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EP. 69 Toxic Avenger
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Introduction and Humor
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello, welcome to episode 69-er of the Two Guys, One Screen podcast, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid Homies, a.k.a. the Poetown Boys, also now known as the Diarrhea Daddies. Yeah, you want that on a shoulder shirt Fucking 69.
00:01:11
Speaker
We should get that on like a pair of underwear. And on the back, it just says Diarrhea Daddies, and on the front, it's like a fake piece. Right, and then the back also has like a fake shit stain.
00:01:22
Speaker
like this Yeah, well, of course. The texture is just... Oh, it's textured? Well, I don't know why it's textured. I didn't mean to say textured. I meant to say, like, the color. It's like, like it's like you know how, like, the the the new thing? It's not even new anymore, but, like, the new thing is, like, the you buy sneakers already worn.
00:01:39
Speaker
they Like, they're designed already worn out. The underwear is fucking weird. Yeah, that's fucking weird. Not already shitting, but looks like it's already shit. Yeah, I'm going to wear someone else's shit. What are we doing? We're in our... 55 seconds.
00:01:55
Speaker
We're going to sell... We're going shit in underwear and sell it. Yeah. How much do you think we can get for those? this is like feet pics? If we were like Sidney Sweeney, probably a lot of money. But since we're us and nobody fucking cares, probably nothing.
00:02:07
Speaker
Cents. Cents. Yeah, unless someone's really obsessed with our fecal matter, i don't think we'd... You know... We're getting too much. money Mine's either balls or blood. Yeah. yeah Make that a shirt. Balls or blood. Balls or blood.
00:02:22
Speaker
People would probably think it's like a fucking sports t-shirt like that movie Him. Balls or blood. balls are But it's actually balls but's actually balls in a different kind of way. Yeah. Testiculars.
00:02:33
Speaker
Well, i we are here to review today this movie called The Toxic Avenger The Remake. I'm kind of sad. I don't even classify it a remake. It's like a reimagining. It's like an homage.
00:02:45
Speaker
Sure. ah I'm really sad that this one fell on episode 69 because our Killer Clowns from Outer Space episode
00:02:56
Speaker
I mean, I can't tell you how much how many times I to bleep shit. It's just, we went, I mean, I kind of like, so this past week I edited it and like, we kind of went over, were, I was like going into I was like, yeah, we did kind of go crazy that episode, but man, like mean, did we go fucking crazy on that episode?
00:03:17
Speaker
Like certain things were like, not even a, like a consideration to keep. nice yeah No, yeah, yeah, not even a yeah i not even a chance. Okay. Yeah, it wasn't like to it. it's it It wasn't like it wasn't like Unbreakable. It's not out yet. We're like a whole chunk. I had to just take out. Oh, was't like yeah but it heavy bleep like a half blood prince.
00:03:45
Speaker
it was It's in that vein of like bleeps, but not the same vein of why they were bleeped. The topic is not that. Yeah. But it was fucking crazy. ah Yeah, I'll play it for you after the after this recording.
00:03:58
Speaker
Some of the the the hits. ah What should we do first? Should we do this? What do what do we typically do? Do we do the the plug it in before we do the... We'll plug it first.
00:04:11
Speaker
All right, plug me. going Yeah. One of those once in a while. Plug it in. Plug it in. Strap in strap on.
Engagement and Social Media
00:04:21
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram. Two guys. One screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys. One screen pod at gmail.com.
00:04:29
Speaker
Follow us on letterboxd individually. Tick tock. YouTube. Send us a voicemail. Five. eight. Fist us. Plug my box. Five. Oh, eight. eight Uh, dip tip. Six minute limit.
00:04:43
Speaker
That'll send your fucking request straight to the fucking tippy top of my tip. Yeah. And if you send us a ah voicemail for by next week, I'll share with you guys the voicemail I sent to Gerald today.
00:04:54
Speaker
Hey, yeah. Well, no, I can't. I know, but no one but no one's going to send a voicemail by next week. So it's fine. It's true. ah Go listen to our other podcast, our physical media collecting podcast.
00:05:06
Speaker
Yeah. You want it? Fuck a wonder or not.
00:05:11
Speaker
and We're trying to be compliant and not...
00:05:17
Speaker
Right. rat ah If you want us to get a Patreon, I'm fucking plugging that every day. If you want us to get a Patreon, fucking let us know. We already got one person.
00:05:27
Speaker
What's up? Fucking get a Patreon. Bro, we gotta bleep this because I want to save it for when it comes out, but you already know that I...
00:05:40
Speaker
that
00:05:46
Speaker
um
00:05:52
Speaker
not ah Cut that. We gotta save that for the actual episode. Fuck. When that comes out. So you guys can hear that later. You guys can hear that next month.
00:06:06
Speaker
i Speaking it next month. The Horror Brackets live as of today. you know Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're recording this September 1st. 10 more days until the best day of New York's life.
00:06:20
Speaker
rat Wake me up when September ends. We can be in a horror month. True. ah Go vote, you fucks. There's literally 30 or 35 listeners in podcast. Go fucking vote.
00:06:31
Speaker
I voted. I also voted. i actually voted ah not for what I wanted to win besides Fright Night. I actually voted to see what would piss you off the most. So it follows is fucking going to get all the votes. I'm going cry.
00:06:43
Speaker
i mean, I know I personally, which is one. I'm just one man, you know. I only know that Mark and Autumn voted because they don't have ah physical media. They do. They don't have social media. So I had to send them the link privately.
00:06:56
Speaker
I also sent the link to two people as well who listened to the pot anyways, but I sent it to them. I was like, vote. And my slut cousin was like, I'm cooking dinner. I go, it it takes 30 seconds. You can cook and fucking whip the pot with your phone. How are you texting me then? You can be eating dinner or cooking dinner and texting me.
00:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, you could have... Nah, fuck her. You know what I mean? I'm just i'm just kidding. Yeah. hall loves She knows that, but she kind of is a Mahoma Yoma sometimes. so But speaking of horror, horror month.
00:07:29
Speaker
Speaking of whores. All everything. ah I went to spirit Halloween yesterday. They're already open. They're finally the, yeah, finally there's one open right now in PK. The next one's opening in September. So this was a little smaller one, but I just really had to scratch my itch, you know?
00:07:48
Speaker
Right. So I bought two things that I wanted to share with you. Just so cute. Yeah. Show me. Yeah. Uh, One of them, I was going to call you if I found another one, but there was one, so you should look.
00:08:01
Speaker
Oh, is it art related? Both of them are art related. Heat. So, you know all those like ah those little jawns I used to have in my apartment? like the They look like paintings.
00:08:13
Speaker
You don't use a little jawns. don't what that means. The paintings? Yeah, I know those. You all are paintings? I've been in many of Spirit Halloween's looking for the art one for you for a while. No need.
00:08:24
Speaker
It's super blurry, but I can kind of see Art's fucking big ass nose. Yeah, it's Art right there. Shout out to Art. Shout out to David Howard Thornton. Not a fan of the pod.
00:08:36
Speaker
Not yet. And the other one, I saw this and I didn't care how much it was because i was buying this.
00:08:45
Speaker
you come This is a bust. A full-size bust of art. I'm going to full-size bust. Yeah, you like that? Also, it's not ah how is it a full-size bust you have no pants? You have no legs.
00:08:58
Speaker
A bust is like your torso up. Oh, you're right. so if I'm a fucking idiot for that. ah If there was another one, I was going to... text you and ask you if you wanted one well how much was it it was fifty dollars yeah i probably would to just done a skip on that and yeah it's nice i just probably skipped it is nice i mean i those were the only two things i so found i did see a house of the thousand corpses t-shirt was captain spalling on it of course he was it was the cover art oh it was the cover art okay that's fair but uh yeah i thought thought this would be cool to show you where you're gonna put that joan
00:09:36
Speaker
It was up there. Up there. On top of the physical media shelf. Yes. Right. Right next to ah next to my bobblehead of weather face.
00:09:48
Speaker
Go listen to our Texas Chainsaw Massacre episode. It's out. It's out. It's fucking out. That wasn't necessarily a gay episode, but... No, but there's...
Humorous Anecdote: Nair Experience
00:09:59
Speaker
We're kind of gay.
00:10:00
Speaker
Yeah. On occasion, from time to time. Depends who you ask. I did want to tell you that ah this is honestly pretty funny because, I mean, we're not talking about balls right now, but if you have been listening to this podcast for any period time, you know that eventually we start talking about ball sacks.
00:10:19
Speaker
Balls, tips, penis. Yeah, you know, whenever whatever it is. this ah sound like This guy that i work with, ah he was telling me the other day that he, full full Spanish, by the way, telling me,
00:10:35
Speaker
That he just found out about this cream that you rub. He was saying rub it on like your balls and like your pubis. Okay. And then you wipe away and the hair is gone. And I was like, yeah, nair.
00:10:49
Speaker
Yeah. And he's like, he's like he was like like i can't fucking believe it. He's like, have you before? And I was like, yeah. This might be the most like white cream I've ever heard of.
00:10:59
Speaker
Yeah. like Well, he's not white. That's right. Like every every white person knows what Nair is. Yeah, and he just didn't know. and then he was telling me how he used it on his sack and on his... ah On his bush.
00:11:13
Speaker
I'd be afraid to. He just wiped it right off. And he was like, bro, he's like, after I wiped, it's like this. And he was showing me his inner forearm. And I was like, yeah, I get it. You have no hair on your balls anymore. And he was like, you should use it. And I was like, I don't think I want to do that.
00:11:26
Speaker
I'm not putting any cream that's not like. That's going to dissolve hair on my balls. You know what i mean? Yeah. Also, like, why how is it only dissolving hairs? How does that work? Like, it's gotta be some kind of fucking magic, right?
00:11:42
Speaker
Nair only dissolves hair. And that's... That's probably why they named it that. That's sorcery. Yeah, people in like... They're like, Nair. And they're just getting rid of their hair.
00:11:53
Speaker
ah Mommy, can I go out and play? Nar. Nar. Nar. Let us know out there if you've used Nair on your balls or your bush. let Let us know if you have bush and or ball hair.
00:12:05
Speaker
Let us know how long you'd like to keep it down there. Right, because if you're clean... just hand me a picture of your piece man to man. I'm still fucking waiting. Because if you're clean, I'm down to make you scream.
00:12:18
Speaker
That's pretty That's fucking scary. You also asked me to rim your roid. did. I did not text you to rim my roid. I laughed out loud at that.
00:12:30
Speaker
And I was like, that's fucking gross. And you were at work probably. So someone put it on your computer. Thankfully, I was not in front of my computer. I did not ding and pop up like that. That would be scary.
00:12:43
Speaker
Although my roid, although when you were texting me or when I was texting you about ah how we figured out how we could have ox, like it's the sound system like in the building. It's not even like someone's bringing a speaker.
00:12:54
Speaker
It's like so just like sound coming out and it's like divided between the kitchen and like the basement is like one system and there's like the bathroom. Like you could be in the shitter just blasting like fucking infinite highlighter if you wanted to.
00:13:06
Speaker
I mean, that sounds great. And no one would know. You're just like fighting for your life. and like brilliant Yeah. So theyve we figured out that the kitchen, you can play whatever you want separate from outside and guests can't hear you.
00:13:21
Speaker
So we were playing like all sorts of shit. And then when you texted me, i was on my computer, like the pod with the laughing faces. And someone else was behind me in the an office. And i was like, hmm. Hmm. rid of that.
00:13:33
Speaker
Yeah, there's no pod. What pod? I don't know what you're talking about. So it's an aux cord? No, it's just, um I don't know how to describe it. If you connect to the same Wi-Fi network, it's essentially blue essentially Bluetooth. But like, how can I turn this brightness up so you can see?
00:13:47
Speaker
You know how like when you have this little corner, there's a little like circles with the triangle? Yeah, yeah. When you click that, there's like the different options. So I guess it is Bluetooth. But there's like, when I'm on their Wi-Fi, it's like kitchen, ah bathroom, dining room.
00:14:04
Speaker
Bathroom is so fucking cool. There's fucking three bathrooms. And they're all like, you know, a closet. Sure. But for some reason, you could play completely separate music in there. So speaking, I guess that's a reference to this movie we're going to review eventually.
00:14:16
Speaker
What if you accidentally put like dining room and you just start playing like, suck my pussy just like you should? like Well, it's funny because me and my sous chef already just sing that song with no music. We just start doing it.
00:14:26
Speaker
Okay. So you felt right at home. Oh, yeah. I'm, yeah. um yeah But the funny thing is that the guy, i was working on the line with this guy the night, and he asked me, not the Nair guy, a different guy.
00:14:38
Speaker
ah We'll just call him me Mexican History X. That guy. got Right. don't know if I bleep that or not, but it's pretty funny. It's funny. Shit. ah He doesn't hate black people, but he did shave his head, and he, yeah, whatever.
00:14:51
Speaker
He a Mexican skinhead. Yeah, i get it. Yeah. I was like, what do you guys want to hear? Cause I was like, I have Apple music and they're like, what? What the hell do you use?
00:15:03
Speaker
What is that? He's like, there was he's like how much do you pay for Spotify? And i was like, Spotify? the fuck are you talking about? Gay, bro? Yeah, yeah, fucking gay. But also, if you listen to our podcast on Spotify, we appreciate you.
00:15:14
Speaker
No, that's that's the only place I listen to my podcast. That's the only thing I use Spotify for. yeah I've gotten to the point that I listen to so few podcasts that only listen to them on Patreon. Because the pages I listen to post the regular, like the public and the Patreon episodes all together. Sure. So I just listen all them Patreon.
00:15:31
Speaker
Like the only way I listen to Necronomapod is Patreon. Yeah. But like the other couple true crime podcasts I listen to, it's on Spotify. Yeah. And and ours. Oh yeah. I listened to ours on Spotify. Yeah.
00:15:44
Speaker
I think Jake does too. I don't know. Uh, Jake's anyways, Jake's gay. So Jake, you are gay, but we love you. Speaking of Jake, I'll get right back to what I was saying. But speaking of Jake, Jake told me that he thought, know it was your theory you told him, but he took credit for it.
00:15:59
Speaker
He told me that he thought that because the reason why you went to the hospital that one time, check out our episode, whatever one that was, I think it John Wick. ah He was like, I think Gerald showed that blood because his hemorrhoid popped.
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah, he told me that. And I was like, holy fuck, you might be onto something. That kind of checks out though, right? Yeah. Because the doctor's like, you don't have anything. Right. And literally, how that episode we recorded last week.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, like that's coming out right now. Oh yeah. Yeah. it's coming out, uh, with all the blood on my hand. Yeah. I haven't itched since then either. So maybe I'm just fucking popping roids left and right.
00:16:40
Speaker
Well, also maybe the, cause he said, or maybe you said that the doctor was like, they couldn't see your roid. Yeah. They said there's nothing up there because you fucking popped it. That's scary.
00:16:51
Speaker
Yeah, but they couldn't like tell you popped it? don't know. Wait, whoa, whoa. Isn't a hemorrhoid like part of your... Like something pushes... no that's a hernia.
00:17:02
Speaker
Yeah, you're right. But also, on the same note, I did ask my... Remember we were like, can you get hard if you're paralyzed? Oh, yeah. My sister said the most medical answer ever, it depends.
00:17:14
Speaker
Like if you're if you're real fucked up, no. And she's like, some people have to like put a catheter up their dicks just to let out the fucking urine. And she's like yeah that have she's like, yeah, that happens about four every four hours.
00:17:27
Speaker
You have to stick something up your penis? Yeah, to to let sort the fluid out. Like, okay, here's my thing, right? If I ever have to put in a catheter, just take me out back. Yeah, just fucking, yeah. Shoot me back in the head. Yep.
00:17:40
Speaker
I'm a big proponent of exit only. Yeah, you love so you love talking about sounding, but not in real life. Not in real life. That scares me. That might scare me more than eye things, is penis things. But it was funny when I asked her and she told me that answer. And I was like, well, I meant more so like, can you get hard?
00:17:56
Speaker
was like, can you still fuck? Yeah. Or not? and it was like yeah you know it depends on how bad you fuck up your spinal cord and i was like heard that that's valid but anyways so i have scoliosis maybe that's why sometimes i can't get hard fully shout out to blue chew i guess sure did it work blue shoes work okay could you because there was an i think harry potter ish you were like i got blue shoes yeah they work they work There's probably one that's probably someone out there like waiting for us to answer that question. Does it fucking work or not?
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah, it fucking works, buddy. I've been waiting since fucking like the end of May for us to answer the question. We still haven't answered it yet. Uh, But so this dude on the line, he i was like, what do you guys want to play? I'm like, what do you want to hear?
00:18:46
Speaker
And he's like, you don't like Eminem? That's how he said it to me. And I was like, I don't like Eminem. I was like, buddy, what do you know about fucking Eminem? He's like, first of all, I'm a white male in my 20s. Of course I like Eminem. fucking course I like Eminem.
00:18:59
Speaker
So, dude, I threw on... I threw on like the fucking DC bus ride. Wow. Yeah. I haven't listened to these songs. I don't know. When did we stop listening to Eminem?
00:19:13
Speaker
Oh, boy. Years ago. Yeah. When did we start getting into rock? for for For reference, in eighth grade. Yeah, in eighth grade, my knowledge of Eminem was one song, and it was probably like one of his biggest hits without me. That's all I knew.
00:19:29
Speaker
And then we went on a bus ride as a school to D.C. You know, the eighth grade D.C. trip. People don't know that they're not from here. We had the privilege of like living in New York.
00:19:41
Speaker
Or we lived in New York. Don't most people go to D.C. though? On the East Coast? That's what I'm saying. like In California, like what are you guys talking about? We go to vineyards. What's We go to vineyards and fucking suck cocks.
00:19:52
Speaker
Vineyards? ah vineyards Yeah, they have they they grow fucking wine country out there. Yeah, like wine vineyards. They would fucking dangle grapes in our ball sacks of each other's mouths.
00:20:04
Speaker
That's what's up. That's what i'm what I'm fucking talking about. Yeah. Anyway.
00:20:09
Speaker
My knowledge was one song, and was it you or and or Dawson, or was it Dawson? No, there's no way they let Dawson near the fucking country capital, all right?
00:20:24
Speaker
You know what I mean? Either way. there were things me i i showed you 3am for sure. through There was three songs. I didn't play the third one, but there was three songs. 3am, We Made You, and that song Never Enough on Encore.
00:20:40
Speaker
Oh, it was Never Enough. What you told me years later, I don't fucking like this song that much. ah Yeah, i don't. Which was fucking hilarious. i don't know why you showed it to me then. and then so i was playing and 3am in we made you and three am m in in the kitchen while working the line. it was like, it was bumping.
00:20:58
Speaker
And like, we were bumping and like service was like, it wasn't like we were like behind or anything. So we were just like, we were just chilling. And then I've always loved that third verse of 3am where he's like, top talk, talk, he's going to chop people up and that's your fucking artery.
00:21:12
Speaker
He wants suck on it. Nice. doesn't say that part, but you suck on your artery. know what I mean? I always loved that third verse and that shit came on and it was like muscle memory came back. You're like, yeah.
00:21:23
Speaker
And it was just a vibe that I meant to tell you about it. Cause I, we, I literally haven't listened to those songs since what high school. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Eminem is a vibe.
00:21:34
Speaker
I mean, we've, I mean, personally I've always liked rock, but I did have the rap phase. I had the good rap phase and the shit rap phase. Now we're back to rock and it's, it's okay in life now. and You're in, you, you did have a meme rap phase.
00:21:50
Speaker
with I mean, yeah. Like Ugly God and shit like that. No, I mean i mean more like Lil Cock Pump.
00:21:59
Speaker
That means Mean Rap. Young Gravy's like Mean Rap though. Yes. He's like mainstream, so it's fine. Huge. Huge. ye My cousin was trying to go see Baby No Money, and my sister told her she was like, yo, Nick saw him when he was like, nobody. Nobody. When Gravy was someone, but Baby No Money was still nobody.
00:22:21
Speaker
Listen out there, all you fucks. If y'all know who Young Gravy and or Baby No Money are, we saw them in a fucking basement in Brooklyn. was That was just Gravy.
00:22:35
Speaker
That was just gravy. Yeah. Because he FaceTimed Baby No Money. Yeah, we saw both of them in Philly, the meet and greet, and gravy was like starting to really pop off. Right. But thought Baby No Money was still like not relevant.
00:22:48
Speaker
That was the most informal meet and greet of all time, though. Yeah. They just walked us upstairs, and they were like, all right, Stand here. and And Baby No Money wasn't even going to be in the picture. We asked him to be in the picture. yeah And then Gravy walks up. He's like, what's up, y'all? You know how he talks. don't have to tell you.
00:23:05
Speaker
Let's go, baby. Yeah. We're just all in our room. There's no like security, per se, or lying, or like anything. He's just like, what's up, y'all? And then like we took a picture, and Baby was just sitting back there. i was like, get the fuck in here.
00:23:17
Speaker
I still got my Baby No Money signed hat. And that's still your profile picture. Yeah, it is. That shit was fire. That shit was fire's fault. ah was there We were there before any of anybody.
00:23:28
Speaker
Literally anybody. But I saw him when I saw him the third time in Philly. yeah Wow, talk about fucking security and like yeah yeah production value. Blew up.
00:23:41
Speaker
That's crazy. Yeah, that's nuts. It's cool that we got to see him like first. like He had album. and now How much was the ticket? $25. $25.
00:23:56
Speaker
Wait for, okay the third time. Oh, when I went and saw him? Yeah. like three was like $300. $100? Yeah, per ticket. You were in the front or something?
00:24:08
Speaker
Yeah, we were like pretty much up on stage. Wow, I went from $25. We were basically in the front $25 versus... Yeah, that's a blowout. I mean, it's steady grow because $25 and then the meet and greet was only $75. Hey, great.
00:24:23
Speaker
ah great The meet and greet for what? When me and you met him. I'm happy you remember all these numbers because I don't remember any of this. I remember like doing the meet, obviously doing it. Like the pricing, I don't remember.
00:24:36
Speaker
Yeah. So I didn't even, we didn't even, like when we saw him in Philly when they were like, you know. We were following him before his name was out. Right before everybody knew he was a white. Yeah. Before they knew his name was Matt.
00:24:48
Speaker
Yeah. ah But. We were... it wasn't even a meet and greet. It was just like a pre-show Q&A for like $300. Really?
00:25:01
Speaker
Yeah. yeah i mean, we were up on stage, though. We also met Trippie the Kid, who... I do like... i like... I mean... not i don't like all I don't like all his songs, but i do like some of the shit that he's put out. I'll be honest.
00:25:15
Speaker
Yeah. And it's meme rap. shit It's like the only rap I'll really to listen to nowadays. Yeah. So either way, it was a vibe and it took me back to eighth grade.
00:25:28
Speaker
I'm with it. It was cool. And I've been, I've actually honestly had that Jessica Simpson.
Nostalgia Trip: Eminem Songs
00:25:33
Speaker
I've just had that stuck in my head for a while. ah I think 3am might be like top three for me. Easily.
00:25:41
Speaker
Easily top three. Song's so fucking good. Easily. It has to be. It's got to be. It's got to be slim. It's got to be slim. Yeah. I see. i Your roll decks of slim songs is probably much deeper than mine is. Yeah, there's probably potential for that.
00:25:58
Speaker
But I mean... I had, i can't deny the extreme obsession I had with without me for however long it was. fact, that probably is my one.
00:26:11
Speaker
And then I was like, well, then I, then I got, without me being my one's not that crazy. Uh, Then I got home and i was like, bro, I should have played Puke. I was just thinking about that song. That song's still a fucking banger. We fucking were outside at one Halloween just playing that song from a phone.
00:26:28
Speaker
Yeah, we were. That was fucking weird. Looking back on it, we were fucking weird. and then i will And then I walked over to my sous chef and I showed him that I just pointed my finger at the screen. i didn't say the name of the song. i go, do you know this song? And it was Superman. And I was like, should just play the beginning just to freak everybody out?
00:26:43
Speaker
but know You high, baby. Yeah. Yeah. but It's funny as fuck. is i You should blast it. And I didn't do it because my pussy. Yeah. ah
00:26:57
Speaker
Three. m like Three. It might be two. don't even know what number would what number one would be.
00:27:05
Speaker
I'm typing in Slim Shady like it's going come up. Coldwind Blows is fucking banging. Coldwind Blows goes hard. Can we admit Lose Yourself is just a little generic now?
00:27:16
Speaker
Yeah, I fucking... Yeah. You know what i mean? Oh, it's got to be Stan. Stan great. It's got to be Stan, right? i don't know I don't know if 2 has got to be Stan, but Stan's great.
00:27:28
Speaker
I'll think about that. Then I just had the Essentials album playing and To Light Collapse came on and I asked this guy, i was like, yeah, remember this was the the the song for the Modern Warfare trailer?
00:27:43
Speaker
Do you remember that? I do. Yeah, he didn't. I was like, oh, I just made that up. Definitely didn't make that up. I couldn't play video games. That's true.
00:27:55
Speaker
Fact of life right there. um Should we do this voicemail? I know you're you're definitely going to be very concerned to about it, about putting it out on the internet, but I want you to hear it anyways and bare minimum get your reaction.
00:28:07
Speaker
Do you want me to do the quick email first? Uh,
00:28:14
Speaker
I don't have the button, but yeah, we used to have that as a button. I don't have anymore. So email. Oh, I just like gay meant I meant to do it button.
00:28:25
Speaker
Oh, OK. I said that ah that was like the first draft of the soundboard. Now we're making fun of fucking Riri's. Yeah, OK, here we go. So our first email in a while.
00:28:37
Speaker
Very exciting.
00:28:40
Speaker
yeah I won't dox you, ah but your name is Alexis. You know you fucking know who you are. all right You fucking know. It was your birthday a while ago. Yeah, fuck you. Oh, wait. No, no. We gave you a happy birthday on the podcast at some point. Yeah, so.
00:28:54
Speaker
And I thought you fingered or got fingered, but I guess you didn't. She did not get fingered in my closet. did she get Did you get pussy licked in there? Write back to us if you got your pussy licked or not. Can I just stay in? Or no?
00:29:06
Speaker
Yeah, fuck that. Okay, great. ah Anyway. I like the subject of... Do it. Do it. ah Hello, bozos.
00:29:19
Speaker
let's Let's get one thing straight, bitch. Offensive. Bitch. You can call me whatever you want. Don't call me a fucking bozo, alright? Fucking bozo? You fucking mahoi man yoi man? can call me a fucking...
00:29:31
Speaker
Whatever you want, if you want, bro. What even is that? I think I should bleep that just because I don't what I just thought of like someone, I don't know. but this is Two recordings in a row. You've been like, just all of a sudden just say some random combination of words. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:29:50
Speaker
I didn't want to, cause I was thinking of someone who like sits on a dunce cap, like fucks them, fucks themselves with dunce cap. We don't know. Right in. fucking does. she found She said, it's me.
00:30:04
Speaker
You know me and love me. Not anymore. You broke Nick's heart. and That's not true.
00:30:13
Speaker
I know it was a joke. ah You should read you. When she dated me, we i was we she was a lesbian because she was dating a pussy. That's valid.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah. and I have too much hair on my dick. Right. Exactly. Okay. Now just fuck anything that walks at this point. I keep interrupting you. going fuck my water bottle. That's okay. Fucking stop with that.
00:30:39
Speaker
Not low.
00:30:42
Speaker
ah you should review Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island because I said so. Yeah. I mean, we hear your request, but unfortunately we're booked until January. So maybe we'll review it then.
00:30:54
Speaker
The only thing we could ah switch out would be Scary Movie 2. You want to review this movie more than Scary Movie 2? Yeah. I want you to see this movie more than I want you to see Scary Movie 2. You're telling me it wasn't planned, but it's too suspect.
00:31:08
Speaker
you say It's not. You sent me a Snapchat that we should review it, and then i would get this email five minutes later, and then she also writes at the end because I said so. Why are you specifying? Obviously you said so.
00:31:20
Speaker
It seems like it this is all... This is a giant conspiracy. This is not a conspiracy. I pinky promise you. Too far away to pinky promise me. I'll fucking dick lick you. All right? You wanna to lick my shaft?
00:31:31
Speaker
Yeah. Before after I nair it? Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island is a better movie than Scary Movie 2. And they're both five-star movies. I haven't seen either. Yeah.
00:31:44
Speaker
Well, we appreciate your request. Yeah, we'll figure it out. It'll come out eventually. we have movies that We have movies that predate... We have emails and phone calls that predate that request.
00:31:58
Speaker
So you fucking get it when you fucking get it. Yeah, we're not talking about fingering you either. Or licking you. Who, her? Anyone. Pause. You want to get licked?
00:32:11
Speaker
Sure. You're going to be like, a night and that You're going to tell me you don't like a nice lick down? Not dick down, a lick down. Never been licked. Yeah, just fucking straight up licked.
00:32:22
Speaker
Never. All right, well, we have a voicemail, and obviously it's it's fucking hilarious to me.
00:32:31
Speaker
And obviously you're going be like, oh, we can't put that the internet. You have to, you can't put that out. know this is going to be your fucking response, but maybe just go with it have a fucking good time. Okay. Okay. All right.
00:32:42
Speaker
And you said this is from ah someone we don't know. Anonymous type. Ready? Sure.
00:32:50
Speaker
hi This is Colleen Jackson returning your voice today. I also just left a voicemail message on your cell phone. So my apologies for leaving you multiple messages. It's about 3.30 on the 27th. I would love the opportunity to connect by phone if possible or by email.
00:33:08
Speaker
um to learn a little bit more about the client that you are looking to potentially refer. and She sounds like she could be a wonderful referral. So feel free to give me a call. I'm in my office today until about 4.30, or tomorrow. And if it's easier, you're welcome to send me an email.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yeah, flip this. Yep.
00:33:39
Speaker
Thanks so much and hope to connect with you soon. Thanks. Bye-bye. Okay. So and we have a new sponsor to the podcast. That was an email from ah Jackson Behavioral Health, LLC.
00:33:54
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:34:01
Speaker
Hope you're doing it okay. Yeah, and we just want to thank them for being a sponsor of this podcast. Yeah. They did call us twice. So you want us to review a doctor movie?
00:34:12
Speaker
I don't know what to do with it, but it is funny. That's fucking amazing. So shout out to Jackson Behavioral Health LLC, and hopefully – Shout out to Colleen.
00:34:27
Speaker
Yeah, shout out Colleen, yo. Yeah, you... I mean, the person leaving the voicemail was Colleen Jackson. Maybe it's Colleen Jackson of Jackson Behavioral Health. Who knows? Maybe it's her fucking company. Yo, she got she bagged out.
00:34:39
Speaker
yeah Yo, you bagged out. I want to kind of look her up on LinkedIn. You know what mean? She's definitely out there with the fuck. We appreciate you leaving us a voicemail. Maybe next time ask for a request. You and your office be sitting there fucking scroll letterboxd something. Let us know how you feel.
00:34:54
Speaker
Tell me how you feel, Danny Towers. We can definitely keep that as long as you bleep like the private names. I mean, I feel like Jackson Behavioral Health LLC is a pretty vague, right?
00:35:05
Speaker
Probably. Oh, there's like fucking eight Jackson Behavioral Health places. ah So we're good. JacksonHealth.org. It's in Miami. You what that means? She got fat tits.
00:35:18
Speaker
She probably does. Right if I bagged out. Probably fucking bathing suit every other Sunday. Yeah.
00:35:27
Speaker
Oh, she's kind of a piece.
00:35:30
Speaker
You found her? I mean, I don't know. I found a picture that says Colleen Jackson of Jackson Behavioral Health LLC.
00:35:39
Speaker
I'll send you link. Colleen, if you got fucking big-ass milkers, send us another voicemail. If you want to come on the podcast ah and let us know how... By law, you cannot do. uh, HIPAA. Do not violate HIPAA, please.
00:35:51
Speaker
Yeah, don't... I mean, i think we're violating HIPAA right now, but you should have called the right fucking number, you stupid bitch.
00:36:04
Speaker
Now we have personal information. You fucking have a data breach on your hands. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, what the About to rob this bitch. About to rob this bitch. And it's just funny that she called again on Thursday, but didn't leave any kind of a... Just a, hello?
00:36:18
Speaker
Hello? Yeah. That was all that was. um So whatever our phone number is, it's pretty close somebody else's.
00:36:25
Speaker
um I cannot get this pole in spring open. You were like sucking a cap off that joint. I'm trying to like rip it with my teeth. Your teeth. but
00:36:34
Speaker
Well, while you struggle over there, I'm to start going over the cast for Toxic Avenger. ah Oh, I got it. It's directed by Macon Blair, who I know as an actor, not as a director.
00:36:47
Speaker
He also has a film under directors of the Shitheads. i guess it I guess it's still in production, but it has Dave Franco, O'Shea Jackson, who was from ah what the name is? What the fuck is that movie called?
00:37:00
Speaker
Den of Thieves, who looks like I think he's a The weed dog. either not ah Anyways, I digress. He was in ah Oppenheimer. He's actually very good in Oppenheimer.
00:37:14
Speaker
So was this like his... It's like a directorial debut, possibly? na he made this one. don't feel at home in this world anymore in 2017.
00:37:28
Speaker
All right, so this is the second movie. Elijah Wood, again. Good for him. Anyways, so he directed this movie. Here's your cast. We got, i mean, there's really no one here we're fucking, but I guess, you know, we can go down the list. you can limit Maybe.
00:37:46
Speaker
mean, you fucking Peter Dinklage? I would say no. I would fuck Peter Dinklage. This guy in movie a loser. or Winston Goose is a loser. But like, Peter Dinklage, I'd fuck for the vibes.
00:37:58
Speaker
Yeah, I'd fuck him because he was in Game of Thrones just for the clout. Yeah. Also, I just want to see how big his dick is because he's little midget, which I don't think we can say anymore. He's a little person. He's a little person. Yeah.
00:38:09
Speaker
Next, we got Jake. Yeah. but no
00:38:14
Speaker
ah yeah Next, we got a Jacob Tremblay, who plays Wade Goose. Talk about dudes who like taking it in the fucking rectum. This guy.
00:38:25
Speaker
Jesus. Yo, he was in Luca? I mean, he was born in 2006, so he technically is okay to with it. He's Luca, bro. Yeah. I mean, he also looks like Luca little bit.
00:38:37
Speaker
Luca's like one of my favorite Disney movies ever. We have an episode on Luca coming out in a few weeks. Wow. We have an episode coming out on Luca in two weeks. In three weeks.
Movie Talk: 'The Toxic Avenger'
00:38:49
Speaker
yeah We're start spamming you guys with some with some fucking banked episodes pretty soon. Some fucking bangers. Yeah. ah Anyways, that's Jacob Tremblay. um i don't want In the movie, I'm not fucking this kid.
00:39:03
Speaker
I don't think we can legally fuck him. In 2006, we're good. Oh, yeah. He's like 20-something. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it.
00:39:13
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. Next, we got Kevin Bacon. Maybe you fucking heard of him. Do you know who Kevin Bacon is? He plays ah Bob Garbinger. i mean, I'm not fucking in the movie, but I would fuck Kevin Bacon.
00:39:30
Speaker
I'd fuck Kevin Bacon in Tremors. Yeah, can fucking get it in Tremors, right? p And in Friday 13th. That's also fair. I want to be that girl in that bed with him.
00:39:42
Speaker
I want to get skewered. I want to get fucking skewered to Kevin Bacon. You know what mean? That'd be the life. I did not know this was Elijah Wood. Oh, that was like... i would I've been looking at the the cast, and I was like, i want to kind of see this. Elijah Wood plays Fritz Garpinger.
00:39:59
Speaker
if you don't know who Elijah Wood is, I mean, what are you fucking doing? You're probably a hater of the fucking Lord Rings trilogy like fucking Gerald is. Yeah. Potentially not. my favorite character in the movie?
00:40:12
Speaker
Yeah, possibly. Right? He was good. I mean, I would say that I'm Kevin Bacon with my favorite performance.
00:40:20
Speaker
The people in this movie, they, besides the Namin coming up, everybody gives a really good solid performance. Yeah, she was kind of mid, huh? She was definitely mid. But again, you're getting like people that are like A-list actors. So...
00:40:38
Speaker
I mean, after Elijah Wood, it kind of drops off a cliff as far as A-list actors, though, no? Oh, yeah, it does. But, i'm like, the main cast is just studded.
00:40:52
Speaker
This Brian, we got Taylor Page, who plays J.J. Dorian. Don't. Why you whisper over there? Yeah, it's fucking Brian. If I could cut that.
00:41:03
Speaker
Not that. ah We got... She was... I mean... She was in High School Musical 3? I mean, I'd fuck her. Let's put it that way.
00:41:13
Speaker
Yeah, she's like an almost ugly black, but you're still pounding. Almost ugly black! I don't know. Dying,
00:41:22
Speaker
dying, dying. Congratulations, you're not ugly. Congrats. ah Do we... i guess we'll shout out Johnny Coyne, who plays Thad Barkabis, because I just realized his face looked weird, and i was like, that was interesting.
00:41:38
Speaker
That guy could have played Toxie. He also could have played George the Animal Steel. Yo, and they're like, yeah, that'd be good. Eat that turnbuckle. Bro, shut up. I fed already. Eat fucking it.
00:41:52
Speaker
You hear that? It's crazy. Yeah. I guess I'll... I did... I did see Lloyd Kaufman in his cameo. So I'll give it to Lloyd Kaufman.
00:42:04
Speaker
ah Lloyd Kaufman, a.k.a. Lloyd. Lloyd Kaufman made the... I mean, he's the he's the owner of Troma.
00:42:16
Speaker
What is Troma? Like, they're the ones that made, like, all the Toxic Avenger movies, like the OGs. I'm pretty sure they made... I'm pretty sure he made... What the fuck's that movie?
00:42:30
Speaker
Your Nutsack?
00:42:33
Speaker
Nukem What call him lot of shit? They made Nukem High. Return to Nukem High.
00:42:42
Speaker
Most of the fucking Toxic Avenger movies? Yeah, he's the one that made... Is it Toxic? Or Toxie? I can't read.
00:42:50
Speaker
Tales from the Crapper? What is this movie? Probably a really shitty movie. because on It's on Stealbook Obsessed Watchlist.
00:43:00
Speaker
A Crap Keeper host, two stories combining highbrow entertainment with kung fu action, alien adventure, and vampire lesbian sex? Sign me up. Fuck yeah. Squeeze Play?
00:43:12
Speaker
What's Squeeze Play? Let us know if you want us to do a whole month just Lloyd Kaufman. That would be a rough go. We'll probably kill ourselves. He's kind of like John Waters where he only makes fucking schlop.
00:43:26
Speaker
Right. Then there's that one movie that we all care and that's about it. Right. And then should we shout out Louisa Guerrero? Because she it she has a credit as the toxic Avenger. Maybe she was like in the fucking bodysuit.
00:43:40
Speaker
Shout out to you. Definitely ain't fucking you. Unfortunately.
00:43:47
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Oh, and this kid was funny as fuck. Sunil Patel? but but but Dr. Walla? He is a... duoooooo Is this kid from TikTok? Is this kid from TikTok or no?
00:44:04
Speaker
like i see this guy on TikTok all the time. Every time he was like trying to give like a medical diagnosis, like a fucking jackhammer would start going off. Right. Funny.
00:44:19
Speaker
Oh, Macon Blair's Inezone movie is Dennis. i don't even know who fucking Dennis is. the the da da da du da da da I will say this is not this is not straight up horror. This is like a comedy that wasn't that wasn't very funny.
00:44:39
Speaker
That's kind of how the original is, though. It's not a horror. It's like a comedy
00:44:47
Speaker
I would agree with you. Yeah, i but we you and i watched the first one together. We did. On those two guys, one screen. We watched it, and that was a great movie. It was campy, but it was good. I enjoyed it.
00:44:58
Speaker
I think that's the problem with this one. It's trying way too hard to catch the same magic that the original one did, but it just feels kind of forced.
00:45:11
Speaker
See, yeah I don't think you like it less than I do, but I did have a good time with it. I'm not saying... Let me say this real quick, and this is not about the movie, and I know I'm already on record saying this, but I'm fucking sick of it.
00:45:25
Speaker
AMC, Boston Common, get your fucking shit together. If I go to your goddamn theater one more time and pay $25 to get your food and the soda is warm and flat, I'm going to kill someone.
00:45:36
Speaker
Wow. I'm going to start attacking your your fucking employees. The soda was so bad, like straight up trash, garbage, garbage.
00:45:48
Speaker
I was very sorry. I'm very sorry that your theater experience was ruined. It was. Mine was probably the best theater experience I've been to in a hot minute.
00:45:59
Speaker
All right. Really? Yeah. Because it was kind of popping. I want to say like it was it's Labor Day when I saw it same day we're filming this. Yeah, we're labor. want to say maybe there was like 30 people in the theater. Yeah.
00:46:12
Speaker
And the average age would probably be 65. Yeah. Really? Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people were like, hey, I saw a Toxic Avenger on like VHS back in the day. Yeah. to see the new one.
00:46:25
Speaker
But there was, like when I was like, I was like two rows from up top. Because I like get in the middle. Yep. And I just looked down, it was just bunch of like balding heads.
00:46:36
Speaker
Ball hair. like jake Everybody was Jake in front of me. That's fair. Except for the guy that was probably like 30, and he brought his five-year-old. Why are we doing things like these?
00:46:50
Speaker
This movie's not that bad, but there's some gore. wasn't It wasn't enough for me. I don't know why i thought it'd be more gory, but it just wasn't a lot.
00:47:02
Speaker
And i said to g yeah oh the CGI... the end was bad, and the CGI gore... they c gi at the n was bad and the cgi gore Was pretty bad. one dude's head when it like was like pulsating and then it exploded.
00:47:17
Speaker
That was like Screamboat. Oh, man. Yeah, i was like, that's rough. Yeah, that it was rough. I was also distracted a little bit because... They did try to make jokes, and some of the jokes were funny, no doubt.
00:47:30
Speaker
But it was like every single line that was made, there were these guys, and I thought they were fucking... no no no But they were not because it fucking smelled so bad. rat well ah i mean i want i had like i took a corner seat because this happens at every theater experience at amc all these fucking seats are booked then i get there and i sit down and we're like halfway in the movie and the seats that were booked are just no one's there that's fucked who's so who's buying tickets yeah and just not going i mean i am i bought tickets he said that terry and stig's movie from eli roth twice and didn't go uh
00:48:06
Speaker
But I'm not buying i'm not buying like prime real estate. Sure. I'm buying like the corner like out of the way. you know Don't look at me. yeah Don't fucking watch me jerking.
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah, but I walk up this – well, you know sometimes I'm a bad – I'm not good. like im Bad boy. if Yeah, I'm a bad mitten. Shout to Nick Kroll. ah Sometimes I go to the theater and if it's boring as shit, i'm on my phone in the back. So if I'm in the back corner, and I'm not distracting anybody.
00:48:33
Speaker
These A&C theaters are fucking huge. I respect that. At least be in the back corner away from everybody else. Anyways, there's these three fucking smelly dudes like reeking. They fucking smelled bad.
00:48:47
Speaker
Uh... So that already pissed me off. Don't smell bad. Do better. And then, and then like literally every single line, this, the one, they all were laughing, but the one guy, you know, have a good time.
00:49:00
Speaker
But the one guy in the middle was like this, right? Like, all right, for the listener, I'm sitting in my chair, like how you sit at the movie theater. Every time something funny would happen, he'd go And he would like fuck he would like fucking sit all the way up at – like he would like almost stand – like lean – it's like that fucking gaming meme but like – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:22
Speaker
Like when you lean forward like crazy and he would laugh so fucking loud and like, bro It's just not that funny. And you smell bad. I mean, the movie looks like it smells bad. Your stank is crazy, cuz. Like, just relax.
00:49:39
Speaker
Like, when I see a guy wearing a bandana and, like, ripped jeans, I'm like, I'm in the wrong theater, buddy. I'm in Newberg. Like, but I feel like that's the kind of thing that this attracts. Like, you know.
00:49:53
Speaker
You think Toxic Avenger ah attracts a certain kind of crowd? Yeah, for sure, dude. It's hard to say because my theater had like nobody in it besides three like smelly guys. It's just white people. But do you think it's just your like it's just where you live? There's a good chance that that's what it is.
00:50:11
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, i feel like I feel like more or less I kind of get the same crowd. I'll say the only time that I've noticed a significant crowd change in the theater was like we did Moana 2.
00:50:23
Speaker
When saw that was all kids. Sure. Obviously. Wicked. Probably a lot of kids. Wicked. not Wicked. lot of chicks. going i had A lot of girls that I would not mind fucking dicking down or licking down. Whatever you're Sure, because the generic white girl loves a Broadway musical. Made into a movie Ariana Grande. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.
00:50:46
Speaker
Those are like the only two. oh then also, I mean, I can't. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this. American Sniper. I saw that in theaters. You know how many guys were there dressed up like they belonged in the 1300s of Orange High School?
00:51:05
Speaker
That is such a fucking inside joke. and like i here to I mean, our followers are going to get it because they all fucking went there. But yeah. Yeah. ah You know what i mean. Fucking camo. They were in fucking boots. They deaf yeah definitely had a pocket knife on them.
00:51:21
Speaker
For sure. They've been smoking already in high school for about five years. Yeah. They're fucking chewing on tobacco. Yeah. They don't like blacks. They do. No. No. 100% don't like blacks. and that rat We're not saying that. They don't like blacks. We love blacks.
00:51:36
Speaker
And we can prove it because we had a race war. Our fucking high school had a straight-up race war. That's crazy. Bombs, race wars, you name it. The bombs were fake. There was no actual bomb ever, i don't think.
00:51:46
Speaker
Sure, it was all Dawson. It was all Dawson. Shout out to Dawson. Dawson was trying to break the walls down. Fucking... A little more than that, yeah. In reality, he was just trying to take a shit and he just didn't want to hold his backpack.
00:52:01
Speaker
Making me stand out on the fucking football field. 90 degree weather. sweating their nuts off. But I'd rather do that than be sitting down in Mr. fucking Lawler's class. o That's Mr. Lawler. Kinda.
00:52:14
Speaker
I don't know why I'm shouting you out for it, but that's what it is. let me just Let me just say, let's just try to at least try to talk with me for but for at least five minutes. Okay, but it's not very eventful, so I'm not too sure what's going to happen here.
00:52:29
Speaker
Why do you think it's not eventful? I think a lot happens. A lot happened, but I don't know. Like I said. Look, this dude, this dude Peter Dinklage, Winston Goose, tough name.
00:52:42
Speaker
he He don't have... He's a stepdad, right? He's got to be Wade's father. which Right, because Wade's mother died. Yeah, also, like just think about if you're Wade. Like, damn, bro, my stepdad, A, is fucking my mom.
00:52:59
Speaker
B, is going try to act like my dad. And
00:53:06
Speaker
That's a custodian. Right. Like, that's just brutes. You know? It's just not just not a good ah good spot to be in.
00:53:16
Speaker
I do like the story better than the original. The original, the kid was just getting bullied, right? Yeah, it's just silly. yeah It was generic. Right. yeah This at least had like a meaning. Like, how did he become the Toxic Avenger? Oh, he worked for this company, and the company was corrupt. And he found out that the company was corrupt.
00:53:36
Speaker
Well, thought he wanted- Actually, he just wanted money. He got diagnosed with some kind of tumor in his fucking hair. But also, that tumor, they didn't like explicitly say It probably came from fucking all those chemicals from working in the chemicals. probably radioactive. Because he's a fucking janitor. He's sweeping and mopping. and he's No mask.
00:53:56
Speaker
No. and I mean, like for that that kind of place, you kind of want a mask, no? hazmat suit potentially something like some kind of safety stand looking like those dudes from fucking monsters inc i was just thinking that yeah yeah actually yeah what was the code the numbers 2319 yeah there you go fucking screaming 2319 that goddamn movie so he's like he's like how can i be this guy's father
00:54:28
Speaker
How can I get this guy to respect me? How can I overcome the odds of being a stepdad and a midget? How can I just... And I'm pretty sure my son is trans. How do I... I mean, for sure... Gay.
00:54:43
Speaker
For sure gay. Potentially wants to be a woman. if You know what? And that's fine. it's If you want to be trans, that's okay. Be trans. That's fine. But it's a little, you know, from a parent's perspective, you know, it's on top of the step parent, parent dead. Yeah. it's another thing you got to tackle.
00:55:00
Speaker
No, and Peter Dinklage is a good actor. He is. He did great in this. He's great. I don't think he was bad in this movie at all. I actually very much like the intro credits of like the...
00:55:12
Speaker
Just like the – how you would you say The design, the cinematography, it's all animated. Sure. But was and I enjoyed it. I thought it was cool. And I like how he did the whole like, you're probably wondering how I got here or whatever kind of John.
00:55:27
Speaker
Yeah. So he's able to overcome the odds of like I got thrown into a fucking –
00:55:37
Speaker
toxic waste toxic waste and I came back bigger and badder I can't die I mean if you think Peter Dinklage is already ugly wait till he's in this fucking movie i mean props to him yeah yeah do you think he was wearing the prosthetics I think this lady was this gorilla monsoon what was her name gorilla monsoon's the fucking gangster guy know wait gorilla monsoon is not it's WWF no is w wf now Yeah, Gorilla Monsoon. Fuck.
00:56:08
Speaker
He was like an announcer or some shit. I was just making him up. of a Yeah, a gorilla and American professional wrestler. yeah He looks like a fucking gorilla. I get it. he's not He's not a Brian, though.
00:56:20
Speaker
He's not a Brian. He's a fucking us.
00:56:24
Speaker
He got WWF money. What the fuck you know about that? anyways, he turns his... He literally... What more could do would you want... Do you rephrase?
00:56:36
Speaker
How much worse could your life get? Then you get thrown into a fucking toxic waste and you look like a fucking booger. And then wearing a fucking tutu dress the majority of movie, which is just like, take it off, bro. I want to see your fucking green dick. That's all I want to see.
00:56:51
Speaker
saw his penis. it was a nice piece. No, it wasn't. What are you talking about? it was all like charred and black and... I'm just... Just... But... Correct. And girth.
00:57:02
Speaker
All these things matter. Yeah. But he pisses toxic like... way Acid. Yeah. Right. It's like the flower out of Joker's little thing. The liquid out of that little flower. I did laugh at that part.
00:57:14
Speaker
That was genuinely funny. No, when she was like... Something like... She's like, oh, I'm pissed. And then he's like, piss. Piss. And he's just staring off into the... He's just staring. He's like, going to take my dick out now. yeah
00:57:30
Speaker
She's like, what? Your dick? And then like he does he does these heroic things. He fucking exposes these people for fucking being dumping waste.
00:57:42
Speaker
We care about nature on this podcast. They're dumping waste right into the river, killing animals and whatever else. And they're just being all bad people. And they're mixed with the mob. Because they're all bought.
00:57:53
Speaker
All the politicians are bought. He exposed all that shit by being an ugly, big fucking monster. He did, but then you get like the whole fucking band people.
00:58:06
Speaker
I think they were put in sheerly for comedic effect. I don't think it was anything else. Yeah. I mean, they kind of worked with Fritz, a.k.a. Elijah Wood, a.k.a. Let me see your fucking Frodo Wood. proto wood Yeah.
00:58:21
Speaker
what I mean? Yeah. Let me see your fucking dildo Baggins. Now that I know it's Elijah Wood that was under that makeup, it makes me like him more because his performance was really good.
00:58:32
Speaker
I like that you appreciate his performance, but I'll be honest with you. ah He really was not in the movie enough for me. No, and he needed to be. Yeah, didn't He's cool character.
00:58:44
Speaker
You're not going to like this, but it's fine. I feel like he got thrown into this movie the way they threw in whatever that lady's name was in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. It was kind of the same thing for me.
00:58:59
Speaker
You're right, but this guy at least had a little more to give. I don't think so. Yeah, because that bitch was on the screen for maybe five minutes.
00:59:10
Speaker
She fucking killed Bob, though. She killed Bob and justice for Bob. Justice for Bob 100% bringing it back 70 episodes later. 60 episodes later. It's not 70. Not yet.
00:59:23
Speaker
i don't i I don't think so. I think they brought him in and they were like, all right, Kevin Bacon, you're bully Elijah Wood for five minutes and then we're going to bring him back at the end to save to save the trans kid.
00:59:35
Speaker
that's what That's what they said. And I don't... i think their I think their use in in like both of those movies is is just about the same.
00:59:46
Speaker
As far as like how much they have to offer. um I'm not saying he was bad on the screen. I'm just saying he i don't he had no use. No use, sure. But this guy, had his character had a little more depth.
01:00:00
Speaker
I also don't think that either. No? This guy had like actual backstory-ish. What was his backstory? That he was the brother of Bacon? Yeah.
01:00:12
Speaker
bake his brother and that He Why does his fucking hair look like that? Why does he look like he belongs in the Addams Family? He does. He kind of looks like an Igor motherfucker. Yeah, that's really what it is.
01:00:24
Speaker
Whenever we get around ah scary movie too, this guy reminds me of the guy with the small hand. Yummy! That's my small hand.
01:00:37
Speaker
My whole problem is it did feel like it was trying too much to feel like the original. But we can act like Miss Meat isn't funny.
01:00:50
Speaker
Wasn't Miss Meat in the first? Oh, it was Mr. Meat? I thought it was Mr. Meat. Yeah. Yeah, Miss Meat. Yeah, but even that. You're Meat. Like, they brought that whole scene back from the original, but the original did it ten times better.
01:01:03
Speaker
There's way more. Like, Toxie just kind of went in and killed everybody off screen. Like, at least in the original, you saw shit. There was the aftermath that was gory.
01:01:14
Speaker
Aftermath, yeah, but I want to see. It did look practical. I thought he fucking whacked that guy's jaw off, like, on screen, no? Yeah, that was it. I agree. I want i mean, I stopped off rip. I wanted more gore in the movie.
01:01:26
Speaker
ah It does. I mean, it does bring down the rating. It just doesn't bring it down for me as far as yours.
CGI and Creativity Debate
01:01:31
Speaker
Again, it just falls flat because it's too much of the same. And I get that's kind of what... Not too much of the same.
01:01:40
Speaker
Trying too hard to be the same character. Also, we're going to act like Kevin Bacon's fucking and ah prosthetics wasn't like sick when he injected himself with his blood with the blood infusion.
01:01:54
Speaker
That was cool. He looked like Krampus. I was going to say, yeah, cast that man as Krampus tomorrow. That'd be fucking awesome. We need ah another Krampus movie that's not just a three and a half. Yeah, and give us Kevin Bacon.
01:02:04
Speaker
Yeah, and give it, I mean, that movie did prosthetics. Shout out to Michael Daughtery. And have him fucking chased by sandworms. Whoa. What Krampus versus sandworms.
01:02:18
Speaker
What's a sandworm. Like the thing from tremors from dune ah from tremors. Yeah. Better movie than dune. Said what I said. That's a harsh reality that people need to realize. Yeah.
01:02:30
Speaker
But i mean, I, I mean, overall the, the CGI at times, very shaky, uh, Like you already said, lot of more gore. The humor at times hits.
01:02:43
Speaker
I think if you're going to go see it in the theater, first of all, go see it in the theater because why not? ah Yeah. Don't go to Boston Common AMC because that will give you flat, warm soda.
01:02:55
Speaker
if you're Unless you're into that kind of thing, then go have it. but Except for the guy that helped me. I got a small pot. ah you know My new go-to soda is Starry when I'm at the movies.
01:03:05
Speaker
Yeah, because you're a lesbian. No, Jake hates it.
01:03:10
Speaker
Okay. I mean, I don't know. I've never been in the lemon-lime realm of soda, but I'm happy you enjoy it. I think it's better than Sprite. Sprite! I have no take on that because never had it.
01:03:22
Speaker
What do you think about Sierra Mist?
01:03:26
Speaker
That's what Starry is. Sierra Mist got returned into... Oh, it's just the OG? Yeah, it got rebranded. By Starry. Yeah, with a little different taste.
01:03:36
Speaker
What did Jake say?
01:03:39
Speaker
Jake thought i was fucking retarded for thinking that Sprite is worse than Starry. So I purposely get Sprite or get Starry and then send him pictures. That's interesting. I'm starting to like it now. It started off as a bit. Now I like it you know we're going to have be the ultimate test for me.
01:03:55
Speaker
For me to really have input on this what you're saying. Starry Tequila. Yeah. That's that's all we monitor a fire name right there, though. Starry Tequila? Want a Starry Tequila? Yeah. Yeah. yeah You're going fucking see stars after they're fucking punching your face.
01:04:09
Speaker
I don't know. That's what talking about. Give me a fucking concussion, baby. I'm going to fucking bruise you. Give me fucking amnesia. I don't want to know who fuck I am. Yeah. Yeah? And fucking leave in ditch? Yeah. Wake up next what the fuck happened?
01:04:23
Speaker
Am I gonna know my own name? i'm gonna think I'm a she. Yeah, you... um Fucking Wade Goose. Yeah, I'm gonna get my fucking pronouns mixed up. This is the thing, though. Okay, why... What about this... but Okay, I know you're gonna say.
01:04:38
Speaker
What differentiates for you... This movie from the substance. And I know you're going be like, you're fucking stupid for saying that, but I'm genuinely asking you, what is the difference?
01:04:49
Speaker
This has nowhere near as much creativity. Because it's, because it' toxic Avenger again. Wow. So you're saying that this is on the level of the substance.
01:05:02
Speaker
According to my rating, it's going to be.
01:05:06
Speaker
I mean, fake i will say, i will say, i already know, already give you, yes, the substance has slightly better gore. As far as like... That's all sex in general.
01:05:20
Speaker
Why most of the stuff they shot was practical. Most of it. Not all of it. I'm not excusing what the one you mentioned. No, I know, but I'm talking design-wise. Yeah, but we if we talk design-wise, the opening scene of Homeboy making breakfast for his kid was very, very, very substance.
01:05:36
Speaker
That was super substance. The way was shot, the way he zoomed in the food, that was super substance, no? No, you're right. I know you really like the substance, and you're allowed like the substance. I'm just simply saying I don't see...
01:05:51
Speaker
i don't see I see this as like, as far as gore and practical effect work on the, pay Hey, Hey, Twitch trying fucking rip my headphones out.
01:06:02
Speaker
I just see on the level as the substance, as far as gore and practical, maybe like a half step lower, maybe like a half step. It felt low budget.
01:06:16
Speaker
What felt low budget? This. The way it was shot. Which they might be doing on purpose because the original was very low budget. 5 mil. This?
01:06:27
Speaker
Yeah. That's not bad. Not terrible. With the OG. I'll look it up. 500,000?
01:06:38
Speaker
Yeah. yeah What is that? Is that was it 500,000 then or today? Probably then. Dude, 500,000 then is crazy. 1986? So it's it was 500,000 then, which is equivalent to about 1.5 mil today.
01:06:56
Speaker
It's still not a lot for a movie though. 1.5 mil is fucking jack dick. That's nothing to make a movie.
Horror Movie Critique: 'Paranormal Activity'
01:07:11
Speaker
Look, not everybody can be paranormal activity in terms sixteen thousand and fucking 100 million, you know? That's overrated as fuck, though. don't even... This movie's so fucking boring. imagine what you've seen by scene for that one?
01:07:22
Speaker
Mm-mm. Yeah. You the camera's turning. Yeah. Camera's turning. Mm-hmm. What the fuck's his name? forget his name. It's not Elijah. It's something around there. Yeah. Being a fucking dickhead to his girlfriend.
01:07:33
Speaker
Yep. Gaslighting shit out of her. Okay, so... This is the rare case where I'm going to give it... Like a spank?
01:07:44
Speaker
No, because my dad was trying to make a fucking London broil last night he didn't listen to me. It's big Len. Made that shit well done. Had a flashback in the book and fucked it up.
01:07:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:00
Speaker
This going the... I'm going to give it a two and a half. Yeah, you are. All right. But... I don't do this very often. Fat butt. But when this comes out streaming, physical, maybe.
01:08:15
Speaker
They already posted. Dawn of the Disc posted the Steelbook already. The 4K, yeah. It kind of looks mid. I'm for it. I like it, I like the ooze. I'm going fucking give you my ooze. I fucking a want it. Secret of the ooze.
01:08:28
Speaker
Fill my fucking mouth. I think I'm going to do a rewatch and potentially update this rating on the pod in the future.
01:08:44
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to use the five-star movie. I'm giving it a three. I think it's because the the original was just so fucking... original has sauce and i didn't sauce and i know you're saying that this is this is like rinse and repeat but i honestly don't think this is the same the messaging is the same in this movie as the first one the first one messaging no but i feel like the overall what's the word i'm looking for feel i don't think i agree with that either though the camp
01:09:20
Speaker
Yeah, but if it wasn't camp, well like did you want it to be dark and... You know what yeah if they were gonna make If you were going to make Toxic Avenger again, what would you want it to feel like?
01:09:33
Speaker
Slasher?
01:09:36
Speaker
full out but then they would i feel like to slasher, they'd have to take the original original piece and like remake it. Not shot for shot, but close to it. Do like a Freddy thing.
01:09:50
Speaker
What mean? Like where it's a slasher, but it's still got the comedic elements. Like tone back the comedy, but make it still there.
01:10:02
Speaker
know what mean? Yeah, my thing is just, i don't just, it's like, that's a different conversation. I don't find Freddy funny.
01:10:08
Speaker
They tried. he I mean, I just don't i don't know. How about Chucky? Look, I love Nightmare 1. That's a five-star masterpiece right there. Shout out to Johnny
Horror Genre Preferences
01:10:18
Speaker
Depp, I guess. but Yeah, yeah.
01:10:21
Speaker
But just we just did Pirates. But
01:10:26
Speaker
i i know I never f found Fredster funny. What's the deal with that? five They're releasing all of them in 4K? Yeah. All of them. Is it a steel set or is it just a fucking 4K set?
01:10:37
Speaker
There is a steel set, but good luck. Keeps selling out on Gruv. It's already out? No, the pre-orders. Pre-orders are already out. Interesting.
01:10:48
Speaker
They go in and out of stock, and as soon as they go in, people must have fucking bots on them or something. And now my cock. Also, that imprint Halloween set, $400. $400. four hundred dollars Do not like the movies that much.
01:11:02
Speaker
You want fucking drugs? Yeah. I mean, well, also, it's got to come from Australia. or whereas it It's only one through five.
01:11:18
Speaker
Not located. Based.
01:11:22
Speaker
What? Have I been lied to? it England? No, it says fucking California. A location, Australia. Sorry. Oh, okay. But how much did you pay for the Harry Potter thing?
01:11:35
Speaker
$120. It was on sale. That's a way better price than $400 for five movies with mid-tier steelbooks that are literally just the cover art. You know what? You're right because I got eight.
01:11:46
Speaker
Eight? Way better movies, too. That is a good point. And when I told you I might fuck around by it, it's just because it's just because I was you know just looking at it. I didn't do any deeper digging. Then you just found out the price, and you're like, yeah, no.
01:11:59
Speaker
I don't like movies that much. They're not that good. I like one. One's fine. don't know. Kind of, too. I respect it. Make no mistake, I respect it. But it's fine. Yeah. It's just okay. ah Should we wrap this up like my wiener?
01:12:15
Speaker
Yeah. Plug it in, plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, 2Guys1ScreenPyod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to 2Guys1ScreenPyod at gmail.com. Follow us on YouTube, TikTok.
01:12:32
Speaker
ah Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Fuck our asses.
Social Media and Banter
01:12:35
Speaker
Send a voicemail, 508-8-8-5-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8 six minutes limit call us back colleen yeah come on colleen we need to go
01:12:50
Speaker
Go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? I'm going to staple my dick shut. Oh, yeah. I'm going to staple my fucking shaft, my leg. Fucking know you know, you know. I put some fucking cornstarch in there to keep it dry.
01:13:04
Speaker
Yeah, but whoever like removes the staples has to use their teeth.
01:13:10
Speaker
Yeah. Is there anything else? Horror bracket? Oh, I don't know. The horror bracket? Do the fucking horror bracket. Go vote. I voted. Nick, did you vote? Yeah, I voted. said at the beginning, I voted against you.
01:13:22
Speaker
So, go vote. ah You're either Team Nick or Team Gerald. It's true. Henry? Vote for Henry?
01:13:33
Speaker
My main man, Henry? I mean, honestly, I'm not against Henry winning. I just didn't vote for because it was against something else that i wanted to vote for. My main Brian Henry? My main Brian Henry? Yo, Brian Henry was good. Brian Henry? That sounds like a fucking basketball player. Yeah, it does. Sounds like a fucking first pick.
01:13:52
Speaker
Pick my ass. Shit.
01:14:00
Speaker
Are we just going to roast Brian the last five minutes every episode now? That's what we're doing. ah We should tease one more Halloween Horror Month film, no?
01:14:11
Speaker
Yeah? Who's giving You want it? I think it's my turn. I'm to fucking give it to someone. I'm going to fucking give it to you if you're not careful. ah here Yeah, you know, unless you fucking want it. um don't know. Fuck it. Look, all right. We're just going to fucking tell you all of them.
01:14:28
Speaker
I don't even fucking get them. I'm just going fucking tell him tell you all. All right. Here's all movies coming out for horror a month. are you fucking ready? You fucking ready? um I'm completely blind. Clip this. I don't know any of these.
01:14:40
Speaker
All right. House of a Thousand Corpses. Banger. ah Motel Hell. We recorded that episode. it was funny.
01:14:54
Speaker
The next one was fucking wild. Yeah. Sadness. By the way, did you see what they posted? theyre releasing Shudder's release like a 10 film collection for the anniversary. did and none of those movies intrigued me.
01:15:07
Speaker
Yeah, because you hate Late Night with the Devil and you're just going to be wrong about that. i don't hate it. I like that. But it also includes skinnamarink. And that movie can literally go eat dick.
01:15:20
Speaker
That's fair. I haven't seen it. ah Next, we got The Fly. Have you ever heard of that one? Have you ever heard of David Cronenberg? You ever heard of Jeff Goldblum? I got fucking David Asenbergers. Jeff Goldblum, popular Jurassic Park, my favorite line.
01:15:37
Speaker
That's one big pile of shit. Yeah. American Werewolf in London. That is arguably top five movies for me all time.
01:15:49
Speaker
i know Wow, not just horror, just in general? in Yeah, I love that movie. Wow. I deeply love that movie. And whenever I watch it, I just i just get a feeling in my I start fucking winking.
01:16:01
Speaker
Arguably, to me, not arguably, but the greatest fucking transformation scene of all time. I feel like that's probably accurate. Episode 79.
01:16:17
Speaker
We got the black phone number two because that looks good. Actually looks good. We definitely talked about this because we had a whole conversation about Ethan Hawke at some point. I hope Ethan Hawke has like his fucking Tony Collette moment.
01:16:30
Speaker
Yeah, his poor name would be like Ethan Cock.
01:16:34
Speaker
Is it caulk like that shit that you like around your tub? Yeah. Yeah. but And it fucking splooges white goo. And you just fucking. Yeah. You just use it on your fucking bathtub. Same thing as cum. Right.
01:16:45
Speaker
I jerk off in the shower. That's what that joke come I've cummed in a shower or two. This one you definitely said, because I remember you saying it. It's your favorite zombie movie ever. Return the Living Dead. There you go. Unless we're counting Re-Animator.
01:17:01
Speaker
I would count it personally. Shit. Shit. ah And then the last, well, not the last one, the bracket winner. And you've got ah evil dead 2013 coming out on Halloween.
01:17:14
Speaker
Oh, I want to see your Halloweeners. I want you fucking flick my beaner. That's what I love. Trick or treat. want your fucking piece. Yeah.
01:17:28
Speaker
yeah We already did a plug or what? I forgot. Yeah, I did. You said trick-or-treater
Upcoming Horror Film Lineup
01:17:33
Speaker
for my fucking wiener.
01:17:37
Speaker
Can we just put that in the intro just for fucking October? Trick-or-treater. Here's my peener.
01:17:47
Speaker
Wait. gotta fucking say what's coming out next week. Episode 70 is going to be Killer Clowns from Outer Space, which I definitely said at some point. I'm telling you, the one of the craziest episodes ever, and it just won't sound that crazy because a lot it's bleeped.
01:18:03
Speaker
I'm going to have to gonna have to hear the uncensored version. I'm going to show it to you right after this and my peener. um that That's next week. Go vote in the whore bracket.
01:18:17
Speaker
Yes, that's fucking factual. um And ah we will see you guys next week. Toodles. Fuck you, Brian.
01:18:28
Speaker
and Fuck you, Mark.