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EP. 78 An American Werewolf in London (1981)
17 Plays1 month ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 78 of the Two Guys, Screen podcast, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, aka the Poetown Boys, aka the Diarrhea Guys. Were you signaling me? No, Two Guys, One Screen.
00:01:06
Speaker
Oh, I was just like, I thought you were... Throwing up gang signs? Shout out Brian. Shout Brian, bro. Brian, we talked a lot of shit about you last episode, and for that, I'm sorry.
00:01:17
Speaker
ah No, I'm not. Or in a future episode. i We talked a lot about you two episodes ago. That's the one I just edited. Yeah. I didn't text him about it, so he's in for a surprise. he's Whenever this comes out, he's going to hear it, and it's going to fucking crazy.
00:01:32
Speaker
And he might hate me. He won't. Remember I told you that there we talked a lot of shit about before we started recording, but it was like recorded? Yeah, I just put it in. ah Fucking yeah, dude. yeah it wasn't It wasn't bad. We were just talking shit.
00:01:44
Speaker
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. ah We're here today to review
Technical Issues and Humor
00:01:48
Speaker
one of my favorite movies of all time that for some reason I just can't seem to pronounce properly and American Werewolf in London.
00:01:55
Speaker
There you go. You did it. Yeah. Hey, great. As a part of our horror month, hopefully you whores are voting in our horror bracket. Yeah, that's ah I got to remember to post that.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah. Soon. Sunday. i was i am i am making a clip right now that's kind that kind of fucking... you want to hear this You want to hear the sound just for the clip that I made?
00:02:20
Speaker
Oh, sure. right we're gonna i mean At this point, you guys have already heard it. I'm giving Gert a sneak peek. You called me gout in the invite. i was very upset. and I thought it was funny. It was funny.
00:02:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's gout. How do I go to my jaw? I don't know. You're going to end the recording prematurely. You guys forgot that I already have an account here. so Where's my shit?
00:02:45
Speaker
This yo, Adobe, you're fucking gay. I just want to tell you that right now. Yeah, bro.
00:02:53
Speaker
It's like no credit card required. Yeah, no shit. I already have an account. I pay.
00:03:01
Speaker
I'm going to start yelling expletives.
00:03:05
Speaker
All right, you ready for this? Sure. i don't know if it's going to, don't know where it's going to come out of, so we're going to find out. I hope it's coming out of your penis. Okay. Uh-huh.
00:03:20
Speaker
Eventually, right? I think we should just show each other our penises in real life. a She's like, oh it has to be Steve, because Steve is Jesus Christ. on face I'm just saying, dolphin be looking delicious.
00:03:36
Speaker
So you fucking walk with that one. Did I go to a school for criminology? No, I did. Sorry. No, I did not. This is Mac? No, but you could definitely... Did I go to a school for criminology? No, I did not.
00:03:49
Speaker
Is he going to f*** Mrs.
Engagement and Patreon Ideas
00:03:51
Speaker
Mac? No, but you could definitely get a good titty, f***. So aggressive. I'm just saying, if someone comes in my belly button, I'm done, dude.
00:04:02
Speaker
I'll wife you up. No.
00:04:05
Speaker
Anyone want to make my taco leek sour cream? I don't remember that. What if she's like straight up flicking her shit? Like, walking.
00:04:21
Speaker
Bad, bad, bus monitor hockey tour.
00:04:35
Speaker
that We obviously had to had that one in there. Yeah. Is that like a little best of? It was just, have you seen the, it's like a trend on Tik TOK. It's like you, you call it whatever core and it puts in that sound effect in between clips.
00:04:47
Speaker
um You can put in whatever pop culture reference you want. ah And, you know, obviously we haven't had massive hits on like recent, recent episodes. So I was like, me just get something to make.
00:04:58
Speaker
The horror bracket ah thing on Instagram got 288 views. Is that a hey great? I'm assuming.
00:05:08
Speaker
I pressed it already. I try to get a mix of old shit and new shit. Yeah, you gotta to get a give them what they want. I do agree with you. that fucking Who wants make my fucking Taco Leak sour cream? don't remember saying that.
00:05:26
Speaker
What episode was that from? don't remember. I don't know. I was just looking through episodes and I was like, why did I even say that? Taco, we didn't review anything with any Hispanic people in it, did we?
00:05:38
Speaker
Luca? Yeah, we definitely did. No, Luca's Italian. That's not from let's not from Luca, but we definitely have reviewed... Movies with Hispanic people because we've talked about mommies and poppies before. Right.
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah. This is an interesting way to start this episode. do we Should we just... What, netball on my chimmy, huh? we just fucking plug me or... Yeah. Plug it in, plug it in. So, follow us on Instagram, 2guysonescreenpod.
00:06:03
Speaker
Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to 2guysonescreenpod at gmail.com. having a seizure over there. got cat hair all over me. I'm a furry now. Follow us on YouTube, TikTok, letterboxed individually.
00:06:17
Speaker
Send us a voicemail, 508-8-5-0-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- and ah'll feel you perspective listen to our physical media podcast yeah want fucking went shopping today wow yeah you did and of fucking good time yeah how much you spend I forgot that at $30 credit. so it was only a hundred dollars and 15 of that was mine. Yeah. So not that much.
00:06:46
Speaker
Let's go 75. I did bad math. Oh shit. I, I did forget that I had that credit cause that guy fucked our shit up, but you can hear that on gay. You want it? He fucked me.
00:06:57
Speaker
You can hear that whole story. on gay He was gay too. So you might've wanted to, you might've, that guy was definitely gay. Yes. Leave us a like, leave us a comment. ah Let us know if you want us to make a Patreon to get everything uncensored mostly.
00:07:09
Speaker
Do you think that if we make a Patreon, we should just put, yeah, you want it exclusively on Patreon? o You think so? and I'm asking. I don't know. did See, the thing is with a Patreon, you definitely got to do boner episodes. We definitely got to offer something else.
00:07:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And what are our bonus episode episodes going to be? That's a good question. I
Movie Critiques and Humor
00:07:29
Speaker
don't know. That's what I mean. I mean, i but I feel like if you don't... if you don't charge that much money and it's like, you get, like if you're if you're just paying $5 a month or whatever it is,
00:07:40
Speaker
and you get this shit, but you can hear what we're really saying. And then maybe- That's worth it. And early episodes. Because a lot of the time, the shit's ready beforehand. the only time it's not ready beforehand is when we do a new recording because we're both seeing it like Sunday or Monday, then putting it out that Tuesday.
00:07:58
Speaker
Right. Or- It's the only day you can't get it early. If we figured out how to do like a live stream of a live recording with chat. See, that's scary because we say wild shit.
00:08:10
Speaker
Yeah, but going into it, you got to like in your mind, you know? But you can do a you can do a live stream through Patreon. Yeah, Necronomapod does that. You're right. I watch it sometimes.
00:08:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. But we're fucking Mahoma Noyman, so I don't know. Yeah, i don't even know how to live stream. Yeah, i don't I don't know. Also, I mean, the people who follow us right now know who we are for the most part. But if we get any bigger, they're not going to know what our faces look like.
00:08:38
Speaker
Oh man, we got to face reveals. We're faceless ghouls. We are. Yeah. yeah So let us let us know about all that shit.
00:08:49
Speaker
It'll be in the description. Yeah. Just, you know, just, you know, let us know. Just fucking tell us if you want to fuck us or not. I'm still waiting. I also had, I had in that clip initially that I just played the sexy man. I took it out.
00:09:02
Speaker
Dang. Yeah, it just didn't work. It wasn't funny. The cream rises to the crop. You know what mean? That makes no sense. No, it doesn't. you know um but Because creamed corn is actually disgusting. It just makes me feel like I'm eating cum mixed with corn.
00:09:17
Speaker
don't like that. don't like that i actually i actually like I actually like cream corn. Not a fan. You're probably a freak, though. You probably like split-piece soup. That's disgusting. What the fuck are even talking about? That's one of the worst things ever. even straight up vomit, cuz. That's gross.
00:09:33
Speaker
My dad makes it after like Easter and shit because he got the ham bone. know what saying? Oh, he saves it? Yeah. I'm like, yo, never. I like peas. Does he make it before after he takes that bone up his ass?
00:09:46
Speaker
Hopefully after. Yeah. Yeah, that adds extra flavor. Right. Yeah. right. We're nine minutes in talking about Len sticking bones in his ass. so But he's the goat, so it's fine.
00:09:57
Speaker
this This is what you pay for. yeah Actually, you don't pay for it. Not yet. Yet. Let us know. Yeah.
00:10:08
Speaker
Wow. Might need to get censored. I don' that's i don't know if I can say that. That still might to get censored on Patreon. Also, she's not my lawyer, so I think I can say it. Yeah. i'm not I'm not represented in the case.
00:10:22
Speaker
Okay, see how like that, I can't like, we can't, yeah. We can't do that. She didn't cut you a break because you're Len's son? No, I think she's ah harder on me. Because like, literally everybody calls him a legend. He's the goat around these parts.
00:10:37
Speaker
Good for Len. Yeah, good for him. I guess. Yeah, tough for you, but good for him. Yeah, i got got big shoes to fill or big underwear because his piece is huge. He's got a big piece?
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah, he does, dude. I didn't know that. He's like ra out on unhuman sized, like bro, like 28 years later type beat.
00:11:00
Speaker
Yeah, like prosthetic piece type. does it Is he clipped? Yeah. Yeah, that's good for Len, bro. He could never wear skinny jeans. No, but he is skinny.
00:11:11
Speaker
Although Len is old enough that I'm sure that if he sees people wearing skinny jeans, he probably thinks they're gay. Most likely.
00:11:20
Speaker
I'm not saying I think that's what Len thinks. I had a skinny jean phase in like seventh grade. Your father. And guess what? i was fat, so it didn't look great. I mean, I think skinny jeans is tough on anybody, though.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah, unless you're like goth and like 90 pounds. We should say it looks tough on any man. Like a man wearing skinny jeans is just tough. Yeah, you'll kind of like you look kind of You look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5-pound bag, or you look like you have an eating disorder.
00:11:51
Speaker
That's true. There's just not any way around it. rather be gay or have an eating disorder? Like, I was watching clips... You tell us. I was watching clips of Wiling Out on the internet, because what else do you do when you're bored?
00:12:06
Speaker
And they were all and they yeah and they were all all these fucking Yamins. Yamins! they were all like most of the the crew was wearing skinny jeans and i was like, they look fucking stupid.
00:12:16
Speaker
Even fucking stupid. but I mean, it can't look stupid as it is. yeah Yeah. Yeah. He's fucking dumb looking anyways, but like, He bagged Mariah, so what am I saying? That's true. but he And he was in Drumline.
00:12:28
Speaker
That movie's good. haven't You know, my old boss recommended Drumline to me. It's pretty good. ah You can always find it on MTV. Big MTV movie. Yeah, it just felt disrespectful because we were talking. he's like He was like... We were talking... I suggested the week before Whiplash to my GM.
00:12:49
Speaker
And then my GM and I were talking about it. He walked over. he like, oh, if you want to check out Good Move About Drumming, check out Drumline. And I was like, I don't i haven't seen it. But respectfully, I don't think they're in the same league. cause They're not.
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah. Not at all. You've seen both of them. so you can yeah So that's that. ah We'll go over the cast list of an American World from London. This is pre-9-11. This is pre-Chris Benoit. I feel like we've fucking slacked on that recently.
00:13:17
Speaker
Yeah, we got to tell everybody. Yeah, you know what it is. they They haven't made a remake of this movie, right? No. Thank God. But technically, this is a... A remake?
00:13:30
Speaker
It's like a loose adaptation. Related films, An American Wolf in Paris. What the hell is that? Yeah, but nobody cares because it's the fucking French.
00:13:41
Speaker
Also, that came out a year after this, or six years after this, so that's fine. That's probably shit.
00:13:49
Speaker
It's directed by
In-depth 'An American Werewolf in London' Review
00:13:51
Speaker
John Landis. John Landis, nuts in your mouth. What's he done? Oh, a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff that I've heard a lot. I think I've seen Animal House. I just don't remember anything about it.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah, I like i like like all the vacation movies. ah So maybe I'd like Animal House. I don't know. I've seen Trading Places. The end is kind of bad, but the rest of it's pretty... It's racy for sure. It's not... I've seen Coming to America.
00:14:23
Speaker
I haven't. Is that a big deal I haven't seen that? That really sucks, dude. Eddie Murphy is probably the most overrated motherfucker of all time. Did I give you a take about Eddie Murphy? going to say it's hot, but what you said is pretty hot just now.
00:14:33
Speaker
Go for I feel like Eddie Murphy in the 80s and like...
00:14:39
Speaker
I almost said all black people, but not all black people. Just Eddie eddie Murphy, from what I've seen so far in my life of movies he's in in the 80s, just took roles where like, hey, we're going other big white celebrities be racist to your character.
00:14:53
Speaker
His stand up is good. Like if you go back and watch like his throwback stand up. Great. His movies, AIDS. I used to think Haunted Mansion was amazing. It's not, guys. It's not.
00:15:05
Speaker
But like he was in this movie that I saw a while back with Nick Nolte, 48 hours. And Nick Nolte is literally just like a fucking racist piece of shit, like partner to him the entire movie.
00:15:17
Speaker
And it's just like, but like trading places. Same thing is like big on on like stereotypes. You know, it's like because I'm black. Right. ah john ah According to this, John Landis did direct the Thriller music video, and that's pretty awesome.
00:15:32
Speaker
Good for him. He was also an actor in Spider-Man 2?
00:15:40
Speaker
i don't I don't recognize this guy's face, so I don't know who he'd be.
00:15:48
Speaker
He's deep, deep. he's ah he oh he's a doctor. Oh, one of the doctors gets fucking murked? Yeah. Let us know if you want a review on Spider-Man 2. um Kind of looks like the dad from American Pie.
00:16:03
Speaker
A little bit. And the Dath American Pie was funny. He was, yeah. You know what else I wanted to talk to you about that we haven't talked about yet? Maybe we should save this for the hymn recording. But well just I'll just say it now and we can plug it in if i don't if we don't have enough to talk about.
00:16:15
Speaker
Okay. I watched Human Centipede 2. I finished it. o Yeah. why do you Why do you think it's not worse like the movie's worse, like the the graphic stuff is worse than one?
00:16:31
Speaker
You don't see lot in one. I was like, I personally felt like it was kind of the same. Really? Yeah. Even like the masturbating with sandpaper. But that's like, you don't see that either.
00:16:43
Speaker
The centipede in the anus. That shit was wild. I will give you that. Stepping on the baby's head while it's on the accelerator? You fucking mama, hey. That shit was wild. That was wild, right? That wild. That felt like Serbian film type shit. That stuck with me.
00:16:59
Speaker
I don't know what you're your ranking is of Human Centipede 1 and 2, but I like 2 more than 1. And you gave 2 a 1 star. Yeah. And I gave 1 a half star.
00:17:11
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I gave 1 a half star. Yeah. I mean, I like 2 better than 1 as well. They're... The black and white, kind of gay The only way to watch it in color is the Scream Factory out-of-print three-pack.
00:17:26
Speaker
I would be interested in watching it in color. So Scream Factory released a three-pack set? Yeah. And that probably goes for what, big bucks? A couple, or not a couple, but like over, it's like $130 last time I checked.
00:17:38
Speaker
$130? hundred and thirty dollars Yeah. not horrible. No, but... I mean... not horrible no but i mean But also what? You just get the three movies?
00:17:50
Speaker
Yeah. And the second one in color. Sure. I didn't hate it. I mean, I definitely didn't like it. didn't hate it. One star. i didn't hate it. i mean, also, it's just like, you know what you're getting into Sure. it is the I've seen the Human Centipede 1. It's a little definition of schlop.
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah, and that guy, I mean, that guy, the only person I've seen more attached to his fucking schtick is fucking Finley with his shillelagh. That guy just had a crowbar on him at all times. He did.
00:18:18
Speaker
Just fucking strapped. He kind of looks... here that That's what I pictured Jake to be in about 10 years. Damn, dude. I hope Jake's eyes don't bulge that much. Yeah, a little bug eye I have in his ass. Yeah, he has some bug eyes bad.
00:18:32
Speaker
Anyways, ah here's your cast. You got David Naughton, who plays David Kessler. He was in that movie we watched while you were here, Dog. hot dog He was, yeah. Yeah, he was cool in that movie. Yeah, but this movie's better.
00:18:48
Speaker
100%. He's in that movie Ice Cream Man that I have to watch. I know. and i own it. You're going harass me about that. Body Bags, I think you own and haven't seen. Yeah, literally, this movie keeps coming up.
00:19:02
Speaker
Right, this movie literally keeps coming up. I need to watch it. I own it. Scream Factory. are you This dude, honestly, I got to show you some pictures of my dad when he was young. This dude looks like my dad.
00:19:14
Speaker
um your dad's a piece. Straight up. My dad is kind of a piece. And he did look like David Naughton when he was younger. That's why your mom your mom bagged a fucking piece, dude. That's what's up. um My mom, yeah.
00:19:29
Speaker
um don't know if my dad bagged a piece, but my mom bagged a piece. No comment on that one. Yeah, my mom my mom, like, in their wedding pictures, isn't like, she's not, like, ugly. Sure. This is crazy. I mean, what are we doing?
00:19:42
Speaker
You can think your mom's pretty. that's not That's not weird. No, I mean, me out here just calling my mom kind of mid-looking is just hurtful. No, I mean, it's no it's true. yeah i that well
00:19:55
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, just because, you know, like, my cousin listens to this and whatnot. Like, I just... When we talk about my family, I just try not to... Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, I get it.
00:20:06
Speaker
um Would you fuck this guy in the movie? I feel like no. David? Yeah, I feel like he gives In movie? I feel like he gives me big, like, you're kind of, like, a fucking annoying Canadian. and
00:20:19
Speaker
That's the vibe that I got. Sure, but he is infected. I mean think before that. Oh, before that. Okay. Yeah. Well, we can talk what... I mean, I'll just say out blanket statement, I ain't fucking in this movie.
00:20:32
Speaker
Period. All right. Okay. He ain't fucking it. We don't approve bestiality, so I'm not fucking a werewolf. fucking it. No, but it is an interesting concept where if if you watch this for the first time, right?
00:20:47
Speaker
You might think like, this this guy's schizophrenic. He's not actually a werewolf. Yeah, that is a ah cool way to interpret the movie. Yeah, 100%. Then you got Jenny Agutter.
00:21:01
Speaker
She's getting it. Yeah, I mean, that's not, yeah. Wow. Wow.
00:21:07
Speaker
I was curious, is she did they just use the same person at the end for that porn movie, or it's somebody else? It's definitely somebody else. They kind look the same to me. Because you never see this, you never see Jenny's. You never see those.
00:21:21
Speaker
Yeah, you don't. You never see Jenny's titters. I did look pretty hard. and it wasn't there getting get You get at least half of an areola. Oh, nice. You know, like half moon, half areola.
00:21:33
Speaker
Okay. yeah I was a little upset. I was like, this sex scene's going on forever. They're showering together. yeah we ain't seeing nothing. We do see peace. You see David's peace. Yeah, like not like close up, which is fine, you know?
00:21:46
Speaker
Yeah, but it's... I mean, his piece was big enough that it didn't really... And Bushy. Yeah, Bushy. I mean, it's the 1980s. That's true. Yeah. ah We got Griffin Dunn, who plays Jack Goodman.
00:22:00
Speaker
I'm not fucking Jack either. No.
00:22:05
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Although he's been in some shit more recently. Also, we didn't even mention that the Jenny bitch... Yeah. Was literally in like Avengers.
00:22:18
Speaker
And Cap. And Child's Play 2. Arguably the best, not arguably, the best sequel.
00:22:28
Speaker
Ever? To Child's Play? Well, you're saying it's the best of the movies after Child's Play 1. Correct. correct You're not saying it's the best sequel ever of like all movies. No, that's Shrek 2.
00:22:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. yeah it Right, it is. I wonder if she... Jenny A. Gunner. I wonder if she was the... I'm not going to open my mouth yet until I'm sure.
00:22:56
Speaker
No, she was just some fucking shadow on the council. Some fucking... What's it called? I keep wanting say charade. Jesus Christ. Silhouette. Next, you got John Woodvine, who plays Dr. J.S. Hirsch.
00:23:11
Speaker
I ain't fucking this guy either. No, He ain't fucking it. This guy's a good actor. He ain't fucking it. liked him. Did you see the guy they cast that they had on Gotham playing Alfred? He looks like that guy.
00:23:26
Speaker
Really? Yeah. This guy kind of gave me Loomis vibes. little bit. Right? But shout to Loomis because he's a fucking legend. He is. Next, we got ah Don McKillop who plays Inspector Villiers.
00:23:42
Speaker
I think it's a fucking French-ass name right there, bro. Yeah, but... Right. Villiers, but they're supposed to be Scottish. Yeah. He's not a Scottish fuck. And he's been in nothing, so just going to keep moving on. He ain't fucking that guy either. He ain't fucking it.
00:23:57
Speaker
By the color of the barmaid? That's fucking brutal. um yeah We got Brian Glover who looks like a fucking thumb.
00:24:07
Speaker
he's the They call him the chess player. The subtitles call him Joker number one. He was in Alien 3? Crazy. Alien 3 hot take is not a bad movie. The Company of the Wolves? I've heard this movie's really good. And it's another werewolf movie. And Scream has a 4K.
00:24:25
Speaker
Alright, so I'm just going add up my watch list now.
00:24:29
Speaker
I'm going down a rabbit hole. The guy who directed it also directed Interview with Vampire, so I'm in. You're in? Okay. Yeah. What, you don't like with Vampire? It's like a fucking four and a half star movie, bro.
00:24:40
Speaker
didn't say that. You fucking... I just don't like Tom. We've been through this. Yeah, Tom is Tom, though. Overrated.
00:24:51
Speaker
We got David Shofield who plays dart player. Whatever about that guy. we got Lila Kay who is the barmaid they call her. The barmaids are tough. she ain't We ain't fucking it.
00:25:05
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. We got... don't see fuck these people. We got Frank Oz who plays Mr. Collins. That's like the next person that matters.
00:25:18
Speaker
Why does that name sound so familiar, bro? Bro, he's Frank Oz, bro. Oh my god, he's in everything. Yeah, he's the voice of Yoda.
00:25:29
Speaker
Holy shit. That's like his, I mean, for me, that's like the biggest thing. Who the hell is he in Monsters, Inc.? This is what I need to know. You're gonna fucking fuck around find out, cuz.
00:25:40
Speaker
Jeff Fungus. Okay. Um, I don't think I want to show anybody else in this fucking castle, to be honest with you.
00:25:50
Speaker
No, they don't matter. Nothing fucking matter. if you're new to this podcast, we do a scene by scene. So if you haven't seen this movie, first of all, fucking see it What are you doing? And come back.
00:26:02
Speaker
I'm not saying I have a hot take, but... You gonna drop it right now or what? It got lowered.
00:26:12
Speaker
Okay. Not by much, but... ah We got a the movie opens with the credits that I fast forwarded through because I'm on a time crunch.
00:26:23
Speaker
There's this truck coming down the road with this guy. has He's fucking trucking some sheep somewhere. He's definitely fucking a sheep, right? Easy cleanup.
00:26:34
Speaker
He's got to be. I mean, he's got to be.
00:26:39
Speaker
We gotta find a different setup for this fucking soundboard. It sucks ass. I'm done with soundboard. Can you get like an external one where you just press the button? Yeah, I want to get one of those.
00:26:50
Speaker
Yeah. And i want to have more buttons than what I have right now. Right. only got two, four. I got 11. But yeah, feel like you imagine someone busts on a sheep, right? And then they make your cotton shirt.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. yeah got nu I'm wearing sheep nuts. Yeah, talk about fucking woven in DNA, dude. Wow. I'm with it. Yeah, I mean, you met you you are a part of that shirt now.
00:27:13
Speaker
I'm not with fucking sheep. No, we're not. But if you were two fucking animal, sheep might be one of the top. Well, for you, it's dolphin. and Dolphin's number one, thousand percent.
00:27:28
Speaker
Dolphin's number one for you by far. I don't think I want to. I don't think I'm going to. I don't think I'm going engage in this, but. Well, yeah, but the sheep can call you a bad ad boy. So that's you know what? You're not wrong.
00:27:39
Speaker
I'm with it. um So he lets these guys out, David and Jack. And, you know I honestly thought they were gay. i thought they were brothers. Yeah. um They're looking for East Proctor, which is a town out here.
00:27:54
Speaker
And he's the driver's like stick to the road. Just walk over that way. And we find out through dialogue. They've been trekking through Europe for three months or going to be for three months.
00:28:06
Speaker
It's long time. Yeah, it's a while for sure. Just to be like hiking? Just to be like backpacking through, you know, you stop at hostels, you fucking sleep there for like four cents and then you move on.
00:28:19
Speaker
I have a bad like, you know, thought on hostels because of the movies. So yeah, but hostel also not a good movie. just don't I just don't like that movie. I just think it sucks. And it's not even like that as gore or whatever. I just think it's fucking stupid.
00:28:34
Speaker
Okay. I just think the whole thing is fucking stupid and way too camp. that the second beginning The second and third are definitely bad. I haven't seen the second or so only about the first one.
00:28:45
Speaker
I like it. It was a fucking asshole. By like, I mean it's like a three star. but You could fucking rim me if you wanted to. it's it was just It was just Eli Roth's way of trying to rip off Saw. Like, let's be honest. Let's just call a spade a fucking spade.
00:29:00
Speaker
ah Sorry, Eli. Yeah. Um...
00:29:06
Speaker
Anyways, they arrive at this fucking pub called the Slaughtered Lamb. This is iconic, some would say. want sign. Yeah, it's a nice sign, right? Yeah. It's cute. It's actually, I think it's the opposite side of the poster. where You go with the arrow fucking thing.
00:29:20
Speaker
Oh, it's kind of fire. I think so. Don't hold me to that, though. ah Jack is suspect of this place because it's called the Slaughtered Lamb. But they walk in and the whole pub goes silent looking at him.
00:29:32
Speaker
um and like is it okay we come in and then the bartender barmaid she nods uh and they sit down and ask for coffee or hot chocolate and she's like we only have beer and spirits that's what that's what it is she's like well you can i have she's like you want tea you have tea no and i'll try to make it yeah how do you try and make tea I know. You're in England.
00:29:59
Speaker
don't have tea? Yeah, it's my fucking England. We out here being all fucking faggy. Faggy and crumpets. Isn't it? Isn't it? Harry.
00:30:10
Speaker
she There is a fucking Harry in this movie. Yeah. So she gets him to fuck and tea, and then they notice this five-pointed star on the wall with candles next to it.
00:30:21
Speaker
And Jack wants to know why it's there. And David's like, yo, shut the fuck up, bro. Just chill out. five He's like, come on, ask him, bro. And he's like, no, i shut the fuck up. It's not that important. Yeah, like fucking keep your mouth shut. We're we're foreign and they know it.
00:30:36
Speaker
But as, you know, this guy in the pub is telling a joke. And as he like gets to the fucking punchline, which essentially is this guy from Texas throwing a fucking Mexican out of a plane.
00:30:47
Speaker
And, you know it went crazy. His joke killed, to be fair. I mean, to be fair, that's pretty funny and probably accurate. Yeah. I mean, not much has changed in 20 years. Right. 30 years.
00:30:59
Speaker
now we're Now we're just going to their house and picking them up. Yeah. Well, not we're not picking them up as loose term. yeah Yeah, we're not doing it. Quite literally kidnapping people.
00:31:13
Speaker
Uh, we got, uh, so he tells this fucking joke and as all laughing, he decides that he's just gonna ask right now what it's for. He's like, Hey, what's that for?
00:31:26
Speaker
and all of them are like, it's fucking weird. You asked that question. And this one guy who plays darts, like you maybe missed the board. And I never missed the board. He never missed bro. Imagine that. and Never missing. No, couldn't be me.
00:31:38
Speaker
Um, he also called, uh, I think either, I think, David called it a pentagram, which is yeah incorrect. A pentagram is what he said. Because pentagram is the other way. It's pointing down. What does that mean? Gay?
00:31:54
Speaker
Well, because like the points are not pointing down for a pentagram. You got point your tip in the right direction. yeah Point your tip down for Satan. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. It's not fucking talking about. it's Yes. Fuck. Yeah, dude.
00:32:08
Speaker
Uh, So they're like, you got to go. And the barmaid, as Letterboxd calls or is like, no, you can't let me go out to like that. And like, no, no, get fuck out here.
00:32:20
Speaker
And you stand in the road, don't go into the moors, and watch out for the full moon. Beware the moon, lads. So they leave the pub. They looking for this fucking inn.
00:32:30
Speaker
For an inn. And Jack is just like, this is that was fucking suspect as fuck. We asked about the fucking pentagram. It's not a real pentagram. And they're like, kick us out. I mean, you know, there's some questions that just shouldn't be asked.
00:32:44
Speaker
Yeah, and to be fair, David was like, yo, shut the fuck up, Jack. Be quiet. So they ah they go out walking, and the bartender's like, bro we should not let them go out there like that.
00:32:54
Speaker
And they're kind of like, you know what? They die, they die. It's what it is.
Special Effects and Plot Analysis
00:33:00
Speaker
Survival of the fittest. We cut of to Jack and David again, and he's wondering. He's still, he's like, so what was it with that fucking pentagram? Which, for some reason, it corrects the pentangle. that even a fucking word?
00:33:13
Speaker
Pentangle? Yeah, i don't know what that means. I don't know. It starts raining, and they wander off this road, um and they start, like, skipping, like, real fucking baggots.
00:33:26
Speaker
Yeah. Skip to my fucking lube, bro. Yeah. Use my pubes as a double Dutch. Skip to my fucking lube in your ass. Right. They start singing this Santa Lucia song, which no one knows.
00:33:40
Speaker
Uh, and then, we cut to the back, the barmaid who thinks they'll be safe because of the rain. Um, and she still thinks they could have fucking warned him. And, uh,
00:33:52
Speaker
one of the guys at the bar was like, you know, if we told them what was really happening, they'd think we were fucking crazy. Well... So you hear a wolf howl and then the bartender's like, yo, you got to go fucking make sure they're all right.
00:34:06
Speaker
And then we cut back to Jack asking Dave, he's like, what was that? And David's like, it's a coyote. Why did he say coyote? Coyote? I don't know. Coyote or coyote?
00:34:18
Speaker
It's coyote. but feel like yeah I just feel like if you say coyote, I know what you look like and I know the certain group people you don't like. I mean, that's a thousand percent. yeah You're saying coyote, you just have issues with certain people.
00:34:30
Speaker
Right. And there may their name may or may not be Brian. They don't call him Wiley Coyote. They call him Wiley Coyote. Yeah, exactly. Right.
00:34:42
Speaker
um So they're like there's no coyotes out here in England, in the UK. And then they figure out their... i and Unfortunately, i don't work for Animal Planet, I don't know.
00:34:53
Speaker
Right. Shout Animal Planet. R.I.P. Steve Irwin. R.I.P. Steve Irwin, bro. Fucking goat. Are you sitting in that clip for the Star Wars thing? That was fucking wild. It was wild.
00:35:06
Speaker
um They notice that's a full moon. they're not in the path anymore. And they think they want to go back to start of lamb. And then they're just lost. um And they hear some growling and they realize they're being circled.
00:35:19
Speaker
um And they think it's in front of us to turn around again and run. And David falls over. i think this was intended to be a prank to like make fun of fucking Jack for being scared.
00:35:32
Speaker
ah And then Jack trip on. Right, but then later in the film he's like, I fell. And it's like, nah, bro, you fell. And like when you fell, you had a smirk on your face. Right. um
00:35:45
Speaker
So Jack goes to help him up when he gets attacked. And David just runs like a fucking coward. That is pretty fucked up. you know like If you were getting attacked by some wild beast, I'd probably try and help.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah, but if you were like being held up at gunpoint by a Namine, I would not try to help you. No, it's different. Yeah. Because they shoot first, then ask questions later.
00:36:10
Speaker
Right. Or shoot shoot and then just hop in the getaway car. Yeah. Or they just don't even get out of the car. They just drive by. and Yeah, exactly.
00:36:22
Speaker
Right. Shout out Brian. Shout to Brian. But David does decide to turn back and try to help Jack, and he gets a little fucking, little peace. And the bar crime ends up showing up and saving David.
00:36:35
Speaker
And David did look over for a split second, and there's this bald, naked dude just laying there, like, gutted. he was not Jack. Right. ah David awakens at a hospital by nurse. This is nurse Alex. Alex Price.
00:36:50
Speaker
Alex is such a fire name. I know it's probably Alexandria Alexandria.
00:37:01
Speaker
Yeah. think she's Alexandria, bro. Alexandria was some fucking country back in the day. No, you could have it both ways. people are named if you're named Alexandria out there, write I've never met someone named Alexandria.
00:37:14
Speaker
Really? You've never seen the IA? Just the A? it's Alexandra I've seen. like for so Like for someone's actual fucking name I'm talking about. Like people I've met. There was an Alexandra that worked at where I used to work and she was a fucking piece and i wanted rinse her out.
00:37:29
Speaker
Of course she was. Did she go by Alex? No, she actually went by Alexandra. That's gay. fast You gotta to go by Alex. Yeah, but dude, she had a fucking dump truck. i didn't give a fuck.
00:37:39
Speaker
That's true. ah fucking wagon on her But imagine like someone like like you're just like giving it to her, right? And like your neighbors hear you and you're like, yeah, you like that, Alex? And they're like, whoa.
00:37:50
Speaker
Oh, is he fucking a dude in there? Yeah, probably. Well, that's who I am. What's it to you? You know, I'm gay. So what? So what? I had a crazy conversation with my cousin last night and I was making some comment that she considered to be gay. And she's like, she went like that. She Nick, are you trying to tell us that you're gay? And she did like into the jerk off motion. And was like, well, why'd you do that for?
00:38:14
Speaker
and I was like, I'm not gay. I just make a lot of gay. Contrary to popular belief, I am straight. Right. Believe it or not, not gay. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm straight too. Yeah.
00:38:25
Speaker
But eventually, one day, we're going see each other's dicks. i I'm waiting. Just as two straight men, we're just going to see each other's pieces. And there's nothing you can tell us about that.
00:38:37
Speaker
No, I mean, hopefully it's when we're drunk, so it's not like weird, you know? Yeah, right. Yeah. Less weird. What would have been weird if we got drunk and watched Imperium and then just showed each other our pieces to Daniel Radcliffe saying the N-word? That'd be fucking weird. that i think I could die happy, though.
00:38:53
Speaker
Possibly. Right? Harry Potter's gone rogue. Your pizza's small. I want to show you my piece while fucking Half-Blood Prince on the background.
00:39:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah, i want to show you my piece to fucking Snape's death scene. Wow, that's intense. Spoilers to Harry Potter, guess. That's intense. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I matched with girl and she was like, i'm a big Harry Potter fan. just send her fucking applelet for it ah I just... He fucks kids. you fucks Dude, that guy fucks kids and there's nothing I can do about it.
00:39:29
Speaker
no That character, not the actor. Yeah, he's giving him him a slug trail. Right. Exactly. So anyways, this fucking hot nurse wakes him up. And this other fucking pig face looking nurse walks in.
00:39:44
Speaker
And we find out he's from New York. And she's like, i just thought he was a Jew, which is kind of crazy. But he snipped. He is. His piece is clean cut. That's true.
00:39:56
Speaker
because She said she looked. This is when dr Hirsch walks in and he kicks them out. And he asked Alex what David said when he awoke. and He was calling for Jack because they're just gay kids. They're just gay together.
00:40:12
Speaker
He will never touch my penis again. um there are poor The medical report says that he was attacked by a deranged lunatic. Which we just know isn't true, but...
00:40:24
Speaker
ah We see a POV. of ah It's like the fucking Evil Dead POV. going through the woods. And that's exactly what I thought. i'm just to drink some water. Yeah, go for it. Oh, guzzle it.
00:40:38
Speaker
Shout to Poland. Yep. And not the country. Fuck you, Poland. That's what Hitler said. but ah That is what Hitler said. What was up with the random in this movie? I don't get that.
00:40:51
Speaker
but so I don't know either. Why were they in this movie for? I don't and i do not understand. You should be in a call center. but Especially in the 80s. Hello, can I interest you in life alert?
00:41:02
Speaker
You should be in...
00:41:07
Speaker
but Uh, so Hirsch tells him that Jack is dead. And, uh, then this dude Collins from the American embassy comes in and he has no fucking purpose besides this one scene.
00:41:19
Speaker
And he's like, I think you're freaking out too much, David. And like, yo, his best friend ate slash gay lover in secret just died. Like, yeah, he's freaking out. Yeah. And he got killed by a werewolf, but no one thinks that.
00:41:31
Speaker
Right. so So big gut. Yeah.
00:41:37
Speaker
No, you don't understand. i saw a big goat. Big, big goat. but I can tell by the side of its horns. He used the horn and he rammed me, this goat.
00:41:48
Speaker
that And I said, oh, thank the Lord. Thank Allah. Take me goat. And then that goat just downright fucked me good.
00:42:01
Speaker
Getting fucked by a goat's crazy. That's literally safe. And then leaked curry. Oh.
00:42:09
Speaker
Uh, so they sedate him and then, uh, he doesn't actually go out cold. He just fucking sits there. Which is strange. Yeah. And he's like, you've been out for three weeks, bro.
00:42:20
Speaker
And then, he mentioned that this lunatic sounds kind of serious. And Dave was like, what fucking lunatic? It was an animal. It was a wolf, bro. It was a goat. It was a goat. I'm telling you it was a goat. It was a big horn sheep. Yeah.
00:42:38
Speaker
I was trying to take a call for AT&T and this big gun attacked me! but Hello, thank you calling AT&T!
00:42:52
Speaker
thatmo a Hello,
00:42:58
Speaker
my name is Bajeef and I am here to help you!
00:43:05
Speaker
fuck come I am Bajeef.
00:43:12
Speaker
Yo, we got no no more we're just calling them Bajeefs. Bajeefs? ah Hello, Bajeef. Yo, this is fucking Bajeef.
00:43:22
Speaker
You know what's crazy is if you turn the J into a Q, it's literally a black person named Bacqueef. That's a fucking zombie. Bacqueef.
00:43:34
Speaker
That's got crazy. You got Howard Eve and Bah Quive. Bah Quive, you know what I'm saying? anyways, enough about that. sort The inspector and the sergeant, because know they they call police of their inspectors in the UK.
00:43:52
Speaker
like it heavy I'm pretty sure, yeah, I'm pretty sure the the sergeant was... put in for, you know, comedic effect. I think this movie is kind of a comedy a little bit. yeah it's like a whole combination Yeah. Um, they visit, uh, the doctor Hirsch in his office and they asked about David.
00:44:09
Speaker
Um, and he takes a phone call. The doctor does. And while he's taking it, uh, the Sergeant knocks over some shit, which will be funny, but it was all right. it's Not there's my chief is going back into his apartment.
00:44:24
Speaker
I'm not even kidding. It's a fucking bajeef outside. Oh, yeah? Yeah. um We cut back to David talking to the police, telling him it was a fucking wolf, guys. But the inspector claims to have two witnesses, um and it was a man that was shot.
00:44:38
Speaker
So they think he's shit.
00:44:42
Speaker
But the sergeant is like, ah he kind of makes a good point, bro. And the inspector's like, yo, shut the fuck up, man. You don't know anything. So they leave and the doctor tells, uh, David tells the doctor, the cops, uh, don't make any sense.
00:44:59
Speaker
And the doctor, his stance kind of changed But in the beginning is like, bro, I got you like this. You already were cleaned up from the wounds. So I'm just trying to do some aftermath. But this man literally has like a fucking scratch mark on his chest. he's like, no, it was definitely a deranged lunatic. Couldn't have been a werewolf.
00:45:14
Speaker
Right. Like who got him? Freddy Krueger. Yeah. out to Freddy. Uh, Then there's like a dream sequence of David running naked through the woods and he he eats a fucking deer's hair.
00:45:29
Speaker
He bite into a raw. That's a fucking bloody top. I like venison, but not raw.
00:45:38
Speaker
We cut to the nurse price attending a bajish. What did you say? Bajeev. What did you say?
00:45:49
Speaker
Oh, no. understand My name, Benjamin. No. And this kid just yells nah all the time. I don't know why. But um then she walks over to a grown ass doctor and she asked David. That's about David. And he's like, I am just an elderly. I do not do this kind of thing. This is not my job.
00:46:09
Speaker
I have ra do not work in the medical field. I'm just going to go serve him and his curry and move on. Which is weird that they don't serve in the medical field because I feel like that's all they do. That's all they fucking do. They're either a call center or they're a doctor. I don't know.
00:46:21
Speaker
Call center, doctor, or technician. yeah That went a little fucking Italian. I'm not sure why. But if if i if I can't pronounce your name and you're a doctor, you're probably good at your job. if you If you have every single letter in the alphabet in your last name, you're a good doctor.
00:46:35
Speaker
and' That's kind of true. Yeah. yeah Shout out to Bevan, I guess. Yeah.
00:46:43
Speaker
We got Len live on the pod? Yeah. Show us your peace!
00:46:48
Speaker
um Crazy. So she goes into David's room and she's like, you're to have to eat. And he's like, make me. Essentially, is what's going on here is they're having some sexual tension over eating. Right. She wants to force feed him.
00:47:02
Speaker
Yeah, she does. And he's like, and she's like, oh, here comes the plan. perfect Well, not no that almost works, but...
00:47:15
Speaker
That's fucking crazy. we're like We're like seven days away from 9-11 recording this. Here comes the plan 20 years earlier! It's like, uh, socially, you have to take these pills. you have to eat. And he's like, I'm not eating.
00:47:32
Speaker
And then she does the classic grab your nose. Your mouth opens and shove food in your mouth. That a thing. Well, if you're sitting like this, you're like, I don't want to eat your mouth closed. You need to breathe. So if you plug the nose, your mouth open to.
00:47:46
Speaker
Yeah. And then she's like, you can call me Alex. And he's like, you can call me David. And she like threatens to feed him. She's going to fucking make you eat this.
00:47:57
Speaker
It's all very sexualized. Yeah, you in a fucking cooter or what? um And then she's like, have to do it again? He's like, maybe. And then we see another dream sequence of David running through the woods.
00:48:12
Speaker
And he sees himself lying in a hospital bed with a... Alex next to him and his eyes go fucking crazy. And his teeth, he looks like a fucking vampire on drugs. I don't know.
00:48:24
Speaker
Big teeth. Big green eyes. ah Then he wakes up and tells Hirsch about his nightmare and how he was attacked by an animal. But this doctor is still denying it.
00:48:36
Speaker
And this is actually the part where he's looking at his scars and like, nah, bro. And he says, if there was a monster, we would have heard about it on the telly. I don't think you would have, you daft cunt. Ha ha ha ha.
00:48:50
Speaker
Uh, we cut to, ah we asked, uh, the doctor after he left alone. So the next scene is Alex sitting next to him reading and David iss just staring into her eyes and he's like, you're beautiful.
00:49:02
Speaker
Do you want me to read to you? I want to fuck you with my shredded piece. Yeah. It's on, it's hanging on by a thread. So she starts reading to him about some bullshit. And then, ah we cut and it's another dream sequence of, I, this is David's family.
00:49:18
Speaker
And they're watching the Muppets. And there's a knock on the door. And the they go to answer. And it's these fucking Johns. These piglets. Look like Nazis.
00:49:30
Speaker
Fucking Nazi piglets that really just like murder all of them like brutally. Light their fucking house on fire. They don't break any walls down. That's upsetting. Yeah.
00:49:45
Speaker
Wow. I wrote, men with mutated faces combine their family. Wow. I mean, it's true, though. Fucking brutal. ah They slit David's throat, and then David wakes up from his dream.
00:49:59
Speaker
And then is like, are you okay? And then she goes to open the core, and Corton? Corton? Who? Commissioner Gordon? Corton hears a who. Yeah. um Do you know what...
00:50:14
Speaker
Courtland Sutton? you know what he was Do you know what he was saying? What? He was like, Horton, come here. want you to hear this.
00:50:24
Speaker
Come
00:50:27
Speaker
here. Anyways, she gets stabbed. And he wakes up again because it's a dream within a dream. And then we see an adult or dot dot dot bring him some food. Um...
00:50:38
Speaker
same one from before, by the way. You want some lima beans? So he goes to start eating and he sees Jack in the courtroom and Jack is fucked up. This is like top tier. Good prosthetics. S tier prosthetic practical effect work.
00:50:52
Speaker
It's just... wow Looks gross.
00:50:59
Speaker
ah Jack tells Dave they were attacked by a werewolf and he's walking in limbo undead until the bloodline is severed. Do you know... Who is the end of the bloodline?
00:51:11
Speaker
Drum roll. It's fucking David. No way. Speaking of bloodlines, I might have bought this. Okay. Okay. ah You can wait for it. Yeah, you wanted to find out.
00:51:22
Speaker
ah
00:51:25
Speaker
So David's the last He needs to fucking kill himself. Moral story. You need fucking kill yourself. I mean, that's the end of. Yeah, that's it. That's what fucking talking about. I'm with it. ah David starts calling for the nurse and Jack asked David to kill himself and be aware the moon.
00:51:43
Speaker
And you're not going to hear it in post, but Joe just perp through that entire sentence. Yeah, i apologize. I will edit that out, but you're just you're not going to hear it, but just know I did. um Alex enters and asks what's wrong, and he tells her that he's a werewolf.
00:51:56
Speaker
What's crazy this movie is there' she's like, every time she's like, what's wrong? He's just like completely honest, and he sounds like a fucking crazy person. He's like, I just saw Jack. He just told me I'm a werewolf, and I'm going to turn into one in two days.
00:52:12
Speaker
And she's just like, you're such a silly boy. You were dreaming again. um So then Alex tells him that he's going to be released. And ah if he has if he's going be okay, one. And two, do you have somewhere to stay? Because I want to fucking fuck you.
00:52:30
Speaker
Yeah. I want you to plow my fucking field with your werewolf cock. Yeah. Break my walls down. Break them fucking down.
00:52:43
Speaker
Yeah.
Themes and Character Dynamics
00:52:45
Speaker
We cut and they stop at a store to get some food and they go on the subway.
00:52:56
Speaker
No, there's some women. I think they're just like punk kids from the 80s, you know? Yeah, it just looks kind of gay. I mean, do whatever you want, but it looks kind of gay. One of them had like leopard print hair, but like different colors.
00:53:09
Speaker
Right. They probably listened to the Misfits. Yeah. But I like the misfits, so it's fine. And you are a misfit, so it make all makes sense. ah They pull up to Alex's place, and she gives David the tour. Kid?
00:53:25
Speaker
Not yet. And ah they get to the bedroom, and she's like, this is the bedroom? And he's like, ooh, ooh. o there's only one bed and she said well, i find you very attractive and I've had seven lovers, but only three of them were one night stand. So I don't know what I'm trying to say. it's like, bro, just take your fucking clothes off. What are we doing?
00:53:45
Speaker
She's like, ah you can watch the telly when I go take a shower. So the next scene is them going out in the shower and it is sudsy. And it sucks because shower sex is hard to do.
00:53:58
Speaker
Shower sex needs to be dating like a seven foot woman. It's just how it is. You just need an angle because pointing your dick downwards, even though we said it do it for Satan. It does fucking hurt. Yeah. either got to date a seven foot woman or have a seven inch peen.
00:54:13
Speaker
I have neither. How would having a seven inch peen fix the problem though?
00:54:21
Speaker
You still got a fucking point downwards and then come back up. Your dick's got to make a new turn. Or maybe if like you hold her legs up and her back's against a wall. she's got be jacked. Pretty much. I'm not that either.
00:54:33
Speaker
Yeah, me neither. So they fuck for a while. You do see Half Moon Areola, a little tiny bit. little tiny piece. It's there. i looked I was like pausing it. No, I wasn't.
00:54:47
Speaker
But the Areola is there. And then David gets to take a leak and he closes the medicine cabinet to see Jack who looked even grosser than before, even more undead.
00:54:58
Speaker
He's like green. And he's like, bro, get the fuck out of here. I'm trying to fuck. I'm living my life. I'm fucking right now. having a good time. So Jack's basically like, yo, tomorrow's the full moon. You got kill yourself, bro, or else you won't die.
00:55:12
Speaker
You won't die real soon, cuz. And Dave was like, are you really dead? Or am I just like, am I seeing things like, what the fuck is going on today? And ah he doesn't believe any of it, really. Dave is not like convinced.
00:55:26
Speaker
And ah he tells Jack to go away and calls him a walking meatloaf, which is funny. I like meatloaf. Love Meatloaf. Also RIP to Meatloaf.
00:55:38
Speaker
He's dead? Yeah, Meatloaf died. Oh. Yeah. Alex comes out and says she heard voices like Randy Orton. And David says it was just him being crazy. That's his answer, Strab. It was just me being crazy.
00:55:53
Speaker
And she's still not... Like genuinely, if she was like, what the fuck what am I doing fucking this guy? I would say this is like posting that regret list. But I genuinely think she does not regret fucking me even a little bit.
00:56:05
Speaker
No, because at the very end, spoiler, she cries. Yeah, she's not like fucking ah homegirl. Forgot her name already. Gina Davis, Veronica, Ronnie, where she's like, fucking get it out of me.
00:56:19
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's like, want it. Yeah, I fucking want your werewolf fucking fur baby. That'd be kind of cute, though. little cute little fur baby? Like a baby wolf, right?
00:56:30
Speaker
Essentially? Yeah, but it'd be like the same problem raising a baby wolf. It's like when it gets to be an adult, it could fuck your ass up, be able to let Right. Or it could just fuck your ass. I don't want that. I don't like that.
00:56:41
Speaker
But wolves are cool. Do you think wolf dicks are also like dog dicks where like a little lipstick thing just on a bigger scale? It has to be, right? Because it's literally a wild dog. It's got to be. It's got to be a lipstick dick.
00:56:54
Speaker
Lipstick dick, yeah. um He tells Homegirl that he saw Jack and that he's going to turn into a fucking werewolf. um And she thinks he's just seeing Jack because he loved him very much. were fucking gay, like I said.
00:57:08
Speaker
Nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying they were gay. In 1981, there was a lot wrong with that, actually. and not Right, but right now, right here, right now, out to Ghost, nothing wrong with that.
00:57:20
Speaker
that well That's cool. That's the cool thing. We're we we're uncool. Y'all get a whole month. Yeah. we I don't get shit. No, I mean, exactly. Yeah. no um And he's blaming himself, which why he's seeing Jack.
00:57:36
Speaker
And then he asks her if she's ever seen the OG Wolfman. And essentially explains the plot of that movie, which is like you can only be killed by someone who loves you to like break the fucking curse. Curse.
00:57:53
Speaker
Cult. Seed. Bride? Bride's before seed. And bride's better than seed. Or bride. Or you're fucking out of wedlock. And that's just unethical.
00:58:06
Speaker
According to God. Seed's actually terrible.
00:58:11
Speaker
what this What was his kid's name? Glenn. and yeah Trans though. Trans in 2003. Ahead of the game you are, Chucky. Hell yeah, Chucker. Uh-oh.
00:58:23
Speaker
ah
00:58:26
Speaker
Yeah, you see? It's just gonna have to be edited out. Yeah, it is. Um... Alex has no idea what she's talking about, and she just wants some fucking dick at this point. Should I come back and do it again?
00:58:38
Speaker
My fucking pussy's ready, bro. We cut to ah Dr. Hersch, who's going to the slaughtered lamb, and he starts asking about Jack and David, and they play it off. They have no idea.
00:58:49
Speaker
he then asks about the pentagram, which did not autocorrect the pentangle this time. And the bartender's like, it's been there for 200 years. you know We were going to take it down, but it's been there for a long time. Just the way it is. just kind of looks nice. You know, decoration.
00:59:02
Speaker
Yeah, and he tells them that David was talking about monsters to him and they they don't know nothing. And while they're conversing, one of the guys is like, I'm going to step outside and check on the dogs. go and check on me dogs you're like they okay you don't need to check on them bruv he's like why are you going outside he's like i'm not fucking them okay i'm not fucking the dogs no so anyways he leaves and uh he sees the guy went outside to go fuck the dogs and he's like bro dave is in danger don't let him leave and he's gonna become a werewolf and then this other guy comes down like yo yo yo break this shit up you guys you're fucking you're fucking edward snowden uh
00:59:40
Speaker
He leaked the secrets. Okay. oh you know, we cut to Alex, uh, and she's leaving David at her apartment while she goes to work and she leaves and there's a dog outside barking at David.
00:59:54
Speaker
Um, and he's like, that's fucking weird. And then he tries to go back inside of the doors locked. So he tries to climb to the back window And there's a cat that also hisses at him. Shout out to... Shout pussies, you know what Nah.
01:00:08
Speaker
And then he's able to climb through his window. And he got some dirty ass feet. You saw dirty his feet were? Yeah, why is he not wearing shoes? like So fucking dirty. He wears shoes! You know them socks that the hospitals give you with the little grips on the bottom? Yeah, you... Oh, and man.
01:00:24
Speaker
Never had them, though. Those are what's up. You gotta get the blue ones, though. If they give you the tan ones... I'll fuck with that. Light blue. Heard that. Uh, so he's home and he just kind of fucks around. He watched TV, looks himself in the mirror.
01:00:40
Speaker
Uh, he tries to go to sleep. Can't go to sleep. Tries to read a book, tries to go back outside, but goes back inside. He paces a little bit. Uh, and then we're back in the hospital with the, no, not my God. what your Fucking red dot.
01:00:59
Speaker
Uh, And there's really no point this scene besides the show there's a full moon. And then David loses his shit. He's burning up. rips his shirt off like Hulk Hogan. R.I.P., I guess. what ah And then we proceed to watch. I'm calling it the greatest transformation sequence of all time. i prove Prove us wrong. It is the greatest.
01:01:20
Speaker
I'm currently not listening to any other arguments. If you want to bring up Fright Night, that's ah admirable. But it just isn't this. I mean, this man's feet and hands extend. They do.
01:01:32
Speaker
In 1981. And his snout. And his whole fucking face comes out like this and he grows fucking hair. He's got a fucking snout. He's got a fucking snout. I didn't get the last word. Yeah.
01:01:44
Speaker
Yeah. Snout. That's a Porco Rosso. There you go. Flying pigs. When pigs fly. When pigs fly, they did fucking fly. It's a good movie. um Anyways, so he transforms into motherfucking werewolf.
01:02:00
Speaker
And then we see this motherfucking couple. It's Harry. It's not fucking Harry Potter, but it's Harry. And I think their goal is going to a dinner party with their friends. And instead of like going to their front, they're like, oh, we'll give them a good scare.
01:02:17
Speaker
Go through the window. i don't know about that. Your cock is Harry. Harry. why are your caucus Harry, Harry. Might get your pew stuck in weed window arc.
01:02:29
Speaker
It's gonna rub against the bushes, create a fire.
01:02:34
Speaker
Harry, my bush is on fire and so is your bush. Yeah. Harry, put it out. Piss on me. i
01:02:44
Speaker
Harry, piss the flames out. I can't. Take your cock out and piss on me.
01:02:52
Speaker
take your cunt out it's crazy they say that they they could say that word casually over there i'm pretty crazy you're right yeah they said david says it in this movie so they get fucking murdered and uh this couple inside hears noise outside and you just see this fucking guy getting his fucking shit torn up um Cut to the Dr. Hurst asking, he's at the hospital asking where Alex
01:03:23
Speaker
And he finds her and tells her he's very concerned. It corrects the dad. I'm concerned about that. Daddy. Yo.
01:03:35
Speaker
Yeah. You know what you know I'm talking about? Yeah.
01:03:49
Speaker
excuse um So he wants to know where dad is, who's David. Yeah. He's like, Brian, where's dad? Yeah, right. All comes back to Brian.
01:04:02
Speaker
Sucking peeing in the backyard. And ah um and he asked to call and we cut back to his husband couple looking for Harry.
01:04:15
Speaker
And he finds Harry, mind if I have a wank?
01:04:23
Speaker
And Slugman's like, yeah, fucking Harry, fucking jerk it. Can I wank over your corpse? Is that okay?
01:04:31
Speaker
I'm going to take a fat shit right on your sternum. Sternum.
01:04:40
Speaker
Uh. Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad. Oh.
01:04:48
Speaker
the
01:04:52
Speaker
What are you talking about right now? I don't I don't
01:05:07
Speaker
ah We cut and we're at Alex's house and the phone's ringing and no one's answering. ah And Hirsch asks Alex if David still thinks he's going a werewolf and she's like, fucking yeah. yeah He's serious black.
01:05:20
Speaker
And he's like, the police lost the file and there's no actual lunatic. They fucking lied. And he still thinks that David is in like a state of psychosis because the whole town believes stop fucking doing that recording.
01:05:36
Speaker
The whole town believes that he is a werewolf. So why should he believe any different? And they call the police. We cut some homeless people by a fire with a dog.
01:05:47
Speaker
And this dog is barking. um And they hear a howl. And then ah
01:05:55
Speaker
then the viewer, you see the eyes of this werewolf. And you hear a roar. And it cuts the subway. And this man gets off the subway and hears some echo howling.
01:06:07
Speaker
I meant to say he hears the echo of howling because it's like in the distance. Right. And he takes his escalator up up and he's all suspect and he walks in this long hallway and turns around and sees the fucking werewolf.
01:06:22
Speaker
He's coming. And he runs ah and he makes it to the next set of ask escalators. There's two of them, I guess. One going up, one going down. Right. Escalate eyes.
01:06:33
Speaker
He looks back and sees the werewolf and then it cuts to David waking up and he climbed out of his fucking wolf pen. And we see his piece.
01:06:44
Speaker
And he got a nice piece.
Climactic Scenes and Ending
01:06:45
Speaker
ah We cut to Alex telling Hirsch that David hasn't returned home yet. And then we see David run to the zoo with his fucking peace out. And he asks this little kid for some balloons. That's very strange.
01:06:58
Speaker
He's oh he like, I'll give you a pound in exchange for those balloons. He's not. He's fucking US. Why am I saying it like that? and he's like, no. can't give him a pound.
01:07:13
Speaker
Nice balloons is your favorite movie.
01:07:26
Speaker
ah It's not crazy that this grown man is butt naked talking this little kid trying to steal from him. He's trying to try to give him a pound for some balloons. Right.
01:07:37
Speaker
um And he says he's the famous balloon thief and then he just runs out, peace out, and just takes the kid's balloon. Peace out for this kid. He just runs by him. Snatches his shit.
01:07:51
Speaker
ah And then he runs by this bench in his park. He's in a park. and Or a zoo. or He's in a zoo. It looks like a park. And he takes this coat. And this kid tells his money. he goes, Mommy! This ripe American took my balloons.
01:08:07
Speaker
ah He was naked. Naked, yeah. and We cut to... Fucking Willie was flapping around like...
01:08:18
Speaker
That's crazy.
01:08:26
Speaker
Yeah. yeah da oh I was like, where is it? where this Where's this horse? Where's this horse?
01:08:49
Speaker
and ah He tried it before he bought it. He took it for fucking ride.
01:09:13
Speaker
at more
01:09:17
Speaker
yeah Okay. Yeah. Wow. number move on Yeah. yeah
01:09:34
Speaker
I know. We gotta stop. We gotta stop, dude. gotta stop. This is fucking crazy. Yo, why are we talking? Yo.
01:09:49
Speaker
For some fucking balloons.
01:09:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yep. So he's trying to read the newspaper, this doctor, about the discovery of these half-eaten bodies and these half-fucked assholes.
01:10:08
Speaker
And, uh,
01:10:11
Speaker
We see David get on a bus and he goes back to Alex's flat and she's like, where you were you at, bro? And he's like, well, I woke up in a zoo. Um...
01:10:22
Speaker
But that one was that one I was awake for. That's what I remember. ah Woke up.
01:10:33
Speaker
Um... So the phone's ringing and it's Hirsch and he asks Alex, what's up? And he's like, bring him. Bring him here.
01:10:44
Speaker
You'd be fucking hospitalized. You medicated me. You're mad. Yeah. So walk the cab to go to the hospital and Dave was like, I feel fucking great. And then the cab driver told him there were six murders last night and immediately Dave was like, not pull over.
01:10:58
Speaker
And he runs off and Alex chases after him. And he tells this officer is just standing outside. He murdered sick these people. Um, and the officer refuses to arrest him. and He calls the King a faggot.
01:11:12
Speaker
I didn't say that he did. He did. And the cop won't arrest him. This woman who's like, and on the side is like, you're just making a prank. He should have just told the office.
01:11:24
Speaker
Yeah. then Oh, I hope. Yeah. Then he would been arrested immediately.
01:11:30
Speaker
Um, Alex tells to chill out and he's like, look, girl, I love you, but I can't. I can't. You got to get away me right now.
01:11:41
Speaker
I don't want to murder anybody else. So he runs off and we cut you um the inspector talking with Hirsch and Alex and they need their help finding David.
01:11:52
Speaker
um And the inspector refuses to link David to the murders, but he will find David for them. Um, David calls home from a phone booth and he talks to Rachel, who's like his sister, I guess.
01:12:06
Speaker
Baby sister. Not baby sister, but like little. She's like 10 and a half. Yeah. Um, and he's like, tell mom and dad i love them. And then, uh, he tries to slit his wrist, but he can't do it.
01:12:16
Speaker
Uh, sees Jack, uh, on the street who points over to this fucking porno movie theater. they never see wave They still, they exist.
01:12:29
Speaker
Definitely not here. But like, why would you want to go do that? Especially today. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for jerking off in one. Right. So he sits next down next to Jack and he thinks he's fucking crazy and has no idea murders people or not.
01:12:44
Speaker
um And then Jack's like, well, allow me. And he shows him the guys, all the people that he murdered. And they're all like, bro, you got to kill yourself to end the fucking suffering. But
01:12:57
Speaker
Then they talk about possibly how he could do it hanging himself, shooting himself a car crash, drowning a knife, blah, blah, blah. ah Then we cut and it's a full moon and David transforms into a werewolf in the porno theater.
01:13:11
Speaker
And the washer, the usher walks over and he's like, bro, you don't want be here for this. I think the usher thought he was like jerking himself. Yeah. ah got ah Crazy fucking load. Yeah. um And then.
01:13:24
Speaker
Another usher comes down to check on on them and he gets attacked. The police arrive and the lady who like the ticket lady is going fucking nuts.
01:13:35
Speaker
They find some mutilated bodies, which looked very good. um And then they find the werewolf in like mid bite. ah They close this door. That's like a garage door.
01:13:47
Speaker
And this officer calls for more men. And then the inspector and sergeant show up. And then the werewolf breaks the fucking door down.
01:13:59
Speaker
He decapitates some fucking motherfucker and causes a massive car accident. We cut to She wakes up Alex. He's like, there's been a disturbance downtown. We got to go.
01:14:11
Speaker
been a disturbance in the force. So this werewolf runs down to like a dead end and this crowd, like it doesn't make sense. The crowd's running away and then they like wants to see, um, and Alex and Hirsch arrive and Alex breaks all the way through to find him like in a corner.
01:14:29
Speaker
And she tells him that the cops are going to kill him. And it's like King Kong. Let me help you. It's like the Hulk too. Kinda. Yeah. Uh, she's like, i love you. And then he goes to attack her, but the cops shoot him.
01:14:42
Speaker
Um, And then we see out David's dead body transformed. And Alex is just like sobbing. And then that's just the end of the movie. It's a very abrupt ending.
01:14:53
Speaker
It cuts out. That's it. Life sucks. it.
01:14:59
Speaker
Hey, great. where you at chief uh i don't think i did this movie justice but i'm giving it a five still i fucking love this movie think it's great i think the soundtrack's really good think it's slept on and i just think with the fucking amount of schlop we have in today's society this stands the test of time mean it's just valid right yeah yeah i'm not going quite five i'm going four and a half it's valid because i'm really hoping that we i can find the that next werewolf movie that can really just fucking push it over the edge. But don't know.
01:15:33
Speaker
I don't know, dude. Wasn't, wasn't Wolfman from this year. No, that's for sure. that was I still, I still got to watch ginger snaps. I heard that's really good. Me too. I have to watch that as well. Make sure to the podcast.
01:15:45
Speaker
Yeah. Fuck it. We should do podcast. Why not?
Podcast Promotion and Audience Engagement
01:15:49
Speaker
Werewolf Wednesdays. Werewolf. uh, the Patreon. I was in the movies for that.
01:15:58
Speaker
Anyways, we'll do a... Pull it out.
01:16:04
Speaker
love So follow us on Instagram, 2Guys1ScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie or requests to 2Guys1ScreenPod at gmail.com. Follow us on YouTube, TikTok.
01:16:15
Speaker
Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail, 508-8. Fist us. 508-8. Dip tip. Six minute limit.
01:16:27
Speaker
Go listen to our physical media collecting podcast. Yeah. You want it? Want or not?
01:16:42
Speaker
I can't. I'm out of energy for this. I just can't. I just can't do it. It'll give me at least, and that was what? Eight minutes? That's just going to be cut.
01:16:53
Speaker
Just going to be. Some of it. The rest of it, I just can't. Give us a like, a comment, and let us know if you would be down for a Patreon. ah Yeah.
01:17:07
Speaker
um I'm fucking... um don't know what you listeners are going to hear, but I'm fucking... Cooked. You just got to click that whole part. It took the fucking life out of me, dude. So I can at least send it to, like, our friends.
01:17:21
Speaker
Who are you going to send it to? I was just thinking, just Brian. Yeah, just Brian. ah I think this is a Tuesday. on on ah On Tuesday, you'll hear our review on the Black Phone 2.
01:17:38
Speaker
Hopefully it's good. I'm optimistic, but you never know what the fucking shit we've been looking at this year. um And then we also have ah next week, next Friday, ah review on Return of the Living Dead.
01:17:53
Speaker
Great movie. Great movie. Phenomenal movie. um but I don't have any while should because I've said it all. So we'll see you guys on Tuesday. Toodles.
01:18:05
Speaker
Fuck you, Mark, in exchange for some balloons.