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00:00:01
EP 6: My Boy Zack (ft. Vince Kowalski)
149 Plays1 year ago
In this episode Jim, John, & TJ are joined by Special Guest: Vince Kowalski. Join in as they talk about Family Businesses, Old Men Actin' a Fool after paying Swim Club Bonds, and Childhood Heroes & Villains.
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Transcript
Introduction and Welcoming Remarks
00:00:01
Speaker
Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.
00:00:26
Speaker
Welcome to RE Garbage. Yeah, so nice to be here. Welcome to RE Garbage. Yo, here's to the garbage. I told Jim this, or I think I told you this, but not Jim. Dude, my mom, so my mom lives in a different house now, and the other day I went to her house.
The Wawa Job Story and Stereotypes
00:00:40
Speaker
I'll drink to that. Shout out Diet Cream Soda. Diet Cream Soda to that.
00:00:45
Speaker
But so we get there and we go there for dinner and she printed out three wah wah job applications for me, my brother, and her to work in together. Oh, yeah. Family business. Yeah. Who's taking who's taking who's taking hoagie bar? Who's taking round? I'm not touching cold cuts. There's not a chance. I don't touch them.
00:01:05
Speaker
No, you shouldn't. I don't. Well, I don't have enough eyebrow rings. I have enough eyebrow rings or fucking Captain Jack fucking tats. Yeah, I could do the burgers at Wawa, but other than that, you can't do the burgers. I used to, when I worked there, when I worked at Wawa, I worked the seven to three. That was my latest. I'd be there till three.
00:01:22
Speaker
So you worked the construction workers. Yeah. Yeah. So I worked the construction workers shift. I got out of there before the burgers clocked in. The burgers would get off the bus. Burgers get off the bus with one strap on the backpack. Try to pay with tokens. I would never work a while.
00:01:39
Speaker
Man cashier seems seems kind of like chill, you know, yeah, it is chill as fuck. It is chill as fuck Oh you did I did cashier mostly and then they got this like they this old guy came back from like hip surgery and was like I'm the cashier I was like, I don't work here anymore. They're like hang on the deli with the fucking with the garbage Not want to be on deli detail at all
00:02:02
Speaker
I want to sell cigarettes. That's all I want to do. I want to sell cigarettes and coffee. I would do coffee. I would just brew coffee all morning. Remember in Mean Girls when they go through the lunch tables and the one table is like the art kids and they got like salami over their face? That's how I picture everybody who works at Deli counter at Wawa to be like when they're in school. They're like fat goth or skinny goth. There's no like medium-sized person at the Deli.
00:02:25
Speaker
There's always, I always feel like there's that one lady who works at every Wawa in her 60s that's like so fucking... Messed up. That she just, is just sucking her bottom lip the whole time she's working. Oh yeah. What's the exit line they hit you with usually? Like have a good one or something like that. Yeah. You too hon. Yeah. Blashes. You too hon. You too hon.
00:02:48
Speaker
I searched for the two dollars off pack for you. Have a great day, hon. Can I get matches? She's like, matches? She's like, hold on. Hold on, let me get a sip of water. They ask you if you want matches, dude. Younger cashiers don't ask. No, they don't ask because young people are pussies and they don't like matches. They don't like fucking cigarettes. Young people are fucking pussies?
00:03:09
Speaker
Yeah, it lip tarts. Don't give out matches. Yeah, I grew up playing outside. I eat matches I drank out of the house and I eat matches. I drank out of hoes. I played squished a lemon I eat matches Yeah, we played manhunt We played manhunt and I eat matches
00:03:26
Speaker
Dude, these young bulls will light anything on fire but a Portland. Do you think any fingering gets done in dugouts anymore? No way! You ever take a bait to a dugout dude to get her naked butt on there? You gonna knock the sunflower seeds off the bench? You gonna knock the dusty seeds off?
00:03:55
Speaker
Yeah, well that's that's if you get done gripping everybody's board first Yeah, I feel like also I mean you could work a while out cuz you do smoke I'm surprised they hired Jim. She doesn't smoke cigarettes. I would just go outside and smoke weed Yeah, or that I don't think I could work there. I worked with a dude I worked with a dude that most of his shift he would spend live on tiktok selling Pokemon cards That was what he did all day
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah, TJ's gonna try to order a fucking grilled squirtle My boss does that too he sells he sells fucking pikachu rapids they sell Star Wars cards on this like app I'll hear him in there be like good morning everybody I got a few today, and then he'll be like it'll do like a live chat and like other fucking
00:04:50
Speaker
Hey followers the other fat dudes a big claws will fucking Be One day you'll hear him like just like open a pack and then let's just like walk out the house. I'm out of here. I'm out of here I'm out of here Princess Leia a nude princess Leia yeah Yeah, I I life. I don't think you should work a wall
00:05:11
Speaker
No, it's not I have a job. I'm fine. She just I think it was just funny to me that she considered that she went got everybody I think it's cute that it's like Carmela you you got school brochures I Like she was like look. I'm gonna save the family. I know what this is It's just the fact that I'm gonna start working at Wawa's why we're fucking struggling right now Listen, I thought she's you see I imagine she was laying in bed. She goes Holy fuck
00:05:38
Speaker
I figured it out. I'll do the cold cuts. Hold on. He'd do the reg, he'd do the coffees. Vinny's always been good at fucking picking up the fucking gallon of milk. He's always been good at that. That's one of his favorites. He's good at drinking it. He's good at drinking it and not putting the lid back on. You put a fucking, you put a snow hat on Vinny, you can put him in the freezer for 10 hours. That's the other thing, you gotta be like an emo with a nose. I think you're ready to fucking cold box all day.
00:06:02
Speaker
Listening to fucking asking Alexandria, stocking half and halfs. I wish that's how that was what was going through my mom's head, but I doubt it. No. I doubt it was that. She was like, I'm going to save this fucking family. No, she was just
Family Business Challenges
00:06:15
Speaker
like, she was just like, both my sons suck. So we should all just have a job and suck together and hate it. Working with your brother and your mom would be worse than a sitcom.
00:06:28
Speaker
That's a stand stoop Neil and sitcom It's a push-pull meal
00:06:38
Speaker
You worked in a family business, right? Yeah. How did you like that? It was all right. It just kind of sucked that like family and home and work kind of like blended together. Yeah. So it kind of become like a gray area. Your boss is your dad. Yeah. So I'm just like, I don't want that. I was not simplify things, but also just anger you even more to be around your family.
00:07:02
Speaker
Yeah, but I also feel like it was because I was at like a younger age in my life. Like how old? I was like fresh out of high school. Oh, okay. All right. I thought you were like some 13 year, like fucking university, like a family. I always got the 13 year old involved or somebody fucking way too young to be working. He's throwing Dell. Throwing Dell. He's running the register. Back in like middle school, I was serving.
00:07:25
Speaker
I was like, what would you like? Were you a cook? Were you like front desk? I did it all. I did like register and cook, whatever. Basically, I did like sign spinning. Yeah. Chicken tender specialist. Pretty much. Yeah. Chicken tender. I love tenderologists.
00:07:42
Speaker
Because I worked at a Japanese restaurant before, I really loved deep frying stuff. I feel like it doesn't get enough respect. Yeah. Well, it's all so awful for you. It doesn't get enough respect. TJ, you just haven't been to Arkansas. Holy shit. It gets all the respect down there. I think people respect it. They deep fried batteries there. They'll fry a fucking roadkill in a pothole if they give them a fucking deep enough fucking hole. Didn't you tell me about deep fried corn?
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah, in fucking in Kentucky, we ate deep fried corn. I want to try that so bad. They pull it out of the field and throw it into fucking hot oil. And they give it to you.
00:08:25
Speaker
You're still trying to recoup drinking the fucking diet grape soda. It's super hilarious. What did you hit a fucking hospice fridge? Yeah, I broke into a fucking hospital hospital. You kind of got the sides. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Door dash is doing like a Gaza discount. Yeah, you boys got to watch tonight. He stood.
00:08:49
Speaker
I'd rather you just tell me a bit. Can I explain it again? It's like a miniseries. It's like you're not like Dark Side of the Ring. This is the Dark Side of Kids TV. Is it just him or do they get a bunch of these dudes?
00:08:59
Speaker
Well, they're they're talking me. It's mainly about him because he was the head writer of like all an executive producer He had like three big role like three of the biggest roles in the show So he was like the godfather pretty much the godfather of kid feet and it's crazy. She called him the creator and I think that's scarier than like because he was the creator That's scary though. They also would write sketches. He also wrote sketches and all that where the kids would be like well Dan's God and
00:09:24
Speaker
Whatever Dan says goes. He would sneak in these weird innuendos all the time. Yeah, he's a cult leader. But there was a few things. It starts out with his rise to fame. He was on some fucking bullshit show in the 80s, and then- Yeah, he was. He was in a fucking podcast show. He was also in a movie called Better Off Dead. He played a fat nerd. But he never had a big role. And then when he got Nickelodeon, that's when he started getting
00:09:47
Speaker
real comfy. Really comfy with like little kids. Shirt on in the hot tub. Big schnities. That's a good crazy look and they hit you with that as soon as they hit you with something bad that happens they just go boom that like that picture. That optic is so weird it's like get out of the hot tub.
00:10:03
Speaker
He was like, like he was getting, he had three women working in the writers room and he would like instant messes them. He's like, I'll pay you $300 to yell out, I'm a whore right now. And then like they would do it and he like wouldn't pay them. And then one night he was like, I'll give, he said, I'll give $30 to whoever can eat this whole like fucking like leader of pudding.
00:10:23
Speaker
And the girl was like, I'll do it, are you gonna add onto that tab of money you owe me? And then he grabbed her by the face like an hour later, he was like, don't ever fucking talk shit about me like that again. Holy shit. That's what you're allowed to do when you make some of the best television of all time. Oh yeah, that's what you do when you paint it. Drake and Josh is one of the best shows ever. It is the best sitcom I've ever made. That's what he did when you discovered Miranda Cosgrove. Oh my, oh he did discover her. He found her in like a fucking, like picking grape leaves. What did he do? Did he do something hard, dude?
00:10:47
Speaker
I'm not there yet, but I hope, I hope he face fucked her just because I want to see the show. I want to, I want, I want to just see what happens. They're building this up for him to be like, and then he just didn't get in trouble. And then
Dan Schneider Controversies
00:10:57
Speaker
he just didn't print out the evidence kind of, well he works at Viacom. I thought he was a CBS network.
00:11:04
Speaker
He doesn't make Nickelodeon TV shows anymore. There hasn't been something from him. There hasn't been anything good in years. Hasn't been anything from him. Gotta get that shot. He knows how to tap into children's souls. Yeah. Drake and Josh. Drake and Josh was a fucking fire show. So good, dude. I love Drake and Josh. And not because of him, it's because of who it is. It is. Well, it's because he wrote the episodes? Yeah, he wrote everything. He did? Yeah, he wrote everything. I thought he was just a showrunner. I think he's a genius. No, he's a genius. I thought he was like a Chuck Lorre kind of guy. No, he's a super genius.
00:11:34
Speaker
No, he was the executive producer, writer. He knows how to manipulate children like us. We've all been violated by this man. I think Amanda Bynes was getting it though. I think Amanda Bynes was like a just, yeah, she was getting it. Like I think she was getting risaped. That's insane. Well, cause he discovered her in LA and the fucking improv. She's doing stand up. She was an eight year old doing stand up.
00:11:56
Speaker
And he had a girl before her that he was grooming to be like, do you want your own show? This would be called like the Beth show or some shit. The girl that's in the documentary is like talking about it, how she was supposed to have the spotlight. And she's like kind of jealous. She's like, yeah, then Amanda showed up and I'm like, I feel like she should be like, I mean, he also could have licked my feet. Like I work at fucking Sanoko. The insider is kind of hot and I kind of always thought he was hot. It's a big guy.
00:12:25
Speaker
If we could get this on video really quick, I would just like to say that I've always been a damn I thought this I thought we were just talking the guy up I thought we're talking about fucking hottie. Well as I didn't realize we're putting them on blast yeah well And then you found Amanda and a lot of people say on cast like Amanda all the kids have to go to school for three hours a day Yeah, and there always has to be a parent present
00:12:43
Speaker
Well, Amanda would like never show up with her parents and she'd be hanging out in the office with him all day. Damn. So I think he was playing like, I think he was playing like feet, feet or something. I don't know. I don't even know what that is. I think he was doing like pee fuck. Have you seen the color of her hair? He was doing pee fuck foot lick. I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't even know. She has a fucking face tattoo and she has like a fro now. She looks like me. She looks like me and Bam Margera together.
00:13:10
Speaker
Yeah, like how insane she has become is consistent with something awful. A lot of them like that. I don't know what's happening. Why does she feel like she can't talk about it? Probably because Viacom will murder her. But then if they kill her, then people look at Viacom. No, but here's the thing. No, they won't. They'll be like, oh, she killed herself.
00:13:27
Speaker
No, but every time that happens, people go, oh, they didn't kill themselves, and then they look into it, and they find out of this person was in this trouble. Yeah, and then it's just some nasally prickling YouTube that's the only person that's advocating for her. Yeah, but a lot of people believe it. What's happening to her right now is she's going through ritualistic, like, torture right now through the... Yeah, she's trying to make her feet tiny enough to get popular again. She's like, oh my God.
00:13:50
Speaker
She's like scarring herself and like and like going crazy, but it's all like it's all like because she's she's It's a sacrifice for her for her crimes. You know I mean yeah for her crimes Yeah, so her crimes were acting out of tune being such a cute kid. Yeah. Oh her freaking crimes
00:14:11
Speaker
You think she's still involved with these people? Like they're telling her, hey, keep your fucking mouth shut. They'd probably threaten her. They'd probably threaten her family. Like, we'll kill yourself. We'll kill your fucking family. And Dan tried her probably before he turned her loose, like before everything just, she wasn't like on TV anymore. He probably just gave her a bunch of ass and then brought in the dancing lobsters. Yeah, the dancing lobsters. He brought the dancing lobsters in and was probably like, nightmare, you fucking bitch.
00:14:34
Speaker
Dancing lobsters are in here now the lights are going on lights are going off and guess what I'm all three of them I'm all of them. I'm all of them. Could you imagine the her getting fucking? Yeah, I can That's the bad person in my head. I'm watching a TV show like it would be even worse if the dancing lobsters fucked her in my head I'm like I gotta watch season. I'm like eight years old thinking that oh my god
00:15:07
Speaker
They slimed a lot of kids Nickelodeon was the I wasn't a Cartoon Network kid at all really I like them both you know I like them both I like spongebob I like Drake and Josh
00:15:17
Speaker
Zoey 101. I couldn't tell you a single thing happened to Zoey 101. I just thought Zoey was hot. What about Disney? Were you like a Disney kid? Like a Disney original? Hannah Montana? I don't watch Hannah Montana or anything like that. But for some reason, every time I smell cinnamon toast, I think of Hannah Montana. That's all right. My parents were having the against Hannah Montana. My parents were fighting because Hannah Montana comes on at 12 p.m. And that's when you make cinnamon toast.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I turned off. That's what I turned off. I'm related. That's what I turned off. Cinnamon toast is a perfect noon treat. Perfect. Yeah. That's because my parents would wake up early. Breakfast for lunch. Right, early. Yeah, like a pill wake up. The whole thing with Dan Schneider, though, is the fact that he's not guilty of anything and the fact that now he has a video out saying that he's like, I'm really sorry. My behavior, I wouldn't do it now.
00:16:09
Speaker
He's like he was like I wouldn't do it now He had to set the record straight like a cop cuz they were asking cuz you would get the women at work to massage them all the time, too He'd pay him 30 bucks to come in and massage him. He would instant. He was a fucking terror on the fucking I am dude He was just instant messaging women. He was like you got to come in and the side of the head instant message That's just he's just hiring like that's not all that got all that the show canceled And then they brought all that back in 2000 to 2002. Yeah, I didn't I was too. I was too early for me
00:16:37
Speaker
I only watched it like Nick at night when I was a little kid. And then I would watch it during the day because it reruns. Yeah. Nick at night, Full House. That was my show. Oh, yeah. Full House. Loved that show. Yeah. Dude, Full House, one of the best, really. Dave Coulier's classic. I mean, now I watch it and it sucks. But I remember the episode where, who's the middle one, Stephanie? Remember she finds out her classmate that she's supposed to do a project with is like getting his ass beat at home?
00:17:08
Speaker
Fucked me up dude and now I watch that YouTube clip where they had the inappropriate laugh tracks over him being like your dad doesn't throw you down the steps Like their golden retriever, you know gallops into the room after he's just dropped this bomb and there's just applause
00:17:33
Speaker
The fucking Kramer like entrance applause You ever think you've ever had that in your life what you walk in like that character that hasn't been on a little bit And you get that like whoa everyone's like
00:17:46
Speaker
Yeah, well when you go to a bar five nights a week you do kind of feel like the guy from Cheers, but nobody's every night It's just like there's that weird dude that wears the fucking military jacket again. You know yeah a fucking weird guy You do you I've seen you in the frontier and every time I walked in you've just been disgruntled Like you'll look over your shoulder like you don't want me to walk in there like you knew I'm not coming You're like I don't go there as much as I used to but I that's good. That's good Watering hole what are you gonna do man? Yeah, yeah
00:18:15
Speaker
Yeah, that place is pretty cool though. Yeah Desmond ordered the whole kitchen. Yeah, it was like fuck. I gotta do my job That dude was like asleep. Yeah, I've since found out that guy loves cooking back there. He loves it It's like it's like his face. My only way gets paid. He gets paid. He gets paid per plate dude. That dude's like 450 He's security the chef
00:18:51
Speaker
The frontier before I do that like what that was I remember that was just the place that had like buffaloes on the inside it's better than a zoo I
00:19:03
Speaker
Yeah, you get to touch the animals in there. I didn't smoke. I'd never go there. That's right. Oh, yeah, that's a dump. That's right. I read about a fucking Ridley swim club, brother. Oh, man. I got cousins out there. Well, you got the suntan lotion. I got the suntan lotion. You got the sprayer to rub on the Ridley swim club. That's where my cousin Samantha would fucking squirt the ketchup on the cheese fries.
00:19:25
Speaker
Fucking go to go to help I have the same way though. I like I like cross hatch and catch up on the fries No, it is a suicide mission though because everyone hates you Like a kamikaze and fucking jab
00:19:40
Speaker
It's always the most catch-up when someone does that, too. It's like the water first. Yeah, it's like she planned it like that. I love a good swim club chief, right, dude? Jesus Christ. God damn it. Outstanding. It's almost worth the $1,500 bond you have to buy to have a swim club. Just to be anywhere near to fucking...
00:20:02
Speaker
My parents used to send us in with a towel. She would send us in. She would get the stack of IDs, right? And she'd send up all of us in, and then she'd stand there with the fucking... And they'd be like, oh, come on. Yeah, you're not going to turn away a little shirtless fat kid. If I was a person working for a desk, I'd be like...
00:20:16
Speaker
I don't care. I'm on heroin right now. There was this girl, there was this girl, we went to Hilltop for one summer, then the second summer we didn't re-sign back up and we just kept going.
Nostalgia and Swim Club Memories
00:20:26
Speaker
And my mom was like, here, get out first, put the towel on. And then she threw, she hit a little bit of water bottle on my lap. This was all like french fries? She would get my, yeah, just for the fries, yeah. Snack bar. Well, you just spent like five minutes lamenting over the snack bar. I thought this was to go and get fucking cheese fries. This was to go in and get a cramp in the pool.
00:20:46
Speaker
Have like a good local snack bar you guys. Oh, yeah, dude. They should get fucking this you get stools up there So you could just chill up there all day. I'm gonna hit them. I'm gonna hit the snack bar The concession stand not tonight, honey. I'm going to the snack bar But she would get my mom would literally take a water bottle squirt it on my bathing suit and put the towel over my shoulder Maybe go into this fucking swim club blue power and then she would come back in like an hour later
00:21:10
Speaker
Like, I'm pretty sure she would wait to go. What were you doing in there? Fucking making friends, talking to strangers for four hours. Literally, like, she would come in, I'd be, like, on another family's towel, like, mom? He had Dorito fingers. She would come sit with me, I'm like, hmm. Yeah. No, we're playing. I'm, like, doing this now. I got stickball at, like, 11.30, and it's, like, 11.25 right now, so I'm probably gonna hang out with this family for a little bit.
00:21:32
Speaker
Yeah, they're like super like having fun. Yeah. Like dad's going to play. Yeah, dad's going to like their dad's going to play in the game. Yeah, their dad's also going to play. My dad just got back from a swing shift the septa and he's going to cough. He's got a cough and he's pretty racist. It's going to wear off after this nap. He's going to have the nap off his racism real quick. We're going to stop having fun like real early.
00:21:59
Speaker
Oh, dude, my dad was diagnosed with being medically the worst. Yeah. Go to the swim club when you're a kid, walking there and seeing like an old guy dick in the fucking changing room. Fuck it. Old people don't give a fuck about getting changed at a swim club. No. It's because the bond's so high. I don't think it's going to say that bond. You pay that bond. I will show a kid my penis. I don't care. You don't care. I don't fucking care, dude. I always thought that was weird, too. Yeah, old guys, they love showing it. I've never seen it. I belong to a swim club, too.
00:22:28
Speaker
I guess we were special. It was a small band thing. I mean I think it's just cause like old guys they're just gonna like, they're gonna die soon so they don't really care. I guess, but I'm not like, I'm gonna die, I don't care if this kid sees my penis, I'm gonna die soon anyway. You guys have a week. My demographic was just old women, that was the oldest people there.
00:22:47
Speaker
In fact, it was really just women and then like little kids in the changing room Yeah, cuz fucking the men go to work and the women take the kids to the pool for the day Yeah, fucking talker them out. I'm gonna bed on time. I remember the lifeguard I remember passing the swim test in the lifeguard. I remember when I was kid You ever know a cool lifeguard when you're a kid? We had like two cool lifeguards at the one place I went they were like they were like so funny, dude
00:23:12
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I was like seven. We're the coolest guys ever Guy died with his hands on the sides. Oh my god Zach what's up? He's like salt dude. I'm like yo mom that's Zach
00:23:31
Speaker
I'm probably gonna go catch up with Zach. I'll be right back. Hold up. If you guys have like a 16 year old who like played sports with you guys. Yeah, that's like a Zach kind of dude. Like a dude who's like a Zach kind of dude. Like you just think he's the coolest guy ever. Dude we had a 16 year old who used to just deck the fuck out of us at nine years old. His name was Billy.
00:23:50
Speaker
Yeah, there's a real like tattoos at six like wife beater classic fucking you know, like Spike Lee wrote it like a failure like it's just a white trash just Fucking destroy. Could you imagine just fucking decking fucking? 4-foot a kid sounds fucking awesome. It's it does now that I think about Dominate. Yeah, dude, my brother and all his friends played football So like they used to fucking they was to be their like their guys versus like the whole neighborhood of kids
00:24:18
Speaker
They were older than us, so they would just kill us. They were bench warming it. They would just destroy us, and we would love it, because they would throw the ball real hard at us. We would be crying, but we loved it. They would kick our ass, but we were into it. That's dangerous as fuck. Kids that are to the same age as someone way smaller than them, but they still have that brain where they're like, I remember thinking, I just want to hit the fuck out of someone. I remember thinking that when I was 12 playing football, dude. My little brother and shit.
00:24:47
Speaker
but you're fucking dangerous. I was a fucking, you know, I was big. You were a bowl. It was probably the same size. Same beard. Same since it was eight and 12 right now. But fucking, I remember one time we played football at Amos land, like, you know, back behind the school.
00:25:04
Speaker
And my little brother came with us and there was a kid who was even older than me that came. And he's a fucking big kid. My little brother was like maybe 11. And this, he just went over the middle for a ball and just got fucking clotheslined. And I remember thinking I'd be angrier, but that looked fucking awesome. Like that looks sick. Like Lawrence Taylor, you know? He killed my brother.
00:25:26
Speaker
I would care, but that was awesome. I was sick Yeah, we always had like I remember like I remember I was a kid like there would be like the older kids will play like like a wiffle ball Yeah, they put like the newspaper in the fucking yeah, I'm like at the fucking swimming club I were like like begging to play I had no idea like how to play I ran the wrong way I hid it and ran the wrong way They're like yo, what are you doing? They were like you're not playing with us, and I was like that was me. I don't know
00:25:59
Speaker
Literally like I think I died there. I don't think I've been alive. I think it's all been a simulation after that If you know be so funny if all those people were still hanging out, and they fucking were like yeah, you fuck bitch You're a fucking pussy get away from your how old you are you can't hang with us still cuz my brother like I remember my brother being cool better My brother's my brother like whatever they're like oh fine, and I was like excited, and they're like What are you even doing you're not playing with us? He's not playing with us my brother's like
00:26:27
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I don't even have an advocate that the fucking Zach was sick that day. I hung over. I hung over. I would never do five drinking beers last night. I would never do that. I hang out with this girl last night drinking beers. Yeah.
00:26:46
Speaker
It is funny with those people are like legends to you when you're a kid then when you get older you're like you're a weird That was a loser. Yeah, that dude was definitely that dude was definitely getting beat the fuck up There's a legend there was a legend at Ridley Swim Club, dude Mike my cousins they had like another cousin on their dad's side I like wasn't related to it all and he's they used to call him monkey and
00:27:09
Speaker
It was like this, it was like this Wiggers that used to do backflips off of picnic tables. And everyone, like his name was Monkey who like backflip off of anything. And like, Wiggers have like the craziest fucking, they have the craziest talents. Everybody wanted to hang with Monkey, he was sick.
00:27:27
Speaker
Wiggers have such good talents, like backflipping all fucking picnic tables. Backflipping, I'll whole backflip off. Aving. Yeah, I'm like getting fat chicks pregnant. Yeah. I'm like so good at those two things. Yeah. Oh my god. Soundcloud. I had epic cousins, dude.
00:27:42
Speaker
It's so funny that Vince knows them. It's like the funniest thing ever. From the pool? Same neighborhood. Fucking covered in bug bites, dude. Oh, two mosquito bite legs, dude. The whole fam. Every time.
00:27:58
Speaker
We our family we had parents would gather and think about buying a bottle and fucking bug spray just to toss to one of them Yeah, should we just get a big get a big fucking buck community bug spray for these fucking We got any extra off. Yeah, or fuck is such a mellow? Such an Ella Keating fucking Diki tortures
00:28:24
Speaker
When your white trash parents get, when your white trash parents start getting tiki torches, that's when it gets really fucking nasty. That's when you're headed towards a bad summer. Oh my god, a tiki torch just means like bad times. A tiki torch means like burnt black split hot dogs.
00:28:42
Speaker
If I saw my parents getting Tiki torches I knew that there was gonna be like a pill laden fucking barbecue that was gonna happen And someone's gonna have like a nasty fight on one of those clear tables The fact that you were born out of a fistfight is one of the funniest things Your mom was nine months pregnant, got into a fucking fistfight then asked you Your mom got punched up My mom was like seven months pregnant dude, I was like four pounds
00:29:11
Speaker
My mom was like eight weeks pregnant. She was born without a head like a fucking Purdue chicken. My mom was putting cigarettes out on her tummy to try to get me out of there. Your mom gave birth to a raw quail. It became Jim.
00:29:25
Speaker
So funny put me in a fucking they put me in a fucking oven stuffer bag, dude They had to keep me warm put you in a bar back some Italian dressing, but I was plugged They have me plugged in and like a fucking tube for like in like a in like a bin for like a month like an incubator Yeah, I mean like a fucking they have me in like a fridge
00:29:42
Speaker
Mini Frisbee putting Mountain Dew in a fucking his head trying to put more Mountain Dew Soking in a fucking code Red Mountain Dew. Jim was pick grinding. Jim was grinding in a jar. It was Dew Brining. Oh man. I didn't see that on a rag. I love that we have fucking Vince's fucking. I'm not even gonna say wigger. I'm gonna say player. Yeah. You sound like a real player.
00:30:10
Speaker
No, that voice, that's an angel. That's a melanated queen. That's what an angel sound like. What you talk on heaven on earth. On heaven on earth, we moisturize. We stay with it. My elbows is nice. We stay with it. We above all of that, that childness. Yeah. We was conversating the other day about it. We adult it. We adulting it. I bought a candle from Target. I'm an adult now. I'm not on that childessness.
00:30:39
Speaker
I am making two ends meet no more I got all the meat in my fridge I got from the turkey to the ostrich I got it you want to see you want to see you fucking you want to see melanated motivation go to Aldi Holy shit I feel like a Nazi in there dude I feel like a like a skinhead in there I was like
00:31:08
Speaker
Why'd you feel like skinning it? Because I went anywhere and they were everywhere. My combat boots? I've never been there before. It's like I think it's because I went in with my combat boots and rifle. I felt like a Nazi in the store the other day. Like a Nazi. You ever feel like a Nazi going somewhere? For something to do with my weird mustache. Remember Bruce Willis wears that sign and die hard on the black neighborhood? That's what he walked in there with.
00:31:34
Speaker
Denzel tries to save his life. No, it's Sam L. Jackson. Oh, Jesus. He's like, get the hell out of here. He's like fucking yelling at him. And then the black guys roll up on him, and I forget what happened. He acts crazy. He acts crazy. Yeah. He acts like a retarded guy. What all do you hear?
00:31:49
Speaker
I was hitting the Aldi where the bowling alley used to be in Overbrook. Nice. That's the fucking bowling alley. That's the bowling alley. Yeah, dude. They fucking don't even have any drinks for kids. They literally just cut coal 45 with some cold milk for a little kid. Yeah, the owner of that building's name is bowling alley. Bowling alley.
00:32:12
Speaker
What's bowling alley? What would a commercial with bowling alleys sound like? They'd be like, cut out of bowling alley. Bowling alley. We don't even bowl in this mama horror. Bowling alley's salooning lounge. What's a lounge, dude? What's a lounge? It means there's a couch. Yes, there's a couch that's...
00:32:34
Speaker
Means there's a couch that's purple probably what is a lounge mean ashtrays and a couch? Why does a lounge always have a bouncer at it? Is anyone that's not loud velvet rope for one chair? $25 VIP experience
00:32:54
Speaker
There's a place in West Philly, the swank. You ever go past the swank? I have not. It's right on fucking Chestnut when you're going into the city. It's like the swank lounge. I gotta check that out. I go past it all. It looks so scary from the outside. You should go in. You can't see in there. We should check it out. We should check it out for an episode. We should check it out and see. You get the swank lounge? Yeah, dude. We should, all four of us, go to the swank. You walk in there with a camera, you're getting bottled across your eyes.
00:33:22
Speaker
If you walk in with a camera, they're gonna take you back to your house and beat your mom up in front of you. I don't think so. That's the kind of place, if you get into a fight and you bring a chick there, they're going after your chick first and punch her on either side. Is she gonna get her foot bit? I keep seeing shit like that. I see it on like fucking Twitter, like Reddit, like it'd just be like a couple getting into a fight and the fucking chick is getting warped. That's why I like a chick that could- That is like
Women Who Fight and Personal Preferences
00:33:47
Speaker
the worst.
00:33:47
Speaker
No, you like a chick that can fight, but here's the thing. It's like five, like five angry black dudes at a bowling alley are fucking roll on your girlfriend. He likes a chick that can fight. That's so hilarious. When I was a kid, I felt the same thing because I liked wrestling. I was like, I want a chick that can fight. Yeah. Did she just sweep the leg? Yeah. I want him to get everybody wanted to date Lita. I wanted my girlfriend to do backflips onto me. Yeah.
00:34:12
Speaker
Have you ever been in a good fight, Vince? Have I ever been in a good fight? Have you ever been in a good brawl? Never a brawl. I've been in fights though. I feel like a good fight, so we'll throw your buddy around that one time. Well, I heard there was going to be a brawl one time at fucking Holy Cross, dude. I didn't go. I didn't care. Holy Cross, having a brawl is so funny. There was this thing in middle school, like on Instagram, where it was like, it was like some fucking kid named Evan, like from my school, like one of those names, like fucking...
00:34:38
Speaker
Yo, everybody go to Holy Cross. We're gonna fuck up these Haverford kids. Like, we're gonna fuck them up. And everybody wear your Ridley Raiders jersey. Like, they all wore their football jerseys. Like, fuck it, like the villains in Karate Kid. And they went, I guess they brawled, I think, you know. I don't know, I was rooting against my school. I was like, I might go Jordan Haverford. Yeah, he's good for the heel. I might. Yeah, dude. If Vince was watching it from like the roof of a Rite Aid, like Napoleon watching a battle.
00:35:06
Speaker
He beat down at the Baptist Church. He was just up there smoking a cigar, watching. I was answering Ask FMs, remember those? I was writing them. I was like, do you have a crush on anybody in Miss Riley's class? Name Jens Kowalski. Yeah, with the initials. VK. Yeah, drop your initials if you fuck with me.
00:35:28
Speaker
Our school had, like, an anonymous Instagram account. Dude, some kid shaved his head and told kids. Like, God, I wish he would just see me. I'm right behind him. Yo, this is... But who's that? It's my baby, but I'm like, it's you. I'm like, yeah. Yik Yak. Remember Yik Yak? Remember Elliot? Yeah, they just stopped our... They had to do a lockdown at our school, because Yik Yak was, like, an anonymous comment site. Oh, yeah. Which had one of the funniest comments I've ever read. It was like, how is it that black kids go to school till 10 p.m. every night? That was the funniest fucking... That was the funniest shit.
00:35:58
Speaker
Somebody's like, how is it that? Every black kid goes to school until 10 p.m. Because they gotta catch the buzz, bro. Yeah, they're waiting for the 103, brother. 103 to 9 a.m., bro. Yeah, dude, as the 10 o'clock, the 103 goes a little more further up in the middle room. Hits the wide sweep.
00:36:14
Speaker
Like this kid said he was gonna go into the best buddies room and just kill them all And then they they like the best buddies room that was the that was the bouncy room for the retards I thought was a bomb threat now. I say he's gonna go in and shoot Jesus So they had like a lock down. They'd like check everyone. They'd like check everybody and all the shit It was a kid didn't even go to our school. They graduated here
00:36:35
Speaker
Yeah, but those seems like the ones that are gonna do something like that When we were like freshmen those kids were way more shootery the seniors way more shootery Yeah, we usually we're the kind of kids that go to like flea markets to get like fucking like we had like we had like rain knives We had like we had like one shooter maybe like three or four
00:36:57
Speaker
Really, who'd you who'd you think? I'm gonna say names, but three or four For sure. Oh my god, you got punched in the face by one. Oh that one. Oh my god I got punched in the face by like a retarded guy like that is like in this bouncy room that John I was in the bouncy. I worked in the bouncy room I took it as an elective. They're like, yeah, let him act like he's helping him. I'm like, oh
00:37:22
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Even though I was playing Wii, now I'm thinking about it. I was like, I played a lot of Wii in there. I played a lot of Wii. I'm like, I'm fucking crushing these tards. I got into one of them. Wait, wait. Yeah, you were one of them the whole time. Yeah, but our school, the security barrage, one time my dad had to come into school for some reason. I got suspended. And my dad had to come in to come get me. And the front desk guy is a guy who's literally just like, I don't know, some one of the palsies.
00:37:48
Speaker
but he's like a cerebral palsy something very very small in a chair and he's got like kind of like that like like that I mean I don't know what it is I'm trying to be nice about it but like a melted human being he stopped my dad and he was like you know what I was like what are you gonna do about fucking turn your chair around
00:38:08
Speaker
That's your barrage there for the school shooters. That guy. Yeah, that was good. You think that guy's gonna be the school shooter? No, I'm saying he's, he was the first line of defense. Like you walk in, you have to go through that guy to get to the office. Oh, okay. You know what I'm talking about? He ain't stopping at Stango. Oh, remember Stango.
00:38:25
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, that's huge. He said the funniest thing one day to our principal. He goes, I got the immune system of a rock. And our principal was like, all right, whatever you think, pal. Somebody must have put fucking Crickwater in your IV when you were little dudes. Oh my god. Crickwater? A little Crickwater. No, but I feel like if a shooter comes into the school and they see that person, they'll be like, ah. It's the easiest target of the day. Maybe life's not that bad. Check, make sure it's not jammed. Yeah, make sure it's not jammed on this one.
00:38:55
Speaker
The magic going in there, James, you're like, fuck, you gotta run. You gotta run out of there.
00:39:00
Speaker
You know what would be even worse? A knife guy. A masked knife. Dude, the principal lunging over the table is the funniest story of all that. Yeah, I remember there was a kid in our school. His name was Reds. Everybody thought that he was an undercover... He was a retarded guy. Everybody thought he was... The rumor started that he was a cop. That he was an undercover retard, which if he was, he should get an Oscar.
00:39:25
Speaker
Because he never broke kayfabe He's literally a retarded guy like when people like see like a retarded guy who's like kind of advanced and they go They just don't want to pay taxes. They just don't want to wipe their own ass. Yeah, that's right That comments fucking corny I there's a guy in school those there's a guy in school that was slow and people thought that he was faking it and I was like I don't think you would go through that
00:39:48
Speaker
That's not a fetish. Is it a fetish? Is it a kink? Possibly. Retard play? Probably. Tard play. Tard play. Mentally challenged play. Can you identify as mentally challenged? I think a lot of people do. A lot of people are doing it on TikTok. Yeah, a lot of people are like, I'm autistic, I'm depressed. But that's not mentally challenged. That's mentally ill. A girl go like this and be like, what are we skipping? Yeah, I've seen that video.
00:40:13
Speaker
TJ might be the only person in here that I'll tolerate to watch anime. He might be the only person in my life that I will tolerate that watches anime. I don't even watch it. There you go. See, he's the one who he's the bearer of all anime for us. Yeah, I don't know Desmond that watches anime and that's like.
00:40:29
Speaker
That's because he's a Watashi dough. Whatever that picture. He's very... He loves the Asian culture. He does. He likes noodles. He loves MSG. He has bags of MSG in his house. He's the fuck... Like, it's Coke. Yeah, he loves MSG. Do you ever watch the barbeque sauce? No, never. I don't really... I'm not a fan of it. I'm not a fan of the fan base either. I don't watch any cartoons anymore. I don't like the fan base. Do you like cartoons? Is that why you don't want... I like cartoons, yeah. I mean, I really like... I'm a guy, but not like... I don't watch that even. Like, I grew up watching, like, SpongeBob and, like, Ed Ed and Eddie and stuff like that. Fairly odd parents, but...
00:40:59
Speaker
What about, like, a nice, like, uh, animated movie? Like, are you a fan of those? Shrek. Soul. Soul's a good one. I saw Moana. I thought Moana was good. That was pretty good. Toy Story, yeah, like Pixar and stuff. Sure, but, like, I'm not, like, I wouldn't wear, like, a Moana feature. Yeah, what can I say, except you're welcome. I wouldn't go to, like, a convention, like, how much I like a cartoon. You know what I mean? That's true. And Hentai, like, I don't want to... Have you ever watched Hentai? Yeah. Uh... From time to time. Have you ever jerked off to Hentai? Not my style.
00:41:27
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know it's like I was hentai mean in Japanese is just being cartoon porn I think so sex means yummy yeah, and they there's a loophole there's a loophole in hentai because they make little kids and hentai there's certain hentai that has little boys and little girls in it, but the loophole is that they make them like a demon that's like a thousand years old and
00:41:49
Speaker
Yeah, they have a backstory.
Hentai and Internet Content Exploration
00:41:51
Speaker
Yeah, they have a backstory. They're like, oh, they're ancient. They're like an ancient little boy. I feel like, no, that's just an excuse. It totally is. 100% is. That's better than the dance. I think that's worse than the dance Snyder shit. Yeah, that's what I was just saying. That's worse. No, that's not worth it. What he did is worse. What he did is worse. I feel like an ancient little boy. Still real to me, damn it. I'm still real to me, damn it, damn it.
00:42:37
Speaker
No, I watched wrestling when I was a kid. I mean, that's probably, that's true, but I definitely, I didn't, I wasn't, first off, I wasn't rich, and I don't think rich kids don't watch wrestling. Yeah, would you have electricity? I think for us, it was just like rich. I think it's a matter of us just like not having cable.
00:42:47
Speaker
I can't wait for WrestleMania.
00:42:53
Speaker
I just watched SmackDown. That's the only thing I liked. What was it on? SmackDown was on UPN. I don't think it had anything to do with money. I just watched SmackDown. You couldn't get raw. Raw was on USL. You know what it was? When I find out about it at home, Raw was literally sitting in front of the AC. Hell yeah, my legs are all itchy from the fucking rolling around the grass all day in front of the AC. Raw's on. When I found out it was fake, I just thought it was stupid after that.
00:43:17
Speaker
I don't think it's that good right now, but I'm still going to WrestleMania. No, I know. Well, you guys like it. I know. But didn't you like when you found out it wasn't real, weren't you just kind of like, Oh, this is all right. Uh, I remember I cried. Yeah. And I was in like fourth grade and I watched this thing on my pH. I was like wrestling's greatest secrets and they show you how everything's done. And it was like a car accident. I like, I was like watching like this.
00:43:36
Speaker
I just got into sports. Dude, what it is, it's either you move on from wrestling and actually get into sports, or you just keep on in wrestling. Just stay on it. Just stay on it. There's a portion where I didn't watch it at all for a few years, and then I got back into it. But yeah, it is ultra fucking gay.
00:43:54
Speaker
Well, no, I would never bash something that anybody else likes, but I just I just I don't know. I grew out of it. I don't I just started playing sports. I feel like every like everybody has like a thing that they nerd out on nowadays. There's so much content. There's so much content anymore on the Internet like
00:44:13
Speaker
Dude, that's another one. Yeah, like there's so many like wrestling like vintage wrestling pages That are like you just immerse yourself back into it. Oh, yeah, you know I'm saying yeah, there's like niches on niches Yeah, like like you can watch like anything you could get like any recipe for like any single thing you've ever wanted to make like ever now
00:44:33
Speaker
You're watching a million shorts. Yeah, and it's all sure that you've already seen everything Yeah, it's our it's gives you like a shot like a big dose. I watch shorts all the time I think I watch more reels than I do with full videos anymore now YouTube has the reels and I just watch reels Yeah, it's a lot of soprano shit public altercations Thomas Shelby I've got I somehow managed to like stop looking at it
00:44:58
Speaker
And now I don't see it anymore, but for a little bit, it was literally just like toxic mail. I'm going to poison your algorithm with one soon. Oh dude, we should start sending each other some sick male fucking male memes. You should send it to me so I could start the video off. What's that? I always say that one song. There's always that one song. It's like, it's like, it'll be like a body transformation. It's like an AI transformation. Yeah.
00:45:26
Speaker
What's the worst talk to be on? What's the worst tiktok to be on? Cause I just got out of break up tiktok. It's like, it's like break up tiktok's bad, but then I also think that like country boy, like fucking blue collar tiktok might actually suck even more. No, dude, those, those boys, those boys are always the hardest part about the day leaving my wife. It's like fucking
00:45:46
Speaker
Yeah, that shit sucks, but give a fuck. I'm in a warehouse full of fucking dudes right now Both always like that dude cornbread. I can't stand that I love cornbread fuck the head to the tit check Watch a horse shaker for I don't believe any more damage. Is that the guy that like walks out the truck?
00:46:05
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's hilarious looking because he's like four foot eight He's just like a ball. Yeah, I don't know I also kind of respect the drip too. I think the drips pretty cool Box like vintage like fucking Texaco hats no beer shirts and stuff a lot lizards getting a lot lizards yeah
00:46:25
Speaker
It's just, I don't know, like... Eating a fucking sandwich. Yeah, he doesn't live like that, I bet, yeah. I feel like he goes home and takes all that shit off like a cape. Yeah, it's a costume. He's just like some fat twitch nerd or something. He just goes right back to sweatpants, Doritos. He's got Breaking Bad on his laptop while he's playing fucking PS4. That's awesome. Battlefront, playing Star Wars Battlefront 2. He's like Hannah Montana. Yeah.
00:46:49
Speaker
Either that or he's really like fucking a ton of chicks, and he's the father to many- If he's fucking a ton of chicks, if his- I might be working for him, dude, at the bar. It might. Yeah, I want to fuck cornbread cowboy. I'll meet him. Yeah, exactly. Anybody can get fucked if they have three million followers. Have you seen Crazy Boys?
00:47:09
Speaker
No. On Instagram. I've seen Island boys. They're fucking weird. Dude, they made out and then said they didn't do it. Yeah, they made out and then the guy, the one guy on the podcast was like, yo, he's like, so you guys be kissing? What's that all about? That's what I was talking about. Yeah. And then they always got into a fight. Yeah. They literally had a different guy in the middle and they're both licking the guy's neck. Have you guys, have you been on either of their Twitters? No, it's just them. They just do porn now. What is it with each other? Yeah. They like, are they fucking each other?
00:47:35
Speaker
I haven't seen them fuck each other yet, but they like make they like kiss each other on like the neck and shit It's like no talent. They have no talent like oh, they're like what the fuck we're gonna do they're like I don't know we should start kissing us like the fucking french fry guy from aqua teen dude I literally I couldn't hate two people more and like watching them like like roll up on people to like like try to fight is like Tyson should fight them
00:48:07
Speaker
it's an exhibition. No, it's, I saw something like they, they already like something bleaked where it was a document about the contract and the contract. It's like no knockouts, no blah, blah, blah.
00:48:19
Speaker
Mike's gonna piece him up. Mike went to jail for rape. You think he cares about knocking him out? I don't know if he cares about the money. I don't know if it's a moral thing. Did you see where they asked him if he could go back in history and fight anybody who would he fight? He goes, Achilles.
00:48:36
Speaker
That's a great answer though Achilles Achilles. I would have to beat him mentally first. I train in his pyramid for about five years before I fuck his bitch ass up. You ever see that meme where it's like, I'll be in Egypt punching the palm trees. Yeah. I'll be punching the palms. I'll be punching the hums off the camels. I'll be hitting cats.
00:48:58
Speaker
I walk right up to the Sphinx. I would climb the Sphinx. I punch the nose off the Sphinx. Most people think it's the Germans that shot the nose off the Sphinx. It was me I punched the nose off the Sphinx. I would punch the nose off the Sphinx. I would punch the nose off the Sphinx.
00:49:18
Speaker
I took my thrones, he's taking mushrooms now. He's taking mushrooms to chill. He has his own weed strain. He sent Joe Rogan this weed box. Joe Rogan opened it, it was like... Yeah, it's full of heroin. Yeah, it's literally like... He sent him Canegars that were literally like...
00:49:36
Speaker
Well, he said in the he said like a while ago because that that clip of him that they keep showing of him like sparring That's one like two years ago. Oh, and Rogan said to him. He was like Well, you like you still look like you're in shape and all that and so I was like I wasn't better weak because of that
00:49:51
Speaker
Yeah, I saw that and then he like goes to Joe last then he goes. It's not funny like something Yeah, he's an old man. Yeah, I know he's fucking you see him. Did you see him hit that guy on the airplane? Yeah, you see him getting the airplane? Yeah, I mean he's definitely got like a good leave me alone
00:50:10
Speaker
If you don't fucking leave me alone, I'm gonna hit you and the guy's like... I was like, Mike Dyson. He was like, you fucking started hitting the guy. And then it cuts, it cuts, and then it cuts back and the dude's like bloodied like in the thing. Yeah, he punched him right in the fucking eye. He should've won the jail for that. He was crazy. He shouldn't be allowed to hit anyone. Dyson? Yeah, he killed somebody. Scene, dude.
00:50:31
Speaker
His hands are weapons from God. Yeah, registered weapons. They are registered weapons, right? After you're like a pro fighter, your hands are like actual weapons. Well, that's that thing that fucking Bruce Lee says in the Quentin Tarantino movie, remember? Oh, what's the plot of time? Yeah. He's like, my hands are registered weapons. And then I think Brad Pitt just like fucks them up.
00:50:52
Speaker
I think Bruce Lee, I don't think about his fist. I think about him fucking jumping up. I think about him playing ping pong. I think about him playing ping pong. Is that fucking edited? Probably. That's not real. I had ping pong with nunchucks. I was like, I remember like showing like a girl that like
00:51:11
Speaker
is me is me is what I'm into. I know him. I dad knows my dad doesn't zack from the pool. There's no fucking zack. He's my guy. He's my best friend. My best friend. We show we're getting beers later, like third grade. We're going to be as I was fine.
00:51:30
Speaker
It's funny, Amanda Bynes probably said at the end of the show, she's like, I'm literally actually getting beers later. He's giving me, feeding me beers later. I thought they were going to show Amanda Bynes there. She's like, well, so he came up to me and probably gave me a cocktail. He's like, she's like seven. He tried to get her to a man, get emancipated, like divorce her parents and the parents sued him in one.
00:51:51
Speaker
He was like get rid of your parents and come stay at Danny's house. Live in my fucking attic. Live in my hot tub. You can sleep in the hot tub every night. Listen, I'll give you something beach falls every night. It's a big baby. You having trouble sleeping? I got something for that. Every night. Are you having trouble sleeping? Luckily, I have. Listen, you come sleep in my hot tub for two nights in a row. You'll have, what about the Amanda show? All your favorite ideas will make them come
00:52:19
Speaker
Yeah, because if it's not you, it's going to be Ariana Grande and I'm going to put ketchup all over her feet. Show the world. He told, he put a thing out on Twitter saying.
00:52:30
Speaker
Write your username on the soles of your feet with a magic marker. And tag Nickelodeon. We'll give away this like sweepstakes, whatever thing. He had 11, he had 11,000 pictures of little girls' feet on Twitter. 11,000 plus. Little girls are on Twitter, dude? Are these parents being like, honey, come here, Dan Schneider. Yeah, that's literally, yeah, parents are like, go, go. Oh my God, he's our fuck. Your dad doesn't have to work at the shipyard anymore.
00:52:59
Speaker
Your daughter's feet? Your daughter's feet are getting licked by the biggest producer in fucking America right now. You're gonna get hit with a pie on Drake and Josh. Hey, they're just feet. They're just fucking kid's feet. What's wrong with that? Fucking dad trying to be like, I work overtime every week. I think she could deal with it for a little bit. I'd do all types of foot stuff if I could tell my dad he could quit his job. Are you kidding me? Wouldn't you? If I could retire my parents. I'm telling you, that one girl is on a shower. The one girl that was jealous of an man of mine. If I could tell my dad to quit his job, you wouldn't do foot stuff? I don't do foot stuff.
00:53:28
Speaker
Like if I if it's like digital, yeah physical no physical physical I thought you meant like like now like in my current situation. No, he likes more like right now. Yeah
00:53:46
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I thought. I would do foot stuff right now. Does it have to be with a man or can we choose? No, it's a fucking producer. It's a guy with power. And he wants me on his show. He just wants you to do stuff to his junk with your feet.
00:53:59
Speaker
Alright like do I have to like jack him off of my foot or do I like kick him in the balls? That's gay, I'm not gay. But you just said the, probably give him a foot job dude. What if it was an old like gross lady? Alright here's the thing though, you're not touching it with your mouth or your hands. Yeah this might be the straightest way to jerk a guy off of a beard.
00:54:17
Speaker
And all I'm getting out of this is my dad no longer has to work. I'm not getting anything. No, you're gonna make enough money where you could tell him to fuck me. Oh, okay. All right, but what if your dad said, would you? Yeah, I would do that then. Would you dad say, but I like to work. Because here's the thing. Yeah. Well, then I just keep the money. What's the college for this? Yeah. But here's the thing.
00:54:34
Speaker
You know what I mean? Fuck it, I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, I'll do it. Not getting that bag will be the dumbest thing ever. But then do I get more double the money because like 10, 15 years later I could come out and make a documentary out of the dude? Yeah. As kids, I thought you meant like me now.
00:54:49
Speaker
Like me at like me at 23 it's right now being called. Yeah, my brother my brother my brother's my brother's feet smell really bad I can't really do anything about it, and he was at the gym one day in this bodybuilder come out to him this dude was 80 bucks from this fucking socks right now shoes and socks My brother met like a fucking like my brother met like a like an addict
00:55:15
Speaker
I was like, I'm courting them fucking bamboo Walking around your brother like a shark That should be a sketch waiting for my brother to pop a heel out dude. Just forget to catch a fucking catch a high wind My brother's kind of dude. He pops a heel out of a sure everyone ever changes the fucking behavior of everyone in the house Close the off all the way gets mad. It's really mad
00:55:38
Speaker
Yeah, nothing works all of a sudden the fucking fridge door handle rips off. All of a sudden somebody rips the fridge door handle off. The fuck, dude? Fuck. Damn. 80 bucks, though. That's pretty nice. I'd sell them. Take them. Yeah. 80 bucks. I'd do anything for 80 bucks, dude. Take them, you loon. I'm going to go to fucking readies. I'm going to readies. I love readies. They're open, dude. Don't bother the fuck out of me. People making fun of the Delco accent. They can't do it.
00:56:03
Speaker
I hate everyone, dude. Yeah, I make it sound southern sometimes like a or like a the other one I've seen when they felt like a surfer Yeah, Delco like a surfer. I've seen that when I used to work at Whole Foods like Whole Foods like thermos cups like like coffee cups, and it'd be like a brick wall Painting on it, and it would say like John
00:56:26
Speaker
Yeah, John. Yeah, that's at the boardwalk, right? No, this was at Whole Foods. I've seen the booty shorts with John. Mainline Whole Foods. Yeah, you should get a pair of shorts. Vince's booty. That's so funny. Vince's booty. Mike's tush. John. Yo, King. Philly versus everybody. I can't stand that. No one likes us. We don't care.
00:57:04
Speaker
You want to fucking kill you put monster on a fucking prat so we never like sauce we care Fuck every fucking fat girls like oh my god. They're like It's like
00:57:22
Speaker
Those hoodies dude those hoodies like the fucking like The king and queen hoodie is so bad. Oh couples just any couple couples Mmm. Oh my god, so it's always a Dominican couple with matching Jordans on the boardwalk. That's got that Like she got the same jays with a a six and a half. It's the type of shit. I'm trying to be on
00:57:47
Speaker
What are you trying to be on, dude? A lot of Trump shirts, too, dude. Trump shirts are funny, though. A lot of Trump shirts. Trump shirts are funny. A lot of Trump flags on the beach, too. Yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of shit I'm trying to be on, dude. Is that King and Queen? That's that King and Queen shit. Hell, yeah, baby.
00:58:02
Speaker
We need to do a photo op. Yeah, we need to go. Let's go to JCPenney and do it Yeah, we should do some like that with the backdrop. Yeah, I'd be sick We should help the Springfield Mall. I think there's like a little like photo booth. There's a photo place right there It's right next to this like African like like boutique. Yeah, do you see? They got fufu they they might I'm gonna ask like a punch in the ear. Oh, I'm taking that risk Do you have any fufu in here?
00:58:30
Speaker
If not, I'm gonna go check, build a bear in a second. I can't wait to get that. I made a build a bear for baby girl's birthday. I went in there and I was like, oh, you got a happy birthday bear or whatever. I didn't realize I had to like build the bear like a kid would. They had like a workshop. I literally- Here's the sack, go fill it. I thought I was like, here, can I just get a bear? This is like happy birthday. They were like, uh-uh, uh-uh. Go pick out a heart. Go pick out a heart.
00:58:58
Speaker
And I went and just grabbed a heart. They were like, did you even like welcome? I'm like, yeah. Did you like pick a heart? And then they're like, OK, now they maybe go into the machine where they stuff the bear. They made me step on the pedal. Yeah. And they're like, all right, now crank it and step on the pedal. Oh, I made a build a bear. There's a bunch of little kids in there. And I'm like, I'm like. Try to pretend like you're not having fun. I'm like, exactly. Exactly. I want to go hang on. I got to pretend. I got to. I got to. I got to.
00:59:26
Speaker
They're like, uh, go get a heart. Go get a heart. Go enjoy this. Yeah. And then the girl, the girl on the line was like, I think that is so cute. My, my husband would never, to be honest. He's at home. He's at home and I'm working hard. He has my car. He has my car and he's at home. It's maybe it's because you work at the mall. Maybe that's why.
00:59:45
Speaker
Yeah. Also, because she was fucked up when she was working. She was like typing my thing out. She was like, what are you naming this? I got to print up his birth certificate. She was like, I was like, what's the bear's name? That was my favorite thing ever, me standing there just waiting for her to print out. Did we fill in out the birth certificate? I'm like, do you need to get by? They're like, yeah. I'm like, oh, I got a certificate coming out. Give her a name. Try your kid to fucking wait. They're like, you got a what?
01:00:11
Speaker
You got a what? I literally had to ask, too. I was like, do I get the burr certificate of that as well? Do I need paperwork? Is that extra, or? How do I know it's mine? Is that free, or? Is that like a... Is that like a...
Build-A-Bear Nostalgia
01:00:24
Speaker
Can I like cheesesteak hoagie this fucking spilled a bear? Yeah, I kind of like want to do it all. Is there a DNA test with this? No, I don't know what's mine. I kind of want to do it all. I think I was like... What'd you name it? Mosh. Mosh? I named it Mosh. Yeah, Mosh Ball. Yeah, it's Mosh. Mosh Ball.
01:00:40
Speaker
Did everyone hear that? Did everyone hear that Fuzzy? That was probably my headphones.
01:00:48
Speaker
Yeah, but you explained it. This kind of just makes me want to go to Build-A-Bear. I've never been to Build-A-Bear. Oh, I went to Build-A-Bear as a kid, dude. As a kid, yeah, I had a black cat that had Alan Iverson Jersey on it. Oh, that's dope. This is fucking sick. I had an orange cat. Brought it home. My cat was like, on it. Oh, yeah, immediately pissed on it. My cat puked on his leg immediately. I had to puke over his leg. You ever hit Build-A-Bear Vince?
01:01:10
Speaker
Yeah, but I don't remember what I got. Yeah, he does. He just doesn't want to say four. He got he got a Philly vernatic with a fucking nirvana. Nevermind t-shirt on. He got that's only what Vince would look like in that. That's what you look like in that. Like your character, your avatar and meta, just the Philly fanatic with the nirvana t-shirt. Yeah.
Social Media Addiction
01:01:31
Speaker
Are you hitting meta? We talked about this a couple episodes ago. No. Facebook, right? Yeah, you're not going to meta? No, social media creeps me out now. I don't like it anymore. Oh, it freaks me out. I'm fully addicted. It's not fun anymore. It's fucking... I know. And that's why. I'm addicted to it completely. Scary, dude. We were talking about reels earlier, dude. You ever get...
01:01:49
Speaker
I get like death on mine and create one that maybe not YouTube but like Instagram people dying or like yeah, dude I saw one on on I got it I got raw pictures in Haiti with like a guy taking a bite out of a guy You know what's going
Haiti's Chaotic Situation
01:02:02
Speaker
on in Haiti right now. I have no rebellion. What is it going on in Haiti right now? Some gangs take it over the government and they're like, you know the Prime Minister left
01:02:10
Speaker
And they're eating people. For some reason, they're fucking people just roll around. They get right on it. They get on a motorboat. They drive across. They don't take that shit. But they're fucking eating people over there. Like over a spit, grabbing a fucking leg, taking a bite.
01:02:28
Speaker
like fucking I'm taking a bite and I'm looking at a woman's ankle tattoo like out of the fucking leg yeah yeah yeah it's so funny imagine like eating imagine eating a chick's ankle and being like gosh I think that fucking ankle broke my fucking tooth on it it's fucking it's like a prime rib bone yeah like shit
01:02:46
Speaker
It's from prime rib this gap. I used to be closed. I had braces I ate prime rib for Christmas one year and a fucking thing snapped out Oh my I had just two gluey pieces of metal in the back of my teeth forever, and then they fell off eventually She's just fucked up, and you know the primary your teeth don't look bad though
01:03:04
Speaker
Because I had braces, they used to be a lot worse.
Meta Quest 3 Excitement
01:03:07
Speaker
They're gonna keep shifting. They're just gonna get worse, you know? That stinks. I'm looking forward to not having teeth. The food that you wanted to eat fucked you up. I hate biting at the bone. I feel like that's the worst thing ever. It wasn't like that. It was like I took a big hunk of meat and prime rib. It's like a minefield when you get towards the end of just fucking bone shards. They were catching one right up and just... I bit a bone on a snake before my teeth went like, I swear to God, my teeth went...
01:03:38
Speaker
I have very small teeth. You do have small teeth. My mom was like 41 when she had me dude. They have five nipples. I have five nipples.
01:03:52
Speaker
Five nipples, four teeth. Yeah. I have four teeth and five nipples. So fucking, I don't know, man. TJ, what the fuck you been up to, Raul? I actually got- We literally talked, it's so funny, we were like, we just go right back to introductions, like, so man, how the fuck? I mean, how you been? It's called Sulsar Talk.
01:04:07
Speaker
I don't fuck I it's been a while since we all been together. I actually got a the quest 3 yesterday You're the what the quest 3 the headset from the meta Did you really got that wait? Oh, so you're stepping in you have to be you have to be like on your computer use it No, it's like its own thing. So you could just play did it come is it coming in the mail? Or did you get it already? I got it through Amazon. You already have it. Yeah, I got it yesterday Oh brought it over
01:04:31
Speaker
Well I gotta like set it up, that's the thing. We'll do that. So you haven't been in the world yet. I can't scan his frontal lobe cortex and yours, there's only enough memory for one. No, he's bringing that, we're all gonna get in it. Oh my god. Have you been in the world yet at all? Yeah. You have. Are people really getting arrested in there and shit? I haven't gone to the VR world yet, I only play games. People are getting arrested. I'm not going in there! I'm not going in there! Yeah, I am. How do you arrest somebody in that? Are you getting arrested in there? Yeah, you can get arrested. I'm not watching. You can't take your eyes off!
01:04:59
Speaker
You suck your eyes. I'm in eyelid jail. Oh my god. What does it take to get? What does it take to get arrested and fucking met her, dude? What is met? Anything. There's no constitution. Murder? Even less than that, apparently. How do you murder someone met her?
01:05:15
Speaker
What if I put the headset in and someone's already sucking my meta dick? Oh my god. They've been sucking it somewhere? Oh my god. That is fucking rocks. Meta. This guy sucked off immediately. Meta rocks is awesome. My god. Hitler sucked my dick yesterday. Hitler sucked my dick and I'm tall as shit, dude.
01:05:36
Speaker
Oh, I got a fart. Can I find a note? Yeah, go for it Let the people here. Oh Remember I did that at bar 13. What do you have to say?
01:05:52
Speaker
That's good. Oh, it's on them. Oh, hell yeah. You gonna vote for that big boy? No, but like... I wasn't being... I wasn't... It's like when you first opened a bag of hers. Vince used to like... Vince used to put his head down there, dude. Wow. Whenever you farted into the mic at bar 13 and turned the crowd on you and you farted a second time, you were like, everyone chill, chill, chill. The second one.
01:06:15
Speaker
And the mics were like these with the fluff with the... A fart into a red boom. It was like a red mic. What? That fucking dude was like, you dirty motherfucker. Yeah, dude, he was hype. I just freaked out at him. Vince was like, you want me to open up Radio Shack? I'm going to go break into an old Radio Shack? Guy was like, what? You just outweirded that guy. You like weirded him to death? No, I didn't. The Radio Shack thing made sense because he said that there should be a new microphone.
Bar 13 Humorous Stories
01:06:38
Speaker
Yeah, but there's no radio shack. You want me to bring in a radio shack? That's why I said you want me to fire up in a new radio shack and fucking... Yeah, you missed the joke, John. Sorry. No, dude, I was... Yeah, I was burying that, dude, but I was being esoteric, you know? Bar 13. Yeah, he was being pedantic. I was being esoteric, dude. Bar 13's the dojo. Yeah. Dojo for just like... A lot of degeneracy in that place, dude.
01:07:03
Speaker
Remember that fucking bitch, I told you that bitch tried to steal my phone, dude. Yeah, it's where you get your phone stolen to claim on Delaware. Fucking slipping out the bar. Best halal I've ever had right down the street, too, by the way. New York, the best halal. Where did we get halal on time? Like Chester? We drove to fucking Chester. Oh, she got halal by white Muslims? Yeah. They prison Muslims? Yeah, dude. They go, bus!
01:07:28
Speaker
Boston yeah usually you ever see that guy's prison food yeah after not being in like I would never want to make prison food ever again if I was out of prison making content well you know you want that caramel latte where you go in it's like literally like it's like a slim gym but like cinnamon on it and a couple hot waters of boss
01:07:46
Speaker
It's just it's just snacks in ramen and it's always cut up with like a black guy's like ID Boston black guys like prison ID he's a cut he's like dicing up a slim Jim Yeah cinnamon hot water milk coca-cola Skittles
01:08:01
Speaker
He's like, the one day he said it was something, I'm like, dude, that's not even, they were close to that. What's his name? I saw that guy, Andy Rui, he's one of the guys who works on Thrasher. He went to prison for 10 years and he made sweet and sour pork noodles. Fucking slim gyms with Kool-Aid mix and then the chicken ramen with a little bit of like coke in the fucking ramen. And he takes a bite of it and he's like, ah, well, gnarly. It's gnarly.
01:08:30
Speaker
It's pad thai. It's fucking pad thai. It's pad thai. It's pad thai. That's some French cooking right there. It's pad thai. Everyone in our area goes to media and acts like they're like in this fancy town.
The Town of Media and Beach Intoxication
01:08:40
Speaker
They're like, oh my God, you're getting out of media. We ate. We went down to media. I put on my fucking, I went to brick and bro. I went to yay. Yeah. I went to yay. I tried in old fashioned and I said, actually, can I just get a cherry coat? I got a $9 beer in media and now I'm better than you because I wore a fucking pink coat.
01:08:57
Speaker
I wore a PK. Yeah, everybody put your p-coat on. We're going to media. Put your p-coat on. Put your p-coat on. We're going to media. Can we get as if we don't love media? I also love media. I didn't step into media with just a t-shirt and basketball shorts on until I was at least 16. You'll get arrested. You'll be arrested. Every time just khaki long pants that are way too stiff for the underwear. Every day I go to media, I feel like I'm getting ready for Easter.
01:09:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Go to the townhouse with everybody in our area around Easter. Everyone puts on their best golf shirt. Everybody puts their best XL golf shirt on. I'm an XL golf shirt on Easter, dude. Oh, baby. I'm thin for that day. Yeah. I will say my boss walked down and said, I'm all for good Friday. Just like that. You're all for good Friday. You have a Tommy Bahama.
01:09:46
Speaker
You do you have a chair? No, I want a shirt though You like flowy shirts like that in the summertime. Yeah, dude. Why not right? I'm trying to like swim a lot this summer trying to swim a lot I'm trying to like already live the summer already. I'm trying to like been head don't swam the law I'm trying to swim these women's bang and you go out like the ocean dude. I go out
01:10:07
Speaker
You go out, you go out like a kid in the seat of his parents care if he drowns. And they don't, and uh, nah dude, I go out, it's just me and the cruise liners, dude. It's just me and the cargo ship. It's just me and the dolphins. It's just me and the horizon, brother. What the fuck, what's the cat thing of fucking that wild one, the wild cat or whatever? Oh yeah, the fucking dolphin. The silver bullet. Yeah, the silver bullet. There's a gym out there in the fucking silver bullet. Is there a Jesus, the gym?
01:10:35
Speaker
Thanks, fellas. Yeah. That is a pretty sick fucking... I float. I float. I'm a floater, man. I go deep out in the water and they get all weird. You're just way out into the ocean where it's like bottomless and then you just float. That's the opposite of me. I sink. I sink like a stone. It's because you're jacked. I float so hard. I float so hard. They're like, get him back to the shore. I'm like, no. I love getting drunk at the beach.
01:10:56
Speaker
Oh my god, we're getting drunk at the beach is the best because you just get up and piss in the ocean every five minutes I think getting like any intoxicated at the beach is just nice. Yeah getting stoned at the beach is nice I like I think shrooms at the beach How was that it was amazing? I just like close my eyes, but like the light from the Sun was made from Made my eyelids I kind of like reddish you yeah, so I just like looked at that for like an hour I was just like sunburn
01:11:22
Speaker
Spoke up even more Asians. I want to take mushrooms soon. Yeah, I can get them if you want them. Are they good? Yeah, I'm always scared of taking something that's like fucking not like it's gonna like I'm gonna die, but it's like Super strong. Yeah, they sell them in DC now. Just get them
01:11:39
Speaker
They can lick the chocolate for them. Government makes them. Dude, I prefer to just get the mushrooms and put them on a piece of peanut butter bread. A piece of peanut butter bread. A piece of peanut butter bread. I'm all set for the day. I got my mushroom and peanut butter sandwich. Or like on a hot dog with some fucking mustard. Mustard. I think we call it here. Now let's go to the page, dude. Page? Let's go to the page. All right.