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EP. 70 Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
19 Plays1 month ago
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Transcript
Outrageous Opening and Podcast Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca Heedron. I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Two Guys One Screen Podcast, aka the Poetown Boys, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies. Gerald's doing a Sigh Heil.
00:01:06
Speaker
That's not okay. No, I'm not. o I'm just kidding. ah We are here. My name is Nick, and we are here for a Vault episode.
00:01:20
Speaker
Vault. Vault. Which is what some girls call their punanis. Yeah? I'm gonna fucking rape you so you better give me a vasectomy? I'm gonna fucking stretch you. I'm gonna fucking tear a hole in the surface like in Superman.
00:01:37
Speaker
I'm gonna fucking send my dick to a different dimension. yeah I bet you want to see my black hole, you dirty fuck. It's a fucking stink star. Yeah.
00:01:51
Speaker
You want me to lick your bedpan, you filthy skunk? Lick your bedpan? What?
00:02:01
Speaker
Lick your bedpan? Yeah. That's disgusting. Oh, oh boy. Well, we're here for KKK. Not that kind of KKK, you horrible people. There's not even a third you a here.
Movie Review: Killer Clowns from Outer Space
00:02:14
Speaker
we're we're We're here to review a movie called Killer Clowns from Outer Space. This has been on the list of movies to record for a very long time. And we had a free gaping hole to fill and we put our dicks in there and got them squeezed.
00:02:32
Speaker
Yeah. And we're finally getting around to it. I love this movie. Nick is like lukewarm. I've seen it three more times than I've needed to. That's fucked up.
00:02:45
Speaker
This is a pre 9-11, pre Crispin Wawa movie. Yeah, Crispin Wawa was probably still baby. In 1988? There's no shot.
00:03:03
Speaker
he was only 10 years old. He was 9. eighty eight yeah he was yeah he was only ten years old he was nine Oh, so it's not Google Gaga, but if you fucked it wouldn't be okay right?
00:03:21
Speaker
um This is before the steroid use destroyed his brain and gave him CTE. This is before his first suplex. Before his first thought of suicide. This is the point he was.
00:03:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. He hadn't even popped a girl's chair yet. He probably wanted to be a wrestler, but he probably didn't think about killing his family yet. If I didn't have a family yet.
00:03:47
Speaker
Why is Killer Clowns not coming up? On Letterboxd, it's here. I'm looking at it. 1988 by Stephen Chode. It's Kyoto. Kyoto.
00:03:59
Speaker
Who yeah literally made nothing else, but did the visual effects for some good movies. How about we try to do Plug it in, plug it in.
Social Media Shoutout & Off-color Humor
00:04:08
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, 2Guys1ScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests at 2Guys1ScreenPod at gmail.com.
00:04:15
Speaker
Follow us on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail. 5088. Fist us. Fist me, please. 5088. Dip tip. yeah like Can't paint for fun.
00:04:26
Speaker
Six minute limit because I don't even last that long. Me neither. Follow us on YouTube. TikToks. Give us a fucking comment. Tell us how bad we suck at this. We're terrible.
00:04:40
Speaker
Tell us how a racist, sexist pieces of shit. Call me a pig while you squirt on me. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Show me your abortion.
00:04:51
Speaker
I don't know. Let me give you a coat hanger abortion because I'm hungry. I'm hungry? What the fuck?
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah. Call me a killer clown while I'm dicking you down. Follow other podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, you want it. Roger, Roger.
00:05:15
Speaker
We'll fucking give it to you. And all that will in the description. Click it, stick it, click it. I don't know what I'm going to do, but we're here and we're in the future, bitch.
00:05:26
Speaker
We recorded and recorded Killer Clowns months ago, and we're here the day before this recording comes out to go over the horror bracket. But there's just a couple other things we need to get to first.
00:05:39
Speaker
So, Gerald, I mean, he start you started off air, and I was like, let's just start recording. Let's just get it all on film or ah audio because we're we're supposed to we were supposed to record tomorrow.
00:05:51
Speaker
I mean, we still are recording tomorrow. We're recording a banger tomorrow. Right. Yeah. ah we We're supposed to record fan-requested movie bob by none other my slut-ass cousin.
00:06:05
Speaker
She's getting fucking downgraded to fucking whore. Like, you are like... ah How dare you... How dare you! How dare you request this atrocity?
00:06:18
Speaker
Yeah. Clash of the Titans from 1981. What? you Did you finish it or you turned it off? you did I got halfway through this fucking piece of shit.
00:06:29
Speaker
Oh my god. Listen. I'm listening.
00:06:35
Speaker
First of all, I don't even know i if I would have been able to get through it if it was a 4K, right? But Warner Brothers, you need to get your shit together, okay? This is the worst yeah use of a Blu-ray disc that I've ever seen in my entire life, all right? I'm sure.
00:06:53
Speaker
If I can't see what's going on, not because
Critique of Visual Effects in Clash of the Titans
00:06:56
Speaker
it's like dark, dimly lit, but because it looks like I'm watching it on a VHS through a potato... We have a fucking problem.
00:07:05
Speaker
but okay that's a that's a big That's a big issue. Big problem. now And I get it. Maybe you recommended this because it has some you know practical effects. I love Ray Harryhausen. He's the GOAT. If you haven't seen Jason... If you haven't seen the 1957 Sinbad...
00:07:23
Speaker
hu so haven't seen like the nineteen fifty seven sin bad Also kind of bad, but Ray Harryhausen is the goat when it comes to stop motion.
00:07:36
Speaker
the Is that your new penis name? Girl, you want to see
00:07:48
Speaker
When I see guys, yeah, i showed Ray my Harryhausen.
00:07:54
Speaker
I'm gay. Look, the stop motion's cool, right? But they got one scene, right? Mm-hmm. Where, yeah I forget her name, Andromeda, maybe? I forget that, I think that's her name. didn't look at my piece and go, that's gotta be Harry. That's gotta be Harry.
00:08:10
Speaker
So, like, it's it starts as, like, stop motion, right? Stop motion creature, like, creeping up on this bitch, right? ah And then when it gets close up to his face, it's a dude in some of the worst prosthetics I've ever seen. He can barely move his mouth because the prosthetics are so AIDS.
00:08:28
Speaker
His mouth. His mo mouth. He looks like... If you made Lando Calrissian into like a fucking beast, you know what i mean? Like from X-Men.
00:08:43
Speaker
Wasn't what I was thinking of, but yes, take Lando Calrissian with the stash and all take a black guy and make him beast. All right. Yeah. Which, why didn't they do that? Disney shame on you.
00:08:54
Speaker
Shame on you. Yeah. Make it a black guy.
00:08:59
Speaker
This might be the most I've talked in a pod episode in a consistent, like, span, but I just want you to know. Right? I think this is your i think this is your evil When Evil Lurch rant.
00:09:11
Speaker
You might be banned from requesting movies. Ooh, banned? I'm just... Bro. You think we're gonna banner? No, we're not gonna banner. Shout out banners.
00:09:25
Speaker
We're not shouting out banners. Fuck that place. Okay, fuck them. Yeah.
00:09:31
Speaker
Like, ah so first of all, I should have known it was a problem when it wasn't streaming and you had to rent it. Right. Like that's.
00:09:40
Speaker
I don't know if that's i don't if that's a red flag, because like a lot I feel like nowadays Netflix doesn't have like movies. It's like shit. It's like all their own self-produced shit. And like no one wants to watch that garbage.
00:09:51
Speaker
Netflix, no, but I got everything. All right. Yeah. Max sometimes has them. Max is low-key. got some
Streaming Services and Movie Availability
00:09:58
Speaker
bangers. You know what's got some yeah like hitters? Amazon. Yeah. No one goes on Amazon Prime Video.
00:10:04
Speaker
I do. Really? I see it. Yeah. that's how that's one Last year, I went fucking hard in the paint. was just on Amazon Prime just scrolling through movies. Yeah. They got some heaters on there. Low-key. The problem is if you go too far down the rabbit hole, you end up at like Mother Krampus 4. And it's like, what the fuck are we doing?
00:10:20
Speaker
Yeah. Like some things that you should only see on Tubi. Right. Yeah. But shut up Tubi. Like we got fucking talking shields, like a shield that you hold. I'm talking about, right? It talks, it talks.
00:10:32
Speaker
It's got like a vision. He's like, Hey, turn around. And it's just like this guy's face, like really shittily projected onto this thing. Like I can see why they remade this. I didn't get to Medusa.
00:10:43
Speaker
The person I wanted to see, i didn't get there yet. Was that Maggie Smith? I don't think so. Maggie Smith in this movie is like one of Zeus's little hoes.
00:10:58
Speaker
You sent me a Snapchat of the cover this, and you're like, yo, I read the back. This sounds pretty decent, and now we're here. No, because... I don't blame you. I'm not saying you're wrong.
00:11:09
Speaker
Look, there's a reason that they do this, right? On the back is nothing but Ray Harryhausen effects, and it looks great. I didn't see this scorpion. My fucking piece. I didn't get to the scorpion.
00:11:19
Speaker
I didn't get to the two-headed dog.
00:11:23
Speaker
That must be in the last 30 minutes. It's Clash of the Titans. I'm an hour in, and I haven't seen a fucking titan. Oh, man. Unless you count Pegasus. I still kind of want to watch this, though.
00:11:36
Speaker
It's that bad?
00:11:40
Speaker
I'm telling you, I am not... now i'm knowing I'm not... I can't do this to myself. If you like this, that's, you know... That's concerning? No, props, right?
00:11:51
Speaker
If you can see decades before 2010's new version of the tale, they're plugging the remake on the Blu-ray of this. That's fair.
00:12:03
Speaker
That's how bad it is. boy I haven't seen it yet, but I do kind of want to watch it so can call my cousin and fucking dickhead. This film has been remastered utilizing state-of-the-art digital technology.
00:12:16
Speaker
They asked a crackhead to do it. They had to have. It's gotta to be. It's gotta be a fucking crackhead. That's gotta be, that's gotta Kane! Wait, Harry Houser, is it Harry Houser or Harry Hamlin?
00:12:32
Speaker
Harry Housen. Who's Harry Hamlin? That's the guy that plays Perseus. There just happens to be two Harrys. Harry. Harry. Harry Hamlin Harry. harryring is Show me your housing, Harry. Yeah. yeah Harry Hamlin is Perseus.
00:12:56
Speaker
Look at him Harry Hamlin. He plays Perseus. That guy's a piece, though. He's a piece? Give him the button. Yeah, give him the button. Shot to Harry and his Hamlin.
00:13:08
Speaker
Right. What about Harry like Houser? Is he a piece? I've never seen him. Oh. He's a special effects guy. I just want to the picture. Yeah, Harry. Ray Harryhausen. What a name. Yeah.
00:13:20
Speaker
Old dude. Oh, he's probably dead. I think he is dead. He was born 1920, so I'm thinking he's dead.
00:13:30
Speaker
um any Anything else say about this movie besides we're not doing it? So here, if you think that you, if you think, if you watch it and you say, hey, I think I can get something out of this, then down the line.
00:13:44
Speaker
It's just, but the thing is that if either of us is lukewarm on a movie, it just doesn't, it's just not a recording that we're going to do. You're probably right.
00:13:55
Speaker
I am probably right.
00:13:58
Speaker
Also, should we just say now we're also just not going to do 13 going on 30? but We're not doing 13 going on 30. That got replaced. Cut this. ratwell Exactly.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah. All right. So we're to start with this one because this is not the contested one. First one, you're to fucking pissed. And honestly, I'm a little pissed too. I'm a little pissed it was this much of a blowout. You fucks are not cultured.
00:14:22
Speaker
We got It Follows vs. Dog Soldiers. Do you want to predict? me just tell you what happened. I'm assuming fucking it follows one. I'm pissed. Fucking it follows one, but I'm not mad at that it won. I'm mad that it won eight to two.
00:14:34
Speaker
Okay. That's bullshit. Dog soldier is fucking great. Yeah, but it's like, it's like a hidden gem. Don't you think it is a hidden gem, but you fucks need to do better. You want, well, you want one more werewolf.
00:14:47
Speaker
want some fucking cock, bro. That's what i want. I want some fucking beast peen. Exactly. all right. So um the next matchup that we'll go up against, it follows. We got Creepshow versus Don't Breathe.
00:15:00
Speaker
I'm hoping Don't Breathe won because we can do a lot with it. But if Creepshow won, I wouldn't be mad. That's exactly how I feel. I mean, the clip we put up, shout out Turkey Basters. And I guess that turned people away because...
00:15:16
Speaker
Creepshow won six to four. Hey, that's fine. It's a classic. It is a classic. It's a good movie. I have the steal from Scream. we maybe Creepshow will take on It Follows the next round.
00:15:29
Speaker
yeah You fucks.
00:15:33
Speaker
Don't do it. Listen, Creepshow versus It Follows. Now it's like not even a question that Creepshow is a better movie. But, but, but it would be funny if it follows made it the next round. It would be funny.
00:15:48
Speaker
If it won it all and I had to watch it. Oh man. Oh man. you I have this. I have the steel book just cause it looks really nice. It does look really nice on the wall. Doesn't it? Yeah.
00:15:59
Speaker
right. Next up. We got our main man, Henry. We got our main Brian Henry. Hey, yo, uh, Went up against Taurus Trap. ah This was a decisive victory.
00:16:11
Speaker
Henry won Yeah. I mean, Taurus Trap is another, like, I don't want to call it a gem, but it's underrated. I thought it was a giant debt movie. That's called The Taurus.
00:16:22
Speaker
Next, we got Fright Night. ah My personal pick, going up against Texas Chainsaw Remake. And Fright Night did win 6-4. So now this is tough. You got my personal pick, Fright Night. And I think I'm going up against your pick, Henry.
00:16:38
Speaker
Wow. whoa i Honestly, though, I kind of want Henry to win too. So like that's going to tough bracket for me to vote in. So here's here's what, if people haven't seen either of these movies, right? Here's what I'll give you. Do you want like a really good creature feature with vampires and like some werewolves and practical effects. and like it's kind of it's not It's horror, but it's like the fun, kind of upbeat horror. you know Camp. Yeah, it's campy in a good way.
00:17:12
Speaker
would agree. Or do you want to watch someone... like fucking rape people. Do you basically want to hear our Serbian film review again? It's not that bad.
00:17:23
Speaker
It's not not that bad. It's super realistic though. Like you're one like, yeah literally like if you were watching like Ted Bundy do his crimes. Right.
00:17:34
Speaker
It's like pretty. Yeah, it really is. But it's a good movie.
00:17:39
Speaker
Give up one time for Brian. One time. We're talking about
Guest Appearance Discussion and Movie Request
00:17:43
Speaker
Brian a lot. This episode is fucking wild. just to be honest with you. If we ever let Brian on the on the pod, right? what to do Look, this is my thing. Okay, Brian, first of all, I need you to call in, leave a voicemail.
00:17:55
Speaker
One, to so I can confirm by your voice that you're not mean. And two, and two you need to request the movie you want to that you want us to review. But I think he already asked for The Incredibles.
00:18:06
Speaker
He did. will call in and say it again just to confirm. And if you want to come on for that, i'll I will gladly do incredible with a non-mean so we can call him Frozone the whole time. Yo, that's what's up. Also, if he comes on, right?
00:18:18
Speaker
Yeah. He can see he could say it and we didn't we don't censor it, right? No. The soft A? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, No, that's just a guy talking. Right, yeah. Brian talks. Yeah, we we don't censor Brian saying that. That's how he talks out of his mouth. That's just what it is. Every other word.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, is it like aggressive? I mean, is it like how I say fuck? Is it more than I say fuck? Because I think say fuck a lot. I mean, it's your normal YN talk, you know?
00:18:48
Speaker
You know more YBN talk. YBN. Not though. I don't know about Brian. It's just a funny bit in now. Yeah, it is. um We got Saw 3, which was actually my personal pick.
00:19:00
Speaker
ah Going up against Possessor. ah very decisive victory. Saw 3 won 8-2. ah saw three one eight tatoo Because Possessor is a bad movie.
00:19:12
Speaker
No, Possessor is not a bad movie. People just don't know what it is. that's I'm convinced that. It has a good average rating on Letterboxd. People like that movie. Maybe I'm just retarded. I don't understand it. That's probably what it is.
00:19:23
Speaker
i didn't understand it either, but liked it. Okay. ah And then the next bracket, you have Chucker. Chucker and Dale? Chucker and Pale.
00:19:37
Speaker
Chucker and Pale versus Evil. They were going up against Hatchet. This one I kind of thought would go one way, and it didn't. Did it go to the Chuck and Dale? It went to the hatchet.
00:19:49
Speaker
Really? ah business Really? Yeah. no It went 6-4 hatchet. There's no way more people know what hatchet is than... oh I don't even fucking know a hatchet this is. It's crazy, bro.
00:20:01
Speaker
But you know what? will tell you my cousin and her daughter probably both know what hatchet is and probably got two got two votes off hat off rip on hatchet. Which is two more than it probably should have gotten. Yeah.
00:20:12
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. ah Then you got... So Hatchet will go up against Saw III.
00:20:23
Speaker
Then you got Train to Busan versus Lake Placid. Train Busan bounced last year. Lake Placid also bounced last year. ah Shout out the Hounds because Train to Busan won As it should.
00:20:37
Speaker
Now, the last bracket is the most interesting because i looked at this at a certain point and I was like, yeah, this is kind of what I expected. But, I mean, I have a new dark horse to win the whole fucking thing.
00:20:48
Speaker
I'm being honest. I'm not even fucking... I'm being serious. That's scary. I'm not voting for it, but I have a dark horse for this fucking... To went to just take the whole thing. The whole shebang. Okay.
00:21:00
Speaker
Remember that one day we we were talking and I was like, bro, this shit. ah I was like, there's some that were like getting blown out. We got I saw the devil how going up against the human centipede two.
00:21:15
Speaker
We specified to the better one. ah At one point, this is getting blown out five to one. As of this morning, it was 5-5.
00:21:26
Speaker
Now, I posted on my personal Instagram because we get more interaction on my personal Instagram than the podcast page. Pick one.
00:21:37
Speaker
That's all I said. Human Centipede 2 or I Saw the Devil. We got five votes to one, the Human Centipede 2. So that, for me, whoa that's the tiebreaker. So the Human Centipede came back 5-1 and beat I Saw the Devil 6-5.
00:21:52
Speaker
Moving on to face ah yet another round of hell. That's like the fucking Battle of Korea. Oh my God, yeah it is. Like Charlie Johnson, a Yamin! Yamin!
00:22:05
Speaker
my god bro this episode that's coming out tomorrow is gonna fucking wild plus this it's out of control we got fucking north korea versus japan bro that's what is i mean taiwan human centipede was what where was human centipede made oh here yeah So
Horror Bracket and Movie Comparisons
00:22:27
Speaker
we have them fucking boys going up against their hounds.
00:22:29
Speaker
yeah ah So I'm telling you right now that, well, my personal pick was Fright Night. Okay, I'm just going to tell you what I want to win the most. Number one, far and away, I would like Fright Night to win the most. That's my number one pick, right?
00:22:44
Speaker
Then if Fright Night loses to Henry, I'm okay with that. I'm not mad. I'm still pushing for Henry. But I'm still fucking chilling. Or I'm still picking Saw 3. Because I fucking love Saw 3 so much.
00:22:57
Speaker
Okay, so Saw 3, my number 2. Then, after that, I might just have to fuck around and pick this dark horse human centipede 2 to take it. know what mean? I want a centipede take my asshole.
00:23:10
Speaker
yeah yeah Spoiler, that happens in the movie. They fucking say it happens in the We don't know that yet. and They might. If they're voting for it, that's true.
00:23:21
Speaker
But can you believe it came back like that? isn't that wild? Out of all movies? That's probably the worst movie on that list. No, it is. No, it is. Because the way we did it, it was by seeding, right? Well, my fucking seed.
00:23:32
Speaker
so I Saw the Devil was the number one seed. Had the highest average rating on Letterboxd. The Human Centipede was the 16th seed. The lowest rating on Letterboxd out of the movies we had in the bracket.
00:23:44
Speaker
This is sickening. Can you imagine March Madness, the fucking bottom seed, takes number one out first round? Isn't that wild? That is insane. This is something else that I want to ask you about.
00:23:54
Speaker
Because I was just thinking about this. Because last year was our first time. We were first time. We're virgins. Yeah. I'm fucking well popped. I got a pop cherry, pop hemorrhoid. I'm about to fucking...
00:24:05
Speaker
Pop a cap in someone's ass. I thought you were in pop a cap in my fucking cousin's ass picking this fucking piece of shit movie. You fucking slut. Exactly. Yeah. and Also, I'm wearing my switch. I thought that was a little fucking like vest or something. I was going to take it off, but I was like, I want to take earphones out without.
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, whatever. It's a whole thing. Okay. So this time, because we've already done it once, this is my question to you. When we set up the bracket next year, My personal idea, just to get some creativity, just to get some competition, if you get bounced in the specifically the first round, we'll say, just to make keep it interesting, if you get bounced in the first round two years in a row, you got take a year out.
00:24:50
Speaker
That's fair. You're out. like So next year, not in the bracket. All the hounds. are Well, no, I made it. Never mind. I saw a devil out. You got two years in row. Both years, bounced in the first round.
00:25:01
Speaker
Lake Placid, two years in a row, bounced. Tucker and Dale wasn't there last year, right? No, they get to stay. They get to stay. Possessor, gone. Texas remake, gone.
00:25:13
Speaker
And that's it, I think. Yeah. So we'll just, you know, if you get bounced in the first round twice in a row, you out of here. I mean, I think that's more than valid. Lane and Simp. Keep it real.
00:25:25
Speaker
Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. All right. So this is basic thugonomics. I don't think we have anything else to say besides shout out to Brian and shout out to Jake because he'll get upset if don't shout him out.
00:25:38
Speaker
And ah fuck you, slut. Yeah. We're I mean, I'm not as upset because I've watched it, but my mood could change pretty soon. ah And enjoy Killer Clowns from Outer Space because it's fucking wild.
00:25:56
Speaker
We'll go over the cast for this fucking movie. Grant Kramer. um You fucking love this movie? I'll give four star, you fucking poser. What? That doesn't mean that I don't like it. You give it a four, you little bitch.
00:26:14
Speaker
I can love it. Grant Kramer plays Mike Tobacco. It's a weird name. Throw it back on me, ho.
00:26:24
Speaker
ah Throw that ass back. It's been a lot of movies. I don't know. You've never seen Willie's Wonderland? We suck, suck, suck, suck. You've never seen New Year's Evil?
00:26:37
Speaker
Have you? Yeah, it's a slasher. Of course it is. What's with the lady with the fucking camel toe? Hard bodies? Yeah. Hard camel toe, bro. What the Is it a movie called Leapin' Leprechauns?
00:26:50
Speaker
The guy who directed,
00:26:54
Speaker
what is it called? What's that movie with Sidney Sweeney Horror and she birthed Satan? Immaculate? Yeah. The guy who directed that movie gave Hard Bodies a five star, so I'm going to check it out.
00:27:09
Speaker
Um, so he plays Mike tobacco. We have Suzanne Schneider who plays Debbie stone. Um, she's I, yeah. I mean, I'd give it to her, right?
00:27:21
Speaker
I wouldn't not. I wouldn't not give it to her. She's in your favorite movie. Weird science.
00:27:28
Speaker
I would just like to say that's not my favorite movie. She's in night of the arrow. We call that a blind buy. She's in night of the creeps. AKA I'm not allowed around a school.
00:27:41
Speaker
Is that what this about? No. Return of the Living Dead Part 2. Hey, my Fred Decker. Hey, Dave. Watch out. He about to give you that. doba diggger ba or egg We got John Allen Nelson who plays Dave Hansen.
00:27:55
Speaker
No relation to Chris Hansen, I'm imagining. Nope, because then he was in hunting pedophiles. He's in a Feast 3. Feast 3, bro. The happy finish. Hell yeah. yeah I want to see Feast 3. Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.
00:28:14
Speaker
He's also in a movie called Hunk. Yeah. We got John Vernon who plays Curtis Mooney. These guys are fucking piece of shit. Yeah, he's a scummer.
00:28:25
Speaker
He's in Animal House. He's in Airplane 2. You don't even like Airplane 1. That's fine. It's not great. He's in Curtains? know what that is Slasher?
00:28:37
Speaker
What's this movie with girl with the tits and ice cream? Sweet movie? I don't know. Look like look at the look at the fucking... This looks like fucking Two Girls, One Cup? With Carol Lohr, who sounds and looks familiar, but my letterbox is not working. He was also in Batman Mystery of the Batwoman?
00:29:00
Speaker
We also got Royal Dana who plays farmer Gene Green. This guy's not even in the fucking movie. What the fuck are we doing? Gene Green, AKA Mean Gene. AKA Mean Peen. That's what I'm giving hoes. E.T. Mean Peen.
00:29:14
Speaker
E.T. ah I'll be honest, all these movies this guy's in looks like the cover of fucking Kino Lorber movie. You know what mean? Yeah. He's in Ghoulies 2. Yikers, that's... I wouldn't even want to be in Ghoulies 1.
00:29:27
Speaker
He's in Yikers Island where they lock the non-means. no um What are the names of the Rich and Paul, right? We got Michael Seagyle. Whoa!
00:29:41
Speaker
ah Why is his last name Siegel? I don't think it is. It's Siegel. Oh, what, that's not funny? Dicking down kids is funny, but Siegel's not funny? Yeah, he's in that movie about Amy Winehouse. He like David Tell.
00:29:54
Speaker
Shout out Killing Yourself. Back to...
00:30:00
Speaker
Yeah. um We got Peter Lacasse, who plays Paul Terenzi, right? Yeah. yeah they're like but The Terenzi twins.
00:30:13
Speaker
And the only other thing he's in is a cheese ball. Do we need to shout out the clowns or can we skip it? Yeah, we can skip all the clowns.
00:30:25
Speaker
All right, we'll move on to the scene. i think The movie's only 86 minutes, so that's great. It's a quick John Silver. And we should just say off the rip, off the top, we have the S-tier theme music and we have the S-tier costume design.
Praise for Killer Clowns Theme and Design
00:30:43
Speaker
Oh, yeah, the fucking costumes are the insane. The pinnacle. This is the pinnacle. Shut up. This is the pinnacle. And that, bro, that entrance music. Entrance music.
00:30:55
Speaker
That theme. Fuck Chris Benoit. That, uh. Rake the walls down. That theme music is fucking ray crazy. Rake the walls. What was Chris Benoit's theme? Yeah. Yeah, it was.
00:31:07
Speaker
Yep. yeah right yeah was ye ah All right. So that aforementioned music and Tyler Carley get off the rip.
00:31:20
Speaker
And then we're at Big Top Burger. You're trying to be Big Top My Fucking Burger, yo? Yo, how how big of a top you want? I don't know, but I said Big Top Burger, and for some reason, it's prompting me to use a car emoji on my keyboard. I'm not sure why that is.
00:31:37
Speaker
Keyboard. ah We follow a police officer. This is Sergeant Mooney, not Sergeant Cooney. That'd be inappropriate. That'd be racist. AKA, but my mom's maiden last name is Coons.
00:31:51
Speaker
Yo. She ain't black. Shout out closet racism. Yeah, probably. Okay. And he sees... his He is... gets in his car, and there is an underage drinker walking by, but he don't look underage, because this man is an actor, and he's an adult.
00:32:13
Speaker
He's underage. He's drinking. I'm gonna fucking abuse... Police brutality. I'm making... Make it take your pants down. I'm making...
00:32:25
Speaker
Mac and Necker take that ass down. um He... This officer is going to this park. It's called Top the World where couples give each other the top of the fucking world. You know?
00:32:41
Speaker
Yeah, I do. We're topping each other off over there. And we see the Jojo. Jojo the Clown. It's an ice cream truck. It has a big-ass clown on top of it. And it features the lick-a-stick.
00:32:53
Speaker
You want to lick my stick? I literally texted you. i was like, can I give you a lick-a-stick? And all you said was, yep. I hadn't watched a movie at that point. don't know what we were talking about.
00:33:05
Speaker
Well, I thought that you would be getting off if I asked if I wanted to lick your stick. Yeah, well, you also texted me to my laptop where you sucked my piss hole.
00:33:15
Speaker
i was at work actively trying to do something on my computer with one of my coworkers. ah And they definitely saw it. They just definitely didn't say anything. And it's just what it is. It is what it is.
00:33:27
Speaker
public you sent me And so instead you sent me a Snapchat saying your dick gets me like spoiled lamb.
00:33:36
Speaker
ah And Jake was like, I got a weird a weird snap from Gerald. And I was like, oh, the one about the spoiled lamb dick hole. And he was like, yeah, like, yeah got that too. You got that too.
00:33:47
Speaker
Yeah, shout out you, Jake. We saw you in the movie theater, but it wasn't you. It wasn't you. was just another balding man. ah was fat and had a big chin. Yeah, but he was with a woman, so it definitely couldn't have been you. she oh That woman had some fucking milkers on her. Yeah, she did.
00:34:01
Speaker
Yeah, she was kind of uggo, but she was also, you were trying to fuck the cashier. don't why. What you mean? Because she was sweaty? You said you wanted to fucking give it to her? Yeah, fat and sweaty woman? Call that a slip and slide?
00:34:12
Speaker
That's what i'm talking about. my track record is all big women, so if you're big and you got a meaty pussy, hit me up. And speaking of fat women with meaty pussy, Paul and Rich run this ice cream truck with two fat meaty women. Yeah, they do. They're just trying get to get the fucking dick down, and but they just want ice cream.
00:34:35
Speaker
They want the cold cream, not the warm cream. yeah And they are demanding to be taken back home. We cut to Mike and Debbie, who are at the top of the world, and Mike is trying to eat Debbie's cooter out, but they're just making out right now.
00:34:49
Speaker
Yeah, this is PG-13. There's no boob. And Debbie don't like his friends, Rich and Paul, but Rich and Paul are his besties. And they look up in the sky and they see... i don't know what this is supposed to say, but it's just Hallie.
00:35:03
Speaker
But they see a comet. Haley's comet? A shooting star, perhaps? Make a wish?
00:35:16
Speaker
We cut to an old man with his dog who's named Pooh. And they want to go investigate this fucking comet and make money off it and have like admission price for people come see the comet.
00:35:29
Speaker
That's kind of smart. Yeah. He called the dog Pooh Bear, which is what I called one of my ex-girlfriends. Oh, no. No, but it was a good one. That's okay.
00:35:42
Speaker
Oh, really? Yeah. It wasn't the most recent. It wasn't the link like it it wasn't only that keeps liking our photos for some reason. No, but she can keep liking them because that's views and likes and everything. Low key, I stroke it to that.
00:35:56
Speaker
ah Anyways, you ah we cut back to Debbie, who still wants to go check out the Comet, but Mike's like, nah, I'm just trying to hit it and quit.
00:36:07
Speaker
And she's like, mel let's go check it out. So we come back to. You can pipe me down in the woods and then we'll get poison ivy on your dick and or pussy. You think you've got poison on your cock and then fuck the girl. She'd get poison ivy inside of her vagina.
00:36:20
Speaker
Oh my God. Probably. Can you imagine getting poison ivy inside your body? How are you going to like scratch it? I mean, you're not supposed to, but. gotta You're just getting wet. You're just like fucking fingering yourself all the time. and just getting wet off You're like.
00:36:32
Speaker
There's going to be some weird drippage going on, like some pus or blue cheese. Yeah, I'm trying to like ferment that.
00:36:44
Speaker
ah So we cut back to the old man who was investigating his land, and there's a fucking whole ass circus, and he literally is like, wow, big creased and fried.
00:36:56
Speaker
It was a big ass tent, a.k.a. yeah pitch me. pitch my tent and fucking do me dirty. You what mean? Yeah. Uh, and he's suspect. Cause there's no one there.
00:37:11
Speaker
And, ah he walks along this tent and we see a shadow of a clown following them. And, uh, poo stops, but the old man keeps walking and poo gets fucking snatched.
00:37:22
Speaker
get You ever hear fucking poo snatched? ah Yo, no, but if you want to, it's seven 99 per pound. yeah Fair enough.
00:37:33
Speaker
ah You heard it here first. ah We don't have, there's no tariffs on that either. That's homegrown, homegrown fresh shit. That's what I'm talking get about. So if all those fucking weird ass agents trying to like sell their poop play.
00:37:50
Speaker
Cut to Gerald talking about, I want to masturbate with your shit. Harry. would be crazy. it up. said that. Yeah. Someone's definitely done that. Yeah, for sure. Uh, so the old man goes to punch this tent cause he realizes the dog is gone, and but the tent is solid.
00:38:07
Speaker
Uh, and then tries to grab like the support line, that like holds the tent up, but he gets electrocuted. anyway but ah And then these fucking clowns show up and they fucking shoot them. But it's not like a bullet. It's not like a non-mean shooting. It's like a fucking zapper gun.
00:38:21
Speaker
It's like a laser. Yeah.
Clown Antics at the Police Station
00:38:25
Speaker
Uh, We cut back to ah the police station where Officer Mooney, he caught two gay dudes boozing in the park. They're gay.
00:38:35
Speaker
Come on. They're definitely gay. They're gay. They are gay. They're boozing and cruising. Yeah. And there's all there when he brings in these two dudes, there's another officer already in the building. And this is Dave.
00:38:49
Speaker
Skull Dave. And Mooney starts getting And Dave's like, yo, chill. Chill. Yo, chill. They're going to bend you over. Yo, you're fucking getting real close to that G-spot. need you to relax.
00:39:02
Speaker
um And he does ask he does ask Mooney if he's ah if he's got a thing for little boys because he's roughhousing these gay young kids and that's not appropriate. Sounds like fucking great night to me. Okay.
00:39:17
Speaker
And Mooney's first name is Kurt. I forgot wrote down Kurt here. But Dave and Kurt have beef because Dave is from the police academy and likes to do things by the book. And Kurt is more like hit him with a textbook.
00:39:30
Speaker
It won't bruise. Kurt is more like Cobain blowing his brains out. Well, he gets used as a puppet later. Yeah. um Talk about fisted.
00:39:43
Speaker
We cut back to Debbie Mike who are on their way up to investigate this comet. but they I keep saying comet. Comet. ah But they there's a gate and they stop get out of their car and walk.
00:39:57
Speaker
ah They find the circus tent and Debbie's real sus but Mike now is all in. He's like, come on. So they enter this tent And they go down this hallway and there's three doors. And the inside this tent looks very colorful, futuristic.
00:40:13
Speaker
Kind of looks like a straight out of Phantasm. But you don't mean like that movie. Movie sucks ass, bro. Come on. You're a hater. Stop it. Stop it. You're a hater. Hey. Gerald? You fucking stop it.
00:40:25
Speaker
Whoa. Using my government like that? I'm going to fucking discipline you. Right
00:40:33
Speaker
there, bitch. So they're looking at these doors. There's three different doors. Not the band. Three doors?
00:40:45
Speaker
Yeah. Three doors down? down Yeah. and my band name is one door up. It's my cock. What? I don't know. I'm trying. I'm swinging for the fucking fences, all right?
00:40:56
Speaker
So ah Mike presses some buttons, and they get sucked into this door, and they end up on a ledge, you know, looking at this big electrical ball. I'm just saying, if someone comes in my belly button, I'm done. That's it. What?
00:41:10
Speaker
what oh Yeah, you want your belly button look like a fucking lake? Yeah, that's what talking about. I'll wife you up.
00:41:34
Speaker
Hey, you cut my belly button, I'll wipe you up. wipe you up. What the fuck do you mean?
00:41:42
Speaker
Okay. Stick your piss hole near my belly button. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.
00:41:51
Speaker
I call my belly button the swap thing. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. My belly button just needs some cock snot and we'll be in good business.
00:42:01
Speaker
What are about? Why did you come back and start talking about your belly button before?
00:42:11
Speaker
Cause I got real snot. Okay. Give me a tissue. So, cock's about to snot. What is...
00:42:22
Speaker
Yeah, you're about to be... I'm about to come in your mouth. I'm about to come in your mouth and you're like, I can't hear me.
00:42:34
Speaker
I mean, y'all are typically like Ginny Dreggs. About to come your mouth then shake you, you know, shaking baby syndrome. Why did I say Ginny Dregg? It wasn't Ginny Dreggs. What fuck's the bitch's name?
00:42:46
Speaker
Who? Jillian Michaels? Jamie Lee Curtis. Who was the bitch that did Activia? Was it Jamie Lee Curtis? The Activia commercials? And at the end they go, Activia? So what do you think this big electrical ball is they're looking at?
00:42:59
Speaker
It's like the engine? It's got to be like the the new... It's got to be Kane. It's definitely Kane. It's got to be... got to pull... got to get that as a button. It's got to be Kane. It's got to be... got be Kane.
00:43:15
Speaker
I had it as a button. Oh, didn't I? No, I pulled the video clip to make that one clip and I didn't do anything else. Oh, okay. Fuck it. It's got to be like the... So they go back through the door.
00:43:29
Speaker
It's like the the so the nucleus. Yeah. And then they go back into this hallway. I'm about to take my socks off. It's getting hot in here. Oh.
00:43:40
Speaker
ah And Debbie realizes...
00:43:49
Speaker
Take my stuff. I'm hot in ah um i have to We have to record with without the AC on because we realized in the Pirates episodes that you could hear it loud.
00:44:00
Speaker
Yeah, for the sake of the vault, we're recording this Wednesday, July 16th. Yeah.
00:44:07
Speaker
So, Debbie rises there in the shooting star and they hear some footsteps and go through a different door and they see a bunch of pink bulb-looking Johns. They literally look like light bulbs.
00:44:18
Speaker
And Mike thinks it's cotton candy, but Debbie's real sus. And Debbie's like, look, i don't believe in UFOs, but I think we're on one right now, bro. um And Mike pulls off some cotton candy to reveal a face.
00:44:31
Speaker
It's like a good jump scare. Kind of. Yeah. I would shock value. I would say this is a good starter horror movie. If you have kids, she's like, show them this, you know, you think so? You think the the clown to freak out a kid?
00:44:45
Speaker
It's hard to find a good introductory horror movie. Yeah. This one's not scary. It's fun.
00:44:54
Speaker
We see a clown enter the room they're in and they hide. and he hangs one of these cotton candy drawings up. I think I missed it, but think that Mike recognizes the face that the clown is hanging up.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah, it's one of the dudes that he went to school with. So he makes a run. They make it fun do they find this dude's Jeep later on. And they make a run for which alerts the clown. And he starts spraying him with popcorn, doesn't do much.
00:45:22
Speaker
And they get away. The clown comes out of the tent. And then he starts speaking alien language to another clown. um And they use a balloon dog to sniff their trail.
00:45:34
Speaker
That's pretty. Sniff your fucking snail trail. know what mean? That's what I'm talking. I mean, that's pretty smart, right? Clowns make balloon animals. It's a balloon dog. Yeah, and it can it's got a good sniffer on it.
00:45:44
Speaker
Good sniffer on it. It can smell my fucking asshole a mile away. Yeah, you can smell my asshole a mile I'm wipe you up. That's what I'm talking about. If you get down there and after I shit, you clean up with your tongue, it's over.
00:45:57
Speaker
Yeah, if you are my personal bidet. But you got to go. You got Hawk Tua on it first. Hawk Tua on it. Get it all lubed up. um And then give me an enema with your mouth.
00:46:12
Speaker
Yeah. Fucking stick a straw my ass and suck, babe. but That's it. It's got to be one of those crazy as bendy straws that twist and turn.
00:46:23
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to real hard on it. Yeah, they use one of them in this movie. Yeah, it's like trying to suck a Frosty from Wendy's at first. You can't. Yeah, just can't. It softens up. If you want to soften me up, start licking around the rim.
00:46:36
Speaker
I thought that would make you hard.
00:46:41
Speaker
I don't fucking know anymore. should try Yeah, when you're here, look at fucking rim and let me know. I'll let you know what happens. We got to like really arch that shit back. So Mike and Debbie get in his car and they drive off and then we see some clowns like falling behind ah and they start driving and a random clown jumps on top of their car.
00:47:05
Speaker
They're able to shake them off. Like Taylor. Debbie wants to go to a police station because she has a friend that will believe them. um We see the clowns following them into town.
00:47:18
Speaker
Cut to Mike and Debbie arriving at the police station and like crash fucking park. i don't know why. They could just fucking crap. You know I mean? Just like parked. Yeah, but they're trying to.
00:47:29
Speaker
Yeah, but they're driving. They're scared.
00:47:39
Speaker
ratmo
00:47:42
Speaker
Then they look at you like you're the bad person.
00:47:47
Speaker
You're like, what? Why? I'm just in my fucking Honda. Yeah. ah Deb tells Dave that Joe Lombardo's dead. um We cut to a clown who's posing out front of ah of a drugstore.
00:48:02
Speaker
Um... Come back to Debbie who tells Dave about their ah their tribulations. And they when Officer Mooney walks in and thinks it's all bullshit. There's clones there. ah And he says he was just over there. There's nothing going on.
00:48:21
Speaker
um Mooney also knows that Mike hangs out with Paul and Rich and he thinks there's just a bunch of fucking ball busters. Yeah, fucking hooligans. But Dave believes them. So Dave, Mike, and Deb ah go get in a cop car and go see where the tent's at.
00:48:35
Speaker
We cut to a dude who's watching a puppet show in a pavilion. Just a random dude. Male puppet. Well, I mean, the male puppet is trying to rape the girl puppet. That's what saying. so he's I thought even the guy standing there was trying to. That's what I thought you meant.
00:48:51
Speaker
No, he's just standing there watching a puppet show like, hey, come here.
00:48:56
Speaker
You want to suck at this fucking meat pop? Yeah. It's cherry flavored.
00:49:03
Speaker
Uh, the, so we find out the clown is one of the clowns is doing the puppet show and he comes up and just zaps his to his little laser and he's dead. We cut to the pharmacist, uh, our pharmacy where the pharmacist looks fucking terrified.
00:49:17
Speaker
And, uh, this fucking clown is just terrorizing his pharmacy. um We cut to ah Dave telling
00:49:30
Speaker
I'll go to Dave telling dad. but It's Dave telling dad? Yeah, what's up, dad? Dave telling dad that he's taking her. Shout out to Big Lynn.
00:49:41
Speaker
He's taking her home. ah We found out here that Dave is her her ex-boyfriend. Dave is the other cop. She says that he can't take her home. She's like, take me home or lock me up. One of the two.
00:49:54
Speaker
Like, I'm going with you or you lock my ass up. Take me down or dick me up.
00:50:00
Speaker
We see some lady answer the door thinking it's pizza. She's a fucking pieces lady, by the way. She gets zapped. An old lady gets a box of chocolates and then gets zapped. ah We cut to Dave dropping off Debbie at her house.
00:50:13
Speaker
And she talks to Mike out to the car and tells him that she's going to follow him up there. But Mike's like, nah, babe, stay here. ah We see Debbie watch Dave and Mike leave. Cut back to the drugstore where two clowns are fucking it up.
00:50:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah. cut back to Dave and Mike who arrived where the tent was and it's gone. And for some reason here, Dave's thought process was let me arrest Mike, but he's not even black.
00:50:39
Speaker
And like he didn't even do anything wrong? Like is it falsifying a police report? Yeah, like why are we arresting Mike for? Because he's white. This is not Mike who delivers meat on his bicycle who's black. This is Mike who reports clowns fucking things up.
00:50:56
Speaker
This is Mike who arrests White without a warrant? I know. We cut to a biker gang and one of the clowns pulled up on a little bike.
00:51:08
Speaker
Bike! And this one dude asked take a ride clown's bike. And he's like, no. And yeah she hey you like
00:51:16
Speaker
he's like, i beeped a horn. And the clown's like, yeah. And then this fucking piece of shit breaks the bike. um The clown then just disappears suddenly and then reappears with boxing gloves.
00:51:27
Speaker
And this clown is the homie Shorty. And Shorty fucking boxes this guy's fucking hair off. His hair go flying laying a garbage can. And that black guy's like, yo!
00:51:41
Speaker
We cut to this family eating some burgers. I got burgers in my ass. and I got ass burgers. Yeah. And this little girl who's sitting the table is playing peekaboo with a clown who's outside. yes this This is some pedophilia shit right here. This clown lures her outside, bro. And she's about to go all the way outside and get zapped.
00:52:06
Speaker
He's trying to have her honk his horn, if you know what I'm saying. You want to honk horn? Would you whisper just now?
00:52:18
Speaker
but hair ah The clown lures her almost all the way outside, but the mom calls her back in. ah We cut to Dave taking Mike back to... ah probably the police office, but they stopped at the top of the world.
00:52:32
Speaker
And a car left trunk open. There's beer cans everywhere. And Dave goes to investigate and the car is covered in like cobweb slash cotton candy.
00:52:44
Speaker
That's kind of what my fucking sperm looks like. Your sperm looks like cotton candy. Sometimes it's pink. It could be a tinge of blood. Are you fucking with me are you being serious? ah Of course I'm fucking with you.
00:52:56
Speaker
Yeah, that's crazy if it was. It looks like snot. Cogert. No. Snot. So, Dave sticks his hand in this fucking cum-covered car. That's what I'm talking about.
00:53:10
Speaker
And finds glasses. Glasses. I like that. I like that. Dave uncuffs Mike to show him these glasses.
00:53:21
Speaker
Hey, Mike, I'm going to show you something. You want to know how i got these scars, Mike? Look at these glasses. We cut, hopefully by then, Dark Knight's already out. This is a cult episode.
00:53:35
Speaker
Yeah, I like that. um We cut to Mooney looking at ah at a gun magazine. Because he's a fucking hick, dude. He definitely doesn't like anyone who doesn't look like him.
00:53:47
Speaker
Fat, white, balding men. Mm-hmm. ah Jake, you're good. And a lady places a disturbance call for clowns wrecking her front wrecking their front lawn. yeah you want to wreck my front lawn? Yo, I got these clowns that wrecking my lawn.
00:54:02
Speaker
Yo, this guy's eat my box out, bro. He's fucking edge clippers.
00:54:08
Speaker
Uh, he's like, yeah, that's bullshit. And he poured himself a drink and he talks, he literally talks about shooting up kids. You know, what's funny. They clearly couldn't show the Jack Daniels logo. So they had like some like duct tape or something stuck over the logo.
00:54:23
Speaker
Right. Cause copyright. Yeah. He gets a call from the pharmacist. Another guy gets the call um about a guy taking his wife away in a balloon.
00:54:35
Speaker
And Kurt thinks that Towns playing games are all fucking wrong. And he's right. But that's not all blacks. cut to ah we Cut to a guy getting chased by a clown in an invisible car.
00:54:48
Speaker
and He gets forced off the road and crashes. ah We cut to Debbie who's getting nakey in the shower. She's about to get sudsy. Yeah, and there's some popcorn on the floor and she don't notice.
00:55:01
Speaker
And it's crawling. We cut back to Big Top Slop Burger. That's right, yo. Yeah, or if you want to see some fucking medium rare meat, ask Judy Weasley to spread legs. and That's what I'm talking about. i' about to give her my relish. You know what mean? about to fucking... I'm not nothing.
00:55:22
Speaker
What if your cup tastes like relish? That'd be awesome. i don't really like relish that much. Nah, but you fuck with pickles. um a pick I pickles. I like wep. Wep. Shout out to my Weasley.
00:55:36
Speaker
you be be you be we see this dude throw some trash into a dumpster and he hears some here here's the squeaker. He found the squeaker. Shout out to her. like yeah If you know, you know.
00:55:51
Speaker
If you fucking snow right in. If you know what her is right in. If you know what her is, we'll have you in the podcast. Absolutely. Like, okay, here's the thing. If you know what her is and you can fully explain to us via voicemail, email, voicemail, voicemail, email, text, photo, whatever, ah you are instantly shot to the top, cream of the crop,
00:56:15
Speaker
Whatever movie you want, we'll review. Anything. If you know what it is. Yeah. Yeah. You're instantly number one contender. hundred percent 100%. Also, this guy that's like at the like the dumpster, right?
00:56:28
Speaker
Yeah. He's more of a hot oi, you know what mean? Yeah, exactly. ah He doesn't know where Greg the sauce is. Yeah. Yeah. this guy' going and then And then he goes, ah yeah ah go beachkabatle ah So this guy is working at the big slop top burger, right?
00:56:47
Speaker
So he's wearing like this weird vest at a party hat. Would you ever work at a place like... If they opened like a fine dining restaurant where you had to wear a party hat, would you work there? Yeah. I mean, you could argue the totes had to wear in college or a fucking stupid big party hat too.
00:57:06
Speaker
Kind of, but that's like a respectable thing. Yeah. But I would work in big creamy crop slop top land. mean, yeah. yeah i mean yeah I mean, the only places I could think about would be like maybe Chuck E. Cheese.
00:57:18
Speaker
yeah You know? Yeah. So we found the squeaker. Shout out. Hey. And, uh, Dude, this dude throws some trash in the dumpster. Here's a squeaker. He opens the dumpster. He gets sucked immediately.
00:57:29
Speaker
He gets to go blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he's gone. That's why it's called the slop top. Right. Yeah. The sloppy slop top, right? Yeah. Yeah. It goes plop, plop, plop in the toilet. All right. Yeah. Slippy.
00:57:40
Speaker
It's a slippy slop top. All right. Yeah. Yeah. We cut to Dave, who was bringing cotton candy ah back to the lab you get some test run on it. uh and dave's like it's been a rough night and it's like have it has it dave movie's been on for 20 minutes how's it been a rough night right uh we cut to a lady uh waving at a clown at a bus station and uh this bus this this fucking clown is able to make some animal like puppet shadow looking johns uh she's trying she's trying to fuck him in his bozo uh and uh
00:58:16
Speaker
The rest of the group waiting at the bus station is watching. We see Mike and Dave pull up. And Mike and Dave are, well, like any fucking cop,
00:58:28
Speaker
Let's watch it play out. Yeah. Mike tells Dave to fucking shoot him. and
00:58:35
Speaker
ah But Dave's like, no, he's not black. i'm not going to shoot him. Not yet. Yeah, not yet. And a clown makes a T-Rex shadow that ends eating all six people waiting at the fucking bus station. and And he just goes, holy shit.
00:58:51
Speaker
They try to run over this clown with the cop car, but the clown jumps straight up in the air out of sight. So he might be black. He's got mad hops. Mad hops, yo. ah The clown makes, ah sorry, Dave radios to Kurt and asks for Kurt to radio state police for help. But Kurt's like, you're full shit.
00:59:08
Speaker
ah Mike and Dave split up. Dave's going to go to the police station and Mike goes to meet up with Rich and Paul. ah Mike explains to the deal, like what's going on to Rich and Paul.
00:59:20
Speaker
And they don't really believe him. And he asked them to take him over to Debbie's house at least. She's got fucking roommates with big juicy titters and they love ice cream.
00:59:31
Speaker
We cut to Kurt who's watching the phone ring and laughing at it. and Not even answering the phone. Uh... A clown enters the police station and he signals for this clown to come closer. like He's like, fuck, come here. Come here, you fucker. And it looks that they're going to fucking kiss, but the clown sprays his face with water from a bunch of flowers.
00:59:51
Speaker
AKA his splooge. um
00:59:56
Speaker
He tells the clown to turn around. He cuffs him because he's into that kind of thing. Yeah, he's like, I want you to put all over me your wank stain. Yeah.
01:00:07
Speaker
Uh, and he's like, you're a Mooney's jail. And in this jail, you have no rights. Cause you're probably. Yeah. Uh, a clown, the clown detaches his hands.
01:00:21
Speaker
Um, and we fall into a room with, uh, where the jail, the jail cells are. Um, and the clown grows him, his hands back, uh,
01:00:33
Speaker
Kurt opens a cell the cell and tells the clown to get in. Smacked on the back of the head and his head does 360. And he grabs Kurt and smashes his head into the cell.
01:00:43
Speaker
Imagine someone that can give you head bending backwards. Right. We cut to Dave arriving the police station. um And he answers the phone just to hear circus music.
01:00:56
Speaker
we follow He follows some clown big clown footprints into the jail cell room.
Grim Puppet Scene and Ice Cream Truck Chaos
01:01:02
Speaker
ah There's footprints all over the wall. um Oh, I wrote...
01:01:12
Speaker
See the clown waiting in the office and he uses Kurt like a puppet? He has his hand up his fucking anus? Up his fucking ass? And he pulls it out, there's blood? Fucking leaking? The clown is able to use Kurt's voice and says he's after the girl that ah Dave's with and says they just want to kill him.
01:01:31
Speaker
ah And the clown pulls his hand out of Kurt and Dave shoots the clown a few times, then hits his nose and the clown explodes. That's the key. They die by their nose.
01:01:43
Speaker
ah Dave radios the state police for help. We follow Rich, Paul, and Mike in an ice cream truck. Hell yeah, brother. and yeah brother out Young Gravy, I guess.
01:01:55
Speaker
ah They run into some clowns marching in the street, and they're just sucking up cotton candy. right And this guy, they watch this guy try to make a run for it, and he gets zapped.
01:02:09
Speaker
Pull up, get it, buck. Watch it, get me, slap it, top. Yeah, so Mike, Rich, and Paul bounce in the ice cream truck. Pull up, get it, buck. In the ice cream truck.
01:02:21
Speaker
ah We cut to Debbie, who hears a noise. deie In the show shower, this little baby clown, John. Just like his head. It's like a clown snake. Yeah, he busts. want to see that clown snake or what?
01:02:33
Speaker
want fucking snake my drain? What does even but but but but So this fucking small head clown busts out, busts down Tatiana.
01:02:46
Speaker
And then one busts out the cabinet, one busts out the toilet. The big ass bitch busts out the fucking toilet. Imagine sitting on that. Yeah, so Debbie sticks a fucking shower head in this fucking... right yeah know around In that fucking clown head's mouth.
01:03:02
Speaker
And she makes a run for it. The clowns knock on the door using Mike's voice, so she opens the door. And the clowns have her surrounded. They enter and they zap her, but she doesn't get zapped and like disappears. She gets zapped and goes into this balloon.
01:03:17
Speaker
balloon? Shout out Fat Albert Mushmouth. Ba-ba balloon. All right. So that was a deep cut. Yeah, it was.
01:03:27
Speaker
Mike and Dave pull up to see the clowns taking Debbie away. They're like, we got go find Debbie. It's not Mike and Dave. It's Mike, Paul and Rich. But they pass by Dave and Dave follows in pursuit.
01:03:38
Speaker
And there's a car chase. And then Paul realizes way too late, like since that the cops are following them. ah They stopped the car and they get rear-ended by the cop car.
01:03:51
Speaker
And they all get an ice cream truck. get and nice cream And then they're going to fuck your mama in the trunk. Yeah. And your sister. Yeah.
01:04:03
Speaker
They're all going to follow them and they arrive at an amusement park. ah We cut to these clowns arriving at the amusement park. And they get out of this little tiny ass car and they throw pies at this one cop who's like our security guard.
01:04:19
Speaker
This boy melts. Right. Imagine you get like an acidic cream pie. Yeah, like cream pie dissolves your flesh. Yeah. Like her her vaginal walls are gone.
01:04:33
Speaker
Her vaginal walls are like made out of like aliens from the movie Alien. Ew. What do you mean? So Mike and the rest of crew arrive and this cream pie crop has been dissolved.
01:04:45
Speaker
And Paul and Rich fall through trap door into a ball pit where these female clowns are fucking knockers. They got the biggest fucking hankers. They got some fucking nice fat fucking knockers on them.
01:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. yeah They're probably fake. That's fine. Mike finally recognizes that they're in the inside the tent, and he goes to the same door, which is now filled with a whole town worth of cotton candy balloon johns.
01:05:16
Speaker
ah The clowns arrive, and they hide, and they see one clown suck some juice out of his cocoon. don know No one ever sucks my juices.
01:05:26
Speaker
I'd love someone to suck the juice out of me, too. you know I need to get milked. Uh, clown leaves. ah they find to go to a balloon about to go to a farm. And like, you know how they attach those little things to the udders that do that for my team. That would ruin your cock hole, bro. You think so?
01:05:43
Speaker
That would destroy your dick. Be like, yo, I'm trying to get sucked off next to a cow. Oh,
01:05:53
Speaker
You just like, you met you match some girl on a dating app. but You want suck me off next to a cow? Yeah, moo head ass. ah So they find Debbie this balloon.
01:06:05
Speaker
Dave's like, I'm going to shoot the balloon a freer. And Dave wants to stay and free everybody else. they start getting chased by clowns. And Dave shoots two of them. And they're going to this fucking fire pole.
01:06:20
Speaker
No one rides my pole like this either. They don't use two hands. They only use yeah one. I'm going fucking grip it and rip it. Yeah. That's what I mean. They only need two fingers for me, but. Yeah. Just in my ass.
01:06:31
Speaker
Right. Yeah. A whole. Both thumbs. Five finger. Yeah. Five fingers in my cock and two fingers in my ass. That's the five finger death punch right there. Hell yeah.
01:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, it is Uh. They're on this fire pole and, uh.
01:06:52
Speaker
They go into this tunnel that looks like a fucking lizard. And they go out of it. And there's they're being chased. ah They come to like a dead end that has like a bunch of doors in a row they have to open. Another door! door!
01:07:03
Speaker
another door um They get through, they try to barricade it and more clowns show up, and they get completely surrounded by clowns.
01:07:14
Speaker
So they climb upward, and they have nowhere to go, where when Paul and Rich show up in the ice cream truck. Break the walls down. They break the walls fucking down. Break them down.
01:07:27
Speaker
they break the walls fucking down break em
01:07:35
Speaker
And they pretend that Jojo the Clown is like the great and powerful clown god, which freezes the clowns. They all kind of look in like admiration. They climb down when the final boss clown arrives. Clownzilla.
01:07:49
Speaker
ah Rich and Paul refuse to leave their truck. They're being attacked. um And the boss clown grabs his fucking truck and yeets it. And we see the truck explode. And you're like, oh, no, Rich and Paul are dead. It's me.
01:08:03
Speaker
What am I going to for preps? Who's going to give all the fat bitches the ice cream?
01:08:10
Speaker
The boss clown charges at them and Dave volunteers as a distraction to let Mike and Deb escape. um Dave shoots the boss clown several times runs out of bullets and he gets picked Shoots his fucking bald head ass nose.
01:08:27
Speaker
um The tent starts spinning and taking
Final Showdown and Explosive Ending
01:08:31
Speaker
off. like halt while arrive Like a slop talk? Fuck a slop talk. ah Dave uses his police badge to ah pop the boss clown's nose.
01:08:41
Speaker
And they watch from a distance this ah ship explode. um Dave, Rich, and Paul land in front of the cops with ah Mike and Debbie, and they're they're all in a clown car.
01:08:56
Speaker
And I guess they survived by hiding in the ice cream truck freezer. Yeah, it probably cold. They probably nipple got hard. The dick went inside them. Yeah, and then I'll be full confession here. i have nothing else written.
01:09:10
Speaker
I think that's the end of the movie. Because that's it. Pies fall from the sky onto their faces.
Movie Review Wrap-Up and Star Ratings
01:09:17
Speaker
Mmm. That's it. And that is killer clowns from outer space.
01:09:23
Speaker
It was a quickie, but we have some bangers in there. It was a clickie that got real sticky. We're talking about cum. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I want to fucking ooze it all over my face. And I'm going to...
01:09:36
Speaker
I will fist fuck your ass. That's what I'm talking about. What are you giving this on a star rating? I'm giving it four stars. This movie's good. I am giving it three because I respect the costume design and practical effects.
01:09:51
Speaker
but But you find it a little too childish? It is... No, and not childish. It's just a silly movie. It's a silly good time. And I love silly boys. Silly girls. Yeah.
Playful Banter on Attire and Accessories
01:10:07
Speaker
ah There is there is there's a girl who looks at that girl that keeps liking all her shit outside. And she with her boyfriend who's wearing he's wearing a tank top and shorts that both say WrestleMania. It's like WrestleMania printed all over.
01:10:23
Speaker
That's kind of fire. Yeah, and wearing Crocs with no socks, which is not okay. You got to wear Crocs with socks. You have to.
01:10:32
Speaker
You'll just suck my cock without socks. That's different. Can I suck your cock with those socks while wearing Crocs? No, you need socks on. Socks and cocks and Crocs? Yeah, I'm going to give this movie a fucking fat three, but make no mistake, I had a good time watching it.
01:10:47
Speaker
And the 4K steelbook from Scream Factory is fire. It's also still available at Bull Moose whenever you so chose. I own it. I mean, like... I will be looking for the East Ventura though.
01:11:01
Speaker
The people listening to this podcast, like if they want to get it. Yeah, you want live in the Massachusetts area, the tri-state. We're not part of the tri-state, but if you want it... You're one of the 13 colonies.
01:11:14
Speaker
Yeah, one of the OGs. ah Yeah, you can come and get it. Also, we're now going to move into
Audience Engagement and Social Media Push
01:11:22
Speaker
a... Plug it! ah So all of you are going to go follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod.
01:11:29
Speaker
And then you're going to send us a fucking email to guys, one screen pod at gmail.com for all your comments, questions, movie requests. and you gogurt Yeah. And then you're going to send us fucking video of you nutting everywhere.
01:11:45
Speaker
And then you're going to leave us a voicemail at 508-8-5-0-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
01:11:55
Speaker
is if you know what hurt is then you're ah real one by the way that does exclude jake Yeah, exactly. it here Follow us on Letterboxd.
01:12:07
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube and TikTok. And then ah leave us a comment.
Episode Reflection and Future Plans
01:12:15
Speaker
Tell us if you actually give a fuck about us or not.
01:12:19
Speaker
Are you giving a fuck about this or no? This was off the rails. Absolutely bonkers. I don't know if we did this movie justice, but we didn't.
01:12:30
Speaker
We talked about cock. We talked about snot. This is what you want when you come to Two Guys, One Screen podcast. This is a fall episode, so I don't know when it's coming out.
01:12:43
Speaker
ah So I don't know what's coming out next week, but we love you all so
Humorous Tangent on Circumcision and Conor McGregor
01:12:48
Speaker
much. And let us know if you want a Patreon. and check out our other podcast. Yeah, you want Yeah, you want it for all our physical media.
01:12:58
Speaker
Goodness, do you want to give us money?
01:13:02
Speaker
and ah well Should we keep talking for two more minutes to make it an hour or just cut it right now? I think we should probably cut it like they cut my fucking peen skin.
01:13:15
Speaker
Yeah, but that's for sanitary reasons. That's true, but Conor McGregor is not circumcised. I didn't get to see a picture of his fucking piece. Do you have it? No, i don't I didn't save it to my phone. No. Everyone's blurred out.
01:13:30
Speaker
Yeah, you got to look hard. Yeah.
01:13:34
Speaker
He's not snipped? He's not snipped? It's long, not snipped, and kind of at a weird... Where is whereas tip is, is kind of like inflamed or something. Which way is it leaning? It's kind of like... just that Just the head is kind of like crooked.
01:13:50
Speaker
It's got a crooked head. It's lean tower of peanut? Yeah, it is Alright, um... Yeah. Let us know if you saw Conor McGregor's cockpiece picture.
Farewell and Playful Goodbye to Mark
01:14:04
Speaker
And we'll see you guys next week. This is In the Vault. Bye, Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.