Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep 91: Cast A Deadly Spell
45 Plays4 months ago
This obscure made-for-TV film is a horror-fantasy noir detective story featuring aspects of the eldritch tales of the Cthulhu mythos starring Fred Ward (see previous episode Remo Williams), Julianne Moore and Clancy Brown! Set in an alternate 1948, where magic and mythological creatures are common, private detective Harry Lovecraft is hired to recover a stolen grimoire called the Necronomicon. Full of crazy special effects and hammy performances, this HBO Original makes for a hell of an episode!
Get more Bad Movies Worse People for $3 a month at patreon.com/worsepeople
Listen to Jack and Derrick talk about Star Wars on Han Took Shots First
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Initial Confusion
00:00:00
Speaker
All right, welcome back. We got bad movies, worst people, and the movie cast a deadly spell. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm confused. But you already said this is bad movies. Worst people. I'm confused. That's how I was going to start it, but she did the whole thing. It's pretty much how I was this entire movie. I like it.
00:00:44
Speaker
I was just going to be like, welcome back, see? Matching. 1948. Everyone uses magic. Did you know everyone uses magic? That was how I was supposed to start it. Then start it. It's too late. You already do it. All right. Well, keep bitching about that. Yeah, because I mean, we're on a finite amount of real. Yeah. We can't just rerecord stuff ever. We are on a time limit. This is going live? This is going live? Oh, we're live streaming? Oh, shit. All right. Oh, fuck. Watch your fucking mouth. Quick cursing. like wait Quit cursing. Sweet, are we restarting or not? No, let's just keep going. Let's just keep going. Alright. What's the rub here? I'm gonna punch you in the mouth. We're gonna have to figure out who fingered you, you fucking dame. Are you fingering me? I'm just a straight cop that likes a good cock and ball. I'mma finger you. Who's fingering who? What's the rub?
Exploring 'Cast a Deadly Spell'
00:01:29
Speaker
We're back, everybody. Johnny Sticks and the man Jake down the street. The fat man says we're right at midnight. Let's shoot the bone. Tell the man it's time to shoot the bone.
00:01:37
Speaker
Welcome back, everybody. We're talking about cast a deadly spell from 1991. HBO original programming. You can tell this was the 90s, especially by some of the wordage used because it was 90s trying to pretend to pretend pretend to be the 40s. You pretend to be the 40s. Oh, pink shit for me. Oh, it'd be my vernacular. We could have used you in this movie. Could have used you. Pig shit could have punched it up. But where is the poop? The mud from the exploding at the end. Oh, turns out I'm often asking, where is the poop? I could easily supply that. Got all kinds of poop. Looks like big shit.
00:02:17
Speaker
It looks like pig shit, and it's not actually pig shit. Ah, pretty fierce. Okay. Your honor, I answered the question. It looks like pig shit. I'm slightly confused because according to IMDB, this is rated R. Uh-huh. Which I mean, like, I was like, well, it's a TV movie, but like, it's HBO. They were still trying to be real movies. Yeah. But also, why are finger quotes scary? I mean, like oh, you know what? There is some. There is some blood, though. You get. Oh, yeah. The paper cuts. Bloody as shit. The lesser demon in the kitchen. I'm saying he's like, they're normal. And then the vagina punch, the gargoyle punch through the fucking dude that was dressed up like a woman, like punched right in the giant. So there's a lot of blood.
00:02:59
Speaker
Okay, I guess that is pretty violent at points, or goopy. Not by our standards, yeah but I mean 91, I guarantee you I wouldn't have been allowed to watch this if we could afford cable. There is no chance of that in my house. This was it on one of your 10,000 VHS tapes recorded on HBO? It promotes Satan. Oh, Satan's a bad guy. Well, it's not
Elder Gods and Special Effects
00:03:20
Speaker
Satan. It's ah the elder gods or no, the outsiders. They don't say the elder gods. Yeah. Cthulhu. Yeah. And whatever vagina monster came out at the end. That was a naked with a turtle dick turtle. Just very gloopy and gloppy. um I do like I do like a lot of the creature work in this. That's the best part of the movie. yeah Is there somebody famous like a beakler involved or something? Because not.
00:03:44
Speaker
I very much enjoyed it. I wanted to know if it was a famous name doing the- Oh, the puppeteering. Yeah. Okay. And even to an extent some of the sets. Our friend Matt Painting is working again. Oh. That's who I call the guy that does the Matt Paintings. Oh, yes. I hadn't watched this before we all watched it together, so I didn't know that it had cool special effects. So you didn't get the 411, the skinny? No, but- You didn't get the fast, just the fast. Just glancing, I don't see anybody. Okay. But it what did look cool. Yeah, it's it's done very well for what you say. Ninety one. Ninety one. Yeah. This could easily been a time of cheesy. Better CG than some shit we saw come out. I don't think we saw any. No, there was a little fading in. There was no CG. There was a fact. There's camera tricks. So you're right, camera tricks, but like that her disappearing down the hallway, I just watched Charmed and it was 2005 and they still couldn't get a person walking down the hallway. That's because they were trying, they were using computers in 2005. Whatever computers, see W.B. could afford. So W.B. in 2005 is 91 HBO. That's it. yeah I'm pretty sure the computers at my high school were better than the computers that the W.B. in 2005 was using for special effects.
00:04:57
Speaker
What do you think they got that work done? Your high school. I wasn't in high school in 2005, but you know what I mean. They got interns. You were just barely out of high school. ah Excuse me. I was an adult. You graduated in... I'm calling bullshit. You're not an adult now. Thank you. Are you saying I married a
Director Martin Campbell's Filmography
00:05:14
Speaker
child? Yes. A man child? Yes. Kind of like this movie. so Was he a virgin? No. This was directed by a guy named Martin Campbell ah who directed movies that people know. Okay. As in? I'm not going to say good movies, but movies people know.
00:05:29
Speaker
Throw him at us. I picked out what you were putting down when you said it that way. ah First off, the one I have listed is No Escape, which is right in Yoda. No. No, he's awesome. I'm about to get full, but you know now we're talking. Are you saying no escape or noah gay but ah no No escape. It's a new virtual reality game. You're Noah and it's no escape. You've got to build a, you know, he doesn't build an arc. Oh, he does moses yeah no build an arc and escape the flood. No escape. Action RPG. I'd play it. and Somehow Scott Russell Crowe. He also directed Goldeneye, which is the best James Bond movie. So you've said that's not a ah high bar.
00:06:09
Speaker
No, and that's that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't know the other ones. The best James Bond or the best Pearson. No, he's saying you're also talking about a character that I know. I don't know about you, but him and I don't give a shit about Bond movies. I love that you didn't correct me on his name. Yeah. Because I said Pearson. Did you? Yes. Oh, that's just shortening it up. That's just worth missing. That's exactly. You're just doing you're doing the Lauren Michaels work. I am. Saturday Night. Saturday Night Live. He also directed The Mask of Zorro and The Legend of Zorro. I like the first one. Vertical Limit, which we've talked about recently. I mean, we can't touch that dial then. We've watched that with you. No, we did not watch it. We talked about it. We've been talking about it quite a bit. i know we did drop so Chris O'Donnell.
00:06:50
Speaker
Scott Glenn, Bill Paxton, Robert Tunney. Oh, Jesus, yeah. And maybe some more. Tomorrow Morrison, some more. Shocker guy's husband makes me watch a lot of stuff. Nah. He also directed 2000, I think 11 or 2009. 2011 sounds right. Green Lantern. With Wyatt Reynolds. With Wyatt Reynolds. Like you said, movies people know. You know what? I saw that movie in theaters hey and I remember leaving and being like, that was amazing. Also, right before I went, my brother and I smoked the most weed I think I've ever smoked in my life at one time. You're trying to overdose. So like I went into this movie and I but don't remember getting there, but I remember leaving and being like, that was amazing. Yeah. I bought it on Blu-ray and I finally watched it like three years after I bought it and I was like, to what the fuck is this? I got to get a bunch more weed again.
00:07:37
Speaker
I did that. Sorry to cut you off. I just wanted a newer movie, Blue Beetle. I did the same thing. Yeah. I went and saw it in theaters just fucking baked. I took a fucking 100 milligram and went and watched it. I was like, man, this is great. George Lopez is funny. He's not and it wasn't. Did we see Blue Beetle? No, you're welcome. Take some. Take some. I've got that kid from Cobra Kai and George Lopez i know and a woman who is great yeah looks like George Lopez. ah hu That's just George Lopez. He also directed Casino Royale, which people like. I never watched it. The new Casino Royale, not the original one with Daniel Craig. Yeah. Daniel Craig.
00:08:19
Speaker
And it was written by a guy named Joseph Doherty, who also wrote...
HP Lovecraft and Magic in the Movie
00:08:22
Speaker
Then there was a sequel. He didn't write anything, is what I'm saying. Did I miss something? He might have written something in there, but I didn't write anything down because I was like, this doesn't matter. Yeah, it was this and that. I think this might be it. you said daugherty and now i want to say rest in picture shannon oh is it in relation i that's why it was popped in my head i do want to say it yeah she was i said oh oh i thought you said no i was like fuck you it's not that heartless yeah no she's on beverly hills she was the 90s bad bitch yeah she was in mall rats i like that yeah she was in char
00:08:57
Speaker
She sure was. For at least one season before they replaced her with ah Marilyn Manson's girlfriend. Rose McGowan. There you go. Not anymore. but No, no, no. There was a sequel to this movie which we might have to do at some point. I think we do. I kind of want to based on what you're about to say. Entitled Witch Hunt with Dennis Hopper playing the Fred Ward character. I mean of Henry Philip Lovecraft. Dennis Hopper as a 48 detective that is in a magical world sounds awesome. Also Penelope Ann Miller's in there, Julian Sands, Eric Bogosian. So there's people. Somehow Ronald Reagan. You know who's not in it? Fred Ward. Clancy.
00:09:35
Speaker
yeah Oh, yeah, now he did in the movie. Yeah, not in real life. I mean, you could bring it back. We did Pet Sematary to also everybody does magic. Yeah, everybody. He could have been a zombie. Yeah, he's going to be apparently going to use him as a fuck doll. Apparently and I mean there's no way to measure the success of these movies because there's no box office It only costs six million dollars to make so the effects are all that more impressive that does make all that much I mean, it's why we like him as it's practical. But yes still that's a nothing budget even for practical effects Yeah, I mean you can't even make you know The modern-day equivalent of Clerks for six that six million dollars if he was still alive You couldn't give Fred Ward on stage for six million. No, he would do it. What am I talking about? t Yeah. Oh, yeah
00:10:18
Speaker
That's too bad. Fred Ward, not even too long ago, I'm going to double check, but I want to say it was like in 2020, maybe later. um While you're looking that up, one of my, there's a scene, the special effects with the paper. 2022. With the paper flying around and the slicey slicing. Oh yeah. That was really good. And then um boil face. boil face. Oh, the last demon coming out of the pot and then it eats that guy's face. Hey, I've had some mean soup before. And that guy gets up looking like ah what Jim Carrey doing the silence of the lambs thing. He just puts ham on his face or whatever. Hey, wait, there's a demon in my soup.
00:10:57
Speaker
So yes, it's Los Angeles, 1948. Everybody used magic. Except one. That's the tagline we get at the beginning, or not a scroll, but whatever. It's words on the screen. Intro words. And then the rest of the movie is spent with everybody talking about how everybody uses magic. So we could have just not done that. They say it about six times. A minute. And we have we're introduced. So there's a witch lady whose name I didn't get because it doesn't matter like she doesn't which stuff It's not Calliope, but it's no it's like crimpin poppers. It is not current and pop chrysanthemum It doesn't matter because she is by the way, that's not a kid I just want to say that before anybody on the internet's like chrysanthemums not it was like
00:11:44
Speaker
proprietary. Well, that's what she she was a certain she was a good witch. But it doesn't matter like she crampus. She's there and she doesn't really matter. I feel like she was included because somebody was like, well, Lovecraft's known for being racist, which I had said on the last episode. Yeah, that we're going to get some rampant racism. So we need to have this character who's good and African-American. And but she doesn't do anything. It's hype. She talks to him a couple of times. It's hypo like Kropotikin. Hippolyte. Hippolyte. Cropotkin. Cropotkin. Cropotkin. That sounds right. Yeah. I feel like I heard that. So I was not that far off. OK. So she's supposed to do something. She has like a.
00:12:24
Speaker
I don't know. Chernobyl's bracelet ah kind of thing that that doesn't end up coming back as far as we can tell. But that's her thing is she's his landlord. She teaches dance. Her cousin is the lawyer that helps. Yeah. And she gives this fucking bracelet. That's yeah about it. She's also kind of helping set up the beginning because she's doing some ah fun voodoo stuff. Light magic or white magic. White magic. She makes sure we we know she's doing white magic. She's on the white side of the force. Yeah. There's always two sides of the force. um But she's doing that and kind of setting up that, uh-oh, something big is coming. Okay, is that what she's doing? I was like, yeah I don't know, she's on the roof dancing and doesn't come to anything. She had an amulet and it was pointing towards something and she even, like, I think she spikes the lens, maybe. Yeah. But she's definitely talking to us and she's like, something bad's coming. If I had if i had the money, I'd be in Miami. Yeah, okay. That's when she spikes the lens. Yeah. When she's like, I'd be in Miami. Takes a grab, I'd be in Miami.
00:13:22
Speaker
ah not not But then we're introduced to Fred Ward. Oh, my God. She's the voodoo lady in fucking weekend at Bernie's to continue. Maybe she's the witch from Bad Boys three. The oh shit that's Mexican chick. I don't know. I just know that I don't remember. it I remember seeing it, but that's it. ah I remember I saw it. I remember there was a witch and I remember that they were trying to replace them with new kids. And like, that's all I remember. Just one of them did we see it in theaters? I don't yeah fucking remember it. Oh, I watched it not too long ago and I'm very certain that it's forgettable.
00:13:54
Speaker
like I'm not blaming you for not remembering that. It's it's almost next to nothing happens. I saw on Amazon Prime for like Prime Day, they were selling like you a bunch of movies. They had a box set of bad boys and it included one and two. I was like, nobody even wants the box set with number three. Well, and spoiler if I'm right, but I think they kill off Joey Pants. Oh, and I remember watching it with the roomie because we had to wrap it up. You know what I mean? We watched one and two. It's like, well, we got to fucking see. Yeah, that's why we saw it. And then at one point you can see they're putting Joey pants in peril. And I was like, if they fucking kill Joey pants, I am done with this franchise. So we never watch again. I'm not. Well, I don't know. I want to see that new one. It looks I've heard it's good. It looked OK. All right. Joey, this is when brother I'm back in.
00:14:36
Speaker
He was resurrected by Fred Ward fred ward doesn't use magic yeah He's playing Henry Philip Lovecraft in this movie dependent who you X and ah for those out there who don't know Fred Ward, which is weird because he's a household name I think in our household yes this household People this podcast maybe but I think if you asked nine Americans seven and a half would not know who he is by name. Not showing the half would be the one person who thought they knew who he was. It was actually someone who was Fred Willard. But Fred Ward is he was the star of he was a costar of tremors and the star of tremors, too. ah Don't you know, just don't change the dial. Don't go anywhere. Welcome back to the podcast.
00:15:26
Speaker
from an episode your wife luckily skipped out on. Yeah, Remo Williams, The Adventure Begins. Yeah, don't forget that subtitle, The Adventure Begins. Oh, there's a sequel. There's not. There is. Was there? Oh, yeah. Is it this? There's more than one Remo Williams. Is there? Not movie books. The Adventure Begin. No, they never made another one. What? There's a whole bunch of books. I swear to God, IMDB has other things listed. Well, you check that. I'll keep talking about where Fred Ward did For a Living. He acted. He was in Joe Dirt. he was in He was in Joe Dirt. He was in Chain Reaction with Keanu Reeves and Morgan Freeman. He's in Southern Comfort, which is a really fun ah
00:16:07
Speaker
ah It's got Powers Booth in it, or that's his name, right? Powers Booth? Yeah. ah Fred Ward, Far-Fig-Newgan. Uh-huh. And it's basically these National Guard guys go to Louisiana to train, but then some weird shit fucking happened. Oh, boy. They fire blanks at some rednecks, and those rednecks decide that they are going to kill them all. Not just rednecks, swamp of people. Oh, swampy jazz. But it's a really interesting fun to watch Walter Hill movie, like lesser known Walter Hill. ah So in 1988, we have Remo Williams, The Prophecy with Roddy McDowell. And then in 2017, no cover, Remo Williams 2, The Adventure Continues.
00:16:52
Speaker
Did the ah do they actually get filmed? Like... Remo Williams 2 is not rated. So that tells you that it probably was released on... Or it just never came out. because It doesn't even have a cover. Like it's something someone wanted to make and it got put on IMDB and then it never... And then the 1988 one is ah is a legit 48 minute movie. um So they took the movie and tried to make a TV show. Yeah, like it's like a pilot. Yeah. um But yeah, so there's Fred Ward. He's playing H.P. Lovecraft, Henry Philip Lovecraft, who's a detective who lives in a world that uses magic, but he doesn't use magic. Why not? For personal reasons. What reasons are those? They're personal. personal say I was expecting it to be a Roger Rabbit thing like magic killed my brother.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, I thought we'd get some kind of explanation. But not that we do. Kind of. He's basically says later, he's like, well, because that all that shit has a price and my soul belongs to me. But he's also at that point, shit talking Julia and more about how she's belongs to first Nancy Brown. but And even this police chief that were but we meet later, because he's an ex cop, Fred Ward is an ex cop that is now a private eye. But the the guy says like, man, this is bad. ah If this is, oh no, then fucking Fred Ward jibes back. He's like, yeah, but can't stand away to progress, right? Like y'all use magic. He's like, man, if this is what magic brings, I'd rather fucking have vanilla. Yeah. So he's trying to get like- Because it brings- Everything's out of whack. Exactly. He was like, well, it's supposed to be good for us, but yeah, it's also bad. Yeah.
00:18:18
Speaker
Oh, sure, it makes things easier, but at what cost? It makes everything easier. Can you light your own fucking cigarettes, pal? Right? You just got to flick a magical thing in your hand that I can't... It's your whole plan. I got to pretend I don't see in your hand. I saw it. As much as we love the effects, there are some times, as Whitney's saying, we saw the can of fire in the hand. yep We saw somebody's mouth inside the gargoyle. But I mean, we saw that in Ninja Turtles at one point. So, you know, it happens. Magic is just a sleight of hand. Sweet magic. And also demons.
00:18:49
Speaker
I do just got to mention the beginning because the beginning is the end of a case, a previous case where Fred Ward ended up arresting his client as appears, who was a ah sexy dame. Yeah. I only want to mention it because it's hilarious because it's how we first meet this police chief, who is Chief Bradbury, which I'm sure is nothing to do with Ray Bradbury. No way. It's different. Ray Badberry, a science fiction author, actually wrote the treaty or the the treatment for the movie that we just covered last week. Oh, really? Yeah. I think I mentioned that. It came from matters. OK, AKA in subtitles, Whitney's nap time.
00:19:28
Speaker
But I don't you remember. It's like your sister always said, one man's coming, one man's moving on. There's a because we kind of meet like the side characters. There's Grimaldi, who's this other cop who's talking shit to Fred Ward while they're arresting this girl. And then Bradbury shows up. This girl knocks out Grimaldi. And I just wrote it down because it was funny. Bradbury is like, hey, man, you got to get up. People will never think you've ever been knocked out by a name before. You can't talk. but You're going to act like you've never been punched by a name. um i So we've talked, I think last week or week before we talked about that really shitty Will Smith Netflix original movie, Bright. yeah This does it better. yeah This gives me what I wanted from Bright just on a lower budget and not as modern clearly. But like there's a point where they're arresting a fucking werewolf, you know? A what? A werewolf. A werewolf.
00:20:17
Speaker
He's he's arresting a werewolf. Like it's it's we talk about all this magic shit that exists while you have cops that are dressed up in normal 48 attire. By the way, it's funny. The cover that we saw on the service we watched this on didn't just had Fred Ward and some like some little magic symbols or whatever. And a pentagram on his penis and a finger wand. But the cover that I saw that originally got me to pick this movie definitely had the werewolf on it. And I was like, oh, he's got like a werewolf partner. That would that would have been awesome. No, the werewolf was in one scene for like eight seconds and that's a lot of makeup for like one shot. I mean
00:20:50
Speaker
Oh, they don't need there's no they didn't edit it for commercials. So never mind. Oh, yeah. i I was thinking they're probably trying to hit some time thing, but because on HBO, they can do whatever they want. ah But Bradbury is played by Charles Hallahan, ah who I recognized from The Thing. He is one of the guys, obviously, at the station that they're all at. He's the one whose head comes off and turns into like a spider monster. Oh, yeah. I saw that in theaters. You've seen it once. You've seen it a thousand times. No, we saw that movie and then not even a month later, it was in theaters and he's like, you want to go see it? Fuck yeah. I want to see that on the big screen. Sometimes you never get that chance. Great. We ended up taking one of our old co-hosts, Patrick. He's also in Dante's Peak, the fan and the pest. But I don't know much. I just recognized him from the thing.
00:21:37
Speaker
Unlike a lot of these actors, he's got a good face for this time period. We talked about it before. Sometimes your face just doesn't belong in the 40s. Fred Ward's is amazing for this. He is such a filterless cigarette, smoking, gruff, drinking coffee and whiskey at the same time, sleeping at a couch detective. yep I believed it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, I don't think we really mentioned other than it's 1948, but this is basically a noir detective story that also has like glooby monsters. Oh, what are the the description? It was imagine who framed Roger Rabbit. I mean, Roger Rabbit meets it meets fucking demons. Demons. Yeah. like I don't remember. where There was a thing on the cover that we saw. Yeah. It's Roger Rabbit meets Ghostbusters a bit. A little bit. But not nearly as funny.
00:22:22
Speaker
Lovecraft hates magic weird because I thought he loved magic. Yeah, he loves k crafts. He loves magic the gathering. um And as we get at the beginning of like the steamy detective like um narration,
Character Introductions: Julianne Moore and Olivia Hackshaw
00:22:36
Speaker
right? Like you always get in the noir movies and it's how it it started with a woman. It always starts with a woman. always start to the woman. I mean, yeah. And we cut to a woman, but not it's not the one that started because of although it kind of is. Yeah. We see Julianne Moore playing the piano. We find out the end. It's all started because of her. Yeah. Julianne Moore, of course, everybody knows her. I don't need to list this stuff for a night.
00:23:00
Speaker
Big Lebowski. She's a big fan of Coitus. And if you haven't, I know you haven't watched Far Inn, but she plays a tremendous Boston accent character in 30 Rock. Jack Dwanaghi, Mr. Rich and famous. Oh, no, I've watched all of 30 Rock. I just don't remember her, but it's been years. I thought you said you fell off towards the end. No, no, I think we watched it all. Maybe not much the last season, but... I think I've watched two seasons. Oh, I think it's pretty fucking great. She's also in the Lost World, so that's pretty cool. There's that. Don't change the dial on that one. I do. I am a fan of her, though. I like her work. Oh, me too. What did I say about her? She is the better version of Nicole Kidman in every way. She's what Nicole Kidman wishes that she was. That's what you said. Yeah.
00:23:43
Speaker
NotTheWish.com, the Nicole Wishes. And she's playing piano for Clancy Brown. She is tickling them ivories. ah This is the youngest I've ever seen Clancy, and I did not recognize him until we zoomed in on his face. Well, and also, some of the more clean cut that he's ever done. He's got that he's got a ah nice shaved sides of the head, slick back hair, real pencil thin mustache, yes white smoking jacket. Aside from the mustache, this is pretty close to Shawshank, right? Yeah, it is, except for he's always got a hat on.
00:24:17
Speaker
Yeah. And he's beaten up Mary's. He's also beaten up young children and Starship Troopers. Yes, he is. I mean, they're all 30, but they're supposed to be playing high schoolers, so. There's also a fucking sci-fi show he was on. It's got the Earth 2. I think it's called Earth 2. I never watched that one. Dude, we will have to try and fucking dig that up and see if we can find any sort of good resolution. He popped up recently and a couple of years ago, the Mandalorian season. Two, right? Oh, yeah. He plays like Zurg. I think he's a zebraonian. That's like one of the best episodes of the whole series. Yeah. And he voices a lot in the Star Wars cartoons because why wouldn't you use his voice? Well, he does a ton of voices, right? Because going through his IMDB, he just does a lot of voice acting because he's got that big angry voice. He's talked about his there was a voice acting documentary and everyone talked about their warm ups and their cool downs. Like I drink a lemon tea and I do this, I this, and it cuts the Clancy Brown. He goes, I smoke a cigar and I drink a half a bottle of whiskey and then I go record. And on the way home, I drink the rest of that whiskey, and I smoke my cigar. It's just because he's got that great voice for it. That's the voice you're hiring him for. He doesn't have to do anything. And of course, he's in the Highlander, or just Highlander. Mr. Manager.
00:25:27
Speaker
yeah Yeah, oh and he popped up. He was on ah that Gen V. We just watched it's the spin-off from the boys play oh Okay, I didn't watch it for a while because it's like the boys Like the high school years, but it turned out to be almost more brutal than the boys yeah saying something
00:25:46
Speaker
They explode more dicks. ah Yeah, there's a little time there's a girl who shrinks really small and then she's sliding up and down on this guy's dick and it's a very close up shot of this. oh And the guy is just like telling her to like let go and drop and sit on his balls. It's pretty fucked up. Oh, man. Well, there is an exploding dick part. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because the one girl has blood control powers. Oh, man. Yeah. No, it's fucked up. I love it. Use that power once a month. He's basically playing some big crime lord slash magic muckety muck.
00:26:19
Speaker
something, something. He's your classic club owner. Yep. That's dirty on the side. Yeah. And he used to be a dirty cop. Yeah, we find out later he used to be Fred Ward's partner and he was dirty. And that's also why Fred Ward is no longer a cop. Although ah Bradbury tells him he's welcome back on the for sure. But it's his choice. I think he's like the cops left a bad taste in my mouth. Yeah. As they do to a lot of people. He's not the first. And ah ah yeah what's he keeps calling him? Clancy Brown keeps coming. You're a nickel and dime man. Yeah, like you never saw the big picture. That's why you're broke. And look at me on this club and fucking Julian Moore. And he's got still your broad. He's got the sidekick Tugwell, who I didn't bother getting the guy's name. But Tugwell is Raymond, I want to say O'Connor or something. The only thing I recognized him from is he's the tour guide for Alcatraz in The Rock. That is the only thing that really came.
00:27:10
Speaker
Is that really all that I would know? He looks so familiar. No, no, no. That's the first thing that I stopped looking at because he did one episode of a lot of shows. OK. And it's like, yeah, I'll get there one day. So he's a that guy. Yeah, he's a that guy. He's like four feet tall, tries to talk like a tough, but just sounds like if Joe Pesci got helium. Uh-huh. Much like Joe Pesci's rap album. Tell me that's true. It's true. Oh, it's true. Little Joe.
00:27:39
Speaker
Do you do any songs with Fat Joe? No. No, we will listen to it sometime. It is a treat. Maybe that'll be a Patreon special. We'll listen to ah listen along the Little Joe album and we'll commentate. but Basically, Clancy Brown's buying the Necronomicon from this fat, sweaty guy, which turns out to be the fake Necronomicon. Yeah, you've you've you've been fooled before by this, haven't you? If you've seen one fake Necronomicon. Oh, and he's got a zombie. ah Tugwell has a zombie sidekick. Yes, he does. Who's one of the only black characters in this.
00:28:13
Speaker
Outside of ah Miss kaiope Kaleidoscope, ye the the only other people of color are all zombies. And her cousin. Oh, and her cousin. That's right, the lawyer. But yeah, everybody else is, are they're all zombies, so that's pretty Lovecraftian. If you don't know this information, I told Whitney to look up Lovecraft's cat name. Oh my God. Just know it's not. Don't be having children or like over your shoulder when you're reading. Please don't. Google Lovecraft's cat's name. You'll see why we talk about rampant racism. Yeah. um It was apparently his grandfather's cat. Change the name. I can't change the cat's name. It's about heritage, not hate. It turns out your brother died and you're the godfather to the child, so you're going to raise little baby Hitler, Affolder. You're going to change that name from Hitler, aren't you?
00:29:04
Speaker
Like, if yeah if someone gave you a baby and the first name was Hitler, I just call him Hitzy. And it's going to be a real weird conversation when he when he finally gets married or takes a driving test or anything else. Also, Hitzy? My parents had a sense of humor. I would at least call him Lurie. Hitler. Oh, Hitler Clinton. Got it. That's what happened.
00:29:29
Speaker
So anyway, the fat dude sells him a fake Necronomicon, so Tugwell gets sent after him to kill him in the bathroom. Remind me, though, did he know he was selling him a fake? Yes, that's what we find out at the end. So it's all the twists and turns of your noir thing. Right. Well, we'll go out of order to sell. Lily, Lily, who turns out to be Larry, told ah Lovecraft that they stole the real Necronomicon and a fake that Hackshaw, who we haven't met yet, had. Sure, sure. And they sold the fake to Clancy Brown because they were planning on basically like ransoming back or like trying to sell back the real one to Hackshaw. I thought that was something Larry Lilly thought up on their own. Oh, I don't I thought it was a team thing. Well, no, because this was somebody that he really they were in love. Yeah. OK. You wouldn't do you wouldn't do that to each other. Yes, they met each other at a stag party. Yeah, that's the word he used. Yep. 1990s stag with an F.
00:30:29
Speaker
This guy does get murdered pretty cool way. We kind of talked about the paper cut tornado. So he opens his a pouch that he got of money from Clancy Brown. He's telling Tugwell, like, I'll give you half my money. He opens it and it's all just pieces of newspaper cut into the shape of money. Either know that or that's what they use for money in this world. I don't know. No, he was shocked. at Crosswords. I can't spend these 10,000 crosswords. Did you know how much more money the Sunday funnies would be worth if that was their currency? Oh, he's got color bills. Ooh. Is that family circus? You get out of here. My name is HP Lovecraft and I don't accept color bills. I don't know what he sounds like. I assume he's a redneck. There's no way of knowing what he sounds like. Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
00:31:43
Speaker
Sharks of the Corn? Virus Shark? Cocaine Shark? Shark-topus? Yeah. Those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of Shark-sploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the Shark Movie Podcast.
00:32:05
Speaker
Yeah, and this is the what the first um but special effects blood scene that I was really into. I love that. There's a lot of little special effects here. The tug well guy gets like a handful of water because he's trying to find fat guy hiding in the bathroom. Yes. And he gets a handful of water. He gets down on his knees first in his fucking white suit. I was like, this is a pretty clean train station bathroom, dude. Except for the sink. Except for the sink. But the floors were nice and shiny. I mean, he does have magic, so he just like make my my suit white again. Yeah. but Careful with the snaps, the zombie will come. He takes a handful of water and like blows on it and it turns into dry ice and then somehow that's fire Yeah, and it burns this guy out of the bathroom stall, which is kind of cool. I want to complain about it it um I want to complain about it like how did that water turn to dry ice which turned into home like a heat-seeking fire
00:32:52
Speaker
Magic. Magic. The force, dude. The force. The Using my own logic against me. How dare you. We cut to Fred Ward going to this big palatial estate ah that was painted by Matt and andm glad I'm glad Matt's getting work again. It was a beautiful painting, though. Yeah. The sky is blood red, which comes back in a couple of minutes here. Yeah. um In the bathroom stall though, he does get like a little, exactly the same width as one of the papers, but like a streak of blood shot onto him. Oh, and since we're still on that, ah the cool practical effect, for no good reason, he looks in the mirror and says, boo, and it just like collapses the mirror, like just a shatter. shot It's a fun little effect. Yeah.
00:33:38
Speaker
It's not needed, but you're flexing your muscles. Yeah, you are. So flex away, Marvin Gaye. And there is this recurring joke that happens right here. I guess it only happens twice. I kept expecting it to come up. Yeah. Because Fred Ward's office is next to a dance studio and he gets to this house and he goes up to the butler and he's like, here's my card. I need to talk to Hackshaw. Tap in ballroom. I really don't think I need this. Yeah, and he's like, oh, no, never mind. And then it comes back later where he gives someone else's business card. and He's like, no, I'm not much of a dancer. I thought three more times. Yeah. Same. At least one more comedy. Rule of threes. Yeah. We meet David Warner, who's playing Amos Hackshaw. ah David Warner is a famous guy. You'd recognize him. He was in Titanic. Billy Zane's bodyguard.
00:34:20
Speaker
He's in Star Trek six the undiscovered country. Of course, everybody knows that see a more lethal weapons as a South African cat lethal weapon to I he's in in the mouth of madness John Carpenter. Okay, he's in Tron for a bit there Yeah, as soon as I looked him up I stopped at cuz I just saw Titanic. I was like, well, that's that's it. Yeah, I still have not seen I've seen the Billy Zane scenes and then I was out All right. I told her I'm really going to have to watch it soon because I'm in the midst of watching all of James Cameron's movies pre-avatar. Yeah, that's where you stop. I might have to watch that first avatar just because I'm doing a ranking on Letterboxd and I can't rank them all and not include that one because I include the second one because I saw it during the Oscar marathon. You don't have to rewatch it. One star. Did it act it out for you?
00:35:08
Speaker
Yes. You gotta go blue yourself. Whitney, I blew myself a little early. I didn't realize you weren't ready for me. Sorry. But anyway, he's playing this guy, and he does... There was a moment where he's checking on Lovecraft. He's checking Fred Ward out, trying to make sure he doesn't have any magic shit. It gets a little sexual. He's like telling him to open up his shirt and stuff, and he's like, it's true. You have no tokens, no talismans, no fetishes. I'm like, who says? I know what they mean. They mean like the little like voodoo doll type of things. Absolutely, but it just seems a little weird. Yeah, I'm like, I'm sure. You're not into feet? You're telling me that this gruff detective from the 40s who sleeps on a couch and lives off whiskey doesn't have any fetishes? Oh, he loves getting his cube smashed. I was going to say, you know what his fetishes are. He dated Julia and more. Yeah. You have to love getting your cubes smashed. I assume that's what she does. He likes rough coitus. Swings. Zip lines on the ceiling. Ooh, new fetish unlocked. Zip line sex? Yeah.
00:36:06
Speaker
So is that like on your bucket list for when moves out? Oh, yeah. Our roommate moves out. Oh, she don't care. Bleep it. I do. I told her once before I don't use your name. She's like, I don't care. She's like, no, one that no one that I know listens to your show. Well, fuck you. You're not a good friend. Listen here, bitch. You know what? One day they will when we're the biggest podcast you'll see in the world. Then we'll you'll see. I'm going to be somebody. I want to be a star. I don't feel like being somebody, dude. It's tough enough to be me. And we also meet Olivia Hackshaw here, who is played by a woman named Alexandra Powers, who I meant to go back and check because I feel like I recognize her. Last Man Standing with Bruce Willis. And it's a similar role because it's that like 40s, 50s and small town gangster kind of thing. I think that's like the 20s, but it's the same idea. Oh, I guess it is. it's But it's the same.
00:36:55
Speaker
How much did culture really change? It's been forever since I've seen Last Man Standing, but wasn't it like prohibition fucking mafia type stuff? I think it was post-probe. Well, maybe. No, it's where Tim Allen was working for Outdoor Man. We are, we are about to fight with me right now. Every time you mentioned Tim Allen's name, dude, he just, he gets a little in the back of his head. He sprouts one feather and if you say it enough times, he gets wings and gets to go to heaven. How do you feel about that? Tim Allen, Tim Allen, Tim Allen, Tim Allen, Tim Allen. Now you're saying, Tim Allen. She's saying it because she's like, I'm not gonna be there
00:37:32
Speaker
ah exactly If we can get Tim Allen off this earth by saying his name enough. She's been paid off by his cocaine dealers to get rid of them. They don't pay with cocaine. Get rid of that snitch. ah But anyway, she's a play she's playing a 16 year old, even though she's probably 28 or 30. Yeah, I would say I would say 28. And it's going to be problematic for a while because like this whole thing stems on her being super horny. Everybody wanted to bang her and them needing a virgin.
00:38:02
Speaker
Yeah, and even this first scene with Fred Ward where he is playing like she's flirting with him and he's playing back with the flirting, but he's also shutting it down. But he lets things go because like she says something and he's like, well, you're going to take that blouse off. And she's like, oh, really? And he's like, well, yeah, that blood will set near blouse because she was hunting a unicorn. And how we find out she's a virgin is he even says, you're all talk. Only virgins can hunt unicorns. She smacks him. He's like, that's what I thought. And then it starts raining blood. Oh, yeah from a lacerated sky. Hallelujah. It's raining. It's funny. I was going with the Slayer, but they're saying it would be clear skies today. You know, blood rain. At first I was like, OK, it's like a gag. The rest of this movie or most of the rest of this movie, everybody's driving around their cars, their houses, everything has blood. So it's because it's 666 year. Yes. Like there's a little bit of ah a weakness between dimensions where you can invite Cthulhu and his pals over and, you know, everyone have a big muckety muck.
00:39:01
Speaker
You know, that's the kind of house party I want, like once every so no once every six hundred and sixty six years. So he gets to this boarding house. He's looking for this guy, Lewis. Was that his name, Larry? Yeah, sure. I don't know. Something with Larry. Well, that ends up being. there's Thank you. Larry Willis. That's what. Oh, that's right. Because it's a because it ends up being Lily. Which about Lily Swishaman or whatever. It's an anagram of the same. You see? But i I only wrote this down because it doesn't really matter. other Like he finds the picture that leads him to the club, the Dutch club or whatever. ah But I really like or Mickey who loves Lily. Yeah. You with the Dutch. Yeah. The Dunwich the Dunwich room, by the way, which hotel I think is what it's called. And it's a Lovecraft thing. first time that this character Lily was on screen, Whitney clocked in its second. It's like, Oh, that's a dude. Yeah. You know, and that's, that's fine. What we couldn't figure out though, is everybody else supposed to know that or not? They were better in gender acknowledgement.
00:40:00
Speaker
They were more ah progressive in some ways, just not in ways that included anybody that wasn't white. It's ah a dude dressed up as a lady. What color are they? Carry on. That's fine. I love that arrow. so Fred Ward is the only one. But as far as we see, we don't see a lot of other interaction. But as soon as Fred Ward, he's like, and that's a dude. Yeah, it's fine. Guys, I love the Aerosmith song. He acknowledges. He looks like a lady. He's like, who's the dame? duhdadahda da But before we get past that, I just want to talk about this grumpy old man. Oh, God. This crotchety old man is one of the best parts of this movie. I don't think he has a name.
00:40:38
Speaker
He's just the guy that owns the boarding. Yeah, that sounds about right. I don't think we ever got a name for it. He's working on this car and it's not this is kind of like a world building scene because you see little kids like vandalizing a car by doing magic. And he's working on this car and Fred Ward is like, oh, I think the choke is stuck. And he's like, it's no sauce. I'm fast. I'm choke. whatever rest He's got this fucking line of like, all we brought back from World War I, or World War I, all we brought back from France was the clap. This one, they come back with these gremlins, and he opens the hood, and the engine's just full of gremlins. Full of gremlins, he sprays them. And he's fucking gassing them with one of those, I don't know, from the original Donkey Kong, or was it Donkey Kong Country, or Donkey Kong 3? It's where you're the the Mario that's using the gas. Yeah, it's also in Godfather.
00:41:20
Speaker
Yeah, I know, but I'm thinking about video games. His name was Owl Wagon Manager. No, no, no, no. Owl Wagon Manager is the guy that gets- That's the guy that gets- Oh, the diner. Owl Wagon's the diner, yeah. Okay, hold on. Yeah, he might not have a name. I wouldn't be surprised if he's an actor. And then up here, ah when he goes upstairs and he's looking through Larry's room, there's a gremlin that's in there. And this guy, so first of all, this guy owns a boarding house where people need to pay to live. He is just annihilating this room with a shotgun. And he's not hitting this fucking gremlin at all. What did he say? He said something. ah Any visitors? That's what it is. Fred Ward says, any visitors? Everyone on knows dead.
00:41:59
Speaker
Not you, him. I do like when he finds the postcard and it says from Mickey and Lily, and he's like, hey, you know anybody named Mickey? And the guy's out there chasing the gremlins still, and he's just like, Mickey Mouse, bam! I assumed you would not be helpful, thank you. Like, it's a stupid scene that doesn't really have any purpose, but it's funny. I mean, you could have you could have had him find find this anyway, but we we got a good character. Yeah, it gives me some levity in this list. It's not a serious movie, but it's played as serious. Yes, exactly. Well said. um So we go to the Dunwich Club or the Dunwich Room. Did you notice that it looks like just on the outside, it's just a doorway? Like you can't see the whole long big giant club. No, it's one of those magic things. It's just a doorway and like a front. I think it's like a big awning. I think it's very Harry Potter, though. Yeah. Like getting a tent. It's a fucking palace. And he's not credited, by the way.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't think he would be. But this is ah it's kind of like the Copacabana. Or is that the one from the mask? Yeah. Yeah. Or I guess what's the place they're hanging out in Goodfellas? The Copaclubs. It's same with the shadows. Something like that, too. That's why I was confused. And the same with the shadow. It's a noir thing. Yeah, it's that old timey jazz club. And all I could think watching this scene and the one almost immediately preceding it where his name is Cuban Pete. Oh, not that. know Although the other day I came home from work. And for no reason, for no reason all night, I was like, my name is. Like I don't want it goes boom, ticky, boom, boom, ticky, boom, ding ticky, boom. Why? Why was that song just suddenly in my head? What the fuck is that song?
00:43:35
Speaker
From the mask? I haven't seen that movie in... I haven't seen that movie since I was like maybe 11. Probably the last time I saw it. That song just came into my head. I mean, I wonder if I earwormed you, because I often just have that living in my brain. I mean, that would be... I could understand that, but it was... I think it was Sunday, but it was... Yeah, it's all your fault. But it was many, many, many hours later. Yeah. So it wasn't like... It would have been stuck in my head all day. No. And I wasn't playing... No, that's how earworms work. I wasn't playing. the Sometimes I'll play like the swing, like the big band swing station or something. And that song will actually come on. I didn't didn't play that. I was playing fucking Amigo the Devil. I'm telling you, you heard his little like he was probably putting stuff in his pockets and he was just like, moon mr bur but um whatever the song is. She's really close.
00:44:23
Speaker
And something about your subconscious. Maybe I just really wanted a Cuban sandwich. Ooh. Now we're talking. yeah I need some Cuban meat. The cubans are the sweetest treats. And it goes yum, yummy yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. But Connie Stone, who is Julianne Moore's character, I am stoned. Connie is stoned? Julianne Moore's character is sings this song at the stupid club and she sings one again in a couple of minutes. And all I could think during this, because they're both such slow, stupid, dumb songs. I was like, I would hate to have been alive in like the 30s and 40s or whatever, because like these are the clubs you go to hang out at to get your martinis and do your whatnot. And there's always some chick who's just like,
00:45:08
Speaker
And it cuts to all the patrons having the best fucking time of their life. Dude, like, everyone's just sitting there like, Ah, and I'm with Derek. I think the same thing sometimes. Like, this is, this is the lively music. Yeah. This is it. It's supposed to be. But you know, you know what you do. We would go to the fucking African-American juke joints when they're serving fucking gin and dancing like, like fucking to real music. What did we just watch? Peggy Sue got married. Yeah. When she goes to hang out with ah Kevin J. O'Connor and Nick Cage is there singing and it's the all black like jazz club. all that That shit was popping. Also, she got a high life there. so who he' I didn't need to be sold, but you got me. All these white musician biopics, dude, those are the best parts, man. Fucking Great Balls of Fire, Elvis. like It's always in these these old black juke joints, yeah even fucking Dewey Cox.
00:45:55
Speaker
It's because people are boring. Exactly. We think mayo is spicy. God, mayo is disgusting. It's too spicy for Jack. Shots fired. Yeah, he replaced the mayo with hot sauce. ah but we do see that the gargoyle ah we didn't mention the gargo oille there's a gargoyle that was that hack hacksaw's house or whatever is' called and don david warner's house but it's fun following doug jones it is not doug jones doesn't too short too short it's been following fred ward around it's following him here this is where we kind of see it we saw like a ah view of it looking at him looked like a shitty security camera. Yeah. Earlier. But this is where we see that he's like waiting in the bush. And for a second, I thought that I was like, oh, no, they wouldn't have a security camera hit in a gargle of 48 because it looks like ah the the what's the magic dude's name? or Well, I guess they're all magic. Everyone uses magic. Except for like except.
00:46:47
Speaker
The rich, the rich dude. Okay, I'm an corrupted cow here. No, no, no, no, no. The Virgin's dad. Oh, Hackshaw. David Warner. Yeah, I thought Hackshaw was like watching him, but it turns out it was just that's how he sees. Okay, so Michael Reed McKay was his name. You would also know him from Skinny Husband of Ace Ventura. X-Men 2, he's Jason 143. Batman and Robin, he's Antonio Diego. The Monster Squad, he's a mummy. a Army of the Dead, he's Shambler or something. like So he's he's a monster extra. yeah yeah He's the non-successful Doug Jones. But he's in a bunch of shit that you guys have seen. All right. He's in the model. He's the moderately successful. Jones is successful. He's in Shasta McNasty as Triclops.
00:47:36
Speaker
It's like a take a screenshot of that so we can watch that. I know that I know Shasta McNasty. What? That was a show from Spike TV, I believe. I don't know who. Twenty two episodes. Thing because I see Jake Busey and. Yeah, it was. I see Jake Busey. I see Busey people. Yeah. Vern Troyer. us. Oh, OK. And then a bunch of people. Yeah, a bunch of people. I don't know who I have. Oh, Brian Stepnick. I know who he is. Well, this says as it was on UPN. So it's been replayed on Spike TV. That makes sense. That makes had Gary Busey in it also. Oh, OK. So back to cast a deadly spell. And horizon it has Carmine Geovanazzo. I know. I saw that. I do know who that is. And I love him. That is. I have no clue who that is.
00:48:25
Speaker
we're back ah what he's sitting there talking to juliane moore fred ward is about whatever did you do in there like detectivey flirty thing and you hear the zombie walk up behind him yeah it's just a really funny line did somebody put up an office building behind me I also do how he order i like how he orders a drink for him. Oh, yes. This is how I'm ordering from now on. Well, oh, that one. Give me a whiskey, introduce it to some water, but make it discreet. Yeah, that's great. And then when i when he's ordering for her, yeah he's like, all right, I'll get my my whiskey while the lady will have a scotch shower. And she says, what if I would have changed up? Maybe I changed up my drink. She's like, I still would have ordered it just to watch you eat the fruit.
00:49:06
Speaker
Ooh. Smooth. Smooth. Could be inappropriate, but it's not because it's Fred Ward. 1948. If Woody Allen said this to you, you would be like, I would order it for you so I could watch you eat the fruit. Oh. And then my response would be, Woody, I'm not your teenage daughter. I am too old and too male and too unrelated.
00:49:28
Speaker
so he gets taken up to clancy brown's office they have their shit chat about exposition ah hey guess what we used to be partners remember yeah the uh i don't need to pay them but they do rot after three months which i i like the ah thought process put into like the economics of using zombies as laborers it's like they rot after three months if the weather's right
00:50:02
Speaker
But you can get a six pack for $30 from the West Indies. It's like bonbons. Like bonbons. It sucked, though, because this zombie they have is an office building. You're going to get attached to that. The next zombie gets a little smaller, like, aw. You get six of them, but not when they're this big. You only get a two pack. Yeah, this is three zombies. OK. They got him, and they're like, we're going to save this guy for this year. This specific three months right here is when we need him. You can't see it when the body's rotting. You freeze them. You put them in the freezer. That's true. Yeah. Like bonbons. So move your operation to Alaska. Well, they need to be here because for some reason, this pit to the other world is located in Hollywood. Are you going to tell me your surprise at a portal of hell is in Hollywood? Not at all. If Buffy taught me anything, it's in Greendale or whatever. Sunnydale. sunnydale
00:50:52
Speaker
Which I'm assuming is very close to Hollywood. And charmed? Theirs is in San Francisco. It's the Nexus. That'd be in Hollywood before San Francisco. I don't like it being called the Nexus. That's stolen from Star Trek. But the... Oh, it's just the... What do they call it in? It's where all the ports of energy... What do they call it in Buffy? Who could care? It doesn't matter because it's more cracks. No, no, no. No, that that's just what they started calling her later. That's what that's what Joss Whedon was calling all the women on the show behind the scenes. No, I hear you, Horcrux. The Horcrux is from Harry Potter. I know. But he's a he's a famously Joss Whedon's famously abusive as a female, even though he was told it as being like the best writer for female characters for a long time. Like that was his. Well, that's how he gets into their headspace as he hits them and tells them they're shitty.
00:51:38
Speaker
And then he can write a woman perfectly. Exactly. And then you get Charisma Carpenter. I gotta break you down before I can build you up. If he was so... So he couldn't have been so bad for the whole time? Because she went to multiple of his shows. Uh, work. Money. Oh, I guess. I mean sometimes you take the lesser of evils. It wasn't hard. Weinstein. Exactly. Well, he's abusing me, but all he does is yell at me and tell me I'm a piece of shit. He doesn't try to have sex with me with a piece of shit. ah Oh, a frozen piece of shit. No, sorry. Harvey Weinstein's dick is a piece of shit. Oh, a frozen piece of shit. He can't get hard. and But so he has this conversation. We find out about the Necronomicon and stuff, which you've already discussed. He goes back to his office in Olivia or no, he goes back to his office to go get drunk and fall asleep. Yeah. who
00:52:26
Speaker
Dude, he's got cabinet. So I got a question in cabinets. I've got a question for you. So we're comparing this to Roger Rabbit. Well, they did. So that means I am now. So Eddie Valiant has a Murphy bed. Yes. Fred Ward has a couch bed. Uh huh. Which one is cooler? Which one is scuzzier? Murphy beds cooler. Yep. Is it also scuzzier, though? Yes, it depends on I don't know, man. Neither these guys are putting their shit away. They're just folding it up. I mean, is he folding it up? not that we see also the color of his tank top his undershirt is not white anymore that is yeller i don't know if any valance is white either we see him wash his laundry in the sink i don't know i would prefer Murphy bed. You're talking to which one's like more or less scuzzy. Like if you're i it's like when he has when he has Julianne Moore stay over later, is it scuzzier to pull fold out the couch for sex or to pull down the Murphy bed? for sex It's it's scuzzier to pull out the couch. OK, if she's coming home with me, she's not sober. We've also she knows. She already knows she's been there. Oh, OK. So we've been drinking. I guarantee you, if I pull a Murphy bed out of my filing cabinet, she'd be like, oh, my God. Exactly. And if you're on the couch, too much shit spills on the couch.
00:53:42
Speaker
Especially if this is your house and you either have a bed or a couch like he is dropping hambered drunk in this place on he's pissed on this couch like at i would Best he spilled a bunch of whiskey on it. So pulled down the bed and there's nothing in there I mean, I think they're both skies if you're talking to somebody that always thought that he would have a Murphy bed because I saw it in movies and and Roger Rabbit type things I'm like, I want that I know. And also I'm thinking about the Murphy esque type bed from multi bass. Oh, yeah. Where it is fucking remakes itself. Uh huh. I think a Murphy bed would be great now. It's just the problem is I'm like, well, I do want like a.
00:54:21
Speaker
a king size bed with like the adjustable frame. All the bells and whistles. You're pulling this Murphy bed out like you unlatched the thing and it just crushes you. Why does my Murphy bed weigh 400 pounds? I guess this is my death bed. But so she comes and wakes him up and he takes her to breakfast. It's morning somewhere in the world. I want this breakfast. This is a big old sloppy. What is this hat she's wearing? Kentucky Derby. 1940 round derby. But it's not like the whole top cut from the top of it. Oh, was it? Or it's her hair. It's a visor. Right? It's just an all around visor? She's going golfing later. Well, sorry. Frolfing. Frolfing.
00:55:02
Speaker
We're not getting get into frothing again. Just accept it is it. How sexual does that sound? Look, we're not going to froth, all right? I mean, I'd froth with you. That sounds like a goofy way to have sex. First, we're going to hump, then we're going to froth. It has something to do with like twisting penises, but putting a ball through the middle. Oh, God. I was thinking of frog style. That's like, that's something else. That's the twin tether ball. I knocked down the twin tethers. And definitely was screaming. Tugwell is waiting at this breakfast place. Speaking of tying dicks together, Tugwell's here. Do you think he tugs well?
00:55:40
Speaker
No, it's a family name. His grandfather got his way into this country by tugging. And he pays off this diner guy to basically give Fred Ward this piece of paper that has some quote unquote runes on it. Yeah. I don't understand how this works because like so the runes are what's going to make the demon target you. Fred Ward didn't touch the runes, just the paper. Correct. As soon as he picks it up. So I think what he wanted, what what Tugwell was expecting was he was not gonna look at the check, like he was just gonna grab the check and look at it and then, oh, you already touched the runes. But what happened was he just kind of picked it up daintily for whatever reason, touched the paper, saw the runes and then started grilling the guy. Because he he lives in a world of magic and so he's cautious. I was like, hey they're all touching it. all these people have Everyone's touching the paper. Okay, that makes sense though, I didn't think about that. But that one, that poor cook. I'm kind of just trying to do some work.
00:56:30
Speaker
Oh, that dishwasher. Well, the dishwasher at least gets a show. Yeah, he doesn't get hurt. He's but there's so there's a fight in the kitchen. Fred Ward is fighting this fat diner guy. If I stay this close to you, it's going to happen to you. Yeah, exactly. The cook is joining in. He's knocking everybody out. And I love that like Fred Ward is holding the paper and says something in the diner. The guy is like, just just. Was like just touch the runes or whatever and he like grabs it out of his hand Oh the the dishwasher tries to take the paper. Yeah, and the diner owner grabs it and he's like, oh fuck god damn it And then yeah, this pot starts boiling the sides are busting out, which is pretty this is a fun effect. This is really cool This is one of the better ones in the whole movie. Yeah, it is and this like
00:57:11
Speaker
ah It's like the logo from Birdhouse, the Tony Hawk skate company. Yeah, I was going to go with like a baby Bambi skeleton. It's a pterodactyl. It's a pterodactyl skeleton. Yeah, it's a lesser demon, we find out. It comes out of this disgusting pot. I understand that this pot is turning into a demon hole. But as it starts boiling, they cut to it and the sides are already covered in shit. Yeah. Like the handles are. that I'm like, well, that's not new. It's a 1948 greasy spoon diner. Dude, there's no health department.
Humorous Diner Incident and Supernatural Police Station
00:57:45
Speaker
That's fair. like I got a little sick off that food day here yesterday, but did you die? No. All right. A bowl of chili. Well, it goes somewhere else tomorrow, pal, because it's the same chili. We've been having this batch going for four years. You'll be back.
00:57:59
Speaker
You'll be one one trip to the hospital. You'll be back. He kills it. It's fine. Yeah. But he kills the diner guy. Fred Ward and the the dishwasher here lock it in the freezer, which I guess is enough to stop it. Well, I think they just needed enough time because in the paper burns up. Oh, because it wouldn't rampage on everybody. That would hurt the person that cast it if he stayed there. It was still alive because the diner guy was still alive because we see him get up and come running at them. It's like science. And then he dies. He just falls over again. Good blood on him, too. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah I freaking love that makeup. as So we go to the police station where they're because Fred Ward and Olivia have to go there to make their report about this diner guy getting mutilated. ah Luckily in this world, magic exists because I've watched so many things recently where I was like, well, I can't we can't tell people what happened. They'll think we're crazy as you're walking to the police station to have all kinds of weirder occult things going on. There's that lady.
00:58:55
Speaker
There's a little person being like say on the media exactly what Whitney said. She's got a planchette for a Ouija board. Like they're all it's very fun. There's people just like lifting files out of cabinets and like floating them away. yeah The typewriter is typing itself. So this whole movie like bartenders are making martinis with floating shakers and things like that. ye Yeah, I did like at the train station earlier. There was a person walking through and there was like three or four suitcases just floating behind them. Fuck. Yeah. I was like, that seems easy. So I'll tell you what, I'll start traveling again when magic is that I can snap and be somewhere else. um Yes, please. Like if I can blink teleport, dude.
00:59:33
Speaker
Well, you're in position. Just imagine just imagine leaving Vegas super hungover and be like, all right, I'm ready to be in my bed. Oh, they can't allow that to happen because that mean I didn't pull my Murphy bed down. I just hit my ass on the ground again. and There's too many people who'd be weird about it. Like, oh, I have to get to Herman. Yeah. Wait, what is this guy doing here? What is that guy doing here? But that's why you need. That's why you need. What do you call it? Charms, fetishes, you know, things like that. I think that's the problem is he has fetishes. But this is where they're interrogating the werewolf. The werewolf was played by a guy that was in that movie Spaced Invaders. You keep talking about. Oh, OK. It's a guy named James. You talk about it 13 times in a week and you keep talking about it. He played a clown. I don't know if that's a normal, like a main character or a normal thing. It's probably one of the trick or treaters. OK, I don't know. I just saw Spaced Invaders and I was like, yeah, it was that one. He's also a guy that does effects. So I don't know. He might have worked on this, but I didn't notice this one. It wasn't on his like it was harder to find because he had a lot of effects. So he did do effects for species that could only be excellent. He could only get a credit for one thing. So he wanted to be no credit for getting coffee. No, they weren't going to pay him for that.
01:00:48
Speaker
I do. He's talking. Fred Ward is talking to Bradbury after they take out the the werewolf and he's like, you want a drink? What are we drinking to? Nothing. Just drinking. Don't don't sit there. You're covering a fur. ah I say that at my house a lot. But he's trying to convince him to come back to the force and he doesn't want to. And so they turn it into an interior i' back to the false. Sorry. Come back to the force. You can't say it without doing you in. I do like what he's asking him, though. He's like, hey, does this client you're working for have a name? He just blows smoke out. He's like, yes. Yeah.
01:01:22
Speaker
ah that's a good ah we can do this the easy way in hardway no He's actually got a good 50s weight. This doesn't have to be a trip to the dentist. That's right. It doesn't have to be like pulling teeth and he won't answer. So he puts the light on. He's like, cool. I could use the overtime. Have it your way. And he still never answers. And he gets rescued by fake Tim Meadows. Uh-huh. For a second, I was like, Tim Meadows. No, it did. I was thinking the same. But you know what, though? It's 91. So Tim Meadows now has that beautiful salt and pepper. 91 Tim Meadows was no salt. He's just looking like the Tim Meadows I've seen in various Star Wars stuff. his Star Wars. That's I was like he was playing some kind of official something. something But he also was the principal in the whole holdovers.
01:02:06
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Holdovers, yeah. So you've seen him in a couple of things recently. So the witch, this is her cousin, so they save him. She's telling him, Fred Ward, like, you got to leave town, something, something, alignment, planets, something,
Apocalypse Plans and Fred Ward's Humor
01:02:20
Speaker
something. I'm going to Miami. Yep. um Even though if this alignment happens and everything happens, the whole world is destroyed. So I don't know why you wouldn't notice in Florida. Why would you? Yeah, I guess that's fair. I was about to say, why would you want to spend the apocalypse in Florida? I am going to go to the place that is so fucked up that no one's going to notice the hell opened up on Earth. But it's going to Yuma. It's not just Florida. It's Miami. Are you telling me if someone was like, hey, let's go to Florida or hey, let's go to Miami when you'd be like, all right. All right.
01:02:48
Speaker
All right, she knows that it's the end of days. I'm going to go out in a bikini and coaxed out of my mind. Yep. I know a guy named Tony.
01:02:58
Speaker
I also know a guy named Bernie. He's got a place around there. Yeah, that's kind of like leading to that. He's like, I'm not leaving. I got a job to do. He takes Olivia home. ah David Warner's pissed that she was hanging out with Fred Ward. He's like you fucking my daughter basically. Yeah. Fucking my daughter. No, she's 16. I'm the only person in this fucking town that seems to notice that. Yeah, everybody's all about her nuts. I mean, I think it's this thing that's always that's always been lost on me and maybe probably Derek too, but like an older thing was a virginal female was the sexiest thing an older guy could think of, right?
01:03:32
Speaker
Like that is something but that sounds absolutely awful to me. It's claiming steak. oh it's odd I'd rather eat a steak. Yeah, I had a collection of virgin. Well, I mean, different, a little bit different. We're not talking about formaldehyde jars, dude. We're talking about. I don't want to know what's in your basement. But no, it's just in my basement. It's this thing. I found the secret door. Damn it. I need to move it. from You had to say the line that nobody would ever say. No, thank you. I've had enough whiskey. Door just pops open. um Oh, oh. Let's close it now. He's talking a bunch of shit to him. ah Fred Ward is and the or the David Warner is talking shit to Fred Ward and Fred Ward is just like, look, do I come around here and tell you how to abuse your servants? Yeah, which is kind of like my favorite thing, which is like, do I go to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth? Uh huh. But it's it's more for your job until you had to give a hand job. Hey, a job is still a job. but We get that in this movie kind of.
01:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, we get a hand job kinda. That's a hand job joke. I don't think I wrote it down though. No, it was something about the ah job at hand. Oh, yeah. then right it Well, tell you turn it into a Tugwell a hand job joke just waiting to happen. Yeah, that's fair. My right hand man is in Tugwell.
01:04:45
Speaker
I didn't think about the right hand man aspect. So then Lovecraft goes back to his office and now Connie is waiting there and he's like, can I just come home without some femme fatale hanging out in my fucking- Some fucking dame in my office before that. But when he leaves homeboy, he gives him all the information he needed to continue his world domination plan. Because he he tells him, he's like, oh, it was Larry and. Curly early and Moe. Curly and Moe all stole your Necronomicon. The three stooges stole it, and they're going to sell it to Clancy Brown. And that's when he's like, oh.
01:05:21
Speaker
Oh, you've been extremely helpful. Thank you. Thank you. I'll keep your services. So because that's what happens. I was confused at the end why these two are working together. And that's what it was. it like You gave me the idea. Clancy Brown doesn't know enough magic, isn't good enough in magic to use this book maybe. So he's like, look, i'll I'll give you the book back, but I get to be the king of hell. Pretty much. That's kind of what happened. Yeah. OK. That makes sense. Because I also was like they were working together at some point. So he stole it just to ransom it then? Or he stole it was like, oh, I think he stole it because I think Clancy Brown wanted it because he was going to he was just like, I could use this to be powerful. And then Henshaw was like called up Clancy. I was like, yo.
01:06:01
Speaker
I will help you. I will. You can be the king of this world. I need my book back. I need my book. I need to ascend. It was ah Larry and Morris Day or whoever that stole it to try to just ransom it. Right. Wasn't it more? It was it was Lily, li Larry, Lily is the one person and Mikey. Mickey like Mickey Mouse. Yes, Mickey Mouse. OK. OK, so they were they were just idiots. So Clancy and Hacksaw, Jim Dugan were already working together. No. No. No, that's what I was saying. We're not working together. I think this is where they I don't know. Turns out.
01:06:38
Speaker
No one who wrote the script. No, yeah, he says it at the end. He was like, I didn't even have the idea until you put it in my head that it was a God that Clancy wanted it. And so I called him up and I partnered with him. So he wants to be the king of hell. The long run thing is that we know Hackshaw has been planning on doing this at least. He just needed his book back because he's been keeping his virgin daughter. He's got a little baby. He had to marry her mother. Yeah, he even says with disdain, I had to live with her mother. He's got a Cthulhu monster in his aquarium. Yeah, we don't see which is disappointing. Maybe the sequel cuz he goes what you're gonna feed your squid he look It is not a squid. It's not a squid But so Connie Julianne Moore is at the office they do a little back back and forth chitchat they fuck and Oh, yeah part of the movie. Oh, yeah but We don't see it. Oh, no
01:07:29
Speaker
It's not Skinemax. It's HBO. Come on. It's like they're old that's like their old tagline. It's not television. It's HBO, except for they're like, put away your dick. It's not Skinemax. It's HBO. HBO nowadays shows all kinds of dick. Yeah. Wiener, wiener, wiener, wiener, wiener, wiener. Blood and wiener, blood and wiener. Hey, have you guys ever heard of Patreon?
Podcast Promotion and Financial Support
01:07:52
Speaker
I think I have. Yeah, I think it's like a royal guard. It's that maybe, but also it's a website where podcasters and other creators can get people to give them money for making their product go on. You mean we can get paid for this? Yeah, kinda. For a mere three dollars a month, you loyal listener can feed or get drunk a starving podcaster. I feel like we need some like Sarah McLaughlin behind this. I will remember you. I almost did with arms wide open. I was like, that's not the song. That's how you get people to not give you money. So check it out. Patreon.com slash worst people. That's W O R S E three dollars a month. You get access to exclusive episodes. Find us. Love us. Support us. Thank you.
01:08:38
Speaker
But so then this is when the witch gives him a magic bracelet, which I guess doesn't really come to anything. So it's supposed to protect his heart. So maybe it is the thing that controls the zombie. Yeah, something I don't know. And he's also assigned Grimaldi, the cop, to watch Olivia because he was Grimaldi was trying to fuck Olivia at the police precinct. Yeah. When he keeps saying that wants him to watch her to keep her safe. He keeps saying the weird fifties lines like what about that sweet tomato you were with earlier? Did she 16? Yeah. And you're married. We didn't know, but it doesn't matter. Even if you're single, this guy is conservatively a hard twenty four. And that's where we get the Grimaldi's all around the mulberry bush. Grimaldi chases the Virgin. yeah Yeah, because she finds him.
01:09:23
Speaker
Almost shoots him with an arrow while she's hunting unicorns. Apparently, there's a lot of them out here. Uh-huh. And she takes him back to the house. And that's kind of the last we see of them until the end of the movie. Yeah. But it's important. I had thought that um ah Fred Ward put Grimaldi on it intentionally, knowing your horn dog. Because I kind of called it as soon as Clancy Brown says, you got to have this. You got to have this. You got to make sure you have you a virgin, which is hard to find a virgin Hollywood. Otherwise, the whole thing blows up in your face. I'm like, well, she's gonna get fucked. And then that's when he said Grimaldi can follow her. I was like, oh, there it is. He did that on purpose. But he didn't. But he did not. He's like, you shitty dog. You dirty dog.
Failed Summoning and Unexpected Victory
01:10:04
Speaker
You horny piece of shit. You just saved the earth. You saved the world by fucking a 16 year old. Don't tell my wife. Don't tell my wife. Baby, I had to.
01:10:14
Speaker
Cthulhu was coming. The world depended on it. I had to banger. He finds Lily like this is the whole part where we reveal that Lily is Larry or whatever his name is. Just by taking her arrow. And when they're in the hotel room, but when he's in Lily's hotel room, she's telling him about, or I guess it's he because it's Larry. Yeah. He's telling him about how they're trying to summon the outsiders, which is like Cthulhu and the other elder gods and whatnot. The gargoyle bursts in and starts attacking them and Fred Ward tries to shoot it and his gun is empty. Oh, is it? Yeah. Or did he shoot out all of his rounds? He shot it. He shot all the rounds. It was just fucking rick. I mean, you're shooting a stone gargoyle. Yeah. So I know at some point he was shooting with an empty gun. Yeah, that that ended up happening after getting a sick shot. So he kicks it in the nuts instead. Which worked. Yeah, much more effective. But we don't want to skip over the death because this gargoyle like just fucking across the room punches through this human. This is where we get. The punching through them. There's John Connie shows up for some reason, like when all this is going down and then they end up going she back with him. And she he said stay in the office she was in the lobby. That's right. Oh, yeah. because And they end up going back to her palatial hotel room estate, whatever this is. um And Borden, who is Clancy Brown, Clancy Brown, Tugwell and the zombie are all there to talk about the stooges because she called him in the lobby.
01:11:39
Speaker
Yeah. And Tugwell gets drowned in a hot tub or a bathtub. He failed. He failed. He failed to get the book. I just like that. He's like, he's like, hey, boss, wait. And the zombie stops and he's like, can we talk about this? He's like, no, no. Dunk like what a bad way to die. Like you're getting drowned. Sure. But you literally can't do anything about it. Like you're just being held upside down by a zombie. by A huge freaking office building. So this is when everything like they take them back out to these houses that we didn't really mention earlier. It doesn't really matter. There was a new construction housing. That's where the like the the portal is.
01:12:19
Speaker
And it's how he found out about the Lily, Larry, Mikey situation, Mickey. But we find out on the drive that Clancy Brown is now working with Hackshaw to summon the evil gods. He does have like Fred Ward's always got a zippy one liner and most of them aren't good. ah But Clancy Brown has a good one back to him. He's like, you're a funny guy. Maybe your last words will be a scream. ha Oh, I get it. I didn't get it then. Oh, OK. See, I was as soon as I heard it, I was like, oh, he's going to throw that back in Clancy Brown's face in a little bit when Clancy Brown's last words are scream. But no. But no. And if this if they don't succeed in this event tonight with the alignment of the wrong planets in the right place or whatever they said, let's get another six hundred and sixty six years. Very specific. Very specific.
01:13:05
Speaker
So you got it you got to get it right and you need a virgin otherwise like you said It'll all blow up in your face. No virgin big bad a boom Look, if she's a virgin, it doesn't blow up in your face, trust me. What? Trust me. Excuse me? Trust me, I'm a magic cop. So, this monster that gets called upon. Stripped down turtle. Well, before it comes out, Clancy Brown gets murdered, so we'll just mention that real quick. Yeah, she shoots him. He asks Julianne Moore. He dies for the whimper, not a scream. He asks Julianne Moore for a kiss for good luck, and she kisses him and shoots him and says, good luck. The old love gun. That's terrible. That's terrible. So this is a little 22? No.
01:13:44
Speaker
No, but she has here. This is what I want. Yeah. Yeah. Much closer to that. The 380. Yeah. Yeah. So he summons up. Well, before before that, we find out that she's actually the reason that Clancy Brown stopped being a cop in the first place. Oh, yeah. So she was the dirty one on the beginning. It all begins with a dame. Yeah. There we go. Oh, call it back. Yeah, it was because she tells Fred Ward you never you could never seem to learn that a good cop is a poor cop or something like that. He knew that an honest cop was a poor cop, or that they're the same thing. Honest cop, that's the word I was looking for. Yeah. When he does start, the hack shop starts this summoning ceremony. This fucking gargoyle. Hack shop Jim Williams. Whoever this actor is is just going to town. Ham and cheese. On top of this building, just dancing back and forth, like doing fucking electric grapevine. Doing it, Jim, dude. I don't know. I would say if you're in this costume, give them as much as you can. They'll edit out anything they don't want.
01:14:41
Speaker
Yeah. But do this. At one point he does like a full on line dance. Yeah, by inside himself. But he does all the steps. Line dancing is what they called it in the 80s. It's just dancing start dancing. It's just my dancer. ah The earth opens up and this wet butthole turtle Slime thing comes out of it someone listening might even know there's probably a very Lovecraftian name for this exact creature when They say something right before like it's those So many fucking names what is said dad and there ten thousand goats no there's There's one of these goats has a thousand offspring
01:15:18
Speaker
Yeah, the plan is that this is the only one I know is Cthulhu. Yeah, so that's the one I know. That's most people are very ah well versed with tentacle head. And you know what? This thing looks OK. Like it's it looks like a decent monster. It can't articulate. Well, an elder God. And it just looks like a beached turtle. I'm thinking different, dude. I'm thinking this is the ah just the doorway to the elder gods. It. eats the virgin and opens up into whatever else can come through. Okay. a This guy instead, because she's not a virgin, and what happened was... I'm hungry. Yeah. No, it's like... It's a punishment it's for offering and not a virgin. Every 666 years, it comes up for one snack.
01:16:03
Speaker
And then if you don't give them the right snack, it eats you. Oh, okay. I like that. I was like, because it had hurt, it was like not clean enough. I thought it was just like punishment. Like, well, fuck you, I'll eat you then. That's what I think. That's what you're saying. Look, you're basically a virgin at this point. Last time you had sex was 16 years ago. No, I think that's exactly it, though, is a punishment. Because it's sniffed like, no, it doesn't smell like Hyman. I'll take your ass, Hyman. Get it over here. We call that a behind. But there is like a whole celebration, basically, of Fred Ward being like, you dirty, filthy pedophile. You did it. You saved the Earth. You did it, you pedo.
01:16:40
Speaker
Roman Polanski, you did it again. You old chomo you. Did you fuck that 16 year old? Get over here. Have a smoke on. They're going to erect and he does like the whole I'm going to pantomime guys who erect. He shoves his forearm in the air and puts his hand on his bicep to make a hard on almost like fuck you movement in the. Yeah. What about Noah's Ark? What do you do? Just form in the air and goes, all right. He never put your magic fizz in the air and went, ah. And that's pretty much the end of the movie. There's some wrap up stuff, but none of it matters. It really doesn't. He sits in the back of a fucking car with Julian Moore. We cracked up because Julian Moore opens the back of the car and sits there like, what? That's not how how this works. That's not how cars work. But then we figured out women just can't drive back then.
01:17:27
Speaker
You literally have to get out of here. There's no one to drive the car for me. Zombie's dead. Guess I'll just wait. Yeah, the zombie just died out of nowhere. It was his time. His magic stuff is over. His magic stuff is new-ish, it seems like, because it wasn't there before. So it might have something to do with this. So this is 48? It came back from the Pacific. It came back from World War II. so it's very gremlins and whatnot it's yeah like they they specifically say pacific they specifically say specifically say the pacific Lee but that's the end of that movie so going around the horn does anybody recommend this movie wife
01:18:05
Speaker
Um, honestly, I don't care. I'm not going to. You don't even care about your own recommendation. No, I wouldn't recommend there. There's some funny shit. yeah It's Jack's caveats. and It's all living to me then. Yes, I'm leaving them to you. Stop stealing all my things. ah Let's go take him first then. But no, it's I have to put on Jack's caveats. It was only entertaining because I had somebody I could laugh with. Yeah, yeah. I'll say the same thing. like I wouldn't have enjoyed watching this alone. I do recommend it because I love Fred Ward and I think there's a fun world here. He was amazing in it. Oh, he's great. Fred Ward is is but not carrying this movie, but he's doing the best in this movie. He is. He's carrying it. Oh yeah, caveats. With friends, alcohol has always helps, maybe fun and drinking game. But yeah, I recommend it if you don't have to spend money on it. Every time they say everybody uses magic, take a shot. Oh man, you're gonna die.
01:18:56
Speaker
Is this hard to find? Yeah, it's on Max. It's on Hulu with Max, Prime with Max. Besides my classic caveats. So it's on Max. Fred Ward fans. Yes. Yeah, and if you really want, it's, you know, it's $399 to rent, $999 to buy on most of the platforms, too. So if you don't have Max. Oh, and it looked good. It did look good. It looked great. Like there was, it did not look like a 91 upscale. No, it did not. It was good. It was widescreen and everything. I was expecting square frame. You bet. Grainy image. Yeah, I mean, I yeah, I'll have to do a soft recommend kind of with both of you guys. Like, yeah, it'd be fun. We couldn't partake in drinking very much because we have another recording to do immediately after this. I think it would have been more fun with more alcohol. Was I supposed to slow down? Yeah, I had to stop because I was getting drunk earlier in this episode. So I was like, eh.
01:19:44
Speaker
I'm going to lean into it. I made a news resolution to do more drugs and alcohol and I'm getting it. I'm getting an early start, guys. So that'll be it for this episode. Thank you guys for joining us. Don't forget to check out our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash
Conclusion and Lovecraft's Phobias
01:19:58
Speaker
worst people. It's only three dollars a month. You get a bunch of cool shit. And all the shit you've heard us mention in the past, it's all there. You're not just getting this month for three dollars. You get all of it. So go do that. Also, rate and review the show. I haven't said this in a while, but if you guys rate and review wherever you listen to it, it helps to increase people finding us, which means more listeners, which means we can create more content because maybe we'll make a couple of bucks and I can buy some new shit. Exactly. Maybe I can finally get those shoes my feet need.
01:20:29
Speaker
Thank you to Evasion for our opening and closing music. I have been Derek. I'm still Whitney. I'm Jackie. It's over for a lot of people, including us. Good night. That was the last line of the movie.
01:21:09
Speaker
Well, he was also terrified of sea creatures. Yeah, I went on an air conditioner and air conditioning. We learned that today. Whitney Googled HP Lovecraft and we learned that he was afraid of air conditioning and immigrants. But as I pointed out, much like people from the south, I mean, it's early air conditioning, so it would be terrifying sitting there in a hot day like the fuck is that? what is it pump What kind of magic is pumping into the air to make it cool in here? And also, to be fair, to be the coolant they were using back then was probably giving everybody cancer. True, he was right. He's also afraid of this thing called asbestos. That fool.