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HORROR BRACKET WINNER: The Human Centipede 2 (2011)
16 Plays1 month ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca Heat Drop.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup?
Review of Human Centipede 2 Begins
00:00:50
Speaker
No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello welcome to episode 81 of the Two Guys, One Screen Podcast, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, aka the Poetown Boys, aka the Diarrhea Daddies, aka your fucking sex slaves, aka... I don't want to hear any backlash for this episode, alright? I was literally gonna say that, like you guys fucking voted for this. You you did this, you know, and... Y'all did this to yourselves.
00:01:19
Speaker
So this is an hour and a half long movie, and quite literally nothing happens until the last 30... thirty feel like that's kind of fair. i mean, the first 40, I would say it's very slow, but he is like acquiring his his body count.
00:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, you know what I mean? And there iss air there's some gross stuff that happens. ah For sure. Shout to Sandpaper. So did you... It's the Human Centipede 2, you know, the fucking... Yeah, we specified 2.
00:01:51
Speaker
I would have rather watched It Follows. I'll be completely honest here. Yeah, I mean, I'm shocked at this one. Did we actually officially say what the results were or no? don't think so. Like numbers wise?
00:02:03
Speaker
No, I don't think so. want you how much of fucking blowout it was. have it right here. Human Centipede won six to four. That's crazy, huh?
00:02:15
Speaker
mean, okay, so it's not a blowout, but... No, I thought it was more. You're right. I thought it was more. It's not a blowout, but six to four is... I mean, six people voted for Human Centipede. I'm thinking they've never seen it. It's got to be thinking you're right.
00:02:28
Speaker
Although my cousin told me she voted for it and I'm pretty sure she's seen it.
00:02:33
Speaker
Like the first one's not even good, but it's like better than this. I think I like this one more than the first one. We can, I mean, we can get into all that.
00:02:46
Speaker
I don't even know anymore. Like, yeah, this movie traumatized me the first time I watched it At what age did you watch it? Let's see. I saw it on Netflix. Netflix of all places had this.
00:02:58
Speaker
want
Personal Experiences with Disturbing Films
00:03:00
Speaker
to say like high school, maybe freshman year. yeah Like 13, maybe. This is fairly disturbing for sure. Yeah.
00:03:09
Speaker
You know, when Tate's not. So you watch it on ShuddaDadaDar? Well, actually, the first time i watched it was on Shudder during butder during um last month because figured it wasn't going to win the bracket.
00:03:21
Speaker
And then this time I didn't know if it was going to be weird with both of us logging into your Shudder. So I just rented it just to avoid confusion. And then you sent me a picture you were watching on some colored version, whatever. and So then you didn't have to rent it. So now I feel yeah No, I mean, it was $3. I'll be okay.
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah. You know? So yeah, I watched... so My second viewing within a month, okay? That's what I'm trying to say. this Watch this twice. You think it's bad watching it once? I've watched it twice within a month. This is my second watch ever.
00:03:52
Speaker
the fuck's my hair doing right here? Mine as well. um I mean, it's been at least 10, more than 10 years since I've watched this. I'll probably be another 10 years before I watch it again.
00:04:03
Speaker
probably won't. i don't I don't know if I'll ever watch it again, to be honest with you. I'm not going rule it out. Yeah, me either.
Social Media and Interaction Promotion
00:04:10
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not going to rule it out. So i watched... So basically, the colored version... So the the main version that you... You know what? Let's just plug it in first before we get into... Yeah, sure. We can plug it in.
00:04:21
Speaker
Plug it in. Plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com.
00:04:35
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube. Fucking TikTok. Fucking follow us on Letterboxd individually. Fucking. Are you out of it today? What's going on?
00:04:46
Speaker
ah Send us a voicemail. 508 fist us. 508 dip tip. Six minute limit. Should we just start saying 12 person maximum? 12 person.
00:04:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:59
Speaker
It's in the description. So, you know. can go fucking flick it and stick it. Whatever you want to you know Check out our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Yeah, you fucking want it or
Debate on Plot Criticism and Film Quality
00:05:10
Speaker
what?
00:05:10
Speaker
I don't know what's going on today with to plug it in. but
00:05:17
Speaker
I think you're just honestly distraught from watching this movie. That's what it feels like. I just wish I could get that hour and a half back. you know Yeah. I mean, they did vote this, unfortunately. and We voted.
00:05:27
Speaker
And we did put it in the bracket. I guess we put it in the bracket thinking it wasn't going to win. It's our fault. At the end of the day, it's our fault, right? end the day, is our fault. Yeah. At the end of the day, we the power to just 80. I mean, we 86ed fan requested movies. We could have 86ed this. It's true. This was our idea. Yeah.
00:05:47
Speaker
All right. Anyway, so the normal version of this movie that you can find on Shudder, DVD, fucking whatever, is in black and white. Probably because how fucked up it is. Yeah. I'm going to assume. Effect, maybe.
00:06:06
Speaker
Well, so Scream Factory put out the entire three
Summary and Character Introduction
00:06:10
Speaker
movie set ah with the all new colored version.
00:06:17
Speaker
So... Why not? Why not? Is that bad? Is that like real bad? I don't like... anymore. All right. Um...
00:06:29
Speaker
So there's there's this website called... What? What? I'm
00:06:38
Speaker
sorry. So there's this website called effedupmovies.com, right? And basically... Shout out to him. Free plug. yeah Yeah, free plug. They're definitely uploading all these movies illegally, but it's fine.
00:06:49
Speaker
It's fine. You know? I go there for whenever I want to watch like something that's not streaming that's fucked up. sure And someone probably ripped the fucking Scream Factory Blu-ray colored version and threw it up there.
00:07:08
Speaker
us So I finally watched the color version. And it it adds some nastiness to it. I will add. I will say that. It definitely probably would add some nastiness to it You know, because you see the blood, the shit, you know, it's not black shit. It's brown shit.
00:07:25
Speaker
I will say when the shit like splatters on the screen, it does have a hinge of a tinge of brown in it. Yeah. Which I always forget that part that they just fucking add that. It's just like a very serious movie. Then they just add like the, and it's just like, this is silly.
00:07:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's silly. It's a silly franchise. It's just, I mean, it's just a ridiculous premise. ah I just want to say to the people out there, because there's like, I don't want to like say the guy's name.
00:07:55
Speaker
First of all, because I don't know it. Second of all, I don't think I'm, I don't think I want to start beef, but He's on TikTok and he like talks about movies or whatever. And he's like, if your criticism of movie is that it has no plots, you're not watching movies right.
00:08:09
Speaker
Okay, so if you don't like this movie, what is your criticism with it?
00:08:16
Speaker
You can't say it's because there's no plot because you're saying that's invalid. So now you think of' something else of why you don't like this movie. It's shot well, practical effects, ah character good character performances,
Graphic Scenes and Film Comparison
00:08:30
Speaker
good Can we say, can we at least say the characters acted well?
00:08:34
Speaker
That's unfortunate because it's true. You know, like that's a valid statement to make. Like what makes this a bad movie? What makes it a bad movie? I don't know. The fact that the guy, you watch a guy daydreaming about stapling people's asses to mouths and then just killing them all.
00:08:50
Speaker
And then a baby gets stepped on.
00:08:55
Speaker
So it's bad because it's shocking.
00:08:59
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I don't, i mean, i guess I'm saying I'm pointing out this guy's flaw in his argument about if you're watching a movie for the plot, you're doing it wrong. That's what I'm pointing out. Isn't that why you watch a movie for the story?
00:09:11
Speaker
I feel like the storyline, like what it's about is typically why you'd want to watch it. Right? Yeah. Most movies. I think what he's saying, like, if you're not, it's like for vibe or whatever. And it's like, well, the vibe of this movie is grim and bleak and gross.
00:09:24
Speaker
And they do that very well. That's unfortunate. Am I going to up my rating? No. I don't know. I don't even know to rate a movie like this.
00:09:34
Speaker
So, yeah. Yeah. it This is almost Pink Flamingo territory where it's like... Pink Flamingo I can watch and say, I like that. like i my At least my brain can go, that was... I don't wish for the time back.
00:09:51
Speaker
Yeah. Whoa. Whoa, the fucking...
00:09:56
Speaker
The arrows on the keyboard move the soundboard left and right? Hold on. words We're learning things. Excuse... I can just shuffle the... Okay. This is a game changer for the soundboard. Okay. All right. Sorry.
00:10:07
Speaker
Sorry. I just... accidentally hit a button and I saw it move and I was like, wait, what?
00:10:14
Speaker
I haven't seen the third one. People say it's funny. It's like a comedy. They probably go... Yeah, they probably just fucking lean into it. I mean, where can you go? i don't know. i don't know what else you could do. Right? Because the first one's like...
00:10:27
Speaker
The first one, the my biggest problem with the first one is that the is that like once he gets them like attached, it's just a lot of like, all right, they're walking around. It's like, right, they're walking around some more. It's just like, okay.
00:10:42
Speaker
We get it. What else are doing? You know? And then there's that guy like, oh, I have to shit. You know? And then he just shits in that lady's mouth. Yeah,
Cast and Production Critique
00:10:50
Speaker
if you're if you don't want to watch these movies, but I don't blame you.
00:10:54
Speaker
We did it for you, but if you want to watch a more tame version, South Park has an episode called The Human Sentai Pad where Steve Jobs...
00:11:06
Speaker
forces people into a human centipede, uh, because they didn't read the fine text in the iTunes. Like you you just hit agree. Yeah. Yeah. yeah That's hilarious.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah. So that's a good episode. Go see, go watch that. Um, I guess we'll get into the cast. but The Human Centipede 2 was released in 2011. This is post 9-11.
00:11:29
Speaker
But you could argue this was our 9-11. Fuck, I'm watching in this movie. it was. ah Directed by Tom Six, who also made the rest of the franchise. um He also made a movie called Gay in Amsterdam.
00:11:43
Speaker
I'm not trying to watch that.
00:11:46
Speaker
Maybe he's gay. I mean, who knows? um What's this movie? The Onania Club.
00:11:57
Speaker
Anyways, fuck this guy, right? Fuck this guy.
Psychological Analysis and Director's Intent
00:12:00
Speaker
All right. And i think I think the first person's name is wrong here. I think it should say Jake.
00:12:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is... Yeah. You're right. I mean, this is... so i mean I mean, bleep this, but Martin is played by Jake. Yeah.
00:12:19
Speaker
Bleep that. 100%. But... but ah I mean, how much how much this cast do you want to go through? feel like we just got to do the first person. Yeah, mean, what you need to know is that Lawrence R. Harvey is Martin and Ashlyn Yenny is Miss Yenny because I guess she was in the first one.
00:12:38
Speaker
Mm hmm. Yeah, so like those two you need to know. And then like the mom, i don't know where the mom is on this list, but shout to the mom, Mrs. Lomax. Oh, here she is. Vivian Bridston, Mrs. Lomax.
00:12:53
Speaker
maybe They're all not fucking it, by the way. Bill Hutchins plays Dr. Sebring. Yeah, looking like a real fucking, ah what are those...
00:13:05
Speaker
Hasidic. Hasidic Jew. Yeah, there you go. looks like a real Hasidic Jew. Fucking Hasidic. I can't say Holocaust, but that's not the right word. yeah Do you want to know something fucking insane that I found out?
00:13:16
Speaker
has to do with Jake. He fucking it. Yeah, I'm listening. If you don Google Jake's gamer tag, yeah our podcast comes up.
00:13:30
Speaker
Our podcast or the other podcast? No, our podcast. If you go on Google right now, right we're going to dox your... ah
00:13:42
Speaker
Right? Enter. yeah Yeah, I see. because yeah On Instagram, because I tagged him. because he was Oh, wait, what? No.
00:13:54
Speaker
Instagram, episode 53, the cat in the hat is is live now. Yeah, look this.
00:14:03
Speaker
Wait, wait, what? Wait, what if I, what happens if I click this? Right? That's what I'm thinking.
00:14:11
Speaker
But why? Why is Jake? Did he like it? He must have liked it. But that's so weird that our podcast comes up. Yeah, a user with the handle...
00:14:24
Speaker
was featured as a guest on an episode of the podcast two guys one screen let's go who we are yeah we're in the algorithm baby we're trying that is strange though um all right so shout out to jake and have we just doxed your name or ta or i have to bleep this gamertag or what nah fuck it who cares but it's his gamertag he's using right now he's used it forever yeah feel like we should probably bleep that.
00:14:52
Speaker
Maybe. Like we shouldn't like just say that out loud for people to hear. ah Anyways, if you're new to this podcast and you've missed the majority of War Month at this point, we do a scene-by-scene.
00:15:06
Speaker
And the fans vote on this one. This is the bracket winner. Beat out fucking all sorts of movies to get here. Fought tooth and nail to fucking get here. And we're doing it.
00:15:16
Speaker
So you better all fucking listen to it. So when we get to the surgery part, if you want to call it surgery... You want to call it that, yeah. You want to call it that. ah The official Wikipedia page...
00:15:27
Speaker
Yes. Official. From the
Final Thoughts on Human Centipede 2
00:15:30
Speaker
first movie, they have a section on what the actual surgery would entail. So I'll read that out when we get there. All right. I guess.
00:15:41
Speaker
ah Human Centipede 2. It's a cold open, and it's scenes from the first movie where... ah The bitch on the end dies. The third one.
00:15:53
Speaker
Third fuck one eyes fucking just fucking. First one's already dead. um And it zooms out. the movie ends. And you realize a man, this is Martin, ah is watching this movie on his laptop in a parking garage.
00:16:07
Speaker
um And then you just kind of see like where he's at. And then ah keep that in the back of your head. Do you miss the days where we are a proper society and like laptops and computers had built in DVD drives? i used to miss it, but now I have a crazy Digi collection, so I don't miss it as much.
00:16:27
Speaker
I'm pretty sure you can also buy like external drives. Just plug yeah yeah plug it in. I had one and it didn't work for it didn't work for 4K. It only worked for Blu-rays.
00:16:38
Speaker
And it was an Apple made product.
Engagement and Future Episode Teasers
00:16:40
Speaker
Fuck you, Apple. Yeah, I think. um Sure. So Martin sees this couple going to their car on this camera and ah we cut to this couple and this guy, he's pissed that he lost the keys to his dad's car and his dad's going pissed.
00:16:57
Speaker
um And Martin decides he's going to grab his crowbar. This man just loves his fucking crowbar, dude. I mean, I said it in some episode. The only person I've seen walk around more with a fucking thing in their hand like that is Finley with the fucking shillelagh. Yeah.
00:17:10
Speaker
You know I mean? Yeah, this guy's crowbar is fucking triple H to the sledgehammer, you know? it's Yeah, it's just fucking at the hip. Yeah. um And the boyfriend's like, fuck you looking at, mate.
00:17:21
Speaker
Oh, yeah, it takes fuck up. And I up good. Takes place in the UK, by the way. Yeah, it does. They all fucking have an accent, except Martin doesn't speak. No, he doesn't. Howdy. Yeah, Harry. No, no, it's Harry.
00:17:35
Speaker
Martin's talking. may have got some bug eye having ass. He looks like Beetlejuice, not like... Looks like Beetlejuice got squeezed too hard. Yeah. He looks like those fucking squeezy things you'd squeeze and the fucking would pop out. Yeah, he does. don't know what they're called, but... Guy's i fucking ugly.
00:17:51
Speaker
Yeah, he's fucking disgusting. With respect to you, Jake, you're fucking ugly. Yeah. yeah And with respect, they call him retarded in this movie.
00:18:01
Speaker
they They call them, the word retard is thrown around a lot in this movie, and we're just going to read it the way they say it But also, we've been saying it, so I just don't know what to with that. But, retard's back. You know i mean? Like, you could say it again.
00:18:14
Speaker
We're a proper society. you could so You can say something's retarded, and you can call something gay. We're back. i We're just, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. yeah You know? um This movie's gay and retarded.
00:18:27
Speaker
right? Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking man-on-man eating ass. It's gay. Yeah, there's a lot of ass eating. Unconsensual ass eating. Forced ass eating. you could call it gay You could call it gay rape, which we were asking for, and the sadness.
00:18:44
Speaker
It's all we want. I think that got cut, but I don't know. um So this guy is talking shit to Martin that he fucks his girlfriend so good, you know? ah And then he's had a – he's had a – what?
00:18:57
Speaker
As one does, you know? you Just fuck him real good. Yeah. And then he just – Martin's decided he's sick of his shit and he just shoots him in the foot. And this really pisses me off throughout the majority movie.
00:19:08
Speaker
Martin is just swinging his crowbar on people and like I watch I'm like, oh, he's dead. No, he just got knocked out. Yeah, he's not really swinging it. Yeah, he's not swinging it.
00:19:19
Speaker
you know because like Maybe it's the actor, but he kind of goes like you know he picks it up and he's like, eh. There's force. He's like one of the dwarves in ah Snow White. Yeah, this guy's fucking dopey for sure. He's fucking ho over here, just swinging on him.
00:19:36
Speaker
yeah that's I think that's going be my new pickup line. Hi-ho!
00:19:43
Speaker
pretty good and then they just dropped their panties yeah uh so this girlfriend she like begs for her life and martin still knocks her out with his fucking crowbar and we see him load the bodies into a ah van and he duct tapes their hands and their feet uh and we cut back to this little parking garage office where he's rewinding the first human centipede and he pulls out his i called it a scrapbook Kinda, yeah. You know, he's little scrapbook.
00:20:13
Speaker
Homemade little John. You got the cover of the first movie just like really shittily taped to the front of it. Yeah, fucking loves this movie. um And then he sees another guy on the camera and the guy on the camera looks pissed about something. Maybe he's not like able to pay for his parking or something. at all I think that's what said.
00:20:32
Speaker
I think I like mouthed him. Whoa.
00:20:40
Speaker
You got something you want to tell us? Let's let's run that back. yeah I think I read his lips. I mouthed this guy real fucking good. are You fucking mouthed him. I think he said the machine wasn't working.
00:20:52
Speaker
That's fair. you know i can't believe you fucking mouthed a guy like that. Fucking mouthed. downright fucking up that guy you know yeah in his fucking why is this being like this okay okay um so we see uh the next scene is martin arriving to this uh warehouse uh and on the ride over you see that he has this guy from the camera in the back of his van and he's meeting up with this guy who's selling in the warehouse and he's inside he's like like he's like fucking stack they can fit 12 bodies in there he's giddy
00:21:27
Speaker
That'd be not Josh Giddy. Cause Josh Giddy's in the kids. Who's Josh Giddy? a I don't know if he still plays for the thunder or not, but he was like, can out not he is.
00:21:40
Speaker
He was like ah fucking putting on a Snapchat story, him like with like the 16 year old girl. And she's like, I just fucked Josh Giddy. Like that's wild. He still plays a pedophile playing the NBA. I'm pretty sure he's still in the league. Yeah.
00:21:53
Speaker
That's fucking wild. Fuck you, Josh Gay. You're scum. Yeah, you are scum. oh That's probably what Martin sounds like when he comes. good We actually see Martin come in this movie, believe it or not. Multiple times.
00:22:07
Speaker
So this fucking guy who's trying to sell the warehouse is like, yo, man, can we sign this shit or what? And he just decides to kill him. Well, he doesn't kill him, I guess. He just knocks him out. I wrote kill because it looks like he's fucking killing him, but he's just knocking him out with the fucking... Very low low body count.
00:22:24
Speaker
um he brings these bodies to the warehouse. they all tied up. And he has this pregnant lady and he cuts her clothes off. um And then he gets a voicemail from the actors guild of something saying that the actors from the human centipede one are busy in London and can't make it ah for the new Tarantino movie.
00:22:44
Speaker
Can you imagine ah the fucking fact that they just use Tarantino's name in this schlop? It's fucking hilarious. We cut and Martin is asleep and we hear this ah disturbing line that there's a baby crying and you hear this guy go stop them tears. You're just making daddy's willy harder.
00:23:08
Speaker
And that's just like disgusting. Guys sexually abused. Probably big, big daddy. Definitely fucked him. You know what mean? Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, he just got rinsed probably more than once.
00:23:22
Speaker
Yeah, dad fucking really rinsed this boy out. Yeah. ah The lights come on and ah the mother his mother walks in, Mrs. ah Lomax, and she's like, did you shit yourself again?
00:23:36
Speaker
she like yes She's His bed's a fucking mess, by the way. It is, and like you hear flies like flying around. Also, he's got like a glaze sweat all over him It's just gross.
00:23:48
Speaker
Yeah, maybe he was having a night terror. That's fair. um So he gets up. His mom walks of the room. He gets up, and he's just fucking basically naked. And now he pulls this scrapbook out from under his bae.
00:24:02
Speaker
And he really has a thing for for Mrs. Yenny or Ashlyn from the the first film. Like, she's hot, but... Yeah, she's aight. um Like, I'd fuck her, but like I'm not going to put her in a centipede or anything.
00:24:15
Speaker
No, right. I wouldn't do that either. Um, the mom comes back in and he tries to hide his, his scrapbook. And she tells him that Dr. Sebring is waiting for him in the living room. So Martin comes out and he feeds his centipede.
00:24:29
Speaker
He's a pet centipede. Uh, where do you get like, you know, where you get a centipede? don't know, like pet smart. I don't know if they sell venomous creatures.
00:24:41
Speaker
I didn't know Santa Fees were venomous. That kind? Like that little house jawns that you see in your house? Yeah. They're cool. But these motherfuckers, like, they're venomous. The house jawns the field jawns. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yo.
00:24:56
Speaker
Like, uh, like the, the, the, the field Johns, they ain't like anywhere near us. They're like in Florida and shit and like Texas and the West where my parents and my sister live. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:06
Speaker
So Sebring gives him his, uh, Ventolin, which I is basically an inhaler. Um, also when he's like feeding the centipede, this dude's like staring at this guy's ass. Yeah, he has a thing for him, which is like kind of weird. but says it he says it later in the film.
00:25:21
Speaker
but Yeah, he'd probably be fucking a retard. He's like, I'd rather fuck that retard boy. That's crazy. Um, so, oh, I forgot I wrote this.
00:25:32
Speaker
Um, Sebring's like, oh yeah, your mother's worried about you. He says you've been talking about a ah centipede with using actual people. Um, and the mother is like, well, what does this mean?
00:25:45
Speaker
And he's like, well, he's probably connecting it to his trauma as a...
00:25:51
Speaker
yeah yeah it's just like i don't want to care for your fucking medical jargon and why this guy's doing this obviously he's fucking disturbed we get it you know like uh i don't know if you need any other further explanation than daddy's willy i mean he's he was molested as a child and he's fucking he's not right in the head never once have i been like you know i have childhood trauma i want to make a human centipede right yeah know You know what else is probably childhood trauma being like, I want to make a movie about a guy who wants to sew people's asses to mouths.
00:26:25
Speaker
That's true. i mean, this guy, this guy six, Tom six. I mean, he he definitely has some trauma. Who hurt you? He needs to deal with. Yeah. You know, no. Right in the podcast or call us or come on for an interview.
00:26:37
Speaker
Come on. Yeah. And then. I was going to say, if you make a fourth one, like hit us up, but like, yeah. And then on the patron, show us your piece. How much? Okay. So not in like the, not in the story wise, but like as an actor wise, right?
00:26:52
Speaker
Yeah. How much you got to be paying you to like put your mouth on this guy's anus. This is the thing. There's no way i'm like they they were raw dog in mouth to anus in the movie. I'm hoping not, right? So I'm good with whatever.
00:27:07
Speaker
I'm just wondering like how bad on their luck are these actors and actresses to get work that are like, all right, I'm going to do the human centipede. That's true. If you're not Jake, like who...
00:27:18
Speaker
You know what i mean? Like, what role are you going to take where it's like, yeah, I'm chilling. ah You know, I got a few options on the table. I'm going to take this one where i fucking just stick my mouth in this guy's ass.
00:27:29
Speaker
Right. I mean, the pay's got to be, like, okay. and It has to be shit, right? It's got to be shit or no. I mean, they're going to get shit regardless in their mouth or they're going to get shit shit pay.
00:27:43
Speaker
I'm trying to think how much I would, like, minimum would accept because it's a low-budget movie, obviously. Maybe like five grand, you know? that's Honestly, enough for me. That's enough?
00:27:54
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, it depends how long, like the time you spend shooting. Yeah, like how much how much time do I have to spend like gnawing on this guy's anal cavity?
00:28:10
Speaker
Oh, they're saying they got paid like...
00:28:18
Speaker
They're saying like 50k. That's what Reddit says. Really? Yeah. That's not bad. This a video everything that's wrong with the human centipede in 24 minutes or less.
00:28:31
Speaker
The whole movie? I don't know.
00:28:36
Speaker
Yeah, it says like 50 grand. I would do 50 grand for that. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, why not? I'd probably do like most things for in a movie for 50 grand, you know? I mean, 50 grand good portion of like what I make a whole year for one movie. Sure. you know I mean?
00:28:51
Speaker
Um, so anyways, the, uh, Mrs. Lomax is like, she misses her husband and it's all Martin's fault. He's in prison. Yeah. It's Martin's fault for getting raped. Right. she had Blame the fucking victim.
00:29:03
Speaker
Yeah. Um, and then, ah Dr. Sebring leaves and says it's just a passing phase that Martin's and he'll get over it. i don't I don't understand who can call this phase. It's just a phase, mom.
00:29:17
Speaker
All right. please Yeah. Well, I mean, he was basically like, you know, he has a lot of trauma and he's dealing with it by thinking about just fucking. 12-man centipede. Nah, bro. This guy needs to be, like, and in a facility.
00:29:31
Speaker
He also needs to go with somewhere they can push his eyes back in his head. I don't know where you'd go for that. he needs, like, facial reconstructive surgery. This guy's ugly as shit. He needs to lose a few LBs. needs to get a fucking Ozempic big.
00:29:42
Speaker
yeah Yeah, yo. Like, Jake, you think you're ugly? This guy's fucking atrocious. i mean, this guy, if this guy's married, I'd fucking cry for his wife. Ain't no way. This guy's a virgin. He doesn't look as bad in the letterbox picture, but he is an ugly motherfucker.
00:29:57
Speaker
He's got bug eyes. Um, so mean we cut to Martin and Mrs. Lomax eating dinner and their neighbor upstairs just likes to really fucking bang heavy music and, uh, you know, thumps around.
00:30:11
Speaker
So, uh, Mrs. Lomax is like sick of it. And she bangs on the ceiling with a broom. Um, thing you know, there's a knock on the door and it's the neighbor. Hello neighbor. And, uh,
00:30:22
Speaker
Lomax tells the name this by the way this neighbor is like a fucking big ball hair tattoo having ass guy who's like you don't want to fuck with him he looks like a bike gang i was gonna say either a bike gang or like a clan member big big clan member vibes you know and yeah yeah uh This guy ain't a fan of the field centipedes or the half centipedes, honestly. I don't think he's a field of the centipedes in general. Yeah. Yeah, he's just not. No, he's not. know that Did we just equate black people to centipedes?
00:30:54
Speaker
We're using the word centipede instead of black to not get in trouble.
00:31:00
Speaker
Self-censorship. Yeah, we're trying. So anyways, you want fuck with this guy. He's big. Yeah. And, uh, Lomax says that Martin was blank, uh, was banging on the ceiling with the broom and asked this guy to kill them.
00:31:13
Speaker
Um, and the neighbor calls, uh, Martin a retard and he calls Lomax an old cunt. Uh, then he flips the table and he just beats the shit out of Martin and he calls him a cock sucking dwarf.
00:31:26
Speaker
I mean, and a cock sucking retard. Uh, And then honestly, if you want to talk about getting off, the next scene is Martin peeing. Is this blood in the color version?
00:31:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It's big blood. I mean, he's definitely getting off to that. He was like, yeah. ah Yeah. Look at the fucking blood dripping out of my cock head. So. So I got I got poop problems. You know, I got bloody poop problems, right?
00:31:52
Speaker
We both have poop problem. Minds, they're not bloody. I feel like I can deal with if I'm peeing blood. It's tough. You are on site. You know what I mean? That's tough. I don't know what this guy did to him where he's peeing blood.
00:32:04
Speaker
Maybe. But it could be. I mean, it could be because of the fucking sandpaper jerk. You know, there are a lot of things that could add up. Sure. um We cut to Martin, who is back in the garage watching. ah the first human centipede film.
00:32:21
Speaker
And, uh, it's that part where they're talking about like the medical breakdown of assembling the, as it said in the overhead projector, Siamese triplet. Wow. Wild.
00:32:33
Speaker
Um, Martin sees some people walking on one of the cameras and grabs his fucking gun. Um, and just the let this guy have a gun?
00:32:49
Speaker
Right. I mean, it's London. Who knows what their laws are over there, right? I feel like they're probably way better than ours. I mean, they don't have mass shootings, that's for sure. That's what I'm saying. so think London, the problem the reason why there's not as many gun laws is because they're still like fucking they have knights and shit on with swords.
00:33:07
Speaker
They haven't gotten to guns yet. Yeah, their cops are on horses. Yeah, which shout out Gary Oldman got fucking knighted. He's a sir now. Shout out to that fucking guy. Seriously knighted. Black.
00:33:22
Speaker
um So anyways, these Namines, they they have a baby and...
00:33:33
Speaker
What? don't know why I wrote that. What did you... I wrote... I wrote their nah means with a baby. Makes sense.
00:33:46
Speaker
I don't know why i wrote that. That's so fucking rude. Yeah, but the wife's ah white... Well, you watched it in color. I don't know what she is. Yeah, the the baby's black.
00:33:57
Speaker
The baby looks black as fuck. He's sucking on his little fucking bink. You know what mean? little fucking Dollar Tree bink. Yeah, it' definitely for Dollar Tree. What the fuck you mean? Yeah. yeah Yeah.
00:34:08
Speaker
Like, why would you spend big bucks on a binky anyways, right? Like, you might to go to Dollar Tree for that. I was just going to say, because they're the UK, so it's not like Dollar Tree. It's Pound Tree. Yeah.
00:34:20
Speaker
Hey, bro, we're going to the pound tree. You want anything in it? Hey, bro, we want, yeah. want to have a go? We're going to the pound tree. ah Let me fucking stick my bink in your mouth.
00:34:35
Speaker
Hey, bro, I'm going to the pound tree to grab a fag. They call cigarettes fags over there. That's true ah So they started driving this car. The non-means driving this car. And it's like fucking GTA. And he walked over to the And wrote, Brian's been shot.
00:34:51
Speaker
um and he walked over the crowbar and i wrote brian's been shot R.I.P. R.I.P. to the goat. um And he cracks his head with the crowbar.
00:35:03
Speaker
And then he just grabs his little baby Brian. Yeah, baby Brian. But he doesn't hurt him. No, he's just like cooing him. And he's like, you know. Cooing him? Yeah, cooing. It's like when baby's going. Yeah, it's like cooing. Yeah.
00:35:15
Speaker
Yeah. There's no end. Fucking stop it ah He puts the baby back in the car and this lady's crawling for her life. And he he's a little tired, so he takes a shot of his inhaler.
00:35:29
Speaker
Then he cracks her in the fucking head. And then he loads these bodies into the van. Next scene ah is everybody's favorite scene.
00:35:40
Speaker
Martin is watching ah Human Centipede 1. And he decides, you know what? I'm going to jerking it with sandpaper. I mean... Let's spice it up a little bit.
00:35:51
Speaker
This is a whole new level of... I mean, what like, I feel like if you were to stroke it with sandpaper, you wouldn't be able to stroke it again until, like, the next week. Not even. Like, it's going to scab. You have to palm it. Like, you wouldn't be able to like, fucking just rod, like, really fucking jerk it.
00:36:08
Speaker
Yeah, and it's going to, like, hurt when it's, like, in your pants just hitting. Yeah. Like, you couldn't rip it and rip it. But I'm very happy because this guy, like, our penises are small. This guy's dick is small.
00:36:19
Speaker
He is hard and, like, small. Do you see his piece or you just know it's small? You see his penis multiple times. I never saw his penis. Really? I wonder because I rent it on Amazon.
00:36:31
Speaker
o and so do you see Do you see him stroking it full on? Yeah. I'm telling you because I watched. There wasn't much to write. I'm watching the screen.
00:36:43
Speaker
And you just see him lean back and then you go, oh. Like, you see, like, what I watched was, like, he tears the sandpaper, right? Because maybe his piece is, as you say, small. And then he goes down, and you just they just kind of stay, like, from, like, shoulders up.
00:37:00
Speaker
Really? Never sees piece. Really? Yeah. Enough of watches the scene on the F'd Up Movies website. I wonder if it's like that on Shudder. I think it's like that on Shudder, too, because I don't remember ever seeing his piece.
00:37:14
Speaker
That's fucking crazy, dude.
00:37:18
Speaker
Here's my thing though, right? And i have i've I've had this theory for a while. ah I feel like if you took... I've had this theory about jacking off with sandpaper before.
00:37:29
Speaker
Yeah, it's not about jacking off sandpaper, but what I'm saying is if you are like a squeak, if you're like five two and you're like a tiny little boy, right? But you're like, I got a big piece, right?
00:37:42
Speaker
Right. But if you just took that piece and put it on like a five nine guy, it would just look normal-sized. Probably. You know what i mean? Because it's just like it's like scale. It's like your dick is like out of proportion with the rest of your body.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah. like I feel like this guy is so fucking fat that if he lost some weight, his piece would look like normal. I also have this theory because I'm fat. like seen his piece, but you have.
00:38:06
Speaker
Yeah. ah Since I'm fat, right? if If my dick's hard, right? And I push in my fupa. Yeah. Because I got a fat fupa because I'm fat, you know? Right. Yeah. we've been If I push that shit in, my dick gets like at least an inch bigger. You know what I mean? yeah so like Yeah. Your visibility is better. Yeah. So like if I lose weight, will my dick magically get bigger?
00:38:28
Speaker
i think it'll look bigger, but I think the reality is just the same size. I'm okay with it looking bigger. Cause that, long the yeah, you know, you gotta fluff it up a little bit. Right. I got to put like some little sparkles on it or something.
00:38:42
Speaker
I meant fluff like get it hard. Oh. Yeah, they call those people fluffers like on porn sets. They just fluff it. They just get you going a little bit. Interesting. Yeah, call it fluffer. to Do you just say...
00:38:56
Speaker
ah t Twiddle my top? That's what you just said? Toy with the top? Twiddle my top? Yeah, toy with it. Just play with it a little bit. Smack it around. and eat You ever smack your dick around ever?
00:39:07
Speaker
Smack it? No, it's like it's like here, right? You just go like this? You just kind of like ping pong it back and forth? I don't think so. Maybe like this? Oh, really? no That works like a hammer.
00:39:20
Speaker
That's fair. My dick is a fucking homo. Well, there's these two girls that are fucking drunk and she's like, there's a fucking midget wanking in there.
00:39:34
Speaker
He's having a go. watch him. And then, at least for what I watch, it's just cuts and they're just tied up naked in the warehouse. That's what happens, yeah. Yeah. um And then Martin decides to go listen to the heartbeat of this prego lady.
00:39:50
Speaker
ah not Not her heartbeat, the heartbeat of her fetus. The heartbeat. Yeah. um And then for some reason, he decides to shut the light off and look at all of these people tied up with the flashlight.
00:40:04
Speaker
um Interesting. And the phone rings and we find out that Miss Yenny is available for the new Tarantino film audition. um Then ah one of the people who was tied up, the tape falls off of his mouth.
00:40:21
Speaker
And he's like, it's just a film, bruv. We're going to get stitched ass to mouth. He's going to just ask to mouth. And they all just fucking like cry.
00:40:32
Speaker
Do it. Because going get fucking stitched. um We cut to Mrs. Lomax, who is repeatedly stabbing Martin's bed, but he ain't in it. um And then he just turns the light on and catches her stabbing his bed, but doesn't really care. just lays down.
00:40:49
Speaker
And you hear that daddy's willy voiceover again that I don't care to repeat because it's vile. It is pretty vile. um and Oh, my God.
00:40:59
Speaker
What? I can't. I just pulled up it. I just pulled the movie up on Shudder. Yeah. You never see his penis on Shudder. Yeah, I've never seen his. I've never seen this guy's penis. that's insane you fucking want to see it you come for right fucking meat missile um she finds so she cuts one of her wrists and then she finds the human centipede scrapbook and tears the pages up um martin is very upset and like cries and looks at his pet centipede um
00:41:38
Speaker
And then Mrs. Lomax has had enough. And she's like, I want all this shit out of here. And Martin sticks her head in the centipede enclosure. Fucking bice her. Bice her face. And then he bashes her head. and this is a kill.
00:41:51
Speaker
All the way in with a crowbar. um And then he positions her in the at the dining room table. And he bangs on the ceiling for his neighbor to come down.
00:42:03
Speaker
And the neighbor comes down and he just shoots him in the leg and then beats him over the head. In the version you watched, did you see her like her face like all fucked up?
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah, like in the chair. Yeah, okay. Just making sure. yeah Because in the colored version... Yep. The color version. The color version looks fucking gnarly. look look Looks really good.
00:42:29
Speaker
Is it practical? Yeah.
00:42:33
Speaker
Uh... At this point, Martin starts packing all these random tools. He packs up big rubber funnel, a dog bowl, and a stapler gun.
00:42:45
Speaker
ah We cut to Martin watching Human Centipede 1 again. And ah it's the scene where the guy shits into Yanni's mouth.
00:42:58
Speaker
And Martin's standing there cheering. Yeah. Yeah, shit in her mouth! And then he he shits himself? Or he was like, oh, and he like grabbed his ass? Yeah, he did. shoot him All right.
00:43:11
Speaker
Maybe... yeah You ever get so excited you shit yourself? I've never... I mean, I have shit myself one time, but I think we've talked about it podcast already. yeah It's either banked or it's out.
00:43:24
Speaker
I almost didn't make it to the bathroom in time in India, and I to fucking just... But browserers it's India. So if like you are going to shit yourself, it might as well be in India, you know? Right.
00:43:34
Speaker
Because they probably do that all the time. Yeah. Shout out to the fucking dirt. Yeah. Shout out to them for loosening up my fucking colon. That's what's up. um Martin sees on the camera these two people fucking in a garage.
00:43:47
Speaker
ah And we cut to that. and there's this big fat guy. And he's like, your pussy smells gorgeous. i don't know why he said gorgeous for. He's got like her like pussy juices on his fingers. And he keeps smelling them. He's like. Oh, yeah. But like gorgeous is kind of a weird term.
00:44:01
Speaker
It is. Wow. your pussy smells like pussy. Yeah. I like that. I like that. Dr. Sebring is also there in the backseat and he's getting some top, but he's like, I'd rather fuck the retard boy. This will do. yes That's what he says.
00:44:17
Speaker
He's not a boy. He's like 50. Right. And he asked the fuck this hooker in the ass. And she's like 50 bucks. Sure. And then Martin walks over and he shoots the driver in the shoulder and the hooker runs off. He tries to shoot her, but he misses. And then he cracks the fucking driver's hand open.
00:44:39
Speaker
um He then sees Dr. Sebring button in his pants and he's like, he hey, it's me. It's me. This is where you work, huh? I'm um'm your fucking doctor, dude. Don't worry about me.
00:44:52
Speaker
Uh, and that doesn't really work. And he offers to help Martin, but asked him to put the gun down and Martin shoots him in the dick. And in the head, big head and two heads to hit his ball. Hey, I'd rather get shot in my.
00:45:09
Speaker
If you get shot in the dick, if you get shot in the dick, at least you can live after that. But like, if you get shot in the head, you're just done lights out. Yeah. Uh, ah
00:45:20
Speaker
Martin leaves to up the staircase and runs into the hooker who sprays him with pepper spray. And then it just cuts to Martin getting out of this van at like the entrance of the garage and you hear banging in the van. He bangs in the door from like, shut up.
00:45:37
Speaker
And he takes his copy of human centipede one out office. And he's like made a pretty big mess of his desk at this point. um And then he gets a phone call saying Miss Jenny is landing at 6 a.m.
00:45:51
Speaker
um And then we cut and he's with Miss Jenny in his van. And this is a big, this big dark night vibe. You're just sitting there talking to him. He's not answering.
00:46:02
Speaker
It's true. Also, you can hear the people like in the back, like, screaming right and like she doesn't just you know hey what's going on back there yeah also you think this guy's picking you up to bring you to fucking tarantino yeah this fucking guy she's like i really have like groomed my feet for quentin yeah yeah um
00:46:27
Speaker
So they arrive at the warehouse and as they walk in, obviously she hears everyone like crying and now she's like alarmed, but it's a little bit too late. And ah Martin hits her over the head and he takes her clothes off.
00:46:41
Speaker
And then he starts pulling out all his tools, not his piece. Not yet. And then you just see like this no cut him walking around at each individual body in this fucking warehouse and knocking each one of them out. And it's like, all right, we could have cut this.
00:46:55
Speaker
Sure. um This scene was fucking brutal. He starts hammering the neighbor's teeth out and then like fishing them out of his mouth so he doesn't choke and die on them like with his like big fucking fat fingers.
00:47:08
Speaker
But he is gargling. Yeah. he is like somewhat choking. Right. But it was gross. Yeah. Yeah. um He pulls the tape off the pregnant woman's mouth um and he thinks she's dead and he's upset about that.
00:47:26
Speaker
And then he listens to her stomach one more time and puts a tarp over her body. ah um Then he goes around and he draws lines like around the knee where he's supposed to ah cut, make an incision.
00:47:44
Speaker
And that was gross. You see it like twice. He like fishes up this tendon and snips it. Yeah. So it was gross.
00:47:52
Speaker
According to Wikipedia. According to it. Uh, You cut the patellar ligament, the patellar tendon, and it's going to prevent them from extending their knees.
00:48:05
Speaker
Right. Right. Then you remove their central incisors, lateral incisors and their canines from their upper and lower jaws. And that makes that their teeth take all their teeth out.
00:48:18
Speaker
And that makes it so you can. So this is so not staple. You fucking idiot. All right. Well, he didn't do it. Yeah, he obviously didn't do it right. You sew the lips to the anus in a circular motion, you know?
00:48:34
Speaker
and then basically the whole ah object of a human centipede is to make one giant digestive tract. Which is fucking stupid. What's the point of this?
00:48:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's fucking dumb. My only question is, cutting the patellar tendons like they can't extend their knee, like what does that do... If you're sewn ass to mouth and they all like try to like it wouldn't do anything, right?
00:49:00
Speaker
I'm assuming is so if they get free, they can't run away.
00:49:05
Speaker
That's fair. Yeah. But I take what his the neighbor does like fucking ripping your mouth in this guy's ass. It would. I mean, you know, you're kind of fucked if you're in this situation. Yeah, I would agree with that.
00:49:18
Speaker
He does that tendon, patellar tendon, John. um And then he, i wrote, outlines ass flaps. um Yeah. Yeah. And this guy bleeds out because he's a fucking idiot. He's just cutting into this guy's ass and he's just bleeding everywhere. And he's like, oh, no. And he tries to like put his hand over it. Uh-oh.
00:49:38
Speaker
My anus is bleeding. Um, so he walked back to his toolkit and sees the stapler gun and has like a light bulb moment. And he's just going to stay people's fucking lips to other people's asses. And this looks fucking horrible.
00:49:52
Speaker
Like does not like, Oh, I feel bad you. Like it's, they didn't look like you're trying, like you're actually stapling anything to anything. It looks like nothing. I mean, Hey, small budget, right?
00:50:03
Speaker
No, I see. No, just don't do this fucking movie at this point. Just don't make it. Like, just dumb. um We now see the centipede upright.
00:50:14
Speaker
They're all on fours. I did notice on this watch. Did you count? He had like a tattoo or he was like running in pen, like a tally mark of how many bodies he had on his paw on his like right here.
00:50:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's dumb. And he had 12. Maybe it's a cult. I never saw that on the first watch. You never see those. It's okay. Yeah, you never see a human centipede, especially 12. No. ah um He has them kind of parade around a little bit, and he does a little dance. A little very Joker-esque, 2019 Joker-esque. He's dancing, and the fucking lights are going flickering.
00:50:46
Speaker
yeah don't don't Yeah, don't ever make that comparison again. That's valid, though. It's very valid. They're both fucking mentally disturbed people. Maybe joke, maybe yeah went through abuse as children.
00:51:00
Speaker
Maybe Joaquin Phoenix watched this movie he's like, I know what I'm going to base my Joker off of. Yeah. um We see the prego lady awaken under this tarp and then ah Martin presents Yenny with a bowl of ah beans.
00:51:17
Speaker
It was either beans or chili or dog food or or was it on the color version? Brown. Okay. Real brown. Yeah. And she just takes the bowl and throws it.
00:51:29
Speaker
And then it escalates pretty quickly. He grabs his fucking big plastic tube and shoves it down her fucking throat. And it's attached to a funnel. And he just funnels down ah soup.
00:51:43
Speaker
see by the way that's how they make foie gras remember i was telling you they like force feed like geese yeah ducks like at the liver fat that's they make foie gras just so you know that's that's pretty mean okay not humane well they're fucking animals but yeah it's not okay it's gross it's also foie gras doesn't taste good so like why are we even doing this why are we like torturing these poor animals yeah yeah what were you gonna In the color version, whatever he's shoving down that funnel is like, it looks like coconut milk.
00:52:13
Speaker
It's like white. i would I thought it was like coconut milk too. And then there's like a glimpse when he pulls the can up, you see soup. So they got soup. What kind of soup is that? Maybe like cream of mushroom.
00:52:25
Speaker
Cream of mushroom soup. Ugh. Ew. Dude, we had to make, when I was in culinary school, we had to make cream of cauliflower soup. Oh, from man. So we made it, right?
00:52:35
Speaker
And now I was like, all right, i have to taste it to make sure the seasoning is right. So I tasted it. ah And me and my partner, shout out to Kelvin. That was not Kevin. Kelvin. I remember. Yeah.
00:52:46
Speaker
Oh, I forgot you met him. ah Probably more than once, too. But um we, the the chef, walks I'll never fucking forget this. The chef walks over and he tastes it. And he's like, yeah, shout out. I think his name was Shamrock.
00:53:02
Speaker
Yo, Ken? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think his last name was Shamrock. um I don't remember. It was something like that. Shamrock or Shamrock.
00:53:15
Speaker
Something like that. Yeah, you give me some fucking top. Actually, he could. He was gross. what He was like, yeah, it needs more salt. He was like a guy from Jersey. And do you know those like the big red boxes like Morton's kosher salt? Yeah.
00:53:29
Speaker
He just fucking grabs it. He cut the top off completely and went like this. Oh, just dumped it. And then we had to serve it for like, that was like our meal for the day is like what everybody made. And everyone walks by the soup station. We're like, yo, like, don't, don't just don't want this.
00:53:45
Speaker
And everyone that had like, Oh, this is salty as fuck. And I was like, yeah, it is. Cause fucking shit is crazy. I mean, I don't like cauliflower in general, so... I've come around on cauliflower a little bit.
00:53:57
Speaker
Not that I'm like buying it at home, but we like used to serve a roasted cauliflower with some drawings on it. That was actually pretty good. Yeah, like, you know, like all those fucking vegetarian motherfuckers making like cauliflower tots? You need to get the fuck out of here.
00:54:11
Speaker
No, give me potatoes. right we have We have a cauliflower crust pizza that's gluten-free. It's like, what are we doing? See, that I feel like would be maybe fine... I've eaten it. Just take my word for it. All right. You want the gluten in there? Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.
00:54:26
Speaker
Also, by the way, on the note of John, somebody at my job thought I was saying John. I'm like, no, not John. they'll be in John is John. Yeah. john yeah Come on. Are we saying John out here?
00:54:40
Speaker
and Never talked to someone from Philly before? it The fuck? Yeah. And it was not the person who thought I was saying John was not. a English was their first language. Oh, that's sad. Yeah.
00:54:51
Speaker
So anyways, Martin gets a voicemail and we find out the rest of the cast from the first human centipede is able to come to London. Yeah. And ah we was on the phone. Everyone's like screaming for their lives, specifically ah Yanny, because she's the lead. She has no ass sewn to her mouth.
00:55:11
Speaker
out At least she doesn't have to eat people's poop. Right. yeah That's like if you were going to be in a human stand, but you want to be the first one. Sure. You want to be the lead.
00:55:21
Speaker
That'd be fucking crazy, though, if you could have like the person behind you just jerk you off. Oh, yeah, dude. That's what's up. yeah Like, hey, yo, since we're like stuck here, you give me a reach around at least?
00:55:34
Speaker
I'll try it. And it's like, hey, if you don't, I'll just shit your mouth. Like, right. You know, you're going have to fucking do this or you're getting shit in. um Not even shit on, shit in. Shit in is fucking disgusting.
00:55:48
Speaker
Yeah. ah So you watch Martin rip Yeni's tongue out. um And then this is the scene. I mean, he's going to each person, like push on their stomach. He's like trying to get in the shit.
00:56:01
Speaker
st guess They won't shit. um And then he injects them all with a laxative. um And they all start shitting into each other's mouths. And it is, I mean, liquid.
00:56:13
Speaker
I wrote bursting from the seams. like it Literally. shit It is disgusting. yeah There are some leaks. let big yeah Yeah. You know what mean? It's blurs on the camera like you're there.
00:56:24
Speaker
That is kind of, that was ah like as fucked up as it is. That's a nice touch. Is it nice? No, it's a nice. Yeah, I agree. ah Martin vomits from the smell.
00:56:35
Speaker
And then ah prego lady makes a run for it. And she gets this car and the engine is like stalling. What would start? um And then she has her baby in the front seat of this car while Martin's trying to like get in the car.
00:56:51
Speaker
And then the car starts. This baby is like just on the floor between her foot and the gas pedal and she just fucking stomps it. Wow. So they don't have the rape scene at all. They just completely cut that out completely.
00:57:03
Speaker
What rape scene? Okay. So. After like everybody shits themselves. Right. Yeah. Also the last bitch, she gets like projectile shit onto the wall that I did see. Yeah.
00:57:17
Speaker
So after that happens, he goes behind her. Right. And he grabs like this little wire. It's like barbed wire and he wraps it around his penis. Yeah. this and oh This I did not see at all. yeah Yeah. so he arrives when did he like When did he come? i'm like I don't even remember this.
00:57:35
Speaker
So he wraps his penis in barbed wire. right And then he goes to the bitch that's at the end of the centipede. And he starts fucking her from behind. So, and she's screaming, obviously, because she's, not only is she getting raped, she's getting raped with a penis covered in barbed wire, right? Yeah.
00:57:51
Speaker
So then, he's just fucking her, and then he comes, right? But when he comes, he's like, he like falls down like on top of her, and he's like, mean looking the camera.
00:58:03
Speaker
like but My jaw's just fucking on the floor. That's fucking crazy. What? Yeah, dude. Tom6, you need help, bro. You need help, bro. You need fucking help, dog.
00:58:19
Speaker
That's crazy. I always thought there was only like one version. I didn't know there was like an uncensored version. That's what I'm saying. I watch this, and you're like, yeah, he comes twice. I'm like, didn't see it. Never saw it.
00:58:29
Speaker
like If I watched that, no doubt. Yeah, he came. Yeah, fucking straight busted in this bitch. Yeah, wow. uh the next scene that i have uh is the neighbor detaching from like he's like a middle part he like detaches from the centipedes there's like two half centipedes now um and mark is back there's two centipedes now guys they're half centipedes ah And Martin shoots, basically shoots want the shoots his neighbor in the head.
00:59:05
Speaker
um And Yenny is able to shut the lights off and she throws the entire centipede enclosure at Martin. And she tries to escape, but Martin shoots the last, the person, the the caboose of this half centipede.
00:59:20
Speaker
And then just slits all their throats besides Yenny's. And then he's just kind of looking at Yenny. And then she ball taps him, which is kind of funny. Just like throw that in there. um And she sticks a centipede in his ass.
00:59:32
Speaker
Up my ass. Through a funnel. And he's like, oh, oh. Right. He's fucking touching himself for this. And then that's not true. And then he decides to slit a throat.
00:59:44
Speaker
And then the camera is just on the the dead body, just laying there on the floor. And you just kind of hear Martin pull away. um And then we cut back to Martin in the office watching the end of Human Centipede 1 credits.
01:00:01
Speaker
Uh, so it was all a dream. It was a fantasy. Wow. You just sit there. It's like, I actually rewound Cause I didn't catch the first time watched this film that it was a daydream and like, was like, Oh shit.
01:00:14
Speaker
It's the exact same scene. Yeah. I mean, guess just sit there daydreaming about killing your mom and fucking people. Yeah.
01:00:25
Speaker
yeah Yeah. I mean, that's brutal, huh? It's pretty brutal. um And that's that's your that's your fucking scene by scene for the movie you voted for.
01:00:36
Speaker
Now, rating. Let's talk stars. You know i mean? Yeah, I mean, it's pretty easy for me. This is a one. It might even be a half. It's a bad movie.
01:00:48
Speaker
It's not. I mean, although if I go watch this movie on the website you watched it on and watch the barbed wire penis thing, maybe I'll just bump it up. I'm just kidding.
01:01:01
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm... You said you like this one better than the first one? Yeah. First one has definitely has more... don't want to say meaning, but... It's an interesting concept. I don't agree with that, though.
01:01:19
Speaker
i don't i don't I think they have equal amount of of substance in it, like plot, if we're going to call it a plot. like I think they both have the same amount. It's like this guy wants to do this project, and this guy is thinking about how he would do this project, but he just epically fails.
01:01:35
Speaker
Yeah. This one has... yeah, I guess. This one has a little more sauce. Like, what if... It's kind of like, what if someone watched Saw, and they're like, I'm go do this now.
01:01:47
Speaker
Right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. ah be terrifying. I mean, nonetheless, it's just fucking disgusting. you know It is disgusting, yeah. i mean, I felt almost more uncomfortable watching this than I did watching a Serbian film.
01:02:03
Speaker
I actually 1,000% agree with that. It might be. it It's right there, huh? Maybe it's just poop. don't like poop. You know what mean? Yeah, and there's that scene like when he pulls away from that lady's ass and they just show up like her fucking ass has been destroyed.
01:02:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's like all poopy and bloody. Yeah, he has shit on his mouth. He's like, bleh. Yeah, it's pretty fucking gross. It's just fucking gross. Also, it's just kind of fucking pointless and just doesn't have anything to say. Besides, here's a gross movie for your viewing pleasure.
01:02:33
Speaker
yeah I'm trying to i'm trying to figure um'm trying to figure out how to articulate like why this is fucking horrible, but Terrifier is great. Because people will be like, oh, senseless gore, Terrifier.
01:02:45
Speaker
you know But like art is like charismatic, and it's like kind of funny, and it's more of like a slasher than like just senseless torture. Right, yes. there is There is torture, though, in Terrifier. I'm not like not saying that.
01:03:03
Speaker
Yeah, like Terrifier, I feel like Damien Leone's idea is like he's not out to like... The main purpose of the film isn't really to grow well. Yeah, there's no rape.
01:03:15
Speaker
That's big. Rape's bad. Yeah, rape is sensitive. Yeah, any movie that has rape is like a... It's kind of a no-no. Yeah, I would agree.
01:03:26
Speaker
Yeah, it's getting a half star. I'm sorry. You're slapping with a half? I'm probably going to give it a one.
01:03:34
Speaker
I just also feel like there's like it takes this for me to feel like gross, which is like says something about me. Yeah, but the poster the poster I'm going to go with on Letterboxd is someone's vagina being covered by a centipede.
01:03:49
Speaker
I kind of want to see in color now. it's a little It's a life-changing experience. Life-changing, to say the least. We hope you fucks enjoyed this. We'll do a...
01:04:00
Speaker
ah So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.com. Follow us on YouTube.
01:04:13
Speaker
Tick tock. Follow us individually on letterboxd individually. I got that. Uh, send us a voicemail five away. Yeah. Five away. Eight dip tips, six minute limit, 12 person maximum.
01:04:28
Speaker
Go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? You fucking want it? There's not going to one this month? Just go catch up. You know? you got Catch up on everything.
01:04:39
Speaker
you guys should toca eat all yeah i mean All y'all have a lot of work to do to get us back up. By the way, the older of episodes are cooking right now. Shout out to that doctor that reached out to us for some reason. ah But, I mean, they're doing good. so like, we just need you guys to spread that love all the way up throughout our...
01:04:57
Speaker
Did just cancel cancel the recording? No. Oh, we're right here. We're good. Sorry. I need you guys to spread that love all throughout our entire podography. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we just got to get some love to some of the newer episodes.
01:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, like go listen to like...
01:05:15
Speaker
Go listen to Star Wars. Right. Yeah. Star Wars. Listen to Pirates 1 and probably 2. they're They're good. That's it. Just 1.
01:05:26
Speaker
like They're good. They're okay, yeah. 2 or 3 was the one where you were on the fucking desk flicking your shit. Oh, that's true. were lost it. One of those two. it's I think it's 2.
01:05:38
Speaker
And then three, we just called that guy massive the whole time. That was fucking crazy. That was kind of fucking racist. Yeah. Yeah, it was. Listen to Cat in the Hat. Cat in the Hat's a good one. You know, we ah we have episodes that are eclipsing 40 views now. That's just what's up, man. um Thank you very much. much um Black Swan has 38. Poughkeepsie Tapes has 47.
01:06:00
Speaker
Let's fucking get Are we going to hit 50? Let's go. Where are you fucks, by the way? Hiss up! Where are you? Where are you? Uh...
01:06:11
Speaker
ah Whoa. Some of these numbers is crazy. I'm telling you, bro. We probably should have fucking emailed that fucking dirt to dirt back.
Discussion on Bot-Generated Reviews
01:06:22
Speaker
I know, but we didn't and we're still kind of cooking. But he sent another one. Did you see that? He sent a second one. I know he sent a second one, but i I'm just suspect that these reviews are bots.
01:06:33
Speaker
I just don't know. I'm just suspecting at all. i don't think it's bots. But how do you know? You don't know. Because if it was bots, then it would be a lot more views. They'd be like kicking hard. that's valid, I guess. Yeah, you're right.
Upcoming Episodes and Sign-Off
01:06:48
Speaker
all we'll talk about that podcast. Uh, okay. So we're on, what is this? Episode 81 episode 82 releasing on Halloween is the finale of horror month, the evil dead 2013, uh, which I thought was a pretty mellow ep episode. cause we, it was like the third recording of the day, but we went fucking crazy in that episode episode too. So yeah, uh, it's a wild movie.
01:07:09
Speaker
It's out control. Fucking love that movie. That's Friday. And then we kept our fucking promise, guys. The next episode will be on the 5th of November.
01:07:23
Speaker
Remember, remember. V for Vendetta, bitch. Yeah, we skipped it last year and we're not skipping it this year. Can't.
01:07:32
Speaker
And until next time, we'll see you guys. Toodles. Mark, going to staple your fucking mouth to my ass.