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Defining Friendship in Adulthood: The Power of Lifelong Connections | Ep 4
71 Plays6 months ago
How do we define friendships in adulthood? What does it mean to label someone a friend as we move through the messiness of life? ?
Welcome to Episode 4 of the You can Call me Karen Podcast! This is the first episode of a 3 episode series that covers a topic near and dear to our hearts, friendship! Throughout this series, we will discuss how we define friendship in adulthood and what it means to label someone a friend. This week, we will focus on friendships that have stood the test of time! The questions driving our discussion today are: Why is it important to invest in long term friendships? What are ways we go about maintaining these lifelong friendships?
As always - a big thank you to Steve Olszewski for the art and images, Calid B and SJ Fadeaway for the musical mixings, and huge credit to Malvina Reynolds (writer) and Schroder Music Co. (ASCAP) (publisher) of the song “Little Boxes”.
Links to sources referenced in this episode:
- “Friends” By Whodini
- https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4tEy0GJlS0/?igsh=c3F2cXBheXZ5MzBr
- https://www.instagram.com/p/C9IBY4AutZL/?igsh=MTZyNGRvcTBhcW9sbQ==
Lastly, please follow us on Instagram (@youcancallmekaren), TikTok (@YCCMKPod), and like/subscribe wherever you get your podcasts!
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Transcript
Introduction to Adult Friendships
00:00:01
Stephanie Jay
As the great poet and lyricist, Jaleel Hutchins of Houdini asks, friends, how many of us have them? Friends, ones we won't depend on. Today, we will begin exploration of a topic near and dear to our hearts, friendship. Throughout this series, we will ask the questions, how do we define friendship in adulthood? What does it mean to label someone a friend? And how best can we maintain these relationships through the messiness of life?
00:00:54
Stephanie Jay
Hello, and welcome to the You Can Call Me Karen podcast, where we discuss current events and pop culture topics with the goal of finding common ground through shared experiences and balanced perspectives. I am Steph Jay, and I am joined with by my dear friends, Karen Horwitz and Manny Rosa. Today's episode, we will focus.
00:01:11
karenstansfield
oh
00:01:20
karenstansfield
Karen has had a beverage. Go!
00:01:26
Stephanie Jay
Today's episode, we will focus on friendships that have stood the test of time. Why they are important to have and how can we maintain them? But before we get started with today's topic, let's check in with Mani and Karen to find out who you call in Karen.
Personal Growth and Empathy
00:01:43
Mannikka Rosa
Who you got with your hair?
00:01:44
Stephanie Jay
So who you calling in Karen this week? Who's got a story queued up and ready to go? Mani?
00:01:51
Mannikka Rosa
Uh, yeah, sure. I'll go first. Hi, everyone. So happy to be back on the pod. Um, who am I calling Karen this week? Okay. Well, I think you feel like we've had a lot of discussions that have really helped me be aware of my inner Karen and also the external Karens that come my way. So, um, I think in this situation, I was almost about to be a Karen. Okay. So
00:02:21
karenstansfield
This feels like therapy, like, oh, here it comes.
00:02:22
Stephanie Jay
a
00:02:24
Mannikka Rosa
I was, it was about to go down.
00:02:24
karenstansfield
All right.
00:02:25
Mannikka Rosa
No. Okay. So, um um, I go to the gym and I usually go to the gym. I'm a, I'm a five a.m.er. Um, but over the summer, I know I'm one of those people.
00:02:34
karenstansfield
Oh, show off.
00:02:35
Stephanie Jay
Hey, I am a 5am or two.
00:02:37
karenstansfield
Oh.
00:02:37
Mannikka Rosa
I know.
00:02:38
Mannikka Rosa
Yes.
00:02:39
Stephanie Jay
I love it.
00:02:41
Mannikka Rosa
It's amazing. um There's not a lot of people there, which is like, is about to bring me to my point. So um over the summer, I try not to go that early because I don't really need to. I'm not really, you know, on a set schedule. So I've been going, you know, a little bit later in the day. And there is a new person working at the YMCA who is not very appreciative of my workout routine. And I have a pretty, elaborate workout routine because I do the Peloton app and I um Do like a tread boot camp.
00:03:14
Mannikka Rosa
So I'm like on and off of the treadmill So the first time we had an encounter she like moved my weights while I was still yes You don't touch somebody's weight. Okay, so say a step I saw that face right and so she moved my weight then I like I moved the bench out of the way cuz like I'm also doing like a lot of like
00:03:27
Stephanie Jay
Thank you.
00:03:33
Mannikka Rosa
whatever and I move the bench out of the way and she like in the middle of my workout I'm like trying to catch my breath and she's like can you move the bench back you know and I'm like oh my god like I know she works there yeah so I'm like oh I know
00:03:44
karenstansfield
Wait, does she work here?
00:03:48
karenstansfield
So you've never seen someone work out before?
00:03:50
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, that's how I'm like, it's just very confusing. She's very new. um And then there's like, also this like, it's just the way the setup is at the YMCA. It's just kind of like I go in a private area. So like, I don't I because I know this about myself and my routine, I go in a private area, and nobody bothers me. I don't bother anybody else. But all of a sudden, it's a problem. And on Friday, I was there. And um like, I usually leave the door open because A lot of people try to come in and out. It's also very hot in there. And she just comes and like removes the thing as the doors open. I was like, can you leave that open, please?
Self-Awareness and Conflict Avoidance
00:04:27
Mannikka Rosa
And she's like, my manager says it's a fire hazard. And i like the way my eyes rolled to the back of my head, I was just like, all right. like what you know And thankfully, I had my workout to kind of
00:04:42
Mannikka Rosa
go through all of the rage and all of the emotions.
00:04:47
karenstansfield
Mm-hmm.
00:04:48
Mannikka Rosa
And thankfully, I had these conversations to like rely back on because I was like, well, I'm going to talk to her manager.
00:04:48
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:04:52
karenstansfield
Hmm.
00:04:56
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:04:56
Mannikka Rosa
yeah I And then I remembered. the poor honey deer just trying to do her job, you know? And so um at the end of my workout, I just said, I went up to her, um because I also remember like, you know, we try to leave with curiosity, right? Although I might not have said anything, my body language did communicate something. So I went up to her and I was like, look, it's not you. Like, I'm just letting you know it's a little bit inconsistent, right? When when you're not here, the rules are a different way. And, you know, I just have to like adjust to that. it's But it's difficult when I'm in the middle of my workout, you know?
00:05:29
Mannikka Rosa
um I was like it's it's it's all good you know so anyway it ended up being like fine but yeah it was a little bit intense there for a second so I know and like all I wanted to do
00:05:36
karenstansfield
Mm-hmm.
00:05:37
Stephanie Jay
I forgot that you get that you had a like we discussed leading with curiosity.
00:05:44
karenstansfield
Mm-hmm.
00:05:44
Stephanie Jay
um Like that's such good advice and reminder like because I also was very irritated by this girl. She would have read some nasty body language for me too.
00:05:57
Mannikka Rosa
all I wanted to do was be like, I've been working out here for four years.
00:05:57
karenstansfield
Mm
00:06:00
Mannikka Rosa
And you know, and like, like, that's entitlement, right?
00:06:01
karenstansfield
-hmm.
00:06:02
Mannikka Rosa
Like that, like, I want to be entitled to, but the truth probably is she's young, this is probably her first job.
00:06:03
Stephanie Jay
I love it.
00:06:10
Mannikka Rosa
You know, if I would have asked her some questions, I would have realized where her fear was coming from, you know, of like, she probably is just like, look, I gotta follow the rules. This is my first job. I'm trying to, you know, I don't know what she has going on that she's trying to make sure she doesn't get fired from this job, right? So she's just doing what she was told to do.
00:06:24
Stephanie Jay
and
00:06:26
Mannikka Rosa
So anyway.
00:06:29
Stephanie Jay
we have it
00:06:31
karenstansfield
Whoo.
00:06:35
karenstansfield
So this is Karen. And I didn't really have a Karen this week.
00:06:37
Stephanie Jay
but
00:06:43
karenstansfield
ah and inner i'm I mean, like I never have an inner Karen because I'm perfect. but um
00:06:48
Mannikka Rosa
<unk> Yeah.
00:06:51
karenstansfield
But we were talking about this before we got on and I was like, I don't really have one this week. And Manny, I think you said like, that's amazing. We should talk about that. But the reality is I didn't really leave my house very much this week.
00:07:03
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:07:04
karenstansfield
I worked from home and yeah, I didn't expose myself to other humans very much. So, you know, we all need a break from the Karens out there. I think that's healthy. It's productive.
00:07:17
Mannikka Rosa
yeah
00:07:18
Stephanie Jay
And it's like...
00:07:18
karenstansfield
I did a lot of meditation. It was lovely.
00:07:21
Mannikka Rosa
Wow.
00:07:22
Stephanie Jay
Don't
00:07:23
Mannikka Rosa
That is good. Yeah, exactly. So the way that we avoid Karen's is by staying in the house.
00:07:28
Stephanie Jay
leave your house.
00:07:30
karenstansfield
Yeah, just hermit.
00:07:30
Stephanie Jay
yes
00:07:32
karenstansfield
Yeah, hermit up and yeah, avoid all contact with other humans and then you're
Influence of Family on Friendships
00:07:38
karenstansfield
foolproof. Yeah, no problem.
00:07:39
Mannikka Rosa
Great. All right. Do we have anything else we need to discuss?
00:07:42
karenstansfield
I'll do better next time.
00:07:44
Mannikka Rosa
Because that seems like the end of the podcast.
00:07:45
karenstansfield
We're all done here.
00:07:46
Stephanie Jay
This is a good plan.
00:07:50
karenstansfield
Now back to you Steph, let's get into the topic.
00:08:07
Stephanie Jay
um Okay, so today we are going to be discussing um specifically lasting friendships. friendships that have stood the test of time. This topic is really particularly special to me because I have somehow maintained close relationships with women from many stages of my life. I still have of my best friends I've had since eighth grade. I have friends that I met in high school that um I'm still in contact with. Karen and Manny, we met in college and we are still very close and our group extends beyond the three of us.
00:08:45
Stephanie Jay
anyway, it's something that is near and dear to my heart in particular. When I met my husband who I I was about 30. three, 34 years old. he It's one of the first things he actually noticed about me was that i like when we met and we started to do things socially, he was noticing that my friends were like talking to me, telling him stories of me when I was 15, when I was 18, when I was 25.
00:09:09
Stephanie Jay
And he'd always say it was interesting to him that I had so many lasting friendships.
00:09:09
karenstansfield
Nice.
00:09:14
Stephanie Jay
And it wasn't until he pointed that out that I realized that, A, that's not really necessarily the case for everyone.
00:09:17
karenstansfield
Hmm.
00:09:20
Stephanie Jay
um But then I realized also it's something that I, if that's not necessarily the case, it's something that I put effort into having. So I was, I've kind of been reflecting on that. And I realized that um that's really because of my mom. um My mom modeled the value of friendships for me. She and my dad moved here from Jamaica. And when they came to Ohio, they found other Caribbean islanders. So not just Jamaicans, Trinidadians, a few from Barbados. And they kind of created a network And several of the women in that group became who are basically my aunties.
00:09:52
Mannikka Rosa
Hmm.
00:09:54
Stephanie Jay
They raised me.
00:09:55
Mannikka Rosa
Hmm.
00:09:57
Stephanie Jay
We spent holidays, birthdays. But in between, like be in between the big get togethers and we're Jamaicans. So like they found a reason to get together and we danced and ate good food and stuff. So there was always big things going on.
00:10:09
karenstansfield
Hmm.
00:10:11
Stephanie Jay
But in between, my mom would be on the phone with my aunties and for hours, um up and sharing stories um and And also those same women would go on trips with each other, just women, no kids allowed. And they leaned on each other in hard times, which we all have had. And so I kind of just knew um that I wanted that in my life. um It was just really special to see my mom have this group of women that she counted on, leaned on, and that they had special trips together.
00:10:44
Mannikka Rosa
Thank you.
00:10:47
Stephanie Jay
And they spent such a significant part of my life as a kid too. um So that's going to be my why. That would be why I found it important to me to maintain relationships. So um what I wanted to do is toss that question out to you. I kind of have two questions for you guys. um to kind of lead our discussion and I think those questions are intertwined like the why and then the how. um So I'm going to just pose them both and then when you guys go to answer you can answer whichever question feels most natural because my why kind of explains my how.
00:11:21
Mannikka Rosa
No.
00:11:22
Stephanie Jay
um but it might be different for you.
00:11:24
Stephanie Jay
So my two questions are, why is it important to invest in long-term friendships? And my question number two is, how do you make it work? What are we what are ways um we go about maintaining these lifelong friendships?
00:11:40
karenstansfield
Before we dive into answers, your story made me think about your family a lot. And I just need, I just realized like, is Aunt Joan, ah she is she not really bio-ant? Is she?
00:11:54
Stephanie Jay
She's bio-ant, but she's like, well, she is bio-ant, but she's not, she's probably the only one you know that is bio-ant.
00:11:55
karenstansfield
Oh, she is bio-ant.
00:12:01
karenstansfield
OK, yeah, I was like, wait a second.
00:12:03
Stephanie Jay
know
00:12:03
Mannikka Rosa
Okay.
00:12:05
Stephanie Jay
Right.
00:12:06
karenstansfield
Who are all these people?
00:12:07
karenstansfield
um But I always think about that with our kiddos, because my son calls you two auntie or auntie, depending on which
00:12:07
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:12:15
Mannikka Rosa
Okay.
00:12:17
karenstansfield
And one day he's going to be very confused, that like, wait a second.
00:12:19
Mannikka Rosa
and
00:12:20
Stephanie Jay
thank you
00:12:22
Mannikka Rosa
okay
00:12:22
karenstansfield
Who are all these people in my life? um But i I mean, I can start. I think for me, like I struggle with this question a little bit of like, why is a long-term friendship so important? Because I guess I don't really place the emphasis as much on ah the fact that it's long-term or lasting.
00:12:42
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
00:12:46
karenstansfield
I just place the emphasis on the person and over time I have some people who have lasted the test of time.
00:12:53
Stephanie Jay
Uh-huh.
00:12:53
karenstansfield
And to me, and meant in like in a lot of cases, are as important and sometimes more important than family. like i I look at my extended family and and I don't have very close relationships with them.
00:13:02
Stephanie Jay
Never.
00:13:07
karenstansfield
um My mom's side is very geographically spread out, um is very um spread out in terms of like culture and opinions. and Uh, you know, and so, yeah, I just don't feel very connected to them. Whereas like the two of you have become my family over time. And when you say family, it comes with this like totally different, you know, mentality,
00:13:25
Mannikka Rosa
Hmm.
00:13:29
Stephanie Jay
Hello.
00:13:33
karenstansfield
It's going to sound bad, but it's like a friend feels a little bit easier to shed, you know, than a family member. And so like over time, I have some friends that have just morphed into family and like, you know, then we're in it together. We're in it through thick and thin. And it's like, we may go through times where we don't talk as much and we may go through times where We're not necessarily in sync in our lives, but it's like, it doesn't matter. You're my family. And so we'll work it out during those times. And then when we come back, like our lives naturally kind of come back together, then I get more and, or or like deeper, you know, or whatever. So to me, it's like, I don't know. Like once you become my family, you're stuck with me. We're in it. and We're in this thing together.
00:14:19
Stephanie Jay
I was hoping that that would come up because I feel like I think Like you said, I don't have long-term friends because it's important that someone is my friend for a long time. I have long-time friends because I've noticed like I kind of sink my teeth into you, and once you're my friend, you're my friend, and um I care deeply about you very quickly.
00:14:36
Mannikka Rosa
Ha
00:14:40
Stephanie Jay
And we and and then I'm like, that's it.
00:14:41
Mannikka Rosa
ha
00:14:43
Stephanie Jay
You're you're stuck with me, kind of ah kind of a thing.
00:14:45
Mannikka Rosa
ha.
00:14:46
Stephanie Jay
and But I love that you brought up the fact that over time, Um, I just like that you brought up friends versus family and the but idea that it's hard to shed friends, but you like, um, it's easier to shed friends than it is family and like re relabeling the people that are significant in your life.
00:15:04
karenstansfield
Mm Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
00:15:06
Stephanie Jay
Um, I love that.
00:15:08
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, yeah, I feel like Karen you talk about that often and I always feel very honored when you say that because that just feels like one of the best compliments that you could give a friend of like that like I chose you to be my sister, even though
00:15:13
Stephanie Jay
Hmm. Hmm.
00:15:22
Stephanie Jay
Okay.
00:15:27
Mannikka Rosa
you weren't weren't born to be sisters like i I'm bestowing this honor to you and as somebody who has an incredible sister like that just feels like a really yummy place to live and exist and I always just like whenever you say that I always just like humbly accept that invitation because it feels really precious. I was also thinking about what you guys were saying about the family and how it was modeled to you and this whole what is it auntie and who's your real auntie and because we just encountered this we just went on a big family vacation and we were like kind of uncovering who's who in our family and
00:16:07
Mannikka Rosa
Like, yeah, you you as a kid go through this period, at least in the Black community, I know, where it's like, okay, these are your aunties, and then you understand that they're not your aunties. And then now I'm um approaching my, like, you know, 40s, and it's like,
Parenting and Children's Friendships
00:16:20
Mannikka Rosa
no, but those are my aunties.
00:16:21
Stephanie Jay
Hmm.
00:16:21
Mannikka Rosa
You know what I mean?
00:16:22
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:16:22
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:16:22
Mannikka Rosa
So, like, you know, then you don't know, but then you know, you know?
00:16:26
Stephanie Jay
me
00:16:26
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:16:27
Mannikka Rosa
And then it starts to make sense, right?
00:16:28
Stephanie Jay
with
00:16:29
Mannikka Rosa
And so I just... to wanted to make sure I commented on that and I'm going to try to like um share this from like a perspective of like just being a mother myself with a teenager or a young daughter who is approaching teenage age and all she wants to be is around her friends you know and I just um I keep hearing these messages about third spaces and um how we have you guys heard of third spaces before
00:16:53
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm, mm hmm.
00:16:56
karenstansfield
No, I don't think so.
00:16:58
Mannikka Rosa
So um in society, we used to have third spaces, but now we've eliminated them. So your first space is your home. Your second space is work and school, right? um Your third space is where you used to go to like the roller skating rink or the mall or like the bingo hall or whatever it is, right?
00:17:12
karenstansfield
The playground.
00:17:13
Stephanie Jay
Hmm. Hmm.
00:17:17
Mannikka Rosa
And this is where you used to go to hang out and make connection with your friends. And so um I, we we don't have to talk about this at all, um but the the book, The Anxious Generation has been like talking about how kids are on their phones a lot more. And I was just, again, listening to that Sarah Marshall podcast where they were talking about like maybe the phones are what are keeping the kids connected, right?
00:17:41
Stephanie Jay
Hmm.
00:17:41
Mannikka Rosa
Maybe that's what's helping them.
00:17:42
karenstansfield
Oh, fascinating.
00:17:44
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, maybe we should stop blaming the phones and blaming the fact that we invest in putting chick fillets on every corner instead of, um you know, putting into our malls and pouring into spaces where these kids hang out, you know, and so anyway, I think about that with the lasting long friendships of like,
00:17:49
Stephanie Jay
Okay.
00:17:57
karenstansfield
a
00:18:04
Mannikka Rosa
Right now, this is the most important thing in my daughter's life. And you know sometimes I want her to be here with me, but like building those friendships and relationships are super important for her because it gives her security.
00:18:14
karenstansfield
Mm.
00:18:14
Mannikka Rosa
Those are people who can relate to her. um It's helping her with her development. right And she's getting actual intimacy. And again, another Brene Brown, Esther Perel, discussion was around, you know, she she turned ah AI into artificial intimacy. That's what we're getting right now through social media, right? Through likes, through comments, through shares, right? But what friendship brings to us is authentic intimacy, authentic connection, right? And and so,
00:18:46
Mannikka Rosa
my lasting friendships when my daughter sees you guys visit or my friends visit with their kids, right? What it is, is it signaling to her that what she's doing right now is important.
00:18:54
Stephanie Jay
Yeah. Uh huh.
00:18:57
Mannikka Rosa
What she's doing right now is right.
00:18:57
karenstansfield
Yes.
00:18:59
Mannikka Rosa
What she's doing right now is building connection. What she's doing is impactful and meaningful. And it's, it's inspiring. So, um, yeah, that's a, I think that's my why.
00:19:09
karenstansfield
Oh, we we could easily go down a rabbit hole on this, you know, children, and unlike our kiddos because
00:19:11
Stephanie Jay
you.
00:19:19
karenstansfield
I am at the stage, my son is six now, and he is starting to very much value his friendships, which means, you know, he wants to spend more time with his friends. And it used to just be mom and dad, like we were his favorite people in the whole entire world, still are, but you know, it is something that I am contemplating daily of like, how to let him go into the world and like make these friendships that are going to be
00:19:36
Mannikka Rosa
Right. Right. Mm hmm.
00:19:46
Stephanie Jay
Okay.
00:19:49
karenstansfield
more important to him than I am, which kills me. But like I think about my relationship with my parents. On day one, the the first day I met Maxwell, the first day I held him, i I literally stared at him and I thought, you're never going to love me as much as I love you.
00:20:07
Mannikka Rosa
Mm hmm.
00:20:08
karenstansfield
And then I am immediately afterwards thought, oh my gosh, my poor parents.
00:20:11
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:20:12
karenstansfield
you know like They have felt that way. you know They have looked at me and thought that before.
00:20:15
Mannikka Rosa
yeah
00:20:18
karenstansfield
but oh But then like I have this battle with myself of like I have to let him have that like these friendships are gonna be so critical to him on so many planes, you know that like I'm never gonna be able to replace that nor should I should I nor should I want to or expect to And it's interesting to hear yeah you going through it with your daughter like at this stage in her life Where it's real.
00:20:26
Mannikka Rosa
Mm hmm.
00:20:37
Stephanie Jay
Mm Mm-hmm.
00:20:44
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:20:45
karenstansfield
It's so real
00:20:46
Mannikka Rosa
Well, you're making me think about like, you know, ah put us three on a panel with three women who don't have lasting friendships and is the difference, the decisions that the parents made in their formative years about allowing them to hang out with their friends.
00:20:58
Stephanie Jay
Mm
00:21:01
karenstansfield
and
00:21:03
Mannikka Rosa
Like is, is the parent just as much involved in the lasting friendship as, you know,
00:21:05
Stephanie Jay
-hmm.
00:21:11
karenstansfield
Well, I mean, Steph's opening story was literally seeing her mom and seeing the way that her mom behaved with her friends and knowing that that's what she wanted.
00:21:12
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:21:16
Mannikka Rosa
you Yeah.
00:21:20
karenstansfield
So you do have to wonder if that's like really critical.
00:21:22
Stephanie Jay
and Well, this is, this is interesting because Manny, your, your daughter's turning around the age that I was when I met my friend, Karine, right?
00:21:31
Mannikka Rosa
Mm hmm.
00:21:38
Stephanie Jay
Who was in my wedding and I got married late in life, the tech quote unquote.
00:21:42
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:21:44
Stephanie Jay
Um, and so it, it's interesting cause I, like, if I throw myself back to, um, Brielle's age, like, What I know that, you know, what 30 years later, this friend I met at a third space by the way I met her at camp, like, you know, it's like, um yeah I met her at a summer camp.
00:22:00
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:22:04
Mannikka Rosa
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:22:07
karenstansfield
Oh, interesting.
00:22:08
Mannikka Rosa
Mm-hmm.
00:22:08
karenstansfield
I didn't know that.
00:22:11
Stephanie Jay
And you know anyway, I think like kind of what you said, do parents play a role in that? Yeah, like my parents facilitated. like It was OK. Yeah, you guys can meet up. And yes, it's OK that you're on the phone as long as they call before a certain hour. You're allowed to do those things. And um so yeah, I guess we do play a big role. And that makes me so nervous. you know My baby's only two.
00:22:38
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:22:39
Stephanie Jay
and i like ah Another thing that comes to mind is kind of like, so I know that like, I referenced Houdini Friends earlier and I know that that's an old song, but like there's some lines in it that had me thinking
00:22:49
Mannikka Rosa
Oh yeah.
00:22:54
Stephanie Jay
there's a line that's like, um, but some mistake kindness for a fool.
00:22:57
karenstansfield
Mm.
00:22:59
Stephanie Jay
We like to be with some because they are funny. Others come around when they need money. So like some, so what I, what I take from that is when we're like fostering and facilitating friendships for our kids. helping them realize like what's important. like Are you hanging out with them because they make you laugh? Is that enough? like Some of those comments that are in that line, it's like, what what values or what kind of things make you sink your teeth into them and decide you're my friend and you're you're important to me.
00:23:23
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah Mm-hmm
00:23:32
Stephanie Jay
You know what I mean? It's like, how do we make sure...
00:23:34
karenstansfield
I also think it's, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves as parents because we want to do better.
00:23:40
Stephanie Jay
Mm-hmm.
00:23:41
karenstansfield
Like we want to do better than our parents and they wanted to do better than theirs.
00:23:42
Stephanie Jay
Mm-hmm.
00:23:44
karenstansfield
Right. And that is important. However, learning those lessons yourself is very important. Like our children going through the light, like the stages in the life cycle of friendship is more important than us trying to tell them what to look out for.
00:24:03
Stephanie Jay
Right. Right.
00:24:04
karenstansfield
Like you have to experience that firsthand and then you have to hope that those experiences don't, you know, have um or like negative consequences, you know, or at least like lasting negative consequences.
00:24:07
Stephanie Jay
Sure.
00:24:21
karenstansfield
That's the part that just scares me.
00:24:21
Stephanie Jay
Right.
00:24:22
karenstansfield
But I am learning very quickly now that we have a school aged child that like, I'm going to try to protect him and I'm going to tell him not to do certain things because he'll get hurt or you know not to hang out with certain people because they don't have his best interest in mind but at the end of the day until he does it and learns from those experiences it's just words and his brain isn't
00:24:48
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm. You're right.
00:24:50
karenstansfield
developed enough to understand what those words like actually result in, like the consequences of these things. like it's just He has to figure it out the hard way, unfortunately.
00:24:58
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:25:00
karenstansfield
And that's hard to just sit idle by and be like, yeah, go for it.
00:25:01
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:25:03
karenstansfield
This is not going to end well, and I know it.
00:25:05
karenstansfield
and
00:25:05
Mannikka Rosa
Well, that's what that's what I was going to say is that like as I get older and as i and I think you guys are a couple of years um away from this, but the thing that I do love right now about Brielle and like where I am and speaking of friends is that I have moms in my circle who have kids in high school, right?
00:25:23
Mannikka Rosa
So when I talk about the things that I'm like, should I let her do it?
00:25:23
karenstansfield
no you know Yeah.
00:25:27
Mannikka Rosa
Do do it?
00:25:28
Stephanie Jay
Uh-huh.
00:25:28
Mannikka Rosa
That I wish my kid was still doing that right now. like And not in like a toxic positivity, but they're like, high school ah right and so like it's it's cool to have like friends who are like no like that that's nothing compared to what you're about to experience right and and what it makes me think about is that
00:25:37
karenstansfield
and
00:25:44
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:25:50
Mannikka Rosa
my mom was always in the periphery. Like, she was always facilitate, like, and when I look back, actually, I called my mom a couple weeks ago, when or a couple months ago, when this, like, my, when Brielle's travel sports was, like, starting to really pick up. And I was like, you did this as a single mother? Like, I don't think I love my kids as much as you love me, you know?
00:26:12
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:26:13
Mannikka Rosa
Like, like I
00:26:15
karenstansfield
I don't have it any.
00:26:16
Mannikka Rosa
i can't i have to go 15 minutes outside of the radius of my house and i'm pissed off you know you were driving up and down the east coast for me and my like soccer tournaments i don't I don't understand, right?
00:26:30
karenstansfield
a
00:26:30
Mannikka Rosa
But those are the kind of things like they, your parents got you to those places. There are parents who won't, like I honestly think there are parents who won't do that because it is inconvenient for them. So I don't know. I i i i think my parents knew more. than I think I thought they knew.
00:26:52
Stephanie Jay
Hey.
00:26:52
Mannikka Rosa
And they were playing a lot much bigger role on the outside than I was aware of in the development of my friends based off of who they would drop me off whose house they would drop me off at and whose house they wouldn't, you know?
00:26:56
Stephanie Jay
Hey.
00:27:04
karenstansfield
Mm
00:27:05
Stephanie Jay
and
00:27:06
Mannikka Rosa
And um I don't know. I wasn't planning on talking about any of that, but I just kind of now I'm thinking with this question of like, why is it important to invest in long lasting friendships? And you know you're just see it for I just kind of
Honesty and Authenticity in Friendships
00:27:22
Mannikka Rosa
see it. you You'll be able to see it with your with your kids when the group of kids that they're invested in, you'll be able to see it and you'll be able to see who you're going to want to
00:27:22
karenstansfield
hmm.
00:27:28
Stephanie Jay
Okay.
00:27:35
Stephanie Jay
Okay.
00:27:36
Mannikka Rosa
I'm sorry, that look. I was like, what's happening? Is a monster approaching?
00:27:39
karenstansfield
Sorry. Well, I mean, so speaking of these lasting friendships, I should say that, um yeah, maybe a monster is approaching um that, you know, one of like my dearest childhood friends who I literally grew up across the street from has come back into my life at this stage, like she lives now a half a mile away from me, which We didn't realize until a few months back, I work with her husband, you guys. like This is how we discovered that we lived so close to each other.
00:28:12
Stephanie Jay
Well.
00:28:13
karenstansfield
And now she and her husband and her two little girls are at my house. And and when we wrap up this recording, I'm going to go play with them. And that's just like full circle.
00:28:22
Mannikka Rosa
That's
00:28:22
karenstansfield
like I grew up with this woman, and now we are raising our kids together.
00:28:26
Mannikka Rosa
for synchronicity.
00:28:28
karenstansfield
Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. Every time we get together, we think about this. because like um She, I can't recall, I think she moved in after we lived there. ah Like my entire childhood memories are literally filled with her and her family. I would like be in and out of her house all summer long. She has two younger sisters. They would be playing at our house all summer long. um Thanks to her and her mother's brilliant cooking, I was exposed to more than just like salt and pepper and meat and potatoes.
00:29:01
karenstansfield
and
00:29:02
Mannikka Rosa
And Karen can cook y'all.
00:29:02
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:29:02
karenstansfield
ah Thank you. um I haven't mastered Indian food yet, but her mom definitely made some bomb ass Indian food when we were a kids. And like, yeah, it's just, ah it's just wild to think that some of this is so much luck, you know, and just like where you are and in the space and time and who you get exposed to. And it this conversation is really making me reflect on what influence I do or do not have on the friend choices my son makes and like how important that is in the in the grand scheme of things.
00:29:37
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:29:39
karenstansfield
So I hope we're doing it right.
00:29:39
Mannikka Rosa
So don't fuck it up. So I guess that's like a good segue into Steph's second question of like how do we make these work?
00:29:42
karenstansfield
Yeah, the pressure is on.
00:29:47
Mannikka Rosa
What are ways? um We maintain these lifelong friendships.
00:29:54
Stephanie Jay
Yeah, I was, um, you were reading my mind, Manny.
00:29:54
Mannikka Rosa
Wow.
00:29:57
Stephanie Jay
um I was, I shared with you, um Ladies Are Real, that I think kind of speaks to how it, like, how lasting friendships even exist or how adult friendships exist, because I guess friendships are lasting if they continue into your adulthood, right? So um I think Some of the things that she said in this message that stood out to me was not needing to talk all the time. Like um ah the idea of just sharing a meme, like sending a meme or a message on Instagram.
00:30:32
Stephanie Jay
i One of my good friends, another good friend of mine, like we literally talk via meme, like just back and forth. That's ah the only way we communicate.
00:30:39
karenstansfield
i love that
00:30:41
Mannikka Rosa
Hello.
00:30:41
Stephanie Jay
oh And um the ability to sit in silence is something else that she said she loves about her friends. um And she said another thing that helps her is being willing to say, let me get on your books. I love that she even put it like that. Like, you know, when it's time or it's been a long time, um that kind of reminds me actually of Kareem.
00:31:02
karenstansfield
I love that.
00:31:05
Stephanie Jay
Like, well it'll be a minute since we've spoken and then we'll say, hey, are you alive? When ah when can I see you? And and we're met we meet each other with no hard feelings.
00:31:13
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:31:13
karenstansfield
ah
00:31:17
Stephanie Jay
Like, it's just pick right back up and we don't beat each other up about it.
00:31:18
karenstansfield
yeah
00:31:22
Stephanie Jay
And so anyway, thoughts on all of our adult friendships.
Protecting Energy and Genuine Connections
00:31:29
Stephanie Jay
I feel like our group has done a lot of cool things to stay in the loop.
00:31:30
karenstansfield
Mm hmm.
00:31:35
Stephanie Jay
What do you think?
00:31:38
karenstansfield
Well, I like what you said about no hard feelings. like i have um I tend to be a a bit more guarded and protective with my time.
00:31:40
Stephanie Jay
you
00:31:48
karenstansfield
um i am an empath by nature. And so um human energy really affects me and can really drain me. And so I try to give my time to the people who give me the most energy and don't take um you know more than they give, basically. But um I think because of that, like I've been very selective over the years of like the people who I very much recognize that in and try to direct my time and energy to those people. So a couple, oh, earlier this week I had dinner with Katie, who you guys know from, again, from my childhood. and There's only a couple who have lasted that long for me. and
00:32:38
karenstansfield
She's just one of those people where every time we see each other, we could have gone three, four, five, six months without speaking. And we just pick up right where we left off. And there's no, uh, I'm sure we all have those friends that are like, I miss you. Or it's been too long. We haven't talked. And it's like, it's like a guilt trip. And, and to see the other side, right?
00:32:58
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:33:00
karenstansfield
That's probably a little bit of their guilt of like, why haven't I reached out more? Why haven't I connected more?
00:33:04
Mannikka Rosa
No.
00:33:05
karenstansfield
But either way, that places negative energy into the dialogue. Whereas with my friend Katie, it's like we just get together and it's like, oh my gosh, we have so much to catch up on.
00:33:10
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:33:15
karenstansfield
I want to hear everything. Tell me. you know And we just are excited and we listen and we reminisce and whatever. And I think for me, the how is really about that. It's like there is no um there's no hard feelings. you know Life is busy and you can't um, waste time. Like when we do have the precious time together, I don't want to spend any of that feeling bad about time lost and just really being present and really hearing from the other person and sharing what's going on in your life and just being a part of each other's lives for the time that you do have.
00:33:40
Stephanie Jay
yeah.
00:33:54
karenstansfield
So to me, like that is the how, like that is so critical. I don't, I can't live in that space of guilt and like what if, you know, so.
00:34:03
Stephanie Jay
and
00:34:06
Stephanie Jay
yeah
00:34:06
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:34:06
karenstansfield
format.
00:34:09
Stephanie Jay
The, when you were saying that, it made me think of, I don't keep referring to, to Green, but like something that she always says is like, I like that when you, when we get together, cause she doesn't live far from me.
00:34:17
Mannikka Rosa
When's the last time you talked to her? No.
00:34:23
Stephanie Jay
And when we do finally get together, she's like, I like that. Like you can just sit on my couch. Like you can open my fridge. You can, we don't even have to talk.
00:34:31
karenstansfield
thank
00:34:32
Stephanie Jay
I can, you know, now we both have little ones and you know, we're, hair's a mess. We're running around chasing them. We're taking turns cutting pizza. And you know and it's there's no performance. There's no extra.
00:34:46
karenstansfield
yes performance
00:34:47
Stephanie Jay
We're just real. It's natural. And they she takes me as I am at that point. And I take her as she is at that point. And it's just pretty raw. And and so there's she's like, there's certain friends where I have to
00:34:57
karenstansfield
her
00:35:02
Stephanie Jay
like bolster up to get ready for if they're coming to my house and you I know you can just come on in sit down and that's like easy to me kind of like what you were saying with protecting my energy and um so we just try to make it easy for each other um
00:35:13
karenstansfield
Yes, performance.
00:35:20
karenstansfield
the performance comment like really hits home like there's certain friends the two of you where i don't have to perform stuff you just came and stayed with us and hopefully you felt this way but i certainly felt like you guys made yourself at home you found your way around the kitchen i didn't have to like
00:35:35
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:35:38
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:35:39
karenstansfield
apologize for the state of my refrigerator. I don't know.
00:35:42
Mannikka Rosa
Hmm.
00:35:42
karenstansfield
I'm making it up. You know, it's just like you're here, your family, what's mine is yours, help yourself.
00:35:43
Mannikka Rosa
Hmm.
00:35:48
karenstansfield
And like, just, yeah, this is what this is your home to. So I love, I love friends that are like that. And I want to just give all of my energy to those people because it's easier and it feels more real
Roles and Humor in Friendship Groups
00:36:02
karenstansfield
and raw. Like you said, I love, I love that performance comment.
00:36:07
Mannikka Rosa
Whoo.
00:36:08
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, this will be when we dive deeper into our friendship series. This, I think will come back for me because I um i love performing for my friends.
00:36:16
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:36:21
karenstansfield
Yes.
00:36:22
Mannikka Rosa
I love, no matter what kind of friend you are, I love hosting my friends. I love i i love doing that kind of service and hospitality.
00:36:28
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:36:31
Mannikka Rosa
I chose my home because I have that, right?
00:36:33
karenstansfield
Mhm.
00:36:35
Stephanie Jay
Hmm.
00:36:35
Mannikka Rosa
like Because I don't love leaving my home. i I don't want to have to go ah sit in a restaurant like I'd rather just you come to my house and feel um like I love like cleaning my house all the time so and it will always be that way for my friends because I enjoy that but I love doing that for my friends because that's just like I don't know like that's like I won't pick you up from the airport right guys but I will
00:37:06
karenstansfield
Thank the Lord.
00:37:06
Stephanie Jay
yeah
00:37:09
Mannikka Rosa
when
00:37:10
Stephanie Jay
ah
00:37:12
Mannikka Rosa
yeah
00:37:13
karenstansfield
ah Manny is a terrible driver. I don't know if my microphone is picking me up, um but I'm just kidding.
00:37:17
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah,
00:37:19
Stephanie Jay
loud of clear flattting
00:37:20
karenstansfield
I'm just kidding.
00:37:22
Stephanie Jay
we
00:37:23
Mannikka Rosa
She's not. And that was going to be my, that was going to be what I was trying to think about with like, um, I don't think I finished my last point and it's okay. I don't need to, cause I think we'll pick it back up in the rest of our series. But, um, I think I, in, in this place that I'm at currently in and the space in my life, I was going to say like, I think it really just depends on where you are with your friends and your faith of life, right?
00:37:36
Stephanie Jay
Laughing. Laughing.
00:37:44
Mannikka Rosa
Like in this phase of life, you you know, again, you guys are,
00:37:44
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:37:48
Mannikka Rosa
you're older than me, but you're younger parents than me. You know what I mean?
00:37:51
karenstansfield
Mm hmm.
00:37:51
Mannikka Rosa
Like, so like, you're in just a different phase. Like I can provide in a different way, um, where I'm not cutting up meals for my kids because my kids can do some of that.
00:37:58
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:38:01
Mannikka Rosa
There's more self-sufficient, you know what I mean?
00:38:01
karenstansfield
Mm hmm.
00:38:03
Mannikka Rosa
Like my energy, I've gotten some of that back, right?
00:38:03
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
00:38:06
Mannikka Rosa
Um, anyway, um, but I was, um,
00:38:08
karenstansfield
Mm hmm.
00:38:08
Stephanie Jay
I also will say like that style of yours, I think everybody should have somebody like that in their life. You know what I mean? Like I think that there's no, dis that it's not unvaluable that that's how you, and like if we all were, wanted to be like the Monica, like I'm the hostess, um then
00:38:29
karenstansfield
yeah
00:38:30
Stephanie Jay
who than who would come over if everybody was the Monica.
00:38:31
karenstansfield
but
00:38:34
Stephanie Jay
like so you know And when i when I come to your house, I feel so loved on and so like at home and so comfortable and so special.
00:38:34
karenstansfield
then her Right.
00:38:34
Mannikka Rosa
Right.
00:38:43
Stephanie Jay
but it doesn't make And it doesn't make me feel like guilty that if when you come to my house, we're going to have sandwiches and you can go get your own.
00:38:48
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:38:48
karenstansfield
right
00:38:49
Mannikka Rosa
I hope not. Yeah.
00:38:51
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:38:52
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:38:53
Stephanie Jay
And we're gonna you know that's OK.
00:38:54
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah. yeah
00:38:58
Stephanie Jay
So I just want to just
00:38:58
karenstansfield
Yeah, I think yeah No, I'm with you Steph, because i I like, the way that you described performance is very different from the way Manny that you described performance.
00:39:01
Stephanie Jay
Yes.
00:39:08
karenstansfield
Like you host and you love on and you don't, don't, don't on people. um in And genuine and um and it's welcoming and it doesn't feel like I now need to perform back.
00:39:17
Stephanie Jay
and Yeah.
00:39:25
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I don't expect anything in return.
00:39:25
Stephanie Jay
Right.
00:39:25
karenstansfield
You know, it's it's more, it's the way that you host and you welcome people into your lives.
00:39:28
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:39:31
karenstansfield
And so very different from the way that Steph, what you were describing of like having to perform for your guests and like, and that makes it feel uncomfortable and cold, you know, and now I have to like say the right things and put my dishes in the sink or whatever.
00:39:37
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:39:39
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah.
00:39:43
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:39:47
karenstansfield
Like I, I don't get that vibe from you in your style at all.
00:39:47
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:39:47
Mannikka Rosa
Yes.
00:39:49
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:39:52
karenstansfield
Obviously that's why we're here and talking about this and like,
00:39:56
Mannikka Rosa
Yes.
00:39:56
karenstansfield
Yeah, i like I like to cook for my friends and I like all of that too.
00:39:57
Mannikka Rosa
When you guys know that, I think we'll I think what's apparent is like we're also in a group of friends and each of our group of friends kind of has their, I don't want to say role, but like we know who, you know, is what, right?
00:40:01
Stephanie Jay
and
00:40:10
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:40:11
Stephanie Jay
yeah
00:40:12
Mannikka Rosa
And you know, I'm going to come to you months in advance with a plan.
00:40:13
karenstansfield
Yeah.
00:40:17
Stephanie Jay
and we Yep.
00:40:19
Mannikka Rosa
right like you
00:40:19
karenstansfield
I have ah the text messages to prove it. Yes, yes.
00:40:24
Mannikka Rosa
And the Google documents.
00:40:25
Stephanie Jay
And then Google Docs.
00:40:30
Stephanie Jay
if
00:40:31
karenstansfield
And that is why we love you.
00:40:32
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah. and
00:40:33
karenstansfield
We can't all be that clearly.
00:40:37
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah. And I think that's like what makes our friendship so cool is that everybody is, there's like a code of ethics, right?
00:40:45
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:40:45
Mannikka Rosa
That is like, you know, unwritten between all of us that we all are just going to allow us to be our quirky selves. But I think
00:40:52
Stephanie Jay
Mm hmm.
00:40:53
Mannikka Rosa
I was like contemplating this with, like yeah, we have we have our Ohio State group of friends. I have my high school group of friends. I have my friends. I have these different groups of friends. And I'm like, what is the thread, though, of the lasting? And I think it's self-deprecating humor.
00:41:08
Stephanie Jay
Yeah.
00:41:08
Mannikka Rosa
like we yeah
00:41:10
karenstansfield
That's the one thing.
00:41:12
Mannikka Rosa
That's the thing.
00:41:15
karenstansfield
I don't know. I think I'm pretty great.
00:41:17
Mannikka Rosa
When when things start to get, hmm.
00:41:25
karenstansfield
I came on today on fire, so I'm sorry.
00:41:26
Mannikka Rosa
Wow.
00:41:33
Mannikka Rosa
Oh, what I was going to say, when things start to get tense or when things start to get bland or when things start to get boring or whatever, there's always some kind of humor that brings me and my friends back together.
00:41:43
karenstansfield
know
00:41:45
Stephanie Jay
No, no.
00:41:45
Mannikka Rosa
Like my friends and I love to laugh. It's not serious. It's not about drama. We can have really deep intense conversations, but someone will always in the middle like do something to like bring it back up.
00:41:57
karenstansfield
Yes. Lighten the mood.
00:42:00
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah, it just, and this is, this is a constant in all of my circles.
00:42:00
karenstansfield
Mm-hmm.
00:42:05
Mannikka Rosa
And so I don't know, I just, I was thinking of like, how do I make it work?
00:42:08
karenstansfield
Same.
00:42:09
Mannikka Rosa
We laugh. We don't, we laugh.
00:42:11
karenstansfield
Yes.
00:42:11
Stephanie Jay
Mm-hmm.
00:42:13
Stephanie Jay
Mm-hmm.
00:42:13
karenstansfield
Yes.
00:42:13
Mannikka Rosa
And I don't think a lot, and laughter is like so freeing.
00:42:14
karenstansfield
it's
00:42:18
Stephanie Jay
Hmm.
00:42:19
karenstansfield
i see So I'm so glad you said this because ah Erica, one of our mutual friends from college ah was is in town and we just had dinner. um My husband and I just had dinner with her and her husband last night. And You know how when Erika and I get together, we are disgusting.
00:42:36
Mannikka Rosa
ah hot The snarky snarky. Yes.
00:42:40
karenstansfield
We just can't stop ourselves. I don't know what it is about that woman.
00:42:43
Stephanie Jay
Wow.
00:42:45
karenstansfield
She just brings it out of me. like She says one thing and we're both like, here we go. And so it was just hours of like face hurting laughter. And ah it was just therapy. It was like, what is the chicken soup for my soul kind of a thing.
00:42:59
Mannikka Rosa
yeah Yeah.
00:43:02
karenstansfield
And we were driving home and I was like, oh, Bob, like every time we are with them, I just can't stop laughing. And I it's it takes me back. It takes me back to college, the dumb shit we did and all of the laughs we had.
Celebrating Enduring Friendships
00:43:16
karenstansfield
And I think you're spot on with that many like that is a big theme with my friends. And it's my favorite. I love it so much.
00:43:24
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah. yeah Yeah.
00:43:26
karenstansfield
Hmm.
00:43:27
Stephanie Jay
that Well, I feel like it's a good time to ask if anyone has any confessionals. So that would be like an epiphany or an aha moment or um
00:43:41
Mannikka Rosa
I do. cared if you want to keep thinking. I have been I have been leaning forward because I have a confessional about my shirt.
00:43:44
karenstansfield
Yeah, go Okay,
00:43:53
Stephanie Jay
Oh, yes. That's amazing.
00:43:59
karenstansfield
okay wait really quick let me give a description
00:44:00
Mannikka Rosa
so see
00:44:01
Stephanie Jay
Yes.
00:44:02
karenstansfield
So the words are thug life on her shirt. ah It is the Golden Girls.
00:44:07
Mannikka Rosa
and
00:44:07
karenstansfield
I am not sure whose bodies they are on, but they look like straight up geez, all like sitting on, I don't know, boxes or something, stairs maybe. ah There's some sunglasses, there's some tennies. Yeah, it's, or sneaks, I don't know, depends on where you're from.
00:44:26
Stephanie Jay
oversize.
00:44:27
karenstansfield
Gyps shoes if you're from Chicago. um yeah fantastic. So the whole time you have been ruining your posture just to avoid the show
00:44:33
Mannikka Rosa
Yes, because I was saving...
00:44:34
Stephanie Jay
morning
00:44:35
Mannikka Rosa
yeah
00:44:37
karenstansfield
but
00:44:40
Stephanie Jay
yes
00:44:40
Mannikka Rosa
That's my confessional. I didn't want you guys to see it until the end, and then then I kept getting a little, and I'm like, no!
00:44:44
Stephanie Jay
that but can be
00:44:46
karenstansfield
yeah
00:44:48
Mannikka Rosa
Looking forward!
00:44:49
karenstansfield
What's funny is I saw you reach for something on the desk behind you at one point and I thought maybe your cord was like too short because it was the most awkward reach and then you decided you couldn't get to it and so you stopped.
00:45:01
Mannikka Rosa
Yes, that's my confessional.
00:45:02
karenstansfield
Now I know why. Great. It's amazing.
00:45:08
Mannikka Rosa
thank you Thank you guys for being my friends.
00:45:08
Stephanie Jay
That's amazing.
00:45:12
Stephanie Jay
okay
00:45:12
karenstansfield
Oh, I'm not allowed to sing.
00:45:14
Mannikka Rosa
Oh, don't sing any more of that song.
00:45:15
Stephanie Jay
Don't you think?
00:45:16
karenstansfield
yeah Sorry, royalties. We don't make any money yet. So you know call me when we've got sponsors.
00:45:20
Stephanie Jay
yeah so
00:45:25
karenstansfield
um As for me, I don't really have a confessional today. My confessional is I had a cocktail before this episode. And so I was feeling a little giggly when we first got started.
00:45:34
Stephanie Jay
and
00:45:37
karenstansfield
But I think I pulled it together to be determined.
00:45:38
Stephanie Jay
and
00:45:41
Stephanie Jay
Well, with that, I think I will end it with um a quote that I found that I really love.
00:45:41
Mannikka Rosa
Mmm.
00:45:45
karenstansfield
Mm.
00:45:46
Stephanie Jay
And I think it speaks to pretty much everything we talked about. um So it says, honor the friendships that allow you to pick up from where you last left off, left off regardless of how long it's been since you connected. The friendships that survive hiatus, silences, and space. Those are the connections that never die.
00:46:09
Stephanie Jay
Just love y'all, love the people in my lives and love you listeners.
00:46:12
karenstansfield
Yay.
00:46:13
Mannikka Rosa
love this topic yeah love you karen
00:46:16
Stephanie Jay
ah he
00:46:19
karenstansfield
Until next time.
00:46:38
Mannikka Rosa
Love this topic.
00:46:41
Mannikka Rosa
Yeah. Love you, Karens.