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EP. 26 Gremlins 1984
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The boys review Gremlins in a wild episode! Let us know what you think
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Email the pod at 2guys1screenpod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and 'Gremlins' Discussion
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 26 of the Two Guys with One Screen podcast. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today we continue Christmas, and oho I mean, it's kind of Christmas for a month, but just Christmas themed movie month with ah Gremlins,
00:00:19
Speaker
which is from 1984. We are not a 1984 podcast, but. Gremlins is a movie that I said last week that I watched and I didn't like and I was smoking some strong stuff. ah Yeah.
Movie Memorabilia & Purchases
00:00:34
Speaker
Uh, I feel like that's probably one of your hottest takes that you used to have. Yeah. Luckily I've come around. It's a, we, I watched it yesterday. Kind of envy is now that I gave you that steel book. I was actually thinking about that when I opened it to watch it. It's a nice steel book. Yeah, it is. I'm pretty sure I found that at FYE. Oh, we can swap you back. It's fine. ah No.
00:00:56
Speaker
It's okay. I have a, I have a fat stack of movies. I got to trade in. So I'm pretty sure I can get it on the cheap. Oh, I probably get that comp, that one, two pack that you'll like, it's always out. One, two pack. Gremlins one, Gremlins two. Yeah. I've never seen Gremlins two. I need to. Neither have I. And there's another one that HBO, it was on max. It's like the bad batch.
00:01:18
Speaker
grema or the new batch? Yeah, it's number two. I know there's a show. Oh, maybe it's the show I'm thinking of then. Like an animated show for kids. That's what's on Max.
Social Media Strategy & TikTok Ban
00:01:29
Speaker
We'll do a little...
00:01:34
Speaker
Follow us on Instagram, Two Guys One Screen Pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to Two Guys One Screen Pod at gmail dot.com. Follow us on Letterboxd and follow us on TikTok. The links will be in the description. Which, if you didn't hear, Gerald, TikTok's getting banned.
00:01:54
Speaker
So we'll keep posting until it gets banned, but apparently, like actually like Congress passed the law. So I think it's like January 10th or January 11th, there's no more TikTok. is that Why is this? I don't know, the Chinese are like stealing intelligence or something like that. I have no idea. It's it's old men being old men. Oh, that's not good. Yeah. ah So that's going to be gone come January 10th or 11th, but we'll keep posting until the end.
00:02:23
Speaker
yeah Yeah. And like Gerald said, ah follow us on Instagram if you want to keep seeing the clips. We did this week post about ah the clip this week was our our Pixar film rankings and I provided zero context, which is not great. Like the clip just kind of starts and it's like me rattling off my top 10 and it's you.
00:02:46
Speaker
um And it got some interactions. Consensus is a Eurolist is better.
Audience Engagement & Pixar Debate
00:02:55
Speaker
Okay. I think the problem is, because I read my list to my cousin last night. Shout out to you for listening, which are probably not. But I think the biggest beef people have is, hello, I have Finding Nemo. That's probably where...
00:03:08
Speaker
I read the list and I was like, so your only issue is Finding Nemo. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, that's probably what it comes down to. I just haven't watched it in a long time, but these are all, like I said, and I didn't put it in the clip. Most of these movies are four and a half to five star movies. Sure. But it's not like I don't like it. Yeah. But Finding Nemo at 10. Well, I switched to nine. Oh. so by the end in like Nine.
00:03:31
Speaker
ah Sorry ah We're gonna openly plug these people now We have we have this guy and I want to talk I want to take a thing to talk about good It's kind of funny to me his name on tick-tock is Jesus And then as a crown emoji and then it's friends. So I'm gonna call him Jesus and friends Okay, ah Jesus and france Jesus and friends says ah because I didn't put your our names like that we were talking. He goes, second guy's list is valid as hell. So I wrote back, thank you. And then he wrote, after this, when you guys
Listener Feedback & Favorite Pixar Movies
00:04:08
Speaker
make videos, you guys should color code the captions based off who's talking so people don't get confused.
00:04:13
Speaker
Yo shout out you that's a good-ass idea. Okay. I got the base model of Adobe Express man. Come on and break but um is that ah is that above your paid grade um But shout out to the Jesus and friends who also watched our clip on Our debate about ah Hershey's uh-huh and said this is actually funny as hell yo ah Another guy, Duke, his picture is of a pug wearing a Santa hat, said, yeah, cars and, yeah, with a bunch of H's. Yeah, cars, top five, I'm a big cars fan. So, loving your cars and top five. My cousin also said that to me, I think that's crazy, but whatever. Fine, I mean, I just, I don't get it. Is it nostalgia talking, you think? That's what we're talking about. I think if you rewatch it as an
Follower Growth Celebration & Strategy
00:05:06
Speaker
adult, I don't think so, but I, whatever, it's to each their own.
00:05:10
Speaker
And the last guy and this is gonna be I didn't tell you this one because it's funny. but Okay, ah no profile picture. No posts He follows 18 people his username is ah at Titan underscore Meyer if you're listening eat my cocking balls What did this guy do to your family He said he said first guy smoking some strong stuff period I
00:05:42
Speaker
That's what I was saying dude, uh did not like what I had to say um so That video up to we're getting some good interaction Uh 450 what wicked got 840 and no interaction Sorry, that was the beginning of ah the glic and clip clip Yeah, so uh, shout out to you guys for uh Doing what you did. And I think Jesus and Friends actually followed us. I do believe we got a follower out of that. Oh, that's a W for sure. Yep. Jesus and Friends now follows us. Let's go. How many
Clip Posting Strategies & Hashtags
00:06:19
Speaker
followers are we up to? Nine. We're taking over the world. Let's fucking go. Steady growth. That's what we need. Steady growth. That's what we like to see. Improvement. I also want to ask you, why is our Instagram page follow you, me, and Matt?
00:06:37
Speaker
I don't know why it follows Matt. It's very strange. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Anyways, we appreciate the interaction Jesus and friends, Duke and Titan, whatever the fuck your name is, uh, go follow us on, on Instagram, you know, two guys, one screen pod, two guys, one screen pod will be posted. Those clips you love so dearly will be on, uh,
00:07:02
Speaker
On Instagram. Also, I'll try to post clips with more context than I figured just throw the ranking out there. Of course, I got some hits because people could people love to rank shit. I love to rank shit. ah And it would get some. You know, these I'm assuming you put the ah the trendy hashtags like Disney, Pixar, like, you know, yeah, yeah, I tried. Yes, I tried to throw in hashtag viral in there. So I have it, but I will for next time. Yeah, you never know.
00:07:32
Speaker
apple juice?
Personal Stories & Holiday Traditions
00:07:34
Speaker
Apple cider. Dude, I got some apple cider. And you know, it's hard because like where we lived, there's a certain orchard hu that's near our house that it's kind of hard to miss with them, especially like they're New York. Oh yeah. But this hits. Does it?
00:07:49
Speaker
Not in the way that that specific one would hit. I'd like to shut them out, but it's really like that. You could walk there from my house. I don't want to shut those people out. yeah um ah Yeah. Is that locally made or is it imported? No, they claim it is. I don't know. All right. yeah You know what I mean? ah Do we have I don't have any physical media this week. My shout factory ah purchase confirmed they were ah mailing today. So I have nothing. Do you have anything? Yes.
00:08:21
Speaker
Great. I have one for my Black Friday purchase. I bought the 4K of Jaws the Revenge for $10. Is it the Steelbook or no? No. I didn't give a fuck. You have one, two, and three on Steelbook, right? Two and three. One's not? No, one's a lenticular. The lenticular, right. Fair enough. All right, I mean, that movie's fucking...
00:08:50
Speaker
Booty, booty, booty, booty. Yeah, if you think Jaws 3 is bad, we need to see Jaws 4. Jesus. What's the one that I watched at your house? When I picked up the alien ramen's recordings? That was Jaws 3. Yeah. Jaws 3. You thought that was the one? That was fucking terrible. Shout out Mark. Fuck you, Mark. Fuck you. Um... He's going to his house today. Are you? Yeah. What's their... Actually, I'm not gonna ask them the podcast. What's their address?
00:09:15
Speaker
ah so What's their house like talk something Mark's house on the podcast in autumn Mark fuck you again All right, we'll go into gremlins ah That is not directed by but it is executive produced by this guy maybe a herd of them Steven Spielberg who who maybe Maybe you've heard of this dude It is directed by Joe Dante who legendary I would say I've seen one of his movies. Is it the howling? No, it's like it's gremlins. Oh, you haven't seen the howling? No, is it good? rice Yeah, probably one of the best it it rivals American werewolf for best transmission transmission transformation transformation
00:10:10
Speaker
transformation For me right now, it's American Werewolf and Fright Night. Fright Night. Fright Night. Yeah. Off to watch the howling. I just added to my watch list. Scream's got a 4K.
00:10:26
Speaker
All right, well, let's take it step by step. Anyways, I'm sorry, Joe Dante, I've not watched anything that you've directed besides Gremlins. He did direct Gremlins too as well. The film stars, Zach Galligan, who plays Billy Peltzer. He's kind of a piece. Huh? He's kind of hot.
00:10:49
Speaker
What? Right? i Yeah. ah He's a guy, yeah. ah Phoebe Cates plays Kate, who... I'm sorry, Kate. I haven't seen a lot that you're in. I've seen Fast Times original on high. There's that. She's also in Gremlins too, I guess. Hoyt. Hoyt is his name. Hoyt. Hoyt. Ahoyt. Axden plays Randall Peltzer. Fuck this guy. Yeah, this guy's an ass. He's so fucking annoying.
00:11:19
Speaker
Uh, Francis Lee McCain plays Lynn Pelter, the wife or, uh, Billy's mom. Uh, Corey Feldman plays Pete Fontaine. He looks so goddamn familiar. This kid, Corey Feldman. Yeah. the goonies He's in stand by me Friday 13th, four. You do. You fucking nailed snipe that one. He's also in part five and part six. I can't read it. Part seven.
00:11:44
Speaker
Oh, right. Cause that's when he comes back to try and kill Jason again. And he's in this one, which is not loading. All right. So shout out to Corey Feldman. Uh, who else we got? John Louie's a Chinese boy in case you're wondering. Uh, KA Luke is the grandfather of Mr. Wing is his name. Dick Miller is Murray Futterman. Murray Futterman, just a true American hero. Absolutely. He's a Patriot.
00:12:15
Speaker
ah Uh... WWII.
00:12:22
Speaker
ah Jackie Joseph is Sheila Futterman. Polly Holiday is Ruby Deagle. She's a fucking cunt, dude. Yeah. um I think that's gonna be her, but I want to shout out. Is anybody you want to shout out? No. I think we're good. That's about it. Oh, Howie Mandel voices Gizmo.
00:12:41
Speaker
I did not know that. I just read that and I'm blown away. Shout out to Howie Mendel. Is this movie a deal or no deal?
00:12:56
Speaker
Yeah, cool. We'll we'll we'll do that. so We're going to do a scene by scene. If you haven't seen Gremlin somehow, we're going to spoil the fuck out of it. So come back later, Jake. Don't call it a comeback. Yeah.
00:13:09
Speaker
um
00:13:11
Speaker
All right, well we we'll do the damn thing. I did, by the way, for the listener and for you. I did get one button special for this episode. I'm probably never going to use it again. okay but Got one special button for this episode and where I need to press it, I bolded the word. So hopefully I don't forget. Nice. Nice cock.
00:13:33
Speaker
The movie opens with ah Rand Peltzer, who is narrating. He's like, I got a story to tell. And let me say this before we before I keep going. This motherfucker was not around for most of the story that he wants to tell. No, he's not. So he was on a work trip. Definitely wasn't fucking anybody else, because he's kind of ugly. Yeah. um But anyways, yeah, he says he has a story to tell, which he really doesn't. And at first, he kind of sounds like John Goodman, but he he's not.
00:14:02
Speaker
No, John Goodman would have been a better, uh, casting casting. Yeah. Shout out John Goodman. I already said he looks like like my doctor, but all right. Uh, he's walking through Chinatown and, uh, you have to know he's an inventor. Uh, do you think robots kind of ripped off groundlands? No. Do robot robots, robots is like the same fucking shit.
00:14:27
Speaker
You know what it gave me vibes of? His dad is an inventor. He sucks as an inventor. Yeah. yeah it It kind of gave me a flubber vibes. I haven't seen flubber. We should do flubber for the podcast. Flubber for the pod? Sure. Or, uh, uh, you ever watch Rugrats? The show I've seen. Yeah. to actually The movie I haven't seen. ah Tommy's dad was an inventor. Mr. Pickles.
00:14:53
Speaker
puddles fuck him uh he's an inventor and he meets this kid in chinatown who we mentioned before who's leading him into his grandfather's basement and he's like buddy where are we going it's my grandfather's store i was about to give him an asian accent he didn't have one he should have oh coming down the stairs my grandpa store Yes, I don't I was trying to think it's gonna say I don't have anything. I'm sorry It fried rice got it ah And He's in this basement and he's like you guys got a lot of cool shit But you don't have this and he pulls out the bathroom, buddy ah Which boy is a Swiss army knife for the bathroom?
00:15:42
Speaker
Essentially. Yeah. ah This is a dumb useless stupid invention because he's talking about carrying like luggage through the airport. Like if you put all your toiletries in a little bag, that's not, you're not carrying a suitcase to carry all that.
00:15:57
Speaker
No. First of all, like, is he saying like you're going to put this on your carry on or like in your full on luggage? I'll put in my ass. I don't know. I mean, I feel like you could put I feel like you could put it in your luggage. Right. Because what do you why are you going to need it on the plane? Because this whole thing is like, oh, you're running late for work. You got to shave. You got it. You forgot to shave, which has happened to me, by the way. Forgot to shave. I forgotten to shave. I had to shave in the back of a. What is that called? Ocean state job lot.
00:16:27
Speaker
You're the one next to where I went to college? I do, yeah. Yeah, I was i was driving to work, driving to work, driving to school. I i had fucking five o'clock shadow and I went to the Ocean State job lot. I bought ah a razor and shaving cream and I shaved in the bathroom.
00:16:43
Speaker
That's interesting. Yeah. So he kind of valid. Why did you need to shave? Was it like a special thing? No, it's a school policy policy. You have to be clean shaven unless you came there and like showed up with like a full beard. You had to be clean shaven. and Yeah, actually. There's a big bullshit of what you can't like start growing a beard now because you'll have like what I had like nothing. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, fuck you. You can't manage the school you went to. It makes sense. Never mind.
00:17:09
Speaker
um Well, he's trying to pitch them this bathroom buddy. You hear this weird kind of windy noise. And he kind of glances back, but it's like he just keeps talking over it. And essentially he's trying to sell them the bathroom by so they can distribute it in their store because they get plenty of foot traffic in this fucking basement. That's what I was going to say, right? Like it wouldn't you be going to like, you know, big companies or like they are things that aren't basements. They probably don't fucking want it because of the dumb invention. I want an invention.
00:17:39
Speaker
No, it's like a piece of plastic with like a he screwed a bunch of shit in. Right. ah He tries to show them the toothbrush part and the toothpaste just like shoots out, which is a running bit throughout the movie. But why is it green? Yeah, my toothpaste is white. Yeah, white or blue is acceptable. Green? Like I guess is it spearmint? I still don't think we have any ah green toothpaste. If yeah you have a green toothpaste right into the podcast, let us know. Yeah, let us know what brand it is so I can avoid it. But for me, it's a... he before i added that ah So kind of goos all over. ah Is it grandpa or is it Google over him? I forget. All over him. um And again, he wants on himself. How you doing?
00:18:29
Speaker
He wants to sell it to his grandpa, and there's more weird animal noises. And he goes over to investigate, and he pulls back like the drape. And we don't see it. There's no reveal, but the kid calls it a mogwai. And it sings very beautifully. We appreciate that. Yeah, I tried. Rand offers the grandfather $100. He's like, no. He offers him $200, and the grandpa's like, no. Mogwai is not for sale.
00:19:00
Speaker
marwai A lot of responsibility. And we love our Orientals.
00:19:15
Speaker
oh Shout out to him. Can we say Oriental? Is that a slur? though Is that okay to say?
00:19:26
Speaker
um play a whole lot ah i gotta to pause the and look this up All right, the internet has conflicting reports, but we're gonna leave it in if you're offended this isn't the right podcast for you i don't know what you're doing I've been to I've been to several countries in Asia. Okay, we're not we're not racist here. No messy. That was racist not no ah boy All right but off the rails So he refuses to sell ah this Mogwai to Rand and the kid, ah he's like, go outside, i'll you know, I'll hook you up. And the kid brings him out and gives Rand the Mogwai. He's like, we just need money. So he takes the money, gives him the Mogwai. And we here we have the ah the three rules of having a Mogwai. Stay out of sunlight, stay out of bright light, that will ah hurt them or kill them.
00:20:22
Speaker
stay away from water, and then most importantly, never feed them after midnight. Which is a very conflicting question, right? Because isn't everything after midnight?
00:20:37
Speaker
You know what? It's a very good point. And I'm not sure what the answer to that question is. Is it like until the sun comes up or? I would say If they said like, if the if the not the jingle, like the thing was like, don't feed them after midnight to six a.m., that wouldn't be as catchy. You know, like everyone remembers from this movie, Kremlin's like, don't feed them after midnight. Right. So I guess they have to say like that, but I'm sure there's some. specific occasion Midnight. We cut to the title card and it's a film takes place in Kingston Hills, USA, ah credits roll.
00:21:16
Speaker
um I don't know how much is I gotta talk about that happened in the credits. There's a snowball fight. There's a guy trying to buy a Christmas tree. And then we meet Billy. Oh Billy. Who his piece of shit car stalled. um And he's in the car with his dog Barney. And he walks around back because the engine ah is in the back of the car is how old this movie is. um And smoke's coming out.
00:21:46
Speaker
His neighbor, Mr. Futterman, a true American hero. That's my guy right here. Offers to help jumpstart his car. He's like, nah, it's okay. And he says the car doesn't work because it's not American. And he's like, you see this? You see this? I got to Kentucky harvest them in. This is American. Like he's got a real, he's a, he plows snow because this movie does take place on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve. Yeah. Hence it's a Christmas movie. Hence it's a Christmas movie, be a hundred percent.
00:22:14
Speaker
Uh, so he offers to help him and he's like, Billy's like, nah. And Billy walks to work. Kind of crazy. Especially in the snow. Right. I've done that before. And he works at union savings bank and he brings his dog, dog walking around, no leash. That's a little sus, a little sus. And, uh, he just ties Barney under the desk.
00:22:41
Speaker
Yeah, I don't- like, what if the dog has to take shit? You know? He's gonna shit on your desk? Yeah, then the whole bank's gonna smell. That's not good, man. And the smell's not gonna be coming from the- gonna be coming from the dog shit. Are you leaving me hanging on that? Cause we- What? You leave me hanging on that one? I don't know what to say to that. It's funny, I don't give a fuck. Keep it in.
00:23:09
Speaker
I mean, I'm okay. See that? You can't say that. You can't say that. No. um Wait till we get to the Black Christmas episode. All right. That's motivated.
00:23:24
Speaker
So he ties Barney under the desk And a co-worker walks over and asked me to sign some petition to not tear down a local landmark That they're bought. I don't know if she's just some rich lady in the she works in real estate She's like the richest lady, I guess in the town or whatever. Her name is mrs. Deagle And she's a grimy old white bitch and she comes walking down the street with some broken ah She calls it a Bavarian snowman head. It's not even like a actual snowman made of snow. It's like plastic. Right. Like this bitch is so worried about this fucking. I don't know, is it an antique? I don't know. I have no like it looks like you got it from Target. I have no idea. Yeah. And on her way into the bank, the Harris, Mrs. Harris and her two kids asked for an extension to pay their whatever mortgage or whatever it is back.
00:24:18
Speaker
because ah her husband just got a new job and they need two weeks. And she just calls him Deadbeats. She's like, yeah, you're fucking. Yeah, GPs shit. ah She cuts the whole line and goes up to the teller, who is Billy, and claims that her dog broke the Bavaria, her imported Bavarian snowman. And Billy offers to pay money, but she's like, no, I want the dog. Like I want to kill a fucking dog. She's like, I'll bring it to the pound.
00:24:49
Speaker
pound town don't fuck dogs it's not okay and then Barney unties his own leash so maybe that's how he when he has to shit he just unties the leash and then goes outside and shits I want a dog that takes himself out there you go and he kind of attacks Mrs. Deagle a little bit I mean she gets her arm bit nibbled I won't even call it bit my boy nibbled my boy nibbled on her
00:25:20
Speaker
Uh, what? You're not into a little nibbling, a little foreplay? low Little nibble on the earlobe? Not by a dog. You ever done that? nibbled on an earlobe by a dog not we're not talking about we just said don't fuck dogs okay hey we are an anti dog fucking podcast oh yeah bestiality not good there's a hard cut and uh it's billy at a bar he's drawing and uh we meet gerald hey who is uh who's herb in uh
00:25:51
Speaker
Two and a half men He's also and he's also in some I always know him from that and I don't know he's in a bunch of movies Yeah, he's in the same closet. Yeah. Yes. That's what I know him from he's in the city ah and he's in something else Where is this fucking piece of shit hold on Wasn't sure probably should have shut him out in the cast list, but I didn't so it is what it is
00:26:20
Speaker
Yeah, Judge Reinhold is his name. He's in Gremlins, the Santa Claus. ah Fast times at Ridgemont High. He's in a lot of TV, I feel like. There's nothing else here that I recognize, but I do see him. I feel like a lot.
00:26:39
Speaker
Anyway, he walks in, and he's like, you know, you almost got fired today. Who cares? Fuck you. um wow And this guy's kind of full of himself. And he's like, I'm i'm already a vice president at the bank or whatever, but I'm going to be a millionaire by the time I'm 30. And you have nothing. And then ah Billy's like, whatever you say, Jer. And he's like, don't call me Jer. I don't like that. I agree. Don't call me Jer. I don't like that. All right, you heard it here first.
00:27:09
Speaker
Um, no, Jer, Jerry, Gerard. Yeah. Yike Bob Jerry. That's fine. And then, uh, Kate, the said that's fine. Uh, Kate, the server walks over. Uh, they're at the bar is called Dory's. And, uh, Gerald makes some stupid fucking comment about how she doesn't make any money. And then he asks her out on a date like, fuck this guy. Yeah. not like and You think you can get anybody because you have money? ah You know what? What a piece of shit. Yeah. That's what I have to say. She's a piece. She is a bit of a piece while we're here. A smidge. I actually don't know if she deserves that button. I won't lie to you. No, it's not. There are some... like Go ahead. It's a hit it and quit it. It's not a... There are some ladies in a Black Christmas that deserve that button. Oh, for sure. We'll get there. We'll get there. and Stay tuned. Or don't.
00:28:07
Speaker
And she's like, no, I'm not going out with you. And we cut to ah Billy arriving home, and he's with his mom ah in the kitchen. It looks like she's crying. She's also cutting a lot of onions. And he tries to use his dad's egg cracker invention, and obviously sucks. And she's like, oh, they never work after like the first couple of uses, which is not great. um And he's trying to find out what she's crying about. And they never come back to this.
00:28:32
Speaker
She said she's like she's like watching some movie. Right. I don't know if you're like, that's it. But she is, like you said, cutting. An unreal amount of onions. I mean, I don't know what she's making with this. I could not even begin to tell you. It's so many onions. She she bought a whole bag and she's cutting the entire bag. It's like that scene almost. Well, not the the same extent, but in ah Julia and Julia when it's about Julia Child and she's cutting all these onions in it, it's like Meryl Streep and it's like onions like her fucking forehead. Like that fucking high.
00:29:04
Speaker
It's so many onions. Either way, this female likes onions. She's about to tell Billy that Mrs. Deagle called, but Rand arrives home and he's singing. I'll be honest with you, dude, and I was going to say this later, but I'm just going to say it now. It is crazy to me that people think they can just walk around in public, just singing, especially if you're not good at it.
00:29:29
Speaker
yeah also this is the other crazy thing carolers christmas carolers people just show up outside your house and start singing silent night that's weird all right because it's gonna be a silent night if i get my fucking fuck out that's the thing like in all these fucking movies right carolers come up and they're just staring at them you're just staring at them it's fucking weird it's so weird it's awkward it happens in black christmas too but right like uh This movie really made me feel awkward about it because there are carolers later in the movie Yeah, it happened in better watch out like ah they just show up and start singing outside your door go the fuck away I've never experienced carolers, and I'm I'm really glad dude when I was a kid when I was in Boy Scouts we had to go to ah I can't shut that place up, but do you have a place for elderly people on ah that road and Yeah, you live off of yes Yes, we used to have to go there uh-huh and Christmas Carol to like the elderly oh no Yeah, I mean these people they had no idea where they were you like there um they did not know what the fuck is going on But they probably enjoyed it right they don't get out I'm sure I'm sure yeah They're like I remember when this song came out
00:30:47
Speaker
Right. So I remember the first war. What? I don't know.
00:30:55
Speaker
So he arrives home and he's singing. Again, shut the fuck up. Killers are weird. Shut the fuck up. Get out of here. Yeah, I got rid of that button for others. Sorry. I would have. Yep. It was pretty good, though. i' I'll give you. I'll give you that. You're welcome. And he said he might have a buyer for his ah bathroom buddy.
00:31:14
Speaker
Which is crazy, he has no buyer. And he presents ah Billy with the Mogwai, and they the dad's like, I'm gonna call him Gizmo. What a great name. And Billy takes a picture and there's a flash. Gizmo is a great name, um' so I didn't mean to walk over that, that's a good name. And the bright light freaks out Gizmo. um And then that's when the dad lays out the rules again. Also, Gizmo can kinda talk, which is kinda crazy. ah He speaks English.
00:31:44
Speaker
Does he? Yeah, like when he took the picture, it's like, bright light, bright light! Well, I hear you on that. I think when it comes to the rules he can speak English, like bright light, that's like kind of all he says. That's true. Let me ask you, would you fuck a gremlin? Whoa, whoa, whoa, a gremlin or a mob guy? A mob, same, same, same though? I mean, no. It looks like a Furby.
00:32:11
Speaker
I'm thinking Furby kind of ripped off gremlins, right? I'm kind of thinking that, too. I'm kind of fucking it, though. Let's be honest, right? Let's be honest. It's kind of furry. Furry and fun. What else do you need? A bubble. Pretty tight. Oh, for sure, dude. Easy cleanup. You just kind of rub it all over him. You just leave it in there. Yeah, it's like a fucking... Right. It's like a towel. I mean, I'm sure they already... It's like a towel. I'm sure they already have... Mogwai Fleshlights.
00:32:41
Speaker
I'm down to look for one. Amazon hit us up. I don't think it's on Amazon. I don't know. By the way, bad dragon. By the way. Got a manscape kit. Holy shit, my balls are smooth. Like fucking telling you. Wow, dude, it is. It's great. I really do. Oh, man, dude, I didn't like I was just kind of messing around with it a little bit like not. I didn't do a full job. But yeah, my balls. I also have a weird.
00:33:12
Speaker
You know like you've been laying on your side for too long and like a kind of imprints like the sheets on your side or whatever? Yeah. I have that on my balls. From what? I don't know. But there's like a weird line that goes like, it wraps like from the base of my shaft around my sack. It's permanently there? I have to check. Who was there yesterday? Is it from your boxers? It's gotta be, right? I wear briefs.
00:33:40
Speaker
oh e I like my shit held up there, you know, I can can my big because here's the problem My balls already go like halfway down my leg. So I'm trying to keep it I'm trying to keep it tight. I don't want to have any more Danglage, right? I have like no balls. So I like they I envy you not constricted Also, my boy Carlos also has no balls. Shout out to you Carlos shadow Carlos. He wasn't snip He just has like a tight sack like we do. Okay, not like I do. I have a long sack. I were you scared? Walked the large on silver. What? Were you scared to put it like on your ball sack? No, I had no fear because ah I've just heard so much stuff. I just went for it. ah Yeah, it's like 99 percent Nick proof. You know what it feels like? It doesn't feel like because I felt some. Not pain, but like I felt like a little pricks almost. It feels like a hair got caught in it and it's like just rips it out of my sack instead of like cutting it. That's what it feels like. Yeah, right.
00:34:39
Speaker
It's definitely better than like if you'd because you did a razor straight razor. That's crazy. No, no. Well, I'm lying. I have raised my balls one time. That's scary. That I did. But that was like, I mean, my balls felt like a bowling ball. It was nice. Oh, OK. But this, I mean, to be fair, this gets the job done.
00:35:00
Speaker
You know, ah we're, this is free advertising to the nine peoples in this podcast. ah I want to be one of those people that get sponsored by Manscaped. That'd be sick. Manscaped, hit us up. Please. My balls are great. We should clip this and put it on the internet. Yeah. All right. we
00:35:17
Speaker
I'm not actually sure where we were anymore. Fleshlight. Yeah. So he lays out the rules, all that. We cut to Billy's room and Gizmo is, uh, Pitch perfect. He's like matching the tones on these key on this keyboard that ah Billy's playing. Not the movie pitch perfect, but you know, is that really good? I think it's pretty good, right? Yeah, there's three of them. I haven't seen any besides the first one. I mean, that's when I discovered my love for Rebel Wilson.
00:35:51
Speaker
She's skinny now, right? Yeah, she looks good. She's like gay. So I'll hit the button button button, but she's gay. kill ah He puts ah so be a nice button to the the ah collection. ah He put the Santa hat on Gizmo and he uses the mirror to show Gizmo what he looks like. But the light ah reflects off the mirror and it freaks out Gizmo and he falls and bumps his head.
00:36:21
Speaker
So he tries to bring Gizmo into the bathroom and the lights in the bathroom bother him. The light thing is also weird too because there are scenes where there's just lights on and they don't... but i you Only certain lights. He leaves him on a like a chair couch till i go to sleep they go to sleep. I figure the next day, because I forgot this movie, that Uh, the curtains were open. They were just like the bright light and he'd be dead, but that didn't happen. The next morning, right. Uh, we follow Billy into the kitchen and he has to use his dad's juicer invention to juice oranges, to make orange juice. And it just fucking goes everywhere. Can you just buy a normal juicer? They definitely had juices or they buy fucking orange juice. what off But ah yeah, also that, uh,
00:37:16
Speaker
And ah this kid, Pete, ah delivers a Christmas tree to the Pelzer house. And we cut to Gizmo, who's watching a TV show or movie of like cars racing.
00:37:30
Speaker
um Was it maybe Speed Racer? Sure. We can say that. I have no idea. ah Pete meets Gizmo. ah He blinks for him, and then Billy gets him to sing. And then Pete is fucking idiot. Spills water on Gizmo. Fuck. And it makes five more Mogwai's. Cute little fuckers. They're cute little fuckers, but one tries to bite Pete. I believe that was Stripe. It was indeed Stripe. Gizmo is upset because it looked painful to like give birth like that. Like comes out of his back.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah, like little furballs. Yeah, ah we cut to Rand, who's working on a card dealer invention. It's like automatically like deals cards and it doesn't work very well. And Billy walks in, he tries to pitch his own son, the bathroom buddy, and the toothpaste just squirts all over him. And he tells his father that they, ah the Mogwai multiplies with water. And we cut to these new baby Adolescent Mogwai's are tearing up the gifts under the Christmas tree And they Billy makes the observation. that They're different than Gizmo ah And Fucking Rand is like this is gonna be the new pelter pet. We're gonna sell these get the fucking idea You know start like a ranch start breeding them Dude, I mean no It's like
00:39:04
Speaker
It's like what happened in this movie, just not a good- You really like bringing up Minecraft. Force fucking the cows, yeah. You do force fuck the cows. Um, is that bestiality? No. No. Cause they're fucking each other. I'm not fucking them. They're two cows that don't actually exist in real life. So again, if you're offended or fake computer cows, uh,
00:39:29
Speaker
We cut, and Billy is asleep, and he wakes up to Barney, his dog, whining. and We find the dog outside, tied up in the Christmas lights. And the family's all sitting at the ah the dinner table, and they think it could have been Deagle.
00:39:46
Speaker
um And the dad is like going through his dumb inventions that he has on the table. like This bit is just so fucking done. like I don't care about this bit anymore. It's not funny. Great. um Billy decides to bring his Mogwai, Gizmo, or I guess one of the offspring to the science teacher, Mr. Hanson, I believe his name is. ah And they decide, let's just make more of them. We have no idea what this thing is, we're just gonna make more. Not a good idea.
00:40:19
Speaker
ah
00:40:23
Speaker
And then teacher wants to keep the the Mr. Hanson wants to keep one to run tests on it, which is fucked up. We are animal rights pro animal right podcast. Yeah. Is he an animal? I think I don't know. I mean, it's not a human. No, we're not against human violence either. So yeah, we are. Huh?
00:40:43
Speaker
Yeah, we are. Who are we fucking up? Who are we fighting? Every every but movie we reviewed on this podcast, someone gets like fucking murdered, cut, raped. not ah We're not against we're against real life violence, not in movie violence. Well, we're we're against animal violence in movies. That's true. And in real life and in both. Porque no los dos.
00:41:09
Speaker
Look, we want to make sure that our PR is good, OK? That's all. Right, exactly. We in no way condone any violence against animals. so Make sure you call a lawyer after this, OK?
00:41:21
Speaker
ah Billy's walking home, and he sees Mr. Futterman at the bar, and he is sauced up. I mean, he's having the time of his life. And Kate's there closing up the bar, and he walks outside, and he talks about gremlins that are these things that foreigners, he says, just foreigners,
00:41:39
Speaker
Uh, planted in our cars, planes, watches. He said this in his snow plow. Uh, and I guess they're like devices or whatever he thinks they are, they fuck up like the equipment they're put in. Um, and he tries to drive his plow home and like, you should probably walk by the, you're fucked up. He's like, yeah, it's a good idea. It's a nice night out. Yeah. Uh, and then here are the carolers. Uh, Billy and Kate walk by the carolers. Uh, and Billy tells Katie that she did a good job escorting Mr. Funman out of the bar.
00:42:10
Speaker
um And this line was fucking crazy Kate does not like Christmas and I think that the reveal of why she doesn't like Christmas isn't fucking like great to be honest But this shit hit pretty hard. She's like, I don't like Christmas people get sad on Christmas and those like people get sad on Christmas What yeah, dude ah And she says, I wrote this down because it was fucking so hard. Well, everyone is opening presents. They're opening their wrists. That shit was a fucking banger of a line, dude. It's a PG movie. That shit hit pretty hard. I was I was like blown away by that line. um And he's trying to find out like why she doesn't like Christmas. She's like, I don't like Christmas, OK? And it's like, chill, bitch. Yeah, the fuck like, relax. I'm just trying to figure out why you're sad.
00:43:03
Speaker
Right. Who hurt you? I'm trying to fuck like I got to act like I care. Who hurt you? Dad.
00:43:13
Speaker
And then this is something that like these 80s and like even 90s movies have where it's like the vibe is like not great. And then all of a sudden, like Billy asked Kay out in danger. Like, yeah, I'd love to do that. Yeah. Well, it doesn't happen in real life. No. ah They plan for Thursday.
00:43:32
Speaker
be we cut We cut to Mr. Hanson doing some experiments on ah this Mogwai and he takes some blood which looked painful. And then it kind of goes back and forth a little bit but it cuts to Billy who is drawing and Gizmo's watching TV and the other little baby Mogwai's are hungry.
00:43:54
Speaker
And he's like, all right, I'll get you guys some food. He looks at the clock. The clock says 1140. So it's not midnight yet. He's like, it's before midnight, but after midnight of that day. Right. So so it's we're good. We're good to go. What are we doing? ah As long as it's after midnight, nope. So yeah, it makes no sense. All right. So he goes downstairs. He grabs a plate of chicken wings. And he offers one to Gizmo. And Gizmo's like, I don't want to eat. We come back to the. the science teacher and he has a sandwich and a bag of chips that he's like munching on and he leaves his sandwich in the uh in the lab like kind of right in front of the cage of the mogwai and uh he forgets and he leaves they also say yum yum that is all all other English they do say he's yum yum uh and like when the uh teacher is like looking at
00:44:49
Speaker
his watch. ah He leaves because he realizes it's like damn near like two thirty in the morning. The good point, and also the clock on the wall behind him. ah Shows that it's late, which gives away that the that the reveal after this is that. ah Billy's clock was. Fucked, tampered, tampered, they're fucking tampering with the clock now, Jesus Christ.
00:45:23
Speaker
first the clocks now the weather yeah the weather turn the frickin frogs gay
00:45:35
Speaker
ah ah
00:45:42
Speaker
So, Billy feeds them, he falls asleep and the next day his room is fucking trashed. There's like goo and eggs.
00:45:52
Speaker
It looks like the eggs from Alien. From Alien, right? The Alien pods, yeah. um We find out here that the clock's been tampered with. Um, like we cut back to the, uh, the lab and my note here is doctor has goo too.
00:46:12
Speaker
but Um, and, uh, Dr. Hanson or he's not a doctor, he's a teacher, but he says they're going through a metamorphosis. We cut back to Billy's mom, who was decorating cookies and the phone rings. um And she tries to answer with it with the with Rand's invention, which is essentially a cell phone. Right. Hey, he was ahead of the game. Yeah. ah And it sucks. And Rand's like, did it work? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it worked. Didn't work. um We cut back to the bank now, where Mrs. Harris is begging for more time. Ms. Dio does not give a fuck.
00:46:50
Speaker
Come on, it's Christmas. And she cuts the line to deposit her check.
00:46:57
Speaker
Yeah, it is great's qui it's Quimme. Give me a little break, Quimme. We cut to a science class. It's not like Billy's, like younger kids that are watching an educational science video about heart rate. This is fucking crazy, okay? They're showing these kids like actual fucking like anatomical hearts, like real hearts, like fucking beating and shit.
00:47:18
Speaker
This game crazy in this bitch. I'll tell you what else is beating and pumping blood right now. like like Oh man, these little furry fucks just get me going. Sorry. Get me get me going. It's always the kids movies. Why is this, by the way, why is this PG? This gotta be, it should have been like PG-13, right? Right? yeah it's Was PG-13 not made yet? Cause I know PG-13 came later. Yeah. Like that's why you get a lot of movies like this, Jaws, Beetlejuice, like,
00:47:49
Speaker
When was PG-13 invented? July 1, 1984, the years came out. Damn. So when did Gremlins, like, come out? Yeah. Hopefully around Quim- June 8th. So a month before it came out. Damn. So they're a little late to the party, but it's OK. As they say, bumps and bruises. All right. What a good, ugly God album. Hey, I'm happy you actually- I didn't think you'd recognize that.
00:48:20
Speaker
ah Yeah, shout out to ugly God tell me how you feel all right this This science class is watching hearts beat and and the The teacher has his little Mogwai like in a box And the box like falls off the desk, but the egg the bell rings and the class is dismissed and then his ah His egg busts open. Hey, yo. We haven't said it, but great practical effects here. Oh, yeah. Everything's practical. Really good soundtrack. I mean, this this stupid fucking song has been in my head for, like, the past 12 hours. ah He calls Billy to tell them they've hatched. Hey, Billy, they're hatching. And ah he he goes looking for this Mogwai with a candy bar.
00:49:17
Speaker
And the projector has been turned off, but it randomly turns on like a, not a jump scare, but like to build tension. Like in that scene from it. Yeah, well, nothing compares to that, but we'll listen to that episode. And there's some some rattling, and Mr. Hanson sticks his hand under the desk, and he, at first it looked like, you know, the Mogwai's eating his ah as candy bar, then he gets, he starts screaming.
00:49:46
Speaker
And it cuts to Billy who enters and finds Mr. Hanson. He's dead. He fucking donzo. Goodbye. Uh, and he goes to use the phone, but a hand comes up and like touches it touches his hand and it's like all fucking weird and like mangled. And this model, I, whatever it's transformed into, I wonder what it could be, uh, is eating test tubes, which is crazy. Got to eat some glass every once in a while, like the Grinch.
00:50:16
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Like the Grinch. Shout out to Jim Carrey. He escapes out the air vent, and Billy goes in the nurse's office to, I guess, get some, I guess his hand got scratched or something. And this actually worked pretty good. The jump scare reveal of the gremlin out of the cabinet. Fucking crazy.
00:50:35
Speaker
And then this scene I would say that comes up right here is my favorite scene of the whole movie I think this is like really well done three now This is like classified as like a horror comedy this this is like full horror right here if I watch this as a kid I'd be terrified absolutely um We cut to the mom who hears like the gremlins partying making a ruckus upstairs and They have poor gizmo pinned to the dartboard and they're like throwing darts at him and Brutal. And she decides to grab a knife and go up there. um And I didn't see in the moment who it was, but Gizmo gets like booted through the laundry chute. You know, my goal in life is to have one of those. Laundry chute? Those look so fucking cool, man. Yeah. Fuck stairs. That's some rich people shit. Like you don't want to carry all your shit downstairs. Fuck no. Which I guess is why people have laundry machines on the second floor. Right.
00:51:30
Speaker
I mean, you got a laundry, like you're all in one, so you're good. Yeah, I am. The telephone rings and Billy tells her to get out of the house. But while they're talking, you see a gremlin disconnect the phone line and the mom does not leave and we hear some glass shatter and there's a reveal of a gremlin eating a cookie that she was decorating. Good old gingerbread. You fuck with gingerbread cookies?
00:51:56
Speaker
I fuck with anything, any any kind of sweet that is ginger flavored on game. Ginger bread, ginger snaps. Yeah. All of it. I like it all. You are too? Yeah. Then there's another gremlin that's like, ah what is this invention? It's a bowl? What does it do? It looks like a mixer, right? Yeah. And his head is in it, and she turns it on, and his like bloody goo. Bloody goo.
00:52:23
Speaker
This bloody glu goo snatch liquid sprays everywhere. um And the gremlins, the only thing I don't like about these gremlins is their only method of attacking people is just throwing stuff at you. Yeah. That's all they got. So it's throwing plates at her. um And she's dropping plates. That's a good song. Fuck you.
00:52:44
Speaker
ah And she stabs the fuck out of this poor gremlin. Not poor, but. He's evil. um Then there's a third one that is throwing shit at her and she, this is fucking crazy. She sprays him with nonstick spray and pushes him in the microwave and you watch this gremlin explode in the microwave. Some gory shit for fucking TV. That shit hit, dude. That shit was fucking great.
00:53:07
Speaker
Uh, we cut to the living room. It's fucking trashed And there's some movement in this in this stocking hanging about the fireplace and she slices the stocking open and It's just like this robot transformer looking john Um, and there's a bunch of gremlins that are hiding in the christmas tree an attacker from the christmas tree Uh, and they're trying to choke her out pause, uh, but billie arrives home and he smacks one right in the fireplace And thank you for the sound effect and stripe, uh escapes the Homie he's not the homie but they go to the he's a leader. They keep pointing. that Oh, he's the leader. They keep pointing that out Let's get we fucking get it, dude They knock at their other neighbor's door not the Futterman's dr. Molinaro's house Convenient Billy drops off right Billy drops off his mother and he goes to investigate the kitchen and he finds gizmo in the laundry chute and
00:54:02
Speaker
We cut to Rand who's trying to call home. I don't give a fuck about this part. Nah, fuck Rand. Fuck Rand. We're an anti Rand podcast. Uh, we cut to Billy and Gizmo who are following the footprints, uh, in the snow and the snow, these footprints in the snow lead them to the.
00:54:27
Speaker
so i the play again I can never play that again, right? Like there's no other movie I could use that for never. Yeah ah I in the moment, like when I was watching the movie, I was like, let me get that button real quick. That's smart. That's a good one. Um, something about gay people, right? Is it? Pretty sure. Oh, fuck. I didn't know that. We're, we support gay people. Do whatever you want. 100%. Fuck a dick. Do whatever you want. We don't care. Nah. While they're inside the YMC, the door has been broken in and the fire alarm goes off and this, and Stripe jumps out of nowhere.
00:55:10
Speaker
ah Well, out of the electrical panel, I think he was in, and he lands in the pool, and it's essentially just mass production of of gremlins. We're fucking mass producing gremlins on the fucking assembly line, you know what I'm saying? Shut up, Ford. I don't know why that one got you, but yeah.
00:55:31
Speaker
ah
00:55:34
Speaker
Why do you laugh so hard at that one?
00:55:38
Speaker
Shut up, Ford. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Yeah, OK. I didn't think it was that funny, but I'm happy. you Yeah, yeah having you got a lot out as good it was a good one. All right. ah Billy and Gizmo are like fuck it's we're out. They run and they report to the cops and the cops don't really give a fuck. Well, they're drunk, so they really they really don't know what it is. They're drunk. Yeah. Oh, actually, they didn't give a fuck at all. Now, because the one cop ah poured himself a glass of whiskey. There you go.
00:56:08
Speaker
Enjoy your holiday. It's Christmas Eve. Well, I mean, unless you're on the duty, you know? Call duty. Hey, duty. Hey, duty. We cut to Stripe, who's leading an army of gremlins down the street. um And the firemen are at home watching TV. The TV cuts out because the gremlins are fucking it up. And Mr. Farteman goes outside to investigate it. Well, first, he's really mad. He's like, goddamn foreign TVs.
00:56:37
Speaker
That's also true. I forgot that part. He he thinks we should have got a zenith. That was the line. Yeah. um And these gremlins drive up his plow through the garage, through his sunroom, and into their living room. It fucking crushes them. um We cut to a man dropping off some mail, and like one of those USPS things. And you hear a yum yum from the inside. And this guy's hand gets fucking stuck in there because there's a gremlin in there.
00:57:06
Speaker
And then this one is like, I think the most fucking, uh, nefarious. Well, they're fucking with the traffic lights. Yeah. yeah and Everyone's crashing. Yeah. Uh, and we cut to Billy and Gizmo with the cops and the cops thinks that Gizmo was adorable and they get a call from the Futtermans. Um, and Billy tries to tell the officer that it's, uh, the Gremlins framing it for like an accident and they don't buy it.
00:57:33
Speaker
ah We cut to Stripe who finds Mrs. Deagle's house, the the the big real estate sign out front. And I guess she goes up and down these stairs like with the electric wheelchair thing that's like mounted to your wall. I've always wanted one of these. Looks kind of fire. Want one of those and a laundry chute. Yeah, for sure. um And there's Christmas carolers again. Fuck the Christmas carolers. You'll fuck yourself. ah But the reveal here is that it's gremlins that are singing.
00:58:02
Speaker
And at some point they fuck up her, the electronic, electrical work of the ah wheelchair, John. So when she closes the door and goes to go upstairs, she gets launched out the fucking window. It's funny as shit. It is pretty good. um And then the, those officers that got the call about the Futtermans are outside and they see a guy just at the Santa Claus getting attacked by all these Gremlins. He goes, dude, what is that? And other guys like, we should go. He's like, no, but what is that?
00:58:31
Speaker
Doesn't fucking matter, dude. We got to go. And while they're sitting there being dumb, ah Stripe cuts the brakes on their car. ah We cut to Pete, who's at his window slingshot in Gremlins. We watched the cop car crash because there's no brakes. Billy and Gizmo ah go back to Billy's piece of shit car and it miraculously starts. And ah Pete calls into Rock and Ricky's radio ah because While Billy's driving, this is on the radio, and he hears Pete calling about it. And this guy, Ricky, is like, yeah, they're fake. And then you hear him get attacked over the ah over the air. Dumbass. Come back to Rand, who's trying to call his family. Fuck Rand. He pitches the gas station attendant, his smokeless ashtray.
00:59:18
Speaker
gives like Yeah, we cut back to the gremlins there are fucking up dories the bar yeah um And it is I mean they spend I had to take no notes for a while because they spend a lot of time in the bar with these gremlins fucking up the The shit it's iconic this is iconic scene Um, Kate goes to try to light a SIG for one of them that has three SIGs in his mouth. And she notices that the flame kind of freaks him out. So she uses her camera, like Polaroid essentially to ah chase them away. Uh, and then this Gremlin shows up with a gun and a mask on like he's going to do a holdup.
00:59:54
Speaker
And he shoots and misses and she escapes with Billy, who is conveniently outside of another car won't start shocker. So they go, he's like, we have to run. And they run through the town. You see the whole town being terrorized by by gremlins. They run in some fucking store or wherever the fuck they are. And Kate's like, now I have another reason to hate Christmas. I fucking hate Kate. All right. Yeah, I'm sick of her.
01:00:20
Speaker
I like anybody named Kate. feel like that's what it is kate hudson big ass ear yes yeah ever medicate you like i met one but count katie yeah kate katie hey um but one katie who was okay i found out i used to work with her i found she thought that i hated her for a long time like no you were actually all right and' mind you well don't You give off big, you know, I don't fuck with you vibes. Yeah, that's cuz that's what it is. Oh, yeah you know give Most of the time I don't fuck with you I mean I used to work with a ah chef who would wear one air pod in And there I go So what do you listen to like during the day? Cuz we were talking about like podcasts and whatever and she goes, uh, I don't listen know anything I just don't people talk to me. I was like, that's a fucking that's a genius idea We are two in the same pod
01:01:13
Speaker
that's That's the vibe I give off. Yes, I don't want anybody fucking talking to me. But ah our podcast followers, y'all are okay. Y'all are cool. Y'all are right. Y'all are right.
01:01:27
Speaker
ah And she tells Billy that her dad went missing on Christmas Eve when she was nine. this issues And this fucking idiot was gonna try to go down the chimney to deliver fucking presents and he got stuck in there and broke his neck. That's what you fucking get. First of all,
01:01:42
Speaker
look I don't I hate being the cinema sins guy but your husband or your father came home and went down the chimney and y'all didn't notice you'd notice right like how's he getting to work is he walking to yeah I'm just asking I don't know right it's just like it's just I hate this. I hate this. I think it's so dumb. Terrible backstory. Really bad. So he snapped his neck and he died. Good. What do you fucking get? He got stuck in the chimney. He's fucking idiot. Dumb fucking idiot. Dumb fucking stupid bitch. I hate this guy. Like you said. but And she goes, and she goes, that's how I found out about the truth about Santa Claus. Uh,
01:02:32
Speaker
Fun fact, I did not find out the truth about Santa Claus for five more ah years. so Fourteen. All right. You were 14. I was 14. I told the story on British Terabithia episode. Go listen to that if you haven't. or Actually, I think all of our listeners have heard that episode, but that's a banger. That's a banger. Yeah. When I was 14, went to Hawaii for Christmas. And yeah, my aunt asked me to help her wrap gifts for the kids. And I was like, what? to My sister, my younger sister already knew.
01:03:03
Speaker
Embarrassing dude team's gonna crazy, that's like heist that's high school. ah Yep. Embarrassing ah damn embarrassing, right? It is what it is. It's out there. um That's what I became a man. No, I didn't. and All right. So we're gonna talk about Katie again, because I don't want to talk about that anymore.
01:03:25
Speaker
Uh, So she tells a story of this. I just go back outside because there's no more noise and those like they're all probably going to be in one place because it's going to be morning soon. And they go into the movie theater, which is trashed and they're all watching Snow White. All the gremlins are watching Snow White singing a high ho. And Billy and Kate ah go to the boiler room.
01:03:48
Speaker
Which is in a very weird spot. Very weird. Yeah, so they go in the boiler room and they open the gas, leave the gas running. And he lights a, I guess newspaper out of what it is. Lights out on fire. ah And they ah they go to escape, but Snow White turns off and they, so the Gremlins see Billy and Key on the other side. And they go to like attack them and they're able to like lock them in the movie theater. And we watched the entire theater explode.
01:04:16
Speaker
W. W. We like explosions. um What I forgot to mention was Stripe saw, Stripe eats all the popcorn like in that display in the front. And he sees candy across street the department store. So he goes over to the department store to get some candy, to get some yum yum.
01:04:34
Speaker
Let me see your yum-yum. All right. All right. All right. We can see your yum-yum and see if my balls have a weird mark on them still. I'm down. I'm down. Let me see a pair of balls. Let's do it. I mean, you definitely got me beat in man-meat. Balls, I probably got you beat. Probably not. like I would actually say if you guys think you got bigger balls than me right in, because I probably have the longest biggest pair of balls on a fucking 26-year-old.
01:04:56
Speaker
i literally That's on the internet I did like the little little finger measurement yesterday ah when I woke up take a pet a little finger measure bit It's like, you know measured penis. Oh, about oh, yeah. Okay ah when I will your cocks has in the pod When I woke up now, I was like that big. Okay, when I take it. Yeah, right it's cold outside though. We get it growing out of shower. I Don't even think I'm a grower at this point. You're just a fucking no-show. I No call, no show. Uh, so they go, they, uh, Billy and Kate spot. Stripe across street and they go into the department store and Billy sends Kate and gizmo to go find the light switch and he's going to go find gizmo and they decide here to kiss. It's just very oddly placed to me. There's no buildup. You knew they were like gonna date ah date. Yeah, I knew that. But.
01:05:55
Speaker
This is supposed to be their first date, I guess. Like, is today Thursday? No, probably not. I don't know. It just seems kind of oddly placed. Anyways. He's just trying to get some poon. I'm not. Dude, I'm all for my homie getting some poon, man. I'm not saying no. I'm just saying there was no romantic buildup between these two. Maybe he just needed that kiss to get the energy to get that blood flowing to his head. Right. ahead Dick. All right. Bang. Dickhead.
01:06:25
Speaker
Get it? You're back. so Dude, du don't start that. i I've been thinking about that the whole time whole week. Really? It's dumb, but it's kind of funny. Shadow Andrew Dice Clay. All right. Billy decides to go looking with a bat. And there's a jump scare with Stripe, but and he smashes the face, but it's ah it's Stripe on the television.
01:06:51
Speaker
We cut to Kate who's fucking around this control panel electrical box thing. Fuck, fuck around with her box. Hell yeah, that's actually. That was fucking good. Whoo. Sorry, that was good. Uh, we follow Billy who's walking up and on the aisles looking for Stripe and Stripe is hidden between like these stuffed animal toys. Um, and then Kate is flipping these switches and turns a fountain on water. Water.
01:07:19
Speaker
That's how they reproduce exactly and Stripe and Billy finally confront each other and Stripe is on the Stripe is on the bike from saw that Billy rides, but not Billy from this movie Billy from saw Billy the puppet and he's throwing saws at Billy but not saw the movie saws like the saw blade Billy as Billy from this movie Go off, queen.
01:07:53
Speaker
um I killed that. All right. Kate looks down, and Gizmo is gone. um Now Stripe is launching baseballs at Billy through like the little machine they use for batting practice. Little base jar. And Gizmo finds a ah window shade. Oh, and Gizmo's in like a little Barbie car. He's driving a little little RC, John. Right.
01:08:18
Speaker
um Then Stripe shoots Billy with an arrow that has to fucking hurt. Yeah, but it's not like a real arrow, right? Right. I don't know but It's like it's like in his arm though. It's not I thought it was one all suctions, you know No, that shit was I think it penetrated. Hi then. Oh um And then he blocks the next one the random stereo and he throws the stereo at Stripe And Stripe decides to come back with a chainsaw must be a toy chainsaw because this shit had no power behind it Thought he was riding it, right?
01:08:48
Speaker
Dude, like, but they had the scene where he's blocking the chainsaw with the bat. And I'm sorry. Do you know how easily a chainsaw cut through a log? Like a shit like. Yeah, all right. Well, like a baseball bat is nothing for a fucking chainsaw. What is a metal bat, though? No, it's not. It's wood. I'm you want to see my wood? I'm pretty sure. Let me look it up. Gremlins Gremlins chainsaw wood. Billy.
01:09:17
Speaker
Billy's Wood. Let me see Billy's Wood. I got a snot rocket coming. I still have a tab open that says it's Oriental or racial slur. I can't find it. ah Dude, that's a metal baseball bat for sure. If it is, it would make more sense. It's gotta be. That's a real chainsaw too. Let me pause this.
01:09:44
Speaker
Want to see my bat? I do. So we've decided after some deliberation, it is it's ah it's probably a metal bat. I don't think it is, but I will concede. what you You just said we have come to the conclusion that it's a metal bat, but I don't think it is. I don't think it is.
01:10:03
Speaker
Deep down inside, I don't. okay ah Kate's able to turn the lights on. ah and stripe goes flying the chainsaws pulling them and he bumps his head into a wall and he sees a fountain and We cut randomly to Rand who is back in town with Barney and Barney jumps out of the car to go into the department store So again Rand has missed this entire story. He's narrating. So I don't know why they did this I have a story to tell so then we cut back to a stripe who's standing in front of the ah Fountain he sticks his finger in and gizmo
01:10:39
Speaker
ah Goes off this crazy jump. It's like in GTA new jump unlocked. Hell yeah, dude off of a shovel and lands ah next to this like I don't know rope they pulls that opens up the show windows the shade and We watch gizmo melt. It looks very cool and falls into a ah ah fountain Jump there's a little jump scare of a skeleton coming out of the water, but he's dead dead. We see striped melt Correct, it's striped. News reporter says it's all unexplained on the TV, which it's not, but okay. We know what the fuck happened. They're all home watching TV and the grandpa shows up and says he can talk to Gizmo. Like they'd like actually talk back and forth and she Gizmo calls him Dada. Oh, I can talk at the Magua. And it says they're not ready for Gizmo. Too much responsibility.
01:11:35
Speaker
Takes him, gizmo says goodbye, and Rand tries to sell on me the smokelish ashtray, and the man's like, some guy at a gas station already tried to sell it to me. And he leaves, and that's the end of the movie. It's a classic movie for sure. Well, you already know my rating, so I'll say it after you say yours. Oh, it's a four star for sure. Mine's fringe four star. Mine's three and a half. Mine's almost a four. Yeah, it's like ah it's like a pube away, right? It's a pube or two away, yeah. Yeah. I would say.
Movie Reflection and Reevaluation
01:12:05
Speaker
Um This has been a fucking crazy episode. I'm glad you came around to this movie. I'm not sure why I didn't like it I don't know man. I mean maybe four years ago. I was a different person four years That's when the last time you watched it. It was during the pandemic. I was the first time I watched it Okay, so maybe not it's not logged on letterbox. So it's at least four years ago log maybe you didn't like it because you thought it was like
01:12:31
Speaker
Gay. I don't know. You thought it was like childish maybe? I think I thought it was boring. I think I don't know. It takes like 45 minutes for it to start hitting because a lot of this shit with like Mrs. Deagle and Rand, all this. bull I don't really care about any of it. Right. Yeah. Like I said, the first 45 minutes, it's kind of just right. Yeah. Oh, whoa. Sorry. Well, it's kind of just a stupid plot that you don't really care about. But once ah once it gets cooking, yeah, once once they get fed, it starts going down and like ah it's like really hard to to deny the the kitchen scene with the mom. That scene is like my favorite scene. and
01:13:07
Speaker
in the whole movie. I like that movie a lot. Yeah. I like when the bitch goes flying out the window. It's fun. It's hilarious. ah Yeah, I'm at 3 and 1 half star. Jael's giving it a 4. I could see this on a rewatch next year going up to a 4 star. But right now it's 3 and 1 half for me. I don't have the EI button. I'm sorry. And now you're on the hunt for the steelbook again.
01:13:27
Speaker
or the two-pack. If I find it or the two-pack, I'm in no rush to get this movie. It's always on something. It's on fucking Prime. It's on Max. It goes around. It's a little slut.
Engagement Encouragement & Sign Off
01:13:37
Speaker
You want to do a little...
01:13:42
Speaker
Follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail dot.com. Please, we beg. ah so Follow us on letterbox. Hey, my cousin, who was like, you guys should totally review blah, blah, blah movie on the podcast. We're not reviewing it till you write it and you slut.
01:14:03
Speaker
why do you leave me hang on that one Yeah, you slut i don't watch You're not a slut she can do cheese she can she's cool with it. She can get it ah No, but you can write in your request hint hint wink wink at two guys one screen pod at gmail dot.com Yeah, I'm not telling Joe what it is until you write in you fuck ah Follow us on Letterboxd and TikTok. The links will be in the description, you fucks. Also, TikTok will be expiring, apparently, like January 10th. Yeah, if we get any updates on that, maybe a new app will come out. Maybe it's just Instagram reels. Maybe it's... Let's bring back Vine. I don't fucking know. Next week, we have Krampus. I do like this movie. I'm excited to review it. I'm excited to watch my Screen Factory 4K steal.
01:14:53
Speaker
Oh, this is this the first time you're going to see the naughty cut. I, let me see your naughty cut. I am cut. Yeah. And then, uh, again, be on lookout for our best of two guys, uh, one screen episode we're going to be putting out. And, uh, yeah, until, until next week, we will ah see you guys. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.