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EP 17: Hometown Hobo
135 Plays1 year ago
In this episode Jim, John, & TJ talk about Modern Day Chomo Hunters, John's Misadventure at PathMark, and How Jim kept The Hometown Hobo Warm during the Winter.
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Transcript
Teen Mischief and Juvenile Detention
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of close to hell with your guests or hosts. I should say Jim Gillespie John prophet and me TJ Lee Episode 17, baby. Here we go 17. Yeah, that's a good age. Yeah, that is a good age. Oh Yeah, dude, what were you doing junior year? bad stuff You were doing bad stuff. I was doing I was getting a little I was getting old stuff when I was a junior. Do you really what does that mean? I was stuff. Are you fucking old men? I'll see. Yeah, I was on Grindr when I was like 17 I was doing fucking I was doing fuck shit. dude i was go now I was getting out there. It's crazy cuz I had no supervision So I was just doing whatever I wanted all the time cause when did you when was kid Jill? No, I was I was 17 for that too.
00:00:45
Speaker
So, 17, that was your bad year? I was bad, yeah. I I was bad. Was it a fun year? Yeah. I mean, I was only in kid's jail for like 30 days. It was just a month of a year. You just played Xbox? Yeah, I played Xbox against Hoodrat Kids and I was just running the table on 2K11. Should've like, uh... 2K11. Yeah, they had you guys on 11. Yeah, when it was like 2015. It really is fucking jail. Yeah, this is prison. It really is fucking prison, Jesus. This is a fucking prison.
Band Student Stereotypes
00:01:11
Speaker
You should've done like a Chris Anson. You should've been like, you know, you could take a seat. So yeah not that I ain't playing him. He fat as shit. I'm like, yo, you're mad as fuck. I'm winning. Where were you at at 17? It was I, I was like trying to prep for college. I say to SAT camps and shit. it's goingnna so okay dode I hated that shit so much. Like every summer I was going to finger in camp. I was on head eat pussy wish I went to pussy eating class. Yeah. Well, all you shouldn't have skipped school. you would um You would have been there. All those retards took their SAT. I thought the band camp kids like we're all fucking each other though. Yeah. That wasn't a band. I was an orchestra.
00:01:53
Speaker
I thought orchestra was the major for sex. Yeah, I thought the orchestra, I i thought they learned
Senior Trip Shenanigans
00:01:59
Speaker
oral. like everybody Everybody in school thought thought the orchestra was like the kit like the slots. No, orchestra. I thought chamber choir was like the real whores. Orchestra's like a hand job, so we just play with bows and shit. I thought... They all sound like... Choir is just a fucking, just bottomless throat. Bottomless, yeah, bottoms. oh yeah all you All you can gag throat. All you can gag bottoms. It wasn't kinky? I mean, I didn't really get into it. I didn't really see anyone there. That was like but you guys have like my type suitable for your suitable for your fucking band be fart in your mouth. Yeah, I didn't really see any women that were worthy of my band cock pay attention with the chicks reason. I didn't think of any of the farts. It tastes good. here Yeah, it does. Yeah, I was thinking with a bunch of band bitches, but I didn't think a bunch of band bitches band bitches band bitches. Didn't you guys go on like trips and shit though?
00:02:52
Speaker
Yeah we went to Disneyland our sophomore year or our sophomore year and then we went to Virginia Beach for I think senior year. but Anything go on there? ah When we went to disney Disney World, no I was just focused on Disney World. TJ got so much pussy in Disney they called him Hickey Mouse.
00:03:14
Speaker
I will say I'm gonna i'm go come out clean. I when I went to Disney World I was like I'm never gonna come back here ever again Yeah, so this is like this is my grand heist so every every mini era like every like gift shop I went to I took a little souvenir Oh you still yeah took a little with ba so babel misbehaving
Teacher Misconduct Debate
00:03:34
Speaker
that's the most that's the most orchestra fucking like that's the most like orchestra bad kid tale ever like i took trinkets i still i took yeah i took a drink i took one of the key i took it yeah i i took a a donald duck keychain the fucking asian key with like nikki mal's ears yeah
00:03:55
Speaker
No, you know like that right the rice had that I wear like yeah photo. Yeah, that was also take ah taken therere like all here's a guy i I brought this yeah like did he brother this Did he bring that in? Was he wearing that on the way? I'm not gonna ask him you ask him you can't ask him you ask him That's my hat. You can't ask him that. Senior year, I kind of fucked up. I fucked up royally. I think about it from time to time because I'm just like, I fucked up like other people in my hotel room. We all got kicked out because I brought weed. I brought a lot of weed and I idiotically smoked in the hotel room.
00:04:32
Speaker
That's fucking awesome though. Oh, so it was just you? No, it was like me and like a bunch of other kids. Oh, so well, then why are you taking the the brunt of the blame? Because I brought the weed and I brought the bomb. I brought the vibes. How was that? What was coming down on you? Like, uh, they, they smelled the stinky smell and then they're like, they located the room. They located the weed. They had like Virginia beach cops be like interrogate like each one of us one by one. And they're like, oh my god, those big kids why he sold each other out so big. Three fucking girls, DJ, fuck you. Let me drive you to DJ Lee's criminal senate back to Korea, honestly, to be honest. Yeah, dude, were you freaking? mean I mean, I mean, kind of. I accept this. Yeah, I kind of just accepted that. I fucked up. So what was it like after that? you did like So the cops come in, you get fucking what? You get a ticket it or something? What happened? We all had to ah basically go back home.
00:05:23
Speaker
So we didn't but they didn't like arrest you.
YouTube Predator Catchers
00:05:25
Speaker
No, they we they got they sent on us like off with like a warning or something Because your orchestra kids. Yeah, and we're also miners. Yeah, they're like, hey, don't do that. So So we're soing those cops just took that weed and smoked. So so so was there like teacher chaperones? Yeah, there's teachers. Yeah. Who do you think was rolling with them? I was gonna say what we're the parents or the parents like the parents I don't really think they like I didn't like really talk to him I just think they just like kind of snitched they found out and like snitched out pulled like the Like I guess like the assistant pressables Bad bastards. Oh, I think it was the assistant principal that like did the nudes. I think he was the one that like kind of like was oh Dr. Quinn. Yeah oh He was like, oh, no, no doctor quit. Yeah, don't really give a fuck about it either. He was just like no you to say their name It's all over the internet
00:06:16
Speaker
Yeah, if you do something like otherwise, I wouldn't there's a teacher right now from that's our school district that just got fucking arrested for jerking off the cemetery. Yeah, it was I think it was like fifth grade teacher. Yeah. Why is he jerking off in a cemetery? I don't know. It's the only place I can think of. I think it was a cemetery or something like that. I mean, there are some people there turned on, but like Fucking like dead bodies and shit. Necrophiliacs. Yeah, and you're like- And apparently a lady called the cops on him. A lady called- a lady snuck up on him while he was J.O. Really? And they couldn't tell if his zipper was open? I mean, maybe- I mean- We had meat flapped out over the top. People grieve differently.
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah, guess yeah but yeah if it was like who's jerking off from his boy's headstone like that's that's gonna get it right. Yeah, I miss her so much has Suck them. Yeah Yeah, it's dad's gray. I just had a fucking teacher get fucking Arrested jerking off in public Teachers have to stop fucking kids. I know when it's reverse. It's funny because everybody thinks it's hot when it's reverse Yeah, but older chicks are hotter than older guys like that's just the common older chick fucking a younger dude and in my opinions like hell yeah it's still It's fucked up, but it's still it's a comic. Oh, yeah it's very fucked up like yeah nobody wants to see like you when you tell your kid but it was Don't do that don't fuck your teacher
00:07:35
Speaker
But if it's at your daughter, like, yeah, 100% I'm fucking- Nobody wants to see, like, a fucking salt-and-pepper-bearded guy, like, walk up to, like, an 18-year-old chick. It's hungered down. Oh! That's why I always loved about Pineapple Express. It's my nightmare. Seth Rogen has a high school girlfriend. Yeah, it's so funny. Makes out with her. so ridiculous awesome it was a story I heard like so awesome actually sleep not yeah think rose right awesome awesome fuck awesome fucking awesome actually doing homework fucking awesome doing she does homework I pay bills fucking awesome fucking awesome
00:08:07
Speaker
yeah I've been watching a lot of those like predator like youtubers Yeah, they're like catch and like I watched the guy get run over with Saline started crying dude. That's all they do. They they just beat him Yeah, there's one group that they just smack the fuck out of somebody in a Walmart you see from every angle you see him we hit him with did you see him hit him with the shop car but now he ran him into him with this He started running down the aisle So his buddy was running so he's running down the aisle right and his buddies running down the other aisle with a shopping cart He goes to make a left the buddy comes around to mix right and hits him with the fucking empty shopping cart And then a guy comes over from the other side and smacks the dog shit out of mackings the funniest Well fucking smack. I saw a dude get smacked from those guys He got smacked from the left side and then he took a right side and the back of the head It was like to do two two two right after each other and they're like, oh, are you gonna cry? Are you you're gonna cry and he was like don't fucking hit me again? I was
00:09:06
Speaker
Pata files getting hit is so scary. Well, it's kind of justified. no I mean, just it's just it's just they're planning on fucking a child. No, that's ah that's the thing. It's just like, oh, my God, it's just the fact that the videos are existing is like crazy. like I mean, it's really good. How many of them I follow. I follow a shout out Skeeter Gene. Have
Imaginative Justice for Offenders
00:09:22
Speaker
you ever catch this? But Skeeter Gene, he he sets up a sting up. He goes from like town to town and will like rent an Airbnb. Is that legal? Yeah. Yeah. the Cops love them. yeah Every every time he ah interacts with the cops the cops are like thanks for having us on it's kind of like uh Because he gets people on there and these aren't dudes that are just like kind of talking to a kid and being like I don't know how old you are There are people that are like you're 13. Well, okay. Well, here's a picture of my cock
00:09:47
Speaker
yeah and then they show up this one guy got caught and he literally as soon as as soon as skeet came out of the bathroom he showed him a picture of his penis they always do he has a binder full of all the messages and if they start walking away he follows him through the store with the binder and he's like the guy here i saw this guy's here to meet a nine-year-old whatever he'll be like he did one where he caught this guy and this guy as soon as he saw skeet was like, oh my God, I'm dead. I'm dead. And he freaked the fuck out. He like got on the ground and was like, like, I've seen a guy fake faint. That was a good one. Play possum like you get. Oh, that's the fucking greatest. This dude fake faints. Yeah. And he's laying there. They're like, get up. You're not really. And then at one point, like even the people from the store, it's like your best bet is to just leave.
00:10:32
Speaker
like Save any sort of like he pulled your brother dude. He's he's like, I'm gonna tend to be asleep and they checked his phone camera's paned on and camera's panned on him And he's just literally like at one point opens that just back down to it And the cops show up they're like is you all right, they're like he's fine the cops like all right, dude get up dude like was oh yeah and It gets arrested ah but sometimes certain states they don't arrest them though That's fucked up. I think it's like Ohio. Yeah, they clipped their ear and they sent them back out. They cropped their ears? Yeah, they snipped the edge of their fucking ear and they sent them back out. Honestly, that would be a good indicator. Just take their balls and dick off and send them back out. What if you caught your ear at the barber by a hex and then the rest of you are like, you're a fucking pedophile. Yeah, that would suck. It slapped in a Walmart. It should make them work in like a fake news, like fucking like mail. What do you think should happen? Because pedophiles go to prison, they get beat to death.
00:11:24
Speaker
Well, yeah, I mean, like, well, I mean, what do you think would be another? all There's no say like there's no so reforming a pedophile, in my opinion. No, they had to be killed. I mean, I guess you could put them like they have to be killed because they eventually, eventually tro you traumatize a person for life. When you do that, you ruin their life. What? When you rape a kid? Yeah. Yeah. When you get caught, when you rape a kid, when you yeah you ruin their fucking life, they should be killed. They should be put on your life unless you're like hot. That's your Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, unless you're Jerry Seinfeld or Jimmy Page. I was about to say, Jimmy Page, we're all on acid, like, we're all on acid in the mountains, like having fun, listening to Led Zeppelin. Fucking John's like, Jimmy Page had a 14-year-old girlfriend, and we're all left so hard. Fucking did. But it was also really scary. That's true, though. He fucking did. Jesus, guys. Groupies and shit back in the day. He was like 90.
00:12:14
Speaker
He's like 95 with like a nine-year-old. I like to get the numbers even more. The numbers like even crazy. Because you might as
Childhood Neighborhood Nostalgia
00:12:20
Speaker
well be. Yeah, yeah. You might as well be. Imagine dating a 14-year-old. I can't. I can't. It's like, what would you do? What would you do? Color? What would you do to me? Cheeky nuggies? Yeah, I'm already, I eat cheeky nuggies with my girl right now. I'm gonna do cheeky nuggies. Still, like that's like all they eat. That's all I eat. Yeah. oh And then they get like a stomach bug and they're like walking around a t-shirt for like two weeks. Yeah, I throw that I Mean, I feel like you could put them into like I guess like it's kind of fucked up, but like work camps Yeah, make it work hard. No, just kill them. I think you should just kill them You should put it to euthanize them just to put them down It's an extreme thought to like play God and kill people but like there's no reforming them There's no coming back from that. Yeah, but they could they could be in like prison and I guess like do some good to society No, I'm making like
00:13:10
Speaker
Here's the thing, a lot of persons in America, when they go to the labor camp and stuff like that, a lot of those guys opt into being a labor camp. Oh really? Something to do. You go crazy when you sit in the cell. Make them bored. Make them sit in an empty room. You should do what they do in Russia. They give you a fucking cell that's so small you can't even lay down. Did you just stand? These dudes lay, these dudes sit diagonally to try to sleep. They can never sleep. That's like a fucking coffin. Yeah, cut off contact from the family. yeah that That's the one thing it freaks me out like it always I always get anxiety like watching the skaters because some of these people are like They're dirt. They're like reading off these like horribly embarrassing messages to these people and the whole time they're thinking like well I'm losing my wife and kids
00:13:52
Speaker
some people skeet will go to this somebody's house. Yeah. And the wife lands at the door. Oh shit. And then he exposes. Check this out. it your husband He always has a nice red binder for. Yeah. And they're like, let me see. Let me see it. um Yeah, because I'll hold it. I'll hold it. Like, let me one guy try to fucking snatch it. He's like, yeah, what are you doing? It's not like he doesn't have it on his computers. I literally, yeah, I'm the girl. I'm Jamie. I'm the girl. How about that? Yeah. Jesus Christ. You want to touch me or? Because that's not my dick. Shit. He looks like, oh shit. It's like a really nice piece. This dude like yeah sent a picture of handcuffs.
00:14:31
Speaker
to an alleged 12 year old, right? Fuck. And he had a picture of his hand. Swears he lives in the fucking UA. Swears is not his hand in the picture arere holding the handcuffs. And they go, let me see your ring. It's got a fucking wedding band on. It's like a silver wedding band with like a zigzag thing on it. It it doesn't even look like a wedding ring. He goes, I found, I Googled that picture and I sent it to her because I got a, I got a young daughter. Like how old's your daughter? He goes, 32. They're like, what do you want? Like you plotted to meet up with this girl because you were trying to figure out what it's like for your daughter. So he's like, exactly. like he Like he didn't even know what they were saying. No, he was so fucking scared, but he's like, exactly. Like trying not to be fucking. I'm not weird. Yeah. But then he goes, no. So I go, he goes,
00:15:21
Speaker
Gee, that does look like my hand, doesn't it? That is your fucking hand, man. It's your hand. He showed up in jeans, and under the jeans he had camouflaged leggings. And the whole thing was, Skeet will usually get these guys to get naked. No way. He won't get them to go in the bathtub. oh That's I've seen the ones where they send the guy on the bathub They send the they got the guy naked in the bathtub is a Halloween night and he shows up He shows up. He has like huge guards with them. He's like tall like Icelandic dudes nice They all showed up dressed as different characters in the one Iceland. He was Luigi and then skeet was Michael Myers they pulled dudes like So trick-or-treat. I'm just stopping by for a bath.
00:16:03
Speaker
yeah ah You know, like one of those classic like i I came over here for a shower and chamber ki over to take a bath. what i over think a bit but That's crazy. i'm I'm overdue for a bath. Do you mind if I come over to your house, little girl and take a bath? Yeah, look, I got a feeling that those heads, there's like either way you're at a kid's house. What are you fucking doing here? You're not allowed to be near here alone did one in North Philly. You go city to city. There's some bad stuff and like eight out of the 10 guys Hauled ass as soon as they like saw that there was a camera they couldn't catch them damn Some guys get so paralyzed with fear though. Yeah that they're like stuck shaking What did you say about pissing? What is it a like there's nothing like? It's so scary children are like dumb as fuck like why like it's scary. they care They're evil it's so evil. Yeah, I mean Club Penguin I
00:16:58
Speaker
yeah Club Penguin. I had a couple of creeps in Club Penguin. Oh, for real? You saw an old man's wee-wee, dude. I saw an old man's wee-wee at a Pathmark as a kid. Holy shit. Yeah, he fucking whipped it out, dude. Like, no one, like, caught him or did anything about it? No, he i obviously, you route John was, like, running off to, like, go get something to put in the cart. He was going to get yelled at for work. I was literally running around Kmart or Pathmark, whatever, and I was under this, like, DVD display.
Middle School Antics
00:17:26
Speaker
They have like, remember like back then they would have like like half off like VHS tapes and shit would be like in like a metal basket. Yeah. It was like on a cart. I went under that and was like playing around. I was like a little kid. and Old man came up. I remember he kind of looked like the dude from the hot hot fry bag. Yeah. And cap. Yeah. He kind of had like Andy cap look like a hat, yeah like a fucking whatever. And he just whipped out his old man hug and it scared the fucking Jesus out of me. So I ran off. But something in me told me like to not tell my parents right away.
00:17:56
Speaker
Shit. Because I felt like something would happen. You'd be in trouble. Somehow, you shouldn't have run around the store kind of thing. Yeah. So I didn't say anything and I was all quiet. That's how you get your petites to take it away. I would never see another test again. Yeah. Ryan would have flew off the shelter. That'd be it between me and the jury. It'd be done. Honestly, if I didn't love WWE so much, but yeah, I liked it. I couldn't confess. Those dudes are out there and I can't believe with now, knowing on the internet works, this guy can't catch enough of them. He's constantly working, which is so scary and sad. What do you mean? The catcher? It's sad that he is. There's just so much work for him. Yeah, he's overloaded. And he's got like a few chicks that'll like talk on FaceTime. So awesome. It's such good work. The cops love him. I imagine the cops are fighting over who gets to take the call because they get to be on YouTube on the show. True. Look, I want to fucking smack. I want to smack a fucking kid doctor. That dude that smacks him. I don't know where that guy is. That dude's a real saint. Yeah. The Smacker. Oh, my God. He's smelling tea off on these fucking pants, dude. They should work with like the slap boxes. Yeah, that's what they should do. They should take pedophiles and put them in bare knuckle. They should have pedophile bare knuckle. Yeah. Oh, it's kind of like that Black Mirror episode.
00:19:14
Speaker
Yeah, make the pedophiles fight. But it should be like three pets versus like a lion. I'm glad he had a shit. A polar bear. Three pedophiles versus a polar bear. A man versus a polar bear would be awesome. How about three pedophiles versus a polar bear? I think three pedophiles would win. I don't think three pedophiles would win. Bare knuckle? No, no. Bare knuckles? In the Arctic? In the Arctic for sure. And they have to wear M1 ball shorts? Yeah. That's an advantage. That's an advantage. Honestly, you swing ten times harder than Amones. That's an advantage. That's domestic violence power up. The more you sag your Amones, the harder your hook's gonna be. It's true. But I think your hook's only harder on females. But only when it's a sneak. It has to be a sneak. You have to sneak somebody in Amones. It has to be a sneak. If somebody's ever behind me in Amones, will you like blow a horn? Yeah. Make sure her gets snuck. I'll squeak a bike horn.
00:20:09
Speaker
um That sounds awesome to imagine like imagine doing like a fucking like survival like pedophile island. That's not like Epstein. Oh No, I guess like a naked and a afraid you know look at like ah like a pedophile island. That's not like the real one not like the real pedophile Island like like if if Epstein I was Disney World I'm talking like Disneyland and It's so funny that there's a real-life pedophile Island and guess what everyone's been there It's everyone's been there out all of your heroes have been there. Yeah, teach. Yeah, can you reach that fucking sprite? Oh, this guy's thirsty on the cat. I got neck. I got neck backthroat do you got neck backthroat disease? Thank you, brother. It is crazy that a real pedophile Alan and like exist Yeah, not like the fake like i like I'm thinking like a pedagogy was there you two which is fucking crazy He was just teaching them science
00:20:58
Speaker
midgets he's like I want I ordered midgets they overnighted midgets to the island that's crazy overnighted him imagine FedExing three midgets to your island I haven't really got into all those dudes have like something to say about like like like like the environment I'm like, what's the environment of fucking little girls? How was that? Tell us about that environment. What was that environment like? What's that environment of fucking little girls? How about that? They were all there. How about that? Wait, does Skeet ever find, like, uh, like, get a woman pedophile? Or is it just strictly men? No, it's always men. It's always men. Makes sense. If they found a chick, like, I mean, chicks, like, I feel like chicks happen to be, like, teachers. Yeah. I feel like it always is. I know a few chick pedophiles. Yeah, there was like a, there was like a...
00:21:42
Speaker
When I lived in Upper Derby, on my row home, on my row, there was two chicks that had a blip. And they had to let people know when they moved to the neighborhood that both of them had a conviction. And then they ended up together. I think they were in jail together. as well ah god That's so like, but yeah, that was odd. I remember my parents were like, I remember my parents were like, we ain't going over there for food. We ain't going over there for barbecue. Like they didn't invite us. They didn't invite us. We smell. We smell way too. We ruined an outside barbecue. We smell bad outside. Yeah.
00:22:23
Speaker
That's fucking crazy. You had two lesbian, but are they lesbians? I don't know. Well, they ended up being like, I know they were, I know they were, I know they were in the house together, but I, but I know that they had to like, there was like a whole big thing. And like all the kids, we also used to hang out together all the time, all the kids. And I remember the parents had a big talk with like the big group of kids. I'm like, you don't go over there. You see them out where you are. You fucking come get one. It was like a whole big thing. Jesus. So it was like they lived there, but they were not welcome there. Have you ever looked at Meghan's Law?
00:22:54
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lot of them like in our neighborhoods. It's crazy. What's that about? It's think I know where to park them. It's because they're not putting them on an island somewhere anymore. They used to all go to a big. I used to go to a big friggin. So I said they should just bare knuckle a fucking polar bear. That would be fun. It's like it's not it would be put on that geo ethical, but Nat Geo. How about this? Why don't we take a pedophile and put them up in space and we'll kick them right out of the fucking Actually, yeah, that would be a close. Let's just experiment with them. Send them to space. Let's experiment with them. Like instead of sending poor monkeys to space, let's send pedophiles up there. ah They all try to rape Pluto, the smallest one. Yeah. That was a science show, Gus. Professor pedophile. Yeah. where Where do you put them? I don't know. Hell, man.
00:23:45
Speaker
walle hell now There's levels to this shit, too. It's like, Is it like a statutory rape situation where it's like the guy's three years older than the girl or something? You know what I mean? like There's weird loopholes like that, but I'm saying like a legit like Diddler. Legit It's like a licensed Diddler. I think I saw that guy on Xbox. There's a lot of licensed Diddlers on there. yeah hes to doodle I remember Club Penguin at one point got rid of the chat.
00:24:17
Speaker
Oh, because of JoMo's? You had to click stuff. Yeah, you had to click stuff. Oh, like pre-assigned. Yeah, you can't talk to him. you could There was no, like, sit on my face thing. yeah Getting a bitch to go back to your igloo, though, it was like... Shrived on it. Oh, yeah. If the guy was a bitch. Oh, yeah, it was definitely a fucking fella. He was probably a lonely kid. is Me now parts of the Caribbean online I heard the fuck just like yo car car i ah ah sleep here I have my for a little while my aunt hooked it up with the platinum card So I had I had a dance floor. I had multicolored puffles. Oh, and then as soon as that subscription popped up Yeah, it was back to the fucking one-bedroom
00:24:53
Speaker
Damn. Took everything away. I don't want that. I had no couch, I had nothing. You got audited. I had a white puffle that died. Yeah, you had a lawn chair in the living room. TV on a milk crate. Humbled. I was paying penguin albony.
00:25:08
Speaker
I was paying like eight pebbles a month, dude. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. She had me in court. It's like Pirates of the Caribbean online. Yeah, I never played that, but I remember scream crying that I wanted it. It was pretty cool. I had it for like a solid month and then I stopped playing it. But I looked it up recently and somebody did a video of the the final day before they shut the servers down. It was like 2014. Yeah. And the comments under it were hilarious. They're like, get a life. They're like fucking, they're like gay. yeah Who's still playing? This is like, who's still a pedophile?
00:25:52
Speaker
um really Good I was like town like ah two I think you know it's funny. Yeah, I always wanted to play to in town But we had a computer that was covered in dust para so with The computer I'm like well. There's somebody there's like a like a cat shit disc in the Disc reader yeah, you yeah it's you guys were covered it and fucking like mustard and shit. That's why it's not working Why is it and why does it work? I don't know because there's a fucking hairball in the fucking out. Yeah, that's why it was so funny I remember my like we got a computer and my dad's like setting up his AOL and Then like a week later. It was literally like it was like mushed up like zebra cakes on the keyboard
00:26:30
Speaker
It makes no fucking sense. What happened what what happened? Yeah? I just order so I walked out as a kid yelling at my dad like he's a kid I'm like what happened now. What happened now? We couldn't keep anything nice my god i basically I basically watched Free Willy only for a summer. I think it's so funny that you you slept in the living room one night and and the next like the next day your brother had tagged your bed with spray paint. i slept I slept in the living room for one night. My brother literally turned our bedroom into a subway station from the 70s. There were cigarette butts and graffiti everywhere.
00:27:06
Speaker
I was like, I came over from school and was like, what's that fucking smell? My brother turned into East Harlem in like two seconds. My brother turned into Spanish Harlem. Yeah. There was like a line of 12 hoes. Harlem. There was like 12 hoes next to the bunk bed. Yeah, right. Now there's basically, I remember, I remember my mom did like a cat shit slide. Yeah, no i did an i I used to be able to roll out of my bunk bed down a fucking pile of trash to get in there. My bedroom looked like the island of misfit toys. Oh, man. So awesome. Yeah, shout out that WWF Slurpee poster, though. So awesome. Nelly posters. Nelly posters was pretty bomb. Bomb. I got to rush home to see my Nelly poster. I got to get home and see that thing. I got to get home fucking hang out with new Nelly posters. Anyway. Anyway, I got to dart.
00:27:59
Speaker
My god, dude, being a 2000s kid is so crazy. having We both had an older brother in like in the during that. and An older brother that was like old enough to know what's cool. Yeah, and like my brother was my brother was like cool, but like and like I'm like not that cool and not very cool. Yeah, my brother was like a like a tall blonde guy who played football like so he's kind of cool. He was like a jock like cool guy. Yeah, and like but like I didn't think he was that cool. Like I'm like this guy fucking like is lame. Like I didn't like the shit he liked. Like he liked flow bots and shit. Fucking fuck. I wanted to fucking I wanted him to like take a dick in the ass for that. Like dudes listen to flow bots where buddies and roll the sleeves up.
00:28:37
Speaker
Oh, that's like sleeveless hoodie music. My brother was like on that vibe on that grind. and Sorry. My brother had fucking racial fucking dysmorphia. ah My brother literally was transracial. Your brother had like a 17 X like stripe T-shirt. My brother got the biggest as shirt ever made. My brother got a pack of the biggest shirts ever made. My brother's walking around like seven. My brother looked like a real life homie toy. a
00:29:10
Speaker
He told my he told my parents that he was like like hanging out with this like church group Meanwhile, they were like making like meek mill fucking like corner rap battle videos My brother's literally the only white kid My god it's so awesome my brother was basically like a fucking Cheddar Bob. He was beef and Cheddar Bob. My brother was Osiago Johnny. He's Osiago Steve. Yeah. He was Gudadev. He was beef and Cheddar Bob dude. I kind of dodged that whole bullet. I basically just spent my time playing with Bionicles. My cousin Sammy told me that Bionicles were stupid at my Aunt Jenny's wedding. I never touched him again.
00:29:57
Speaker
I was like, alright. Fuck her. Damn. No, him. Him. Fuck him. I never played with him again. I was like, he's right. I got a Bionicle from this place called Zany Braney in Wayne or in Narber. I know that place. I used to go there. That's back when you could walk in a toy store. God damn it. It's back when you like. There's no toy store anymore. In case you're not gonna say, when men were men. Back when men were men. When men were men. Yeah. No, you still want to walk in a toy store. There are no toy stores. There are also no candy shops. Dude, Toys R Us used to be so gangster. It was gangster, the one in Granitron. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yes. Yeah. Uh, brother. Yeah. That was a cool store.
00:30:38
Speaker
Yeah, where do like kids like to like that was for when they don't then i was that was stop I guess a million friggin game stop doesn't even have like the demos
Family Quirks and Legal Misadventures
00:30:45
Speaker
anymore Game stop doesn't even have like there's no since the pandemic you can't like have a bunch of people touch the controller Yeah, that makes sense because now everyone's like a gay faggot pussy now. Yeah, who cares? I won't play a game i i want to our play game is i all um but forward What else are you supposed to do while your mom looks for huge bras I'm at EB games. My mom's like fashion bug plus like absolutely don't even give you start of a fashion bug oh Man might as well be fashion bog. Yeah, yeah, I Remember like a r bugg when the trash and hog
00:31:23
Speaker
um We used to go to Fashion Bug in Upper Darby, dude. Yeah, the one Bonchomics in it. Yeah, my mom would stop and grab. My mom would pre-game getting a bra with a big and tasty McDonald's. Imagine pre-gaming and That's the only McDonald's that still has chicken slacks. Yeah, for some reason that place still has McRibs. Yeah. With bone-in. TJ and I fucking like four o'clock in the morning recently got fucking McFlurry's, the banana McFlurry. but Oh yeah, they were pretty good. They're so good. Yeah, but you're saying there's no candy stores, no toy stores. There's really no. Remember the candy store, Manoa Shopping Center? Yeah. Yeah. Close down. Now it's like a fucking like. Now it's like a hearing aid place. Oh, no, I think it's like a like hearing aid bar. It's like a summer camp or like a summer school thing. Can I get a shot of whiskey? Hearing aid bar. What? Change it to like a Kuman, like Tudor kids to do more school after school. I fucking hate that.
00:32:15
Speaker
Yeah, because you did so you did school after school, and then you did school, then school after school, and then you did church, and then you did school church after ski church school church. You did school church, then church school after that. Yeah, yeah. Always be learned. I remember that candy shop. Now you're the devil. There's also a tobacco store right there, too. It's an Indian, and it moved. but i don't Back there was like a jeweler and something else. I don't know that. You wouldn't fucking know what's back there anyway because it's like an armpit. Yeah that quarter is so weird. That's where like that's where the town fucking PCP addict Poplox and fucking. Poplox points his flip phone to people like a gun. Don't you miss being a kid and like there would just be random characters from the neighborhood. Yes. And that was just part of your life. Remember Gustav? Gustav was a amazing. TJ do you know anything about Gustav from Avertown?
00:33:06
Speaker
i Don't remember that is Gustav like a big like goose. I was just a man that walked around He was a old pedophile like an old man that walked around he had half a fucking he had half a golf club Cut at the bottom. It was just a probing stick You just he would walk around looking for coins, and he would just say filthy things to the girls Yeah, Jesus Christ. No the seventh and eighth grade girls that we we're all hanging out with it was the funniest thing ever trying to like get a big tumor on his tongue it was scary Oh, yeah, you had a big I used to call that the G spot. Yeah, I literally remember telling like these chicks were hanging out with me Let him tongue your pussy a little bit like go on come on do it Don't be weird stop being fucking weird I never thought you never might do stop, but I remember he would go and Tommy Coco Yeah, okay fucking character. Oh run after your car. He doesn't care. He's like a wild pit bull. Oh Is like seeing a wild dog yeah you go on top of he also He also you know how like they say like buffalo like like buffalo the lilies
00:34:11
Speaker
They hallucinate Buffalo do that and they become aggressive and then they'll go back to being real sweet and they'll lay down Then they'll get up and like get zoomies. That's how he was. He would get zoomies He would get zoomies on you and remember he was like Tommy Coco fucking just a fat like Puerto Rican, dude yeah with like giant player CD player big-ass headphones and a 40 hug the girls He would chase the boys down and then as soon as you were out of breath and he was out of breath He had to like rebuffer. He was like pop lock He chased me through the staples at the manoa shopping center Jesus and he came out and he was like you want someone there's some motherfuckers And he pulled up. I thought he's holding a fucking fucking razor flip phone, dude
00:35:03
Speaker
I Hit him with a 12-pack of crayons out my school bus. Oh my god. You're going back in his old neighborhood He lived in his aunt's house. He was out there laying on him Mattress on the front. Yeah, and he would it would twirl my friend live three doors down He would twirl the fucking broomstick on the mattress like fucking doing ninja move fucking awesome Yeah, I want it. I want it back bring that back rumor has it if you gave him a ride of Saveras to get a case of beer that pizza shop in Abu Dhabi Instead of him telling you to drop them off you just open the door and get out while it's rolling Yeah, so he would get out while he was running. He would get out while he was running. He would just eject himself onto the street. GTA. He was an NPC. That's what it is. They're NPCs. He's GTA Maxing, dude. Yeah, they were like these like, we had like fucking pedophile like crack heads that had like side quests. Yeah. They're amazing. And we were just like these like. And interact with them. I would, I'd follow them anywhere. I would literally follow them anywhere. We did whatever we wanted because we would just scurry if they fucking turned on us. Yeah. Goose thought we could've overpowered. All three of them we could've fucking dealt with. Yeah. Havertown Tony's the other one. Havertown Tony was more like the Chrysler. He was a Chrysler. I, on purpose, spilled a hot cup of ramen on him. Oh my god. He's the only Havertown, he was the only homeless guy we had in the Havertown. That dude would literally walk up to the Wawa's, take cigarette butts off the ground, and then go back and sleep under windward lanes.
00:36:34
Speaker
sleep water with with la ah
00:36:39
Speaker
um yeah oh oh oh no You finally doze off on a brick. no You finally doze off on your brick pillow. You finally get it positioned right and all of a sudden the P&W goes right.
00:36:54
Speaker
You finally found a smooth enough slate rock to be your pillow. And then one night he's like, huh, maybe I'll stretch out on the fucking train tracks. a Somebody made a comp for him too on YouTube. They were like Haverton and Tony like montage. Every time I gave this guy a dollar or didn't give him anything else to fucking want to live. Oh, man time our ball compilation is the bed someone made a facebook page for him and shit like that was so funny My favorite thing is whenever there's a homeless guy and like your town There's always a rumor that they're like, yeah, they're actually secretly a millionaire like yeah
00:37:34
Speaker
Here they are. I spread that rumor. I mean, you know, we spread that. ru He's actually a millionaire. Crazy thing. He just died he just he has everything he ever wanted. He just it's just when you have everything, you just want to go insane. You walk around. I would know. I would know. I would know. I would know. I would no i at i um which twelve year old i know. I I would today when a cat turned stuck in my back. I would know.
00:38:06
Speaker
I'd like to imagine that he was actually a millionaire, and he was just waiting for the nice, like, person to, like, give him the dollar that he needed. Yeah, right, dude. Yeah, right. I've literally- You did it. You were sticking- I'm going to hell for spilling ramen on him. Haverton Tony's at the gates. He's at the pearly gates asking for things, and you're gonna walk by him, and he's gonna tell God that you're a bitch. He's gonna tell God that he- I put chicken ramen all over his cold shins. I'm just trying to keep it warm. Yeah, was it winter? It was winter. You're a fucking asshole. Good. Fucking care, I was 12. I was 12 and my dad kicked my hands. I was like fucking boom. You did the funniest thing ever one day. I couldn't believe how funny that was. What what did I do? There was a kid, I won't so mention names, but he showed up to the skate park for the bike. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Jim borrowed the bike. I will call the kid that did it and he'll tell me he did it. Went to Wawa.
00:39:02
Speaker
Slash the tires of the bike didn't do it came back and said well somebody slashed your tires the bikes behind Wawa wasn't me you you guys so I know but I didn't do it Some kid that he had beef with did it. yeah It wasn't me. If you didn't do, you're probably like, do it. I didn't. i I did. I remember. I remember coming out of the wall and it wasn't there. And then he was like, I know the kid that did it. I forget his name now, but we're the kid who the kid whose tires did get slashed eventually got this shit fixed. And he brought his girlfriend up there. Yeah. The girlfriend dumped him in front of everybody. She is. She was crying.
00:39:43
Speaker
Oh my God, you're about to tell the story over and she's like hugging me and stuff like that. I'm like, this is cool. Yeah, you know, he's fucking. He's gay as fuck. Don't worry about it. He's like he's I would know I'm a 12 year old. i smoke serious how he He's a loser. He was a man like me. I'm already smoking like a pack a day. Not doing any homework. and i'm like At that point, I wasn't even bringing a backpack. nine I remember those days, John would leave without a backpack. What about your homework? He'd be like, that's work work. I got skate i literally skateboarding to do, but this kid was like, when it came out, they were like, you fucking bitch, I'm going to kill myself. And she was like, no, you're not.
00:40:27
Speaker
And she was like sobbing at her so he rides by on the bike and he gets some fucking speed and goes past her and goes, I'm gonna go do it. And as he does he accidentally grabs the front brake of his bike and just goes right over the handlebars and like falls like literally gets shot out like 10 feet. Like catapulted. We have to elementary school this kid teach. Everybody laughed at him. Everybody laughed at him. Forever. I mean, I feel like you do it at that point. I don't know. Do you remember when he sucked all the butane out of the lighter and threw up? yeah
00:41:01
Speaker
We did have like a trailer park we had a piece of shit like we had a trash bin that we like we had a just a nose like a fenced-in area where just kids were the generous crazy Yeah, it was awesome like sketchy it was sketchy sketchy place ever it was it was like basically like the sandlot but for drugs and Yeah, he's like if there was like a drug. Yeah, it was the sandlock Wait, do they still have the skate park over there? No, it's gone. They moved it to Mary place. It's a concrete park Oh for real. It's a tiny little park though. Like TJ's gonna be there skateboarding next week. Well, yeah, I love I go on the trail like all the time
00:41:43
Speaker
The other one was probably in the least convenient place to do anything bad right behind the police station. Yeah. And people were still act still active, still setting stuff on a fire, set a big fire. It was like right next to the top of that. You have a group, you have a group of 13 year olds, 12 year olds that are bullying 30 year olds. Really? Yeah, which was crazy. It was the dynamic robbing and bullying 30 year olds. It's awesome. It made no sense. It was the craziest place I've ever been in my life. Yeah. I think I'm still trying to make sense of it. I just, I think back sometimes I go, wow, you know, I might not have amounted to much, but that was fun. At least I had fun. I'll be friends with those people forever. That's what I think. I mean, those people that were there. It's Bad Kid Central.
00:42:30
Speaker
Oh man. It was fun though. Definitely. I'll never forget taking a we were 16. We had a cooler filled to the top with beer and ice. We took a cooler from the, from the fucking skate park to my house, which is also across the town the, towns through the like like through the fucking down the hill, wrote it down the hill up when 20 people walked into my house. Nothing. Just no, no one gave a fuck. I got so drunk in your backyard when I was 13 years old that i went running I went running across your backyard and caught a clothesline. Yes. Cross the throat. Cross the throat. You had a clothesline that was four feet off the ground. Yeah. Kids went in and got wasted and that I sat there and watched everybody catch their head on the clothesline. It was like, that shit was fun. Yeah.
00:43:22
Speaker
I can't believe like, but that's the thing that was like, do you think kids are still having experiences like that? yeah But now it's like with like Molly. It's not with like, we it's not like with weed. It's like with like gross drugs. Yeah, kids are gross right now. No, I feel like it's a lot of like doing cat doing cat doing babies in the system. You're fucking. and We did not want that. We used to make fun of people who did it. And now it's like, yeah, I'm pretty much like doing cat was fucking Biden's America. They're fucking giving it to people like it's medicine. Okay. I mean, it's just taken out of the whole place. can you fuck Yeah, go you need sour gummy worms. This is what you need. problem not you're not arrested in your head You're not bipolar too. You need gummy worms. Works better than fucking Lexibro. A pork roll egg and cheese on a wine bone. Yeah, your problem is that somebody hot is not making you breakfast. That's your fucking biggest problem. yeah du The craziest thing I've done in middle school is I eat a warhead and I was like, oh, this is sour.
00:44:20
Speaker
Sour. You're like, I'm crazy right now. I'm crazy right now. I'm crazy right now. Oh, dude, I was like, introduced me to warheads was like Jim was like Frank Gallagher and Steven Seagal and the same character in middle school for sure. In middle school. In middle school for sure. I was like on drugs and fighting every day. God, remember that? Remember, the people just like fight me out of nowhere all the time. Anytime there was like a new kid, they'd be like, all right, well, who am I fighting first? Well, I guess it's like prison rules. and they're looking for like I feel like either way, like any town, like every kid's had like a fucking like ah like it kid that goes to school for two weeks before they get kicked out. yeah But for whatever reason, they always made sure to like ah give me one. like Because you're cutting a promo, they show up. Yeah. it's the Same shit, you were The Rock and then it'd be like a Jericho showing up.
00:45:09
Speaker
I did, yeah, I'm glossing over the fact that I did a fair amount of fucking running my mouth. You bullied a little bit. I ran my mouth a bit. i think Do I think the fights were warranted? No. I think it was just goofing. I always thought, I always knew you were goofing. It was a fair one. I got a couple, fair there was a few that I deserved. Yeah, but I feel like you could always, I feel like you should always be able to talk it out before it goes to hands. No. TJ, come on, bro. We're little kids. We're little kids, or idiots. Yeah, but I feel like they don't know how to effectively communicate, especially me, who who like the my the people that raised me were like, you don't fuck, take shit from nobody. I was like, you've never like done it. All you've ever done is take shit from everyone. real you All you literally do is take shit from people. That's all you do. That's your entire life. is Your entire job is to take shit from people. From people is actually take shit from people. You actually take shit from people. but i you hair anyway I mean,
00:46:02
Speaker
ah take them for everything. Take shit. Sue everyone. My parents are like, my parents, my parents like nine different times growing up. We're like, all right, this is going to be the fucking, this is the one. Yeah. Oh my God. My parents, my parents said that broke shit too. They're like, well, we'll just sue them. I'm like, well, fucking so I'm suing. Well, how? Shut up. Can we get, yeah can we get food?
Trip to Wildwood
00:46:23
Speaker
you somebody i would tell about the timeway parents Before we do anything before we get legal can we just eat something every time by the time my parents lost a court case cuz my dad's hair whats really real Dad show up with that fucking your dad show up with that fucking Tekken hair no your dad fucking paul area dad There's a picture of his dad holding him as a baby, and he's like a bruiser to fucking leather jacket He's got like butthole jumpy eyes, and he's got that he has Leon from Resident Evil's hair It's so not his dad has Leon from Resident Evil hair so but it pin straight You think it was your dad's haircut the blue? it or so heres how a crazy looking face It's both it was both because he had the crazy-looking face right, but the night before his court date
00:47:08
Speaker
He had my mom cut his hair. Oh, my God. And she forgot to put a clip on like. And so she just like no, she just shaved a chunk out of the side of his head. And now he looks like a fucking. And so he refused to let her fix it. So he went to court with a patch missing out of the side of his head. And then they lost the court case. They threw the case out. He showed up like a lunatic. just i like They're probably I don't know what kind of fucking mad max shit You should have let her fix it. Yeah, how is she gonna fix it? She was sometimes that's even scarier She's probably gonna she's pregnant. I don't know. I have no idea They're the two of the two dumbest people in my life. I've ever met we're about to we're about to do something Anything but comb his hair
00:47:58
Speaker
Oh man. My dad was one of those guys that had like permanently greasy hair like there was nothing he could ever do. Like keith but you could power wash him and he'd still be gross. Like it makes no sense. Your dad had like, your dad's eyes are like armpits. They look like they look like armpits. It has eyes like fucking dirty armpits. It's so insane. Like dirty Italian girl armpits. It's so insane. Your dad has Sicilian armpits. It's so insane. I come from, I kid you not, first ballot, like Tom Brady level. The craziest looking people. White trash. at like ah like
00:48:35
Speaker
because your mom looked like John Candy in Cool Runnings. It's true. And your dad had literal armpits for eyes. So I don't know how to, I don't look anything. You try to be a pretty good looking person though. Well, that's a nice thing for you to say. Yeah, you don't look like, I don't think you look like them at all. You know what they say, two negatives, make a positive. Yeah. I was, yeah, my aunt used to say that, like my mom aunt, she used to say it to me, she was like, you know, somehow, she was like, somehow you were able to get all the- And your brother too, your brother wasn't a man looking dude. Oh, my brother was really good looking, but his- Your parents both together. Our parents were different. My dad, he had a different dad. Those two procreated. It's crazy, yeah, I think my mom had sex twice in her life and both times she got knocked out.
00:49:17
Speaker
he's Like I might as well that might be the last time I swear to God I swear to God She said I got a Jamaican. I got a Jamaican bobsledding team to run. I Didn't annoy Steve Martin on a plane I Gotta flip a giant pancake. all your bag It's hard with your mom's literally Uncle Bob. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
00:49:42
Speaker
Oh man. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks. Cause you're like, your mom kind of had this like. like your mom and dad both kind of like they had like ice I called can we just can we just call a spade a spade like it's like can we just say what we're really we're we're we what we're engine towards yeah I hope they're both at the time how about the time now how about how about when we went to wildwood with absolutely zero dollars yo all right so check this out I was watching a youtuber in wildwood that does hotel tours They just flipped the bins to a place called Vibes. And now it's an expensive, nice resort with two pools and all this shit. And i the whole time I was watching it, I was thinking about when we checked into the bins, dude. I thought we were in Pyongyang.
00:50:28
Speaker
We were, dude, we were in Kowloon City. We were in the 10th city. We literally, for some reason, for the first time in a while, I really turned and saw a 60-foot Kim Jong-un statue that I wasn't allowed to take pictures of in the back of. We stayed at the bins. I swear to God, it was a windowless whorehouse in a while, but I was like, I don't remember a while but like this. I don't know what's so funny is we walked in there and they couldn't believe that that someone had brought children in there Yeah, cuz it's usually it's probably usually just like truckers and gaglets. It's usually hit men
00:51:01
Speaker
man hotel hip hear say the hip
00:51:09
Speaker
It's called the bins and it literally was a bin it was a bin and we fucking i was smoked it out I was scared of getting bedbugs So I took my I took my clothes I i took my clothes out of my suitcase and slept all my clothes on the floor And I was like, well, if the bed bugs get me, at least they're going to go pay it. Because I know I don't watch that underwear I brought down. I thought they're going to get a taste of the underwear and go, all right, he's good. he's good they've been he must mar and been marked or hey He must be part of the nast or something. I think that's the queen. That might be the lumber for the nast. I think that's the queen. I might be the queen bed bugs.
00:51:44
Speaker
ah We went down there. Reaking like pheromones? Your mom pulled a next level fucking curveball. We're like, I didn't know and my parents gave me like 40 bucks. We're going to go for the day. I was like, I said, I was like 14. Yeah. We, I get up the next morning. Your mom was like, we got to catch the bus. And I'm like the bus. And she's like, yeah, we're going to 69th street. And then we caught the 103. Yeah. To 69th street. Yes we did. 69th street caught the L. Yes. To center city. Yup. Walked over hopped on the NJ transit bus. Yes we did.
00:52:20
Speaker
by the way Wow hit by I've read it's wild but twice both times were horrible found we got bound on that deal the whole 40 bucks to get down there is it yeah yeah yeah i didn't have yeah We didn't have anything. We we had nothing. All I had was bud. Bud and beer. yeah we got So beer didn't show up. The beer. We'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. We get there. We hang out on the beach. like brought a fucking We brought another dude with us. Shout out Sam. Throwing wet sand balls at each other and shit. like And we're like, all right, it's fine. We're gonna eat when we get back. I'm like, there's no food. We get back. No food. Bunch of weed. All right. So we just got stone and we're hanging out. ever The next day we go to the beach and
00:53:05
Speaker
I notice there's a dude hanging by the pool who served in Iraq. Oh, shit. He had a jaw blown off. Oh, shit. and He was a nice guy, but we're talking. And you're like, Oh, hey, how are you? And like, i kept on I remember thinking to myself, like, I got to stop talking to this guy that he's retarded. Yeah, he's a normal dude. He just has a can't talk really. And we're on the beach and we're playing like Kill the Cow or something with a football and the jawless guy gets in and he's like tackling us like we're like adults and shit. He's all marked. His face looks like hamburger meat, dude. like yeah Everyone's trying to get like off of him. Everyone's trying to play with him. Everyone's like, that's the best juking I've ever done in my life. The best juking I've ever done. yeah But then afterwards, being the one kid fall back, Jim, our other friend, and fucking Uncle Buck go back to the bins and then you guys went to another hotel.
00:54:01
Speaker
to check in, leaving me and the other guy. I don't remember any of this. Leaving me and the other guy behind the hotel for like four hours with a 10% on an iPhone, one iPhone. So all of a sudden, the jawless guy comes back and he brings out a little grill because the bins hit me. Yes, I remember. the jawless guy comes out and cooks us sausage and peppers ah that outside by the board. and I don't know if like we're going to see them again. Wait, how does he chew if he has jawless? Like one side of his face is like, really still desructive okay. but He's cooking us sausage and peppers on the ground. And I told Sam, I was like, don't take them. I guess.
00:54:37
Speaker
I'll have someone like, oh shit, I'll have some too. Fuck. Then you guys pick this up. And then your parents, your your parents managed to manipulate a retarded guy into driving an SUV, borrowing the SUV, letting your dad drive to get another hotel room. But when he showed up, instead of bringing food that we haven't eaten in 24 hours, he brought a case of Budweiser. A case of Budweiser and a family sized bag of Doritos.
00:55:08
Speaker
That's beer Doritos. Thank God the cavalry. They circled the wagons on this one, fellas. Yeah, take us home. He's still going, baby. Unfucking believe. I couldn't believe our one buddy, Dan. Our one buddy, Dan literally puked black. Oh, Jesus. And I was like, I think that's your stomach's like telling you, like, yo, no chips, no more chips, no more beer, he is nothing but a cold, we nothing but a cold 30 rack. Holy shit. So we were like just fucking and we're like 14 just like drinking like fill up. I mean, was it cool rancher? Not your cheese. It was obviously not your cheese because I was what I was purposely wiping my fingers on the back of the headrest of his car. The inside of your mark. That was a trip. That was a trip. That was the worst beach trip ever. I think I think I went like eight years without going to the beach after that because I just it was just so in my in my brain, it was so shitty. I was like, it doesn't get better. Yeah.
Public Transit Tales
00:56:06
Speaker
Damn, it takes 40 bucks to get from Havertown to Wildwood though. Pretty much you pay for the transfer and then the L. I took the last time I took the NJ Transit bus, I went down to CBBG on her senior week and I did the same thing. I took the bus to Center City, then the L. I took the bus to 693, the L to Center City and then the NJ Transit. But I thought I was getting the express bus. I got the bus that goes like all through South Jersey for towns. Not only that when I got on there, there's no seats left. Oh, so you're standing on like fuck I go to the bus. I'm like, hey, can I just kept to the next bus and he goes why? I was like, there's no seats left. He goes. Yeah, there is He goes walks down there and he yells at this black lady. He goes get that fucking baby and put him on her lap I'm not gonna say it to you again. Oh my god. Literally. It was like it was like a she literally had a new No blanket. Oh my god seat so I fucking I
00:57:03
Speaker
I literally walked, I was like, it's okay. And he's like, no, go sit down. Tired of this shit. I go sit down next to this lady while she motherfucked me for 45 minutes. She motherfucked me all the way to Vineland, New Jersey. Wild water violin, you got me in love. She was like, I'm tired of this motherfucker. Thinking he can fuck her, say whatever. The entire time the baby's looking at me like, yeah matter yeah And I literally the baby was looking at me like this was like hush don't fucking talk to him You don't know nothing. Don't fucking listen to him. Yeah, I was like, all right I really sat there shaking and then I finally put the Beatles on yeah I was excited to see my lady sit down. I put some 60s like early 60s Beatles on like the love music. So it's like yeah And then the background all I can hear she literally still cursing me out
00:57:54
Speaker
He was like, typical white shit, typical white shit. I'm like, what the fuck did I do? I didn't even want to ride this bus. I don't want to be here. A two hour bus ride turned into a six hour bus ride. Jesus. Because it went all the way up to Lake Secaucus. North Jersey, I'm like, can we please get a wild one? Secaucus? Yeah. NJ Trans is definitely not the way to go. Yeah. But if you're going to New York, you can take the Chinatown bus. You got a fucking 14 year old driving that thing. year old girl She's a fucking she wrote rules with an iron fist She'll literally fucking pepper. She will mother fuck you to death. She'll put you smokes three packs of cigarettes my but my mega bus driver Baby, it's a Chinese baby
00:58:44
Speaker
but so My mega bus driver dragged the guy off the bus Like physically yeah, and she was gonna hit him with like a fucking like a big like chip reader device yeah She's gonna fucking cross his head with it. She's like you better fucking like yeah my dad She was like she was like and it was like the size of like it was probably like the size of this cup like this big chip reader machine She's gonna fucking crack him with it, and he was all right She was like was like this like two foot like Guatemalan like absolutely she had I walked on the bus she had like thing like I she might have been a legal midget because she had like the bus pedals were like And the chalk she was with funny to the platform, but she was she was so sweet. I was like I was like I was like it was like five like
00:59:32
Speaker
It was 5 a.m. I missed like three other trains cuz I was like at the club and I was like super fucked and I showed up at the bus stop and there's like it was I was just like outside and i It was fucking it was crazy. She's like drags so early in the morning. She's like physically dragging this doodle fucking buzz fuck I'm ready to go. I said like a baby on that thing. Yeah, I took I ate up here's what happened I was the first customer of this cart that opened at flick 530 in the morning. I got a high Hot sausage. Jesus. I spent the entire night drinking and capped it off with a hot sausage at 5 a.m. So basically a desert eagle bowl. Amazing, crazy shires off of a fucking head. A fucking boom. So I took whatever was- So I have shotgun and breakfast meat. It's an hour 45 ride from from where it is in New York to Philly. I'm fucking we're driving and like half hour into the ride. I'm like dozing off. I get the hot sausage hits like it hits the button hits the nuclear button. you Start crowning. So I have to go shit in this mega bus. my fuck god But I'm so fucked up I'm like so fucked up and I get into the fucking thing at the mega bus and like I'm so fucking drunk and I just I Take this liquid magma shit and fall asleep in the fucking bathroom oh
01:00:56
Speaker
like woke up both legs asleep like i don't know how far into the ride so i go back i i wake up fucking clean myself i'm like i pass out with my pants around my ankles inside a mega bus wake up so confused and just fucking like it's like sitting in a shoe box and it's i was hot as fuck it was hot as fuck It's almost like designed so you don't like ever fall asleep in there. It's so fun. And I fucking put the hot sausage and the beers and the fucking shots. We're all like you will pass out now. But that but yeah, getting had a scorpion I high shit a literal fucking napalm strike. It was fucking awful. I fell asleep in a 300 degree air fryer bathroom in a mega buzz. And I fucking...
01:01:51
Speaker
I couldn't fucking believe. I couldn't believe how fucking the hot sauce for the five a.m. hots I have a picture of it. I have a picture of the five a.m. hot sausage. I took a picture of when I'm going to read this. The five a.m. hot sausage is like the fucking like that's the sawed off shotgun of meat. It's the it's the final boss of indigestion. I've actually never you drink all night and you throw a hot sauce on that and fucking four a.m. That's like that's a test. You're suicidal. You're a suicidal is what you are. Check on the ones you love. Yes. Call your fucking loved ones. You ready to wrap this up? Yeah. All right. Love you, dogs. you so