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Know your Self Worth
16 Plays3 months ago
Being confident and knowing your self worth is a JOURNEY for all of us. Listen today as Katelynn goes over her favorite ways to go through that journey, plus a fun challenge at the end!
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Transcript
Introduction to Confidence and Self-Love
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey besties, welcome back to the Not Sorry Podcast. I am your number one tough love friend because we all need those people in our lives, right?
00:00:12
Speaker
um So welcome back to the pod. Today's topic is very exciting because it's something I've been super passionate about for um all my life because it kind of... it's just who I am. We're going to be talking about some confidence, some self-love, because you're not going to be walking around this beautiful life without feeling good about yourself, without loving yourself. Like that is an actual crime.
00:00:36
Speaker
It honestly is. And it's okay. Easy for you to say, Caitlin. Well, you know, it's what we're discussing today because it ends today because I don't like that the people that I love don't love themselves,
Influence of Upbringing on Confidence
00:00:52
Speaker
right? This is a very intense topic. It can get very deep. We can go down so many rabbit holes.
00:00:59
Speaker
And, you know, it's really interpretive on how you want to take this information and where you want to go with it. um It's just something I've always been very passionate about because I did grow up just kind of a naturally confident person. So I can confidently talk about this topic.
00:01:19
Speaker
Well, you know, I grew up around boys. Like that was my main source of influence was three older brothers and a very type A dad. All my brothers, except for one, he might be more of a type B.
00:01:32
Speaker
The jury's still out on that guy. That's my twin brother. But, um, yeah, I, I did really have a confidence influence in my life.
00:01:43
Speaker
And I'm not going to lie. it It does help growing up around, um, men who are full themselves, but not in a toxic way. They're all good guys. Jury's still out on my dad though.
00:01:55
Speaker
Don't tell him I said that. Um, But yeah, it's, and as an extrovert too, of course, it's easier for me to talk about this kind of stuff, but we can all learn things from each other, right? That's what friends are for. That's what people are for. That's what
Building Confidence Through Positive Surroundings
00:02:10
Speaker
everything is for. We can learn from everything in our environment, even if you only have yourself to go off of.
00:02:16
Speaker
So if you have extroverted friends, be around them a little bit more. You know, it's what they say with um you know, the five closest people to you are your most greatest influence. So if you want to be a successful business owner or have lots of confidence or something, surround yourself with people that are more like that.
00:02:39
Speaker
i I got into that when I was going through, when I first started my fitness journey, I feel this burp coming on. I'm telling you, let's take a deep breath.
00:02:50
Speaker
When I first started my fitness journey, I knew that concept. So i was like, okay, I just need positive influence in my life when it comes to this subject because I really don't know where I'm going. I just know I need to be influenced and then I can kind of take everything with a grain of salt. And here I am today. I'm going strong, achieving my goals day by day. That's little other story.
00:03:13
Speaker
But think about...
Confidence Beyond Extroversion
00:03:16
Speaker
what you think a confident person is, what do they entail? what I think a lot of people think that confident people, someone who has confidence is probably more of an extrovert.
00:03:29
Speaker
That can often be fake. And that's something we all just kind of have to learn to filter when we see people. Like, for me, it's really obvious when someone is faking their confidence because it's just, they're like a repellent to me when someone's not being authentic.
00:03:45
Speaker
But you can definitely still be an introvert and be confident in who you are. And it doesn't mean you need to walk into the room and be the loud, boisterous person with all the attention on them. Yeah.
00:03:56
Speaker
Right? That's my dream. That's not your dream. That's okay. But think about what, ah when you think of like a confident person, if you're an introvert, do you know somebody like that? What kind of qualities do they embody? What body language do they have when that you would interpret as like a confident person? I just think it's such a crime. Right?
00:04:19
Speaker
that people just don't like themselves or have a hard time complimenting themselves or even just accepting compliments. I remember growing up, who was it? It was a family friend of ours and she was my mom's friend.
00:04:34
Speaker
And she had complimented me on something. She was from South Africa, such a great, cute accent, very, just dainty and just cute.
00:04:45
Speaker
And she complimented me on something and i was like, oh, no, like, no. And she's like, no, no, no. you You take the compliment. It doesn't matter if what I'm complimenting you on is trashy or if it's like a fake handbag or whatever. You just say thank you and move on. I'm like, oh, and if you knew who this person was, she is just the most meek little mouse in the church church kind of person.
00:05:12
Speaker
And I've never, I'd never forgotten that advice because it's like, you can hate the compliment. You cannot accept the compliment or whatever. you can say thank you and move on. And the more you learn to accept it in that way, even if it's super hard, accept it, accept more positivity coming into your life, into your heart, into your sphere and surround yourself with more of that, with more people who are saying like, yo, you're beautiful dog.
00:05:40
Speaker
You're gorgeous, okay? I don't want you looking in the mirror and saying, no, I'm fat or my eyebrows are stupid. Gosh, that reminds me of ah that Mean Girls scene where they're all standing in front of the mirror like, oh, my calves. I just, I look like I have man hands or something. And once her face's character is like, should I insecure about something? Should i Is this normal American behavior? Unfortunately, it is.
00:06:08
Speaker
And that little scene is hilarious because it's absolutely true. ah um And one of the things too is when it comes to when you think of a confident person who loves themselves or whatever, what do you think they'd like tell themselves.
00:06:27
Speaker
Think about that. Like what kind of language do they, are they giving themselves their, their own personal head talk? What's going on
Bodybuilding and Insecurities
00:06:35
Speaker
in their minds? Right. i um, and you'd be surprised, honestly, when i was really getting into the fitness industry and the world and like immersing myself there,
00:06:48
Speaker
um I had a couple of friends that were bodybuilders and who were in the that competition sphere, like took this, like made it a sport like that's their career. Learned a ton.
00:06:59
Speaker
The biggest thing I learned is that these people, these women, and even men, obviously, who you look at them and you can arguably say they have... a perfect physique, perfect body, because that's what bodybuilding is. It's not powerlifting competition where you just got to be the strongest person in the room or something.
00:07:18
Speaker
You just have to have the best physique or, you know, all the different categories are like, whether it be ah more of an upper body focus or like a full body focus, how insecure these people really are.
00:07:30
Speaker
Because that industry can really make or break you because they are so deeply scrutinized on like how different this delt muscle looks on that delt muscle. And like, I got to balance it out. Otherwise they're going to and yes, that can be kind of obvious, but some of the people I were i was close to, I could not believe that how in deeply insecure they were and who they are, not necessarily with the way that they looked, they felt confident.
00:07:59
Speaker
Some of them felt confident in that that sphere because this was their job, this was their career, and they're really good at it. But when it comes to just like loving themselves, Absolutely not.
00:08:10
Speaker
That was not on the table. And I just couldn't believe it because what we project to the world is what we want the world to see us as. So many people can be deceiving, not in like, I wouldn't say like in a mean way to manipulate you or get something out of you. But of course, we want the world to see only the good. And that's what that's why Instagram and TikTok is all is, on can be toxic.
00:08:37
Speaker
And, you know, don't believe everything you see on social media, but that's what it is. We want to project our best selves to the world.
Vulnerability in Podcasting
00:08:44
Speaker
and And so it's important to remember those things, especially if you're comparing yourself to them.
00:08:51
Speaker
I do it all the time. I'm doing it right now. I'm going through the same process here. might be confident and love myself in every other aspect of my life right now. But when it comes to podcasting, I am still, it's very vulnerable for me. I'm still going through the growing process, the learning process. And I failed so many times already. Like, what's the difference?
00:09:13
Speaker
Literally, what's the difference? But this is something I love and that I'm passionate about. So be it, it's not something I'm confident in just yet, but how do we get confident in something? How do we love something or, you know what i mean? Or how do we get good at something?
00:09:29
Speaker
we keep doing it. You keep telling yourself that you love you or you keep practicing this skill. And so to me, yeah I could be sitting here on my high horse, but I'm really down in the trenches when it comes to this, this subject. And we're all dealing with something different, right? We're all going through our own little highs and lows and what we're feeling good about or not good about and or what what what we're struggling with. So I really want people to,
00:09:58
Speaker
try and like self-reflect and try comparison really is the thief of joy. It can be. And I, especially lately, vulnerability time, have to be careful. i really have to be careful and give myself a lot of grace and compassion that I'm still working on this.
00:10:22
Speaker
It's very, very, very, very early in the process, extremely early. I'm like an infant newborn right now, basically. I can't do anything. don't know anything. And um so I just want that to be a ah little proper reminder when it comes to something that you aren't feeling confident about, or even if it's just a general, I just don't love who I am.
00:10:46
Speaker
Oh, God. Can we talk
Challenging Negative Self-Talk
00:10:48
Speaker
about that? Because that's kind of... just so sad. Like, that's just, like, really... eats at my heart is when I encounter someone who just just doesn't like themselves.
00:11:02
Speaker
And I want to give you the biggest hug right now because it's just so untrue. Everything that you tell yourself is so false. So what is it that you're telling yourself? What kind of language are you speaking to yourself?
00:11:17
Speaker
you know So i have a little bit of a challenge. A little bit of a little baby challenge. I want you, and I did this for a minute when I was growing up, i because we all go through our times, tough times, whatever. i want you to go in the mirror right now or later.
00:11:35
Speaker
i want you to remember this. I want you to go stand in front of the mirror. You know exactly where I'm going with this. um Stand in front of the mirror. You don't have to say anything. Just stand in front of the mirror.
00:11:46
Speaker
Look yourself in the eye just stare at yourself for a second. Let all the judgments come and go. The little like, oh your hair. I'm always complaining about my eyelashes or something.
00:11:59
Speaker
You're going to be nitpicking yourself being like, I could lose weight. I could have better skin. I'm so pale. Or i just fucked up that meeting or that job interview and I just feel like a total piece of shit.
00:12:14
Speaker
Whatever it is, right? Just let those coming go. And as your mind starts to quiet a little bit more, you did do this for more than 60 seconds, please. And then just tell yourself something nice about yourself. Say, give yourself a compliment.
00:12:29
Speaker
What do you actually like about yourself? Even if it's like, girl, you got a good nose. You actually do have good skin. You know, great complexion. i If you want... You know what just helped me before when I was playing that comparison game growing up?
00:12:44
Speaker
I don't know where this came from, but I was always feeling so incompetent because my brothers were always so good at everything, just naturally.
00:12:56
Speaker
When it came to sports, they excelled. When it came to academics, easy A's, barely had to study. While I'm sitting here in the trenches, can barely jump six feet off the ground.
00:13:08
Speaker
so hard for me to get average grades. I had to try so hard. I couldn't remember what two plus two was. Are you joking? And so I'm comparing myself to my brothers and then, you know, the other people that are what I thought was seemingly smart. I struggle in school, I'm telling you.
00:13:25
Speaker
And I just had to stop myself and think like, you know, there are... dumber people in this world. But there's always going to be someone smarter than me. But there's always going to be people not as smart.
00:13:37
Speaker
There's always going to be someone who is quote unquote, more beautiful than me. And then there's always going to be someone who's quote unquote, uglier than me. You know, that sounds harsh. So take don't take that the wrong way.
00:13:51
Speaker
But it was this fact that like I could constantly be achieving perfection or I could constantly just being so down on myself because I saw a beautiful girl today and I don't look like that.
00:14:02
Speaker
Well, honestly, someone's doing the same thing to you. Okay. they're They're looking at you and saying like, God, look at her style. So beautiful. I wish I could pull that off or something.
00:14:15
Speaker
Right? So I started doing that when I was pretty young. I don't know how, I don't know why or where I got that from, but I did. And it made me, it kind of humbled myself a little bit saying like, you know, accept who you are.
00:14:27
Speaker
If you're not going to excel at academics or math, ugh, I hate saying that word. That's okay. It's okay. And if if you want to work on yourself when it comes to your style or glowing up, as they say these days,
00:14:44
Speaker
then do it. I'm not against that surface, you know, out outer beauty. That's okay. you can You can do all those things. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, whether it be that self-care Sunday.
00:14:56
Speaker
There's tons of stuff, but I will not accept you sitting here and wallowing in your victimhood Saying, I don't let me, I don't, and you're just wandering around the world, just blah, I just don't know, why me?
00:15:11
Speaker
I don't like that. Do something about it, okay?
Believing in Self-Worth
00:15:14
Speaker
I don't like when people wallow in that victimhood and say, I just, I've never been confident, I've never loved myself, and you're 55 years old.
00:15:24
Speaker
Babe, you've had enough time to do one thing for yourself to change that.
00:15:33
Speaker
So I kind of want to hear from you guys that um what you have done that kind of levels up yourself your self, what you feel about yourself, self-worth, your self-confidence, um what you've done to like yourself more. What was that for you? I'm curious. And you can honestly start, if you don't know where start, start with the basic stuff. Start with the self-care Sunday, seriously.
00:15:56
Speaker
And then if once you start to feel good that way, do something else. Get good at this thing. Or i was just watching, i actually have it on pause right now, this podcast, the diary of a CEO. and he's interviewing, um man, hold on.
00:16:14
Speaker
I love it so much. Now I'm going to look it up. I just had it here. ah vaette Vanessa Van Edwards. And she's this like body language expert. And that episode has been so like, oh my gosh, duh.
00:16:31
Speaker
And she's talking about how to, if you are a closed off person who don't, doesn't, has a hard time making friends because people see you as intimidating or closed off or, you know, hard, if you will, how to soften your body language to be more approachable, to come off as more of a warmer person that is easier to make friends or even in the dating world, I highly recommend you go watch that because it's so good for any industry, for anyone in any part of their life. Like there's so many things.
00:17:03
Speaker
This is just an example of like what you can do to help Increase your level of self-confidence and your personal self-worth. you You are worthy of everything. I'm not saying that you're not right now because you don't feel that way.
00:17:17
Speaker
You already are. That's where you need to begin because and that's where you need to begin. is to begin to believe that because it's true. Everyone is worthy of love.
00:17:29
Speaker
Everyone, even if it's self-love, you're worthy of all good things in this life. You really are. And you need to be accepting of that. And the more you're open to that, the better things, better things will start to come into your life. And the better you so you feel about your life, good things will happen.
00:17:47
Speaker
Bad things will always happen. Let's accept that right now. There's going to be those days where like I just feel disgusting. You know, on those days, you know, during our monthlies, right?
00:17:59
Speaker
I will feel just so gross. I will feel physically just dirty. So what I'll do is, I feel this way.
00:18:10
Speaker
My ah mother nature's on her little clock right now. She's running her course. So I'll go into the shower, go into the bathroom. For a whole hour, I will do that everything shower. And girls, you know what I'm talking about. The shaving, the self-tan, the eyebrow plucking, and the and the serums and all this stuff, like the little body scrubs. I'll do it all and I'll come out of that bathroom like a little wet seal that is one shade darker.
00:18:41
Speaker
And I'll feel great. I'll feel comfortable. And I'll be more relaxed. And we'll sit and watch a movie. I would have slathered my body in oil. And it just needs to soak. So i have to sit there and let it.
00:18:52
Speaker
Anyway, all that to say is that there's so many resources out there that you can utilize for free for the most part.
00:19:03
Speaker
A lot of them are free anyway, or just super cheap to level yourself up, to glow up and to enjoy this life more. Because I, as you can tell, I'm a very vibrant vibrant person. And I don't want people around me that aren't appreciating life or appreciating themselves in the same way. Because it is only one life. And it sounds so like, oh my God, how am like, that's a little dark, Caitlin. Well,
00:19:32
Speaker
It's kind of true.
Life Decisions and Parenting Influence
00:19:34
Speaker
But I take that kind of mindset of like, it's only one life. We're only living for so long. um As a way of growing myself, I ask myself a lot when I have a hard time making a decision on something that is important, that will affect the rest of my life.
00:19:53
Speaker
how I will feel about it when I am on my deathbed. Will this matter? i will say this lot. It's not going to matter how the dishwasher is loaded when you're on your deathbed.
00:20:04
Speaker
It 100% is not. Save your time. Save your energy. Just get the dishes clean, babe. That's all that matters. Okay? Clean home. Okay? Cool beans. What matters at the end of your life? And as morbid as that is, think about that.
00:20:21
Speaker
I think for those of you who have seen that TV show, How I Met Your Mother, they... What's her face? It's been a while since I've seen it. The main couple with what's his face?
00:20:31
Speaker
don't That's not very helpful. But they're helping Ted with his relationships, right? And he found out that she had purposely made them break up. Like she was the constructor behind her breakup.
00:20:47
Speaker
And he found out and she's like, okay... The reason we she broke up with you or we made you guys break up can't remember the exact line that was used, but basically she's like, I don't see her in our rocking chair with you. You're when we're old and when we're more're um in our 80s and, you know, we're in our golden years. She's not on the porch with us in the rocking chairs at the end of our lives. She's not that person for you because I don't imagine her as that.
00:21:21
Speaker
That might be a little bit of an overstep for a friend. But it's just the logic behind it. Is this really somebody I want with me for the rest of my life? don't know where I was going with that.
00:21:34
Speaker
But um yeah, so that kind of, you know, oh, and the other thing I wanted to bring up was parents. If you're a parent, if you want to raise confident, secure children, it starts with you.
00:21:53
Speaker
I don't care. I'm not a parent. No. I know I might get crucified for saying something because I'm not a parent. But if I said these things, being a parent, The same thing's going to happen, so don't give fuck.
00:22:06
Speaker
um There's this book. It's way over there. um it's by Dr. Amen and another guy. I can't remember off the top of my head, but it's called Raising Mentally Strong Children.
00:22:17
Speaker
Something like that. Look it up because it will help you learn how to parent based on brain health and brain development. among other things.
00:22:29
Speaker
And um it will challenge you to um be better mentally. But that's all I'm going to say about that because parents also walk around thinking like, why is my kid this? Why aren't they making friends?
00:22:44
Speaker
Why are they having trouble with friends? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, everything starts with you. If you're their main source of influence for the most informative years of their life and you don't know why,
00:22:57
Speaker
Look in the mirror. That's going say about that. But back to our challenge. I want you to challenge yourself. If you do feel that you have a hard time accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are, do you do the little mirror challenge for two minutes a day. stay in front of it. You don't have to say physical words, but you need to get to that point where you can say some physical words, literal words to your yourself yourself saying like...
00:23:25
Speaker
I love you. ah love you. You're beautiful and you're strong and you're confident, whatever it is. Okay. want you to have the best life that you can ever imagine. Okay.
00:23:39
Speaker
Um, but yeah, definitely write in. I want to hear what you have done to love yourself more. Or um what I do want hear some other positive things like what have you done recently that has made you proud of yourself? Was it completing that 5k?
00:23:54
Speaker
Was it breaking up with that guy that was fucking you over? Like, what is it that you have done that has made you proud of yourself? Okay, we need to celebrate you. Um, okay.
Listener Engagement and Humor
00:24:06
Speaker
On to our buzzkill segment. This is my favorite segment because it allows me to bitch about something that has happened recently that totally killed the vibe.
00:24:18
Speaker
We've all been there. um I need to hear your buzzkills. What has happened in your life recently that just totally ruined the moment, like totally ruined it for you.
00:24:31
Speaker
I just love it because it's just such petty things that we experience in our day-to-day life where you're just like, fuck that. oh You move on, you know? um So mine this week is I made this TikTok video where it was like a day where I had this like surge of like creative energy.
00:24:51
Speaker
And I was making, I was, it was already on the menu for the week to have a pasta night. but I wanted to hand make the pasta for the first time. So was like, tonight's the night, work is slow, have a little time to put some effort into it.
00:25:05
Speaker
And um i was like, you know what would be good with that? Focaccia, because I love making focaccia. And Mark loves having like a little piece of bread to soak up that sauce with. I mean, everybody does.
00:25:18
Speaker
he's like, I'm gonna make some focaccia. But focaccia takes hours to rise properly. So I started at like 11 And so I made this TikTok video where I was like, if my boyfriend doesn't propose to me after this meal tonight, I'm breaking up with him because I'm making him fresh handmade pasta, his favorite focaccia.
00:25:40
Speaker
ah It's game over if he doesn't propose.
00:25:45
Speaker
And it was just so funny to me. My sense of humor can be really aggressive sometimes, if especially if you don't know me. I can have an aggressive style personality.
00:25:56
Speaker
Intense, okay? Aggressive probably not the right way to not the right way to say it, but an intense sense of humor. And there was this comment was like, babe, you realize that this is a joke?
00:26:12
Speaker
Because she's like, have you guys actually had the talk of marriage and kids? or No, what was it? It was like, like he yeah have you actually like talked about it?
00:26:25
Speaker
That would be a better way to go versus pasta. Like, oh my god, you really think I'm being serious right now?
00:26:38
Speaker
I don't know. I was like, but read the room. Read the room. It was a joke. And Mark and I joke about that stuff, that kind of stuff all the time.
00:26:51
Speaker
So when people just don't read the room properly, even if it's the internet, sometimes I get it. But other times like that, it's like it was so clearly a joke. One of Mark's mottos is never apologize for comedy. And I stand by that.
00:27:06
Speaker
It was the first thing he told me when I met him. Never reply. And it's his Instagram like bio too. So random. Anyway, I'm over it. It took me like five seconds to get over it. my Oh, I did reply to the comment. I was like, I just thought, oh, did I reply to the comment?
00:27:25
Speaker
I can't remember now. What did I say? sorry There was another comment I replied to recently where and post another video using the same videos from that cooking session. i kind of did two videos in one.
00:27:41
Speaker
And I was like, Let's do like a little video of like me just like cooking and preparing this dough. And I want it to be like practicing my trad wife skills, you know.
00:27:55
Speaker
And one of the comments was like, um why trad wife? Why not this or that, you know, more traditional terms, even though that's what trad means. What was it?
00:28:06
Speaker
it should have been more prepared. But I was like, oh, well, I just think trad wife is a hilarious term. Like, it's ridiculous. if I mean, I'm not dogging on people who are, you know, wanting to do like traditional housewife stuff. i I actually love that. That's the kind of mother I had.
00:28:21
Speaker
i'm But the the term trad wife is just so funny to me. It sounds cultish. even though it's not, but this girl was like, why would you use that term? Like, because I think it's funny.
00:28:34
Speaker
It's funny. All right. That's the episode, babes. I'm so sorry. um but would love to hear from you. If you have any, um, questions, thoughts, concerns, help, whatever you need right into the show, you can DM me on TikTok or just email me at the email.
00:28:53
Speaker
below next week we will be doing the q and a session as we might be calling it we'll see but thanks for listening in your rating and reviewing and recommending is keeping the dream alive so i love you and i'll talk to you next week peace out