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Working through a frustrating night
141 Plays1 year ago
Can we just talk? Sometimes I need a human moment with yall. thank you so much for this space
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Transcript
Introduction to Awakened Bake
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Bake, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, sorry, pod cast, from one girl, one joint, and a doggy in her lap, Mr. Monkey's in her lap, and a journey to awaken what's inside all of us. In the words of the wise Wiz Khalifa, let's roll something and get the motherfucking day started.
Freestyle Episode Amid Personal Struggles
00:00:18
Speaker
What up Sluts? It's Dani here with another solo episode. You guys, honestly, this is a freestyle episode and I'm kind of having a moment right now that I'm going to take you guys along with me where I'm trying really hard to listen to Source and I'm live action with y'all letting Source guide me and tell me what I need to do.
00:00:37
Speaker
I don't know how transparent I've been with you all about where I'm at with my health journey right now, but I'm going through some reproductive issues, specifically endometriosis, and it's really bad, you guys. It's been affecting my health progressively, in a negative way progressively, for quite some time now. And for reasons out of my hands, my doctor's appointment was kind of rescheduled out of the blue and pushed over a month away.
00:01:01
Speaker
And I'm very disappointed about that, but I'm trying to make the best of it. And I'm just trying really hard to just like do my best every day, still be on top of my shit, but also giving myself grace to rest.
Realizations and Self-Care
00:01:12
Speaker
So kind of with the theme of that, I've been feeling just a little bit recently, like things aren't quite going the way that they're supposed to or the way that I envision them or the way that I plan them.
00:01:21
Speaker
And don't get me wrong, it's not everything, but it's just like, what the fuck? The most random things. I think I'm doing too much. I think Source and the universe are telling me to slow down. And I had a whole thing planned for you guys about how I was going to talk about this and I was going to talk about that. And I'm, you know, I'll still let you know all about that, but I'm realizing right now, like maybe after this, I need to just do a little bit less. I need to just take a little bit of the pressure off. And I think I think that's a big one. I'm on my period and I need to allow myself to be on my period.
Family Dynamics and Health Challenges
00:01:51
Speaker
I'm also on my period while I'm hosting. Now, I'm not actually hosting at my house 24-7. My mom and grandma are in town and they're staying nearby but not actually at my place. It has been so much fun having them here. But when you're going through an endometriosis crisis, kind of health crisis, which obviously affects you mentally as well, especially if you've ever struggled with endometriosis, you know.
00:02:14
Speaker
And then I'm on my period and so I'm dealing with the PMDD symptoms and all of the pain that comes with this and trying to be a good, you know, half host. You know, I guess they're not really staying here, but they're here for a lot of the time and I'm with them for a lot of the day. And it's been wonderful.
Technical Glitches and Beauty Standards
00:02:30
Speaker
Oh my gosh, being on all the time can be kind of exhausting as well. So what I think the universe is saying is I need to just rest a little bit, give myself some grace. I recorded a YouTube video the other night, even though Isaiah told me not to. He said, I think that you need to rest. And for some reason, I tried to do it all and I didn't listen.
00:02:47
Speaker
Sounds like me. Definitely sounds like something that I would do. So then I'm trying to upload it earlier, like literally right before I start recording this. I'm trying to upload it and it just won't fucking upload. It's just not the I don't know why it's taking so fucking long and then it uploads. It changes the complete color scale, but it doesn't change it before it uploads. But then when I go to upload it, it just fucking flips it and I just and I can't fix it. And it's just so frustrating. I re-uploaded it a ton of times. It's not working. I'm giving up on that video.
00:03:16
Speaker
And a lot of the time when I was editing it and when I was filming it, you know, there were, I don't know, it felt so right, but I guess it was so wrong. You know, Katy Perry, it felt so wrong. It felt so right. Yeah, it felt all of those things. Fuck you, Katy Perry. This was not helpful. So basically, the video was about like how beauty standards and society are BS. And I stand by that. But maybe the video needed a little longer to cook.
Reflecting on Aging and Influences
00:03:38
Speaker
Maybe the video could have been a little bit deeper. And I think I'm going to get deep with you guys about it.
00:03:44
Speaker
Grandma, I hope you're not listening to this episode. I know you don't listen to the podcast, so hopefully it stays that way. I love you deeply and I'm going to use you as an example because you mean a lot to me and you're one of my inspirations in life. So with your blessing, but please don't listen to this. I'm going to talk about you with so much love and respect.
00:04:02
Speaker
So my grandma's visiting with my mother from Cincinnati and my grandma has always been the smartest, most loving, brilliant, very accepting, very ahead of her time, very progressive, very, just anything you need, she's there. She's the ideal grandma. When you think of like, oh, a grandma coming in clutch, like this, this grandma, okay, always had the best cookies at her house, the best snacks at her house. If I'm in an emergency, my grandma somehow bailing me out of that emergency. I don't know how, but she'll find a way, usually with money.
00:04:32
Speaker
And she's here right now, now mind y'all, okay? She's 83, so she is doing great and she's still with it and everything, but I'm noticing that she's getting more confused and not remembering things and having a hard time keeping up and having a hard time being present. And it's kind of tripping me out a little bit and making me also think about just like, ugh, not pondering death in the fun Buddhist way, but it's like that, you know how we pondered death as in like,
00:04:59
Speaker
We're grateful for our existence and how it's so rare and like crazy that we ended up here as a human right now. That's wild. That's such a gift. It's such a blessing. It takes so much energy. We are so powerful and so lucky, but we're not forever a human. And like, you know, we evolve, we change, we form. We all, I don't know, guys, it's crazy seeing my grandma just be like kind of different and in this phase of life.
00:05:26
Speaker
And she's mentioned over and over that it's crazy for her and she almost feels like not even here sometimes. And it makes her feel bad because she feels like she's not present. And I was over here making a whole fucking video for YouTube about the way that society puts beauty standards on aging. And it's just like, what the fuck? Now I don't even want to talk about that. Now I would rather talk about how precious life is and how precious the opportunity to even age is.
Rewriting Perspectives on Aging
00:05:51
Speaker
I'm probably going to have to go back and like, yeah, rewrite and re script out what I want to say in that video because I want it to be good for you guys. I don't ever want to put out something that I'm not proud of and that Kelsey wouldn't be proud of on YouTube. And it's not that I'm not proud of it. I think I made some good points, but I think I can go so much deeper and it can be even more than just this trivial Oh, about the way we look with
00:06:12
Speaker
wrinkles and weight gain and just like things that don't matter like the way that my face does or does not sag okay I do have chubby cheeks which can you know gravity works so sometimes it falls to a chubby chin but you know what guys even when I was an anorexic little twig I had a full face and full cheeks so this was just destiny this is genetics I am a chubby cheek bitch
00:06:34
Speaker
And I was letting that get to my head. I was making a whole fucking episode about it, basically about like me digging through all my insecurities and then like blaming it on society. And it's like, OK, well, then just start with yourself. Stop fucking talking about it. Start talking about like the privilege of aging or something. So I think that's what I'm going to try to focus on for the next episode for like when I go back and rewrite that because.
00:06:54
Speaker
It doesn't want to upload, first of all. So either way, that one's going privateed. And other than that, I think that I can go deeper with it. And I think there's a reason that I didn't want to upload. And also, I got a new tarot deck today, which I've really been needing. And I'm going to pull some tarot and I'm going to get some fucking answers, bitch. And if you want to know what those answers are, you better tune into YouTube because I will put those answers in the upcoming YouTube video about what my tarot pool said.
Tarot Cards and YouTube Promotion
00:07:16
Speaker
OK, look at this. This is how you fucking market. OK, cross referencing my fucking
00:07:22
Speaker
platforms. I forget what it's called. I'm high as a bitch right now. Speaking of different phases of life, it's okay for you to be a different person and in a different phase of your life and be completely different than the person you were in one phase of your life. And it's okay if you are doing something that you never saw yourself doing before,
00:07:37
Speaker
or if you look away, you've never looked before and you never saw yourself looking before. And it's okay if you're living a life and living experiences that you just didn't plan. That's absolutely okay. And I think that's honestly a big part of growth. And you want to be able to say that as a person you grew and expanded and you can only grow and expand in ways that you personally need.
00:07:55
Speaker
your life and your path and the things that happen to you are specific to you and your journey and i need to remember that so okay okay source did you just use me as a goddamn vessel for these bitches on the podcast in real time i think so
00:08:10
Speaker
I love being able to just fucking tap into source and be like, what? What should I say? What do you need from me? What should I do? What are you trying to tell me, essentially? And we can do this. We can all do this at any time. I talk about this a lot on the YouTube channel. So again, I'm going to I'm going to shut that out one more time. Head over to the YouTube channel. Please run it up. Actually, I would love that. We're finally picking up. Not finally.
00:08:31
Speaker
I knew we would, bitch. I'm grateful for it. But it's like, it's almost like, yeah, we manifested it. We expected this. Hello, but also grateful, grateful, grateful. Gosh, it's hard. You know, as a Libra, I'm trying to find the balance. Moving on, let's take a breath.
Embracing Uncertainty and Spirituality
00:08:43
Speaker
I think it's absolutely okay to say that you are at a place in your life where you don't really know what's going on and you're kind of just like letting it happen.
00:08:51
Speaker
Right now, I'm at a place in my life where I am between so many doctor's appointments. I've had so many. I'm waiting on results for a bunch of things. I'm waiting to be seen for very specific things by new doctors from references. I'm waiting for answers on a lot of things. I'm waiting for decisions to be made about things in my extended family's personal life. I'm waiting for decisions to be made about the state of the world.
00:09:13
Speaker
And I'm just going to lean back and trust that, like, hilariously, God got me. I know God got me. I don't really call God G.O.D. If anything, I must say Gus for a great universal source, great universal spirit daddy. But I'm just going to fall back and rely that my angels and spirit guides are with me because, guys, this it's like I'm at a place in my life where I'm comfortable and I feel OK to be able to fall back and relax, like,
00:09:40
Speaker
Everything else in my life is pretty stable and pretty set. So I'm gonna allow myself the grace to just kind of relax and focus on taking care of myself day by day, taking care of my health and my needs and this new journey that I'm on. Because if I want to be my best self, these times in between where you do the nitty gritty work, that's what matters. I want to be my hottest, healthiest, sexiest, strongest, happiest self. So I need answers from these specialists. I need time to recover.
00:10:07
Speaker
And I swear sometimes social media, while I love it and I'm chronically online, it can also be really evil. And sometimes my biggest enemy or maybe myself is my biggest enemy. And social media is just like the tool that I use to kind of like be the medium between us. But something on social media triggered me triggered me today. I'm also on my fucking period. I'm also having really hard periods and Demetriosis issues.
00:10:31
Speaker
And all of that's okay. And I also don't need to make excuses about why I am the way I am, why I look the way I look, why I feel the way I feel. Like I just wanna like not worry for a sec and just trust that source has my back and I'm going to be okay. And this is just the transition period where I'm waiting for answers and I'm gonna do my best to take care of myself until I'm where I wanna be.
00:10:52
Speaker
I feel like this episode is like a bunch of vague, vague, vague, you know, different storylines and messages. But I was feeling kind of lost tonight. I was feeling kind of lost this whole day. Also, full disclosure, my period has come early.
Understanding Life's Temporality
00:11:05
Speaker
And like I said, I'm having a lot of issues. But you know me, I'm still like, okay, period. Okay, moon time. Okay, actual moon mother. I'm trying to listen to source. I'm trying to like get the answers. And I'm trying to be like, as aware as possible.
00:11:18
Speaker
I will say I do feel like I had a little breakthrough tonight about what I do want to say on YouTube because while I was filming that video, I felt like it ended really abruptly. I also felt like I didn't have a lot of time to film it. I felt like I didn't really get a full point across. And I'm glad we had this breakthrough about like, why does that even matter when like there's a whole life to be lived? And it's so temporary. So why would I waste it worrying about like what I look like compared to others?
00:11:39
Speaker
Like we get it, Danny. That's done. It's old. It's played out. You talk about it every other week on YouTube, at least. OK. Heard. Heard. Thank you. But seriously, guys, thank you for listening to me kind of work through that. I think that source is also telling me that I need to kind of hang this up now and go pull some tarot and drink a lot of water and drink my fucking bone broth.
Managing Pets and Family Humorously
00:12:00
Speaker
I haven't had that in like three days and my skin feels it.
00:12:03
Speaker
I also think I need to walk my puppies because sometimes when I'm really focused on the pain of my endometriosis, I don't take them out right when they need to. And then I push their potty time and their little bladders. They don't deserve that. So I'm going to go take them out. OK, OK, I'm not an animal abuser. I only push it by like a few minutes. Just enough time for me to make my husband do it.
00:12:22
Speaker
Just like, you know, bring him into the room where Isaiah is and be like, oh, actually, I think they need to go out. Babe, would you do that? He sees right through that bullshit every time, but he does it because he loves me. He's a good man, Bessie.
00:12:34
Speaker
Okay, I think I smoked too much of
Signing Off with Good Vibes
00:12:36
Speaker
a sativa. I'm gonna go fix that, smoke an indica, eat a little bit of food, smoke a little bit of weed, drink a little bit of bone broth. Goodness, these stutters. See, the universe is like, stop talking, we're gonna get you tongue-tied. Okay, I'm gonna go. As always, you know, slurp good dick, have good pussy, I love ya. What is that quote? It's like, have great vagina, I love ya. I think it's, I don't know who says it, it's some celebrity. Anyway, say hi, bye.