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EP. 72 Him (2025)
15 Plays9 days ago
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Vote in the FINAL ROUND of the Horror Bracket here!
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Transcript
Introduction and Humorous Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Episode 72 Introduction and Technical Difficulties
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello, welcome to episode 72 of the Two Guys, One Screen Podcast, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid Homies, a.k.a. the Poet Town Boys, a.k.a. the Diary of Daddies. There are too many a.k.a.s, and I just did this fucking recording, but my mic wasn't working. Too many a.k.a.s, because we were dot, dot, dot, dot. You know what mean? Yeah. Yeah.
00:01:12
Speaker
Yeah. Shout out to Russians, I guess. I mean, yeah. ah Just, yeah. We're here to review the newest film of 2025, Him. He, Him. They, Them.
00:01:27
Speaker
He, Haw. so He, Paw. This man, he'd his last Haw, for sure. man's pronouns are him, okay? you Don't fucking, don't fuck it up. yeah They literally, okay, there was a one, um just, no, okay.
00:01:41
Speaker
Yep. I mean, it's just what it is. ah We have, I have a lot of stuff for us to get through today. So we're just going do, just go right into a fucking plug it in. Plug it in, plug it Plug me in, plug me in.
00:01:56
Speaker
So what you're about to fucking do is critical. All right. You're about. Talk about critical thinking.
Social Media and Listener Engagement
00:02:01
Speaker
Yeah. You're about to follow us on Instagram. Two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
00:02:11
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube. TikTok. No. Dot UK.gov. No, none of that shit. We ain't British, Harry. Unfortunate.
00:02:24
Speaker
Follow us. No, I said that already. Yeah, follow us on Letterboxd individually. Send us a voicemail. 508-8-5-8-8-8-6-minute limit.
00:02:36
Speaker
Then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? You fucking want it or not? Speaking of ski mask ad libs, right? Yes. Yeah.
00:02:47
Speaker
I found out that this man in like ski mask. Ski mask. Yeah.
00:02:56
Speaker
On July 30th, he released an album called The Lost Files. It's a bunch of old shit. Oh, sick. And fucking Young Voorhees is on here. You can actually get that on Apple Music. Young Voorhees. Oh, the song?
00:03:10
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, shit.
00:03:15
Speaker
And there's a so there's a song I used to fuck with Heavy called Applesauce.
00:03:22
Speaker
I'm the shit-so-change-my-diaper bitch. Got bars like crib for infants. so yeah Yo, Young Voorhees is... That's big. That's big, dude. That's big.
Horror Movie Bracket Discussion
00:03:34
Speaker
All right.
00:03:34
Speaker
The first thing that we're going to address is the horror bracket. That's fucking important. All right. By golly, it is... Wow. um
00:03:46
Speaker
Human Centipede 3 versus Saw 3.
00:03:50
Speaker
This is to go to the finals. Oh. I mean, the way you're acting, I can already tell what won, and I'm mad. It's the Human Centipede 2. All right, I'm mad. 5-3.
00:04:02
Speaker
It's the winner, unfortunately. I cannot believe that you fucks have voted for the Human Centipede 2 to go all the finals. um And then this is where you and I are just going to unite, because this just isn't right.
00:04:16
Speaker
Fright Night versus It Follows. It Follows 1. it files one My God. By God, as God became. Okay.
00:04:28
Speaker
Have you people ah heard of these movies? Or are you just, you know, doing it to spite us or something? Look, it follows... is i don't you I don't hate it as much as you do, but Fright Night is...
00:04:41
Speaker
I mean, come on, what are you doing? And Human Centipede 2 to win? To win all of these? That's the thing. I'll let It Follows go, right? Because it's got its fans, you know? It's a pretty popular movie, right? Yeah.
00:04:54
Speaker
Human Centipede 2 is absolutely a dog shit movie, right? Yeah, it is. like Yeah, it is. It's not a good flick. You fucks that are voting aren't even going to fucking listen to the episode.
00:05:08
Speaker
And that's reflective in our descent numbers. So I'm just saying. It's just what it is. And the descent is arguably. No, it's not arguably. It's better than both those movies. The descent, I don't. Yeah, it's better than both those movies. Yes, that's correct.
00:05:24
Speaker
So the final brackets, Human Centipede 2, and it follows. I mean, either one, whatever you vote for, it's going be fucking crazy. I cannot believe that Human Centipede 2 made it all the way to the end. I mean, Human Centipede 2 beat.
00:05:36
Speaker
I saw the devil, Train to Busan, Saw 3. Like, what are we doing? It follows be Dog Soldiers, Creepshow, and Fright Night.
00:05:47
Speaker
I would take those three movies over It Follows right now. Yeah, me too. The fact that I have to watch nothing happen on my screen for an hour and a half. It's even crazier now. One of these movies me the runner-up. be the bracket next year.
00:06:00
Speaker
Jesus. we got we gotta find we gotta put We just got to put fucking Nightmare on Elm Street 1 in there. just have It's like a definite winner. You know what I mean? no Get the fuck out of here, kid. Yeah, got to plant one in there just to make sure.
00:06:12
Speaker
So go vote. It's the last so last matchup. It's just Human Centipede or it follows. I think you know where Gerald are going to vote. Actually, I'm not really where I'm going to vote yet. It's just kind of wild.
00:06:23
Speaker
I know where I'm going. I don't know where i'm going yet. got so I got a sale on it. You I Right. I'm just worried that if we do one review, it's just going to be... i mean, it'll probably be off the rails, which is fine. That's what we do. What we do around here.
00:06:41
Speaker
But then, like, you have to actually watch the movie. And I just sit through that. I literally just watched Human Centipede, like... a week or two ago because I figured it wasn't going to win.
00:06:51
Speaker
Exactly. And I'm going have to sit through it again. oh my God. Yeah. Just not okay. And then the other one, like, I think we might have, be able to have some discussions, but well you, you just don't, you just don't like it. I like that movie.
00:07:10
Speaker
I don't know if it's as bad as you pointed out to be. Will I go see they follow? Is that actually like going to happen? Yeah. Sequel. I don't think we need that, but it's what it is.
00:07:24
Speaker
um Also, this is episode 72. Episode 71 was a vault, so I didn't do it. But you know what it means. We got power rankings and buddy, buddy.
00:07:38
Speaker
Yo. You know me? ah What? I don't know. I just want you to put out of your mind any you name yeah anything we had for power rankings because they're upside fucking down. like fucking does like I'm telling you, it doesn't make any sense besides number one and number... the tie for number one.
00:08:02
Speaker
All right, but we're getting
Podcast Insights and Listener Trends
00:08:03
Speaker
views. That's ah that's a W. i mean I mean, it's a substantial spike, but the spike doesn't make sense. I'm here for it. Okay.
00:08:13
Speaker
So, number 10. i This is the baseline. The baseline now is 27 views. That's our average? like No, that's like the 10.
00:08:24
Speaker
That's like bare minimum. That's 10th place. Yeah. Yeah. We're fucking here, dude. We're cooking. No, this doesn't mean that's start like our like our like there are also other video episodes that have less than 27 views. They didn't make the fucking ranking.
00:08:37
Speaker
No, I know. Like 10 slots. Last last time we did this was episode 61 and it was 19. Now we're up to 27. That's what I'm saying. We're cooking or 10.
00:08:49
Speaker
But y'all are fucking late bloomers like fucking listen to our recent shit. the fuck y'all doing? Hey, they're busy, right? We got Presence and Krampus. Whoa.
00:09:00
Speaker
Both were not even in the fucking... weren't even in it last time. Who can get through that Krampus episode with that audio? Okay, yeah. I mean, yeah. Fucking sucks.
00:09:10
Speaker
So that's number 10. Number 9, 28 views. It better be 28 years later. twenty eight views it better be twenty eight years later It's actually not. Thank God.
00:09:23
Speaker
um i already forgot that episode. We got Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Okay. I mean, that's nice and all, but Prisoner of Azkaban was like at 26 last time.
00:09:36
Speaker
So it's like, just do better. you know we need to We need to start plugging specific Harry Potters. Then we got, out of nowhere, was not even a contender. It's like under KO.
00:09:49
Speaker
The companion review. 28 views. Interesting. Then we got this one i'm happy about. Up to 28 is wild. Black Christmas.
00:10:01
Speaker
Let's go. Fuck you Janice. Fuck you Janice. Also happy to report Gremlins at 28. About to eclipse 30 on those fucking bitches.
00:10:15
Speaker
Shout fucking Mr. Futterman. Shout out to Mr. Futterman, a true fucking American. That's I'm fucking talking about. right. Number eight. we know Eight? 29 views.
00:10:29
Speaker
We got Harry, Bopper, and a Chamber of Secrets. Mike, you can go... And a fucking OG strange darling. Wow. 29 views.
00:10:42
Speaker
Picking up some gas. Chamber of Secrets. Where was it last time we did this? It was 27. It was in the third spot. and Now it's at fucking eight. Hmm. what I'm saying? Something crazy. I have an idea,
Movie Review: 'Him'
00:10:56
Speaker
but something happened.
00:10:57
Speaker
right. Are we hitting the algorithm? No. Okay.
00:11:04
Speaker
Number seven. 30 views. Uh, Cuckoo. i don't know. i don't know why that one's popular. Stop it.
00:11:15
Speaker
And the ABC's death hit 30. Yeah, that's really unfortunate. It's just strange. That's a bad. yeah I was wondering if we should have done the ABC's death two for four months.
00:11:26
Speaker
Just get them views. If you think the first one's bad, golly. Yeah. Um, six place. We got a four way tie.
00:11:37
Speaker
Two of them are fucking wild. This is 31 views. Okay. Harry's Bopper, Sorcerer's Stone. Not surprising.
00:11:49
Speaker
Black Swan. Vault. Was not even in contention. This one is even wilder. This one, like, what the fuck are you talking about? You ready for this? Sure.
00:12:00
Speaker
Wolfman. Why? Why? Wolfman has more views than fucking Half-Blood Prince. I mean, what are we doing?
00:12:13
Speaker
Wolfman has more views than most of our Harry Potter episodes. This is some kind of conspiracy. i I have an idea. We'll talk about it afterwards. ah And then lastly, Speak No Evil is at 31 views.
00:12:28
Speaker
Speak No Evil last time i was at 23. Went up 8. Weird. weird. very weird Do like talking about shit or what? I'm telling you, it's only going to get weirder. So just strap in and strap on because we're not even at the weird shit yet. Okay. Got my little fucking Jansport on.
00:12:45
Speaker
Number five. 32. We're just going to go with the one that sounds normal. Bridge Terabithia. We expected to see Bridge Terabithia in the top. At least I was expecting top three, but it's top five now. This homie got downgraded.
00:13:02
Speaker
Then there's two fucking wall wild cards. Tied with it? Yeah. Okay. Nosferatu. What are we doing? I don't know. And Reanimator.
00:13:13
Speaker
Episode 11. Okay, that's a W though. um Yeah, but the fucking recording is just kind of whatever, you know? Well, yeah, because I did it. That's not because you did It's because it's a fucking snoozer.
00:13:26
Speaker
Episode... I'm sorry. Number four. 33 views. I mean, out of, it wasn't even, where was it last time? Was it even in here last time?
00:13:38
Speaker
but that twenty one It was at 21. It was at the eight spot.
00:13:43
Speaker
Violent night with Jake. Yo, Jake's got some fucking, he's talking to somebody. Jake fucking, this is a conspiracy. That's 30. That's 30. Yeah, I got a podcast. Here's my best episode. and hu um Number three.
00:14:01
Speaker
35 views. Okay. you remember how long it took us just to get to fucking 30? I know. Now we're just... um The Subby Wubby, The Substance.
00:14:12
Speaker
Okay. Makes sense. And It. Wow. they all wanted that one They all wanted to know where Mike who rides meat on his bicycle came from and they listened to It.
00:14:24
Speaker
Possibly. Or they wanted to learn about our friendship. Possibly. That's gay. That's gay as fuck. Yeah, you're right. um Number two, I mean, do you want to guess? It's just, you're just, i don't think you'd ever get it.
00:14:39
Speaker
Number two, huh? Yeah. It's one movie and it's not, I said it's one movie. It's one episode.
00:14:49
Speaker
Scene by scene? No. Wow.
00:14:55
Speaker
Like some out of left field shit? It's some really out of left field shit. Yeah.
00:15:03
Speaker
Is it s Snowvocaine? No, that's a good guess. it It 37 views. Okay. 37. time we did this, it had, was it even in here?
00:15:16
Speaker
Is that 23? It's at 37. at thirty seven whoa The best of two guys, one screen episode. Oh, that's good though. It is good. No, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. Cause that good things, good things. It, it highlights some of the best moments from last, but that episode does not include gremlins.
00:15:34
Speaker
You know, it doesn't include black. Harry's bopper like none of it. All right. Number one, you'll be happy to hear about these 39 views. Whoa.
00:15:44
Speaker
We're so close.
00:15:47
Speaker
The obvious one, hereditary. Sure. The other one, i really wrote wow next to it. The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Let's fucking go.
00:15:59
Speaker
Number one, tie with hereditary at 39 views. Hey, I said we needed more love for Poughkeepsie Tapes, and you guys did it.
00:16:12
Speaker
Get it to fuck it 100, you know I mean? I mean, it's just it's just fucking crazy. that I mean, that's just a complete switch up from everything that happened last time we did this.
00:16:24
Speaker
That's good, you know, because people are experimenting. Big change. It's got to be new people. I can't see people going back and listening. Yet, we're not, you know. That's got to be, that's got be Kane.
00:16:36
Speaker
Well, my theory is that guy that fucking convert ah hit us up. mean, maybe he wasn't that, but I think he is. And was like, oh, would you like to talk to me about...
00:16:51
Speaker
Would you like to go... Would you like to be the goat? yeah Guys have been hacked.
00:16:58
Speaker
You've been hacked? Never mind. I was getting... It looked like i was getting messages from myself, but I wasn't. um And he was like, oh, would you like to would you like to talk to me? Would you like to consult with me about views for your page? We can build your platform out. And we were like, I don't know.
00:17:13
Speaker
we That happened. Thank you.
00:17:16
Speaker
We had to go.
00:17:19
Speaker
um He wanted to zoom. Yeah. Like a plane. Boom. ah rat ah we talk That guy sent his email this week and then all of a sudden we have a fucking crazy bump in views.
00:17:34
Speaker
I don't know. That might not be a conspiracy. It might be. That's my my running theory. Yeah, me. Y'all let us know ru if that tracks. I mean, are there people out there bots? Because here's the thing. We have we have all these views and no interaction.
00:17:51
Speaker
No additional subscribers. Nothing. and we you be Bro, come on. All right, Terry, we're definitely doing the plug by then. And if we're not, I mean, I'm trying to think. When did we start doing the plugs?
00:18:06
Speaker
Right after Emily Romance, right? Around there, yeah. Yeah, I mean, Hereditary definitely has it. Best of definitely has it. The Substance probably has it. Violent Knight definitely has it. These all have the plugs in them. So it's like, where the fuck y'all at?
00:18:21
Speaker
Why the fuck y'all ain't voting in the fucking horror bracket? Maybe they're just like subscribed on like Apple Music or Spotify. Yeah, but the link is in the description. Fucking click it and stick it. Yeah, I mean, hey, man.
00:18:37
Speaker
are you defending these Are you defending these fucking people? Defending them? No, but views are views, you know what mean? So if you don't want to like follow us on Instagram, whatever. I'm saying, are these real views are they bots?
00:18:54
Speaker
is that Did that fucking and dar work his fucking magic? You know what mean? Did he fucking wave his wand, not his piece? Right. He waved his goat leg and then we're here.
00:19:04
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, did we make a deal with Satan? I hope so. ah
00:19:11
Speaker
But it's not. I'm just saying, like, it it looks nice, but also, where are you fucks? Where are you? I'll be honest with This morning, I took a piss, and then I didn't, like, put my dick back right away.
00:19:25
Speaker
And I looked in the mirror, and, you know, like, the Tommy John has, like, the pouch. Right. And I just had my little fucking, my fucking head, my mushroom tip.
00:19:34
Speaker
And it looked like a little fucking kangaroo in a kangaroo pouch. Just like chilling. That's my little fucking kid right there. My fuck but fucking guy right there. yeah I'm just i'm just just looking at it in the mirror. and Looking back at me. What's up, fucker?
00:19:49
Speaker
You want to go?
00:19:52
Speaker
I was waiting for like two little hands to come out like this and just be sitting there. oh Like a an anapromorphic penis? what's it and What does that word mean? It's like when... ah
00:20:03
Speaker
When non... and i was going say consenting. That's not true. ah What's so word?
00:20:11
Speaker
I genuinely don't know what you're talking about. No, it's like when something non... Oh, when it comes to life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Inanimate. That's the word I was looking for, but I'm just
Humorous Anecdote about a Dream
00:20:23
Speaker
stupid. It's like my desk came to life.
00:20:26
Speaker
Right, yeah, with hands and shit. But your penis is alive. My penis, theoretically, is alive, yeah. Theoretically. It has blood in it. Yeah. not yeah Not right now, but... Well, no, it still does, because then it would be turning black.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah, I mean... And not the good kind of black. if You know what I mean? black it like Black and blue. Yeah, it'd be shriveled up into a little fucking... Nothing.
00:20:52
Speaker
It's like when you jump into a pool it's fucking cold. Yeah, but my dick just so looks like that all the time. Well, yeah, but you know. My dick looks like it's cold out in the middle of July. but My sack is just fucking against my leg.
00:21:06
Speaker
you know Right. ah Just fucking schlop there. it's Yeah, small penis, but your ball bag stuck the side your leg in July, right? Because matched with a girl on Bumble, and she asked ah her, the prompt that the girl had was, what's the weirdest dream you had recently?
00:21:22
Speaker
And I straight just fucking sent to shit. This is crazy. Remember, I don't know if i told you this. I had a dream like a month or two ago that I was at work and I was like on, I was working at the restaurant.
00:21:36
Speaker
And my, for some reason, my pants were just down. i like But like cock and balls out. Sure. You know? Okay. And in the dream, people, my coworkers were standing like off to the side, just laughing at me about my small piece.
00:21:52
Speaker
There's all your dick small. And I was just like, for some reason in the dream, I just didn't pull my pants. I just stood there with no... but just stood there with fucking C&B. Yeah.
00:22:02
Speaker
C&B out. Shit out. You know? And then I'm just like, yeah, I know. that was... it And that was the whole dream. And you sent that to her. So I... so So the problem was, what was the weirdest dream you had recently? And I don't have too many dreams. I'll be honest.
00:22:19
Speaker
So I was just like, with that one was pretty fucking weird. Right. I mean, that's not normal. Why didn't you pull your pants up? You fucking weirdo. Right. so you're like, Hey, nice to meet you. My cock small.
00:22:30
Speaker
Yeah. I wrote, I wrote, this is wild, but, uh, I had a dream that I was at work making pizzas and my bottom half was just naked.
00:22:43
Speaker
Then my coworkers in my dream were making fun of my piece.
00:22:50
Speaker
did Did she answer back? I know. It's just fucking crazy wrote my piece. e yeah
00:23:00
Speaker
Yeah, she wrote back. And it's like, if she writes back, you know it's going to be bad or it's going to be good. Right. And she wrote back, any customers order a sausage pizza. That's a fucking W. That's sausage pizza. Let's go.
00:23:15
Speaker
Yeah. Shout out to you if you're definitely not listening.
00:23:21
Speaker
But it was like 1145. I was editing our podcast and I was just like, fuck it. And I just just sent it. Yeah. My piece. My piece. What else was I going to text? What else was I going to write to someone? just yeah like First first and like message you ever get from me because it's it's a dating app.
00:23:40
Speaker
Right. My piece. My penis? It sounds to clinical. Penis. Cock is like, bro what are we doing? Cock's like you want to fuck. Yeah. i mean, i do want to fuck, but like it's cock.
00:23:53
Speaker
That's just aggressive. My wang, you know what I mean? Yeah. My co cock is like... I feel like you have a right to say cock if your cock is big. And I don't have a big cock. I just got like a little tiny little... feel prick is the right one. Shrimp dick. I have a little shrimp little shrimp piece.
00:24:11
Speaker
you know i mean? But that shit, don't worry. That shit's... already peeled so that shit's peeled and it's not it's not deep vein it's look at the veins inside don't be taking the veins out i need those don't do they don't do they buy shrimp yeah yeah and you probably fucking think it was made in fucking vietnam because how small it is but it's not it's american homegrown it's just tiny Does this mean my dad guy my dad's got a tiny piece? But I've seen my dad's piece, and it's not small.
00:24:42
Speaker
That's what I'm saying. I got bad genes, too. I got a small piece, and my dad and brother are fucking schlinging. Yo, you're they're fucking schlinging dick, and we got nothing over here. What happened? I don't know. I also want to tell you that that the audio clip I sent to you last night about ah that one teacher, yeah I listened to like three times and I just was like crying.
00:25:01
Speaker
It was just fucking hilarious. Fuck that bitch. Fuck her. If you're listening, fuck you. Just wait until our American War from London episode comes out. that might I mean, I know it's bleep, but it might top. Does that top Half-Blood Prince?
00:25:13
Speaker
I think so. Half-Blood Prince is pretty tame nowadays.
00:25:19
Speaker
It's just, I mean, I'll play for you what i what I did after this, but it's funny. I mean, I tried. it's very funny because It's very funny because at one point we're talking about one thing, and then I just left it in out of context. Where's the sauce?
00:25:38
Speaker
Which hopefully, you know, it's just like, what are they even talking about? On that post? Yeah. I'll tag Gordon Ramsay. Sure, why not? Yeah. um Anyways, I'm sure you're all here listening to hear us talk about him.
00:25:56
Speaker
um it's It's directed by Justin Tipping. Yeah. you like tipping But it's ah produced by Jordan Peele. Yeah, which I'm sure was all the fun. That's how it was marketed. Hey, you want to see this Jordan Peele produced movie?
00:26:11
Speaker
So I had, you know, big expectations going into it. because I don't know. I like, I think we've talked about it a lot. I like Jordan Peele. Me too.
00:26:22
Speaker
Us? Eh. Take or leave it. I like us. like all of them. like all three. Yeah. Maybe you should just keep it at a trilogy. just You're good, dude. Retire from horror, you know?
00:26:37
Speaker
ah Here's your cast. We got Tyreek Withers who plays Cameron Cade. I mean, this this guy is fucking jacked. Yeah, he is. I don't know, man. He's like a... You wouldn't want to fucking pipe him down?
00:26:52
Speaker
I would. He... i don't know if he is in real life, but in the movie, he's mixed. So he can say it. what can we What can we say? Oh, he can say it. He can say it. I thought you said, so we can say it. No.
00:27:09
Speaker
He's mixed. can say it. Yeah. Yeah. um Camera Cade, though, I always like names that start with the same letter. What's that called? Like all of Marvel.
00:27:20
Speaker
I forgot. But it's a thing. call it Alliteration. Yeah. Wrestling does it a lot, and it's just it really gets you going. you know Yeah. It touches you in the right places. you know what mean? He hasn't done much, but he was also in I Know What You Did Last Summer, the remake.
00:27:36
Speaker
Ruh-roh. um Next, we got Marlon Wayans. They say Wayans, but isn't it Wayans? I always called it Wayans. It's Wayans, right?
00:27:47
Speaker
um This dude plays Isaiah White. If you don't know Marlon Wayans, then you don't you't really watch many funny things. what the fuck you're doing with your life? Gerald's fucking favorite movie, Scary Movie 2, we haven't reviewed yet.
00:28:01
Speaker
We have not, but but maybe we will. throw it out Throw it back for me, baby. You ever seen White Chicks? Hell yeah. yeah
00:28:13
Speaker
Requiem for a Dream, if you want to kill yourself. Yeah. I mean, like one of the saddest movies ever. Homie's known for comedies, but like he can sneak those fucking roles in every once in a while.
00:28:24
Speaker
I mean, we can talk about him in this movie. I thought his performance was outstanding. He walks the line for me of like, it was fucking outstanding versus like, are you overdoing it a little bit?
00:28:35
Speaker
Like maybe hit like on a Nicolas Cage type beat? Just a little overdone. Sure. i wasn't thinking Nicolas Cage, but yeah, that makes sense. yeah Yeah. It's like Black Nicolas Cage.
00:28:49
Speaker
I mean, most of it was like, most of it was...
00:28:53
Speaker
I didn't dislike it. I mean, I'm not trying to say i disliked it. I just, at times I was like, are you, you really committed to the bit, bro? Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty this was his first horror outing and, uh, I liked it.
00:29:08
Speaker
He's a little villainous. I like that. I like it when the black guys are evil.
00:29:15
Speaker
This is movie called dance flick. Is this a movie? Is this a parody on that fucking movie? What's that movie called? Dance flick. No, what's the, what's the act movie called? Hold on.
00:29:27
Speaker
I'll pull it up.
00:29:32
Speaker
It's on a list because save the last dance. Yeah, it has to be. It looks like it. ah All right. Next we got Julia Fox who plays Elsie White. She's not a piece in the movie, but she is a piece.
00:29:44
Speaker
I was going back and forth. I'm like, you don't have any eyebrows. i don't like that. Like her face. i don't like that. Her face has some like, i don't know what's going on in the movie. Yeah.
00:29:55
Speaker
They like made it ah look like they like painted her white. Yeah. She is white, but you know what I mean? She's like, like I felt like she was wearing a Lady Gaga costume at all times.
00:30:07
Speaker
Big, big Gaga vibes. Yeah. Yeah. But you got that fucking dump truck. Holy shit. All right, we'll just her the button.
00:30:16
Speaker
She was in Uncut Johns, and she was also in Presence, but I don't know. Who the fuck was she in Presence? She was a bunch of. Oh, was she the fucking realtor, maybe? Who the fuck is Cece? Is that the ghost? We'll have to go back and listen to Presence and find out what the fuck we said.
00:30:37
Speaker
um Next we got Tim Heidecker who plays Tom. About to fucking take a Heidecker in your toilet. You know what I mean? yeah Yeah. Fuck it.
00:30:48
Speaker
It's out of the water. Look at shit in your fucking tank. He was, he was, yeah, I mean, that's fucking rude, but sure. He was in Us. He was in Ant-Man the Wasp. He was in, Brideway's a great movie.
00:31:03
Speaker
He was in the Fantastic Four bad one. The one we don't talk about. And he was also in the remake of National Lampoon's Vacation, which we also don't talk about.
00:31:15
Speaker
Then in a bunch of stuff I've never heard of. The People's Joker I saw in theaters, and it was okay. I feel like he was put into this movie as like comedic relief at times, no?
00:31:29
Speaker
For sure. For sure. He's the ah agent. Oh, fuck yeah, I did. I liked it. wish I was there for that one.
00:31:42
Speaker
ah Next, we got Jim Jeffries. ah He's a very famous comedian. He plays Marco. So his filmography is probably all of his specials. So that's who Jim Jeffries is.
00:31:54
Speaker
um He's like the med nurse. Medic.
00:32:01
Speaker
Yeah. And then we got Guapdad4000. don't know who the fuck this guy is. Who plays Murph. I think he's the guy that, like, wakes up fucking K every morning.
00:32:13
Speaker
Nah. Nah, because that dude was big. I think that guy is Maurice. Yeah, for sure, dude. This guy must have been, like, one of the fucking wide receivers. I'm thinking.
00:32:24
Speaker
Yeah. Then we got Tiara Wack. um Whack, whack. I don't know who you are. I'm sorry. I don't know you are. girlfriend, I think. Oh, she's a peach. You can fucking get rinsed then.
00:32:38
Speaker
Yes, she can.
00:32:42
Speaker
Also, Guap Dad, Jim Jeffries, and Tim Heidecker, they're all just fucking it. Sure. He ain't fucking it. But, I mean, Jim Jeffries is like a fucking an Aussie, I think.
00:32:55
Speaker
Yeah, he's he's an Australian. I like Australian people. um So next we got the aforementioned Maurice Green. He plays Malik or Malik. mo He's nuts.
00:33:08
Speaker
He's a professional mixed martial artists artist artist that artist that completes in the UFC. So he could fuck us up. He could actually fuck us up. That's a fucking mean face. Yeah. ah Yeah, it is.
00:33:21
Speaker
For some reason, he gave me big, like, black dude from Green Mile vibes. You ever seen the Green Mile? No, we've been over that. i haven't seen yet.
00:33:30
Speaker
I don't think there's anybody else in here that we need to shout out, right? No. Bunch of strippers. Yeah. Shout out to the fucking strippers. want Who's the fucking...
00:33:45
Speaker
Oh, we had Don Benjamin who plays ah Cam's father, Cam Senior. Yeah, i was trying to find that. Oh, Naomi Grossman who plays Marjorie, that fucking psychotic bitch.
00:33:59
Speaker
The fan? Yeah. Or the anti-fan, whatever it is. Whatever it is. fan up I'm not fucking her either. Fan of Isaiah, not a fan of Cameron Cade.
00:34:11
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. There you go. up the It's good. Oh, God, that smells like shit. What smells like shit? My fart.
00:34:21
Speaker
Bro, my farts don't smell. I wish mine didn't, but yesterday I was eating some fucking spicy wings when I got home from the movie. Yeah? i was like, saw a movie about football. I'm sit on the fucking couch, eat some wings, and watch football.
00:34:35
Speaker
Fucking peace.
00:34:40
Speaker
Where you going? This is the first fucking actual piece I've seen walk by this window.
00:34:48
Speaker
She's got yoga pants on. Oh, yeah. She's going fucking sit here and stroke it right now. So should we give people the rundown of what the movie's about? i want to say in my theater, are you just going to sit here? Oh, no. With her fucking boyfriend.
00:35:04
Speaker
Ugh. Ugh.
00:35:07
Speaker
I can't. Uh-oh. I have to bleep that. It might be a little too soon. Oh, she ah she's a Hayah head ass. Oh, yeah? I've never seen a fucking Hayah head ass built like that before. They're rare. That's probably fake.
00:35:24
Speaker
Yeah. It's gotta be. It's like unicorns. Like her and the fucking girl in the Gangnam Style videos. Like, you people don't exist. don't exist. No, you're too hot. It doesn't make sense. I have noticed all the ones that are like really fucking bad are like South Korean.
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah, South Korean baddies. Hit us up. You can sex me woman to man. That's fine. That's definitely fine. Only if you want it consensually. Alamo alamos switched up their shit.
00:35:50
Speaker
Big. so went I went to the theater and there was fucking nobody there. But I went to the theater in the middle of the day. was at night, right? when night but I went at night. I went after a recording on something. So I went yeah and then...
00:36:03
Speaker
ah they got Now they got a QR code on all the seats and it's like you scan the QR code and order your food that way, which is kind of heat, right?
00:36:14
Speaker
Sure. But this online menu doesn't have all the food options. Well, that's a problem. It's got like part of them. And I'm looking and I have my go to. You know how I am. i'm a creature of habit.
00:36:25
Speaker
Right. You probably got your fucking pulled pork. Yeah. I want to fucking put pull my pork in the theater. But ah no, I didn't. Not not on there. That's fucked. And then I've been getting I've been getting recently this grilled chicken club.
Frustrations with Theater Operations
00:36:39
Speaker
I'm kind of gay. I know, but I've been getting it and it's pretty good. Well, it's not on there. So it's like, Alamo, get your shit together, just like Marlon Wayne says. you think You think they yeah redid the menu then for the new John?
00:36:54
Speaker
I don't know because they still had the paper menus like in this seat, which was like it was like you can order you can order from the phone up until the movie starts. And then once the movie starts, you have to use the menu and then you like use a do it the normal way, which is the whole menu.
00:37:15
Speaker
So strange. So i don't know. probably don't want to get overrun. Maybe fix your fucking menu online. See what I thought you were going to say was you scan the QR code to lock in your seat. Be like, yeah, I actually sit here.
00:37:33
Speaker
um no they don't do that either. Yeah. They used to check. I think you should do that. Take it.
00:37:43
Speaker
Because I've actually been to a lot of movies where people are like not in the right seat.
00:37:50
Speaker
Not as much at Alamo because Alamo is just a smaller theater. Yeah, you probably get like only people that like movies. You get the casuals.
00:38:01
Speaker
No. Like that mean i do the fucking annoying-ass teenagers and shit? Those are teenagers, but I do get people who are like, oh, it's our first time here, and they don't know what's going on, which is fine.
00:38:12
Speaker
Sure. You know? It's support Alamo. It's an experience. They also launched a new ah new, a different tier that you could subscribe to called, like, the All-In Tier with more perks, and it just I just can't find it on on the app.
00:38:25
Speaker
What the fuck are we doing? I want to enroll in it because it's, like discount on food or whatever else. Yeah. like I want to do that. Yeah, because the food can probably get a little spency.
00:38:35
Speaker
And they give head. It's a fort it's a happy ending. I would love that. They also serve Coca-Cola that's properly carbonated and cold, AMC, you fucking jerk-offs.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yeah, I'm unfortunately just stuck with Regal, and it kind of pisses me off. Why does it piss you off? I don't hate Regal. I think your screens suck. That and I don't know. I was so accustomed to reclining seats. Those are nice. Oh, I don't know. I guess no, our seats do recline and they're heated.
00:39:12
Speaker
I don't like that. In case you get little... I'll honest with you, they keep that shit fucking blasting with the AC. Like, I go in there, it's hot as shit outside. i go inside, I'm sitting there like halfway through the movie, I'm fucking freezing. Okay, so maybe they knew.
00:39:23
Speaker
they do They do fucking keep the AC cranked. Like, I guarantee, in my car, there are two things that are never getting used. The sunroof and the heated seats. Not even the wintertime?
00:39:35
Speaker
Probably not. Alright. In the wintertime, I just put my fucking defrosters on. don't even turn that shit blowing on me. Fuck that shit. You mean defrost or is, yeah, you need that.
00:39:45
Speaker
Well, yeah, but I use that to heat the car. Fuck that noise. What noise? Like real heat coming blowing on me. Talk about heat seed propaganda.
00:39:56
Speaker
yeah Yeah. It's all propaganda. It is. if you like If you like the temperature in your car above room temperature, you can go fuck yourself.
00:40:11
Speaker
In the wintertime, you just got to get it up to temperature. That's the problem. just got to crank it. Like I cranked hog. Yeah. I got to get a fucking... When you heat the car what do you put the fucking temperature at?
00:40:23
Speaker
i put it at like 72. It's as hot as I'm going. You let your car heat up from 72 in the wintertime? I don't know. I've never had this car in the wintertime yet. I'll let you know.
00:40:35
Speaker
like when the but well i'm so In general, though, when the car is off, right, and it's like wintertime and it just fucking snowed or whatever, you just turn the car on and go in 72 and let it heat up? Yeah.
00:40:48
Speaker
Okay. I'll fucking wait. I don't give fuck. That's fucking wild. Don't be sweating then. But if you but you could just also you can just open the door and just let it sit for a second and then it'll be fine. Yeah, these are things I need to work I feel like cranking that shit to high will like get your car ready to go. Toasted and then go?
00:41:06
Speaker
Possibly. I don't know. And if it's too high, just like crack the fucking window. I don't care. it really doesn't It's just um a silly thing I'm asking about. but I'm strange. I don't like the heat at all. Yeah, you wear flower t-shirts. You're strange.
00:41:19
Speaker
It's fucking Harry Potter. very Harry. It's a Harry Potter. Bitch. Check out our fucking episode. Oh, she's but bu but but bu but but back. And she's caked up.
00:41:31
Speaker
Sorry.
00:41:33
Speaker
Yeah, we should we should give him the rundown on him. Hee haw, me ma. So what the fuck is this movie
Analysis of 'Him' and Real-Life Parallels
00:41:40
Speaker
about? It's about football! Football!
00:41:47
Speaker
This dude's got a fucking piece on him. Oh, he's with his legs crossed. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's not as for a fucking boyfriend. Hi, I'm the gay best friend. He's sitting like, you can't see, but he's sitting like this.
00:42:01
Speaker
Oh, my leg is. Yeah, that's either like an old white guy thing or a gay thing. Yeah, no one between. He got big calves. He's got a knee tattoo. What am I going How can I compete against a knee tattoo?
00:42:15
Speaker
No, you can't fucking sleeve up his fucking leg. Oh, I mean.
00:42:22
Speaker
he's him. he's He's not him. Him has a fucking... He's she. Him him is ah has a dent in his fucking head. You got a that daddy dent when you're when you're when you're pregnant or when the mom's pregnant, right?
00:42:36
Speaker
you know The dad's fucking the ah mother and like his penis hits the baby's head when it's morphing. Then you get a dent. It's called daddy dent.
00:42:47
Speaker
Call that dent. Call that daddy's dent. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. ain't talking about Harvey Dent. Yeah, and it's like, why should I get you anything for Father's Day? I got a fucking dent in my head. Right.
00:42:58
Speaker
Dad, you fucking dent my head and then you leave? This is fucking bullshit. They left again. They just keep calling back to this bench for 30 seconds and walking away. They were acting sus. They're waiting plug.
00:43:10
Speaker
Alright, so this fucking guy, him. i heard that. This fucking guy, Cabe. Cameron. Cameron Cade. Yeah, Cabe. I said it. Big CC.
00:43:20
Speaker
He's a big... He's big. He's real big into into football. You know, he's like a a top prospect. The number one, shall we say. The next yeah potential greatest of all time. The big thing is about being the goat in this movie, right? yeah And ah he's got a He, the big team is the, what The San Antonio Saviors?
00:43:43
Speaker
Yeah, some fucking faggy shit right there. i know I get it. They couldn't get the, i they can't get the NFL licensing. It's fine. Of course not. Yeah, we can't have this guy playing for like the fucking bucks or whatever. you know it's not going to work.
00:43:56
Speaker
But, uh, And their quarterback is Marlon Wayans. And Marlon Wayans, a.k.a. Isaiah White, but he's not white. And he's the GOAT. he' He's not even retired yet, and they're already calling him the GOAT. He's a fucking Tom Brady-having ass, had fucking eight Super Bowls or whatever. Yeah.
00:44:14
Speaker
And he breaks his fucking leg. Like, bad. Bad. Real bad. compound. And, uh, it's, they, the storyline is he has this, like, miraculous recovery.
00:44:25
Speaker
And then, uh, we You kind of jump forward in time and he's about to like retire or whatever. And then Tyreek is about to fucking be. Tyreek? Yeah, it's his actor's name, Tyreek.
00:44:38
Speaker
Cameron. I read Tyreek Withers. That's the guy who plays Cameron. He's a fucking piece. Yeah, he is. He's definitely one of those people where you look at him and you're like, are you black or are you Hispanic? I don't know. That's fucking fact.
00:44:52
Speaker
And then you just find out that he's mixed. Yeah. Black and white. He's our age, 1998. Whoa. I do not look like this guy. No. We are not the same. No. But essentially, he's supposed to go to the the Columbine, not Columbine.
00:45:09
Speaker
And he's supposed to... But he gets attacked by Donnie Darko. um I don't... What do you want to do with this? I thought when it first happened, I was like, yo, why the fuck is he getting attacked by Krampus? Yeah. What the fuck?
00:45:24
Speaker
Yeah. ah And then they Isaiah White invites him to like his private facility for workout because he can't compete at the combine because fucking hair cracked open. i stay He's got a concussion.
00:45:41
Speaker
Bad. He got CTE. Yeah. This guy is literallyter the crisp and wa this guy's literally Antonio Brown mixed with Crispin Wah. Crispin. No.
00:45:52
Speaker
Marlon Wayans' character, right? That's Antonio Brown. And then this guy's Crispin Wah because he ends up killing everybody. That's... Yeah. You what mean? You're putting your hand like you really fucking cooked something right there. You just fucking didn't do that. I'm not broke.
00:46:09
Speaker
so so after that the movie kind turns into like a thriller set in one location this is not a leave this is not a horror i want to put that clear thriller thriller with some blood i will say this like when they're pulling into uh isaiah white's like private campus when that lady that jump scare got me oh i jumped High.
00:46:38
Speaker
Yeah. You know, I had a hop for about 30 seconds. i do Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, white men can't jump. We can't. um Just not able to do it. So then after that, it's like a thriller. And I'll be honest with once they arrive at the compound, the majority of the movie is the trailer.
00:46:56
Speaker
So if you're curious what happens, just watch the trailer. I did not ever see a trailer. So I was spoiler free. Really? You've never seen the trailer? No. If you go watch the trailer now, you'll be like, oh, that's the whole movie.
00:47:10
Speaker
Hmm. I've been trying to avoid trailers yeah because of this exact thing. So i all I need is like a general idea of what the movie is and I'll base it off of that.
00:47:20
Speaker
Oh, so the guy getting the fucking football shot into his face was... No idea. Yeah, that's in the trailer. Oh, that's fucked. That's like one of the best parts. And when Marlon Wayans goes, get your shit together!
00:47:32
Speaker
Boop! That's also in the trailer. Fuck me. So it's just like the set hot like that. All that shit is just in the trailer. So that whole part is just kind of like meh.
00:47:44
Speaker
See, that's why I was like from the beginning to about day four when he kind of when he gives when he makes that other guy go to a ah what do you mean by that?
00:47:57
Speaker
Like fucking seize up and everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah Up to that point, I was like, yo, this movie's fucking good. like ah This guy's got a husky too. Like, how can I compete? He's got a fucking husky.
00:48:10
Speaker
A fucking leg sleeve, a husky. That's it. That's it. Peak male, dude. Yeah. This guy's got the best dog ever. oh yeah man.
00:48:24
Speaker
You know, and she might not even be fucking heroin. She might actually be like Native American type beat that like she like knows Huskies. You know, they had like a relationship. Yeah. She's fucking Alaskan or something. Yeah.
00:48:35
Speaker
Yo, her fucking spiritual name is Girl Who Sucks Cock. You know what talking about? like What? It's like, Girl Who Sucks Cock? American names, like, you know, Sitting Bull. She's fucking like,
00:48:47
Speaker
oh um
00:48:51
Speaker
man This is Girl Who Sucks Cock. I'm a dog, I'll suck your fucking cock. What is it with that shit? i don't know. Girls love dogs.
00:49:03
Speaker
Yeah, he's got Birkenstocks on that aren't just black. They're like beige and they look s suede. Like, this guy's got confidence on a different level to pull this shit off. And I just don't have that kind of confidence. Hold on, wait.
00:49:15
Speaker
Legsleeve, husky, and money? Oh, Jesus. oh This is, I mean, you can see your fucking twat stain from here. Jeez.
00:49:28
Speaker
She's about to have a three-way with him and the dog on this bench. Also, okay, okay, okay. okay not this is I mean, she's about to sit down and read a book. And she has a mason jar with water in it.
00:49:41
Speaker
Is it water? what you sipping on, girl? Nah, it's water. Probably Everclear. No, I mean, if it's Everclear, she just basically took a large gulp.
00:49:52
Speaker
They're both going to just sit here and read books? Oh, you got no confidence. And he's sharing the mason jar with her. His legs crossed like that. Oh, man. Can you picture this guy real quick? Yeah, yeah. This guy's either like ultimate friend zone or he's fucking pounding this shit every night. There's no way. You know?
00:50:13
Speaker
It's fucking wild what's going on out outside my window right now. I mean. Okay, stop.
00:50:22
Speaker
He's sitting with his legs crossed, holding his mason jar glass of water and a book. How? What? Can't compete. No, I can't compete. the The tattoo leg is the one underneath. But look at how he's sitting.
00:50:36
Speaker
You know? What am I going to do? the The dog's on the dogs on a leash still. Never mind. Now just going to sit there and share a mason They're just sharing a mason jar glass of water.
00:50:50
Speaker
Shit, dude. That's a cute-ass dog. Holy shit. At 1130. She got the Nike slides. Yeah, she a hoe, right? Maybe. Maybe.
00:51:02
Speaker
She's a fucking hoe. No, i her outfit just screams fall weather, you know i mean? It's a nice time of year. He's got tattoos on his fucking, like, on top of his hand. Oh, this guy fucking slings cock for sure. Dude, she got, I mean, alright, we have to finish recording.
00:51:19
Speaker
Um... So yeah, they go into this fucking jaw and it's all trailers. And it is, I mean, it's a thriller and you kind of see this guy start to lose his mind because he's got fucking staples in his fucking hair.
00:51:32
Speaker
You know? He got big CTE. And it's just and like, it's just kind of like... I don't know if the movie is supposed to be about a guy that loses his mind or it's supposed to be about a guy that loses his mind because he's pursuing greatness like a Whiplash or Black Swan type.
00:51:47
Speaker
ah That's what I was going to say. I feel like I gave you the wrong... The Midsommar thing, because I told you it was Midsommar. You said it was our answer. Yeah. Which I just didn't see. Just the whole end part just kind of gave Midsommar vibes, but...
00:52:04
Speaker
It's definitely Whiplash and The Substance. If they were put together and made a bad movie. How is The Substance, though? Where is The Substance coming into this?
00:52:15
Speaker
Because the guy wants to fucking live forever whatever? his blood on? Yeah, like some blood transfusion type beat. And that fucking hallway, bro. You're telling me that wasn't the same hallway? That little curve hallway?
00:52:29
Speaker
I mean... It's like fucking doing dance moves over there. What fuck are you doing? Like the circular hallway? Yeah, I just don't i just don't think a circular hallway can be yeah, this movie's a substance because that's a circular hallway. who i Also, this gets big Jake vibes, right? Because Jake had to get all them blood transfusions.
00:52:53
Speaker
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
00:52:56
Speaker
but Oh, that's not okay. Sorry, Jake. We love you. Long story short, I guess. Go see the movie if you want. go get and Don't.
00:53:07
Speaker
It's basically a cult that is forming the next great quarterbacks of the NFL, essentially. They're just passing because the guy keeps getting blood injections.
00:53:19
Speaker
They just keep passing on blood bloodline. It's bloodlines. Quite literally, yeah. That's what it is. ah And then I don't know... I don't understand by the end what... I guess maybe he just realizes that this shit's fucked up and he just kills all of them.
00:53:34
Speaker
What's the thing? You text me. You're like, I think it's just this guy with CTE e and like he's like imagining all this. And it's like... No, I didn't. No, no, no, no. It's not what I said.
00:53:45
Speaker
I said it's a guy with CTE who sees some shit. Oh, sleep he's definitely seeing shit. The cult is real. That's not fake. that did That's not the shit he just saw in his head. He definitely experienced that.
00:53:57
Speaker
The lady that attacks him in the sauna might have just been all in his fucking head because Marlon Wayans is like, what are you talking about? Yeah, but Marlon kills her. Again, it could all been in his head.
00:54:09
Speaker
We don't know. Yeah. He's like, let me take care of this. And then it cuts. You don't stay with that scene. That could have been in his fucking hands. then when hes when he's on the phone with his brother, he's like he's like, what do you mean you're not doing too good? And he's like, don't know, man. I'm just seeing shit.
00:54:26
Speaker
Yeah. So even he doesn't know what's happening. and He has no idea what the fuck's going on. That's what happened fucking hit in the head too many times. It's true. Then you kill your family. ratwell Unfortunately, this guy didn't kill his family.
00:54:37
Speaker
I said unfortunately. I mean, so. You said, yeah, yeah. of Yeah, Yeah. So, Colt become the greatest of all time.
00:54:48
Speaker
So. The GOAT. The GOAT. so you. don't you touch my GOAT? You think this is happening real life right now? Do I think people are passing their blood to each other? No.
00:55:00
Speaker
no Patrick Holmes got his blood from Tom Brady, who got his blood from Joe Montana.
00:55:09
Speaker
I mean, just sharing goats. I, I possibly before Joe Montana. i don't fucking know. Well, honestly, like if I, if you put some of Tom Brady's blood inside of me, what would happen to me?
00:55:25
Speaker
Oh, you probably die. Yeah. like because That's the thing, right? yeah All these guys got to have the same blood type or this guy's a fucking universal.
00:55:35
Speaker
You gotta got to be able to take it. That's the big thing. Yeah. yeah take it Yeah. I don't think that I would be. I don't think anything. I don't think I would benefit from taking somebody else's blood.
00:55:45
Speaker
Right. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. What's your blood type Oh, you type O? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I'm about to fuck you A positive and negative.
00:55:59
Speaker
I mean, to me, the story just isn't that compelling. I don't feel like it's like very interesting. I do respect. I had to give props. They're making a football thriller horror movie. Not done ever.
00:56:13
Speaker
um They're trying, you know? like i mean, you have to respect the swinging the shot in the dark here. They took a swing. And I'm not necessarily saying it's like a really bad movie. because it's not really bad. People are shitting on it.
00:56:25
Speaker
I don't think it's that bad. People are star and a half star. And I'm like, I hate that much.
00:56:34
Speaker
And like we said, the acting is really good.
00:56:38
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, this Cade... What's name? Irak? Tyreek? They did use like every possible version of him. Like, you are Himothy. They literally said, you're Himothy Chalamet.
00:56:52
Speaker
That's a little fucking cringe. That's true. And the way they filmed it, I mean, some scenes were pretty cool. The way they like kind of cut to like an X-ray... That was fucking cool. The cinematography is cool.
00:57:04
Speaker
That one scene was very cool where it's like he fucking bashes that guy. He like leads with his head. and like Yeah, I thought he fucking got cooked. Yeah, and then they and then they fucking flip it back to regular, like a regular camera, and it's actually he's fucking up this dude.
00:57:17
Speaker
He's like, I'm sorry. He's like... Isaiah White's like, I'm proud of you. Because to me, like to me, like this guy, he so at the end of the movie, he kills the cult, which is like the owner and like his like cabinet of people.
00:57:29
Speaker
He kills them all, fucking stabs them, uses a sword. It's like he killed the fucking owner of the saviors. Yeah. And it's just like, OK, but it's like, are you now you're just like now the the what are we going to where where do we go from here?
00:57:46
Speaker
It's like, are you now the greatest of all time? Are you the goat? You haven't even played a snap in the fucking whatever league is called over there. It was like the USFF. Yeah.
00:57:58
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah. yeah Yeah. So I don't, I don't know what he didn't, he didn't sign the contract physically. yeah Right.
00:58:09
Speaker
So he's not the GOAT. But now he's not going to have a career in the league. So now he's just going to be a fucking bum again. But now he's not going to be a GOAT. Yeah, he can't. i mean, he was probably GOAT of like, maybe he's GOAT of like college football.
00:58:21
Speaker
Sure. But now you're just nothing. Like now you got CTE. e You're covered in blood. CTE, PTSD, and probably HIV. And probably ED.
00:58:34
Speaker
Right. So what do you do now? You go home, you take a shower, you go back to your family, and you're like, yeah, I'm going to go with football.
00:58:42
Speaker
It's just how it goes, right? Now you're just going to become a serial killer. This is going to be a big bleep episode. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. It's just we're going crazy today. know they so They sling N-words around here.
00:58:53
Speaker
They do. Heavy. But it's a soft A. Yeah, it made me feel uncomfortable because I think I was the only white guy in the theater. Really? Yeah. mine was Mine was mixed. And I don't mean mixed race. I mean like mixed like all races, religions, creeds, and attendants.
00:59:12
Speaker
Yeah, right. That's Jake's problem. By the way, i should just say this. It didn't happen at this showing, but I went to the movies ah this past week and I held the door open for this guy and he walked in in front of me. I didn't think anything of it.
00:59:24
Speaker
I go to the theater. I sit down in my seat. The guy who I held the door open walks in the theater, sits down in the chair in front of me and pulls a baklava over his face.
00:59:37
Speaker
And i was like, hey if he's going to shoot this theater up, at least I held the door open for him. Maybe I'll tell you something. It's me. It's me. Yo, I have the door for you. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Yeah. it was I'm like, who's watching a fucking movie through a baklava? What the fuck is going on right now? He's damn, bullshit. Cold in here. Are you pulling on? Yeah. That's fucking crazy. but like He literally sat down, had food and everything else, and just pulled this fucking baklava over his head. I'm like, oh, this is it.
01:00:04
Speaker
Been a good ride. This is fucking Denver Dark Knight vibes again. Oh, boy. Yeah. Yeah. So this movie is just kind of lackluster. There's just not really, i mean, there's just not much. You can go see it. Don't go see it. Some of the gore is kind of good, right? i mean it's not terrible.
01:00:19
Speaker
No, the end in particular, the massacre. It's like a psychological thriller-esque. I do agree with your your take that it's kind of like Midsommar, but Midsommar is actually good.
01:00:33
Speaker
um Midsommar is good, yeah. Yeah, Midsommar is actually like deep good. So where are you on a star rating? Yeah, I'm going to get it. i don't know. I'm somewhere between a two and a two and a half. I haven't actually decided yet.
01:00:48
Speaker
Yeah, it's, uh, it just didn't, like, I just left the theater, like, i just didn't fucking care. You know, like, most movies that come out this year just did not give a shit. Yeah, I was really excited.
01:00:59
Speaker
I was like, maybe we'll get a another good horror movie this year. No, but we will at Blackphone 2, because that fucking trailer looks crazy. It looks fucking lit, dude. I fucking, so excited to review that.
01:01:12
Speaker
Ethan Cock? Yeah, you can clock. want you to fucking clock, Ethan. um I'm going to give it two and a half. Yeah, that's fair. Because it's like, would I rewatch it?
01:01:24
Speaker
Yeah. You would? Once. I'm not buying it, but if it's like on Max or something. This deal book is going be this.
01:01:36
Speaker
It's just like, I don't care. I'm not buying it. The guy's jacked. I would jerk off to his fucking abs, but it's just... Right. There's also like subtle religious tones for some reason out of nowhere. i just, you know, most movie, I just thought it was going to be like, what are you fucking doing?
01:01:53
Speaker
Oh, she unzipped her shirt? Hey, man. Is she white? White women love reading. I told you, you don't know. I thought she was a hound. Live on the podcast.
01:02:05
Speaker
I thought we were just going to be like, yeah, we made deal with Satan and the reason why the goat is because Satan compels me. But it's not that. And that was kind of cool. huh Get it because goat?
01:02:17
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. yeah um If you want to see an actual good movie, I gave it four and a half stars. It's the latest Stephen King novel made into a movie, The Long Walk.
01:02:29
Speaker
That shit fucking goes. It's great movie. I would recommend. And I know you're going to say, yeah, it's people walking on a road. You go watch that movie and tell me you're not sitting on the edge of your seat. Is it out?
01:02:42
Speaker
It's been out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw it early. Thanks. Shout out Alamo. But ah it's out. and It's definitely out now. Go check that shit out. I gave it a four and a half. It's like in my top three for this year. Stephen King movies are so hit or miss.
01:02:56
Speaker
Stephen King praises one. Oh, good. So that's a that's a solid thing. ah Where is my 2025 list?
01:03:07
Speaker
25 ranked. It's number two. I put this over presents. Ooh, that's big. Oh, there's also one more thing I wanted to talk about and I for forgot to talk about. So let's do it right now.
01:03:19
Speaker
Let's go, daddy. Remember I told you off the podcast some point I wanted to do on this day last year since we're we're doing a year, our second year in. Yes.
01:03:29
Speaker
This week's podcast that came out last year was the subbie. The Substance. Yeah. Yeah. And I went back and listened to The Substance. And I'll be honest with you, I still agree with everything I fucking said. And I wanted to watch the movie again before this recording. So I'd be like, yeah, it' was fucking right. But I haven't watched it again.
01:03:47
Speaker
But I was going to try to pull a clip from it to have like a funny moment. But we weren't as wild um for The Substance. It just wasn't a crazy episode. It was just us like doing the scene by scene. Oh, wow. Back when we did scene by scenes of new releases, new releases. That's over.
01:04:03
Speaker
So rough. um Yes, that's our review on on him. ah On some him. Go see it. You should go see it to support movie theaters, but you shouldn't go see it to support this movie because it's kind of mid.
01:04:17
Speaker
um don't think it's like bottom of the barrel bad, but it's not great. They did the wrong thing by hyping it up with Jordan Peele's name. It's just like if you're going to make a movie that's focused on like being the greatest, it's like you've got to compete with movies that are already have done that, like Whiplash.
01:04:33
Speaker
It's just like you've got – this is your competition, and you just didn't meet it. Like Black Swan.
Casual Banter and Social Media Reminders
01:04:38
Speaker
Yeah, which you don't like, but i did you give it a three? um I think you gave it three.
01:04:46
Speaker
gave Black Swan a three. That's what saying. I was asking you that. Yeah. So I didn't mean. Yeah. Yeah. So this is what you have to compete with. um yeah I like it more than like this.
01:04:58
Speaker
Bro, this girl is trying to, this girl is definitely trying to fuck this guy because she's sitting outside in like a, I would not call that a sports bra. That's like a bra. Straight bra.
01:05:10
Speaker
I might have to go out, exit my building a different way just to catch a peek. yeah Oh yeah? um mean, all right. We have to wrap your fucking titties pierced, bitch. Huh? That's fucking gross. I don't like that actually. Yeah, i mean me neither.
01:05:22
Speaker
Let's do ah Let's do a plug it in. Plug it Plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
01:05:35
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube, TikTok, letterboxed individually. Send us a voicemail, 508, eight fist us. 508, eight dip tip, six minute limit.
01:05:47
Speaker
Go listen to our physical media podcast.
Future Content Teasers and Episode Preview
01:05:49
Speaker
Yeah. You want it? You fucking want it? I'll fucking give it to you consensually. I'm gonna fucking stroke you out if you want me to. Yeah, I'll stroke you out while you're having a stroke.
01:06:01
Speaker
It's like that... It's a fucking heart attack. Oh my god. yeah guys You got it! You're doing good, you're doing good. Yeah. ah Next week, guess what you're getting? Another fucking vault episode. we are giving you an episode on Luca.
01:06:18
Speaker
We recorded a long time ago. Didn't that one get a little out of control? There's an all-time joke in there that we're just going to leave in and put in the top 10 moments. Nice. don't know if it got out of control or not, but I'll go back through and and look at it.
01:06:33
Speaker
i bro i fucking fake fucking fe I want you to do that. Whatever you just said, I want you to that to me. stroking out Please. So, Luca is next Tuesday, and then the Tuesday after that, we're fuck a fucking horror month, kid.
01:06:45
Speaker
yeah ah Get fucking ready. So, after Luca, we start a horror We kick off horror month with episode 74, The House of a Thousand Corpses. And let me tell you, i was like, I don't really want to edit this episode. It's out of fucking control. It's out of control, the shit we say. It's fucking crazy. So, like, just keep it all.
01:07:04
Speaker
Well, it's we were doxing our fucking pig teacher. can't get that. i mean no no no wait i mean we fucking i'll i'll show you right after this but what i did but you know what's fucking crazy you said pig teacher and i thought you would call it her a pig but it was literally people in government because that's crazy guys what the class was yeah look i don't want to shoot hurt too much right now because i'm going a spoil house this for you beautiful fucking bastards beautiful anyways we'll ah we'll catch you guys next week for a vault
01:07:38
Speaker
toos Fuck you, Mark. I actually even voiced me. I didn't fucking do it, you bitch.