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Smoke W/ Me #2: Childhood Programming & Loving All of YOU
107 Plays1 year ago
Listener Discretion is advised bc DANG DANI can cuss. Let's dive into what's on my mind during this smoke sesh and get real about some things.
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Transcript
Introduction to Awakened Bacon
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Bacon, educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, pod cast from One Girl, One Joint, and a journey to awaken what's inside all of us. In the words of the wise was Khalifa, let's roll something and get the day started.
Candid Episode with Cannabis Discussion
00:00:15
Speaker
What up Sluts? It's Dani, back with another solo episode. Welcome or welcome back.
00:00:20
Speaker
If you weren't with us for our first smoke with me, let me give you a little rundown. It's gonna be a little bit more candid than usual, okay? We're gonna be cursing a lot. I'm gonna just be explaining whatever the fuck I wanna explain. There's no really rhyme or reason. We're gonna smoke and whatever comes to mind, I kinda have a few talking points, but we're just gonna bullshit.
00:00:36
Speaker
So if that sounds like something you wanna do, and if you also smoke weed, guys, just weed, okay? We don't do other shit here. I mean, shrooms are cool and like acids cool, but like, you know what I'm saying? Do the green stuff, do the natural stuff. What am I smoking, you ask? Thank you for asking. I am smoking ABX Fatso Indica Hybrid Batter with my Focus V Carta II, and I'm using my Focus Sabre.
00:01:05
Speaker
It's like a hot tool, a little hot knife. I'm about to hit a dab. Okay, I'm dabbing with you guys live on air. I'm about to hit the dab. So if it gets a little kooky and a little bit silly, this is a smoke with me episode. I just want to make sure I stress that enough. All right, you've been warned. Let's all take a fat hit.
00:01:25
Speaker
Yeah, that's what happens when I smoke. Some of us just cough, okay? I learned this very early. I have activity-induced asthma and allergy-induced asthma. Bitch, I shouldn't be smoking a plant. I guess like smoking in general. But damn, give me one thing, okay? I don't drink. I don't do other shit. I don't party. I don't gamble. I am not a perfect person. I could be doing worse things.
Confronting Fear and Anxiety from Past Teachings
00:01:46
Speaker
i get so defensive and protective over my cannabis use i think because i grew up my dad is a narc if no one knew my dad's a fucking narc literally and i he always was like if you smoke weed i'll take you to jail and you're you're gonna stay there till your court date when i tell you i was scared shitless like i fully fucking believed him when i hung out with people who smoked weed when i smelled like weed afterward i panicked i had full-on anxiety attacks afterward i was like my dad he's about to take my ass to fucking
00:02:14
Speaker
jail. And if you know my dad, you know why I'm scared. And when I want to talk about something that my dad taught me, my dad taught me that pain and suffering were something that were not only common and like normal, but like, absolutely okay.
00:02:30
Speaker
My dad drilled into me at a very young age. Your job is to work absolutely hard as fuck, like nothing. I grew up very poor and my dad apparently grew up really poor too. I don't know, guys. I don't know. My dad liked that. But my dad always worked very, very, very, very hard, but not very like smart. My mom always would say.
00:02:49
Speaker
Not me like airing out my situation. You guys look, none of us are perfect. I air out my own tea. Also something about me. This is live, okay? I might stutter a little bit. I just got on new meds and I'm stuttering. I think it's because I'm getting off of other meds. Okay, I'm oversharing. Hey, that's exactly what I was just talking about.
00:03:09
Speaker
It's all jokes. It's all lighthearted. I am literally just a vessel to talk about myself and use myself as an example so that hopefully other people don't feel as alone and they get something out of it. And I'm not kidding. I took my test on discovering your Dharma Sahara Roses website and I am like, I forget what it's called, but it's the one that's like the teacher.
00:03:28
Speaker
And at first, I was like, the teacher, I have never wanted to be a teacher. And I remember, too, like, I like choreographing, but for myself, like, I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want to be in charge of other people. But like, hello, I'm kind of acting like a little influencer, not little. I don't want to like minimize what I'm doing. I'm not going to minimize the work we do here at Awake and Bake.
00:03:47
Speaker
By the way, we have had monumental fucking growth over the last week. Oh my God, I love how like random the smoke with me episodes are. Also, let me know what you guys are smoking. Message me on Instagram. You can message on Awake and Bake podcast on Instagram. Okay, I actually forgot what I was saying, so let's
Challenging Suffering and Embracing Mindset Control
00:04:04
Speaker
go back. My dad taught me that pain and suffering were very common, normal, and absolutely okay.
00:04:09
Speaker
Um, to be fair, my dad grew up with a lot of pain and suffering. He lives his entire life with a lot of pain and suffering. He really drilled into me that the world owes you fucking nothing. And that sometimes life's gonna fucking suck. And that's just the way it is. And you have to not be afraid because you got to work hard and just like, yeah, one day you're going to die. It was just not, you know, life is grim when you live it like that.
00:04:31
Speaker
And I say a lot of us grew up that way. You know, I don't know if we all had my experience. I hope not. Whatever experience you had sending love to you. It's hard to be a daughter. It's hard to be a child. It's hard to be an adult and a parent. And I understand all of that. It's all nuanced. I get it. But OK, we get it. But you know what? The older that I'm getting, the more I'm realizing it's actually not OK or normal to live in suffering. Like, obviously, those things exist.
00:04:59
Speaker
You know, joy cannot exist without sadness or whatever the fuck. I get that. But you don't have to live in that. That is not good. That is not healthy. And you know what? You get to decide how you live your fucking life. So if you say that life is sad and grim and hard and shitty, that is the way it's going to be. And I'm not trying to be that like insensitive, out of touch type person.
00:05:26
Speaker
But to a degree, you are 100% in charge of your mental health and your mindset. You are not going to get better if you are just a nasty, you know, complaining all the time. Bitch, piece of shit. Fuck. Nobody wants to be around you. OK, calm down. It's getting too personal. Everybody take a hit, take a hit and take a drink of water.
00:05:51
Speaker
I don't know if you could hear the little button go off on my Carta, but that was awesome. Okay, let's move on to something a little lighter, a little brighter. Oh my God, I'm so excited to talk about this.
Recovery Journey and Self-Acceptance
00:06:00
Speaker
I had such a high epiphany earlier. It was incredible. It was amazing. Shout out, Cannabiotics, CBX, Cherry Dairy. That's what I'm smoking right now. It's a hybrid. It leans indica. It doesn't say that, but I'm telling you that that's what it is, because that's what it feels like.
00:06:12
Speaker
Holy fuck, I reminded myself of my cousin Montana just there. If you're listening, Tan, I fucking love you. That's my bitch. OK, so I have been just I think I'm forever going to be on this journey of, you know, evaluating myself. We all know I went to rehab when I was like 19 for an eating disorder. It was the best thing that I ever did for myself because it really it really helped me get out of that like spiral that I had been in for many years.
00:06:39
Speaker
That being said, you never really like get rid of an eating disorder, right? You learn how to deal with it. Sometimes it manifests differently. A lot of times you learn coping mechanisms and you get stronger and better at dealing with it. You can get triggered. Of course, that's what happened to me recently. And I am really proud of myself that I'm one able to acknowledge that because at first I was like, what the fuck is going on? At first, you guys, I was like, I'm going crazy. Like what is happening? And I was getting like so down on myself.
00:07:05
Speaker
and I was kind of panicking and I was being so mean to myself and I was so confused and I didn't understand why I was acting like that and having those thoughts. Finally, I realized through journaling, it's so important for me to journal. I need to stay on top of that shit. When I slack on that, it shows in my life, bitch. So I was journaling and then I realized, holy fuck, this is why I'm triggered. Everything made sense, the events that led up to it. It just was perfect. It all made sense and I'm so grateful that I had that epiphany.
00:07:33
Speaker
Because now I can do something. Now I can do something about it and I can move forward. I don't need to sit in it and be confused and feel inadequate. I'm like, oh, OK, it's just my E.D. being triggered. We're good. Let's go. I have so many tools for that and so many things I've learned along the way that aren't actual tools that I learned in rehab, but there are just things that kind of worked for me.
00:07:53
Speaker
And I was thinking about those earlier. I was high as shit. My husband and I went to the park. We had some lunch with our friends who live kind of far away. They live in California, but like Northern California. And so we had some lunch with them and I was fried out of my mind. It was a beautiful sunset. It was great.
00:08:12
Speaker
And I'm walking home because, you know, he had to go to work. So he dropped me off at the gate and I'm walking like from the gate, like into our apartment. And I'm just thinking about like, yeah, all this stuff, like going through my head, everything I've learned. And I was like, yeah, I think I handled that really well. I think I'm doing a good job, like not letting it get to me in public and in conversation and all that and at work because I work today. And then something just hit me super hard. It was a bitch with her fist. I'm just kidding.
00:08:40
Speaker
That was so stupid. It could have been funny, but the delivery sucked because I'm fried. I'm probably going to like do that one again on YouTube. So go watch the YouTube video later. All right. Y'all were my little test dummies. Thank you. Thank you for that joke. I will rewrite it. We'll go back to the writing board and redo it later.
00:08:58
Speaker
Danny, get to the motherfucking point. OK, you have to look like you. And I know that's not groundbreaking and I'm going to explain why it felt deep. So, OK, when you are trying to look like her and her and them, of course, I'm sorry, it's not going to look good. It's not going to look like how you want it to look because you are not them. So you're not supposed to look like her. So when you're trying to look like her, whether it's through and I'm not saying like you're not allowed to get work done, you're not allowed to do whatever. Live your life, like do your thing. I I have no issues with that.
00:09:26
Speaker
But do it in a way, like here's my thing, bitch. Like, okay, you want to get your titties on, you want to get your lips done or something. Do it in a way that's going to flatter your build, your shape. Don't try to be like, oh, but I want to look like this person. No, no, no, no, no. That's whack. That's like also kind of creepy. Like that's like, like if I was that person you were trying to look like, I'm like, bitch, no.
00:09:46
Speaker
immediate restraining order. Immediately I'm putting it on social media and hoping that people like have something negative to say about you. That was such a horrible Libra thing of me to say. Libra is like they're just gonna like kind of plant some information but like not do all of the dirty work but just kind of provide everyone with what they're gonna need. I don't do that but it's a very Libra thing to do.
00:10:07
Speaker
That's like the dark side of a Libra. Okay. I love Libra as we can do no wrong. That's just like, that's like a bad Libra or that's like an unhealed Libra or like a, you know, like maybe when you're like a child Libra, I mean, I'm perfect. I've never done anything like that, but whatever. The point is bitch, like you have to look like the best version of you. That's when you're going to look the hottest and the best. Cause you're meant to look like yourself. It's okay to wear makeup or get whatever you want done and just the way you want to look. That's what you should do. You should look and embrace your features and
00:10:35
Speaker
who you are. Try to embrace all of the things that are you. How can you look your best? That's when you're going to look your fucking hottest. Trust me. For so long, I felt like I had to look like what other people wanted me to look like or what they told me. This is how you look. This is how you look. Bitch, you don't know how I look. You're not me. I'm going to do me. And when I do that, I feel way more attractive, way more beautiful.
00:10:58
Speaker
way more magnetic and aligned with my highest self, bitch. Yeah, that's really all I have to say. I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Stay high and bye-bye.