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I thought I healed from that?
149 Plays1 year ago
I recently had an old wound triggered and i am SHOCKED?? BC WTF i thought i had healed from that? Here's how I am navigating this journey. Let's check back in within a couple weeks and see where i'm at with this shiiii.
xoxo,
Dani W
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Awakened Big'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Big, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, pod cast from One Girl, One Joint, and a journey to awaken what's inside all of
Facing Old Wounds
00:00:11
Speaker
us. In the words of the wise Wiz Khalifa, let's roll something and get the day started.
00:00:15
Speaker
what up sluts it's Danny back with another solo episode and holy shit what is going on you guys I thought that I had healed okay I got retriggered about some old shit and it absolutely fucking sucks and also it kind of threw me off because what the fuck I thought that I already dealt with this
00:00:32
Speaker
It is possible, I'm not saying for sure, but it is possible that I didn't heal, and I might've just unfollowed some people or pretended that they never existed. However, that's okay, and I think we should normalize being triggered about things that you thought you healed from.
Self-care and Relationships
00:00:47
Speaker
I do think that, you know, self-care and self-preservation is cutting people off, and that's definitely what I did. But I cannot control other people's actions, and sometimes they try to poke their way back into my fucking life, and they've all been doing that recently.
00:01:01
Speaker
And you know what, it has been a humbling as fuck experience. I will say I wish I would have felt my feelings a little bit sooner and not allowed myself to really have a complete and total fucking meltdown for multiple days for like maybe upwards of a week. Like did I really need to be on edge for a whole week and anxious and sad and confused but luckily I got a new tarot deck.
00:01:21
Speaker
The deck is called the Modern Witch. It's fucking awesome I recommend it to everyone and I'm not even familiar with it yet. I did a reading though and those cards put me in check. For once I'm not going to give you guys every single fucking detail of my life but here's my situation.
Energy Activation through Music
00:01:37
Speaker
This whole little, oh, abandonment wound was
00:01:40
Speaker
I don't know, abandonment wound and just like wound from the past. I was triggered. My self worth was triggered. My abandonment and safety issues were triggered. My confidence was triggered. Okay. So I am right now putting extra focus on myself, the self love and the self care and the personal needs and attention that I require.
00:01:57
Speaker
Lately, I've actually been channeling that energy. So instead of being sad and down and anxious, I don't know how to explain this, but I'm basically transmitting the energy through music and like shaking and twerking and dancing, which we have a whole episode about. So if you want to learn about how twerking is spiritual, go listen to that episode. I'm probably not going to link it because I'm pretty high right now.
00:02:18
Speaker
but that's what I've been doing. So here's kind of how. Number one, Meg's new song has helped me activate my Say Girl Chakra and I was twerking and shaking and releasing energy honey.
Honesty in Mental Struggles
00:02:27
Speaker
Like Meg really inspired that and so did Sahara Rose. Sahara Rose is someone who I highly recommend if you want to learn about
00:02:34
Speaker
why twerking and like gyrating and shaking and movement in general is so healing and good for releasing energy and also really good for your womb space. Definitely check out Sahara Rose but Megan's new song Cobra has really just like helped me channel my energy. Obviously I've never fucking been through anything like Megan has been through so that's not what I'm saying.
00:02:54
Speaker
but what she is saying and the energy that she is bringing oh my god like it just it's filling up my my all of my needs and it's just like yes that is how i want to channel this energy in an empowering way in a way that's like you know how she said i'm killing myself when bitches would die to be me i am no meg the stallion and no one's out here like dying to be me but that energy she's bringing bitch oh i get it
00:03:16
Speaker
And it's healing as fuck. It's way better than hating on yourself and shitting on yourself. Transmute that energy. It's like, okay, why am I out here being sad and hating on myself? I'm the shit. I am the shit. When she said, never thought a bitch like me would ever hit rock bottom, I was like, oh my God, thank you. Because I feel like I really am that bitch. I feel like I know I'm not Megan Thee Stallion, but I feel like we would be friends. And I feel like I'm a catch, right? I have been through some
00:03:43
Speaker
dark, low rock bottoms before. And I'm like, why? Why God? Why me? You know what? And that is where my distrust in the Lord came from. It's okay. We've rebuilt our connection and me and the universe are cool. But I got to be real with
Journaling for Emotional Clarity
00:03:58
Speaker
you guys. Like I, like I said, I was triggered for about a week and I had to just straight up like have honest communication with the people around me. Hey, sorry. I'm my mentally, my mentally, I'm mentally not doing well. My mental isn't in a great place. And then with my husband, I had to basically just like,
00:04:12
Speaker
be your super real because we live with each other. So he's going to be the main one that experiences like the end of whatever I'm going through, like my reaction, you know what I mean? And I don't want to just take it on him. So I had to be hella honest and I can't just let it fester and grow inside of me because it will and it does and it did. And I had multiple anxiety attacks that he had to talk me through and he did because he's fucking awesome.
00:04:33
Speaker
And that is the difference. Right. So like I used to be with people who would trigger me into these panic attacks. But now I'm with someone who when I'm having these panic attacks, I talk about it with him and he helps me calm down. And that's what you all deserve as well. OK, period. Everyone take a hit if you're smoking right now. Take a hit or go smoke. Yes, everyone look.
00:04:54
Speaker
I encourage everyone to smoke when you listen to Awake and Bake. That's kind of the whole thing. I am currently smoking a cartridge from... Where the fuck is this from? Oh, it's by Level and it's got THC V in it for focus and I'm absolutely loving it.
00:05:10
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, I took some open and honest communication with my husband and also with myself.
Wellbeing and Lifestyle Choices
00:05:15
Speaker
I had to journal and what I'm finding is that this really helps to like kind of connect the dots to all of my crazy thoughts and feelings. My neighbor KJ on Instagram, it's the rooted Yogi, but she was saying something about this and I was like, you're so right, Queen, when you can truly make sense of the chaos,
00:05:34
Speaker
It helps everything. First of all, you stop having like maybe you write down all of your wild insane thoughts that are causing you some type of distress, right? But once you get them all out and then you're able to kind of connect the dots, they don't hit the same that they did. It takes away their power a little bit because you understand why they're happening and what they're connected to. And when you understand them, they're not so scary because you're like, oh, you're just a little side effect, bitch. You're not powerful. I'm powerful. I just dissected you, bitch. Like you're just a little a little reaction. I'm the one in control.
00:06:04
Speaker
Speaking about being the one I control, the way that I take care of my human suit has also been another priority when it comes to addressing my triggers head on, because when I get triggered, everything gets thrown off with my self-care, my diet, my maintenance, my cleaning around the house, everything, everything gets thrown off.
Self-care through Physical Awareness
00:06:22
Speaker
So being responsible with how I'm feeding my human suit, okay? Here's my rule of thumb. If it hurts my belly, don't do it. I'm also finding if it hurts my belly, it ends up kind of hurting my skin too, or kind of just having other negative effects.
00:06:34
Speaker
So that means a lot less dairy and a lot less coffee. Basically no coffee. Yes, I don't do coffee anymore. I don't even do tea anymore if it has caffeine in it. I'm caffeine free.
00:06:46
Speaker
that's a lie that's a lie a little bit of cacao never hurt anybody like in a smoothie or something also hydrating bitch holy fuck being on top of my hydration has helped with just everything it helps everything i cannot explain and it's annoying don't get me wrong all i do is pee and that's so boring like i want to do so many other things you know what it mainly interrupts my sleep
00:07:07
Speaker
I hate when I'm just trying to sleep, but I got a piss like four times in the middle of the night. Also, no one be like, fuck, like check on your kidney. It's because of my medication and everyone's aware of what's going on. Leave me alone. But I appreciate your concern, but I'm cool. But goddamn, all this water makes all this piss.
00:07:24
Speaker
Oh, and also movement, movement around my moon cycle. So cycle syncing my workouts is so important right now. I'm realizing like there are certain times of the month where lifting weights does not feel good, but like walks feel so good. And also walks will like at certain times of the month. Holy fuck, a walk will take it out of me, bitch, like for no reason. But then like at other times of the month, a walk does nothing. And then I'm like thrusting like 420 pounds. Isn't that awesome? 420. Of course, that's how much I thrust.
00:07:54
Speaker
Also, like I was saying earlier, self grooming and presentation. That's really, really important because sometimes I kind of let that go where it's just like I'm sleeping in way too late and then I'm not leaving enough time for me to like really get myself together before I have to go somewhere before I have to wake up and do things. And the way that you treat your human suit and put it together really affects like your confidence. Like you're, I don't know, your human suit, it's aware of what's going on.
00:08:16
Speaker
And news flash, I'm so white news flash, your human suit loves you. Okay, so like you want to like show it that you care about it and you want to take care of it. It responds
Triggers as Learning Opportunities
00:08:26
Speaker
better that way. You'll be more confident that way. I don't know the science behind it, but I know the vibes and I just explained the vibe. So yeah, anyway.
00:08:35
Speaker
Excuse me, is anyone off? Holy shit, maybe I'm a little high. Is anyone else coughing a little bit from that hit earlier? Anyways, let's check back in in a couple weeks on this. OK, this little regime that I'm on and see how far we've come and see how much better we're doing. And also, if I seem like I'm doing a lot better and I'm a lot less fucking depressed, I am on new meds. Everyone clap for me. Please give me my applause. Give me my claps. Give me my flowers. I thrive on that shit. I am literally Tinkerbell.
00:09:05
Speaker
It's so funny too because I remember when I turned 25, I was like, I want this to be the year where I really get my mental health together and I don't affect other people with my mental illness and da, da, da, da. And I just want to be my best self. And I'm like, damn, I just turned 26. And I feel like it's just still continuing. I'm like, what the fuck? Not 26. I just turned 27. Wow.
00:09:24
Speaker
No, I am 26. I keep doing this. Kelsey and I had a whole conversation where I was like, hey, for my 27th birthday, let's do this. Let's do that. And she goes, cool. Can we do something cool for your 26th birthday? I think I feel 27. I think I just want to be 27 really bad. I don't know. I feel like 27 is like a sexy age. I feel like something good is going to happen in 27. It is your Saturn return, isn't it? Around that time.
00:09:45
Speaker
OK, I love how I was like, guys, I got new meds like I'm doing so well. And then I've just been so confusing and not making any sense and like stumbling on my sentences. The irony is not lost on me. I am just always embarrassing. I feel really good about this, though. I don't feel great about being triggered, but I feel great about like it was kind of like a little slap in my ass, but not like a fun one, like a little, you know, like when you slap a little horses, but I don't know. I've never slapped a horse's ass, but you know, in football players, they slap each other on the butt to kind of encourage them like, you got this, brother.
00:10:14
Speaker
Ass slap. That's kind of what the universe just gave me.
Exploring Ego and Continuous Healing
00:10:18
Speaker
And I love that I got new meds right around the time I got triggered so that it was like, hey, this is going to be a tough one. We got you, bitch. Little, little extra protection. I feel like those were my angels looking out for me. Thank you, Sluts. I have the coolest angels. I know I do.
00:10:34
Speaker
Yeah, so it was just like humbling as fuck to be retriggered about something, but I was like, whatever, I'm just going to keep moving forward, keep moving forward. That being said, I do think that it really hit my ego, which clearly my ego death wasn't a thing. I actually am really intrigued by the whole concept that like we're not supposed to kill our ego, we're just supposed to kill like the way it controls us.
00:10:55
Speaker
And I do feel like through journaling, like I said earlier, I'm going to have a deeper understanding of why I'm being retriggered about this and what can I learn from it and how can I go deeper and better myself as a person, as a partner, as a woman, and as someone having a human experience, as a little star seed here on earth to be an example and help raise the collective consciousness.
00:11:17
Speaker
But on some funny shit, I was like, what the fuck universe? I had really thought I was healed from this, but it wasn't until I did the tarot reading and the reading was like, get out of your own way. Open your goddamn eyes. See the bigger picture. That's right. Fucking in front of you. Stop lying to yourself, bitch, and just get through it. Handle it. And I said, period. Absolutely.
00:11:37
Speaker
And I can also appreciate that I'm able to recognize, OK, my self-worth is triggered, my abandonment and safety issues are triggered, and my confidence is triggered. So I'm not just running around here like a chicken with its head cut off like, what's going on? I feel crazy. I'm doing that. But I'm like, well, I know what's going on, but I feel crazy.
00:11:55
Speaker
That's so funny. I love how we all start the spiritual journey because we're like, I want to heal and just get through all my bullshit. And then the more you heal and get through your bullshit, the more you're like, damn, but when more bullshit pops up, I just find myself wanting to heal and address it head on. But that's awesome because now you have the tools and the ability to do that.
Gratitude and Community Engagement
00:12:12
Speaker
So that's what I'm going to do. Give me a couple of weeks and we'll check back.
00:12:15
Speaker
Also, in the meantime, let's normalize, you know, being triggered about things that you thought you would heal from, you know, have old shit comes up and it sucks, but it's part of life. And everything we do is just teaching us more about ourselves. So I don't know. I'm all ears, guys. OK, I am a student of the motherfucking universe.
00:12:32
Speaker
Thank you so much for watching. I just want to say we have been skyrocketing with our views recently, and there is no one to thank except y'all. I am so grateful. Kelsey is so grateful. We are just texting each other and calling each other and FaceTiming each other and Snapchatting each other all day, every day. Like, look at this. Look at that. Look at that. Going through our stats and analytics and growth. And it's just so amazing. And we're so grateful. So
00:12:54
Speaker
Thank you for being here. Thank you for your constant support. If you haven't already, please go check out our YouTube channel, which I'm so grateful for the growth and community that we have building over there and that we've created so far. We're almost at 400 subscribers. So please go subscribe if you haven't already. And if you like the podcast, I know you're going to like the YouTube channel because it's this, but we're all smoking together. So it's a little bit more unhinged. It's lovely. I am sending you guys so much love and so much support right now. Whatever you're going through, you fucking got this. You are a badass.
00:13:24
Speaker
I love you. Stay high. And as Kelsey would say, bye.