Transcript
Speaker: That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
Speaker: Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
Speaker: We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
Speaker: I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
Speaker: That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
Speaker: a
Speaker: Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
Speaker: Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
Speaker: We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
Speaker: Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Speaker: Hello and welcome to episode 82 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, aka the Potown Boys, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, aka the Diarrhea Daddies, which is what it is now. That's what it is. Speaking of hemorrhoids,
Speaker: speaking of at my new job, right, I gotta do a lot of bending. Don't sneak up to me fuck my ass, I'm not gonna like it. ah Yeah, if it was you, then I'm fine. I'm going to look back while you're fucking me, right? And I'm going to see and look stare in your eyes and just probably start and fucking jamming back on it, you know? Yeah, i just...
Speaker: There was some recording where you were like, yeah, I want just like fucking throw a back on them. I'm serious. Yeah. i don't know when you said that. It was fucking hilarious. Oh no. But anyway, I've been bending over a lot. And now every time I bend over, it's been itching.
Speaker: You know, I think it's back. It's it's coming back. You're aggravating your hemorrhoids. Heavy lifting and bending over. So i can't I can't lift and or fuck any plump bitches. Because then I would get major roids.
Speaker: don't even know if I said this is episode 82, but it is episode 82. Yeah, you did. where Well, I got fucking early onset. i don't know. We're here on... This recording is scheduled to come out on... scheduled.
Speaker: It's scheduled to come out on a Halloween. So a happy Halloween, you fucks. So anyways, we're reviewing the Evil Dead 2013, which is ah fucking goaded.
Speaker: Which is better than EOG. I'll say it now. It's my favorite Evil Dead out of all of them. Me too. It's the best one. I don't think there's an option. I'm happy you agree with that. Before we get into it we'll do a little... Plug it in, plug it in.
Speaker: So you better fucking ah follow us on Instagram. Two guys, one screen. Please. follow us on instagram two guys one screen pod send any comments concerns movie requests two guys one screen pod at gmail.com follow us on youtube tiktok follow us on letterboxd fucking ride that shit uh ride it jump on it send us a voicemail 508 fist us 508 dip tip six minute limit go listen to our physical media collecting podcast
Speaker: Yeah, you want it? Yeah, you want to fucking stick it in your fucking twat, you little fucking slut bag. If you want to fucking talk to us for more than six minutes, just request to be on the podcast or send an email.
Speaker: yeah Yeah, you can do that. If you want to be on like a podcast episode, hit us. If you've been like background checked, or you already have a podcast, you're only listening to your content and know what you're all about. yeah if you're known, if you want to a fucking sponsor.
Speaker: If you are a sponsor, if you want to fucking pay us money to do nothing. you yeah i mean, i don't do nothing, I would say. but You know what I meant. But also, if you're a big podcast and you want to have a ton of guests to get us some followers.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, we're not going to pay you. We'll probably suck you.
Speaker: Yeah, and the movie did come out in the year 2013, which is definitely post-Chris Benoit and definitely post-9-11. Do you think by 2013 people were like, hey, we should why are we forgetting Chris Benoit's matches?
Speaker: No. You think my it was still like he was still like, oh, no one's going to say that yet? Yeah, because I want to say around that time is when the WWE wwe Network came around. That's what I think, too. And they were still like anti-Cris Bawa. You couldn't type his name in, but you could still watch his matches if you knew the pay-per-view.
Speaker: If he had the right dark web website. ah Yeah, I mean. Yeah. What's what's more of it what's more of a tragedy 9-11 or Chris Benoit. Okay, you're setting me up to say something fucked up, and I don't like that.
Speaker: don't like that. Oh, it's 9-11. Spoiler alert. What was I more upset about? Definitely Chris Benoit because I was alive for it. Yeah. Well, I was alive for 9-11. I just wasn't alive enough to remember it.
Speaker: Yeah, but I watched Chris Benoit. Yeah, and I never could say his name as he has a crisp annoyed. I mean, I was a little fucking my home and young man kid. You think you think that's what he said?
Speaker: but Like as he was hanging himself, but he couldn't finish his sentence. So he's like, my name is Chris Benoit. Possibly. like Wait, he hung himself. Yeah, well I thought he just shot it up. No.
Speaker: Oh, all right. Well, on that note, hung himself with his weight bench.
Speaker: but Stop. And and then, yeah what tell us the whores. We're in horror month. Tell us all the whores. When, when edge returned, yeah, he did a, a, a last man standing match against Randy, right?
Speaker: Randy Orton. And they did a whole spot where, where fucking edge was hanging Randy Orton on a weight bench. oh Fuck, really?
Speaker: Yeah, so people didn't like that. no i don't like that. um Well, the the Evil Dead... That's something we like. It did come up, and I'm all... I like Edge.
Speaker: Shout out to Adam Copeland. He just seems like a genuinely nice guy. Yeah. He's also a fucking Canadian, so he gets it he's like the one Canadian gets a pass from me. But he's also old.
Speaker: Doesn't mean i don't like him. I fuck with old people. i I would fuck Edge for the clout. Can you make imagine how crazy fucks? He should be like this. What the hell?
Speaker: I mean, some fucking girl, Beth Phoenix lays down and spreads open her fucking throat. Oh my God. Like, I'm going crazy. Every other day, he's like, let's have sex in public. I'm going to tongue you down in a bed in the middle of the fucking street.
Speaker: Yeah. I need people to watch me to get hard. want to sex with you in front of millions of people on Netflix. Yeah. ah So Evil Dead 2013 directed by Fidei Alvarez. Not Bidet.
Speaker: Fidei. We have talked about this man before. Yeah, we have. ah He directed Alien Rhymos, which was our second or third recording episode that got published. think it was the third one. He sucks dick.
Speaker: Fucking trash garbage monkey. ah He also directed Don't Breathe. Which may or may not be the mystery movie that when wins the bracket. Who knows?
Speaker: We don't know yet. It's August. ah So he's the director. Here's your cast. We got Jane Levy who plays Mia Allen. In the movie, i don't know if I'm fucking her.
Speaker: I don't know because she just straight up looks like a drug addict. Yeah, and I think I'm going to skip that. But in her profile picture on Letterboxd, she's a rat. She's a piece.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. But for now, he ain't fucking it. Oh, she's also in the new Toxic Avenger. How about that? Oh, my God. She better show her fucking nipples. We can fuck her in there, then. Yeah.
Speaker: Next, we got Shiloh Fernandez. that's ah Shiloh's kind of a Jew name, huh? Oh, yeah. He's definitely spinning a fucking dreidel. Oh.
Speaker: mamo spirit of fucking my I'm just saying, you're playing with a fucking block at the age of 28. What are you doing? You're like fucking adults doing too. isn't that crazy? Yeah, you fuck.
Speaker: Damn. Alright, next we got Lou Taylor Pucci, who plays Eric. This guy's not a good actor. Yeah, he's just fine. I don't... I'm not fucking him either.
Speaker: my fucking no Are you fucking David? No. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Next, we got Jessica Lucas, who plays Olivia. I'll be honest. I'll give it to her.
Speaker: Oh, she's getting it. Yeah. Even after she removed part of her job, bigger space for my smaller peen. That's what I'm talking about. But she's in Halloween Town 2.
Speaker: She's also in Cloverfield, which I didn't realize. It's a good movie.
Speaker: Have you seen ch Cloverfield? I have. It's good. I like it. i have the 4K. don't even have the or have the Steelbook. I have a a slip on it. Back in there when Best Buy fucking sold shit in store.
Speaker: Yeah, they're coming back though. Maybe by the time this comes out, they'll be selling them. They'll be back back. Back back. Big backyard. A. Shout out to the Black.
Speaker: Next we have ah Elizabeth Blackmore. You can get fucking blacked out. Yes, you can. What? She plays Natalie. She's a fucking piece. She's also a bad actress. I would also fuck her without the arm. I don't give a shit.
Speaker: Oh my god, can I fuck her stump? but you know mean How would you just sit on it? Oh yeah, dude. hard I don't need to grease it. It's fucking squirting blood.
Speaker: don't think blood is looped though, is it? It's got to be, right? It's a liquid. um don't know. It's got to be look at yeah liquid does not mean lube though. What do you mean? Not all liquids are lube.
Speaker: Lube is lube. Lube is lube. Yeah. but like it's Like slippery substances are a lube, not just like water. Like if you had like, if you put WD-40 on like a door hinge, if you put water on, it's not going do anything.
Speaker: i mean like You need to amplitate it. If you put water, if you just take a fucking pitcher, right, and just pour it on your peen and then go into a, ah like A stump? No.
Speaker: Yeah, you're going fucking grow flowers. No, if you go into like a dry bitch, right? Like she's like, you know, unconscious or something. Like it's going to be. ah Okay, here's just my only question. Not to like, you know, poke holes, this but it is kind of a massive gaping hole. Not the one you're fucking.
Speaker: yeah But if water works for everything, how come everyone uses lube?
Speaker: Because water doesn't work. Oh, because water, like, the friction evaporates it, so it's like one-pump chump type deal, yeah which I already am, so it's fine. But why would you just do one stroke, pour more water on your cock, one stroke, pour more water? I'm not saying that. I'm saying it You need to have, like, a fucking turkey baster, like, just slowly just fucking, just like, yeah, as you're going, you just gotta, of like, you throw Or liker like a Nerf squirt gun, just...
Speaker: You got a fucking good trigger figure because you play video games. just fucking spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you get like ah one of those things that like you spray your hair with. yeah like ah Yeah, like a hairspray bottle. Yeah, you just got to keep misting yourself. Or just run the hose. Or just keep or just go... You know? I can't produce that enough fucking saliva, but I know what you mean. got me Anyway, that seems like a lot of fucking work. but Yeah, it does.
Speaker: The...
Speaker: The next person the list is Phoenix Connelly, who plays the teenager. I believe this is like an opening scene. Yeah, the bitch that get fried. She does not look of age in this picture, so to make no comment. Yeah.
Speaker: don't like that. I already did that. not Don't like that at all, dude. Also, shout out to Bruce Campbell who makes a little fucking game at the end of the movie.
Speaker: He's a fucking goat. Groovy. I'm fucking him. yeah no It's not even a question, right? You gotta fuck him. 100%. Yeah. yeah It's gotta be king!
Speaker: If new this fucking podcast, check out our month's worth of horror. and last year's year of horror. um Yeah. If you're a whore, hit us up. Yeah. Hit our woman.
Speaker: Or they, them. It's fine. Doesn't matter. We, The Evil Dead 2013, what? What? Suck your soul dry. Get off your fucking chest. and Just fucking leak it onto mine. Just drip it. Oh my god. I mean, our shit just comes out like a weak faucet.
Speaker: ah Sometimes. Sometimes I should be dribble-drabble. Yeah, I want you to dribble-drabble over my chest. Yeah, i will. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, it is I'm just sitting there like, wait, wait, theyre wait. Yeah. oh Yeah.
Speaker: Doesn't that suck when you're watching porn and it's just like, oh and it just goes and it's like nothing? it's like And you're like... It's like, why did I wait? like like what you know yeah It's just kind of boring.
Speaker: It just kind of sucks. Uh, so the evil dead opens with a lady walking in the woods. She's got, she's all bloody and shit. Uh, she sees something running the woods and she sees a guy in the distance holding the chainsaw.
Speaker: This movie's fucked up, by the way. ah Yeah, she gets fucking bagged and then gets put out with a fucking rifle. Bagged, raped, fucking thrown, trash scattered. She gets everything.
Speaker: i don't think she gets raped, though. Unfortunate. Well, she probably got raped by that little fucking tree vine at some point. Oh, for well, yeah. it crawled up in her cooch. Right. um And this guy's like, we caught the bitch.
Speaker: And then they... Bring her to this fucking basement. Hey, I'm just saying. It's setting up for either raping or weird porn. Your choice. Yeah. Well, this one leads to arson. So they take the bag off of her head and she's tied to this fucking pole.
Speaker: And there's this old lady not speaking English. It was voodoo doll. It's like a rat. like a rat um and the guy that took the bag off her head is her father. It's dad.
Speaker: Wow. Real Serbian film vibes. Dad's coming to fucking rinse me out. oh Dad's coming to cleanse me from my soul. Power of Christ fucking compels you. see Yeah, basically.
Speaker: yeah I'm just saying, if God is real, I'd let fuck me.
Speaker: For the clout. who Who is more clout worthy than God himself, right? The problem with God fucking you is if God fucks you. That's incest. If God fucks you, no one's going to believe you.
Speaker: but That's true. So anyways. It's also going to be able to fuck God. Yeah. ah Her father. She asked daddy where mommy is, but mommy's dead because she killed her.
Speaker: And he dumps gasoline all over her um and goes to light her on fire. And this demon voice fucking takes over. It's like, I'll rip your soul out, daddy. And then she gets burned alive. that a way making him cum?
Speaker: Possibly. but You're going to be shooting rope so many ropes, your body shrivels because you're dehydrated. So she's standing there fucking burning alive. And then he shoots her in the fucking head with shotgun. And we get the title card. The one thing, while all the movies in this new trilogy for Evil Dead aren't great, they all do basically nail the title card.
Speaker: Big, loud. yeah ah also Also, just like when to drop it. Like they just drop it the right time. i mean, Evil Dead Rise. There's that other one that I didn't watch.
Speaker: Oh, the opening for Evil Dead Rise is fire. ah Crazy good. Then the rest of the movie is kind of a ski area. Yeah. I can't believe you'd like the fucking OG Dracula strip. Fucking boring movie.
Speaker: Wow. okay and Frick your fuck. I will. Um, we get a tracking shot of a car driving and, all these kids, not kids. Like they're adults, not kids. They're fucking adults.
Speaker: They all meet up. We got Olivia. We got Natalie. We got David. Natalie and David are dating. We got them. We got Eric. Um, And David now you're a like and And then we got Mia.
Speaker: Mia is David's sister. That one sounded like a fart, I'll be honest. That was a burp. Yeah. This guy's got a big-ass bag of cat food. ah And Mia and David have beef because David's not around much, but Mia also has a drug problem. So there's that.
Speaker: the Yeah, there is that. And David, they're all at this cabin because Mia's going to give up drugs once again. and David gives Mia a necklace that he says will make her will stronger.
Speaker: And he's like, I don't believe in this shit, but you do. so maybe it'll work. You know what's great about this movie? Besides the entire movie. Yeah, tell me. She's exercising her demons of the drug habit while exercising real demons.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a great ah it's a great metaphor. Also, it play also plays out really well because like she wants to leave and like has all these reasons why she can't be there. And i'm just like, yeah, you're a drug addict. addict We know you're just making any excuse You're going through withdrawal. Yeah.
Speaker: So it it works good. Yeah, surprisingly, right? That's why I like Smile 2 so much because it pulls the same... like alcoholism addiction thing. It's you should watch Smile too because it's like, it's so good. The metaphor works. So good. All right. It's used in a very adjacent way that works really well.
Speaker: Noted. If you can get past the, i don't know what that was about. Shout out to that kid Dylan who used go to school to LMS. He would be like, shut your mouth before put my dick in it. yeah this kid dylan This kid Dylan, he would – forgot his last name, but he was black.
Speaker: He was a non-mean. And he would say something like so funny at lunch that like we'd be like crying laughing. And you know how you laugh your mouth open? He'd be like, yo shut your mouth before I stick my dick in it.
Speaker: That's hilarious. ah He was like the first kid that I met at LMS back in the day. He's like the first kid I've ever actually considered it. Like fucking him?
Speaker: Oh, wow. You're like, shut your mouth and you're just full on like jaw hung. Like, ah, fuck me. Ah. Oh, it probably wasn't big enough cause that kid was non-mean. He definitely a fucking big piece. Right.
Speaker: Oh, your mouth. what He forced it open. He'd break your jaw to fucking. He'd break my jaw like King Kong broke that T-Rex's jaw in King Kong 2003 or whatever year that was. The Peter Jackson one. I was close. Peter Jackson one.
Speaker: You know what the fuck I'm talking about? right. Movie's kind of mad. ah So Mia asked David to stay with her until the end. And he makes she makes David cross his heart, hope to die.
Speaker: And he crosses it on the wrong fucking side, by the way. Didn't notice that. He crosses it on the right side. think crossing her heart's kind of gay. Yeah, it is. um
Speaker: Next scene is Mia making a promise she's going to get clean and dumps her drugs. It looks like Coke, but it could be anything. And dumps it down a well. But she has all her fucking teeth, so it's not like heroin.
Speaker: Yeah, or meth. Yeah. i'm not big I'm not big drug knower. I've never done drugs either, so I wouldn't know. ah Olivia says that Mia is going to go through next three days or be painful as fuck because that's the pain of withdrawal. But honestly, it's going to be a different kind of pain.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh, speaking of lube, vomit. What do you think? Would vomit work as lube? No. Start fucking stroking it. Unless you literally chugged a bottle of canola oil then vomited it back up, I don't think it would work.
Speaker: Now we're on to something. Yeah, but that would really lube your throat up to get fucked. Down to try? Am I down to try? No, I don't think I'm into vomit play. That's going to you thing and a you thing only.
Speaker: not me But make no mistake, this is the internet. So someone out there is definitely into it. Well, there are a couple movies on the disturbing iceberg movie iceberg that deal with that.
Speaker: With vomit fucking vomit play. Tell me one slaughtered vomit dolls. What? You heard What?
Speaker: Ryan, if you think we review that movie for the podcast. Slow tortured puke chamber.
Speaker: I've seen... It's not Vomit, but that scene in Saw where they fucking destroy those fucking pigs in a grinder and then just get on top of that like judge. That's like the closest thing to Vomit play that I've seen in a movie. It's not even Vomit, but it's adjacent.
Speaker: yeah I don't get chubbed up, but i did give Saw III a five-star. okay The movie's great. Brain surgery just gets me off. i Honestly, the vibrations just make my dick go crazy.
Speaker: Yeah, stick it in his frontal lobe. Yep. So they enter this cabin, and Mia's like, it smells like absolute fucking shit. And David says it looks like someone broke in, because I believe their parents used to own it, or still do own it.
Speaker: ah David finds this random cat behind a curtain that was supposed to be scared, but it kind of wasn't. ah Mia is looking at pictures of her with her mom and talks to David. If you remember, it's lullaby, which David dismisses, it but keep that in the back of your head for later.
Speaker: she's ah she's ah He's like, ah you're supposed to be here for yourself, not think about sad memories. Like, oh, sorry that i was thinking about my fucking mother. Who's dead.
Speaker: Yeah, well, she probably deserved it. She was a schizophrenic or something, so probably, yeah. She's probably drug addict. Yeah, you know, you...
Speaker: Wow. up Jesus Christ. That was crazy what I just said. That was fucking nuts. i don't know if you should keep that. we're going to bleep that. Yeah.
Speaker: That'll be on Patreon. We don't have. Yeah. All right. So we cut and David's using a nail gun to like reattach the door frame. And Olivia tells David that they tried last summer to get me a better and didn't work.
Speaker: Um, and she says this time when Mia wants to leave, they're to force her to fucking stay and sit in it. i mean, um, and make her fucking exorcist crawl on my cock.
Speaker: Olivia is like, she won't survive in their OD. And David just had no idea she even ever OD'd. That's how little he like talks to his friends, quote unquote, or his sister.
Speaker: Uh, We cut to Mia losing her shit because she's going through withdrawal and says the smell stench is driving her nuts. um And Olivia injects her with some kind of shit.
Speaker: Chloroform? Sorry. I don't think so. so Ketamine? I don't know. They keep saying it's tranquilizer. Yeah. um Maybe morphine? What?
Speaker: Maybe morphine because she is a nurse. Possibly. Uh, and Mia still thinks there's a smell and we see a dog pawing at the rug, which reveals a hatch that has blood all around it. And they decide, you know what? Let's go look at it.
Speaker: So they open this fucking hatch and go down to this basement. Like fucking dead cats hung from the ceiling. Like wire. Yeah. You know what? I'm thinking I'm going to start calling it. I was going to say, cause I see your puss hatch.
Speaker: My puss hatch? Oh, yeah, like for mad, your puss hatch? Yeah, puss hatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you have if you have bush, you got a long-haired puss hatch. Yeah, you long-haired puss hatch short-haired puss hatch?
Speaker: That's my favorite breed of fucking pussy, dude. Yeah, you fucking domesticated or not? I'll fucking domesticate you for sure. Yeah. Take you for a walk, you little fucking bitch.
Speaker: Filthy whore. Yeah, something like that. ah They find the that burned post and Dave's like, yep, something definitely burned here. you Like, yeah, we just fucking saw that. Yeah, got it. Yep.
Speaker: ah And then we see the the famous book. Is there an aim for this book? Yes, Necronomicon. Okay. Didn't know that slash didn't care. so The Book of the Dead.
Speaker: um And they bring the book upstairs and Eric has a ah fascination for this book. He's fucking stroking it, which is weird because it's made out of human fucking flesh. He's fucking stroking It's the devil.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, hey, shout out the devil. We cut to Nally, who's cutting some meat with an electric knife. And we see Mia walking outside in the rain. She's walking in circles because she's a fucking freak. She's pacing because she's having withdrawal.
Speaker: ah Eric cuts open the barbed wire surrounding this book and he opens it. And there's all these signs that like not fucking use this book. It says like leave this book alone. It literally says don't read.
Speaker: Yeah, don't hear it. Don't read it. Don't say it. And then he proceeds to the opposite. He gets a paper cut and his blood lands on the page. And then he traces over ah traces over this like scratched out name and reads out the...
Speaker: It's like, Kuna. And then this one fucked up. but It was like, Estrada or something like that. And then i was like Montase. Something like that. Something gay. Something racist.
Speaker: And then he just said fucking Canada at the end. know to tell you. And you see the classic. If you haven't seen the Evil Dead movies, it's like the POV of the demon like entering someone's body.
Speaker: Like going through the woods. It's like the classic Evil Dead POV. Yeah. And it enters Mia, but not through her fucking twat. yeah Not yet. Yeah. Well, we don't get a POV of that, so unfortunately it's what it is.
Speaker: You like fucking hard bark? Get ready. yeah I don't want you fucking bark for me. Wolf daddy. That's fucking crazy. I was fucking gay.
Speaker: ah Yeah, it was. Mia sees a lady at the top of the hill and she goes back inside and tells Olivia that she has to leave. And this is when the group tells Mia she ain't fucking leaving.
Speaker: Um, she asked David to take her home and David says no. And she's pissed and turned up the necklace and talk some shit to David. Uh, she slams the door to some room that escaped out the window and tries to drive off and it's raining.
Speaker: Remember? So she turns the windshield wipers on and sees this lady up appear again in the middle of the road and she crashes her car into middle of a lake. Wait! Screen goes black for a minute and then she crawls out of this car.
Speaker: and she can hear David calling for, um And this demon emerges from the lake and chases her into the woods. And this is obviously a famous scene in the original one. She gets fucking choked out by the branches.
Speaker: Yeah. By vines. You want to know where that fucking branch goes? I'll give you one guess. You're probably right. It's her fucking cooter.
Speaker: Not in this movie, though. In this movie, she's face-to-face with a demon that throws up a fucking slug vine-looking John that does, adam as a matter of fact, fucking gripe her twat.
Speaker: And it's up in there. It's like, this is my home now. Yeah, I'm going to lay my eggs. The group finds her and brings her back to the cabin. Mia tells Olivia about what happened, but Olivia's like, yeah, it's just some fucking druggie withdrawal shit.
Speaker: Eric points out the thorns on her, like maybe she's not like lying, and Olivia thinks that Mia did it intentionally. I will say that Mia's actress is probably the best out of all of them.
Speaker: ah Yeah, they were all fine for me.
Speaker: Um... David walks into Mia's room and she's like scared. Yeah. Once, once this happens, the movie doesn't slow down at all. It's just all gas, no brakes.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, the original cut is 91 minutes. We watched the on rate, which is 97 and they don't really waste too much time with this. No fucking get Which is crazy. If a day made this movie, they made that fucking schlop. That's alien Romulus. You know what i mean? Yeah.
Speaker: You fucking pussy. Um, Mia tries to tell dave there was something in the woods and David walks away and tells her it's all in her head. ah we see a jump scare of a demon in the reflection of the mirror in Mia's room.
Speaker: We cut to Eric reading a book, the book, not a book. And, uh, he sees an image of a lady getting fucked by trees. That's what I'm talking about. was like maybe Maybe, maybe she's on something.
Speaker: Uh, Olivia walks in, ah and she's like, what the fuck are you doing? go'll Go help your friend. And he's like, he's not my friend he hasn't been around for a decade or something. um and And next cut, very, very quick cut of like David cleaning up the basement, like cutting down like dead cats.
Speaker: Yeah, that's not what I'm talking about. No, we don't appreciate animal cruelty. No, we both have cats. So that's sad. He throws out the dead animals and then sees a blood trail that follows it to a small tunnel. And here's the dog who's named Grandpa, Whimper.
Speaker: So he goes into the shed. Mama head. In the shed. Mama head. And that's from Friday the 13th, part two. ah And he opens a floorboard and finds ah his dog, Grandpa, dead.
Speaker: ah Open the floorboards!
Speaker: You also see the hammer covered in blood. And you get we get a flashback of Mia beating the shit out of this dog with the hammer. You don't see the dog, but you see Mia fucking... You see blood. Blood, hammer, fucking Mia pet.
Speaker: ah We cut, and Mia's in the shower, and David starts banging the door down because he wants to talk to her. And we see her. She's just standing there, and the fucking heat is cranked as high as possible. and it's I thought that's just how lane women take showers.
Speaker: What, hot? Yeah, flamin'. ah David breaks the door down. and The water is so high, it's fucking melting her face off. Yeah, it's kind It's gross, bubbly and shit.
Speaker: It's burned. Oh, you're telling me. Scald, some may say. i would say it's beyond a scald.
Speaker: He... Takes her in the car and, uh, on the, she's like, they're going to go to the hospital. Takes her the car. Whoa. Yeah. And she's like you dripping fucking cum out of her mouth at this point.
Speaker: It's, looks like fucking sperm. Right. Uh, and Eric looks at a, a book photo of a lady dumping boiling water on herself. So, same shit. Uh,
Speaker: David and Mia hit a fucking, not a dead end, but the road's flooded so they can't fucking leave. And David looks at Mia who kind of smirks a little bit. ah We cut to the cabin where Olivia says that she gave Mia a very strong sedative.
Speaker: And Naz like, this is all your fucking fault because we were following your lead. Like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And Eric says that so at you know not everything's going to be okay because it's been getting worse and worse every second.
Speaker: We cut and next there's no cut. They're just talking. And Mia walks into the room holding a fucking gun. And David's like, yo, yo, yo, relax. And she shoots fires on him.
Speaker: And David does catch a fucking stray in his shoulder. And then she screams and it shatters the windows. And there's some strong gusts of winds. And the as demon voice comes out that says, you're all going to die.
Speaker: ah suddenly the wind and screaming stops and she says it in a regular voice, you're all going to die. And then she falls to the ground. Olivia goes to grab a gun and Mia grabs her and fucking doesn't bend her over, but fucking takes her down and throws the blood all over her face.
Speaker: Yeah, like ah an insane amount of blood. And Olivia has the wherewithal to throw her in the basement. And Eric closes the fucking floor hatch. And she's banging and banging on this door. And then the banging stops.
Speaker: And David tells Olivia to give me another shot. And Eric's like, the tranquilizer won't do anything because it probably has to do with the witchcraft going on downstairs. Somehow people still don't believe him.
Speaker: No. Well, David's the last one, and truth we believe. He's like a fucking gaslighter. He's like, nothing's wrong. It's just mental illness. I mean, it is sister. This is not mental illness. This is a fuck you got a fucking demon on your hands, cuz. Yeah. We cut to Olivia washing her face, opens the medicine cabinet to find ah the tranquilizer.
Speaker: And ah the cabinet door slowly closes and it shows her face with like a missing part of her jaw and the glass shatters, which scares her. ah she walks out the bathroom and sees the book and it's open to a picture of a demon cutting its own face off.
Speaker: Skinned its face. Fileted. And basically she gets possessed by that and she starts peeing herself. um and I wish I was underneath it. Suck it up? Like drinking piss?
Speaker: Yeah. No. But maybe. ah Eric goes to investigate, opens the door, and the lights aren't working, but he finds Olivia in the shower, cutting her fucking mouth off.
Speaker: You want to know how I got these scars? I got possessed. ah And he slips on a piece of her flesh on the floor and falls over hits the toilet.
Speaker: Yeah, it looked like it hurt. It was like in his lower back. Yeah, my back. Yeah, and with someone with scoliosis, I'd be paralyzed. Uh, the door slams shut and Olivia stabs him in the shoulder with a mirror shard and then stabs him repeatedly with a syringe.
Speaker: Uh, under the eye. Homie's wearing glasses, which probably did save him a little bit. Yeah. Uh, he kicks her off and she hits the corner of the sink, which shatters, uh,
Speaker: he We see Eric pull the syringe out of the bottom of his eye. It's gross. And he looks up and she's back up crawling towards him. and He beats her head at him with the edge of the sink as David enters. And he's like, man, was fucking crazy.
Speaker: She tried to kill me We cut and David's removing the shard from Eric's chest, which you've been very vocal about on this podcast. you Don't fucking take it out.
Speaker: You're going to bleed to death. And he just duct tapes his chest. That was kind of gangster.
Speaker: Eric says that he read a prayer from this book and it released something evil. I was going to try to clip a Satan prayer, but I just didn't do it. It's okay. ah Also, we have a different button that it's just, i don't have enough space.
Speaker: It's okay. ah We cut to Natalie in the kitchen and was hearing, here's some loud banging. And we then hear Mia calling for Natalie, and the floor hatch is busted wide open.
Speaker: Yeah, that bitch is fucking spread for you. she She's like, yeah, I want it. ah
Speaker: Mia tells Natalie her leg is shot. She can't move. So Natalie goes downstairs. And then Mia starts talking in this distorted voice. So Natalie makes her run back up the stairs. But one of the stairs does break.
Speaker: And she gets pulled in the basement when the screen goes black. Mia, Natalie wakes up. And Mia's just looking at her leg. ah Yeah, dude, she's going towards her cooter. Hot.
Speaker: Natalie tries to defend herself with a razor blade and Mia bites her hand hard. tom And then this is pretty fucking gnarly. Mia licks the razor blade. Her tongue splits in two.
Speaker: ah This is one of the scenes that lives like permanently in my brain because it really fucking gets me. And then they're just looking at each other and Mia's like, kiss me, you dirty cunt.
Speaker: And she's fucking pulling her down. she's like, blood, black, ooze, shit, everywhere. ah David opens the hatch and doesn't really rescue Natalie, but just kind of like she like scurries upstairs.
Speaker: Um, and then Mia's just looking at David she's like, why don't you come down here I can suck a cock, pretty boy. Like, hey, yo, it's your brother. Uh, and then the door closes and she says that his little sister's being raped in hell.
Speaker: So David decides to chain and nail the floor hatch closed. Um, Eric enters with a jug of gasoline and then like drinks water.
Speaker: Was it water? Was it more? It was definitely water. It was water. um He's like thanks for the water. And he tries to burn the book but doesn't burn. um Eric tells David the book is written in ancient alphabet and there is an evil entity or a taker of souls, a.k.a. the Undertaker.
Speaker: Hell yeah. And I mean, inter soul there's a good chance it's got to be his brother too, right? It's got to be. It's got to be Kane. It's got to be Kane.
Speaker: mean, you tried. i don't know if it worked, but you definitely tried. Yeah, I was really reaching into my bag. Yeah, you reached deep down to my asshole and pulled that shit out. I just pulled out a little fucking hair. And he says that the book says that once this demon has five souls, it will rain blood and the abomination will rise from hell.
Speaker: Wow. We cut to Natalie, who's looking at the bite on her hand. And that shit looks infected as fuck, girl. ah yeah It is oozing black puss. We cut back and Eric says the only way to stop it is to kill her.
Speaker: And ah the book has a photo of a lady skewered. um And Dave is like, I can't kill my own sister. she probably just has some disease that got passed on her from dead cats. ah here's Here's a question.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In this situation. In it. You're killing your sister. Bro, I told you on Longer that shoot my mother in the head. Yeah, I'm killing my sister. You're dead, bitch. You're dead, girl. I got no problem killing anybody who's got a fucking demon inside of them.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's Sorry, cuz. Yeah. just got to put you out. I got to take you out fucking George and Lenny style. Look at the rabbits. I want to play football. I want to play You're never playing football. You're never getting a bitch and you're never getting a job.
Speaker: I'm just going to fucking take you out and I'm just going to fucking shoot you the back of your fucking head. It's going better for you. It's going to be better for society because you're fucking useless. All right. Yeah, that was a lot.
Speaker: Eric says, so anyways, he thinks it's passed on by some disease and it's like, what disease fucking makes you act like that? Natalie tries to wash her fucking bite, but it gets worse and spreads up her arm.
Speaker: And then she makes eye contact with Mia, whose head's peeking out from the floor hatch. It's pretty famous poster for this movie. It's also on your steelbook. One of two. I have two different steelbooks for this movie. Both scream, both 4K.
Speaker: I will take my sucking now, sir. Natalie goes to cut her arm off with the electric knife. Remember that? I do. And she gets halfway through and the outlet trips and the whole house loses power.
Speaker: David and Eric find her as her arm's falling off. And then David's like, we're gonna fix it with some more fucking duct tape. Fucking idiot, bro. What? So Eric starts reading the ways in this book how to cleanse the soul.
Speaker: And you can only it's only by burying them alive, body dismemberment, or by fire. So David thinks that – David's still like she just lost her mind because her mom was crazy.
Speaker: Which just isn't true there, Davey. ah Eric says that David's too scared to commit to what needs to be done. And that Eric himself is going to burn the place down.
Speaker: That's when Natalie enters fucking zombified and starts shooting a fucking nail gun. Autocrats are railgun. What's a railgun? Your piece? I hope so. ah And she aims for Eric's face, but Eric uses his arm to block it. But the nails still do go through his fucking arm and then go through hands.
Speaker: Eric takes so much abuse and I don't get it. I don't get how he survived. I mean, spoiler alert. But as long as he does.
Speaker: He gets beat like a fucking woman who doesn't have dinner ready. That's right. As it should be. I'm just kidding. That wasn't funny.
Speaker: Okay. Uh... David, he and he's just taking a fucking assault when David finds Tyson Spearer and he pulls a nail out of his leg and now he vanishes and then comes back with a fucking crowbar and starts beating the shit out of David.
Speaker: Like, this means it's got this man's gonna crisp and wash somebody after this. Yeah, if he makes it. Uh... She comes back with crowbar, beats the shit of him, like I said. Eric shoots her with a nail gun, but the nail gun runs out of nails. And there's a scene where he like puts his hand up, and it's like the POV of Eric, and she fucking destroys his hand with his crowbar.
Speaker: Then he takes several shots to the hay, and she's about to finish him, but David shoots her fucking hand off. Natalie's voice comes back, and she's like, David? David?
Speaker: And she crawls into David's lap. And Eric laughs. And then David decides to carry Eric into the car. But he doesn't carry Eric the way into the car. Just to the outside of it. And leans him against like the tire or whatever. He's like, me he's like I'm going to do what I have to do.
Speaker: you're not. ah So we see him burn Natalie and chop up Olivia's body or vice versa, whichever way it was. um And he dumps gasoline all over the cabin.
Speaker: And he's about to light it on fire. But do you remember that lullaby from before? Mia starts singing it. And he backs up his little bitch. And he sees this lightning strike a tree.
Speaker: And then... ah He decides to dig a hole and grab some gear, which includes the chainsaw. And he goes in the basement, which the door slams behind him. And he's looking around for Mia. And finally, it's like a jump scare. She slices him.
Speaker: And she throws him to like several walls. Yeah. And like, it doesn't break any of them down. No, none of them broke down.
Speaker: And basically, David's getting his ass beat. But Eric saves him by knocking Mia out the back in the back of her head. um And he injects himself with his fucking tranquilizer and dies in the basement.
Speaker: ah David goes to bury Mia alive with the bag with a bag over her head, like a clear plastic bag. there's a cool camera tracking shot of like the shovel dropping dirt.
Speaker: And then it comes back and her eyes are open. And it's in Mia's voice. She's begging for her life. And then asked David why he hates her and left her with their sick mother. And she's like, mother hates you too.
Speaker: And then ah he stops for a minute, but keeps burying her. And she's like, you'll burn in hell along with your junkie sister. Wait. So he buries her and then unburies her.
Speaker: And I wrote because he's a pussy. But he tries to bring her back with a makeshift defibrillator. And ah he's trying to bring her back, but sells his fucking bag over her head.
Speaker: You need oxygen. ah If she comes back, she's going suffocate. So he just assumes she's dead, then takes the bag off her fucking head, but covers her face with blanket and starts to walk away. And here's Mia calling for him.
Speaker: And she's back and they hug. um And David leaves her outside on the porch to go back and get the car keys. Then he's looking at a picture, grabs up the fridge, and he gets stabbed in the fucking neck with pliers by Eric, who's now like a fucking zombie-possessed motherfucker.
Speaker: um Mia tries to help him get out, and ah he's like, go get the car, and he locks the door, locks himself in inside with fucking Eric.
Speaker: And he decides to shoot a jug of gasoline that ignites the entire house on fire. So Eric dies again. Good fuck you, Eric. We see the... and Fuck you, Mark. We see the ah demon or i hear him like laugh.
Speaker: um And then David's sitting there and his eyes open and he looks possessed.
Speaker: Mia's standing outside and finds a necklace. And it starts to rain blood.
Speaker: Shout out Slayer. Hell yeah. um A body emerged from the ground and like grabs at Mia. And she runs to the car and fumbles the keys.
Speaker: And then she closes the door. And the demon breaks through the glass. ah of the pat of the driver's side door and grabs your leg and it's like a burn which is kind of cool. Like you get grabbed by a demon and your fucking skin just burns.
Speaker: Yeah, I've never heard that before but it is fucking cool. Cool idea. um And she gets out and crawls into the tunnel where the fork Grandpa died. and she's chased by the demon and then she crawls up from the floorboard into the shed and gets on my head.
Speaker: No, she doesn't. the But I'll give your mama hit. She grabs a chainsaw for the next few minutes. Like struggles to turn on. ah And she finds a bottle of with gas in it. This fucking place has so much gasoline just sitting around. It's crazy. So much.
Speaker: um And the cap. They are in the middle nowhere. So maybe it's like truth be told. Generators. ah The cap rolls and the camera follows it to reveal a demon.
Speaker: Well, the demon. Saw a demon? Mia somehow finds a way to hide herself in between the walls. ah And the demon starts fucking trying to stab through the wall a machete, and it does cut her leg, which did make me squeam a little bit. Yeah, because it's like right on the kneecap. It's fucking yeah gross. Gnarly.
Speaker: And then Mia breaks the wall down. Break the wall! Break the wall! I'm going to break down her walls. Yeah. I'm a popular fucking cherry and sperm in her.
Speaker: Um, so she crawls outside and hides under the car, and finally gets the chainsaw to start and cuts his fucking demons ankles out from under her. Fuck you demon. Um,
Speaker: The demon turns the car over as Mia's, like, crawling out, and her hand gets stuck under the car. This is some soft fucking shit right here, dog. Yeah, it is, dude. This is gross. Uh... In way.
Speaker: the... She can't reach the chainsaw and the demon's like crawling over to her because it has no fucking feet anymore because was a diabetic demon. Oh my god! ah ah So she has to fucking tear her body away from her hand that's stuck under the car and you see her fucking flesh peel away. Nasty shit.
Speaker: ah And the... She takes this fucking chainsaw and goes right through the fucking demon's head. Yo, fucking mama head. yeah Fucking demon head. You can't even fucking see me in the fucking screen right now. It's so fucking dark.
Speaker: You look like a fucking non-mean over there. You can see your teeth. Yeah, my fucking teeth. Right in my fucking mouth.
Speaker: That's crazy. Uh... So the chainsaws ah her head, like I told you, and then the body, she actually ends up like tearing it in half.
Speaker: And the body goes back underground, and it stops raining Raining blood! Somebody the sky! And I mean, we can't emphasize how fucking bloody this scene really was. i mean, there was so much fucking blood. The the entire screen, it's just red.
Speaker: There's no anything. right Like my pubes. Yeah, it's it's painted red. Shout out Avatar. Shout out to Avatar. They follow us. Yeah. they They just like their comment.
Speaker: Friends of the pod. We'll just say friends of the show. Exactly. Uh... ah She like limps to sunlight. ah and We see the book close and that's the end of the movie. There are two post-credit scenes.
Speaker: ah One, she makes it to this road and she's found by a passerby who takes her to the hospital and on the way to the hospital, ah her eyes open and there's that tense music, but her eyes are not the color of like, she'll got Sith eyes. You know what i mean? Right.
Speaker: So it's like, what does that even fucking mean? Who gives a shit? ah And at the very end the you of the movie, we hear some flies buzzing and some ominous music, and you get a side view of Bruce Campbell's fucking hair.
Speaker: ah And he looks at the screen, and he says, Groovy. da That's it. That's boo. That's the movie. great It's a little short 90-minute fucking banger for you with crazy fucking gore.
Speaker: What are you going to rate this movie, you son of a bitch? ah You beautiful fucking banana. I think. wow what the I want to see your piece fucking lubed up.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what I'm talking eat fucking bananas for the shape, dog. like Yeah. I don't fuck around. um You eat corn the long way. ah For the sport.
Speaker: yeah but You know, the sport of fucking trim my cob. You know what mean? Yeah, exactly. I want you to fucking trim that shit. I want you nibble on it. Nibble my fucking cob. It's stringy.
Speaker: Watch out. um I think I honestly... yeah Because you get corn kernels stuck in your teeth, you got the fucking pubes to floss them out. That's what it's up. Yeah. That's what I'm probably talking about.
Speaker: This might be high. i don't think it's going to be high. Tell me. I think I'm giving it a four and a half. I'm also giving it a four and a half. Wow, baby. Movie fucking rips. Yeah, like hard. This just a gore fest fucking...
Speaker: fucking It's great. It's just great. It rips harder than my penis and the door. You know what mean? Like it's getting ripped off. I just want to fucking see. I want to just get my cock stuck like she got her hand stuck and just pull it off. Pull it off. Like for the fun of it, you know? Like it's a one and done. but Yeah! Sorry.
Speaker: It's going to be the best load ever. You ever see the movie Together that came out? I haven't seen it yet. No. Can I spoil a part for you? Sure. Well, there's a spoiler for together. You haven't seen it yet.
Speaker: It was mid, but there is a scene where Dave Franco gets his cock stuck in the woman. Oh, yeah. And it's like tear it off. Do you see it? Yeah, but it's really bad. CGI.
Speaker: Ew, CGI cock? Yeah, well, I love this movie. I think it's great. i initially rated it a 3 the first time ever watched it. Then I gave it a 3.5. All the letterboxed era. And we're jumping a whole fucking star, baby. We're going 4.5 in this. yes 4.5.
Speaker: ah That brings us to the end of the episode. We will do a little...
Speaker: So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Fucking send it full full send.
Speaker: Follow us on YouTube. How crazy talk right now, bro? i don't know. Letterboxd. Whoa. it was like telling ghost stories at a campfire. You want to hear a fucking story?
Speaker: Calls and leave a voicemail. Yeah,
Speaker: and that's not fucking threat all right six minute promise fucking trolls ah go listen to our other physical media collecting podcast yeah you won fuck only to give it me so bad and wow yeah i keep that in i think that's for a month huh wait Well, it is kind of weird recording these episodes because we do record them in advance and we decided to record the last one as a third recording. so Because we wanted to watch the movie. I fucking hope you fucking liked it.
Speaker: Who gives a fuck? we
Speaker: Well, we hope you fucking enjoyed it. We want to thank you for letting us do a second year of a horror month. Thanks for letting us horror ourselves out. I can't wait to see how little the views are because you fucking guys take forever to watch the videos.
Speaker: But it's videos. It's fine. You get around to it. You have lives. All right. Get through them. Okay. The next. Get through them or get.
Speaker: Yeah. The next episode that's coming out is a boner episode that we promised you a year ago. We fucking knew because we fucked up last year. November 5th.
Speaker: It's the 5th of November. you know what that fucking means. Remember, remember the 5th of November. And now you're fucking tits. And her bald head. And her fucking motherfucking bald head. She definitely got some pussy lit on her. But that shit is clean. Make no mistake. Ain't no way she got bush.
Speaker: Ain't no way, dude. I don't know what's going to happen with that episode, but it is one of my all-time favorites. I fucking love that movie. And until next time, we'll see you fucks.
Speaker: Toodles. Mark, fuck you. Fuck you.
