents. And in terms of that, I would say it's easier as an adult because I can conceptualize and make sense of it because I've been in relationships and X, Y, z But at the same time, it was still just equally as heartbreaking because what what have i believed over the years? Like my parents were this and that and you idolize them and their relationship. And especially coming from a good Christian home like myself, it was like...
00:03:47
Speaker
Was everything a lie? Was it a fake? And you grow
Modeling Healthy Relationships
00:03:50
Speaker
up thinking like, oh no, you stay together. Divorce is never an option. You work through things and X, Y, Z. And then here, my parents are getting divorced.
00:03:59
Speaker
when I was going through a really tough relationship at this at the time too. So it also gave me the confidence to leave my current, my then husband, if you will. But yeah, so think about it.
00:04:10
Speaker
That's what would like say for people in that situation is like, think about it in that regard. Are you modeling your child to your child the relationship you want them to have one day? Did you think about that?
00:04:21
Speaker
don't think so. Because we're all going to grow up with problems, right? But you can control some of them, I would think. The big ones, the obvious ones.
00:04:34
Speaker
And if you want your kid to grow up in a home where mom and dad are just buddies and don't talk or cuddle or show affection, like, do you want that for your kid?
00:04:45
Speaker
Is your life what you have now what you want for your child in the future? Probably not, girlfriend. Like, We got to move on from that.
00:04:56
Speaker
But honestly, it's just like, don't know. That's not your dream life. Like you said that, like, that's not your dream. Honestly, it's not. If you're honest with yourself, think about that.
00:05:08
Speaker
If you're honest with my dream life, yeah, you you have love for your your partner. and the little home you created, but there's a giant piece still missing. That's not your dream life. I guarantee it.
00:05:23
Speaker
Your dream life is to be in a loving relationship where they pay attention to you, they take care of you, and they're there for you and um present, you know?
Boredom After Chaos
00:05:34
Speaker
And you so you even if it's with a stepdad that your child will... will be around, then they'll have a really good example and another male, hopefully their dad is still a good male role model, but then another really good male role model considering you do some work on yourself, you find yourself the right guy, even if it takes time.
00:05:57
Speaker
Okay, we've been over this. Jeez. um um But yeah, how bad is it if your kid has two male role models that are good?
00:06:07
Speaker
One good, maybe one even better. never know. But this isn't your dream life, dear. This is not. Dear, one of my old lady. Okay, let's move on to another similar...
00:06:24
Speaker
similar one and I want to expand on this because this one's a little short. um Her subject line is peace has been boring. um A little context.
00:06:35
Speaker
I'm 38 and my life has been a collection of chaos. I've been there. From losses to things going wrong, I've survived through a lot. I'm suddenly at a point my life where there's no more fires to put out and it's genuinely mind-numbing.
00:06:49
Speaker
How do you manage to stay motivated and inspired when no one is dying or
Embracing Stability and Peace
00:06:53
Speaker
you're not facing any losses or struggles? How do you manage happiness and peace? Please help. That's actually...
00:07:02
Speaker
kind of beautiful. I've said many a day before how my 20s were kind of chaotic, not stable, not um stable, if you will. I can't think of the other word.
00:07:15
Speaker
And when I got to the point where I'm at now, where everything is stable and peaceful and wonderful, I got little like... Like, your brain is wired to think, oh, the the other shoe's going to drop.
00:07:28
Speaker
It's just, it is something. Something's going to happen any second now. And, like, that's anxiety. That's your body. Okay, yeah, it's kind of... working correctly where your body's like, oh you know, I'm just, you're wired a certain way to expect chaos around the corner and it's protecting you, right? And so that's not happening. The lions aren't chasing you anymore.
00:07:51
Speaker
And your brain is like, WTF? um Something's wrong here because this isn't the normal pathways we're used to making. We're getting super sciencey because I'm so smart.
00:08:06
Speaker
But that is some of the research and like stuff I've learned over the years that have really helped me learn a lot about myself by learning about my brain in general.
Journaling for Growth
00:08:16
Speaker
So um understanding Oh.
00:08:19
Speaker
oh
00:08:23
Speaker
Sorry, i think sounded like somebody was about to walk through the door. Nope. What was I saying? Yeah, peace is boring, but do you want chaos?
00:08:34
Speaker
It's time to find a new normal. Learn about your brain. And like i was just saying, When you learn more about your brain and kind of what you're used to being hardwired to be and to act and to expect, things outside of that are going to be abnormal. It's ah a knife to the jugular, if you will.
00:08:55
Speaker
And I would stop, and I did this to myself, actually, and kind of had that moment to myself where life isn't chaotic anymore. times will always happen.
00:09:08
Speaker
But with the peace and security that I have now, find that gratitude and that that love. And if you want to find um other ways to garner excitement in your life,
00:09:21
Speaker
then do it. But in a way that's not going to destroy your credit score or your piece or your life, if you will, you know. And what can you learn from that chaos also?
00:09:35
Speaker
And write it down. Journaling has always been really good. I journaled like six years straight for a period of time. Crazy.
00:09:46
Speaker
And that, I'm a very,
Life Changes as New Chapters
00:09:48
Speaker
no wonder I have a podcast. I love to word vomit and get things out, especially with writing because writing has really helped me clearly States something that I'm going through that I don't know how to verbalize.
00:10:04
Speaker
And that has brought me through many a hard time, many a hard conversation where I just write it out and I make them read it like cringe maybe, but honestly effective if they're nice enough to like read my eight pages.
00:10:20
Speaker
Um, but I've been there where life was just chaos and you're just used to that. And I, I'm so grateful that it's not like that anymore because it it is stressful and your anxieties are sending out these like signals of like, Hey, Hey, Hey, ha ha.
00:10:39
Speaker
So that might be the boringness talking, but it's also like your anxiety saying like, we're not used to this and, um, we got to shake things up. Don't be self-destructive girl. Like we've,
00:10:54
Speaker
I think we've all been that self-destructive queen and just ruined things for ourselves. And have any of you ever done that? Like in a really crazy way, i want to hear that story of your self-destruction tendencies, like the big ones.
00:11:15
Speaker
I would do that in relationships where I would like, like the the past one just said where you're thinking about someone else, like, because yeah, something's missing and you kind of show your hand, your cards to the other person. So hope that they break up with you.
00:11:29
Speaker
You know, you don't want to be the one to do that. um Yeah. So that's what I'd have to say about that. That's kind of like a little simple, ah simple one. I'm going to take a quick beat.
00:11:46
Speaker
We're gonna take a quick break. I'll be right back. Okay, we're back. I was getting a phone call and I needed to answer it. But anyway, back to what we were talking about.
00:11:57
Speaker
Peace has been boring. i would lean into that, honestly, and to the part where she was like, how do you stay motivated and inspired? You don't need like, are were you motivated and inspired during those tough times?
00:12:12
Speaker
No, I don't think so. It might. Sorry, that street is so fucking loud. um It might put a fire in your ass to get out of those tough times, but the motivation and inspiration is now somewhere where you can put that energy into something good, you know, and it doesn't have to be chaos. It can be
Self-Authorship & Positivity
00:12:32
Speaker
um a new project or this chapter of your life is closed.
00:12:36
Speaker
It's over. and you're starting a new life, think of it as a new chapter that you can write yourself. I say this all the time, like the amount of personal power that you guys hold, we all hold, is insurmountable. Like you can't even begin to understand it. So I forget all the time and I have to remind myself like, oh, I'm actually in control here. i can do whatever I want.
00:12:59
Speaker
And so if you think about it that way that, oh, I'm writing this book. This is my book. i can I can do this. I'm the author. so what do we want next? Do you want to stay motivated and inspired?
00:13:10
Speaker
what What are you good at? What are your talents? What are your passions? You know, and explore that. Think of it in rather than a depressing way of like, where am I going? oh Life is just blurb.
00:13:22
Speaker
You could complain. Actually, don't because that will get you nowhere. Complaining gets you nowhere. But if you see it as like, oh, hey, the world is my oyster.
00:13:33
Speaker
ah can actually do what I want. I can go where I want. I can, let's learn Spanish. Let's learn how to paint. Or let's finally tackle that thing that I've been dreaming about trying to do one day. you know, think of it as a good thing that you're starting over again in a good way.
00:13:52
Speaker
I mean, how many times I just say that? Jeez, just listen. um But yeah, girl, you start a new chapter, a new life. am such an optimist. I, of course, when I, when things were imploding in my life, it can be hard.
00:14:08
Speaker
to see the positive, but I don't like the weight. Like,
Valentine's Day Anecdote
00:14:13
Speaker
it's just who I am as a person. I don't like feeling that heaviness of the difficult times. So I fight my way out to get to the grass that's greener, like literally.
00:14:23
Speaker
And so what ah I do that by seeing the positive, seeing like, okay, when I'm out of this, these trenches, man, when I'm out of it, it's going to be so good. It's going to be, I'm going to learn all these new things.
00:14:36
Speaker
ah Blah, blah, blah. Looking at all the positive things that will happen once I'm out of the trenches. And you're out of the trenches. least this girl I'm talking about. You've been out of the trenches. Well, that's good. what if What can you learn from that? Let's write it down. That's what I was talking about earlier, was journaling and just kind of word vomiting and getting all that out maybe and just kind of releasing it, right? where We're those self-improvement queens.
00:15:02
Speaker
And um just writing a new chapter, girlfriend. I am so excited for people who who are in these like uh what do you call it a um an in between of life this ended now something else can begin and i i am excited for that um yeah very happy for that if you want to write in you can write into
00:15:35
Speaker
the email posted below or DM me on TikTok. You can do that too. If you need some tough love or some perspective about something, anything, I got you. But Now we're on to our little buzzkill segment. This is my favorite. Like I rushed through everything just to get to this part because it's my opportunity to complain about something.
00:15:57
Speaker
And the bitch, we love to do that. Even though we stay positive around here, it's okay to let off some steam. Um, okay.
00:16:08
Speaker
So recently, Mark and I, it was Valentine's Day the other week, and I got these new shoes. I looked so, so good. had this white silky dress on.
00:16:22
Speaker
I looked good. Damn, I looked good. He's so lucky. um So I had this white silky dress on and i these red accessories. I had like these this big like Art Deco-y red ruby earrings and like red um ring and the red lipstick, the gold jewelry. Oh my God. and the only thing that can complete the outfit were these heels.
00:16:49
Speaker
I haven't walked. They were four and a half inches. I've, I used to, in my early twenties when I was hitting the streets on those dates, I was in higher heels than that. And I could run a marathon in them. i don't know.
00:17:07
Speaker
I dreaded the day that I would be in this position of, I don't know how I did it. I don't know how I walked in those heels, blah, blah, blah. Oh, man. i It was honestly, it was such a buzzkill because like every step I took had to be like, we're...
00:17:24
Speaker
Point A to point B had to be so close together so I could sit down really fast. Plus the shoes didn't really fit right. Cause one shoe is a little, fits a little tighter on one foot than the other, which is also really annoying.
00:17:37
Speaker
But ah yeah it was so, you know, when you're trying to one balance and not break your ankle, but also
Conclusion & Gratitude
00:17:46
Speaker
keep the shoe on your foot at the same time, like that causes like extra pain and it's super annoying. Yeah.
00:17:53
Speaker
So I'm just like walking so slow. eight weeks So we started at a restaurant close to the theater. So we went to the theater after. And we we've done it before, that route where we just walked to the theater because it's really close. Nope, not in heels. i was like, babe, this is we're going to late.
00:18:10
Speaker
They won't let you walk through the door if you're late. And i was like, I'm taking these heels off. I had to lay my pride on that concrete floor. and take my heels off. I would never, ever do that in my 20s. I would cry through the pain. I'd come home with bloody feet.
00:18:28
Speaker
Why would I do that to myself? But it was for the beauty, the pain. oh But I took my shoes off and I was wearing tights as well because it was freezing cold and I don't have a tan either. So um those things got tore up and I knew that.
00:18:45
Speaker
But luckily we were able to walk like normal and no one made any comments. I was so afraid that people are gonna be like, oh girl, yeah, those feet must hurt. Like kill me now. Literally kill me now.
00:18:58
Speaker
But I think I'm gonna get... some new shoes that actually fit properly, but I don't want to return those. They are really cute. They're these nude heels, and i put in little inserts, but i don't know. I just, they're so pretty, and I don't want to, like, I guess I, don't know.
00:19:18
Speaker
We're stopping right there while we before we dig ourself a hole. But um anyway, thanks for joining everybody for today's episode. We're doing a quick, short, sweet. I'm trying to bust out as many episodes as possible throughout the week because we got some goals to hit, bitches, okay? And you are gonna fucking help me whether you like it or not.
00:19:41
Speaker
I'm trying to quit my nine to five. Please, please, please, please, please. It's so hard. um Well, job I love the job. Okay. I really do like my job, but you know, it's, it's a job and um I have, there's better things in life. There's more in life and this is it.
00:20:00
Speaker
This is what we're going for. This is what I'm picking. I've made my bed. Now I got lie in it. All right. Well, thanks again for listening, like, and subscribe or, um, follow or whatever it is or wherever you're at, you know, the do drill and, um, I love you and thank you for being here. And until next time, peace out.