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EP. 74 House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm gonna rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
Episode Introduction & Scheduling
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 74 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, aka the Poe Town Boys. And also welcome to fucking whore month.
00:01:09
Speaker
ah We are here, baby. Spooky season is upon us. Again, and we're starting early because we're recording this episode on August 14th. Gotta get it out. You know what I mean? Gotta get it out like a fucking concentrated shit.
00:01:25
Speaker
Busy schedules means get out as much content done as we can. This is launching the two per week for the next two out of the three months of the year.
00:01:37
Speaker
Yeah, so strap it And you're not getting any fucking, yeah, you'll want it anytime soon. Because ah not only will we have no time to record it, it's also the holiday season, so money's tight.
00:01:49
Speaker
I'm just not, yeah. You know? I'm going to ask somebody else buy me movies instead. Right. There you go. We'll give you a winter season. yeah you want it. Recap in January.
00:02:01
Speaker
We promise. Yeah. Well, it'll be in our best of because we'll best physical media pickups. Yeah. Also, I feel like there's a best moment from Yeah, You Want It that we should definitely include in the best moments.
00:02:14
Speaker
Yeah. And it has to do with vinegar syndrome. That's very true. Yeah. There is ah white dude with red hair outside, and it's not me. was going to say relative.
00:02:26
Speaker
No. Unfortunately not.
Horror Month & Movie Review
00:02:28
Speaker
Twin? ah We are in Horror Month, and for our first our first movie to kick off Horror Month, a fucking gem. Honestly. A modern gem.
00:02:40
Speaker
classic a movie that i love and that has if you look at this director's filmography has no business being this good this is his best fucking movie and it was his first movie and it's not even fucking close uh you're reviewing the house of a thousand corpses i like 31 um think i've have i said ive Have I seen it?
00:03:01
Speaker
I have not seen it. Okay, first of all, you like 31, but I bought that and you're like, bro, it's not worth watching. And I just gave it i just gave it back to Bull Moose. I said that? You definitely said that and I'm going to pull the text up at some point and post it on the Instagram.
00:03:14
Speaker
I low-key kind of like that movie as bad as it is. There's fucking Nazi midgets. I'm just... i haven't seen it, so I don't know, but I'm just all for seeing Sherry Moon Zombie. I just want to get up in there.
00:03:26
Speaker
Yeah, so... Have we revealed the movie we're reviewing? I just said it, yeah. Oh, it's House of a Thousand Corpses. Rob Zombie directed it, 2003. Uh, pretty sure... Rob Zombie.
00:03:39
Speaker
I know. Rob Zombie filmography. The Halloween remakes. hall Halloween remake, the first one, I like. I gave it a three.
00:03:51
Speaker
Halloween 2, do not waste your time with that piece of shit. Wow. Literal bottom of the barrel. What did I give it? A star and a half? I gave it two stars. That would be nice. I've seen The Lords of Salem.
00:04:02
Speaker
That movie is dog shit. Oh, I've seen Three from Hell. I've seen that this the trilogy that House of Thousand Horses goes with. I've seen Devil's Rejects and Three from Hell.
00:04:12
Speaker
ah My problem with those movies, aside from being fucking boring, I feel like they have no plot. like what is yeah Like, what's the plot of the movie? I don't know. So, The Devil's Rejects is... ah Us not liking that... I fucking hate that movie.
00:04:25
Speaker
That's a hot take. People say that's the best in the trilogy. oh in No way. and' fuck No fucking way. That's the middest one. Yeah. like And there's also... There's also too much rape in Devil's Rejects.
00:04:37
Speaker
Is there rape? There's some rape. I mean, I logged it on Letterboxd in 2022, don't even... so i don't even I don't really remember it. If you like that movie, you're fucking wrong.
00:04:50
Speaker
But I will say, all that being said, I did send you that steelbook they're putting out, and I'm probably going buy it. It is nice. Honestly, you're kind of wild for calling me out on wanting to buy that when you bought Thunderbolts.
00:05:01
Speaker
Ah, yeah, I did. You know what I mean? So it's just what it is. Yeah, but also, I'm okay with the... This red one, the red trilogy one.
00:05:12
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that is a nice one. It's a nice one, right? Yeah, I like that one. I like that one. On the side, I wish it said the Firefly trilogy. What's Firefly? That's what it is, the Firefly trilogy.
00:05:25
Speaker
Is that what it's called? That's her last name. Who's they? What do you mean? Yeah, Otis, the mother, baby. Is Firefly? Yeah, that's her last name, dude. didn't know that.
00:05:39
Speaker
ah But it says the Rob Zombie Trilogy. No, I'm Rob Zombie Trilogy Supremacy over here. All right. But you're also, I think you also can get by ah the idea of me buying a steelbook because it looks like on the wall.
00:05:51
Speaker
Oh, for sure. i just want to have it on the wall. I hear you. Yeah. that's what it is. I have a steelbook that I thought was 4K. You very politely correct You could have roasted my ass for that. And you didn't. I don't want to be mean in case you came at me arguing.
00:06:05
Speaker
About what? That it was a 4K? Yeah. honey mean, it was very clearly a Blu-ray. I'm just fucking mohoiman-yoiman. It's all right. ah We can do a always every I'm good for one every 10 episodes. I can't get hard on command. I'm sorry.
00:06:22
Speaker
Yeah, neither can I. I'm not that guy from a Serbian film. Yeah. I wish. That's what we're doing. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie or requests, two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.com.
00:06:38
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube, tick tock. Follow us each individually on letterbox. So you can see all the movies that we don't review on the pod with my box out.
00:06:49
Speaker
Probably more for Nick. Not me. Not me.
00:06:55
Speaker
Give us a voicemail. 508- Give it to us. Fist us. Fucking give it to us. 508-8 fist us. Yeah, fist the shit out of us. 508-8 dip tip. Six minute limit, please. six minute limit. We haven't got one in a while as it this recording, so hit us up.
00:07:10
Speaker
You want a giveaway? We'll do another giveaway. Yeah, you want something? My cousin never took the Funko Pop. you want it? What the fuck? Who wants it? For whoever, I'll fucking send it to you for free. I'll send you a picture my cock for free.
00:07:22
Speaker
Yeah. don't Don't do it to the business account. right yeah Find us individually. Send me personally. Sext him man to man. Also, if you need find our personal and ah account, they're literally the only two pages are being followed. And for some reason, was following Matt.
00:07:36
Speaker
Yeah, it was weird. We also call it Cockbuster Video. Shot them out for no reason. cause Yeah, they're funny. Yeah. ah
00:07:44
Speaker
And then ah go listen to our other physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? you fucking want it or not? Leave us a like. Leave us a comment. It helps us in the algorithm. Yeah, like like we said, you're out of fucking luck on Yeah, You Want It, but there's hopefully five episodes up by now.
00:07:58
Speaker
Yeah! Get on it. ah So, we're doing ah Thousand Corpses. Think... What are you sending me, Pa? Oh, it's just a sunset?
00:08:09
Speaker
What a wholesome thing. I'm getting a phone call, and I'm gonna bet you $100...
00:08:16
Speaker
all right This movie came out in 2003. This is pre-Chris Benoit, however post 9-11. Correct. Chris Benoit was a goat back then. Call that the sweet spot. Yeah.
00:08:28
Speaker
Right, yeah. yeah like Right in between. We're living good right now. yeah ah The first cast member, obviously a fucking legend. The best character in all three of the films. R.I.P.
00:08:39
Speaker
Big R.I.P. to Sid Haig, who plays Captain Spaulding. This is like... The movie opens with him as it should. it really fucking sucks you in He could suck me in. You know what i mean Absolutely. He could gobble my gook.
00:08:52
Speaker
You know? you know he's a Yeah, he's a fucking legend, dude. I mean, um come on. are you talking about? I need a Captain Spaulding shirt. That's what I need. i also need that. What is movie says he was in?
00:09:04
Speaker
Diamonds Are Forever? that's strange. He's also the producer of a horror movie that I've been trying to track down to watch called Hanukkah, which is a Jewish slasher.
00:09:14
Speaker
This I think, the second time you've mentioned that movie on the podcast, and I also want to watch that. I'm trying to track it down because I'm pretty sure someone gets fucking killed with a dreidel. That's that's what I'm talking about. This is a sick.
00:09:26
Speaker
How far down is it on here? Is it far? it's He's a producer, not even in it. Oh, shit. I'm looking the wrong thing. He's got 2.6, so it can't be good, but I want to watch But it can't be horrible, right?
00:09:41
Speaker
No. he plays slash He plays Judah Lazarus. I'm game. Oh, does he? Look at the names. these are all you with respect These are all Jew names. Maybe he's the slasher villain, dude. We got Anna Lazarus.
00:09:53
Speaker
Mrs. Horowitz. We got Rabbi Walter Paisley. He definitely touched the little kids. Do rabbis touch kids? I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know. They got them little fucking... This shit came out in 2019. He was probably old as fuck, no?
00:10:07
Speaker
Yeah, he's probably dead soon yeah after that. Unfortunately. He also was in something called High on the Hog. That's... You probably got one. Hagen, on the Hog, pack it in tight.
00:10:18
Speaker
Oh, wow. you seen this? No. I'm looking at her right now. oh man. Anybody goodness? No. No. I might add it to the watch list.
00:10:30
Speaker
It's definitely about drugs. It's for sure about drugs. And the director's name is Tony Wash. He's probably fucking washed before he even started. That looks like a fact of life. But his name in the movie is Big Daddy. Hell yeah, Sid.
00:10:47
Speaker
Uh, I'm fucking Sid just for the vibes. Oh yeah. For the clout. i thought captains bal me With the makeup on and like kind of half off. He's got, yeah. Like you sweat a little bit after it was on, but like, I'm not kissing that man's mouth. That's disgusting.
00:11:04
Speaker
Everybody's made bad teeth, bad teeth, bad ah Next, we got Bill Moseley who plays Otis. Otis B. Driftwood. Give me some my fucking Driftwood. That's what talking about. This man looks like a guy in the picture who would is like someone that would shop at Dragon's Den.
00:11:22
Speaker
You know I mean? He kind of looks like the dude that directed the It movies. Yeah, kind of a little bit. I don't like goatees. It's a big no for me. goat Yeah, like fuck you, Mark.
00:11:34
Speaker
Yeah. right Mark, fuck you, your stupid fucking movie opinions. No one cares. Yeah. he's a Just like no one cares in this podcast. I get it. Right. He's in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as Chop Top.
00:11:48
Speaker
Fun. He's also in this movie Grindhouse, which is fucking wild. He's in the Blob remake? I just watched the movie recently. The movie's fucking sick, nasty, I've got to watch the Blob.
00:11:59
Speaker
Should I watch the remake or the OG? The remake? OG's so boring. This one's gory. All right, I'll watch this. Add to the watch list. I'm mad at movies. This movie's awesome. right today ah
00:12:12
Speaker
He also's in the rest of the trilogy. Yeah. We got... I'm not fucking this guy. In the movie. Out of the movie. I just ain't fucking him. Sorry, Bill. He ain't fucking it. Definitely not in this movie. He's fucking disgusting. gone He looks like fucking Gollum grown up.
00:12:26
Speaker
He really does. Looks like fucking Gollum's stepdad. Alright, not stepdad. He probably is his dad. Not step. Yeah. ah Next we got... I'm gonna tongue your balls.
00:12:41
Speaker
That was a That a horrible Gollum, huh? I can't do many impressions. again I've gotten down to fucking Harry from just doing all these recordings. I can do that. Oh, Harry.
00:12:52
Speaker
Oh, Harry. Oh, Harry. all Give me that slop, isn't it? Speaking of give me some fucking slop. Yeah, dude. Sherry Moon Zombie.
00:13:03
Speaker
I just almost clicked the not fucking it button. No! I mean, Rob, your wife's a piece. Rob, your wife's a fucking piece. You did good, Rob. And he's in she's in every fucking movie of his. Rob is... Ugly g dude.
00:13:19
Speaker
Rob is 19 years older than she is. Yeah. He's also ugly. Yeah, he's an ugly motherfucker. somewhat decent mo music. Not really, though. haven't really listened to any of his music. I'll be honest.
00:13:31
Speaker
He makes Dragula. Yeah, I'm sick of that. That song has been played enough times off your playlist on my fucking car that I'm sick of it. yeah I apologize. ah Next we got... She's fuck-piece. She plays but Baby Firefly, if we didn't mention.
00:13:44
Speaker
I don't know if we did or not. ah Next we got Karen Black, who plays the mother. And she does have some honkers on her, but make no mistake, she's not getting fucked. Yeah, she also kind of looks like that bitch that I keep saying, like that bitch that was in Minecraft that was trying to fuck the villagers.
00:14:01
Speaker
I think that's disrespectful. I think the that lady's way hotter. Yeah, but I'm saying like... lady in Minecraft is also the same lady in American Pie. Yeah, the yeah. The mom.
00:14:12
Speaker
I just watched it for the first time recently. It was pretty good. I enjoyed it. No, I'm saying this bitch is like bargain bin her. Oh, yeah, i would agree with that. Yeah? Yes. Did you like an American Pie? Yeah, I gave it like a three and a half, I think.
00:14:25
Speaker
Okay. I enjoyed it. was a good time. Next we got... and that that That redhead in that movie? She's fucking piece. Yeah, I mean... Yeah. yeah Oh my God. I mean, most of the girls that me were a fucking piece.
00:14:37
Speaker
That's true. It is a sex movie. Yeah. um Next we got... Erin Daniels? Give her a fucking cream pie? Who the fuck is... Oh, never mind. I'm a fucking idiot today. I don't know what's going on with me, but... I'm close.
00:14:53
Speaker
We got Aaron Daniels who plays Denise Willis. I was going to ask who Denise Willis is, but it's obviously Denise. Yeah. She's a one-hour photo, huh? Who is she?
00:15:04
Speaker
Who is she?
00:15:07
Speaker
She's not the main bitch, it doesn't fucking matter. She's deep. Yeah. So, um I'll be honest. I had a hard time telling apart Mary and Denise and I know they do look kind of different, but I did have a hard time.
00:15:20
Speaker
I just went with one has lighter hair. Yeah. I wrote one has like a wider face. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Um, Do we give her a doink doink or no? I would give her a doink doink. Yeah, fuck her.
00:15:31
Speaker
Yeah. Doink doink doink doink. Next, we got Chris Hardwick, who plays Jerry. We're doing two recordings today. Two Jerrys. Two Jerrys. Jerry Goldsmith. Talk about a Jew.
00:15:46
Speaker
ah Jerry's not a fuck in it for me. I mean, the picture, he looks like a cute kid, but like... It's kind of annoying. Yeah, it's just no. he ain't fucking. His death is okay. um yeah I'm kind of mad they killed Rainn Wilson's character before him because he was way more annoying.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yeah, and it's Rainn Wilson. And Rainn Wilson's like an icon. Yeah. Speaking of, Rainn Wilson. Talk about a fucking ah transition. We got Rainn Wilson who plays Bill.
00:16:13
Speaker
Bill Hudley. I mean, I'm fucking Rainn Wilson for the fucking clout. Yeah, dude. I fucked Dwight, bro. I fucked Dwight. He's also in other stuff, obviously, but most famously for The Office. Of course.
00:16:30
Speaker
Next, we have Jennifer Josten, who plays Mary. I will say, though, it is kind of crazy to think of someone like Rainn Wilson, as big of an actor as he is, is in fucking this.
00:16:43
Speaker
Yeah, and this came out 2003. Is this pre The Office? I think it's pre Office, yeah. I think it's 2005, right? Dude, you're fucking money with this shit.
00:16:54
Speaker
Am It started March 24, 2005. Well, still Chris Benoit. pre-ris beno Yeah, let's go. but The Office sucks. That's a hot take. Office fucking sucks. I will tell you this, that I struggled to get into it but if you get past the first couple seasons, it gets pretty good.
00:17:10
Speaker
That's literally what everybody tells me. Okay, but I want like i want i should trust you i watched through season nine, and I actually really enjoyed it, but the problem is... That was wet.
00:17:21
Speaker
ah province The problem and problem is you just want dick down Pam in every episode, right? Yeah, that's fair too. The problem is when you watch it with someone who likes to quote it as it's playing, it's like, bro, shut the fuck up. I get that you've seen this movie or show eight times.
00:17:35
Speaker
I don't want to do this. That's how I was watching it. Yeah, it's terrible. It fucking blows. So try it on my own? Yeah, or with me or, you know. I mean, I never watch shows because I'm just over at this point, but I did watch a good portion of The Office. I didn't see it at all.
00:17:51
Speaker
I feel like it's kind of dry humor though. It is dry, but I will tell you this. Which is which is my problem with The Simpsons. Simpsons is mid too. I will say, i will agree that it's overrated, but i do like it.
00:18:03
Speaker
Okay. I do So give it another shot if I'm getting bored and need to watch a TV show. Maybe, but I'd rather you just watch a movie you bought that you haven't opened up the package yet. Yeah, but I've watched this one.
00:18:14
Speaker
That's good. Yeah, this one this one was open. This is this the only disc I watched out of that Steelbook because the other move two movies are dickhead. Yeah, they they are. Yeah, they are. but yeah um All right, next we got Tom the Towel.
00:18:28
Speaker
Sorry. did we Did we talk about Jennifer? Who's Jennifer? Jennifer Joss. Yeah, I said, but oh i you know, I said Jennifer Joss we started talking about something else. She plays Mary.
00:18:39
Speaker
Yeah, and Mary can fucking sit on my cross. You know what mean? Yeah, she can. Shut up, ghost. Shut ghost. Homeboy, at the end of the movie, doing his best ghost impression. Yeah, he did. Big pop big pop of vibes. I wrote that in the scene by scene.
00:18:53
Speaker
ah Next we've got Tom the Towel. right his name now Who is... He looks very familiar. He looks like Sid Haig. Yeah. In the movie when he came in the store I go, is Sid Haig just playing himself? He's in Henry.
00:19:08
Speaker
My fucking Henry. Is he in Henry? he's Otis, yo. Bro, I don't know who Otis is. In Henry Portra's serial killer? Otis the friend? He's the guy, like, literally in the background?
00:19:20
Speaker
Yeah, his brother. He's trying to fuck his own sister. did you want to go see cousin Otis?
00:19:30
Speaker
Let's go bowling with cousin Otis. Why did you log Henry three stars? What the fuck is wrong with you? You gave it three and a half. Yeah. Why are you giving it three? It's a four star. I don't know what talking about. You gave it three though is what telling you. Yeah, I mean, that's disrespect.
00:19:44
Speaker
Vote. Yo, yeah vote for Henry Porsche of a serial killer for the bracket. Yeah. Didn't win last year. Yeah. I mean, this one, hopefully it already won because it's where the timeline it's. Yeah. It's already. Yeah.
00:19:55
Speaker
But I can't believe you gave it fucking three, you fucking loser. need to watch it again, so I need to buy the four. We should buy it. We should buy it. I know. Okay. i mean, I was saying we like I should do it too.
00:20:07
Speaker
but Yeah, it's good movie. It's good movie. I agree. don't why you gave three. That's kind of disrespectful. Yeah, I'm fucking gay. Shout out to Tom the Towel. Next we got... Walton Goggins. shout yeah yeah walter go You don't know who Walton Goggins is. Walton fucking Goggins, bro. Come on.
00:20:21
Speaker
Put your fucking goggles on. It's Walton Goggins. It's Walton Goggins. Motherfucker was trying to hunt down Santa, okay? In Batman. I'm a fat man stan. And yeah for anybody who hasn't, ah you know, any of the TV show watchers, he's the fucking ghoul in Fallout.
00:20:41
Speaker
He's also Django, apparently. He's got to be racist, right? if he's a He's white and... That's by far today the Wallace Gotta Be Kane reference ever. He's racist.
00:20:55
Speaker
He's got to He's to be. He's got to be. He's got to be. He's got be racism. It's got to be. he's in Django, right? I don't remember that movie too well, but we are going to record. He's Billy Crash. Yeah. he's He's right under Samuel Jackson, so he's probably a big character.
00:21:08
Speaker
um I will say his name in this movie. I've just been telling myself he's Deputy Steve Nash. That's how I've been saying. Like Steve Nash, right? Yeah, there's a little I, a little Nash. Like you're Canadian? he Steve Nash is Canadian.
00:21:22
Speaker
Look at that. I'm so good at this shit. Yeah, you are. ah Not really. All right, next we got Matthew McGregory who plays ah Tiny, and I didn't realize he was actually deformed. Oh, wow. Is that disrespectful to say?
00:21:35
Speaker
ah i don't think so. That's offensive, right?
00:21:40
Speaker
He looks like... He looks like a fucking block. I can't say that. Hey, cut this.
00:21:51
Speaker
hi down It looks like a Boban fucking dunk too hard. Yeah. I got stuck.
00:22:02
Speaker
Yeah, he got stuck mean the ah backboard in the Yeah, he got fucking stuck. He got his fucking schtick stuck. He studied pre-law. Wow, he was a genius, but then he fucking died.
00:22:17
Speaker
That's fucked up. I'm sorry. Shout to Matthew McGregory. R.I.P. I'm sure this is how you want to be remembered. Next, we got Robert Allen Mewkes, who plays Rufus R.J. Firefly.
00:22:28
Speaker
ah It's called RJ. He's like a better looking Otis in this letterbox picture. It's true. He was like Josh Brolin and let fucking Otis. He's in Bone Tomahawk. Bone Tomahawk, good movie.
00:22:41
Speaker
Want that steelbook still. Cannibals. Fucked up on that. I don't think we're fucking out of these dudes. No offense. No, sorry.
00:22:52
Speaker
are fuck ah Next we got ah Dennis Thimble who plays Grandpa. Is that what you put on your thumb so you don't sew it?
00:23:02
Speaker
i think That's a thimble. Yeah. Yeah. Thimble for my piece. yeah
00:23:12
Speaker
Yeah, little tiny fucking John. Yeah. But the problem is with most thimbles, they don't fit my thumbs cause my thumbs are fucking weird. That's true. Why have you ever tried to use a thimble though? I haven't. I've just looked at and been like, that doesn't, it's not going to fit.
00:23:26
Speaker
Yeah, but it will fit my piece. Yeah. Be like, be like, yeah, I know for a fact thimbles don't fit my thumb.
00:23:37
Speaker
Bro, you ever been around a fucking thimble in your life? I have. Remember what's so... We had a hacks class in fucking middle school. I remember. I remember. and then we had that other class that was called pig with that pig.
00:23:49
Speaker
Oh, yo, I remember that shit. Fuck that bit.
00:23:55
Speaker
Whatever her name was, fuck you. She was in the blacks. Yeah, she was. She was recently divorced from a black Canadian. Yeah. I mean, of course, she's a fat white woman. Of course, she's in the blacks. Of course. And of course, a black's into her. She's a fat white woman.
00:24:08
Speaker
And she definitely has fucking cook cookie monster under her. I can't even get it out, you fucking idiot. What the fuck? Cookie Monster, a java pants. And she wears her family doll with her husband.
00:24:21
Speaker
Because you don't teach that game pay well. not well
00:24:34
Speaker
Nothing.
00:24:39
Speaker
What'd you get out of it? What was the other one? He invested... Yeah, that guy... Maybe her husband invested early in Tim Hortons. Some stock in Tim Hortons. Yeah. Right.
00:24:50
Speaker
You're a fat fuck. you yeah How the fuck did we get here? Fuck that bitch. She was an asshole. Yeah. I'm honestly not a fan. ah Next, we got... a We already said Fimple, right? I think we did that one.
00:25:06
Speaker
Fimple. We got... Jake McKinnon. Jake? Jake McKinnon. Wait, who is... Your mother? Who is Rufus RJ versus Rufus Earl?
00:25:18
Speaker
Is Earl the one that was like the father who died? No. I don't... Because the mom in this one of the scenes at the dinner table, and she's talking about her husband. Right. Either way. can't remember.
00:25:30
Speaker
We got Jake McKinnon who plays Rufus Earl Firefly. was in From Dusk Till Dawn. Good movie. i ain't fucking this guy. Based he's on Letterboxd's picture, he looks like Jake.
00:25:41
Speaker
No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. This guy's head's long. He a long, he got a bald head. You a long ball head. You got balls? Fuck, boy. Get some fucking hymns or something.
00:25:53
Speaker
Next we got... Hymns? That's for your cock. No, hymns does... Does your hair too? Yeah. Wait, why is hymns for your cock? It's like blue chew? Yeah. but Or is it like or is like you're balding in your pubic area?
00:26:04
Speaker
What if you have both? Honestly, bro, I wish I was balding in my pubic area. Yo, if they could edit DNA strands so you wouldn't balding your head and just dump it on your cock, that'd be sick. What do you need, like, extra for your shaft hair?
00:26:16
Speaker
Oh. Yeah, how would need an extra dose. They might take out a chromosome or something by accident. but i'm just fucking like I'm like fucking tiny.
00:26:26
Speaker
Yeah. Nothing's different. Honestly, when the fuck did I say that line in intro, hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair? When was that can't remember it. I honestly don't know where you got that from.
00:26:37
Speaker
ah All right. So the rest of these people, worth a deal? What about John Willis?
00:26:46
Speaker
that I thought I said name already. Sorry. Harrison Young plays Don Willis. It's Denise's ah father. Yeah, and he's not getting fucked. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it.
00:26:58
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. ain't fucking no one. is hilarious that this lady has a credit as skunk ape wife. Because she was one of those transition scenes. um Transition scenes in this movie are fucking crazy. Wild as fuck. Very stylistic. I guess we'll... And then we got... Oh, yeah. this kid This guy from the beginning. I shot him out. David Reynolds plays Richard Lil Dick Wick.
00:27:18
Speaker
Shout out to that guy. Yeah. Shout him out. And... a sushi girl.
00:27:25
Speaker
Also, shout out to Walter Phelan, who plays Dr. Satan by the end. Who... Honestly, I know he only ended it for like five minutes, but the fucking costume design and like the whole set... Fucking sick, dude.
00:27:36
Speaker
Uh... Either way, that's the cast. I don't remember the last time it took us 27 minutes to get through a cast list before. Well, set it up. But here we are. So we're doing this movie, if you're new to this podcast, because you want some horror content. We do a scene by scene.
00:27:51
Speaker
Scene by scene. And you sound like Jim Carrey and the Grinch there. Did I? You did. i'm gonna play that back for you later and let you the hear it. um There's a... Who's watching this fucking show?
00:28:05
Speaker
Because it happens twice. i don't fucking know who's watching it's just one of those cut scenes. And I'm just the fucking the home enjoyment. It's like those ah little bits. Who is this fucking? Oh, the redhead came back with his girlfriend or wife and she's a fucking piece.
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, she's piece. She's blonde hair. It's it's like those ah those random scenes in Family Guy. e You know? You know, they make a joke and then actually show it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:30
Speaker
So it's called the Dr. Wolfenstein show. And they definitely a part of this like TV thing you're looking at is an ad essentially for Captain Spalding Museum of Horror. ah And it's like a theme museum that also sells fried chicken. I would love for Captain Spalt would make me some fried chicken.
00:28:47
Speaker
He probably makes so good, dude. would suck that chicken to the bone and suck his bone. Yeah, I mean... Oh my god. Yo. oh You think he has think he has makeup on his dickhead? On his dickhead? I think it's the same question i asked you when we were talking about Pennywise. i think it's the same drawing. I think he does have fucking...
00:29:04
Speaker
He paints his cock head for sure. cocke And he got a ball head in this movie. Make no mistake. Ball head, but no pussy. No. If you got a pussy on top of your head. What? When the fuck is that going to happen for where we get the actual combo of ball head, fat upper pussy. limb That's never going fucking happen unless we do a movie that has ah that lady who was married to Will will Smith.
00:29:26
Speaker
Who has alopecia.
00:29:29
Speaker
And caused a slap or whatever. Yeah, Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah, yeah. Fat girl. She bald had fat pussy upper lip. You know what mean? yeah Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:39
Speaker
Either way, so the museum is Spaulding Museum of Monsters and Mad Men, I believe is what the sign says. Yeah. And we cut to October 1977. That's That is pre most things. have that's old that is pre most things ah don Spaulding, Captain Spaulding, it's fucking Captain to you.
00:30:01
Speaker
Yeah, you fucking freak. Yeah, he's dressed as a clown. If that's not, we didn't tell you that. That's just kind of what he does. Just what it is. And um this guy who's in the store, i don't know if it's like his co-worker or who's just like a regular there.
00:30:15
Speaker
think it's a regular friend, maybe. Yeah, and he's out at the toilet later on, but like he wants to sell this photo of like tits. um And then they're talking, it went too fast for me to catch it all, but they're talking about this, they're mutual person they know.
00:30:29
Speaker
Who likes to fucking jerk it. Who likes fucking beat his fucking meat. You know what mean? Literally. likes to wail on himself. And we're for that here on this podcast. Absolutely. Fucking beat your skin off your cock. Yeah. Fucking beat it until it's red. Fucking glove your cock.
00:30:44
Speaker
That is also another scene that will stick with me forever. Is that de-gloving scene in Gerald's game? Yeah. Either way. But then they start talking about this guy is like into some fucking freaky shit and got a plant of the apestall stuck in his ass.
00:30:56
Speaker
Right. In his asshole. Yeah. Um, and then, there's a police car parked outside that leaves and we're in, ah It cuts back inside and this guy who's like there asks if the toilet was ever fixed.
00:31:11
Speaker
And Spalding's like, yeah, I snaked it. um And he gives him the key with his fucking pubes. yeah What the fuck is wrong with you? He snaked the toilet with his pubes. You got pubes so long you could snake a fucking toilet.
00:31:24
Speaker
Yeah, dude. it's Just kind of like twirl around like a pole or something. Like you're plating pasta. Like you're plating spaghetti. You just twirl it. And you just kind of like fuck it up in there. Fucking disgusting. You gotta like fuck toilet to, you know, snake with the shit and everything in there?
00:31:38
Speaker
Disgusting. Well, yeah, it's like making a shit tornado. By the way, did I tell you how to I had to unclog a toilet at work or no? Yeah. Yeah, you did. Okay. All right. It was gross. Whoever did that, fuck you. Like, actually fuck you.
00:31:50
Speaker
yeah i think we said it last week. On the pod? Yeah. Oh, okay. um So, he gives him the key, and the key's attached to his fucking hand that's giving the finger, which was funny. And then we cut to a POV of two, like a guy running into the store and these two robbers enter. One of them is that little Dick Rick guy.
00:32:07
Speaker
Shout out little Dick Rick. Yeah. my god He, robber A sends robber B to go get the regular out of the shitter. And he demands some money and Spoling's like, go fuck yourself.
00:32:22
Speaker
um And he's like, all right, I'm going count to three. You and give me the fucking money. And he goes, one. And fucking Spawn's like, fuck your mama. He's like, two. Fuck your sister.
00:32:34
Speaker
And then as he's counting, the regular recognizes Rich. He's like, hey, you're youre little dick Rick. Isn't that you? I got a tiny little piece on you, bro. fine. And they look like Rick with the small prick. Yeah.
00:32:48
Speaker
um And they both take their masks off. And um ah all they're arguing and all of a sudden this guy with fucking massive bobble hay, he comes in and she fucking shoots one guy in the head.
00:33:02
Speaker
And then Spaulding shoots the other robber right in front of him. ah And then he he's standing over him with his hand on his foot on his chest. He goes, most of all, fuck you. And he fucking pops him three or four times.
00:33:14
Speaker
Fuck him. And then you get the credits. Yep. And then we are at a truck passing by that has a God is dead sign on it. Damn straight he We respect your religious views. We just don't believe.
00:33:31
Speaker
Then there's we cut to Bill and Jerry and they're driving down this road and Jerry's real fascinated with these murders committed by Dr. Satan.
00:33:43
Speaker
um And you don't know yet, but there are two girls in the back who are their girlfriends, Mary and Denise. they're Paces.
00:33:53
Speaker
They are Paces. And they need Gase. We gotta stop to get some fucking Gase. Don't we all? So they stop at Spalding's and Bill sends Jerry inside and Jerry's like, yo, it's Boston there because yeah it's Spalding's fucking museum.
00:34:12
Speaker
But it's also a gas station. And they think it's so fucking cool that they wake up their girlfriends. Hey, just pro tip, next time don't fucking wake them up because they don't want see that shit. Right. They don't give a fuck about Dr. Sparrow. A singular shit. shit You should.
00:34:28
Speaker
About Dr. Spaulding? Yeah. Yeah, you should definitely care about Captain Spaulding. Are you a Christopher Walken right now? Yeah. Oh. It just sounded right. Just Spaulding. Just throw me off.
00:34:41
Speaker
I'm sorry. Yeah. I held that watch up my ass. I had a Planet of the Apes doll up my asshole. up my ass. That doll was up my ass.
00:34:56
Speaker
That's actually my cock. Hey, don't. You're a banana cock? ah Stop nibbling on my cock head. Christopher Walken, we want to see your banana piece.
00:35:08
Speaker
Yeah. We want to see your banana boat. If you're nice to me, I'll let you peel it. Hey, yo. Don't drop that peel. I'm slip and fall. And as you know, I'm an old man.
00:35:22
Speaker
So Christopher Walken's not in this movie, but, but Captain Spaulding is mopping up blood from the scene we just told you about. Uh, and Bill decides to ask Spaulding how long he's been running it.
00:35:33
Speaker
And, he makes the comparison to yarn or string too damn long. Um, and he's like, not for real, bro. And he's like, I don't know, whenever John Wayne won the Oscar and he doesn't say John Wayne, he says somebody else. He's like, you mean so-and-so? And he's like, yeah, fuck you, bro.
00:35:50
Speaker
Um, Spaulding's like, why do you want to know so bad? And he's like, you're asking so many, he says, jack-ass-y questions. And it's because a right they're writing a book, which no one's going his fucking book.
00:36:02
Speaker
It's 2003, though. They might. People buy his books. Yeah, who knows? um
00:36:11
Speaker
They all decide they want to get on this murder ride, and it's led by Spaulding. Schmierder, schmierder. Schmierder. They go through this little ride that showcases... Fucking retarded pushing them.
00:36:23
Speaker
Fucking Mahoman Yoiman. Yeah. Pushing them. Yeah. ah What were we calling them? An invalid? yeah Yeah. Fucking invalid over here. pushing me. Yeah, that's crazy.
00:36:34
Speaker
It's not an automatic ride. Not a what? Automatic. Yeah. It's not an automatic ride. You got to push it. And they pass by on these like fucking wax figures of famous killers. You got Albert Fish.
00:36:47
Speaker
Yo, Albert Fish is fucking disgusting. Like who was there list like look into him. Vile. He was a motherfucking sadist. He was a cannibal. he killed children. And i don't remember what they did.
00:36:58
Speaker
He's fucking it. He is. He's fucking kids. That's unfortunate. That's not okay. um He ate one's ass. Like the cheeks. But like actually ate it. Like didn't like not for sexual p pleasure. He just ate it.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yeah, like, bro literally kidnapped this girl and then wrote a letter two to her mother telling her how good her ass tastes. Hey, yo. What was his thing they were saying the end by him sticking needles in his groin?
00:37:24
Speaker
yeah He would stick them, like, in his ball sack. Hey, yo. So that when he sat, like, they would, like, poke everything. I guarantee you I could stick more needles in my fucking sack than he could. Come on, it's crazy.
00:37:35
Speaker
That's true. But he liked it Yeah. um Then we got Ed Gain. Gain? Gain? Ed Vagina, ah who was a murderer. And they you told me this isn't true.
00:37:47
Speaker
and They said the movie he liked to eat dead women's bodies, especially organs. That means I'm going to eat pussy out in a different way. He did not cannibalize them. He just used their skin to make, like,
00:38:02
Speaker
Lamps and he had a necklace of nipples. I'd fuck me. A necklace a nipples? Yeah, of nipples. And he would cut their chest and like kind of like wear it because he wanted to be a woman.
00:38:14
Speaker
Need some armor. Need a chest piece. Chest plate. Need some fucking milkers on them. and we you know Sometimes just want to have fucking milkers. I get it. Next, we got, ah he calls him a local hero, Quentin Quayle, a.k.a.
00:38:28
Speaker
Dr. Satan, who was an intern at a hospital and wanted to make um some superhumans out of mentally ill people. So it's like if Captain America went rogue.
00:38:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, well, I don't think Captain America was mentally ill, though. No. He was just a dumb kid that was really skinny and didn't quit.
00:38:53
Speaker
Chris, Evan, you heard that? All right. so Swallow me. What I'm saying is I feel like he had good intentions. He just wanted to make people who retarded useful in society. ra Then it went went badly. Yeah. He just started killing them and then he liked it.
00:39:07
Speaker
He's like, I'm going to do sick experiments on people. Yeah. um But he was caught and hung, but his body is missing. ah they get off the ride and Jerry thinks was fucking sick.
00:39:21
Speaker
And Bill's like, no. It was okay. Yeah. And the girls want to leave and they cut to ah the show again. And then ah Denise calls her father.
00:39:34
Speaker
And she's like, we gonna be late. Yeah, we be late. And they're in Ruggsville. And then while he's on the phone, on the TV, Ruggsville. youre rosville Huh?
00:39:47
Speaker
Because you're a bush guy, you love rugsville? Oh, yeah. They got rugs on. it Yeah, roll the fucking rug out. Throw out the red carpet for me. Get it? If you're redheaded, going to fucking eat it out. That's fucking crazy I just said that. I apologize to anybody who actually knows me. I'm going wax my fucking teeth with your pubes. I'm going to use your teeth as fucking floss.
00:40:06
Speaker
yeah I have a use your teeth as floss. It's better I said like that because what I actually was going to say is fucking vile. I'm not actually into that. I'm trying to say be funny. But we're in Rugsville. Straight up fucking cooter fucking beaver out here. All that shit. A cooter cover.
00:40:24
Speaker
Bush. ah bushes go too
00:40:31
Speaker
wow While he's talking, there ah the news comes on about the disappearance of these fucking Ruggsville schoolgirls. They got a crazy butt around. Don't get it. Fucking cheerleaders, bro. Yeah.
00:40:43
Speaker
They're missing along with their cooter covers. They're fucking cooter covers. Everybody's sweaty after doing jumping jacks. I'm trying to fucking wring it out of my mouth. Oh, what? You're gonna wring it out with your mouth? Yeah, bro, like that. Yeah.
00:40:58
Speaker
They, like, twist it like a towel. Yeah. And then, like, you they wear those fucking skirts. You just skirt your feet out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no fumes. Shit. Don't talk about that.
00:41:11
Speaker
Don't fucking talk about that.
00:41:18
Speaker
It fucking kills me that we say the most vile fucking thing in this podcast. And at the end, it's just a, that's what I'm fucking talking about. but yeah what can talk about um So that passed the bush and Jerry asked Spaulding for a map to the Dr. Satan tree.
00:41:39
Speaker
And Spaulding draws like ah lines on a piece of paper. you're Like this is how you get there. um and we cut, and they're trying to drive, but it's fucking downpouring, and they see a hitchhiker who is baby, and I would probably pick her up and let her suck me.
00:41:55
Speaker
Right, because she can... Or put a baby in her. yeah Yeah, I don't want no babies, but I will pump some splooge in you. Fucking splooge, yeah. Yeah. Some fucking... Fucking penetrate you with my kids. I'll give the fucking newest batch of Elmer's fucking glue.
00:42:10
Speaker
That's... Shit. You can take my fucking glue stick. It was it that thick. Like Elmer's glue? No, it's not that thick. i've been i My cum count is not great recently.
00:42:21
Speaker
feel like when I'm shooting, it's not like loads anymore. It's like kind of weak sauce. And I've been like spacing it out too. And it's just not Like I've converted to a vagina. Now I'm shooting squirt, right? Like i wish was shooting squirt easier.
00:42:34
Speaker
i I was just doing the toilet. Yeah. It's like, ah, you're good. It's like a sprinkler. Yeah. Yeah. Why do girls like when they squirt like start like fucking smacking their clit? What's that about?
00:42:48
Speaker
That is weird. What is that about? He's like, I don't get that. don't get it. What does that do? For the video? Yeah. you think it's like like there's like they're trying to put pressure on the... I don't know. Shoot more out?
00:42:59
Speaker
Maybe it's like the same concept of like like ah slap the bag of wine. like When people would like drink wine out of the bag, they fucking like smack it to... like Never heard of that. All right. Well, if you're ah white girl... That's too bougie. Let us know. No, it's a white girl trashy thing. that It's not a nice thing to do.
00:43:12
Speaker
Oh, okay. Yeah, boxed wine in a bag is not classy. Yeah, it's a... Bottles good. Yeah, it's probably better than drinking a fucking boxed wine. Fucking... I'll eat your box, though, know what mean? fucking will until fucking wine squirts out of it No, if it's red, it's fucking huge. You better be shooting the fucking no white wine, not red wine. I'm shooting the fucking Chardonnay out of that shit. i away yeah Yeah, we can't be having no rosé, no tinge of blood. I don't like that.
00:43:40
Speaker
Nah. that. don't like that. don't like that. don't like that. I don't like to know that you have a UTI.
00:43:48
Speaker
don't want to right so I want to lick a UTI. I'm not interested in any that. um So she gets in the car and she does know where ah the Dr. Satan tree is at.
00:44:01
Speaker
And then she says she doesn't.
00:44:05
Speaker
Oh my god. That was wild. um And then we see a ah home video of of Baby. It's like the in-between. And she's like, you know, if you need to kill someone, kill him.
00:44:20
Speaker
Which, yeah. I know. The joke is right there. Let's not do it. Okay. Okay. So we see ah RJ Rufus shoot their tires out, but they don't know because it's so fucking like bad weather out.
00:44:34
Speaker
You into RJ's rim jobs? only from you, Papa. And you had to let me fucking get some bread spread on my asshole first. Yeah. Grazie. Um, So they just think they got a flat tire and Jerry forgot to put the spare tire back in the car. God damn it, Jerry.
00:44:52
Speaker
God, Greg, the sauce. So baby just starts blasting the goddamn radio and they'll go turn that shit down. And she's like, yeah my brother got a tow truck. What you know about tow truck, cuz?
00:45:04
Speaker
And she's like, I'll walk with Bill to the house, which is right here, and we'll get the tow truck. So they leave. them I got a clit ring. You can tow me by my clit ring. That is fucking crazy.
00:45:15
Speaker
ah How much better would that movie that's coming out that The Long Walk would be if They were walking, they were getting pulled by our fucking organs. They're fucking like peace. Yeah. Or a clit.
00:45:26
Speaker
You have keep up. You have to keep up or we're going to fucking rip your cock ring off. But they're kids. They're not kids. Yeah, they are. The actors aren't kids. That guy was in fucking licorice pizza like six years ago.
00:45:39
Speaker
Yeah, he supposed to be like teenagers. all Stephen King books are about kids. Yeah, I know. but He's into kids. Just what it is. So we cut to, ah Otis, who was ranting to these cheerleaders who tied up about just some crazy ass shit.
00:45:57
Speaker
Cause he kidnapped them. Those cheerleaders that were missing with the fucking, it was Otis with the sweaty Bush. Right. That you're going ring out. Right. Um, and he's trying to break free. He's in some mental prison. He says, and then, uh, baby and bill arrived. And,
00:46:13
Speaker
She's got some dolls hanging up outside on the walls and some are missing arms. Some got no hay. No ball hay. And then she tells Bill that she's going around back, but because the door is locked, then she just comes back and scares the shit out of him. Our back. Get it?
00:46:28
Speaker
ah She says that ah RJ already left to go tow the car and invites Bill inside. Then they sit down. oh sorry. We cut back to the car where Mary thinks she heard something outside or Denise. I don't fucking know which one.
00:46:43
Speaker
They all the same. And turn their car lights on. There's like a jump scare of RJ Rufus who is the same guy that dropped their tires out. would you say? hey but RJ Rejard. What does that mean?
00:46:58
Speaker
They're retard, but Rejard. ah i yeah I'm sorry. It's all flat. It's all right. Um... He's going to tow their car. ah So bill we come back to Bill and Baby and he asks her who else lives in the house besides her brother. And there's this guy, Otis.
00:47:13
Speaker
um
00:47:15
Speaker
Otis is... You don't want to meet him.
00:47:20
Speaker
Yeah, but there's a cut scene of him like stabbing some bitch. Yeah, he's freak hoe. We cut and baby is all snuggled up next to Bill on the couch and she takes his glasses off.
00:47:33
Speaker
She fucking wants it. And she looks hotter with the glasses on. Yeah. And they eating hot chocolate. And she's like, that's the only tasty thing in this house. And she gives a fucking wink. so Yeah. She licks her finger. fucking Give it to you in a minute.
00:47:46
Speaker
Give it to me. Sherry moon. um Bill's like, I got to go because the car pulls up and she asks if he's flirting with her. um Denise asks to use the phone and the old ladies ol lady comes out with massive knockers. This is the mother. I'm just trying to fucking titty fuck.
00:48:07
Speaker
And she says they don't have a phone and she's flirting hard with Jerry. she's like And this bitch hasn't brushed her teeth in about 20 years. With the rest of the fucking group.
00:48:20
Speaker
My headphones are caught in the mic. Hold on. Can't move my head. My fucking head. My fucking car hit. My fucking car hit. Oh, Bill asks if the guy that towed the car, Rufus, can take them to go get a phone. They're like no.
00:48:35
Speaker
um And the mother sends Baby to go check on the car because he's still working on it. um Baby comes back and says that Tiny is home. and They laugh about that for no reason.
00:48:46
Speaker
But RJ's going down to the yard to get a tire. It's going to take hours, they say. Because doesn't have a car and he doesn't have a bike. walks like fucking Michael Myers. Yeah.
00:48:58
Speaker
They ask if Tiny can take them to a phone and they laugh again and they invite them for dinner. We cut to a little video of like two dead cheerleaders and then the next scene is Tiny arriving at dinner and he ain't Tiny as we've said.
00:49:15
Speaker
a big boy. He a big boy. He little bit of formula. but how You know what I mean? Look at
00:49:23
Speaker
um And the mother writes on a piece of paper for him to go get grandpa because he's deaf. He can't fucking hear. and ah just grandpa ugly as fuck This is what I was confused about. So at the dinner table, the mother talks about Earl, who's the father who tried to burn the house down and burn Tiny's ears.
00:49:45
Speaker
he was in the At least they didn't try and break the walls down. Yeah, I mean breaking the mean, I think the goal was to burn the house down and break the walls down.
00:49:57
Speaker
And the only thing that can do that is fire. Yeah. all right so
00:50:05
Speaker
right. So we Baby, who is talking to a tied-up cheerleader. ah And she was like, give me a B. And then she does all a baby. What is that spell, bitch? She gives off like a little bit of Harley Quinn vibes. if Harley Quinn was fucking insane. I mean, she is insane, but even more insane.
00:50:29
Speaker
She could do Harley Quinn for sure. yeah right. uh we cut to grandpa who was brought to dinner and uh the mother asked put their masks on but mary don't want to but they kind of forced her to like come fucking do it fucking do it mary or denise i don't really give a fuck guys sorry i can't tell the difference spoiler at the end one of them dies one of them doesn't i'm pretty sure denise is the one that makes it to the end yeah i think Uh, Jerry asked about Dr. Satan. And as he asked, Otis walks in and it was all about Dr. Satan.
00:51:01
Speaker
And really they were very hesitant on like, you know, telling them. Right. Uh, and they're shocked that Otis even came to dinner and he brought, as they call it, little wolf, which is a baby in a jar. Yeah. ge yeah Um, and, uh, Jerry tells him what he knows from captain Spalding, but he says Spalding is full of shit.
00:51:24
Speaker
Little do they know, Spaulding's a fucking cahoots, motherfuckers. Yeah. She's baby's daddy. Mmm. But you don't find that out until Devil's Rejects. But now you know.
00:51:36
Speaker
So now we told you information that you don't need that you don't now don't need to watch, Devil's Rejects. There you go. ah That's also basically confirmed we're not doing the trilogy because it's coming out.
00:51:46
Speaker
So it's what it is. Yeah, those movies suck. um but even still ah otis is like it's better if you don't know and uh that's when grandpa announces that it's showtime and ah eight he's on stage yelling about eating your mother's pussy out it's like yeah it's like a talent show yeah and jerry's fucking loving it fucking jerry This guy's like probably stoner.
00:52:16
Speaker
ah The next act is baby who's on stage and she's doing some kind of old-timey dance vibe. I want to be kissed by you. And Bill and Jerry are horned up.
00:52:28
Speaker
They are liking this shit. And either Denise or Mary doesn't like it. So this thing kind of starts going to the crowd, like sits on ah Bill's lap and Mary or Denise shoves her off and calls her a whore.
00:52:49
Speaker
And then... ah Baby retorts that she'll cut their fucking tits off and shove down their throat. She pulls that fucking knife on them. um And as this is like all coming to a climax, get it?
00:53:03
Speaker
ah ah RJ comes and says the car is done. And they get in the car and they're trying to like hurry out and leave. There's a jump scare of Baby at the window. And they start driving and there's a gate.
00:53:15
Speaker
And there's two scarecrows. And Bill has to get out to open the gate. And one of these Scarecrow's comes to life and just beats the shit out of Bill. Fuck him up.
00:53:27
Speaker
And like a good friend, Jerry tries to come out and help, but Jerry gets chipped behind by a different Scarecrow. ah And they unmask, and it's Otis and Tiny.
00:53:39
Speaker
good time ah Tiny breaks the fucking window down, not the walls, but the windows. But I'll break down the walls of Sherry Moon zombie.
00:53:50
Speaker
That's for sure. We should have got that zombie queen from Ghost. We should have got it. Zombie queen. um
00:54:04
Speaker
Oh, he breaks the window. Breaks the walls down for a loop. Sorry. And drags him out of the fucking car. um Cut to the next day. It's now Halloween.
00:54:16
Speaker
Happy Halloween, you fucks. Fucks. And ah we see Rufus towing the car away. ah Denise's father calls the police station, ah the sheriff who's Frank.
00:54:29
Speaker
And he says ah his daughter never arrived home. He don't like that. He don't like that. And the officer says he'll check. um The last scene of Captain Spaulding's.
00:54:40
Speaker
Yeah, we cut to Mary who's asking, you know, where's Bill? What's going on? And at first she's like screaming and Otis is like, yo, shut the fuck up.
00:54:53
Speaker
It's like, I can't work here. I'm trying to work. I haven't been able to work in a while. Wearing a dunce cap, which is hilarious. Yeah, I'm trying to fucking sit on it. Yeah. And Otis is like, shut the fuck up, you Malibu Barbie piece of shit. That's a great line. It is pretty good.
00:55:09
Speaker
ah And Otis says that Bill has been a real blessing because he's been in a dry spell. So Otis fucked him. That's not what that means, but I'm telling myself that. It means he's he hasn't had the creative juices flowing. at a writer's block.
00:55:24
Speaker
and she's like where's Bill? And we cut to Bill, who essentially has been crucified. It's not ah it's not a crucifix, but you get what I mean. Yeah.
00:55:35
Speaker
It's like the Undertaker symbol, but not. Right. It's like an upside down ghost logo. Yeah. um And it's like a flashback. go ahead. I was going to say, he got turned into a fish.
00:55:49
Speaker
This is like, ah this is right exactly what we're talking about. In Pirates. Yeah. This is Rainn Wilson. Half Wilson. As old fucking mermaid. Half, he's a merman.
00:56:00
Speaker
Merman. I'm not fucking him. But I want to say before we get to the Merman thing is that when they walk in, they start slicing his ass. It's like a flashback of him. oh right. It's kind of brutal.
00:56:11
Speaker
He's slicing his face. they It's like a fucking smug film. Smut? I said smug. Snuff film. Snuff? What's smut? Yeah. Smuts like sex. Yeah. I mean, they could fuck them. i don't know. Either way. It's a snuff film. Yeah.
00:56:25
Speaker
That's, that's the vibe. This movie is filmed very stylistically and I honestly like it a lot. It works for this movie. It's fucking shot. Great. Which adds to its disturbing nature.
00:56:36
Speaker
How it's filmed. I would also say I, that I think that he tried to implement this across all of his filmography and it just doesn't work. Right. Yeah.
00:56:46
Speaker
Very true. So they'll be slicing his ass. ah And in the background, it's that Brickhouse song, which is funny. She's a brick house. um She probably might. We cut back from the flashback and Otis like unveils him and he's fucking Merman.
00:57:05
Speaker
He's half Rainn Wilson. Why the fuck they kill him off so soon? i don't know. yeah I don't know. Maybe he got that call to be the start filming the office. Yeah, I gotta of go, guys.
00:57:19
Speaker
A cop pulled up to Spaulding and asked if he's seen Denise or Mary, whoever it is, and Spaulding says he that she's not his type. He likes a little more cushion for the pushing, what he says. And he's fucking air thrust. Yeah, which is perfect.
00:57:33
Speaker
I like me a chub girl. And he tells the cop they want him to see the Dr. Satan tree. We cut to Denise, who's having some nightmare about Dr. Satan, like meeting Dr. Satan and him like coming out of the grave. And she wakes up and she's tied up.
00:57:45
Speaker
Kinky. I'm into it. ah Tiny enters the room and she's like terrified. And he's trying to feel feed her Agatha Krispies, whatever that is, out of a dog bowl. That says tiny on it. I guess like Christy? Is that a person?
00:58:00
Speaker
I don't know. Isn't Agatha movie? Probably. All right. um She don't want any and she's like, will you let me go? and this was kind of funny. He just lets her go. Yeah. He's kind of like Mahoyman Yoiman.
00:58:11
Speaker
Fuck him. Yeah. Yeah. ah
00:58:17
Speaker
I lost my place. And she almost gets away when Otis catches her and throws her a fucking cage, like a literal cage. We cut to Jerry, who's tied up, and Baby shows up, and she goes, what's up, poopy pants?
00:58:32
Speaker
Funny. And she asks him a question he doesn't want to answer, and then she's like, are you have to answer this question. You're knocking like what happens. And she asks who her favorite movie star is. Like, he would fucking know who it is.
00:58:47
Speaker
So he just says Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, and it looks like she goes to fucking scalp him. Yeah, you saw part of his head start peeling off. But that doesn't actually happen. Yeah, I don't get it.
00:58:58
Speaker
Yeah. um Oh, that's what I was supposed to say. Now I get it. So we'll just put it here. It's fine. ah We cut and the officers find ah their car in a corrective circuit. it I don't know why i did that.
00:59:15
Speaker
And they open the trunk and they find a deadly lady inside that has tree or trick carved onto her ah her body. Yeah, it goes like on her like rib cage then onto her thigh. We can assume this is one of the cheerleaders.
00:59:30
Speaker
Yeah, but she's fucking gone. Dead. ah And then we cut to ah Grandpa and Otis. This like a 30-second thing, but someone is nailed to the wall, and they're just throwing knives at him?
00:59:44
Speaker
Yeah. Jerry? No, it's Jerry. And you know like it's kind of like when you're spinning, and the knife thrower throws it. Yeah. We cut and the police chief tells the officers to pick up ah Mr. Willis, who is an ex-cop, a.k.a. Denise's father. um And the body of this girl he found is Karen Murphy. And the girls wanted to go to Deadwood to solve the Dr. Satan mystery.
01:00:10
Speaker
um Next scene, cops arrive at the Firefly home. didn't realize it Firefly family, so that makes more sense now. There you go. ah And the cop who looks like...
01:00:22
Speaker
um I'm having a fucking stroke. Sid Haig. Who looks like Sid Haig. His name is Glidel. And he knocks on the front door. And the mother's like, there's the fucking cops are here. And Oro's like, chill the fuck out. take this or on gone Take this fucking Glock and go defend our property. He's like, I'm going hit him around back. to hit him from the back.
01:00:43
Speaker
The other officer, a.k.a. Walton Goggins, or Nash, um and Willis go around back. And they get jump scared by a dog. Um, and then fucking nation some dumb shit where he's like, I got bit by a cocker spaniel when I was seven.
01:00:58
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't. I um honestly didn't write that down, but did that did happen. Um, the mother answers the door tits fucking perky and Glidell's like, have you seen this lady? And he holds a picture up and she's like, no.
01:01:13
Speaker
And she has closed the door. He's like, let me come in. I got more pictures. And she's like, well, I guess you can come in opposite. Um, I wrote the wrong name here, but it's supposed to be Nash.
01:01:26
Speaker
Nash and Willis, they bust open this fucking shed door. They fucking break the walls down.
01:01:34
Speaker
And I'm guessing this is fucking Denise because Willis. what I mean, this would honestly answer the question. The fuck is this lady's name? Denise?
Detailed Movie Scene Analysis
01:01:44
Speaker
It's Denise.
01:01:45
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. yeah i just yeah Obviously, he's absolutely he's seeing his daughter. just don't know which one is his daughter. then This scene is pretty impactful. Yeah. And they break the fucking walls down.
01:01:57
Speaker
ah And then there's a code breaker. I don't um don't fucking know. So you you see Denise who's like tied up and like she's been cut a couple times and there's other girls just around her dead. Dead? This is the house of a thousand corpses?
01:02:10
Speaker
Correct. And then Nace starts kind of getting nauseous and he radios their glide down. It like slow-mo. It was slow-mo. Shout out to Zack Snyder, I guess. don't why just shouted him out for us.
01:02:24
Speaker
Nace... Yeah, starts radioing Glidell. And then ah as Glidell's listening to the radio, the mother just shoots him through his fucking neck. He's squirting.
01:02:36
Speaker
Squirting. He's a squirter. That's red wine, not white. ah Willis gets shot by Otis. And then he's... he's Nace is killed at point-blank range. Makes him get on his knees.
01:02:52
Speaker
But they fucking hold that why while. And so that jump scare really gets you. Yeah, it's just the sound of bullet. Yeah. Next scene is Baby with, I think, ah RJ. They enter the coolest name for liquor store ever.
01:03:08
Speaker
Red Hot Pussy Liquor. Yeah, she got that Red Hot Pussy Liquor. And they pay Jerry Uber, which is she calls him Goober. He is fat.
01:03:21
Speaker
We cut back to Mary, Denise, and Jerry, who are all tied up and dressed in bunny costumes. And Otis comes down going, who's your daddy? ah Literally wearing his fucking face and chest skin.
01:03:37
Speaker
He's wearing Mr. Willis' face and, yeah, and chest piece.
01:03:43
Speaker
Sorry, i thought I heard something. like It's okay. Talks a lot of shit and then says that he's decided he's going to introduce him to Dr. Satan. We cut to a ah grave that's not like... He also licks Denise while wearing her dad's face.
01:04:03
Speaker
He tries to like fucking like smooch with the fucking face, right? With her dad's face. That's fucked.
01:04:10
Speaker
um we cut to this grave. It's like a big, big grave. It doesn't have any dirt inside of it. And they like hoist up this casket.
01:04:21
Speaker
um And Otis tells Jerry, you get in the fucking box. And the mother gives him a goodbye kiss. And then ah Mary decides to fucking sprint. I do think Denise is supposed to be the final girl in this. So I'm pretty sure Mary's one that runs off.
01:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, that would make sense. And Otis is ready to shoot her, but baby wants to chase her. So he's like, Chase me, baby. And they're like, run, rabbit, run. get it Because they're dressed up bunnies?
01:04:47
Speaker
I got it. um She runs into this big-ass grave site, house with a thousand corpses. um and kind of pauses for minute. that their first time?
01:04:58
Speaker
It's not a fucking origin story, okay? Yeah. um And it's just enough time for Baby to catch up, and she tackles her and just stabs the shit out of her.
01:05:10
Speaker
And what else does? Licks the fucking knife clean. I'm fucking talking about it. I know you fucking swallow it, bitch. Lick my fucking bleed. in They put Denise in the casket with Jerry.
01:05:23
Speaker
And they dropped the drop the top, not like a car, but they drop the top. And there's just no dirt. They just close. It's like it's like a fucking hurricane fucking bunker almost. fuck Yeah. but Yeah, it is.
01:05:37
Speaker
And they lower this ah this light down. And she's freaking the fuck out. This scene is pretty scary. It is. um All of a sudden, these fucking dudes come up from the water and start like attacking them.
01:05:51
Speaker
I what that was about. They're like zombies, maybe? It's like the rehabilitated Mohamed Neumanns, maybe? Yeah, probably. They're not that rehabilitated because they're just like fucking sitting in dirty mud water.
01:06:02
Speaker
Yeah. um And then they take Jerry away, and he's like, didn and then he like fades away. um And for some reason, she's able to escape.
01:06:14
Speaker
I think i just take Jerry. Yeah. She runs into like tunnels. Yeah. And then she walks into an old man in a bunny costume. Um, and then she like goes to walk away with tiny's behind her and they just fucking strip her, but not nude.
01:06:30
Speaker
unfortunate yeah and then there's just lever and she continues down this tunnel and sees uh skeletons all up in the walls and obviously a little scary and then uh she finds a doorway that un unveils a massive it looks like a fucking catacomb they really do yeah um and we see dr satan oh would you fucking guess that these fucking sadists have the guy dr satan in the fucking basement um
01:07:03
Speaker
It's kinda true. Yeah, not great. It's pretty true. ah Uh... Cause isn't the other guy Earl?
01:07:14
Speaker
In the bunny costume, possibly, yeah. No, the the the the dude that's chasing Denise after this. With the axe? He's fucking jacked, bro. I'm pretty sure that's Earl, dude. looks like fucking Red Skull.
01:07:26
Speaker
Yeah.
Cultural Critiques & Humor
01:07:28
Speaker
He chases her with an axe, though. He does chase her. And then we see, as we mentioned before, ah Otis doing a very much like a pop-up from Ghost vibe ritual reading.
01:07:39
Speaker
And lights this grave on fire. But she ain't in there. Maybe this is the song that... This is the movie that inspired Ritual. This is the night of Ritual. But when did fucking Opus Eponymous come out? 2010. Okay, definitely yes.
01:07:54
Speaker
All right. I'm not good with timelines. That's okay. um So then, yeah, it's the Night of Ritual, obviously. They're not someone in Satan, though. I'm proud of you. You knew the album title.
01:08:06
Speaker
I'm a fucking Ghost fan. What the fuck is this? I got that song. I got a fucking Satan Prayer. And I do listen to Elizabeth occasionally, but I do not have it on my playlist.
01:08:17
Speaker
That's fair. And I also haven't listened to Prime Mover because we saw them perform it, and now I kind of like it. It's kind of evil. Yeah. About birthing the Antichrist. And that's fine because Sydney Sweeney did it and she's a piece.
01:08:30
Speaker
That's true.
01:08:36
Speaker
I don't get the outlash from this. it's so fucking stupid. guys are reading so far fucking into this. It's ridiculous. It was a fucking pun. You idiot. You fell for...
01:08:50
Speaker
You just want to be outraged to be outraged and it's fucking stupid. Woke culture's over. Move on. It's so fucking dumb. Also, like, here's the thing, is what was thinking of the other People go, that's racist.
01:09:01
Speaker
That's this. That's that. You're all fucking using iPhones and Samsung's got made in fucking sweatshops and you're wearing fucking nightgames. Shut your fucking mouth. If you hear that much, go live in the fucking earth.
01:09:14
Speaker
Go live on the earth and eat fucking flowers and shut the fuck up. And it's like now we're hating on people because they're good looking. Yeah. Sorry. Right. Fucking hot.
01:09:25
Speaker
Yeah. She's one of the hottest people on the planet. It's just so fucking stupid. Like all you shut your fucking mouths. So fucking stupid. God, I hate that shit. I'm not even like conservative. It's just like, it's just hypocrisy. It's just straight up hypocrisy.
01:09:42
Speaker
You're just jealous because Sydney Sweeney. Yeah, I'm fucking jealous. I'm not fucking. I'm not fucking Sydney Sweeney. Exactly. I want to get in there. She's got fucking huge knockers.
01:09:54
Speaker
So this fucking bald head, red head ass. His head is actually red. Yeah. Red skull. Looking ass. He fucking swings the axe at her.
01:10:07
Speaker
He does. And it's just like a dick. He misses it. seen He has like a pole. Yeah, this big pole starts collapsing everything. His fucking... His axe is another pole.
01:10:19
Speaker
Yeah. Foundational beam in the tunnel. It's fucking foundational meat. Yeah. It's fucking made you. Yeah, you better blow me all the way down to my foundation, if you know what saying. Yeah, get in the foundation.
01:10:34
Speaker
yeah Make me fucking shake. You know what fucking I'll make you vomit on my shit. don't like that.
01:10:44
Speaker
That's how far down I am. Down your throat, dude. yeah I don't got dick big enough for that. Me either. I'm about to get your uvula fucking stuck in my cock head.
01:10:57
Speaker
What? That shit gets clogged in there. It's a clogger. You're to have to remove your uvula from my dickhead. Fucking
Film Style & Future Episodes
01:11:07
Speaker
pull it out of your dickhead and put my mouth. Gonna make a sound.
01:11:18
Speaker
So this fucking... but She breaks the ceiling down, not the walls. but Yeah, this fucking redhead. And it separates the two of them, and she climbs up through the earth.
01:11:29
Speaker
And she thinks she's escaped when she's picked up by none other than fucking... fucking Not, I wrote Dr. Spaulding because I'm a fucking home annoyance, but it's Captain Spaulding. Captain Ballhead.
01:11:40
Speaker
and but you know Oh, damn. I son just thought of that. ah Captain Ballhead, he acts very concerned like he's going to help her and she passes out when Otis pops up from the back.
01:11:55
Speaker
Back. Back seat. and He's stabbing her from the back. and Yeah. Bro, the way I work this is crazy. What? I wrote, wakes up and being worked on by Dr. Satan. Look at him.
01:12:09
Speaker
Dude. it Doctors say it's going fucking down, dude. It's fucking limp dick. Limp digging all his fucking needles and shit.
01:12:21
Speaker
And that's the end of this movie, but they do put a question mark. Because not the end. There's two more bad movies. Yeah, i'm I've logged this movie twice on Letterboxd. I am going to bump it up. It's a four star, baby. It's a four star.
01:12:39
Speaker
star Yeah, that is how I feel. This movie is fucking good. mean Obviously, we like we had more comedy on it, but this movie's fucking disturbing. It's also funny at times, though. It is, yeah.
01:12:55
Speaker
The torture scenes are kind of crazy. I genuinely feel that the stylistic filming that he did in this movie works best for this movie. You know what I thought about this movie of? It's like a hard-R Scooby-Doo.
01:13:08
Speaker
Oh. What? Like Arena Scooby-Doo? Yeah. Who are they unmasking? Tiny.
01:13:18
Speaker
Tiny's getting a mask. Who is Dr. Satan? Yeah. Who is he? Did you get that vibe? No. Because it's colorful at times. It's like Scooby-Doo didn't win.
01:13:32
Speaker
Right. You have to villains one. Yeah. I guess. I would guess. It's right fuck your bread is a mountain bra the fuck cra my fuck. I'm a cracker. god and right first That's going to wrap up our our coverage on a House of a Thousand Corpses. is movie we've been talking about reviewing since probably the inception conception of this podcast.
01:13:57
Speaker
This movie fucks. And then realized we didn't cover and then locked it. It's one locked. Yeah. This movie's amazing. If you haven't seen it, go see it. Only good Rob Zombie movie.
01:14:10
Speaker
um I'm guessing, i think this episode, we were probably supposed to reveal the winner of the bracket, if I'm not mistaken with the way the timeline works. You're just not going to get until next week, and that's fine.
01:14:23
Speaker
so Sorry. Friday. Actually, you're just not going to get it, period. We're just not going know. going to unveiled because we're reviewing these. It's going be unveiled. My bad. We're recording these so far in advance that you're just not going to get it.
01:14:35
Speaker
And you're going to like it And you're going to be okay with it. ah We're edging you. We do know, however, what's coming out next week. But first, we're going to do a... plugy ah So, follow us on Instagram, 2Guys1ScreenPod. Send any comments and concerns. Movie requests to 2Guys1ScreenPod at gmail.com.
01:14:58
Speaker
Follow us Letterboxd.com. Individually. Follow us on TikTok, YouTube. Send us a fucking voicemail, you fucks. Yeah. he 5-08-fist us.
01:15:08
Speaker
5-08-8-dip-tip. Imprint Films is releasing a carry, but it's not 4K. Yeah, it is 4K. Six-minute limit on that. Whoa.
01:15:20
Speaker
Imprint is? Imprint Films, I want... It is 4K. Sorry. Lenticular hard case. I want to buy this because I don't own an imprint. Wow. I have the 4K steal from Scream, but I do kind of want this.
01:15:38
Speaker
Invasion of the Bicentrum? Fuck that movie. And if you buy it, it can lead into... Listen to our next... You'll hear it in January. Yeah, here listen to our other podcast.
01:15:48
Speaker
Yeah, you want it? For all our physical media pickups. Or Daddy, whatever you want. And I really want that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Arrow John. I get it. And I really want this and I want to buy because Carrie's a good fucking movie.
01:16:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's okay. You're so fucking wrong though. Carrie's just okay. bor and You're just wrong and that's fine. The only thing that's memorable about it is the blood.
01:16:13
Speaker
I disagree. I would disagree with you.
01:16:17
Speaker
Either way, all that aside, on Friday, we got a fucking bub-b-b-bub banger of a movie coming out. We don't know if it's a banger or not because it's recorded yet.
01:16:31
Speaker
But the movie. The movie's a fucking b-b-b-banger and that is going to be a movie I believe from the 80s.
01:16:40
Speaker
It's Motel Hell. Yeah. Underrated gem. I'm thinking late 70s, early 80s. Yeah, me too. cause the This is Camp to a T. Yeah, but...
01:16:51
Speaker
done perfectly oh i mean the best kind of camp you could ask for 100 this is a fucking definitely a hidden gem i know scream factory put it out but twice yeah hidden fucking gem dude i am so happy that we're reviewing this movie i'm happy you put me onto this movie first of all yeah didn't say that fucking get that the way i gotta get my throat ready gotta get my throat ready i'm trying to make them sounds those people make i I'm trying to get my throat right. to movies cock hard. You know what mean? Yeah. Yeah. Damn straight.
01:17:24
Speaker
That's Friday. and then next Tuesday, I believe, because we're moving that one to Halloween,
Lighthearted Wrap-Up
01:17:32
Speaker
you will be getting an episode on, ah i believe, our third or fourth foreign film ever, The Sadness.
01:17:40
Speaker
That's a fucking banger too. Which is just like, I mean, that's a movie you just simply have to watch because the plot is fine. It's just it's just fucking crazy. The lengths they go.
01:17:52
Speaker
yeah You just can't describe Gore warning if you go watch that. yeah God damn. If you listen to us talk about it's just not going to be a lot because it's just a lot of action.
01:18:03
Speaker
If you don't like body parts going into orifices, they probably shouldn't. Yeah. Don't watch it. The ending of a Serbian film bothered you if you made it to the ending of Serbian film. yeah Yeah.
01:18:15
Speaker
Yeah. So that's that. We're in horror month of 2025. We hope you're enjoying it. I would love to go back and listen to Whore Month last year and see how much we fucking sucked.
01:18:30
Speaker
We probably did suck, honestly. probably didn't have... ah we did get the buttons by buy inside. We weren't as funny now because we were still trying to hold back and censor ourselves little Fuck it.
01:18:43
Speaker
Yeah. ah We did have that argument about KitKat or something on that fucking episode or Crunch Bar or something.
01:18:53
Speaker
No. Not at all. That's what it is. i actually will eat a Crunch Bar. be honest. I'll eat a Crunch Bar. have no issue. Crunch Bar is a fire. I like a Crunch Bar. I was saying Kit Kat's not the same chocolate as Hershey's. It is, but on the Halloween tier list, we looked it up, it is.
01:19:06
Speaker
On the Halloween tier list, it is. You can go back and listen to it. ah But I will say Halloween chocolate tier list, yo, crunch is definitely up there. I like crunch.
01:19:16
Speaker
Fucking high. Crunch is great. I'm going buy some crunch right now at Dollar Tree, see some non-means. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. A Reese sucks. You're just usuallyre selling peanut butter, and that's just kind of a gay thing about you.
01:19:27
Speaker
Well, I'm fucking sorry, dude. Either way, we hope you are ready for fucking whore month. Strap in. Strap on. Strap on. Don't fucking peg me, but you can peg Mark.
01:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, because fuck you. Mark's into pegging, so it's just what it is. Fuck you, Mark. All right. We'll see you guys on Friday. Toodles. Mark, get pegged.