EP. 50 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow's Part 1 (2010)

Transcript

Speaker: Hello and welcome to episode 50. That's fucking wild. Milestone era has begun. To the two guys, one screen podcast, a.k.a. the hemorrhoid homies doing the hemorrhoid hoedown and a.k.a. the po-town boys.

Speaker: ah My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And we're joined by a fellow Poe Town boy. Can't speak on his hemorrhoid situation. ah Jake, welcome back. Your third ah recorded appearance and second published.

Speaker: Hey, how you doing? I'm glad to be back. I mean, that's just... great you're You're really just demolishing the the competition here. Yeah, whatever little competition you have. I'm just better. I don't know what to tell you guys.

Speaker: I will say, though, I'd be pretty quick to swing back ah the other way. Whoever gives a... Whoever calls the voicemail. There you go. That's what I want you to them I will mute my mic right now and call in.

Speaker: No, don't do that because now you're just doing on the spot. I just ripped the nastiest fart. That's a W. It is fucking horrid. It is horrid. ah Let's do a little... Plug it in, plug it in.

Speaker: ah So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com.

Speaker: Follow us on Letterboxd, TikTok, if you're still here with us. YousTube! Use tube. It's all two guys, one screen pod. And then, uh, if you're feeling so inclined, give us a call, leave a voicemail to five Oh eight, eight fist us five Oh eight, eight dip tip.

Speaker: And we'll review that live on the air. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming by now we're pre-recording these, as we've mentioned several times, ah that someone's going to have something to say about Harry Potter. We've had some pretty wild takes.

Speaker: Yeah, I feel like. Especially that um happen yeah especially because now we're in we at the seventh movie now. So, you know, the the rankings are really starting to take shape.

Speaker: Yeah, we're in there. I'm going to say this. ah i think I've come around Deathly Hallows Part 1. I don't know, man. It's the middles.

Speaker: I don't even know if the middle, I think there's like a small part towards the middle slash back half. It's a little rough, but the rest of it's like phenomenal. The dark, dark tone they take with this movie. I really fucking appreciate.

Speaker: i feel I've been waiting for the whole time. The whole time. This is, this is what it came down to. Just a little more dark, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I get it. No dark marks, just dark.

Speaker: It's the dark mock, Harry. It's his mock. Biz mock Biumbo. We will. ah It was almost funny, Gerald. Thank you. We will.

Speaker: We will review the new additions to the Harry Potter world. You got your man. i mean, his name is Bill Nye.

Speaker: That's what it looks like. it's Bill Nye, the science guy. He's in the movie. In the fucking movie. He plays Rufus Scrimgeour. Give me a scrim job.

Speaker: Yeah. yeah

Speaker: He ain't fucking it. i don't think we're fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Nah, he gets a pass. ah Rye, I guess, or Rye's. Rye's I-fans or E-fans. I'm so sorry.

Speaker: He plays Luna Lava Goode's father. Anybody know how to pronounce his first name? No. Sound like Rye's of Skywalker. Right. He ain't fucking it.

Speaker: Hippie fuck. He ain't fucking it. He's got nice hair. Yeah, because that's true. So does Hermione. How you doing? Okay. You probably got pubic hair, huh? I'm okay with that.

Speaker: ah Who was the last person that we said we were going to shout out here? Oh, Corbin Yaxley or Yakesley. I guess it's Yaxley. I don't know. ah He's played by Peter Mullen.

Speaker: who's also in Braveheart. Did not know that. Fun fact. Shout out. Shout out that guy. ah The movie is directed by David Yates. Again. It will forever be David Yates era. And spoiler alert, he directs the next one.

Speaker: oh What? What?

Speaker: ah The film opens... get the fuck out of here. It is crazy to me that we are in year seven and Harry's still a fucking idiot. Hello, yeah. He's still dumbass decisions. Crazy.

Speaker: Like, I would have been dead if I made the decisions that he makes. I feel like you're right. If you did, because you probably wouldn't have friends, right? but and i don't have friends now. thats That's what we're saying.

Speaker: This is awkward a little bit. This movie opens with scrim job.

Speaker: Here we go. i mean, that has to be his name now, right? It's scrim job. Oh, did you shout out Mungungus? Mungungus. Fucking Mungungus.

Speaker: phil Fucking Mungungus. Why does Ramilda Vane have a credit this movie? Where is she in this movie? Ramilda Vane? Yeah.

Speaker: I'm on the right one, right? Yeah, I am. Andy Linden plays Mundungus Fletcher. Mundungus. Fucking Mundungus. Is that racial slur? I feel like it could be.

Speaker: I just kept thinking of Metalingus, but... Oh, yeah. Shout out Edge slash Adam Copeland. Shout out Adam Copeland? That's what he goes by in AEW, because w WWE owns the name Edge, so he just uses his real name. Government name? Yeah.

Speaker: But Scrimjob is talking about how their dark times, they're living in dark times, and... ah the ministerist He's basically talking to the press about how the ministry is basically fucked ah because the fallout of the the previous two installments of Harry Potter.

Speaker: why That's a way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. mean If you think about it, right? They're fucked. Previously on Harry Potter. I mean, Dumbledore's dead.

Speaker: Yeah. ah They've revealed corruption in the ministry. i mean, um don't even think they revealed it. It's just more corruption is taken over.

Speaker: I mean, it's just government, so it's automatically corrupt. Right. correct And God's not real. Right. We cut to Hermione, who's reading ah the paper about Muggle families ah being murdered.

Speaker: And then we cut to the Dursleys who are moving out of their their home. They're not too happy about that. Oh, no. They're, you know, white suburbia. They're fucking pissed, dude. They're like, we've lived on this planet for fucking 50 years in this house.

Speaker: On this planet? Well, I don't know all of it. They already hate Harry, so. Fair enough. Yeah, but they'd they'd rather not die, you know? Fair enough.

Speaker: Like, Harry doesn't like them, but he's not, he doesn't want them to die, probably. I would. yeah Well, I would, too, but get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I agree. Shut the fuck up, man. Get out of here.

Speaker: It's an oldie but a goodie that I don't have on the soundboard right now. It's right. That's what I'm here for. We see the Weasleys, and they're living in like a hut, essentially.

Speaker: and We cut to Hermione, who hits her parents with an Obliviate, which i look as zo basically, her parents forget that she ever existed.

Speaker: Yeah, like you see pictures on the wall and like she's completely wiped out of them. It's like she never existed, like you said. Which is wild. one of those pictures that confused the shit out of which would have...

Speaker: raised a red flag definitely was just a picture of her. And when she hit it with the spell, it was just a blank picture frame. Like, what the fuck? Who took a picture of this fucking wall?

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: ah After that, we're hit with a title card. um And we cut to Death Ears. I wrote they were approaching Hogwarts. This is, in fact, not Hogwarts. Correct. I think this takes place at the Malfoy residence. Is that correct? Yeah. its This guy's got a fucking house, dude. Dude, a nice fucking a house.

Speaker: Like, you you picture the nicest house and, like, multiply that by 10. Like, this shit. Man has money. It's like a $100 million dollar house. Or Schmeckles, whatever they use in Harry Potter world. ah Snape arrives.

Speaker: Like a fucking badass, by the way. I mean, yeah, he's that man, dude. He's that bitch. Yeah. And they have a woman. We don't know who she is yet. ah Levitating. Almost in the center of the table. Just like for show.

Speaker: It's kind of like those ah stereotypical like Christmas movies where the pig or something is in the middle of the table. Instead it's levitating woman. It's kind of dark. It's evil.

Speaker: A battered woman's centerpiece of the table. It's like a horror movie. It's basically a meeting of like Voldemort and his... I guess leaders. i don't want to say leaders because Draco is not really a leader. Can we call them a gang?

Speaker: His confidants. His gang. as you hoping He's toting that wand. You know what I'm saying? That wand took his fucking nose off though. not mean I couldn't find that sound but it's fine. You took Yamin?

Speaker: No, I didn't take Yamin. I meant um meant to say that we had a... At some point we were talking about ah Dumbledore and ah Horace face fucking Voldemort's nose off, but I think caught it and I couldn't find it.

Speaker: Right. But if you guys are wondering, Gerald and I had a part where we were talking about that as a part of rule 34. I don't know. So there's there's a little, there's a little hint at something that was ah probably a little too extreme.

Speaker: I was referencing something that never actually happened as far as the, our audience is concerned. Right. Um, but Snape comes in and he sits down he goes, um,

Speaker: um he says that something will happen, next Saturday. That's something we will come to find out very shortly. It's the 4th of July.

Speaker: Right. Yep. We meet Pius, who I'm not sure how... I don't remember, actually, how big of role he plays going forward.

Speaker: ah But Snape asked for Pius' opinion on something. I didn't really write that down. Who really gives a fuck? um Pius is a weird-looking motherfucker. um Almost everybody at the table weird-looking...

Speaker: I would ah also agree with that. True. Minus like Draco. I think Draco is kind of a piece. Yeah. yeah I mean, I think if Draco was like still at school and didn't have the attitude that he had, girls probably want to fuck him.

Speaker: Yeah. They'd probably want to lay it down. He's a definition of like Aryan. That's actually true. Yeah. um Snape shares with Voldemort and the group that Potter, as in Harry Potter,

Speaker: We'll be taken to a ah safe home. And Bella volunteers. Bellatrix Lestrange, that is. Sorry, I write Bella in my notes because I want to write out her whole fucking name. Bella is a fire name.

Speaker: She's hot, though. I've been disgusted. yeah She is. She's a fucking piece, dude. What about you, Jake? You fuck Bellatrix Lestrange? ah Not right now in the movie, but later maybe.

Speaker: So when? ain't fucking it. maybe i i yeah She wears the same costume in the whole game. Right, right. But she gets a little more crazy. And you know... You're in little crazy. Yeah, it changes my mind when she gets a little psycho. Even though she's sitting at the table and she's like, let me kill him.

Speaker: I haven't seen... haven't seen Helena Boham Carter movie where she isn't... Well, yeah, but where she isn't like...

Speaker: disheveled what's that say about us she's always got fucked up teeth but we're still gonna fuck the shit out of her like in all her roles i mean i never i never spoke on fucking her in the mouth that mouth is gross you should get shit fixed lady go to a dentist you ever seen uh sweeney todd jake yeah i was about to ask you is it the same actress i thought it was well her mouth looks like what that was her pussy look like It's probably also got teeth. Nick, you ever watch that movie?

Speaker: What movie? Sweeney Todd? No. The one where teeth. Yeah. you See, this proves you're not a fan. because We talked about it on a podcast episode. No, i know you talked about it, but I don't know if you watched it or You don't know because I said on the on the episode this week, all I got to watch was teeth.

Speaker: ah So you're fake. Fake fan. to This is your chance. I think Gerald and i are rooting for Tyler, but he just does not want it. Yeah, Tyler doesn't know he doesn't want the smoke. Yeah, but if you guys root against me, I'm not gonna want it either honestly think my cousin's gonna take it or Carlos shadow Carlos listen whatever yeah, but so Carl's got a letterbox go follow him I don't want to drop his username because it's literally his government name.

Speaker: that's bad. Yeah. Yeah that Carlos. Uh, job to maybe get an alias. Yeah Wow

Speaker: wow I bleeped that. Yeah, just cut that right there. You could be like Carlito. You could be Carlito, you know? I spit in the face. People don't want to be able to cool.

Speaker: Carlito. Carlito. Shout out, WWE. Shout out, Carlito, dude. Yeah, he's still here. He's still around. but Is he in AEW? Nah, he's in WWE. He came back. he's like He's bad, though. He's a bad guy.

Speaker: He's always been the bad guy. Actually, that's Razor Ramon. Sorry. yeah R.I.P. R.I.P. Nice team with Finn Balor and shit. Wild times we live in. ah So Bellatrix Lestrange, not Bella from fucking Beauty the Beast, offers to kill him and Voldemort has to be the one to kill Harry Potter.

Speaker: I think he's going to come whenever he... Dude, it feels like he's going to come. i I think so. he like You know, he's like ready go, dude. I must kill the boy. um What we're saying is Harry Potter gets off to little boys.

Speaker: I'm not saying that. i think under be bold and Harry Potter or Voldemort? Voldemort gets off. Did I say harry that's Harry Potter? Yeah, you said Harry Potter gets off to little boys. Boy, that's a Freudian slip. I meant to say Harry Potter.

Speaker: I meant to say Voldemort. I said it again. Nature versus nurture. Yeah. um Well, it's I mean, Harry Potter is not a little boy in this movie, so it's not he say anything. i feel like Harry Potter being to older men because of the way he's like the way he is with like Dumbledore and fucking and serious black.

Speaker: Yeah, but yours is black as Godfather. That's a little different. He's just got daddy issues. don't think it matters. That's what comes down to Jake. He has daddy issues. That's a whole new porn category. We got stepdad. We need Godfather now.

Speaker: Yeah. not wrong. Because that's actually, that's legal. you know? Godfather is legal, technically speaking. it depends who your Godfather is, though. Because, like, my godparents are technically related to me.

Speaker: Oh, like your your uncles or some shit? It's my dad's sister my and I guess her in her her husband who's not blood. So I guess it's fine. So it's your aunt? This is my uncle. Fuck my uncle. That's kind of odd.

Speaker: I'm just saying, like... This went way far off the tracks. We're talking about Harry Potter here. Harry's bopper. We're also... Jake, this happens. This is incest land. I don't know how we got here, but we are here. Jake, these episodes kind of go all over the place.

Speaker: You haven't heard them yet because of the recording schedule, but they're fucking crazy. Yeah. Don't worry about going on tangents because Nick can just cut whatever. no no, no, no. I leave it in. Most of it, he just leaves it Besides that one part about...

Speaker: We didn't say who. We didn't say who. But Voldemort shares with the group that him and Harry Potter, their wands have the same core.

Speaker: How you doing? So that is a how you doing. And ah they can only wound each other and it won't be fatal. So he needs a different wand. And he kind of asks the group, who wants to but wants to give me their wand?

Speaker: Not mean. ah And no one volunteers. and he's like, Lucius, give me your fucking wand. And Lucius is like, I know want to do this. ah But Lucius, you know, Lucius got that that gangster fucking wand where it's part of his walking stick.

Speaker: Lucius was ready to fucking get get Harry Potter like four movies ago. so I don't know why he doesn't want to volunteer his wand to Voldemort. Yeah. Movie two. He's about to fucking Avada Kedavra him straight into oblivion.

Speaker: I agree with you. um looks this smile So i do I do got a question about this. Hit it. Why is it such a big deal for someone taking giving Voldemort their wand? I would have to ask. You'd have to ask them.

Speaker: Is it like like ah maybe like a like a gun, like a like a serial number? Like you don't want that on your record. Well, that's what I think. The big thing is like the one chooses you. Right. So you do feel some kind of sentiment attached to that wand.

Speaker: yeah and Yeah, because Harry and Voldemort's wand have the same phoenix feather. I mean, my personal meat wand I'm pretty tied to, I'd say. i wouldn't I wouldn't want that going missing.

Speaker: I don't want anybody misusing it. you know I wouldn't want to give my meat wand to anybody. I don't want my penis coming up in a crime. You know, like when someone like gets raped and like comes back to my penis. wouldn't want it to break either, you know? Yeah, you don't want your penis to snap. I mean,

Speaker: yeah You know, Dennis Rod, Madonna fucked Dennis Rodman so hard that she broke his cock. Is that a fact? Yeah. That is a fact.

Speaker: She wrote him so good that Dennis Rodman's cock broke. ah I mean, that's crazy. That's fucking wild, huh? I never heard that story, but now you guys all know it too, because I didn't know it.

Speaker: Madonna, you filthy hoe. So, ah if you're wondering what kind of wand Lucius has, he has... It's Elmwood, Dragon Heartstring,

Speaker: ah and I don't know what this was. I guess it was Snape tearing it apart. Like the wand, he like, I thought he snapped it in half, but I guess it's just because it's part of his walking stick. He snaps off the end of it.

Speaker: Like where he uses it. Did say Snape? Yeah. Yeah. See, we didn't say this. We have a couple of beverages in us. So here we are. 21 and over beverages.

Speaker: Voldemort. Yeah, we're being safe. um

Speaker: The lady floating in the middle of the table, let's address the elephant in the room here, ah is one Charity Burbage, who is a staff member at Hogwarts, and she teaches muggle studies, which is a no good thing as far as Voldemort's concerned.

Speaker: Because muggles are bad. Bad. we they We're not saying that. We're not saying that. they We're, yeah, we've established Voldemort. Voldemort is Hitler and his friends, like his followers of the Nazis. We've established that.

Speaker: We have. Hey, would it be safe to say that Voldemort wants to build a wall to keep the muggles out? No, he wants to kill them all. He doesn't want to build a wall. Yeah, Trump doesn't want to kill anybody. There's no coexistence. It's just murder. Yeah.

Speaker: Not me. Thanks for getting my joke, Gerald. I thought it was pretty obvious joke to get, but we don't, we don't listen. We don't, we're not political on this. Well, see the problem with jokes is that they have to be funny and yours wasn't funny. Oh, you stink. That's what went wrong.

Speaker: Is it wasn't funny. Hey, we've all been there. I bombed. Gerald's a bomb. That's what it is. yeah Sometimes Gerald says shit that I don't hear him say while I'm talking. And then the on the um the edit afterwards, I hear go, how come didn't laugh at that?

Speaker: Right. So maybe on the edit, it'll be funny, Jake. I don't know. Sometimes you don't know that a joke falls flat. And then here we are. Right. Um, so this bitch teaches muggle studies, which is a no, no.

Speaker: Um, and she, she sees Snape. She's, she knows him and she's begging cause they work together. They're coworkers. Yeah. Right. And she's begging him for her life.

Speaker: He doing shit for her. I do think that you see in his eyes, a little bit of sense of like, I feel bad for you, but you have to die. Right. Because he, cause he's still on the good side. Because he's like, this is the greater good. Like we got to serve the greater good. Like bodies, have people have to die.

Speaker: Here's the thing, though. I don't think people know that, right? You don't know that, do you? What do you mean? Is Snape still good? No. Well, if this is your first time watching Harry Potter, you don't know that. Yeah, I guess. Your first time watching Harry Potter, like, Snape's an evil motherfucker.

Speaker: We knew this the whole time. He betrayed him. Harry was right. Right. But we have... This is my third watch through of this franchise, and you've probably watched it countless times. Jake's watched it more than one time. So, like, we all know... Snape's good. the end, Snape's a good dude.

Speaker: Yeah. but Right here. you So, like, yeah. it He's like, damn. Right now, he's still a scumbag. In her eyes. Yeah. and In the first-time viewer audience's eyes.

Speaker: Yeah. Because he, you like you said, you can, like, see he's like, ah, this is fucked up. This is fucked up, but. I can't break my cover. So Snape kills her with an Avadra Kedavra. No, Voldemort kills her.

Speaker: ah Snape. Voldemort. ah Dude, this is not good.

Speaker: it's not I was calling fucking Dumbledore Hagrid last episode, I'm pretty sure. like i don't know what's going on. ah Once she dies, ah you see Draco get kind of upset too.

Speaker: And this is pretty fucked up because Voldemort feeds this bitch to Nagini. but yeah That is a snake eater. Fuck, dude.

Speaker: Give me you have breakfast. What's going on here? Breakfast. You ever see that video? What? I think so. I think I've seen it. like i The mom busts through the door and's like, what's going on here? And there's a little retard and he's like, breakfast.

Speaker: No. Never seen that. It's a classic video. I'll send it to you after. ah There's a cut and we see a slow-mo of Dumbledore ah dying.

Speaker: We're like three minutes into this movie, by the way. yeah We have not gotten very far yet.

Speaker: And I don't know why I wrote it like this, but it is funny. I wrote Harry Potter depressed in his muggle room. I guess I was like signifying to myself that he's like in the the Dudleys.

Speaker: Dursleys. Dursleys home. The Dudleys. dudley's Dudley Dursley. Shout out to the Dudley brothers of WWE too. Yeah, the Dudley boys. Shout out Devon and fucking whatever his other name was. Yeah, who could fucking cares?

Speaker: um But yeah, he's like in his like the the little closet under the stairs. Little muggle room. Little fucking a muggle ass, which, by the way, we've already exposed. it But the movie makes no fucking sense because ah Tom Royal says in the Chamber of Secrets he had muggle parents. So none of this makes sense.

Speaker: Yeah, but it's fine. It's like if Hitler was actually Jewish, you know, they wouldn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. ah But anyways, there's a knock on the door and it's Hagrid, Ron, Hermione, which is still getting autocricked to heroin.

Speaker: ah The rest of the Order of the Phoenix are all who who's left. ah And Harry, for the first time, meets Bill Weasley, who shut up, Bill. He's been in Romania this whole fucking time.

Speaker: Dealing with the dragons and shit. Yeah. um And movies. Go ahead. Guess who's he married to? This bitch. It's Floor.

Speaker: Floor Delacour. Is that who that is? Yeah, it's Floor Delacour from the Goblet of Fire. i didn't get I did not catch on to that. Me It doesn't really make any sense, though, does it? Well, she's from Romania.

Speaker: Why is he out of school and she's not? He's graduated. That's what I mean. So he's going for those underage girls. No, she's 18, remember? She had to put their name in the Goblet of Fire.

Speaker: Is it 18 or 17? It's 17, but that was three movies ago. How old is Bill? Yeah, I guess it's all right. You're right. No, you're right. It's okay. It's all right. It's legal. It's all right.

Speaker: ah But Mad-Eye Moody here says that Harry Potter is underage so he can be traced by the Ministry. So their big plan is to move Harry by traveling in pairs and using Polyjuice Potion. Remember that one?

Speaker: Yeah. um And Harry's still on his bullshit about going to do by myself, which you're fucking not, you idiot. And here is where we meet one Mundungus Fletcher.

Speaker: Mundungus. Who literally says he was brought here against his will. so Here I don't want to be here. So we shouldn't trust this guy. Just keep that in mind for later on in the film. yeah um So Fred, George, Mundungus, Floor, Ron, and Hermione, not heroin, all take...

Speaker: The Polyjuice Potion. So you got like fucking six or seven Harry Johns in the room. So so ah Harry must have a late birthday.

Speaker: Because Ron and Hermione are already 18. Yeah. Shout out to late birthdays, I guess. I guess. That was the only way that would make sense, right? You're right. he's underage, so he still has a tracker.

Speaker: They'll tracking you. yeah This is a fun scene. This is funny. Daniel Radcliffe had to play like eight different parts. Right. He crushed all of them. He's got the little like the little faggy aneurysms. But he's like playing the girls, you know?

Speaker: Right. He's taking bras off. Aneurysm is not the right word. I think it's mannerism. I said mannerism, not aneurysm. It's aneurysm. was like, it's not aneurysm.

Speaker: Seize it out of the floor.

Speaker: fucking Voldemort. Oh, I'm having an aneurysm. Voldemort could probably give him an aneurysm, be fair. why Yeah, can't he just kill his brain? Right. He makes him retarded? i have more ru I have more questions about that later. Alright.

Speaker: um With the whole mind reading thing. ah But the real Harry Potter, will the real Harry Potter please stand up, rides with Hagrid. Isn't that sus though? I said that when I was watching it with Anna.

Speaker: Isn't that sus? Like this guy's just chilling with Hagrid? I think that thatss kind like it's easier to find them. Yeah. Like it wouldn't, wouldn't be easier to like single him out?

Speaker: I think it was Hagrid's call based on what he says. like i brought you here when you was a baby. Harry. No, it's actually a pretty good Hagrid. Thank you. I think that if you're on, if you're trying to find Harry Potter and you see this group people coming at you, that Hagrid with the real Harry is too obvious. Yeah.

Speaker: But he's driving a motorcycle. That's loud.

Speaker: Okay, well, you completely missed what just saying. It's a sight-based thing, not a listening-based thing. who If you see eight Harrys coming at you, right? Yeah. try and take your out and You're trying to figure out which ones. I'm just saying, like you're one if you're what if you're one Death Eater on a broom or whatever.

Speaker: Logic states the one with Hagrid's, not the real one. The one with Hagrid's probably an obvious bait. That's what I'm thinking. That's what they're probably thinking. they did reverse psychology on them.

Speaker: Yeah, sure. Yes. I don't think that if I was a death eater, I'd go for the one, the Hagrid, Harry first thing. I don't think I'd do that. Okay.

Speaker: I think that's a little bit too obvious. I think Jake agrees, but yeah. I i do. All right. Don't fall your choice episode, please. um Also, Jake's wearing in a blanket.

Speaker: Yeah, he's like going to sleep this fucking episode. don't know what's happening, man. Sue me. I will. and Okay, I'll sue you for everything you have. Not much. want your house.

Speaker: Fair enough. You got a house. okay Okay. they all decide to take off, and those Death Eaters immediately like swarmed them because it's a trap. It's fucking trap.

Speaker: It's a fucking trap. um Which this was a button actually requested by Gerald, so that's lit. There's a lot of traps in this movie. Uh, and Hagrid and the real Harry, do not turn back to help those who are under attack because, uh, Hagrid's like, that's not the plan, dude. got sick the plan.

Speaker: Um, and they're getting chased by some, some death fears. We get a stupefy here. It's never going away. Uh, there's a change. Oh, no idea. Oh, fuck you.

Speaker: We got to ask Tyler and then see if Tyler knows. Yeah. um they have a chase on the highway and a Death Eater is able to zap Hagrid who falls asleep at the wheel so Harry has to drive his fucking motorbike John um and we see Hedwig fly by who tries to attack a Death Eater and he gets fucking murdered RIP to Hedwig Thanks for your service. And I keep misgendering this fucking owl. It's a she. I'm sorry. yeah jake Jake, we had to do a live ah Google on Hedwig's gender.

Speaker: It's a woman. We didn't know if it was a trans owl or something, you know, and was a bitch. They keep flying. And for some reason, the Death Eater does not continue to pursue them. They just keep going.

Speaker: Yeah. Suddenly Voldemort appears and Voldemort and Harry have a little duel in the air. This is cool. is Yeah. um Pretty scary.

Speaker: And Harry is able to shatter Voldemort's wand. Because but it's Lucius Mond. But it's not a it's not a Dennis Rodman situation. It's just the right actual wand shatters.

Speaker: And then Voldemort does his best Jamie Foxx impression as Electro and fucking takes down all these electrical lines out of anger. That is a good pull.

Speaker: um And Harry and Hagrid are arrived at the Weasley residence, ah whatever is left of it. And they are the first ones there. Lupin shows up ah with an injured George Weasley.

Speaker: And he places George down at on the couch. And then he immediately threatens Harry with his wand. I wrote he's at wand point, like gunpoint, but wand point.

Speaker: That's a good poll right there. um And he asks him what creature sat in the corner of his office the first time he met Harry Potter. Are you mad? It's a Grindelow. I don't know what that is.

Speaker: I don't either. Grindelow? I'm trying to think back to the Prisoner of Azkaban. I don't remember. um' giving it a goog. Never knew that there was ah another John in there with him.

Speaker: Lupin states the obvious here saying they've been betrayed. Fucking obviously. Oh, you didn't know? Kingsley shows up and him and Lupin are on edge.

Speaker: ah And he asked Lupin with the last words that Albus spoke the two of them. And this is a little corny. Harry Potter is the best hope we have. Yeah, it's a little gay there, Dumbledore.

Speaker: um Dumbledore. Dumbledore. I would give you that one because he's sleep forever.

Speaker: ah And Harry says that he thinks Hedwig blew his cover. Don't put it on Hedwig. Yeah, relax, bro.

Speaker: Hermione and Ron show up. Arthur and Fred show up. And they all find George dying. ah George says that he feels saint-like because he's holy. He's got holes in him.

Speaker: Uh-huh. We find out here that Mad-Eye Moody is now dead and Mundungus was the mole. Oh, the one guy we've never met before was the mole? the way. Yeah.

Speaker: The guy that didn't want to be there in the first place. Right. ah And the excuse is that Mad-Eye fell off his broom, which I don't know if i believe that, but I guess it is true.

Speaker: Get out of my car. I fell off my broom. Broom, broom. Get out my car. Do you know where that's from? I do. Okay. ah We cut in Harry Potter is having a nightmare about Horcruxes and he sees Voldemort.

Speaker: I thought Voldemort killed Ollivander here, but I guess it's not. This isn't even Ollivander. I realized. No, it's Grog Grindelwald. which Yeah, ah because he was a liar.

Speaker: So ah words to wise, don't fucking lie to people. especially not Voldemort. Yeah. Uh, Harry Potter, he decides I'm out and he goes to leave and Ron is like, ain't fucking leaving.

Speaker: And, uh, Harry still think is like wrapped up in this idea that it's all about him. And Ron's like, bro, we're all at fucking risk here. All us muggles. I'm at risk here, bro.

Speaker: ah And Harry's like, all right, Ron, you can come to them.

Speaker: And Ron is like, bro, we need Hermione. She's the smartest one. Also, she got them fucking knockers on her. she Have you seen the shitter on her? God damn. That fucking turd cutter.

Speaker: not into anal. I said that last episode. She got a gyat on her. gyat. Uh, and then Ron's like, we should stay for the wedding, uh, for Bill. It's Bill's wedding. We find out Bill's getting married.

Speaker: And Ron has a good point here that Harry still has got the trace on him. So why would the fuck would even leave? And it wouldn't help at all. Yeah. And then the thing that Ron says here that really like permanated with me was like, he's like, you may be the chosen one, but like this shit's gotten a lot bigger than you.

Speaker: Like, it's not about you anymore. Like, this is yeah your name might be on the fucking title screen. But it's Shane about you, dog. The show is never about you. You just happen to be the motherfucker that got the scar.

Speaker: All right. You just happen to be my best friend that took a shit in my house to the shit in my house. I even know about it. Sister fucking masturbated with the shit like this is what's happening.

Speaker: You're snogging my sister like I get it. That's a wild fucking comment. I saw... i Honestly, just and shocked. You never stop surprising me.

Speaker: Ron asks Harry here, and I'm also curious about this, if Voldemort knows they're destroying the Horcruxes... He's got it, right? He has to know. They don't take any kind of action with that. No. that that could have been a whole There would have been a whole other book, dog. if like Like, Ray Fiennes shows up in this movie for five minutes.

Speaker: Yeah. Besides the flashbacks, like who cares about those? Like five actual minutes, he's in the movie. Yeah. Maybe. It's weird. He probably got like $8,000 minimum.

Speaker: We cut to Harry who's reading the paper in the kitchen of the Weasleys' drawn. It's like right before the wedding. ah And Ginny's standing there and she asks if if ah Harry can zip her up.

Speaker: What are we doing here? They have a little snog sesh. little make out. Then fucking George pops out. we looking George is cucking this, bro. He's spying on him. Yeah, he's cucking Why is everybody cucking their sisters? and I don't know. ever But Ginny is not hot as an adult.

Speaker: No, she's not.

Speaker: Hey, yo! um Took my socks off. It's gay now. It's fucking gay as shit. Nick, you got socks on?

Speaker: I have socks on. My apartment's a little bit too cold for that. Uh, we... like

Speaker: Yeah, it's like 70 degrees in my house. I'm sweating my balls off. ah We cut to a group of them trying to lift up the tent for the wedding when Scrimjobs shows up. Lift your tent.

Speaker: What are doing? Pitch a tent for me, daddy.

Speaker: and

Speaker: um yeah ah And Scrimjobs has the last will and testament of Albus Dumbledore.

Speaker: check Sorry. I got make those rut row and the oh closer together, but they can't. I don't like this guy's face. I like this guy in general.

Speaker: Yeah, he's weird. He's very strange. Ron gets the deluminator and Ron is the first ever movie. Ron's like, what's this? He's like, it sucks light, bro.

Speaker: That was in the you need a good sucking ah first scene from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Dumbledore's taking out the lights. Right. Movies mid. It's probably the worst movie in the series.

Speaker: I did not. I don't know what the fuck Ron's middle name was anymore, but Hermione's middle name is Jean. Hermione Jean Granger. Shout out my grandma my mom's side. Shout out my grandma on my dad's side. Her name is Jean Granger.

Speaker: Yeah. No fucking way. my My mom's mom was Gene. With a J or a g but it Whoa. Who has G? G? I know a lot of people.

Speaker: I know a lot with G. People are selling Gene with G? Yeah. Gene might be the guy way. ah Hermione Gene Granger gets the a book called The Tales of the Beetle Bard, which is essentially a kid's book.

Speaker: yeah Yeah. Ron talked about hobbity-bobbity. Yeah. What hobbity-bobbity that's fucking... All right. Bippity-boppity-bop on my cock. You what I'm saying? And Harry James Potter gets ah the first snitch he ever caught.

Speaker: Snitches get stitches, Harry. Watch out.

Speaker: ah And he also gets ah the sword of Gryffindor, but it's missing. And Scrimjob says it wasn't Albus's fucking decision to give that sword away. It's property of the ministry.

Speaker: Why? Because it's a magical artifact? Yeah. sir Fuck them. ah And Hermione says that the sword did show up for Harry in the Chamber Secrets. Remember that? Yeah. EA Games.

Speaker: And he's like, everything. EA Sports? Or EA Games? that what you said? EA Games. EA Sports was EA Sports. It's an EA Games. And then the other one from like the early 2000s was EA Games.

Speaker: Challenging everything. ah Scrim Drop says a sword can appear for anybody. doesn't mean it's theirs. It comes to those who need it most. ah We cut to Bill's wedding, and Harry is about to enter, but he's looking at his snitch that's floating.

Speaker: um And then we're in the wedding. We see Hagrid there with Maxime. Remember her? Yeah, that tall bitch. Luna's there with her dad. ah There's some a dude there from the paper.

Speaker: My literal daughter, Luna. ah We meet Luna's dad, um who they stop Harry as he's walking, and he whispers in Harry's ear that he supports Dumbledore.

Speaker: And Harry notices a necklace on this man's chest. That's essentially a ah triangle with a rod and a circle.

Speaker: So Harry gets over to this dude from the paper who had wrote something on Dumbledore. His name is Eltheus, I believe. And he says that he found it moving.

Speaker: And Eltheus says that he knew Dumbledore the longest besides Albus' brother, Aberforth. What fucking can name. People forget that Aberforth even exists because Dumbledore is so fucking prolific, bro.

Speaker: I didn't know he had a brother until I saw this movie. Right. I know to the audience. Yeah, because they might have read the book. and And then this lady who's sitting kind of near them at the party says that Dumbledore's life has been unriddled by one Rita Skeeter. Remember her?

Speaker: Yeah. she Someone spilled her guts. eat Yeah, we are fucking. I forgot. I'm fucking her at least. um She'd get my Skeeter.

Speaker: Elphius calls it, I believe, a monstrous portrayal by one Bethilda Bagshot who backsh shot and mike can get my backshot. No, she can't. She's fucking ugly in this movie. She's like she's also like 90 years old. Yeah.

Speaker: That's what it makes sense to You didn't know that? you ghost That's slander. gilf gilf porn that's your your your history i'm not i'm into men uh oh that's better whoa oh uh grandfathers i'd like to fuck yep right yeah like fuck like dumbledore can fucking get it sure the more wrinkles the better He's a bilf.

Speaker: I got a wrinkly sack. So essentially, if your face looks like my sack, I'm fucking it. Okay. we got a We got to rank old people we'd fuck. Okay. Where should we start? Hillary Clinton. I'm fucking it.

Speaker: Hillary Clinton could probably fucking get it, right? Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin can get it. Is she still alive? Nancy Pelosi, those fat tits. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. What are we saying politicians?

Speaker: Betty White? She's dead. RIP. RIP. Michelle Obama could probably get it. She's not that old, bro. She's probably like 60, right? Yeah, it's not that old. I guess. Are we talking about... She's not a gilf, bro. She's a milf. Yeah, she's a milf, right? Her daughters can get it, too. I don't give a fuck. They're definitely not of age.

Speaker: yeah They definitely are. Someone get me an age check on those. Well, wait, hold One of them was like eight when Obama was president. No, they're absolutely of age. They're for sure of age.

Speaker: All right, we can fuck all the... I'll fuck all i'll fuck Obama himself. I don't give fuck. With all this gray fucking hair, don't give a shit. Come and burn right in. Got that fucking BBC, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker: Obama's kids are 26 and 23. What are their names? I don't remember. Malia and Sasha. yeah place Not that far off. Both daughters, right?

Speaker: yeah Malia's hot. They're both hot. Yeah, they are both hot. Hot, and they're going have security for the rest of their life. Yeah, and they're going to get my cock snot. They're going to be watching. Oh my God, the fucking Secret Service is going to watching me drill her.

Speaker: That's crazy. He walking around with a guy that looks like Gerald. That's what I'm saying, dude. Yeah. I live a double life, you know what I'm saying? I'm fucking Obama's daughter on the side. and You're fucking Obama. Yeah.

Speaker: um but Bethilda Backshot ah was ah is a celebrated magical historian who is very close to Dumbledore. I'm drinking out of my KKK cup.

Speaker: Kill our clowns from outer space coming out in the next couple months. ah And she and Dumbledore lived in Godric's Hollow after his his father, meaning I guess Dumbledore's father, killed three muggles.

Speaker: Yeah. hes fucked huh Harry's like, what are you talking about? And she's like, do you even know Dumbledore is, bro? Like, who would have thought that the like Dumbledore's father was a fucking Nazi?

Speaker: Right. A blue orb, John kind of lands in the middle of this tent. Right. And we hear Kingsley's voice say the ministry has fallen. And the minister, Senor Scrimjob, is dead.

Speaker: Senor? They're coming. I don't know. I just said it for a comedic effect. It didn't work. See, Jake? I bombed, too. Ariba, Ariba. Sure. ah Death eaters show up um and start fucking up the place.

Speaker: Talk about wedding crashers.

Speaker: Hermione, Ron, and Harry apparate right into London. And it, this is the thing. They just can app right now. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Low key. Just when you get that skill, bro.

Speaker: Also low key. It kind of like they, for a second, I was like, in times square? They just popped up. It looked like times square. they in London. yeah You didn't see the buses. That was like the big giveaway. I'll give you a double decker pecker wrecker.

Speaker: Yeah, you fucking will. Um, we, so Hermione has a bag like that bag from violent night and Mary Poppins, which is crazy because Jake is back for two movies that feature big sacks.

Speaker: Yeah. You know, do have to say for yourself? I think that you guys, when I'm on, it's a big sack podcast. You're big sack kind of guy. You're just a chill guy who likes big sacks.

Speaker: I have a big sack. Jake hit me up later. Uh, OnlyFans. think Jake just tried to wink at me. Was that what that was? I think my eyes closed. Follow us on OnlyFans. At TwoGuysWhatsGreenPod.

Speaker: yeah TwoGuysOnePeen, actually. TwoGuysOnePeen. There's probably going to be two guys two peens, honestly. It's just videos of Gerald eating ham, guys. Two guys, one gaping hole.

Speaker: Yeah. I'll fuck anything for money. It's going to be Gerald's work. My peen is pretty small. Yeah. ah So they're sitting this diner type of fucking place and they don't know what to do with themselves.

Speaker: And Harry's like, ah I left all my shit at Ron's place. And Hermione's like, no, I got it all. Don't worry. It's my sack. It's my sack. Right. Packing bags for him.

Speaker: She's got his stuff in her sack and Ron's. And ah yeah, I guess Ron's got her kids in his sack. That's what I'm talking about. These construction type people pull up and they try to attack them spontaneously with stupefy.

Speaker: Shamefully, I don't know if that's from Drake, it's what it is. I would take a guess, but I don't feel like getting roasted. No, do it. Guess. You get three.

Speaker: Huh? Ghost. Have you heard Ghost before? Yeah. They sound like this? No. No. No. All right. That's my favorite band. Try Nick's. Try Nick's favorite band. Do you know my favorite band?

Speaker: I thought I did, but I don't think I do. Guess now. Disturbed. It is Disturbed. It is Disturbed. Disturbed is one of favorite bands and also where this button comes from. okay The name of the song is called Stoopify.

Speaker: Literally called Stoopify. Off down with the sickness. Listen now, 25th anniversary. I'm going in March. I am. They're performing the whole fucking album. By the way, Glass Shatter is released. Crazy. ah When we're buying ghost tickets.

Speaker: I'm waiting for you, honey homie. Oh, you flat out just called him honey. Yeah, whatever. We're gay. what? Whatever you want to buy him. Hit me up, dog.

Speaker: This server walks out to the fucking carnage of this little little wizard battle they had. And Hermione's like, bro, get the fuck out of here. ah And Ron dressed like Michael Myers.

Speaker: Little boiler suit. Right. ah Ron sucks the light out of his plate with his illuminator. And he's like, let's kill him. And Harry's like, no, no, no, no. What is this about? Why is Ron automatically like bloodthirsty?

Speaker: And he's not ever worn the necklace yet. Right. That's what i'm saying. He just i mean killed motherfuckers. To be fair, he just saw his brother almost dead on the couch. And then they just messed up his brother's wedding. He's probably pissed.

Speaker: you can't be fucking sending yourself to Azkaban. And his sister's getting run through by every fucking student at Hogwarts. So, he's like, that's also do it. My brother almost died.

Speaker: My other brother's wedding's done. My best friend's railing my sister. all don't know. I'm uptight. her He's mad at me. yeah My dick's not getting wet. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker: Kill him. Should've stayed with lavender. Fuck.

Speaker: ah So Harry's like, let's just wipe the memory and we get the Obliviate again, ah which wipes their memory.

Speaker: ah We also find out here that the it's Harry Potter's birthday today, so he's lost his trace. Let's go. You're 18. I can legally fuck you, Dianiel Radcliffe.

Speaker: Dianiel? I don't know why they got old. You want to fuck him diagonally. Diagonally? a yeah Let's get at it. Who wants to get rinsed? Fucking rinse and repeat.

Speaker: Let's get rrrr fucking rinsed out, dude. I'm gonna ring you like a fucking sponge. Goddamn well. gonna ring you like a shit. I'm gonna fucking rearrange Daniel Radcliffe's organs. Why is that dude so muscular looking?

Speaker: I don't know, dude. You ever see the movie where he drops the hard R? No. Yeah, you gotta watch it, Isn't there a Tom Holland where he drops the hard R, too? Tom Holland drops the hard R?

Speaker: Yikes! Why is all these white Adam driver, Daniel Radcliffe, they all leave their big, uh, their big series movies and they start dropping hard R's.

Speaker: What was Adam driver in star Wars? Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. And then Black Klansman, he calls that guy the N-word. We all went to that movie together, I think. We did. The movie's awesome.

Speaker: Good movie, Jake. Good movie. um So the kids, as in Harry, Ron, and Hermione, decide to go to The Order. That's a bad idea. That's a good idea. And there's a dusty Dumbledore ghost-looking thing that tries to approach or, like, scare them off.

Speaker: What? Yeah. Well, you did that right over my fucking button, but... Button me. There you go. Uh... Uh, and we get more visions of Voldemort interrogating... Who?

Speaker: Grindelwald? Yeah. Yeah. They all fall asleep. We see Ron and Hermione fall asleep holding hands. That's cute. Uh... Hermione's like... Fucking gay. Hermione's like, I know we haven't fucked in a long time, so I'll give you my hand to hold.

Speaker: is Don't place it on your cock while I'm sleeping. Right. Uh... Harry wakes up the next morning, goes Sirius' room, um and he finds some book, but Ron calls from saying he found something, and he found the room of Regulus.

Speaker: Fuck. Arcturus Black, a.k.a. R-A-B. R-A-B. Bro, it's Broccoli Robb. and

Speaker: Broccoli Rob might be worse than... Sucks. Broccoli Rob, broccolini trash. Throw it away. Broccolini, you said? Broccolini sucks too. Broccolini is just broccoli for people who hate themselves. Well, do you like normal broccoli?

Speaker: Yeah, love it. I eat it tonight for dinner. yeah i'm getting I get flamed so much for that that I don't like broccoli. Every time I see R-A-B, I just think of Broccoli Rob. i don't know why.

Speaker: Isn't R-A-B-E? It is. Yes, 100%. Yeah. yes a hundred percent yeah uh they find creature and they ask him where the real locket is but he don't know but uh they do know that he's definitely seen it at some point his fucking life um he calls her mind you have filthy mudblood because they were both both lockets where they find one locket or do they already have it there they find the fake locket uh in the end of half blood prince Right.

Speaker: With a note from from Broccoli Rob. Right. and then And then his name now is Broccoli Rob. don't know what to tell you. His creature says that he saw both of them in that house before.

Speaker: Yeah, he says that Broccoli Rob ordered him to destroy it, but he wasn't able to do it. And that Mundungus took the necklace. Fucking retard. Harry orders Preacher to find Mundungus. Preacher? do you just say Preacher? Preacher?

Speaker: Oh, autocorrect. I'm sorry. Creature. We're getting fucking raped by the preacher.

Speaker: Yeah, we are. ah Not me. He orders Creature to find him. ah And we cut to the Hogwarts Express where Death Ears stopped the train.

Speaker: And Neville's like, they ain't here. the fuck out of here. How much money money do you think Neville got paid just for that one scene to say they ain't here? Fucking beat it. At least. Yeah, at least 10 grand. Minimal. That's his only scene, bro.

Speaker: Yeah, 10 grand. Crazy. Bro made like, no, he probably made like fifth. Bro probably made what I make in a year. Like just. Saying that. Yeah. ah We see in the newspaper that Harry Potter is the new number one undesirable.

Speaker: ah More than Voldemort? Voldemort's the one putting out the list, Gerald. Keep up. Oh, yeah, because he's working in the ministry now. yeah Yeah. They're they're corrupt.

Speaker: Yeah, I got that. Voldemort is the ministry now. He's drunk, Nick. It's fine. I'm not drunk. There's a new Ministry of Magic. ah Dolores Umbridge is back. I forgot about this. What a dumb bitch. I hate her.

Speaker: We hate this bitch. She is easily the worst character in the entire series. In a good way.

Speaker: She's a good villain, Jake. I hate the cats. That's that's what does it for me. cast The casting's perfect. No, the cats. All the goddamn plates she has.

Speaker: Well, that dies in Order the Phoenix. We don't see that ever again. Jake's not big cat guy? No. Don't come to either of our houses. So yeah, she's back, I guess. I guess she survived her fucking running with the centaurs.

Speaker: ah And. She's probably going run out. By the centaurs. Centaurs. Horse cock just fucking railing her. Like Mr. Hands. Watch that video.

Speaker: Yeah, Google Mr. Hands. It's a video of the guy getting washed out by a horse. Very scared to watch that. You should be. We find out here that each employee must submit themselves for a valuation.

Speaker: um they see some We see some dude getting dragged through the ministry, but they people the ministry just beat the shit out of him. It's fucked up. We cut for a very brief second and see Mundungus hiding from Death Eaters.

Speaker: ah We cut back to Hermione, who's teaching Ron how to play the piano. What's that song? It's one of Beethoven's, right? She's like, we can't fuck here, so we'll just do piano. but yeaht you You can't fuck because Harry's there.

Speaker: Yeah, Harry's there staring at his snitch. When suddenly Hermione snatch. There's a difference. know No, and dude he was. I know he's just missing. He's missing Ginny snatch. That's who we're.

Speaker: Tight as you said. See, we to cut that last time. that see now' back yeah No, this one we can say because she's of age in the last one. Yeah, but I said it more vile that last time.

Speaker: This one's fine. okay Okay, I'm leaving all that in because you said it's fine.

Speaker: Okay. Preacher and Dobby appear with Mundungus, and they hit Mundungus with an Expelliarmus to get rid of his wand.

Speaker: I'm a kazoo. Fletcher says that he is simply a purveyor and he's not a thief. ah And he says that when he saw the Death Eaters that night when they transported Harry, he panicked and Moody just fell off his broom, which we don't fucking believe that.

Speaker: Yeah, no. Scumbag. He says that, Mundunga says he was approached by a lady from the ministry ah who wanted, who she she just straight took that fucking necklace from him because he had the necklace.

Speaker: And this lady we come to find out was Umbridge. fucking hole um wow okay what uh so ron harry and hermione's plan is to take polyjuice potion and enter the ministry uh so they end up entering the ministry through a stall bathroom stall you gotta flush the toilet and you get sent down that's kind of sus through the toilet into the flu fireplace flu powder system what do you think about that jake

Speaker: I think... Alright, we'll come back to you. You threw me off because you missed a part. What part did I What part did you miss? they kidnapped three random people off the street and changed it into them.

Speaker: Or did you say it and I wasn't paying attention? and um I didn't say that explicitly, but they, uh, they use Polyjuice potion to, they they do take people off the street to get like their hair follicle to make the Polyjuice potion. That is true. That accurate.

Speaker: Okay. Uh, so thank you for adding that Jake. Um, They're inside ah transformed and they see their trance and they see the, they see a statue in the ministry with ah muggles holding it up. And Hermione says that they're in their rightful place in the eyes of the ministry.

Speaker: Right. Cause Hermione. All of them are getting broken. Uh, And, you didn't buy that transformer steel book. No, I didn't. How much was it?

Speaker: Not, I dude, the fucking price was on it. $9. Oh, it's worth it know what it was. I just skipped it. It'll be there when I go back. Um, A man, this is Yaxley, I believe, stops Ron and says ah it's raining in his office.

Speaker: And essentially, he's going to interrogate whoever Ron is portraying his wife. Right. ah Because she's a fucking muggle. ah and ah How dare she?

Speaker: Yaxley yeah yeah actually catches ah ron Harry, and Hermione as they're in the elevator. So the door closes. Right. And he's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? And Hermione's like, try Finite Incantatum.

Speaker: Maybe that'll help. What a fucking genius she is. What? She used that in a movie before. i agree with you. I can't remember which movie it was though. Me neither. um They send Ron off on level one.

Speaker: They get to level two. And on the ride to level two, Ron and Hermione are game planning ah to find Umbridge. Yes, Harry and Hermione are game planning to find Umbridge.

Speaker: ah when they find that she, the elevator door opens and she's right there. Wow. That was easy. Easy. And she gets into the elevator and asks why Harry's portrayal character is not getting off the elevator. So obviously Harry has just hop off.

Speaker: And does it like really fucking sus. Right. He's like super slow and like awkward with it. So now we just have an elevator with Hermione and Umbridge. We follow Harry, and he sees people in the ministry making these pamphlets, I guess, that essentially say that muggles are a dangerous society.

Speaker: That's fucked up. They really fucking hate muggles. Like, bro, like just don't interact with them, and you're good. ah We find out here that Umbridge is the new head of muggle registration. Talk about the Nazi parallels, dude.

Speaker: Crazy. Crazy. The Nazis would never have a woman in charge. That's honestly valid. And then what was this shit with the horns? These like bug looking joints. I miss fucking pointless.

Speaker: Yeah. did Harry have something in his pocket. he dropped like one bell and it kept multiplying and then started like all the explosions. Kind of like fucking Batman type shit. Yeah. He dropped like a smoke bomb.

Speaker: Yeah. All he dropped like one little thing and it started multiplying like endless times.

Speaker: um So that causes a big disruption and Harry sneaks into Dumbledore's... Dumbledore? God, dude. Dude, what the fuck is going on today? Are drunk? No, bro. I just don't have names written down. I write i wrote like HP sneaks into her office and I didn't write a name. I just said Dumbledore. I don't know why. HPV sneaks into her office? no h like see HP, dude. Harry Potter. Shout out printers and computers all at once.

Speaker: ay sponsor us a please I need a printer actually they uh so Harry goes into Umbridge's office and he thinks that saying Accio lock it's gonna work which this is a dude fuck this is fuck this out this is a fucking horcrux you think it's that easy yeah he's like Accio horcrux and nothing happens um And he finds in Umbridge's drawer.

Speaker: right What? In Umbridge's drawers, dude. so She goes suck my balls through my drawers. ah To be fair, Jake, ah in the Order of the Phoenix episode, we did say we'd probably rinse out Umbridge, but only from the back.

Speaker: And she wouldn't be able to talk. Yeah. No. yeah She got that fucking body yada yada, bro. dude Y'all y'll have fun with that one. i will fucking Only beat it from the back pussy.

Speaker: Beat it from the... Oh my but filled a backshot a oh my god Oh man. what I'm saying? No. No. want you to rub my umbrage of my nuts you know i'm saying no no

Speaker: I was trying to taint joke, but it didn't work. No. Oh, it kind of makes sense. You had bridge. taking it to your bridge from your sack to your anus. Yeah. I just explained the joke for everyone. That's getting cut. through um um But this scene in Hear Me Out on this kind of reminded me of The Incredibles.

Speaker: where he's looking through the files and they're like all x'd out it's like superheroes and the incredible yeah it dad i know it's not on a computer shut up bob car bob car for the one time was it bob car bob par was a par or car i think it might be par not to call you on your bullshit so sorry my my pixar knowledge Not to call you a scumbag or anything. Let's call you f***. But you got his name wrong. You got Mr. Incredible's name wrong.

Speaker: um Sorry, I didn't know the lore went that deep, dude. No, I shouldn't be talking cause i've been fucking Freudian slipping names back and forth.

Speaker: I'm going to sound like Pac-Man.

Speaker: Harry leaves the office and does not find the necklace. And he's spotted by some dude in the ministry. Everybody. He just walks off. Don't go fuck. Don't you track him down?

Speaker: No. Like this guy was in Umbridge's office? Whatever. Yeah, go ahead. And he meets up with Ron in the elevator. And Ron does not know it's him. You fucking idiot, dude. He's like, it's me, bro.

Speaker: Why is everybody in this movie a fucking idiot? um we They go to the courtroom with where Hermione is with Umbridge. um And we see Umbridge has a patronus of a cat.

Speaker: And she is wearing the necklace they're looking for. And she's interrogating Ron, quote unquote, Ron's wife. um And she wants to know where this lady stole this wand from.

Speaker: And the lady says, like, very upset, like, you know I got this from all of them when I was 11 years old. By the way, this is fucking crazy because the ministry literally has... fucking dementors above them like getting they're like gated off uh with a patronus so like they can't get through but like they're ready to just fucking merc people dude that takes some serious magic don't care anybody says j just to hold them back like that yeah i mean umbridge is powerful bro yeah uh umbridge thinks that uh this lady's lying and says she's not a real witch um

Speaker: And we see Harry's face start to turn back to actual Harry Potter. And he pulls out his fucking wand, not his cock. Yeah, if he pulled out his cock, that'd be like instant Azkaban, right? because like Do you think nudity is like not okay?

Speaker: No. I don't know the Britain... Listen, they got they got freaking weird ass creatures. I think a little nip is all right. Well, tasteful nip. I agree. Yeah. Well, nip, probably fine. But fucking Harry's Harry's turning back from polyjuice potion cock like it's going in between like a 35 year old man's and like an 18 year old.

Speaker: Hey, man, if it happens, it happens. Like what if what if Harry's shaven? But this guy's not. Is it like, oh, you're disappearing and reappearing? That'd be interesting. Maybe they just fall off.

Speaker: That'd be crazy. They regrow, fall off, regrow, fall off. Dude, and like you see the the fucking sack retraction from like being a fucking old man to being a younger person. Your balls just like tighten up.

Speaker: Yeah, it's like a yo-yo. So Harry hits Umbridge with a stupefy. Stupefy! And she gets knocked out right in her chair.

Speaker: And Hermione takes the necklace and throws it to Harry. That's the perfect time fuck Umbridge, by the way. She's, like, incapacitated. Right. Well, at least just get a view of what that like what the snatch situation is.

Speaker: Right. Like, you an innie or an outie type bit? You have an innie or outie? Well, you got a roast beef or, like, you're chilling. I don't like roast beef.

Speaker: Is that shit dangling in the wind or is it tight? Right, like, I don't want to move that out of the way. Like, I gotta, like, close pins to, like, eat you out. Close pins?

Speaker: Close pins? You gotta peel back the layers like ah like an ogre and an onion. Like an Like an onion. Vaginas have layers, like onions.

Speaker: Uh, so... Ron, Harry, and Hermione make a run for it They get into an elevator. um They are able to close this little gate, but the Dementors on their side, they're getting all sucked off together.

Speaker: Also, Harry's like a little late to this. Like he could have been cast a Patronus, but he's just sitting there. Yeah, and while getting sucked off, he does cast the Expecto Patronum.

Speaker: Eventually. Right. But they get I think he likes getting sucked off. I mean who doesn't? I do, too. Yeah. They are in the elevator. ah Hermione and Harry transform back into their regular bodies.

Speaker: ah Ron is not quite transformed yet, and he kisses this man's wife. That's fucking ballsy, dude. It's like full-blown making out with her. And as they're making out, he turns back into a regular kid, Ron.

Speaker: And the husband walks and goes, the fuck? I'm getting cucked.

Speaker: And immediately, Harry's recognized. And they get chased through the ministry by Yaxley. I don't know what spell they're using, but they're he's fucking, like, zapping at them. like He's throwing fireballs at them.

Speaker: Just no talking at all. Yeah. But that I think maybe the kids do this. don't know who does this, but he gets, like, mobbed with papers. Yeah, like they're running past the papers and one of them flips their wands. and They barely make it into the flu network.

Speaker: And they wake up in ah the woods. And when they wake up, Ron's arm is fucked. I would say the practical here looks pretty good.

Speaker: it It really does. I'm surprised Harry Potter had this level of... Gore effect. east franchise Yeah. Yeah. Like it's not like, you know, crazy, but it's pretty fucking brutal for like a kid's movie. Quote, unquote.

Speaker: I would say I would agree with that because the scenes like when they're out in the woods look pretty brutal as far as CGI. Yeah. They look great. Um, Hermione asks Harry for the essence of, i think it's DeSanti or um whatever. Sue me.

Speaker: um Because Ron's arms all fucked up. And when they were in the flu network, Hermione changed the destination. And to the word is splinch, which is not a real word.

Speaker: ah But they splinched Yaxley. um And they use the spells Protego, Totalum, and Salvia Hexia to... They're like, not force fields, but they're like protective shields. Yeah. it's like so So no one can see them.

Speaker: Right. Essentially, when they're in that little bubble. As we come to to find out. Protective enchantment, I even wrote it down, Nick, you fucking idiot. um And then here's Harry. Here's your cornerstone of a Harry Potter movie. Harry being a fucking idiot.

Speaker: Yep. She's like, get working on the tent. He goes, where am I going to find a tent? Maybe the magic fucking bag. Yeah. Maybe the big sack. Mary Poppins got a fucking bag here, dude. Like, come on, bro.

Speaker: ah The next day, they're trying to destroy the locket, and I got a bunch of different fucking charms. Here we go. a lot of A lot of ones that make their first appearance, I believe.

Speaker: Right. We got des Descendium, Incendio, Expulso, Defendio, Reducto. All those don't work. I'm not hanging Alakazam all those times.

Speaker: You get one and be happy and be grateful you ever got it. You get one ski and that's it. Be graced with his fucking presence. um And Harry decides this is a pretty bad idea, I'll be honest, to wear it.

Speaker: yeah keep it safe Yeah. Yeah, bad idea. And as we come to find out, ah whoever wears the necklace like just gets like super fucking angry. like It's like when you wear the ring in Lord the Rings.

Speaker: Right. Which you didn't like that movie, but whatever. It's fine. not going to yuck your yum, but I will spit in your mouth. That one the most boring movies I've ever fucking watched. Gerald, I'm with you, buddy.

Speaker: Oh, wow. You hate it? It's a strong word. I don't hate it. I have not made it past the first 30 minutes without falling asleep. um i will like I will not stick up for anything beyond Fellowship of the Ring because that is my favorite.

Speaker: I had the... ah

Speaker: privilege of watching that movie high. So like it kind of kept my... You watched it high? Your first experience watching one of the most iconic franchises ever made was high?

Speaker: Yeah, but it's not like... What's the world coming to? No, it's not like what you think. Oh, so what is it? Were you low? No. What? That's not what you think.

Speaker: It makes you hyper-focus. So you took Adderall? Yeah, essentially. So I was like focused on it.

Speaker: All right. Well, it kept my interest, but I mean, at least rated a a positive rating. I'll let you off with that. It's not a bad. beat It's not a bad. one I need.

Speaker: I've said it. I think I've said it on this podcast. It's a good setup for the next movie. Like, I'm not, you know, denying that. That's always balls. But it's a whole setup movie. That's my problem with it.

Speaker: The next movie is not about 9-11. I know it sounds like it is, but it's not. So the third one's it? The next one's called The Two Towers. That's why I said that. And then Return of the King. but where's the Where's the crickets for that one? the Return of the King is Osama Bin

Speaker: Osama Bin Laden? What the fuck? Return of the King. ah ah Should we bleep that?

Speaker: No. Jake says no. Jake's a conservative one here, so Jake says no, we're letting it fly. Just praised Osama bin. but Don't praise Osama bin. I'm a fucking... i believe fucking red.

Speaker: You just called him a king. Yeah, it's a joke, guys. It's called a joke. joke You and I do that on a lot in this podcast. Avatar made a whole album about him. Osama? Yeah.

Speaker: What? Return of the King. ah All Hail the King. Statue of the King. You guys want to go find his grave? Probably some fucking desert with a bunch of scorpions and like people. dumped them in the ocean.

Speaker: Yeah, they did. It's in the Indian Ocean. Ron points out that it's pretty stupid that Dumbledore ah did not show them how to destroy the Horcruxes. To be fair, he fucking died before he could.

Speaker: Right. um We cut to, not cut, but ah Ron likes us listen to this radio. And the radio is talking about all these muggles have been captured.

Speaker: I guess Dean Thomas is muggle. Shout Dean Thomas. One of the only black guys in Harry Potter. Right. Harry holds the necklace and there we get more visions.

Speaker: He sees Voldemort interrogating Gregorovic um for a one that was stolen by whom? The man looks like Barty Crouch Jr. beyond Yeah.

Speaker: Low key. And Voldemort kills Gregorovic. right voldemorre kills grovorovvi ah Hermione walks over she's like, you can't let Voldemort get in your head. Bro, this is not Voldemort getting in his head. This is Harry getting in Voldemort's head, you idiot.

Speaker: Right. Because it works both ways. Right. And Harry tells Hermione that Voldemort's looking for something. Very vague. No shit, he's looking for something. You.

Speaker: Ron is listening to the radio in the tent, and Harry says that it annoys the fuck out of him. um Harry's getting triggered. Hermione is. Right. Because he's wearing the necklace.

Speaker: Yeah. Hermione's like, well, Harry asked Hermione, what, how soon can we start moving? She's like, we can't because Ron is hurt and he can't apparate.

Speaker: And he's like, you're not trying hard. He felt like kind of freaked out here, bro. Like take a breath. ah Chill pill. She asked Harry take the necklace off. So he does. And he feels better. ah We cut to nighttime. Night, night, night.

Speaker: Where Hermione hears some noises. The subtitles say a twig snapping. um W subtitles. We cut inside ah the tent.

Speaker: ah W subtitles. Let's Poughkeepsie tapes. Right, because that fucking ruins the movie for you. Then it's Elle. Which my cousin commented on that fucking post, have to watch the subtitles now. Did you miss the point of the clip?

Speaker: I saw that she commented and I was like, no, the whole point is don't. Who's a heat he? Let's not misgender my cousin. Sorry. Yeah. ah By the way, he's a genius. like He's like an actual fucking rocket scientist and then wrote that.

Speaker: know it joke what. Shout out Jimmy. no ah No offense, Jimmy, but we were saying don't. Please don't. No shade. Just don't watch it with fucking. Yeah. Watch the movie for sure.

Speaker: But now it's subtitles.

Speaker: We hear on the radio that Snape has now been promoted to the new headmaster of Hogwarts. It took him long enough to become something in life. but shut me He's head hog, bro.

Speaker: Head hog. Head hog. He's the head hog, bro. Oh, the head of Hogwarts. I get it All right. I should have worn my Harry Potter shirt. I'm a fucking failure.

Speaker: Go change right now. When we change right now, don't fucking tell me. Do it. let me pause. If you're got pause the episodes. I'm like, are you going to do it? So we see some ah snatchers walk by, and Hermione sees them, but they can't see her really face to face.

Speaker: Uh, and has Harry eloquently points out. They're called snatchers. Um, And I guess I spoke too soon, but this is where Hermione says Ron is not strong enough to apparate. So they decide to walk on foot where Ron has the radio on and it's just reading off the names of the missing wizards. This is pretty fucking dark, bro.

Speaker: It is like there's like hundreds of motherfuckers that are just gone. Like we joke about it being the Nazis, but like low key really is high key.

Speaker: Ron's wearing the necklace at this point while they're traveling and he sees Hermione offers Harry water or something. He gets fucking mad. Um, and then there's just kind of a montage of them like going from place to place and the world seems like almost post apocalyptic.

Speaker: They're inside this tent again. ah and Hermione realizes the sword of Gryffindor can destroy the Horcrux because it it absorbs the powers of, if if it's an item that's more powerful, it absorbs it essentially.

Speaker: Makes sense. Uh, and Harry's like, you're brilliant, which is like, but relax, bro. Uh, and then Ron sucks the light out all dramatic. And, uh, Basically, I'll say this. I think Ron should be wearing this necklace a long time ago because Ron's mad that Harry doesn't know shit.

Speaker: Bro, Harry hasn't known shit the past six movies. Nick's been saying that's his fucking movie too. The first one. What are you guys talking about? You're just getting mad about this now? You should have put that shit on a long time ago.

Speaker: It's probably like his deepest, darkest thoughts, but he's like, ah he's my friend. i don't want to you know I don't want to hurt him. But now when the necklace is on, he's like, no holds barred. So they start going at it. Hermione asked Ron to take the horcrux off. And he's like, no.

Speaker: um And he says that he listens to the radio every night in fear of losing his family and that Harry doesn't know what it's like. And Harry's like, I do know what it's like. And he's like, you don't have him because your parents are dead. little harsh.

Speaker: And he asked Hermione if he wants to go with him or not. And she's like, nah. And he just apparates, which like five minutes ago he wasn't able to do. That you just can do it now? and I can.

Speaker: um And then the next... I'll be honest. Most of this part in the woods, nothing really happens. ah So I'm just giving you the highlights here. There's a part where Hermione and Harry dance to some music in the tent.

Speaker: Then there's a part where Harry's laying in his bed and he kisses a snitch. Some gay shit. Also some gay shit. The same rules do apply. And when he kisses the snitch, the snitch has some words inscribed on it that say, I open at the close.

Speaker: somes Some gay shit. shit. ah I mean, i don't know about you guys, but that's anal. I open at the close. That's anal.

Speaker: That's exit only, dog. Right. Ain't no one know going up my poop chute unless it's my doctor. Right. Who already has. Right. Shout out Jonathan. Shout out Jonathan. Shout out Dr. Jonathan, dude.

Speaker: Sorry, no last names. Right. We can't. Harry shares with Hermione that the ah the phrase the snitch says when he kisses it. That's fucking weird, man. I know.

Speaker: And Hermione notices this symbol that ah Mr. Lovegood had a necklace of. uh she's like it has to mean something but harry's like harry's like you know what fuck that symbol i want to go to godrick hollow it's fucking true uh oh hermione you might be on to something fuck it though i didn't realize how stupid that was until i just read my notes on it but he was like yeah you know what no i'm just gonna go to godrick my parents do what i want to do My parents lived there.

Speaker: Yeah, that's cool. Hermione's like, well, they're going to be waiting for you there, bro. He's like, nah, they wouldn't be. Why would they be there for? i don't know. With Hagrid and the motorbike. Wow, they didn't catch me then.

Speaker: Just a hunch. It's too obvious. um So they apparate to Godric Hollow where we find out it's Christmas Eve. um And as they're walking, they see a graveyard. And Harry's like, ah I wonder if my parents are in there.

Speaker: ah So they go in the graveyard and they find his parents' grave as long as well as a grave ah that belongs to, ah fuck, autocorrected. I think it's Ignotus. Ignotus Prevel, I think.

Speaker: if it's my If my pronunciation on anything is wrong this whole series, call in and correct me. We to call. okay call No emails. Call. um They also notice there's person who's been watching them ah in the graveyard and they follow them.

Speaker: and they I guess they follow them into the house where Harry's parents were murdered. They go into the house of the person. This is a little confusing. Yeah, it was confusing. You can't tell.

Speaker: But this lady gives off big like witch vibe. Well, like not like witches in Harry Potter, which witches in like stereotypical like voodoo, which she'd give you a poison green apple like the nun.

Speaker: Haven't seen it. So they either go into Harry Potter's parents' house or they go into this fucking lady's house. I think it's there i think it's his parents' house because they have that fight scene with Nagini in the room with the crib.

Speaker: Right, and that's like always in the flashbacks. So I'm guessing this is Lily and James Potter's house. This is the Potter residence. And this is Bathilda Backshot. She's called Backshot now just because it's funny.

Speaker: And Harry sees a photo of a person and asks who he is, but this lady don't speak. And they're just like, all right, I guess she doesn't talk. and Just leave it at that. So sus. ah And Harry goes and investigates upstairs.

Speaker: Harry finds a copy of the book we mentioned from the beginning of this movie. Uh... that Bathilda, you know, spilled her guts about. And there's a letter thanking her from Rita Skeeter.

Speaker: We cut it. And the next part is literally just Bathilda staring at Harry's necklace. So fucking work rocks. um And she speaks parcel tongue to Harry. Oh, I'm sorry, dude.

Speaker: Right. Hold on. Can I say something right here? I know you're going to say, and I agree. Can you hit it? Can you hit the button that I asked you for? it's a drop What the fuck makes you think that this random old woman just magically can speak parcel tongue, right?

Speaker: Like in the second movie, Ron straight up tells you like, this is not normal. Everyday people cannot do this. And you're just like, you just go with it.

Speaker: Dude, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I completely forgot that she was Nagini. And I did not. Dude. And I did not think anything of it. Well, yeah. like Like a first time watch, you're like, what the fuck?

Speaker: but This is my third time watching it. And I didn't think anything of it. Oh, okay. ah So i'm pretty stupid too. I'll say that. But to Harry, who's been living in the world of Hogwarts for the past seven years.

Speaker: You're not normal, dude. you You know you have, like, Voldemort speaks parcel tongue. Also, what was she saying? Right. Like, he's like... This scene doesn't really illustrate that. No. What does the subtitles say?

Speaker: Nothing. It says speaks parcel tongue. yeah Okay. Which USPS, where's my fucking parcel? Hey, shout out USPS. No, fuck USPS. Fuck USPS.

Speaker: ah United States piss system. ah Sure. So she speaks partial tongue to Harry and then... Harry turns to look at like an album or something and she turns into Nagini.

Speaker: Now, Jake asked us off the pod about Nagini. Okay. We're not going to ask. We're not going to say exactly what you ask. That's embarrassing and protect the innocent. I will say I totally missed that part when she changed into. Did you fucking turn away? What'd you do? I was cooking dinner. Well, Harry turned away.

Speaker: So it's fair. You cooked dinner while watching a movie? Yeah. That's odd. What do you do while watching movies? Me? Yeah. sit on my couch like a normal person, I thought. oh okay.

Speaker: Um... You cook dinner, what too? You multitask? No, was writing the scene by scene. But, uh, Nagini is... This is a spoiler for the rest. This is a spoiler for the audience, if they don't know.

Speaker: Nagini is what you call a horcrux. he's He's Voldemort's pet snake ah that he put part of his soul in. That's gangster. Sir Yakub.

Speaker: Um... No, I understood all that part. I just didn't understand that that random ass lady was Nagini. Oh. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Speaker: That's not how it sounded, but I appreciate that we hit. But this is your second time watching this movie. Third time. I fucking forgot, too. So I'm not going to I'm not going to shake for that.

Speaker: um they have a fight Nagini and Harry Harry hits Nagini with a brick Nagini falls down the stairs and there's a cool jump scare bro this got me so bad this time like I knew it was coming but they like they did like good they did the perfect jump scare where like you think it's gonna happen and then they back off you think it's gonna happen again they back off Hermione as soon it comes up Hermione hits it with a confingo or confongo I don't remember it could have autocorrected fingo and bingo and that I need to hit the button ah look ka ze And they apparate out the fucking window.

Speaker: That's fucking crazy, dog. like Into the forest of Dean, which is not to be confused with Dean's pubes. That's not what we are. A.K.A. Ginny Weasley's ex-boyfriend who fucking plowed her out and her fucking pussy.

Speaker: Why are you saying it again? It's funny. Fucking rearrange Ginny's organs. Do think now whole time you think Ginny's just out there getting fucked?

Speaker: Yeah, the whole time. She seems like a little fucking slut, right? A little dirty slut. Every time she is off screen, she's getting fucking plowed. yeah She's the only daughter, dude.

Speaker: They don't care about her. Why do you think she's such a slut for That's what I'm saying. She talks to people. No, because she wasn't like cared for. Right. Like you got you got but ah what's his name? Bill. He's out fucking Bill Nye.

Speaker: Bill Nye. He's out there doing with dragons right there. You know, poor Molly and dad. forget dad's name. Arthur are worrying about Bill and his dragon thing.

Speaker: Fred and George are a bunch of fucking misfits. And then you got Ron running around with fucking Harry Bopper getting fucking almost killed every other fucking year. Yeah, but he's getting like fucking A1 poon.

Speaker: Harry? No, Ron. Ron. yeah Yeah, but what is Harry getting? Chose? No, he got cockpaw. This shit smells like fucking shrimp fry fries.

Speaker: Yikes. ah

Speaker: The fucking way you just said that. It feels like shrimp fried rice. It's for the craziest things. oh but

Speaker: Alright. I'm just saying, she's at the bottom of the fucking leaderboard, alright? They're not worrying about her. she's I She's straight A student, so she's like left out. So what else can she do besides get fucking rinsed out?

Speaker: need some love of my life. Let me get my fucking snatch wrecked. Ugh. Ugh.

Speaker: Call me fucking Lisa Ann because I've been fucked by everybody. That's why I think I feel like she's like the school slut, dude. Low key. Dean? Who's fucking Dean Thomas?

Speaker: Dude, all he does is make the announcement and she's like, fuck it. I want to stick my fucking pussy in your mouth. That's what saying. Like, she's definitely roast beef puss. It's gotta to be She's fucking.

Speaker: She used like a used car. But like that car is from like 2000. Do you think they have hookers in Harry Potter? Yes. They're probably elves. Ew.

Speaker: Ew. well l I don't want to fuck with Hobby. What? No. But we don't know what the girl elves look like yet.

Speaker: um What do you think the next part was all about when they're sitting in the forest and Hermione's like, let's just stay here and grow old. She's just giving up, right? She's giving up on life. and Sounds like she wanted to like start a life with Harry and like, you know what I mean?

Speaker: I think she was just sick of running. I think, yeah, I think she just wants to like, she's like, I'm tired of this shit. I'm doing a lot of shit for you. And you're dumb and do whatever you want all the time.

Speaker: And Hermione's book, we've, she learned about this guy, Gallard Grindelwald, who is the man from the visions. Um, and Hermione also shared that Harry's wants broken. Oh no. It's fucking shout Dennis Rodman.

Speaker: And he's like, all right, then, well, give me the fuck, give me your wand and give me the necklace and I'll stand outside. And while Harry's standing guard outside during the night, he sees a Patronus, which leads him to a ah frozen pond.

Speaker: So for the first time in Harry's life, right, because in Prisoner of Azkaban, he fell for the Patronus. was actually himself, but he's like, we roasted him because he's like, that's my dad. My dad is making that Patronus. But he deserved to get roasted.

Speaker: Right. This time, he still fell for it. right? You think he would have learned his lesson, but this time it actually helps him out. I think Harry's actually dumb.

Speaker: I see where you're coming from, but like, I don't think he would put two and two together that last time it was a trap. So let me not do the same thing. That's what I'm saying. Harry's got a little tism going.

Speaker: Can I be honest with you guys, though? I don't know if I was in Harry's situation and I saw Patronus that I wouldn't investigate. Wait, wait. Because Patronus isn't necessarily an evil thing, right? It's a happy thing. It's a good thing.

Speaker: Well, it could be an evil person casting a bad. An evil person casting a good memory as a Patronus, like. How Umbridge has a Patronus, but she's evil. I guess.

Speaker: I have a wild conspiracy theory. I'm not debating it. i'm I'm saying I would have also followed the Patronus. I'll be honest. and it was the Of all the dumb things Harry's done, i don't think this is the dumbest one.

Speaker: And it was a deer. What's your conspiracy, Jake? The scar on his head caused brain damage. That's fair. He's got CTE. Harry Potter's got CTE. Bro, you get struck in the head hard enough as a little kid, you'll be fuck you up.

Speaker: Harry Potter, Crispin Waugh, same person. Hey, yo. Dude, Harry Potter killed his parents? That's crazy, dude. I mean, low-key, he did. so We can't shout out Chris Benoit, but as a wrestler, I mean, chef's kiss.

Speaker: He should be Hall of Fame, but murder-suicide is bad. Not great. You can't kill your wife and kid, you know? It's like the Michael Vick thing, right? Michael Vick will never be in the Hall of Fame because he killed dogs. I think Michael Vick is more accepted.

Speaker: Yeah. That's true. Michael Vick at least said sorry. No, but I don't think saying sorry for fighting dogs versus saying sorry for murdering your family is the same. No, because at least... You know what mean? At least Michael Vick did jail time.

Speaker: Yeah, and then he came back and had a career. Yeah. W. He had a life around. Chris Mawad didn't have a chance. It's like, he fought dogs, but we, like... this is not This is honestly going to sound bad, but it's not that bad.

Speaker: People fight animals all over the world, and we just turn a blind eye to it. Yeah. Can we just be honest about that? I 100% agree. There's big cock fights in New York City, okay? I have a small cock, but yes. No, my fiancé's family is- i fight it every night.

Speaker: My fiancé's family is like complete anti-Vic to like their core. They hate blacks. is you They hate Michael Vick because the whole dog fighting. They just hate the Fast Blacks.

Speaker: Right. They hate Fast Blacks. Anti-Lamar Jackson, too. Yeah. ah I mean, why would why would you not be? Also, let us know, because we're recording this in January, us if Mark Andrews killed himself or not.

Speaker: It's valid.

Speaker: ah um But I make sure to bring up Michael Vick as much as possible. Just fuck with him. Might buy you a jersey for your birthday. would love it. Dude, I told them. Dude, wait. So what would they do? They'd probably be so conflicted if you walked into that house wearing a fucking Eagles Michael Vick jersey. Oh my god. They hate the Eagles. They hate Michael Vick. Oh my god. will they live in Philly, though? They do. but They do. They're not Eagles fans?

Speaker: They're not Eagles fans. Yeah. Yeah. They root for the G-Men? They do. North Philly. way. All right. So they no struggle.

Speaker: Yeah. Like Michael Vick. Well, he's still rich. but he definitely struggled, though, at some point. At one point, sure, he went to the Jets.

Speaker: That's true. um So, the Patronus leads him to a ah frozen lake pond, John. um And it just, the Patronus itself turns into like a little fucking blue orb and goes underwater, which reveals the Sword of Gryffindor.

Speaker: That's convenient. Harry breaks the ice, a little little area of it with Defindo. Yeah, it's like, you know, so he just met her, breaking the ice type shit.

Speaker: Ha ha. Um, he swims down there. I'm not sure why he chose to swim down with the necklace on, or maybe he just didn't realize he had it on. Uh, obviously the necklace is not going to be okay with him going to grab a weapon that can destroy it.

Speaker: Yeah. So it basically like pulls him away, drags him deeper under the ice. That's like a big fear, dude. I thought it drove dragged him to the surface where the hole was like not no longer there. and He was like stuck.

Speaker: Well, yeah. So he can't get away because like froze back over. so she tried to kill him. Yeah. um Ron comes out of nowhere and save this man. It was a cool POV shot.

Speaker: The POV shot when Harry's getting dragged out of like the lake. That cool. Who went down there and got the fucking sword? Ron? I'm assuming. Maybe it's Accio's sword.

Speaker: you just see that Well, you see the POV of a hand grabbing the handle. Yeah. I'm assuming it's Ron. He didn't look very wet when he fucking came out of water, you know what mean? We don't know how long Harry came back. He could have been giving him CPR.

Speaker: Mouth-to-mouth type shit, you know? I'm trying to whack my cock that. I wonder if somehow they got it with magic. I just said Accio's sword. Yeah.

Speaker: I look a zel. um So essentially the plan now is to destroy this necklace. And ah Harry's like, got to speak to it in parcel tongue, which I get. Now I'm realizing how fucking stupid this is that that's literally he's talking in parcel tongue. And he didn't think it was weird, but he has to so speak soft tongue to open this fucking locket.

Speaker: So ah the necklace opens and it's not the dark mark, but it's like the same kind of cloud that would make a dark mark. And it's just talking shit to Ron like black mold.

Speaker: Alright. And it shows... This is crazy. This is fucking wild. Yeah. ah like It shows an illustration of of Hermione and Harry together.

Speaker: And the two of them are like holding hands, just talking shit to Ron. They're like degrading him. And then they get fucking naked. Yeah, butt ass naked. Butt ass naked, like fucking sucking face.

Speaker: I was praying to every God that exists on this fucking, you know, in universe. I'd see some fucking Hermione tit. didn't get any. Isn't that fucking crazy, though? Would have made this movie a half star better. Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson had to like hug naked.

Speaker: Yeah. Dude, this is what I mean. How did these actors not get hard? He had to, right? I'd be hard as shit. Dana Reckless little weird though. He's a little weird. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker: He's little autistic. I don't like the way he's like his like upper body looks. That's what saying. He's got to have tism. So, Ron is able to get over this shit talk and he smashes this fucking necklace with ah the sword of Godric Gryffindor.

Speaker: um They grab Hermione who's pissed that Ron's back and calls him an asshole, which he is. Um... And Ron said took so long for to come back because he had no idea where to find him. But to be fair, that's valid.

Speaker: That is valid. Because they keep moving. But he apparated. He did apparate, which he shouldn't be able to do. Yeah, but by time he apparated, they probably dipped.

Speaker: By the time he apparated, I was fucking fapperating. Yeah? Yeah. Fucking jerk of my gherkin. They were a faperonian cheese, you know what i'm saying? Ooh, it would like come into cheese sauce. That's when you're jacking off and you have smegma.

Speaker: Faperoni and cheese. Oh, is that like an Urban Dictionary term? it's It should be now. I don't know. I just made that up on the spot. Pretty good. You should submit it submitted Urban Dictionary.

Speaker: Faperoni and cheese at smegma actually pretty fire, dude. That's fucking disgusting. No, it's not like, it's a funny term. Sure. Put that on a shirt and wear it. um And Ron essentially tells ah Harry and Hermione, the little light sucker John,

Speaker: told them where to go in Hermione's voice. It was just Hermione being like, Ron, eat my fucking pussy. My flaps are wet.

Speaker: Jesus. I want to give you that. i

Speaker: You know what I'm saying? know what I mean?

Speaker: Ron, your cock is massive. Your cock is massive, Ron. It's fucking throbbing. ah Dude. Your cum illuminates.

Speaker: Right. ah The illuminator kind looks like a vape. It does, right? right Jizz. That's where they are. okay ah We cut inside the tent and Ron has a spare wand for Harry, which is great. Give me no wand, Ron.

Speaker: and it In a surprise turn of events, we listen to Hermione here who wants to go see Mr. Lovegood. Um, because, ah they, she found a letter from Albus to him.

Speaker: oh That's signed with that same symbol. We keep talking about. Then Harry's like, I saw that the night that fucking

Speaker: wedding at the graveyard at the wedding. Yeah. It's everywhere. Uh, so they go to his house. What, what had Jake? This is easily my favorite part of this movie. This whole scene.

Speaker: I love this game. Really? Yeah. ah They ask Mr. Lovegood where Luna's at, and he's like, oh, she'll be here. um Fucking trade. Listen.

Speaker: Dramatic? Luna, I've made it very well known that I have a... She's your favorite character for no particular reason. I just want to fucking rinse her.

Speaker: But... yeah That's why. That's why. um But over there this shelf, over here on this shelf, you can't see it's out of frame.

Speaker: I have a Luna Lovegood pop. All right. Is it covered in a white film?

Speaker: Fair. Plead the fifth. So here's my thing, right? If you're her father, right? This is going to be a spoiler for a future thing that happens that we find out.

Speaker: But if your daughter is kidnapped by fucking Lord Voldemort, right? And Harry Potter shows up at your house. I don't think I'm okay with that.

Speaker: Right? what you What are you trying to say? You're defending his decision? No, I'm thinking, I'm saying that he should have told Harry. To go the hell away? Yeah, because they cause he's shoot they're like, where's Luna?

Speaker: and like And he's like, oh, she'll be here in a few. you Well, they would have killed him if he told Harry to go away.

Speaker: But Harry's like the one person that's actively trying to find Voldemort. So wouldn't you tell him like straight off the bat? but He couldn't. It was it was another trap.

Speaker: I don't think it was a trap. It's trap! It literally was a trap. They say it at the end. I mean, they yeah, the the the Death Eaters show up, but... I don't know i don't know if you can say it's planned trap. i You can't really guarantee that Harry Potter is going to come visit your fucking house in the middle nowhere and start asking questions.

Speaker: No, but if he does show up, wouldn't you tell him?

Speaker: I think he was scared they were going to kill his daughter. if he Would I tell Harry when he got there, yo, they got my daughter kidnapped? Yeah. Is that what you're asking me?

Speaker: Right. Yes, I would. Right, that's what I'm saying. like he And I would say and i say you can rinse her out if you fucking save her. Right. That's what I'm saying. i'm saying Well, I feel like we had this conversation little prematurely because we're not quite there yet.

Speaker: um But I appreciate it.

Speaker: um So we find this ah about the story of the Deathly Hallows. I believe Harry's the only one doesn't know it. This fucking idiot. Well, because he's born by muggles. This is a fucking wizard story.

Speaker: Hermione? Yeah, but she's a... She's like a fucking genius. She probably read it. um Essentially, there's three brothers who are traveling along at midnight, as Ron corrects for mining.

Speaker: And this is all done in like a artsy way art yeah it's like not a storybook yeah like a storybook this is very well done yeah i love this this is awesome agreed um they find a river that is too treacherous as they say to pass um and they use their magic to make a bridge when they're approached by death before they can cross Um, and he approached because he feels cheated because most people try to jump with the fucking water and die like idiots.

Speaker: Um, and death tells him because they figured out they earned a prize. So the first brother asked for the most powerful wand, which we come to know as the elder wand, uh, which death is a wields that,

Speaker: which death makes for him. The second brother asks for the ability to bring back the dead. And he's given a a stone, which is called the resurrection stone. And the third brother gets a cloak, ah which we've come to know as the invisibility cloak from several movies in this.

Speaker: Harry Bopper currently in possession of it. Now this, this is a real ass question. i don't mean to sound stupid. Shoot. Is it possible that Harry and his family, at least the Potter side or whatever side, are descendants of this third brother?

Speaker: Yes. It's got to be, right? That's how I took it. He has the invisibility cloak. Okay, well, he's his son, so that would still qualify him. No, no, no, but that's what I'm saying. His dad's family has to be that side.

Speaker: So this is... okay yeah i yeah This is like my fourth time watching this movie. ah Because I have... I've seen the most like the the earliest ones the most. ah The most like later ones I have seen least.

Speaker: ah But when I first saw this movie, I thought the resurrection stone was the sorcerer's stone, but that is incorrect. I also thought that. Yeah, it's incorrect. It's separate stone. So the story continues um and we find out that the first brother killed who has the the elder wand.

Speaker: He killed another wizard who he had some beef with. um And we find out that, you know, word gets out that this man has the most powerful wand. Someone stole that wand from him fucking slit his throat. So he's dead. He essentially went like mad with power.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. ah the second brother who asked for the resurrection stone brought back a girl he was in love with, ah but she decided she didn't want to be alive and belonged to being dead and she killed herself.

Speaker: Shout out Inception. Shout out Corpse Bride. Haven't seen that movie. Bro, you gotta watch What? You haven't seen Corpse Bride? What? Jake hasn't seen any fucking movie ever?

Speaker: That's valid also, but Corpse Bride's good movie. Jake likes Attack of the Clones. Like, that's rough. <unk>s Hey, man. Jake, we're doing Revenge of the Sith for 5th, if you want to come No.

Speaker: No. That's arguably the prequel. Not even arguably. That is the best prequel. It is. That is the best prequel, yes. Unless you classify Rogue One. You know, besides Episode 2, but... You like 2 better than 3?

Speaker: Yes. That's the hottest thing i've ever heard. i like i like two because of Natalie Portman. The story in three is way better. Dude, yeah I just want you to know the equivalent of you saying I like two better than three because of Natalie Portman is the equivalent of Gerald saying a good movie is good because it's fun.

Speaker: The story. That's the equivalent of what you just said. The story in three is better, but there's more Natalie Portman screen time in two. Okay. Yeah, but that's the problem. There's too much Natalie Portman screen time. There's too much love.

Speaker: It's a fucking love story. It's the notebook Star Wars version. This is a man that can't be reasoned with. Jake, one is better than two. No, one's bad. I actually don't know if I would say, oh, one is better than two. Yes.

Speaker: Yeah. Phantom Man is better than Attack of the Clones. 100%, 100%. Just because it has Darth Maul at the minimum. No, no. It's got Liam Neeson, dude.

Speaker: um Yeah, I mean, i don't know if I want to get in a Star Wars debate right now with this fucking... We also went back and forth of... go like We already said we don't want to do Star Wars for the podcast yet.

Speaker: Like, down the road. Well, yes yeah, yet. Down the road? I suggested Pirates. what do you think, Jake? Pirates of the Caribbean? fire it Pirates or Hunger Games? Because never seen Hunger Games. i would say I would say Pirates. The Pirates movies are a lot more entertaining than Hunger Games. It drops off after three. I don't know where it's off.

Speaker: I don't know where this... No, no, no like It's not... like The story is better. Also, that bitch in Elizabeth or her name, she'd get rinsed out. I don't give a fuck. Yes.

Speaker: I'd much rather hear you guys talk about Pirates. I still want to kind do Hunger Games for the pod. So the third brother, ah he was never found until he gave the cloak to his son. This dude's a smart bitch.

Speaker: Where he was ready to die. was ready be taken or collected. But Slughorn liked that. Shout out Death. He's like, yo, I respect you. But this is my question. Was he wearing the cloak his whole life? Yes. He had to be. So so the whole thing. It's crazy though.

Speaker: The whole thing was death was watching them from the minute they did it, waiting for them to make the mistake. The first brother got drunk with power. That was his mistake. The second brother brought back someone that didn't want to live.

Speaker: And the last one never made the mistake. Jake, if you tell me what I just said one more time, going smack the rest of the hair off your fucking face. and Have you ever watched The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?

Speaker: Yes. Hey, man, he's just chilling under the cloak and shit. I couldn't see the brother. This is my thing, right?

Speaker: You're telling me this man, this brother, this ah this guy, wearing a cloak or not, Made no mistakes? In his life?

Speaker: but Being under the cloak was the only thing he couldn't break. My guy, this is a story. This is like saying Moses like fucking rescued all the yeah but Jake's fucking stupid logic kind of annoys me.

Speaker: Because it makes sense. No, it doesn't. It doesn't make sense. Respectfully. The only rule that what he couldn't break was removing the cloak. Hey, Jake, if you have the cloak of invincibility, right?

Speaker: Yeah. And you do something ah like eat food that's bad or something. It doesn't matter. You're going to leave a trail with your entire room. I'm fucking talking.

Speaker: If you... If you do one of these things, wearing the invisibility cloak or not will not change the outcome. If I eat chicken that sat out in the sun for three days like was in fucking India, I'm going to get sick regardless of an invisibility cloak or not.

Speaker: Okay, but it doesn't matter because death is only looking for him. Because death is only looking for him to take off the cloak.

Speaker: You're saying if this man has the shits and not taking off the cloak, he's not washing it. scrunching it up um I didn't under, I did not comprehend that. Jake was trying to say that death was looking for him to take the cloak off.

Speaker: but But, but even, but even with that logic, death did not take back the elder one. Death did not take back the resurrection stone. Is he still to this day does not have it. He took the souls of the people who had them.

Speaker: Right. okay So again, we're back to what I, we're back to what I said. If you just live your life wearing a cloak or not, it doesn't really change. The only thing you can do with cloak is snoop into girls' rooms and jerk your fucking gherkin.

Speaker: That's the only thing you can do with... Right? I don't... ah I'm wording it the wrong way. You know what? And sometimes that was hiding from death, basically. I disagree.

Speaker: oh yeah Okay. I'm sorry. so If anybody out there reads the books and there's more information in the books about this, let us know. Yeah, because I haven't gotten to Deathly Hallow yet. That shit's long as fuck. yeah It's a long time silver. yeah Here's the thing, right? Is he showering with it?

Speaker: That's what I'm saying. How are you doing the death task? He has to. You shitting? Showering? The second he takes it off, death is going to come kill him. So you think he went home to his family, which we know he has because he's kid. He was like... He was like, look... was like, look, guys, I got this cloak from death, but I got keep it on no matter what.

Speaker: So no matter how bad the bed sores get all over my fucking skin, like this is seven... ah Just keep fucking me. imagine Imagine walking in on someone getting fucking rinsed out by their husband, but you're just seeing air.

Speaker: Like, there's no one there, but you you can tell she's getting plowed. What what if they're both under the cloak? They're both under the cloak! yeah Both? No, that cloak's not big enough, dude. You just see, like, her upper torso, and she's like...

Speaker: You know what I'm saying? What position are they in that you're talking about this? It's definitely missionary. No, it's got to be missionary. He cuts out one little hole in the blanket like his cock throw. this kind is holy I have to cut out a fucking hole from my sack, too. That's what I'm saying. You can only see like from her belly button up.

Speaker: but You can tell she's getting fucking washed.

Speaker: ah Shut up, foam and wash. you're like, what the fuck is happening? She's clearly getting banged the fuck out, but she doesn't have any legs. She getting rearranged. There's an exorcism happening right now. It's like that one letter in fucking ABCs of death. She's getting rinsed out by a fucking like mannequin leg. What's going on?

Speaker: Well, why were what are you talking about? Remember when that got, when that chick came in, she was masturbating with the leg. Then the guys had to masturbate to that kid getting fucked. Oh, that one. I remember. Yes. Yeah.

Speaker: Either way, let us know what your perception of this story is. if you're if If you're wearing a cloth, are you washing people out? or Are you taking a shower? well are you jerk Are you jerking off into that cloth? or is that yeah is that your cum blanket? Is that your cum rag? Yeah. yeah I saw a pair underwear I need to buy you for your birthday. says cum slut.

Speaker: I am a cum slut. um The funniest part of all this, honestly, though, is that he tells the whole story and Harry still doesn't get it. um And he has to draw it. What are you talking about?

Speaker: ah in this straight line through the triangle is for the wand, the triangles for the cloak and the circles for the resurrection stone. And with all the, if you have all those items, you're the master of death, AKA you have the fucking gauntlet.

Speaker: You have Deathly Hallows. um And Hermione asks about Purvel or what fuck they're called. um And he says that the brothers Camdas and Anatoque, Anoak, Antioque, Antioque, sure, are the original owners um of these items. And they were the inspiration for the story. And he says, oh your tea's gone cold, and just walks away. He's I'll come back.

Speaker: um but oddly, the kids decided it's time to go. They walk downstairs. He just, he just stand there staring out the window. You strange guy. This is that back to what I was saying before about this being a trap. I think he went downstairs to report. it's a I don't think it's a trap though, Jake, because there's no way he knew that that hair was going to show up.

Speaker: How do you know that? But I think it was like, uh, if he does show up, like we're taking your daughter daughter because they, they knew that Harry and her were friends.

Speaker: So they were, she was, so Harry was going to go to her at some point. So they took her. See what I'm saying? I kind of see it, but I still disagree.

Speaker: and Okay. Okay. ah Lovegood Senior freaks out because they're leaving. And ah he says here, as we've already revealed to you, that Luna's been taken.

Speaker: And Harry's like, who took her? Who the fuck do you think took her? him the gingerbread man, idiot. The only guy that you're looking for. um Death of the Year show up, start attacking the house, and they just apparate out of the house. This kind of a cop-out, this apparition thing.

Speaker: They're fucking cheating. It is. it It's fucking cheating. um And they operate break the woods where there are snatchers just hanging out waiting for them. um And they all get chased. There's chase scene, which was filmed pretty cool.

Speaker: I did like the way this looked. Hermione gets surrounded by some snatchers. ah They're just fucking pooing hungry at this time. It's time for a gangbang here.

Speaker: They look her up and down and they go, hello, beautiful. Or hello, pretty or something. Yeah. And she sees Harry running towards her and she fucking zaps this man in the face, which kind of distorts his head.

Speaker: Yeah. she just so like He looks like the toxic Avenger. Low key. She's trying to like hide his scar, but didn't do a great job. No, but also we'll get to that.

Speaker: And when Harry gets zapped, he's a vision of Voldemort ah being told the elder one is buried with Dumbledore. I don't think they say Dumbledore. They do. They do. The guy says Dumbledore.

Speaker: They're taken by the snatchers and Harry Potter's face is all fucked up. But I think the lead snatcher guy can kind of see the, the, I almost said n again, but that triggers you a little bit. Do you think the scar on Harry's head looks like an N Jake?

Speaker: No, it's a lightning It's a lightning bolt. All right. um Nick said, put a fucking N like in Kurt in the Alex. Yeah. all right All right. Whatever.

Speaker: I don't see it. I'm sorry. no i'm not I'm not offended by this. I don't think that's not your worst take. You've already said your worst take on this on this podcast. ah You, the viewer, figured that out. It's funny because Harry tells the Snatchers his name is Vernon Dudley.

Speaker: ah Shut up, his cousin. Dudley. Dudley. Dudley's who? Jump off ladders. Right. Hermione says her name is Penelope Clearwater, but they see the scar on his head and they go, yep, change of plan, we're taking them.

Speaker: They take them to that fucking house in the beginning, Lucius's house, where they're greeted by Bellatrix Lestrange and they show her the ah scar on Harry's head. Bellatrix La-fucking-cock meat, know saying? and um oh And she's like, get Draco because that's the right fucking answer.

Speaker: Why do you want Draco? He's a fucking pussy. To ID this kid. Yeah, Draco has seen Harry more than anyone else, so it have made sense for Draco's such a fucking bitch. He's not going to, like, you know, sell him. Harry's seen his hair, you know what I mean? dan Like, Draco's, like, actually probably, like, deep down, like, a good guy.

Speaker: you know i do not agree with that. He's being forced into all this bullshit. Draco's a Nazi youth? Is that what you're trying to tell me? I think he's been pressured by his father. Right. And in the Dark Lord.

Speaker: He knows it's wrong, but he can't do anything about it because he'll get fucking murdered.

Speaker: um So there's there's a lot of pressure applied to Draco here about IDing Harry Potter because if it's not him, Voldemort kill all them, which would not do him any good because he has no fucking army yet. he kills them, he's kind of out of luck.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. um Bellatrix notices the Snatcher has the Sword of Gryffindor and she's like, where the fuck you get that? She decides that she's going to interrogate Hermione and she sends Potter and Ron into the cellar.

Speaker: And they have a little one-on-one where we kind of just hear her getting fucking tortured. Let me get a one-on-one Hermione. She ain't ever coming back the same bitch.

Speaker: ah Ron and Harry are in the cellar and they find Anne Frank. I'm just kidding. It's Luna Lovegood. It's Luna Lovegood. It's Ollivander and it's the guy that plays Flitwick, but it's not Flitwick.

Speaker: It's fine. Bellatrix is interrogating Hermione and she tells her here. What, Jill? What did she tell her? Oh, ah the sword was in her vault.

Speaker: I'm trying to say my sword in her vault. Hey, how you doing? um It's more of a dagger. It's pretty small. But...

Speaker: um Wormtail comes down to the saw and asks for Flitwick, but it's not Flitwick. I know Flitwick. I try, guys. I fucking tried. No, you're good. You're good. Still Warwick Davis. Same motherfucker.

Speaker: Also, what's the deal with the fucking shard of a mirror that Harry has in his pocket? Where did we get it? Right. Where'd this come from? I don't know. Low-key, I thought it was like the mirror of Erised.

Speaker: Right. I also have been thinking that, but I don't know when that would have shattered. Exactly. It never shattered. um And then this was a kind of a weird part, but I guess Dobby just aberrates into the... Apparates. I don't want to say Apparates.

Speaker: apparates. Yeah, Dobby's like breaking the rules. He just do whatever the fuck he wants. He's that fucking elf, bro. He's a free elf. He's that bitch. Dobby is a free elf. Yeah, so he apparates into the room, but it kind of looks like he comes out of Ron's Deluminator. I'll be honest with you.

Speaker: The way it's shot... Low-key, maybe he did. look Maybe he did. um And he's able to apparate in and out of the room, which they cannot do, I guess. And he goes, meet me at the stairs.

Speaker: So... ah Pettigrew opens the gate, whatever, the cell, and Dobby knocks this man out. And they sneak upstairs, and they see that Hermione has had mudblood engrained, engraved, to whatever word you'd like to use, senor thesaurus, ah into her arm.

Speaker: Well, fucked up. By a little, I mean pretty fucked up. Ron hits Bellatrix with an Expelliarmor. It changes to Bellatria. What the fuck would Bellatria be?

Speaker: Hit it. Uh, and then we also get a Stupefy. Stupefy! Lucius just gets Stupefy like several times in this for some fucking reason. Like back-to-back. back-to-back Stupefies.

Speaker: Uh... have a little wand fight here, which is also what my dad called it when I was a little kid and we'd share the same toilet. Yeah. on a one pi yeah Yeah. I'm being serious.

Speaker: Yikes. Wait, you shouldn't do that with your dad when you were potty training? When you were a little kid, if like you were out in public, your dad didn't take you to the bathroom. You both had to pee. You both pee in the toilet.

Speaker: You were never eye-hite with your dad's fucking cock? I was, but like in the shower. What? Like I would shower with him. i wouldn't like and once I've never seen pee come out of my dad's dick hole. I think it's crazy that you're saying it's crazy we saw pee come out and not the fact we just saw our dad's dicks. It's like, all right, fine. But you saw come That's when it gets weird. No, but I feel it's more normal to see your dad's penis.

Speaker: Honestly, yeah let us know in the comments. What the fucking hell take, bro? You ever seen your mom naked? Yeah. No. Not once. My mom used to take me in the shower with her when I was little.

Speaker: Right. If she did, I don't remember it, but I don't think so. Okay. No, I think only my dad. I don't think I ever showered with my parents. I think I only just peed with them.

Speaker: so There was a line. There was a line, right? they They stuck me and my sister on the fucking same tub together as kids. That's normal, though. You don't want to fucking waste time.

Speaker: Waste water. Right. Um... So they're had a little wand fight and Bellatrix threatens to kill Hermione because she gives him kind of a fucking knife. And she tells him to drop their wands.

Speaker: And she tells Lucius. I guess she tells Lucius. I thought she was telling me Harry. But she tells Lucius to call Voldemort. And he goes to, like, fucking poke his tattoo. um But there's, like, this fucking funny, awkward silence. And then, like, you hear Dobby unscrewing the chandelier above them.

Speaker: It's like a wwe WWE spot. They're all waiting for the guy to get in position. They're like, oh, and this is where you get the back-to-back stupefies. Lucius gets fucking blasted again.

Speaker: Not with Harry's cum shot. Unfortunate. um Dobby talks some shit to Bellatrix and then he snaps his fingers and they all dis... They say dis-apparate and apparate. don't know the differences, but they apparate, dis-apparate, whatever.

Speaker: um And Bellatrix throws this knife and there's a cool like little slow motion thing here. as As bad as the CGI looked, this part didn't look terrible. Right. um And this knife is able to go through the apparition with them and it gets fucking Dobby right in the chest.

Speaker: So um'm I'm just going to say it. Top five saddest movie deaths. Yes. This shit fucking like hits top five.

Speaker: Yeah. The first time you watch it. That shit. It didn't hit you. It's so hard, dude. It hit the first two times. i I like tear up every time. I don't cry at movies. aren't I think I'm autistic, dude. I literally don't cry.

Speaker: That's okay. I'm glad you don't. I only cried at Marley and me when I was like 13. I'm 26 and I fucking teared up watching Dobby die last week. i just hit Dobby die before it was recording. It didn't.

Speaker: It was sad, no doubt. Sure. um And Harry decides that he wants to bury him. ah No magic. Do you think they ever say in the Wizarding World, I want to fuck no magic?

Speaker: you know what mean? Just a real deal. Yeah, don't grow your cock to like a side of a fucking cucumber. Just fuck me normal. yeah You know where my brain went when they said no magic and then they cut to the next scene? i went to no rubber, but that's where i went.

Speaker: Where the hell they get the shovel? Probably Hermione's bag. Accio shovel. Maybe they dug it they dug you with their fucking bare hands. Maybe they dug it with their bare hands.

Speaker: Yeah, they could have done that. it's I think they were using shovel. I mean, it's for sure a shallow grave. Yeah. He's not six feet under. First high tide, he's fucked.

Speaker: um The next scene, we see Voldemort open Dumbledore's grave tomb uh and he just takes the elder one right out of his fucking hands probably very fresh too like he ain't this like next week type shit uh you would fuck him and he's probably still feeling like warm and shit oh you're talking like dumbledore ah yeah have all the work oh um

Speaker: And that's basically the end of the movie. It ends on k kind of a fucking downer, which I like. Yeah, i do. Yeah, it gives you really hype to see what happens in the next movie. Part two.

Speaker: o I know your ring, but you want to share your ring, Gerald? It's three and a half. It's fine.

Speaker: The mid... We have a movie podcast for you to go Three and a half, it's fine. No. Okay, yeah, I know. So, if you break this movie into, like, three parts, right? Beginning, middle, and end.

Speaker: Classic part type shit. The beginning... It's pretty solid, right? Like the whole chasing Harry, polyjuice potion, turning into different people. That's cool.

Speaker: When we get to the whole forest thing, that's where you lose me a lot because... we skipped like a good portion of things that happen because literally nothing happens.

Speaker: They're just hopping from like area to area, not finding anything. And just like little itty bitty talks that don't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Uh, but the end's a banger.

Speaker: So I don't know. It's not my favorite. I still like it better than sorcerer's stone. Uh, sorcerer's stone is my least favorite in the entire series. would agree with that.

Speaker: um But three and a half is still, you know, positive rating and better than average. Like, you know, break it down. It's probably like an eight, 8.5. If we're doing it at a 10 scale for all you fucks that really hate five star things looking at you, Brian.

Speaker: Fuck you. Who's Brian? My friend at work. Oh, fuck you, Brian. Thanks for listening. brian Fuck you, Brian. But, uh, listen the podcast?

Speaker: This motherfucker said, let me Harry Potter goes Oh, he's not Harry only? Yeah. Let me know when Harry Potter goes up. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you. But yeah, it's still a good movie. ah Like, it's not un-rewatchable.

Speaker: Like, it's it's one of those movies where I will, like, when I go watch the series, i'm not going to skip it. Like, I skip episode two of Star Wars, you know? So you watch one and skip two and go to three?

Speaker: Damn straight. Wow. Disgraceful. i don't know if I agree with that. I'd probably still watch it. What are you giving it? Actually, i was going to ask Jake first. so Jake would giving it.

Speaker: I'm also giving it a three and a half stars, but here's my reasoning, okay? If you made, and I know it's crazy to say this, but if you made the second part of this into the same movie, just super long, I'd give it four.

Speaker: Because it just leaves so, it's so slow in the middle of this movie. And then it just leaves so many stones that like feel like they have to be rushed in the next movie for it to wrap up all the plot lines.

Speaker: um That I think there's a lot, they could have wrapped up like one or two more things before the next movie to make it a cleaner transition.

Speaker: I mean, the movie's already two hours and 15 minutes, Jake. You want it to be like 245? um They could have added another half hour to clean some stuff up. Half hour?

Speaker: Yeah. How? It'd be fucking like three and 15 minutes. That's what I'm saying. Like, there's... It's... That's what I'm saying. Like, either make it a ridiculously long movie or...

Speaker: I mean, it's got so many plot holes. The book is 800 pages. That's a lot to yeah squeeze into one movie. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?

Speaker: Not really. No, I you're you agreed with me. There's a lot to put into one movie. Right. That's why they didn't. No, I think what Jake is trying to say is take out the, as you call it, the middle part and replace it with more stuff that would close, turn some stones over as to put it in his terms. I think that's what he's trying to say.

Speaker: That is what I'm trying to say. um I still feel like they, they did the right thing. It just didn't. I mean, I get why it's a movie that got split into two parts.

Speaker: here's Here's where I'm at with it. ah This movie, for me, gets better whenever we watch. This movie started out as a three-star when I first watched it ever, I think, during COVID.

Speaker: It was a three and a half star my rewatch last year. i bumped it to a four. I disagree with the two of you regarding the middle part. I don't think that the woods, the scene while they're in the woods is as long as far as time duration is concerned compared to the first and what you're what you're calling the first and end acts. I think that that middle section in the woods kind of bleeds. It's like the end of,

Speaker: the second act and it's part of the beginning of the third act and I don't think it's really that long and it's bothered me less and less here's the other thing too and I said this in in I said in order the fiends are half-blood prince we have to just accept that these characters are fucking stupid you know besides Hermione they're just fucking dumb so a lot of the decisions now I've just gone ahead and been like okay they're fucking retarded I get why they're doing this because just because they're stupid you can't fix stupid unfortunately and they're dumb and and i And I do really like the whole ah Ron thing.

Speaker: I thought his acting was very good. Rupert Grint, like when he was like really angry and at Harry. I like that when he leaves. Because I think part of it too is like you I think as far as like time well spent, if we got less of them doing...

Speaker: Like being in the woods. I get they want to show you like the Horcrux like destroys their fucking yeah minds. I get that. But like seeing Voldemort more in this movie would have been so beneficial to like make him build him up more as a big bad.

Speaker: yeah like As far as villains are concerned. You don't see him. Like you probably got like what? You just get the vision. You get the visions and you get the end where he takes the wand and that's it. Maybe five minutes ah pushing it.

Speaker: But right behind it bagged out, bro. Yeah. Bagged out. My other thing too is like, I think they had a cast so big. They probably just couldn't afford to pay them all. I know this movie makes like buku bucks, but they have a fucking loaded. i mean, to have like some of the side characters, like Snape, McGonagall, Hagrid.

Speaker: Sure. Fucking even just have Dumbledore appear in the movie. It's just like money. And I still had to pay him even though he's fucking dead. Cause that's probably his body. Like he's probably, that's what I mean. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And probably the big three cost them so much that.

Speaker: Oh, the kids probably. Yeah. At that point, because this franchise is so big. um I get that point. i think I think this is what, like, again, I haven't watched part two since last year, so I don't remember everything. But as far as the this podcast rewatch is concerned, I think this is the darkest one.

Speaker: And I really fucking like that. Because it shouldn't be like at the end of the movie, oh, you know, we're going write to each other this summer. You know, take care. Brush your hair. but Like, it should it shouldn't shouldn't be like that. It should be fucking dark and grim because Voldemort's taking over.

Speaker: But unfortunately, this franchise lacks in showing you a lot of it. It's like Voldemort gets the fucking Jaws treatment. Yeah. you don't see like You only see him when it matters.

Speaker: ah But the the first act in... The like into the second act and the end of the third act for me are really good. I think it's some of the some of the best Harry Potter we get, to be honest with you.

Speaker: You get a meaningful death. It's not just like some fucking it's like fucking serious dying. You know, serious didn't really matter. I mean, Dobby Dobby's only in the second one, but he's such an innocent character.

Speaker: That's why it hits so much, you know, like his only objective in life essentially was like protect Harry Potter. Yeah. Got murdered for no reason.

Speaker: I mean, just for, you know, trying to be, he got murdered for protecting Harry. Terry's fault. It is. sir The whole goddamn series is Harry's fault.

Speaker: Yeah. No, I don't agree with that. It's not all Harry's fault. Voldemort hates muggles. It's like saying the Holocaust is just Anne Frank's fault.

Speaker: It's not. You know? It's Hitler's fault. I mean, no, it would be like if ah but it'd be like if Hitler tried to like kill Anne Frank, but like he only like wanted to kill Anne Frank.

Speaker: not but like he He only took off like her leg. But that's the problem with with the franchise is that it doesn't really are like it doesn't show you enough of like how Voldemort is out to get anybody who's not magic. right Right. We need to see more Voldemort being evil. It more Harry-centered.

Speaker: Yeah. And it doesn't really affect... like We only get a sense of it affecting the lives outside of... like Harry and like the characters, like the nuclear, the nuclear characters. We only get that like partially in this movie, like you see Hermione have to make her parents forget that she exists.

Speaker: Yeah. We see like characters trying to help Harry get married, even then you can still say it's about Harry, but it's, they don't show that enough. They, they only show it through the, the two Harry and Hermione's eyes. Really?

Speaker: They only show like the struggle through them. Like there's no way Voldemort's just sitting there. in that house like waiting yeah but he's doing she's killing motherfuckers and that's why i'm very i mean i'm still optimistic but like the show that hbo max is making what not optimistic for that at all me personally each season is going to be a book slash movie essentially So they get eight hours opposed to two to tell a story that worries me and intrigues me.

Speaker: Yeah. I'm definitely going to watch it. I just don't. I mean, um go to launch it i guess with how deep the lore is, Harry Potter deserves a show to really honor the work.

Speaker: They're making Snape black. i don't know how i like about that. Okay. Well, I'm going to cut that. No, keep that in. And I'm not saying it because, you know, of the race thing, but it's the Disney, the Disney effect.

Speaker: Yeah, Disney is doing that a lot. What's the Disney effect? Like just you're just making it because you want to be like, hey, look, we don't hate on like other races. Like, hey, we have gay people. We have black people.

Speaker: You're just forcing it to be pull like PC. Yeah. The person who plays Snape is dead, correct? Correct. Yeah, no nobody... It's whole recast, though. It's not just... Maggie's dead, too.

Speaker: and Fucking everybody's dead except for the kids, and now they're, like, fucking 40, 50 damn near. Now, fucking, they're movies with fucking horns on their heads. Guns, like, glued to your hands. Yeah.

Speaker: All right, we'll do... a Wrap this episode up. Wait, what'd you give the movie? You know, literally said four star. Oh, where you been? I that. I said it was a three to three and a half. And now it's four. It gets better on every single rewatch for me. I don't think it's going eclipse four because I, the woods is brutal.

Speaker: The CGI there is really fucking brutal. It doesn't look good at all. Even Dobby CGI low key looked better in the second movie than this one. I actually think Dobby looked good. I mean, when they're in the house, it's dark, and we've already discussed my eyes are cooked.

Speaker: But on the beach, I thought Dobby looked great. Grant, there's a doll. They're just like, here. yeah Don't fuck it.

Speaker: I know it's tight and small, but God. Look at you, Radcliffe. it

Speaker: You want his with a fucking...

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Speaker: ah check all that out next week according to our schedule again this is january twenty second so who knows what's going to change but ah next week we have a and episode on final destination bloodline Whoa.

Speaker: There's not much ah about this out. There's a teaser trailer out. That's really it. That's it. um I'm optimistic. Four five are... Ghost out of shitter. Even three is like... Yeah, not good.

Speaker: the only people The only thing people remember of 3 is the fucking opening with the roller coaster, let's be honest. That's 100% correct. So, we'll see. And then, the week after, ah the we conclude Harry Potter with the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Speaker: um Hopefully you've listened so far. I don't think... This episode was wild. Not as wild as maybe Half-Blood Prince. ah No, somehow some good time how we controlled ourselves. now you know what it is? i think when we have a guest, it's less...

Speaker: It's probably what it is. We got, we got to let them. No shame on you, Jake. We just, Gerald and i go crazy. was just the two of us. Like once half blood princes out, that's getting censored all beyond like what's getting censored half blood prints.

Speaker: Yeah. It's already been censored. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking, there's a lot that was cut. Um, all right. So we'll see you guys next week for found destination bloodlines. Jake, thank you again for coming on your third appearance, second published. Any, any final words, any last words?

Speaker: Thanks for having me on guys. It's always fun. Cool. See you guys next week. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.