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EP. 50 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow's Part 1 (2010)
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Transcript
Introduction and Milestone Celebration
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 50. That's fucking wild. Milestone era has begun. To the two guys, one screen podcast, a.k.a. the hemorrhoid homies doing the hemorrhoid hoedown and a.k.a. the po-town boys.
Welcome Back, Jake!
00:00:20
Speaker
ah My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And we're joined by a fellow Poe Town boy. Can't speak on his hemorrhoid situation. ah Jake, welcome back. Your third ah recorded appearance and second published.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hey, how you doing? I'm glad to be back. I mean, that's just... great you're You're really just demolishing the the competition here. Yeah, whatever little competition you have. I'm just better. I don't know what to tell you guys.
00:00:47
Speaker
I will say, though, I'd be pretty quick to swing back ah the other way. Whoever gives a... Whoever calls the voicemail. There you go. That's what I want you to them I will mute my mic right now and call in.
00:01:02
Speaker
No, don't do that because now you're just doing on the spot. I just ripped the nastiest fart. That's a W. It is fucking horrid. It is horrid. ah Let's do a little... Plug it in, plug
Social Media Shoutouts
00:01:15
Speaker
it in.
00:01:15
Speaker
ah So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com.
00:01:27
Speaker
Follow us on Letterboxd, TikTok, if you're still here with us. YousTube! Use tube. It's all two guys, one screen pod. And then, uh, if you're feeling so inclined, give us a call, leave a voicemail to five Oh eight, eight fist us five Oh eight, eight dip tip.
00:01:48
Speaker
And we'll review that live on the air. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming by now we're pre-recording these, as we've mentioned several times, ah that
Exploring Harry Potter: Dark Tones and Decisions
00:01:56
Speaker
someone's going to have something to say about Harry Potter. We've had some pretty wild takes.
00:02:00
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like. Especially that um happen yeah especially because now we're in we at the seventh movie now. So, you know, the the rankings are really starting to take shape.
00:02:11
Speaker
Yeah, we're in there. I'm going to say this. ah i think I've come around Deathly Hallows Part 1. I don't know, man. It's the middles.
00:02:21
Speaker
I don't even know if the middle, I think there's like a small part towards the middle slash back half. It's a little rough, but the rest of it's like phenomenal. The dark, dark tone they take with this movie. I really fucking appreciate.
00:02:35
Speaker
i feel I've been waiting for the whole time. The whole time. This is, this is what it came down to. Just a little more dark, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I get it. No dark marks, just dark.
00:02:46
Speaker
It's the dark mock, Harry. It's his mock. Biz mock Biumbo. We will. ah It was almost funny, Gerald. Thank you. We will.
00:02:57
Speaker
We will review the new additions to the Harry Potter world. You got your man. i mean, his name is Bill Nye.
00:03:07
Speaker
That's what it looks like. it's Bill Nye, the science guy. He's in the movie. In the fucking movie. He plays Rufus Scrimgeour. Give me a scrim job.
00:03:19
Speaker
Yeah. yeah
00:03:21
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. i don't think we're fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Nah, he gets a pass. ah Rye, I guess, or Rye's. Rye's I-fans or E-fans. I'm so sorry.
00:03:35
Speaker
He plays Luna Lava Goode's father. Anybody know how to pronounce his first name? No. Sound like Rye's of Skywalker. Right. He ain't fucking it.
00:03:46
Speaker
Hippie fuck. He ain't fucking it. He's got nice hair. Yeah, because that's true. So does Hermione. How you doing? Okay. You probably got pubic hair, huh? I'm okay with that.
00:03:59
Speaker
ah Who was the last person that we said we were going to shout out here? Oh, Corbin Yaxley or Yakesley. I guess it's Yaxley. I don't know. ah He's played by Peter Mullen.
00:04:15
Speaker
who's also in Braveheart. Did not know that. Fun fact. Shout out. Shout out that guy. ah The movie is directed by David Yates. Again. It will forever be David Yates era. And spoiler alert, he directs the next one.
00:04:28
Speaker
oh What? What?
00:04:34
Speaker
ah The film opens... get the fuck out of here. It is crazy to me that we are in year seven and Harry's still a fucking idiot. Hello, yeah. He's still dumbass decisions. Crazy.
00:04:46
Speaker
Like, I would have been dead if I made the decisions that he makes. I feel like you're right. If you did, because you probably wouldn't have friends, right? but and i don't have friends now. thats That's what we're saying.
00:05:00
Speaker
This is awkward a little bit. This movie opens with scrim job.
00:05:09
Speaker
Here we go. i mean, that has to be his name now, right? It's scrim job. Oh, did you shout out Mungungus? Mungungus. Fucking Mungungus.
00:05:20
Speaker
phil Fucking Mungungus. Why does Ramilda Vane have a credit this movie? Where is she in this movie? Ramilda Vane? Yeah.
00:05:29
Speaker
I'm on the right one, right? Yeah, I am. Andy Linden plays Mundungus Fletcher. Mundungus.
Voldemort's Plans and Hermione's Sacrifices
00:05:36
Speaker
Fucking Mundungus. Is that racial slur? I feel like it could be.
00:05:40
Speaker
I just kept thinking of Metalingus, but... Oh, yeah. Shout out Edge slash Adam Copeland. Shout out Adam Copeland? That's what he goes by in AEW, because w WWE owns the name Edge, so he just uses his real name. Government name? Yeah.
00:05:58
Speaker
But Scrimjob is talking about how their dark times, they're living in dark times, and... ah the ministerist He's basically talking to the press about how the ministry is basically fucked ah because the fallout of the the previous two installments of Harry Potter.
00:06:19
Speaker
why That's a way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. mean If you think about it, right? They're fucked. Previously on Harry Potter. I mean, Dumbledore's dead.
00:06:30
Speaker
Yeah. ah They've revealed corruption in the ministry. i mean, um don't even think they revealed it. It's just more corruption is taken over.
00:06:41
Speaker
I mean, it's just government, so it's automatically corrupt. Right. correct And God's not real. Right. We cut to Hermione, who's reading ah the paper about Muggle families ah being murdered.
00:06:55
Speaker
And then we cut to the Dursleys who are moving out of their their home. They're not too happy about that. Oh, no. They're, you know, white suburbia. They're fucking pissed, dude. They're like, we've lived on this planet for fucking 50 years in this house.
00:07:08
Speaker
On this planet? Well, I don't know all of it. They already hate Harry, so. Fair enough. Yeah, but they'd they'd rather not die, you know? Fair enough.
00:07:19
Speaker
Like, Harry doesn't like them, but he's not, he doesn't want them to die, probably. I would. yeah Well, I would, too, but get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I agree. Shut the fuck up, man. Get out of here.
00:07:30
Speaker
It's an oldie but a goodie that I don't have on the soundboard right now. It's right. That's what I'm here for. We see the Weasleys, and they're living in like a hut, essentially.
00:07:41
Speaker
and We cut to Hermione, who hits her parents with an Obliviate, which i look as zo basically, her parents forget that she ever existed.
00:07:52
Speaker
Yeah, like you see pictures on the wall and like she's completely wiped out of them. It's like she never existed, like you said. Which is wild. one of those pictures that confused the shit out of which would have...
00:08:05
Speaker
raised a red flag definitely was just a picture of her. And when she hit it with the spell, it was just a blank picture frame. Like, what the fuck? Who took a picture of this fucking wall?
00:08:16
Speaker
yeah
00:08:20
Speaker
ah After that, we're hit with a title card. um And we cut to Death Ears. I wrote they were approaching Hogwarts. This is, in fact, not Hogwarts. Correct. I think this takes place at the Malfoy residence. Is that correct? Yeah. its This guy's got a fucking house, dude. Dude, a nice fucking a house.
00:08:39
Speaker
Like, you you picture the nicest house and, like, multiply that by 10. Like, this shit. Man has money. It's like a $100 million dollar house. Or Schmeckles, whatever they use in Harry Potter world. ah Snape arrives.
00:08:54
Speaker
Like a fucking badass, by the way. I mean, yeah, he's that man, dude. He's that bitch. Yeah. And they have a woman. We don't know who she is yet. ah Levitating. Almost in the center of the table. Just like for show.
00:09:07
Speaker
It's kind of like those ah stereotypical like Christmas movies where the pig or something is in the middle of the table. Instead it's levitating woman. It's kind of dark. It's evil.
00:09:19
Speaker
A battered woman's centerpiece of the table. It's like a horror movie. It's basically a meeting of like Voldemort and his... I guess leaders. i don't want to say leaders because Draco is not really a leader. Can we call them a gang?
00:09:33
Speaker
His confidants. His gang. as you hoping He's toting that wand. You know what I'm saying? That wand took his fucking nose off though. not mean I couldn't find that sound but it's fine. You took Yamin?
00:09:47
Speaker
No, I didn't take Yamin. I meant um meant to say that we had a... At some point we were talking about ah Dumbledore and ah Horace face fucking Voldemort's nose off, but I think caught it and I couldn't find it.
00:10:01
Speaker
Right. But if you guys are wondering, Gerald and I had a part where we were talking about that as a part of rule 34. I don't know. So there's there's a little, there's a little hint at something that was ah probably a little too extreme.
00:10:16
Speaker
I was referencing something that never actually happened as far as the, our audience is concerned. Right. Um, but Snape comes in and he sits down he goes, um,
00:10:28
Speaker
um he says that something will happen, next Saturday. That's something we will come to find out very shortly. It's the 4th of July.
00:10:40
Speaker
Right. Yep. We meet Pius, who I'm not sure how... I don't remember, actually, how big of role he plays going forward.
00:10:52
Speaker
ah But Snape asked for Pius' opinion on something. I didn't really write that down. Who really gives a fuck? um Pius is a weird-looking motherfucker. um Almost everybody at the table weird-looking...
00:11:04
Speaker
I would ah also agree with that. True. Minus like Draco. I think Draco is kind of a piece. Yeah. yeah I mean, I think if Draco was like still at school and didn't have the attitude that he had, girls probably want to fuck him.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah. They'd probably want to lay it down. He's a definition of like Aryan. That's actually true. Yeah. um Snape shares with Voldemort and the group that Potter, as in Harry Potter,
00:11:32
Speaker
We'll be taken to a ah safe home. And Bella volunteers. Bellatrix Lestrange, that is. Sorry, I write Bella in my notes because I want to write out her whole fucking name. Bella is a fire name.
00:11:44
Speaker
She's hot, though. I've been disgusted. yeah She is. She's a fucking piece, dude. What about you, Jake? You fuck Bellatrix Lestrange? ah Not right now in the movie, but later maybe.
00:11:55
Speaker
So when? ain't fucking it. maybe i i yeah She wears the same costume in the whole game. Right, right. But she gets a little more crazy. And you know... You're in little crazy. Yeah, it changes my mind when she gets a little psycho. Even though she's sitting at the table and she's like, let me kill him.
00:12:16
Speaker
I haven't seen... haven't seen Helena Boham Carter movie where she isn't... Well, yeah, but where she isn't like...
00:12:29
Speaker
disheveled what's that say about us she's always got fucked up teeth but we're still gonna fuck the shit out of her like in all her roles i mean i never i never spoke on fucking her in the mouth that mouth is gross you should get shit fixed lady go to a dentist you ever seen uh sweeney todd jake yeah i was about to ask you is it the same actress i thought it was well her mouth looks like what that was her pussy look like It's probably also got teeth. Nick, you ever watch that movie?
00:12:56
Speaker
What movie? Sweeney Todd? No. The one where teeth. Yeah. you See, this proves you're not a fan. because We talked about it on a podcast episode. No, i know you talked about it, but I don't know if you watched it or You don't know because I said on the on the episode this week, all I got to watch was teeth.
00:13:14
Speaker
ah So you're fake. Fake fan. to This is your chance. I think Gerald and i are rooting for Tyler, but he just does not want it. Yeah, Tyler doesn't know he doesn't want the smoke. Yeah, but if you guys root against me, I'm not gonna want it either honestly think my cousin's gonna take it or Carlos shadow Carlos listen whatever yeah, but so Carl's got a letterbox go follow him I don't want to drop his username because it's literally his government name.
00:13:39
Speaker
that's bad. Yeah. Yeah that Carlos. Uh, job to maybe get an alias. Yeah Wow
00:13:49
Speaker
wow I bleeped that. Yeah, just cut that right there. You could be like Carlito. You could be Carlito, you know? I spit in the face. People don't want to be able to cool.
00:14:01
Speaker
Carlito. Carlito. Shout out, WWE. Shout out, Carlito, dude. Yeah, he's still here. He's still around. but Is he in AEW? Nah, he's in WWE. He came back. he's like He's bad, though. He's a bad guy.
00:14:15
Speaker
He's always been the bad guy. Actually, that's Razor Ramon. Sorry. yeah R.I.P. R.I.P. Nice team with Finn Balor and shit. Wild times we live in. ah So Bellatrix Lestrange, not Bella from fucking Beauty the Beast, offers to kill him and Voldemort has to be the one to kill Harry Potter.
00:14:38
Speaker
I think he's going to come whenever he... Dude, it feels like he's going to come. i I think so. he like You know, he's like ready go, dude. I must kill the boy. um What we're saying is Harry Potter gets off to little boys.
00:14:52
Speaker
I'm not saying that. i think under be bold and Harry Potter or Voldemort? Voldemort gets off. Did I say harry that's Harry Potter? Yeah, you said Harry Potter gets off to little boys. Boy, that's a Freudian slip. I meant to say Harry Potter.
00:15:04
Speaker
I meant to say Voldemort. I said it again. Nature versus nurture. Yeah. um Well, it's I mean, Harry Potter is not a little boy in this movie, so it's not he say anything. i feel like Harry Potter being to older men because of the way he's like the way he is with like Dumbledore and fucking and serious black.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah, but yours is black as Godfather. That's a little different. He's just got daddy issues. don't think it matters. That's what comes down to Jake. He has daddy issues. That's a whole new porn category. We got stepdad. We need Godfather now.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah. not wrong. Because that's actually, that's legal. you know? Godfather is legal, technically speaking. it depends who your Godfather is, though. Because, like, my godparents are technically related to me.
00:15:46
Speaker
Oh, like your your uncles or some shit? It's my dad's sister my and I guess her in her her husband who's not blood. So I guess it's fine. So it's your aunt? This is my uncle. Fuck my uncle. That's kind of odd.
00:15:58
Speaker
I'm just saying, like... This went way far off the tracks. We're talking about Harry Potter here. Harry's bopper. We're also... Jake, this happens. This is incest land. I don't know how we got here, but we are here. Jake, these episodes kind of go all over the place.
00:16:15
Speaker
You haven't heard them yet because of the recording schedule, but they're fucking crazy. Yeah. Don't worry about going on tangents because Nick can just cut whatever. no no, no, no. I leave it in. Most of it, he just leaves it Besides that one part about...
00:16:29
Speaker
We didn't say who. We didn't say who. But Voldemort shares with the group that him and Harry Potter, their wands have the same core.
00:16:41
Speaker
How you doing? So that is a how you doing. And ah they can only wound each other and it won't be fatal. So he needs a different wand. And he kind of asks the group, who wants to but wants to give me their wand?
00:16:56
Speaker
Not mean. ah And no one volunteers. and he's like, Lucius, give me your fucking wand. And Lucius is like, I know want to do this. ah But Lucius, you know, Lucius got that that gangster fucking wand where it's part of his walking stick.
00:17:11
Speaker
Lucius was ready to fucking get get Harry Potter like four movies ago. so I don't know why he doesn't want to volunteer his wand to Voldemort. Yeah. Movie two. He's about to fucking Avada Kedavra him straight into oblivion.
00:17:23
Speaker
I agree with you. um looks this smile So i do I do got a question about this. Hit it. Why is it such a big deal for someone taking giving Voldemort their wand? I would have to ask. You'd have to ask them.
00:17:36
Speaker
Is it like like ah maybe like a like a gun, like a like a serial number? Like you don't want that on your record. Well, that's what I think. The big thing is like the one chooses you. Right. So you do feel some kind of sentiment attached to that wand.
00:17:48
Speaker
yeah and Yeah, because Harry and Voldemort's wand have the same phoenix feather. I mean, my personal meat wand I'm pretty tied to, I'd say. i wouldn't I wouldn't want that going missing.
00:18:00
Speaker
I don't want anybody misusing it. you know I wouldn't want to give my meat wand to anybody. I don't want my penis coming up in a crime. You know, like when someone like gets raped and like comes back to my penis. wouldn't want it to break either, you know? Yeah, you don't want your penis to snap. I mean,
00:18:15
Speaker
yeah You know, Dennis Rod, Madonna fucked Dennis Rodman so hard that she broke his cock. Is that a fact? Yeah. That is a fact.
00:18:26
Speaker
She wrote him so good that Dennis Rodman's cock broke. ah I mean, that's crazy. That's fucking wild, huh? I never heard that story, but now you guys all know it too, because I didn't know it.
00:18:38
Speaker
Madonna, you filthy hoe. So, ah if you're wondering what kind of wand Lucius has, he has... It's Elmwood, Dragon Heartstring,
00:18:50
Speaker
ah and I don't know what this was. I guess it was Snape tearing it apart. Like the wand, he like, I thought he snapped it in half, but I guess it's just because it's part of his walking stick. He snaps off the end of it.
00:19:02
Speaker
Like where he uses it. Did say Snape? Yeah. Yeah. See, we didn't say this. We have a couple of beverages in us. So here we are. 21 and over beverages.
00:19:13
Speaker
Voldemort. Yeah, we're being safe. um
00:19:18
Speaker
The lady floating in the middle of the table, let's address the elephant in the room here, ah is one Charity Burbage, who is a staff member at Hogwarts, and she teaches muggle studies, which is a no good thing as far as Voldemort's concerned.
00:19:35
Speaker
Because muggles are bad. Bad. we they We're not saying that. We're not saying that. they We're, yeah, we've established Voldemort. Voldemort is Hitler and his friends, like his followers of the Nazis. We've established that.
00:19:46
Speaker
We have. Hey, would it be safe to say that Voldemort wants to build a wall to keep the muggles out? No, he wants to kill them all. He doesn't want to build a wall. Yeah, Trump doesn't want to kill anybody. There's no coexistence. It's just murder. Yeah.
00:20:01
Speaker
Not me. Thanks for getting my joke, Gerald. I thought it was pretty obvious joke to get, but we don't, we don't listen. We don't, we're not political on this. Well, see the problem with jokes is that they have to be funny and yours wasn't funny. Oh, you stink. That's what went wrong.
00:20:19
Speaker
Is it wasn't funny. Hey, we've all been there. I bombed. Gerald's a bomb. That's what it is. yeah Sometimes Gerald says shit that I don't hear him say while I'm talking. And then the on the um the edit afterwards, I hear go, how come didn't laugh at that?
00:20:31
Speaker
Right. So maybe on the edit, it'll be funny, Jake. I don't know. Sometimes you don't know that a joke falls flat. And then here we are. Right. Um, so this bitch teaches muggle studies, which is a no, no.
00:20:43
Speaker
Um, and she, she sees Snape. She's, she knows him and she's begging cause they work together. They're coworkers. Yeah. Right. And she's begging him for her life.
00:20:54
Speaker
He doing shit for her. I do think that you see in his eyes, a little bit of sense of like, I feel bad for you, but you have to die. Right. Because he, cause he's still on the good side. Because he's like, this is the greater good. Like we got to serve the greater good. Like bodies, have people have to die.
00:21:09
Speaker
Here's the thing, though. I don't think people know that, right? You don't know that, do you? What do you mean? Is Snape still good? No. Well, if this is your first time watching Harry Potter, you don't know that. Yeah, I guess. Your first time watching Harry Potter, like, Snape's an evil motherfucker.
00:21:22
Speaker
We knew this the whole time. He betrayed him. Harry was right. Right. But we have... This is my third watch through of this franchise, and you've probably watched it countless times. Jake's watched it more than one time. So, like, we all know... Snape's good. the end, Snape's a good dude.
00:21:36
Speaker
Yeah. but Right here. you So, like, yeah. it He's like, damn. Right now, he's still a scumbag. In her eyes. Yeah. and In the first-time viewer audience's eyes.
00:21:50
Speaker
Yeah. Because he, you like you said, you can, like, see he's like, ah, this is fucked up. This is fucked up, but. I can't break my cover. So Snape kills her with an Avadra Kedavra. No, Voldemort kills her.
00:22:02
Speaker
ah Snape. Voldemort. ah Dude, this is not good.
00:22:07
Speaker
it's not I was calling fucking Dumbledore Hagrid last episode, I'm pretty sure. like i don't know what's going on. ah Once she dies, ah you see Draco get kind of upset too.
00:22:19
Speaker
And this is pretty fucked up because Voldemort feeds this bitch to Nagini. but yeah That is a snake eater. Fuck, dude.
00:22:27
Speaker
Give me you have breakfast. What's going on here? Breakfast. You ever see that video? What? I think so. I think I've seen it. like i The mom busts through the door and's like, what's going on here? And there's a little retard and he's like, breakfast.
00:22:44
Speaker
No. Never seen that. It's a classic video. I'll send it to you after. ah There's a cut and we see a slow-mo of Dumbledore ah dying.
00:22:55
Speaker
We're like three minutes into this movie, by the way. yeah We have not gotten very far yet.
00:23:04
Speaker
And I don't know why I wrote it like this, but it is funny. I wrote Harry Potter depressed in his muggle room. I guess I was like signifying to myself that he's like in the the Dudleys.
00:23:17
Speaker
Dursleys. Dursleys home. The Dudleys. dudley's Dudley Dursley. Shout out to the Dudley brothers of WWE too. Yeah, the Dudley boys. Shout out Devon and fucking whatever his other name was. Yeah, who could fucking cares?
00:23:29
Speaker
um But yeah, he's like in his like the the little closet under the stairs. Little muggle room. Little fucking a muggle ass, which, by the way, we've already exposed. it But the movie makes no fucking sense because ah Tom Royal says in the Chamber of Secrets he had muggle parents. So none of this makes sense.
00:23:47
Speaker
Yeah, but it's fine. It's like if Hitler was actually Jewish, you know, they wouldn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. ah But anyways, there's a knock on the door and it's Hagrid, Ron, Hermione, which is still getting autocricked to heroin.
00:23:58
Speaker
ah The rest of the Order of the Phoenix are all who who's left. ah And Harry, for the first time, meets Bill Weasley, who shut up, Bill. He's been in Romania this whole fucking time.
00:24:10
Speaker
Dealing with the dragons and shit. Yeah. um And movies. Go ahead. Guess who's he married to? This bitch. It's Floor.
00:24:22
Speaker
Floor Delacour. Is that who that is? Yeah, it's Floor Delacour from the Goblet of Fire. i didn't get I did not catch on to that. Me It doesn't really make any sense, though, does it? Well, she's from Romania.
00:24:34
Speaker
Why is he out of school and she's not? He's graduated. That's what I mean. So he's going for those underage girls. No, she's 18, remember? She had to put their name in the Goblet of Fire.
00:24:45
Speaker
Is it 18 or 17? It's 17, but that was three movies ago. How old is Bill? Yeah, I guess it's all right. You're right. No, you're right. It's okay. It's all right. It's legal. It's all right.
00:24:56
Speaker
ah But Mad-Eye Moody here says that Harry Potter is underage so he can be traced by the Ministry. So their big plan is to move Harry by traveling in pairs and using Polyjuice Potion. Remember that one?
00:25:13
Speaker
Yeah. um And Harry's still on his bullshit about going to do by myself, which you're fucking not, you idiot. And here is where we meet one Mundungus Fletcher.
00:25:23
Speaker
Mundungus. Who literally says he was brought here against his will. so Here I don't want to be here. So we shouldn't trust this guy. Just keep that in mind for later on in the film. yeah um So Fred, George, Mundungus, Floor, Ron, and Hermione, not heroin, all take...
00:25:48
Speaker
The Polyjuice Potion. So you got like fucking six or seven Harry Johns in the room. So so ah Harry must have a late birthday.
00:26:00
Speaker
Because Ron and Hermione are already 18. Yeah. Shout out to late birthdays, I guess. I guess. That was the only way that would make sense, right? You're right. he's underage, so he still has a tracker.
00:26:14
Speaker
They'll tracking you. yeah This is a fun scene. This is funny. Daniel Radcliffe had to play like eight different parts. Right. He crushed all of them. He's got the little like the little faggy aneurysms. But he's like playing the girls, you know?
00:26:29
Speaker
Right. He's taking bras off. Aneurysm is not the right word. I think it's mannerism. I said mannerism, not aneurysm. It's aneurysm. was like, it's not aneurysm.
00:26:40
Speaker
Seize it out of the floor.
00:26:43
Speaker
fucking Voldemort. Oh, I'm having an aneurysm. Voldemort could probably give him an aneurysm, be fair. why Yeah, can't he just kill his brain? Right. He makes him retarded? i have more ru I have more questions about that later. Alright.
00:26:57
Speaker
um With the whole mind reading thing. ah But the real Harry Potter, will the real Harry Potter please stand up, rides with Hagrid. Isn't that sus though? I said that when I was watching it with Anna.
00:27:08
Speaker
Isn't that sus? Like this guy's just chilling with Hagrid? I think that thatss kind like it's easier to find them. Yeah. Like it wouldn't, wouldn't be easier to like single him out?
00:27:19
Speaker
I think it was Hagrid's call based on what he says. like i brought you here when you was a baby. Harry. No, it's actually a pretty good Hagrid. Thank you. I think that if you're on, if you're trying to find Harry Potter and you see this group people coming at you, that Hagrid with the real Harry is too obvious. Yeah.
00:27:41
Speaker
But he's driving a motorcycle. That's loud.
00:27:46
Speaker
Okay, well, you completely missed what just saying. It's a sight-based thing, not a listening-based thing. who If you see eight Harrys coming at you, right? Yeah. try and take your out and You're trying to figure out which ones. I'm just saying, like you're one if you're what if you're one Death Eater on a broom or whatever.
00:28:03
Speaker
Logic states the one with Hagrid's, not the real one. The one with Hagrid's probably an obvious bait. That's what I'm thinking. That's what they're probably thinking. they did reverse psychology on them.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, sure. Yes. I don't think that if I was a death eater, I'd go for the one, the Hagrid, Harry first thing. I don't think I'd do that. Okay.
00:28:25
Speaker
I think that's a little bit too obvious. I think Jake agrees, but yeah. I i do. All right. Don't fall your choice episode, please. um Also, Jake's wearing in a blanket.
00:28:36
Speaker
Yeah, he's like going to sleep this fucking episode. don't know what's happening, man. Sue me. I will. and Okay, I'll sue you for everything you have. Not much. want your house.
00:28:46
Speaker
Fair enough. You got a house. okay Okay. they all decide to take off, and those Death Eaters immediately like swarmed them because it's a trap. It's fucking trap.
00:28:57
Speaker
It's a fucking trap. um Which this was a button actually requested by Gerald, so that's lit. There's a lot of traps in this movie. Uh, and Hagrid and the real Harry, do not turn back to help those who are under attack because, uh, Hagrid's like, that's not the plan, dude. got sick the plan.
00:29:15
Speaker
Um, and they're getting chased by some, some death fears. We get a stupefy here. It's never going away. Uh, there's a change. Oh, no idea. Oh, fuck you.
00:29:32
Speaker
We got to ask Tyler and then see if Tyler knows. Yeah. um they have a chase on the highway and a Death Eater is able to zap Hagrid who falls asleep at the wheel so Harry has to drive his fucking motorbike John um and we see Hedwig fly by who tries to attack a Death Eater and he gets fucking murdered RIP to Hedwig Thanks for your service. And I keep misgendering this fucking owl. It's a she. I'm sorry. yeah jake Jake, we had to do a live ah Google on Hedwig's gender.
00:30:08
Speaker
It's a woman. We didn't know if it was a trans owl or something, you know, and was a bitch. They keep flying. And for some reason, the Death Eater does not continue to pursue them. They just keep going.
00:30:21
Speaker
Yeah. Suddenly Voldemort appears and Voldemort and Harry have a little duel in the air. This is cool. is Yeah. um Pretty scary.
00:30:32
Speaker
And Harry is able to shatter Voldemort's wand. Because but it's Lucius Mond. But it's not a it's not a Dennis Rodman situation. It's just the right actual wand shatters.
00:30:45
Speaker
And then Voldemort does his best Jamie Foxx impression as Electro and fucking takes down all these electrical lines out of anger. That is a good pull.
00:30:58
Speaker
um And Harry and Hagrid are arrived at the Weasley residence, ah whatever is left of it. And they are the first ones there. Lupin shows up ah with an injured George Weasley.
00:31:10
Speaker
And he places George down at on the couch. And then he immediately threatens Harry with his wand. I wrote he's at wand point, like gunpoint, but wand point.
00:31:22
Speaker
That's a good poll right there. um And he asks him what creature sat in the corner of his office the first time he met Harry Potter. Are you mad? It's a Grindelow. I don't know what that is.
00:31:35
Speaker
I don't either. Grindelow? I'm trying to think back to the Prisoner of Azkaban. I don't remember. um' giving it a goog. Never knew that there was ah another John in there with him.
00:31:48
Speaker
Lupin states the obvious here saying they've been betrayed. Fucking obviously. Oh, you didn't know? Kingsley shows up and him and Lupin are on edge.
00:31:59
Speaker
ah And he asked Lupin with the last words that Albus spoke the two of them. And this is a little corny. Harry Potter is the best hope we have. Yeah, it's a little gay there, Dumbledore.
00:32:13
Speaker
um Dumbledore. Dumbledore. I would give you that one because he's sleep forever.
00:32:23
Speaker
ah And Harry says that he thinks Hedwig blew his cover. Don't put it on Hedwig. Yeah, relax, bro.
00:32:34
Speaker
Hermione and Ron show up. Arthur and Fred show up. And they all find George dying. ah George says that he feels saint-like because he's holy. He's got holes in him.
00:32:48
Speaker
Uh-huh. We find out here that Mad-Eye Moody is now dead and Mundungus was the mole. Oh, the one guy we've never met before was the mole? the way. Yeah.
00:32:58
Speaker
The guy that didn't want to be there in the first place. Right. ah And the excuse is that Mad-Eye fell off his broom, which I don't know if i believe that, but I guess it is true.
00:33:08
Speaker
Get out of my car. I fell off my broom. Broom, broom. Get out my car. Do you know where that's from? I do. Okay. ah We cut in Harry Potter is having a nightmare about Horcruxes and he sees Voldemort.
00:33:27
Speaker
I thought Voldemort killed Ollivander here, but I guess it's not. This isn't even Ollivander. I realized. No, it's Grog Grindelwald. which Yeah, ah because he was a liar.
00:33:38
Speaker
So ah words to wise, don't fucking lie to people. especially not Voldemort. Yeah. Uh, Harry Potter, he decides I'm out and he goes to leave and Ron is like, ain't fucking leaving.
00:33:52
Speaker
And, uh, Harry still think is like wrapped up in this idea that it's all about him. And Ron's like, bro, we're all at fucking risk here. All us muggles. I'm at risk here, bro.
00:34:03
Speaker
ah And Harry's like, all right, Ron, you can come to them.
00:34:07
Speaker
And Ron is like, bro, we need Hermione. She's the smartest one. Also, she got them fucking knockers on her. she Have you seen the shitter on her? God damn. That fucking turd cutter.
00:34:21
Speaker
not into anal. I said that last episode. She got a gyat on her. gyat. Uh, and then Ron's like, we should stay for the wedding, uh, for Bill. It's Bill's wedding. We find out Bill's getting married.
00:34:36
Speaker
And Ron has a good point here that Harry still has got the trace on him. So why would the fuck would even leave? And it wouldn't help at all. Yeah. And then the thing that Ron says here that really like permanated with me was like, he's like, you may be the chosen one, but like this shit's gotten a lot bigger than you.
00:34:53
Speaker
Like, it's not about you anymore. Like, this is yeah your name might be on the fucking title screen. But it's Shane about you, dog. The show is never about you. You just happen to be the motherfucker that got the scar.
00:35:06
Speaker
All right. You just happen to be my best friend that took a shit in my house to the shit in my house. I even know about it. Sister fucking masturbated with the shit like this is what's happening.
00:35:18
Speaker
You're snogging my sister like I get it. That's a wild fucking comment. I saw... i Honestly, just and shocked. You never stop surprising me.
00:35:32
Speaker
Ron asks Harry here, and I'm also curious about this, if Voldemort knows they're destroying the Horcruxes... He's got it, right? He has to know. They don't take any kind of action with that. No. that that could have been a whole There would have been a whole other book, dog. if like Like, Ray Fiennes shows up in this movie for five minutes.
00:35:51
Speaker
Yeah. Besides the flashbacks, like who cares about those? Like five actual minutes, he's in the movie. Yeah. Maybe. It's weird. He probably got like $8,000 minimum.
00:36:03
Speaker
We cut to Harry who's reading the paper in the kitchen of the Weasleys' drawn. It's like right before the wedding. ah And Ginny's standing there and she asks if if ah Harry can zip her up.
00:36:15
Speaker
What are we doing here? They have a little snog sesh. little make out. Then fucking George pops out. we looking George is cucking this, bro. He's spying on him. Yeah, he's cucking Why is everybody cucking their sisters? and I don't know. ever But Ginny is not hot as an adult.
00:36:33
Speaker
No, she's not.
00:36:39
Speaker
Hey, yo! um Took my socks off. It's gay now. It's fucking gay as shit. Nick, you got socks on?
00:36:50
Speaker
I have socks on. My apartment's a little bit too cold for that. Uh, we... like
00:37:00
Speaker
Yeah, it's like 70 degrees in my house. I'm sweating my balls off. ah We cut to a group of them trying to lift up the tent for the wedding when Scrimjobs shows up. Lift your tent.
00:37:13
Speaker
What are doing? Pitch a tent for me, daddy.
00:37:19
Speaker
and
00:37:22
Speaker
um yeah ah And Scrimjobs has the last will and testament of Albus Dumbledore.
00:37:33
Speaker
check Sorry. I got make those rut row and the oh closer together, but they can't. I don't like this guy's face. I like this guy in general.
00:37:46
Speaker
Yeah, he's weird. He's very strange. Ron gets the deluminator and Ron is the first ever movie. Ron's like, what's this? He's like, it sucks light, bro.
00:37:58
Speaker
That was in the you need a good sucking ah first scene from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Dumbledore's taking out the lights. Right. Movies mid. It's probably the worst movie in the series.
00:38:08
Speaker
I did not. I don't know what the fuck Ron's middle name was anymore, but Hermione's middle name is Jean. Hermione Jean Granger. Shout out my grandma my mom's side. Shout out my grandma on my dad's side. Her name is Jean Granger.
00:38:21
Speaker
Yeah. No fucking way. my My mom's mom was Gene. With a J or a g but it Whoa. Who has G? G? I know a lot of people.
00:38:32
Speaker
I know a lot with G. People are selling Gene with G? Yeah. Gene might be the guy way. ah Hermione Gene Granger gets the a book called The Tales of the Beetle Bard, which is essentially a kid's book.
00:38:46
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Ron talked about hobbity-bobbity. Yeah. What hobbity-bobbity that's fucking... All right. Bippity-boppity-bop on my cock. You what I'm saying? And Harry James Potter gets ah the first snitch he ever caught.
00:39:03
Speaker
Snitches get stitches, Harry. Watch out.
00:39:06
Speaker
ah And he also gets ah the sword of Gryffindor, but it's missing. And Scrimjob says it wasn't Albus's fucking decision to give that sword away. It's property of the ministry.
00:39:21
Speaker
Why? Because it's a magical artifact? Yeah. sir Fuck them. ah And Hermione says that the sword did show up for Harry in the Chamber Secrets. Remember that? Yeah. EA Games.
00:39:31
Speaker
And he's like, everything. EA Sports? Or EA Games? that what you said? EA Games. EA Sports was EA Sports. It's an EA Games. And then the other one from like the early 2000s was EA Games.
00:39:46
Speaker
Challenging everything. ah Scrim Drop says a sword can appear for anybody. doesn't mean it's theirs. It comes to those who need it most. ah We cut to Bill's wedding, and Harry is about to enter, but he's looking at his snitch that's floating.
00:40:07
Speaker
um And then we're in the wedding. We see Hagrid there with Maxime. Remember her? Yeah, that tall bitch. Luna's there with her dad. ah There's some a dude there from the paper.
00:40:19
Speaker
My literal daughter, Luna. ah We meet Luna's dad, um who they stop Harry as he's walking, and he whispers in Harry's ear that he supports Dumbledore.
00:40:30
Speaker
And Harry notices a necklace on this man's chest. That's essentially a ah triangle with a rod and a circle.
00:40:43
Speaker
So Harry gets over to this dude from the paper who had wrote something on Dumbledore. His name is Eltheus, I believe. And he says that he found it moving.
00:40:55
Speaker
And Eltheus says that he knew Dumbledore the longest besides Albus' brother, Aberforth. What fucking can name. People forget that Aberforth even exists because Dumbledore is so fucking prolific, bro.
00:41:08
Speaker
I didn't know he had a brother until I saw this movie. Right. I know to the audience. Yeah, because they might have read the book. and And then this lady who's sitting kind of near them at the party says that Dumbledore's life has been unriddled by one Rita Skeeter. Remember her?
00:41:27
Speaker
Yeah. she Someone spilled her guts. eat Yeah, we are fucking. I forgot. I'm fucking her at least. um She'd get my Skeeter.
00:41:38
Speaker
Elphius calls it, I believe, a monstrous portrayal by one Bethilda Bagshot who backsh shot and mike can get my backshot. No, she can't. She's fucking ugly in this movie. She's like she's also like 90 years old. Yeah.
00:41:54
Speaker
That's what it makes sense to You didn't know that? you ghost That's slander. gilf gilf porn that's your your your history i'm not i'm into men uh oh that's better whoa oh uh grandfathers i'd like to fuck yep right yeah like fuck like dumbledore can fucking get it sure the more wrinkles the better He's a bilf.
00:42:20
Speaker
I got a wrinkly sack. So essentially, if your face looks like my sack, I'm fucking it. Okay. we got a We got to rank old people we'd fuck. Okay. Where should we start? Hillary Clinton. I'm fucking it.
00:42:33
Speaker
Hillary Clinton could probably fucking get it, right? Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin can get it. Is she still alive? Nancy Pelosi, those fat tits. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. What are we saying politicians?
00:42:44
Speaker
Betty White? She's dead. RIP. RIP. Michelle Obama could probably get it. She's not that old, bro. She's probably like 60, right? Yeah, it's not that old. I guess. Are we talking about... She's not a gilf, bro. She's a milf. Yeah, she's a milf, right? Her daughters can get it, too. I don't give a fuck. They're definitely not of age.
00:43:01
Speaker
yeah They definitely are. Someone get me an age check on those. Well, wait, hold One of them was like eight when Obama was president. No, they're absolutely of age. They're for sure of age.
00:43:11
Speaker
All right, we can fuck all the... I'll fuck all i'll fuck Obama himself. I don't give fuck. With all this gray fucking hair, don't give a shit. Come and burn right in. Got that fucking BBC, you know what I'm saying?
00:43:22
Speaker
Obama's kids are 26 and 23. What are their names? I don't remember. Malia and Sasha. yeah place Not that far off. Both daughters, right?
00:43:35
Speaker
yeah Malia's hot. They're both hot. Yeah, they are both hot. Hot, and they're going have security for the rest of their life. Yeah, and they're going to get my cock snot. They're going to be watching. Oh my God, the fucking Secret Service is going to watching me drill her.
00:43:50
Speaker
That's crazy. He walking around with a guy that looks like Gerald. That's what I'm saying, dude. Yeah. I live a double life, you know what I'm saying? I'm fucking Obama's daughter on the side. and You're fucking Obama. Yeah.
00:44:06
Speaker
um but Bethilda Backshot ah was ah is a celebrated magical historian who is very close to Dumbledore. I'm drinking out of my KKK cup.
00:44:17
Speaker
Kill our clowns from outer space coming out in the next couple months. ah And she and Dumbledore lived in Godric's Hollow after his his father, meaning I guess Dumbledore's father, killed three muggles.
00:44:32
Speaker
Yeah. hes fucked huh Harry's like, what are you talking about? And she's like, do you even know Dumbledore is, bro? Like, who would have thought that the like Dumbledore's father was a fucking Nazi?
00:44:43
Speaker
Right. A blue orb, John kind of lands in the middle of this tent. Right. And we hear Kingsley's voice say the ministry has fallen. And the minister, Senor Scrimjob, is dead.
00:44:57
Speaker
Senor? They're coming. I don't know. I just said it for a comedic effect. It didn't work. See, Jake? I bombed, too. Ariba, Ariba. Sure. ah Death eaters show up um and start fucking up the place.
00:45:13
Speaker
Talk about wedding crashers.
00:45:19
Speaker
Hermione, Ron, and Harry apparate right into London. And it, this is the thing. They just can app right now. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Low key. Just when you get that skill, bro.
00:45:31
Speaker
Also low key. It kind of like they, for a second, I was like, in times square? They just popped up. It looked like times square. they in London. yeah You didn't see the buses. That was like the big giveaway. I'll give you a double decker pecker wrecker.
00:45:44
Speaker
Yeah, you fucking will. Um, we, so Hermione has a bag like that bag from violent night and Mary Poppins, which is crazy because Jake is back for two movies that feature big sacks.
00:45:56
Speaker
Yeah. You know, do have to say for yourself? I think that you guys, when I'm on, it's a big sack podcast. You're big sack kind of guy. You're just a chill guy who likes big sacks.
00:46:08
Speaker
I have a big sack. Jake hit me up later. Uh, OnlyFans. think Jake just tried to wink at me. Was that what that was? I think my eyes closed. Follow us on OnlyFans. At TwoGuysWhatsGreenPod.
00:46:22
Speaker
yeah TwoGuysOnePeen, actually. TwoGuysOnePeen. There's probably going to be two guys two peens, honestly. It's just videos of Gerald eating ham, guys. Two guys, one gaping hole.
00:46:34
Speaker
Yeah. I'll fuck anything for money. It's going to be Gerald's work. My peen is pretty small. Yeah. ah So they're sitting this diner type of fucking place and they don't know what to do with themselves.
00:46:45
Speaker
And Harry's like, ah I left all my shit at Ron's place. And Hermione's like, no, I got it all. Don't worry. It's my sack. It's my sack. Right. Packing bags for him.
00:46:58
Speaker
She's got his stuff in her sack and Ron's. And ah yeah, I guess Ron's got her kids in his sack. That's what I'm talking about. These construction type people pull up and they try to attack them spontaneously with stupefy.
00:47:13
Speaker
Shamefully, I don't know if that's from Drake, it's what it is. I would take a guess, but I don't feel like getting roasted. No, do it. Guess. You get three.
00:47:25
Speaker
Huh? Ghost. Have you heard Ghost before? Yeah. They sound like this? No. No. No. All right. That's my favorite band. Try Nick's. Try Nick's favorite band. Do you know my favorite band?
00:47:37
Speaker
I thought I did, but I don't think I do. Guess now. Disturbed. It is Disturbed. It is Disturbed. Disturbed is one of favorite bands and also where this button comes from. okay The name of the song is called Stoopify.
00:47:48
Speaker
Literally called Stoopify. Off down with the sickness. Listen now, 25th anniversary. I'm going in March. I am. They're performing the whole fucking album. By the way, Glass Shatter is released. Crazy. ah When we're buying ghost tickets.
00:48:03
Speaker
I'm waiting for you, honey homie. Oh, you flat out just called him honey. Yeah, whatever. We're gay. what? Whatever you want to buy him. Hit me up, dog.
00:48:14
Speaker
This server walks out to the fucking carnage of this little little wizard battle they had. And Hermione's like, bro, get the fuck out of here. ah And Ron dressed like Michael Myers.
00:48:25
Speaker
Little boiler suit. Right. ah Ron sucks the light out of his plate with his illuminator. And he's like, let's kill him. And Harry's like, no, no, no, no. What is this about? Why is Ron automatically like bloodthirsty?
00:48:39
Speaker
And he's not ever worn the necklace yet. Right. That's what i'm saying. He just i mean killed motherfuckers. To be fair, he just saw his brother almost dead on the couch. And then they just messed up his brother's wedding. He's probably pissed.
00:48:52
Speaker
you can't be fucking sending yourself to Azkaban. And his sister's getting run through by every fucking student at Hogwarts. So, he's like, that's also do it. My brother almost died.
00:49:03
Speaker
My other brother's wedding's done. My best friend's railing my sister. all don't know. I'm uptight. her He's mad at me. yeah My dick's not getting wet. I don't know what's going on.
00:49:19
Speaker
Kill him. Should've stayed with lavender. Fuck.
00:49:24
Speaker
ah So Harry's like, let's just wipe the memory and we get the Obliviate again, ah which wipes their memory.
00:49:33
Speaker
ah We also find out here that the it's Harry Potter's birthday today, so he's lost his trace. Let's go. You're 18. I can legally fuck you, Dianiel Radcliffe.
00:49:46
Speaker
Dianiel? I don't know why they got old. You want to fuck him diagonally. Diagonally? a yeah Let's get at it. Who wants to get rinsed? Fucking rinse and repeat.
00:50:00
Speaker
Let's get rrrr fucking rinsed out, dude. I'm gonna ring you like a fucking sponge. Goddamn well. gonna ring you like a shit. I'm gonna fucking rearrange Daniel Radcliffe's organs. Why is that dude so muscular looking?
00:50:14
Speaker
I don't know, dude. You ever see the movie where he drops the hard R? No. Yeah, you gotta watch it, Isn't there a Tom Holland where he drops the hard R, too? Tom Holland drops the hard R?
00:50:27
Speaker
Yikes! Why is all these white Adam driver, Daniel Radcliffe, they all leave their big, uh, their big series movies and they start dropping hard R's.
00:50:38
Speaker
What was Adam driver in star Wars? Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. And then Black Klansman, he calls that guy the N-word. We all went to that movie together, I think. We did. The movie's awesome.
00:50:48
Speaker
Good movie, Jake. Good movie. um So the kids, as in Harry, Ron, and Hermione, decide to go to The Order. That's a bad idea. That's a good idea. And there's a dusty Dumbledore ghost-looking thing that tries to approach or, like, scare them off.
00:51:04
Speaker
What? Yeah. Well, you did that right over my fucking button, but... Button me. There you go. Uh... Uh, and we get more visions of Voldemort interrogating... Who?
00:51:17
Speaker
Grindelwald? Yeah. Yeah. They all fall asleep. We see Ron and Hermione fall asleep holding hands. That's cute. Uh... Hermione's like... Fucking gay. Hermione's like, I know we haven't fucked in a long time, so I'll give you my hand to hold.
00:51:29
Speaker
is Don't place it on your cock while I'm sleeping. Right. Uh... Harry wakes up the next morning, goes Sirius' room, um and he finds some book, but Ron calls from saying he found something, and he found the room of Regulus.
00:51:47
Speaker
Fuck. Arcturus Black, a.k.a. R-A-B. R-A-B. Bro, it's Broccoli Robb. and
00:51:57
Speaker
Broccoli Rob might be worse than... Sucks. Broccoli Rob, broccolini trash. Throw it away. Broccolini, you said? Broccolini sucks too. Broccolini is just broccoli for people who hate themselves. Well, do you like normal broccoli?
00:52:11
Speaker
Yeah, love it. I eat it tonight for dinner. yeah i'm getting I get flamed so much for that that I don't like broccoli. Every time I see R-A-B, I just think of Broccoli Rob. i don't know why.
00:52:21
Speaker
Isn't R-A-B-E? It is. Yes, 100%. Yeah. yes a hundred percent yeah uh they find creature and they ask him where the real locket is but he don't know but uh they do know that he's definitely seen it at some point his fucking life um he calls her mind you have filthy mudblood because they were both both lockets where they find one locket or do they already have it there they find the fake locket uh in the end of half blood prince Right.
00:52:50
Speaker
With a note from from Broccoli Rob. Right. and then And then his name now is Broccoli Rob. don't know what to tell you. His creature says that he saw both of them in that house before.
00:53:03
Speaker
Yeah, he says that Broccoli Rob ordered him to destroy it, but he wasn't able to do it. And that Mundungus took the necklace. Fucking retard. Harry orders Preacher to find Mundungus. Preacher? do you just say Preacher? Preacher?
00:53:19
Speaker
Oh, autocorrect. I'm sorry. Creature. We're getting fucking raped by the preacher.
00:53:26
Speaker
Yeah, we are. ah Not me. He orders Creature to find him. ah And we cut to the Hogwarts Express where Death Ears stopped the train.
00:53:38
Speaker
And Neville's like, they ain't here. the fuck out of here. How much money money do you think Neville got paid just for that one scene to say they ain't here? Fucking beat it. At least. Yeah, at least 10 grand. Minimal. That's his only scene, bro.
00:53:51
Speaker
Yeah, 10 grand. Crazy. Bro made like, no, he probably made like fifth. Bro probably made what I make in a year. Like just. Saying that. Yeah. ah We see in the newspaper that Harry Potter is the new number one undesirable.
00:54:06
Speaker
ah More than Voldemort? Voldemort's the one putting out the list, Gerald. Keep up. Oh, yeah, because he's working in the ministry now. yeah Yeah. They're they're corrupt.
00:54:18
Speaker
Yeah, I got that. Voldemort is the ministry now. He's drunk, Nick. It's fine. I'm not drunk. There's a new Ministry of Magic. ah Dolores Umbridge is back. I forgot about this. What a dumb bitch. I hate her.
00:54:32
Speaker
We hate this bitch. She is easily the worst character in the entire series. In a good way.
00:54:41
Speaker
She's a good villain, Jake. I hate the cats. That's that's what does it for me. cast The casting's perfect. No, the cats. All the goddamn plates she has.
00:54:52
Speaker
Well, that dies in Order the Phoenix. We don't see that ever again. Jake's not big cat guy? No. Don't come to either of our houses. So yeah, she's back, I guess. I guess she survived her fucking running with the centaurs.
00:55:06
Speaker
ah And. She's probably going run out. By the centaurs. Centaurs. Horse cock just fucking railing her. Like Mr. Hands. Watch that video.
00:55:17
Speaker
Yeah, Google Mr. Hands. It's a video of the guy getting washed out by a horse. Very scared to watch that. You should be. We find out here that each employee must submit themselves for a valuation.
00:55:29
Speaker
um they see some We see some dude getting dragged through the ministry, but they people the ministry just beat the shit out of him. It's fucked up. We cut for a very brief second and see Mundungus hiding from Death Eaters.
00:55:40
Speaker
ah We cut back to Hermione, who's teaching Ron how to play the piano. What's that song? It's one of Beethoven's, right? She's like, we can't fuck here, so we'll just do piano. but yeaht you You can't fuck because Harry's there.
00:55:53
Speaker
Yeah, Harry's there staring at his snitch. When suddenly Hermione snatch. There's a difference. know No, and dude he was. I know he's just missing. He's missing Ginny snatch. That's who we're.
00:56:10
Speaker
Tight as you said. See, we to cut that last time. that see now' back yeah No, this one we can say because she's of age in the last one. Yeah, but I said it more vile that last time.
00:56:21
Speaker
This one's fine. okay Okay, I'm leaving all that in because you said it's fine.
00:56:30
Speaker
Okay. Preacher and Dobby appear with Mundungus, and they hit Mundungus with an Expelliarmus to get rid of his wand.
00:56:43
Speaker
I'm a kazoo. Fletcher says that he is simply a purveyor and he's not a thief. ah And he says that when he saw the Death Eaters that night when they transported Harry, he panicked and Moody just fell off his broom, which we don't fucking believe that.
00:56:58
Speaker
Yeah, no. Scumbag. He says that, Mundunga says he was approached by a lady from the ministry ah who wanted, who she she just straight took that fucking necklace from him because he had the necklace.
00:57:11
Speaker
And this lady we come to find out was Umbridge. fucking hole um wow okay what uh so ron harry and hermione's plan is to take polyjuice potion and enter the ministry uh so they end up entering the ministry through a stall bathroom stall you gotta flush the toilet and you get sent down that's kind of sus through the toilet into the flu fireplace flu powder system what do you think about that jake
00:57:42
Speaker
I think... Alright, we'll come back to you. You threw me off because you missed a part. What part did I What part did you miss? they kidnapped three random people off the street and changed it into them.
00:57:57
Speaker
Or did you say it and I wasn't paying attention? and um I didn't say that explicitly, but they, uh, they use Polyjuice potion to, they they do take people off the street to get like their hair follicle to make the Polyjuice potion. That is true. That accurate.
00:58:11
Speaker
Okay. Uh, so thank you for adding that Jake. Um, They're inside ah transformed and they see their trance and they see the, they see a statue in the ministry with ah muggles holding it up. And Hermione says that they're in their rightful place in the eyes of the ministry.
00:58:32
Speaker
Right. Cause Hermione. All of them are getting broken. Uh, And, you didn't buy that transformer steel book. No, I didn't. How much was it?
00:58:42
Speaker
Not, I dude, the fucking price was on it. $9. Oh, it's worth it know what it was. I just skipped it. It'll be there when I go back. Um, A man, this is Yaxley, I believe, stops Ron and says ah it's raining in his office.
00:58:58
Speaker
And essentially, he's going to interrogate whoever Ron is portraying his wife. Right. ah Because she's a fucking muggle. ah and ah How dare she?
00:59:11
Speaker
Yaxley yeah yeah actually catches ah ron Harry, and Hermione as they're in the elevator. So the door closes. Right. And he's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? And Hermione's like, try Finite Incantatum.
00:59:23
Speaker
Maybe that'll help. What a fucking genius she is. What? She used that in a movie before. i agree with you. I can't remember which movie it was though. Me neither. um They send Ron off on level one.
00:59:36
Speaker
They get to level two. And on the ride to level two, Ron and Hermione are game planning ah to find Umbridge. Yes, Harry and Hermione are game planning to find Umbridge.
00:59:47
Speaker
ah when they find that she, the elevator door opens and she's right there. Wow. That was easy. Easy. And she gets into the elevator and asks why Harry's portrayal character is not getting off the elevator. So obviously Harry has just hop off.
01:00:04
Speaker
And does it like really fucking sus. Right. He's like super slow and like awkward with it. So now we just have an elevator with Hermione and Umbridge. We follow Harry, and he sees people in the ministry making these pamphlets, I guess, that essentially say that muggles are a dangerous society.
01:00:22
Speaker
That's fucked up. They really fucking hate muggles. Like, bro, like just don't interact with them, and you're good. ah We find out here that Umbridge is the new head of muggle registration. Talk about the Nazi parallels, dude.
01:00:36
Speaker
Crazy. Crazy. The Nazis would never have a woman in charge. That's honestly valid. And then what was this shit with the horns? These like bug looking joints. I miss fucking pointless.
01:00:49
Speaker
Yeah. did Harry have something in his pocket. he dropped like one bell and it kept multiplying and then started like all the explosions. Kind of like fucking Batman type shit. Yeah. He dropped like a smoke bomb.
01:01:02
Speaker
Yeah. All he dropped like one little thing and it started multiplying like endless times.
01:01:09
Speaker
um So that causes a big disruption and Harry sneaks into Dumbledore's... Dumbledore? God, dude. Dude, what the fuck is going on today? Are drunk? No, bro. I just don't have names written down. I write i wrote like HP sneaks into her office and I didn't write a name. I just said Dumbledore. I don't know why. HPV sneaks into her office? no h like see HP, dude. Harry Potter. Shout out printers and computers all at once.
01:01:38
Speaker
ay sponsor us a please I need a printer actually they uh so Harry goes into Umbridge's office and he thinks that saying Accio lock it's gonna work which this is a dude fuck this is fuck this out this is a fucking horcrux you think it's that easy yeah he's like Accio horcrux and nothing happens um And he finds in Umbridge's drawer.
01:02:07
Speaker
right What? In Umbridge's drawers, dude. so She goes suck my balls through my drawers. ah To be fair, Jake, ah in the Order of the Phoenix episode, we did say we'd probably rinse out Umbridge, but only from the back.
01:02:23
Speaker
And she wouldn't be able to talk. Yeah. No. yeah She got that fucking body yada yada, bro. dude Y'all y'll have fun with that one. i will fucking Only beat it from the back pussy.
01:02:37
Speaker
Beat it from the... Oh my but filled a backshot a oh my god Oh man. what I'm saying? No. No. want you to rub my umbrage of my nuts you know i'm saying no no
01:02:54
Speaker
I was trying to taint joke, but it didn't work. No. Oh, it kind of makes sense. You had bridge. taking it to your bridge from your sack to your anus. Yeah. I just explained the joke for everyone. That's getting cut. through um um But this scene in Hear Me Out on this kind of reminded me of The Incredibles.
01:03:17
Speaker
where he's looking through the files and they're like all x'd out it's like superheroes and the incredible yeah it dad i know it's not on a computer shut up bob car bob car for the one time was it bob car bob par was a par or car i think it might be par not to call you on your bullshit so sorry my my pixar knowledge Not to call you a scumbag or anything. Let's call you f***. But you got his name wrong. You got Mr. Incredible's name wrong.
01:03:51
Speaker
um Sorry, I didn't know the lore went that deep, dude. No, I shouldn't be talking cause i've been fucking Freudian slipping names back and forth.
01:04:02
Speaker
I'm going to sound like Pac-Man.
01:04:06
Speaker
Harry leaves the office and does not find the necklace. And he's spotted by some dude in the ministry. Everybody. He just walks off. Don't go fuck. Don't you track him down?
01:04:17
Speaker
No. Like this guy was in Umbridge's office? Whatever. Yeah, go ahead. And he meets up with Ron in the elevator. And Ron does not know it's him. You fucking idiot, dude. He's like, it's me, bro.
01:04:28
Speaker
Why is everybody in this movie a fucking idiot? um we They go to the courtroom with where Hermione is with Umbridge. um And we see Umbridge has a patronus of a cat.
01:04:41
Speaker
And she is wearing the necklace they're looking for. And she's interrogating Ron, quote unquote, Ron's wife. um And she wants to know where this lady stole this wand from.
01:04:54
Speaker
And the lady says, like, very upset, like, you know I got this from all of them when I was 11 years old. By the way, this is fucking crazy because the ministry literally has... fucking dementors above them like getting they're like gated off uh with a patronus so like they can't get through but like they're ready to just fucking merc people dude that takes some serious magic don't care anybody says j just to hold them back like that yeah i mean umbridge is powerful bro yeah uh umbridge thinks that uh this lady's lying and says she's not a real witch um
01:05:28
Speaker
And we see Harry's face start to turn back to actual Harry Potter.
Humorous Takes on Magical Transformations
01:05:33
Speaker
And he pulls out his fucking wand, not his cock. Yeah, if he pulled out his cock, that'd be like instant Azkaban, right? because like Do you think nudity is like not okay?
01:05:45
Speaker
No. I don't know the Britain... Listen, they got they got freaking weird ass creatures. I think a little nip is all right. Well, tasteful nip. I agree. Yeah. Well, nip, probably fine. But fucking Harry's Harry's turning back from polyjuice potion cock like it's going in between like a 35 year old man's and like an 18 year old.
01:06:05
Speaker
Hey, man, if it happens, it happens. Like what if what if Harry's shaven? But this guy's not. Is it like, oh, you're disappearing and reappearing? That'd be interesting. Maybe they just fall off.
01:06:17
Speaker
That'd be crazy. They regrow, fall off, regrow, fall off. Dude, and like you see the the fucking sack retraction from like being a fucking old man to being a younger person. Your balls just like tighten up.
01:06:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's like a yo-yo. So Harry hits Umbridge with a stupefy. Stupefy! And she gets knocked out right in her chair.
01:06:38
Speaker
And Hermione takes the necklace and throws it to Harry. That's the perfect time fuck Umbridge, by the way. She's, like, incapacitated. Right. Well, at least just get a view of what that like what the snatch situation is.
01:06:50
Speaker
Right. Like, you an innie or an outie type bit? You have an innie or outie? Well, you got a roast beef or, like, you're chilling. I don't like roast beef.
01:07:00
Speaker
Is that shit dangling in the wind or is it tight? Right, like, I don't want to move that out of the way. Like, I gotta, like, close pins to, like, eat you out. Close pins?
01:07:13
Speaker
Close pins? You gotta peel back the layers like ah like an ogre and an onion. Like an Like an onion. Vaginas have layers, like onions.
01:07:26
Speaker
Uh, so...
Escaping the Ministry and Finding Refuge
01:07:29
Speaker
Ron, Harry, and Hermione make a run for it They get into an elevator. um They are able to close this little gate, but the Dementors on their side, they're getting all sucked off together.
01:07:39
Speaker
Also, Harry's like a little late to this. Like he could have been cast a Patronus, but he's just sitting there. Yeah, and while getting sucked off, he does cast the Expecto Patronum.
01:07:50
Speaker
Eventually. Right. But they get I think he likes getting sucked off. I mean who doesn't? I do, too. Yeah. They are in the elevator. ah Hermione and Harry transform back into their regular bodies.
01:08:04
Speaker
ah Ron is not quite transformed yet, and he kisses this man's wife. That's fucking ballsy, dude. It's like full-blown making out with her. And as they're making out, he turns back into a regular kid, Ron.
01:08:19
Speaker
And the husband walks and goes, the fuck? I'm getting cucked.
01:08:24
Speaker
And immediately, Harry's recognized. And they get chased through the ministry by Yaxley. I don't know what spell they're using, but they're he's fucking, like, zapping at them. like He's throwing fireballs at them.
01:08:35
Speaker
Just no talking at all. Yeah. But that I think maybe the kids do this. don't know who does this, but he gets, like, mobbed with papers. Yeah, like they're running past the papers and one of them flips their wands. and They barely make it into the flu network.
01:08:52
Speaker
And they wake up in ah the woods. And when they wake up, Ron's arm is fucked. I would say the practical here looks pretty good.
01:09:03
Speaker
it It really does. I'm surprised Harry Potter had this level of... Gore effect. east franchise Yeah. Yeah. Like it's not like, you know, crazy, but it's pretty fucking brutal for like a kid's movie. Quote, unquote.
01:09:20
Speaker
I would say I would agree with that because the scenes like when they're out in the woods look pretty brutal as far as CGI. Yeah. They look great. Um, Hermione asks Harry for the essence of, i think it's DeSanti or um whatever. Sue me.
01:09:39
Speaker
um Because Ron's arms all fucked up. And when they were in the flu network, Hermione changed the destination. And to the word is splinch, which is not a real word.
01:09:53
Speaker
ah But they splinched Yaxley. um And they use the spells Protego, Totalum, and Salvia Hexia to... They're like, not force fields, but they're like protective shields. Yeah. it's like so So no one can see them.
01:10:11
Speaker
Right. Essentially, when they're in that little bubble. As we come to to find out. Protective enchantment, I even wrote it down, Nick, you fucking idiot. um And then here's Harry. Here's your cornerstone of a Harry Potter movie. Harry being a fucking idiot.
01:10:25
Speaker
Yep. She's like, get working on the tent. He goes, where am I going to find a tent? Maybe the magic fucking bag. Yeah. Maybe the big sack. Mary Poppins got a fucking bag here, dude. Like, come on, bro.
01:10:39
Speaker
ah The next day, they're trying to destroy the locket, and I got a bunch of different fucking charms. Here we go. a lot of A lot of ones that make their first appearance, I believe.
01:10:50
Speaker
Right. We got des Descendium, Incendio, Expulso, Defendio, Reducto. All those don't work. I'm not hanging Alakazam all those times.
01:11:02
Speaker
You get one and be happy and be grateful you ever got it. You get one ski and that's it. Be graced with his fucking presence. um And Harry decides this is a pretty bad idea, I'll be honest, to wear it.
01:11:15
Speaker
yeah keep it safe Yeah. Yeah, bad idea. And as we come to find out, ah whoever wears the necklace like just gets like super fucking angry. like It's like when you wear the ring in Lord the Rings.
01:11:27
Speaker
Right. Which you didn't like that movie, but whatever. It's fine. not going to yuck your yum, but I will spit in your mouth. That one the most boring movies I've ever fucking watched. Gerald, I'm with you, buddy.
01:11:38
Speaker
Oh, wow. You hate it? It's a strong word. I don't hate it. I have not made it past the first 30 minutes without falling asleep. um i will like I will not stick up for anything beyond Fellowship of the Ring because that is my favorite.
01:11:56
Speaker
I had the... ah
01:12:00
Speaker
privilege of watching that movie high. So like it kind of kept my... You watched it high? Your first experience watching one of the most iconic franchises ever made was high?
01:12:12
Speaker
Yeah, but it's not like... What's the world coming to? No, it's not like what you think. Oh, so what is it? Were you low? No. What? That's not what you think.
01:12:23
Speaker
It makes you hyper-focus. So you took Adderall? Yeah, essentially. So I was like focused on it.
01:12:32
Speaker
All right. Well, it kept my interest, but I mean, at least rated a a positive rating. I'll let you off with that.
Debating Movie Merits: Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings
01:12:40
Speaker
It's not a bad. beat It's not a bad. one I need.
01:12:43
Speaker
I've said it. I think I've said it on this podcast. It's a good setup for the next movie. Like, I'm not, you know, denying that. That's always balls. But it's a whole setup movie. That's my problem with it.
01:12:53
Speaker
The next movie is not about 9-11. I know it sounds like it is, but it's not. So the third one's it? The next one's called The Two Towers. That's why I said that. And then Return of the King. but where's the Where's the crickets for that one? the Return of the King is Osama Bin
01:13:13
Speaker
Osama Bin Laden? What the fuck? Return of the King. ah ah Should we bleep that?
01:13:26
Speaker
No. Jake says no. Jake's a conservative one here, so Jake says no, we're letting it fly. Just praised Osama bin. but Don't praise Osama bin. I'm a fucking... i believe fucking red.
01:13:38
Speaker
You just called him a king. Yeah, it's a joke, guys. It's called a joke. joke You and I do that on a lot in this podcast. Avatar made a whole album about him. Osama? Yeah.
01:13:48
Speaker
What? Return of the King. ah All Hail the King. Statue of the King. You guys want to go find his grave? Probably some fucking desert with a bunch of scorpions and like people. dumped them in the ocean.
01:14:01
Speaker
Yeah, they did. It's in the Indian Ocean. Ron points out that it's pretty stupid that Dumbledore ah did not show them how to destroy the Horcruxes. To be fair, he fucking died before he could.
01:14:13
Speaker
Right. um We cut to, not cut, but ah Ron likes us listen to this radio. And the radio is talking about all these muggles have been captured.
01:14:24
Speaker
I guess Dean Thomas is muggle. Shout Dean Thomas. One of the only black guys in Harry Potter. Right. Harry holds the necklace and there we get more visions.
01:14:37
Speaker
He sees Voldemort interrogating Gregorovic um for a one that was stolen by whom? The man looks like Barty Crouch Jr. beyond Yeah.
01:14:50
Speaker
Low key. And Voldemort kills Gregorovic. right voldemorre kills grovorovvi ah Hermione walks over she's like, you can't let Voldemort get in your head. Bro, this is not Voldemort getting in his head. This is Harry getting in Voldemort's head, you idiot.
01:15:05
Speaker
Right. Because it works both ways. Right. And Harry tells Hermione that Voldemort's looking for something. Very vague. No shit, he's looking for something. You.
01:15:17
Speaker
Ron is listening to the radio in the tent, and Harry says that it annoys the fuck out of him. um Harry's getting triggered. Hermione is. Right. Because he's wearing the necklace.
01:15:28
Speaker
Yeah. Hermione's like, well, Harry asked Hermione, what, how soon can we start moving? She's like, we can't because Ron is hurt and he can't apparate.
01:15:39
Speaker
And he's like, you're not trying hard. He felt like kind of freaked out here, bro. Like take a breath. ah Chill pill. She asked Harry take the necklace off. So he does. And he feels better. ah We cut to nighttime. Night, night, night.
01:15:55
Speaker
Where Hermione hears some noises. The subtitles say a twig snapping. um W subtitles. We cut inside ah the tent.
01:16:06
Speaker
ah W subtitles. Let's Poughkeepsie tapes. Right, because that fucking ruins the movie for you. Then it's Elle. Which my cousin commented on that fucking post, have to watch the subtitles now. Did you miss the point of the clip?
01:16:19
Speaker
I saw that she commented and I was like, no, the whole point is don't. Who's a heat he? Let's not misgender my cousin. Sorry. Yeah. ah By the way, he's a genius. like He's like an actual fucking rocket scientist and then wrote that.
01:16:31
Speaker
know it joke what. Shout out Jimmy. no ah No offense, Jimmy, but we were saying don't. Please don't. No shade. Just don't watch it with fucking. Yeah. Watch the movie for sure.
01:16:42
Speaker
But now it's subtitles.
01:16:45
Speaker
We hear on the radio that Snape has now been promoted to the new headmaster of Hogwarts. It took him long enough to become something in life. but shut me He's head hog, bro.
01:16:55
Speaker
Head hog. Head hog. He's the head hog, bro. Oh, the head of Hogwarts. I get it All right. I should have worn my Harry Potter shirt. I'm a fucking failure.
01:17:07
Speaker
Go change right now. When we change right now, don't fucking tell me. Do it. let me pause. If you're got pause the episodes. I'm like, are you going to do it? So we see some ah snatchers walk by, and Hermione sees them, but they can't see her really face to face.
01:17:22
Speaker
Uh, and has Harry eloquently points out. They're called snatchers. Um, And I guess I spoke too soon, but this is where Hermione says Ron is not strong enough to apparate. So they decide to walk on foot where Ron has the radio on and it's just reading off the names of the missing wizards. This is pretty fucking dark, bro.
01:17:42
Speaker
It is like there's like hundreds of motherfuckers that are just gone. Like we joke about it being the Nazis, but like low key really is high key.
01:17:54
Speaker
Ron's wearing the necklace at this point while they're traveling and he sees Hermione offers Harry water or something. He gets fucking mad. Um, and then there's just kind of a montage of them like going from place to place and the world seems like almost post apocalyptic.
01:18:08
Speaker
They're inside this tent again. ah and Hermione realizes the sword of Gryffindor can destroy the Horcrux because it it absorbs the powers of, if if it's an item that's more powerful, it absorbs it essentially.
01:18:21
Speaker
Makes sense. Uh, and Harry's like, you're brilliant, which is like, but relax, bro. Uh, and then Ron sucks the light out all dramatic. And, uh, Basically, I'll say this. I think Ron should be wearing this necklace a long time ago because Ron's mad that Harry doesn't know shit.
01:18:37
Speaker
Bro, Harry hasn't known shit the past six movies. Nick's been saying that's his fucking movie too. The first one. What are you guys talking about? You're just getting mad about this now? You should have put that shit on a long time ago.
01:18:49
Speaker
It's probably like his deepest, darkest thoughts, but he's like, ah he's my friend. i don't want to you know I don't want to hurt him. But now when the necklace is on, he's like, no holds barred. So they start going at it. Hermione asked Ron to take the horcrux off. And he's like, no.
01:19:04
Speaker
um And he says that he listens to the radio every night in fear of losing his family and that Harry doesn't know what it's like. And Harry's like, I do know what it's like. And he's like, you don't have him because your parents are dead. little harsh.
01:19:17
Speaker
And he asked Hermione if he wants to go with him or not. And she's like, nah. And he just apparates, which like five minutes ago he wasn't able to do. That you just can do it now? and I can.
01:19:28
Speaker
um And then the next... I'll be honest. Most of this part in the woods, nothing really happens. ah So I'm just giving you the highlights here. There's a part where Hermione and Harry dance to some music in the tent.
01:19:41
Speaker
Then there's a part where Harry's laying in his bed and he kisses a snitch. Some gay shit. Also some gay shit. The same rules do apply. And when he kisses the snitch, the snitch has some words inscribed on it that say, I open at the close.
01:19:57
Speaker
somes Some gay shit. shit. ah I mean, i don't know about you guys, but that's anal. I open at the close. That's anal.
01:20:09
Speaker
That's exit only, dog. Right. Ain't no one know going up my poop chute unless it's my doctor. Right. Who already has. Right. Shout out Jonathan. Shout out Jonathan. Shout out Dr. Jonathan, dude.
01:20:21
Speaker
Sorry, no last names. Right. We can't. Harry shares with Hermione that the ah the phrase the snitch says when he kisses it. That's fucking weird, man. I know.
01:20:32
Speaker
And Hermione notices this symbol that ah Mr. Lovegood had a necklace of. uh she's like it has to mean something but harry's like harry's like you know what fuck that symbol i want to go to godrick hollow it's fucking true uh oh hermione you might be on to something fuck it though i didn't realize how stupid that was until i just read my notes on it but he was like yeah you know what no i'm just gonna go to godrick my parents do what i want to do My parents lived there.
01:21:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's cool. Hermione's like, well, they're going to be waiting for you there, bro. He's like, nah, they wouldn't be. Why would they be there for? i don't know. With Hagrid and the motorbike. Wow, they didn't catch me then.
01:21:13
Speaker
Just a hunch. It's too obvious. um So they apparate to Godric Hollow where we find out it's Christmas Eve.
Godric's Hollow and Nagini's Deception
01:21:21
Speaker
um And as they're walking, they see a graveyard. And Harry's like, ah I wonder if my parents are in there.
01:21:29
Speaker
ah So they go in the graveyard and they find his parents' grave as long as well as a grave ah that belongs to, ah fuck, autocorrected. I think it's Ignotus. Ignotus Prevel, I think.
01:21:42
Speaker
if it's my If my pronunciation on anything is wrong this whole series, call in and correct me. We to call. okay call No emails. Call. um They also notice there's person who's been watching them ah in the graveyard and they follow them.
01:21:59
Speaker
and they I guess they follow them into the house where Harry's parents were murdered. They go into the house of the person. This is a little confusing. Yeah, it was confusing. You can't tell.
01:22:10
Speaker
But this lady gives off big like witch vibe. Well, like not like witches in Harry Potter, which witches in like stereotypical like voodoo, which she'd give you a poison green apple like the nun.
01:22:23
Speaker
Haven't seen it. So they either go into Harry Potter's parents' house or they go into this fucking lady's house. I think it's there i think it's his parents' house because they have that fight scene with Nagini in the room with the crib.
01:22:35
Speaker
Right, and that's like always in the flashbacks. So I'm guessing this is Lily and James Potter's house. This is the Potter residence. And this is Bathilda Backshot. She's called Backshot now just because it's funny.
01:22:48
Speaker
And Harry sees a photo of a person and asks who he is, but this lady don't speak. And they're just like, all right, I guess she doesn't talk. and Just leave it at that. So sus. ah And Harry goes and investigates upstairs.
01:23:01
Speaker
Harry finds a copy of the book we mentioned from the beginning of this movie. Uh... that Bathilda, you know, spilled her guts about. And there's a letter thanking her from Rita Skeeter.
01:23:13
Speaker
We cut it. And the next part is literally just Bathilda staring at Harry's necklace. So fucking work rocks. um And she speaks parcel tongue to Harry. Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
01:23:26
Speaker
Right. Hold on. Can I say something right here? I know you're going to say, and I agree. Can you hit it? Can you hit the button that I asked you for? it's a drop What the fuck makes you think that this random old woman just magically can speak parcel tongue, right?
01:23:46
Speaker
Like in the second movie, Ron straight up tells you like, this is not normal. Everyday people cannot do this. And you're just like, you just go with it.
01:23:58
Speaker
Dude, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I completely forgot that she was Nagini. And I did not. Dude. And I did not think anything of it. Well, yeah. like Like a first time watch, you're like, what the fuck?
01:24:11
Speaker
but This is my third time watching it. And I didn't think anything of it. Oh, okay. ah So i'm pretty stupid too. I'll say that. But to Harry, who's been living in the world of Hogwarts for the past seven years.
01:24:23
Speaker
You're not normal, dude. you You know you have, like, Voldemort speaks parcel tongue. Also, what was she saying? Right. Like, he's like... This scene doesn't really illustrate that. No. What does the subtitles say?
01:24:36
Speaker
Nothing. It says speaks parcel tongue. yeah Okay. Which USPS, where's my fucking parcel? Hey, shout out USPS. No, fuck USPS. Fuck USPS.
01:24:48
Speaker
ah United States piss system. ah Sure. So she speaks partial tongue to Harry and then... Harry turns to look at like an album or something and she turns into Nagini.
01:25:02
Speaker
Now, Jake asked us off the pod about Nagini. Okay. We're not going to ask. We're not going to say exactly what you ask. That's embarrassing and protect the innocent. I will say I totally missed that part when she changed into. Did you fucking turn away? What'd you do? I was cooking dinner. Well, Harry turned away.
01:25:18
Speaker
So it's fair. You cooked dinner while watching a movie? Yeah. That's odd. What do you do while watching movies? Me? Yeah. sit on my couch like a normal person, I thought. oh okay.
01:25:31
Speaker
Um... You cook dinner, what too? You multitask? No, was writing the scene by scene. But, uh, Nagini is... This is a spoiler for the rest. This is a spoiler for the audience, if they don't know.
01:25:44
Speaker
Nagini is what you call a horcrux. he's He's Voldemort's pet snake ah that he put part of his soul in. That's gangster. Sir Yakub.
01:25:56
Speaker
Um... No, I understood all that part. I just didn't understand that that random ass lady was Nagini. Oh. Yeah. Okay. All right.
01:26:07
Speaker
That's not how it sounded, but I appreciate that we hit. But this is your second time watching this movie. Third time. I fucking forgot, too. So I'm not going to I'm not going to shake for that.
01:26:17
Speaker
um they have a fight Nagini and Harry Harry hits Nagini with a brick Nagini falls down the stairs and there's a cool jump scare bro this got me so bad this time like I knew it was coming but they like they did like good they did the perfect jump scare where like you think it's gonna happen and then they back off you think it's gonna happen again they back off Hermione as soon it comes up Hermione hits it with a confingo or confongo I don't remember it could have autocorrected fingo and bingo and that I need to hit the button ah look ka ze And they apparate out the fucking window.
01:26:51
Speaker
That's fucking crazy, dog. like Into the forest of Dean, which is not to be confused with Dean's pubes. That's not what we are. A.K.A. Ginny Weasley's ex-boyfriend who fucking plowed her out and her fucking pussy.
01:27:06
Speaker
Why are you saying it again? It's funny. Fucking rearrange Ginny's organs. Do think now whole time you think Ginny's just out there getting fucked?
01:27:16
Speaker
Yeah, the whole time. She seems like a little fucking slut, right? A little dirty slut. Every time she is off screen, she's getting fucking plowed. yeah She's the only daughter, dude.
01:27:27
Speaker
They don't care about her. Why do you think she's such a slut for That's what I'm saying. She talks to people. No, because she wasn't like cared for. Right. Like you got you got but ah what's his name? Bill. He's out fucking Bill Nye.
01:27:42
Speaker
Bill Nye. He's out there doing with dragons right there. You know, poor Molly and dad. forget dad's name. Arthur are worrying about Bill and his dragon thing.
01:27:53
Speaker
Fred and George are a bunch of fucking misfits. And then you got Ron running around with fucking Harry Bopper getting fucking almost killed every other fucking year. Yeah, but he's getting like fucking A1 poon.
01:28:04
Speaker
Harry? No, Ron. Ron. yeah Yeah, but what is Harry getting? Chose? No, he got cockpaw. This shit smells like fucking shrimp fry fries.
01:28:16
Speaker
Yikes. ah
01:28:39
Speaker
The fucking way you just said that. It feels like shrimp fried rice. It's for the craziest things. oh but
01:28:53
Speaker
Alright. I'm just saying, she's at the bottom of the fucking leaderboard, alright? They're not worrying about her. she's I She's straight A student, so she's like left out. So what else can she do besides get fucking rinsed out?
01:29:12
Speaker
need some love of my life. Let me get my fucking snatch wrecked. Ugh. Ugh.
01:29:19
Speaker
Call me fucking Lisa Ann because I've been fucked by everybody. That's why I think I feel like she's like the school slut, dude. Low key. Dean? Who's fucking Dean Thomas?
01:29:31
Speaker
Dude, all he does is make the announcement and she's like, fuck it. I want to stick my fucking pussy in your mouth. That's what saying. Like, she's definitely roast beef puss. It's gotta to be She's fucking.
01:29:43
Speaker
She used like a used car. But like that car is from like 2000. Do you think they have hookers in Harry Potter? Yes. They're probably elves. Ew.
01:29:55
Speaker
Ew. well l I don't want to fuck with Hobby. What? No. But we don't know what the girl elves look like yet.
01:30:06
Speaker
um What do you think the next part was all about when they're sitting in the forest and Hermione's like, let's just stay here and grow old. She's just giving up, right? She's giving up on life. and Sounds like she wanted to like start a life with Harry and like, you know what I mean?
01:30:20
Speaker
I think she was just sick of running. I think, yeah, I think she just wants to like, she's like, I'm tired of this shit. I'm doing a lot of shit for you. And you're dumb and do whatever you want all the time.
01:30:33
Speaker
And Hermione's book, we've, she learned about this guy, Gallard Grindelwald, who is the man from the visions. Um, and Hermione also shared that Harry's wants broken. Oh no. It's fucking shout Dennis Rodman.
01:30:48
Speaker
And he's like, all right, then, well, give me the fuck, give me your wand and give me the necklace and I'll stand outside. And while Harry's standing guard outside during the night, he sees a Patronus, which leads him to a ah frozen pond.
Ron Saves Harry and Destroys the Horcrux
01:31:01
Speaker
So for the first time in Harry's life, right, because in Prisoner of Azkaban, he fell for the Patronus. was actually himself, but he's like, we roasted him because he's like, that's my dad. My dad is making that Patronus. But he deserved to get roasted.
01:31:13
Speaker
Right. This time, he still fell for it. right? You think he would have learned his lesson, but this time it actually helps him out. I think Harry's actually dumb.
01:31:24
Speaker
I see where you're coming from, but like, I don't think he would put two and two together that last time it was a trap. So let me not do the same thing. That's what I'm saying. Harry's got a little tism going.
01:31:35
Speaker
Can I be honest with you guys, though? I don't know if I was in Harry's situation and I saw Patronus that I wouldn't investigate. Wait, wait. Because Patronus isn't necessarily an evil thing, right? It's a happy thing. It's a good thing.
01:31:49
Speaker
Well, it could be an evil person casting a bad. An evil person casting a good memory as a Patronus, like. How Umbridge has a Patronus, but she's evil. I guess.
01:32:00
Speaker
I have a wild conspiracy theory. I'm not debating it. i'm I'm saying I would have also followed the Patronus. I'll be honest. and it was the Of all the dumb things Harry's done, i don't think this is the dumbest one.
01:32:11
Speaker
And it was a deer. What's your conspiracy, Jake? The scar on his head caused brain damage. That's fair. He's got CTE. Harry Potter's got CTE. Bro, you get struck in the head hard enough as a little kid, you'll be fuck you up.
01:32:28
Speaker
Harry Potter, Crispin Waugh, same person. Hey, yo. Dude, Harry Potter killed his parents? That's crazy, dude. I mean, low-key, he did. so We can't shout out Chris Benoit, but as a wrestler, I mean, chef's kiss.
01:32:42
Speaker
He should be Hall of Fame, but murder-suicide is bad. Not great. You can't kill your wife and kid, you know? It's like the Michael Vick thing, right? Michael Vick will never be in the Hall of Fame because he killed dogs. I think Michael Vick is more accepted.
01:32:54
Speaker
Yeah. That's true. Michael Vick at least said sorry. No, but I don't think saying sorry for fighting dogs versus saying sorry for murdering your family is the same. No, because at least... You know what mean? At least Michael Vick did jail time.
01:33:07
Speaker
Yeah, and then he came back and had a career. Yeah. W. He had a life around. Chris Mawad didn't have a chance. It's like, he fought dogs, but we, like... this is not This is honestly going to sound bad, but it's not that bad.
01:33:20
Speaker
People fight animals all over the world, and we just turn a blind eye to it. Yeah. Can we just be honest about that? I 100% agree. There's big cock fights in New York City, okay? I have a small cock, but yes. No, my fiancé's family is- i fight it every night.
01:33:34
Speaker
My fiancé's family is like complete anti-Vic to like their core. They hate blacks. is you They hate Michael Vick because the whole dog fighting. They just hate the Fast Blacks.
01:33:47
Speaker
Right. They hate Fast Blacks. Anti-Lamar Jackson, too. Yeah. ah I mean, why would why would you not be? Also, let us know, because we're recording this in January, us if Mark Andrews killed himself or not.
01:33:58
Speaker
It's valid.
01:34:02
Speaker
ah um But I make sure to bring up Michael Vick as much as possible. Just fuck with him. Might buy you a jersey for your birthday. would love it. Dude, I told them. Dude, wait. So what would they do? They'd probably be so conflicted if you walked into that house wearing a fucking Eagles Michael Vick jersey. Oh my god. They hate the Eagles. They hate Michael Vick. Oh my god. will they live in Philly, though? They do. but They do. They're not Eagles fans?
01:34:29
Speaker
They're not Eagles fans. Yeah. Yeah. They root for the G-Men? They do. North Philly. way. All right. So they no struggle.
01:34:40
Speaker
Yeah. Like Michael Vick. Well, he's still rich. but he definitely struggled, though, at some point. At one point, sure, he went to the Jets.
01:34:52
Speaker
That's true. um So, the Patronus leads him to a ah frozen lake pond, John. um And it just, the Patronus itself turns into like a little fucking blue orb and goes underwater, which reveals the Sword of Gryffindor.
01:35:08
Speaker
That's convenient. Harry breaks the ice, a little little area of it with Defindo. Yeah, it's like, you know, so he just met her, breaking the ice type shit.
01:35:21
Speaker
Ha ha. Um, he swims down there. I'm not sure why he chose to swim down with the necklace on, or maybe he just didn't realize he had it on. Uh, obviously the necklace is not going to be okay with him going to grab a weapon that can destroy it.
01:35:35
Speaker
Yeah. So it basically like pulls him away, drags him deeper under the ice. That's like a big fear, dude. I thought it drove dragged him to the surface where the hole was like not no longer there. and He was like stuck.
01:35:48
Speaker
Well, yeah. So he can't get away because like froze back over. so she tried to kill him. Yeah. um Ron comes out of nowhere and save this man. It was a cool POV shot.
01:36:00
Speaker
The POV shot when Harry's getting dragged out of like the lake. That cool. Who went down there and got the fucking sword? Ron? I'm assuming. Maybe it's Accio's sword.
01:36:11
Speaker
you just see that Well, you see the POV of a hand grabbing the handle. Yeah. I'm assuming it's Ron. He didn't look very wet when he fucking came out of water, you know what mean? We don't know how long Harry came back. He could have been giving him CPR.
01:36:25
Speaker
Mouth-to-mouth type shit, you know? I'm trying to whack my cock that. I wonder if somehow they got it with magic. I just said Accio's sword. Yeah.
01:36:36
Speaker
I look a zel. um So essentially the plan now is to destroy this necklace. And ah Harry's like, got to speak to it in parcel tongue, which I get. Now I'm realizing how fucking stupid this is that that's literally he's talking in parcel tongue. And he didn't think it was weird, but he has to so speak soft tongue to open this fucking locket.
01:36:54
Speaker
So ah the necklace opens and it's not the dark mark, but it's like the same kind of cloud that would make a dark mark. And it's just talking shit to Ron like black mold.
01:37:08
Speaker
Alright. And it shows... This is crazy. This is fucking wild. Yeah. ah like It shows an illustration of of Hermione and Harry together.
01:37:21
Speaker
And the two of them are like holding hands, just talking shit to Ron. They're like degrading him. And then they get fucking naked. Yeah, butt ass naked. Butt ass naked, like fucking sucking face.
01:37:33
Speaker
I was praying to every God that exists on this fucking, you know, in universe. I'd see some fucking Hermione tit. didn't get any. Isn't that fucking crazy, though? Would have made this movie a half star better. Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson had to like hug naked.
01:37:46
Speaker
Yeah. Dude, this is what I mean. How did these actors not get hard? He had to, right? I'd be hard as shit. Dana Reckless little weird though. He's a little weird. Yeah, you're right.
01:37:57
Speaker
He's little autistic. I don't like the way he's like his like upper body looks. That's what saying. He's got to have tism. So, Ron is able to get over this shit talk and he smashes this fucking necklace with ah the sword of Godric Gryffindor.
01:38:10
Speaker
um They grab Hermione who's pissed that Ron's back and calls him an asshole, which he is. Um... And Ron said took so long for to come back because he had no idea where to find him. But to be fair, that's valid.
01:38:21
Speaker
That is valid. Because they keep moving. But he apparated. He did apparate, which he shouldn't be able to do. Yeah, but by time he apparated, they probably dipped.
01:38:33
Speaker
By the time he apparated, I was fucking fapperating. Yeah? Yeah. Fucking jerk of my gherkin. They were a faperonian cheese, you know what i'm saying? Ooh, it would like come into cheese sauce. That's when you're jacking off and you have smegma.
01:38:48
Speaker
Faperoni and cheese. Oh, is that like an Urban Dictionary term? it's It should be now. I don't know. I just made that up on the spot. Pretty good. You should submit it submitted Urban Dictionary.
01:38:59
Speaker
Faperoni and cheese at smegma actually pretty fire, dude. That's fucking disgusting. No, it's not like, it's a funny term. Sure. Put that on a shirt and wear it. um And Ron essentially tells ah Harry and Hermione, the little light sucker John,
01:39:18
Speaker
told them where to go in Hermione's voice. It was just Hermione being like, Ron, eat my fucking pussy. My flaps are wet.
01:39:30
Speaker
Jesus. I want to give you that. i
01:39:37
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? know what I mean?
01:39:43
Speaker
Ron, your cock is massive. Your cock is massive, Ron. It's fucking throbbing. ah Dude. Your cum illuminates.
01:39:57
Speaker
Right. ah The illuminator kind looks like a vape. It does, right? right Jizz. That's where they are. okay ah We cut inside the tent and Ron has a spare wand for Harry, which is great. Give me no wand, Ron.
01:40:18
Speaker
and it In a surprise turn of events, we listen to Hermione here who wants to go see Mr. Lovegood. Um, because, ah they, she found a letter from Albus to
Captured and Escaping Malfoy Manor
01:40:32
Speaker
him.
01:40:32
Speaker
oh That's signed with that same symbol. We keep talking about. Then Harry's like, I saw that the night that fucking
01:40:43
Speaker
wedding at the graveyard at the wedding. Yeah. It's everywhere. Uh, so they go to his house. What, what had Jake? This is easily my favorite part of this movie. This whole scene.
01:40:53
Speaker
I love this game. Really? Yeah. ah They ask Mr. Lovegood where Luna's at, and he's like, oh, she'll be here. um Fucking trade. Listen.
01:41:06
Speaker
Dramatic? Luna, I've made it very well known that I have a... She's your favorite character for no particular reason. I just want to fucking rinse her.
01:41:17
Speaker
But... yeah That's why. That's why. um But over there this shelf, over here on this shelf, you can't see it's out of frame.
01:41:30
Speaker
I have a Luna Lovegood pop. All right. Is it covered in a white film?
01:41:36
Speaker
Fair. Plead the fifth. So here's my thing, right? If you're her father, right? This is going to be a spoiler for a future thing that happens that we find out.
01:41:48
Speaker
But if your daughter is kidnapped by fucking Lord Voldemort, right? And Harry Potter shows up at your house. I don't think I'm okay with that.
01:42:00
Speaker
Right? what you What are you trying to say? You're defending his decision? No, I'm thinking, I'm saying that he should have told Harry. To go the hell away? Yeah, because they cause he's shoot they're like, where's Luna?
01:42:12
Speaker
and like And he's like, oh, she'll be here in a few. you Well, they would have killed him if he told Harry to go away.
01:42:20
Speaker
But Harry's like the one person that's actively trying to find Voldemort. So wouldn't you tell him like straight off the bat? but He couldn't. It was it was another trap.
01:42:30
Speaker
I don't think it was a trap. It's trap! It literally was a trap. They say it at the end. I mean, they yeah, the the the Death Eaters show up, but... I don't know i don't know if you can say it's planned trap. i You can't really guarantee that Harry Potter is going to come visit your fucking house in the middle nowhere and start asking questions.
01:42:48
Speaker
No, but if he does show up, wouldn't you tell him?
01:42:52
Speaker
I think he was scared they were going to kill his daughter. if he Would I tell Harry when he got there, yo, they got my daughter kidnapped? Yeah. Is that what you're asking me?
01:43:03
Speaker
Right. Yes, I would. Right, that's what I'm saying. like he And I would say and i say you can rinse her out if you fucking save her. Right. That's what I'm saying. i'm saying Well, I feel like we had this conversation little prematurely because we're not quite there yet.
01:43:21
Speaker
um But I appreciate it.
01:43:25
Speaker
um So we find this ah about the story of the Deathly Hallows. I believe Harry's the only one doesn't know it. This fucking idiot. Well, because he's born by muggles. This is a fucking wizard story.
01:43:37
Speaker
Hermione? Yeah, but she's a... She's like a fucking genius. She probably read it. um Essentially, there's three brothers who are traveling along at midnight, as Ron corrects for mining.
01:43:50
Speaker
And this is all done in like a artsy way art yeah it's like not a storybook yeah like a storybook this is very well done yeah i love this this is awesome agreed um they find a river that is too treacherous as they say to pass um and they use their magic to make a bridge when they're approached by death before they can cross Um, and he approached because he feels cheated because most people try to jump with the fucking water and die like idiots.
01:44:23
Speaker
Um, and death tells him because they figured out they earned a prize. So the first brother asked for the most powerful wand, which we come to know as the elder wand, uh, which death is a wields that,
01:44:37
Speaker
which death makes for him. The second brother asks for the ability to bring back the dead. And he's given a a stone, which is called the resurrection stone. And the third brother gets a cloak, ah which we've come to know as the invisibility cloak from several movies in this.
01:44:54
Speaker
Harry Bopper currently in possession of it. Now this, this is a real ass question. i don't mean to sound stupid. Shoot. Is it possible that Harry and his family, at least the Potter side or whatever side, are descendants of this third brother?
01:45:10
Speaker
Yes. It's got to be, right? That's how I took it. He has the invisibility cloak. Okay, well, he's his son, so that would still qualify him. No, no, no, but that's what I'm saying. His dad's family has to be that side.
01:45:23
Speaker
So this is... okay yeah i yeah This is like my fourth time watching this movie. ah Because I have... I've seen the most like the the earliest ones the most. ah The most like later ones I have seen least.
01:45:36
Speaker
ah But when I first saw this movie, I thought the resurrection stone was the sorcerer's stone, but that is incorrect. I also thought that. Yeah, it's incorrect. It's separate stone. So the story continues um and we find out that the first brother killed who has the the elder wand.
01:45:53
Speaker
He killed another wizard who he had some beef with. um And we find out that, you know, word gets out that this man has the most powerful wand. Someone stole that wand from him fucking slit his throat. So he's dead. He essentially went like mad with power.
01:46:06
Speaker
Mm-hmm. ah the second brother who asked for the resurrection stone brought back a girl he was in love with, ah but she decided she didn't want to be alive and belonged to being dead and she killed herself.
01:46:18
Speaker
Shout out Inception. Shout out Corpse Bride. Haven't seen that movie. Bro, you gotta watch What? You haven't seen Corpse Bride? What? Jake hasn't seen any fucking movie ever?
01:46:29
Speaker
That's valid also, but Corpse Bride's good movie. Jake likes Attack of the Clones. Like, that's rough. <unk>s Hey, man. Jake, we're doing Revenge of the Sith for 5th, if you want to come No.
01:46:40
Speaker
No. That's arguably the prequel. Not even arguably. That is the best prequel. It is. That is the best prequel, yes. Unless you classify Rogue One. You know, besides Episode 2, but... You like 2 better than 3?
01:46:54
Speaker
Yes. That's the hottest thing i've ever heard. i like i like two because of Natalie Portman. The story in three is way better. Dude, yeah I just want you to know the equivalent of you saying I like two better than three because of Natalie Portman is the equivalent of Gerald saying a good movie is good because it's fun.
01:47:10
Speaker
The story. That's the equivalent of what you just said. The story in three is better, but there's more Natalie Portman screen time in two. Okay. Yeah, but that's the problem. There's too much Natalie Portman screen time. There's too much love.
01:47:23
Speaker
It's a fucking love story. It's the notebook Star Wars version. This is a man that can't be reasoned with. Jake, one is better than two. No, one's bad. I actually don't know if I would say, oh, one is better than two. Yes.
01:47:38
Speaker
Yeah. Phantom Man is better than Attack of the Clones. 100%, 100%. Just because it has Darth Maul at the minimum. No, no. It's got Liam Neeson, dude.
01:47:49
Speaker
um Yeah, I mean, i don't know if I want to get in a Star Wars debate right now with this fucking... We also went back and forth of... go like We already said we don't want to do Star Wars for the podcast yet.
01:48:02
Speaker
Like, down the road. Well, yes yeah, yet. Down the road? I suggested Pirates. what do you think, Jake? Pirates of the Caribbean? fire it Pirates or Hunger Games? Because never seen Hunger Games. i would say I would say Pirates. The Pirates movies are a lot more entertaining than Hunger Games. It drops off after three. I don't know where it's off.
01:48:21
Speaker
I don't know where this... No, no, no like It's not... like The story is better. Also, that bitch in Elizabeth or her name, she'd get rinsed out. I don't give a fuck. Yes.
01:48:34
Speaker
I'd much rather hear you guys talk about Pirates. I still want to kind do Hunger Games for the pod. So the third brother, ah he was never found until he gave the cloak to his son. This dude's a smart bitch.
01:48:50
Speaker
Where he was ready to die. was ready be taken or collected. But Slughorn liked that. Shout out Death. He's like, yo, I respect you. But this is my question. Was he wearing the cloak his whole life? Yes. He had to be. So so the whole thing. It's crazy though.
01:49:08
Speaker
The whole thing was death was watching them from the minute they did it, waiting for them to make the mistake. The first brother got drunk with power. That was his mistake. The second brother brought back someone that didn't want to live.
01:49:20
Speaker
And the last one never made the mistake. Jake, if you tell me what I just said one more time, going smack the rest of the hair off your fucking face. and Have you ever watched The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?
01:49:33
Speaker
Yes. Hey, man, he's just chilling under the cloak and shit. I couldn't see the brother. This is my thing, right?
01:49:45
Speaker
You're telling me this man, this brother, this ah this guy, wearing a cloak or not, Made no mistakes? In his life?
01:49:57
Speaker
but Being under the cloak was the only thing he couldn't break. My guy, this is a story. This is like saying Moses like fucking rescued all the yeah but Jake's fucking stupid logic kind of annoys me.
01:50:08
Speaker
Because it makes sense. No, it doesn't. It doesn't make sense. Respectfully. The only rule that what he couldn't break was removing the cloak. Hey, Jake, if you have the cloak of invincibility, right?
01:50:21
Speaker
Yeah. And you do something ah like eat food that's bad or something. It doesn't matter. You're going to leave a trail with your entire room. I'm fucking talking.
01:50:34
Speaker
If you... If you do one of these things, wearing the invisibility cloak or not will not change the outcome. If I eat chicken that sat out in the sun for three days like was in fucking India, I'm going to get sick regardless of an invisibility cloak or not.
01:50:49
Speaker
Okay, but it doesn't matter because death is only looking for him. Because death is only looking for him to take off the cloak.
01:51:00
Speaker
You're saying if this man has the shits and not taking off the cloak, he's not washing it. scrunching it up um I didn't under, I did not comprehend that. Jake was trying to say that death was looking for him to take the cloak off.
01:51:13
Speaker
but But, but even, but even with that logic, death did not take back the elder one. Death did not take back the resurrection stone. Is he still to this day does not have it. He took the souls of the people who had them.
01:51:26
Speaker
Right. okay So again, we're back to what I, we're back to what I said. If you just live your life wearing a cloak or not, it doesn't really change. The only thing you can do with cloak is snoop into girls' rooms and jerk your fucking gherkin.
01:51:38
Speaker
That's the only thing you can do with... Right? I don't... ah I'm wording it the wrong way. You know what? And sometimes that was hiding from death, basically. I disagree.
01:51:50
Speaker
oh yeah Okay. I'm sorry. so If anybody out there reads the books and there's more information in the books about this, let us know. Yeah, because I haven't gotten to Deathly Hallow yet. That shit's long as fuck. yeah It's a long time silver. yeah Here's the thing, right? Is he showering with it?
01:52:04
Speaker
That's what I'm saying. How are you doing the death task? He has to. You shitting? Showering? The second he takes it off, death is going to come kill him. So you think he went home to his family, which we know he has because he's kid. He was like... He was like, look... was like, look, guys, I got this cloak from death, but I got keep it on no matter what.
01:52:26
Speaker
So no matter how bad the bed sores get all over my fucking skin, like this is seven... ah Just keep fucking me. imagine Imagine walking in on someone getting fucking rinsed out by their husband, but you're just seeing air.
01:52:39
Speaker
Like, there's no one there, but you you can tell she's getting plowed. What what if they're both under the cloak? They're both under the cloak! yeah Both? No, that cloak's not big enough, dude. You just see, like, her upper torso, and she's like...
01:52:55
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? What position are they in that you're talking about this? It's definitely missionary. No, it's got to be missionary. He cuts out one little hole in the blanket like his cock throw. this kind is holy I have to cut out a fucking hole from my sack, too. That's what I'm saying. You can only see like from her belly button up.
01:53:13
Speaker
but You can tell she's getting fucking washed.
01:53:20
Speaker
ah Shut up, foam and wash. you're like, what the fuck is happening? She's clearly getting banged the fuck out, but she doesn't have any legs. She getting rearranged. There's an exorcism happening right now. It's like that one letter in fucking ABCs of death. She's getting rinsed out by a fucking like mannequin leg. What's going on?
01:53:39
Speaker
Well, why were what are you talking about? Remember when that got, when that chick came in, she was masturbating with the leg. Then the guys had to masturbate to that kid getting fucked. Oh, that one. I remember. Yes. Yeah.
01:53:52
Speaker
Either way, let us know what your perception of this story is. if you're if If you're wearing a cloth, are you washing people out? or Are you taking a shower? well are you jerk Are you jerking off into that cloth? or is that yeah is that your cum blanket? Is that your cum rag? Yeah. yeah I saw a pair underwear I need to buy you for your birthday. says cum slut.
01:54:14
Speaker
I am a cum slut. um The funniest part of all this, honestly, though, is that he tells the whole story and Harry still doesn't get it. um And he has to draw it. What are you talking about?
01:54:28
Speaker
ah in this straight line through the triangle is for the wand, the triangles for the cloak and the circles for the resurrection stone. And with all the, if you have all those items, you're the master of death, AKA you have the fucking gauntlet.
01:54:41
Speaker
You have Deathly Hallows. um And Hermione asks about Purvel or what fuck they're called. um And he says that the brothers Camdas and Anatoque, Anoak, Antioque, Antioque, sure, are the original owners um of these items. And they were the inspiration for the story. And he says, oh your tea's gone cold, and just walks away. He's I'll come back.
01:55:08
Speaker
um but oddly, the kids decided it's time to go. They walk downstairs. He just, he just stand there staring out the window. You strange guy. This is that back to what I was saying before about this being a trap. I think he went downstairs to report. it's a I don't think it's a trap though, Jake, because there's no way he knew that that hair was going to show up.
01:55:29
Speaker
How do you know that? But I think it was like, uh, if he does show up, like we're taking your daughter daughter because they, they knew that Harry and her were friends.
01:55:41
Speaker
So they were, she was, so Harry was going to go to her at some point. So they took her. See what I'm saying? I kind of see it, but I still disagree.
01:55:53
Speaker
and Okay. Okay. ah Lovegood Senior freaks out because they're leaving. And ah he says here, as we've already revealed to you, that Luna's been taken.
01:56:04
Speaker
And Harry's like, who took her? Who the fuck do you think took her? him the gingerbread man, idiot. The only guy that you're looking for. um Death of the Year show up, start attacking the house, and they just apparate out of the house. This kind of a cop-out, this apparition thing.
01:56:21
Speaker
They're fucking cheating. It is. it It's fucking cheating. um And they operate break the woods where there are snatchers just hanging out waiting for them. um And they all get chased. There's chase scene, which was filmed pretty cool.
01:56:32
Speaker
I did like the way this looked. Hermione gets surrounded by some snatchers. ah They're just fucking pooing hungry at this time. It's time for a gangbang here.
01:56:44
Speaker
They look her up and down and they go, hello, beautiful. Or hello, pretty or something. Yeah. And she sees Harry running towards her and she fucking zaps this man in the face, which kind of distorts his head.
01:56:55
Speaker
Yeah. she just so like He looks like the toxic Avenger. Low key. She's trying to like hide his scar, but didn't do a great job. No, but also we'll get to that.
01:57:06
Speaker
And when Harry gets zapped, he's a vision of Voldemort ah being told the elder one is buried with Dumbledore. I don't think they say Dumbledore. They do. They do. The guy says Dumbledore.
01:57:18
Speaker
They're taken by the snatchers and Harry Potter's face is all fucked up. But I think the lead snatcher guy can kind of see the, the, I almost said n again, but that triggers you a little bit. Do you think the scar on Harry's head looks like an N Jake?
01:57:31
Speaker
No, it's a lightning It's a lightning bolt. All right. um Nick said, put a fucking N like in Kurt in the Alex. Yeah. all right All right. Whatever.
01:57:41
Speaker
I don't see it. I'm sorry. no i'm not I'm not offended by this. I don't think that's not your worst take. You've already said your worst take on this on this podcast. ah You, the viewer, figured that out. It's funny because Harry tells the Snatchers his name is Vernon Dudley.
01:57:55
Speaker
ah Shut up, his cousin. Dudley. Dudley. Dudley's who? Jump off ladders. Right. Hermione says her name is Penelope Clearwater, but they see the scar on his head and they go, yep, change of plan, we're taking them.
01:58:10
Speaker
They take them to that fucking house in the beginning, Lucius's house, where they're greeted by Bellatrix Lestrange and they show her the ah scar on Harry's head. Bellatrix La-fucking-cock meat, know saying? and um oh And she's like, get Draco because that's the right fucking answer.
01:58:30
Speaker
Why do you want Draco? He's a fucking pussy. To ID this kid. Yeah, Draco has seen Harry more than anyone else, so it have made sense for Draco's such a fucking bitch. He's not going to, like, you know, sell him. Harry's seen his hair, you know what I mean? dan Like, Draco's, like, actually probably, like, deep down, like, a good guy.
01:58:48
Speaker
you know i do not agree with that. He's being forced into all this bullshit. Draco's a Nazi youth? Is that what you're trying to tell me? I think he's been pressured by his father. Right. And in the Dark Lord.
01:59:00
Speaker
He knows it's wrong, but he can't do anything about it because he'll get fucking murdered.
01:59:08
Speaker
um So there's there's a lot of pressure applied to Draco here about IDing Harry Potter because if it's not him, Voldemort kill all them, which would not do him any good because he has no fucking army yet. he kills them, he's kind of out of luck.
01:59:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. um Bellatrix notices the Snatcher has the Sword of Gryffindor and she's like, where the fuck you get that? She decides that she's going to interrogate Hermione and she sends Potter and Ron into the cellar.
01:59:35
Speaker
And they have a little one-on-one where we kind of just hear her getting fucking tortured. Let me get a one-on-one Hermione. She ain't ever coming back the same bitch.
01:59:46
Speaker
ah Ron and Harry are in the cellar and they find Anne Frank. I'm just kidding. It's Luna Lovegood. It's Luna Lovegood. It's Ollivander and it's the guy that plays Flitwick, but it's not Flitwick.
01:59:57
Speaker
It's fine. Bellatrix is interrogating Hermione and she tells her here. What, Jill? What did she tell her? Oh, ah the sword was in her vault.
02:00:11
Speaker
I'm trying to say my sword in her vault. Hey, how you doing? um It's more of a dagger. It's pretty small. But...
02:00:19
Speaker
um Wormtail comes down to the saw and asks for Flitwick, but it's not Flitwick. I know Flitwick. I try, guys. I fucking tried. No, you're good. You're good. Still Warwick Davis. Same motherfucker.
02:00:32
Speaker
Also, what's the deal with the fucking shard of a mirror that Harry has in his pocket? Where did we get it? Right. Where'd this come from? I don't know. Low-key, I thought it was like the mirror of Erised.
02:00:45
Speaker
Right. I also have been thinking that, but I don't know when that would have shattered. Exactly. It never shattered. um And then this was a kind of a weird part, but I guess Dobby just aberrates into the... Apparates. I don't want to say Apparates.
02:01:00
Speaker
apparates. Yeah, Dobby's like breaking the rules. He just do whatever the fuck he wants. He's that fucking elf, bro. He's a free elf. He's that bitch. Dobby is a free elf. Yeah, so he apparates into the room, but it kind of looks like he comes out of Ron's Deluminator. I'll be honest with you.
02:01:13
Speaker
The way it's shot... Low-key, maybe he did. look Maybe he did. um And he's able to apparate in and out of the room, which they cannot do, I guess. And he goes, meet me at the stairs.
02:01:25
Speaker
So... ah Pettigrew opens the gate, whatever, the cell, and Dobby knocks this man out. And they sneak upstairs, and they see that Hermione has had mudblood engrained, engraved, to whatever word you'd like to use, senor thesaurus, ah into her arm.
02:01:47
Speaker
Well, fucked up. By a little, I mean pretty fucked up. Ron hits Bellatrix with an Expelliarmor. It changes to Bellatria. What the fuck would Bellatria be?
02:01:59
Speaker
Hit it. Uh, and then we also get a Stupefy. Stupefy! Lucius just gets Stupefy like several times in this for some fucking reason. Like back-to-back. back-to-back Stupefies.
02:02:12
Speaker
Uh... have a little wand fight here, which is also what my dad called it when I was a little kid and we'd share the same toilet. Yeah. on a one pi yeah Yeah. I'm being serious.
02:02:26
Speaker
Yikes. Wait, you shouldn't do that with your dad when you were potty training? When you were a little kid, if like you were out in public, your dad didn't take you to the bathroom. You both had to pee. You both pee in the toilet.
02:02:38
Speaker
You were never eye-hite with your dad's fucking cock? I was, but like in the shower. What? Like I would shower with him. i wouldn't like and once I've never seen pee come out of my dad's dick hole. I think it's crazy that you're saying it's crazy we saw pee come out and not the fact we just saw our dad's dicks. It's like, all right, fine. But you saw come That's when it gets weird. No, but I feel it's more normal to see your dad's penis.
02:03:04
Speaker
Honestly, yeah let us know in the comments. What the fucking hell take, bro? You ever seen your mom naked? Yeah. No. Not once. My mom used to take me in the shower with her when I was little.
02:03:16
Speaker
Right. If she did, I don't remember it, but I don't think so. Okay. No, I think only my dad. I don't think I ever showered with my parents. I think I only just peed with them.
02:03:29
Speaker
so There was a line. There was a line, right? they They stuck me and my sister on the fucking same tub together as kids. That's normal, though. You don't want to fucking waste time.
02:03:40
Speaker
Waste water. Right. Um... So they're had a little wand fight and Bellatrix threatens to kill Hermione because she gives him kind of a fucking knife. And she tells him to drop their wands.
02:03:52
Speaker
And she tells Lucius. I guess she tells Lucius. I thought she was telling me Harry. But she tells Lucius to call Voldemort. And he goes to, like, fucking poke his tattoo. um But there's, like, this fucking funny, awkward silence. And then, like, you hear Dobby unscrewing the chandelier above them.
02:04:09
Speaker
It's like a wwe WWE spot. They're all waiting for the guy to get in position. They're like, oh, and this is where you get the back-to-back stupefies. Lucius gets fucking blasted again.
02:04:21
Speaker
Not with Harry's cum shot. Unfortunate. um Dobby talks some shit to Bellatrix and then he snaps his fingers and they all dis... They say dis-apparate and apparate. don't know the differences, but they apparate, dis-apparate, whatever.
02:04:38
Speaker
um And Bellatrix throws this knife and there's a cool like little slow motion thing here. as As bad as the CGI looked, this part didn't look terrible. Right. um And this knife is able to go through the apparition with them and it gets fucking Dobby right in the chest.
02:04:59
Speaker
So um'm I'm just going to say it. Top five saddest movie deaths. Yes. This shit fucking like hits top five.
02:05:11
Speaker
Yeah. The first time you watch it. That shit. It didn't hit you. It's so hard, dude. It hit the first two times. i I like tear up every time. I don't cry at movies. aren't I think I'm autistic, dude. I literally don't cry.
02:05:25
Speaker
That's okay. I'm glad you don't. I only cried at Marley and me when I was like 13. I'm 26 and I fucking teared up watching Dobby die last week. i just hit Dobby die before it was recording. It didn't.
02:05:38
Speaker
It was sad, no doubt. Sure. um And Harry decides that he wants to bury him. ah No magic. Do you think they ever say in the Wizarding World, I want to fuck no magic?
02:05:51
Speaker
you know what mean? Just a real deal. Yeah, don't grow your cock to like a side of a fucking cucumber. Just fuck me normal. yeah You know where my brain went when they said no magic and then they cut to the next scene? i went to no rubber, but that's where i went.
02:06:06
Speaker
Where the hell they get the shovel? Probably Hermione's bag. Accio shovel. Maybe they dug it they dug you with their fucking bare hands. Maybe they dug it with their bare hands.
02:06:19
Speaker
Yeah, they could have done that. it's I think they were using shovel. I mean, it's for sure a shallow grave. Yeah. He's not six feet under. First high tide, he's fucked.
Voldemort's Triumph and Reflecting on the Film
02:06:34
Speaker
um The next scene, we see Voldemort open Dumbledore's grave tomb uh and he just takes the elder one right out of his fucking hands probably very fresh too like he ain't this like next week type shit uh you would fuck him and he's probably still feeling like warm and shit oh you're talking like dumbledore ah yeah have all the work oh um
02:07:08
Speaker
And that's basically the end of the movie. It ends on k kind of a fucking downer, which I like. Yeah, i do. Yeah, it gives you really hype to see what happens in the next movie. Part two.
02:07:19
Speaker
o I know your ring, but you want to share your ring, Gerald? It's three and a half. It's fine.
02:07:28
Speaker
The mid... We have a movie podcast for you to go Three and a half, it's fine. No. Okay, yeah, I know. So, if you break this movie into, like, three parts, right? Beginning, middle, and end.
02:07:40
Speaker
Classic part type shit. The beginning... It's pretty solid, right? Like the whole chasing Harry, polyjuice potion, turning into different people. That's cool.
02:07:54
Speaker
When we get to the whole forest thing, that's where you lose me a lot because... we skipped like a good portion of things that happen because literally nothing happens.
02:08:05
Speaker
They're just hopping from like area to area, not finding anything. And just like little itty bitty talks that don't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Uh, but the end's a banger.
02:08:19
Speaker
So I don't know. It's not my favorite. I still like it better than sorcerer's stone. Uh, sorcerer's stone is my least favorite in the entire series. would agree with that.
02:08:31
Speaker
um But three and a half is still, you know, positive rating and better than average. Like, you know, break it down. It's probably like an eight, 8.5. If we're doing it at a 10 scale for all you fucks that really hate five star things looking at you, Brian.
02:08:49
Speaker
Fuck you. Who's Brian? My friend at work. Oh, fuck you, Brian. Thanks for listening. brian Fuck you, Brian. But, uh, listen the podcast?
02:09:01
Speaker
This motherfucker said, let me Harry Potter goes Oh, he's not Harry only? Yeah. Let me know when Harry Potter goes up. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you. But yeah, it's still a good movie. ah Like, it's not un-rewatchable.
02:09:15
Speaker
Like, it's it's one of those movies where I will, like, when I go watch the series, i'm not going to skip it. Like, I skip episode two of Star Wars, you know? So you watch one and skip two and go to three?
02:09:27
Speaker
Damn straight. Wow. Disgraceful. i don't know if I agree with that. I'd probably still watch it. What are you giving it? Actually, i was going to ask Jake first. so Jake would giving it.
02:09:37
Speaker
I'm also giving it a three and a half stars, but here's my reasoning, okay? If you made, and I know it's crazy to say this, but if you made the second part of this into the same movie, just super long, I'd give it four.
02:09:52
Speaker
Because it just leaves so, it's so slow in the middle of this movie. And then it just leaves so many stones that like feel like they have to be rushed in the next movie for it to wrap up all the plot lines.
02:10:08
Speaker
um That I think there's a lot, they could have wrapped up like one or two more things before the next movie to make it a cleaner transition.
02:10:19
Speaker
I mean, the movie's already two hours and 15 minutes, Jake. You want it to be like 245? um They could have added another half hour to clean some stuff up. Half hour?
02:10:31
Speaker
Yeah. How? It'd be fucking like three and 15 minutes. That's what I'm saying. Like, there's... It's... That's what I'm saying. Like, either make it a ridiculously long movie or...
02:10:45
Speaker
I mean, it's got so many plot holes. The book is 800 pages. That's a lot to yeah squeeze into one movie. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?
02:10:56
Speaker
Not really. No, I you're you agreed with me. There's a lot to put into one movie. Right. That's why they didn't. No, I think what Jake is trying to say is take out the, as you call it, the middle part and replace it with more stuff that would close, turn some stones over as to put it in his terms.
Rewatching 'Deathly Hallows Part 1' and Acting Praise
02:11:18
Speaker
I think that's what he's trying to say.
02:11:19
Speaker
That is what I'm trying to say. um I still feel like they, they did the right thing. It just didn't. I mean, I get why it's a movie that got split into two parts.
02:11:35
Speaker
here's Here's where I'm at with it. ah This movie, for me, gets better whenever we watch. This movie started out as a three-star when I first watched it ever, I think, during COVID.
02:11:45
Speaker
It was a three and a half star my rewatch last year. i bumped it to a four. I disagree with the two of you regarding the middle part. I don't think that the woods, the scene while they're in the woods is as long as far as time duration is concerned compared to the first and what you're what you're calling the first and end acts. I think that that middle section in the woods kind of bleeds. It's like the end of,
02:12:15
Speaker
the second act and it's part of the beginning of the third act and I don't think it's really that long and it's bothered me less and less here's the other thing too and I said this in in I said in order the fiends are half-blood prince we have to just accept that these characters are fucking stupid you know besides Hermione they're just fucking dumb so a lot of the decisions now I've just gone ahead and been like okay they're fucking retarded I get why they're doing this because just because they're stupid you can't fix stupid unfortunately and they're dumb and and i And I do really like the whole ah Ron thing.
02:12:50
Speaker
I thought his acting was very good. Rupert Grint, like when he was like really angry and at Harry. I like that when he leaves. Because I think part of it too is like you I think as far as like time well spent, if we got less of them doing...
02:13:09
Speaker
Like being in the woods. I get they want to show you like the Horcrux like destroys their fucking yeah minds. I get that. But like seeing Voldemort more in this movie would have been so beneficial to like make him build him up more as a big bad.
02:13:23
Speaker
yeah like As far as villains are concerned. You don't see him. Like you probably got like what? You just get the vision. You get the visions and you get the end where he takes the wand and that's it. Maybe five minutes ah pushing it.
02:13:35
Speaker
But right behind it bagged out, bro. Yeah. Bagged out. My other thing too is like, I think they had a cast so big. They probably just couldn't afford to pay them all. I know this movie makes like buku bucks, but they have a fucking loaded. i mean, to have like some of the side characters, like Snape, McGonagall, Hagrid.
02:13:52
Speaker
Sure. Fucking even just have Dumbledore appear in the movie. It's just like money.
Critiquing Voldemort's Role and HBO Series Hopes
02:13:56
Speaker
And I still had to pay him even though he's fucking dead. Cause that's probably his body. Like he's probably, that's what I mean. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And probably the big three cost them so much that.
02:14:05
Speaker
Oh, the kids probably. Yeah. At that point, because this franchise is so big. um I get that point. i think I think this is what, like, again, I haven't watched part two since last year, so I don't remember everything. But as far as the this podcast rewatch is concerned, I think this is the darkest one.
02:14:24
Speaker
And I really fucking like that. Because it shouldn't be like at the end of the movie, oh, you know, we're going write to each other this summer. You know, take care. Brush your hair. but Like, it should it shouldn't shouldn't be like that. It should be fucking dark and grim because Voldemort's taking over.
02:14:38
Speaker
But unfortunately, this franchise lacks in showing you a lot of it. It's like Voldemort gets the fucking Jaws treatment. Yeah. you don't see like You only see him when it matters.
02:14:52
Speaker
ah But the the first act in... The like into the second act and the end of the third act for me are really good. I think it's some of the some of the best Harry Potter we get, to be honest with you.
02:15:06
Speaker
You get a meaningful death. It's not just like some fucking it's like fucking serious dying. You know, serious didn't really matter. I mean, Dobby Dobby's only in the second one, but he's such an innocent character.
02:15:20
Speaker
That's why it hits so much, you know, like his only objective in life essentially was like protect Harry Potter. Yeah. Got murdered for no reason.
02:15:31
Speaker
I mean, just for, you know, trying to be, he got murdered for protecting Harry. Terry's fault. It is. sir The whole goddamn series is Harry's fault.
02:15:44
Speaker
Yeah. No, I don't agree with that. It's not all Harry's fault. Voldemort hates muggles. It's like saying the Holocaust is just Anne Frank's fault.
02:15:56
Speaker
It's not. You know? It's Hitler's fault. I mean, no, it would be like if ah but it'd be like if Hitler tried to like kill Anne Frank, but like he only like wanted to kill Anne Frank.
02:16:10
Speaker
not but like he He only took off like her leg. But that's the problem with with the franchise is that it doesn't really are like it doesn't show you enough of like how Voldemort is out to get anybody who's not magic. right Right. We need to see more Voldemort being evil. It more Harry-centered.
02:16:28
Speaker
Yeah. And it doesn't really affect... like We only get a sense of it affecting the lives outside of... like Harry and like the characters, like the nuclear, the nuclear characters. We only get that like partially in this movie, like you see Hermione have to make her parents forget that she exists.
02:16:44
Speaker
Yeah. We see like characters trying to help Harry get married, even then you can still say it's about Harry, but it's, they don't show that enough. They, they only show it through the, the two Harry and Hermione's eyes. Really?
02:16:59
Speaker
They only show like the struggle through them. Like there's no way Voldemort's just sitting there. in that house like waiting yeah but he's doing she's killing motherfuckers and that's why i'm very i mean i'm still optimistic but like the show that hbo max is making what not optimistic for that at all me personally each season is going to be a book slash movie essentially So they get eight hours opposed to two to tell a story that worries me and intrigues me.
02:17:36
Speaker
Yeah. I'm definitely going to watch it. I just don't. I mean, um go to launch it i guess with how deep the lore is, Harry Potter deserves a show to really honor the work.
02:17:48
Speaker
They're making Snape black. i don't know how i like about that. Okay. Well, I'm going to cut that. No, keep that in. And I'm not saying it because, you know, of the race thing, but it's the Disney, the Disney effect.
02:18:01
Speaker
Yeah, Disney is doing that a lot. What's the Disney effect? Like just you're just making it because you want to be like, hey, look, we don't hate on like other races. Like, hey, we have gay people. We have black people.
02:18:15
Speaker
You're just forcing it to be pull like PC. Yeah. The person who plays Snape is dead, correct? Correct. Yeah, no nobody... It's whole recast,
Wrapping Up and Looking Forward
02:18:26
Speaker
though. It's not just... Maggie's dead, too.
02:18:28
Speaker
and Fucking everybody's dead except for the kids, and now they're, like, fucking 40, 50 damn near. Now, fucking, they're movies with fucking horns on their heads. Guns, like, glued to your hands. Yeah.
02:18:41
Speaker
All right, we'll do... a Wrap this episode up. Wait, what'd you give the movie? You know, literally said four star. Oh, where you been? I that. I said it was a three to three and a half. And now it's four. It gets better on every single rewatch for me. I don't think it's going eclipse four because I, the woods is brutal.
02:18:59
Speaker
The CGI there is really fucking brutal. It doesn't look good at all. Even Dobby CGI low key looked better in the second movie than this one. I actually think Dobby looked good. I mean, when they're in the house, it's dark, and we've already discussed my eyes are cooked.
02:19:15
Speaker
But on the beach, I thought Dobby looked great. Grant, there's a doll. They're just like, here. yeah Don't fuck it.
02:19:25
Speaker
I know it's tight and small, but God. Look at you, Radcliffe. it
02:19:32
Speaker
You want his with a fucking...
02:19:36
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
02:19:47
Speaker
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02:20:01
Speaker
send us a voicemail that we will listen to live on air at 508-8-5-0-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- all of those will be linked in the description as usual
02:20:16
Speaker
ah check all that out next week according to our schedule again this is january twenty second so who knows what's going to change but ah next week we have a and episode on final destination bloodline Whoa.
02:20:30
Speaker
There's not much ah about this out. There's a teaser trailer out. That's really it. That's it. um I'm optimistic. Four five are... Ghost out of shitter. Even three is like... Yeah, not good.
02:20:45
Speaker
the only people The only thing people remember of 3 is the fucking opening with the roller coaster, let's be honest. That's 100% correct. So, we'll see. And then, the week after, ah the we conclude Harry Potter with the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
02:21:00
Speaker
um Hopefully you've listened so far. I don't think... This episode was wild. Not as wild as maybe Half-Blood Prince. ah No, somehow some good time how we controlled ourselves. now you know what it is? i think when we have a guest, it's less...
02:21:15
Speaker
It's probably what it is. We got, we got to let them. No shame on you, Jake. We just, Gerald and i go crazy. was just the two of us. Like once half blood princes out, that's getting censored all beyond like what's getting censored half blood prints.
02:21:30
Speaker
Yeah. It's already been censored. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking, there's a lot that was cut. Um, all right. So we'll see you guys next week for found destination bloodlines. Jake, thank you again for coming on your third appearance, second published. Any, any final words, any last words?
02:21:49
Speaker
Thanks for having me on guys. It's always fun. Cool. See you guys next week. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.