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Red One
47 Plays26 days ago
Today on These Guys Got Juice, the guys are bringing you an old school commentary of Red One! Everyone's favorite Christmas movie starring The Rock! (Movie starts at 13:57)
Is this the most successful Christmas movie ever? Did The Rock give Christmas back to the fans? Should Chris Evans be billed as CHRIStmas Evans? Most importantly, does this have any juice, or is it as juiceless as it looks? Listen/Watch to find out!
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Transcript
Exploring Christmas Songs
00:00:18
Speaker
thumpity thump thump. I don't want to start with Frosty. We're already in it. Do you have a Christmas song?
00:00:33
Speaker
christmas time I know people fucking hate that song. Really? i i' Maybe just because I was... Let's do another verse then. A one. A two. You know what to do. Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.
00:00:55
Speaker
what What if i did what I was just like, it's the best thing Paul McCartney's ever written? It was like, come out of the gate and be like, it shits on all the Beatles stuff. There's an argument to be made. There is, I think. You know what's better than that song? It's the Mariah Carey Christmas song. She has a song that's better than Paul McCartney's song. Oh, I've never heard it. Really? Mariah Carey has a Christmas song? Yeah. okay Yeah, it's kind of, I don't know, it's brand new, I think.
00:01:24
Speaker
just just debuted. it They play, I mean, pretty much anywhere I retail place or at the last dog daycare I worked, that was like, I was like, are there other songs on the station or is it just Mariah Carey on a loop? I mean, it was like different renditions of hers just singing that song. ah yeah the there's a song i heard for the first time this year but it came out in 2015 i really uh i really going to like it i've been hearing it at work all day but it's like santa tell me if you're really there don't make me fall in love again if you won't be here next year
00:02:07
Speaker
I thought it was Ariana Grande for a while, but I
Imaginative Christmas Speculations
00:02:10
Speaker
don't know. It sounds like this chick wants to fuck Santa though. Her name's Macy. I mean... mace i don't he's a He's an older man. Chicks like that. Good point. ah He's financially stable by the looks of it. Like he has his own country and business. that What's his income? He does have his own country. Yeah, it's is it like the Vatican where they're like,
00:02:34
Speaker
they're just, ah they have sovereignty, but they're not actually a nation or something like, but like, so money and like donations. I just, so I think they don't know where the church's money goes to Santa. They don't need the money because they're just that well off. Maybe they just have a natural resource there. Like vibranium or Christmas magic. That's their currency.
00:02:55
Speaker
It's a physical realization of Christmas magic. Well, the Christmas magic is their vibranium. That's their precious resource that like only grows there. And that's why we need to ah work with with them, because otherwise we just wouldn't have access to the the Christmas cheer. What if this is what Red One is about? That's a good idea, what you just said right there. i Write that down. that was just like I pulled that out of my ass, but as I was saying, I was like, I wouldn't watch that. Masterpiece question mark. Release it around Christmas, Oscar contender. You know?
00:03:37
Speaker
I mean, and and and it'll be like, yeah yeah, the whole family can enjoy it, but then you think about it and it's like, oh, on a social political level, this is like about stuff. Just like Black Panther, it'll be it'll be Black Panther, but for Christmas. So for the Black community, what Black Panther did for them, this will do that for the Christmas community. Do we cast little people as the elves?
Diverse Casting in Film
00:04:04
Speaker
uh i'm saying or are they cgi no door are they horrible monster looking cgi is it all what's his face from the heretic ukraine you grant you grant i tell you grant and peter dinklage I think we should hire actual little people because like after that quote that Dinklage said like last year or the other year, where he was just like ah lamenting that you know they only get hired for fantasy things, he wasn't saying, don't hire us for those roles. He was saying like like he just wishes that there were more
00:04:42
Speaker
ah kinds of roles written for for for that community. And it's like, yeah, but don't stop. I feel like everyone learned the right, they're like, we hear you, Peter. So you guys aren't not getting any work ever again. We're just not going to use you guys in anything. This qualifies as fantasy.
00:04:58
Speaker
Yeah, it does. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, um yeah then no, we, we still use them, but then we write them a regular role afterwards. Like we'll do a, you know, one for the one for us or I don't know. yeah
00:05:15
Speaker
That's like part of them siding on to do the movie. Like, got you're guaranteed ah next script ah a part in our next movie. And you're just playing like a normal guy. The movie's called Normal Guys. You can date with Francis McDormand in like an Oscar-nominated movie. It takes place in Missouri. Yeah. There's some billboards in there.
00:05:37
Speaker
Anyway, I wait dog Yeah, what's up? Have a Christmas gift for you. I'm gonna give it to you on Mike. Oh shit.
The Rock's Influence in Entertainment
00:05:46
Speaker
It's you today I was gonna do it on a surprise commentary day, but I kind of want to do it on this red one day the vibe feels good We're doing a commentary on red one by the way if you guys didn't read the number one movie in the universe. like you built and fasa You're like, oh, I thought it bombed in theaters. you I'm like, today I say theaters. that Who's talking about that on Amazon since it's It's just been
00:06:18
Speaker
It's just been like dominating. It's been crushing. ah Here, I'm trying to find the rocks, funny posts about his brain is interesting to me that I because I he talks like a business machine, but I think it's sincere in terms of how he OK, our little Christmas movie Red One shattered a viewing record for Amazon a Prime Video.
00:06:44
Speaker
This is like one of the biggest movies of the year in terms of the budget with 50 million viewers this past weekend. Red One has a long shelf life with multiple verticals. I saw that. Yeah, multiple verticals. yeah You said about graphing or something. Kudos to our Amazon partners for the strategic win that's just getting started. and and um And most importantly, massive thank you to you and your families around the world tuned in. We made a little history.
00:07:12
Speaker
I don't know, man. He's- It's ridiculous. His brain should be studied yeah because- Take him off social media. I think Black Adam really did break him a little bit, like that he- couldn't reckon the reality with of like, well, my publicity machine, if I just make some Instagram posts about a movie and people see me at the gym, they're going to go see the movie and it's going to make, you know, like hundreds of millions of dollars and it's going to be a success. And I did that for Black Adam. Why didn't black at why wasn't Black Adam the number one DC movie? Why am I not the most popular superhero of all time?
00:07:52
Speaker
There's a darkness to the rock that we're yeah we're not seeing. He keeps it very hidden. I hope it comes out for the Safdie movie. It's going to come out in some explosive Will Smith level event. like Except he's going to fucking murder someone.
00:08:09
Speaker
when he slaps them. Yeah, they're gonna fly through a wall and there's gonna be like the outline of them in the wall. It'll just go through their body. Like their head will just become paste or their, their head will get chopped. It'll like break their head off and it'll just go flying. Load like it's Dragon Ball Z or something. Yeah.
Christmas Gifts & Movie Commentary
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah. All right, Doug, I have a Christmas gift for you. Okay. My eyes are closed.
00:08:36
Speaker
I'm going to tell you right now before you open it, and it's a movie shirt. Hell yeah. And what this gift comes, I want to do a future commentary of the movie that I got you this year because it's a pretty specific movie. And I think like ah you're going to be surprised. I'm going to throw it to you. I'm trying to think what movie would be funniest like that I hate. ah It's a Jojo Rabbit shirt. One that you hate. That would suck.
00:09:07
Speaker
I think you're going to dig it though. I hope this is good on mic material. We'll get to the movie pretty soon after Doug opens this. Fuck yeah. You had asked me like a month or so ago, it was like a non sequitur cause we weren't even talking about James Wan and you were just like, how do you feel about Maligna? And I was just like, yeah, thumbs up. I love Maligna. It's like a Sam Raimi movie. And then that was.
Unique Appeal of 'Malignant'
00:09:36
Speaker
You said it was your favorite James Wan movie. Yeah, I would say it is. I still haven't seen, like, couples. It's like such a, like, specific movie. I was like, I think it'd be cool if I got you this shirt. And I felt like you did really love this movie when it came out. I wish I had. I remember you singing it praises, so I was like, when I saw it, I was like, I think that's the one I gotta get. I wish I had seen it in theaters. I don't think anyone else will ever have a malignant shirt.
00:10:03
Speaker
Oh, we're out there, the malignant fanbase, the malignants, as we call ours. Oh, where are the shirts? Oh, oh, oh. Wearing the shirts? No, where are the shirts, is what I'm saying. They probably made their own because they're such big fans, you know? Yeah. That they just like custom made a shirt. Then, oh, that's fucking cool. Thank you, man. Like, I can't wait to do... Yeah, thank you. Merry Christmas, you too. I can't wait to do... Merry Christmas to all the sinners too. Yeah. And God blesses everyone.
00:10:31
Speaker
ah I can't wait to do that commentary because like when after I saw it, i was because that was the year they were doing Day and Date on HBO, or Max, the one to watch for HBO, ah like all the Warner Bros movies that year were streaming, so I just watched it online. I mean i i was excited i was like, yeah, I like James Wan, this new thing that I know almost nothing about, because the marketing was actually, it it literally was just so the new movie from James Wan, and you saw whatever her name from the Tom Cruise and Mummy running and it's like oh my god she's so scared this is what is this iss gonna be scariest movie ever and you know for those who haven't seen Malignant I'm not gonna like wait just wait to that commentary and
00:11:16
Speaker
like You should should just just wait to watch if you haven't already watched because the discovery of like what the movie actually is and and the movie tips you off to like just its tone almost immediately and it it it's not what you would expect.
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's one that really grossed me out. So I'm like, that's going to be a difficult commentary for me. But I'm like, I think it'll be. I think we'll get some good content out of it. The movie really fucked me up when I saw it. I wish I had seen it with like so the hugest. It's so cool, a though. Like I was like, yeah I. I'm like jealous. I was like, I wish I loved this movie. I was like, I would I would own that shirt. Yeah, that's I don't know. And I don't want to come off as like fetishizing like Asian culture or whatever, but I feel like every Japanese shirt version of a movie that I see is like really cool cool or like a poster would be like, and it'd be a poster of like, if you made that that text in English, I maybe wouldn't like it. There's like a really cool Japanese tenant poster, but I'm like, do I just like it because it's the Japanese one? I don't know.
00:12:24
Speaker
Well, speaking of fetishizing Asian culture, you want to happen to a Red One commentary? Well, this is appropriate english appropriating Christmas
Advertising and Celebrity Endorsements
00:12:35
Speaker
culture. Lucy Liu, I have not seen in a movie in approximately 100 years, I want to say. I saw her um on the cover of the Kill Bill 4K, I think. That's the last time I saw her.
00:12:48
Speaker
and she like waved like what's yeah yes Like that's weird That's fucked up that prime has ads now they're like, well if you pay a little more we'll give be An thanks and free and it's like I was already paying for it just an ad at the beginning I think yeah for the movies. It's just the beginning the shows. It would be interspersed throughout with our commentary money money Should we promote this company too? Or should we not even mention... Capital One? Oh, damn, now we're... Yeah, they owe us money now.
00:13:28
Speaker
I mean, I want to get in on the Capital One ad game. Capital One Capital? Well, because they Samuel Jackson does ads for them. Ben Affleck's white girlfriend does ads for that. I forget because he alternates between the white and the Hispanic one. You know, like he has. yeah he only He's only with two with two women and Matt Damon, you know, like so he alternates between them. Yeah. All right. Want to do the countdown? Yeah, sure. All right. Three, two, one. Christmas.
00:13:58
Speaker
Nice. Here comes Santa Claus is playing. um but I almost started singing this and I went into the thumpity thump thump and I like gave up on that immediately. I don't even know what to expect from this movie. ah Yeah, I heard it's in IMAX. That's how we're watching it right now, right?
00:14:20
Speaker
This is the way the rock wanted us to see it, because he was like, I'm ex post about that was funny to lie max. Yeah, it's not technically. It's not true. I'm ex, but he's so weird. The Rocky, he made some other post earlier before the movie came out about how like he saw this war again.
00:14:46
Speaker
Chris Morgan, writer of the Fast and Furious movies. Oh, I was like, where do I know that came from? But he's also done other stuff too. And Jake Kasdan. Yeah, Jake Kasten has an interesting filmography, actually. um he' He's done this really, really underrated, ah I guess I'd say it's a dramedy, like called the television set. David the Company is like a TV writer, and he's just trying to get a show that's like kind of personal to him made, but ah it's really good.
00:15:24
Speaker
um but And he did movies like that. He did Walk Hard, which I consider one of the funniest movies ever. um I've never seen that Ben Stiller movie Zero Effect with like him and Bill, with with Ben Stiller and Bill Pullman. I think it's like a detective thing. I never heard of it. Dude, this guy pops up in like everything, man.
00:15:45
Speaker
oh him he's so funny um did you ever watch man seeking woman no that ah funny show but he couldn't name a thing that he's in but i feel like i've seen him a million times yeah like he's like a good comedic character actor for when you need like a fuddy-duddy. You know, if you need someone to be like, here are the rules and you must obey them, you know, like some of the wag their finger at like um a character who's like stepping online, be like, no, no, no, no. He's got like a Steven Tobolowsky kind of vibe, except I can't. There's something about Tobolowsky where anytime he's in a movie, I'm like, Tobolowsky is in that one, though, like the insider when I'm going down the cast, I'm like, yeah, that's a Tobolowsky vehicle. Yeah, i start i start I started like this pumping. I go around high fiving everyone who's near me like, Tobolowsky! I just realized the wife in those segments, the Sammy jenk Jenkins or is it Jenkins or Jakes?
00:16:47
Speaker
but jenkins I think Sammy Jenkins because he plays and Sammy Jenkins but his wife in that is the same actress who's in she has one scene in licorice pizza that's fucking awesome she just shows I mean that movie is kind of a series of like one scene actors like coming in for in doing it or one or two scene things but like she's the one in the scene where ah Alana is like a ah auditioning for some part and and and this casting agent is like, oh, you have a very Jewish nose or something. And then she keeps ah asking her about her qualifications and when Alana says she can speak like Portuguese, she's like,
00:17:30
Speaker
wait
00:17:33
Speaker
um So I didn't pay attention to what that flashback was at all but I think that little kid that was Chris Evans chris evans I think yeah the little pudgy kid i get the fuck out of your show They should have done a George Lopez thing, and it's just Chris Evans. I mean, maybe put a fat suit on him or something, I guess, but be like, no, this is, uh, I don't know. He's 10. Chris Evans, 10. Let's play by Chris Evans. yeah Because I, that kid does not. I think they should just, George Lopez, everybody. That's what I'm saying.
Confusion in Movie Characters
00:18:07
Speaker
What was the movie recently where I didn't track, oh, Aaron, young Aaron Taylor Johnson in Craven, that whole flashback, I was like, so which one is Craven? Yeah, we mentioned that.
00:18:20
Speaker
Either could be. I was like, you know, the wimpy one could be craven. And and even when he's getting mauled by the lion, I'm like, I don't know. if they Yeah, I still bought that too. But his brother got killed by a lion? That's horrible. It's like, oh, so that's his origin story. His brother was killed by a lion. That's fine. Yeah. So Chris Evans is pouring. I don't know.
00:18:47
Speaker
He's up to some hijinks. He's causing a distraction, I think, for some kind of crime. Let's do an Evans corner. What do you, uh... Just Evans? He's had a mostly bad career, right? Right now, yes. But he's been in interesting things. Like Sunshine. trying Sunshine. Scott Pilgrim. Not another teenage movie. He was in a of ah fucking snowpiercer. Yeah. Knives out.
00:19:15
Speaker
knives out he's good at like showing up uh in supporting roles like he's really good at that how long knives out was 2019 that feels like had a bad leading man career outside of captain america i guess that's what we could say post marvel Was Knives out post-Endgame? It was like the same year or something? that was Yeah, a couple months after Endgame. it was So no number his actual post-Endgame career in where they try to slot him in to either leading a man or when he they try to make him the villain in the gay man, ah that Netflix spy thing that everyone loved.
00:19:52
Speaker
I like barely get in the eye. Man, that is more of a negative on Ryan Gosling, I think, because he's got a pretty like solid career. yeah Gosling's career is so so much better than Evans in comparison. So what did Evans just do right now? He like did a tracker thing or so. Oh, yeah, he plays a tracker. That's his fucking deal.
00:20:18
Speaker
Oh, of course we're going to Mariah Carey. Yeah. a Needle drop. Oh, so I was directed and Morgan wrote it. That's such a odd combination. I don't know. I don't know what, how they thought this movie was going to work in this way. Uh, it doesn't look bad. I will say.
00:20:41
Speaker
and It looks fine. Cameras like not placed in like lazy spots. It's like doing stuff. You know, there are shots. No, I mean, this is know, is a capable, more than capable director.
00:21:00
Speaker
And so giving him like a big but and he's done big budget things. He did those Jumanji movies with The Rock. So i I feel like that's probably the rocks. You're like, I've worked with this guy because I'm assuming this all was generated like the actual O.T. or tour of this project is right. Johnson. Yeah, that he, you know, just is generating public cast everybody in. He's like, I got to be with Captain America. People but he got the first and furious writer. The fans have been waiting for me to face off against Captain America. I have to do it. Yeah. He was like, fast five was good. Let's bring that energy to a Christmas. They should have just gotten Vin Diesel. They have legit chemistry, even though behind the scenes we all know like they did not get along. But that translates to something compelling on screen. Vin Diesel is Santa.
00:21:46
Speaker
Ooh, that'd be good. J.K. Simmons is the real Santa. What's with this, like, fisheye kind of lens that they're using? And, like, the sides, if you kind of look, are like... Are warped? Yeah, and yeah this is, like, a very desaturated like Christmas movie. yeah How do you feel about it?
00:22:07
Speaker
I wasn't, I didn't even clock the the the fish, I think, which is like, why do that? Are they trying to mimic like in a snow globe that there's like the the rounded sides of it? I don't know. That's awful. It seems unnecessary.
00:22:25
Speaker
Not like an awful, like, read, but it's like, come on. Like, why'd you do that? Yeah. Like, why would I feel like that would be a choice The Rock would make? Like, let's make us feel like we're in a snow globe. And you take some too much of the screen to do that. I'm just going to say it here. I feel like some actors.
00:22:47
Speaker
are just, should not be making creative decisions. Like maybe, maybe he should just hire, right like just find writers who are good at coming up with their own thing and just letting that run its course instead of being like the reverse and trying to reverse engineer a starring vehicle for himself of like, okay, I'm going to save Santa and it's going to be like this and this, and then just dictating it to like the fast and furious writer to,
00:23:13
Speaker
to you know be like, OK, you know how to make that a story. Just do that. This is like. way weirder than Schwarzenegger doing Jingle all the way. I bought Schwarzenegger as a CEO dad. People always make the thing of like, oh, it's so ah ludicrous that we were expected to believe he was a normal buy guy. i I buy it. it and that honestly, in true lies, I buy that his family would fall for the fact that he's a boring dad until they learn about the spy stuff. I don't know what it is about
00:23:48
Speaker
I would buy that a fucking gym rat was a boring, you know? I would buy that. Especially maybe like mundane. He's like, yeah, I'm a dad. And my thing is I fucking work out like a lot. That's like, that's like not that hard to believe. How many saw screen things? I don't know. I buy it. How many see those? It's a dad when I'm with Schwarzenegger. What can I tell you?
00:24:12
Speaker
the Is it a hot take this I feel like he's just like in the performances is what makes me believe it because he plays has the energy of just a dad in the suburbs in those movies. He plays frustrated pretty well. I think funny when he's in the right projects, I think he's a good actor. I think Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger good. That's my ah hot take. Yeah, I love it when.
00:24:35
Speaker
Him and Sinbad are like running through the streets of that radio station. They have such good chemistry and all the names of the reindeer. And it's just like, I don't know. I do want to, I don't know if we can talk about it off mic. If you're available tomorrow though, I'm down to maybe do a jingle all the way commentary to release on Christmas.
00:24:52
Speaker
o the right yeah were reviewing to do i am pretzels like fucking good were those pretzels maybe they weren't why is he feeding reindewer pretzels Yeah, that's why I'm like, maybe they weren't pretzels. Also, maybe this is me just being old-headed. I'm like, why why couldn't we just have some puppets as the reindeer, like some animatronic? They'll make them look meaty like they are.
00:25:29
Speaker
because like I like how big they are and they're like not cute like no I don't it's that's not the beauty puppets yeah I just don't like Star Wars monster puppets I feel like just having some tangible left operator trained here yeah I think there should be some tangible elements to the North Pole stuff because like like if if if making them meaty and not cute is good in almost like trying to ground it. Like, well, this is how Santa's reindeer would actually be, but it doesn't feel grounded because they're just, yeah they're clearly fake, you know? Like, so it it's, it's like, I'm not, I'm not buying it. Yeah. Why is the budget so big if all of this is just CGI nonsense? And well, I think to pay the actor salaries.
00:26:18
Speaker
Good point. Like Chris Evans and The Rock alone is like, you're almost your old budget. JK Simmons was like, I'll do it for scale, whatever. Just pay oh just give me five bucks. i like Is it weird that I almost feel guilty that I've like defended elements of this movie so far? I'm like, expected to bash this thing. I don't think I'm going to like it by the end of it, but God, well, that's an awful shot.
00:26:46
Speaker
No, I mean, we want to, I think we're both of the mindset of like, when I go into a movie, I want to enjoy it. Like I want, I want, I want every move to be good. And then if it can't do that, I want to at least have a good time during it. So I'm going to like latch onto and try and find things, and elements that are good. I've just been thinking, was I too nice to Craven?
00:27:09
Speaker
I mean, you still said you were giving it like two stars. So like, I feel like I did bash it a lot in the episode too. And as we went on, like point out more like things of like, yeah, why didn't they do this or could they do this? And then, yeah, what's up with Christopher Abbott? Like his ah character should be in this Christopher Abbott from Craven. Oh, Mr. hypnotism man hitmanism I forgot his real name for a second, and then I just remembered it. No, it's the foreigner. Oh. They only call him that. Again, sounds offensive. I was like, ah do I want to say that on mic? It's like, like, I'm about to say a slur or something. Yeah, they hired some foreigner to be a villain. It's like, Doug. What's his name?
00:27:59
Speaker
they They should have made jokes about it because it is a ludicrous. nor Normally, I'm like, just use the comic name and don't don't do the, oh, Doc Ock, what's your real name or something? Like, no, but- Yeah, Octavius Spencer.
00:28:16
Speaker
yeah
00:28:21
Speaker
Weird that that was his name. ah She's in the mood. He is in the movie. Well, in the first one. so no no She's in the universe. She's she's just off screen. She was actually at the fusion. I don't even know what his invention was called. The fusion machine or something. He was going to harness the power of the sun itself. Alfred should be in this.
00:28:52
Speaker
Alfa Molina Santa actually sounds kind of good. I know. Right when you said that I was like, I'd sacrifice JK for Alfie. I'm not mad at JK. Alfie Woodard, she could be. I mean, I would be also be into that. I i love JK and I love seeing him pop up. I just feel like I don't know if we actually see his physique like I remember the photos of when he uh they announced that he was gonna be Gordon in the Snyderverse and you see him at the gym and he's fucking jacked he like has kind of maintained that physique which is so funny he got jacked to play Gordon when he's barely even in the even in the Snyder cut like the four hour version of it he's in like
00:29:34
Speaker
five minutes total and you don't see him with his shirt off so it's not like like you know the thing about Gordon is how fucking hugy like I love the Gordon is just like shredded I I want to see
A24's Mythical Reputation
00:29:48
Speaker
it in this one, though. I want to see those arms. No, he should want to see rip it off right now. JK Simmons. I do want to say we just saw that polar bear. I don't know if you caught like the CGI fur. I think it looks pretty good. They're like fur like. I can appreciate not shit looking CGI. I'm not I'm not against all CGI, especially like when it's like augmenting or supporting something practical. I think I feel like probably just
00:30:16
Speaker
from my personal biases, puppets, especially for i agree for for a Christmas thing. I'm just glad it doesn't look like dog shit, CGI, if that's what we're getting. And we're, you know, like in rampage, the target audience of like little kids that this should be aimed at, like they're not going to give us like CG is fine. Like they've grown up with all their movies. I have a dude in a big bear suit that.
00:30:41
Speaker
Oh, we do see him. He's in the gym and I wasn't even paying attention to him working. Look at those. Those have big arms though. That's crazy. You just want to massage them. What if you just see him whip the shit out of the rock? Look at that. I want, I want to believe he's about to bench this. That's like six 45 pound weights. He's 69 years old. He's benching it sitting up.
00:31:12
Speaker
I want to believe he's actually doing that, that JK Simmons is actually benching that much weight. This might be a practical effect. I think he's actually doing it. yeah this he's He's Tom Cruise in it. he's He's like, it needs to be real. And they're just adding more weight. This might be the most nuance The Rock has ever been on screen, like performance wise. Look, he's like.
00:31:41
Speaker
just subtle his energy is because he's not like action man yet he's preparing for that boxer role he was like let me get like very moody for i need to become a soft smoke one yeah yeah you'll be able to have a 24 moments What if while promoting it, he forgets the director's name, Ben Safter, and he's like, yeah, so A24, who I've been working with, he just makes it sound like A24 directed the movie. Yeah, but on the phone with A24 the whole time. Yeah, like they're producers. I think they might've produced the Racks movie. Sometimes they do produce, like if it's a returning director, like I think Bo is afraid.
00:32:28
Speaker
Yeah, they they do. And it's just funny the way people talk about those movies, like like it's an actual filmmaker, A24, like it's a person. like Wait, is Bose afraid A24? Yeah, it is. It is, yeah. No one else is going to make that movie. What do you think A24 looks like?
00:32:48
Speaker
Uh, I think it's like, you know, biblical depictions of angels where they're like, it's terrifying to behold. So I think there's just like eyes everywhere and like in configurations you wouldn't expect. It's like, it's like everything everywhere all at once. Yeah. I got that in 4k. You got all those 4k's right there on sale for like 10 bucks each.
00:33:10
Speaker
Hell yeah. Michelle, make Michelle Yost Santa. I don't know. I'm just gonna keep pitching other people to Santa. And again, not not because I'm anti JK. What? I said, look at the rock. He's just like, looking right now. You know, i've I've heard that good acting is when you can see the character thinking like the you're not seeing the actor pausing. You're seeing you're seeing the character. I feel like I believe JK believes he's Santa right now.
00:33:37
Speaker
Oh, he's looking into his eyes. I think he's thinking Santa ask thoughts right now. JK is a professional. He's you know he's going. he He did the research. Yeah. He worked as Santa for a year. He lived at the North Pole for a year to do this song to come out. I feel like this movie was announced like six years ago.
00:34:02
Speaker
And it doesn't help that The Rock recently did another movie with Red in the title, like Red Notice. Forgot that he did that with Ryan Reynolds. Isn't that also a Christmas movie? I couldn't tell, I didn't watch it. Was Ryan Reynolds in a Christmas movie with Will Ferrell? No, that's, yeah, that's spirited. I feel like I've asked you that, like, 17 times on mic and off mic. Are these the people coming to kidnap Santa? There's a wall. Whoa. That's like Wakanda.
00:34:32
Speaker
I mean, did they just steal our idea? but Well, they don't have Christmas magic being vibranium yet, but we also have barely been paying attention. This movie's like a visual art piece. More than a movie. It's more of a mood piece. yeah See, none of this North Pole stuff. Not Kirasawa, but like the kirikatsu. Yeah, yeah, exactly. space shots or Whatever it's called. It's kind of like that. Yeah. Just three hour art pieces. Are you feeling Christmasy from any of us? From like the North Pole stuff?
00:35:11
Speaker
not really no yeah no angels that like super depressing movie that like really touched me felt more christmassy and that's not even fully a christmas movie i think i just i don't know if it if it is the lack of practical tactile things or if it just Even if it was all CG, they could have made the design of the North Pole, like, they could have made it look crazy. It should have looked like a Star Wars prequel planet. like like maybe make Make it look like some nonsense. This looks like London.
00:35:48
Speaker
yeah this looks like where tom cruise lives yeah who's the rock talking to jesus he just starts praying that would be funny if jesus is a part of this movie and he's like hey don't forget this is all about my birthday putting the christ back in christmas anyway i gotta go and he flies away He's like, by the end of it, he's like, well, we all got to remember it's all about number one. Jesus. jesus me Yeah. Him.
00:36:27
Speaker
Who's with red. That's Santa's code name. Yeah, ah did one of their guys sell Santa out like is there an inside job? Because if so, then this would be the same plot set up as the purge election year when they try and kidnap the presidential candidate who wants to make the purge illegal.
00:36:50
Speaker
ands riveting Riveting social commentary going on in those movies. I don't know if you guys know this, but the Purge movies, they're kind of commenting on what's going on in today's world. It's subtle, so you might have missed it. It's like, if you're really paying attention, you're like, oh, okay. Oh, no. Milk. Don't cry over it.
00:37:18
Speaker
I was like, there's just a puddle of jizz on. so was Don't breathe.
00:37:27
Speaker
It's produced by Sam Raimi. I don't know. Raimi could make a good Christmas movie. He should. Do you see him jump? The Rock actually did that. If that was Tom Cruise, he would have done it. and He broke his ankle when he did that jump. Did you know that? Yeah. They kept it in. yeah like can You can really tell like how he's moving. I mean, this isn't unlike the, not in terms of quality, but the fallout chase where Benji's tracking him and he's running through the building. That's basically what The Rock's doing.
00:37:58
Speaker
but in a not good, as good way.
00:38:04
Speaker
Isn't it kind of weird? This is something I've been dealing with with these big blockbusters shots where every single thing you're watching on screen is just
Critique of CGI in Films
00:38:12
Speaker
CGI. Like all of this we just saw. It's like so weird. And it takes me out of the movie. I kind of just check out mentally, not even like it just happens automatically. If it's not like, oh, nothing is real, but there was once real stuff on screen. It's like so weird. I was the same complaint I had during Wicked.
00:38:32
Speaker
Yeah. even And then weirdly, I saw behind the scenes of like, there were like a lot of actual sets and things they use, but I'm like, so you shot it to make it look like the volume? Like, why do how does why does it look fake then if you use actual sets for some of this stuff? Red 1 or Wicked? Wicked. Oh, Wicked, yeah. Wicked actually built out some of that Emerald City stuff, but I'm like,
00:38:55
Speaker
i nothing in that movie looked tactile except the giant mechanical head that Oz used. There was stuff that did to me but like there were moments moments where I was talking about with this where it's like you would be watching two characters on screen then it would cut away to like a fully CGI shot where nothing is real and it's so It's just super noticeable well and it like it sucks. I don't know. It kind of makes me like the movie less when I see it. It's like half a star downgraded just seeing like a couple shots of that in a movie. I just don't have anything to latch on to in terms of emotional caring about the scene, but then also just the stakes.
00:39:37
Speaker
are just become like, I'm like, well, I don't know, none of this feels that dangerous, because it's not it's like, so fake. But like, I, you know, I'm not gonna say these movies are masterpieces. But like, the Fast and Furious movies do use a lot. I mean, there is a lot of CG stuff they're doing. But like, when that fucking wrecking ball is going through whatever city in fast 10 like they were a lot as practical ah they like broke some record for like most cars destroyed or something so like they they're like doing enough like actual destruction to like make the action scenes feel kind of like exciting we're like oh fuck that looked like when they don't it's bad because like fate of the furious I think that's the one maybe it was F9 with like the mag cars magnet cars as they were like flying from like parking garages and everything and from the street and it was just CGI shots of CGI cars flying everywhere and it's like man it's like this these movies usually feel more tactile I i know the part you're talking about, but then I saw behind the scenes where some of that is practical. I think there's like full shots of it though, where it's like one whole shot where it's like a parking garage collapsing as cars are flying through. you know what um That's when I'm like taken out of it. well but and
00:41:07
Speaker
to the point of like, I'm like, well, if you went through trouble of doing some of that practically, maybe you should find a way to like show that off instead of because then then when you combine it with bad looking CGI, it kind of makes me just gloss over the whole thing is like not real in this. ah To the same extent, I don't have this problem because the movie overall is a masterpiece. But in Fallout and the big Halo jump part, when it's like there's a lightning storm. And I think some of the background, they digitally changed and stuff too. I'm like, you're kind of taking away from the, they really did this. So like, I, I kind of want to just enjoy the jump and like that stunt and and like the, the, the little CG things almost take away from it. Like when I be honest with you, when I first saw Fallout first time watching it, I don't know why I was like completely oblivious. I was like,
00:41:59
Speaker
Did they shoot this in a lightning storm did they actually do this cuz I was like I would believe that fucking Tom Cruise would I didn't believe like the lightning actually hitting him, but I was yeah Some of this real I don't know why I was like so invested in the movie. I was like I this camp is this real i don't know why like i mean it kind of worked on me only the first time around right i need to every time after that i see so through it yeah but the first time around i don't know why i like fully was like this could possibly be real I mean, you're like, Tom would do that. yeah And I kind of have the same reaction to ah the mountain jump with the motorcycle and in dead reckoning where they CG out the ramp and then make it look like just like a part of the cliff that I mean, that's it's really just for a few shots as he does the jump. But I'm like,
00:42:56
Speaker
Just find a way to ah rationalize why there's a ah ah fucking ramp. Just keep the ramp in. Or don't show me the footage of you with the ramp before I see the movie. I'm like looking forward to that visual. I knew it. They weren't. Well, I thought they were going to figure out a narrative reason why there was a ramp there when I saw the behind the scenes footage. on I don't know.
00:43:22
Speaker
Yeah, or like, I don't know. There was a location where there's a ramp. Sometimes it snows there and they ski here. I don't fucking know. Like what the fuck? I'm okay with accepting some video game logic in those movies of like, there's just a ramp there. no Like it was a collapsed bridge, you know, so half a bridge. Right. Yeah. But it's like, when I saw the Hill, I i was like, it's so noticeably CGI.
00:43:44
Speaker
right and it's like you go through these trouble trouble to make the thing so real it's like just show me the raw footage you know like you don't even have don't don't even edit or color correct just give me the raw shoot it send it directly to my email it's probably gonna be a big file size because it's uncompressed but it's fine I'll get an external hard drive I don't remember if it was for the Oscars before, um, dead reckoning came up, but Tom Cruise did a promo video where he was like in a helicopter, like promoting, maybe it was, he was promoting Top Gun Maverick, actually. But then he like midway through is like, well, I gotta like jump onto this helicopter. And then you get to just watch him skydive out of a helicopter after that.
00:44:30
Speaker
I think it was not a helicopter, but one of those like older style plane, what would he call him, a biplane? Like the kind of- Yeah, and he's like sitting on the wing maybe. Yeah, then he's like, yeah, I gotta go and jump. I think that might be something in final reckoning. Cause like, I think there has been some behind the scenes thing where you're seeing that- Yeah, I saw that, like he really said like, I think before dead reckoning even came out, I saw that footage like a while ago.
00:44:58
Speaker
That, yeah, that is it. They were filming Final Reckoning though, you're right. Because they originally were trying to film them back to back, right? like yeah And then because of all the COVID stops, they couldn't like do that. But ah they they definitely started filming some stuff like that stunt.
00:45:15
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Okay, so- I like how we've just started talking about Mission Impossible. Just other movies, yeah. We always go to Mission Impossible. Well, I was just gonna say, so, his daughter- he has a daughter and a wife, or an ex-wife, and his daughter is a pageant, so we can go back to Mission Impossible. No, I do like that we organically just fully started talking about a movie we just love way more. Yeah, I mean, those movies are great. Why isn't Tom Cruise in this?
00:45:41
Speaker
Because he makes good choices with his acting you know career for the most part. he's ah He has a couple duds. he's all he's like He does have a couple, but his success rate is he's like the best example of an actor taking
Tom Cruise's Career Choices
00:45:56
Speaker
creative control. like When he generates projects for himself, he knows his own strengths and what to play to, and then he's just good at finding the right collaborators to bring those things out. And then he also was just willing to do fucking crazy shit for the movie. So like, I, I think he's, he's like, but the rock isn't Tom Cruise. So the rock should just, you know, you know, get like a good script writer and director and just do what they say. I don't know. Yeah. Man. Fucking.
00:46:32
Speaker
Yesterday, I was hanging out with a friend and she was saying she doesn't like Tom Cruise and I was like, yeah, get it. But he's just he's in good movies, though. It's like, you know, i like I'm not saying, yeah, you have to like him as a person or whatever. But it's like, oh, I just like he's just him personally. And the movies are it's hard to deny. He's in good movies like.
00:46:54
Speaker
It's yeah, yeah, it's it is. on I mean, because even before the this run of like the impressive action stunt work in Mission Impossible, like you look at all the directors he's worked with throughout his career and you're like, God damn, like it it it's a fucking awesome career. And that he's still I'm so excited to see what this post Mission Impossible era is. Like he'll probably will still be doing action stuff here and there, not to the same to like I don't think you the pushing like late sixties and then like fling yourself off stuff probably is ill-advised. He'll still do that probably. But real quick, I want to talk about like this action scene. It's so like, I feel like it hurts that it's basically a Captain America like style fight where you kick someone and they get sent flying across the room or like you're, it's just superhero level fighting and then they have a weapon. powers Yeah. And then they have weapons that like are just these like upgraded, like future tasers. And it's like not an interesting or creative fight. It just feels lazy because you're upgrading it so much. You're not doing just anything like kind of worth watching. And then on top of that too, it's like, you know, what I really like is minority reports. Yeah, they have a weapon that these people have, but they're six sticks and they're like interesting and creative. It's like not just a taser. It has a fully different function. Like that's not visually interesting or creative. Imagine if you got like six stick and then immediately it's violently ill. It's like a unique thing. It has its own look. it There's a tangible prop associated with it. Like there's a reaction the actor has that's interesting and like
00:48:45
Speaker
it's implemented into the world of the movie so well and this movie hasn't even really tried to do like yeah our pitch of the north poles wakanda like if you fully lean into them and want to be like oh they have advanced sci-fi technology because because of this i'm i'm willing to ah you know make make that jump but like but like show me some some like consistency and like like have some like grounded props and like like just tasers that look like the plasma shooters from Halo. And when you get hit, and you just like in a little bit, you know, not that interesting.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. Yeah. I get this as a big Hollywood production and like, yeah, maybe it's hard to like come up with visually inventive, like fight scenes, but it seems so lazy. Should be higher because it is so big, but we should be giving it a pass because it's so big. We should be like, no, they should, they, they have all this money. Why aren't they doing better? Yeah, exactly. It's like it being like, okay, it's Captain America fighting people. Okay. It's not that interesting when a super powered person kicks a couch and it flies across the room and hit somebody, ah pin someone against the wall. It's like, okay, cool. Yeah. We've seen that a million times, like have just a nice, like fucking real fight where it seems like a struggle and people take on damage. And I don't know. It's so lame.
00:50:10
Speaker
Based on my half watching of this movie, I agree with everything you just said, by the way, but I'm just just like trying to get a read of like Evans, his character in this and like based off of like, you know, he's like,
00:50:24
Speaker
ah divorced and maybe like a bit of a deadbeat dead but he's not really reading or playing the loser like like he should really like that could be an inch high that could be a dynamic like you know who I mean maybe some could do but i was I was just thinking you need someone with Kurt Russell energy because like Kurt Russell is good at playing like especially like Big Trouble Little China where he's like that dude's a fucking doofus like he like he doesn't do anything until the end and when he actually kills the villain but like He, ah other than that, like he's like screwing up constantly and he's like not heroic. We've seen Ryan Gosling do this better in the nice guys. Oh God. The same role. He should be basically that character, but in this like always drunk. Dude, he's just like stumbling through it. Chris Collins is too pretty. He like looks like he has it together too much and he's like very slick. We watch him do his job at the beginning and he's like good at it. He's super slick. so he's He's being cool. I feel like he's not actually committing to it. I have him slightly sloppy like he's accidentally got a good reputation but if only people knew like
00:51:38
Speaker
Yeah, he's kind of a fuck up. He fucked up his way into his position. i mean because he's his life Based on what you're showing about his personal life, that should be... fuck up Yeah, but it doesn't track. your legs headless Whatever the fuck we're seeing. Oh, the headless horseman.
00:51:56
Speaker
The Jack O'Lantern. I kind of like the idea of that, of that existing in this world. Oh, I think we're going to see like other holiday creatures like, like as literal physical beings. And I, and I think that's interesting. I would just would want some practical yeah not CGI headless person. Like it's literally just make a ah head and put it in the box. Yeah, well, the person himself was all CGI. It wasn't even like an actual person. Yeah, like, it just makes it feel low effort. Because it's like, guys, you could have like, the things I'm describing would maybe be a lot of work, like the reindeer making them that big and practical was like, you guys have the money, you have the means to do all that. So like, why aren't you?
00:52:47
Speaker
I don't, it just, they didn't care. They didn't care to put in the care in this movie. That's almost what feels like the ethos of this movie. and and That'll do. yeah like've We've got the point across. What's the deal with Evan's character? I don't know. Like he's like needs to be a better dad. That's fine. Whatever. That's good enough. They just keep going.
00:53:10
Speaker
yeah cast like yeah A Steve Buscemi type. Oh, that'd be good. like I know Steve Buscemi's older now, but like who would be the current like Steve Buscemi or like have that vibe? I don't know. What would Paul Dano look like in this role? Oh my God, that sounds exciting. but like all All these alternatives sound great. Paul Giamatti. I mean, get someone who's not jacked.
00:53:41
Speaker
When's the last time we had an action movie that wasn't a hot jacked guy? mean Even like a Miles Teller could kind of be better, like
Recasting Chris Evans
00:53:50
Speaker
a... I know, like a smart ass kind of guy, but he like looks like a guy, not like Chris Evans, not like Captain America. Like that fight that we saw is slightly more interesting with Miles Teller instead of Chris Evans and Miles Teller being kind of bad at fighting.
00:54:10
Speaker
Um, the example that popped in my head, even though he did get in shape and fit for this movie, but Bob Odenkirk and nobody, you believe you believe the loser suburban dad thing. And then when he starts fighting, he's kind of rusty. So he's like fucking up like during that bus fight and like during some of the other fights, even though you're like, Oh, he does have the skills, but he's just like, you know, has it done this in a while. And I do buy him as a guy who's got something to hide, like a guy who's overqualified a little bit, but he's not letting you know that. It was a humble nature to Bob Odenkirk's character and nobody. I really like nobody. I had someone tell me that movie was the worst movie of that year. I was like, that's ridiculous. Stephen say, it sounds like someone who sees two movies a year. Yeah, basically.
00:55:00
Speaker
Um, yeah, I really like nobody. I'm interested to see what the second one will be. Um, yeah, I don't remember how nobody ended, but I'm kind of surprised they're doing a sequel because it is kind of ah a full story. Although the last scene kind of has the energy of like.
00:55:17
Speaker
Oh, so since his sense family knows now, like you just make it spy kids basically the next week, but are rated like have the mom and the kids with guns and doing fight scene. Like it basically is a family thing by the end of the first one where you have his dad, Christopher Lloyd and his brother, who's the RZA, like just like having a big shootout. So you're like, I mean, that's kind of the ethos of these movies is it's about family doing bad ass gun fights together.
00:55:45
Speaker
Speaking of Spy Kids 2, we texted off Mike, but it won the award for best movie ever, I think. Yeah, I did see that. Yeah. When you look at Hollywood today and like all all the CGI stuff that we were you know criticizing, I'm like, you guys are just doing Spy Kids. Yeah, basically. like spike But Spy Kids 1 did it first and then also did it... There's like a charm to the bad effects in Rodriguez movies, like even though like and sometimes they're really bad. What was that? The second Spy Kids had some atrocious effects. Yeah. I forgot we still didn't do the third one. and
00:56:23
Speaker
Because we're saving it for you guys. We're like kind of like edging. We're basically like building up the anticipation. But like, there's no of that charm in like a lot of blockbusters today with the CG. it It's like, yeah, I don't I don't know. Oh, they've got Santa in some kind of back to tank.
00:56:44
Speaker
What if they start doing, like, Casino Royale cock and ball torture on him? Oh, man. He's, like, hooked up to a battery. They're fucking, like, swinging a thing. This little girl does that to him? Yeah. Up in long legs herself. She wasn't in long legs. Oh, no, that she was. Okay, yes, she was. I did not know she was in this.
00:57:08
Speaker
I saw her, um, in the credits, in the fucking, on the homepage, but it didn't have the actress, it didn't have any. There was the character names. Yeah, which was a weird move. Like these memorable characters, like, do they think they were starting a franchise here?
Potential Christmas Franchises
00:57:23
Speaker
I feel like every big movie these days is kind of in the back, like, they're like, well,
00:57:29
Speaker
We we have we thought we've thought about a cinematic universe. Have we had a Christmas franchise since the Santa Claus movies? No. Like a successful one? No. That's the canonical Christmas trilogy. Yeah. And then continuing Disney Plus show, which I've never watched. the but I've only seen the movies. It's a show. There's a Disney Plus show.
00:57:56
Speaker
That seem it seems unnecessary to make a Christmas show. I don't know something about the phrasing of a movie. Are you sure? Making a Christmas show. So do you make a Christmas show? Yeah, you're going to make a show by Christmas? Do you only be in December? Can't go past December 25th. Better not. like Like January comes and it's just not there. Like you just can't find it. Is it going to start airing in November? That would be madness.
00:58:29
Speaker
I forgot where I was just hearing. this scene good Spielberg wanted there to be like a streaming thing that it was like a horror anthology that you could only watch it. No, it wasn't. quimby It was a quibi thing. I think. Yeah, I think it was actually that that he wanted it to be like, yeah, you you can only whenever nightfall is in your time zone.
00:58:50
Speaker
It'll only appear then and I that sounds like a cool idea i deal a little bit But yeah, I mean he of course abandoned that in Quibi Quibi I think we own Quibi now that we mentioned them. I Think that's how it works. What should we do with it? Whoever mentions them most recently owns them yeah What should we do with it should we put our commentary on Quibi I We need to, well, all the beloved Quibi properties that the fans have been missing, we probably need to like bring them back. We need to give it back to the fans. Is The Rock about to do a heretic-style monologue with Monopoly? You be like you see the history of board games, and then he pulls out the Bible.
00:59:35
Speaker
Where are we? Are we in America? Yeah, they went through, like, a portal or something, right? And the supply closets are portals. Like, some of this... North Pole Field Network transit system. What he's saying... I wanted to write that into a screenplay and hand that to somebody and make them read it. What he just said, you could depict in a charming way of, like, these banal spaces in the real world or actual secretly portals to, like, this magical...
01:00:09
Speaker
realm, ah but it was just, it looked boring. It looked like nothing boring. Like I kind of didn't even clock that they went to and I'm like, did they teleport or something? And like, it just doesn't. there's nothing There's nothing exciting in this. How do you feel about the Barbie movie when they transition into the real world, how they kind of just end up there after the big journey? It's like.
01:00:39
Speaker
I kind of almost like off screen. They and you know what I mean by what you mean. How do you feel about that? I thought to me that almost felt like a bit like because like they also taught me like, yeah, in. But there's other moments where characters are trying to figure out the rules of the Barbie world and they kind of like hand wave yada yada it. So I felt like there was this kind of winking like energy of like they're like Yeah, it doesn't really make sense how like a sewer or something, you know and She's just like covered in shit. yeah she comes out of this sewer hole
01:01:18
Speaker
I never know, known how to feel about that. I've kind of accepted it, but I've always wondered, is there a more creative way to do that? I think there's a creative way to do it. To me, it felt like a choice of like, we're just going to make this kind of like a joke in terms of like how hand wavy the logic of Barbie world is in terms of like, it yeah, whatever. things just can They're there now. Yeah. That might be my biggest complaint about the Barbie movie, honestly.
01:01:43
Speaker
I have other complaints again nitpick I yeah I don't know I mean it's funny women is that your other complaint like we another
Barbie Movie's Real World Transition
01:01:54
Speaker
one moves back the men if you yeah focus on a guy we're the boys
01:02:03
Speaker
I was happy when Ken took over Barbie land. I was like, finally. Yeah, I didn't expect to walk into the Barbie movie. See all this women shit. All this like woke feminine propaganda, feminist, feminazi propaganda. Yeah. ah No, I felt like. I felt mange. I know how movies used to be.
01:02:27
Speaker
Boys. David Fincher's Barbie. And they let women into the room. It all went to shit. Yeah. I'm just kidding, listeners. We love women. You see, it always sounds creepier when I say we love women. We love women. It's binders full of women. Or just pictures of women sprawled out across my bed. Polaroids.
01:02:52
Speaker
It's like the creepiest version of it being Polaroid. There's single individual photos that you like had to develop by hand or like shake it. like Nick, how come they're never looking at the camera? Why is there a bush in front of it like like obscured by like that you're like hiding in a tree? Yeah, how come you're like always kind of... You're like... I don't know. I can see your reflection, Nick. In the window.
01:03:20
Speaker
Who's this dude behind her? Is that the... I only saw him for a millisecond and was like, is that more Sean Lynch from Bottoms? I mean, I know he's like a famous like football guy, but I know him as an actor. I don't know. yeah I know him as an actor. I like that. This is their vibranium.
01:03:42
Speaker
It kind of feels like they're stealing our idea. Christmas magic. Did you read the plot to this before we started it? No, I just knew Santa Claus gets kidnapped. I didn't know. Yeah, I kind of knew that a little bit going in. Damn long legs herself. I can't believe that. No, that's not Marshawn Lynch, nevermind. I don't know who that is. You just saw dreadlocks. I just saw a black guy. Is that Marshawn Lynch?
01:04:12
Speaker
Oh, they're playing jingle bells.
01:04:16
Speaker
How'd they get the rights? He just looked at ah a woman in a bikini. Damn. The Rock did? No, Chris Evans did. Oh, Chris Evans. Damn, that's how we know he's scuzzy. But he's not scuzzy, because it's ah he's like a clean, put together, hot guy doing it. He's dressed like shit, though. That's like a terrible outfit, I think. That's how I would dress in high school. Yeah. Well, they're half trying to make him look like a shitbag, but they're not.
01:04:46
Speaker
The performance and then the whole movie isn't really committing to that, so it doesn't- Yeah, he could probably get laid right now if he wanted to. Yes! He's just gonna go up to him and be like, hi, I'm Chris Evans. Yeah, hi, someone that looks like me, just like, just a fucking unappealing, like a weirdo.
01:05:02
Speaker
But you can make a hot guy be a loser. Like Ryan Gosling is proof of that. He's done that in multiple roles now. like Or you could just hire a loser. yeah yeah I like money. Put me in this thing. like I don't know if audiences will like it, but I'll like money. And I will try my hardest. Honestly, Hollywood, if you pay me a lot of money, even if you pay me SAG minimum,
01:05:29
Speaker
I will try my hardest. You will get your Nick's hardest. That doesn't sound good. Nick's hardest. Nick's hardest lemonade.
01:05:39
Speaker
yeah ah Why are they? I just shouldn't open my mouth most of the time. Why are they at the beach? I know we're like Hawaii or something. Barely paying attention, but the movie is like kind of not holding it because I'm like, they're supposed to be tracking Santa, right? Why are they at like... They all have matching criminal tattoos. This feels like a setup for a Miami Vice scene. It feels like glass.
01:06:09
Speaker
Took me a moment to like... like wait how does it last i was like oh yeah listen to that's funny they're called death mercs yeah man these two have like fucking zero chemistry together the rock and evans also Besides the very muted red that the rock is wearing, where's the Christ- like just in this individual set piece and in the like visuals, where's the Christmas? That's what I was thinking watching White Christmas the whole time. You know what movie though, front to back, is a Christmas movie? Eyes Wide Shut. Eyes Wide Shut. Black Christmas, the horror one.
01:06:47
Speaker
Uh, which one? Cause aren't there like three at this point? I wasn't the original, but I think is the original. the seventy s one is one I want to see, I want to see that one. Um, I like, they shrink the rock. Oh, he has ant man. He has ant man. I forgot that he's ant man. You forgot that. Yeah. You forgot when Paul Rudd at the end of quantum mania was like, it's time for me to retire the suit and give it to you.
01:07:15
Speaker
This is like the biggest crossover because Captain America is in it. Nick Kroll. Is it what? Clocked him right away. What? What? He's in this? Good for him. Yeah, get some money, I guess. He deserves to be in this movie. ah He deserves to be in good movies. No, he'd give him, let him make the money off of this movie. Sure. They probably paid him seg minimum.
01:07:43
Speaker
It's just the movies that I've seen him in so far, this and Don't Worry Darling, you know, it's is like, I feel like we can find a better fit for him. I didn't hate Don't Worry Darling. You think him in The Rock Talk, The Rock was like, I'm somewhat of a comedian myself too. He's like, I love Big Mouth.
01:08:01
Speaker
Uh, yeah, it can be rock famous comedian. Yeah. That's how he introduces himself. mean I mean, how many, how many classics like tooth fairy, rampage, we're we're in the same industry. Like, it's like we're peers basically. yeah Do you know Jack Black, Kevin Hart, the gorilla from rampage, you know, at least Kevin Hart is not the one they're talking to right now.
01:08:30
Speaker
Kevin, har you a comedian that needs, you know, a little bit of help. Well, he doesn't need it. He's got that big mouth money. Yeah. Big mouth is a sensation. yeah I saw him play it. Headline the rib and fucking sell it out. So I think he's doing pretty good, actually, in his career. This all just looks in this role. That would be interesting, at least. What did he just write? Greyla.
01:08:58
Speaker
Oh, you can't say her name. Uh-oh.
01:09:04
Speaker
Now she has long hair. She's an X-Man. I was just thinking like, uh, which is funny because the X-Man that I specifically thought of was Who's January Jones playing first class? Oh, Emma Frost. Yeah. ah And that actress played Kiernan Shipka's mom in Mad Men. So I was like, oh, she's the Emma Frost's daughter. It is weird that everybody's done X-Men before Marvel.
01:09:38
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, so he's like possessed now by like an ice demon? She's possessing it. Callum Drift, storied warrior of the North Pole. Look at this lore they're dropping on us.
01:09:54
Speaker
Greela, the Christmas witch. I didn't know there were Christmas witches. This movie is educational. You learn something new every day. They do say that. They do say. Something they say.
01:10:07
Speaker
I mean, on paper ah it very, are those real storm clouds? Yeah. I can fall out. Yeah, it was all right. How do they time this whole thing out? They just. Storm over an Island. Yeah. They just kind of checked the weather. They're like, I think we got pretty good odds of it being. It's a very fiery road situation. That's why they had to delay it so much. They needed the storm clouds.
01:10:32
Speaker
If on paper on an island i the rock the vacationing here, then Adam Sandler also happened to be vacationing there and filming a Netflix movie or something. We've seen that takes place like in Antarctica, like we're going to shoot in Alaska. You know, it's going to be kind of cold, but we can kind of like imitate the environment. He's like, I'm on vacation in Hawaii, be here in a day and we'll knock it out in an hour.
01:10:57
Speaker
Nick Kroll's already here on vacation.
01:11:02
Speaker
Are you actually paying attention to what they're saying? I'm trying to ah figure out what this movie's about. Cause she's the explaining her motivation, the villain. And so I was just like, you think that'll save the movie? No, I just want to, I just want to understand it. yeah I just, I, that's how it makes sense to the world. There's, I need to, I need, I need it to make sense. So.
01:11:28
Speaker
From my half paying attention midway through the exposition dump, she wants to... She's basically like, Santa hasn't been doing his job in punishing the naughty people, I think. So she's like an extremist. She's like, I know. Kind of on her side a little bit. The naughty people have been getting away with it. They are naughty. Yeah. They're on the list for a reason. You know?
01:11:57
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, he gives them coal. Is that not enough to be like, is it a non-biased list? Is there only qualification as they have to be naughty? Well, that's the thing. Who's making the list and who's, who's checking it twice racist. It's like, yes and has like a bunch of people call yeah, it's all Haitians on this list. Like Santa really has a thing against them.
01:12:23
Speaker
a scary ice. There's there's like some if I was a kid like somewhat disturbing visuals in which I'm not against. I'm always saying make kids movies scary again. But this isn't in a interesting like the most recent ah example I can think of is like the first Shazam has some monster stuff that's slightly more intense than you would expect for a kids movie. I like the creature designs of these.
01:12:51
Speaker
i think I think the designs are fine. Yeah. The snowmen. But they just like drove up in a truck and now we're doing like a matrix full time. Bad action scene.
01:13:03
Speaker
Yeah, all the action in this is just kind of nothing. Take those monsters and, like, make this scary. Like, pull a Shazam and, like, scare kids a little bit. like Those are scary monster designs. Make this seem scary. Make this, like, feel like the Berserker and Gears of War is chasing them and, like, they're gonna die or something. It's just, like, smashing through this environment. Because it doesn't feel like these guys are even interacting within... Well, now they cut a thing in the... at at the resort and thing, but like like the the infrastructure of all these buildings should be like getting wrecked as just from them running through it, not like ice attacks. What happened to killing characters that matter? like that That's how they display the powers. like They just quickly killt kill or like freeze like one guy who like we haven't seen and doesn't matter.
01:13:55
Speaker
it's like what happened to the moments where it's like a fucking threat would come on screen and the way they would be introduced is they kill off a main character or something and you're like you get that shock and then you have to deal with this threat you know like the characters don't have time to mourn it becomes a whole thing there's no creativity in these things you know you can't grab on anything he's not a main character so i don't know if this would count but they didn't even have the balls to kill nick and crawl like he just ran off yeah so i'm like are they saving him he's coming back again like
01:14:28
Speaker
I thought that this was like a one-off thing, but is Nick Kroll's character going to be like important later? Yeah, or like, kill off Lucy Liu or something. You know, somebody we've like seen, it's just, there's nothing to latch onto in these movies. There's no weight to any of this, like being thrown, like now we're watching Nick Kroll wa- Oh, maybe he will die. I don't know. But it doesn't feel like it counts now. No one's even around for it.
01:14:56
Speaker
ah They did freeze him They heard us. They're like, Nick, that's for you. Doesn't matter though. No one saw it happen. No no one gives a shit. Yeah. Like, like it's, yeah, it's still meaningless. Even if he it is like better than a random extra getting ice. So wait, why why do you remove the carrot? You're supposed to remove the hat to kill Frosty, not the carrot. They don't even know Frosty lore. I should sing the thumpity thump thump song now. Fucking fake fans.
01:15:28
Speaker
Yeah. They haven't seen the Frosty movie. It's only like 20 minutes long too. Do a little research. Eat the carrot. Roasted carrot. The grilled carrot, whatever it is.
01:15:42
Speaker
This is probably some of the least engaging action I've seen in a long time. Why wouldn't the water like instantly freeze? So he could have time to kind of get out, but not fully. So his leg is stuck. What if he had to amputate his leg? Like, what if he had the 127 hours it foot?
01:16:04
Speaker
Just gotta rip off their carrots. And in the audience went because I'm sure in the theaters, they're like, oh, I forgot this played in theater. For a second, I was like straight to streaming right where it deserved to be. This feels like the most streaming movie ever made. I mean, I kind of do appreciate that they put it in theaters, I guess, you know, I would have appreciated them putting like a good movie in theaters. but Yeah. At least like They made an attempt, I don't know, to like help the movies. It didn't seem like a successful attempt. no they say They're craving the hunter level success. It seems maybe a little bit bigger. I don't know.
01:16:52
Speaker
but I guess bigger than Crea- I'm trying to like skate, because in my mind, I mean, Crea even had a lower budget, so... and Rock probably thinks he made a Christmas classic. Like... Oh yeah, he's like, this is like... He's gonna post about this every year.
01:17:11
Speaker
This is all just kind of boring, like, because in the in the villains, like, we wrapping up soon, right? We're an hour into it. It's a full hour. That's wild.
01:17:25
Speaker
ah Kia Shane is also the name of that guy you thought was Marshawn Lynch. I just saw the x-ray thing, so I thought I'd chat him out. I i don't hate, like you said, when the the reindeer were big and not cute looking of like trying to be like this crowded take on like more gritty Christmas, but that's also resulting in a lot of boring design choices because like the villain's army are just commandos. Like they're wearing like winter gear or something, but it's just like,
01:17:56
Speaker
guys with tactical gear on. like These would just be guys who are sent after Captain America.
Mercenary Villains & Film Endings
01:18:03
Speaker
They basically are just like generic mercenary villains. ah I think they even had a generic mercenary name if they're the death mercs they mentioned earlier. I don't know. I've only been partly. Also, Lucy Liu, until now, had been like pretty detached. like She was like in a control room being like,
01:18:25
Speaker
Ah, they got to get Santa. Yeah. So God, I'm so ready for this thing to wrap up. Fuck. I'm hungry. What is the next end of this hour? Let's end this record super fast. What is the next? No, I'm going to have to sit with it. It's going to be like after I saw zone of interest and I kind of just need to sit in there silence. But we leave it recording. Usually we both mumble something to ourselves. What if this had a zone of interest ending?
01:18:55
Speaker
I don't even know what that means. but The rock starts placing apples for people in Auschwitz. Or he looks down a hallway and then it flash forwards to like a Holocaust museum. yeah like It all meant nothing. Look what it amounted to.
01:19:15
Speaker
You're like, wait, was this in the past? I think was a period piece. I think maybe of then the movie cutting to you having that reaction and then it cuts back to the movie.
01:19:32
Speaker
ah meta yes um commenting on cell one yeah I mean, I don't know, that could be an angle, make the movie meta, just so, like, if the movie was aware of how boring it is. Yeah, it cuts to the North Pole in the future and it's people cleaning the Holocaust Museum.
01:19:50
Speaker
like yeah We didn't change that o like you um still all like us so they did ah the holocaust of the north fall yeah No one talks about those camps yeah, they don't yeah Hitler fucking really ruined Christmas i mean he almost took over the whole world which includes north pole never about it Never talk about it that's such a boring portal effect it's boring it would be like yeah have them walk in they close the door they have to like hit a button the room shakes and like shit it's a wacky thing i feel like that's been done before better in other movies magic effects in the harry potter movies look cool like when they're like It was actually kind of what I was thinking a little bit. yeah like If they try get transported to a place, there's either like a a cool editing transition or they're like they visualize the abilities in interesting ways. Or Narnia, it just make it a wardrobe. they always have to
01:20:51
Speaker
or what I feel like there's a movie where there's a specific thing where it's like, okay, if we go through this one thing, like a phone, but we have to find a phone booth. If we walk into a phone booth and do this one thing, you know, it has to be like a specific thing that they walk into. And then they open the phone booth and Bill and Ted are in there and they're like, X.
01:21:13
Speaker
like what's a store that nobody goes to like let's say for example nobody went to like smoke shops or whatever and it it was just Toys R Us because those are abandoned now but the physical locations are still there that's a good idea and they walk near an empty Toys R Us and that's where the portal is See, that's better. you know we And we arrived at that ah thinking about it for less than a minute. It's like, I don't know what's a place they could specific place. In here, it's just like a ah janitor's closet. And it's not it's like any abandoned toys are us. It's like, fuck, how do we get to the North Pole? And then they turn around and there's an abandoned toys are us, you know, and it's like, oh, they did it.
01:21:56
Speaker
there could be a payoff it would be funny this movie could have so much more charm if you do like wacky like stuff like that that's like grounded in the real world a little bit it's not having fun with that idea at all like the the grounding of christmas things it's just visualizing them and kind of bling the coolest design was those snowmen but then you have a boring action thing with them so there's nothing it kind of cancels that out and then all the other designs for stuff is like, I really would have like a practical version of this could have been cool. And now they're They're just in a regular car. Yeah, like what can't you make the
01:22:39
Speaker
is that even christmas music playing as far as i can tell that have like christmas lights on the car or in the car also that's something i was debating on is getting those christmas lights that you put on your whole car i've been seeing that this year and i was like i think i might become one of those people christmas up my truck i mean a christmas vehicle would make sense but i i was just thinking about the rock's performance and how like There's no energy in it. I was like, yeah wait, isn't it right that like this is like him in a toy? What's the movie? He's going to be in the smashing machine like that that. He's just like, oh, well, that's how serious acting is, is just you kind of just like are soft spoken and they're just like like kind of seem like you're going through something ah like you're doing that in bed. He lost Santa. He he couldn't even hurting. He couldn't even save Santa.
01:23:36
Speaker
look Listen, listen to how low he's talking. He's hurting. He's in pain. He's so he quiet He is quietly in pain. This is like his most boring performance. He's like... His most boring...
01:23:54
Speaker
I mean, I haven't seen that. He's got a lot of things competing for most boring. A lot of his movies want to be most boring, I think. Yeah, but at least in those movies. I haven't seen San Andreas or whatever that was called. But in those movies, he probably has at least some bad one liners, you know? Like there's like probably, it's like not a good attempt, but there's probably like some energy in those.
Santa's Diverse Representations
01:24:15
Speaker
Yeah. Like this has given me no person. He seems vacant. Like there's nothing in there. Yeah.
01:24:22
Speaker
but i I feel like inside like right now he's probably like as he's acting right now he's like filled with so much joy he's like so sincere in his mind I feel like he's like I'm crushing this I'm making like a Christmas classic Yeah, like kids will be showing their kids this one day like hey Red one let's guys let's sit around the campfire so they're Sitting around that not the TV Let's sit around the TV, which has a campfire below it and like watch red one
01:25:01
Speaker
That would be funny if this caught on. I think it's going to catch on. I heard a lot of people are watching it on Prime. I think just because it's available. I don't i mean, how many repeat viewings? Exactly. Like what what for kids here is... the trip People are going to listen to this podcast episode because it's available. Yeah.
01:25:19
Speaker
But like for kids, I mean, I guess I don't really know what kids are into. TikTok, Fortnite. But like, there what what is there to latch on to? Like the jama one character is going to be in Fortnite. The Jumanji is going to be Santa going forward. Kind of like how Robert Downey Jr. is Iron Man like. Yeah, I agree. I went to Macy's and like there were so many different kinds of Santas like there was Santas of all different like races and like Santas with different outfits. It's just all going to be JK Simmons going forward. There's a Santa multiverse like you got to see all the different Santas like for different cultures or whatever. I think in real life there's a Santa multiverse. If you like look up like
01:26:02
Speaker
Oh, sure. From there. Yeah, there's been so many different like we already, we could do a Santa multiverse. There's literature for the Santa multiverse. We could, it's already written. We just have to steal it. But I'm saying, why didn't this movie do it? Cause they're already taking the idea. This movie's not creative. It was written by the guy who wrote the fast and furious movies. I would say those movies are so much more creative than this. Why do you think he's not in the writing the new fast and furious?
01:26:29
Speaker
Oh yeah, I don't think he- He lost his juice, man. He got demoted to the Rock movies. Well- The Rock is picking up the scraps of Vin Diesel. I also think- I think Vin is being- Kind of a fucking asshole. Becoming more meglo- megalomaniacal, or is that the word? Does that make you like- being canceled actively. And there's probably like some PR people like delaying like some cancellation for him coming up. Cause I feel like I'm hearing rumblings of like very inappropriate behavior. Allegedly. It's all alleged. Yeah. I mean the harassment allegations, I feel like were circulated like
01:27:07
Speaker
Really quickly and then we're not talked about again So like I feel like the story has been buried and if there are other allegations or are people like that's definitely been silenced So I don't know if if the dams gonna break. I think from the bit corporate business perspective that did adjust their play because ah originally after facts Fast X they were like okay well not only are we doing a follow-up to this the Rock was saying stuff like or not the Rock ah Diesel was saying stuff like oh I imagine there could be a whole another trilogy that conclude this thing after X and then then also the Rock will get us ah another spin-off even though he already had a spin-off in this franchise we we can do that but now I think the
01:27:52
Speaker
Was is that universal those movies? Yeah, I think universal is now of the mindset like one. Can you finish this in one more? like Let's get you around this up like we need to be done. But then like Riddick is like actively in production right now, which is him probably trying to use before he loses his credibility like like while he thinks he has a door soon. Yeah, while he still has juice from Fast and Furious of like, because those movies make so much money, especially overseas, like, that it matters so much more to the executives than, you know, like, there's no morality in Hollywood. It's more just of like, How much of a blowback in PR can are they willing to take? Or how much can they like make it not be an issue? None of Vin's co-stars really ever talk about him anymore. like I wonder how many and NDAs are involved with the productions of these movies now. i mean This is all speculation. and then
01:28:49
Speaker
Everything Vin does now feels like sympathy like ah I don't know if garnering is the right word, but he seems like he's seeking out like sympathy and attention like he's always posting a poem He's always posting Paul Walker. He's always posting about how he wants the rock back and fast and furious and it's like and then it happened and so he thinks it is like i got the rock back so if i keep posting about paul paul will come back to life have it worked he wants like hobs with like what's his face ah um um yeah cuz he's like i want the brothers to be reunited
01:29:30
Speaker
that you guys like didn't like each other you guys had like a lot of contention in your relationship throughout these movies which was interesting to watch because like the last movie the rock was in like you guys were actively like against each other Yeah, which which I thought was a cool diet because it's like you came to actually feel like, oh, these two people like in real life hate each other. Like that that was kind of and translated interestingly to like at least was some kind of chemistry, almost the opposite of like what's going on here where there's like nothing between like it almost makes it makes me question of like, was Evans in the rock on set to get like, did they film their scene separately, like combine them digitally? It's just a crazy CGI work to put them together. You see the behind the scenes and it's just him by himself in front of like a green screen. Evans does seem like a super chill dude. I could see him probably getting along with The Rock like off screen. He seems like a guy that would probably get along with anybody.
01:30:31
Speaker
i' like He's a male actor too that seems like he has just great chemistry with his female co-stars too. which made it frustrating that, well, I guess he was just pining for Peggy the whole time, but like, no ah other movies haven't really like used that to, like, if we still imagine if Hollywood still made erotic erotic thrillers, like, do like an erotic thriller with him, and I don't fucking know.
Creative Movie Ideas for Chris Evans
01:30:59
Speaker
Yeah, get him in a luco guden Luca movie. Get him. ah Challengers too. Still challenging.
01:31:09
Speaker
Still challenging more challenging. I don't know. I forgot his character's name is Callum drift. That's, that's like an AI generated name. Like, like if I've needed, if I went in my computer and and like generate a name for like my D and D character.
01:31:26
Speaker
They're like, count I don't know. calendar creative That's Krumpus Krampus. That's supposed to be the Krampus, I think. And this is the most practical he is kind of practical. Yeah. I'm Jack O'Malley. What a fucking lazy name.
01:31:42
Speaker
This is all first draft energy in terms of like the names, just like the, the, the plot itself is just like, it just feels like, yeah, I don't know. A Christmas witch took Santa. What do you want? Yeah. They will go see Krampus. I don't know. Man. Have you seen the Krampus movie with Adam Scott? No, I heard it's good. Yeah. I've been wanting to check it out. Maybe I'll watch that tomorrow. Hey, we should do a commentary on that.
01:32:11
Speaker
That might be pretty good. I do really want to do jingle all the way, though. No, I do also. I feel like we need to stand up for it. That should probably be our next commentary, I think, is jingle, then we got to be in a malignant and no country. Oh, yeah. That's a good lineup. But I do want to see Krampus. I heard people I trust say it's actually got some juice.
01:32:36
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like its only its reputation is only like growing um positively. like low key for like horror fans at least it kind of has become like a christmas classic and in some ways for for for certain fans like i don't want to buy crampus sweater that's like pretty nice i don't own any type of a christmas sweater and every time i see a cool one i always pass it up and then it just disappears forever like this band dying fetus had a christmas sweater that said uh it was the title of one of their songs so i apologize listeners um trigger warning maybe but it was uh
01:33:11
Speaker
kill your mother, rape your dog. Yeah, it's something about the record industry. Yeah. but Yeah, that's what it said on the Christmas sweater. And I was like, I kind of wish I owned that just because of how over the top it is. But the Krampus one, I kind of want to watch a movie. And if I dig it, I might buy that Christmas sweater.
01:33:34
Speaker
That sounds like that'd be a good sweater. Sorry, I keep going in and out of trying to make sense of like what this movie, what the fuck is this is? What I was saying didn't really require much of a response. It was just me kind of going off about Christmas sweaters. So a Krampus was like, I kind of agree with the witch because I used to be punishing the naughty people, but now because of Woke, I can't. And that's kind of like it was his energy. like I guess you can't eat kids anymore.
01:34:00
Speaker
What the fuck? I used to be able to roast him up and cook him over a fire and eat him, but now you can't do that. because whoa That's a good Krampus voice. You should have been... You should have been... Krampus. Jack O'Malley or whatever his name is, and Krampus. It's like an Eddie Murphy situation where you're playing duel roles. Eddie Murphy, he could have done this. He could have been the Rock. Jim Carrey could have been in this, you know.
01:34:25
Speaker
as, I don't know, whoever. they ah As Dr. Robotnik. Yeah. He's kind of dressed like Dr. Robotnik. The Rock looks more like Dr. Robotnik than um Jim Carrey does.
01:34:40
Speaker
Well, they like weirdly had to make him earn the Robotnik look like over the moon. I never finished two, but like at the end of one, you finally see him getting bald. And then like, it's like, it's like, why can't we just start with him being Dr. Robotnik? You have to be like, no, this is like the origin story. Like, have you ever wondered how he got to look like that? And like, no, that was never something I was worried about. They're like,
01:35:07
Speaker
Don't you want to know how Charles x Xavier became bald? X-Men apocalypse coming this summer. I do you like, I was always wondering that though. Like he had hair. Cause you watch first class, you're like, he has hair, but later his brain is too big for hair now.
01:35:28
Speaker
That should have been the explanation. He just kept getting smarter and it was like, oh, the hair fell out. The smarter you get, the less hair you have. Everyone knows that. That's why the rock is the smartest person on earth. That's why I'm dumb because I have long hair. Think about all the bald people who are geniuses. Walter White, Lex Luthor,
01:35:49
Speaker
uh, Jason Statham. Jason Voorhees. Is he all under there? I don't know. He's yeah he's like missing skin in a lot of places. yeah ah Sure, Jason. Sloth. Yeah. all genius All genius level IQs.
01:36:08
Speaker
okay they just said he was a gambler they could have established that he should have gambling debts and there's like bookie there's like mobsters coming after him while they're trying to find santa they're like hey uh with the uh stereotypical telling your mob we uh i'ma break your legs or make it like Michael Clayton or something where he's like a gambling addict, but he's denying. Well, Michael Clayton, he's like actually not gambling when he's saying that he's not gambling. But in this make him gambling, we see him gambling like at the casino, but then he's like denying it the whole time like an addict. What if this is just Michael Clayton? Yeah, George Clooney in that role.
01:36:50
Speaker
Yeah. get till Oh, Tilda Swinton as the the Christmas witch. I mean, she already was a witch in Narnia, but whatever. Just do that again. Yeah. Have her be your Narnia character. It's the same. All witches are the same. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry that it fends the witch community. I'm kind of witch racist, I think. You guys all look the same to me. You know what I mean? It's like and just saying that he's gambles. it's Yeah. that That was nothing. That was just like as a means to like set up whatever this competition is going to be. And you know what? I'm going to make a guess. I think this is going to be boring.
01:37:26
Speaker
i think whatever contest or feat of strength that they got challenged to is going to be unfunny and boring. Who's this bird guy? And who said he gets to fucking speak up now?
Exploring Movie Lore and Mythology
01:37:40
Speaker
Vulture from the Spider-Man movies. Oh, they're doing a slap off. The Rock is preparing, winding up.
01:37:53
Speaker
ah Still your brother. Oh, Krampus is Santa's, ah, Krampus is Santa's brother.
01:38:04
Speaker
That's just some serious lore drop. Okay, sorry, I was... changing my mic to ah another ah position. So I couldn't get my live reaction to the shocking reveal that Nick just on earth of that. I might have said it earlier. Yeah, I'm i'm sure they did. it just turned out of yeah But like ah my mind's just trying to make sense of that. I discovered everyone's like we knew that like an hour earlier.
01:38:34
Speaker
He came from J.K. Simmons' balls. Both of them. Wait, how would he be his brother, Santa's brother, if he came from Santa's balls? Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's Santa's brother. Santa births his own brother. I thought it was, well, Greek mythology, that was going on. I thought it was the Rock's brother, but Santa's brother makes more sense because... Yeah, because he said he's your brother.
01:38:57
Speaker
Krampus was like an earlier version of like the Santa Mist, so that makes sense. that the So who's the father then? Like, are we gonna go up the food chain? Yeah, we're gonna go on Maury.
01:39:09
Speaker
But you know what I mean? Like, if you go up the hierarchy of the Greek gods, you get to like, oh, the Titans birth the gods. So like, who birthed the Santas? You know, like, where did God? Jesus.
01:39:22
Speaker
Oh, what if we could be leading to a G, this could be actually the number one faith-based movie of all time. Yeah. That'd be funny. Jesus, the movie. Jesus. them No one's ever made a Jesus movie before. They should try. That guy's, well gibson should give it a shot. That guy's story is like kind of interesting. Jesus. Yeah.
01:39:49
Speaker
and This is the worst thing. It's not funny. it's not intent like I guess if I had been paying attention, I would more understand what the stakes are. they need his he like If he wins the slap off, they are going to get something they need, but it just it just feels like a lot of nothing.
01:40:16
Speaker
Oh, he brought some rock em, sock em, rock em, sock em robots. Um, I think someone's like developing a movie of those for real. If I'm not mistaken. I mean, that sounds dumb. That sounds like aggressively dumb. But uh,
01:40:46
Speaker
I mean, it's not good action, but this is the most interesting visual thing they've done with like making a recognizable toy. ah Like, you know, human size and it like what would that be like interacting with the world? i'm world I mean, I say world in quotation marks because they're in some fantasy place and about to portal away like in some dumb bullshit way. But
01:41:16
Speaker
Why weren't they doing more of that? Because it seems like they they have the rights to, I forgot who's behind this movie, but i those seem like actual Rock'em Sock'em robots, not just like they made a generic fighting guy toy that were read in, I don't know if they named it, but I'm just gonna assume Rock'em Sock'em Robots like signed off on that. um So my point is like if they have the rights to toys like that, I mean, yeah, it would be like a fucking toy commercial, but whatever. That's what kids movies are a lot of the time. So like why are haven't they like made more
01:41:59
Speaker
uh toys like big size as like a solution to a thing like you just the to escape he like took some rock em sock em robots and then did the like ant man enlarging thing and he was like cover us it wasn't like good i thought they were gonna do that with the hot have they been doing that with the hot wheels the whole time but then and we haven't been paying attention but the car is so fucking boring when it's large that i don't man's already done it I just don't even register it at least in Ant-Man that like that stuff is kind of fun because they're using it like just Ant
Shazam's Emotional Depth
01:42:31
Speaker
-Man's already done it. Just do different things, you know Right and do you mean like something hasn't been done in a movie before? Yeah, they return something else big that ant man hasn't done ah what I mean and that's was that truck a hot wheel like I don't know I That's what I was wondering because I've seen the Hot Wheels and I'm like, why don't they Ant-Man those Hot Wheels and make them big? And now that you mentioned that thing that I missed, I had like went to pee listeners for, you know, your guys' information. But, uh, yeah, I was like, why haven't they like been making those cars big this whole time? Because that action scene with the Rock and Stop robots wasn't like good, but like it was the most.
01:43:14
Speaker
it visually interesting thing that they have had so far. Like if it's been if they had had like rock em sock em robots versus those snowmen or something like that would have been something you know like they they should be taking advantage of I mean they have the rights to In certain contexts, you you could make some of this imagery like in a horror movie. There's just a piano in the middle of the road playing itself. Just to make it look like Silent Hill. yeah I mean, it's misty and shit. Nick Kroll got possessed earlier and then...
01:43:49
Speaker
I mean Shazam did a pretty good job of that. I think mixing the horror with like this big, like bright mainstream box blockbuster. I actually really, I enjoy the first Shazam a lot. Not the second one though, that one is fucked. It's so crazy, the dipping quality from Shazam one to two. And I don't know who to blame for that. I'm just going to say Zachary Levi. because We, ah we all just already are done with him. Yeah. Society has moved on for the need for Zachary. lee Yeah, that lot of reason looks terrible. But like the first Shazam just had so much heart. It honestly now like, in like looking back at the DC universe retrospectively Shazam might be my favorite of like the Snyder verse DC movies. It's the one I've rewatched the most. I think.
01:44:39
Speaker
I'm from Batman v. Superman. Probably the most effective emotionally. Although I do. I mean, one I know parts of that storyline are hit or miss for someone. The Kevin Costner stuff and in some of the Superman scenes I do does get to me. I don't know. I think he's a good podcast. But like I would say, yeah, the most emotionally successful DCEU, whatever the fuck that universe was. ah Yeah, the Shazam was ah no complaints on on that first one and like you said it did successfully combine like some frightening moments in imagery in a way that was not unlike I was like oh this is kind of spider-man-esque of when you get a horror director like Raimi doing like a mainstream thing that he'll still like slide in like a little like like Doc Ock's arms coming to life was like a horror scene I mean but in a a kid's movie you know like
01:45:35
Speaker
They pick up a, there's a chainsaw for some reason in the surgery room and so the arms get a chainsaw and are killing dogs. But like, yeah, like Sandberg, right? That's the Shazam David of Sandberg. He did something similar to that in Shazam. um And I feel like you need, you could have done that imagery here.
01:45:56
Speaker
and so I forgot the daughter got kidnapped. Well, she just got kidnapped now. um She was at her pageant or something and opened the box and a snow globe took her. So Chris Evans then grabbed the snow globe that they had and willingly went so he can be with his daughter.
01:46:13
Speaker
They probably should have ah found a way to better remind the audience that the daughter even because besides that when he drops her off at the beginning, I forgot that he had a daughter. ah Like maybe have something where he's like, ah I'm going to miss a recital. I got to find Santa quick so I can get to like have something Like jingle all the way. Like they do that and jingle all the way throughout the whole beginning. Like, just just I gotta to get to the thing. I gotta to get to the thing. I'm a bad dad because I keep missing the thing. Give him a reason to one, keep bringing up the daughter and then drive home the theme of like, oh, he needs to become a better father. And then like he can solve that through the movie. And I don't know.
01:46:56
Speaker
It's it's basic shit that's been done before but like it worked I mean tropes are there for because they like kind of work sometimes so like I don't know just like in the look of long legs I know she I just missed saying that she's not on screen anymore but The Christmas witch look for her isn't like bad. She's not, but she's not like doing anything like they cut. I'd like her in a gothic look. You know, she pulls it off. I'm like, let's get her more witchy looking and more things. Put her in wicked. Well, I was about to say, Nick, I have some good news. There's five seasons of her or how many Sabrina ran for multiple seasons of her playing a witch. She's Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I had no idea. Is that show good? I've heard from people it's good, but those are the same kind of people that know offense listeners that this may affect you. People that say Wednesday was good. Said Sabrina was good. Yeah, I mean, we're going to say Wednesday. I had a feeling that's the one you're going to go for. I almost forgot the name. It said Tuesday. Tuesday. Ah, everybody's favorite character. Tuesday Adams.
01:48:10
Speaker
Good old Tuesday. She should have a nemesis. That's another day of the week. This is a Wednesday versus Thursday.
01:48:21
Speaker
Oh, I feel like it would have to be Wednesday versus Friday because Wednesday's hump day. So you're getting through hump day just to try to get to Friday or Wednesday versus weekend.
01:48:34
Speaker
Yeah, and it's the weekend playing it she has a fight The weekend um and he also wants to date her cuz she's underage Shout out to the weekend allegedly Allegedly shout him up ah allegedly once today
01:48:59
Speaker
Did she she? Okay, so that was a fake Mrs. Claus, and he knew, like it was like Terminator 2 moment where he was like, your parents are dead. ah he He was like, they're shapeshifters, the North Pole has fallen. But that happened off screen, like the North Pole got taken over? The North Pole's fallen? Well, North Pole's, I'd like to think of it as a people, not a place.
Speculative Endings & Sequels
01:49:23
Speaker
Well, that's going to be the end when they relocate to New North Pole and it's just like... And then Thanos comes and intercepts them. Yeah. It's the beginning of Red One Endgame. No, Red One, Santa Wars. I thought you said... holiday ro Red One Red One. Red One. Red One. Maybe it's just because I'm hungry. I'm like, oh, Red One.
01:49:44
Speaker
What is this bread one the kids are talking about? Kids are going crazy for bread one. Bread one would have done better at the box office because people love bread. I was going to say this movie didn't make any bread at the box office. They're coming home. They didn't even have crust.
01:50:05
Speaker
Everybody get up. It's time to jam now. Welcome to the space jam.
01:50:16
Speaker
uh so slap that dude in the snow i don't know what happened did he like ice slap him if they're shapeshifters why is the form they change back into so fucking boring they just look like snow mercenaries like why It's just like like other elements of this movie that are just like half-assed. No mercenaries. I mean, they're bad guy mercenaries. You just put snow before the word of the, or like the title of the person. and Right. Just like, what if mercenaries were cold? Ooh. But like- Look at this, they're just in snow globes. Like make them like actual ice people or something? Like, I don't know, me like kind of like the makeup in a- They're in a set where they're actually in snow globes.
01:51:06
Speaker
Trap Chris Evans in a snow globe. That's what I want. and I've always wanted. Cast Chris Evans in Trap 2. okay more el wrap Chris Evans working with Shyamalan now sounds kind of interesting. Batista did it, you know, he can get those Marvel actors. He needs to work with some real director. I mean, like if what's what's his most recent filmography? Let me he pull up Chris Evans here. There's another Marvel actor who's doing something with the Russo's again. And I'm like, dude,
01:51:39
Speaker
Why? Like, what is happening here? Let me look it up. What the fucking Russo's are doing?
01:51:49
Speaker
Russo's. Um, do you ever see that Apple movie they did with, uh, Tom Holland where Is it about like drug addiction or something? I don't know. They, it was both, it was both the Russos and Holland trying to be like, Hey, look, we're doing like a grownup movie. This is like, this is like serious stuff, guys. Yeah. And Tom Holland's like, I'm a grown man. I could like have a beer anytime I want. Yeah.
01:52:21
Speaker
It's fucking- This idea is not fake. It's real. Yeah, it's Chris Pratt and Millie Bobby Brown. They're doing like- Oh, that movie looks bad. Yeah. Uh, Electric State. Yeah. I think it's based off a book, which is supposed to be good, but, um, or maybe a graphic novel or something. It's just like, dude, Chris Pratt, like, what the fuck? Like, do you just not- Are you just in it for the money at this point? Like, do you not, like,
01:52:49
Speaker
What is the deal? what just money and and Is it just the money and the fame? You're like, I just want to make the most money, be in the biggest projects and be the biggest characters, but not do anything interesting or like thoughtful or creative. Is this his fault? What is happening with this dude? Money on my motherfucking mind. Got five haircuts at the same time.
01:53:13
Speaker
me No, I think you've diagnosed what
Chris Evans' Career Reflections
01:53:18
Speaker
it is. He's probably happy with where he ah he's at in his career. and just he just he To him, that's probably success. like He's like, i'm look how many big franchises I'm in. i've yeah I'm dark Garfield. I'm Mario. I paid $20 million to be in a Russo Brothers Netflix thing. like I'm huge. It's like, I don't know, maybe you should want more. Yeah.
01:53:42
Speaker
but out of quality product. Chris Evans, for some reason, I get the vibe. He feels like he's kind of stuck. Like he probably wants because he has worked with like real directors and done interesting roles. I feel like he probably wants to, but like yeah like he's keeping a float off the red ones. I feel like in the gray man's. But like he seems like he wants to be doing the knives out.
01:54:09
Speaker
He's coming back, um, for Avengers doomsday. That's a recent announcement after he said he would never come off and he said, you got to jump off the train before they kick you off. Yeah. And he was like, just kidding. Yeah. He's like, I'm back. He's like, what an Avengers movie without me? Yeah. Impossible. Yeah.
01:54:32
Speaker
I, yeah, I don't know what to make of that. Cause they didn't even say who he's playing. So he might not be Steve Rogers, but then I'm like, what are we doing there? Okay. So these are Chris Evans last movies before red one. We have of course that memorable short role in Deadpool Wolverine when he was Johnny storm. Oh yeah. And we all applauded because we'd love those bad movies. Honestly.
01:54:59
Speaker
at least he did it you know i mean that was one of the better like gags in the movie it like my shoulderla yeah and then dot yeah because like it made one thematically it made sense he was involved in the plot right like an extent unlike the other cameos the other cameos besides gamb but like because like they're supposed to and it was a good one They're supposed to be like aborted timelines, but it's like blade Didn't get can't like like they did a trilogy of blade like it wasn't it wasn't like bla they Like stop they solved Vampirism I think by then to blade right and right he was gonna go on to be the start of like a new generation of like
01:55:40
Speaker
up here mixed bloodline or was he completely cure of Vampirism too? I think they cured the world of Vampirism at the end. They used like Dracula's DNA or something. that what He drives off in a post credit scene. so So it's not, it's it wasn't like his storyline got aborted or they didn't finish his story. Like he he did what he wanted. it well He succeeded. Yeah.
01:56:04
Speaker
Uh, okay. So both and before Deadpool rene, we have, uh, some fake movie called pain hustlers. I did watch him bear just rip through some people. It was, was this craven it happened. Um, uh, they're taking all the snow bulbs with people in it. That's what's happening. That's what else was in, uh, a pain hustlers never heard of it. Uh,
01:56:28
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that is. Ghosted with Anna Dermas. We all love that. We've never watched it. We all watched it. How dare he break up their relationship? But then he was the one. Yeah. Yeah. How dare he put it all at his feet?
01:56:48
Speaker
um uh the gay man uh and then he was in defending jacob that apple tv show i remember is that like the last interesting thing around like that was like around knives out i think they were yeah it was like the year after um who was he in don't like one of apple tv's first things defending jacob he was in don't look up that must have just been a scene or something probably But it wasn't as himself, it says uncredited and he played Devin Peters. So that's ah it was a cameo, but like I don't remember that. Neither do I.
01:57:26
Speaker
Oh, and i he was in Free Guy for five seconds. Playing himself yeah or Captain in America in one of the two. He was Chris Evans because Free Guy uses a ah Captain America shield. And he's like, oh, you ripped off my... Then he sounded like that, too. I don't know why he used that voice. He was like... Free Guy's basically just Deadpool.
01:57:55
Speaker
um Okay, I like the super-referencing and self-aware. Isn't the whole plot of Free Guy like he's self-aware? I'm about to do the unthinkable. I'm going to make a slight defense of Free Guy. Besides that end fight where he's pulling out lightsabers and Marvel stuff.
01:58:18
Speaker
The movie is kind of doing its own. It's like a GTA like online game and he becomes self-aware that he's an NPC. So I was right. The pod is that he's self-aware. Oh yeah. He is self-aware. He's in a game, but he's not like talking to the audience.
New Boxing Movie & Personal Memories
01:58:36
Speaker
He's very like referencing.
01:58:39
Speaker
Not really. It's just that Captain America thing is the most referencey the movie gets. Well, that fight because he pulls out that and then he also uses a lightsaber and then they play like fucking Star Wars and just because Disney owns it. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know. But honestly, there that that movie works way more for me than any other recent Ryan Reynolds one like that, actually.
01:59:04
Speaker
I mean, there is a bit of a heart to it. Like, there's a scene with his friend played by Lil Rel Howery, where he's like telling him like, this world isn't real. And then Lil Rel is like, you're my best friend. That's real. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, that if we are in a game, like, I don't I can barely comprehend what that means. But like,
01:59:24
Speaker
our friendship is real. Like in like, I was like, they're like getting at like, deeper emotional idea, and like the idea of self and what's real, i like, there's, they like, graze up against like, more interesting, bigger ideas. um I don't want to make the movie sound like it's Blade Runner. And they're like, oh, it's all about that. But yeah,
01:59:46
Speaker
it is It has some- Free guy's not terrible. Yeah. So the witch transformed into a big monster, but I did want to ask- She looks like she's from Resident Evil. Oh, Brian Tyree Henry. Did you have any interest in seeing the movie that he's got on theaters right now? What movie? Is it called The Fire Inside or something? I think it's a boxing movie.
02:00:10
Speaker
Oh, I did not even know that was out. I mean, I love him. I would like to see. It looks like it's got pretty good reviews. I was debating on maybe seeing it sometime before Nosferatu in the Bob Dylan movie. Yeah, I'd be into that. What's what's about to happen? He's like, maybe tonight. He's dated. The Christmas switch and he showed up, he's like, you don't know how to talk to a real woman. He's like, remember how much I used to love you, baby? Remember how we fucked till the brink of dawn? He's like, I was so good to you. What happened? You used to be beautiful. We used to be beautiful.
02:00:54
Speaker
Uh, huh the audience lame the audience laugh what this looks looks so bad oh no that are they gonna lose like yeah are they gonna oh no santa dies and it's just christmas is gone forever they all got hit with the tail so they are all hurt He got hit with the tail twice. What if they double hurt? What if they fully lose? Yeah, it's an endgame situation. And then to any more ending, but no endgame follow-up. Like, we don't get them bringing Christmas back or saving it. But The Rock is really campaigning for it. And it's like, we can't afford this. We told you we can't afford a sequel. So it just ends with, like, the biggest bummer note. They really snide or cut the shit out of this movie.
02:01:49
Speaker
released the JK Simmons.
02:01:54
Speaker
He's back. There can only be one Santa. He's like Luke in the last Jedi. Yeah, this is just like legend. God, last Jedi. What a good movie. This was a right Ryan Johnson movie. This would be good. It's just like the last Jedi.
02:02:17
Speaker
Yeah, I remember this scene from last year. but It's the pilots on the salt planet. And like Luke is there now. And then Kylo is like, and watch while I fight this guy. And what are the snow globes in Star Wars? They're a metaphor.
02:02:35
Speaker
for the force for Palpatine returning one day which was was set up so well in the previous movies like you know there's only one way that trilogy could go and it was with Palpatine returning anyone who says otherwise it's a fool this movie must look so good in IMAX
02:02:55
Speaker
Probably the effects probably look worse on a larger screen. I'm surprised that. That's the most emotion he's shown. It was just like a buildup of like, he finally gets the fatherly validation he's always wanted. It cuts to black right now. Good. It's really ended like an A24 movie. He's really into this A24 thing now. Totally inappropriate in this context.
02:03:28
Speaker
Oh, man. ah I mean.
02:03:38
Speaker
Again, the idea of Krampus, Santa Brother could have some juice, but they're interacting for a minute and then they're less like, all right, see you. I'm kind of surprised that Interstellar wasn't too afraid to show its face in the IMAX screens after this movie, you know, screen there. Yeah, after just like definitively made itself the IMAX movie. I feel like I'm watching Oppenheimer right now, honestly.
02:04:12
Speaker
We should have been continually cutting back to Chris Evans, ex-wife being like, he's always late. yeah You know, like we just saw her for the first time since the beginning. And she's like, I burnt the cookies because I was mad at him being late.
02:04:26
Speaker
so Why did he make me do this? He's such a bad dad. What a deadbeat. Him and his gambling. He's probably gambling and drunk right now. Yeah. i that in And then right as she says that he walks in the door with the daughter and they're all happy and they have like presents for everyone.
02:04:46
Speaker
Friends with a sex worker or something, you know, that they have to regularly visit and, like, consult for, like, word on the street or something. Sean Baker's red wine. You should know Anora. Anora should be in this. But it's post- Anora ends around Christmas time. It's post the events of Anora. So this is like as an Anora sequel. Yeah.
02:05:14
Speaker
So she's like a little more world weary after that. Lucy lose characters actually named in Nora. Like, yeah, we actually couldn't get Mickey, Mikey, micke man Mike, Mike, Mike. The guy to Tarantino. movie michelson nice got christmas Oh my God. They did it.
02:05:43
Speaker
Why does Santa get cold? why isn Shouldn't he be immune to the cold? costume so bright like it's just like I think, honestly, part of it is Amazon Prime sucking. Like, everything is desaturated on, like, Prime and Netflix. Or, like, slightly dim. You know what I mean? i know what you mean but What the fuck is this? The fuck is that? Present capsules?
02:06:13
Speaker
It's the only way to explain how he does it all in one night. Salt and pepper. ah That's not a real Switch game. oh and i'm go I'm gonna go back and freeze frame that later. Nintendo Swatch. I've never heard of that game system.
02:06:38
Speaker
Mario. Mario Brothers? Mirio sisters? What the fuck is is happening right now? Yeah, do we need to be watching this? Oh, what an asshole. Oh, this scene is at least like fast paced.
02:07:01
Speaker
fast paced in a little weird, like, like having some kind of weirdo energy would have really helped ah worst the movie had this entire pacing. This has like we hit two X speed on Netflix pacing right now. And they're just like speed running this. God, I'm so hungry. If you are watching along with this, it's too late. But if you're going to watch the movie afterwards, because you're so convinced of how great this is, just do two times speed.
02:07:28
Speaker
Do the movie. too So start the podcast over, start the movie over. Do the movie two times. We do us normal speed. Yeah. You'll be like, how is that going to sink? Don't worry about it. You'll get more enjoyment out of us.
02:07:43
Speaker
Yeah! The game was even wrapped, same a half ass to that one. Yeah, Becky's gonna throw the fucking- some back issues if he keeps falling asleep on the stairs like that. And I'm- I'm really- His parents can't afford a bed. Really passionate about back issues now, so I think that's fucked up that this movie's promoting that. I also find it weird that Santa didn't go to like any low-income areas, you know.
02:08:06
Speaker
There's a black kid. I assume he was poor because he was black. Jeez. That's movie coding for no money. That's just how it works. Oh man. Say, first Morgan racist. It's the rock race. Is everything about this movie racist? He's seen Chris Evans as a kid.
02:08:36
Speaker
Is that what's happening? You're seeing it, aren't you? Yeah, I knew you'd get it back. hes Oh, so is that why he was dead inside for the whole movie? I like what he called Santa Nick. He like lost his cheer. And then so he was just a boring husk. Is he an elf? Yeah, he should have pointed ears.
02:09:02
Speaker
Why is there no elf shit? He slows an elf-sized dick, I bet.
02:09:09
Speaker
He pulls it out. It's like the size of Nathan Fielder's dick in The Curse. We had two rock dick bashing episodes. What was the other one? um I think it was maybe our Mission Impossible trailer reaction. Oh, that's funny.
02:09:26
Speaker
No, it wasn't. It was before a spoiler section in one of our movies. Maybe it was The Heretic. I don't know. It had nothing to do with the movie we were talking about. Rockstick is all over that movie. Just to remember because I was putting the spoiler bumper and I kept having to listen to us talk about The Rock. Like when I was doing the movie's over guys. I hope you all loved it as much as we did. It's a Christmas classic. We'll do another commentary next year on it.
02:09:52
Speaker
Yeah, we're just gonna keep rewatching it every year until... It gets bad. We're gonna train ourselves to love this movie. What do you mean train? I already love it. Who's the voice of Krampus? I don't know. Nick Kroll was in this movie?
02:10:09
Speaker
Why wasn't Mariah Carey like in it? Not just the music, but like she should have been like they're meeting like the incarnation of like these Christmas concepts and holidays. Like Mariah Carey, Isadamis was Christmas. She should have just been there at one of like the like Christmas things.
02:10:25
Speaker
Let's get Lonely Island to do a Christmas movie. Oh, that sounds good. Yeah. Some Lonely Island Christmas songs. Let's have let's make it happen. Damn, are these credits over? they're They're speed running the credits too. I mean, the Georgia thing is normally at the end yeah and the way the streamers work, they're just like, well, you obviously don't want to watch the credits. We're just going to.
02:10:47
Speaker
put on Mr. Beast. yes commentary and Mr. Beast just roll right into it. The most never ending. We stop when Amazon stops. That sounds like a Mr. Beast challenge. We I put on Amazon and didn't stop it.
02:11:05
Speaker
Yeah, where's our billion dollars? Give us money, Mr. Beast. I bet you won't. i'm Coward. Mr. Beast is evil. I'm just going to say probably he seems like he's a bad guy, right? I don't know. I hear kids like some kids um don't they love him?
02:11:25
Speaker
Because yeah, they like I heard one kid fucking look at like they want to be Mr. Beast when they grow up. I want to be rich enough that I can offer money to people to do stupid shit for my amusement.
02:11:40
Speaker
my nephew. I don't know. I hope he doesn't want to be like a YouTuber. But there was one time where he said he wanted to make YouTube videos. He wanted to open toys on YouTube. He's a lot younger than Mike. I mean, I don't know. I respect that more than like even like unboxing YouTubers. I'm like, I don't know. That's a subculture. And Mr. What Mr. Beast is doing just seems like an elevated version of bum fights like like he seems a few step remove from like doing he's about to do squid game that's what i was about like he's just Like, okay, well, you do would do that for money. would you Would you kill a man? Didn't he do squid game?
02:12:17
Speaker
no netflix did their own like i think mr beast might have done squid game oh wait i think you're ah right he already did netflix did too but i think mr beast might have done squid game or at least he recreated one of the like games from squid game or something like might have been the bridge one or something that he like had real people do and then they actually fell to their death just like he murdered all those poor people There's a clip of like, I think from the Amazon thing where it's like a whole row of people. There's like this like lit up color coded floor and almost like a Mario party game. The people that were on the wrong color just get dropped through a trap door, but it's like 20 people at once that are on the wrong color. And you just see in slow motion them falling into darkness. You don't see the other end of that tradoor one.
02:13:06
Speaker
uh whatever i think it might be this one it was trying to show us on on the the mr beast beast one i watched some of that netflix squid game thing it fucking sucked you know this like false narrative they try to give people on these game show things where they're like i'm doing it for my family and i need that it just seems so forced and unauthentic and i'm like guys Fucking show them playing the game. I don't give a shit about these people never gonna do any research into their lives No, I need to figure out who to root for and then form a parasocial Relationship with and I can stalk them on social media. I'm gonna be like that guy's hot that girl's hot. Okay. I got two people I'm good guys Two bodies. The ones I'm rooting for. I want to see attractive people win. I want to see people who have, you know, put the work into their bodies do these physical challenges. They actually went to Hawaii. You could have told me that was all the volume or green screen. And so they actually shot something at Hawaii.
02:14:05
Speaker
Hell yeah. Shout out to Hawaii. I've never been there, but I mean, I was pretty young, but I, I had a good time. Damn. How privileged Doug's exercising his white privilege.
02:14:23
Speaker
What a flex. I was too young to remember.
02:14:37
Speaker
Honestly, the thing I remember most from that trip, ah besides my cousin almost drowning me, when he went into the deep end. Another flex, man. but And then I went into the deep end to grab him and pull him out. of it and he just like push He was like using me as a raft and holding me underwater what to stop himself from drowning. So then I was then now drowning from being held down.
02:15:03
Speaker
And then I na that's how i died. and I've been in been in hell ever since. yeah ah No, the of besides that, the thing I remember most is just we all went to see Jurassic Park 3 because it came out while we were there. Best of the series. yeah Second best of the series. No, i was I was about to just like double down on that stance just because 3 is so underb... Yeah, the best one! The best of the series. Fuck you Jurassic Park fans. The Spielberg. Yes, fuck it Spielberg. I'm like Steven Sucksberg. Yeah, more like Steven Hack. Steven Sucksberg is better. Steven Sucksberg. Fableman's more like...
02:15:44
Speaker
fucking cook, cast ah Seth Rogen to fuck your mom.
Holiday Wishes & Conclusion
02:15:50
Speaker
yeah i I think about, there's a funny meme of like, where it's like, stevens from Steven Spielberg's perspective, him casting Feilman's and you see Seth Rogen's like, there he is. That's the guy who fucked my mom.
02:16:07
Speaker
yeah jinga bow rocks was in this movie dude on a scale not of the movie's quality because the movie was of course a a masterpiece but ten ten if we're just rating how much christmas like on a christmas scale How many Christmas trees are we getting out of 10? Like, so this isn't like quality of Christmas movie. This is how much of a Christmas movie like a level christmas that was a level of Christmas that was in it. I'm going to give it a three out of five. Oh, that's kind of higher than I thought.
02:16:45
Speaker
really for like level because it like it is a christmas movie front to back they but it doesn't always so i feel like it's got to get like at least like two stars santa is in it like it's so about christmas but there are so many times where it's like it doesn't feel christmas the location is not a christmas location you forget that there fucking is a santa clause in this world that it's like yeah for as much as this movie is a christmas movie it should be five stars but it's not it's yeah like if the rock was over and it's three even if it could be five but it's three even if it was just the rock being more overtly styled like an elf
02:17:26
Speaker
out there.
02:17:30
Speaker
and that could be kind of ah of a funny weird visual of like he's a huge guy but he's you know like got el features or something and and but then that would be a visual reminder of like oh els chris you know maybe like yeah because like i Forgot that that was even what we were doing, you know, like so many times Until it went to like ah like Oh Krampus Oh Krampus is kind of like Chris. Okay, so this is a Christmas movie. Yeah, this movie sucks well that's My final verdict is not good. Yeah one and a half maybe two stars ah go watch
02:18:05
Speaker
and but ah Jingle but jingo all the way. Go watch that. Yeah. If you want a Christmas movie, I was about to suggest- Do you want to watch a ripped dude be funny in a Christmas movie? That's true. That's a good example of that. And if you want good rock movies, watch Pain and Gain or Southland Tales. Michael Bay's The Rock. Back when he took interesting projects. School of Rock. That's another good rock movie.
02:18:29
Speaker
The Rock, the the Michael Bay movie. I said that already, man. No, it's starting the Mr. Beast thing anyway. I'll just turn the whole TV off. He's like taking over our TV. yeah You can't get rid of me. I don't know what he sounds like. I'm Mr. Beast. ah I think that is what he sounds like. I'm the Beast.
02:18:56
Speaker
You should dress like a beast. I can't do it. My voice is too fucked. I talk too much. My voice is dry voluntarily identifies as that. Mr. Beast. I know. the be everybody viewes the be the be yeah
02:19:20
Speaker
ah in And what what's your name? Yeah, my name is, uh, Satan. i'm I'm the devil. Yeah. Well, let's wrap this shit up, man. Let's get this commentary done. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. let's ah song You want to do Silent Night together?
02:19:38
Speaker
I think we can go up to the sleep in heavenly peace part. well We started with Paul McCartney. Did Lennon have a a Christmas thing? Yeah, he did. So this is Christmas, something like that. Oh, the Happy New Year. i don't I'm not super familiar with that. Is that the one where it's like, war is over if you want it? And it's like, OK, John, I want war to be over and it's still going.
02:20:08
Speaker
ah having a wonderful Christmas time that sounds like the melody to that you were just doing I might have been doing the melody but with the lyrics from whatever the Lenin one is called. i'm i'm mostly And to be clear, I'm talking about Lenin, the Soviet Union leader, not not John Lennon, the music artist. All right. Do you want it so you want to do Silent Night? I feel like we can harmonize on that one. I guess that one. Yeah, yeah. assume That's super demanding. Or we could do Jingle Ball Rock.
02:20:42
Speaker
No, let's just do silent night. Let's just be respectful. A one, a two, skiddly diddly do. Silent night. Holy night.
02:20:57
Speaker
All is calm. All is bright. Round child.
02:21:16
Speaker
Holy infant, so tender and mild. you want to eat that yeah very you weird been pale
02:21:47
Speaker
and He does want to eat that baby though