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Blade: Trinity
2 Plays3 months ago
Today on These Guys Got Juice, the guys are wrapping up their commentaries on the Wesley Snipes Blade movies with Blade: Trinity.
(Movie starts at 4:35)
Will the guys finally witness Blade pay taxes? Why does this movie introduce characters that even our protagonist seems annoyed by? Who is to blame for the decline in quality from Blade II to this movie? But most importantly, is there any drop of juice left to drink in this final entry to this Day Walker’s story? Listen/Watch to find out, as the guys descend into madness!
Next Week’s Commentary:
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
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Transcript
Riz Ahmed's Career Beginnings
00:00:18
Speaker
Riz Ahmed on the night before on HBO, did you ever see that?
00:00:24
Speaker
I saw the first couple of episodes. That's something I really like intended on finishing and watching. And I think about going back to it.
Is 'Nightcrawler' Riz Ahmed's Breakout Role?
00:00:34
Speaker
You should go from my memory, it is really good and ends in a very sad. I don't know that that was the first thing I saw Riz on that end, but it was definitely one of the first things where I'm like, oh, fuck, who's this guy? Because it was it was it was definitely before Sound of Metal. That was right before Rogue One because that was 2016, I think.
00:00:52
Speaker
Yeah. So would that have also been before nightcrawler? Cause that's the other big nightcrawler is 2015 or 2014. So maybe I did see nightcrawler first, but I was, I think at the time my first takeaway from nightcrawler was, Oh shit, Jake Gyllenhaal. Like it's not that I didn't notice where I'm at, but it wasn't like,
00:01:12
Speaker
he wasn't like shooting to the top of my, Oh, what the fuck? I got to see what this guy's
Debate on 'Nightcrawler's' Impact
00:01:17
Speaker
up to. Even though on rewatch, I'm always like, wow, where's I met is really good in night crawler. Yeah. Night crawler might've even been 2013. I feel like I remember, uh, watching it when we were filming out laws of Eden. No, 2014.
00:01:33
Speaker
I had a friend or I don't even know. I call this guy friend. He was more like a friend of a friend said that he walked out of night crawler. And I was like, what about that movie? One, I never walk out of movies. Like even I haven't even, I usually just know that if I'm paying to go see it, that I'm going to see something that I'm going to enjoy somewhat. But like, even if it's bad, I usually just stay. Cause like, I just don't,
00:01:59
Speaker
I just don't walk out of movies, but I'm just so confused about like what about Nightcrawler would have like like of I don't even know if like what what was it that like where you decided you're like this movie is not for me.
00:02:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's a very odd. Was he like creeped out by it or did he think it was just bad? I think he just thought it was bad because he's not like a squeamish or like, you know, like easily like he seems super desensitized. So like,
Critiquing 'Blade Trinity' Overview
00:02:35
Speaker
I don't think it was like he got too disturbed or creeped out by it. Like, I think he was just, I think he thought it was boring or something. And I was just like, but
00:02:43
Speaker
one, that's crazy. But then also which part like makes you, you'd be like, well, clearly nothing's happening here. I better to just hit the road or something like what. Yeah. I saw a nightcrawler before I got really, really into film. I already was like kind of like flirting with the idea, but 2016 was when I really fell in love with it and started just seeing everything and expanded my reach. But even then,
00:03:12
Speaker
Like, I don't know if your friend is, like, into movies, but for someone who wasn't, like, crazy about movies, like, I still really liked Nightcrawler. I think he's just dumb. Doug's friend, if you're listening, and we know that you are.
00:03:29
Speaker
You know, you know who you are. Yeah. You're dumb. And everybody, everybody knows it. Uh, should we get our countdown going for this movie? Let's just, let's hop right in and watch blade Trinity played play Trinity. We got, uh, we're recording on Tom Cruise's birthday. He's checking my texts. He said he's on his way, but to just start, you know, with, he, he really specifically wanted to
00:03:54
Speaker
When we told him we're covering the blades he was like, oh fuck I love Trinity. Can I get on the Trinity episode? So here's a lot of hot takes It's in his like top 30 movies. I think somewhere in the right. Yeah, he definitely said that Yeah, so he's there even though it's his birthday. He's
Plot Confusion in 'Blade Trinity'
00:04:11
Speaker
bringing the coconut cake that he gives all of his best friends. So Yeah, we can't wait to have him on the pod. I'm so excited. It's a huge cat. Yeah, so you want to do this countdown? Okay
00:04:24
Speaker
Uh, it started on, on go or something like, yeah. Uh, so we're going to start in blade three blade to blade one go.
00:04:37
Speaker
This is fascinating. Okay. But after these, these logos, I don't know what's going to happen. Oh, they're red too. You thought we were blue, but nope. We're back to red Marvel. They're red, like blood too, but they're not like new line. It's crazy to think that this is the last blade movie that will ever get me.
00:05:06
Speaker
They'll never make another Blade movie. It's very exciting to see where it all went wrong. And the movie is Dracula. We could turn up just a smidge, right? That's the main thing I remember is that this movie is Blade versus Dracula, which sounds cool. It is. I'm pretty sure Dracula is the main villain. How's the volume?
00:05:32
Speaker
think that's fine.
00:05:50
Speaker
Or maybe maybe movies are a good test. I don't remember this at all. But like so I forgot what movie we were watching. Are we just going to like three kings? Right. Are they just is the idea they're going to find like an ancient tomb in the Middle East and it's like Dracula's in it. Yeah.
00:06:08
Speaker
Damn, I'm excited. Why? I don't know where any of this comes from. Like, what the fuck? That soldier was acting like he was in a promo promotional still from the boys. Like, have you seen any of the pictures of the cast where every single one, like it's someone covered in blood and they're like flipping off the camera. It's like, I think that's in your contract if you're on that show.
00:06:31
Speaker
I haven't seen that. These get those gas masks look kind of cool. I wonder, are these real soldiers or are they vampire soldiers? Well, they're out in the day, so they have to be. Unless those like suits are UV proof.
00:06:49
Speaker
Cause right, they could probably come up with the technology if they wanted to have like that first movie is all about, we need blades blood so we can like become hybrid day walkers. But it's like, can't you just invent like material or in clothing that like, especially if the vampire Illuminati is as powerful as we've seen and they have all these resources, like you can just invent like UV proof shit to wear. Like you can, you can just bypass
00:07:15
Speaker
the daylight with, I think these, they might be vampires. Cause you see, they'd not, they didn't take their shit off till they got underground. Yeah. Sorry. I'm fucking with these hearing aids. Uh,
Action Sequence Failures in 'Blade Trinity'
00:07:30
Speaker
so until further notice, I'm assuming these guys are vampires. They might intentionally be looking for Dracula. Cause I would suck if you weren't looking for Dracula and you just found him in a tomb.
00:07:49
Speaker
These guys seem kind of dumb. Even, okay, yeah, they are vampires. I can see the teeth, but one of them saw some like hieroglyphics and they're like, what is this chicken scratch? Like, where do you think you are right now? You're in, you're in like a millenniums old tomb and you don't think that the writing in it will be ancient. Oh, is that Dracula's hand?
00:08:18
Speaker
Damn. He's already fucking them up. That's pretty wild. It almost looks like a mechanical hand. Look at that. Is that fucking Dracula? That looks crazy. Like that looked like some kind of cyborg man.
00:08:44
Speaker
I'm almost kind of excited because I'm like, this could be anything. Oh yeah, I'm pumped for this. Okay, but are you pumped for Ryan Reynolds? Yeah, when does he come in? I mean, maybe it's going to be this. I think they're just part of the vampire hunting crew from the beginning, maybe.
00:09:06
Speaker
One of them might be, maybe Jessica Beale is related to Whistler or something. Kind of like how when Barbara shows up in Batman and Robin is like, oh yeah, it's Alfred's niece, even though that's not what her deal is in the comics. They're just like, yeah, yeah, she's just related to this old guy.
00:09:26
Speaker
Is Whistler in this one? I don't remember. I really just remember the three of them, like Blade. Oh, there he is. Blade. Oh, he still looks good. Wesley's been eaten. He looks like he's put on a little way. Looks like he's not been paying taxes. That looks like a man who hasn't been paying taxes. And good for him. I like these opening credits.
00:09:53
Speaker
I don't know about you. Oh, I forgot. Didn't we, did we have this revelation on Mike of who the director of this one is? No, it's, it's David Goyer. I think we might've actually. Yeah. A guy who mostly apparently he's directed some other horror movies that I've never heard of, but like this, he's mostly a screenwriter. And so it's weird that like,
00:10:17
Speaker
Did he just kind of default into being or is this one of those things that like by this point? The real auteur of this franchise is Wesley Snipes and that they just kind of just needed some kind of like how You know with fast and furious
00:10:32
Speaker
Yes, Justin Lin shaped what that franchise is now, but by where they are now, it's Vin Diesel's franchise. So like whoever directs it is kind of just taking their orders from him. So is this like Goyer is the director and name, but it's just Wesley telling Goyer like what to do. We just saw it Whistler.
00:10:50
Speaker
Yeah so he's in this in the beginning at least. I will say I like the red inside of a blades trench coat. He brought the trench coat back. I mean yeah he needs the trench coat. But I like the red inside that's a nice. He's already fumbling off of trucks that was kind of goofy that was like some slapstick.
00:11:09
Speaker
But Wesley's still looking badass. Oh, his slapstick was weird. I did want to say about the David S. Goyer of it all. We'll see you in hell. I was listening to their Blade and Blade 2 episode and I think, I'm pretty sure it was this movie, they were...
00:11:25
Speaker
It had to have been they were talking about the commentary with David S. Goyer and how he comes off like very cocky and it's just like of the mindset that he had like made a really good movie at least at the time. Really? Yeah. Okay. I do like the, that's from previous movies, the speed ramping during a car chase.
00:11:47
Speaker
Like that's some that's some shit you see and I mean the saw movies that have has the first saw come out at this point What year is this? Yeah, I don't really know. I think Blade 2 was 2002 or 2003. This almost has the color grading of a saw. So this would have been after saw I think is was saw 2004 or 2005. Yeah, that sounds right. But like look at the color grading of this tunnel and the lighting like it almost looks like they're in a saw movie.
00:12:15
Speaker
Yeah, i'm like trying i'm gonna try to really lock into this one The cg guy's not too bad. It's not too bad and this action isn't bad. It's just kind of goofy Yeah blade has a really weird energy. He Almost is like shaft kind of a little bit which I don't hate that take of like it's different though Yeah, what if it feels like it's lost its grit? Yeah, like if they did because there is some silliness with like the
00:12:45
Speaker
How how to describe Guillermo's tone into like it's like it's over the top, but it didn't feel cartoonish like this kind of does, if that makes sense. Yeah, even though Guillermo's blade is
00:13:03
Speaker
What are the words? How do you say it's beloved or people enjoy it? It's on the more positive side of a lot of movies that I'm about to describe, but it falls in line kind of with like the feel and tone of like an alien resurrection or like a resident evil or resident evil apocalypse. You know what I mean?
Exploring the 'Scream' Franchise
00:13:25
Speaker
Okay. I think I see what you're saying, but then falls in line with like that era. Where does that put this? Because compared to this, then that those
00:13:32
Speaker
The two was so much grittier than this, you know? Is this gonna lead more? I mean, Shaft, is that, would you say, like, Blaxploitation? Is that what they would call that? Do you think this is gonna have more of a tinge of that? That would be interesting because that's not, like, a bad idea. Like, if you pitch, if that was the pitch of, like, we're gonna do play but it's, like, a Blaxploitation movie, that sounds cool. What if that's what Marvel's been working on right now?
00:13:56
Speaker
don't trust them to get that right. That's probably why they've gone through four directors at this point. I don't even remember. I lost count. I'm telling you, my money's on those bad boys guys. I think they're going to be going for them. Damn. They're pretty hot right now. If he were human.
00:14:13
Speaker
That would like I mean what's the pain Threshold of a vampire right cuz they're like undead, but they feel pain right I think like they're superhuman to an extent with like quotes around human oh So he's not a real vampire this guy They're filming something they're filming the Marvel Studios Blade movie and
00:14:41
Speaker
Are they trying to frame him for killing a human? And that guy was so happy, even though he's clearly dying. Like he was like, ha ha. Got you. Fucker. Oh damn. This is the most legal trouble Wesley Snipes has ever done.
00:14:58
Speaker
It's the fucking IRS are showing swarming the place. They don't even care about the dead white or care about the dead white guy in the street. No, they're just like, Hey, pay your taxes. And then he drove off. We haven't seen. Oh, is this tax related? I don't know what this is. He's about to meet with his accountant. Technology. I love this old technology. Not to like rip off like Ben Hasley from blank check. Well, when I saw that I was like,
00:15:24
Speaker
That shit you just don't see in life anymore. It's so... It dates the movie, but in a very pleasant way for me. You know? Yeah, I agree with all that. I'm just amused at the idea of these vampires. Like, she has this foot... Yeah, where are they? She has this... Dr. Octopus had his fucking thing in Spider-Man 2. The power of the sun. Is this the same location? It looks like a very similar set, but is this his hideout?
00:15:50
Speaker
This is Blade's HQ, right? Yeah, Whistler's here. How do vampires feel about water?
00:15:58
Speaker
Uh, depends which lawyer we're going by in these movies. I don't know that we've ever addressed water and water and blade too. Oh, in the sewer, right? Like with no issue. So I think they're fine in this, but there are versions where, yeah, vampires cannot like travel over water unless they're like in a thing. Like if you put it them in a coffin and then the coffin was on a boat, you could transport a vampire. But like, I think they can't like actually go in the water.
00:16:32
Speaker
A new delivery system for what? For, uh, Garlic? I don't know. Something he bites down on his teeth? Like a suicide thing? Like from Dune? Like the poison tooth?
00:16:49
Speaker
Oh, sure. Well, that's not just doing like that's, yeah, it was just the first poll I had. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, unless I'm being fully informed by the fakery of movies, I think real spies have that, you know, like a fake, they can just like crush a thing in their mouth if they're captured. Yeah. But is that what this is? Or did I just.
00:17:09
Speaker
Come up with that. I am not gonna lie to you. I don't know and this is Fuck it's Lipstick herself and look at that.
Dracula's Portrayal in 'Blade Trinity'
00:17:21
Speaker
No, this is I like her. She's is this Parker Posey? I Don't know the best dude must be a wrestler behind her He's broad as fuck the best part of scream 3 Parker Posey. I think this is Parker Posey. I
00:17:39
Speaker
Scream 3, I haven't seen it. That's a lot of people creating it. Yeah, that's the one that Jane Silent Bob are also in that one. It's the goofiest one and a lot of people rate it kind of low, but there's some four isn't the goofiest.
00:17:54
Speaker
Four seemed ridiculous. I had seen a couple bits of four with an X when that came out, and that's kind of what stopped me from watching Scream. I remember being like, wait, is this more like of a comedy than a horror? I mean, they're all comedies, yeah. Well, at the time, though, I like, that was when I had the realization and then
00:18:14
Speaker
She also was like, yeah, this one sucks. And so I just kind of, she's wrong because that's why I'm not with her anymore. I'm glad that's why you broke up. For me, four is the second best scream after the original. Those are bold words. I have scream on the list.
00:18:33
Speaker
of like a franchise. I mean, I pretty much liked all, like I would rank that up with like horror franchises where there's pretty much all bang, you know, like how all evil dead movies are good. Oh shit. Is that Dracula? That's a cool design. I think he transforms over time.
00:18:50
Speaker
But like that is the vampire mouth from bleed to that's cool armored suit armored suit is always a smart idea. I always thought zombie apocalypse. Why not armored suit? But then he can magically become like guy from like prison break or something. Is that who's playing human Dracula? Yeah, I'm not too sure. Let's let's look up who this is. What were we talking about right before this? You were in the middle of saying something.
00:19:21
Speaker
I think this is prison break. Yeah. Dominic Purcell.
00:19:28
Speaker
But not the other prison break guy who wrote the Park Chan Wook movie, Stoker. Like, because there's two prison break guys. Yeah, there are. Wait, what were we talking about before the scene? Oh, the screams. I was saying that Scream is one of those horror franchises. Like, for most of the run, I was like, it was almost in that Evil Dead caliber of like, oh, this is a horror franchise where they're pretty much all good. Six kind of lost me.
00:19:55
Speaker
So I did not love Scream 6. What is all of Wes Craven's involvement with the Scream movies? One through four. It's him until he directed all of them. Until he died. And none of these were gun to my head. These are all like he wanted to do them.
00:20:15
Speaker
I think there was definitely pressure because like two came out so soon after the first one that I think it was just like, this is insane how popular this is. We're making so much money. You, we should do another one. And I think he just agreed to like, yeah, let's keep going. Um,
00:20:32
Speaker
And also they have the same writer, except for three. Kevin Williamson is not there for three. And I think that's why people write three a little lower. That's the more goofy one. But I still think it's pretty good, even if the script does noticeably. It's kind of missing a little bit of it.
00:20:53
Speaker
Extra thing um so yeah, what do you think? Would be going on with scream right now if because I haven't seen the movie so do they change when Wes Craven's gone like I know Jenna Ortega and them They do the force awakens with it in five like they basically so like after
00:21:14
Speaker
Craven died and they rebooted it, uh, with the radio silence guys, the guys who did, uh, Abigail, like they brought in like a new cast and it was like, like the new generation, the older people who were still alive, like do come back, but they're not like,
00:21:31
Speaker
the main characters are the younger people. Like they, they, yeah. And that's Jenna Ortega. And Melissa Barrera. And they come in in five. Yes. And six didn't come out yet. No, six did come out. And they're in six. Yeah. It continues with them. And they're not going to be in seven. I don't even know what seven's going to be. So at some point there were like, seven's just going to be. But Barrera got fired and Ortega left after she got fired. That's the story. That's, that's what we know. And it's still the Abigail people.
00:21:58
Speaker
And no, it's not them. They're they only did five or did they do six? They did five and six. All right. This I'm very intrigued. Scream is something I've always admired from a distance in the director who is going to take over for the Abigail guys. It was going to be forgetting his name. He did the happy death days.
00:22:23
Speaker
I haven't seen those, but I know people like them and I do want to see them. Christopher Landon, he was going to do seven, but then I don't know if it had to do with the controversy over the
00:22:38
Speaker
you know, the firing of Melissa Brayer and all that stuff. He just, he stepped away. So he's not, I don't even know if they have a director for seven at this currently. So they've lost their two leads. I'm assuming you don't have to spoil it, but I'm assuming some of the old cast has died along the way and they've lost the directors. Yes. So it sounds like the reboot wasn't a success.
00:23:03
Speaker
I like five. Like I think they do interesting things with like, but like at this point, I mean they, they, they probably didn't finish their plan. Oh, they definitely didn't because those two movies by the Abigail guys like seem to be setting up this arc for specifically Melissa Barrera's character. Uh, that yeah, they're never going to pay that off now. So like, I don't,
00:23:26
Speaker
I don't even know if they- Wild House Studios just fuck all these stories up. Yeah, because like it's seven just gonna begin and they're gonna be like, oh, it's horrible that she died. They're just gonna like have her be killed off-screen or something. I don't know. Studios just, you know, fuck up Rise of Skywalker, fuck up Scream 7. There was one other one that came to my head.
00:23:55
Speaker
now right now Jessica Beale is about to be saved by these skaters as these vampires are attacking her I think she's doing the thing of like oh no I'm a helpless old woman and then I think she's gonna pull out some guns and be like ha you fell right for my trap stupid she's like I'm actually conservative the baby says fuck you that's funny
00:24:22
Speaker
I don't know what our October is going to be, but we have five weeks in October. Would you want to do the screams all in October? I mean, we'd record them before. I mean, we had other horror movies that I think if those don't like if it doesn't work out with what we have planned. Oh, sure. But I don't think they have to be an October, you know, like I'm eager to do the scream. We don't have to rush to them.
00:24:46
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? But we don't have to limit that to hot because I don't think that's a Halloween era. Like those movies come out in the winter, you know, like they're not. I don't associate them with with Halloween or the fall comes out in the winter. They usually come out around Christmas or the beginning of the year, like in winter.
Continued Criticism of 'Blade Trinity'
00:25:03
Speaker
Yeah. Jessica Biel. I don't know how I'm feeling about this. I'm not buying. She doesn't read strength to me. So where is she at at this point? Like I'm not even like versed in like what are even her biggest movies. She hasn't done the Tall Man yet. I know that. I don't know what that is. I don't think anyone but me knows what that is. Is that a prequel to The Empty Man? I want to say I directed it. I'm not too sure though.
00:25:35
Speaker
And why is she in this?
00:25:38
Speaker
I mean, your guess is as good as mine. Is she like searching for blade right now? She's like, I have to hunt blade and his blade's last name Trinity. I think she might be really like Whistler stroking a wedding ring that I don't think we've ever seen him have on. Yeah. So I think she might be Whistler's daughter. That's what I'm throwing out. Wesley doesn't look bad.
00:26:06
Speaker
Oh, anytime it cuts back to him, I'm locked in and he's not even doing anything. He's just like meditating right now. He's like doing what that one Jedi master in the acolyte was doing when he was just like chilling. Yeah. I'm going to repeat my joke that got cost over his blades. Last name Trinity. Is that what we're getting from this movie?
00:26:27
Speaker
I mean, we'll check his driver's license when he shows it. Did he put some clothes on? That was a jarring cut because we just went from him meditating to now he's like, I'm suited up. Yeah. I don't know why he's got it like Kanye vibe going on. Kinda. You're not wrong. Like there's a blankness to his face almost where he's like he Wesley himself looks like he's checked out of this.
00:26:56
Speaker
Well, I don't even know the full extent of it, but there is this is the one that's notorious for like his onset, just kind of assholery reached the peak of it. Paul talks about how like he would just smoke weed in his trailer the whole time and they all just bonded over how much they didn't like working with him.
00:27:23
Speaker
So the feds are raiding Blade for not paying his taxes. Yeah. And Whistler had to wait. Are we sure? Do we want to say that on record? Is that that? Is that what's happening? Why else would they be raiding him? You think so? We still never saw him do taxes. And that's why they're here now. It's caught up. Alleged. Well, that's why he's destroying the computers. So are we definitively saying Blade?
00:27:50
Speaker
Wait, how do you delete not paying taxes? You can't prove whether he did or didn't. You're deleting all the taxes he never paid. It's kind of like Schrodinger's cat. If it's destroyed, then you can't prove that he did or didn't, I guess. That's the second Schrodinger's cat reference to Blade's taxes.
00:28:15
Speaker
That we've had in these kind of the first one. I'd said that too, right? Yeah. He just took a buckshot to the back to his shoulder. I'm not even opposed to them killing him off, but if he gets killed by these feds, like that just feels like he should get killed by Dracula, right? Yeah. Why is a shot to the show? Oh yeah. He does have a leg thing. How about this one? What's he going to do? He's about to blow himself up, I think.
00:28:46
Speaker
Damn Why didn't he just like have explosive garlic not like bombs? Well, you know who he's fighting. I don't are these vampires I think the idea was the vampires framed him for Murdering a regular do you know just regular people are going after like these are not scared This is just the government coming for blade Yeah, I'm not loving it
00:29:12
Speaker
It's, um, it's not a like interesting, it's not a bad idea. It's kind of like, this is your follow up to the last one. Even the action dude compared to like Guillermo del Toro's like, well, and then it's like, we haven't really seen any spectacle from the action. Whereas these late movies have been delivering like awesome action at the very beginning on a level better than what Marvel's been doing currently.
00:29:40
Speaker
Yeah. And it's like, so and he's giving up. Wesley looks so checked out of this movie. He's giving up and Wesley's also giving up. Wesley's like, I'm not even acting. That's just how I feel that he just sat down and during the take and they're like, I guess we'll use it. Yeah. Did he like hurt himself while filming this? He's giving off vibes like he was injured in production or something.
00:30:05
Speaker
So was he just despondent from Whistler dying? And that's why he was like, I give up. I don't, this movie's weird. This doesn't feel like the blade we've seen in the past two movies. Like, and now he's being interrogated by the FBI. Is this, man, I wonder if this is the work of a bad director. Starting to think David Escort might have the juice. Yeah. Or I mean, maybe Wesley was totally checked out by this point.
00:30:35
Speaker
Maybe this I okay. I I do like that They asked him how many people have you killed and he gave them a specific number in thousand one hundred eighty three Yeah, and he was like yeah, but they were all familiar like that's that's kind of funny. I do like that
00:30:53
Speaker
So that's that we've even seen familiars really in the series. There's the first the cop who's like About to kill lady doctor in the first one and then he kind of slaps that guy around So they don't believe he's a vampire They just said he's a sick person
00:31:11
Speaker
I said, I don't think they believe in vampires, period, because these are just regular cops. So they're like, and are they about to M. Night Shyamalan glass this movie? OK, if that was actually the premise they were committing to and the rest of this movie were in a psychiatric facility, I would almost applaud the boldness of that. But that's not I don't think we're going to be here long. Like this is Ryan Reynolds is just a psychologist or something. Yeah.
00:31:43
Speaker
That actor's funny. I like this guy who's like the doctor. He's got a very scrunchie face.
00:31:50
Speaker
Main thing I think of him is, I mean, he's in lots of stuff, but in the scene in Walk Hard, when he first plays Walk Hard and the guy is like, he's like some record producer and he's like, I don't know if there's anything that you can play right now in this room with these guys you've never met and play something so stirring that it changes the world. Like he's like setting the stakes and possibly high for Dewey Cox, like right before he like plays Walk Hard and blows their minds. It's just a funny buildup.
00:32:22
Speaker
That's a good movie. We should cover that one. Do your commentary on a good comedy like that. If we could do a walk hard pop star double feature. We could do a serious John C. Riley. Oh sure. I mean because he can't do it all. He's funny and dramatic. He's fucking good man.
00:32:44
Speaker
And who also bring some gravitas when you lease six, like I always want to call out to like, I'm whatever on the monster verse as a whole, but Kong, Skull Island, specifically his character and the arc of his character in that movie is very compelling. There's like actual emotional beats in that movie that he like sells.
00:33:06
Speaker
Magnolia, that's a really good emotional performance from him, especially near the end with William H. Macy.
00:33:15
Speaker
It's just really hard to believe that this is what this movie is right now. Just like the agents arguing over who's in charge of dealing with the blade. Like, no, his tax evasion case is ours. This is my jurisdiction. Jurors, my addiction crap. Or what does that one cop say to Agent Smith at the beginning of the matrix? I want to handle Blade.
00:33:39
Speaker
It's like that's what the past five minutes we've been yeah talking overall. It's been a lot of dialogue Just people talking about blade and they're like yeah, so you think vampires are real. That's crazy What are they injecting him with this is like I don't know did someone say let's try and do like an x-men type of thing Where it's like we gotta like oppress this guy. I don't know like what's happening Is going to be sidelined the whole time
00:34:09
Speaker
I think this is supposed to test down. I think the reveal is that this doctor is like he's not like the rest of the cops who are like, oh, vampires aren't real. I think this doctor is a familiar and he just injected blade with something. Yeah, he went from a little boy to being like, here's my evil plan.
00:34:26
Speaker
This is this is it is like glass. They have a little tattoo. Yeah. Damn. M. Night Shyamalan's ripping off fucking man. We're watching a lot of movies that are revealing later movies as fraud. Yeah. Blatant like Shyamalan works of theft. Shyamalan should do a blade. That'd be good.
00:34:47
Speaker
Or just a vampire movie Unbreakable might be the closest we've got to blade right in terms of like tone. Yeah. Yeah, I guess It's weird that they have his whole handshake they had him say I hate familiars like it was like Indiana Jones like snakes Why did it have to be familiar? Oh man
00:35:10
Speaker
Yeah, have we? And so now he was at a thing, his like hatred for familiar. This movie is kind of just dropping. I mean, the movie dropped a lot of like stuff on us, but in like an interesting direction. This is like just dropping too much real world stuff. And I still can't believe that they killed this guy. Is that fucking like Chris Jericho or something? He's something along those lines. He's a big old guy. Mm hmm.
Narrative Issues in 'Blade Trinity'
00:35:40
Speaker
It's just so weird that Whistler died in such an unser- Like, you've already brought this character back from the dead, and then you're just gonna kinda blow him up when the Feds raid Blade. Like, that just feels wrong. Yeah. Now this lady- I don't like her teeth. The look of her teeth in her mouth. I wanna see Blade just throw her through that fucking brick wall.
00:36:10
Speaker
See, Wesley is fully checked out. That's why they had to write into the plot that Blade sedated just to explain why Wesley is like so low energy. Like he's too stoned. Like, oh, they injected him with something. That's why. Oh, man. So what is the bad guy's plan? Because she is working on behalf of Dracula, right? So forgot Dracula's in this thing as Dracula want. Blade.
00:36:41
Speaker
I don't know. Dracula's in this and we're not seeing any of him. Okay. A flaming dude just got thrown through the double-sided. I mean, visually, that's the coolest thing we've seen in this movie yet. But what does it mean? Oh, oh, here he is.
00:37:02
Speaker
That was his name is Hannibal King He just shot he's coming in and save and believe tag said fuck you which is also Jessica Biel had the fake baby that said fuck you so this movie's just like such got such like 2000s try hard energy of like all these guys are so cool. They don't give a fuck so blade just Ryan Reynolds puts
00:37:28
Speaker
That thing in blades mouth they were talking about earlier. He bites in tune it. Yeah, like I guess gives him juice again. He gave him. He gave him. He was hard for a second when he stood up. It looked like it was a really awkward shot. Like why are they framing his body like that? That's weird. That was like a lazy stand up to Wesley looks so checked out.
00:37:51
Speaker
Let's see, see if they're actually on screen together. I think that was some of the, the Chrome from a Mad Max that they sprayed in his mouth and now he got juiced up. It's always cutting to the, I've yet to see a two shot where it's like both of them standing together. Ryan Reynolds face is always like somewhat obscured.
00:38:11
Speaker
And here it's just him. I'm not a fan of those sleeves Wesley's got going on. This looks like a dad jacket. This looks like a Puff Daddy music video. And I don't know that I mean that in a good way. Yeah, I was gonna say bad time to look like a Puff Daddy anything right now. Looks like a Puff Daddy leaked hotel footage video. You know? Damn. This action is so lame.
00:38:40
Speaker
Yeah. And none of like Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Beale don't look like they can hold their own in a fight. They're very skinny. It's not just the lack of energy. They're fighting very big and like heavily like armored people. It's not the lack of energy just from, from Wesley, like the whole, all the action feels kind of lethargic. Like look at the way they're moving.
00:39:02
Speaker
It's very poorly directed like even the first guy who had done two movies like The action look pretty interesting this oh the actions good in the first like if I were to direct action like right now right like those fake muzzle flashes look bad I never want I'm usually like
00:39:26
Speaker
not the first guy to be like, Oh, it looks fake when they're firing the guns, but that looked really fake and bad. Like, yeah, it's just, this just looks cheap. It's a really lame movie. It's not even like appalling. Like, Holy shit, this is a fucking train wreck. It's lame. Like, right? It's just weird that like,
00:39:48
Speaker
Because two was a success, right, in terms of the box office? I'd imagine. It's not like this is like, oh, the budget got slashed because the second one didn't do as well. I feel like it's the directing thing. You get a guy who doesn't know how to direct action. I mean, he knows where to put a camera, but it's like very obvious. This is, yeah, this is nothing.
00:40:13
Speaker
you're cutting for like every single moment that's happening. You know what I mean? There's a, it reminds me, there's a taken three clip or it's one of the taken sequels where Liam Neeson's climbing a fence and it's supposed to be very fast, but like you cut like 20 times over the course of him climbing this one ad, do performing this one action. And then that's what this editing is and how they're shooting it is.
00:40:39
Speaker
You see it's like she turns the corner you see she reaches she grabs the bow She pulls out the arrow you see and it's like a cut for every action Then she shoots it then it cuts to the impact of the it's like there's nothing interesting It's like yeah, you're all you're doing is just showing what's happening the actions boring and then so far I like
00:41:05
Speaker
There's nothing scary or that I feel stakes from. You know what I mean? Like that. Like I'm not worried about these cops or the feds. Like I'm not worried about forgot my sword. Even that hero landing. It feels like this movie has the tone of like, yeah, he gives a shit. It's blade three. You're going to see it anyway. Who is wait.
00:41:30
Speaker
Was that someone who pulled up? Yeah, we're about to see. Um... No way that truck fucking handles that well.
00:41:42
Speaker
This is so weird. Yeah. Like the framing of this. That guy runs super fast. Oh, did she fucking kill him? I can't tell. From the arrow right to the face. I would assume that's lethal. That looked like blood. Who's driving? Is she driving? No, it's the sky. They're just not showing us the driver. They didn't show the driver the whole time they were in the car.
00:42:07
Speaker
I thought that actor was someone, but they won't show us who it is. We're not seeing them. They're out of the car and they're gone. We just don't see who picked them up. We just don't know. Is there a fourth person walking with them? They're just not showing this fourth person.
00:42:32
Speaker
What the? And there's a kid? Yeah, there is a fourth person that they're not showing the face of. He's in the background. What the fuck is this movie? They're not calling attention to this new guy on the team. Like, are we going to introduce him?
00:42:48
Speaker
Yeah, unless we fully missed it Padna's Waltz here. I don't know who she is Is she the girl from telling take a night? This is already too much like if Ryan retinolts in Jessica Beale was one thing But now the night stalkers or what is that who this is? Is this a comic thing? He said some of the Chicago Bears. I Don't
00:43:13
Speaker
know enough about the actual blade comics to know if this is a thing. But it's not even that I don't buy this as a concept that there's active vampire hunting, like sleeper cells that he's like being drafted to fight with. But the fact that we're meeting all these people at once and that none of them I can take. He's not even taking them seriously. He's like, you guys are fucking clowns.
00:43:40
Speaker
Yeah, Wesley fully looks checked out. Either that or he's just delivering a bad performance. I'm sorry, Wesley. Like, we'll find another movie of yours to champion.
00:43:53
Speaker
I still love you Wesley. I won't hold this against you. Yeah. I'm not holding this against him either. Maybe he did this as like a way to like really stick it to the IRS. Like, look how much money I'm not going to pay taxes on. And so he just had to get through with this. But from, yeah, I guess the story is Wesley was like unpleasant basically to work with and was in his trailer getting stoned the whole time. And I thought he was going to show us his dick.
00:44:20
Speaker
Why did we have that? I didn't need to see Ryan Reynolds pubic hair. I'm just really curious what Tom Cruise's favorite part of this is. Oh, by the way, he said he's stuck in traffic. So okay. Yeah, he might not make it to the very end, but oh, this guy's still alive somehow. Okay. He did take an arrow to the face. But yeah, I guess they all just like hung out and bonded over how much they don't like Wesley.
00:44:48
Speaker
Okay. So everything felt off just then with played in the vampire hunter base. Now we're back to the bad guys base. And this looks like an Austin powers scene like he's holding a little dog in like one of the other commentaries. We said one of them felt like Austin powers too.
00:45:06
Speaker
Oh, a vampire Illuminati meeting. Like I think that was one or something when we go to like their boardroom. But I didn't even mean that comparison in a bad way in that one. And this one, it's weird. Yeah.
00:45:26
Speaker
So, back at the vampire base. I like that that was your response, your like natural response to just seeing this. Yeah, that wasn't even like a conscious thing. I just like how I feel when we're...
00:45:42
Speaker
I'm really like, what is this movie is about? So he has to work with Ryan Reynolds, who wants to show us his Dick and they have to deal with fucking Parker Posey. What happened to Dracula? Remember when Dracula was in this movie?
00:45:58
Speaker
They digged him up in the Middle East. I got so excited when I just had the realization he was in talking about Abigail, man, Abigail found her. So that's the adult version of Abigail. Played versus Abigail. Now that's a movie. Yeah. But yeah, I got excited when I was like, Oh yeah, I think thought I heard about Dracula and we're like a half hour into it. More than a half hour, like 40 minutes, I think. Where's, whenever Dracula is not on screen, the audience should be asking, where's Dracula?
00:46:28
Speaker
Yeah, I was I'm asking where was the director I give him a Marvel Comics of Dracula. So Logan Lifted that from all these movies just so unoriginal. Yeah, these better movies just This really is this really is the Logan of the of the blade movie. Yeah
00:46:51
Speaker
And by that, I mean, it's the third one. Yeah. James man, gold acting like he's above the fucking superhero genre. But the whole time he's been lifting from blade Trinity and watch. I bet if you watch those movies, like not the, not Logan, but like the Wolverine or origins Wolverine, um, was David S. Goyer ever involved with like Fox Marvel? Maybe not. I just,
00:47:18
Speaker
Associate him with like all comic book movies like that. He's kind of written on everything I thought he went from like these earlier ones to just being like the DC guy right cuz he wrote And he was there for the dark night for a while. I just mostly recognized him with the dark night I was like, oh he's like a Nolan guy and it's like oh, no, he just kind of helped with the dark night script
00:47:44
Speaker
people attribute the like bad lines of dialogue to him. What is this we're watching right now? This montage. Dracula flashback or something. I mean, Oh, Ryan Reynolds was doing that. I thought a lady was doing a voiceover. Uh,
00:48:01
Speaker
So he's given us some Dracula backstory. Yeah, vampires are searching for him. Some say he's been sleeping through the ages. Some say he's retreated. Um, I don't know. Someone found him in Iraq six months ago and he was pissed. Hip hop song playing. Ryan Reynolds said that.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah, oh, I think this is a bad part use Dracula prison, but oh, yeah We did notice that because we saw it's which is such an interesting this looks bad does that's awful He was just on green screen and they just had a fake New York Time-lapse and like the design of his monster form in the armor looked cool and we immediately got rid of that so he could look like
00:49:07
Speaker
a goth store like what is this? Stereotypical gothic like BDSM looking people yeah he walked in the hot topic yeah but there's like vampire stuff is that what goth people are into vampires right fishnets vampires black makeup isn't there a term are there vamps is that like a vampire like kid I don't know I isn't that like a South Park
00:49:11
Speaker
like this.
00:49:36
Speaker
I mean it's a South Park thing but I don't know in the real world if that's what they're lifting from something like a vampire dicks what is this like a vampire exclude are these vampires that run the shop I think these are just regular humans that have vampire fetishes count chocula
00:49:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean it is a vampire shop. That's so weird. It's it's a funny concept to have like niche like hot topic vampires. Yeah, just have like the real Dracula walk in and see his imagery on all these products and like that. He's just like annoyed by it. Hey, this is fucking IP guys. I'm not getting a dime off of this.
00:50:22
Speaker
Is he turning her? I can't tell if he's feeding on her turning because I forgot the rules. She doesn't look too bad. Not gonna lie. Because sometimes you have to have them drink your blood for them to turn and other times you can just bite them. So and I forgot the rules were operating on.
00:50:41
Speaker
But he's Dracula, so what does that bite do? You just turn into a bat? Yeah. Yeah, right. Cause he's supposed to be like the OG, right? He's got some, he's so old. He's got some weird vampire like STD or like the bubonic plague or something. When he comes, it's just the cough with dust comes out. It's like, Oh man.
00:51:05
Speaker
Yeah, Prison Break is a weird choice. It's... weird. Like, and I'm not even opposed... I'm not like, oh, there should be an old person playing Dracula, because he's immortal. Having someone young is fine, but like, why him? Is prison... I guess that's on right now and is hot, right? I guess. I mean, would Ryan Reynolds be better as Dracula? Maybe. Would I rather...
00:51:29
Speaker
Shoot myself in the face or in the mouth. That's what you're asking me right now. The mouth is a part of your face, right? Sure You know, it's right there What's right there in your mouth
00:51:47
Speaker
I'm like listening to them talk about Dracula's DNA and it's just like sliding off of me immediately. It's kind of like a shout out to the
00:52:02
Speaker
a writer of Mission Possible 2 who died recently, RIP Robert Towne, but it reminds me of Mission Possible 2 when I'm watching that movie. And even while it's on, if you ask me to tell you what's happening in the plot, I would just be like, there's like a virus or something. Yeah. Why is he just surrounded? This is going to be a weird statement for me, but why is he just surrounded by fucking white people?
00:52:29
Speaker
You know, he's at he's at Comic Con. There's a bunch of nerds here like it's so weird man. It's it's really weird.
00:52:43
Speaker
Like, you're allowed to have, like, one white nerd on the team and that could be, like, Blade's Q or something, you know? Like, he gives him, like... Yeah, it makes me miss fucking Scud. I mean, yeah. Like, well, remember how much present Scud had? He was watching Powerpuff Girls and shit. I mean, he betrayed... Yeah, at least he had a thing. You know, he had a fucking jacket for a little bit in that movie that we liked. Why? What is this? That bow has, like, a laser.
00:53:12
Speaker
Yeah, why doesn't Hawkeye use that? Man, that looks like shit. Like, at least it's not CGI and they're holding it, but...
Visual Effects Critique in 'Blade Trinity'
00:53:19
Speaker
But every effects thing we've seen pretty much looks not good. Yeah.
00:53:28
Speaker
This is really bad. Yeah. And there's so much dialogue in this, but unlike the other movie, I feel like none of this is going to like affect my viewing experience, like not really knowing what they're saying. Right. Like two, I was kind of like, oh, I kind of would want to slow down and like better digest some of this lore. But this is.
00:53:50
Speaker
He just made a joke to Pan Oswald and asked if he'd ever been laid in Pan Oswald said many times. And now he's wearing a red leather jacket. Same character from young adults. So he's like, my dick was mutilated. I was a victim of a heinous hate crime.
00:54:07
Speaker
It's weird. That's a joke for nobody the the five people that watch I like young adult me to The young adult is out there Charlie's their own shout out to her if you're listening. We know that you are Come on the pod. Let's do a young adult commentary. Yeah, or whatever you want to watch, you know Yeah
00:54:29
Speaker
OK, this is the thing I remember about Jessica Beale's character, other than when I vaguely remember she was Whistler's daughter, is that she just listens to her iPod Nano while she hunts vampires. And it's like, beside, fuck this movie. Yeah, that was a really weird thing.
00:54:50
Speaker
This is bad directing. What is happening? This is really bad editing. I could edit this on my iMovie Maker. If it was having this kind of editing rhythm and it was like 100% committed to the aesthetic of like a black exploitation kind of riff or homage, it could be something. But as it is with the way this movie looks, doing this editing just makes it look dumb. It's just a way to cover up the shit fucking action, dude.
00:55:18
Speaker
Like if you watch each see each side of the screen individually it's shit action, but they're distracting Look we're showing you multiple things so yeah, that's why Wesley wasn't even fighting in that he's like I'm not even a part of this Nonsense you guys are doing in my movie. This looks bad. This looks like worse than you know some
00:55:41
Speaker
Yeah. Why wouldn't you hire a black director if you're going for black exploitation? I don't know that they are other than like weird. That's what Wesley is going for. But then is not really committed to ensuring that's what's happening because he's kind of checked out. Like he, he maybe just said that on set and they're like, Oh, okay.
00:56:04
Speaker
Uh, or maybe he was just given a shit script and he's like, fuck, I'm already obligated to this. I can't like fix this. I wonder what the details are. The sole writing credit is David S Goyer. It's kind of starting now. We know who to blame. It's starting to look like
00:56:23
Speaker
there might be one, the juiceless individual that we could lay a lot of this flame on. Yeah. I heard he's responsible for the really bad lines and like the Batman movies that no one did. Like the dark night when they arrest all of Maroney's guys. There's a guy who's like, have a nice day. See you next fall. And it's like, what the fuck? That's like children say that.
00:56:46
Speaker
Like I don't even mind moments like that in a Batman thing cuz it but it it seems like it wasn't Written with the idea of like this is funny. Yeah, I'm just doing this ironically that was a really bad That look there hasn't been a single action that was the worst or like any of This that was the worst action one or I think ever This is sad
00:57:19
Speaker
This movie just makes me sigh. You think there's a Blade Trinity reference in this new Deadpool coming out? Oh God, I hope so. No, I don't fucking know. What if Wesley showed up in it? We joked about that, I think. Or Secret War, I think I had said.
00:57:40
Speaker
This like is the most limp dick action. Yeah. And they like shot it in a bank. Like even on a TV budget, like I assume this movie had hundreds of millions behind it and it looks like this. Like even if you had like a cheaper TV budget, you could do better looking shit than this. Yeah. Oh, this guy's back.
00:58:02
Speaker
We were we were really anticipating so he's for sure vampire he's oh Because he can shape shift they had a line that like he has shape-shifting powers Do you see that weird jump? Wesley I knew would have kicked it back at him
00:58:22
Speaker
Right, it's like Blade himself doesn't even care about fighting him. He's like, uh... Yeah, Wesley's so fucking checked out. Everybody also has guns. It's all fucking gun action and it's not even like...
00:58:38
Speaker
Interesting gun action. I mean you're doing all guns years after three Matrix movies Yeah, this is bad It's it's like can his directing really be that I'm starting to suspect like did the budget get slashed at some point because also as he directed Mr. Goyer, yeah Please David I don't think he Deserves the no I'm kidding. He's probably a nice guy
00:59:11
Speaker
I like the red inside of this jacket. This ain't a higher budget than Blade 2, so why does it look like poop from a butt?
00:59:19
Speaker
was it like were there like a shitload of reshoots and like just issues i mean if it was being as difficult as we've heard then yeah maybe they just had so much unusable footage and they just had to like do a lot of reshoots or something it's weird man because even you can't even
00:59:42
Speaker
almost none of this you can chalk up to like oh well this is an aesthetic choice because they want to do make it look like an exploitation film or something like I don't think that's why it looks like this I think it I think this is just a bad movie yeah this is this is sad
00:59:59
Speaker
And just to think, last week we were talking about Dragon Ball Z and having a grand time. I was hooting and hollering. We were having visceral reactions to the autopsy scene and how gross that was. That stuff was so exciting. There was a lot more happening on a scene to scene basis.
01:00:21
Speaker
This movie is exciting, exciting things that have happened in this movie so far. This movie is a fucking flat line. When that guy got little pulses of life, when that vampire got shoved through the interrogation room, glass in slow motion, you liked that by comparison to the rest of everything else in this movie, it was a thing that happened. It was, it like had, it was an event.
01:00:45
Speaker
It had some kind of energy. It broke up. Yeah. It broke up the monotony. It kind of made me like sit forward slightly in terms of like, Oh, is this something about to happen? We addressed it. And then, and then, you know, and then the movie is, it's kind of like blue balls. It made you think something was about to happen. And then it was like, no, this is Ryan Reynolds intro. It was the opposite. It was the intro of the worst character of the franchise. The one who makes us miss Scott. Okay.
01:01:15
Speaker
When did he get a baby from the girl who was screaming in the apartment? I just like he doesn't even use his blade.
01:01:30
Speaker
He's been using guns. I was the first vampire reference stoker because he knows the other prison break guy was is writing stoker as we speak. He's like, Hey, I haven't you heard of the movie stoker park chin look. It's pretty good. Is he going to turn the baby? That would be funny.
01:01:52
Speaker
It's permanently a baby. Are there baby vampires? What is that? Are they just adolescent the whole time? Yeah, they just stay that age forever. And they're always crying, pooping, eating machines. Yeah, basically. That sounds horrible. Yeah, that sucks. I guess they would never know. I mean, they would just retain no information ever. Or would they have some greater intellect? They just have the body of a baby forever? I don't actually know.
01:02:20
Speaker
Or would they somehow just like die kind of baby life support that he caught the baby? That was so fucking lame. This this looks like a parody movie. Like if you were trying to make like the the epic movie version of Blade like that, this is what it would look like. That fucking baby.
01:02:47
Speaker
Do you think, um, this movie costs more than Spider-Man 2? Let's look up Spider-Man 2's budget. Ryan Reynolds is freaking out at Jessica Beale. Oh, man.
01:03:04
Speaker
It's gonna sting a little, it's probably gonna sting a lot. Ah, what the fuck? That, oh man, that was gross. That also looked like it hurt. No, this had like half the budget of Spider-Man 2. Okay. Like I think on average the Blade movies are cheaper just because they're kind of like horror movies and those are, they weren't putting hundreds of norms. They weren't getting R ratings. Yeah. This one's rated R? Yeah, Ryan Reynolds just said fuck me. That's a very R rated line.
01:03:32
Speaker
Well in his name tag, I don't know if you remember his iconic entrance where when we see his name tag, this is fuck you. Two things that could be read as sexual on top of the blood. They cut to showing Whistler and is reminding me of better movies. Remember when Whistler died? Yeah.
01:03:50
Speaker
David Escort is like, I can do this because I wrote the other ones. Did he write them or? He's credited as co-writing. Yes. Why do they, man, this is a Simon Kinberg fucking situation. I think it is. I think it a hundred percent is. Olivia Munn said Simon Kinberg like didn't know anything about X-Men or comic books, which then I remembered like, Oh yeah, Olivia Munn might have X-Men knowledge. She was on a G4 show. Like when I was a kid, I would watch
01:04:20
Speaker
What was that? It was an attack of the show, was it? That was a G4 show, but I don't remember if that was the one that she was on. C3? She was definitely on G4. But yeah, that's what I remember. When she got into acting, I don't know if she was already acting before them, but as a kid, I was like, oh, the video game girl is like acting now. But so she might actually have X-Men knowledge. But does David Asgore, like,
01:04:49
Speaker
He has to have like comic knowledge, right? Because like, does he? He's so involved in all of these comic movies from the era where Hollywood wants to distance itself from the property as much as possible involved with comic movies, though. He like ever since Nolan, I think DC's like retained him. And then like Feige, he has a Marvel knowledge to his fucking inhaler he's doing looks
01:05:16
Speaker
dumb like it doesn't even look like a cool inhaler drug like like like Narcan or something yeah it doesn't look like you know like let's see slow-mo and dread or like the fucking chrome and Mad Max or the eyedrops and uh um wait we're talking about drugs right just like movie drugs yeah yeah like the eyedrops and looper
01:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, like those are all cool. I look
Screenplay Problems in 'Blade Trinity'
01:05:43
Speaker
they like, you know, translate visually on screen and are clear, like what it's doing that the minority report one isn't even that cool, but it's cooler than what we saw so much cooler than this. Yeah. Oh, is she blind? Is that that? Yeah, I'm starting to think that now is kind of like their version of
01:06:10
Speaker
Fucking Doesn't she's a computer person that's blind. Well, I guess they do make like braille computers and stuff Well, but that's isn't that kind of like a comic trope because at some point once Barbara is no longer Batgirl and she's just kind of like the computer technician is in a wheelchair. Is she blind also? I don't think she's blind. I might be I think I'm I think I'm trying to make her madam web. Oh
01:06:32
Speaker
I think I'm trying to combine Barbara Gordon and Madam Web. Yeah, you're like another thing Marvel stole from DC. They invented handicap people. Yeah. Lex Luthor. Whoever we were just talking about, I'm like so no, no, no, no. Yeah. This FBI agent we really were invested in. He's back, I guess. I'm so locked into the visual visuals, but in like a what the hell am I witnessing type of way?
01:07:02
Speaker
The night scenes look a little better visually in terms like in daytime. It looks so fucking cheap and bad like at least this it doesn't I'm not saying this looks good, but it looks better than the daytime scenes. Yeah, so Kevin Feige does he have comic knowledge?
01:07:23
Speaker
Probably. I don't know. He was like a fan. You have to be right to be that guy because Feige was working on the X-Men movies around this time, too. I think he's a producer on the first X-Men.
01:07:34
Speaker
I mean, I would cite him having kind of acknowledges of like how he's running things now. But like, I don't think those X-Men movies aggressively don't care about the comic. So I don't think that that like proves that anyone involved there had comic knowledge. Like this is the era of like the executives and studios being like, we're embarrassed of this. Why do you think these guys are so involved still? Do you think they eventually got a comic knowledge through all this? And now they're like, well,
01:08:04
Speaker
now I know I think it was kind of maybe a fake it till you make it thing and then also if you're working on these these kind of movies even if you didn't initially take it seriously they like started making money and you're like people seem to like what Kevin Feige was doing like comic fans at least earlier on right
01:08:24
Speaker
Sure, I think people were happy. I don't really know how, like, die-hard comic fans feel about it. I don't know too many, like, I've read the comics, I know what's happening, people. But, um, Joe DeRosaan, we'll see you in hell. Um, he's more of a DC guy, but he regularly talks about, um, ways that Marvel Comics stole from DC, whenever they're talking about, you heard from the Infinity War episode.
01:08:51
Speaker
Yeah. The Batman versus Superman thing. The Iron Man's parents. He's like, who they stole from Batman. Yeah. That's funny. Uh, I'm, I'm just trying to process what I'm seeing in this. So they, they, are these homeless people, they kidnap homeless people to harvest as like blood donors, which is not a bad use for homeless people. If you're a vampire. Yeah. Like
01:09:15
Speaker
It makes sense. You're already killing people. It's like they're getting people they don't care about. They should have. It makes something of a system in like specifically going after people that no one will like come looking for. Yeah. Honestly, there's something to that we could dive into. I mean, this is the closest. I have an idea. I'm going to write it down while we're.
01:09:41
Speaker
This is the closest to like an interesting idea that the movies had, but I don't know if we're going to do anything with this. Like, I feel like they're just going to they they're going to show this. Blade's going to kind of preach a little bit of like, yeah, it's fucked up, buddy. You're part of this fucked up thing. And then we're never going to revisit this.
01:10:06
Speaker
I mean, see, there's moments where Blade does a thing that I'm like, that is a cool blade thing. Like he told that guy that he's giving him 20 seconds or to the count of 20 to go. And then he just immediately said 20 and shot him, which was like, I was like, ha, good bit, Blade.
01:10:26
Speaker
Damn. Why would he set such a weird number? Like it's usually count to 10 or something or like I'm giving, it's usually increments of like something of 10, right? You know, like, yeah, I would have done a weirder if I was just going to kill him and I would have been like, I'll give you the 36 36. Cause then he'll be like, wait, why 36? You're thinking the wrong thing. Boom.
01:10:50
Speaker
Pat and I was playing basketball. She is blind. Put your glasses back. Weird non-seeing eyes. And I want my privileged eyes with sight to see your sightless eyes. Why is this a scene in the movie?
01:11:14
Speaker
You don't think Patton Oswalt just plays basketball regularly? Wait! Whistler. No, he's dead though. It's Dracula disguised as Whistler, I guess. That kind of does root of like you- they probably blew the reveal of him doing a shapeshifting thing so early that they- this could have been more impactful if we hadn't already blown that on that stupid doctor of like, haha, it was Dracula! Like...
01:11:43
Speaker
Yeah, that is weird that they wouldn't treat it like a reveal. Because we just give the audience they give everybody that information. Like we know right away that this is him. This is that. I mean, that's not Whistler, you know, like you can tell from his eyes.
01:12:01
Speaker
But if the movie had held off on that, I might've been like, well, I don't know. Whistler's come back from the dead before. Maybe that is Whistler. You know, they could have actually like built the tension of that. Yeah.
Disappointing Action in 'Blade Trinity'
01:12:11
Speaker
Also dumb idea to bring a kid on your vampire operation. Oh my God. It's the dumbest thing ever. These, these guys are dumb. You have a blind person and a kid.
01:12:22
Speaker
two people you have to look after unless she has some hidden ability we haven't seen like she has daredevil powers she has a gun that feels irresponsible what if she's playing Natasha Murdoch
01:12:40
Speaker
Blood she can't smell it right sure her senses As we all know from Daredevil that her senses should be telling her this stuff. Yeah, there's dead, but how'd she just? Avoid the bodies so she's she's just not Picking up on any of this. That's not that wasn't pad and Oswald was it yeah, the panel's always dead basketball guys
01:13:01
Speaker
Damn nameless black guy and Padna as well guy whose face we never get a clear look at yeah driver and Basketball guy that have run for two things to drive and to play basketball and then to die and now I guess she's gonna die There's like zero tension to this scene What the fuck Is he like sending a sonar thing?
01:13:26
Speaker
I want to see him turn into a bat. Can't Dracula turn into a bat? In a lot of versions, he can shapeshift into animals, including a bat. He can also has like mind power. Like we're not really seeing a lot of Dracula powers. We've seen him take the form of other humans. And just walk around as the demon. Scare the fuck out of people, not prison break guy. Yeah. Was it just a budget thing? Like they just didn't...
01:13:53
Speaker
Like, was Prison Break really that hot where they're like, we got to see this guy's face. Everyone's going to want to see this guy all over this movie. Yeah, it just sucks you right out of it. It just like, oh, Prison Break, that's all that comes to mind the moment he's on screen.
01:14:10
Speaker
And even though he's a big guy, I don't feel threatened. I'm never like, Oh, well, this is going to be a problem for them. I'm, I'm just like, like skinny ass, Gary Oldman is Dracula was more physically intimidating. And like, God, this movie is just fucking grind into a halt.
01:14:36
Speaker
The teeth look bad. Everything about this looks cheap. The fingers extending. This movie sucks. At least right now. I'm like fully in, fuck this movie right now. Finally, Blade. God. I have mild excitement for Blade right now. That's what this movie is doing to me. Even a sleepwalking Blade. I mean, talk about the day walk. He's the sleepwalker now where he kind of just like,
01:15:04
Speaker
Yeah, sunglasses when it's completely fucking dark. Good choice, Wesley. Oh, that's just so you don't see how sleepy he is. Yeah, how just stoned out of his mind is.
01:15:17
Speaker
And so why does Dracula want Ryan Reynolds? He's just a big fan of Deadpool. Is this the worst depiction of Dracula we've ever seen? Probably. We've said Dracula so many times and in my head for a second, I was like, I can't wait to see him. He wins. Dracula going to get here. Yeah. Nope. Keep talking about him. Where is he? It's just prison break. It's just prison break.
01:15:45
Speaker
Of the ones I've seen, this is just like, yeah, of total inert Dracula. We're just watching people fucking discover the bodies and not find Dracula. Oh great, you found the guy you entered the building with. What if she shot him? She's like, oh fuck. Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't surprise me.
01:16:13
Speaker
And I know, I know we criticize second one for not having a well-defined or even obvious love interests like the first one, but there's nothing here with any of his coley. He has no chemistry with anyone. He actively hates them as a character. Yeah.
01:16:32
Speaker
Even though she's supposed to be like the daughter of his best friend, he looks like he could not give a shit if she lived or died. Yeah, he is this. No, you go first. Yeah. Attitude. They're like about to go into like a hive of 100 vampires and he's like, wait, what is this? Immortality will come to suck. Such as our fit for it. Immortality will come to such as our fit for it.
01:17:04
Speaker
who's dead blind girl. Oh yeah. They got her. Oh, but damn, she can't even see what happened to her either. Cause she's blind. Yeah. But did they turn her? Say who you are. That's saving her. Cause she's blind and she doesn't know. Yeah. So the only reason to leave her alive would be that you're turning her. She doesn't know who's crying over her.
01:17:30
Speaker
She hasn't said who it is. This movie's so bad that we're just devolving in the blind jokes. This movie's just drinking with nothing. Oh man, he's just standing there, lingering on just fucking nothing shots. Why are we sitting
Looking Forward to Better Films
01:17:49
Speaker
in this for so long? God. Jessica Beale watching the dailies of this is like, I fucking killed this scene. I'm the best actress ever. Oh God, man.
01:18:00
Speaker
At least, I mean, we're about halfway through. That was the halfway point, that dramatic fucking moment. Oh, that dog. Oh, vampire dog. See the tongue, that reminds me of the face hugger. I didn't like looking at that. So what does that mean for the world of this movie? The heavy vampire dogs?
01:18:24
Speaker
Yeah. His name's Pac-Man. That's a good name. Oh yeah. They gave him the vampire gene. They're experimenting. That's an interesting idea that we're getting. The movie's going to do nothing with it. Yeah. Other than show us one effect that they did with this dog.
01:18:41
Speaker
Yeah, this movie's introduced to, like, interesting concept. I mean, Blade, what if that was this thing that solved that homeless thing a bit more? Or, not solved that, but, like, went down that road a bit more. They seemed to immediately solve it. Like, he shut it down, he's like, don't kidnap homeless people. And then they left. Yeah, he gave, like, a PSA. Yeah, and had the NBC more, you know? Yeah.
01:19:10
Speaker
This is just so underwhelming. They've fully sidelined Ryan Reynolds. Even Parker, I usually, even in things that aren't good, she brings like a level of camp sometimes or like she, she can be fun to watch. Everyone in this is just kind of lifeless. Yeah. I'm glad we're finally talking about this movie though.
01:19:30
Speaker
We're just, I was really excited and now I'm at the point where I'm like, glad we're just checking this off the list. We're moving on to the next week we're doing invasion of the body snatchers. How about you take a sugar frosted what off of my dick? I'm not saying the word dick anymore. Provokes what envy? Her penis envy? I don't know. What is this movie?
01:19:55
Speaker
it's definitely not a trans metaphor. I'm telling you that I don't think it's capable of going through something. I don't even, I wasn't even assuming that I'm just trying to comprehend what's going on. Just like, well, and imagine this, when you said something, I was like, well, that would be interesting if there was, if that was something, trans
01:20:15
Speaker
Yeah. If the movie wanted to like delve it into it, like, but like any of these things, it's not going to actually do anything. But then also imagine, think, think about the previous blade movies where someone gets kidnapped and is being held by a vampire. This should be like kind of sexy a little bit, right? You know, cause vampires, like, you know, there's an erotic quality to them. And I don't know about you, but I'm the opposite of hot right now. No, nothing, nothing about this is hot.
01:20:43
Speaker
I'm ready to take a nap. Yeah. Yeah. Man. Well, listeners, next week we're, uh, we're covering, um, invasion of the body snatchers. Sorry. We're doing a good movie to make this. We're doing that. We're doing two Nicholas, uh, winning reference, right? Are we still doing those two? Yeah. And then we're hopping into spy kids. So we'll be making up for these ones.
01:21:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's not bad to reveal all that, right? No, we can talk about that on on Mike.
Tom's Missed Movies
01:21:18
Speaker
I was just checking. It just really seems like Tom's going to miss most of the movie in which it's a shame because one, I just wanted to celebrate his birthday with him. But I just I'm also just curious, like what?
01:21:31
Speaker
he thought of this like like does he is would he would have had hot takes like no this is actually the best Dracula he would have been like no Parker Posey is serving right now yeah he was talking about supporting actor noms for Ryan Reynolds actually which is interesting yeah so um you said he might make it or
01:21:54
Speaker
It's really seeming like he's going to miss all of it. Like it's yeah, it's a shame. Like I told him that he missed all the best scenes and I don't even know what the best scenes are, but he seemed upset that he missed all his favorite parts. Well, maybe he'll be able to come in at like the very end of the very, very end. And maybe who knows? Maybe that'll be the best part.
01:22:18
Speaker
Yeah, oh, I forgot this little girl got kidnapped because I don't give a shit about anyone in this movie.
Failed Tension in 'Blade Trinity'
01:22:23
Speaker
Yeah, this movie sucks like even Making a sense of danger around like a child or animal should be the easiest thing and like I don't I'm like kill the kid who cares Yeah, this movie has fully failed
01:22:41
Speaker
Even when Dracula had that baby on the rooftop, I was like, toss it. Who cares? Like, I don't know. Like fucking kill the baby. See if I give it a chance. Yeah. It would have at least been something. It would have been like, it would have been a choice. Like fuck. Dracula killed a baby. Yeah. It would have moved the plot in a direction.
01:22:58
Speaker
We've been sitting in this boat for god fucking knows how
Comparing 'Blade Trinity' to 'Spy Kids'
01:23:03
Speaker
long. What's the scariest thing that Dracula's done in this movie? Show up at the beginning? When he was like fucking them up in the tomb? Yeah, when I got excited and I was like, that's what he's gonna look like and he'd turn into a prison break after. And it was just a fucking decline from there.
01:23:23
Speaker
Do you think the final battle he'll like go back to monster mode like I'm trying not to think I'm just trying to exist get through this Now she's doing Damn, luckily man. Hopefully those spy kids movies are hitting like 70 80 minutes. We could like knock those out in like a day, maybe Man spy kids can Oh Sin City is gonna be in there too. I'll end it there
01:23:52
Speaker
Cause we got, uh, we don't want to give away the whole kin caboodle, but, uh, the, yeah, spy kids like our next month after this, like citizen Kane compared to this. Oh yeah, dude. I was looking up, uh, the spy kids, um, rotten tomatoes between critics and audience. It's really weird.
01:24:10
Speaker
Obviously the audience is way higher. The first one, they're both high.
'Spy Kids' Sequels Ratings Discussion
01:24:14
Speaker
The second one, critics are really high and audiences really low. And the third one, audience is high and critics are, or the third one might be all around bad. Which one is the one with the thumbs?
01:24:26
Speaker
That's in the first one. Oh, that's the first one is like super wacky and weird. The second one is like Monster Island and the third one is 3d video game land. The third one. I love your one. Sorry. I just love when movies do this postmortem of like I'm if you're seeing this I'm dead, but this is like the most useless version of that because like I don't know who Natasha. I'm just going to call her Natasha Murdoch because that's
01:24:54
Speaker
The best use of this wasn't really a, I'm dead one, but Interstellar has the best use of like video playback, I think. Yeah, that's really emotional. What has the best use of if you're watching this, I'm dead?
01:25:09
Speaker
The Saw movie? There's an argument to be made there. They made the whole franchise based off an old guy recording videos before he died. At least everything after movie three. Yeah. It's funny that they just like wrote themselves into a corner with them. They're like, fuck, well, more people need to do that. Frankly.
01:25:31
Speaker
Yeah, it makes it's honestly. Stop leaving shit so open. It kind of forces you to get creative. Like a lot of TV shows have that same issue.
Complex Character Situations in TV Shows
01:25:41
Speaker
Like you hear so many stories about how the Breaking Bad writers would just do something to put Walt in like an unsolvable situation. And they're like, we don't actually know how we're going to get him out of this. And but then that just leads to like really creative things because you're only as smart as your writers.
01:25:59
Speaker
Yes. And that's a hindrance sometimes. Who is this guy? This is a new character? This guy who showed up with... Where's Lady Doctor? I miss... What is she doing? I miss Lady Doctor. Why can't Dracula look like that the whole time? Why? That's a suit. Put this guy in the suit.
01:26:26
Speaker
It would look better than just him. It would just be like he's not blending in anyway. It would be funny if he's dressed like he does porn.
Uncomfortable Dracula Portrayal
01:26:36
Speaker
Yeah. It would be funny if this was like a Ninja Turtles movie and he was shredded, but he just stood next to the armor and never wore it. That's what this is. Dracula is like if it was just like he just stands next to the cool looking thing, but we never actually see him be it.
01:26:58
Speaker
Why is this girl so confident? She said my friends are coming to kill you. It's really weird that he's hanging out with girls. I don't like, I don't like this move. It's Dracula pedophile way, way in. Yeah. If you need to kidnap her, you know, put her in like a box somewhere, but don't hang out with her. He's like spending all his, he's like, hold my calls. This is my priority. Yeah. He's building a relationship with this victim.
01:27:23
Speaker
She's getting her playlist ready. What the fuck? I'll say DJ Khaled. Was he even around at this point? I don't know. I saw DJ something. I did see DJ. Early 2000s thing to just like, man, was she on LimeWire? Oh, probably. Oh man.
01:27:45
Speaker
Yeah. Why aren't you excited about these music drops, these needle drops and like it's doing the lamest version of a suiting up thing. Like, look how slow they're going. Yeah. And the camera was the table of knives. It was going at a glacial speed. Oh, it sucks.
01:28:04
Speaker
It's like compared to like you know how Simon Pegg movies have the quick cuts of like them grabbing their tools or even the Sam Raimi thing in the Evil Dead movies of like people gearing up. There's like so much energy and like you're kind of like fuck. Yeah, let's go from it. But this look he's slowly putting knives in his pocket. I wonder if they sidelined Ryan Reynolds because of the Wesley beef or if he was already going to be sidelined right now. God dude.
01:28:34
Speaker
Yeah, that suit up. I prefer the one that reminded me of Joel Schumacher's Batman. From the last one, because that had juice, a little bit of energy. I didn't say that as a criticism. I thought it was, it took Joel Schumacher's Batman thing and did it better. Right.
Lackluster Action in 'Blade Trinity'
01:28:49
Speaker
I like his cape.
01:28:50
Speaker
I would I would much rather watch the Schumacher suit up scene than that what we just saw like that had that had no energy it had negative energy yeah that made me just you know I think I lost about a week of my life watching that this is like dropping like
01:29:11
Speaker
partway through were like, well, at least this is not as bad as like steel or whatever you think is like the bottom of superhero movies. But this could be just from the standpoint of how boring and like, useless it is. This could be one of my least favorite superhero movies now. Like, yeah, my heart rate is just declining. We should have hooked ourselves up to heart. You know, like how they did those studies. Like we showed people sinister and took their heart rates to see how scared they were.
01:29:40
Speaker
We were hooked up to it and they would be like, is it functioning properly? You guys were pronounced legally dead for an hour and a half. It's like, Oh, what parts were we awake? I need like head pizza for a little bit. Yeah, right. It spiked up when we saw food.
Ryan Reynolds' Improvisation
01:29:59
Speaker
We thought about a good movie. Yeah, we've talked about a good amount of better movies.
01:30:07
Speaker
He told he told that guy to go fuck his sister. That's so that's only a cool person would do that. So this plan right now is to save Ryan Reynolds. She just slapped him and the cigarette was somehow fun. It's somehow changing hands to the cigarette. The continuity and the cigarette every like trope thing we've seen is the worst for like this is the worst interrogation. Yeah, that was a weak need. I've ever seen no hit in this movie has felt like it had any weight like nothing.
01:30:38
Speaker
He called her a horse humping bitch. Do you think, do you think this was a little improv? Do you think he was? I hope it's not, but he kind of looks like him. Wait, what did you say? Do you think there's what? Do you think that like Ryan Reynolds was improv and all these like whippy, uh, he just called her a thunder cunt. Like, do you think so? Well, that's a good line. Do you think someone wrote that? Honestly, not a bad, bad name. Thunder cunt. Thunder cunt.
01:31:08
Speaker
Wait, I'm looking at the cast list. Natasha Lyonne was in this movie. I don't know. I, I don't know when this movie's defeated me. My headache did go away though. Oh, blades crashing in. Good blades here. Blade blade. Yeah. Let's don't cheer for blade. Not today.
01:31:36
Speaker
She was the blind bitch today. We know that Tasha Leone poker face. That was the blind. Damn. I didn't even clock because that character was nothing. Yeah. You made, she's one of the most naturally charismatic people. Like if you just see interviews with the Natasha Leone and then they, they just sucked all that out of her and we're like, Hey, what if you played
01:31:58
Speaker
a blind person with no personality. And that's like that. That's how bad this movie saps. Everyone of, of energy and life, almost like a vampire. Yeah.
01:32:13
Speaker
So we're finally getting some classic Blade kung fu stuff and it's it's better than the other action in this movie just because the other action was fucking shit from a butt. But like this is definitely not anywhere as good as anything in the first two. This is like.
01:32:33
Speaker
Maybe what like the intro no, this is weaker than the intro This is like a throwaway fight like from the first two movies like we would see a fight that level as he was like getting to like Yeah, that was like a casual walk for blade I Mean he was treated pretty casually too. He like slapped that one guy around and maybe blades just not in in this mission and
01:33:02
Speaker
Yeah, maybe his heart's not in it. Just like what coincidentally Wesley's checked out blade also doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, okay, but don't worry We're about to see someone we can really buy is kicking ass because he kind of looks like Scarlett Johansson a little bit well in and she's using the powers of Hawkeye so she's like Black Widow and Hawkeye man these cuts fucking suck Finally
01:33:30
Speaker
Okay, that's something, but then we cut back to her, it's not good. It's kind of like how you're watching Duel of the Fates and Phantom Menace, but then it cuts back to like Jar Jar on the
Wesley Snipes' Disengagement
01:33:43
Speaker
battlefield and you're like, I wish one of these things is much cooler than the other.
01:33:50
Speaker
Yeah. But also blade just back to using guns, dude. And it's not gun fight. Like there could, if you wanted to do some gun fight stuff, like let's fucking do like matrix shit. Like, come on, blade used to be beautiful to quote Samuel Jackson from Jackie Brown. Yeah. And that's what I would say to David S. Goyer, I guess, before I shot him. I don't know. Like, I don't know when he was beautiful, but
01:34:19
Speaker
Yeah. But have we ever been friends with David S. Goyer? Yeah. I played. We were friends with, well, I Wesley's still my friend and dear, he's still the open invitation to come on is I'm not recent. Yeah. Well, he's, yeah, he's our, on our Avengers roster still, but it's like, you know, we can forgive mistakes.
01:34:41
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, who amongst us has Wesley's actually acknowledged that he doesn't like this movie. Yeah. And who like I've shown up to work too stoned and like half-assed it. Like we've all been there. Yeah. This is like a bad day at McDonald's drive through or something. Yeah. You know,
01:35:01
Speaker
Like, but his version of being checked out at the McDonald's drive-thru at least is like, he's at least like in a vampire hunting movie. Like, but it's not, it's, it's like a cooler version of us coasting than we could ever do. Yeah. He's paying for whatever thing. He just like spent money on like his lawyers or something for the tax evasion. What year did the tax stuff happen? That's a great question.
01:35:30
Speaker
This vampire dog who knows this is a vampire Ryan Reynolds does
01:35:38
Speaker
Oh, no.
Budget Mismanagement in 'Blade Trinity'
01:35:40
Speaker
Now there's bigger dogs, regular dogs. Fuck me. He said fuck me sideways. That's his delivery sucked too. It's, it's night and day. The actual best fuck me sideways delivery is Paul Giamatti and shoot him up. There's like a scene where he's trying to snipe at Clive Owen and he misses him. And then he just says real emphatically. He's like, fuck me sideways. And it's, it's very funny. Paul Giamatti should be in this.
01:36:07
Speaker
He would have fixed this. One went through a door where the glass shattered and the other one through a door and no glass shattered. It's like they forgot to CGI or like they didn't have the budget to CGI the other glass shattering. So many things about this feel weirdly low budget, despite this having the largest budget of a Blade movie. I will say that dog slipping out the window and falling to its death kind of looked funny.
01:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, it was that was funny. That was funny. Him flipping it off annoyed me. And then he just fell through the hole. Like that was a weird cut that he just like stumbled backwards into this.
01:36:48
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know, man. And now he's fighting the big guy. You can't convince me. Ryan Reynolds is going to fight this guy. If that's what they're about to do. I don't think that's what they're about to do. He's probably going to like joke, find a joke way to kill him, like hit a button and send him ejected into space or something. Ejecto see cause that's how he's going to kill him. Yeah.
01:37:12
Speaker
Get Tyreese in here. He would bring some life into it. Alright, he's now in the armor. He could have been wearing it the whole movie. But he still looks dumb now. I want him in monster form. Remember? Wesley has to have been miserable. He's like, I'm acting across from this. Look at that. Remember when he first came out of the tomb, how cool he looked? Do we remember? That was the same movie.
01:37:40
Speaker
I forget that that was the same movie like we were there was a moment where I was kind of excited like one remembering like oh yeah it's blade versus Dracula and then we see him come out of the tomb and he's got that crazy armor with the like demonic look I'm like yes this could be good I feel like I might have seen this fight on YouTube before
01:38:02
Speaker
Um, blades look like very familiar. Worst fights. Yeah. Like top 10 most disappointing things of cinematic history. It's just played Trinity. Yeah.
Underutilized Wrestler Triple H
01:38:14
Speaker
I mean this John Cena, not John Cena, Chris Jericho looking guy in prison break.
01:38:22
Speaker
This is a WWE. Oh, it's, it's Triple H. Triple H. Okay. So it is a wrestler. Yeah. I've been calling them the wrong wrestler this whole movie. Yeah. Neither of us are like wrestling guys, but I wanted to make sure I, I shot it. Cause like Triple H is kind of a no, people would be mad. Like triple H like, okay. Yeah. Triple H is in this bad action scene. At least I got the right era of wrestling, I think.
01:38:52
Speaker
Like if you're a fan of Triple H and you show up to this movie and you're like, oh cool He's one of the bad guys and we're gonna get like a good fight out of it I'm not buying Ryan Reynolds just had him and this movie is too afraid to have Triple H kick the absolute shit out of Ryan Reynolds should beat the brakes off of him Like is there's points where I'm like, is this movie PG-13? They seem too afraid to like actually
01:39:16
Speaker
Blood and they say fuck a lot. I know, but it feels like such a limp dick R.
Unearned R-Rating Discussion
01:39:20
Speaker
Like it is R. It's bad writing and directing, dude. It's just cowardly. Yeah. This movie has first time director like all over it.
01:39:31
Speaker
This under qualified filmmaker like when he smashed Ryan Reynolds in that wall right there, there was nothing in those impacts. It just felt like I've said this. I've been saying this the whole movie and all the action. It is just like lethargic, like the staging, the blocking, the editing of it, all the pacing. She's somehow out air wing these guys with guns. You know, lethargic is, I think, the perfect word to use.
01:40:00
Speaker
Everyone's moving it at like sleepy time. She'll yeah saying I mean blade we're not even seeing good action This is the most cuts we've seen in a fucking blade action sequence. They're giving us nothing This is just what fucking off was that camera just that night Shyamalan had like about the same action and glass a movie with like probably a fraction of the budget of this and
01:40:27
Speaker
Oh, they actually glass was so much better than this. Yeah. It's like, geez, I don't even know.
Marvel Movie Endings Comparison
01:40:34
Speaker
So he put a he like electrocuted him into a skeleton. Okay. This is an awful ending. Honestly, though, there's been modern Marvel movies with endings this bad too. This is kind of mania was bad. Quanto mania, black widows ending sucks. This is this is feel kind of black widowy.
01:40:55
Speaker
that we have all these different fights that I feel nothing about happening. Yeah, because I made the dual fates comparison earlier. That would imply that at least one of the fights were cutting between is interesting. Yeah. And that's not the case here.
01:41:14
Speaker
Okay, he's This is bad. It's easy to forget that this is Dracula cuz he's done so little Dracula stuff Yeah, this is the worst villain we've seen across these three movies the one of the worst superhero villains ever I was so excited to see what Dracula was gonna be This is the worst Dracula in cinema. Is this Dracula in the comics? It can't be Morbius looks cooler than this. I know
01:41:43
Speaker
Now he's gonna become some kind of a creature late in the game. Why wouldn't you be this fucking crazy the whole fight? This also looks really bad as the last time we saw him. He looked better I've made this cuz that looks better. That's real, right?
01:42:00
Speaker
I think it's maybe it's a budget thing. They just didn't have the money to, I wonder if there are reshoots too. Yeah. Like this ending, the editing, how chopped up it is. It feels reshot to death. You can't tell what the fuck's happening with anybody. I didn't even know these two were fighting. Like when did he start fighting Parker Posey? I thought he'd just kill triple H. Like, I don't know. Yeah.
01:42:23
Speaker
I should be excited because I'm seeing a monster now, but it's like so late in the game. You should have looked like this the whole movie. This just reeks of reshoots, I feel like.
01:42:38
Speaker
This ending probably wasn't working. I don't know. This is all speculation.
Dracula's Transformation Critique
01:42:43
Speaker
We still never got a shot where you clearly see both Wesley and Ryan's face and like the same. Right. Because like when he comes to rescue him, he lands. But was it one of them is usually their faces turned or something in a way where you're like, that could just be a double. Yeah. There's always some kind of like way he's like obscured and they cut super fast. It's like movie magic.
01:43:08
Speaker
I should be excited about this fucking demon guy. I should be too. And he's going to inject him with the goblin serum. He should have been walking around looking like that the whole time. Let it be weird. It's already vampires. Like he's walking around in the daylight when they're chasing each other through the fucking buildings and he's got the baby on the rooftop. Let him look like
01:43:34
Speaker
And he's so powerful, why would he care about blending in? Like, would he? I mean, Blade is fucking struggling. Blade's the only one who could pose a threat, so why would he care about hiding? Right, like everyone else should be ants to him. I'm not a fan of the traveling CGI. It's just like, oh, so the shot of him dying wasn't interesting enough. You have to have shit that we're cutting away to.
01:44:02
Speaker
Either that or it's like art. Do you think we're stupid? We saw him like inject something. Yeah. I saw him inject them with, with the goblin formula from Spider-Man back to formula. What's willing to foe is willing to foe should have been Dracula. Now that's a movie. What the fuck? That was the best acting I've seen in this whole movie. That vampire on the ground.
01:44:27
Speaker
So wait, is it just everyone he's turned is dying now or is it all vampires? Because all vampires is it like just if you kill the original any spawn of Dracula So that's the way they're ending. These are all vampires are dead. It kind of seems like that's such a weird move to definitively like and
01:44:51
Speaker
We're done with that thread. No more vampires. Super easy, barely an inconvenience. Yeah, that's really weird.
Anticlimactic Dracula Defeat
01:45:01
Speaker
I like that super easy, barely an inconvenience. So Blake's just going to retire? Yeah, does half of him die? This is like the Thanos dusting, except they never made another one. Oh, so it just cured him of his vampirism and he's human now?
01:45:22
Speaker
No, this guy, he's like just a regular human. Dracula is just a person. Or they're just doing this so he can like say his thing. Probably the latter, I'd assume. Allow me a parting gift. So he's dying. And he's he's telling blade the future of our species is with you, like saying that he's the future of
01:45:52
Speaker
vampires. And none of this is, I'm just so uninterested in any of that. Like there could have been blade is the last vampire and all the new vampires are going to be day walkers like him. And it's all different. So what if Blake kills himself or his blade immortal? Well, the vampires still die too. Yeah, I think he can die.
01:46:16
Speaker
So you could end it all there. This sucks. Look that looked bad. This all sucks. Yeah, this is The Sun is right. Why are they just dying via Sun and everybody else died normally? We're seeing some a little bit of boob Yeah, like uh
01:46:39
Speaker
So how does that, that, that vampire virus chain reaction, does that affect him? Does he still have vampire powers? Like who's boob was that? It was blades. Was that his? No, that looked like a female breast.
01:46:56
Speaker
No, it was Ryan Reynolds. He was trying to show his dick earlier now. He's just trying to show his tits. Thanks for reminding me. Remember when he did that? He saw the fucking bush. I was excited to watch this. This might be like, Oh geez. What a letdown dude. Easily. I know we just started not even over and we're already doing the rap.
01:47:24
Speaker
I mean, we just started this podcast was easily the worst thing we've watched so far, like without question.
Anticipating Upcoming Movies
01:47:30
Speaker
Yeah, dude, it's, I guess it's good to establish like what the, the, the basement, you know, like what's the lowest that we can get? And that's this. Yeah. And we got, you know, two more that will probably both what we already know how we feel about drive body snatchers will probably love. So only God forgives
01:47:50
Speaker
Well, at least that will be interesting, even if I don't come away with it like being fully converted. Like I'm this movie's number one cheerleader. I know I'm going to be more engaged in this bullshit. Yeah, it'll look like I know that looks like a movie like that looked like. OK. And we'll probably have a lot to talk about. I think like Deadpool and Wolverine will be coming around. So some there will be some good box office chatter. We could probably wait for that.
01:48:22
Speaker
See if a summer box office- what is happening? Blade's tattoos are moving. Is he turning white? That's not Blade. It's Dracula's body?
01:48:35
Speaker
They brought in Dracula's butt. How'd they get it to look like Blade? Because he could shapeshift, but I thought that was when he was alive. Yeah, also, why didn't he like burn or die in some way? Oh, no, no. He
Confusing Movie Credits
01:48:49
Speaker
could. Oh, yeah. Because they established that earlier. Like he was the first one. Those rules didn't apply. So he just died.
01:48:54
Speaker
Yeah. So did blade just had a regular death. Did, did blade like ask him like, Hey, can you do me a favor? I want to fake my death. Can you turn into me real quick? I got a real goof. I want to pull on somebody trying to evade some, some IRS agents that I owe money to. And that shot was fucking awful. Are we about to get a, this is the credits. This is twilight credits now. Oh, fuck you, David. I score this God.
01:49:21
Speaker
It better be Twilight credits. It better be Twilight credits. We're not even seeing actors' names. They're just showing him. These aren't Twilight credits. I was- I got excited. This movie is fucking toothless. Oh, no. See? Yeah, these aren't Twilight credits. Because they should just be saying freeze-frame Dracula. Stanley Aviarad. Aviarad.
01:49:45
Speaker
Who is that? I guess like memorable parts from the movie quote-unquote member quotes are a memorable and they just showed some guy give like a head nod and like oh yes of course. These credits are fucking throwing me off. I'm like they're just unpleasant to look at.
01:50:09
Speaker
They don't even look like comic panels. No. I assume that's what they're going for. This like weird pool blood thing sucks. Remember the beginning when we thought there might have been some kind of a black exploitation aesthetic. They just did not do anything. The movie actually has no aesthetic. Okay.
Natasha Lyonne's Surprising Role
01:50:32
Speaker
I was about to say, is it just shots of Wesley with the actor's names? So they're doing, uh... They're doing Twilight, it just took them a minute. But it just, yeah. They just had to show, like, two minutes of Wesley first. Oh, and the dog, of course. No, it's for Ryan. Yeah. Everyone's favorite actor. The dog. God, what a stinker. Oh, Prison Break. Everyone's favorite Dracula.
01:51:01
Speaker
John Michael Higgins wasn't he Dracula also well when he Dracula disguised himself as that don't give him credit Chris Jericho Triple H I Said another wrestler who I that's crazy that the Latasha Leone is in this movie That's if I hadn't looked that up mid movie out of boredom I would have I would have that would have been a jump scare like Not that crazy to me Because what's the next it?
01:51:30
Speaker
poker face you said was when she really blew up no I mean she did oranges the new black that was kind of big that was years later so yeah this does wreak of career killer it doesn't surprise me she was an honest anonymously in this and then disappeared for a while she'd already done like she knew she had to go away no I'm not familiar with her career I'm just messing around I haven't seen poker face or oranges the new black I've seen Blade Trinity though and she was like an American
01:52:01
Speaker
Pan of American Pie. I have actually have never seen any of them. I've seen like the guy fucks a pie, right? I've seen like the sexual assault type of stuff when I was a kid. And even then that like a really rob, rub me the wrong way. That was in a movie. I was just looking at her. What? You didn't know that dude. What? No, I'm kidding. I didn't know that. Like who did there's only like five characters in that extra. So I'm like, who does she play? She plays the monkey.
01:52:31
Speaker
like she was really good because that seems intense yeah she actually plays the monkey and nope too she's got like she's got a Andy circus level mocap career going on that nobody's talking about she's she's excellent in both of those nope and add Astra
01:52:52
Speaker
Yeah, I'm trying to find a picture of. Damn dude, I feel like that was a good joke. No, it was a good joke. I, I, I wanted to explore that. I just, I say you're for good. Yes. And then you, yes.
01:53:09
Speaker
me because I'm trying to look up a thing. I know. I was really proud of that though. I was like, hell yeah. Doug teeny up, not get out of the park. Well, you did knock it out. No, I was sending you up to fucking, you know, slam dunk. I don't know.
01:53:29
Speaker
This movie zapped too much of my brain power to be able to do anything with that. I mean, I just... Boy. See? Yeah, no. The fire's just fucking gone. This movie just sucked all the passion out of this relationship. You don't even look at me when we make love anymore. It's just the fire's dead.
01:53:54
Speaker
Magic's gone. Remember that spark we used to have watching Halloween two, Rob Zombie's Halloween two, three movies later it's just done. Now I hate you. This movie made me hate movies. I don't like watching movies anymore. We just quietly resent each other with our heads buried in our phones. What has this movie done to us, Doug?
01:54:21
Speaker
Well, that's the end of these guys gadgets. I hope you guys have enjoyed it Blade Trinity did it maybe the worst trilogy ending like woods like Our mission. Well, yeah, the amazing spider-man's don't qualify as a trailer because they never got to do one so like a third Who knows maybe the third would have been the best one. Yeah spy kids. We'll see how that ending is I Think that's gonna be like
01:54:48
Speaker
Citizen Kane compared to this. Yeah, I'm surprised there's such a flip-flop in the audience and critics ratings for movies two and three We'll see what that's all about And also like too super challenging like why do critics like it and audiences hate it? That was always the one that was hardest for me to see we'll talk about that when we get to spy kids I'm excited for
01:55:12
Speaker
these next couple movies drive will be the first one that i feel like doesn't feel like work you know what i mean to an extent i'll be like we're just gonna get to fucking chill and watch drive
01:55:25
Speaker
I mean, I kind of feel like that for body snatchers just cause that's just like, I haven't seen it. So I got to like, uh, be on my game a bit more for body snatchers. And then only, I can walk you through it. Only God forgives to understand. Only God forgives. I just,
01:55:42
Speaker
I don't know. I don't want to drop the ball with that one. I really want to just figure out what that movie is about because I've seen it once and I've retained like nothing from it. I've seen it once. I know Praetorian Jack is Ryan Gosling's brother that gets killed in the beginning. And that's like the inciting incident is that this cop kills Praetorian Jack. But then I also remember
01:56:06
Speaker
The Praetorian Jack was like a pedophile like that he actually deserved to get killed and like the whole revenge impetus of it is like you're like avenging a guy who sucks in it like I remember that make leaving me with a weird feeling which
01:56:21
Speaker
Which isn't necessarily bad because I think that's an interesting idea to explore. Kind of like how some recent Batman movies are like, well, what if the Waynes were actually not good people? You know, like, what does that do to like your vengeance, your quest? If like the thing that that's been fueling all this is like in the purpose of the those people you're
01:56:42
Speaker
You're doing this in the memory of actually weren't good, you know. I forgot we were still podcasting because of just this movie. I was trying to read the names in the credits. The RZA was the only name that's weird that the RZA did the music for this because none of it stuck out. I mean, I know we play at the volume down, but like any time I did hear music, I felt nothing. So.
01:57:08
Speaker
Yeah, my hearing aids cancel out a New Line really put their name on this fucking thing word word word nice Oh credit scene whoa someone did do it before Iron Man I think he's about to pick up Nick Fury. We were asking about that Yeah, is this literally the first one nobody's gonna pick up shaft
01:57:38
Speaker
Just like everything else about this movie was nothing Wow That was that says a lot about this movie. Look at all the better stuff
01:57:48
Speaker
The Handmaiden, Monster, Stop Making Sense. I would watch all of that in a heartbeat over, like, yeah. Alright, we're doing a Stop Making Sense commentary. It's just gonna be us listening to music. It was a good song. Look at that white boy move. Yeah, then the other two are movies we'd have to read. So, yeah, I don't know. Unless we just really took in the visuals. I mean, we could do that with The Handmaiden. I've never seen Monster.
01:58:15
Speaker
I haven't seen Monster yet. I do. I do want to. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm definitely down to like do commentaries for international movies. It'll just be, there might be like a buffer period of like one where we kind of figure out our rhythm for that. Like, but time crimes, I think would be one we could do that because it is very visual. Like, yeah, we just watch it before the commentary too. So we're like good on the dialogue. We could, I think do time crimes.
01:58:41
Speaker
Um, love that movie. Do we ever talk? I mean, we could talk more about it if we do that kind of, or let's say when, when we do that commentary and maybe we'll have Tom on for that one, but he, cause his production company way back when bought the rights for that to like do an American remake and then he just never did it. But maybe we'll talk about Tom with him. Like, so, so are you going to do time crimes?
01:59:06
Speaker
Yeah, so final thoughts on blade trinity Sorry, I just took a wet shit and then I named it blade trinity. Yeah last name trinity Blade trinity Davenport
01:59:33
Speaker
No, get that out of my name. I don't want that stain on my, don't put that evil on me. Yeah, you're putting that one up for adoption. That's your Michael Myers you brought into this world. That's, I'm punting that baby. Yeah. Um, man. Yeah. This movie fucking zapped me. I'm, I'm done. Doug, get the fuck out of my house. No, I'm kidding. Just maybe kidding. I don't even know if life's worth living anymore.
02:00:00
Speaker
Yeah So I think we're gonna take a briefment period after this of about a week we're gonna just mourn the the death of a blade as a character and
02:00:18
Speaker
Because we were riding so high on those first two movies, we were like, play, play, play, play. Yeah. We're also, we're not taking a week off. We got body stanters coming up next week.
Emotional Drain from 'Blade Trinity'
02:00:29
Speaker
No, we have genuinely good shit coming. And this was still, this was still fun. I'm glad we did this. Me too. Because we need episodes like this. Maybe other people will get enjoyment from our suffering. We suffer for your guys entertainment. Look at, we bleed for you.
02:00:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. See all we do for you. Exactly. Grateful little winches. We bleed for you guys. We deal with this and then we go home and we just take it all out on our spouses and children. You guys don't see it, but it's a real shit show behind the scenes when we get home. It's dark. Yeah. Pretty bleak nowadays.
02:01:12
Speaker
man, this is weird. This is the energy the trinities put us in. That's how, that's how dour that was. We've never gotten this like just deflated before. Yeah. This was, this was worse than nine 11. I would rather have another nine. I don't endorse that.
02:01:37
Speaker
I don't even know if I'm going to go to the movies tonight. I was going to, for the listeners at home, our kinds of kindness review will be out before this, but yeah, I was going to rewatch kinds of kindness. Maybe I'll go tomorrow or Friday or something.
02:01:53
Speaker
I think watching a good movie would knock this out of your brain. It might. It's too late to see Maxine that started three minutes ago. We'll see that this weekend. Yeah, we'll be seeing that. You guys have a little peek behind the curtain of when we're recording this. Maxine is going to be coming out.
02:02:15
Speaker
Hey, you want to just end it here? Yeah. And I'm not talking about the podcast. I'm talking like life existence. I'm bloating a gun right now. Let's just, we'll assist in each other's suicides. We'll each hold the gun. I was going to say, let's just do it on the count of three. I was literally about to say, let's do it on the count of three scenario. Oh man, I forgot about that. We might be the only people to have referenced that movie. It's a good movie. Yeah. Underrated.
02:02:51
Speaker
Uh, you know, check out all the podcast apps where we're all on and, uh, follow us at guys got juice at guys got juice on Twitter. Uh, my personal Twitter is at Doug or not underscore two. I'm going to be started. Well, relative to when this is coming out there, we may have already had the first episode of, uh, our Twilight zone podcast. It's normally going to be about the 2000 series that
02:03:10
Speaker
Yeah, you got any plugs? Yeah, I guess.
02:03:21
Speaker
Forest Whitaker hosted but we did like our pilot episode with our test record was on the the Twilight Zone movie so we get into that we definitely get into the John Landis of it all very Controversial stuff. I mean so yeah give that a listen Yeah, that's what I got and you're a fan of John Landis as a person not the filmmaker
02:03:43
Speaker
Yeah, the movies I can take early, but I'm a big fan of his life. No, fuck him. And Max. Oh.
02:03:54
Speaker
Are those all the plugs? Mm-hmm. Okay, cool. Yeah, follow me on Letterboxed at Nicholas Ewers. Please follow me on Letterboxed. I could use a bit more people on there. I'll follow you back, too. Let's build a community of people.
02:04:14
Speaker
And then subscribe to my YouTube channel. It's Nicholas Ewers right now I don't know if I'll still be doing it when this comes out I think so I've got episodes
02:04:31
Speaker
Weekly episodes of the acolyte coming out where I'm doing basically like watch alongs Doug is gonna be hopping on them We were supposed to record one today, but Doug are you cool with that during the acolyte today? I feel kind of zapped unless you want to
02:04:46
Speaker
I feel, I feel zapped. I was debating of like, would that like shake us out of this post Trinity funk with, we talked about something that was kind of the actually interesting, but maybe we should just save it for when we, uh, whenever next record, I guess. Yeah. Let's save it. Cause I mean, the last episode, not a whole lot of people, there was something about episode four. It got like a big bump and then it just kind of went back down.
02:05:11
Speaker
But yeah, if you guys could watch those or just watch the echolite in general, when you hear this, the show will be winding down. So if you decide to go check it out, um, listen to my watch alongs, they start to get pretty good around episode three. And then, uh, I felt like I had another plug, but I'll just end it there. Um, you got anything else or no, that's all we're doing our regular sign off for these, right? I think we did for blade two. I'm Doug Davenport.
02:05:40
Speaker
I'm Nick Ewers and we're these guys got juice And you could put like a gunshot in like that's us killing ourselves Have a good night