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PATREON Free Preview: Ep 114: Empire Records
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Get the full episode on our Patreon for only $3 a month along with every other Mental Health episode we've ever done and will do in the future at patreon.com/worsepeople
Whitney chose this month's Mental Health episode as her birthday episode, 1995's EMPIRE RECORDS, directed by Allan Moyle and starring Liv Tyler, Rory Cochrane, Ethan Embry, Robin Tunney and Renee Zellweger. The crew of stereotypical Gen X slackers working in a record store discover that their beloved workplace is slated to be consumed by a megastore chain, they fight to save their indy shop. Meanwhile, it's Rex Manning Day, and the whole store is excited... well, Liv Tyler is at least, as she's planning on offering her virginity to the aging pop star. It's very much a post-Clerks type of Gen X comedy that's endlessly quotable and massively charming with an absolute banger of a soundtrack.
Don't forget we have another podcast all about Star Wars, just search for Han Took Shots First or go to hantookshotsfirstpod.com
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Transcript
Deb Assists Joe with Taxes
00:00:00
Speaker
Joe tries to talk to Deb about her sad stuff. Yeah. She's sitting in one of these music music booths doing the taxes for him, which is nice of her because everybody else is doing weird shit. Crying to the carpenters, having sex. I'm doing the carpenters. I'm just doing your quarterlies. I'll be done in just a minute. I do like her line because it's like, hey, do you want to call somebody that can call your mother? And she's like, yeah, great. You know where she's at. i really like I'd like to talk to her. Yeah. Are you going to fix me, Joe? You know, fix me. But then she does a good character thing. She's like, sorry, like I'm not trying to just be a dick to you. I know you're trying. I know you mean well. I know you mean well. And he says the best thing he could possibly say. You're doing a good job.
00:00:36
Speaker
Yeah. but She doesn doesn't help her, though, because he walks away and she's like, oh, now I feel better. I know. But she I think she said that because she was a total bitch. But he's not like me he's not trying to play cater. He's like, look, you're just you're doing a good job for me. That's the best. i can That's what I'll say right now. You know, instead of like, hey, you mean so much to me, like, nope you know what? No, you're doing a good job. Know how to speak to people, like yeah to individual people.
00:00:58
Speaker
Because if you started if I was having a fucking rough moment like this and you start paying mean compliments, I'm gonna fucking just shit all over you. Physically or verbally, I don't know yet. Depends on the compliment. yeah Depends on what I ate, too. If I have one chambered up, it changes the game plan a little bit. We go full gorilla. I'd like to shit on you right now, but... Nothing's working, man. I didn't eat enough salad today. You can say that every day.
Liv Tyler's Awkward Seduction Attempt
00:01:25
Speaker
ah This is when Liv Tyler tries to throw herself at Rex Manning, so she strips down. Oh, this song though. This is my problem now. Okay. There's no underwear combination that's going to stop somebody from having sex with this smoking hot Liv Tyler, right? No.
00:01:41
Speaker
but you know that you're trying to give away your V-card to Rex Manning. So you wear the plainest white underwear? I'm matching set would be nice. It's not even her bra. Yeah, Gina gave her the bra. So get some good get Gina to give you underwear too. Well, in that article I was reading, it was written by a female. Your your wife is giving me a face that females shouldn't share underwear. I can see that.
00:02:02
Speaker
That's fair. That's fair. hey I don't think anyone should share underwear. That makes sense. I don't have a vagina. Gina takes her thong off and gives it to Liv Tyler. That's much worse. she When we try on bathing suits and underwear, we keep our underwear on in the changing rooms. It even has a little thing says keep your underwear on.
00:02:22
Speaker
Note to self, keep underwear on when you're changing. no i just like and Have Gina help you buy a pair then. I think you've known this is happening. I'm not out there saying like every woman should try and seduce a man. was say No, no, no. When you're trying to seduce this person that you want to... Everybody knows that. like You're giving your V-card to, that you've been fantasizing about marrying,
00:02:42
Speaker
Fucking church it up a bit along the lady who wrote the article that I was reading and dudes wash your balls said something about like apparently this made like the red, brown, white underwear a thing for a while.
00:02:54
Speaker
I can see that. Yeah. I'm just saying character, characteristically, she should have been like, ah, I'm very worried about this. I'm actually a design special new one where no one's ever heard of. It's called invisible. You know, I'm a genius, right? I'm calculus. There we go. Oh, yeah. ah Be naked. You can lick them off. Oh, well, after after he questions her, if she's OK with this or whatever, he's like, good enough for me. Rock and roll, rock and roll. And just unzips. And I'm pretty sure I heard a flop, but she could be imagining horrified.
00:03:24
Speaker
Well, because it's not... It's not romantic. It's her feet card and she's expecting him to like pick her up and sweep her off her feet like one of his music videos. Instead of he's just like this. Yeah, he's like, I got a popsicle for you. And again, he could have been a lot worse here. He did double check, triple check was like, look, dude, go fuck somebody else.
00:03:45
Speaker
And we didn't know she's at least 18 because she's going to have it going to have it. So she goes up to the roof to have a freak out. AJ is up there.
AJ's Confession and Its Fallout
00:03:53
Speaker
This is when he decides it's time to confess my love to her. She looks like she's having a good day. This is a perfect time. And also, you're just such a dummy.
00:04:01
Speaker
Like, hey, you know how we've never been on a date and we've never done anything except work together? That's love, right? I'm very much in love with you. I love you immensely because I see you a lot. Well, he starts with this story about the skirt that he hates. When he's rehearsing up on the roof, I could have punched him in the mouth. He's like, you're like a warm bath.
00:04:18
Speaker
No, you're like ice cream, vanilla, fringe vanilla ice cream. Shut up and talk to her like she's a person, dude. That was all improvised according to IMDB trivia. Keep it. Who cares? Keep that. It's good. It makes sense it was improvised because it's not good. It's trash. You're a trash person. This is again, I talked about another episode. This is a guy that's going to bring acoustic guitars to college parties. so Yeah. but Not like your coups. What if God was one of us? he does have He does have that stupid story she was talking about where he's like, remember that day when this happened, that happened, you were wearing that skirt I hate, and that's all she hears? She's like, well whoa, whoa, whoa, what skirt do you hate? That's good I hate your skirt, because I love you. and If I can love her in this skirt, then then I must really love her. i' like slightly you arrested She's live Tyler. She's live Tyler. Yeah, you're not. She could show up wearing a fucking tracksuit. I would date this chick in a trash bag.
00:05:12
Speaker
Oh, fetish unlocked. She is a mortal elf named Arwen. Yeah. He gets so fucking mad when she's just like, I can't deal with this right now. Yeah, I just threw myself at Rex. You're allowed to be hurt as him, but you're not allowed to be irrational and malicious. Like, because yeah I was like, I told this girl that I loved her instead of saying hello. Yeah, instead of saying like, instead of reading the room. Well, now I'm going to go downstairs and play small.
00:05:37
Speaker
I know I'm going to go downstairs and play Rex Manning really loud and dance with Deborah just to piss off fucking Liv Tyler. Like, come on. They definitely. This is what teenagers do. The whole reaction to. But you got to start small with like, hey, I think I might have feelings for you. Do you want to go out sometime and express those instead of I'd like to sew myself to you and swallow your hair? See, they've been best friends for so long. Well, she's about to leave, so he's got to go balls out. Yeah, and you waited 137. It's not a great time. Much like Rex Manning, he has to go balls out. I don't know why it sounds like a tune. I do.