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50/50 is a Scam: Why Men Should Always Pay More +Patchy Beard McWhiskeyD*ck
37 Plays4 years ago
All the men mad at this title smell like a poor.
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Transcript
Introduction to Roast-a-Scroat
00:00:00
Speaker
And here's a little segment we call Roast-a-Scroat, where we read a story from one of our Patreon subscribers dragging one of the men they went out with.
00:00:12
Speaker
So this week's Roast-a-Scroat is from Anonymous, and it starts, I met this guy through mutual friends when a group of us went to a bar.
Red Flags in Dating Apps
00:00:20
Speaker
We started talking.
00:00:21
Speaker
He asked if he could buy me a drink.
00:00:23
Speaker
That first night we met, he seemed decent and friendly, but little did I know I was in for a wild ride with a mixed grody in disguise.
00:00:31
Speaker
One thing I found a little weird about him on the first night was that he was practically glued to my side and followed me around.
00:00:37
Speaker
He even told me when he was going to the bathroom and said he'd be right back.
00:00:42
Speaker
I barely knew him and I also wanted to hang out with my girlfriends too, but I brushed it off and chalked it up to him being a bit drunk and maybe it was because he really liked me and we were hitting it off so
The Snapchat Dilemma
00:00:51
Speaker
well.
00:00:51
Speaker
He asked me for my Snapchat because he wanted to see me again.
00:00:54
Speaker
I was going to a... If he asked for your Snapchat and not your phone number, that's a red flag.
00:00:58
Speaker
I was going to say pull over, red flag.
00:01:00
Speaker
If a guy has Snapchat, red fucking flag.
00:01:03
Speaker
Red flag.
00:01:04
Speaker
Is there anything that's good that's going down on Snapchat?
00:01:08
Speaker
No.
00:01:09
Speaker
I personally don't think Snapchat is that bad.
00:01:12
Speaker
I like to use it with my friends.
00:01:14
Speaker
But I find men who use Snapchat are scrotes.
00:01:16
Speaker
They often use it for porn too.
00:01:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's better than kick.
00:01:21
Speaker
But yeah, Snapchat is... If a guy asks for it, he's almost definitely interested in nudes.
00:01:28
Speaker
I was going to a big party the next weekend with a bunch of friends and wanted him to come.
00:01:32
Speaker
So I went ahead and invited him.
00:01:34
Speaker
He also asked for my phone number.
00:01:35
Speaker
So I put that in his contacts as well.
00:01:37
Speaker
He messaged me on Snapchat about an hour after we all went home asking if I made it home safely.
00:01:42
Speaker
He didn't also text me to make sure I had his number saved in my phone as well.
00:01:46
Speaker
Our messages were exclusively on Snapchat, which is a red flag considering we were both in our early to mid-20s at the time.
00:01:52
Speaker
We would exchange messages frequently and tell each other about our days.
00:01:57
Speaker
He'd tell me if he was excited about seeing me at the party the upcoming weekend.
00:02:02
Speaker
In general, you know what, now I think about it, like even whenever a man uses something other than like text or phone, I
00:02:09
Speaker
I kind of almost want to say it's a red flag because I feel the same way about guys that use WhatsApp.
00:02:13
Speaker
What's wrong with WhatsApp?
00:02:15
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it, but it's just like the insistence on using it.
00:02:19
Speaker
Like, oh, you don't have WhatsApp.
00:02:20
Speaker
You have to download WhatsApp.
00:02:21
Speaker
It's almost like they think everything they say is some kind of like secret code.
00:02:24
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:02:25
Speaker
Yeah, I see what you mean.
00:02:27
Speaker
Right.
00:02:28
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:02:28
Speaker
Like the whole end to end encryption thing.
00:02:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:31
Speaker
It's like you're not a fucking spy.
00:02:32
Speaker
OK, like you don't need.
00:02:34
Speaker
Yeah, I can see like you've been talking a while and then you just you just switch there because it might be like, I don't know if he has like SMS charges.
00:02:40
Speaker
First of all, he has SMS charges.
00:02:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:02:46
Speaker
I don't date guys that don't have free unlimited plans, but whatever.
00:02:52
Speaker
No, I like WhatsApp because I live it.
00:02:54
Speaker
Sometimes I go to areas that have spotty cell reception.
00:02:59
Speaker
but have okay internet.
00:03:02
Speaker
Like there are some, I don't know of how much, like there are some areas like in rural areas, like my family's cabin, for example, where there's wifi there, but the cell reception is crap.
00:03:12
Speaker
So that's why I use WhatsApp generally.
00:03:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:15
Speaker
I don't mind it.
00:03:16
Speaker
I mean, it's, I have it obviously.
00:03:17
Speaker
And I still talk to my friends that way.
00:03:19
Speaker
I just more or less think whenever a man's trying to immediately get you off text or phone, I feel like that's a red flag now to me.
00:03:26
Speaker
Right.
00:03:26
Speaker
Where like they don't want to communicate through text or phone at first, at least.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah.
Disappointing Hookup
00:03:34
Speaker
Agreed.
00:03:34
Speaker
I think Snapchat is definitely a red flag and kick to kick is like what people use when they're doing adultery, like when they're cheating on their wife, doing the adultery, doing one adultery.
00:03:47
Speaker
And it's also what like pedophiles would use to find young children.
00:03:51
Speaker
It was really bad for that.
00:03:52
Speaker
Oh no.
00:03:53
Speaker
Like really bad for that.
00:03:54
Speaker
The internet needs to be burned to the ground.
00:03:56
Speaker
So moving along.
00:03:59
Speaker
It's a wild west out there.
00:04:00
Speaker
Uh, when it was time for the party, me and him continue to hang out there.
00:04:05
Speaker
And my friends and I booked cheap hotel rooms to crash for the night.
00:04:08
Speaker
Since we were all planning on getting drunk, I ended up bringing him back to my hotel room and we started hooking up.
00:04:13
Speaker
We were going at it for what felt like an hour, but in reality, it was probably only a few minutes.
00:04:18
Speaker
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:04:20
Speaker
So it felt like an eternity, but it wasn't.
00:04:23
Speaker
So that means it's bad, right?
00:04:24
Speaker
I'm thinking she's just really fucked up.
00:04:26
Speaker
So everything's in slow-mo.
00:04:27
Speaker
I was thinking she's just drunk.
00:04:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:30
Speaker
All right.
00:04:30
Speaker
Continue.
00:04:31
Speaker
When I started giving him a blow job, at first I thought I heard moaning, but then it started to sound like he was snoring.
00:04:37
Speaker
I looked up and realized... Oh my God.
00:04:44
Speaker
girl.
00:04:46
Speaker
That's funny.
00:04:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:47
Speaker
I looked up and I realized he fell asleep in the middle of a blow job.
00:04:52
Speaker
I didn't bother to wake him up since he was passed out cold and we were both drunk and I was exhausted.
00:04:57
Speaker
Never in my life had I had a guy fall asleep on me.
00:04:59
Speaker
So that was the first.
00:05:01
Speaker
Damn.
00:05:02
Speaker
I'm speechless.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:04
Speaker
I don't even know what to say at that point.
00:05:07
Speaker
Where do you begin?
00:05:08
Speaker
Does he have a condition or what?
00:05:11
Speaker
I
00:05:12
Speaker
He must have been really drunk.
00:05:13
Speaker
He must have had like straight up whiskey dick.
00:05:15
Speaker
You know, he can't feel anything.
00:05:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:18
Speaker
I still continued seeing this guy because we got along so well.
00:05:21
Speaker
He wanted, he said he wanted to keep seeing me and he asked me out on a date with just the two of us.
Dating Effort Discrepancies
00:05:27
Speaker
Though the way he asked me seemed low effort, but back then I didn't know any better.
00:05:31
Speaker
He asked me what a beautiful girl like me likes to do for a date.
00:05:33
Speaker
And when I said I usually go to dinner at a nice place for a date, he asked me what kind of restaurants I like to eat at.
00:05:40
Speaker
I ended up choosing the restaurant and he didn't tell me which location and time until two hours before the date was to happen.
00:05:45
Speaker
I got to the restaurant looking all dolled up with my makeup, nails and hair done and wearing my favorite springtime dress with heels while he showed up wearing jeans and untucked polo shirt with a logo from an old job of his tennis shoes, a baseball cap with a beer logo and a patchy beard that he was unsuccessfully trying to grow out.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:07
Speaker
Yeah, that unsuccessful beard attempt.
00:06:09
Speaker
Is it like a pee-bick beard?
00:06:11
Speaker
Maybe like a soul patch?
00:06:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:06:14
Speaker
Just patchy.
00:06:15
Speaker
Was it like a pee-bid?
00:06:17
Speaker
Like, yeah, patchy.
00:06:18
Speaker
Just shave it off, dude.
00:06:19
Speaker
Like, mate, if you can't grow a full beard, just shave it.
00:06:22
Speaker
Just shave it.
00:06:23
Speaker
I was taken aback, but my clown self tried not to be too judgmental and hope that maybe he didn't know any better.
00:06:31
Speaker
We ate dinner.
00:06:32
Speaker
He had at least three margaritas while I only had one, and he paid for everything, including my parking, since it was in the downtown area.
00:06:40
Speaker
I was impressed, and he told me how beautiful I looked in my dress.
00:06:44
Speaker
Back then, I thought he was such a gentleman.
00:06:46
Speaker
There was a small outdoor concert a few blocks down he took me to.
00:06:50
Speaker
And when that was finished, he asked if I wanted to go to the bar nearby.
00:06:54
Speaker
I agreed, and he thought it was going to be too crowded and asked if I wanted to go back to his place and hang out for a bit.
00:06:59
Speaker
He led me straight to his bedroom.
00:07:00
Speaker
We didn't have sex, but we did make out for a bit.
00:07:03
Speaker
The whole him showing up and looking grubby the whole time, I'm just having flashbacks to a really bad date I had when I was, uh, I think I was 19 or 20 and the guy, he was a landscaper.
00:07:13
Speaker
He just like showed up after work with like grass stains all over his pants and everything.
00:07:17
Speaker
And I had like looked super done up.
00:07:20
Speaker
I like did my hair.
00:07:21
Speaker
I was looking super fine.
00:07:22
Speaker
And then we went to a restaurant.
00:07:24
Speaker
It was a pizza place.
00:07:25
Speaker
And, um, and at the end he's like, Oh, I forgot my wallet.
00:07:29
Speaker
And I was like pissed off.
00:07:30
Speaker
So anyways, I paid for it.
00:07:31
Speaker
And then, um,
00:07:33
Speaker
uh and he was like oh I'm so sorry I'll get it next time in my head I'm like there won't be a next time but it felt fucking humiliating to be like sitting all dressed up and like really beautiful and he looks like grubby like there were other people looking at us like I look way hotter than him and it just looks wrong right
00:07:51
Speaker
I mean, it's just inconsiderate.
00:07:52
Speaker
Like, bathe yourself before you go on a fucking date.
00:07:55
Speaker
I don't understand.
00:07:56
Speaker
Yeah, bathe yourself before you go on a date.
00:07:58
Speaker
I don't understand why things like this need to be communicated to men.
00:08:02
Speaker
It's just like a sign of respect.
00:08:04
Speaker
I mean, I don't know how Canadian culture is, like American culture is sort of famously informal.
00:08:11
Speaker
Canadian culture.
00:08:12
Speaker
It's very similar to American culture.
00:08:13
Speaker
I don't know.
00:08:14
Speaker
You guys are attached, literally.
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:16
Speaker
It's like, it's, it's informal in a lot of ways, but that, I mean, I feel like men take it to a new low sometimes where it's just like, oh, I'm just going to dress however.
00:08:25
Speaker
No, like most men know if, I mean, if you're going to a restaurant and it was like 7 p.m.
00:08:30
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:30
Speaker
Like he had time after work to, you know, go home and change and stuff.
00:08:35
Speaker
So I don't know what the fuck was wrong with him, but yeah, no, it was, that was very bizarre.
00:08:40
Speaker
Anyways.
00:08:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:41
Speaker
The whole, like, I hate that scenario of like, you take it, you know, you put effort in to look good for a date and then the guy shows up looking grubby and then it's almost humiliating to be sitting across from a table with a guy who looks so beneath you.
00:08:53
Speaker
I know what you mean.
00:08:55
Speaker
He asked me out on a second date soon after, and we did have sex then, or at least try.
00:09:00
Speaker
He had trouble maintaining an erection, and he claimed he was nervous and afraid of disappointing me, claiming he's never had that problem before.
00:09:07
Speaker
Sure.
00:09:08
Speaker
Lies.
00:09:09
Speaker
Lies.
00:09:10
Speaker
Lies.
00:09:11
Speaker
So this is like strike two.
00:09:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:15
Speaker
Does he have like porn-induced erectile dysfunction?
00:09:17
Speaker
That's what this sounds like.
00:09:18
Speaker
Probably.
00:09:19
Speaker
And whiskey dick.
00:09:20
Speaker
I'm held in suspense.
00:09:22
Speaker
I saw him again the next day and he still had some trouble keeping it up.
00:09:26
Speaker
He can only stay hard when giving him a blowjob, so I just resorted to that.
00:09:30
Speaker
Ugh.
00:09:30
Speaker
Girl.
00:09:31
Speaker
Ugh.
00:09:32
Speaker
He also showed me a picture on his phone of something cool he made in his welding shop.
00:09:36
Speaker
And I noticed he had a couple of notifications from Kik pop-up.
00:09:39
Speaker
Kik was an app that was used by teenagers more than five years ago.
00:09:42
Speaker
And I had no idea what a 24 year old man would be doing on Kik in 2020.
00:09:46
Speaker
Yes, exactly.
00:09:47
Speaker
Thank you.
00:09:48
Speaker
Right.
00:09:50
Speaker
Savannah.
00:09:52
Speaker
Savannah's opinion is confirmed.
00:09:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:54
Speaker
Savannah called it.
00:09:55
Speaker
More red flags started presenting themselves after his ex-girlfriend who was with him for seven years, broke up with him six months before
Toxic Relationship Dynamics
00:10:02
Speaker
I met him.
00:10:02
Speaker
She would show up to the bar.
00:10:03
Speaker
We all frequented.
00:10:04
Speaker
First time she came was about three weeks after me and him started dating.
00:10:08
Speaker
And this girl pointed her out and told me that she was his ex.
00:10:12
Speaker
He claimed she was only there because she knew he would be there and she was trying to win him back.
00:10:16
Speaker
He said not to worry.
00:10:18
Speaker
She has some jealousy issues.
00:10:21
Speaker
That's like a weird triangulation thing for him to point that out.
00:10:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
00:10:26
Speaker
He says she has some jealousy issues, but he would never get back with her because she pulled some crazy stunts after they broke up.
00:10:31
Speaker
Once he had the audacity to ask me how he should respond to a text she sent him claiming he wanted my input.
00:10:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:38
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:10:38
Speaker
Triangulation.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's triangulation.
00:10:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:41
Speaker
Can you help me figure out what to send my ex?
00:10:44
Speaker
That's no, like you're a grown man.
00:10:46
Speaker
Like you can figure it out yourself or just block her.
00:10:49
Speaker
As he became more comfortable with me, his mask started slipping even more.
00:10:53
Speaker
And he eventually stopped asking me out on dates, but kept texting me consistently.
00:10:57
Speaker
He'd always send me good morning texts with 30 emojis and then good night cutie text.
00:11:01
Speaker
He never got me a gift for my birthday.
00:11:03
Speaker
Just sent me a happy birthday with several kiss
Substance Abuse Issues
00:11:05
Speaker
emojis.
00:11:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:06
Speaker
Well, this guy has already shown he's low effort.
00:11:07
Speaker
I mean, he can't be bothered to, like, not look like a slob on a date.
00:11:12
Speaker
This is not a person who puts an effort or thought to other people.
00:11:17
Speaker
I noticed he'd often wear the same underwear, which were a very distinct color of boxer briefs.
00:11:23
Speaker
And I wondered how often he'd wash his underwear.
00:11:25
Speaker
What a douche.
00:11:26
Speaker
Ew.
00:11:26
Speaker
Never.
00:11:27
Speaker
Ugh.
00:11:29
Speaker
Ew.
00:11:30
Speaker
He started revealing more of his drinking habits and he'd have a bunch of empty beer cans on his back porch and in his pantry.
00:11:36
Speaker
His house began looking more like a frat house and he was 24 and not of college age.
00:11:40
Speaker
He started stacking all these empty beer cans into a pyramid and displaying them on his mantle above the fireplace.
00:11:46
Speaker
He thought it was cool.
00:11:47
Speaker
And also one week he revealed he was drinking beers alone in his car at his lunch break during work.
00:11:52
Speaker
That's...
00:11:53
Speaker
That's trash.
00:11:55
Speaker
Trashy behavior.
00:11:56
Speaker
That's like, okay, you know in college how some guys will decorate their freaking dorm room with empty beer cans and alcohol bottles?
00:12:03
Speaker
It's like a freaking crow with a bunch of garbage, a pile of garbage.
00:12:08
Speaker
Like, look at my hoard of treasures.
00:12:13
Speaker
My final straw was one of the nights he made plans with me.
00:12:15
Speaker
He spent the whole day drinking in the parking lot of his job after he clocked out.
00:12:19
Speaker
Somehow managed to drive home and told me he couldn't make it because he got way too drunk or was
Breakup and Self-Reflection
00:12:23
Speaker
tired home.
00:12:23
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:23
Speaker
He shouldn't be driving home that drunk.
00:12:26
Speaker
No.
00:12:27
Speaker
Irresponsible.
00:12:28
Speaker
Irresponsible.
00:12:28
Speaker
Yeah, this is a guy with a problem, clearly.
00:12:31
Speaker
I told him that was rude on his part and he agreed and said that he was sorry, but I didn't want to hear anymore.
00:12:37
Speaker
I left him on red and went out with some girlfriends.
00:12:40
Speaker
The next day we hung out in a group again.
00:12:41
Speaker
And when I dumped him on the spot, he told me how angry it made him that I left him on red and to never do that again, because that made me a major B word.
00:12:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:51
Speaker
He said he felt like I painted him out to be a bad person because I called him out as drinking.
00:12:55
Speaker
A couple of days later, he messaged me saying he was no longer drinking at work and didn't want to drink every day anymore.
00:13:01
Speaker
I was tired of his manipulation and sent him a long paragraph calling him out as disrespect.
00:13:04
Speaker
And then I deleted him on Snapchat so he could see my message, but couldn't reply.
00:13:08
Speaker
He had a beer belly, balcony, and a pube beard.
00:13:11
Speaker
I cringe at the low standards I had as a pick-me and learned not to meet guys with a beer can pyramid as decoration at their house.
00:13:18
Speaker
I spent too much time worrying about what was wrong with me when this guy stopped putting in effort.
00:13:22
Speaker
Never again.
00:13:24
Speaker
Well, I'm glad you broke up with him, sis.
00:13:26
Speaker
The only thing I would have done differently is, I mean, not dating him at all, but other than not dating him at all, is the paragraphs.
00:13:34
Speaker
Like, don't send him in paragraphs.
00:13:36
Speaker
Just block and delete, honestly.
00:13:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:39
Speaker
I mean, I guess now we're kind of seeing the buildup to his erectile dysfunction problems because he had a serious drinking problem.
00:13:44
Speaker
Did y'all ever actually have penetrative sex?
00:13:47
Speaker
Like, that wasn't a blowjob?
00:13:49
Speaker
Like, that's true.
00:13:50
Speaker
She doesn't really actually describe that here.
00:13:53
Speaker
Like, did they ever actually have sex?
00:13:56
Speaker
With this whiskey dick.
00:13:57
Speaker
Yeah, whiskey-induced erectile dysfunction is also a problem.
00:14:00
Speaker
Like, you may as well date a eunuch.
00:14:02
Speaker
Like, that's exactly how useful.
00:14:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:04
Speaker
That's exactly how useful he is.
00:14:06
Speaker
I don't know what to say to that other than like, fuck that guy.
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:10
Speaker
I mean, how a man grooms himself and pays attention to his own hygiene and the respect he shows you on a date, that's going to be indicative of his sexual skills.
00:14:19
Speaker
And I think this checks out in this story, right?
00:14:23
Speaker
He's drunk and passed out, drunk and lazy, drunk, can't get it up.
00:14:27
Speaker
Also, if a guy's low effort showing up to a date, he's probably going to be low effort like that in bed.
00:14:32
Speaker
Literally, he fell asleep during a blowjob.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah, and then couldn't get an erection any time you guys were hanging out any other time.
00:14:38
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:14:39
Speaker
I feel bad for him because he needs to get his life together.
00:14:42
Speaker
Yeah, alcoholism is no joke.
00:14:44
Speaker
So, yeah, he needs to stop being an alcoholic.
00:14:46
Speaker
Like, geez, needs to go to freaking Alcoholics Anonymous or something.
00:14:51
Speaker
But, yeah, you don't have to put up with that.
00:14:53
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:14:54
Speaker
I wish you all a good dick in the world.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yep.
00:14:57
Speaker
Cool.
00:14:58
Speaker
All right.
00:14:58
Speaker
So that's our Roast to Scro.
00:14:59
Speaker
If you would like to submit your own Roast to Scro or submit a Queen shit or a Nasus, we're looking for some more Queen shits.
00:15:05
Speaker
If you just want us to like celebrate your successes, go to patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy and sign up for one of our tiers.
00:15:12
Speaker
You can listen to
Introduction to Female Dating Strategy Podcast
00:15:13
Speaker
our bonus content and submit a story for us to be read out loud on the podcast.
00:15:17
Speaker
Thanks.
00:15:18
Speaker
Let's start the show.
00:15:26
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:15:27
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:15:32
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
Financial Dynamics in Relationships
00:15:33
Speaker
And this is Savannah.
00:15:34
Speaker
And I'm Lilla.
00:15:35
Speaker
And today's topic, why going 50-50 in relationships is a scam.
00:15:40
Speaker
Yeah, so this is one of the more controversial FDS-isms, even though, like, I can't believe we haven't talked about it on the podcast yet, because I almost take it for granted that men should pay for dates.
00:15:51
Speaker
It's probably our most controversial one, to be fair.
00:15:54
Speaker
This is the point that gets the scrotes backs up the most, that when they see FDS, they're like scrolling through something.
00:16:01
Speaker
Oh my gosh, she expects me to pay for a date?
00:16:04
Speaker
Like, you would think that we were asking for like 10 litres of their blood, but we're not.
00:16:08
Speaker
We're just asking them to pay for a date.
00:16:10
Speaker
You'd think we were asking for a kidney or something, yeah, but...
00:16:14
Speaker
And I believe one of the earliest posts to go viral on FDS was about men paying for dates.
00:16:21
Speaker
So this is... This is OG FDS.
00:16:23
Speaker
Like vintage, inaugural FDS.
00:16:26
Speaker
To be fair, it's not just men where this gets their backs up.
00:16:29
Speaker
A lot of women, for some reason, think that it's a flex on the patriarchy to whip out their wallet on a first date.
00:16:36
Speaker
And I'm like, sis, if you knew what men thought about women who pay for dates...
00:16:40
Speaker
Yeah, you wouldn't be thinking that.
00:16:42
Speaker
So I have zero idea why the concept of women going 50-50 on dates or paying for themselves became some kind of feminist frontier.
00:16:53
Speaker
I know that this is a byproduct of society.
00:16:56
Speaker
second wave feminist ideas where a lot of feminists felt like, well, if I show men, I can take care of myself and I'm capable of taking care of myself and I can pay for myself that I'm showing that I should and can be equally respected in this relationship.
00:17:10
Speaker
But unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way as a lot of women are finding out that women taking on more financial responsibility didn't necessarily translate to more relationship respect.
00:17:21
Speaker
If anything, I feel like all the scrotious dudes just took that idea and ran with it.
00:17:28
Speaker
Isn't it an interesting trick that patriarchy has played on us where if a man pays for dinner, that means he owns us and that we are supposed to submit to him and serve him and so on.
00:17:39
Speaker
But if we want to be free or we want to be respected, then we have to pay them to respect us.
00:17:45
Speaker
And they don't even respect us.
00:17:46
Speaker
They'll just take our money and run.
00:17:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:50
Speaker
Women entering the workforce and having financial solvency allowed them to have the freedom to leave men who were bad for them and to invest in themselves and to create their own careers, their own financial independence.
00:18:04
Speaker
And a byproduct of that is...
00:18:08
Speaker
women overall having healthier relationships because they were able to walk away from unhealthy relationships because they were not as financially dependent on men.
00:18:16
Speaker
But I don't think that a man paying for a date is indicating that you want to be financially dependent on him or setting women back, so to speak.
00:18:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's coded as, you know, a lot of feminists will, you know, especially the whole abolish gender role crowd will be like, um...
00:18:34
Speaker
a man paying for dates is a symbol of the patriarchy or comes from a time when a man would protect and provide for a woman.
00:18:41
Speaker
And then the bargain in exchange for that was that women would submit to him and serve him.
00:18:46
Speaker
And so if you allow a man to pay for a date, then you're perpetuating this unequal power dynamic and so on.
00:18:53
Speaker
And I'm like, why does it have to be that way though?
00:18:56
Speaker
Right?
00:18:56
Speaker
Like I see it when a man spends money on me, I see it as
00:19:00
Speaker
Like he is a vassal paying tribute to a queen and I'm the queen.
00:19:03
Speaker
So, I mean, ladies, you really got to reframe your mindset around, you know, men spending money on you because just because he spends money on you doesn't mean you owe him anything.
00:19:13
Speaker
It doesn't mean he owns you.
00:19:14
Speaker
It's just him earning his keep, quite frankly.
00:19:17
Speaker
And like we said on our Twitter...
00:19:19
Speaker
It's very odd to me that it's not feminist to expect men to pay for dates, but sex work is feminist, right?
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:27
Speaker
So we keep talking about this.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:29
Speaker
Why is it feminist for a man to pay for your OnlyFans, but not a man to pay for your dinner?
00:19:34
Speaker
Why is that considered regressive?
00:19:36
Speaker
Yeah, you're really giving patriarchy the middle finger by having OnlyFans and being a porn star, really.
00:19:43
Speaker
This is why we keep saying that liberal feminism is some kind of psyop that makes no sense because they don't seem to have thought through all the implications of...
00:19:53
Speaker
on one hand, asserting like a woman shouldn't have to be financially dependent on a man and you should be able to show that you're independent and then promoting the idea that women should be financially dependent on men specifically in the sex trade.
00:20:04
Speaker
So they need to get like their ideology worked out because shit makes no sense.
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:08
Speaker
It's wrong for women to be financially dependent on men unless she's a prostitute or porn star, in which case, 100% you go girl.
00:20:14
Speaker
That's, you know, empowering.
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:16
Speaker
Yeah, it's very strange.
00:20:18
Speaker
I don't know.
00:20:18
Speaker
I think it's just a hodgepodge of ideas that men figured out how to cherry pick and promote as the primary face of feminism.
00:20:27
Speaker
Basically what I feel like happened, because this is, this is, men are some crafty bastards, ladies.
00:20:32
Speaker
They're some sneaky bastards.
00:20:34
Speaker
They are.
00:20:34
Speaker
We talk about how media and specifically liberal feminist media, but also a lot of men's media, especially in the form of like comedians or I guess comedians would almost be like the original Manosphere before we really had the internet.
00:20:48
Speaker
But certain narratives start to get pushed to the forefront, right?
00:20:52
Speaker
Over other ones.
00:20:53
Speaker
So...
00:20:56
Speaker
I know for sure, because we've highlighted this on the subreddit, that women's magazines in particular started pushing the idea like, oh, if you're a strong, independent woman, you should pay for dates.
00:21:06
Speaker
And men started pushing that idea as well, because they're like, well, why do I have to pay, right?
00:21:10
Speaker
If you're such a strong, independent woman...
00:21:13
Speaker
If she's not going to submit to me, then why should I pay?
00:21:15
Speaker
Right, exactly.
00:21:16
Speaker
And so I don't know, you know, it's a chicken or an egg thing.
00:21:19
Speaker
Did like feminists come up with that themselves or did men say that?
00:21:23
Speaker
So then liberal feminists like hopskiped and said, that's fine.
00:21:26
Speaker
I won't pay.
00:21:27
Speaker
That's fine.
00:21:27
Speaker
You don't have to pay.
00:21:28
Speaker
I'm an independent woman, right?
00:21:30
Speaker
And I'm leaning towards probably men said it first and then liberal feminists probably scrambled to try to look like they were cool girls.
00:21:37
Speaker
And that they didn't need a man to pay.
00:21:38
Speaker
Actually, no, I feel like this idea that
00:21:42
Speaker
That women should pay for dates is actually pretty recent.
00:21:46
Speaker
Like, as long as I've been alive, at least, it's been like normal for women to pay for dates.
00:21:53
Speaker
But even like talking to women who are in their 30s or early 40s, a lot of them are talking about how, you know, when they were younger, it was the norm for...
00:22:00
Speaker
meant to pay for dates.
00:22:01
Speaker
So I think this is really only thing that's been happening in the last like maybe 10 or 15 years.
00:22:05
Speaker
Maybe because of the economic downturn.
00:22:07
Speaker
Because I think some of this too could be after the 2008 financial crash, a lot of people were broke.
00:22:13
Speaker
And so men, you know what happens when we have economic downturn, men start blaming women and deciding that women don't deserve.
00:22:23
Speaker
But I don't know.
00:22:24
Speaker
But I do think that I want to say I do think there's a lot of feminist media that was pushing that idea prior to that, though, because it wasn't the first time I heard of going Dutch or like the Sadie Hawkins thing where the idea was like, oh, women should make the first move.
00:22:38
Speaker
Women should pay for dates.
00:22:39
Speaker
Women should do everything.
00:22:40
Speaker
Basically pushing women to do the primary pursuer role and pushing women to do the primary provider role.
00:22:47
Speaker
Like I think it was before that because
00:22:49
Speaker
I remember a commercial, or at least I've seen these vintage commercials from the 1980s about this woman bragging about, oh, I'm a woman, I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.
00:23:00
Speaker
You know, like the idea that a woman...
00:23:03
Speaker
could do everything a man can do.
00:23:07
Speaker
So I think some of it was just about women showing, quote unquote, showing men they were just as good as them or doing whatever they could do.
00:23:13
Speaker
Yeah, but then it ended up getting turned around on us because now, you know, before the gender roles used to be, you know, men pay, women, you know, are nurturing and submissive and whatever.
00:23:24
Speaker
And now we've got, you know, a case where men don't have to provide, women have to provide and we do all the cooking and the cleaning and the housework and the child rearing, right?
00:23:33
Speaker
So now gender roles are basically women.
00:23:34
Speaker
Yeah, we do everything a man can do, but we also still have to do all the things a woman can do or are supposed to do.
00:23:40
Speaker
And, you know, men just don't want to do that.
00:23:43
Speaker
Like, I mean, it's easier to get women to want to work because to work is to have money and financial independence, right?
00:23:50
Speaker
You know, who doesn't want that, right?
00:23:52
Speaker
But who wants to do chores?
00:23:53
Speaker
Nobody, right?
00:23:54
Speaker
So the idea of forcing men to do chores is going to be a lot harder than the idea of getting women excited about having their own money because...
00:24:02
Speaker
Like chores suck.
00:24:04
Speaker
And truth be told, everybody who wasn't wealthy essentially, or at least middle class had a woman in a house who worked, right?
00:24:14
Speaker
Like the concept of a woman not having to work is actually only been afforded to a small amount of women in, at least in the United States.
00:24:21
Speaker
Like middle class and upper class.
00:24:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:24
Speaker
For middle class, upper class women.
00:24:26
Speaker
So working class women have pretty much always worked.
00:24:28
Speaker
So yeah.
00:24:30
Speaker
Even when we're having this conversation, it just, it screams like privileged white feminism.
00:24:37
Speaker
The idea that working is going to somehow bring a sense of equality to relationships that quite frankly, a lot of working class women who've been working forever.
00:24:46
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:47
Speaker
Working class women have always worked and they were still considered subservient to men.
00:24:50
Speaker
So working by itself and paying and earning your own money and so on is by itself is not going to
00:24:57
Speaker
They probably could have clued these type of women in already.
00:24:59
Speaker
And I believe that a lot of feminist scholars who critiqued second wave feminism said as much that essentially this is a movement for privileged white people for them to feel like they're...
00:25:12
Speaker
This is a movement for privileged white women to feel like they're correcting the economic power imbalance in their home or feeling like they're going out there and having their own careers and having their own sense of importance in the world.
00:25:25
Speaker
But for women who don't have that privilege, it doesn't necessarily seem like a pressing feminist issue because they're already working.
00:25:33
Speaker
Yeah.
Generosity as a Relationship Metric
00:25:34
Speaker
So, I mean...
00:25:37
Speaker
The thing is, it's not that, it's not like working by itself is going to create equality.
00:25:42
Speaker
It's the narratives around heterosexual relationship scripts that need to change.
00:25:48
Speaker
So it's, yeah, like having your own money is important, but it's not enough by itself.
00:25:52
Speaker
And here's the thing, in terms of like, you know, how do we apply this to female dating strategy?
00:25:57
Speaker
It's pretty much a given in FDS that like, yeah, men should pay for dates.
00:26:00
Speaker
Like, in fact, I think it says in the handbook that generous men are non-negotiable.
00:26:06
Speaker
And when we're talking about generous men, it's not just about financially generous men.
00:26:09
Speaker
We want men who are generous with their time, their effort, their affection, and other things as well.
00:26:14
Speaker
And I've definitely noticed a correlation in my relationships between men who are cheap, like stingy, don't want to spend money, tight-fisted, and men who are emotionally tight-fisted.
00:26:27
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:26:29
Speaker
I find like men who are, you know, they tend to have this attitude of like wanting to get something for nothing.
00:26:35
Speaker
They don't want to have to contribute having to spend money or spend time or emotional energy on something they see as a loss or as, as something being taken away from them, but they're completely happy doing that to other people.
00:26:49
Speaker
You know, they're always looking for a deal, always looking for a bargain.
00:26:52
Speaker
They're always haggling over every little penny and,
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah, those guys are annoying.
00:26:55
Speaker
Yeah, those guys are annoying, right?
00:26:57
Speaker
Like, the kind of guy who, you know, will happily receive a, you know, PlayStation or whatever on their birthday.
00:27:03
Speaker
The kind of guy who expects their girlfriend to buy them a PlayStation on their birthday, but then when her birthday... But then they'll get her nothing.
00:27:09
Speaker
But then they get her nothing because they don't believe in gifts or something, right?
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:14
Speaker
They don't believe in giving gifts, but they believe in receiving gifts.
00:27:17
Speaker
Exactly.
00:27:18
Speaker
Like, guys who want something for nothing, right?
00:27:21
Speaker
And it's kind of the personality type that I find is associated with men who are cheap, but also men who are takers in relationships.
00:27:30
Speaker
They're happy for you to serve them and cook for them and, you know, do things for them and spend money on them and all that kind of stuff, but they don't reciprocate.
00:27:38
Speaker
And so I find if you, as a woman, if you're looking for a relationship that's reciprocal, a man who offers to pay for dates, for example, is a really good indicator of his future behavior in the relationship.
00:27:50
Speaker
So yeah, so let's then start from the beginning, which is the first indicator that a man's going to be generous is that he offers to pay for your date.
00:27:59
Speaker
This is often confusing to people who sort of casually browse FDS because they look at this as a regressive gender role.
00:28:08
Speaker
Or they say things like, just because a man pays for a date doesn't mean he's high value.
00:28:13
Speaker
My ex paid for dates and he was an abusive man, etc., etc.
00:28:17
Speaker
We are not saying by any means that just because a guy pays for a date means that he's high value.
00:28:23
Speaker
But if he doesn't want to pay for a date, that's an automatic low value.
00:28:27
Speaker
Automatic low value, automatic red flag.
00:28:29
Speaker
It's almost like paying for a date is the bare minimum.
00:28:32
Speaker
It isn't something that women should be getting excited about because I've seen, you know, women on the subreddit saying, oh, this guy paid for a date and he turned out to be low value.
00:28:41
Speaker
I was like, well, yeah, because paying for a date is the bare minimum.
00:28:44
Speaker
That's not, that doesn't make him high value per se, but it's like the bare minimum, just like him, you know, showering is the bare minimum.
00:28:51
Speaker
Him paying for a date should be the bare minimum.
00:28:55
Speaker
Yeah, like, my ex showered, but he turned out to be abusive later.
00:28:58
Speaker
Doesn't mean that a guy showering is automatically high value, but a guy not showering is automatically low value.
00:29:04
Speaker
It's definitely low value, yeah.
00:29:07
Speaker
And there's no coming back from that.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:10
Speaker
The absence of this is the problem.
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:16
Speaker
So, yeah, and obviously there's guys that financially overextend themselves because they're love bombers.
00:29:22
Speaker
So they like to pretend like they're ballers, etc., etc.
00:29:25
Speaker
And then they like to try to invest – they like to invest a high amount –
00:29:32
Speaker
early on in the relationship to quote unquote, get women, get women hooked.
00:29:36
Speaker
So I think sometimes when women are responding to our suggestion that men pay for dates negatively, they may also be recalling the times when men overinvested financially early on and it turned out to be a bait and switch, a bait and switch or indicator of a person who was going to love bomb them and manipulate them, get them hooked on them, you know, be flashy, et cetera.
00:29:59
Speaker
So yeah.
00:29:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
All we're saying is, is that the absence of a man's willingness to pay for a date is a red flag.
00:30:07
Speaker
Huge red flag.
00:30:08
Speaker
And keep in mind that the way that it starts is how it's going to continue.
00:30:13
Speaker
Men very seldom become more generous over time.
00:30:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:16
Speaker
They're either going to remain the same amount of generous or they're going to become less generous over time.
00:30:22
Speaker
And so if he's starting out being not generous...
00:30:26
Speaker
It's either going to stay the same or it's going to get worse.
00:30:28
Speaker
So you want a guy who starts out being generous because then hopefully he'll remain generous.
00:30:32
Speaker
Sometimes he might become a little less generous, in which case that's a future problem that you're going to have to deal with.
00:30:36
Speaker
But you want him to start out being generous because, you know, we've seen way too many horror stories on Reddit, for example, where, you know, a woman says, you know,
00:30:45
Speaker
oh, I'm like seven months pregnant and, you know, my husband earns four times as much as me, but, you know, he expects me to go 50-50 on the rent, even though, you know, I'm on maternity leave and I make way less than him.
00:30:57
Speaker
And, you know, he expects me to split, you know, the baby expenses or even worse.
00:31:02
Speaker
I've seen stories where the man says, well, you wanted a kid and I didn't.
00:31:06
Speaker
And so all the baby expenses are your expenses.
00:31:09
Speaker
expenses like that's for you to pay for right and you can live in my house and that's it and even like longer term as well there are stories where a woman will be like i've been married to my husband for 20 years and he's never taken me on a date ever and it's like you think after 20 years he's gonna start being generous and that's this the ship sailed and is probably in the shipyard broken 25 years ago mate like it's not coming back
00:31:37
Speaker
Yeah, the ship caught on fire and sunk to the bottom of the ocean.
00:31:40
Speaker
It's at the bottom of the Atlantic, just, you know, rusting away.
00:31:43
Speaker
It's not coming back.
00:31:45
Speaker
Next to Leo DiCaprio's character in the Titanic.
00:31:49
Speaker
Jack!
00:31:51
Speaker
Oh, poor Jack.
00:31:52
Speaker
Anyways.
00:31:54
Speaker
So, but no, my point being that you have to keep in mind, not just how your relationship is now, but how it's going to be in the future, especially when things like pregnancy or, you know, raising kids and stuff, because, you know, even if he goes 50, 50 on the childcare, which let's be real, most men do not.
00:32:12
Speaker
He can't go 50, 50 on childbirth, right?
00:32:14
Speaker
It's not like he's going to carry the baby for four and a half months and like nurse it with one of his tits.
00:32:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:20
Speaker
Tag team you in.
00:32:21
Speaker
All right, you go.
00:32:24
Speaker
I mean, his, like, dick and arsehole is not at risk of being ripped in half by childbirth.
00:32:30
Speaker
Like, if that was the case, then yeah, fair enough, go 50-50.
00:32:33
Speaker
If men, you know, if their pelvises were, you know, broken or fractured or their arseholes were split, yeah, fair enough, you can go 50-50.
00:32:42
Speaker
But that doesn't happen.
00:32:44
Speaker
It's not even just about what happens to your physical body, although that does matter too.
00:32:48
Speaker
But also consider that your earning potential as a woman when you get married or when you have kids actually decreases.
00:32:55
Speaker
When a man gets married or has kids, his earning actually increases.
00:32:59
Speaker
It goes up.
00:33:00
Speaker
And sometimes the income or like a woman's income or earning potential never recovers.
00:33:06
Speaker
There are so many women who remain part-time workers, and this also causes problems for them down the line, especially when they come to retirement because they haven't paid enough into a pension pot.
00:33:18
Speaker
So to go back to our first point about men paying on the first date, a lot of men will try to lowball you because they want to, quote unquote, feel your vibes together before they commit to a real date or before they commit to whining and dining you, etc.
00:33:36
Speaker
First of all, that is the marker of a man who probably serial dates.
00:33:42
Speaker
As I said, if you're following our FDS strategy, we usually tell women to do some kind of Skype date or call date to basically make sure that he looks like his picture, you look like your picture, that you can check your vibes there and then not leave your house specifically unless he is going to commit to an actual date.
Low-Effort Dates and Standards
00:34:04
Speaker
Boom.
00:34:04
Speaker
But on the topic of like the serial dating, are they really serial dating though?
00:34:09
Speaker
Because the men who have put up the most resistance about paying, you know, for a date are also the ones who say they struggle to get dates.
00:34:19
Speaker
Well, I think it's a lot of the red pill guys in particular who are averse to paying for dates because their entire strategy is to cycle through as many women as possible.
00:34:31
Speaker
And that's why I said serial dater specifically, because these are the type of guys that want to low ball on dates so that they can be fuck boys, right?
00:34:38
Speaker
Low commitment dates, low effort dates,
00:34:42
Speaker
Hey, let's grab drinks.
00:34:43
Speaker
Quantity over quality.
00:34:44
Speaker
Yeah, quantity over quality because they're just looking for casual sex or they're just looking for a woman they can be a pretend boyfriend for or bait and switch later.
00:34:54
Speaker
So part of the 50-50 strategy, at least for men, is to not have to make as much financial investment and then cover a wide range of women or
00:35:05
Speaker
Don't make as much financial investment in each particular woman so that you can date a lot of women at once.
00:35:12
Speaker
And what we're saying is don't let them be able to do that.
00:35:16
Speaker
Eliminate those guys from your dating pool.
00:35:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:20
Speaker
Make them invest.
00:35:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:21
Speaker
Weed those guys out really quickly from your dating pool and look for the guys who are a little bit more focused because
00:35:28
Speaker
because then they're going to be very careful about the women they actually take out on dates and they actually meet, right?
00:35:33
Speaker
Because they're not just casting a wide net for casual sex.
00:35:36
Speaker
They're looking for a woman who they specifically enjoy time with, who they potentially see a relationship with.
00:35:42
Speaker
So specifically the strategy where we suggest that women always make sure that men pay for dates if they're going to see a man and that they not agree to any dates that are not actual dates is to weed out all of these types.
00:35:55
Speaker
Weed out the men who are trying to cast a wide net to date a lot of women.
00:36:00
Speaker
That is going to weed out most men except for the extremely wealthy who could date a lot of women and pay for a lot of dates.
00:36:07
Speaker
Then you got a different problem.
00:36:09
Speaker
But for the average guy, the average guy just forcing them to invest even a little bit, you know, $50 for you on a dinner as well as his own money for $50 for his meal will force them to focus on specific women rather than just casting out a wide net to try to get laid.
00:36:30
Speaker
Keep in mind, like, you know, we're not asking for a $500 fine dining experience.
00:36:36
Speaker
You know, you can...
00:36:37
Speaker
find like a perfectly affordable, you know, $20 a person.
00:36:41
Speaker
Right.
00:36:41
Speaker
And if he can't afford that, then he shouldn't be dating.
00:36:44
Speaker
Honestly, like if he's so broke, he can't afford, you know, $20 a week on a, for a date.
00:36:50
Speaker
Um, he should be focusing on improving his financial situation.
00:36:55
Speaker
Yeah, because most guys don't cook either.
00:36:57
Speaker
So most men are eating out all the time anyway.
00:37:01
Speaker
So he can probably sacrifice one meal to take you out.
00:37:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:05
Speaker
Even if he's kind of strapped for cash.
00:37:07
Speaker
I think it's also going back to, you know, bare minimum standards.
00:37:12
Speaker
If you look at, you know, most women will have friends where if their friend asks them out, you know, they'll pick up the bill and not think twice about it.
00:37:21
Speaker
So when you're going on a date, you're ultimately looking for a man to essentially become one of the most important people in your life.
00:37:30
Speaker
So why would he treat you worse than a friend?
00:37:33
Speaker
Like, I know when I go out with my friends or my sisters, it's not a big deal who pays.
00:37:40
Speaker
Like, sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays.
00:37:42
Speaker
But generally speaking, the one who asks the other one out is usually the one who pays, basically.
00:37:48
Speaker
Yeah, and we expect men to make the first move, so...
00:37:50
Speaker
Exactly.
00:37:51
Speaker
So, you know, why would you want to be with somebody who can't even treat you as good as your friends, especially when they're auditioning to be like the main man in your life?
00:38:01
Speaker
It just doesn't.
00:38:02
Speaker
That's another way to look at it as well.
00:38:04
Speaker
Exactly.
00:38:05
Speaker
So we're not saying that because he pays, then he's in charge, that you have to submit to him.
00:38:11
Speaker
We're not talking about gold digging.
00:38:14
Speaker
We're not talking about hypergamy.
00:38:16
Speaker
We're talking about a dating strategy.
00:38:18
Speaker
And I want to keep reemphasizing that because this just seems to be a bone of contention with everyone who takes issue with FDS.
00:38:27
Speaker
And I feel like they really, really read surface level.
00:38:30
Speaker
They really only see the surface level of our strategy if they think it's about gold digging and hypergamy when it comes to asking men to pay for dates.
00:38:38
Speaker
Or like they see it and then it just reminds them of what their all existing biases are or their existing experiences are and think, oh, like that wouldn't work for me.
00:38:49
Speaker
Or, you know, feminists will look at that and think, oh, well, you know, historically, you know, men paid and women submitted.
00:38:56
Speaker
And so if you want a man to pay, that means you want to submit.
00:38:58
Speaker
No, that's not what we're saying at all.
00:39:00
Speaker
It's a very different, very different strategy.
00:39:03
Speaker
And it's not just about getting free dinner.
00:39:04
Speaker
The end goal is a relationship with a man who is generous.
00:39:08
Speaker
So and that's the other thing, the whole free dinner thing.
00:39:10
Speaker
Let's let's talk about that.
00:39:12
Speaker
The free dinner strategy.
00:39:13
Speaker
That's our nickname.
00:39:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:15
Speaker
Okay, let's dissect it because like... Because guys who think that women go on dates just for free dinners, first of all, like, women don't do that.
00:39:23
Speaker
Like, we don't, you know, we can pay for our own food.
00:39:26
Speaker
It's not like we're out there, like, begging for free dinners.
00:39:28
Speaker
And we don't need a man to get free food.
00:39:31
Speaker
Like, if I wanted free food, I'll just go home and just, you know, leech off my parents for a week.
00:39:36
Speaker
Like, my mum will make me whatever I want at home and the food is good and she's not going to, like...
00:39:42
Speaker
you're going to be blowing up my phone angry that I didn't have sex with her.
00:39:46
Speaker
So why would I, so why would I need, do you know what I mean?
00:39:52
Speaker
Like, why would I be scrolling through?
00:39:54
Speaker
And also to be fair, like I take myself out a lot.
00:39:56
Speaker
Like I go solo dining.
00:39:58
Speaker
I really enjoy my own company.
00:40:00
Speaker
Like I'll take a book and just read or do some work.
00:40:03
Speaker
So, you know, when guys like it's free dinner strategy, it's like, it's more stressful going out with a guy than just ordering a takeout for yourself.
00:40:10
Speaker
It's actually more stressful.
00:40:12
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it.
00:40:14
Speaker
Like, why would I risk, you know, potentially getting fucking kidnapped or, you know, sexually assaulted or even murdered?
00:40:19
Speaker
You know, a lot of guys do a lot, a lot of guys do that on dates, but it does happen.
00:40:23
Speaker
Okay, why would I risk that for a free dinner when I can just order takeout by myself?
00:40:27
Speaker
Right?
00:40:28
Speaker
Or just harassed and annoyed and having to deal with a strange man's pissy attitude because that's just more than enough reason to not waste your time on a quote unquote free dinner with a guy that you haven't vetted properly and feel like you're going to have a good time.
00:40:44
Speaker
Right.
00:40:44
Speaker
Because a lot of these guys are just why would you spend why would you waste three hours of your evening just being annoyed?
00:40:50
Speaker
Right.
00:40:51
Speaker
And something that guys also don't seem to want to acknowledge, they're not stupid either, but they just don't acknowledge this fact is that getting ready for a date is not free.
00:41:00
Speaker
And it's very time consuming.
00:41:01
Speaker
Like this is the gender that loves to say our men are visual.
00:41:05
Speaker
We love going for women who look good because it's our biology.
00:41:10
Speaker
But then looking good, but looking good costs money.
00:41:13
Speaker
Like I was running, you know, through my head how much on average it costs, you know, me to get ready for a day if I'm, you know, really going
Vetting and Expectations in Dating
00:41:22
Speaker
all out.
00:41:22
Speaker
It's upwards of like £100.
00:41:23
Speaker
And this is even before I've even seen the guy.
00:41:27
Speaker
If you look at a dress, if you look at hair, if you look at nails, if you look at makeup, and then the time, I've already invested over £100 before I've even seen you.
00:41:36
Speaker
So for me, the dinner is not free.
00:41:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:39
Speaker
You know, guys love to say, oh, we're so visual, but then looking good costs, it costs money.
00:41:44
Speaker
It's not free.
00:41:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:46
Speaker
And let's be real.
00:41:47
Speaker
Like the guys who complain that, you know, oh, women just use me for free dinners is just cope.
00:41:54
Speaker
What's actually happening is they go on the dinner.
00:41:58
Speaker
The woman doesn't have a good time, probably because his personality is unbearable.
00:42:01
Speaker
And then she doesn't call him back.
00:42:02
Speaker
And so rather than be like, oh, women don't like me and don't want to spend time with me.
00:42:07
Speaker
Maybe I should do something to like be more likable to women.
00:42:10
Speaker
They instead just go, oh, women are just using me for free dinners.
00:42:13
Speaker
She used me.
00:42:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:16
Speaker
Mate, you should, if, if you have the opportunity to buy a woman at dinner, you should consider yourself lucky.
00:42:20
Speaker
A lot of men don't even get that.
00:42:22
Speaker
Okay.
00:42:25
Speaker
Right.
00:42:25
Speaker
So, you know, that's your opportunity to impress a woman and it's your fucking fault.
00:42:30
Speaker
If you blow up that, if you blow that opportunity, you know, that's not women's fault.
00:42:36
Speaker
So to piggyback off of what you're saying, a lot of women are afraid to go on dates that are full dates and instead prefer to go on low cost, low effort coffee dates because they think, well, I don't want to make the mistake of being in the same room with the guy.
00:42:52
Speaker
And then if I want to nope out of the date, it becomes awkward because they're having dinner.
00:42:56
Speaker
So...
00:42:58
Speaker
To reiterate, a lot of the vetting strategies that FDS suggests, the bulk of the work should take place prior to you meeting in person so that the first time when you meet a guy in person, it shouldn't be a huge deal to go on a formal date unless he just drastically changes his entire personality.
00:43:16
Speaker
Once you end up on a date, in which case it's perfectly fine to excuse yourself in the bathroom and just not come back.
00:43:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:23
Speaker
But I just, I want to make sure that we say that because people, people really get on us because we say fuck coffee dates.
00:43:30
Speaker
Right.
00:43:31
Speaker
And a big reason why we're kind of anti-coffee dates, because again, low investment on men's part, a high probability that that you will become overly emotionally invested in a date than a low effort date without focusing on how much he's actually invested first.
00:43:47
Speaker
And can I just also make the point that I actually don't drink coffee, so that would be a non-starter for me.
00:43:53
Speaker
And I'm not going out of the house to drink water, so coffee is...
00:43:57
Speaker
Coffee or drink dates for that matter because the nighttime version of that is going on drink dates.
00:44:03
Speaker
Same difference.
00:44:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:04
Speaker
Meaning you should go on a date where – shout out to Coco Butte.
00:44:10
Speaker
No walk dates, no coffee dates, no drink dates.
00:44:12
Speaker
Have dinner.
00:44:13
Speaker
Observe his manners.
00:44:15
Speaker
The dinner is an opportunity for him to –
00:44:18
Speaker
show the full extent of his behavior even if it's not dinner per se let's say you go to a museum it doesn't necessarily have to be dinner but a date where he's financially invested and also you have ample opportunity to view his personality in a variety of settings and with a variety of people and it also needs to be thoughtful as well like let's not forget that axis as well
00:44:41
Speaker
A lot of women comment on my Twitter to say things like, well, I just feel more comfortable paying half until I get to know him better.
00:44:51
Speaker
Or, you know, what if I don't like going for dinner?
00:44:53
Speaker
What if I prefer, you know, drink dates or coffee dates?
00:44:56
Speaker
And to that I say, you know, you do you.
00:44:59
Speaker
It's your life.
00:45:02
Speaker
If you really like coffee dates, then, you know, I'm not going to arrest, you know, no one from FDS is going to come arrest you, right?
00:45:08
Speaker
FDS is ultimately about a specific way to date.
00:45:11
Speaker
And we recommend strategies for women that are going to create the best possible result.
00:45:15
Speaker
And if you are not interested in getting the best possible result, like, you know, that's on you.
00:45:23
Speaker
And specifically, don't let men condition you to accept less because I don't know if I made that clear in my last comment, but don't let men guilt trip you for accepting less.
00:45:38
Speaker
a dinner that they paid for, right?
00:45:40
Speaker
Some of the coffee date and drink date women prefer that because men in the past have guilt tripped them and antagonized them over a date that they went on that the man paid.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:52
Speaker
And what we're trying to say is fuck them and fuck that.
00:45:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:58
Speaker
What we're trying to get across is don't let them condition you to accept less because they're assholes, right?
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:46:04
Speaker
Because that is a minimum investment.
00:46:07
Speaker
And they've now conditioned you to accept less than the minimum because they've now conditioned you to accept the idea that if they pay for dinner, that they're somehow owed additional time, they're owed sex, they're owed consideration, they're owed anything but your company for the meal as long as you're mutually enjoying it.
00:46:28
Speaker
What we're trying to point out is that men keep lowering the bar and you guys keep accepting it because you keep getting scared, right?
00:46:35
Speaker
You keep letting them intimidate you out of asking.
00:46:37
Speaker
Men keep bullying women into lowering their standards and then rather than recognize that as the bullying that it is, women just take it as fact.
00:46:45
Speaker
Right.
00:46:46
Speaker
Exactly.
00:46:47
Speaker
So, you know, a lot of women will say like, oh, I feel uncomfortable accepting a dinner date or going on a dinner date.
00:46:51
Speaker
Why?
00:46:52
Speaker
Because then I'm going to feel like he, you know, I owe him something.
00:46:56
Speaker
No, you don't.
00:46:57
Speaker
And it's like, okay, take a second to ask yourself, why do you feel that way?
00:47:02
Speaker
Like, why do you feel like you owe sex to a man just because he took you out for dinner?
00:47:06
Speaker
Is it because you actually owe him sex or because men have bullied you in the past into thinking that that's what you should do?
00:47:12
Speaker
This is how the bar starts to get pushed lower and lower and lower until it's slicing through the center of the earth and coming out of the other side, right?
00:47:21
Speaker
This is how the bar gets lowered.
00:47:22
Speaker
Men just start to...
00:47:24
Speaker
make demands about what they feel they're owed.
00:47:28
Speaker
And then women get intimidated out of standing their own ground.
00:47:31
Speaker
And I'm like, if we don't start putting the bar somewhere reasonable, then it won't even just be coffee dates, right?
00:47:40
Speaker
The next generation of girls will be bullied into doing even less, right?
00:47:44
Speaker
Like, oh, if you don't let me come over and eat all your food and chill in your house and watch Netflix...
00:47:48
Speaker
But didn't we see on Reddit, like, the laundromat date?
00:47:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:47:52
Speaker
Yeah, laundromat date, yeah.
00:47:54
Speaker
He was literally washing his clothes and she was just stood there.
00:47:57
Speaker
And helped him fold it, yeah.
00:47:59
Speaker
Fucking dickhead.
00:48:01
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I mean.
00:48:02
Speaker
Like, ladies, it's not just about you.
00:48:04
Speaker
It's also about future women and girls, right?
00:48:07
Speaker
The sisterhood, yeah.
00:48:09
Speaker
And my sister makes this point all the time.
00:48:11
Speaker
She was like, there are so many women who are letting the team down, I think.
00:48:15
Speaker
LAUGHTER
00:48:20
Speaker
She literally says that.
00:48:21
Speaker
It's also like, I'm not sure I should say this in the pod, but I'm going to say it anyway, fuck it.
00:48:26
Speaker
But it's also, we don't have to accept the lowered bar.
00:48:30
Speaker
And each time a woman accepts a lower bar, you know, that's where it's going to remain.
00:48:36
Speaker
Like men aren't going to turn around en masse and raise the bar because they've really got little incentive to, because they're so used to women accepting the lowered bar.
00:48:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:46
Speaker
Women as a class, we have to work together to raise the bar.
00:48:51
Speaker
Because ultimately men, they want us probably more than we want them now as well.
00:48:55
Speaker
So the gender dynamics, especially for relationships where we're seeing single men are having less sex, they're less happy outside of relationships.
00:49:07
Speaker
I will find sources for these, by the way.
00:49:09
Speaker
You know,
00:49:10
Speaker
It's really in our favour to raise the bar because eventually it's either they're going to have to meet the new standard or they're just going to die mad and alone.
Course Correction in Dating Norms
00:49:23
Speaker
So this has been a point of contention, I think, in the last generation or so since we got rid of formal gender roles and that men and women don't have rules of engagement and it's all about how you feel or quote unquote communication.
00:49:41
Speaker
And in the absence of expected behavior, men have just never
00:49:46
Speaker
dragged the bar as low as it can possibly go because their whole attitude is like, I shouldn't have to do anything because we're equal now or whatever.
00:49:55
Speaker
Right.
00:49:55
Speaker
But the idea is you have to create some kind of standard.
00:49:59
Speaker
Otherwise men will literally do the absolute bare minimum.
00:50:03
Speaker
And if you're not at
00:50:05
Speaker
advocating for yourself as a woman and creating situations that are advantageous for yourself, then you'll keep being convinced to do things that do not benefit you.
00:50:15
Speaker
Right.
00:50:16
Speaker
And the suavest men and the slickest men will convince you that lowering your bar will benefit you when it actually benefits them.
00:50:22
Speaker
So we're just, what we're doing is a course correction and pointing out that every time you do something that is, you
00:50:30
Speaker
less beneficial to you than the alternative and you stop doing it out of fear, then you're letting men win, right?
00:50:38
Speaker
You're letting men set a tone that does not benefit you and you're letting them set the parameters in which you engage with them, which is never going to benefit you as a woman.
00:50:48
Speaker
They have no incentive to do that.
00:50:49
Speaker
Like men as a collective are going to do everything in their power to try to keep the bar for men as low as possible and to keep the bar for women as high as possible.
00:50:57
Speaker
Remember like for women...
00:50:59
Speaker
The bar has never actually been higher for women.
00:51:01
Speaker
Like, not only do you have to put on a first date, you also have to pay for them.
00:51:05
Speaker
You have to fuck like a porn star and look like a porn star.
00:51:08
Speaker
You got to cook and clean for him.
00:51:09
Speaker
You have to do everything, right?
00:51:10
Speaker
And so women have never been higher value than any point in history now.
00:51:15
Speaker
And men have never been lower in value than at any point in history.
00:51:19
Speaker
So, you know, we need a bit of a course correction here.
00:51:22
Speaker
We need to raise the bar for men.
00:51:23
Speaker
I mean, keep the bar high for women, but maybe, you know...
00:51:29
Speaker
You know, you don't have to do as much for men as men will have you think that you have to do.
00:51:35
Speaker
Yeah, they worked out a sweet deal for themselves here in the name of quote unquote feminism.
00:51:39
Speaker
They cherry picked all the parts of feminism that would benefit them the most.
00:51:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:44
Speaker
And also art.
00:51:44
Speaker
understand ladies, like you got to really embrace your power.
00:51:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:51:47
Speaker
And that's the other thing is like these women who say, Oh, I don't feel comfortable, you know, going on a date where he pays for it.
00:51:54
Speaker
Cause then I feel like I'm going to have to owe him sex.
00:51:56
Speaker
That really tells me a woman who has been like,
00:52:00
Speaker
Really been like ground down to the ground, like in terms of her self-esteem.
00:52:05
Speaker
She has poor boundaries.
00:52:06
Speaker
That sounds like someone with poor boundaries.
00:52:08
Speaker
She has poor boundaries, poor self-esteem.
00:52:10
Speaker
A lot of these women I talk to, I get the impression they just have really, really low self-esteem.
00:52:14
Speaker
Like they literally just think that they don't deserve that.
00:52:16
Speaker
And when I try to talk to them to be like, girl, you're a queen.
00:52:19
Speaker
He's a vassal.
00:52:20
Speaker
He should pay tribute to you.
00:52:22
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah.
00:52:22
Speaker
Like they seem to get a little bit hostile to that because they're not used to being told that they are amazing and that they deserve to be treated well.
00:52:30
Speaker
Or maybe it's like painful because you don't even have to be amazing.
00:52:35
Speaker
You just have to be a woman.
00:52:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:39
Speaker
And the reason being is because you will always be taking on more risk in that situation than men will, right?
00:52:46
Speaker
And you will always have more... You'll have more to lose than a man has in that situation.
00:52:52
Speaker
Not just that.
00:52:52
Speaker
Honestly, this might be controversial.
00:52:54
Speaker
I just think women are inherently more valuable than men.
00:52:57
Speaker
Especially the way that women are right now relative to men.
00:53:01
Speaker
Men love to complain about...
00:53:04
Speaker
You know, oh, like women are seen as inherently valuable and men have to work to be seen as valuable and men are disposable and blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:53:12
Speaker
And it's like, yeah, yeah, you are.
00:53:16
Speaker
If they want to have value, they have to work for it.
00:53:18
Speaker
That's just kind of how it is.
00:53:19
Speaker
Like, I don't know if you've ever been to a farm, but every time a cow or every time a calf or a kid or a lamb is born, first thing a farmer does is check between the legs.
00:53:28
Speaker
If it's female, yay, it has value.
00:53:31
Speaker
If it's a boy, another, another boy.
00:53:33
Speaker
Yay, boo.
00:53:36
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, if it's female, yay.
00:53:38
Speaker
If it's male, boo.
00:53:40
Speaker
We don't need another one of these, right?
00:53:42
Speaker
To the glue factory with you.
00:53:46
Speaker
Exactly.
00:53:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:48
Speaker
So, you know, understand, like, understand, like, biologically, as a female, you are more valuable.
00:53:53
Speaker
Okay.
00:53:54
Speaker
And that's the thing, like, women have been conditioned our entire lives.
00:53:58
Speaker
conditioned our entire lives to think that we're worthless or that we have no value because we're women, understand that this is only a thing in humans.
00:54:08
Speaker
This is a complete social construction that patriarchy has put upon women, but we need to go back to our roots because in no other species is this the case.
00:54:17
Speaker
In literally every other species on earth, the females are more valuable than the males.
00:54:22
Speaker
That's just a fact.
00:54:23
Speaker
And also, men really care about what women think.
00:54:26
Speaker
This is the reason why FDS gets such a big reaction.
00:54:31
Speaker
If we look at, say, the Dick Size Matters post that still incites sadness into the hearts of Scroats to this day.
00:54:39
Speaker
Great gnashing of teeth and depression.
00:54:42
Speaker
You know, the...
00:54:44
Speaker
They really care what women think.
00:54:46
Speaker
Even women, they supposedly write off as fem cells or that nobody wants.
00:54:50
Speaker
They really care what we think as well.
00:54:53
Speaker
I mean, they're literally biologically programmed to care about female approval.
00:54:57
Speaker
Because again, in nature, males want to be chosen by women.
00:55:02
Speaker
In nature, men are the pick-me's, okay?
00:55:04
Speaker
They want to get picked.
00:55:05
Speaker
Their entire survival and ability to pass on their genes is dependent on being picked.
00:55:11
Speaker
10,000 years of patriarchy can't undo, you know, millions of years of evolution.
00:55:15
Speaker
Men want women to approve of them.
00:55:18
Speaker
Yeah, so that's what I mean, ladies.
00:55:19
Speaker
Like, embrace your power as a woman.
00:55:22
Speaker
Like, when you say things like, oh, I don't feel comfortable, or, you know, I feel like I owe him this, or blah, blah, blah.
00:55:29
Speaker
That just sounds to me like you haven't embraced your power as a woman.
00:55:33
Speaker
You need to...
00:55:34
Speaker
You need to just be aware of that.
00:55:36
Speaker
And dating will become such a smoother and more pleasurable and more rewarding experience for you once you recognize that power.
00:55:43
Speaker
Simply the fact that men want us more than we want them, that alone gives us power.
00:55:48
Speaker
And even as a human being, you know, you have a right to want and expect things.
00:55:55
Speaker
And this is, I think, partly due to female socialization that we are...
00:56:00
Speaker
conditioned to make ourselves small and that we don't have any needs or expectations.
00:56:04
Speaker
Whereas if you ask a man what he wants out of a woman, he will present a laundry list.
00:56:10
Speaker
He will not hesitate to tell exactly what he wants.
00:56:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:13
Speaker
And the thing is, it will be like, what do you want?
00:56:16
Speaker
Split second later, he has the list out.
00:56:17
Speaker
He'll be, he'll be, you know, reading you the riot act as my dad says.
00:56:22
Speaker
But, um, but...
00:56:23
Speaker
But women, you know, we just, I don't know, like we, even as a human being, you have a right to have expectations and, you know, needs, especially in...
00:56:34
Speaker
You know, when it comes to dating, which as I've touched on before, is one of, is, you know, the person that you choose to be in a relationship with is probably one of the biggest decisions you'll make in your life.
00:56:45
Speaker
You have the right as a human being, you know, to want and expect certain things.
00:56:51
Speaker
And again, the way men have twisted the narrative is,
00:56:54
Speaker
to say that a woman who wants and expects certain things like a man to pay for dinner or to pay for dates or to treat her well you know she's a gold digging hoe when it's like well no it's normal you know to want the person you're in a relationship with to add value to your life that is normal a man wouldn't be with a woman unless she was adding something to his life
00:57:16
Speaker
He wouldn't be with
Financial Investment as Commitment
00:57:17
Speaker
her.
00:57:17
Speaker
If she was just a complete liability, didn't find her attractive, he would be out of there quicker than Usain Bolt from the start line.
00:57:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:27
Speaker
So is this normal to want... Someone on Twitter made a really funny comment like, no, this is so discriminatory against people who don't add value to your life.
00:57:35
Speaker
It's so hateful to want people who add value to your life.
00:57:40
Speaker
That's so unfair and discriminatory to those who decrease value in your life.
00:57:45
Speaker
Oh, well.
00:57:47
Speaker
I smell a pore.
00:57:48
Speaker
Yeah, I smell a pore.
00:57:53
Speaker
It's not even about being poor because a lot of richer... Yeah.
00:57:57
Speaker
I saw a post on Reddit a while back that was like, poor men can be just as financially abusive as rich men.
00:58:04
Speaker
True.
00:58:05
Speaker
In the sense, you know, if you're taking out loans for your man or, you know, if you have to... If he's always asking you for money or, you know, he can't afford his own car, you have to drive him anywhere, that kind of shit.
00:58:15
Speaker
That's... I consider that a form of financial abuse or financial exploitation, at least.
00:58:19
Speaker
And so...
00:58:20
Speaker
Say no to that.
00:58:21
Speaker
Whether he's rich or poor, like, don't let him use you.
00:58:24
Speaker
It is normal to want things, ladies.
00:58:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:58:26
Speaker
And it's normal to do things to get the things that you want.
00:58:31
Speaker
So with that, after you've gone past your first date, now you have to continue to vet a man and his willingness to contribute to you and be generous over the course of the next couple of months when he's still in his trial period.
00:58:47
Speaker
Trial period.
00:58:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:48
Speaker
Right.
00:58:48
Speaker
Before he becomes, before he, either of you decide that you're going to be a permanent or at least long-term fixture in each other's lives.
00:58:57
Speaker
Right.
00:58:58
Speaker
So a question we get asked a lot is how long should a man pay for things before you start to chip in?
00:59:04
Speaker
Personally, I say indefinitely, but that's just me.
00:59:08
Speaker
I think, I mean, so here's like best case scenario, slightly less great and maybe bare minimum, right?
00:59:18
Speaker
So best case scenario, he pays for everything.
00:59:20
Speaker
Obviously, if you can get yourself a baller.
00:59:22
Speaker
who got long money, especially if you know he has money.
00:59:26
Speaker
If he has money and he doesn't pay for dates for you, immediately dump because that's a guy who is, again, not generous.
00:59:34
Speaker
And it's not the same as a man who literally cannot afford to pay for a lot of dates.
00:59:41
Speaker
It's a man who can afford to pay for a lot of dates but chooses not to because he's testing you or he's trying to – he's showing that he's, like, creating a barrier between you and him financially or he's trying to just disrespect you, basically.
00:59:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:58
Speaker
Like, don't end up in a situation where, say, a guy owns his own house, and then you go there and you pay half of his mortgage.
01:00:05
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:05
Speaker
And he has money, right?
01:00:06
Speaker
He can pay for it.
01:00:07
Speaker
He's just trying to set it up so that you are investing more of your money.
01:00:13
Speaker
So you're subsidizing his life.
01:00:14
Speaker
You're subsidizing his lifestyle.
01:00:16
Speaker
So if a man has the money and he refuses to...
01:00:22
Speaker
keep paying for dates or tries to suggest you go 50-50, then that's a red flag.
01:00:28
Speaker
That guy has offshore assets he's going to hide from you.
01:00:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:32
Speaker
If a guy has significantly more money than you and he's insisting on going 50-50, that's when you're going to end up in the kind of relationship where you are barely scraping by and can't afford to have any savings.
01:00:43
Speaker
Because he's probably, if he has a lot more money than you, he's probably going to expect to live a...
01:00:48
Speaker
you know, lifestyle that is, that matches his income level.
01:00:52
Speaker
And so if you try to live, you know, beyond your means and still try to go 50 50, that's going to end up in a situation where he's, you know, you're basically subsidizing his life.
01:01:02
Speaker
Like he can still afford savings and so on, and you won't.
01:01:06
Speaker
And that's a recipe for female poverty.
01:01:09
Speaker
Someone brought this up on the subreddit because there's a perception that only poor men can be homosexuals.
01:01:17
Speaker
But a lot of times men who financially abuse women are actually not poor.
01:01:22
Speaker
Sometimes they do have money.
01:01:23
Speaker
They just figure out a way to use women's free labor.
01:01:28
Speaker
I believe the post...
01:01:31
Speaker
was describing a scenario where a guy, he was divorced.
01:01:34
Speaker
He actually had a decent amount of money, but he was bringing his kids over to his girlfriend's house every visitation weekend.
01:01:40
Speaker
And then his kids were eating up all her food.
01:01:43
Speaker
And then he was staying at her house during the weeks when he was working.
01:01:47
Speaker
So he basically...
01:01:49
Speaker
was staying in her house, not putting any money towards the rent, not putting any money towards any of the utilities, and then bringing his kids over to use up all her resources during the week when he would have his visitation week.
01:02:00
Speaker
So...
01:02:01
Speaker
this is a guy who could afford it, but chose not to because he figured he could have a woman who would just step in and take care of all those things.
01:02:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:09
Speaker
Men can be gold diggers too.
01:02:10
Speaker
In fact, I think men are more likely to be gold diggers than women.
01:02:13
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:14
Speaker
So yeah, rich men can be gold diggers too.
01:02:17
Speaker
Absolutely.
01:02:18
Speaker
Except they're more likely to be like time, like food and youth diggers.
01:02:22
Speaker
Um, but, um,
01:02:25
Speaker
Now, for your average guy.
01:02:26
Speaker
Your average guy, let's say he earns a similar amount as you.
01:02:29
Speaker
He should still be paying for the majority of the dates, but I would probably show a token of appreciation here and there.
01:02:36
Speaker
Meaning, if you go out for dessert, pay for dessert.
01:02:39
Speaker
Or if you do, if you progressed past the just going out for dinner...
01:02:45
Speaker
Portion and you are going to go out dancing or something, pay for a drink or two, right?
01:02:52
Speaker
Small tokens.
01:02:53
Speaker
Yeah, you go for breakfast, you buy him a bagel.
01:02:57
Speaker
But honestly, I think if you and a man are going to be living together, I still think he should pay all or most of the rent.
01:03:03
Speaker
especially things like groceries, right?
01:03:06
Speaker
Like I dated a guy where he was a bodybuilder and he ate like 5,000 calories a day.
01:03:11
Speaker
And me with my diet, I eat between 1600 to 2000 calories a day.
01:03:17
Speaker
So he was quite literally eating more than twice as much as I was.
01:03:20
Speaker
And I was cooking it.
01:03:21
Speaker
And he, at the beginning of the relationship, he wanted to go 50, 50 on groceries.
01:03:26
Speaker
And, you know, I'm looking at this grocery bill and I'm like, no, like,
01:03:30
Speaker
That's not how it's going to happen.
01:03:31
Speaker
You know, you pay for the groceries.
01:03:33
Speaker
And since I'm making it that, you know, that's, that's fair.
01:03:37
Speaker
Okay.
01:03:37
Speaker
So that, that was basically our, our compromises since I was doing, you know, and he's not a very good cook and I actually love to cook.
01:03:44
Speaker
I like food.
01:03:44
Speaker
I like to cook.
01:03:45
Speaker
Um, so since he was paying for it all,
01:03:49
Speaker
That was fine.
01:03:50
Speaker
But no, I would never go 50-50 on groceries with a guy because guys generally eat more than women, even if he's not a bodybuilder.
01:03:56
Speaker
Just on average, men eat more than women and women are more likely to actually cook it.
01:04:02
Speaker
So I think men should pay for the full grocery bill, always.
01:04:06
Speaker
Yeah, it's always to your strategic advantage if he pays for pretty much everything.
01:04:12
Speaker
I think it's just a matter of
01:04:16
Speaker
what your financial situation is versus what his financial situation is.
01:04:20
Speaker
And so I think the strategies are slightly different for high income men because, and again, this is all about vetting for their general willingness to invest in you and their general generosity level.
01:04:33
Speaker
Right.
01:04:34
Speaker
So yeah,
01:04:37
Speaker
Their generosity could generally and genuinely be limited by their financial circumstance.
01:04:43
Speaker
But the point is to, first of all, weed out guys who are too broke to be dating, but also weed out guys who are not going to put in the investment in you, even if it hurts a little bit.
01:04:56
Speaker
Right?
01:04:58
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:58
Speaker
Because a guy will invest in things that he sees value in.
01:05:02
Speaker
Right?
01:05:02
Speaker
Like, guys will spend thousands of dollars on video game equipment, as we know.
01:05:07
Speaker
Stand in line for days for new Jordans or a new, whatever, new PlayStation.
01:05:11
Speaker
Yeah, like, I've seen so many stories of guys who will spend, like, $5,000 on their gaming setup, but then squabble over, like, a $500 engagement ring for their...
01:05:21
Speaker
soon to be wife, right?
01:05:22
Speaker
Like a guy will, you know, there's been so many cases on Reddit of, you know, a guy spending like $100 or $50 on an engagement ring, you know, a piece of jewelry she's supposedly going to be wearing on her ring or on her finger for every day for the rest of her life.
01:05:39
Speaker
But he spent thousands of dollars on, you know, a TV or gaming setup or his car or whatever, right?
01:05:44
Speaker
understand that men spend money on the things that they value.
01:05:47
Speaker
And if he doesn't want to spend money on you, that means he doesn't value you.
01:05:51
Speaker
And, you know, a lot of people will be like, I'm not materialistic or, you know, I don't believe in material things.
01:05:57
Speaker
And it's like, always remember, always remember how a man would act if his dream girl came to him.
01:06:03
Speaker
Not just that, but also understand that what is life if not based in material reality?
01:06:11
Speaker
Yeah, true.
01:06:11
Speaker
Also believe in a man's actions over his words.
01:06:15
Speaker
If he says he loves you and he values you and he cares about you, but he doesn't actually do anything to show it, he doesn't love or value.
01:06:22
Speaker
You're being manipulated, right?
01:06:24
Speaker
If he says he loves you, but he doesn't show it, he's manipulating you.
01:06:27
Speaker
He's lying to you.
01:06:28
Speaker
So part of showing...
01:06:32
Speaker
that he loves you, cares about you, values you, is by, you know, not just effort and time and affection, but also money.
01:06:41
Speaker
Like, that's the realest way that he can show affection, in my opinion.
01:06:44
Speaker
Quite frankly, it's the lowest effort way, too.
01:06:46
Speaker
I mean, if a guy's hemming and hawing over that and he can afford it...
01:06:52
Speaker
Actually, even if he can't afford it, again, shouldn't be dating.
01:06:55
Speaker
If a man's hemming and hoaring over that, then just think... And he can't afford it, then that's a huge red flag.
01:07:01
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:07:02
Speaker
Because that's an indicative of his overall strategy and view towards finances for the remainder of your relationship.
01:07:10
Speaker
Yeah.
01:07:10
Speaker
And in my personal experience, this is actually, I've dated a lot of guys who, you know, work in trades, who, you know, carpenters, pipe fitters, and so on.
01:07:18
Speaker
And what I like about these kinds of guys is that, you know, when they spend money on me, I recognize that, you know...
01:07:27
Speaker
I recognize the physical labor and time that went into him earning that money, right?
01:07:35
Speaker
So I think that it's like he's trading the labor that he does at work in exchange for something that would make me happy.
01:07:44
Speaker
Money is a proxy for effort and time.
01:07:49
Speaker
And if he's not willing to spend that on you, he's not willing to spend time or effort on you.
Women's Value and Expectations
01:07:56
Speaker
Yeah, if he can't make the literal lowest investment possible, he's not going to be able to invest when it really, really matters.
01:08:01
Speaker
Because money is one of those things that's, first of all, that a lot of couples fight over.
01:08:06
Speaker
So this is also a long-term vetting strategy for your financial style.
01:08:11
Speaker
But also the idea that a man should always value the people in his life higher than just... Or the stuff, right?
01:08:20
Speaker
The stuff, right, exactly.
01:08:22
Speaker
And also keep in mind that men really do benefit from being in a relationship or from living with a woman.
01:08:28
Speaker
And so if you as a woman are thinking like, no, you know, if it irks you, the idea of him...
01:08:35
Speaker
paying for the whole rent or paying for the whole grocery bill.
01:08:39
Speaker
Um, you know, just understand that your presence as a woman being there is adding value to his life.
01:08:45
Speaker
There's so many tangible and intangible things that women do for the men that we're in relationships with that you can't always put a dollar amount on it, but you can tell in the fact that women or men in relationships with women live longer, for example, um,
01:09:02
Speaker
They have better like health outcomes.
01:09:04
Speaker
And so that's like the metric at least.
01:09:07
Speaker
So, you know, they tend to be happier.
01:09:10
Speaker
They earn more money as well.
01:09:12
Speaker
That's the metric, but also opportunity costs for women is just higher, right?
01:09:17
Speaker
Because realistically, we have a shorter window of reproduction, right?
01:09:23
Speaker
So I always look at it like a man more or less has to recoup
01:09:30
Speaker
He has to recoup your time some way.
01:09:32
Speaker
We are not the same biologically.
01:09:35
Speaker
And so men tend to show bigger investment up front because of the fact that women have to invest so much more on the back end and because women are so much more vulnerable on the back end, right?
01:09:47
Speaker
Especially after we have a guy's children.
01:09:49
Speaker
We're more financially vulnerable.
01:09:51
Speaker
We're more physically vulnerable.
01:09:53
Speaker
We're more emotionally vulnerable.
01:09:55
Speaker
So it's not just...
01:09:57
Speaker
Some abstract idea that a woman should just be pampered, even though I don't necessarily have a problem with that idea, like a queen, but there's also a very practical reason for it and that you will have to invest so much more in the back end for a man than he has to invent, that he will have to invest on the front end to recoup for that.
01:10:18
Speaker
Women should be more entitled, honestly.
01:10:20
Speaker
Women are the opposite of entitled.
01:10:22
Speaker
Men like to say that women are entitled, but I think we're actually not entitled enough.
01:10:26
Speaker
Not entitled enough.
01:10:27
Speaker
Not by a long shot.
01:10:28
Speaker
Yeah, men are way fucking too entitled.
01:10:30
Speaker
Men need to be less entitled.
01:10:32
Speaker
Women need to be more entitled.
01:10:34
Speaker
And that's how we're going to achieve equality, ladies.
01:10:38
Speaker
It's projection.
01:10:38
Speaker
And it's not even about, I mean, for me, like when, you know, men like to say, what about equality when paying for dates?
01:10:47
Speaker
I just say, honestly, I don't care about equality.
01:10:52
Speaker
I care about equity.
01:10:53
Speaker
The problem with equality is that it still favours the advantaged group because they've had an advantage for centuries.
01:11:01
Speaker
like when you start talking about equity, you then start introducing, you know, different rules, different resources, you know,
01:11:09
Speaker
I'm like for the group that was historically oppressed.
01:11:13
Speaker
So we need to start thinking, you know, more in terms of equity as opposed to equality, especially when it comes to men, because equity is the reason why liberal feminism is such a mess.
01:11:23
Speaker
Thinking that we can be exactly the same as men, we can split everything down the middle and it will be fair.
01:11:29
Speaker
And it turns out that it's still highly unfair.
01:11:33
Speaker
So,
01:11:33
Speaker
So you need to start thinking about what's equitable.
01:11:35
Speaker
If I've already, you know, paid or invested time and money into getting ready for a day, the bare minimum is that you should pay for it or pay for the food.
01:11:46
Speaker
But also the risk.
01:11:47
Speaker
And the risk.
01:11:47
Speaker
The risk.
01:11:48
Speaker
Just the risk both on the front and in the back end.
01:11:51
Speaker
So...
01:11:52
Speaker
Women take on more physical risk every time we deal with a man.
01:11:55
Speaker
Every time we deal with a man, there is a risk of rape, of physical abuse, and up to and including murder.
01:12:04
Speaker
These are things that men do not have to take on as risks, right?
01:12:07
Speaker
So upfront risks between men and women are inherently unequal, right?
01:12:12
Speaker
So when they talk about equality, they
01:12:15
Speaker
They have to completely ignore massive differences in both reward and risk.
01:12:23
Speaker
Also, like straight up, I don't even care about equity.
01:12:27
Speaker
I care about maximizing female benefit.
01:12:29
Speaker
What you gotta understand.
01:12:30
Speaker
understand ladies is that nobody else is going to care about you and your life and your interests more than you.
01:12:36
Speaker
No one else in your life is going to advocate for you more than you.
01:12:40
Speaker
You cannot rely on men to have your best interests at heart because men are always going to advocate for themselves.
01:12:47
Speaker
They're always going to put themselves first.
01:12:49
Speaker
They're well, a high value man might, you know, put others before them, but generally speaking, humans are, you know, um,
01:12:57
Speaker
But you have to rely on yourself and advocate for yourself.
01:12:59
Speaker
You have to be self-reliant and advocate for yourself.
01:13:02
Speaker
And a lot of people will say like, oh, that's selfish.
01:13:03
Speaker
That's horrible, blah, blah, blah.
01:13:05
Speaker
Tough.
01:13:05
Speaker
That's life.
01:13:06
Speaker
That's reality.
01:13:06
Speaker
Okay.
01:13:07
Speaker
So knowing that you're living in a world where everyone is going to be advocating themselves, if you are the one person not advocating for yourself, you are going to get screwed.
01:13:15
Speaker
And that is why you have to be willing to privilege yourself, even if other people think that you shouldn't or that it's not fair.
Advocating for Self-Interests in Dating
01:13:22
Speaker
And I think where FDS steps in is that we teach women how to advocate for themselves because sometimes women do think they're advocating for themselves because they've been fed a line or a line of thinking.
01:13:30
Speaker
They've been tricked.
01:13:31
Speaker
They've been duped.
01:13:33
Speaker
They've been tricked.
01:13:34
Speaker
They've essentially been bought into a narrative that's bullshit, right?
01:13:37
Speaker
So a lot of women, because a lot of women would feel like I'm paying for the date.
01:13:41
Speaker
I'm showing him I'm a strong, independent woman.
01:13:43
Speaker
How is draining your bank account?
01:13:45
Speaker
you know, privileging yourself in any way.
01:13:47
Speaker
It's not.
01:13:48
Speaker
I'm, you know, I'm showing him, he asked to respect me because I paid for this date and that's just not how it works.
01:13:53
Speaker
So what we're doing is adjusting the narrative closer to reality and adjusting it closer to what actually benefits women based on statistics, what actually women are experiencing in the dating world, our collective knowledge, so to speak.
01:14:10
Speaker
And our collective knowledge here is that, you
01:14:13
Speaker
and not even just our collective knowledge, but material factual reality is that every time you engage with a man, women are taking on infinitely more risk, right?
01:14:25
Speaker
Physical, mental, sexual, whatever.
01:14:27
Speaker
Any type of interaction you have with a man, the risk and the burden is generally put on women.
01:14:32
Speaker
So when you try to approach things from an equal standpoint and you don't account for those risks, then you are not actually equal, are you?
01:14:40
Speaker
Because you're starting from a
01:14:43
Speaker
less privileged place to begin with, right?
01:14:45
Speaker
And then you take on the fact that
01:14:48
Speaker
The rewards are likely to be lower because we have already kind of discussed about how women tend to invest a lot more in their relationships as far as emotional, sexual, physical.
01:14:59
Speaker
Yeah.
01:15:00
Speaker
The mental load.
01:15:02
Speaker
Mental load.
01:15:03
Speaker
Anything else that basically makes life worth living, women do that.
01:15:08
Speaker
Caregiving and so on.
01:15:09
Speaker
Caregiving, et cetera.
01:15:10
Speaker
So men are doing less of that.
01:15:13
Speaker
And they're riskier to deal with.
01:15:15
Speaker
So why would we pay?
01:15:17
Speaker
Why would we pay money to be around them?
01:15:21
Speaker
Exactly.
01:15:21
Speaker
Why would we do the exact same things that they do and call that equality when our risks and rewards aren't the same?
01:15:28
Speaker
That's why 50-50 is stupid because it's never 50-50.
01:15:31
Speaker
Straight up, they should be spending money on us to incentivize us to even breathe the same air as them or to even interact with them.
01:15:39
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:15:40
Speaker
Because they benefit more from it.
01:15:42
Speaker
And we don't.
01:15:43
Speaker
And so there needs to be that extra incentive for us to even deal with them.
01:15:47
Speaker
And men will complain and men will bitch about that and say it's transactional or call us whores or whatever.
01:15:53
Speaker
And let them cry.
01:15:54
Speaker
Honestly, like, just let them cry.
01:15:56
Speaker
Like you don't allow their bitching to stop you from advocating for yourself.
01:16:01
Speaker
Yeah, just ignore the noise.
01:16:02
Speaker
A lot of it is projection anyway.
01:16:03
Speaker
And if you are a gold digger, well, so what?
01:16:06
Speaker
If they think you're a gold digger, who cares?
01:16:07
Speaker
Yeah, because that's it.
01:16:09
Speaker
If you're happy.
01:16:10
Speaker
I honestly don't even apologize for that.
01:16:12
Speaker
If someone thinks you're high maintenance or that you look like a gold digger, that you're acting like a gold digger, wear it like a badge of honor, ladies, because that is what they do to shame women into lowering their standards and keep those standards high.
01:16:25
Speaker
Honestly, wear it as like a mark of honor, to be honest, because it means that you have standards and expectations of men, which you should have.
01:16:33
Speaker
Yeah, if that's what you want, we're never going to standard shame you unless it's too low.
01:16:37
Speaker
Then we'll shame the shit out of you.
01:16:38
Speaker
We'll embarrass you for that.
01:16:39
Speaker
But if it's like, if it's, you know, outrageous, be like, all right, do you.
01:16:45
Speaker
I don't think that anything that a woman could ask for a man unless it causes him like bodily harm.
01:16:50
Speaker
Obviously, that's outrageous.
01:16:51
Speaker
But for the most part,
01:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, like anything that a woman might want for a man is not enough, frankly.
01:16:57
Speaker
Like financially speaking.
01:16:59
Speaker
She always could deserve more.
01:17:02
Speaker
I want a toenail clipping from Mike Tyson's Tiger.
01:17:05
Speaker
Yeah, maybe that's ridiculous, but... Maybe.
01:17:11
Speaker
I want you to break into O.J.
01:17:13
Speaker
Simpson's house and steal his Heisman trophy.
01:17:16
Speaker
Yeah.
01:17:19
Speaker
Yeah.
01:17:20
Speaker
Can you even, yeah, can Matt even claim to love you unless he's willing to break into OJ Simpson's house?
01:17:25
Speaker
Yeah.
01:17:26
Speaker
For you?
01:17:30
Speaker
I'm going to throw my phone in front of a moving train and you have to snatch in front of it.
01:17:34
Speaker
Prove your loyalty to me!
01:17:37
Speaker
Yeah, again, bodily harm, that's not okay.
01:17:41
Speaker
But yeah, money, it's like you can always get more of it.
01:17:45
Speaker
You know, it's not, you know, he's not literally bleeding or dying from it.
01:17:49
Speaker
So whatever you want, ladies, it's not too much.
01:17:53
Speaker
Never feel like you're asking for too much.
01:17:56
Speaker
Yeah, it's not too much.
01:17:58
Speaker
So to summarize what we're talking about, if he makes significantly more than you...
01:18:03
Speaker
And he doesn't want to pay most of the bill, red flag jettison.
01:18:07
Speaker
If a man makes around the same amount of money as you, it's a nice gesture to show a token of appreciation here and there by paying for small ticket items.
01:18:17
Speaker
But given that their risks and rewards for men and women are not the same in relationships or even on dates, it's still strategically advantageous to expect him to pick up the majority of the tab.
01:18:29
Speaker
Um,
01:18:30
Speaker
Obviously, if you guys have a relationship that leads to marriage, then in a marriage, most states, all of your earnings are communal property.
01:18:38
Speaker
So then your negotiations look a little bit different.
01:18:41
Speaker
But especially during the dating stage, it's important for men to show early investment.
01:18:45
Speaker
And part of that investment is financial.
01:18:48
Speaker
And then if you make substantially less than you, then he needs to get his shit together and shouldn't be dating at all.
01:18:52
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:53
Speaker
If he's super broke, what's the point?
01:18:55
Speaker
So at that point, he's a charity case.
01:18:57
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:58
Speaker
Unless you're, unless you're like, if you're majorly wealthy, I know we have some boss bitches on FDS.
01:19:03
Speaker
Some women who make a lot of money.
01:19:06
Speaker
Yeah.
01:19:06
Speaker
So let's talk about women who are like, you know, judgment and total or where you're just like absurdly wealthy.
01:19:12
Speaker
And just numerically speaking, there aren't going to be that many more men who are earning more than that many men who earn more than you.
01:19:20
Speaker
I would say that men like that still need to have an overall positive effect on your bank account, even if they can't.
01:19:28
Speaker
you know, pay for things or pay for as many things as you can.
01:19:31
Speaker
You know, Judge Lynn Toler told us about how her husband, you know, he, you know, she doesn't have to worry about like filling up her gas tank.
01:19:38
Speaker
So he does all the little errands that would normally take up time.
01:19:42
Speaker
So that frees up her time so that she can continue to earn more money.
01:19:45
Speaker
Right.
01:19:46
Speaker
So,
01:19:47
Speaker
A man who earns significantly less than you still needs to add value to your life in such a way that he has a net positive effect on your bank account and isn't just being like a sugar baby.
01:19:59
Speaker
And that's assuming that you make a lot.
01:20:01
Speaker
If he makes less than you and you don't make much, fuck it.
01:20:06
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:07
Speaker
That's when it's time to start looking for men who can positively financially contribute.
01:20:12
Speaker
But even then, it's not like Lynn Toler's husband, he's an accountant.
01:20:16
Speaker
So it's not like he's unemployed, right?
01:20:18
Speaker
So he's still... You don't want to mooch.
01:20:19
Speaker
You want a man with his own career.
01:20:21
Speaker
You don't want a guy who's just sitting around being an idol mooch.
01:20:25
Speaker
You need a man who is determined to walk his own path in life and contribute positively to you.
01:20:31
Speaker
Because, you know, maybe something happens and you can't be the breadwinner anymore.
01:20:35
Speaker
Maybe you want to take time off to raise your kids.
01:20:37
Speaker
There's lots of things that could happen that could...
01:20:39
Speaker
potentially make the financial burden shift to the man more heavily, heavily, and you need a partner who you feel can come in and fill in that space.
01:20:47
Speaker
Because men as a general baseline don't contribute to relationships intangibly, intangibly as much as women do.
01:20:56
Speaker
Men are just, in general, more likely to have a net negative effect.
01:21:01
Speaker
Women, in general, are more likely to have a net positive effect.
01:21:04
Speaker
And so, yeah, like, men do need to make a conscious effort to contribute.
01:21:09
Speaker
Otherwise, it's like, what's the point, right?
01:21:12
Speaker
For you as a woman, that is.
01:21:15
Speaker
But I wanted to make one last point about the...
01:21:18
Speaker
like the, you know, but what about equality kind of thing, right?
01:21:23
Speaker
A lot of women need to understand that men don't see a woman paying as impressive.
01:21:31
Speaker
You know, a woman, we might like it when a man pays, but men don't see it the same way, right?
01:21:36
Speaker
I find in general, the men who get the most excited about a woman paying are the men that you need to stay the fuck away from.
01:21:42
Speaker
You know, a guy might be neutral about it.
01:21:45
Speaker
If he's neutral, that's fine.
01:21:46
Speaker
Or if he thinks like, oh, that's all right.
01:21:48
Speaker
It's a bonus, but it's not mandatory.
01:21:50
Speaker
That guy's probably fine.
01:21:52
Speaker
If he's very much turned off by it because he sees it as emasculating, that's also a red flag.
01:21:58
Speaker
But a guy who gets really excited about a woman who pays for things is the kind of guy that you need to stay away from because they're usually...
01:22:05
Speaker
like pretty much like the con men types where they're looking for a target, right?
01:22:10
Speaker
You think about, you know, the, the dirty John story is a really good example.
01:22:14
Speaker
This guy, you know, dirty John, John Meehan had been fresh out of prison.
01:22:19
Speaker
He was looking for a new target and found Debra Newell, who was very wealthy business woman.
01:22:26
Speaker
She had her own money, you know,
01:22:28
Speaker
earned more than him like many times over and he saw her as piece of big game but yeah so so men who get really excited about women who pay are generally not only are they low value they're actually negative value like they're actually actively toxic
01:22:44
Speaker
They're the ones that are usually the most harmful in my personal experience because he's not looking at you as, oh, what a strong, independent woman.
01:22:52
Speaker
You know, I really love that she, you know, can pay her own way in life.
01:22:55
Speaker
They're not respecting you.
01:22:57
Speaker
In their eyes, they have dollar signs.
01:22:59
Speaker
They see you as a target, someone that they're going to exploit.
01:23:02
Speaker
And so...
01:23:03
Speaker
If a guy gets really excited about you paying, fucking run.
01:23:08
Speaker
Okay.
01:23:09
Speaker
You're going to be saving yourself a lot of pain and a lot of financial exploitation that way.
01:23:14
Speaker
Yeah.
01:23:15
Speaker
Agreed.
01:23:15
Speaker
Yeah.
01:23:16
Speaker
And, and, and this is actually pretty important for low income women as well, because I know for low income women, you can get benefits and things like that.
01:23:24
Speaker
And it's much harder for single men who don't work to get benefits.
01:23:27
Speaker
benefits um it's obviously varies by state and country but um don't let him like come eat your food stamps and shit like if it's supposed to be for your kids you know what i'm saying so able-bodied men who can't figure out how to make more money than you it's like what the fuck is wrong with you patriarchy already privileges you so much how can you fail in a system that is designed to benefit you in every way exactly there's probably something wrong with him if that's the case
01:23:53
Speaker
And just a final point as well, I know you've touched on financial abuse before, but especially lower income women is, you know, another thing you need to be wary of is, you know, bad credit.
01:24:03
Speaker
Yeah.
01:24:04
Speaker
Unfortunately, like lower incomes is often tied to poor credit.
01:24:08
Speaker
So you'll see women taking out loans, being on, you know, rent agreements because they're like, oh, my partner can't get credit.
01:24:15
Speaker
And just...
01:24:17
Speaker
But yeah, I'm not going to get into what a disaster that is, but just be aware of if you are dating a low income man, he also comes with a credit rating.
01:24:28
Speaker
And if you choose to continue that relationship, that will have a knock on impact on your ability to progress.
01:24:35
Speaker
Because if your partner has poor credit, forget about a mortgage, forget
01:24:38
Speaker
If you want to get a loan, it will be a lot more expensive if you get it at all.
01:24:42
Speaker
And I've seen women get into real financial messes because they end up, he basically ends up using her credit rating as his credit rating.
01:24:51
Speaker
Or like he can't get out a loan because his credit is so bad.
01:24:54
Speaker
He gets her to take out a loan for him on his behalf.
01:24:58
Speaker
He then tells her to do it, and then he can always dip, because if the loan's in your name, they don't give a shit if you've given it to someone else, or what it's for.
01:25:05
Speaker
You're on the hook for it.
01:25:07
Speaker
All of it.
01:25:07
Speaker
Yeah, understand that, like, men are, like... You know, like, the pink stain from that cat in the hat story?
01:25:15
Speaker
Like, the pink stain where it, like, starts in the bathtub, and it gets, like, bigger and bigger and bigger each time, right?
01:25:20
Speaker
So understand that, like, men's negative effect or ability to...
01:25:26
Speaker
Grime up your life, right?
01:25:28
Speaker
Is more likely to be exponential than not, right?
01:25:33
Speaker
They're more likely to fuck up your life than improve it.
01:25:36
Speaker
And they also know, like, for low-income men, they're more likely to come with some kind of serious vice.
01:25:42
Speaker
Yeah.
01:25:43
Speaker
Gambling, drug addiction, that kind of...
01:25:47
Speaker
Cycle of poverty a lot of times is exacerbated by different mental health or addiction or substance abuse issues and lack of counseling and generational trauma, etc., etc.
01:25:57
Speaker
So I know a lot of people will try to pressure women who are low income to accept less because they feel like, well, you don't have any money and who are you to demand anything, but it's actually...
01:26:06
Speaker
probably more imperative for you to have boundaries and for you to advocate for yourself and look for the best deal for yourself.
01:26:13
Speaker
And don't worry about all these guys that say like, you don't have this, so you're low value, et cetera, et cetera, because they're all, it's all projection, right?
01:26:18
Speaker
It's all projection with men.
01:26:20
Speaker
Make sure that you are putting yourself in the best possible financial position.
01:26:23
Speaker
And that means not taking on useless
01:26:27
Speaker
low value, non-working ass, broke, don't have a dollar, no pot to piss in, six teeth and half a testicle scrote.
01:26:34
Speaker
So don't do it to yourself.
01:26:36
Speaker
Yeah.
01:26:38
Speaker
Yeah, I see a lot of guys being like, oh, you know, all you women want a high value man.
01:26:42
Speaker
Well, what if you're not high value?
01:26:44
Speaker
And it's like, um, I'm a woman.
01:26:47
Speaker
I don't need to be high value.
01:26:49
Speaker
Yes, we won.
01:26:50
Speaker
You're female.
01:26:51
Speaker
You won.
01:26:51
Speaker
Okay.
01:26:52
Speaker
So, you know, 90% of people on online dating are men.
01:26:56
Speaker
Okay.
01:26:56
Speaker
Like people out there on the dating scene who are actively looking for relationships are mostly men.
01:27:01
Speaker
Okay.
01:27:01
Speaker
Okay.
01:27:02
Speaker
Just supply and demand, okay?
01:27:04
Speaker
These guys will be living in a homeless shelter and scrape up change to buy prostitutes.
01:27:09
Speaker
So if he's not financially contributing to you, that is a choice.
01:27:16
Speaker
understand like rules of supply and demand men want us more than we want them that gives us power by default we are in a better position to demand the things that we want that puts us in a better bargaining position ladies never forget your power never forget your worth you are a queen you deserve the best men are vassals and they must pay tribute to you facts end of episode
01:27:41
Speaker
And that's our show.
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01:27:42
Speaker
Please check out our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our bonus content on our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:27:51
Speaker
This past week, we dragged this sex advice columnist slash porn star, Stoya, for her really terrible advice regarding a woman whose husband liked to have wild sex parties without her.
01:28:06
Speaker
with men.
01:28:07
Speaker
So if you're interested in hearing that, check out our Patreon, pay for our looker mode, and also follow us on Twitter at fem.strat for more female dating strategy goodness.
01:28:15
Speaker
And we all have Twitter accounts too, so you can look us up there.
01:28:18
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens, and get a job, you broke-ass groats.
01:28:22
Speaker
See you next week.