Transcript
Speaker: That is shtick like that, dude. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
Speaker: Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
Speaker: We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
Speaker: I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
Speaker: That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk. I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
Speaker: Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
Speaker: Scrub in the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
Speaker: We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
Speaker: Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Speaker: Hello and welcome to episode 47 of the Two Guys, One Screen podcast, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid Homies, a.k.a. the Poetown Boys, literally in Poetown. who um My name is Nick. I'm joined, as always, by the edgelord himself, Gerald.
Speaker: And today we are reviewing a fan-requested movie. Hey, Greg. Hey, Greg. Unhinged. It's movie we already wanted to record.
Speaker: Yeah, movie's great. 2020. It's a 2020 movie. It is. You don't see many of those. think it's... I don't know. Did it come out? Yeah, it had to come out during the pandemic. That was a dumb thing. It might have went straight to streaming, honestly.
Speaker: i don't know if it's had theatrical release. I think so. I didn't know about it until I found the Blu-ray at Best Buy. Shout out Best Buy, but then fuck you Best Buy. Yeah, also fuck you Best Buy. Yeah.
Speaker: um Unreal. um Yes, we're going to do that today Recommended... ah by my cousin who I infamously called a slut. A little harsh. A little harsh, but it's what it is. she like She's not a slut. Whoa, whoa, she didn't like it, but she she was with, like, know, she went went along it. Yeah, she's like being talked down to, you what I mean? She got a sense of humor.
Speaker: that's that's She does, she does. We can say retard around her, there's no issue. That's what's up. That's what's up. Okay. Okay. ah you want do a So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
Speaker: Follow us on tick tock YouTube, which is popping off. yeah Fuck you. Tick tock. YouTube's where it's at now. YouTube's popping off. YouTube's been youtube's been cooking. We got 11 subscribers now, and I don't know who you guys are. They won't let me see it. I'm sorry. That's odd.
Speaker: Yeah, but we've been growing subscribers like every week on YouTube. So shout out to YouTube. Let's fucking go. Yeah. ah Follow us on Letterboxd. If I said that already, I'm sorry. um And send us a voicemail. 5088 fist us. 5088 dip tip. And get your movie requested.
Speaker: Get it in, yo. And now we're recording it. We're really like pushing y'all. we we We want your suggestions. We are podcasters of the people. Not that we're running out of ideas. Except for except for Corey. Fuck that kid. yeah Or Cody. That kid that requested... ah I just dropped his real name, but fuck him. fuck ah draft That draft day kid.
Speaker: Alright. now We're not running out of ideas, but... Any suggestions, you know? It's a way to garner interaction with our fan base. we want to We want to feel you.
Speaker: What are you feeling? Inside of us. Inside out.
Speaker: to fucking pull you inside out. It's for four minutes in. Well, all that's going to be in the description. So click it. Don't click it. Flick it. As always. it's in Yeah, flick it. it' Always in the description. you see that ba You ever see that horse movie, Flicka?
Speaker: What did you say to me? What? It's movie about a horse. i can't say i'm familiar with that movie. No. What is it? Do you see it's cock? I don't know. It's a kid's movie.
Speaker: What's that movie about? Or it's, ah I guess, an adult film. A guy getting fucked by a horse. Oh, it's Mr. Hands. Mr. Hands, yeah. Shout out him. We should also share with the audience that, um I mean, this happened a few weeks ago at this point, but we watched, or I watched for the first time, ah Hungry Bitches, Two Girls, One Cup.
Speaker: did it Did it change you? The namesake of the podcast. I will be honest. I almost tapped out at certain points. I was like, I don't think like we watched the whole thing. Whoa, whoa. Back it up. back it up but Back it way the fuck up, um sister.
Speaker: But it was gross for sure. I'd hope. i It looked like we were talking about it. It looked like aerated shit. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. It looked like you put shit in a mixer and whipped it.
Speaker: Or cream cheese, as you said. Definitely whipped cream cheese for sure. Yeah. um So there's that. Count my biscuits up. She got cake.
Speaker: Can't get enough. All right. Shout Young Gravy. Shout them out. We'll do some physical media pickups. I have zero. I have Trace. Trace Light Chase cake is really good, but it makes me shit. Yeah, milk is not agreeing with me recently. I'm not even going lie to you, dude.
Speaker: Gary, we ain't fucking it. I had the craziest shit last night. Like, it was woke me up. over Woke me up. Woke me up. All right, anyway.
Speaker: anyways First up, we got Rumble in the Bronx, Jackie Chan. Interesting. Haven't seen it. His first... ah his first movie that really got popular in the States.
Speaker: It's in the Bronx. Shout out the Bronx. I guess. Then we got, finally, I got Tucker and Dale versus Evil. Not the Steel. The Blu-ray?
Speaker: ah Okay. Not the Steel. Yeah. Upsetting. I should have bought it when it was like $11. I don't know. I literally sent you a screenshot of it and I was like, you should fucking do this. I'm not here. ah Yeah. ah Fucking it. ain't fucking it.
Speaker: And then the last one is ah The Host, which is- You know what? Can we talk about the other one that I know that you have too after this? Yeah, sure. It'll fit in with what you said.
Speaker: Yeah. ah The Host by that one Asian guy. It's going to fit it in your ass. what The Host is by ah the guy that just made Mickey 17. forgot his name. Bong Joon-ho. That guy.
Speaker: Also, you're a hoe. I was going to say I like tentacles, but whoa, calm down. um Do you like tentacles? I like squids and shit. I like squids and shit. You know what?
Speaker: Yeah, I mean... Yeah, mean, so. So I guess to lead into what you said, i also got fucking it. Yeah, it's going to save this for another episode, but I guess I'll say it. The criterion release of Sallow or the 120 days of and twenty days of sodom
Speaker: Is it fair to say we're considering reviewing this for the one-year episode or we're not considering it? ah It's between this and another film for sure. Yeah. um If our audience, God forbid, has any input on this, let us know.
Speaker: if you know I haven't seen that movie. Have you seen it? No, I just know about it. It's terrible? No. I mean, on the back of the box, they call it a masterpiece. Criterion calls it a masterpiece.
Speaker: I mean, didn't mean terrible like bad. like It's like horrid. like Like what happens in the movie. Yeah, and it's like loosely based on true events. That's not good either. No, no, we don't. Torture, shit eating. Shout out two girls, one. Shout out hungry bitches. yeah so Don't shout out rape. That's a definitely a run.
Speaker: Gotta find the hungry bitches DVD. No, we don't. No, we don't. vh VHS. Not checkers. I don't have that button right chest. Um... Yeah, sorry, because I have nothing. I'm moving soon.
Speaker: Nah, know, I don't blame you. um All right, we'll go into the cast and director of Unhinged. As Gerald mentioned, it came out in 2020, the year of our Lord who's not real.
Speaker: um Jake just sent me a Snapchat. Shout out to you, Jake. too. it's probably a streak thing. Wish you would streak for me. I... Sure.
Speaker: Directed by Derek Bort or Derek Bort-ay. Wow. this The average rating on here is low. Low-key. Who that boy, who him is. Yeah, people don't like this movie. I disagree with that.
Speaker: um yeah direct He hasn't done nothing of of fame. Derek Stacey Bort. Oh.
Speaker: Here's her cast. Russell Crowe stars... As the man or Tom Cooper. you don't know who Russell Crowe is, I mean, what are you doing? What are we doing? Have you never seen Gladiator?
Speaker: Gladiator is a great movie. I really liked him in Man of Steel as Cal L's dad. Yeah, it was good, huh? I thought he was great in that. A Beautiful Mind I've obviously seen. He was in Gladiator 2. Oh, yeah, it was just his hand. His hand starred in Gladiator 2. Yeah, it did.
Speaker: ah We're just not going to talk about the Pope's Exorcist. That is a... Or Thor Love and Thunder. Just, you know.
Speaker: LA Confidential has my girl Kim Basinger. Hell yeah. She can fucking get it. He's pretty good in Craven. you know people hate Oh, 310 to Yuma? Great fucking movie.
Speaker: He was good in Craven. We said that, I think, in one of our episodes. Yeah. 310 to Yuma, if you haven't seen that movie, check it the fuck out. It's a good movie. I don't know. i don't think we're fucking Russell Crowe right now in this movie, but at a certain point in his life, he was a piece. Yeah, like early 2000s, Russell Crowe.
Speaker: Yeah, he was fucking clean. 2020 Russell Crowe. Lay off the Twinkies, dude. Yeah. ah Our next cast member is Karen Pistorius.
Speaker: um She's in this movie, Mortal Engines. And that's all the movies I've heard of on this list. Yeah, I've never heard of any other ones. Who that boy, who him is.
Speaker: But she is a piece, right? Yeah, she can get it.
Speaker: ah Next, we have Gabriel Bateman, who plays Kyle Flynn, her son.
Speaker: ah He's in the Fablemans. Annabelle. Lights Out, I think, is a movie that I haven't seen. He's in Child's Play, the remake. Oh, is he the main kid? He's the main kid. fuck.
Speaker: He's Andy. Shout out Mark Hamill. um Andy. got Jimmy Simpson, who also plays Andy. Wow. Full circle.
Speaker: He's in Zodiac. He's in Zodiac. He's in... What is that? Herbie Fully Loaded? Let's go. Shout out Lindsay Loney. Yeah, it is Uh... Date night. And White House down who fucking cares.
Speaker: um Well, he's in Studio 666, that fucking Foo Fighters horror movie. I haven't seen that. We have Austin P. McKenzie, who plays Fred. Who that poor? Nothing, dude.
Speaker: Nothing. Who else on here is worth shouting out? I think nobody. Respectfully. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. That's kind of everybody on here. It's a, I don't want to say contained movie, but a very limited cast, I would say. Yeah. And I feel like that really. Oh, well actually there's one more person with shout out. I'm sorry. I just remembered this.
Speaker: We have, uh, Ann Layton. Ann Layton, I think is her name. She plays Deborah Haskell.
Speaker: That was Gerald's idea. Didn't expect you to pull it. Yeah, I pulled it. I also was pulling something else last night. Oh, yeah. Let's fucking go. That's it.
Speaker: I think it's the one I shout out for today. um I don't know how many I'm going to use that button, but I'm definitely going to use it We got to keep it like in the vault for any time anybody in the cast is named Debbie.
Speaker: For Deborah. Yeah, I also i also i have a folder that's labeled um likely one-timers, and I'll just keep it in there. That's a good one, yeah. i don't do I don't delete the buttons. They just go in a folder. Because you just never know.
Speaker: There's just so many at this point that it's like I'm overloaded. Not fully loaded like Herbie. Get it? I'll be here all week. trying to fucking get that in that tailpipe. You know what Oh, there's we have 60 buttons.
Speaker: Total. Already pulled. So that's a lot. um Still less times than I've jerked my cock. I've definitely jerked my cock more than 60. Not in one day, but I've definitely jerked my yeah, one day. Let's try and it. Lifetime?
Speaker: Yeah, I mean? I've jerked my cock to the Lifetime channel. No, I haven't. That's a lie. That's a fucking lie. Ugh. um Jerked it to like TLC. My strange addiction.
Speaker: yeah Eat that fucking toilet paper, you whore.
Speaker: um i i I would say that um I have not jerked to that one, but if I would have, it would have been that bitch that was eating her couch.
Speaker: so What about the dude that was like in love with his car? Yeah, that one went made the rounds on TikTok and shit. Fuck you, TikTok. That one was odd.
Speaker: Yeah. um I've been bad about this, but ah we'll do it right now. We are going to spoil this movie. We're doing a scene by scene. I keep forgetting to say before the episode like start starts.
Speaker: um So yeah, go watch it, Jake. Also, I had a Question, I suppose, a concern, maybe a concern. You have request as well?
Speaker: I did not. i mean, I do have a request. but We can't talk about that on air. okay um The first of all, the packaging for this movie is clean, but um it does say digital copy and I could not find my digital copy inside of it.
Speaker: And then I couldn't find it redeemed on any of my digital movie libraries.
Speaker: I can't confirm there's a Digi in there. And it's just not, I don't think, i I didn't redeem it. I lost it. I don't know what happened to Because Jake, spoiler alert, kind of wanted to come on for this, but he hadn't seen the movie. And I couldn't find the code to redeem it so he could watch it.
Speaker: He doesn't have Netflix? No. Hmm. But how did you until like yesterday? Well, my own, yeah. Well.
Speaker: I mean, I can send this to him. Jake's got Macs and Hulu. Well, if you send it to me, he'll still see it. Yeah, okay. So i I guess I did have a request. An on-air appropriate request.
Speaker: Wink, wink. um You like that click? Fucking love the click of a Blu-ray case. Nothing better. Yeah. Um... Alright, here we go with the scene by scene for Unhinged. Fucking get it, yo.
Speaker: The movie opens. um We see ah a truck parked outside of a house and it's raining and it's dark. fuck with Dodge Rams or what? I think that car is clean. There was a point in my life where I wanted a truck, but I don't think I want one anymore. Then you look at the price and you're like, huh.
Speaker: Whoa. I'm Honda gang now. I drive a Honda Civic. ah Nothing wrong with a good Civvy. Nothing wrong with a good Honda Civic. You'll know it's because dent in it. Shout out to that fucking kid who hit my car in the garage. I didn't even leave a note.
Speaker: Ever since I got my new car, it's like I park so far away from like cart returns or anything, dude. Yeah. In Boston, it's kind of hard to park far from anything.
Speaker: yeah Unless you're in the burbs, then you can't. But in the city, it's like you're in it. I have absolutely zero dense knock on wood. so All right. The last one was my dick.
Speaker: um And we see Tom, who is Russell Crowe. um He's looking at his phone, and it is 4 o'clock in the morning. He pops some pills. And he takes his ring off.
Speaker: I guess he's we find out he is either recently divorced or has been divorced. Um, and he lights a match and he just watches it burn down to the end. Like basically was like a little fat fingers.
Speaker: He's a little unhinged. I was, yeah, yeah. Um, and then he kind of sits in his car for a minute and he grabs a hammer and you see the the camera kind of stays with the, with the truck, but you watch him go into this house. He breaks the door down with the hammer.
Speaker: Um, and this couple runs to the front door, like what the fuck is going on? And you see a murderous dude. He just platters his fucking head on the floor. Uh, and then you don't see him murder the woman, but you hear her screaming. Uh, and then you see the house catch on fire. He lights their whole house on fire.
Speaker: Uh, he gets back in his car, his truck, and he watches his, uh, the house burned down for a little bit. Then he drives off and you kind of see an explosion in the background. It's a little much big explosion. All right. Like this is like, what did she do to you?
Speaker: Right. I mean, she probably cut him off in traffic. There was like the... cool The case of the Blu-ray is actually like a really good scene in the movie because like it's raining and he's like rolling down the window and it's just like menacing because just his eyes are over the top of the window.
Speaker: The man is unhinged. Some would say. Wink, wink. We then get the credits and the ah title card. I do... I did like the credits for this. You kind of get...
Speaker: What? It's fucking amazing how they like intertwined. You get the the vibe that society is falling apart. um Like road rage is up.
Speaker: They literally say the impending collapse of society is what you hear. I think there are some like police brutality. I don't know. maybe Maybe they just stopped the guy. But there's cops like swarming this motherfucker.
Speaker: Yeah, you're listening to like a car radio. Like a morning talk show, which now we just have podcasts. Yeah. all right. new Also, let's just say this out here because i i was it's been in my head all week.
Speaker: If anybody knows how we can get our podcast on everybody's iPhone the way you two got their fucking music on everybody's iPhone, hit us up. Hit us up, dude. That'd be lit as fuck for us. All right. i want all those five-year-olds listening to us.
Speaker: Exactly. Especially... Which one? Dip my tip in a can of paint. What's the worst one to listen to, you think? One of the Harry Potters. Probably the one... believe The one that's coming out literally next week from this recording.
Speaker: Yeah, it comes out next week. So yeah, Kebab Jerry. Hide your kids. And your grandma. um We cut to a house and we hear a phone ringing.
Speaker: um We see the phone next to a book that's like how to cope with divorce for a child. Not for a child, but like how to help a child cope with divorce. I totally butchered that.
Speaker: Right. ah We meet. Rachel, who's our main character, she is asleep and wakes up to answer the phone. It's Andy, who is her, we find out, best friend and lawyer.
Speaker: Why's she sleeping on the couch? Bro, shout out to my lawyer with the fucking milkers. Yo.
Speaker: um Yeah, i don't know why she's sleeping on the couch. I think it's because, no, I don't know why she's sleeping on the couch. I have no idea. A of people live in this goddamn house, I will say that.
Speaker: Yeah, I was going to say that. Her brother lives with her as well. With his fiance. So maybe maybe she was nice and was like, you can have the bedroom. I'll sleep on the couch. Or maybe she moved into that house and they were already there after the divorce.
Speaker: That could be. um We don't pay attention. don't actually mentioned it. her I think this conversation they did and I wasn't paying attention. Okay. Because I wrote something here, but i don't fucking know.
Speaker: ah Her son, Kyle, which I honestly thought was her brother, but it is her son. ah walks in and Rachel hangs up the phone because she's talking about how her ex-husband Richard filed a motion for the house. He wants he to he wants the fucking house.
Speaker: Can you blame him? And essentially because she overslept, didn't set an alarm, ah her son Kyle's going to late for school and he's sick of her shit. Here's my question.
Speaker: Why can't this little spoiled brat take the fucking bus? I mean, they look like they're in like a big, not big city, but like one of those places where the buses really don't go anywhere. Fair enough. And we have buses in Boston, I would say.
Speaker: No, actually, I think this is an appropriate time to tell this story. Also, I'm moving, it doesn't fucking matter. Shout out or not shout out to the people across the street. Be better parents.
Speaker: Oh, God. What happened? There is a short bus, which I'm not saying anything, but the bus is short. It's not a full-size bus. They wearing helmets on that bus? I've never looked. Bus.
Speaker: Um... Every day during the school week, morning and afternoon, it's not even like once in a while. It happens every fucking day. This bus pulls up to pick up the child that's probably going to school.
Speaker: And the parents are never there to lead the kid out to the bus or take the kid off the bus. How old is this kid, you think? Young. I mean, prepubescent, I would say. Not old enough to be alone, which is why this fucking guy does what he does.
Speaker: So the bus driver, i killed the bus driver. he He sits out, or she, I don't know, I can't see. parked outside of my, it's like directly across from my apartment window, leans on the horn for, it feels like an hour. It's like 10 minutes. He's sitting leaning on the horn, waiting for somebody to show up to come out and get their fucking kid. Cause no one's there.
Speaker: Right. I've been awoken at like seven 30. He's leaning the horn. It's fucked. Fucking a, be better parents do better. The fuck you guys doing? Watch over your child. Maybe they pick your child up.
Speaker: Maybe they live with like grandma. She can't get out of the house. Yeah, but if that was the case, they'd fucking understand that. I'd hope. You know, like, it's one, like, the parents come after one day him leaning on the horn. They go, hey, you know, so-and-so's upstairs. She can't fucking walk.
Speaker: It's what it is. Yeah, so be a better mom. That's all we're saying. That's all we're saying. And this lady, Rachel, needs to be a better mom, too. But she does her part in this, I would say. She comes full circle.
Speaker: Yeah. We cut to her, to Freddie, which is her brother, Rachel's brother, Freddie.
Speaker: um And he's trying to FaceTime his mom Who I guess she has like dementia or Alzheimer's and she is in a home now. She looks very old to be like his mother.
Speaker: I 100% agree with that. Like she looks like, i mean, my grandparents are dead, but like when I was a kid, shout out to yeah she looked like my like gray hair. Like she goes to the fucking salon, gets a perm.
Speaker: You know I'm saying? Yeah. i mean, maybe she got rinsed out late in life and now she has like, she's an older parent. Yeah. Like my mom. Your mom got rinsed out late in life. She had me at 42. That's kind of late, huh?
Speaker: Yeah, my mom had me at, ah I think, 42 as well, actually. Oh, yeah? Well, how old am I? Your mom looks way better than my mom, though. Oh, shit. My mom had me at 28. I did not do the math right. Yeah, what the fuck?
Speaker: What the fuck? My mom had me at my age in a year. That's crazy. I would never have a child at 28. your mom was Your mom's like in her 50s right now? She's 55. Yeah, my mom's like 69. Like the big difference. Hot. How you doing?
Speaker: All right. Hey. Geraldine. Remember that girl we saw on Bumble, Geraldine? Geraldine, yeah. She going on. Just that wacky. Yo, Geraldine. If your name is Geraldine, you're in Boston for fucking mommy.
Speaker: Hit me up. call in we can work on the details. I'll DM you. got Maybe I got a mommy kink. i don't fucking know. Who knows, dude? um This all facade. I'd rather just be alone.
Speaker: So the mom is not working is not able to like FaceTime because she's old as fuck. For some reason, she's like Geraldine. She's probably old and Geraldine, I would say. Oh, for sure. Yeah. um And then.
Speaker: We see Kyle in the same kind of like kitchen dining room area or living room area watching the news about the house that burned down that we just talked to you about. um And then ah Rachel walks in looking for her candy cane scissors. Keep that in the back of your head.
Speaker: um Or in the front of your head. Yeah, or through your eye socket. Whatever you want to do ah ah they She's looking for her scissors and they're buried under Mary's coupons. Who the fuck? I feel like Geraldine would be a couponer.
Speaker: Is she a couponer? Nah, she should be, though. Yeah, she's see she she's built for it. Right. Circle again, TLC did that couponing show, didn't it? The Ultimate Couponers. Oh, yeah, or yeah or like ah the Ultimate Cheapskates or something.
Speaker: Something like that. People like use like recycled water from their like dishes to like do their laundry. Crazy. What the fuck are you doing? Crazy dude. Wild shit. Um.
Speaker: So Mary's Freddie's girlfriend, just for the record. And Freddie currently isn't paying any kind of rent. And he says that he's working on his own business, but he's really not. That's a bullshit answer because he doesn't yeahin't do anything. He's a stoner.
Speaker: He works. Yeah. He looks like a fucking stoner. Oh, well, he says later, too, that he all he has is is like good weed and like a couple bucks. That's all he has. Typical stoner, yeah. um We find out here they put their mom in a home.
Speaker: we We cut to Rachel and Andy. She's... Or Andy? No, Kyle. i At the beginning this movie, I thought Andy was Kyle. Sorry. We cut to Rachel and Kyle. They're going outside and they say hello to their neighbor, Rosie.
Speaker: Who has a minivan with the license plate that says Rosie. um Fuck you if you do that. that's I hate that shit. yo Just for shits and giggles, I was looking up like how much it costs for a custom license plate.
Speaker: yeah Way too much. I just want to say I have a running theory that the highest concentration of percentage-wise, like people who have a customized license plate versus who don't, is New Hampshire.
Speaker: Every time I'm in New Hampshire, because it's not very far, I see, i would say, four to five custom license plates. That's sickening. It's crazy how many people in New Hampshire. I mean, their their motto is live free or die. So I guess that's part of it.
Speaker: Every time I see it's mostly women or like friend boys. yeah Or people who have like a really nice car and write like lawyer or something. Yeah, like I don't give a fuck, dude. You don't have to rub it in my face. Or ass man. Shout out to Seinfeld.
Speaker: Okay, so Rosie's got a minivan that says Rosie on it, and Rachel's a fucked up piece of shit, like Volkswagen-looking John. um And Kyle makes a comment about, we're going to new car.
Speaker: Because her check engine light's on. Yeah, I mean, her car's fucked up. And then it does, I mean... For the issues they make it seem like it has, it does hold its own this whole movie. That's true.
Speaker: It gets you to point A, point B, C, and D. Yeah. um So we cut to them driving to school, and Rachel starts doing a spelling bee with her son.
Speaker: um Who really cares? They hit some traffic. Um, and Rachel asks Kyle to check the highway, which they always, they say is always bad.
Speaker: Um, and she gives Kyle her phone. Kyle's like, why is there no passcode on this John? And she's like, i almost crashed my car last time trying to unlock it. So there's no passcode. I mean, you are a dumb me dude.
Speaker: Bitch. Yeah, I mean. i really try and not look at my phone. You know, I don't. That's why I got car play. Yeah, car play. Nice. She don't. But yeah, I it's what it is.
Speaker: um And. Allegedly, the highway is clear from what the phone says, but Kyle's pretty sus. um So they decided to take the highway while they're on the highway.
Speaker: the dad, Richard, calls. um and what like and cancels his plans to go to some game with Kyle. Probably baseball.
Speaker: fuck you lose fucking hate baseball. It sucks, dude. It's such a fucking... If you go to a game like in person and you drink, it's a good time. right but i would never sit if i this If you asked me to sit there sober, I'd kill myself.
Speaker: And on TV? Oh ah my god. yes Yeah, we get it. You're old. You know what my brother watches? What does Lenny watch? Fishing. Fishing on TV.
Speaker: Fishing in NASCAR, I bet. Nah, he said he gave up NASCAR, but my dad still wants it. he gave it up, huh? Yeah. Shout out Lenny Sr. Yeah. Shout out Lenny Jr. Yeah, shout Big Len.
Speaker: Big Len Roethlisberger. Yo, let's go. What's up, dude? Your dad's not a rapist, though. Slinging dick. All right, he's not slinging dick anymore. he is. He probably can't get it up, though. i mean, your dad's not a rapist, but you could argue he fucking raped the Vietnamese.
Speaker: Do we have to cut that? No, it's fine. Okay. He was on artillery, so he was really sending like the big fucking boomers at him. He was dropping bombs. Yeah. of Fuck them up.
Speaker: That's what it is.
Speaker: um So they hit traffic on the highway, obviously, and this is going to be Kyle's third tardy, which is a detention. um While they're in the car, Rachel gets a call from Debra.
Speaker: Uh, and I said, but literally fuck you, Debbie. Yeah. She's trying to confirm that, uh, her appointment with Rachel is still be at nine o'clock. And Rachel's like, well, I have hit traffic and she freaks the fuck out.
Speaker: I mean, she goes crazy because Rachel's running late and it's like, bro, relax. She literally says maybe 15, 20 minutes. Like if you, what are you doing? If you have an appointment, right?
Speaker: um Also, it's for cutting hair, bro. Relax. Relax. Like, she's coming to you, I'm assuming. Or they're meeting at, like, a salon. I don't know. At a salon? One of the two. but It's 20 minutes. Relax.
Speaker: um She freaks the fuck out and fires Rachel, which is crazy. So she's an independent contractor. Sure. ah Rachel blames too many cars for the traffic, and Kyle's like, well, you did oversleep.
Speaker: And she's like, you know what? Yeah, I did. Yeah, you're valid. um They get off the highway and decide to take the surface streets. Huh?
Speaker: Continue. Okay. i'll laugh at i'll ah I'll laugh at it in the edit. No. As I always do. um And they get behind this truck, which is, spoiler alert, Tom's truck.
Speaker: um And the light turns green and this truck does not move. Um, and, ah Rachel leans on the horn several times and a little egregious, I would say.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, we're going to get into this whole courtesy tap thing. Uh, really wouldve went a long way. I feel like, uh, and then leans on it twice, still doesn't move and then goes around. And on the way around also leans on the horn again.
Speaker: Like, and so she catches the light, but when she turns, it's just more traffic. So she's just a sit and duck. um Tom pulls up next to her and signals signals for her to roll down her window.
Speaker: and For some reason, Kyle rolls down his window, this fucking idiot. I hate kids. Like, why? What are you doing? um And then the window won't close because her car's a piece of shit. Right. ah And Tom is basically asking, like, you know, not even a courtesy little beep beep.
Speaker: um You know what courtesy honk is? And Rachel doubles down and she's like, I wasn't even trying to give you a courtesy tap. I was trying to just fucking lean on it. Yeah. Or someone would give me a courtesy tap. I don't know what that means, but yeah.
Speaker: ah Tom says he's been having a hard time and Rachel's like joining the club. um And Tom says he's sorry and asks her to apologize back for her fucking wild behavior. But she refuses.
Speaker: Um, and he says she doesn't know what a bad day is, but she's going to find out. You're going to fuck her around find out. Fuck around find out, ho. And then she said, he also said she's going to fucking learn. You're going learn today. Shout out Syair, I think his name was.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Was that that kid's name? Yeah. Tall black dude. I still follow him on Facebook. Follow him. We're friends, I guess. Um, he definitely doesn't know i exist anymore. No. He didn't know I existed in the first place. That's fair.
Speaker: ever have... I guess we can get into it right now. You ever like been in a situation like this? Not to this extent, but a little road ragey? A little road rage? I can remember one time in particular that I... would that Yeah. um i was dry I used to commute like an hour to work.
Speaker: And I was on a highway and this guy... It was this fucking thing where like i i would pass him in the left lane, and then he would speed up and go and get in front of me again and just slow down.
Speaker: Not like slam on the brakes, but just slow down. And i was just like I was like, why do you keep it? So then I'd move over into the other and try to pass him. And then there was... I forget. This is like dude this is like easily 10 years ago, I think.
Speaker: But at some point, he I moved all way over to the right lane, and he came all the way over and slammed on the brakes in front of me. What the fuck? And I was like, what? I mean, I'm sorry. This story is not like coherent, but it was a long time ago.
Speaker: Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? Like, I'm just trying to drive. Go home. It's fucking 10 o'clock at night. I'm tired. want to go home. Yeah. He just slammed the brakes in front of me. That's the only real race story have, though. Do you have one or no?
Speaker: ah I haven't been driving as long as you have, um but I was in the car for this one. um My ex kind of like cut someone off. Yeah.
Speaker: And then flip that person off. And then they followed us to our apartment. Yeah, I've never flipped somebody off before. Don't do that. Like, that's just that's just bad. You're asking for trouble.
Speaker: I think Rachel also flips Tom off in this scene. Yeah, like that you're asking for trouble, you know? Just stay cool. You don't know who's in the car. It could be Tom. they could have a fucking Glock.
Speaker: Exactly. Be Glocked up. Yeah. um If you have a ah real radio story, call in. Let us know. know Let us know. We're trying to be interactive with you fucks.
Speaker: By the way... go ahead. It's not worth it. By the way, i just want to say... um Hereditary has overtaken... it it came out of nowhere and is the highest viewed episode we have now. I don't know why that is.
Speaker: Let's go. It's Tyler. Shout out Tyler. Numero uno right now. um So shout out to everybody who's going back and listening to our old episodes to try to catch Thank you as well. Welcome.
Speaker: So the light turns green where they're at and they continue to drive forward and Tom does what I just described where he drives in front of them and slams on the brakes. um And they just stop and decide to turn left to like lose him because he's in front of them now.
Speaker: And then he also stops and they kind of have a standoff, but he decides not to turn around and they go their separate ways for now. He does like a crazy, like drives forward and then like skids and he's like kind of like sideways into both lanes.
Speaker: Right. He also is that like stereotypical asshole has a big ass car and think they can do what they want on the road. Fuck you. Like, fuck you. Yeah. um If you drive a truck and like you in a parking spot, you park like in both spots.
Speaker: Just go fuck yourself. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Like if you park diagonally, you're a fucking asshole. Yeah. What do we do? Like, oh, my God. Fuck off. Like the spray. Yeah. Full circle. You're a fucking bug to me. All right.
Speaker: Yeah, you are. You're a fucking parasite. God damn it. Um, there's this part that I missed in the beginning. um Kyle's big into Fortnite, which I am not.
Speaker: um don't even own it. i don't even own a gaming Gonzole. Um, and there's some strategy I've ever heard of in my life. Some fucking strategy. Who really fucking cares? But Rachel's trying to act interested, but he's like you don't fucking care, which she doesn't.
Speaker: Um, She drops Kyle off at school late. And again, I was like, why can't you take a bus? Because there is a bus. There's a bus literally parked like next to them. But what maybe it's one of those things where like he lives too far out.
Speaker: Maybe he's not other maybe short bus for him. That's that's potential. Yeah. Got to cut that. um
Speaker: And she promises him that she's going to pick him up on the dot after detention with a blizzard from ah DQ. Shout out to DQ, I guess. It's like a caramel blizzard.
Speaker: I've never had one of them. Caramel crunch blizzard. thought she said peanut butter. thought she said caramel. All right. Well, you let us know. ah She calls Andy back and tells him she almost got in accident um and that Debra, her client, fired her.
Speaker: um And she asks Andy to meet her for breakfast for therapy in 20 minutes at Dara's, which is a diner. Shout out to diners. Yeah, diners are fucking the shit, dude. The shit.
Speaker: um But she glances down and notices she has an empty gas tank. ah So she stops to get gas and leaves her phone in the car. I also leave my phone in the car when I get gas. I'll say that.
Speaker: Yeah, but you usually are like right by your car, right? Depends where I'm at. If I'm going inside, I'm locking the car. My phone's in there, but I'm locking it. For sure. Right. For sure. um Also, the gas was $2.54. What a time to be alive.
Speaker: What a time to be alive, dude, honestly. So she starts flying a Britannic and then walks inside to get... She buys a water and some Powerballs, which is like... Let's fucking go. might be down low, kid.
Speaker: And she pays in cash. And she goes to leave, and Tom is now parked behind her at the gas station. Not pumping gas. No, he's pumping his cock.
Speaker: You're probably getting off, huh? Yeah. I would not fuck fat Russell Crowe. Sorry, he's too fat. No. I ain't fucking it. You probably can't see his penis. That's fair. If you're out there listening...
Speaker: If you're out there listening and you're a roly-poly-oly respectfully and you can't see your peen, let us know. Sometimes I can't see it, but other days I'm good. If I'm bloated, I can't see it. When I'm drinking heavy soda, yeah, I can't see it.
Speaker: Right. um so she tells ah Rachel tells the clerk and this guy who's also in the in the store that this guy's been following her. He got some roe rage. Yeah.
Speaker: ah And the guy offered, well, first the clerk offers for her to call the police. She's like, no, which is the right answer. If you're being followed, call a fucking police. End of the movie. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: um The man offers to walk her out of the store. That's what they end up doing. um And the man, he kind of like circles this guy's car. He gets his license plate, which is 7-Eleven TPX.
Speaker: da Okay.
Speaker: You want a fucking slushie? Yeah. I got the big cop. um Don't touch my goat. That's back. I love that.
Speaker: Shout out to Patel twins in Harry Potter. um they can stroke my goat. So Rachel gets in her car and pulls off and this dude is just standing in front of Tom's truck. He's like, yeah, just fuck off, man. Chill out. like He's like, I got your plate right here. And he points at his head.
Speaker: yeah Like who fucking cares? What are you a server? Who gives a shit? um
Speaker: And Tom's like, fuck you, buddy. And runs this man into traffic. And then he gets hit by another car. There's several like final destination type kills in this movie, which I enjoy for sure.
Speaker: For sure. um And he starts following ra Rachel, Rachel. um And he took her phone, Rachel, Rachel. And he we we watch a ah car chase scene happen.
Speaker: They run some red lights um and then they run into traffic. where Tom is just rear-ending her car over and over. He's just fucking plowing her ass.
Speaker: He is. He's like, boom, boom. He's got a good rhythm to it. No one around her like notices, though. Yeah, they show her yelling to that lady. and She's on her phone. I didn't pay attention, which is kind of like, i feel like it would actually happen in real life.
Speaker: I mean, I think I would hear it at least, you know? People in society are so cooked. Were you in the car with me that one day? Maybe it was with my ex-girlfriend. We were in Poe Town. Right by, um I want to tell you where it is so you know what i'm talking about. All right, just say it.
Speaker: we are we okay we were in Poetown by that department store that you and I had a conversation about. Like, it's amazing it's still open. Oh, yep. Over there, okay? Uh-huh. And we were at the light, and there were several cars behind us, and it was just a red light. It was in the evening, and all of a sudden, I heard a fucking car crash, and a car, like, four cars back got, like, fucking rear end of it, like, proper smashed.
Speaker: And I looked over wherever was with us. I'm a fucking us. like We're like four cars away from that. Yeah, it definitely wasn't with me. no I think it was. Yeah. You're lucky it didn't like, you know, have like the little boom, boom, boom effect.
Speaker: The dominant. I mean, he hit that car hard enough where it could have. Right. Anyways, we should mention Tom's truck has that little. what do you call it? Oh, great. In the front of his car. yeah Great.
Speaker: So he's not raw dog in her ass. He's ah he has a little. He's got protection. He's got protection. yeah He's got protection on that ass. So Tom pulls up next to her in his truck, obviously, and he waves her phone at her like, I have your phone.
Speaker: And then it distracts her along. if There's a bus turning onto the street and they have to like go pops in opposite directions. He's like, hey, dumbass. fucking women driving you know i'm mean fucking oh my don't even give me start just kidding just jokes um so rachel has to has to fucking swerve out swerve uh into some street and she almost runs over a yeah i mean um and uh you dumb bitch you dumb bitch you know you
Speaker: If you know what we're talking about, fuck you. You know what we're talking about. Yeah, you do. Learn to drive, bitch. i don't give a fuck. Fuck you. ah yeah all right. She finally parks her car somewhere and takes a breather.
Speaker: um We cut to Darrow's where Andy's sitting there waiting for her and he's trying to call her ask about her ETA. When Tom walks in, It's good. ah so ah sad And Tom asks Andy if he's Andy.
Speaker: And he's like, yeah. And then you said and ah he just sits down in the booth um with him. And ah Tom's whole thing is like, oh, a friend of Rachel. She told me to tell you she's running a late.
Speaker: Whatever. No one's going to do that. Yeah. let me Ever. And Andy's like, is she okay? And Tom's like, well, she sounded a little stressed. Like, I fucking wonder why, Tom. um And Andy tells Tom that ah Rachel had mentioned to him on the phone this whole road rage story.
Speaker: And that one time 10 years ago, he got followed as well. ah Do you think it's possible that the 10 years ago story, the guy he was that was following him was this kid? Or you think he just he just snapped recently? Because the news made me say he snapped recently.
Speaker: yeah No one... Nah. To that extent? Nah, you're brewing it. Fair enough. And I forget exactly what happened. um and But Tom accidentally slips that Rachel's going through it with the divorce.
Speaker: And Andy's like, I never mentioned the divorce. um And Tom is like, what's so fucking wrong Richard, man? He's doing the best that he can. Did he fuck around? yeah And Andy's like, Richard's quit every job he's ever had.
Speaker: yeah um And Andy gets up to leave. And Tom asks, um he's like, if I can get Rachel on the phone free you, will you buy me a coffee? And he was like, yeah.
Speaker: yeah So Tom has planted a phone, a flip phone, into Rachel's car. You ever have a flip phone? No, I had the the Infinity. was a Slide John from Verizon.
Speaker: Slide Johns need to make a comeback. I would probably disagree with that, I think. I don't think I want them to come back. You like the all-in-one? I like Shadow HP. Yeah.
Speaker: All-in-ones, baby. HP, if you're listening to HP, sponsor us. Hit us up. I've given you so much free fucking publicity. like Yeah, like you need it, but I've given it to you.
Speaker: like If you you need a printer, if you need a computer, HP. You need an all-in-one? HP. um Anyways, you need shaft hair? Call me up. We trim that shit. Send it to you.
Speaker: Bro, it's so weird. My shaft hair has like a... It's like a split almost. It's like the hair that is where my bush would be. don't have a bush. It's cleaned.
Speaker: It's just kind of like whatever. And then it's like a line where my cock starts and all the hair just is like this way, like going upwards towards my tip. Like you like you combed it. And it's like I didn't. But it's natural.
Speaker: maybe just Maybe it's matted. Not matted. It doesn't look like. Whoa. Matted. No, that that that insinuates I don't clean it. I clean it every day. But. Well, I'm sure. let's back up a little bit. Okay. Yeah. Let's back this up.
Speaker: So you have no bush, but you still got shaft hair. No, it's not like that. even your bush no shaft here You're leaving the shaft hair on.
Speaker: No, i I mean, the hair grows. I just trim it. Basically, your cock has bangs. That's kind of fire. That's actually what I've been trying. I think I've been trying to say my cock has bangs. Yes, that's fire. But the so what I'm saying is like when I cut it all down, i you know, when I weed whack, it grows back that way.
Speaker: So it's like you have like a cock comb over. i Yeah. Yeah, I do. yeah um Your cock looks like Jake's head.
Speaker: Yeah, my cock has way more hair than Jake's head does. Oh. I don't know who that's worse for, you or Jake. I trim it down, though. I got to trim it down. um Also, we love you, Jake. But also, it's weird. do You know how, like, some people, like, you can, like, make, like, a seam in your hair. Like, here there's a line, and, like, the hair goes this way or whatever.
Speaker: like My cock has that going this way. Naturally. and it's a ne it's a I think it's just cool when i sit, it's, like, the crease of, like... Oh, yeah. My fupa. See, my fupa is so fucking big because I'm so fat that like, yeah, you don't have to deal with that. You know, I'm just saying if someone wants to suck on fupa, like it's fine.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, yeah, I don't I don't know how my belly rub my fupa. That video yesterday. Wasn't that fucking wild? That was disturbing. That guy rubbing that guy's tits down. we This is video came up on my TikTok yesterday of this dude. It's like called like a sleep massage.
Speaker: but You could be getting rubbed down. and This kid that was getting rubbed down, first of all, no shirt, ah had tits. okay and There's nothing wrong with having tits, but this older man was kind of going on his tits.
Speaker: He was like smirking. He was like, why am I watching this? This guy was getting off. The kid was getting off. like It was just weird, man. Yeah, his eyes were closed. and He was kind of laughing too about it. like And then, like, he picked his arm up. He's going like, just fucking rubbing him down. All right. No one knows what we're talking about, and I'm not putting that as clip.
Speaker: Let me just tell you. It was... We'll link you in the description. I felt wrong for watching it. Yeah. and i and And then, like, you know how, like, when you watch it once, the algorithm's like, all right, here's a lot more of them. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: ah Yeah. And then I saw one with this guy. He was, like, finger-fucking his ear. What the fuck is happening? I don't... It's it's it's these fucking... i I mean, that's a rut row, but.
Speaker: Oh my God. It's what it is, bro. And ah i'm I'm absolutely positive what they were doing.
Speaker: but Bro. Well, when I went there, they make you take your shoes and your socks off. It's like, bro, the smell is enough. We don't need your fucking dogs barking too. I did have a chickpea curry earlier that was fucking bomb, though. I've never had curry because I'm always afraid that it's spicy as fuck.
Speaker: Yeah, you can't. You have to be careful. The only one the only one that's like not spicy is korma. And even sometimes you can get spicy korma. Because i my asshole can't handle spicy.
Speaker: I don't know if i told this story on the podcast or not. If I did, I'm sorry but I'm going to it again. When I was in India, we went to this place. my roommate and I were like free for the night. and We went to this chat out, Matt Sherman. Um, that's a very common name. I think I'm okay saying that, right? Yeah.
Speaker: All right. Yeah. Uh, we went to this place and I didn't know the menus are not like for hello. The pop Mike's going crazy. Uh,
Speaker: It's not a touristy place. so that It's not like the menu's in fucking Hindi or whatever. It's not in English. You're right. And you're just like, but I'm not, but they are.
Speaker: um But then sometimes some restaurants have like a little English translation, but it's not a lot. So I saw this. I saw this, this item on the menu. It's a chicken 65. Right. And it just said, it just said in the bottom fire roasted chicken was the English translation. i was like, that sounds great.
Speaker: Yeah, so I got that. I took one bite. This is by far the spiciest chicken I've ever had in my entire life. um And then I looked it up later.
Speaker: Chicken 65 is a regional dish in India where they cook chicken in 65 different chilies. Whoa. It was the spiciest fucking food. I couldn't eat it. My roommate ate it. I was shocked.
Speaker: And they like, did did he have the shit? He had to have had the shit. I don't, i mean, when you go over there, you start eating their food. You just have a liquid shit for a while until your body gets used to it. because you know, I, you know, I had over there a lot. Nose bleeds because of the climate is so different.
Speaker: You're on the equator. Did it scare you? Because like, everything's just kind of out and about. Like it could be like spoiled, but like they're used to it. Oh, oh, I'll take it one step further. I'll take it one step further.
Speaker: We, we were over there. In India. And they're like, we're gonna go to a fish market. And I was like, okay. And we go to this fish market and they have tarps out on the, on the dock. It's not even like, there's no tents. There's, it's just a tarps.
Speaker: They're baking in the sun. And they have fish on top of, there's ice on the, on the tarp. but And they have, they just, they've thrown the fish on top of the ice. They told us, the tour guide told us the fish sits there because we asked.
Speaker: The fish sits there from 5 a.m. m to 11 a.m. m in the fucking Indian sun. Oh, no. Oh, nice. And then they go, these fucking idiots go, hey, we're going to a fish restaurant tonight for dinner.
Speaker: I'm good. When I told you all I ate was the bread and I still felt a little weird. But I mean, my whole class was just chowing down. Like, you guys took surf safe.
Speaker: Right. Like, how are you? Hello? i didn't eat one fucking thing. This one poor this poor girl. She's a baddie. If you're listening, to hit me up. um She literally almost, like, died on the trip.
Speaker: Like, didn't make it. And to be fair, probably. I mean, she thought she was going to, like, die. um But to be fair... I have of not the stomach issues. you mean, your issues are more sphincter based. Mine are more internally based.
Speaker: I had no issues the entire time I was there huh in India. Like I did not like like look, I welcome diarrhea at this point. You know, it's like it's what it is.
Speaker: Clean. pun Yeah. Clean me out. Yeah. A low effort shit. What's better than that? Nothing. But I will share this story. Here's another story I can share. the last It's our last day there.
Speaker: Literally, like our like we're in the airport leaving to go back to Singapore. And I forgot what I'd eaten, but I do vividly remember getting KFC in the airport. oh Which is risky. I understand that.
Speaker: Airport food in general. Is risky. Yeah. I was sitting in the airport eating KFC when it hit me. And I was like, oh, I got to go now. Unfortunately, bathroom was all... I had to go up two different sets of escalators to get to this bathroom. I I...
Speaker: I barely made it. I go to pull my pants down and I clipped the end of my boxers oh no before I unloaded on this fucking toilet. so I'm sitting down. You know how like you look down your pants are at your ankles.
Speaker: Yeah. And I just see a little fucking golf ball size shit looking up at me. That's wet. It is wet. It looks like melted ice cream. but like parel Like partially melted ice cream. For some godforsaken reason, I mean, i know why, but there was a garbage in the stall in the bathroom.
Speaker: Oh, they know. So I just threw the boxers out in that airport bathroom and left. Was it a clean bathroom? You're in Singapore, so it had to be clean. I was in India. Oh. was in India. Yeah, it was fine. some The airports were better, but a lot of places in India just literally have holes in the ground.
Speaker: toilet paper in the stall though? No. if If the hotels we went to that had toilet paper art were considered luxury. if ah If a hotel in India offers toilet paper, that's luxury hotel.
Speaker: like you're you're You'd be happy to like fucking wipe your ass with a napkin. We had to bring our own toilet paper. Yeah. That's concerning. i mean yeah no It's kind of sad. It's sad. No, I feel bad for them. yeah um But they don't know any different. Just like you know with the with the fish. like Their bodies are so accustomed.
Speaker: Yeah. So don't don't do that eat that. There's a lot of research online about like what you should shouldn't eat if it's your first time over there. Yeah. And I kind of stuck to that. Bread is typically a safe bet.
Speaker: Also, you're going to to hold yourself together because you're going to shitting liquid. Yeah. So. Absorbs anything. It does. It does. um Where the fuck were we in this movie? I think we were at the diner.
Speaker: Okay. I mean, that is a tangent and a half. ah Keep it all in. Except for that part about... Yeah, we got to cut. Some of that I got to cut. All right. So, oh, we said that Tom asked if he could get Rachel on the phone.
Speaker: Would Andy buy him a coffee? So he called he's planted a ah flip phone, as we said, in Rachel's car. And we cut to Rachel, who finds his phone ringing in her dash. And Andy talks to Rachel.
Speaker: And he's like, yeah, I'm sitting with... a
Speaker: I'm sitting with Tom Cooper and, uh, you know, your friend. And this was slick. Like he's Tom's like, yeah, give me the phone. And he hands Tom the phone. Asher's like, I don't know who he is. He's a psycho, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: Um, and Tom at this point just goes full unhinged. And he's like, I think you need to learn what a really bad day is and say, you're sorry. But she kind of half asses saying, sorry.
Speaker: And he' like, you need to fucking mean it. And at this point, Andy's like, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? Then he smacks Andy with a fucking coffee mug over his fucking nose. So he's bleeding.
Speaker: And slams his face into the table. And he puts her on speakerphone and says that Andy's a scumbag lawyer who fucks up decent men for a living. <unk>s like Then he's like, are you fucking them?
Speaker: He's like, they're going to fuck you physically, fuck you mentally, fuck you financially.
Speaker: And he's like, if this is the last time you're going to Andy, what would you say? She's just kind of like, what's going on? um And then ah we see Tom stab Andy in a diner at the back of his neck with a butter knife.
Speaker: ah Yeah, I did. That was in my notes. I wanted to point that out. A butter knife. I don't know. Tom is a strong motherfucker, though. He was gladiator, dude. He got that muscle. He ain't got the muscle now.
Speaker: Well, that's a thing. Like, fat people, once you get to a certain fatness, is it your fat becomes muscle because it's so much pressure coming down. So maybe. so So it's not muscle. It's weight. It's power. weight. Yeah. yeah Gerald is not a doctor.
Speaker: It is brute force.
Speaker: I will say I had a bit of, for some reason, I remember this movie. I remembered him stabbing this guy's hand with a fork. I did too. And that's not what happened. No. That was my memory of it, but it that's not what happened. So um after that happens, Rachel is like, just act like a fucking idiot. She's like, what's going on?
Speaker: What happened? What did you do? So Rachel doesn't understand that he just killed Andy. um And Tom has to spell it out for him. Uh, and she apologizes to Tom again.
Speaker: And Tom is like, there's still a hinge of fuck you in your voice, which is was a fucking great line. He has, he has a lot of good one liners here. Yeah. Uh, so they hang up and then they're both in the car and he calls her back and, um, he's basically reading back her messages to her. And she's like, yeah, your therapist called and said, she's going to need to reschedule.
Speaker: She better be on a fucking a game. Cause you're going need it. There's another message on the phone from the school that Kyle goes to thanking her for her help in their drama production, Hair and Makeup.
Speaker: And ah her son Kyle was in the quartet. That's a little gay. yeah Yeah. I mean, a little hinge of fuck you, little hinge of gay. Well, yeah, but it's all right, right? Like touch of gray, touch of gay.
Speaker: they probably have that, but like instead of like like a normal color, Touch of Gray? Touch of Gay. Oh, yeah I was going to say instead of a normal color, yeah, just like a little rainbow.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm thinking about coming out as gay for a Pride Month.
Speaker: I'll support you. Crickets. Yep. I don't have the crickets by today. No, we can't have a buy. That's fine. I brought back the long John Silver and I don't, haven't used it yet. That's okay. Yeah. yeah I could see you having a little buy in you.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm not actually gay. She's kind of a fun bit. Right. I'm just saying, I'd probably fucking suck a mean dick. I'm pretty sure I've said that before, but. Right. Yeah. I mean, i don't think I would. Also, it is wild the theoretical that I sent you that you would do it.
Speaker: That you would get cleaned out rectally for 5K. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Because I was at work and one of my coworkers was like... We were fucking around and he was like, yeah, five k you can fuck me. That's what he told me.
Speaker: And I was like... i was like, it would only take $5,000 to get fucked in the ass until completion? I mean, you know, it's not... Well, for me, i get because my cock is small.
Speaker: But if you get some big boy... I mean, yeah, I'd have to like, oh, to fucking wreck your ass. I'd have to evaluate size first. Yeah. 5k not enough for me.
Speaker: Regardless of size, 5k is enough being some my hairy plopper. I mean, it's not, you know, it's not a crazy amount of money, but it's not a small amount of money, you know? So it's like right there. It's also not enough money.
Speaker: well
Speaker: then And then I offered... Go ahead. What about to have them finish in your mouth? That's more. Oh, no. That's more. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. i don't It would take so much money.
Speaker: I mean... So much? Yeah. Triple digits like in the nine digits in the millions nine did what do we do? You would do it for less you take fucking cum in your mouth I prefer like just pay my car off. You know like 40k and I'm good 40k.
Speaker: I'm good. Yo 40k is not enough money to cum in my mouth. I ain't gay. No, it's wrong with being gay. I'm just saying I'm not get a swallow i yeah Okay, if we're talking swallowing, that's like $100 million. of dollar That's like $100 mil easy.
Speaker: That's good protein. $100 mil? That's not good protein. That's just being gay.
Speaker: It's like you know if like a fly lands on pizza, and that's good protein right there.
Speaker: i Yeah, but I i don't think. Let us know what it would take for you. Let us know your price point. for For A, for a guy to fuck a year at your asshole to completion.
Speaker: B, for a black guy to fuck your ass to completion. And C, for a guy come in your mouth. And then D, for you to swallow it. Right. there's a lot of Those are all different price points. You got a lot of things to consider here.
Speaker: All I'm saying is $500 little too low.
Speaker: Honestly, if a guy was like, going to fucking cum in your mouth and you got to swallow it, but here's $500,000, I'd be like, you got to give me more. No shot, dude. i It's not enough money. 500K, maybe I'd let him fuck my ass.
Speaker: Maybe, but what it's aggressive? Just think of the mental trauma going to be stuck with afterwards. Mental trauma? It doesn't matter. You can, like, buy a house. You can, like, buy a new car. No, no, no, no, no. Getting fucked in the ass. I don't care how much money you have. You're setting yourself up for a little bit.
Speaker: Joaquin Phoenix, stop being the Joker after you got fucked in the ass. What are you talking about? ratmo I'm just saying. I don't think... i i don't think that...
Speaker: get money can fix getting fucked in the ass. i yeah can I don't think that can. Pay for doctor bills if something goes wrong. What about your fucking mental state? Therapy? Pays for your therapy?
Speaker: Therapy's fucking bullshit. Alright, we're never going to sponsored by BetterHelp now. We're fucked.
Speaker: Whatever. Have you been sexually assaulted? Better help. It's just like... i Either way, let us know what you think. That is a crazy tangent. Are we still in the diner? We're still in the diner. We're not in the diner anymore. No, we're we're getting close. to Yeah, he's in the car.
Speaker: Yeah. um So he Tom is like looking through her photos and she's like, tell me, he's like, tell me who I'm going to kill next or I'll just play Russian roulette with your phone.
Speaker: Uh, and then he suggests Richard who is her, the father to her child. And I think little bit before this, he like goes into her bank account. Yeah. That's the next part. Yeah. fuck me It's okay.
Speaker: Um, but yeah, like you're saying, he does go into a bank account and he's like, you don't give me a name. I'll just send all your money. You're $2,300 to Richard. Um, and then he threatens to burn her house down or killing her mom. Uh, and Rachel, it's like, kill me. He's like, yeah, you're not an option.
Speaker: And, uh, Rachel suggests finally Deborah. and So yeah, my notes were out of order. Um,
Speaker: They hang up and Rachel calls 911. ah We cut to Freddie who's hanging out at the house watching the video footage at Darrow's because people were just watching Tom murder this dude. They didn't care. They were just recording it.
Speaker: That's the society we live in, though. People just pull out their phones. They don't try and help or anything. Right. And he calls ah Mary because you kind of hear her go, like a little yelp, like, ew.
Speaker: Yeah. on yeah Yeah. It's sad movie. um And the news is saying that he got fired just before he was eligible for his pension and he hasn't been find work. So this dude is down bad.
Speaker: We cut and the police are pulling up to Debra Haskell's house. um And she's fine. um So if you don't get it yet, he didn't go to Debra's house. um Freddie's watching the meet the news still, and they're giving the description of the truck when he sees the same exact truck outside and grabs a knife.
Speaker: ah Tom appears behind him holding Mary hostage. Uh, and Tom tells Fred that Rachel has deemed Tom the unworthiest fuck to ever walk this earth.
Speaker: To be honest, you tell me that I'm gonna hard. That's what i'm saying. Like bully me and I'll come. Um, and I was trying to figure out what song I could pull for this button, but he's like, yeah, i've been chewed up and spit out. That's like a song. I'm pretty sure. gotta be, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I just couldn't think of it. I'm sorry. Let us know. um And Fred's like, dude, what do you want? I have some really good weed and like 20 bucks. um And Tom is holding a knife outwards.
Speaker: Tom. Fred is holding the knife outwards. And Tom just skewers Mary into the knife that Fred's holding like several times. like Yeah. um We cut to Rachel who pulls up to her school like a fucking lunatic.
Speaker: Uh, when she receives a picture of Tom and Fred, little selfie, John, um, and he gets a phone call. Uh, and we can see that Tom is tracking her location and he asks Rachel to pick her son up and then call him back right after.
Speaker: um we cut back to Tom and Freddie. Tom has, ah Fred tied to a wheelchair with, And he's like dumping lighter fluid around him and on him.
Speaker: And he says they're going to write Rachel a letter. This is a weird kink. Right. I mean, I don't think You think he's getting off to it? Yeah. I think he's just fucking unhinged. i don't think it's like a sexual thing for him.
Speaker: It'd be a sexual thing for me. You know what I'm saying? How? You Give a nice nice girl in a wheelchair. Let me... stroke your... Whoa, get a nice grown-up wheelchair. Oh, what the fuck?
Speaker: Not low. Your prosthetic? but Sure. I told you that comedy show I went to, the guy had a prosthetic arm. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Get fisted by it? Sure. it was It was a very small hand, though. Like that one thing from... The comedian made a joke. yeah Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Um... Rachel runs inside and tells the principal who's watching the news about this maniacs saying that, you know, he's after her and she needs her son as soon as possible.
Speaker: Uh, we come back to Tom who was telling Fred to write the letter, basically saying she's responsible for Mary's death. Um, Rachel gets Kyle and they're in the car and she's not telling Kyle shit. She calls Tom and Tom wants to talk to Kyle.
Speaker: Um, and then they, they're like, hello. And then, uh, Rachel talks to Fred and Fred tells Rachel, Mary's gone. He's like, is it dad? Can I talk to dad? What's everybody's obsession with dad?
Speaker: I don't know, dude. um Daddy issues a mile here. Fred's pissing himself. ah Tom demands he put on speaker and says that Fred wrote her a letter. And Fred reads the letter saying that, again, Rachel responsible for Mary's death.
Speaker: And she's the most entitled self-centered person. ah She should be ashamed of herself. um And it's all her fault that Fred will never see another sunrise again.
Speaker: That's deep. um It's like some poetry. And while they're on the phone, the police show up and Tom like kind of hides. He's so fat. Not really hiding, but he's like behind Fred. um And he lights Fred on fire and wheels the chair over into the cop. But the cop does get a few shots off, pops a few rounds into Tom's shoulder.
Speaker: Trying to pop a few rounds into your mouth for fire Do it. um I'm ready. And Rachel's listening to all this and then eventually throws up. um The phone rings again. kyle advises her not to answer the phone, but like, it could be the police.
Speaker: It's not. And it is Tom again. tom just wants an apology. She won't give it to him. um He threatens to kill Kyle. And then Rachel hangs up on him by smashing the phone.
Speaker: And Rachel and Kyle decide it's time to go to the police station. Should doing that. And then they're in the car. And Kyle wants to call dad. But they don't have a phone.
Speaker: Yeah. Uh, he's like, you give your tablet? And she's like, no, but I didn't really look very well. If you want to look for me. And they find this tablet, uh, taped to the bottom of the seat and you can use, go ahead. Can you make calls on tablets?
Speaker: If it's set up that way, yeah, you can get like cellular service on your tablet. My mom had it for a while. That's kind of cool. Yeah. And they use the Find My Phone app to locate... Shout out Steve Jobs.
Speaker: To locate where this guy is. And he's right next to them. um And they find out because they see Rosie's minivan. With Rosie's license plate that says Rosie.
Speaker: Wow. Remember that. um Right. And ah they see a cop car just ahead. And Rachel passes the exit to go to the cop car instead.
Speaker: Um, so they pass Tom and Tom like has his hand up. I think Tom is also trying to go incognito here. Uh, and they pull up to the officer and, uh, Kyle rolls his window down and like starts yelling for help to the officer who is not paying attention.
Speaker: Uh, but Tom sees this and like kind of fucking gets involved, yes knocks this guy's car, like not sideways, but he's like perpendicular to the road.
Speaker: an officer goes to call for help and gets fucking leveled by a truck. Literally, like tractor trailer, final destination, like crushed. ah This causes a massive pile up in the middle of the ah the fucking highway.
Speaker: ah We get a phone call phone call, a car chase. They call 911 and the operator says that all the officers right now are assisting the the car crash.
Speaker: And Rachel's like, fucking Tom caused that shit, dude. She literally did it. I know where he is. The tablet dies. Um, and they come up with this plan to go to grandma's house because it fits Kyle's fortnight strategy where it's somewhere familiar and the road will confuse Tom.
Speaker: Um, we get a car chase scene to the house. Not much really happens here. Tom causes a few accidents. Um, Uh, they turn into the neighborhood and lose Tom for just a moment, but enough time where they're like, he can't really find them.
Speaker: Uh, and Tom goes to track them, but he can't cause a tablet died. Uh-oh. They pull into grandma's house and they turn on the security system, I guess. It was like a panic, a panic button to call the cops to them.
Speaker: Shout out panic room. Still can't find that 4k. um Kyle grabs a flashlight and goes and hides in like a little crawl space. This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. why Yeah. they're Like a little, it's a panic room.
Speaker: I guess, but it's like a little door that you slide in the closet and then you like hide in there, but like they have storage in there. um don't know. And I'm coming out of the closet. How you doing? Let's go.
Speaker: Rachel finds the candy cane scissors in her bag. And she also has a golf club. but I guess from the shed or the garage. what ah what What was it? You think it was like a nine iron? Maybe. scale gold A wedge? I used to. 60 degree wedge? It wasn't a driver.
Speaker: No, i know I know what a driver It wasn't a driver. wasn't a putter. Or a hybrid. Whoa. Or a three wood. why that's My wood is also three inches, so there's that. You excited for Happy Gilmore 2? No.
Speaker: no Why are they doing that? i don't know. Literally, why are we doing this? I'll watch it. I won't. Oh. So, Tom finally finds a house because he's a car parked outside. He pops some pills.
Speaker: And there's a car just off in the background that turns on and ramps his car, which was a smart move on her part. I guess they took grandma's car and parked it next door.
Speaker: But this guy's the Hulk because this did not affect him at all. Even a little bit. Yeah, crazy. ah So Rachel goes to investigate with a golf club and Tom is already out of the car and smashed her head into the car.
Speaker: And then just straight up punches her in the face. And he goes looking for Kyle. He goes inside and calls for Kyle like he's a police officer, which I'm sure Rachel was like, you don't come out unless you hear my voice.
Speaker: I'd hope so. I mean, I hope he's smart enough. He's like probably like, what, 15, maybe? fort Yeah, something like that. He's probably in puberty, I would say. Yeah, for sure. You should know right and wrong, dude. And mean ka Kyle knocks some shit over upstairs, and that causes Tom to investigate. And the door opens, and Kyle screams, but it's Rachel, which why the fuck are you screaming? Shut the fuck up.
Speaker: um And then as soon as Rachel opens that door, she gets dragged out and curb stomped. Literally like, it because kyle ah Kyle's like, we just made a lot of noise. Like, ah shut up, dude.
Speaker: It also was like that thing, like in in wrestling where they throw him into the fucking corner and they just keep kicking him. Oh, yeah. get Kind of like that. Yeah. um A fight ensues.
Speaker: Tom grabs Kyle. Rachel smacks with a golf club that, again, does nothing. Uh, and he kind of like fucking kicks her out of the way. He starts choking out Kyle with a lamp wire. Uh, crazy, right? You don't really see that in movies.
Speaker: I mean, he was like, really like choking this kid out in the mirror so he could see it. So I kind of get what you're saying about getting off to it. He's getting off to it. Why are you doing in that? Why are you doing the mirror? Maybe Kyle's in the autoerotic asphyxiation.
Speaker: Well, if he isn't, if he wasn't, he is now. How you doing? Um, Rachel stabs Tom in the eye with a scissor. She like jumped off the top rope.
Speaker: it was like ah It was like a Superman punch with scissors. yeah um And then this was actually a pretty good one line. She was huge. fucking courtesy tap. but she kicks the scissors into his head. I didn't like this. This is very Scream 6-esque spoilers for Scream 6.
Speaker: ah The police show up and tell them Fred's still alive. If you're going to kill people, don't come back and retcon it afterwards. don't fucking like that shit. That's fucking... I hate that shit. Kill him, kill kill him.
Speaker: On the way out, they're going home. They're free to go. And they almost get in an accident. Rachel likes to get in accents a lot. um And she almost honks but doesn't. And Kyle's like, good call.
Speaker: She learned her lesson from this terrifying ordeal. that is the end of Unhinged. What do you think? Let me put it in your minge.
Speaker: Minge is like pussy, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. um Big in the UK, they say minge. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's an episode of South Park where Oprah's butthole and vagina are plotting against people.
Speaker: Interesting. His one name is mingy. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: What are giving this one? I was really hoping to bump it to a four, but it is going to stay at a three and a half for me. But it is a high, high three and a half. Yeah, I wish I could make it like a 3.7, you know, because it's like...
Speaker: It's the upper echelon of three and a halves. Right. Like if you, uh, if you collect physical media, I would get it. these The slip is great. I love the slip. It really is Glossy.
Speaker: Yeah. Glossy, but like not lenticular, but it's shiny. Mm-hmm. It is shiny. I do very much enjoy it. I think anybody who hasn't seen it should check it out. It's a fun... It's not straight horror.
Speaker: i would say it's more thriller. Yeah, I agree with that. ah Shout out once again to my cousin Christina, a.k.a. The Slut. I don't mean it. ah For recommending the movie. we It was a film we had planned to review.
Speaker: So that's fun. um We hope you enjoyed that. We'll do a little... Plug it in, plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
Speaker: Follow us on Tik TOK, YouTube. It's popping off. Fuck you. Tik TOK. Uh, letterboxd. Uh, it'll be in the description as well as our phone number. Five away. Eight fist us.
Speaker: Five away. Eight dip. Tip. Tip tips. Tip, tip, period. Give us all of you. All your love. me that's miss That's like Miss X, right?
Speaker: yeah Like, hi I'm so-and-so. going to give you all my love. well Cut that. Two guys, one screen is love. Two guys, one screen is a life. Should we review that video before Shrek 5?
Speaker: Potentially. Yeah. Potentially. Well, I'm going to start beating off on air. Should we do an episode where we just review iconic short videos from YouTube and just do like ah like all of them in one ep?
Speaker: That'd be pretty fun. Like we do that video and whatever else. Yeah, that'd be fun. Or like we do that, the trailer, two girls, just a trailer, two girls, one cup. Yeah. um Anyways.
Speaker: Next week, I just went back to listen to this to do some last-minute edits. ah This is our wildest episode, I would say, without question.
Speaker: I don't think there's – mean, I think we we've worked our way up to this moment. um Next week is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I don't know what to tell you besides buckle up.
Speaker: Should we give a trigger like a trigger warning? This is heavy trigger warning. If you've been molested, don't listen to this episode. like anything to do with kids. its if If jokes about kids bother you, this is not the episode for you. yeah We should also say now, since this is the one leading up to it, they're all jokes. We're just kidding.
Speaker: It's obviously all very, very wrong. Never have I ever wanted anything to happen to a child, nor will I do anything to a child. We also were extremely patient. I believe this is the movie where they're all of age.
Speaker: So we're respectful in that sense. um It is it's off the wall. It's crazy. I think we might release the whole thing on Patreon when we have one. That's something where it's like the bleeps are very funny, but can't say that. So it's bleeped.
Speaker: Can't say it. For PR reasons. For PR reasons. um But I think it's, we've been saying these episodes are crazy. This is by far the wildest one. And it's not close. It's wilder than fucking Sorcerer's Stone. It's wilder than all those episodes.
Speaker: and Anything else we've ever done, I i do so declare. Um... Yeah, until next time, we'll see you guys for Harry's Bopper.
Speaker: Toodles. Fuck you, Mark, and shout out Mark from Bandit. but
