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EP. 94 Die Hard (1988)
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Transcript
Introduction to Die Hard
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk? We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes. Hello, welcome to episode 94 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, the hemorrhoid homies, the Poetown boys, the diarrhea daddies.
00:01:00
Speaker
We're in December, bitch. Yeah. not Not right now. but No, I know. If you hear our voices on the day this comes out, it is two days to Christmas. It's December 23rd.
00:01:11
Speaker
We hope you had a lovely month. Yeah, we did Christmas movies, as you know. Big, big Christmas movies. Yeah, forgot that button's back big. Yeah, we can use it now.
00:01:26
Speaker
Yeah, we just we just recorded an episode on To Die My Love yesterday, and and we couldn't really use it because it wasn't out yet. But in this timeline, in this alternate universe, it's illegal. Yeah, it is. It's 11-11. Shout out, Matt. Happy birthday, Matt.
00:01:41
Speaker
Shout out Matt. Yeah, a happy birthday to you. ah We're very, very late at this point, but it's fine. but We just give everybody shout-outs at this point, right? I do, I guess. i mean I mean, to people who deserve them, I'll give shout-outs. Yeah, absolutely. We're here to to review today a little movie called Die Hard.
00:01:59
Speaker
You ever heard of it? with that Yeah. ah I mean, little behind-the-scenes recording two recordings today. yeah i mean, it's hard it was hard to watch this movie, then go watch the next one.
00:02:15
Speaker
Polar. Yeah. Polar opposite. Polar opposite. They are. um Oh, and one's a good movie. This one. that Just fucking. Yeah, it wasn't great.
00:02:25
Speaker
All right. So we're going to go right into it because hopefully by now you fucking know, A, we got a new intro. B, we're doing the ad read to plug it in, plug it in the middle of the episode. And I really like to plug it in, plug it in being in the middle of the episode now because now I have space for one more button.
00:02:40
Speaker
let's fucking go no I mean just you just hit the plug it in plug it in like and then plug it in yeah we only use it twice an episode so now I got got rid of it and I have a special button for this recording maybe you like you'll like it maybe you won't we're gonna find out is it a ah line from the movie yep
Plot and Character Analysis
00:03:00
Speaker
I have a feeling I know what it is you definitely don't okay if you if you think it's yippee-ki-yay it's not that one oh okay Yeah, sorry. Well, for the for the next recording, yeah I low-key wanted to tell you to pull, well, you're coming? mean That is a classic line that maybe we could pull because, like, are you coming or what? Yeah, like, let's go. You're dripping out of your tip or what? Like, what's going on? um
00:03:30
Speaker
So this movie, Die Hard, came out in 1988. It's directed by this guy named John McTiernan. I mean, talk about an Irish fuck. yeah um Yeah, but this guy, like, wow. He also did Predator.
00:03:41
Speaker
He did Predator. He did Die Hard 3. How many Die Hard 2 are there? Five. what Where was five? Five. I think the last one came out in like 2013. Old Bruce Willis.
00:03:54
Speaker
Yeah. Not good. Not great. Also PG-13. You can't. You can't say the line. You can't say it in a PG-13 movie, you know? What line can't you say? You can't say motherfucker in a PG-13 movie.
00:04:10
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Right. You're right. You can't say that. He directed The Hunt for Red October. My dad loves that movie. It's on Max. I will say Die Hard is one of those movies that, you know, as you just live your life, people go, you haven't seen Die Hard. It's one of the movies like you have to have seen your life. So if you haven't seen it you're listening to this podcast, go watch it now. like What the fuck you listening to us for?
00:04:31
Speaker
Go fucking watch it. Come back and listen to us afterwards. but like Go watch it. like Seek it out. It made Bruce Willis who he is. I would agree with that. um This movie released in 1988. This is well before Chris Benoit and well before 9-11.
00:04:46
Speaker
We'll go through the cast list now. You got Bruce Willis, the man himself who plays John McClane. I mean, in this movie, I'm fucking john Bruce Willis, John McClane, big, no? Oh, yeah, dude. He's like low-key.
00:05:00
Speaker
He's not like jacked, but he's he's got a nice bod on him, you know? Yeah, and he's someone who's not like too generically hot that you can fuck him and it's not like, oh. Yeah, he's just he's he's almost balding already, you know? He's got enough ugly in him, you know what i mean?
00:05:17
Speaker
Right, but he's still a nice kid. He's still a nice kid. You know what I like about John McClane, the character? What do you fucking like? He's kind of just a guy.
00:05:28
Speaker
I mean, he's just a New York cop, man. He's just a New York cop doing like, you know, like he shows like he's still scared. Like he's not like John Wick, you know, where he's just fucking going ham. He doesn't give a fuck. This guy's like, oh, I'm bleeding. oh God.
00:05:44
Speaker
that's my wife That's because he's just a guy and John Wick's like a fucking trained assassin. Sure. But like Predator, like, you know, he's, you know, everybody's like bigger than life in action movies. John McClane's just a guy.
00:05:57
Speaker
he's just like He's just a guy ah Next one we got, this guy, maybe you heard of him, Alan Rickman. Last seen on Harry Potter.
00:06:09
Speaker
Harry. Harry. Harry. John. do you think they've ah do you think they've always had this picture for Rickman? I don't know when they changed it.
00:06:20
Speaker
I don't know. That looks like straight Sweena Rick. All right. Sweeney Rick. I don't know what you're talking about, bro.
00:06:31
Speaker
ah Yeah, I mean, he played Snape. He was in ah Sweeney Todd, which you we is out. It's out. You've heard it. Thank you. um He's in Alice in Wonderland.
00:06:43
Speaker
The more and more we look at this Alice in Wonderland cast, the more and more i kind of want to watch it. I don't remember it being good at all. Helena Bottom Carter is also in it. And Anne Hathaway. They can both get fucking milked. Yeah. they yeah I feel like I need to watch
Humor in Character Appearances
00:07:00
Speaker
more Alan Rickman movies.
00:07:02
Speaker
Let's just do an Alan Rickman month. Yeah. Even just for the voice, you know? Yeah. I think we should just do Alan Rickman month. Like in this movie, he's supposed to be German, but like you're saying it all the way. But he kind of pulls it off, though. When he starts yeah when he starts speaking German, he kind of sounds German as fuck.
00:07:19
Speaker
nine Yeah. um He plays Hans Gruber. ah Next, we have Alexander Godenoff. He plays Carl. I ain't fucking this dude. No way.
00:07:32
Speaker
No, he's like he's like fake Fabio. He's like German Fabio. He's like Nazi Fabio. He ain't fucking it. ain't fucking it. Oh, he's dead.
00:07:44
Speaker
That's sad. RIP to Carl. um Next we got Bonnie. Bedelia, she plays Holly Gennaro-McClain. Shout out Chef Gennaro at the CIA. Bleak that. There you go. Yeah, he's one my chef instructors, and he had his line that he always said.
00:08:01
Speaker
He's like, that's a fact of life. He would just like, he would show us how to do something, like, you see that? That's a fact of life. That's what he would say. Thanks, a big thing. I don't know why he would say that, but that was his line.
00:08:11
Speaker
ah For people who don't think this is a Christmas movie, this bitch's name is literally Holly. I'm just saying. You know what mean? Holly Huff. And she's getting fucked, no? Yeah, she's getting fucked big.
00:08:23
Speaker
Next we got Reginald Vell Johnson, a.k.a. Al Powell, a.k.a. Policeman. A.k.a. fucking Carl Winslow from Family Matters. Yeah, have you heard of this fucking guy?
00:08:35
Speaker
i mean, I'm not fucking him, but um'm I am fucking the clout. For the clout, sure. Yeah, I'm riding that fucking thing, you know what I mean? Yeah. i'm rubbing his fucking stomach like a Buddha belly. I'm just fucking... I'm just riding like this. I'm just fucking rubbing it.
00:08:48
Speaker
like While you're rubbing his bald head. Yeah! Yeah, that was crazy. But if if you were telling me what you were just saying and I just had no audio, look you were in a club. Yeah!
Action and Tension in Die Hard
00:09:02
Speaker
Get that genie out of that lamp, big boy! Yeah! Fucking rub me down in cocoa butter, bitch. Wow. He plays a cop in, like, everything he's in. don't know why.
00:09:14
Speaker
And he's a little too dramatic in this movie for me, but it's whatever. Next, we got Paul Gleason, who plays Dwayne Robinson, a.k.a. straight dickhead. Yeah, don't fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. I'm not fucking him either.
00:09:27
Speaker
No, he can die, though. He's in trading places. No wonder I didn't fucking like him. It's true. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. How do say this guy's name?
00:09:39
Speaker
like We got Na Mean White. Yeah. Devereux? Devereux. Devereux White plays Argyle.
00:09:49
Speaker
ah I'm not fucking this guy either. Not this guy. Well, no. Sorry. Just not my type. He ain't fucking it. Limo driver. He ain't fucking it.
00:10:01
Speaker
Is there anybody else in here you want to shout out? I feel like maybe we can shout out Clarence Gillyard Jr. who plays Theo. He actually like speaks in the movie. Maybe he's a hacker. That's true. He was cool. I liked his character. He was cool. Yeah, I fuck with him. He was he was cool.
00:10:15
Speaker
How about James Shigeta? Oh, yeah, who plays Joseph Yoshinobu Takaki. Yeah, that's not racist.
00:10:26
Speaker
I'm also not fucking this hero. He ain't fucking it. Should we also shout out this guy? We you should shout this guy because it's funny. ah We got Grand L. Bush who plays the Little Johnson. And then we got Robert Davi who plays Big Johnson. No relation.
00:10:43
Speaker
There you go. There you go. There's little bit in the movie, by the way, where he just answers to the phone. He's like, yeah, no relation. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Why would he be related? I think any, I mean, good with that, right? I'm chilling.
00:10:55
Speaker
For sure. ah Swat. Okay. bigwat the Big fucking swat. ah If you're new to this podcast, we do what's called a scene by scene.
00:11:09
Speaker
So, you know typically you strap it in, and strap it on, ah and you just sit back and enjoy the next however long this it is going to take. Swat movie. but whatever Whatever this is going to take, however many tangents we decide to go off on.
00:11:23
Speaker
yeah You just never know. You know, sometimes what happens in these ah screen screen by screens, these scene by scenes, is I write stuff and then I make little notes. I'm like, oh, we're probably going riff about this. And then we don't. And then stuff that I have just nothing written down for, we just go off. It's just like not It's not goes, right? Yeah, it's just what it It's just kind of like a roll the dice.
00:11:42
Speaker
This is like an action comedy. I would say it's... Yeah, I mean... You know how I am. i just kind have a problem with like comedy and movies. I just don't find a lot of things funny.
00:11:55
Speaker
which is just It's more of a me problem than anybody else. We're just kind of desensitized. We are. i mean... Most of what we laugh at gets bleeped. Yeah, it's true. What does that say about us?
00:12:07
Speaker
Yeah. So this movie Die Hard, opens with a John. You know John. We're boys. yeah John McClane and me. we We fucking boys. I'm about to rub his ball head in a couple years. He a ball head big.
00:12:22
Speaker
Not in this movie, though. he is land He's on a plane landing, and this guy next to him, Uh, he thinks that John's little nervous about landing on a plane. And honestly, i used to not have any issues landing on planes. And then just recently, like my body's like, nah, fuck you. We're gonna be nauseous or shit on the landing. No matter what, it just doesn't matter. Yeah. I sweat profusely now.
00:12:42
Speaker
I don't know why. I never had an issue with it. And in the past, like, two years, just big, sweaty, nausea energy coming out. I've only been on a plane. Not Aja. Not what? Did you say not Aja?
00:12:54
Speaker
said nausea, not Aja. Yeah. It's hard to specify, but shout to her. Shout out to Aja. Let me your ass. Uh-oh. that's
00:13:04
Speaker
She can fucking get it, bro. That's one of the NAMIs. I can fucking get it, bro. in Spread them, girl. What are we doing? She had the fucking titters on her, too, dude. Yeah, she did. Wow. I like that. um ah Yeah, I've only been on a plane once, and i i didn't know how it would be, so I just took Drama Mean.
00:13:21
Speaker
Yeah. Both flight. I feel like that's in a rap song. I think it's in that Lil Wayne song. you know that one Lil Wayne song?
00:13:32
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. Six foot, seven foot. That's the one. Oh, he says drama. That's pretty sick that you can make a fucking rhyme with drama mean. You're that bored. I mean, he did. mean The other guy. oh he had a ghostwriter? No, the guy that's featured. Forget his name. but He's like, baby, don't miss that drama mean.
00:13:48
Speaker
Oh, sick. So this guy suggests walking around your bare fists and toes to get over your fear of flying, which I don't really know if that tracks. I'm not trying to fist my toes. That seems a little painful. Yeah. I mean, there's a toe scene in this movie that's pretty brutal. that I don't. Yeah. I was like, oh, I mean, this literally this one throwaway line kind of just sets up the entire movie. Low key.
00:14:12
Speaker
ah So John, the plane lands and John gets up to get his luggage and the passenger can see that he's fucking strapped. Yeah, he is. He's like, don't worry. I'm a cop. I'm a cop. You can't tell.
00:14:23
Speaker
Yeah. Look at me. We're in LAX, baby. LAX. We're in LA. ah and he has like a large teddy bear, I guess his first kid.
00:14:34
Speaker
So we just cut to the Nakatomi Corporation, and they're they're having a holiday party, you know? They're celebrating one of their best years. And I don't know what happens to this guy, but this first guy, his name is Harry, and he's hitting on Holly, but Harry, at some point, his name just changes to Ellis. They look the exact fucking same. Yeah, I don't it.
00:14:57
Speaker
I don't know why they changed even names, but Holly's
Interpersonal Dynamics and Humor
00:15:00
Speaker
not interested. And Holly calls the house to her kids. And Lucy, her daughter, answers. And she's like, I'm going home late tonight. I'm probably going to get some dick. know what mean? Yeah. Like, i'm I'm a mom who's been abandoned by her husband. I just want some fucking cock, but not Harry's. Not Harry's. Probably not John's either. At this point, not John's.
00:15:22
Speaker
Not John, not Harry. might hit up Snape. Yeah. Alan. I might have Snape. What's that? I forgot the phrase. Fuck. Okay. Um, what the fuck does this corporation do? I don't know if I got that.
00:15:36
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know either. I don't know. I can't tell you. i have no idea. They fucking make Toshiba. I don't know. they' They're fucking making Bitcoin. I don't know. Yeah. Uh, and, uh, they, they both don't know if daddy is coming home.
00:15:51
Speaker
Uh, And then she asked for Paulina, who is a Hispanic maid. And you want to hear a fun fact that kind of like shattered my like mental state when I heard it? Sure.
00:16:02
Speaker
My dad growing up. My father. my My father growing up had a fucking maid. That's kind of crazy. They had a fucking maid in the house. And before they opened the family business, his dad sold insurance. Wow.
00:16:21
Speaker
Maid money. what is going on right now? I don't know. Maid money. Crazy. They had a Filipino or – yeah, Filipino maid. Like stay there, work, like live there. Like live with them. Live in maid. Crazy. Should we call my cousin and get her fucking name?
00:16:38
Speaker
you face think she knows? Let's see if answers. Let's just see if she answers. Hold on. Hey, do you remember that maid? She likes being on the podcast because make no mistake, she has FOMO. She has FOMO.
00:16:53
Speaker
Don't worry. Most them she doesn't answer. She doesn't answer. We're just going to cut. You're on the podcast. ah We just have a quick question. Okay. My dad told me at one point in time that when he was growing up in the house in Miami or wherever they were, probably Miami, that they had a they had a maid.
00:17:16
Speaker
Is that true? Yes. Juanita. Juanita. There we go. Juanita. Say again? that they fell in love with and blah, blah, blah. The maid before that stole Granny's wedding dress. But Juanita... Whoa! Got some wool on the podcast.
00:17:38
Speaker
One of the maids stole Granny's wedding dress and her wedding gown was absolutely top-notch. did she get paid for it? did. Oh, it sounds maid. LAUGHTER and juanita was like everything she wasn't a maid she was like ah live in everything she helped with the um the errands with the house duties with the kids like she did everything now now and did she get paid for it of course she did oh it sounds like a maid
00:18:13
Speaker
You're a fucking maid cleans. She didn't clean? She takes care of children. She did, but... But she took care of children and she cleaned. you're a fucking asshole. I but also it sounds like she was a maid.
00:18:28
Speaker
Now, look, I only have one more question about this whole Juanita situation. you said You said they fell in love with her. Is it possible that there was some tomfooler going on between Juanita and my father and that's why i look like adopted?
00:18:45
Speaker
Is that possible? who 150%? No. Alright, well, it was worth a shot. You're a dick. yeah and nias Goodbye, Goodbye.
00:18:58
Speaker
All right. So my, my father's father had not one, but two fucking maids. Fucking maids. And one was a dirty thief. Dirty. Yeah. Just, yeah.
00:19:09
Speaker
Um, all right. So shout out Juanita. So shout Juanita and shout out Paulina. Um, So Paulina is their maid and she hasn't heard from John yet.
00:19:21
Speaker
And we cut to John at the airport and he runs into this guy, AKA Argyle. He has a sign with his name out on it. And he's like, i drive a limo. And he's like, huh?
00:19:32
Speaker
And he's like, i've never done it before. It's my first day. All right. ah So we cut to the limo and John and Argyle sitting. They're both sitting in the front. He's not sitting in the back.
00:19:43
Speaker
Hey, man. John... He's got like this weird, like tone to him. He's just kind of monotone. Which guy, John, John. Can you, can we, I mean, I have a theory. I feel like Bruce Willis kind of gives the same performance in all of his movies.
00:19:58
Speaker
Is that crazy? No. Like this movie, John McClane, every movie. Yeah. No, that's exactly what I'm saying. Yes. Yeah. Uh, unbreakable. Like all of them kind of feel the same vibe.
00:20:10
Speaker
Sure. Uh, So we find out this car ride that, you know, essentially, long story short, a Holly got job offer. He's from New York. He's a he's a police officer from New York. NYPD mode. Fuck yeah. Yeah. And he's like, make no mistake, if we were in New York, I'd be beating the shit out of you right now, aren't you? Yeah, you're arrested just because you fucking look like shit.
00:20:32
Speaker
Yeah, i'd be fucking hitting you with a textbook. be No bruises. Um, that's not okay. No. Uh, Mecca Deca police brutality. So, so essentially John was a police officer in New York and Holly, uh, took a job and she got promoted or whatever else. And there was a big opportunity for her to take in California. And John just wasn't with that.
00:20:53
Speaker
So instead of like paying the money to get a divorce, she just moved out there and they're still legally together. But for all intents and purposes, they're not
Climactic Action Sequences
00:21:00
Speaker
together. She's fucking but John's like still in love with her.
00:21:06
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. Yeah, a little bit. a little bit. He's like, he kind of is. I feel like though, if the pussy was that good, he'd move out there with her. You know what i mean Yeah. I mean, she took the kids. That's kind of fucked. Yeah, I understand that But he's a cop. So like, he's never going to be home.
00:21:19
Speaker
He can't take care of two kids on a cop salary. you fucking kidding? You know, not in New York City. No, hey no, a fucking dirt bag. ah So she's even out there for months. Fuck cops. Yeah. Fuck the police, right?
00:21:32
Speaker
I don't. Yes. i don't care. They don't bother me. not Me neither. We're white. All right. not no So he drops John off at Holly's job. He's like, look, man, I'll wait outside in case he doesn't go well. And he's like, all right, sick.
00:21:47
Speaker
So Argyle pulls into like the basement garage of this big building. um And he goes inside and there's like this device keypad. You type in the name of the person you're looking for. And we see here that Holly changed her last name from but McCain to Gennaro.
00:22:02
Speaker
And ah she's on the 30th floor. And this building they're in is under construction. So most of it's like most of the floors are not operational like the Death Star. It was pretty it was pretty crazy to just to think of that in like 1988. He's like, hey, cool toy. And it's like a touchscreen thing. And like that's just life.
00:22:20
Speaker
That's just how it is now. It's just screens now. And then they make it a point here that he sees this fucking guy who's kind of sussed by the elevator. And then that guy just goes on to get shot and that's it And it's like, why did we make him seem sus?
00:22:33
Speaker
He was just a dude. He was just like a side character. He probably got millions or thousands, but you know. ah So he gets this party and this guy walks by he's like, hey, Merry Christmas. And he kisses him. He's like, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck? This is some...
00:22:51
Speaker
He meets Mr. Takage, and he says that Holly went to the the vault to put some flowers away, a.k.a. she's just fucking a dude in there. i mean, come on, man. What kind of answer is that? That'd be crazy.
00:23:06
Speaker
And he brings him to Holly's office where we meet Ellis. This is not Harry. Harry's gone. This is Ellis. And Ellis has a coke problem, but not like me. He does like the powder. He has coke. Yeah, yeah.
00:23:18
Speaker
Not O-Cola. Yeah, it's it's just kind of weird that he's doing coke in her office. I don't get that. That is strange. Yeah. um Holly comes back and she obviously sees ah John and Ellis is like, hey, show them your Rolex. Huh? How about that? Yeah. Nice, huh? We're fucking taking care of her. Shut the fuck up for you. Yeah, this guy's like one of those assholes.
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah. Can't wait for him to get smurdered. So the room kind of clears out it's just John and Holly. And he says that he's staying with Cappy Roberts, which is like, can't be a great fucking stay. His name is Cappy Roberts. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I'm fucking like a capybara.
00:23:59
Speaker
know World's largest rodent, you know what we have ah we have a capy a place called Cappy's. There's like a chain around here. That's literally fucking liquor and beer. So like staying with a guy named Cappy Roberts can't be great. brought Yeah.
00:24:14
Speaker
um Holly offers for John to stay with them at her place. They have a guest room that fucking Paulina did. um And then as they're just conversing, this couple stus stumbles in looking to fuck. like they were They were ready to go. It was basically out already.
00:24:28
Speaker
And they're like, oh, sorry. My bad. and they just Yeah, they just turn around. ah After they leave, John and ah Holly get into a fight about their marriage and the fact that she changed her name.
00:24:41
Speaker
um when this lady walks in, kind of bad timing because they're like mid yelling at each other. And she's like, Mr. taok Takagi is looking for Holly. You know, they're looking for someone to bang on the gong.
00:24:57
Speaker
Yeah. ah next Suck on my five inch penis. A gong girl. Nick putting a gong sound effect afterwards. ah So Holly goes out there and we cut and we see this truck pulling in to the garage area, like the loading dock, the garage area, the loading dock. It's what it is.
00:25:16
Speaker
And then these two guys walk into the front door and this guy is talking about fucking the Lakers. I'm pretty sure. Right? James Worthy? He was a Laker? James Worthy was a Laker.
00:25:28
Speaker
ah And then he just out of nowhere where pulls out a gun and shoots his front desk right in his fucking head. Fuck him. And then that suss guy in the hallway, he gets shot too. Fuck him. Fuck them all.
00:25:40
Speaker
ah We see this truck, the loading dock, unload a a fairly large crew of guys, aka terrorists, as the as the letterbox calls them. um And we see this nah mean Brian relative. Yes, big Brian relative right here. I mean, his name is Theo, but we can call him Brian.
00:25:57
Speaker
Sure. he He locks down this building. He's like their he's like their hacker computer guy. Uh, essentially, you know, he closes all the doors, locks them. They can't get out. No one's getting in or out.
00:26:12
Speaker
Uh, and then we see this German, all them are fucking German besides the fucking not mean. Uh, because not means after the not means you're probably like, we probably shouldn't go to Germany. Yeah. probably bad idea, right? They killed me. Everybody they definitely hate us. Yeah.
00:26:28
Speaker
ah We see this one German guy try to like tap into their internet phone. And then this other German guy just chainsaws the entire thing up because he's just like, yeah, let's fucking move on here. And this guy's yelling, dying nine, nine.
00:26:40
Speaker
Yeah. ah Then John tries to call down to Argyle and the phone disconnects and he hears gunshots. And we see the terrorists round up everybody inside. But John is like kind of in a room off to the side.
00:26:55
Speaker
Um, and he's like adjacent to a a doorway to a staircase that
Final Thoughts on Die Hard
00:27:00
Speaker
he runs into. um and he's on this floor. That's like, he's like a floor or two above them. And it's like under pretty much, it's like all under construction.
00:27:11
Speaker
Uh, and there's just a random phone just sitting there that he tries to use. That is obviously not working either. Also, he's not wearing shoes because he wasn't fully dressed. So he just kind of ran out. Yeah. Scared.
00:27:23
Speaker
Uh,
00:27:25
Speaker
The next scene, we're introduced to Hans Gruber, ah a.k.a. Alan Rickman. huh And he's talking to the hostages and he's looking for Mr. Takagi um because he heard that Takagi makes the best sushi. No, I'm just kidding. taka But he does know every detail of Takagi's life. He's like running down this guy's resume.
00:27:48
Speaker
He's looking at every Asian. Yeah, literally every one. And they're just like, what do you fucking want? I know I speak English.
00:27:58
Speaker
John sees ah these German guys are moving some fucking missiles. They got like straight up fucking RPGs. Yeah. Rocket propelled Grubers. Big. Yeah. ah So they find out who Takagi is because he gives himself up and Hans brings Takagi to this separate room where John ends up and he just is kind of like a fly on the wall.
00:28:22
Speaker
And ah they're asking Takagi for his access code to get into the computer to access the vault that has $640 million dollars worth of bearer bonds. I don't know what a bearer bond is. Is like Paul Bearer? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Right? I can tell much Paul Bearer was 640 pounds. That man was a fat fuck. For sure. Oh, I have your money.
00:28:45
Speaker
ah um And in Hans's mind, this $640 million dollars is like only a 10, like worth 10 days of operating that building. So it's like a minor setback. It's like he's like taking all their money.
00:29:02
Speaker
Um, and Takagi refuses to give him any kind of money. And Hans is like, I'm going to count to three. there will not be four. I do not. I went there.
00:29:14
Speaker
I don't know that either. Oh, I do not.
00:29:21
Speaker
Too many accents. Oh, I do not have the codes here. Call it Japan. Call it Japan. Call it Mr. Miyabi. You think Miyagi has the cord? Hi-ya! Fucking Hayaki has big. Yeah.
00:29:38
Speaker
No, no, no! oh There's no cord. Only karate kid. i doubt buts but don't think that's Japanese.
00:29:49
Speaker
Uh, yeah. So anyways. Oh, you're gonna have to call at the call center. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello. Thank you for calling.
00:30:02
Speaker
Oh, you need to access code. I do not have access code. But I will take $100 iTunes gift card for code. yeah Don't redeem it.
00:30:14
Speaker
No. No. Do you want your 640 million dollars or not? you're if You want who? a A German? What is a German? I don't even know what a fucking plane is.
00:30:29
Speaker
I will call my Islamic friends to bomb you in a couple of years, okay? Do not redeem that code. Do not redeem the access code.
00:30:42
Speaker
Mr. Hans, please do not redeem the actions, Hans! I will fuck your grubber, Hans! I will fuck you and the grubber!
00:30:55
Speaker
I will give you the gripping grubber, Hans! Okay? You do not want to have my hand on your grubber! Nice. o Yeah.
00:31:06
Speaker
Wow. It would be pretty funny, though, if Takagi was like, please, I have to ah call him my boss. And he calls and he's like, hello? hello
00:31:18
Speaker
and This is Mr. mr Takagi?
00:31:21
Speaker
Anyways. Also, is this 640 million yen or what are we talking about here? think it's yen. Do you think Hans did the fucking translation of US dollars?
00:31:35
Speaker
you think Hans knows how much he's actually stealing? Maybe, because he banned from... 640 million yen be Yeah. gotta be. In 1988...
00:31:44
Speaker
yeah it's gotta to be and nineteen eighty eight Oh, 640 million yen is only 4 million bucks in the US. Current money? Like today, yeah. Yeah.
00:31:59
Speaker
Not a lot. So, I mean, if he was doing all this fucking shit for 4 mil, that's not worth it. I mean, in the eighty s yeah. Probably, but I don't know, man.
00:32:11
Speaker
Yeah, so, you know, Hans can fucking grip my Gruber, like you said. ah So he doesn't give up the codes, and the guy in the AT&T center didn't give him up either, and then Hans just shoots him the fucking head, and the guy in this just the phone is just dangling. He's like, hello? Hello?
00:32:31
Speaker
stuff yeah go do You redeemed it, did you not? I know you fucking redeemed the god! Do not run away from me! Mr. Takagi has a red dot on his head and it's not good, it's a bullet through his fucking head!
00:32:48
Speaker
That's not the red dot I was talking about!
00:32:53
Speaker
Why you put red dot on Mr. Takagi's head? Who is going to take care of his guts?
00:33:02
Speaker
um I... I... He was taking care of my guts! I was taking care of his koi fish! Did
00:33:11
Speaker
you just hear a fucking gong? Just out of nowhere. that Dong. um Just as soon as a bullet goes through Takagi's head. Dong. He's got like a mini one in his head.
00:33:25
Speaker
Yeah. Uh... All right, so anyways, John is like kind of freaked out they just fucking killed this guy. because he's like in the next room over, but it's all glass. He's just laying on the floor like peeking through like under a table.
00:33:41
Speaker
Yeah, we should mention most of this building is just straight glass. Like it's nothing else. lot of glass. like that walls The walls break a lot. I forget which John Wick it is, but that one room that's all glass. Three? yes Yeah, three. Shout to John Wick three.
00:33:57
Speaker
uh, so he makes a run for, and they hear him, they chase after him. Um, and, we find out in the next scene that they don't need the code anyways, because Theo, the non-mean, he can break in anyways, because he's a hacker. Except for the last one.
00:34:12
Speaker
The last one, because the last one is a magnetic seal. Uh, but don't worry, Hans has a plan already. Uh, So John's like, I hope Argyle heard the fucking shot. But Argyle's in the limo. He's blasting some music. He's partying with his fucking teddy bear.
00:34:27
Speaker
It's fucking weird. He's drinking on the job. He that teddy bear, right? He fucked it. He definitely fucked that teddy bear. And it's not okay, but he definitely fucked it. Yeah, he's yo, I fucked this teddy bear. You're going to give it to his your kid. She's going to drink my cum out that goddamn teddy bear, bro.
00:34:42
Speaker
He's looking at that fucking teddy bear like, God damn teddy bear, you got a fucking tight seam on you. Look at that fucking leg stitching. yeah
00:34:53
Speaker
um oh.
00:34:56
Speaker
Yeah. okay Okay. Yeah. God damn. God damn. He's like wearing his finger down. it's like God damn.
00:35:09
Speaker
yeah all you They didn't make this in no fucking sweatshop. God damn. Fuck, American made. he's like He's like, my brothers and sisters made this.
00:35:21
Speaker
Yo, you got this shit out Macy's, didn't you? Fuck. wow God damn it, a white man got some good shit.
00:35:32
Speaker
not know
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah, so he fucked that teddy bear big. For sure. And the non-mean tells Hans that he needs like two to five hours to ah break the break the walls down. Break the metaphorical walls down. There's like seven walls, seven locks.
00:35:52
Speaker
But the seventh wall we mentioned is a magnetic seal. And that's out of his hands. He can't do anything about it. ah We cut to John, who he's freaking the fuck out. Like you say, he's normal fucking guy, man. He's panicking.
00:36:02
Speaker
Yeah. So he pulls the fire alarm. And when the fire alarm goes off, Hans tells his men to call the fire department and give them the building code whatever the fuck else to call off the fire department, which this would never fucking work, dude. If your fire alarm goes off, bro, they coming.
00:36:19
Speaker
that Yeah, you're not going to be like, well, it was the 80s, right? I get it. Yeah, it was the 80s, but they coming. Things were different. Yeah. So John to sees these fire trucks coming towards the building. Then they just turn around because they've been called off.
00:36:30
Speaker
um And Hans has the one of his henchmen investigate. This is Carl's brother. Investigate ah the floor that the the fire alarm was triggered on. So this fucking German guy enters. He's strapped.
00:36:44
Speaker
Big strap. They got like everybody's got a fucking MP5.
00:36:52
Speaker
Uh, and he's looking around for fucking John and he thinks he's behind this like bench looking thing, but he's not. Uh, and then he hears a power saw goes off and he runs over. and then John is like kind of behind him and has my fucking gunpoint. It's got his tip in his fucking mouth. Say, put it down.
00:37:08
Speaker
Yeah. Nice and slow. tricking My teddy bear. ah And this Carl's brother, this German guy, he's like, you won't kill me. You have rules like Batman.
00:37:21
Speaker
That accent wasn't great. but yeah I don't i don't ah can't do a German one. Neither can I. They yell at all the time. Yeah.
00:37:32
Speaker
They have a tussle and eventually fall down some stairs and this German guy gets his fucking neck snapped on the way down. ah We get an update that the fucking Theo, the Namine, he broke through the first lock.
00:37:45
Speaker
um and then we see john and he kind of ransacks this german guy's shit and he takes his lighter uh and then he does like the he does the absolute most to make sure he sends this guy down the fucking elevator like it was a lot of work to send this guy yeah yeah i mean so he's fucking dead he dressed him up as like santa and shit like he wrote on his fucking shirt yeah um And he sends him down this elevator, and it's where the hostages are with Hans. And Hans is telling all hostages that he killed Takagi um when the elevator dings. And this German guy is there dead. in a
00:38:22
Speaker
He's wearing a shirt that says, now I have a machine gun ho, ho, ho. um And again, like I said, this is Carl's brother. um And they have to go tell Carl now that his brother's dead. You know, Carl ain't too happy about that.
00:38:35
Speaker
No, he's not. And John is just above, and he's like writing down his arm all the names these fucking people so he can keep track how many terrorists there are. Like, he's a normal guy, but he's smart on his toes.
00:38:46
Speaker
He is. And he's literally on his toes because he doesn't have any fucking shoes on. Right. Or socks. Nothing. And then, ah he's essentially, he's on top of the elevator. So the elevator goes back up, and he rides it to like basically the roof. He literally almost gets crushed. I don't think he thought that through.
00:39:06
Speaker
Uh, Carl's brother's obviously pissed, like we said. And Hans is like, bro, you gotta stick to the plan, man. Uh-oh. Uh, then John is on the roof and he, he had, he took Carl's brother's, uh, radio. And he calls out for Mayday, which obviously the Germans fucking hear. um And then, again, know, I was thinking about this. we did our We've done a lot of movies that happened in the 80s and maybe like the late 70s where they just go out of their way to make the police very fucking stupid.
00:39:35
Speaker
Like, but beyond stupid. Yeah. It's just like a theme for this time period, I guess. I don't know what was going on, but just the police are always, like, portrayed as fucking dumb. Because, like, he gets through to, like...
00:39:48
Speaker
A call center. A call center. And they're like, sir, this is for emergencies only. you should call 9-1-1. And he's like, i don't fuck. ah This is a fucking emergency. He's like, you're jerking me up on the radio. Yeah. Uh,
00:40:03
Speaker
ah So the operator like doesn't really buy what he's saying. And as they're arguing back and forth, he starts getting shot at. So the operator ah has that someone send a car by.
00:40:14
Speaker
And we cut this fat cop. This is Al. And he's buying a bunch of, like I don't know, fucking honey buns or whatever at the convenience store. Twinkies or some shit. for his fat wife. nots first Yeah, and he has the fucking audacity say it's for his fat wife. Like, it's for you, fucking blubby. We know it's for you. The fucking guy at the register is like, i thought you motherfuckers bought donuts.
00:40:35
Speaker
Yeah. And this is not the 7-Eleven. There is no... do dooooo Nor is it a fat guy who definitely does not like blacks. but
00:40:46
Speaker
Wait, the convenience store guy you're saying doesn't like blacks? Definitely not. He looked like a trucker. I didn't get a good look at him be honest with you. He was just a fat white dude. So, Zach.
00:40:57
Speaker
Okay. Kind of. Hello, you're now in an ad read. Yeah, fuck you, yeah. that we're We're, Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So, here we are in the middle. So, here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out. Plug it in.
00:41:15
Speaker
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00:41:27
Speaker
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00:41:39
Speaker
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00:41:57
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. John is getting shot at and he is able to run inside. And then there's like a like a fan into the air vent. And he was able to stop the fan from spinning with like a so was it a screwdriver?
00:42:15
Speaker
i don't even know how the fuck he did it because the fan was already moving. How'd you do it? Yeah, i don't know. This guy's good. Because then he goes through and the fucking rest of the people show up and they're like oh, we can't get through the fucking fan. Well, they're not smart, right? They're terrorists.
00:42:28
Speaker
ah Yeah, I guess just a whole... don't know. um And then he uses the strap off of his fucking gun um to, like, rappel down the elevator shaft to a lower level. This one most insane, like, yeah logical, like... It's fucking wild. It's fucking cool, though. He barely fucking got through. Yeah. um So Hans knows now that he's using the elevator, so he just shut the elevator off. So now he can't use the elevator anymore.
00:42:56
Speaker
um and they follow him down to the lower level, and they know that he's in the air duct, and there's this guy, it's probably Hans' brother, or carl it's probably Carl. It is for sure Carl.
00:43:06
Speaker
I said Hans, i don't know why. Blonde guy. Yeah, and he's just shooting at the duct, and he just misses John, and he's basically like, if he just shot a little bit further, he would have got John, but he gets called off, ah and Al shows up to this building, and he's like, there's nothing going on here, but there's a doorman inside, so he's like, I'm going to talk to him.
00:43:25
Speaker
So he goes inside and talks this German guy who really fucking puts on this American accent. Nice. Yeah. You know, uh, we cut back to John and he's back in this room where they killed Takagi, but the body is obviously gone.
00:43:39
Speaker
Um, and at this point now he sees the cop, Al like leaving. So he's trying to like make some kind of commotion. So he's trying to throw a chair out the window But obviously the Germans hear him.
00:43:51
Speaker
um And they enter the room and there's a shootout. And he kills kills one German. Then another one ah starts like chasing, shooting at him. He's under this table. And they're he's like trying to shoot him under the table, but he keeps missing. And this table is like a fucking zigzag.
00:44:07
Speaker
It's a weird ass table, man. I don't. um And then while this he's like on top of the table, this German dude, while he's reloading, John fucking puts an excess amount of bullets into him. Like a whole fucking mag. I mean, he emptied a fucking, yeah, big.
00:44:22
Speaker
ah And John sees the cop leaving. And then you're in, you're like with the Al at the at the ground level. And he's getting in his car and this dead body just lands on his window.
00:44:33
Speaker
Which is pretty good. yeah try scare That'll get his fucking attention. And I wrote that Al puts it in reverse like never before. I mean, this guy just held it. and He just put it back, and he did not stop, man. I mean, that's completion. just went all the way back until he fucking crashed. How'd this guy like pass his fucking like cop exam? like he's He's getting fucking shot at. He's calling for assistance.
00:44:56
Speaker
ah He goes off a mini cliff. A little mini, yeah.
00:45:02
Speaker
Hans tells the hostages to stay calm and that he was anticipating police activity. um And then John gets on the radio and John starts talking shit to Hans.
00:45:15
Speaker
um And while he's talking shit, he finds some C4 on this dead German. um And then there's like this side plot that's kind of silly of like this disgruntled news guy who like wants to cover some story. That's not even the building. It's like something else.
00:45:31
Speaker
That he wants to run with. and they're like, no. ah And then we cut back to these Germans reporting to Hans that ah John killed Heinrich. I don't have the button. Sorry. I know. It's fine. ah Because that episode might not ever come out. So yeah feel right sure Heinrich and Marco and he has a detonator and they need those detonators.
00:45:57
Speaker
So ah we caught in Sergeant Al, Al Powell. He radios John ah and John answers. And John is telling him like everything he needs to know, how many terrorists there are, Hans, X, y and Z. Doesn't want to give up his name yet. And he says that he's just going to by Roy.
00:46:17
Speaker
We get another update that Theo has got four locks unlocked, hacked. Um, next scene, Al's boss shows up. This is Dwayne. He's a douche.
00:46:29
Speaker
Um, and he's like, how do you know this guy? Roy is like really who you say he is because he could be one of them. He's like, no, I think he's a cop. Yeah. Um, and to be honest, you don't know who he is, but you kind just have to trust it. Yeah.
00:46:46
Speaker
Uh, the news shows up. And then Holly walks in see Hans, and she tells Hans that there's a pregnant lady that needs to be moved to the sofa. um and I will bring a sofa to her
00:47:02
Speaker
her. He goes in the set. he He sounds like fucking he'd be in Star Wars. He's like, it will be done. will be done, my lord. ah So Hans tells her her name is Gennaro, obviously. Holly Gennaro.
00:47:19
Speaker
um And then Argyle is still the fucking limo and he sees on the news the terrorist attack. He's like, oh shit. It's happening like right above my fucking head. Also, like, ah Holly kind of broke my ass. Sorry.
00:47:35
Speaker
Holly kind of like realizes that John's kind of like behind all this shit. Like, fucking him up and everything. And she's like, that's when she gets wet for him. She's like, yeah. John's gonna save us. There's a couple scenes where she's like, he's still alive and she's just flicking her shit. Yeah. I mean, she's just going crazy. That's my kind of husband. Yeah. Kill those fucking Germans. So...
00:47:58
Speaker
so ah Dwayne decides he's going to send in cops ah because there's probably just one. He thinks there's just one lunatic in the building, not an actual terrorist attack. And there's no ransom demands for the hostages.
00:48:11
Speaker
And he says the guy that landed on Al's car was probably just some depressed guy who decided to kill himself, which is just, I mean, doesn't really make sense, but because there was like really gunshots, but ah John tries to warn Al, but Al can't really do shit.
00:48:25
Speaker
And Argyle is stuck in the garage because they closed all the gates. date And then the SWAT is about to enter, but Theo has access to all the cameras, and he's just telling them, yep, it's a two-by-two formation. This door, they're going to be right here. The Germans are fucking prepared. They're ready like that, these little sneaky fucks. That's the thing about this movie that's kind of cool, right? It's kind of like the good guys and bad guys are... No one's one step ahead of each... Well, they are, but it's kind of like they go back and forth, and you just kind of got John there, and he's just fucking everything up. He's like...
00:49:02
Speaker
He's fucking up the Germans' plans. He's fucking up the fucking cops' plans. Yeah, that's true. And, you know, the Germans are definitely bad guys, and that's good. Yeah, as they always seem to be. yeah They always are the bad guys. yeah ah So, the Swats...
00:49:19
Speaker
to like pick the lock door and he can't do it. So they just like, you just burn it. And the Germans start shooting and they shoot their lights out like the skylights. And they also shoot at the officers, but like just to like kind of injure them. that's what Hans is like, just hit them.
00:49:35
Speaker
Hit them. and we got get your limb Shoot him in the arm, Harry. I can't wait to fucking... You can't kill them because I want to take my wand out and avadra cadaver them.
00:49:47
Speaker
ah And then the police decide that they're going to send an RV in. And I guess it's RVs because they still can't melt the lock off the door even though the windows are glass. So just fucking, like, shoot it or break it with your gun or something?
00:50:01
Speaker
um So they're about to fucking launch this RV into the building and the Germans ah blow it up with an RP. It's like I'm fucking reporting World War II. And then the The Germans pull out their fucking RPGs. Yeah. And they blow this shit up big. Twice. for Why did they blow it up twice? Just for a show? Because Han's fucking sicko. Yeah. Do it again.
00:50:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I'm coming. I'm stroking my shit. o I'm stroking my shit. ah And so John makes this bomb out of a C4 and like a computer and a desk seat.
00:50:45
Speaker
And he just yeets it down the elevator shaft. What fuck? blows up half the building at the bottom he floors a ah like part of this building it's just gone um and his wife is like ah he fucking blew the building up she fucking like what the fuck yeah there's just no fucking fire because she just fucking squirted it all out because she her pussy is just gushing liquid Yeah, she's like, that was my man. My man. and I can't tell any of it's fucking dirty secret, and that makes me wetter.
00:51:13
Speaker
But don't worry, they find out. That's the whole point of this news guy, by the way. That's really the only point he has in the movie is this part. um The next part is the news reporting on who Hans Gruber is and that he's part of some fucking German group, but he's been you know removed from that group because he was too fucking wild.
00:51:33
Speaker
ah um Al's boss gets on the radio and talks to John. And ah he's like, you're a fucking criminal too, whatever. And John's like, you're a fucking jerk off. How about that? Yeah, i mean it's true. off Fucking jerk me off.
00:51:47
Speaker
Big. ah All right. So, okay. Okay. So, ah Ellis is like, you know, I fucking make big deals in my fucking sleep at lunch, you know? Yeah. So it's like, I want to go in and talk to Hans. And he's just like, he's just like, yeah, so what, man? You fucking pissed off some camel jockeys? Like, that's yeah that looks fucking wild. Like, that's fucking crazy. And Hans just sitting like, how? And I mean, i don't really know why, but this really fucking killed me. Hans.
00:52:21
Speaker
Bubby. Bubby. Bubby. He's like, work with me here. Yeah. I don't know why that got me so good. i just was fucking cracking up at that. But I mean, this is 1988 and you're calling the Arabs Campbell jockey. that thats felt Yeah, it is crazy.
00:52:40
Speaker
um And he's like, look, I can give you John. Uh, and he's like, okay. Oh, okay. Uh, next scene is John and Al talking and it's a little corny because like Al calls him cowboy and coming home to the ranch all this shit. It was, it's just kind of gay. Yeah. It's like, I didn't go for it. Hey, cowboy, you want to come down here and fucking ride me bareback? beach yo no
00:53:08
Speaker
What a broke back mount with my ass, you know i mean? Yeah. What fucking lie. um Anyways. Yeah, so they're kind of like dirty talking each other or whatever.
00:53:20
Speaker
you Fucking stroking each other off. I was just like, yeah, I can't fucking wait for to fucking save the day.
00:53:29
Speaker
I bet he's white. My god. My white knight. Yeah. That's what that's what he says. right That's what Ellis says right after this. Yeah. han
00:53:43
Speaker
I don't know why goes out. I'm your white knight. That's what he says. It does, yeah. we didn't uh so anyways Hans gets on the radio and he's figured out who John is John McClane John McClane and uh ah he gives the radio to Ellis and John's like yo Ellis gotta relax bro this guy is a fucking menace um And John's like, wait a minute, wait a minute, Ellis. What the fuck you tell this fucking guy? Because, you know, yeah he's married to a woman in there. And he's like, oh, you know, just we're old friends.
00:54:15
Speaker
um And then look they're looking for the detonators, which were off one of those fucking dead Germans that he got. And John's got him. John definitely has him. And John is definitely telling Ellis, shut the fuck up.
00:54:26
Speaker
ah And he's like, look, give me the fucking detonators. And John's like, no. And Hans, he just kills Ellis. Another red dot. Another red dot right on Ellis' face. I'm so excited.
00:54:41
Speaker
ah
00:54:52
Speaker
for you. Not for you. Everybody gets a dot. Um, so Dwayne's pissed and he's arguing with Al because he thinks that John let fucking Ellis die.
00:55:04
Speaker
and then Hans gets on the radio and he like he wasn't even on the same floor as him. Yeah. How do you fucking know? Uh, He gets on the radio and he wants some random revolutionary groups free. And it's funny because while he's making demands, this guy in the room with Hans like, fucking Asia pack? Like what? And he's like, I even fucking, I just read it in magazine. i don't know. He's like, I read it in times. he's like He's like, I'm just fucking buying us time. He's like, you got two hours.
00:55:31
Speaker
um Another update. Theo's got one lock left. Let's go. Hans are really good at breaking into locks, breaking the walls down. So, uh, Hans is sending Carl to go kill John and Hans going check out the explosives.
00:55:48
Speaker
Uh, and then John radios Al saying he couldn't do much. Um, and then
00:55:57
Speaker
i I don't know. I just really didn't like this part. The news has And he's talking about like the hostage thing about like how the captors and the hostages like are going to become dependent on each other and start like ad admire each other. It's like, and his name was like professor Dumbledore for whatever, like get the fuck off my screen.
00:56:15
Speaker
Like I just did not like this guy and I just didn't fucking want to hear about it to be honest. Uh, and then the FBI arrived and this is, uh, agents Johnson and Johnson. No relation. One black, one white. Got to call them though.
00:56:30
Speaker
Yep. Um, Hans is checking the explosives and on the roof because they've laid explosives out on the roof. And he puts his gun down to climb. And he stumbles and falls right in front of John. And it's i mean it's very smart that he just immediately tries to put on an American accent. And to be fair, Snape did not do a very good job of this American accent. I know it's called Snape.
00:56:53
Speaker
Yeah, it wasn't great. some Some scenes kind of looked like it was dubbed over a little bit. like Oh, by the way, that's what I wanted to say. i don't know why I didn't say this earlier. So I originally decided it's on Prime. So I was like, oh, maybe I'll watch it on Prime.
00:57:10
Speaker
Huh? I watched it on don't own this movie. Yeah, I was like, maybe I'll watch it on Prime because the Prime version has like the 4K version. Wow. i am mean It was like, for me at least, it was like the colors were like muted. i was like, fuck this shit. I put in my Blu-ray and it looked 10 times better.
00:57:26
Speaker
So, fuck streaming. That's good to know because I just thought it looked like that because it was an old movie. Nah, fuck streaming. if you If you want it, get the Blu-ray. There's no in this movie? Not yet? There there is, but I personally don't see a need to upgrade because it looked really fucking good for a Blu-ray.
00:57:46
Speaker
I bet you I could find this fucking used at Bull Moose. shit For sure. For sure. I was kind of shocked I didn't own it, but I guess I always see it and it's like in a pack. and I never want fucking buy it in a pack. If you can get like one, two, three, sure. But if it's like all five, fuck them.
00:58:00
Speaker
Fuck them. I like three because three's got Samuel Jackson. There go. like a buddy cop movie. Hans acts like he's an American or a hostage and he wants to go to the roof big. And John's like, yo, fucking relax, man.
00:58:14
Speaker
Just stick with me, man. You'll stay safe. He's like, you want a Siggy? ah And he tells Hans he got invited his Christmas party. And Hans notices that John is like really just fucking running around barefoot. He's kind of laughing. He's like, this fucking guy who's barefoot's fucking up my team right now. Yeah. Also, John's like, John originally started in like a, a white wife beater and this shit's like shit Brown now. like Yeah. i mean, he's fucked. Yeah. This guy's bleeding everywhere.
00:58:37
Speaker
Yeah. um And he gives Hans a gun. He's like, what's your name, by the way? He's like, Bill Clay. Yeah. Clay. Bill Clay. Get the fuck out of here.
00:58:48
Speaker
And as soon as John's like, let's go this way, Hans holds my gunpoint, obviously, and asks for detonators. He just puts a gun in. He's like, how? um And he shoots it, and nothing goes out. And he goes, fuck, I don't have my wand.
00:59:03
Speaker
Fucking wand. Drake, how? drake oh yeah drake is better as a nagini uh yeah so uh now john's fucking in charge but uh these fucking three german fucks walk in and start shooting it up because john knew the whole time who he was because he saw him but hans didn't know that he saw him right uh and so john kind of has them like set back i can't really move anywhere
00:59:33
Speaker
And ah Hans has Carl and the rest of them shoot at the glass, which is laying on the floor that John now has to step on, which kind of gives them the advantage a little bit. ah And they throw a flashbang.
00:59:46
Speaker
And then we cut and the news has a lead about all of the McLean family and how the wife and kids live right here in L.A. ah we we cut back to John, who he crawls into this bathroom.
01:00:01
Speaker
And his feet are like covered in blood. Yeah, it's like there's he's leaking, bro. Leaking out his feet. Leaking fucking big. ah And Theo is like, look, bro, I'm in. But the fucking magnets come down big. i'm not going to get through.
01:00:16
Speaker
um And then al tells Al's talking to fucking John and John's like, I can't fucking do this shit. Uh, and John tells him or Al tells John about this time. how He shot a fucking 13 year old holding a ray gun in the dark.
01:00:31
Speaker
And then he just decided he was never gonna pick up his gun again. But I mean, you know, is black. Yeah. Right. oh I don't get it I mean, who are you shooting at? Said he got a ray gun. Like bros playing call of duty. Uh,
01:00:48
Speaker
ah Oh, so you see John, like, pick out the glass from her foot? It's kind of gross. It's fucking disgusting. He's like, yeah, it was not great. ah So the FBI wants to cut the power out, and Hans is banking on that because that will release the magnetic field and open the doors for him. But the only way to do it is to shut off power to 10 square blocks.
01:01:12
Speaker
And they force this fucking guy to shut it down, which releases the shield, obviously. And the FBI is like, oh, we did fucking great, but they're fucking panicking up there. And meanwhile, they have access to all of the millions of dollars. The fuck out.
01:01:28
Speaker
And then Agent Johnson makes a call for the helicopters. And he's like, no, it's not. It's the other one. It's the black one. ah Johnson, not Johnson.
01:01:39
Speaker
Yeah. Long Johnson, not short Johnson. Right, yeah. Yeah. And essentially the plan is Hans called for these helicopters to like beads to take them off the roof.
01:01:50
Speaker
And it's a a ploy and he's going to blow the roof up when the when the helicopters land. ah And then John is still talking to Al and he's like, tell my wife that, ah yeah, I'm a jerk off and I should have support supported her when I could have and I'm sorry.
01:02:07
Speaker
ah And then the news, this is fucked up. The news is at the McLean There's like a fucking crew of them. And they're asking Paulina to let us in. and she's like, they're not even fucking here. It's like, let us talk to the kids. it's like a Why? that fucked Why the fuck do you want to talk to the kids? Are you dad down bad for ratings?
01:02:23
Speaker
That's fucking horrible. Yeah. It's just, it's gross. ah But Paulina folds because she's fucking weak. She's panicked. Yep. ah John finds...
01:02:36
Speaker
The explosive rigged to the roof. And then John, Carl finds John and has his fucking gun to John's mouth. And they have a fight.
01:02:47
Speaker
And Han sees the news and figures out that John and Holly are married. Because like there's there's also like a little full fucking photo on her desk that's like down. He picks it up. He's like...
01:03:01
Speaker
The boy who lives. The boy who lives. Come to die.
01:03:09
Speaker
There's a cut and Carl is still beating the shit out of John. um And then we cut to the FBI helicopter with Johnson and Johnson. And they're expecting to lose 20 to 25% of the hostages, but they're going fucking take it. They're cool with it.
01:03:25
Speaker
wait The Germans move all the hostages to the roof and Hans tries to radio John, but John's busy getting his fucking ass kicked. um And eventually they're having this fight scene on a staircase and John is able to hang Carl by this chain off off of a staircase. It's pretty good.
01:03:45
Speaker
Yeah. Get fucking hung, bitch. Yeah. And not like a horse. Right. That's for Johnson. The other one. Right. Right. Uh, John makes it up to the roof and this hostage, uh, tells John where Holly's at. He shoots this fucking one hell fucking, uh, terrorist.
01:04:02
Speaker
And, uh, so he, John's like, y'all got to go back inside. They're going blow this fucking roof up. And he starts like shooting his gun up in the air, which is not a great choice. Yeah. Yeah. But to the helicopter, he looks like a terrorist. So the helicopters start shooting at him. Right. They're just, are and then like they, eventually they get a sniper out at him. I'm like, Jesus Christ. That's Johnson with the sniper. yeah No. Yeah. Not Johnson.
01:04:26
Speaker
The other one. Right. White Johnson. Yeah. ah So John uses fire hose to like propel down the, the roof as it's getting blown the fuck up. The hostage are inside.
01:04:40
Speaker
And he's kind of hanging there and then is able to swing and shoot out a window and like goes into this. He like repels in more Into this floor. And the wheel that the fire hose was attached to is going off the side the building. So he has to like undo the hose around his waist before it falls. Because he's also on a rug and the rug is getting pulled out. My rug. You want to hit a rug? You want to get some rubber? Ew. Ew.
01:05:07
Speaker
oh Uh, yo rug better be trimmed up every one of them trimmed rugs. You know what I'm saying? I need a nice trim rug. I don't like them frilled rugs.
01:05:18
Speaker
I like a trim rug, AKA a ball head.
01:05:23
Speaker
Um, and then for, I don't know how this helicopter exploded, but the helicopter explodes. They shoot it. Yes. Okay. I just didn't see it. Uh,
01:05:34
Speaker
Argyle, meanwhile, is in the garage sale and he sees these Germans. They're unloading a van out of a truck. And yeah ah we see John, who is moving through this building, and he hears Holly, but only he only has two bullets left.
01:05:48
Speaker
And he sees this Christmas-themed wrapping paper, I guess you'd call it. Yeah. um We cut back to Argyle, who rams this van, and he knocks out Theo. He got nah mean on nah mean action right there.
01:06:06
Speaker
Right.
01:06:09
Speaker
It's a fucking wild. It's not known. You got to cut that one, huh? I definitely got to. Yeah. ah
Final Confrontation and Resolution
01:06:15
Speaker
All right. So we were with ah with John. He finds Holly. Obviously, Hans has Holly.
01:06:22
Speaker
And Hans' whole idea we find out here was to blow up the roof to make the police think that he died in the explosion as well. But he was going to get away with all the money. um And John surrenders somewhat and he kind of maniacally laughs. And then you see on his back, he's strapped with two guns. He's got a fucking one gun, but it's like duct tape to his back. So he's strapped big like a dyke.
01:06:49
Speaker
He's strapped bareback. Yeah. Kind of like how what he's going to do with fucking Al when he gets out there. He's going to fucking ride Al big. Al is a power bottom. Yeah, he is for sure. Because he's black, fat, but he's probably got a long dong. so And Al is like, yeah, we got to get all this for the BTN network. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.
01:07:14
Speaker
So anyways, he John goes fucking John Wick and shoots Hans and the henchmen like very fast. And Hans starts to fall out this window because everything's fucking glass. And drags Holly with him and he's got her by the fucking Rolex watch. Remember that? Yeah. ah So they undo the watch and Hans falls to his death in some like probably the the only bad special effect.
01:07:39
Speaker
Really? I mean, i didn't look that bad. I mean, it was clearly green screen. It wasn't that bad. I've seen worse. I've seen a lot worse. Yeah. Especially in 1988. Yeah. yeah I was, I was mad at it, honestly. Uh,
01:07:53
Speaker
So that's basically the end of the movie. John meets Al. They fucking Holly. Fuck. right yeah Yeah. And Holly's flicking her shit in the corner. ah She introduces herself to Al Holly McClane.
01:08:06
Speaker
Dwayne walks over wants to debrief McClane. And Carl decides he has one last breath and starts shooting at fucking people. And Al kills him, which is like his redemption arc.
01:08:17
Speaker
And Argyle picks them up and they're like, Merry Christmas, motherfuckers. And they drive off. That's basically the end of the movie. that's ah That is Die Hard.
01:08:28
Speaker
hey great vo grey ah agree go gray ah So I'm interested. Did you go up? Did you go down? Did you stay at four?
01:08:40
Speaker
The last time i watched this movie was, I believe, shout out to this person, Vess, who just liked my review of Die My Love. All right. Give us a listen or don't. I watched this, uh, in 2022, February. I watched this on Valentine's
Reflecting on Die Hard's Legacy
01:08:55
Speaker
day. Cause what else better to do than watch die hard.
01:08:57
Speaker
Right. Right. you know, i was fucking alone. Um, I gave it a four and I am going to, I'm going to retain this and still a four.
01:09:08
Speaker
It's a very enjoyable action movie. Uh, I'd like for me, this is like in the same realm of like the negotiator. If anybody out there knows that movie that also has Samuel Jackson, uh,
01:09:20
Speaker
It's in the same vein. I enjoy Both of them. Both of these. It's a fun action movie. It's a fucking classic, goddammit. It is a fucking classic. ah So last time I watched this, I also gave it a four.
01:09:34
Speaker
I'm bumping it to a four and a half. Four and a half, baby. Four and a half. This is like my... I text you, because I put John Wick one through three as one fucking category. Fuck you.
01:09:47
Speaker
ah as number one. this Fuck you. Fuck me. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck.
Comparing Top Action Movies
01:09:53
Speaker
and And then I'm going to have to put, like, for action movies, it's John Wick 1 through 3, and then Rush Hour 2, because I fucking love that movie, and then Die Hard.
01:10:04
Speaker
For all-time action movies? Yeah. John Wick, if we're just putting John Wick as one thing, I don't know what order, but John Wick, The Raid, uh...
01:10:20
Speaker
I mean, it's like a, it's like a loaded question. It is right. I've never seen people would say Terminator two. Yeah. I don't know if this movie's in my top five. That's probably hot, but I mean, I don't know what to tell you. It's just kind of how I feel. I've actually never seen Rambo. So like, I don't know. It was like a three star. Is it? Okay. Yeah.
01:10:45
Speaker
Best action movies of all time. We'll see what IMDB says. Yeah, Terminator 2 on Judgment Day is the number one all time. That makes sense, right? And you got Die Hard Ride number two. Raiders of the last Lost Ark? No. Fuck that movie! ah The Dark Knight. I guess that's an action movie. it feels That's like superhero genre, though. That's a whole... Hard Boil, which Shout just put out on 4K. I want to watch this bad. It's John Woo. That's that Asian one, right?
01:11:14
Speaker
Yeah, I want to i want to watch it. um The good, the bad, and the ugly? No way. Don't put fucking Westerns in there. Police Story? I mean, Police Story's good. I still need to see it.
01:11:25
Speaker
The Killer also on my watch. Just haven't seen it yet. They have Inception as an action movie. Is it more thriller now? Sure. guess it's action, but not really. Old Boy. Now, if Old Boy's if old boys is an action movie, I'm fucking retarded.
01:11:38
Speaker
IP Man? All right, listen. admit Listen, IP Man is definitely my top five. I fucking love IP Man. I still need to watch it, yeah. I'm very, each of them I'm very, uh, what's the word? Not gay.
01:11:51
Speaker
Yes. Oh, kill bill one. I mean, come on, bro. That's my oh if i there. Oh, they're putting on Christmas or for Christmas. They're putting, i don't know if it's just the first one or volume two, but minimum the first one for the first time ever uncut uncensored back in theaters.
01:12:09
Speaker
it so whole No, it's the whole bloody affair. It's everything. Oh, one and two? Uncut. Uncensored. Yeah, I'm hyped. I'm hyped for that. Yeah, so I guess I would go i'd go John Wick. I would go... i forgot my list.
01:12:22
Speaker
You're retarded. well I'm a boy,
Upcoming Podcast Plans
01:12:24
Speaker
I'm a big. I still need to watch... I know a lot of people like Point Break. I need to watch that still. Point Break's overrated as fuck. That's not an action movie. I mean, it is, but it's fucking overrated as shit. I give it a three.
01:12:34
Speaker
But I hate on everything, I guess, right? I don't know. I am. Alright, so John Wick, fucking Kill Bill. We got i man IP Man for sure. The Raid for sure. What else am I going to put in here?
01:12:49
Speaker
Probably not Police Story. um maybe this. This or Terminator. I think I have this rated higher than Terminator 2. Terminator 2, I'd give like a three and a half. Terminator 2 is a little overrated. It is a little fucking overrated. I would agree with that. I mean, the special effects for the time are great, but...
01:13:06
Speaker
little overrated. Not the fucking Tade, the Raid. My Taint? The Taint Redemption? i want to see that. I want you to redeem my Taint. Don't redeem my Taint!
01:13:18
Speaker
Please, no! Don't do it!
01:13:23
Speaker
Yeah, and then I'll just put in Ninja Assassin. Sure. just talked about that movie. I don't know. Come back. we didn't obviously not do any kind of thought behind that list before. I, I got, I gave you four.
01:13:36
Speaker
Maybe it's fucking this movie. Who knows? I mean, fuck around find out. Uh, Next week, actually, I have no idea if it's next week or not because i forgot we're doing two per week on this this month. It would be December 26th. That is Friday, ah the day of Christmas. So fucking Merry Christmas if you celebrate that. If you don't.
01:13:58
Speaker
Happy Kwanzaa. I think it's later though, right? and i don't know. Hanukkah passed, I think. um Hanukkah did definitely. Kwanzaa's. Happy. Hey, happy Kwanzaa on the 26th.
01:14:10
Speaker
There you go. We have an episode coming out for you on the Santa Claus, a.k.a. not your holiday. Well, sorry. Yeah. There's no black people in that movie, too. I don't think. And then next week on the 30th, we are doing an episode on what we're recording right after this. The Polar Express. The Pwner Express. Yeah, what fuck. Fuck on my boner. Fucking drag that movie is ah Yeah, so we'll see you guys on Friday.
01:14:42
Speaker
Toodles. Fuck you, Mark. going to throw you out building. but