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EP. 80 Return of the Living Dead
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Transcript
Introduction and Crude Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Podcast Introduction and Humor
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 80 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, aka the Poet Town Boys, aka the Diarrhea Daddies, aka... Yo! We were just talking about it.
00:01:11
Speaker
We're just just gonna have to bleep that. Hit me up on Instagram for the vids. Hey, yo, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hit me up for the vids, hit me up for the feet pics, hit me up for the dick pics.
00:01:23
Speaker
i else I'll send you free dick pics. Anybody that asks. yeah Man to man. Oh yeah, only to men. yeah no women yeah No women. That's gay. Gay as fuck. ah you yeah and This is episode 80.
00:01:38
Speaker
Good for us. Big 8-0. yeah know i mean You remember the last time you had an 8 in your birth year? When I was fucking born. What was that question? 98. birth year.
00:01:51
Speaker
No, in your age. 18? You said birth year. Did i Yeah, you did. Someone rewind Someone
Turning 28 and High School Reunions
00:02:00
Speaker
rewind it. remember agree Yeah, in my and my like my age? Yeah, it would be 18. But unfortunately, we're closer to 28 than we are to 18 at this point.
00:02:09
Speaker
It's true. you got You got like three months. ish is it october november yeah i basically got three months i got three months in a little bit by the time you're hearing this it's a close we're close to that i got two months i got five yeah i'm 28 what the fuck is that fucking gross what a fucking podcast what are we doing rat no we're gonna be our 10 year uh high school reunion coming up huh are we going maybe i appreciate didn't me you and jake say we're only going if the like the other all of three of us go should we film it and put on patreon
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah. And then just talk shit about him. ah
00:02:52
Speaker
Please bleep that in the edit. I'm making more work for myself. Fuck that kid. Yeah, you are. Uh, maybe we'll do that. Maybe Jake wants to do that too. I don't know. Uh, That'd be fun. We are.
00:03:03
Speaker
We'll be a good time. We are here to review... you know, actually, before we say that, it pisses me the fuck off I even said this. kind of irks me. He's like, yeah, if if I won, you wouldn't even talk to me. Well, who would I go talk to at the High School Reunion, then?
00:03:17
Speaker
It'd be us three together, right? Yeah, that's it. Maybe Zach. Fuck that kid. don't want talk to him. Maybe Matt. Yeah, I'll talk to Matt. That's fine. think Matt would go. Matt would probably go 100%, but...
00:03:32
Speaker
Matt's like, Matt was like, he had friends. Didn't Matt have friends? feel like he did. He definitely had more friends than me. They were all in fucking that color guard marching band thing.
Scammers and Other Podcasts
00:03:43
Speaker
And then make no mistake. That's yay.
00:03:45
Speaker
Oh yeah, you're right. So now he wouldn't because, but it would be funny if we saw fucking bleep this name. fell on me in eighth grade that's true they live together but he lost like a decent amount of weight you're good for him we're happy for you he's no longer a fucking abomination to the earth yeah the earth um well we're here to review return of the living dead great movie for episode 80 and uh we both just watched it and it's two days before 9-11 and
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it it was either this or World Trade Center, right? But this is for this for Horror a Month. With Nickaris Cage. I mean, some would say that 9-11 was a horror, you know, in the world. We lived through it.
00:04:31
Speaker
We got through it. mean, you and I barely. It's true. I tell you anything that happened on that day. I'm not old enough. I guess we'll just do a...
00:04:41
Speaker
Okay, so ah follow us on Instagram,
Social Media and Comedy
00:04:44
Speaker
TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie your requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com.
00:04:53
Speaker
Follow us on TikTok, YouTube, Letterboxd individually.
00:05:02
Speaker
Send us a voicemail, 508-8-5-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-5-8-8-8-5-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- dip tip i don't know why you're doing this adry like an operator but Thank you for calling it.
00:05:18
Speaker
Do, no, do not. Do not fuck my gut. No, do not activate the gift card. Do not activate it. would you do that?
00:05:33
Speaker
It's great video. Yeah, it is. ah Fuck scammers. Fuck scammers, yeah. yeah ive i've I've been telling you I give wild answers those when I get text messages.
00:05:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah? I send wild shit. Yeah, I told someone to suck the powdered sugar out of my ass one time. if if I pick up the phone...
00:05:55
Speaker
Finish the plug? Yeah. That's it, right? Our other podcast? Oh, yeah. Go listen to our other podcast. Yeah, you want it? Do you fucking want it or not? You want you want it or what? You bought hella shit today.
00:06:11
Speaker
And I'm very intrigued. bought a fair amount of shit today. We're gonna record a Yeah You Wanted. It's definitely not coming out anytime soon, but we are recording a Yeah You Wanted after this. Do you fucking want it I do. I do want to know what you bought. You got hella shit, but that's fine. Just get it all out there in the world because I want to know. You may say all that at once.
00:06:28
Speaker
Fuck it. One episode? Because I don't want it. That's fine because I don't know the next time I'm going shopping. This person texted me and said, your Coinbase withdrawal code is 516209. Please do not share this code with anyone.
00:06:42
Speaker
ah Oops. Oops. If you have not requested this, please call this number, reference number, or blah, blah, blah. And I wrote back, suck my asshole with a straw. i My parents will like send me screenshots. Well, they don't screenshot me. What am I talking about? They don't know how to do that They walk to me and they're like, ah like is this real?
00:07:00
Speaker
and then I guess I just say the same thing to everybody. This one I said, suck my leaky asshole. Nice. Everybody go text Mina 133-226-14319. She's a piece of shit trying to scam people.
00:07:12
Speaker
That's the thing. there'll be It'll be like, oh, you're not hiding that number. Fuck her. Yeah. It's like, oh, you're the UPS one. You get the UPS one. Yeah. The FedEx one. They'll be like, is this real?
00:07:22
Speaker
Remember the other day I had when I was coming from Italy. Yeah. They're like, is this real? And I'm like, look at the sender. It's like they smashed their keyboard gmail.com. Like, that's not real. That's not real. They got more letters in their fucking email address than an Indian guy's last name.
00:07:36
Speaker
Yeah. Shout out Bevan. um
Favorite Zombie Movies Discussion
00:07:38
Speaker
Yeah. So check out. Yeah, you want it. Yeah, you want it or what? This one says, hey there, I'm Lauren from the Y Combinator. What the fuck does that even mean? Y Combinator?
00:07:47
Speaker
Well, who is going to read this and go? Yeah. Yeah. Sign me up. Yeah. Fucking stupid. guys that That is, yeah.
00:07:58
Speaker
Alright, so we're doing this fucking movie. Is this, uh... What's your favorite zombie movie? Is it Train? i haven't watched Train in a long enough time. It's a sadness right now.
00:08:13
Speaker
Based off sheer letterboxed rating, it's the sadness. I haven't watched Train to Busan in like three years. I gotta watch it again. ah Which maybe we're reviewing it next week. Who knows? Right now, don't know.
00:08:27
Speaker
Yeah. Go vote. Mine's Re-Animator. feel like that's, you know. Re-Animator is in my top three. It's gotta be, right? scott I mean, if Re-Animator is not in your top three, what the fuck are you doing? It's gotta be.
00:08:42
Speaker
It's gotta It's be Kane. Are we gonna get sued one day for these fucking buttons?
00:08:48
Speaker
Potentially, but we'll get there when we get there, you know? Yeah, we're not making any money. so doesn't That doesn't matter, right? Exactly. We're not making money. It matters. I don't know because Necronomopod uses a shit like that. Oh, all right. Well,
Alien Franchise Opinions
00:09:02
Speaker
I think it's like all in their lead.
00:09:03
Speaker
It's got to be it's got to be small. These are very small. None of them are like extremely long. right. You're not putting a full like Cox, you know? Yeah. People would fucking do that. Pissing the fuck off. full Chris Benoit murder tape, you know, like you're not putting that up.
00:09:17
Speaker
Release it.
00:09:20
Speaker
Give me that security footage. We know you have video. This movie released in 1985, which is pre, uh, nine 11 pre Chris Benoit. But as we said on our clearer killer clowns episode, he was alive in 1985.
00:09:33
Speaker
I believe he was seven. Let's go. um and it's directed and, uh, written by dan Oh, Bannon. What a name.
00:09:45
Speaker
What a God. And he's not. I mean, he's an original writer for a lot of the Alien movies. He literally wrote like 90% of them, except for the first one.
00:09:56
Speaker
That's why that one's good. I don't really like the first one. I like the second one. I like Aliens more. I like Aliens. Is that hot? It's hot. I have the hot take. What's your hot take?
00:10:07
Speaker
That Aliens is the only good one. What's only good one? The first one. I don't like that one. No, that's a hot take. I think most... Remember when Romulus was coming out and we just thought of this podcast? lot of the conversation was the best alien movies between Alien 1 and Alien 2.
00:10:29
Speaker
I think most people think that. Then I think they think it falls off. and But then at the end, people like like Covenant and... ah Prometheus. Prometheus, the big fucking white dick. Yeah, that yeah People do like...
00:10:42
Speaker
Two. um It's fine, you know? so I like it. I mean, I like it more than one. Three's real bad. i don't care what people... so There are three defenders. Three's real bad. I'm one of them. Like... I'm a three defender.
00:10:54
Speaker
Like, I'm going to fuck Sigourney Weaver, but not when she's bald. know what I mean? Sigourney's Beaver. That's what's up. But not when she's bald. Not the... I'm fucking talking about. sorry. I like... i mean, I gave three only a three star, but I like it.
00:11:07
Speaker
don't think it's bad, but it's not like... so I've heard here. I see. i have actually heard that alien earth is a, like ah show top quality show. That's interesting. And there's like good gore in it, but I don't watch shows.
00:11:23
Speaker
either I. just what it is.
Zombie Movie Connections Explained
00:11:26
Speaker
So Dan's a big writer. ah the cool thing about this movie, uh, history wise is this Dan guy, right? He helped George Romero, right?
00:11:39
Speaker
Or come up with night of the living dead. And join and though those two were like, you Dan was like, yo, I want to like go do my own thing. So he gave George gave him the go-ahead to make another movie ending in Of the Living Dead.
00:11:55
Speaker
So it's like a ah spin-off, but kind of. It's like, cheat off my test paper, but don't make it look obvious. Right, because then George made the rest of them, over-fucking-rated all of them.
00:12:08
Speaker
um This guy made this one. Haven't seen them. You haven't seen the OG? The OG I've seen, but the rest them I haven't seen. that As I was watching this today, I was like, damn, this takes a lot from the the original.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, it does. And I'm like, that I mean, that makes sense. I did that criteria on one day, but I don't want people price for it. People fucking love Dawn of the Dead. And that shit is way too long.
00:12:31
Speaker
Nothing happens. The zombies are blue. Like... I've never seen it. I have the second sight, big pack thing. Yeah, and fucking know you do. Oh,
00:12:43
Speaker
Sorry, I'm flexing. It's, you know. That's my slut cousin liking our fucking Instagram post. yes she did Yo, that picture that I found, will fire. Yeah, no argument there for me. All right, we'll go through the cast list, but the he ain't fucking it or he is fucking it, I just don't think applies here.
00:13:04
Speaker
I'm fucking one person. All right, so when we get there, we get there. But the rest of them, like, I'm just not putting my dick anywhere near. Sure, sure. The first person we got is Clue Gulliger, who plays Bert.
00:13:18
Speaker
Oh, this guy's in Feast. This guy's in Feast? Yeah, he is.
00:13:24
Speaker
Oh, shit, he is in Feast. He's also in Tandream, which is pretty good movie. He's also in Nightmare 3. Nightmare 2, the best sequel. No, it's not. Fuck you, it's 3. ah He's also in Piranha 3DD, which features my favorite porn star, Gianna Michaels.
00:13:41
Speaker
Oh, really? Oh, yeah, she gets killed. That's a 1.7 on fucking level. not saying it's a good movie. I'm just saying she did it. What does Fisk got? Oh, Fisk got 2.9.
00:13:53
Speaker
ah Next we got James Caron who plays Frank. Frank! This man might be my favorite part of the movie. Frank, he's good. I think he fucking killed it.
00:14:05
Speaker
He does. He's in Mulholland Drive, which is just confusing. Poltergeist? I read The Pursuit of Happiness Puberty and that's wrong. Poltergeist is AIDS. I'm just saying. It's definitely one of the ones that I think falls into overrated.
00:14:20
Speaker
Superman Returns. That's AIDS. the last time watched that movie? Because I'm very curious to rewatch it. Theater. In theater. You saw it in theater in 2006? I did. Who the fuck let you in? Oh, is it not R?
00:14:32
Speaker
No, it's PG-13. It's Superman. What? Just like that movie. I don't know. That's Kevin Spacey as a Lex, right? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's Kevin Spacey. That's the last time I saw it.
00:14:44
Speaker
And Kate Bosworth. i don't think I know who you are. But you were in Barbarian. Good for you. Oh, in that movie 21 movie sucks. Don't fucking bother watching that movie. hey Wrong god or button.
00:14:58
Speaker
Next we have Don Calthar, who plays Ernie. This dude's picture wild. I mean, he didn't. Yeah, he kind of looks the same, though. I give you that.
00:15:09
Speaker
The only thing I've seen him in is this and Dr. Doolittle. Apparently he's in that. Yeah, I don't think I've seen Dr. Doolittle at all. What the fuck's wrong with you? So you say that to me, and it's like you haven't seen a lot of movies, so I just don't know what to say to you anymore.
00:15:24
Speaker
i don't know. It was always on TV back in the day. I think we rented it from Blockbuster. it's It's Eddie Murphy, so it's kind of ass. so Yeah, but the fuck's wrong with me? Yeah.
00:15:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, the fuck's wrong with me for not seeing me as kind of ass. Yeah, sorry. It's not ass when you're a kid. Yeah. And we're not fucking kids in the ass.
00:15:47
Speaker
That was out of pocket. and That was out of pocket as fuck. Next we got Thom. Thom? Thom, bro. Thom. He's a TH though. He's a gay man. He looks like his letterbox picture looks like you're not even going to agree with that. i'm not going to say it.
00:16:05
Speaker
I'm just saying this is fucking Tommy Jarvis in the flesh, bro. Tommy Jarvis. Tommy Jarvis. you You ain't made it to the Good Friday the 13th yet.
00:16:16
Speaker
No, I haven't. I'm just saying. But he plays Freddy.
00:16:21
Speaker
and not and not not Not that Freddy. Yeah. ah this is six. He's in six? He's in seven, bro. In like 14 years when we get to the fucking Good ones. Yeah.
00:16:36
Speaker
We'll talk about it again. ah Next we got Miguel A. Nunez Jr. My fucking goat. all right This is the voodoo guy from the live action Scooby-Doo.
00:16:49
Speaker
Alright? Alright. He's in the hut and he tells tells Daphne, he's like, yo, why you wearing purple? It's the middle of May. He sees Daphne and goes, how's my daughter doing?
00:17:04
Speaker
And Daphne's like, where's the child support? Yeah. hes it He's in Friday the 13th Part 5. Is that good? Oh, no. That's a real bad one. That's knowledge right that's the one that's not Jason.
00:17:18
Speaker
Next, we got Brian Peck who plays Scuzz. i don't I don't know. he looks He looks like a fucking fat guy. i don't know who this guy is. This guy's in a lot, but read his bio. Oh, a sex offender. Not okay.
00:17:31
Speaker
No, we don't like this guy. Oh, wow. He was arrested in 2003 for child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse. And he's in two movies. He's in holes. He was around kids.
00:17:45
Speaker
You ever seen holes? not well I haven't seen holes. Oh, holes is good. Yeah, fucked wrong with me, right? don't No. so Who is he in X-Men? That's what I want to know. What's this fucking kid's name again? Scuzz? No.
00:17:57
Speaker
that's What's his actual name? Brian Peck. He has a Scuzz bag. Yeah. that's Shout out to Jake.
00:18:06
Speaker
I don't know where he is in this fucking cast. It's going to be fucking deep. This guy's fucking deep, but he's in both of them.
00:18:13
Speaker
Stan Lee, hot dog vendor. Shout to him.
00:18:17
Speaker
All right. Well, anyways, fuck him. He's a hot dog. Hot dog. Stan patron. Patron? Yeah. Next we got John Philbin who plays Chuck. I got nothing to say about this guy.
00:18:31
Speaker
We got Linnea Quigley who plays Trash. This is the one you're fucking? Yeah, I'm fucking Linnea Quigley. don't care.
00:18:42
Speaker
She's literally in Silent Night, Deadly Night, Taurus Trap, Night of the Demons. He's got Hodor out of the horror bracket. Yeah, Night of the Demons where she shoves a thing of lipstick in her nipple.
00:18:55
Speaker
How do you do that? You heard right. Just shoved it in there. i don't know. All right. It's like that it's mechanical pencil trick where it looks you're sticking it in your arm, but it's just retracting. Kind of, but this goes in because special effects.
00:19:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
Cast Review and Jokes
00:19:10
Speaker
Well, shout out to her. but fuck she's like She's like less attractive Barbara Crampton. Yeah, that's fair. We got Beverly Randolph who plays Tina.
00:19:22
Speaker
I mean, she's just fine. I don't even know really. The fuck is this? Death House? Shit looks gory as shit. Look at this. What is that shit? 88 minutes and it has 1.6.
00:19:33
Speaker
It should look gory though. I'm not going to watch it. I'll see this fucking movie. Anybody good? Barbara Crampton. Sid Haig. Hey, Sid Haig. Look at what we stumble upon.
00:19:43
Speaker
Kane Hodder. Bill Mosley, Tony Todd? What the fuck is this movie? You have to fucking watch this movie. Some guy is credited as Satan Creator.
00:19:55
Speaker
Wow. That sounds pretty good. This you can find Tubi, right? ah This is definitely Tubi movie. Screams Tubi. Who's B. Harrison Smith? Did you get anything good? No. All right.
00:20:06
Speaker
ah We'll keep going down the list here. We got Jewel Shepard who plays Casey. In this picture, she can get fucked in the movie. I'm just not interested. I'll be honest. All those like side characters besides the black guy, Trash and Suicide, i don't know their names.
00:20:21
Speaker
I don't know who Suicide is either, be honest you. Suicide's the dude with the fucking dumbass... His head eaten? Yeah, piercing from his lobe to his lip. There you go. I didn't know his name. they They did a very bad job about explaining that.
00:20:35
Speaker
Speaking of suicide, you got Mark Venturini. Speaking of suicide, who's joining, right? Who's going on suicide? Yeah. This guy's also in Friday the 13th, part five. I'm pretty sure he's the killer, so he can go fuck himself.
00:20:51
Speaker
We got Jonathan Terry, who's Colonel Glover. I think his name Horace. He's in Halloween 3. Wow, movie's AIDS. movie's fucking AIDS. Bunch that together.
00:21:03
Speaker
ah Two guys, one screen exclusive. i bought that 4K, and I'm okay with it. Yeah, I mean, you're gonna be real mad about one of the things i bought today. I'm being real mad. Oh, yeah? you're going to upset.
00:21:13
Speaker
Is it a movie I hate? just going to be upset. Jealous? I don't think jealousy No, not jealousy. You're just going to be upset. Hmm. ah I think that the rest of these people we don't need to talk about, right?
00:21:27
Speaker
Yeah, they're pretty... Yeah. Pretty yammy and relevant. That's... Yeah. Did you know there's five of these fucking movies? So there's a Return of Living Dead five? Yeah.
00:21:38
Speaker
Oh, wow. Literally... Yeah, there's five. When was the most recent one made? one in two One and two are Scream Factory. Three is Vestron.
00:21:52
Speaker
Shout Vestron. Four and five are generic. And I have the DVDs because Mark gave them to me, but I haven't watched them. It's funny that James Caron is casted again in Return the Living Dead Part 2, but as a different person.
00:22:06
Speaker
That is strange. That was Tom to Matthews.
00:22:13
Speaker
As a different person. And Colonel Glover is also back. yeah There's a guy in this, ah in part two named Terrence Riggins, and he's black, so watch your mouth.
00:22:25
Speaker
How about Mitch Pelegi? What's up, my leggy? What's up, my leggy? You want to put it on my feggy or what? Hey, yo. right. Well, if you're new this podcast because you need more horror content in your life, we do a scene by scene. And that's what we're going to do right fucking now.
00:22:44
Speaker
ah I always forget to say this about movies that I do enjoy. ah Soundtrack movie is a fucking banger. You know they got the theme song for this. Got the Taco Bell. um It's it's fucking crazy. It's great.
00:22:57
Speaker
I love it. It's a vibe. The title screen came on, and I was like, the menu, and I was like, yeah, this is it. Oh, yeah. This is ah another movie that's like camp to the fullest, you know? It really is. It's full-blown camp.
00:23:08
Speaker
It's like a horror comedy. Yeah. ah So we're looking at the front. We just start. We're just in it, and it's Unita.
00:23:18
Speaker
Unita Medical Supply, and it's July. See, I took it as Unita Medical Supply. I get it. You need a medical... Yeah, like you're texting. I need a fucking therapist. That's that's fucking fact.
00:23:31
Speaker
July 3rd, 1984, bitch. 5.30 p.m. Eastern standardr Standard Time. That's what we're on. And Frank, who works this Unita place, ah he's saying goodbye to his boss, Bert, and he's staying late to work on some stuff with this kid, Freddy.
00:23:47
Speaker
And they got this order from St. Louis for two adult skellies with perfect teeth. You need perfect teeth, all right? can't have fucked up mouth. I mean, he mentions that. How many people have perfect teeth?
00:23:59
Speaker
Probably no one. And the crazier part is skeletons from India. So how the fuck they have perfect teeth? They don't have toothbrushes. They don't have running water, let alone toothbrush. Some places do. Hmm.
00:24:12
Speaker
ah But this is an adult male and a female PT. Perfect teeth. APF. FPT. Suck me off. I don't know. I'm d i'm DTF.
00:24:24
Speaker
That's a fact. Fix left because she didn't like that conversation. i don't blame her.
00:24:31
Speaker
I don't fuck with you people. I don't fuck with that. ain't fucking it. I don't think you can fuck a skeleton. and If it's got a hole, you can fuck it, right? I'm finding a way. Probably that little pelvis hole, huh? thats um That's not a little one. That's a big one.
00:24:44
Speaker
That is a bit yeah big... Yeah, a big asshole. Is that where your pelvic floor... that where your legs snap in to place? I mean, I don't work... We can call my sister.
00:24:55
Speaker
Should we call and ask? Is that like where your hip bones go? i just think be Now I'm just thinking it's going be funny to have my sister on the podcast. What's today, Tuesday? Yeah.
00:25:05
Speaker
She's probably working.
00:25:09
Speaker
She's not. Should call her? Whoa. Yo, with those fucking pelvic balls things, you know? I don't think she'd appreciate it. Probably not. ah They packed two of these skeleton joints in a box.
00:25:20
Speaker
And like we're talking about how did these people from Indy got perfect teeth. and I don't know. I don't think I know a single person. Perthin? Whoa. Mike? I don't think I have. I don't think I know a single person who hasn't had like some kind of dental work done.
00:25:37
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. We all start off going to bed at least and then eventually fall off. Yeah, I'm bedding a minute. ah So Frank shows Frey the warehouse, including these split dogs they have for veterinary schools.
00:25:53
Speaker
And in the little walk-in that they keep the fresh cadavers in. And it's Frey spooked. Yeah, he is And not like... I was just going to let that be. was just going let that be. Yummy!
00:26:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
00:26:16
Speaker
They typically have more inventory, he only has one today. We cut to this group of, ah what do you want to call them punk kids? Definitely punk kids. Little fucking... Teenagers?
00:26:27
Speaker
i don't I don't even know if they're teenagers. What it supposed to be in this movie? Probably college, right? Sure. Maybe. ah But you can't be in college and be 18. I'm not saying they are 18, but...
00:26:39
Speaker
possible. It's true. And this chick Tina is going to meet her boyfriend, Freddie. And all these kids don't got anything to do. And they're looking to go party somewhere. Like, yeah, let's go with you to fucking Unita.
00:26:52
Speaker
You need a party? You need a fucking dick sucking? I got you. ah We cut to Freddy who's asking Frank the weirdest shit he's seen. um And then instead of answering his question directly, Frank at asked Freddy if he saw the Night Living Dead, which in this movie is based on real events.
00:27:14
Speaker
At a VA hospital in 1968. My father was eight years old. ah They had a a leak of 245-trioxin.
00:27:23
Speaker
And this shit leaked all over the fucking place and brought dead bodies to life. And these dead bodies came back like, why are you fucking me right now? So this this movie literally gave the lore for the movie this is like a spinoff of.
00:27:38
Speaker
That's kind of crazy. Yeah. um And because the filmmaker of the night, George Romero, apparently knew the truth, ah knew the truth.
00:27:50
Speaker
They, they said they'd sue him if he told the true story. um And then apparently these bodies that came back to life were supposed to be shipped off to, for army research, but actually got shipped to Unita.
00:28:02
Speaker
but i would have been like, you need to ship this shit back over. I want it. They just said, keep it. doesn't make any sense to me yeah but oddly you got that shit and it had a spirit halloween label on it you're keeping it oh for sure but it's got to have like a jump scare you know it's got to like pop out yeah yeah In the middle of him explaining this, his wife called about pot roast, and she's like he's like, yeah, fucking better have ready when I get home.
00:28:29
Speaker
yeah You know what I mean? Get disciplined. ah And Frank offers to show Freddie's bodies, and they go down to the basement. to see him? you want to see him?
00:28:43
Speaker
And he mentions the third step's a bitch, so watch out for that third step. It'll get you. um this bank This basement is fucking dank, dude. It's dank and it's been these fucking bodies have been down there danking for like 14 years.
00:28:57
Speaker
um And they're storing these barrels and you can lift the lid and it has like a glass window you can see through and you see this fucking skull.
Unleashing Zombie Chaos
00:29:05
Speaker
in ah In a real world, why do you need to see it?
00:29:09
Speaker
Some people are just freaks. I love to look at dead bodies. Like, why do you need to see my piece? And why do I need to see your piece? Like, why is that an end like life goal for us?
00:29:20
Speaker
We're fucking weird. It was, it was a goal for me, not you. You just kind of came to it. What does that mean? Like, I'm the one that brought it up to you. Like I woke up, I came to your dick was in my face. You're right. Like, yeah, you see that? Yeah. yeah You ever been to the Mooder Museum in Philly?
00:29:42
Speaker
No, because I dont ah try not to go to Philly. Oh, that shit's crazy. It's like a medical museum, but like they got like fetuses in jars and like medical malpractice things in jars.
00:29:54
Speaker
It's wild. That's interesting. It's insane. I think they have like a piece of Einstein's brain. Yeah, it so like people want to see that, so people probably want to see fucking once alive dead bodies. Right. It's like kind of the same vein. People are fucking weird, just what it is.
00:30:08
Speaker
I guess I'm weird then, because i I went there. Yeah. yeah Um, she's my porn search history. history right. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm on some sketchy websites. Just trying to find the full video. You know what mean? It's not even fucking.com anymore.
00:30:23
Speaker
So it's like fucking. it Dot net. Dot. Pakistan. Like I'm going everywhere. Right. Uh, and Freddie asks if the barrels leak and Frank says, hell no. And slaps the barrels and then they leak gas.
00:30:38
Speaker
Big gas. Big gas. Big credit scene. yeah Yeah. Title smash. With a title card. Got a needle drop with the fucking theme music.
00:30:49
Speaker
um And we see this glass crack open and the corpse's eyes open. And we see this gas gets sucked up through the air ducts. And it gets released throughout the entire building, including to that one fresh cadaver hanging out in the walk-in.
00:31:04
Speaker
And we cut to ah the residence of Horace Glover. And it's 4 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time. We're on the West Coast. Let's go. and he enters his home and he fucking beats his wife. It's not happening.
00:31:20
Speaker
He should. Yeah. She looks old. Yeah. Way older. Like Betty White type shit. That's true. RIP to a legend. RIP to Betty White. And she got kicked out of the bracket again?
00:31:32
Speaker
god damn. ah You got to say you're out?
00:31:38
Speaker
And betty Betty White Light made lamb chops. And he's fucking pissed because had those for lunch. um i don't know. How to casual flex.
00:31:49
Speaker
Yeah, excuse me. ah And he goes into like his office, John, that has like a fucking... It's like in a dresser, his computer. Doesn't make sense. And he's checking in from station three.
00:32:02
Speaker
then he goes to talk to Ethel again, who's his wife. And he has to be in touch with whoever he's talking to at all times because you find out he's responsible for the loss of these bodies that are now at Unita.
00:32:14
Speaker
but Just go get them. If you know they're there, go get them. He doesn't know they're there. That's why he's on duty, because he's looking for them. Oh, right. They've been missing for 14 years.
00:32:26
Speaker
We know that because we're watching the fucking movie. Yeah. We cut to 7.30 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, and this punk crew is going to pick up Freddy.
00:32:37
Speaker
They get in a fight while driving, almost crash, and they pull up outside Unita. Yeah. And Frey don't get off till 10. And it's like, I just said, it's like 730. So they got to wait. Suicide and happy. Yeah. fucking wait two hours.
00:32:51
Speaker
Fucking bullshit. ah And the first time watched, I thought this was the funniest fucking thing. The line delivery here is let's go fool around in the cemetery or you want to go fool around in cemetery, something like that.
00:33:03
Speaker
That shit was fucking hilarious to me. The first time i watched this, like, I mean, imagine living in the 1980s where there's nothing to do besides go fool around in a cemetery.
00:33:14
Speaker
ah can't i the That is kind of creepy though, huh? To go fucking, yeah, I mean. Just. Homegirl, I mean, her name in my my notes is Tits. That's fair. Yeah, her name is freak, bro. I mean, my parents used to say that they used to like go to the cemetery and like just chill. Because like no one's in the cemetery.
00:33:35
Speaker
Fucking strange. It was like the 60s, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I know. Not much to do. Yeah, and nothing to do. Just go chill and like, you know. Right.
00:33:47
Speaker
Corpse fuck. Yeah, shout out to Poughkeepsie Tapes. Yep. um I guess it's a suicide. I wrote Scuzz. That's somebody else. Scuzz has the mohawk. Yeah, he gets fucking eaten later.
00:33:59
Speaker
And he breaks the lock off. And this fucking... Cemetery is trashed and scattered. I got rid of the button because I got a different button, which you'll hear in probably like five minutes.
00:34:10
Speaker
I'm excited. We cut to Freddie and Frank were waking up and they're like, ah my ass.
00:34:19
Speaker
so oh um I got penetrated by gas. They just ain't feeling too hot. No. And then he notices his body in the tank is missing. That body fucking rimmed him. ra Why would that hurt?
00:34:34
Speaker
I don't know. You got like an acid tongue? But... That's crazy. But Frank said frame chalks it up to they just the body melted in the air. Which makes no sense, but sure, Frank.
00:34:45
Speaker
I don't think... Yeah. And they can't tell you enough times that it smells like shit. Like, it smells fucking horrible, and they make that a point. Like, hey, yo, it smells fucking terrible in here.
00:34:58
Speaker
I mean, I've never smelled a dead body. I have not. Not like that. is go to You go to a funeral, they...
00:35:09
Speaker
Fucking, mmm, formaldehyde. Yeah. I've never seen that. Yeah, what was that? A fucking shotgun. I've never been around a dead body besides funerals. Yeah, I haven't been around with one long to see what's going to happen.
00:35:23
Speaker
Right. that To, like, want it. You know, I've never been around one. rat Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen. It's always family, you know, so I can't, like, test the waters. It'd be fucking harder.
00:35:34
Speaker
Yeah. your Grandma. She's not dead yet, but i have to I'm fucking waiting. Oh. Oh. Oh.
00:35:47
Speaker
um but but Oh, That's fucking crazy. That's wild. is That is pretty crazy. All right.
00:36:01
Speaker
Well, it smells like shit, and they can't stop coughing, and Frank sprays some deodorant, and they hear a dog panting in the in the distance.
00:36:13
Speaker
And it's one of these little half dog mods that came to life and they freaked the fuck out. And Frank just starts beating the shit out of it with like a fucking pole or something. don't know what this is. But it is kind of creepy.
00:36:26
Speaker
Half a dog? Half a dog. Oh, it's arrived. Oh, no. We're going to eat it. That went Indian. I'm sorry. ah Oh, nice sesame chicken right here.
00:36:39
Speaker
Yo, Red Key, shut up, bro.
00:36:43
Speaker
this fresh cadaver, real fresh. He's a fresh one. This guy's got game. yeah me Yeah. This is don't lock me out walking with that fucking dead body. Yeah.
00:36:55
Speaker
ah He starts banging the door screaming. Um, and Frankie and, uh, Freddie run and lock themselves the office and Frank is freaking the fuck out. He is not okay. Uh, and Freddie's like, let's call the police of the army. And, ah Frank is not cool with that.
00:37:12
Speaker
So he calls Bert. Uh, it is funny that later in the film we have Bert and Ernie. That's true. Probably intentional. I would, I would assume so. Uh, we cut to, I believe this is tits.
00:37:26
Speaker
What's her actual name? Trash. No, Lenona Ryder. No, Linnea Quigley. Linnea. Yep. Squiggly. Yes. If either one of them are being killed what it's like to be dead or the most horrible way to die. Yeah. Most days.
00:37:43
Speaker
Yeah. And she um she says the way she wants to go out and have a bunch of fucking old men fucking get around her and start eating her alive. And then that's when her clothes come off. And that's why I decided to start calling her tits.
00:37:56
Speaker
I mean, yeah, she gets she gets hot and bothered in the cemetery. Yeah, and she gets on top of a tomb and starts fucking dancing. And goes full nude. And that shit is tight. Yeah, it is. yeah You got tit. You got lab.
00:38:09
Speaker
It is clean and fucking wrapped up down there. She got a nice little ass. Listen, don't take this wrong. I bet you it's spick and span. You know what mean? Yeah, it is. Uh...
00:38:22
Speaker
ah We cut to Bert and he's ah freaking out on Frank because they let the fucking cat out of the bag. And Bert suggests destroying all the evidence and then keeping their mouth shut afterwards.
00:38:36
Speaker
And they're like, yeah. Bert says that the cadaver inside the reanimated cadaver. Shout out reanimator. What came out first? This was 88. Reanimator is 85, no? ah renaer is eighty five no thought so by the way at bull moose today i saw a blu-ray copy of reanimator that is kind of wild yeah 85 hollow um you buy it no i had the fucking arrow i'm chilling that wasn't it like that's fine to last year was it non-arrow it wasn't that yeah was non-arrow weird and didn't know that existed no that's why that's what what saying i fucking found a reanimator blu-ray was not fucking arrow crazy uh
00:39:18
Speaker
So the plan is Bert gives Frank this fucking axe and he tells Freight open the door and they think this fucking Zom Bizzle is going to run out right at ah right at Frank and he's going to axe him.
00:39:30
Speaker
But instead the door opens and his body runs and tackles fucking Bert. He's about to axe you a question. Yeah, he yeah and Yeah. And he's like, what the fucking mouth do? That's the question.
00:39:42
Speaker
Yeah, where my child support at. ah Frank and Freddy restrain this dead body, and Bert drives an axe through his hair, but it's still alive, and ah they decide to saw its neck off. I will say this is one of my favorite scenes in the movie.
00:39:58
Speaker
do enjoy this. I was like, I'm fucking in it right now. I love watching people's heads get sawed off. Yeah, why not? I love fucking ISIS beheadings. And then the... ramho And then their mouth be like, on the last recording we did, that got bleeped.
00:40:15
Speaker
That's rough. That's a rough one. You know? They saw its fucking head off, and then Frank is freaking out big. And his body's still fucking moving. Pushes over a shelf, and then Frankie fucking spears him.
00:40:28
Speaker
Yeah, shout out Edge. Shout Edge. ah They tie it up. They fucking hog tie them. It's a hog style, not dog style. We hitting it from the back, but like your arms are tied. I was fucking crazy.
00:40:42
Speaker
Yeah, it was. i got the one thing The only one I have to edit still is ah ah what's it called? Evil Dead. Oh, nice. Old More Dunn. ah You know what? I was looking for horror decor today just because that's what I'm doing.
00:40:56
Speaker
Yeah. ah I found a Farmer Vinson action figure. ah With the pig hit. With the pig hit? With the pig hit. It was like that big. Are those Terrifier drawings out yet or no?
00:41:09
Speaker
The what? Remember those Terrifier toys?
00:41:13
Speaker
These fucking toys? Yeah, play with my action figures. Play my G.I. Joe. Yeah, I fucking do. I don't know if they are or not. I forgot about those. Anyways, so they tie it up and they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the body because chopping its head didn't kill it.
00:41:30
Speaker
And they suggest a strong acid. You could fuck its brains out. Yeah, I mean, possibly. ah I fuck it. They're going to go see Bert's friend of 25 years, Ernie Calton Bunner or Burner, one of the two.
00:41:46
Speaker
Yeah. And he has a mortuary slash crematorium. He's wondering if Ernie will just help him out this one time at friendship. We cut to 916 p.m. in the cemetery and Tits is still naked.
Zombie Disposal Chaos
00:42:01
Speaker
um And she's trying to fuck. Is this suicide? Yeah, it is Yeah. and He's just misunderstood. And no one. No one understands me. This outfit isn't just for looks.
00:42:12
Speaker
Yeah, it's a fucking lifestyle. And she's like grinding on like a stripper. like the fuck off me, bitch. Like, no, like, sorry. it's It's going down right there on on top of grandma's grief. like That's what he said. Shows him fucking respect.
00:42:27
Speaker
No. hu This other fucking lady in the group sees Freddy going into the mortuary. And the guy who was with her is like, nah, that ain't it. We cut to Ernie, who's working on a cadaver with some earphones on. And there's a...
00:42:43
Speaker
At the door. He can't hear it. And Bert tries to say hello. And Ernie pulls out his fucking gun. He does. He's like. He's shooting. Yeah. He's like. He's like Snape.
00:42:54
Speaker
fucking wand out. Wand out? He's ready for Harry. That's it, dude. Harry. You ah so want to take it for a spin, mate?
00:43:05
Speaker
Harry, you have a fucking corpse. You want to have a go? okay Yeah. Don't worry, they won't fight back. Yeah.
00:43:17
Speaker
It's like hang college, they won't fight back after the Rue feed. They won't fight back unless you have the resurrection stone. That's yeah's true. ah In that case, just him with the Imperium Curse.
00:43:31
Speaker
and they'll be
00:43:37
Speaker
I want ah thought Imperium Curse was the one you and you could just control him. Oh, yeah, you're right. yeah Yeah, you're right. For some reason, I thought of Petrificus Totalus.
00:43:48
Speaker
Ah, that's a big one. Yeah. Anyways, he's fucking breaking rigmarole. He's flexing this guy's muscles. Yeah, he is. Yeah. um And Bert asked Ernie.
00:44:01
Speaker
So fucking stupid, Bert and Ernie. Bert asked Ernie if he could keep something quiet for him. And he brings in Frank and Freddy with this body that's been now cut up into a bunch of different little small bags.
00:44:11
Speaker
Shout out to Eminem. Shout out 3AM. That's true. He says that it's rabid weasels, which what the fuck that even mean And Ernie's like, yeah, take him to the pound, cuz. That's not my problem. And Bert's like, well, i just can't do that.
00:44:23
Speaker
And he's like, can you just keep your mouth shut for me on something? And they show him this fucking arm. And it fucking grabs grabs his pant leg.
00:44:36
Speaker
Yeah, dude. He's like trying to jerk his pant off. Yeah, and it tears a little. ah ri It rips his fucking pant. it's Yeah, his singular pant. Yeah, that's what it is. yeah Yeah.
00:44:48
Speaker
We cut to this back to the cemetery with ah with Chuck and I think her name is Casey. Yeah, it's Casey. And Chuck is trying to fuck Casey, but she ain't interested. She told him to go choke a chicken.
00:44:59
Speaker
He choked my chicken. and she looks She looks a little hair. Yeah, and if he was black, she would say, you can go choke my Kentucky Fried Chicken.
00:45:11
Speaker
You'll meet me at the Colonel's crib, baby. Am I right, Brian, or not? He can't eat chicken. Why is that? He's allergic to chicken, and he's allergic to gluten. That's what I'm saying. This kid's not a real non-mean. There's no way. He's a fake.
00:45:27
Speaker
He's never had KFC in his life. Is Brian going to tune in for Horror Month? Because we've mentioned him every episode.
00:45:37
Speaker
You know, it was good for a hot minute, but I feel like we're going down the rabbit hole now. Next scene is Tina. Her watch dies, but Brian has a watch, and he tells her it's 10 o'clock.
00:45:49
Speaker
ah Tina goes looking for Freddy, and she rings the doorbell on the front of Unita. And we cut to Ernie, who agrees to let them use a crematorium in exchange for... Drumroll, please. He cuts his pant leg and then goes...
00:46:05
Speaker
Yeah, hey nothing. He cuts his torn pant leg off like a spray. And then ah they go to burn this motherfucker. And Ernie says the heart is the toughest part to burn.
00:46:18
Speaker
And Bert's worried about that. they turn up hotter to really fucking burn him. You mean? Yeah, it's like that opening of, ah was it Arkham City? Like the video game?
00:46:29
Speaker
Yeah. I wouldn't know. I'm sorry. Where burn the Joker. I don't like that. I don't like that. So they burn this body and all the fumes go up into the atmosphere and a ah lightning storm starts.
00:46:46
Speaker
So the group of punks in the fucking cemetery have to run to their car. ah Tina breaks into Unitas. um And we follow this rainwater into a casket underground.
00:46:57
Speaker
And we cut back to Ernie, who says the heart is all burned up. And Frank and Freddy are starting to look a little fucky, you know, little loopy. A little not right in the head.
00:47:09
Speaker
Yeah. Freddie says he feels like his head's going to bust open. going to bust. I'm about to bust in his face. Yeah, don't bust in it. His head's going to bust, not going to bust in his head. um I'm going to.
00:47:21
Speaker
I'm going to rip his head open and bust in his brain, quite literally. Yeah, it's not possible bust in your own head, though, um anatomically. Probably not, right? Yeah, it's like... Unless you like your one yeah once you catch from afar, like a score bought like football player's taking in the squirt bottle. Right. Unless you like shoot it shoot it in a perfect line and then snort it.
00:47:43
Speaker
You know fucking snorting cum crazy, bro? What the fuck? ah Um...
00:47:52
Speaker
So anyways, they tell Ernie they inhaled gas from that can. Bert says he's going to get a car to take them to the hospital. And Frank, for just out of no reason, just starts tweaking.
00:48:04
Speaker
And he's like, no! He just runs to the fucking front door. um And Ernie calls the paramedics to come to Resurrection Funeral Home and to come around back to the embalming room.
00:48:15
Speaker
It says they got poisoned. We cut to these fucking kids. not They're not kids, but these 20-year-olds. Yeah, he's fucking... We'll call them these legally fuckables.
00:48:29
Speaker
Yeah, ah sure. um wait Were they legally fuckable when this movie came out? Definitely. How old was Trash? Because that's the only one I want to fuck. She has yeah he had to be.
00:48:41
Speaker
58 to 85? Yeah, you're good. ah Quick math, right? That's 30 years old by... it Yeah, okay. Anyways, so mama they're sitting in this fucking car and Tits hears something.
00:48:56
Speaker
And we cut to like a POV of a body emerging from the grave. And the ceiling on the car starts to cave in. We cut to Tina who's investigating Unitas and she goes into the basement.
00:49:08
Speaker
And ah this body that was in the can is no longer in the can. And then she turns around and gets That was fucking trash, huh? What the hell was that?
00:49:19
Speaker
Brains. Oh. Brains! That was the first... I wanted to use the one that happened in sequence. Sure. And it just...
00:49:29
Speaker
This is the tar man. This is like when I tried to get that cum from Avatar and it just didn't work. Yeah, you tried to fucking start stroking Johannes off and he just wouldn't do it.
00:49:40
Speaker
Who the fuck is Johannes? He's the lead singer. oh
00:49:45
Speaker
Why am I stroking off? you how Who is Johannes and why am I stroking him? like It's Avatar. You wanted to cum. Are we going to that concert or what? I want to. It's only 50 bucks. Let's fucking go. All right.
00:49:56
Speaker
We gotta live a little. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. um Also, this guy looks like what my cum looks like. Your fucking intestines are going explode at some point.
00:50:07
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to die soon. so ah Your cum looks like shit? Yeah, it looks like tar. You cum tar? Okay, here's ah here's my question for you. Would you rather shit cum or cum shit?
00:50:27
Speaker
Okay, I easily shit cum. 100% right? It's liquid. Sure, that's the easy way. It's gotta be shitting cum, it has to be. It's gotta be because that's easy.
00:50:39
Speaker
That's gotta be cum. well The way that I shit, if I had to shit, if I had to... Cum shit? No, if I had to shit, if my bowel movements were the same coming out of my peen hole, I would die.
00:50:55
Speaker
Right? Could be stretched. I can't shit. That's true, you'd be like constipated, but- I'd be sitting like a gogurt, like trying to fucking switch it out my shaft. Yeah.
00:51:07
Speaker
It's fucking crazy. You probably have to like sound yourself on purpose. Why sound? Oh, pull it out? Pull it out, yeah. It's like snake in a drain. Ew.
00:51:19
Speaker
It's like when your fucking dog or cat's choking on your finger and you're going to pull it what out That's fucking gross. Well, hopefully, no, I would only drink milk of magnesia. So then it's like constant like liquid. So then it's normal.
00:51:32
Speaker
I'm have to pop some later. I'm pretty sure. It's bad, bro. I don't know the the eel is. No, I mean, I shit yesterday, but like, I i think I might just, you know. mine well Mine was weird today. It was like, wasn't logs. It kind of looked like flowers.
00:51:45
Speaker
um I might just voluntarily give myself the runs. What does that mean? Flowers? I don't know. It was like spray. It looks like flowers. It was like, it was like pancake-y. That's, you know, yeah, I don't know. accident No, in the toilet.
00:52:00
Speaker
I don't know where you shit. I'm a fucking heathen. Yeah. Uh, so anyways, this guy comes out to his brains and I tried to have the button, but it sucked ass.
00:52:14
Speaker
Hey, it's okay. Yeah. Uh, so she, uh, tries to run back upstairs and falls to that third step. It's a bitch. um and then falls all the way through and locks stuff in a locker and grabs a... There's a fucking pipe in there.
00:52:29
Speaker
um We see the punks, fucking kid, rockers, try to make a run to Unitas. You just said we see the punks, fucking kids, and rockers. what said.
00:52:40
Speaker
That's what it is. That's crazy. Fucking Peter Totter. ah I'm going to name my son Peter Potter.
00:52:57
Speaker
Yeah. Peter? Stroke my knobber. That's little close. Fucking something, man. So they the zombie, there's like a fucking pulley system set up. He's trying to pull a door off. I don't know what this is.
00:53:14
Speaker
don't know. It's a fucking crank. He's cranking one out real quick. He's been in that tub for so long. Ah, yeah. He wants to fucking let one fly. ya do Yeah, do. But these these zombies are intelligent.
00:53:29
Speaker
Yeah, they are. ah And this group enters Unidas and they hear Tina yelling for help and the zombie pulls the door off and ah But as that happens the group and goes down so this is fucking scuzz Right?
00:53:46
Speaker
Scuzz gets injured. Scuzz gets pulled through the fucking window. No, he doesn't. But it's that window scene that Scuzz dies. Suicide. He pulls a sheet. It's just a random sheet hanging up. don't why.
00:53:57
Speaker
Yeah, i don't get They're doing laundry down there for some reason. And Tar Man eats his fucking head off. His forehead, at least. a Good bite. Get out. Nice. It isn't fucking cum dripping down his chin and stuff.
00:54:09
Speaker
Yeah. Well, i don't again, I don't know why your cum is that color, but yeah. Bloody.
00:54:16
Speaker
Sounding accident. Yeah. I it was an accident, but yeah. yeah It seems pretty intentional. It was a little like, you know, the metal rod had like a little little sliver hanging off.
00:54:31
Speaker
The metal rod had a little sliver hanging off. i mean, what are you talking about? Like a metal shaving, you know?
00:54:40
Speaker
So now you cum blood just in perpetuity? Right, yeah. some Something in there got torn. Well, if you cum blood, let us know. Yeah, and let me see a picture. Yeah.
00:54:52
Speaker
We want to see it getting shot out of your peen. Right. Be like the slow-mo guys.
00:55:00
Speaker
Um, so anyways, we cut to the ambulance that arrives and they go check on Freddie and Frank and, they're real fucking pale looking and Freddie's tongue is really yellow and the ambulance wants to know what, uh, chemicals they took and where, but Bert won't say.
00:55:16
Speaker
you know what? They kind of look like Darth Vader at the end of revenge or return of the Jedi. i would agree with that. um The medics get no reading on blood pressure or pulse and their internal temp is 70 degrees. They fucking did.
00:55:33
Speaker
so We cut back to these fucking 20 year olds. Legal. These legal kids. I don't know what these fuckables. um And they barricade themselves. ah They barricade this tar man in the basement and they want to call the cops, but scuzz or scum or I don't fucking know what his name is. Fucking splooge. Yeah. Don't fuck with cops.
00:55:57
Speaker
Yeah, he's against it. And they run back to the graveyard and they see bodies emerge from the grave. We see tits get eaten by a zombie, so we think.
00:56:08
Speaker
And then the medics tell Frank and Freddy that they're technically dead when they hear banging on the door. Uh-oh. And... They hear bang on the door and the medics going go get ah stretchers. And it's the fuckables that are banging on the door.
00:56:27
Speaker
And Ernie, again, gun at the ready, fucking opens his door. He's like, what are you doing on property? To be fair, there's a black guy out front. Yeah. So he's got to pull it out to make sure. It's Brian.
00:56:38
Speaker
Right. Every time I saw Brian, I pulled out my piece. Not your wiener. Well, I can't believe Brian's a large chicken. What the fuck kind of shit is that? Bro, he can't eat poultry at all. He's lying.
00:56:52
Speaker
No. Yeah. Lying is a white people thing to do. ah hundred percent 100%. And Ernie's first question is if they're crazy or on PCP. ah I only know what that is.
00:57:04
Speaker
It's like a drug. What? Yeah, it's like a drug. yeah they They tell Ernie about the undead people. And we see Casey and Chuck run to Unidas.
00:57:16
Speaker
ah We cut back to the medics. We hear zombies screaming. One of them goes to turn the lights on and it reveals some zombies and then he gets attacked. And then the other ah ah medic getting the stretcher gets attacked.
00:57:29
Speaker
Medic! Uh, we cut back to the fucking mortuary, mortuary area. From me on the And, uh, they're telling Bert about the zombies. Uh, we cut back to Casey and fucking Chuck Chucker.
00:57:47
Speaker
And, uh, fucking Chuck, but don't fuck with the Chuck. Don't fuck with Chuck. Uh, shout out our second episode ever. I just typed something. i don't know where I typed it. That's nice.
00:58:02
Speaker
that God damn. I'm going sliver poop. What the fuck does that even mean?
00:58:11
Speaker
Okay, so... like a noodle? I found my spot. Yeah, I want to eat it like fucking fettuccine. Oh my goodness. That's disgusting. Better be white sauce.
00:58:22
Speaker
Harry. My cum. Yeah, white sauce. So they decide that they want to escape to the window... ah the one They want to escape to, they want to run to the ambulance and drive away.
00:58:37
Speaker
Tina is reading out with Freddie. She's like, Freddie, what'd they do to you? ah Ernie goes to investigate the ambulance and he finds zombie, a zombie.
00:58:50
Speaker
It's like a yeah samie German is I mean,
00:58:55
Speaker
zo mean da he finds one of these. He's a midget and he's eating the medics brains. This zombie got a nice piece of salami. Yeah, exactly.
00:59:07
Speaker
And he runs back to the mortuary, which was what I was trying to say before. And he tells the group that they can't take the car and wants to call the police, but the phone line's dead. We cut to some zombies banging on the front door.
00:59:20
Speaker
ah Ernie shoots a couple in the head and then drags ah this big-ass dresser. just dressers everywhere in this fucking place. People were so bored back in the day They were just building furniture that we didn't need. That's true. Also...
00:59:31
Speaker
I don't like how there's like the main door. Right. But then on the, like the two little side panels is just windows. Yeah. It's unnecessary. All right. Too many ways for people to get in.
00:59:43
Speaker
They nail this fucking, they nail Jesus to the cross. Yeah, they fucking do. Fuck him. um ah Jesus Christ taking shots.
00:59:54
Speaker
ah They nail the dresser to the frame and they fight some of the zombies come through the window. ah They go to the chapel, which is all, you know, stained glass and shit. And the zombies are breaking in.
01:00:07
Speaker
um we see a zombie eating a medic brain. he's just chilling. And we see on the dispatch from the ambulance, ah someone's trying to get in touch with the medics.
01:00:17
Speaker
And the zombie radios and asks them to send more paramedics.
Intelligent Zombies and Strategy
01:00:21
Speaker
See, that's cool because most zombies don't really talk. He's smart. He's a smart kid. he do. He's a good guy.
01:00:28
Speaker
yeah like Send more paramedics. You sound like Palpatine, bro. Do it. That's fact. Okay. ah We see the rest of them, the the group board the rest of the windows in the fucking mortuary.
01:00:45
Speaker
um we And then ah Brian and fucking whoever's left, fucking scum. Scuzzbag. Yeah. Hold bur at knife point. Anyone know what the fuck's going on? and Bert tells him and they look at ah Freddy who's not doing too hot and they lift his shirt up and there's blood pooling which means he's fucking dying he's going into rigor mortis gotta get rid of that word huh yeah cause they're turning black so like or they're turning purple yeah so like I was saying rigor mortis and then Ernie says he's turning into a zombie not him ah Freddy's turning into a zombie
01:01:25
Speaker
More paramedics arrive and get attacked by zombies as the group watches. ah The zombies start breaking through the fucking boarded windows. They're breaking the walls. walls?
01:01:37
Speaker
Damn. We're going to get sued by Vince. He doesn't run it anymore. Let's go. were gonna get But I definitely saw a fake post that he was casted to play the Joker in a remake of the 1989 Batman.
01:01:53
Speaker
just like, how fucking stupid do you think we are? You know? Batman. Yeah!
01:02:08
Speaker
But hey, Stephanie as Harley? Sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah! She's like 50, but she still looks 40. But she can fucking get it.
01:02:19
Speaker
Bro, she probably got it. probably got a mean dude on him. You know? mean dude on him? It's just some guy sucking up the place. It's Shawn Michaels. yeah he just eat Triple just walking on him. Don't mind my mean dude. He's just sucking me off.
01:02:37
Speaker
My mean dude. I just keep him on me at all times. It's fucking Hornswoggle because he can fit in his pants. He's he's treating my shillelagh. Yeah, my fucking piece isn't big enough to get double-handed, so I got a midget to do it. Yeah.
01:02:57
Speaker
I tried to get a monkey, but they said that was illegal. Yeah. I was listening to two guys. i got the fucking bright idea to get a lemur to jerk me off. not well
01:03:09
Speaker
yeah You know what I'm funnier? You know, like, it's like um like a planet Earth. Here we see the spotted lemur jerking off the home the ocean.
01:03:21
Speaker
Here we see the massive Hunter Hearst Helmsley do getting absolutely stroked by the midget Hornswoggle.
01:03:33
Speaker
Hornswoggle enjoys play fighting in his free time. While his father Finley watches in the background. Strapped.
01:03:46
Speaker
Fucking strapped. You know what's crazy? Most people that listen to this podcast aren't going to know what the fuck we're talking about. That's fine. That's great. That's fine. Watch wrestling. yeah I mean, i I'm referencing wrestling that's almost 20 years ago.
01:04:03
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. When it was good. Yeah. All right. So we already said this. And then they broke the walls down. Chris Jericho, we're full circle. And this little lady skeleton bitch, only half of her, she burst through this fucking opening.
01:04:17
Speaker
And this is a cover of the 4K Steel from Scream. Shout out to Scream. Hey, see, by the way, is Scream now is like posting, know if once a week or twice a week, a movie story you should go check out.
01:04:29
Speaker
I did see that. That is cool. That's fucking fire, right? I'm waiting for the Bull Moose shout out. I mean, Jeff commented on one of the posts and was like, Yo, bull moose?
01:04:40
Speaker
Yeah, you know these fucking people or what? I want them to post something that I can drive to. That's fact. Brian is able to capture this little bitch. That's her name my in my nose. It's a little bitch. a Little bitch? They fucking strap her to the examination table.
01:04:54
Speaker
um Her fucking little thingaling. Her spine be flopping. ah Yeah, I got some liquid dripping out of it too. Good practical effects. This little bitch confirms she can hear Ernie talk and she only eats brains to remove the pain of being dead.
01:05:12
Speaker
It's kind of sad. Yeah, it is sad. Brian wants to talk to Bird and Ernie in the hallway and they go out in the hallway and he goes, how we going to kill this motherfucker they're already dead, huh?
01:05:23
Speaker
This ain't Newberg. Elmo, what a fuck, Bert and Ernie. think Bert... Is Elmo on Sesame Street? Yes. Oh, all right. What? I don't know. I don't watch fucking Sesame Street.
01:05:35
Speaker
haven't watched Sesame Street since like I was like 19, but... I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Bert says the only way they can do it is to burn them all. And they're like, how are the fuck we going that?
01:05:47
Speaker
We cut to Tits, who comes back to life, and she seduces this homeless man, and she fucking eats him. We cut to these police officers who are. It's a police officer in an in at a police station who radios for cops to go check out these two MIA ambulance vehicles.
01:06:06
Speaker
And we cut to crazy, crazy. Casey? Casey. She's crying, hoping that they're going to come save her and Chuck her. And she's like, hold me, my Chuck her, please. I like you.
01:06:20
Speaker
Hold me. hold ah Burr asked to contain Frank and and Freddie in a different room. And Brian's like, yeah, we should definitely do that.
01:06:32
Speaker
And Ernie suggests the chapel. um And they pick him up and start dragging him over there. And they're just screaming in pain. And Tia decides she wants to stay with them.
01:06:44
Speaker
And she gets locked in with these two mops. I don't think that's a good idea. no Uh, cops pull up to check out the ambulances and find the dead medics and then get attacked by zombies.
Zombie Ambush and Survival
01:06:57
Speaker
Uh, the zombies call for more cops. Send more cops. This is where like this part and the next part, uh, as far as like people come to check in and getting attacked, it it feels a little repetitive. Just a tiny bit.
01:07:11
Speaker
Tiny bit. Uh,
01:07:14
Speaker
Brian says, he get the fuck out of here, man. And Ernie, which I'll talk to earlier, Ernie suggests hiding in the ceiling. And Brian's not for that. He's like, we're not hiding in the fucking ceiling. saw what happened to the Jews?
01:07:26
Speaker
Yeah. That little am bitch. Yeah, that's not going to work out for us. And he wants to make a run for the car. And Ernie says that he has nitric acid, but it's not enough to use it on all of them.
01:07:38
Speaker
We cut to Freddy and Frank who are just like wallowing in pain. And Freddy says he sees the one last thing that can end his pain. Brains. Brains.
01:07:50
Speaker
Because I was so disappointed in it. That's fair. All right. So then after that, he starts attacking fucking Tina. And Bert and Brian come in and save her. ah They beat fucking Freddy's head in. It's just wild that every black guy just gets turned into Brian.
01:08:07
Speaker
I mean, i was going to say if someone hadn't seen this movie, they have no idea what we're talking about. That's true. They could just think the guy's name movie is Brian. Yeah, it might be. It's not. Yeah. But it might be.
01:08:20
Speaker
We're not doing a famous movie where like the guy's name is obviously not Brian. It's like, you know, whatever it is. Right. We're not calling fucking Frozone Brian right now. We have, but we're not. Yeah.
01:08:31
Speaker
All right. So shout out to Brian. Ernie dumps some acid on his face. And then what he's later, he says his foot's broken. Does Ernie, does Freddie grab his foot? I don't even see that. Yeah. He's like, my foot's broken. So I'm like, i don't know what that fucking means.
01:08:47
Speaker
Uh, they run back to the, the fucking embalming room and Brian is like fucking tweaking and Ernie slapped the shit out of him. Uh, and the little bitch on the table still yelling for brains. Freddie's trying to escape the chapel.
01:08:59
Speaker
And they barricade with that pew. how And not Florence Pio. No, she can get fucking rinsed out, though. She wasn't alive yet. Well, fuck her regardless.
01:09:11
Speaker
Yeah, right up the womb. Yeah, no. Whoa, shout Serbian film. Shout out to... ah Illegal X.
01:09:23
Speaker
look ah Ernie says that his foot's broken. i don't know why it's broken. And he can't run to the car. So Bert's going to run to the car with Brian because, you know, blacks are fast. Right.
01:09:33
Speaker
ah Freddie breaks the door down.
01:09:38
Speaker
Bert tells Tina to open the door when he calls and they make a run for the car and they get to it. But it's overrun and they can't get to the door to pick them up. So Bert just decides to split.
01:09:51
Speaker
Tina's freaked that they left him. Brian's tweaking the car, calling him a coward. And they break this fucking gate down with the car. Twice. Wow. Wow. Shout out Trish Jericho.
01:10:04
Speaker
Shout out Y2J. Yeah. ah And they also still hit a wall of fucking zombies and they have to fucking skirt and crash into the wall of Unitas and meet up with Casey and Chucker.
01:10:18
Speaker
ah We see Freddy terrorizing the fucking inside of this mortuary because he can't see.
Zombie Outbreak Escalation
01:10:25
Speaker
His eyes are all fucking closed and shit. It looks like he's got dick cheese in his eyes. Wow.
01:10:31
Speaker
I don't know. That's what i thought of. little bit. Tina goes into this fucking crawl space in the ceiling Ernie. We see Frank kill himself in the crematorium. That's what I'm talking about.
01:10:43
Speaker
I want to be Frank. We see a large group of cops arrive and all get fucking killed by zombies hiding in the woods. uh helicopter reports all this and they announced to make your way to perimeter if you want to be saved uh bert wants to go to the office or the basement in onitas but they you need us because but they can't go there because there's fucking zombies and shit uh he thinks that blinding them works because of uh a la freddy And he asked Chukar to open the door for him.
01:11:16
Speaker
So they cut and Freddy is talking to Tina saying he could smell her fucking brain. Smell your fucking cunt from here. Yeah. And Tina decides to scream instead of like remaining quiet, which is kind of fucking stupid.
01:11:30
Speaker
We cut back and Brian opens the door and Bert knocks his fucking tar man's head off at the spray. Bert goes in and calls the police. We cut to these police barricade that Bert is calling and this guy answered the phone and Bert tells him what's up, but the cops can't really hear.
01:11:47
Speaker
And as they're conversing, the barricade gets attacked by some bizzles. They call ah the number off the side of the barrel that the OG dead body was in that burst.
01:12:00
Speaker
And it turns into Colonel Horace Glover. Yeah, not Danny Glover. Shout out to Namiz, though. You're right. Shout Saw1. And ah he's in that, isn't he?
01:12:15
Speaker
Yeah, he is. All right. good you I thought you looked at me weird. I'm like, I'm pretty sure he's in that. No. All right. I was going to, don't know. and I think Lethal Weapon. I think so. I haven't seen any of them. Me neither. All right.
01:12:27
Speaker
I don't know. I just was aggressively shaking my tongue at Gerald for the people who can't see us. Right. individual will Which is all of you. Do I think for Patreon, we kind of have to do video now?
01:12:40
Speaker
Yes. All right. So we'll do that for Patreon possibly, but you got to pay more fucking money for that. I ain't just giving you my fucking face for nothing. Right. Yeah. And not giving you $5 either, but we'll suck you off $5. That's what's up. I'm not gay, but like, I'm not gay, but $5 is $5. What's so So, uh, Horace takes his phone call in middle night and his wife's like, Horace. Uh, and he just kind of takes notes again, Horace.
01:13:08
Speaker
And he's like, uh, Oh, like the guy that fucking wants to put all the kids on the shelf. Right. Horace. That was his name. Shout out to half blood Prince. Go listen our episode on that. Good app. Uh, great app. And, uh,
01:13:22
Speaker
He's like, so what happened next? Okay. And what happened? And that made you feel what? He's like a therapist. You don't hear what Bert's saying. And he hangs up with Bert and goes over to his computer and orders a bomb to be dropped.
01:13:34
Speaker
And ah they got a Q2. And their lost consignment of Easter eggs have turned up in Louisville. And these eggs hatched. Shout out eggs. Yeah. Egg boy.
01:13:45
Speaker
And they asked for the the code. And I didn't write all it, but it's just funny that it was Archimedes hot dog rhubarb. That's just funny. That's what's up. I mean, you could suck my hot dog and rhubarb, but. that Yeah, I mean, mine's more of a rhubarb color than hot dog. So I'm going to say rhubarb. Yeah, i don't know who Archimedes is, but if your name is Archimedes, hit me up.
01:14:04
Speaker
Right, and you can fucking ARCA see these nuts. That's fact. We see this fucking bomb get launched and you hear the whistle, the classic. I can't whistle, so I can't do it.
01:14:15
Speaker
Uh...
01:14:17
Speaker
Do that little closer the mic, you fuck. ah And Bert asks him they hear anything. And ah it kind of cuts to Freddie breaking through the ceiling and it kind of freeze frames.
01:14:30
Speaker
And the bomb drops at 5.01 a.m., which obviously causes a lot of smoke and fire. And you hear over the the sound is like this guy on the phone. Like, don't worry, the rainbow washed everything away, which obviously that doesn't fucking work with this strain of zambizzle.
01:14:47
Speaker
Because the rain makes them come. And then more zombies come. And that's that's the end of the fucking movie. that' Just like that.
01:14:57
Speaker
Just like that. The movie's fucking over. ah agree I kind of want to replace that button with you going, that's what i'm fucking talking about. That's what fucking talking about. You know what mean? That's what fucking talking about.
01:15:09
Speaker
ha What are you to fucking rate over there, zombie aficionado? So it went down to a four. What was it before? Get it? It was a five for some reason. The first time I watched it, i think it was on crack.
01:15:22
Speaker
I had this rated... I had it rated the first time i watched it a four and a half. Then I dropped it to a four in March. And we definitely for sure need to bleep this because I know...
01:15:34
Speaker
A four. I'm giving it a four. I'm not a whore. Right. i mean, you can be because I'm going to pay you. That's fine.
01:15:44
Speaker
Great use practical effects. It's fucking campy. I do think that the parts of like, oh, the ambulance is coming and oh, they just get eaten and then oh, another ambulance is coming. It's just kind of like a time fill a little bit, but it is fun.
01:15:58
Speaker
The costume design, the practical effect work, the I'm assuming animatronic of the fucking dog. For sure. got a little, you got little bitch. Yeah. A little bitch. You got to respect all that shit. The 4k looked great.
01:16:10
Speaker
Are you watching? Yeah, that's I did. It looked great. I didn't have a single complaint about it. Looking at you clash of the Titans. not well I think it's the wrong button.
01:16:21
Speaker
There it is. Uh, so I put you onto this. Probably. We were at Bull Moose ah the first time I was ever there. And I was like, yo, there's a steelbook, 20 bucks. You watch it. Movie's good.
01:16:33
Speaker
And you're like, no. And i guess what? I still have it. Yeah. And now own the Blu-ray steel and the 4K steel. Look at that. So we'll do a... Plug it in, plug it in.
01:16:45
Speaker
All right, little fucks.
Podcast Promotion and Future Plans
01:16:46
Speaker
Yes. you're You are going to follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com.
01:16:58
Speaker
Send us a fucking voicemail. 508-8-5-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8 apparently if you want to come on this podcast you can just request to be in this podcast because three people have done it now yeah so but yeah some fans but also like if you're not caught up you can't you you have the fucking balls you have to request to be on this podcast and not have heard that's a prerequisite you have to know have let do all of our episodes to um on this podcast how can we prove it we know ja Jake has admitted to me in private that he's not caught up.
01:17:31
Speaker
ah My cousin, and I know for a fact, has not... My cousin sent us an email that we didn't read because it was fucking stupid. And it's the so the title was episode 63. So you're sure also you're not caught up.
01:17:43
Speaker
Someone has to be listening to all of them. I mean, we are. Well, yeah. My cousin isn't even at the one year yet. Oh, wow. I didn't listen to Toxic Avenger. I'm a fake fan.
01:17:55
Speaker
didn't it either. Okay. Uh... Follow us on YouTube, TikTok, Letterboxd. Go listen to our other physical media podcast.
01:18:06
Speaker
Yeah. You want it? Fucking want it or not. We're waiting. can give it to you. And it's not going to be consensual this time. oh we're just kidding yeah 100 yeah uh let us know yeah let us know if you would pay for a patreon we're taking submissions and by submissions i mean i mean i'll be submissive to you daddy yeah that's what i'm talking about i'm talking about make my taco ooze or whatever the fuck i said in that one episode yeah you will i'll make your fucking make your chimichanga bust i love that uh
01:18:41
Speaker
Leave us a comment. Leave us a like. Tell us if we're really bad at this. If you despise all of us. Yeah. and all If we're vile. We know we are. We're vile. We're fucking assholes.
01:18:53
Speaker
and Smack your ass while I make you listen to the podcast. That's definitely kink that someone's going to have eventually. i hope so. ah We're going wrap up. We're not really. We're not wrapping it up, but the next episode that's coming out is going to be the bracket winner I don't know what that's going to be right now because we're recording September 9th.
01:19:15
Speaker
So that's just what it's going to be. ah But then next Friday, when you're listening to we're a week away from Halloween. And we are finishing off ah Halloween Horror Month with the one, the only, Evil Dead 2013.
01:19:30
Speaker
twenty thirteen Yeah, you like trees? Yeah, you like getting raped by nature? Yeah. um So you're like, yeah, that's that. And we'll see you next week for the bracket winner.
01:19:46
Speaker
Maybe it's going to be human centipede too. Toodles.