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Stop Setting Your Relationships Up for Failure
73 Plays8 months ago
Kels is here with a HUMBLING example of why having expectations are OUT in 2024. Seriously, just stop now, it's hurting us all.
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Transcript
Introduction to Awakened Bacon
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Bacon educational high vibrational mystical spiritual pot I am sorry podcast from one girl one joint in a journey to awaken what's inside all of us in the words of the wise Wiz Khalifa Let's roll something to get the day started
00:00:16
Speaker
You like that? I kind of changed the rhythm there. I gave a little different emphasis this time. I'm feeling a little crazy today, okay?
Embarrassing Birthday Story
00:00:23
Speaker
I had a little sprinkle mix-up of weed in my bong before I came here to give you guys these wise words that I'm here to share with you. So, I'm feeling wild. I'm feeling insane. I'm feeling spooky.
00:00:39
Speaker
Ooh, spooky. Ooh, maybe I'm gonna listen to Queen Urby's, like, Halloween Queen album after this. Yes, that's what I'm gonna do. Okay, I'll get right down to it. Guys, I have a humble story to tell you. I have an embarrassing story to tell you about how I was not my best person for my birthday.
00:00:55
Speaker
If you have been an Awake and Bake fan for a long time, then you've probably listened to the episode where you get to meet Danny and my spouses, Isaiah, who it's his birthday, so happy birthday Isaiah, which is Danny's spouse and my spouse, Cole, who is the sweetest, kindest, most amazing, heartfelt, beautiful soul in this entire world. He's a cancer and he's so sensitive in the most amazing ways. And he's so in touch with his emotions and he's just so
00:01:28
Speaker
Gracious, I guess. I don't know. I just am so wildly, wildly in love with this man.
Birthday Surprise Suspense
00:01:36
Speaker
And he had a surprise for me for my birthday. He had built it up for about two weeks, told me I've got a surprise. We're doing it the Saturday after my birthday. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be great. He told me that's going to be 50 minutes away.
00:01:51
Speaker
And that actually, no, I think that was that. That was, that was the only information I got. It's going to be 50 minutes away. And so I was.
00:02:02
Speaker
I was, I was not my best self. I let myself get these crazy expectations. I was like, we're going to Cleveland or Buffalo. We're going to like go to an art museum. He told me we can get all dressed up, which now like looking, uh, guys. So he told me we can all get all dressed up. So I'm thinking we're going to like, yeah, an art museum or a fancy restaurant or something like really cool. Um, just, I don't know. My mind was like spinning with how many different things I thought he was going to pull out some wild thing. And boy did he.
00:02:32
Speaker
So finally, it's Saturday after my birthday arrives. It's the day of my big surprise. I'm so excited. We get in the car. We drive for the 50 minutes. Five minutes before, I put on a blindfold. He's like, oh my god, baby, I'm so excited. Like, don't look, don't peek, don't ah. We pull up, we park.
00:02:52
Speaker
I have my blindfold on. I take it off.
Trader Joe's Surprise: Mixed Emotions
00:02:55
Speaker
I still have my eyes closed though. I peel off the blindfold, but I keep my eyes closed because I'm like so excited for the surprise. I love a good surprise. I can't wait. And then finally I open my eyes to see Trader Joe's sitting before me. And the intention, the thought behind it is
00:03:23
Speaker
million percent that's what matters that's it was amazing Trader Joe's is something we used to do all the time in San Diego especially when he would come back from his underways we'd go we'd get the blood orange soda we'd go have a picnic at like Kate Sessions Park or Balboa Park or even the beach like we would just go to Trader Joe's and that was like our special place in San Diego it was
00:03:43
Speaker
It was it was really awesome. We loved trying their snacks. Like it just I don't know. Trader Joe's was really special to us. So the fact that he thought of it was amazing. I am a stay-at-home mom of a six month old. Pretty much the only time I leave my house is to grocery shop. So the last thing I wanted to fucking do for my birthday surprise was grocery shop. I don't care what the store is except for maybe Wigmans. I would probably do it at Wigmans.
00:04:10
Speaker
But I, yeah, I was not, I wanted to cry when I opened my eyes since I was Trader Joe's. I wanted to cry. I have to be real. And I felt terrible. I also like, I wanted to cry partially because I was disappointed, but then partially because I was so upset that I was upset. And I hate Cole thinking that I'm like disappointed in him because I was not at all. It was very sweet. The mistake I made.
Vocalizing Desires and Expectations
00:04:35
Speaker
And this is on me, was that I, one, have expectations. We should not have expectations of other people. We need to stop doing that. We need to release. And when I say we, I'm speaking directly to me. I need to release.
00:04:50
Speaker
putting expectations on people. But number two here is even more important and that is that I need to vocalize what it is that I want. If I do have certain things that are like something that I am looking forward to or that I really desire that I want to get from someone else that I need to vocalize that it is my responsibility in a relationship
00:05:14
Speaker
With any human being, whether that be a friendship or an acquaintance or a teacher or a student or a coworker or a partner, you are responsible for saying what you want. I am responsible for saying what I want. I am responsible for saying what I want.
00:05:32
Speaker
you're also not responsible for other people not telling you what they want and that's on them. So stop beating up yourself for quote-unquote disappointing someone when they didn't tell you what it is they wanted and that again is directly to me because I do that all the fucking time. I take it very hard on myself when I don't live up to the standard that someone did not define for me and that's not my problem.
00:06:00
Speaker
We can only do what we can do. We only have the tools that we have in front of us to work with. That is all we have. All we have is what we have. All we know is what we know. And we really need to... I do think this is kind of an across-the-board thing we need to work on. Just being a little bit better about saying what it is we want. It's okay. I used to think it was a bad thing to like
00:06:22
Speaker
Say what you want and ask for things. I don't know why I thought it was so horrible. I thought it was like bratty It's not it's actually kind of awesome because then people know what to do and they know how to be your friend Oh
Communicating Needs to Prevent Loneliness
00:06:34
Speaker
stoner cough. Hold on
00:06:38
Speaker
When you're not telling people what you want, then they're just constantly grabbing at straws and trying to figure it out. And you're probably constantly getting disappointed because you're like, oh my God, you know, these people all around me don't know what I want. No one knows what I, no one understands me. No one knows what I'm thinking. Then you feel these feelings of loneliness.
00:06:56
Speaker
because you're isolating yourself from people by letting yourself get disappointed in them, by not setting these relationships up for success, by communicating what it is that you need out of it, what you need from them and listening to what it is that they need.
00:07:12
Speaker
And if you're both not doing that, then one of you needs to tell the other one. You need to have this conversation with each other about, man, we really need to open up this line of communication and talk about what it is we need because it's okay and it's actually really good. It's really fucking good for your relationship to tell each other what you need.
00:07:31
Speaker
And again, that goes for literally all relationships. Tell each other what you need. Set your boundaries. Be vocal. Talk about what you need to talk about.
Encouragement to Speak Truth
00:07:43
Speaker
Speak yo truth. Alright? Oh, and of course, always stay high. Bye!