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EP. 59 BONUS! Jaw(n)s (1975)
13 Plays2 months ago
Happy 4th of July!
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude!
Introduction and Hosts
00:00:03
Speaker
Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrub in the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 59 of the Two Guys One Screen Podcast, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid Homies, a.k.a. the Poetown Boys. My name is Nick, and as always, I'm joined by the Edgelord and Sperm Lord. How you doing?
00:01:12
Speaker
Himself. Gerald. And we're here for a... Boner Alert. What is that from? I don't know. I just typed in Boner Alert on YouTube, and it was an SNL shit with Rihanna.
00:01:27
Speaker
Oh, okay. If anybody knows what that is, why are you watching SNL? yeah It's not great. I mean, but Rihanna. rihanna Owner alert. Yeah, I mean.
4th of July Movie Discussion
00:01:39
Speaker
ah You're listening to this on the 4th of July, allegedly. and Because this is a 4th of July movie. This is not mean. Another movie with no ya means.
00:01:51
Speaker
Yo, not one not mean in this movie, dude. Come on Spielberg do better. Yeah Spielberg what the fuck I mean it was 1975. Yeah it's true. Oh so it's the 4th of July and Gerald and I were debating what 4th July movie should we do and there's lots of movies that are 4th of July themed.
00:02:13
Speaker
Uh But I think Jaws, or as we've been calling it, Jaws, is the only the only right answer, I feel like. Right. I mean, it takes place on the 4th of July weekend and on the 4th of July.
00:02:28
Speaker
and kids get the beat kids get eaten, kids get killed, and it's the 50th anniversary. So it just kind of... kind of wraps together like you wrap up your cock before you fuck a bad bit you know I mean yeah unless you're in a ceasefire like we are yeah well yeah got me ah then I'll wrap anything up except a napkin. If you know what I'm saying, I know exactly what you're saying, dog. Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:56
Speaker
Uh, is this like, I, thought I had the, maybe somebody else, like you one of your favorite movies of all time. It is the, it's the number one. It's the opinion number one, the cream of the crop.
00:03:08
Speaker
it's It's from the pinnacle, and then it goes to the pit. Yeah. No, it doesn't. Right, with the It's ghost. Right. Not the ghost. Yeah. I thought so. Watch this movie.
00:03:18
Speaker
I have an interesting history with this film. i Hadn't seen it like ever in my life until at least the 2020s. I don't know the first time ever watched it.
00:03:30
Speaker
Maybe it was 2023. twenty twenty three I want to say that's kind of scary. Wow. Yeah. But ah this says wait that long.
Jaws: First Impressions and Rewatch
00:03:40
Speaker
the Right. This this says July 10th, 2023. I gave it a three star, but I have a feeling I gave it a two and a half.
00:03:50
Speaker
I feel like I changed it afterwards because was like, that's a little aggressive, isn't it? And my review back then. I'm a different person. um My review back then was, can we all admit this movie is just a little overrated?
00:04:05
Speaker
Then I rewatched it July 2024. And I bumped it to a three and a half. No comments. No review. Okay. We're we're getting up there. huh And now we're in, i mean, it's currently June 16th.
00:04:18
Speaker
Happy Juneteenth to my non-means out there. It's true. and We like you and respect you. Of course. Y'all got hops like crazy.
00:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, you do. Yo, I had a dream where I met Shaq, and then I told him that he was fat when he played on the Celtics. That was my dream. How much taller did your brain make him than you? like Were you like cock level? Were you belly button?
00:04:42
Speaker
I was like on par, but everybody was like kind of like the same height. So like dream me didn't didn't yeah i didn't change it. Yeah. um So we're here in 2025. You'll see what my thoughts are.
00:04:53
Speaker
ah But before that... Plug it in, it in. So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com.
00:05:09
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube and TikTok for when the clips start popping off again. Follow us on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail, 508-8-5-0-8-8-6-minute limit. eight fistta five eight eight dip tip six minute limit
00:05:26
Speaker
And then listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah. You want it? You want it? Available on the same page. Available right fucking now.
00:05:38
Speaker
Yeah, you got like one or two, right? Two? two At this point, two will be out, and hopefully we have a third one on the way. already fucking know. Yeah. It's in the description. Yeah.
00:05:49
Speaker
Check away. Check it all out. Check our fucking podcast. Two of them. We're two guys, two podcasts. yeah ah ah So yeah, we're here for a goddamn bonus episode.
Summer Theme and Missed Opportunities
00:06:05
Speaker
Our first episode of Pirates at this point already dropped. ah The first two have been fucking crazy, I would say We've recorded them. They all have to do with water. Right. You know, it's it's the summer of water. Yeah. You're in a one screen pod. Yeah. We completely ignored gay pride and we just did movies. We want to fuck bitches.
00:06:29
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know if I know any gay movies. i mean, we could have done cruising, but I guess that's like broke back mountain. That's true. That's like actual like they were like, Heath, what do you want to do before you die? He's like, fuck a dude and play the Joker.
00:06:46
Speaker
And he did. He succeeded. he so Yeah. Who's the other guy in that movie? Is it Jake Gyllenhaal? It is. Wow. Yeah. Hey, Jake Gyllenhaal, what do you want to do before you die?
00:06:57
Speaker
Well, I'm not dead, so a lot. Right. I want to be in the MCU. Yeah. And then, yeah. Right. And you were there. rat below i should I gotta start using this fucking ugh more.
00:07:10
Speaker
o Also, shout out to Danny Towers who just quit at my job. So, that's sad. Also, by the way, he his real last name is not Towers, so I'm not doxing anybody.
00:07:21
Speaker
That's fucked. Why would you lie? I mean, most people who come to this country from somewhere else don't give their... know what mean? Their name is not their name. I do. do, yeah.
00:07:34
Speaker
That's what I mean to say. Well, RIP Danny Towers, Tilted Towers. I would fuck your bitch.
00:07:46
Speaker
Okay. I'm pointing oh of danny tappers I was having technical difficulties. ah Jaws is a pre-9-11 movie.
00:07:57
Speaker
This movie is credited as the first ever summer blockbuster summer Cockbuster shout out to your video. Yeah, true.
00:08:08
Speaker
And shout out that only one Buster in Oregon still kicking.
00:08:15
Speaker
That's pretty sick. Yeah, I want to go there, but I'm never going to be on that side of the country. So people in Oregon are hippies. That's fair. They probably still have VHS. Like, you know, yeah, but long live physical media. So who are we to say?
00:08:28
Speaker
It's true.
Jaws: The Blockbuster and Shark Perception
00:08:30
Speaker
Uh,
00:08:33
Speaker
Yeah, like you this is the first the first summer blockbuster. This, I mean, this changed the game for summer blockbusters and for Sharks. I mean, it did for Sharks what Psycho did for Showers.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, Sharks probably got a bad rep after this. would say Sharks got some irreversible damage after this. Even the um so a writer of the novel, Peter Benchley, after it came out, and like when the novel came out, no one really, you know, whatever. No one reads, right?
00:09:09
Speaker
Right. Back then, yeah backde and probably everybody. Right. um But then when the movie came out, he was like, oh, fuck. So after he died, his wife did a lot of like ah oceanic preservation like fundraising and everything. so shout out to them.
00:09:26
Speaker
Shout out to them. Yeah. It's directed by a guy named Steven Spielberg. Maybe you've heard of him. Maybe you haven't. Maybe. don't know. This is only his third film ever.
00:09:38
Speaker
Third. What do you mean by that? Like when he released it? Yeah. Because let's say he has more than three films for sure.
00:09:48
Speaker
If you had to, if you, I mean, I'm putting you on the spot, what do you think your three favorite, favorite Spielies are? I know at least two of mine. We should say you haven't seen E.T. We should say that.
00:10:00
Speaker
No. It's Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. J jorastic park
00:10:09
Speaker
and ready player john ready player john
00:10:15
Speaker
yeah mine are feel like close encounters a little overrated but eight yo heavy bike over rated mine i would say are
00:10:27
Speaker
Yeah, Jurassic Park for sure.
00:10:31
Speaker
What we say? John Rassic Park? The rest of them are shit. i Like literal shit. I about that. Shit. I mean, she did Save Private Ryan. like thats yeah over It's a good movie, but it's a little overrated. So I gave John Rassic Park a four and a half star. ah so Also, it has Jeff Goldblum.
00:10:53
Speaker
Talk about Hitler. Schindler's list, am I right? Schindler's list is probably in my top three with Save Private John. that's probably Those are probably my top three. Yeah, I said it. John's is not in my top three.
00:11:08
Speaker
That's fine. And Indiana Jones, definitely not. Overrated as fuck. but I really got to watch E.T. I feel like that's one of the things I need to like see, you know?
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah, I agree with you on that. I feel like you should say that you've seen it. I own it. though He did produce... Didn't he produce... He's not... So he's not credited on here as a director of...
00:11:32
Speaker
ah Back to the Future. I don't understand that. But he's you do he's a producer. He's an executive i'm sorry an executive producer. He produced a lot of shit. Twister. Goonies.
00:11:46
Speaker
if If he had Back the Future, that'd be my number one, no doubt. No cap. Bro, he he was involved in, like, every fucking movie ever. but You know, if they're big.
Spielberg's Career and Impact
00:11:55
Speaker
Yeah, this man makes money.
00:11:57
Speaker
Gremlins, fucking all the Transformers. Like, what are we doing? Gremlins. Go check our episode on Gremlins. Yeah. It's a good episode. Yeah. You want it?
00:12:09
Speaker
Ugh.
00:12:11
Speaker
So that's Steven Spielberg. I'm putting an SH in there. I know it's not right, but it's fun to say. Spielberg. Oh, wow. Movie did come out in 1975, as we said. Here is your cuckucka cast.
00:12:24
Speaker
ah You got Roy Schneider, who plays Brody. I don't i think he's a not fucking it. Yeah, I'm fucking him. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Everyone wants fuck him, though.
00:12:38
Speaker
yeah hell yeah ain't fuck it wants to fuck him though Kind of, yeah. trying to fuck around find out with him like the whole movie. Yo, the book's fucking wild. i'm I'm glad Spielberg didn't do any of that shit because in the book, Cooper was fucking Brody's wife on the side.
00:12:53
Speaker
That's kind of fire, though. He should be doing that. That's pretty sick. That's pretty sick, though, isn't it? Yeah. I didn't do that. Oh, the shark's killing people? Nah, cheat on your husband. Let's go. Yeah, let's go. We got Robert Shaw, who plays Quint.
00:13:08
Speaker
I don't think he's a fuck in it either. For sure not. This guy looks like he'd be friends with Big Len Roethlisberger over there. He ain't fucking it. Calling him a rapist? No, your dad, Big Len.
00:13:20
Speaker
Oh, my dad. Yeah, i call len I call him Big Len Roethlisberger now. Oh, I thought you said Len. I'm dad rapist. Yeah, yeah a Big Len. All right, bet. We got Richard Dreyfuss who plays Hooper. can we just agree Hooper's the best character?
00:13:34
Speaker
thousand percent Hooper's the best character. Hooper's the best character. He is the best character, but ain't fucking him.
00:13:41
Speaker
Oh, we have thought? he's He's a slight, like, he's like nerdy fucking him, right? He's got a good personality, yeah. His personality, he likes fish, yeah and he's rich.
00:13:53
Speaker
He is rich. Yeah, he is rich. Yeah, you're right. He can drive a boat? Oh my god. I'm just gonna do the in the middle of not fucking it and doing doinging just to skip. are you Yeah, we'll just do that.
00:14:05
Speaker
Also, he's I mean, the picture on Letterboxd looks like a fucking piece. Looks like a White Panther. He aged well. He did age well. ah We have Lorraine Gray who plays Ellen Brody. I think this is an easy not fucking it.
00:14:18
Speaker
Yeah, no. He ain't fucking it. She's... He ain't fucking it. She's also in the worst Jaws movie. She's the main character, the worst one. Number four.
00:14:30
Speaker
And she's in Jaws 2. Yeah, because Brody comes back for Jaws 2. Hooper doesn't, which we'll never forgive them for. No. We got... legal oh We got ah Murray Hamilton, who plays Vaughn, who's the mayor. He's a not fucking it, too, I feel like.
00:14:49
Speaker
He's a not fucking it, and he's a you're a fucking asshole. Yeah, he's like... He ain't fucking it. Yeah. He's the real villain here, not the shark. The only other person that I think we should shout out is Suzanne Backlini, who plays Chrissy, the bitch in the beginning that gets eaten.
00:15:05
Speaker
She gets shes eight eat I mean, in this picture, obviously not, but like in the movie, I'd probably give it to her, right? Oh, yeah. She had like a no nip because, you know, it's PG, but like you had not saw me came back. He bought some paper towels.
00:15:21
Speaker
What brand? i I mean, I can't. I couldn't see. Damn. Yeah. I mean, it better be fucking bounty, right? Because he got that bounty on his head and he's the quicker picker upper, you know? Yeah, he's clean up your messes. He's one taken out. Call his homie up.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, Okay. Fair enough.
00:15:44
Speaker
yeah fuck him ah ah steven yeah wiberg is in the movie as a life station worker he's the voice okay fair enough ah if you're new to this podcast and you're like, I want to listen to a podcast about Jaws on the 4th of July like a fucking American, ah we do we do a scene by scene.
00:16:06
Speaker
So if you haven't seen the movie, maybe go watch it. If you somehow haven't seen it Yeah. Let me tell you this. and there i still i still have I still do have this feeling a little bit. I got like an hour 10 into the movie and it flew by. i mean, like it was like I was like, damn, it's already been an hour and 10 minutes.
00:16:26
Speaker
As soon as they get on the boat to go look for the shark, this movie comes to almost a screeching halt. Oh, really? like For me, like really what I didn't love on the first or second watch, this watch wasn't as bad, but you'll see as we do the scene by scene, there's less and less to say.
00:16:46
Speaker
There is, but the last 20 minutes is... banging yeah we're back by the last 20 but there's a middle portion that's kind of brutes we'll get into it i mean i have you know this is my favorite movie of all time but yeah right and i i mean just gonna start poking holes in it i hu like no i know i mean you see what that is right there and i can't see it because you're living in the dark fuck you it's a it's a shark calendar
00:17:19
Speaker
All right. And it's a great white this month. Wow, look at that. Yeah, and whites are great. Right.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah, according this movie, right? Play the fifth. ah Okay, so Jaws. john The film opens with the credits, and we're in, ah I'd assume this is the shark's POV.
Jaws Scene Breakdown: The Shark Attack
00:17:41
Speaker
Oh, for sure, yeah. For sure, it's a shark. We cut and see some kids hanging out on a on beach by a campfire. There's a good amount of them. We forgot to shout someone out. John Williams.
00:17:52
Speaker
John fucking Williams. Yeah, shout out to John Williams. It's fucking goat. I need a goat sound if I'm going to fucking say goat. yeah or something Yeah, I mean, we need that. We definitely... ah agree I mean, Star Wars, Harry Potter, fucking... You name it.
00:18:11
Speaker
He did it. John Williams did Harry Potter too? He did the first three. What a fucking legend, man. This guy has fucking bags. He's bagged out, this dude, right? Yeah, he is. If you ever wanted to get someone with someone rich, go with John Williams.
00:18:27
Speaker
He's probably fucking almost dead, but like... 1932, he is almost dead. You're right. Yeah, bro. What's that, like 90 or something? He's almost 100. He's still doing it?
00:18:39
Speaker
I don't think so, but he was definitely doing it in his 90s or his 80s because he he did shit for the... You see, you're a whore.
00:18:50
Speaker
okay Me? No, not you. The fucking... The goddamn letterbox being a whore. I was trying to give the goat his due diligence. I thought he did...
00:19:06
Speaker
Why did I think that he did Ready Player One?
00:19:10
Speaker
I mean, it would have made sense because Spielberg, but... He did Lincoln, which was in 2012. That's like a while ago. Okay, maybe retired. Maybe he's done. And that's... You know what? That's fine.
00:19:21
Speaker
Oh, he did Jurassic Park. World Dominion, which is 2022, but maybe they just remixed the shit he already made for Jurassic Park. Yeah, he probably just remixed the fucking da-da-da-da-da.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. He also did Star Wars Rise of Skywalker, which is a fucking ugh. That movie ugh. Oh, so is Jurassic World Dominion. I haven't seen it which why i didn't make any comment. 1917 came out in 2019. That's only five years ago.
00:19:49
Speaker
Six years ago. There's literally only one good Jurassic Park movie. I fucking said it. It's the first one. Yeah. Yeah. The only good Jaws movie. It's this one. It's this one. I've seen too many of them. You've seen more than me, but I've seen too many at this point. You you were you only like half watched three when you were like editing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:10
Speaker
yeah and e been yeah Even like the little times you looked up, I was like, hey, look at this 3D. And you're like, oh, Lord. Yeah, I gave it a half star.
00:20:21
Speaker
and Which, by the way, if you guys have listened to our episode on, yeah, you want it? I did watch ah Ginger Deadman. then I watched, spoiler alert for the next one, Ginger Deadman versus Evil Bong.
00:20:34
Speaker
They're both half star movies. That's what we want in life. I feel like, though, you would enjoy one of them because you sometimes indulge in the edibles. ah Yeah, maybe.
00:20:47
Speaker
on On occasion. Probably like once a month. Yeah, so if you happen, if if everything lines up and you take an edible and watch that movie, maybe you'll give it more than a half star.
00:21:00
Speaker
i don't I don't see how anybody would give it more than a half star. Yeah, also, man Gary Busey's only the first one, and then he doesn't... Yeah, bad. They couldn't pay him. But out to Full Moon.
00:21:11
Speaker
Yeah, for next. Shout out Puppet Master, the only good thing they ever made. All right. I think I watched Puppet Master 1 with you, didn't I? At some point? It's possible. Do yourself a favor.
00:21:22
Speaker
Yeah. Castle Freak. It's... ah It's Barbara Crampton and fucking... Barbara Crampton of Re-Animator fame? Yeah, and fucking Jeffrey Combs.
00:21:35
Speaker
Of Re-Animator fame. Re-Animator fame, yeah. Both of them. W. in it In a castle with a retarded guy. That's great. I will say... Quasimodo headass. Yeah.
00:21:45
Speaker
if We have the button now. <unk> hying yeah ah its Yeah, you can't do that eightyie anymore. Yeah, it's not okay. No, it's not okay, unfortunately. But the word war the word is is less bad, but the like that's not... Yeah, we can't be doing that. That's pretty fucked. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. There's so many people that come into work like that. like eorster Yeah, but they're so fucking strong, though. That's the problem.
00:22:08
Speaker
I'm like, don't look at me. I'm going to laugh at you. All right. So we're still at the first scene of this movie. we We're at the top.
00:22:19
Speaker
The title doesn't even come up. Yeah. So we have ah these two stoners are just like staring at each other. Actually kind of like just kind of just kind of like that happens sometimes, you know, you get a little too high and you're just staring out in middle nowhere.
00:22:35
Speaker
And they run off, and don't think we ever learned the guy's name, but the girl's name is Chrissy, and she wants to go swimming. And we do get some tit here, which is, I appreciate it. No nip, but tit.
00:22:47
Speaker
We get tit. You don't like, we've already discussed this, you don't like side tit. i don't get what your problem is. ah I don't know. don't know. You're hating on side tit for. i mean, it's fine, but, I mean, so this is one of those movies that it's- a movie, though. Huh?
00:23:02
Speaker
In a movie, I mean. like to get like not like Not in life, just in movies. Oh, in life, I want to see the whole thing. But also, shout out to Full Moon back on the Evil Bong thing. The opening of Evil Bong, or Ginger Deadman vs. Evil Bong, is three women tits out different ethnicities just like fanning Ginger Deadman on a beach.
00:23:22
Speaker
That's fire. Right. Like, fucking newt full nudity. Nice. Anyways, what were you saying? one of those movies, kind of like Beetlejuice, where you're like, how is this PG? Yeah.
00:23:34
Speaker
This is PG. Yeah, dude. Well, isn't it? Didn't we look this up that after Jaws came out, it was when they decided to make a PG-13? Yeah. We looked this up, didn't we? They're like, whoa, there's a cursing. There's like hell of gore. Like, what are we doing?
00:23:50
Speaker
uh so they want to go swimming and the dude is way too drunk and he kind of falls down never goes in the water and he's like go ahead he's like i can't walk but i could swim what yeah the fuck you mean dude yeah i don't know he's drunk i can't swim yeah genuinely i i'm i can swim i think why does i think i can swim ah So she goes out solo and she's calling for this dude to come to water.
00:24:18
Speaker
And then we're back in the shark POV. ah And we then see Chrissy get attacked by ah shark. um And we cut back to the dude who is just still laying on the shoreline.
00:24:32
Speaker
It's fucking gone, dude. He's out cold. And she she gets dragged around. She tries swim to this buoy, but that don't help her. Buoy ain't saving you, bitch. That ain't real. He ain't saving you. This ain't the fucking shallows. Fuck that movie.
00:24:45
Speaker
That movie is... Wow. I have a resentment for that movie. 100%. That movie's ass. Yeah, fuck that movie. Ass. Yeah. One more time.
00:24:57
Speaker
But who's the who's the main bitch that movie? She's a piece. Oh, it's... a That blonde hair. Blonde hair. ball hit I forgot her name. She's fighting Ryan Reynolds right now.
00:25:09
Speaker
She's in a simple favor, too. Yeah. ah People are screaming at the fucking thing right now. Yeah, they are blake ah Blake Lively. Yeah, Blake Lively. Fuck you. but She's a fucking piece.
00:25:22
Speaker
Do I got the 4K slipcover in a different language? The fuck is up. What did that say? Medio what? Move over more? Miedo profundo.
00:25:33
Speaker
Miedo's like scared, and then profundo, don't know. The scaredness.
00:25:39
Speaker
ah Uh... Anyways, she's a piece. So we cut to ah Martin Brody with his wife, and you hear over the the radio that the summer rush is coming into town.
00:25:55
Speaker
theres the new They nice beaches. Yeah. He's the new Amity police chief. He's from New York. Maybe he's a Poe Town boy. Who knows?
00:26:06
Speaker
He's from the city, they said. They're city boys. Yeah, we're close enough. Yeah. um We follow Brody. They have two kids. We follow Brody to work or in his car and he passes by They're in the 50th annual Regatta 4th of July celebration.
00:26:25
Speaker
Hell yeah. why god By the way, are you do you like going to the beach or you don't like going to the beach? I actually fucking hate going to the beach. I was go to ask you the same question.
00:26:36
Speaker
so As a kid, I was only at the beach like once or twice. you know When I was really young, we went down to Wildwood.
Economics vs. Safety: The Mayor's Dilemma
00:26:43
Speaker
um And then when I lived in Jersey, I'm not going say I was forced, but like I was kind of forced there like three times per summer.
00:26:54
Speaker
And like, it's okay. It's fucking hot. I don't like heat. I sweat a lot. I'm fat. I can't be shirtless. You be sweating in the wintertime?
00:27:05
Speaker
I do. So does Jake. Shout out to Jake. The only good thing, I can't say that. Say it, I'll cut it. The only good thing about going to the beach...
00:27:22
Speaker
hu oh Yeah, you want it? I fucking hate the beach. I personally... ah sand just gets in every crevice. It's fucking yeah gross. don't like it. And then like if you bring chairs, like it gets in your fucking car. Oh my God, bro. hate I hate all that. I hate the whole thing. I'd rather just be in my air condition department.
00:27:43
Speaker
Like if you want to like walk the boardwalk bet, that's it. I'm not going on the beach though. I'll go in the pool. Love a pool. Yeah. You got a pool? Like what's up? somelorine Yeah. yeah I'll fucking drink it.
00:27:55
Speaker
I have a pool, but it's fucking below 70 today. So I'm not going in the pool today. Yeah. ah Also, I was just kind of thinking you want it. i was also kind of thinking, what do you like?
00:28:07
Speaker
What do you do? but like So you go in the ocean, right? And then like you're just in there? Or like you go in a pool and you're in there? and then like What are we supposed to be doing in there? like all So in the ocean, we would like jump at the waves?
00:28:22
Speaker
that's and That's enjoyable, yeah. Right? Right. It's enjoyable until it fucking sweeps you away and then you skid your knee across all the shells on the bottom and you cut yourself. Yeah, and then you think a fish is sucking on your toe, it's just seaweed.
00:28:36
Speaker
Or, yeah, or, like, crabs. Yo, there was a horse. There was, like, mad horseshoe crabs one time. I mean, they're cool, though, but they're, like, spiky, so you're stepping on them. You have actual crabs and your pubes? Not cool.
00:28:48
Speaker
No. No.
00:28:51
Speaker
So, anyways. ah Fuck the beach. Long story short. Brody talks to that dude who abandoned his girlfriend the night before about what happened. We find out here that Brody's from New York.
00:29:03
Speaker
and This cop or officer blows his blows his whistle. He looks real distraught. And they find... ah i mean, we see a hand, but there is a whole body with it of of k Chrissy.
00:29:18
Speaker
Which I have a problem with when they do... When Hooper does like his little autopsy, but we'll get there. Okay. ah We cut and it looks like they're in a house, but I guess it's like the police station. It looks like a goddamn house.
00:29:30
Speaker
It's like a hut, like on the beach. um And I guess Brody's like receptionist or clerk comes in. I wrote blah, blah, blah, because who fucking cares?
00:29:41
Speaker
And he gets a call from like the medical examiner guy. and I guess what they were trying to say here was the guy's telling him telling Brody over the phone that it was a shark attack. Right, because he's doing the... ah What do you call that thing? Death certificate? report Yeah.
00:29:56
Speaker
And it says, like, cause of death. certificate Oh, I'm pretty sure. It says, like, cause of death, and he types... Yo, typewriter. Shout out them. He types... ah Shark attack.
00:30:09
Speaker
um So he hangs up with the medical dude, and he asks for the... Like, the closed beach signs and they've never needed them before. so they don't have any. So we follow Brody to the...
00:30:21
Speaker
general store is what I wrote down. And he buys some i buy some paint. not some shit Paint! And as he's leaving, an officer pulls up and says that there's some Boy Scouts doing their swimming merit badge out in the water.
00:30:38
Speaker
That's some fucking... Did you? know i know it's not No, Why are they swimming? Is that part of it? Yeah.
00:30:49
Speaker
Is it really? So this is going to make me sound like such a fucking but it's fine. No, like, because when I go ahead, because like when I think Boy Scouts, I think like the woods, like that shit's cool.
00:31:02
Speaker
But like, yeah, but means when youre buy sometimes you're by water. So did you have to do all the not shit tying knots?
00:31:11
Speaker
There's like the general stereotype that like Boy Scouts, you just learn how to tie knots and that's it. When I think there's like more than just tying knots. but It's like survival, like in the woods, right? You do that. That's part of it. There's a whole merit badge just for like wilderness survival. There's that part of it too.
00:31:26
Speaker
I mean, I was at your fucking, i was at your jaw, and so, like, I respect it, but... So, to get Eagle Scout is, like, the top one, that's what Gerald's referring to, but to get that, you have to take, you have to complete, I think it's two out of three, or or one out of three, and it's, like, you have to get, like, either...
00:31:43
Speaker
Hiking, biking, or dyking. Just dogging fucking lesbians. I'm kidding. Yo, that's what's up, bro. No, it was it was hiking, biking, or swimming. ah And I was not i was not fucking with swimming at all.
00:31:58
Speaker
I did not like to swim. I didn't like going in a lake. I didn't like going in the dirty water. Yo, lake, there might be like parasites or some shit in there. Do you know... Yeah?
00:32:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, like that's like that, like really like we went there as kids and it really grossed me. but Like I just was like never into like going swimming anywhere besides like a fucking chlorine pool.
00:32:20
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Even though that those are probably dirty, too. But ah I cleaner. It smells cleaner at least. it smells that's all That's all I care. Indoor pool smell is fucking... hey yo I might get hard right now.
00:32:34
Speaker
yeah Low key, right? yeah I love an indoor pool smell. oh yeah like I'm cool if i can see like if it's clear and I can see the bottom. you know like that's an I'll swim in that.
00:32:45
Speaker
I will say, like, because I've had the... i' been fortunate enough travel abroad. There are some places where, like, you're at a beach. And it's like, okay, I have to go in this water because it's just like... I'm in fucking wherever. You know what I mean? Oh, like the Bahamas or something like that? Where it's, like, crystal clear?
00:33:01
Speaker
ah Yeah. Like, just like, all right, I have to do this. I don't have choice. Yeah. Like, this is... yeah Go like fucking snorkel or something. But ah Boy Scouts doing swimming, yeah, not for me. Also, this was like the fucking 70s, so they're like wearing like Speedos. Like everybody just wore like underwear into the water.
00:33:19
Speaker
It's a little gay. Yeah, it's just not for me. Yeah. ah Anyways. mean, it is pride monger, so shout out gays, but. yeah shot Yeah, if you're gay, we don't care.
00:33:30
Speaker
But also, this is just a little gay. um And there's nothing wrong with that, just a little gay. so Yeah, so Boy Scouts will be a different story for a different day. ah
00:33:42
Speaker
So Brody instructs his officers to start painting those signs, and he goes to see the to go get these Boy Scouts out of the water. And he goes on a thing that's like for cars to bring cars across water. It's like a ferry, but it's like for one car only. Yeah. What the fuck is that about?
00:33:59
Speaker
So he gets on it. And as it's about to leave, a car pulls onto it and it's the mayor and crew. um And he's like, you can't just close the beach down. It's like, it's your first summer. And he's like, what's that supposed to mean?
00:34:12
Speaker
So um it's my authority. You're stepping of my toes here, bro. Yeah. I'm fucking chief. Yeah. for you i'm I'm fucking big dog. Right. And basically, Amity's summertime and the mayor needs his summer dollars. He needs people in, people out.
00:34:29
Speaker
They mention it a lot. It's it's essentially like Cape Cod. Right. And they suspect that it was a boating accident. And Brody even tells the medical inspector, like, you told me was a shark attack. And he's like, no, I don't think so anymore. He's like, yeah, I made a mistake.
00:34:45
Speaker
Yeah. so the mayor is probably paying him off on the back end. That's what I have. i was like corner definitely on the payroll.
00:34:53
Speaker
We cut to the beach where everyone's there and having a good time and Brody's like just like thousand miles there not really paying like not. relaxing um And he thinks he sees a shark, but it's an old dude with a swimming cap on.
00:35:10
Speaker
um And this dude walks over just complaining about like his garbage or something. um And we hear a woman screaming the background, but she's getting picked up like from underneath. Yeah, he's about to like twist her around and start out to eat in her fucking pussy while he's she's on a on his yo shoulder. That's a dream. You want to hear a wild story? Like, this is wild.
00:35:30
Speaker
Yeah, fuck it. I came... one time in a like in an ocean. What? Yeah, dude. You jerked in an ocean? didn't jerk it. I came. I didn't say I jerked. I said I came.
00:35:44
Speaker
Like.
00:35:46
Speaker
i was dating a girl who will not be named protect the innocent. Okay. ah And she she jerked you. we were we were out in the we were out in the water. Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:57
Speaker
And there was some movement under the water and it ended up with me. I fucking splooge underwater, dude. Okay, I mean, that's one way to clean it up, right? Yeah, I was concerned that when I was splooging that maybe that fucking dirty ocean water got in my dick hole and I a rough shit. That was my fear back then.
00:36:15
Speaker
Dirty salt water in the fucking peener hole? That would be some rough shit, bro. ah Yeah. If my cousin's listening, i have to call her and say, just don't listen around 35 minutes because you're not going want hear that.
00:36:30
Speaker
That's like, because they're always like, yo, pee in the ocean because like it's all far walk to the bathrooms and shit. sure I get nervous. I just don't want like osmosis in my dick hole or something.
00:36:43
Speaker
Osmosis. I know that's not right. I'm just saying to be right funny. ah Anyways, so... And his wife's kind of like trying to like relax on my stroke, like giving him him a nice massage. Yeah. i mean, she asked him later in the film if he wants to fool around, get drunk and fool around, which I'm kidding. I wrote all stroke. You're great. White.
00:37:03
Speaker
yeah mean Yeah. I mean, my white isn't great. My wife's pretty tiny. Okay, we got a tiny white out here. Yeah, we got like a baby great white. It's like a baby. one rome Yeah, it's straight out the fucking they give live birth.
00:37:17
Speaker
That's nasty. But the problem is even when it grows, it still looks like a baby. you know what i mean? ah You got that minor cock on you. I do. Hey, what the fuck? You can't have sex with you. That shit's small. No, bro. That's all i'm trying to say.
00:37:34
Speaker
um there's some kids splashing the water. we see We see a guy who lost his dog, Tripit. What a fucking stupid name for dog. You got the fucking dog's name, bro? That's crazy.
00:37:44
Speaker
i Subtitles. That's true, yeah. i don't watch those. And then we literally see a kid get eaten by a shark. I always forget this happens in this movie. Straight up. It's like, God damn, he ate this fucking kid.
00:37:57
Speaker
there's like it's kind of It's like a geyser of like blood. like Yeah, it's a lot. yeah The kid's name is Alex. and we see Everyone gets out of the water. We see his raft float to shore all torn up And his mom's like, where's Alex?
00:38:12
Speaker
I got some bad fucking news for you, lady. That lady had some good acting, I will say. She did, yeah. We cut to like, i don't know, Town Hall or something. It's like complete fucking chaos in there.
00:38:22
Speaker
Staff meeting. We see that there's a ah bounty on the shark's head now. 3K? That's a little low, don't you think? Well, for 1975, 3K is a lot of money,
00:38:36
Speaker
maybe
00:38:39
Speaker
Yeah, but to kill a shark, I guess they didn't know it great white at this time, but... in 1975 is equivalent 20 grand today.
00:38:47
Speaker
All right, that's better. That's pretty good. Yeah, is. I mean, to kill the shark, like, before you knew what it was, twenty k just, like, we don't know exactly what shark it is, that's pretty good. Yeah, it could be a little little boy.
00:38:58
Speaker
Yeah. Also, I mean, i'm like, we could kill a little boy. doesn't take that much work, right? Just fucking push him over. Yeah. Bomp his head. Just so easy. Fucking ball head.
00:39:09
Speaker
All right. Ball yo, we go in the st. Jude or something like they got a ball ah Yeah, no, we're not killing cancer patients, but that's fucked I donate st. Jude I promise um So try to push this news but the shark attack to the back of the paper They have like a meeting and Brody tries to talk about his plan of action when he gets interrupted and direct question. Are you going to close the beaches or not? And it's by this lady who owns a motel.
00:39:42
Speaker
um And he says yes. And then ah the crowd like is gets in an uproar. So the mayor steps in. It was yeah just for 24 hours, which is not what he agreed to.
00:39:54
Speaker
Also, what's that going to do for 24 hours? Yeah, like 24 hours. You think like the shark's going to go away? no So it's all chaos, and this dude, Quint, decides to scratch his nails on a chalkboard, literally, ah to get their attention.
00:40:10
Speaker
And he says he'll catch the shark for $3,000, but it'll kill him for $10,000. And he only wants to do it by himself. Bring the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
00:40:24
Speaker
they're like, thanks, weirdo. Get the fuck out of here. We'll think about it. Uh, we see quickly police putting up close signs on the beach. We cut to Brody who's reading about sharks when his wife walks in and tells him to relax and like fucking jump scares him.
00:40:41
Speaker
She asked him like, you want to get drunk a fool around? Fuck around and find out. Hell yeah. But then the kids are right outside. what are you going to do? Yeah, she tells Brody that Mikey is enjoying his gift.
00:40:53
Speaker
ah The gift that keeps on giving. You want it? Okay. What's the gift that keeps on giving? I don't know. it just Head? Yeah.
00:41:05
Speaker
ah Sure. Yeah? I'll keep sucking after I bust? Because then you're going to start doing that little like twitch thing where it's like, oh, oh, oh, that's too much, that's too much. you know what mean? Yeah, your cheeks are going to fucking swap like a chipmunk.
00:41:19
Speaker
Which cheeks? With cum. Oh, I thought you were talking about ass cheeks. The girl or guy who's sucking your dick. Happy Pride Month. Yeah. Yeah. You think guys are more inclined to just swallow cum than girls are?
00:41:34
Speaker
That's a good question, huh? I feel like guys a little bit rougher on the edges.
00:41:40
Speaker
feel like guys like, don't give fuck. Right? Yeah. mean, they're like... Or they're like, they don't give a fuck to the where they're like, going fuck you in the ass. That is rough.
00:41:51
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, there has to be. There's too many people on this planet where they're doing butt stuff and sucking dick afterward. That's probably a thing. Well, yeah, probably in like order of operations. Male, female.
00:42:03
Speaker
You know, like in a normal fucking. Would you ever get pegged? No. And I know I said pegged in that one episode. Don't peck me, please. i No, not even if it's like your soulmate, like love your life type shit. And she's like, I really want to get I really want to peg you.
00:42:21
Speaker
I bet. Good. um' I'm probably in the same boat. you said are you like When you say it's my soulmate, so she's like a 10? She's a 10, but she wants to peg you.
00:42:31
Speaker
I think that's still a no. Huh. Oh, there's two dogs outside and they saw a squirrel and they just fucking yeeted the owner. She has like both of them. And they just fucking yeeted her.
00:42:43
Speaker
ah No, i I don't think I want to get my booty hole touched. I don't think I want my my booty hole fingered or licked or even just, I don't want anybody's hands near my booboo besides my own. And a doctor's like to like clean me out. oh that's my thing. Like I know it's bad back there, right? Like you don't, you don't want to see that.
00:43:01
Speaker
Yeah, also, that's just embarrassing. I gotta lay my side. You just, like, finger my ass the camera. Like, it's definitely, like, stained brown, you know? Like, don't go near that. And also, part of it, too, is, like, we also might like it. So we're just like, don't do it in case I like it.
00:43:16
Speaker
Yeah, what if i what if I find out that I'm gay? i mean, that would be a crazy, crazy thing. Or bi. would probably be bi, because I know I like women. Yeah, I mean, at this point, yeah. Like, we like... I'm sure that I like women. I know that.
00:43:30
Speaker
But if a dude pegged me, I mean, what if that dick or... Oh, here's my thing. So if you get pegged, it's a dildo. It's a strap-on. It's not a meat missile. Yeah, I think I literally asked his last recording. I'm pretty sure.
00:43:43
Speaker
It's like plastic. Yeah. Maybe. Or it could be realistic with the veins and everything, you know? Yeah. i don't See, I don't think I need any of that. Like Deadpool 1.
00:43:56
Speaker
Yes, like Deadpool 1. Sorry, it took me minute to think about it. aside It's a random pull. Mikey's gift was a boat. And they're just sitting in this boat on the dock. It's like lashed to the dock.
Swimming Merit Badges and Personal Stories
00:44:09
Speaker
Lashed?
00:44:10
Speaker
Yeah, like lashing. Learned that in Boy Scouts, too. Lashing. Okay. i I guess I never knew the proper term of, like, to leash something. Yeah, it's a lash.
00:44:22
Speaker
So like you can like like make like a tripod with like three pieces of wood like this and like tie it together is called a lashing. There's all different types of lashing. Didn't they give lashings to like?
00:44:33
Speaker
Probably. The blacks.
00:44:38
Speaker
You know, like I'm giving you a good lashing like with the whip, right? It's called a lash. An act or instance of whipping. Or a cord used to fasten something securely. ah you go.
00:44:49
Speaker
So it's not a leash, it's a lash? It's lash, yes. ah least like A is what dogs use. Okay. ah So you have the collar is what you put on the dog's neck, and a leash is like what you use to like walk it.
00:45:03
Speaker
Yeah, okay, so it's the same general concept.
00:45:09
Speaker
No. Well, you're lashing your boat to the dock, right? It's got a string holding it. No, I don't think what...
00:45:19
Speaker
I think they're just tying it to the dock, not lashing it. Lashing is, I guess, well, by this definition, is a lashing.
00:45:26
Speaker
A cord used to fasten something securely. So it's like... You're securely fastening your boat to the dock. yeah Okay, but ah a collar for a dog is not like, you're not fastening anything. You're just like clipping a fucking little drawn onto it.
00:45:47
Speaker
No, I mean, you're not tying something onto it. Yeah, don't fucking strangle your dog. yeah What?
00:45:55
Speaker
Don't tie the dar noose around your dog's neck and walk it like that or ass bad. Yeah, don't do that. So Brody freaks the fuck out and then Ellen looks at the book that Brody was looking at and then also tells him, like, get the fuck out of the boat.
00:46:11
Speaker
ah We cut two fishermen on some dock at night they're trying to use someone's wife's holiday roast as bait. This does not look like a... i don't... i't Bait, master baiter.
00:46:23
Speaker
So... yeah I don't know much about food, right? This roast looked nasty. Yeah, mean they're giving it to a fucking shark. Shit look like, yeah but she's like, he's like, it's my wife's holiday roast. Like, that shit look like it's like been freezer burnt. Like, been in there for a minute.
00:46:46
Speaker
ah They fucking yeet this shit out into the water. ah And the shark takes the bait and he starts pulling it. And then he pulls the fucking dock with it.
00:46:58
Speaker
So I think he takes this guy Charlie with him. So Charlie's like on the fucking dock getting pulled out to sea. ah And he's able to get off the the raft. It's like now like a He's got to swim because the fucking shark's coming after him.
00:47:13
Speaker
Right, we see the raft start getting pulled back in the direction of the dock. ah Swim, Charlie. Swim. He's able to get out of water in time. And we cut to the harbor where it's kind of chaotic. Everyone's trying to go out in their boats to get to find this fucking shark.
00:47:31
Speaker
um Brody's being told about... That's what I just told you, about the fucking guys trying to catch the shark off the dock. When ah Matt Hooper arrives to the scene...
00:47:43
Speaker
And he's trying to get Brody's attention, but Brody's busy trying to get people to not go out in their boats. Yet these little like hexagon glasses.
00:47:55
Speaker
Kind of cute. Kind of kit i Shout gay pride. We cut to Brody, who is in the office. He's trying to call to get roadblocks put out on the road so no more people enter their town.
00:48:10
Speaker
um And he tells an officer in the little station to go outside and talk to the people. and try to get them to not go out in the in the boats. Cause he thinks they're not listening to him because he's the new guy in town and officers like been here. It's like, nah, these are fucking people from Connecticut, Rhode Island. They're from everywhere. They're not from around here.
00:48:28
Speaker
they just want the money. Hooper finally gets Brody's attention and he introduced himself and obviously Brody relieved to meet him. and he's like, I want to see the girl's remains. want to see her.
00:48:42
Speaker
Beat my shit.
00:48:46
Speaker
She's got a lacerated liver. I'm trying to fuck it. That's disgusting. You started it. I'm going to slide my dick into that lacerated liver.
00:48:57
Speaker
It's going to be up. yeah You started it, all right? i don't Don't be fucking saying it to me. You fucking started over there, cunt juice. I don't want to hear it. I'm not talking about fucking some dead person's liver that has a little slit in it.
00:49:10
Speaker
Well, we have talked about fucking dead people on Poughkeepsie Tapes. Check out our episode on that. true. And I shut down fucking people in Black Christmas. You what? I shut it down. He ain't fucking it.
00:49:23
Speaker
Right. Yes, you shut it down. Yeah. And we ain't fucking it. No, i'm not fucking a corpse. He ain't fucking it. All right. Shout out a little piece of heaven, though. Yeah.
00:49:33
Speaker
Yes. We cut to a group of fishermen. We see them all chumming to try to get this shark. We got back to Hooper and Brody who are ah with the medical inspector looking at this dead body. We never see it.
00:49:48
Speaker
but Slow down, baby. You're going to make me chum. I'm going to make you cum but like he he Here's my beef, right? You only see the arm. like He picks up the arm, right? But it's in like this little bucket, right?
00:50:02
Speaker
Just a little bucket. And he's like naming like the torso is supposed to be in there. like Everything's in there. I'm like... I don't know about that. Yeah, what of that, Mr. Spielberg? What are you doing?
00:50:14
Speaker
Uh, we hear him. He has like a little fucking head sound like he's doing a Ted talk and, uh, he's dictating some notes and, uh, he asked Brody if he's notified the coast guard.
00:50:27
Speaker
Um, then he asked him not to smoke in the room and he caught, he says the attacker is a large squalus, which is what called myself in high school. a Large squalus.
00:50:37
Speaker
Yeah. And it's bigger than any other he's ever seen. ah
00:50:45
Speaker
We cut to some fishermen who have caught a shark. And Brody's relieved. ah They want to spread the word. They want it to group picture. But Hooper is blocking the picture because he's trying to measure the mouth of the shark they caught.
00:51:00
Speaker
Can measure your mouth? you know enough no for No for reasons. Just you know curiosity. I had a jaw and draw i had a ah drawn a liner ah when I was in high school. You remember that, right? The metal bars in back my mouth?
00:51:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, because your jaw was jacked. Yeah, I must be fucking sucking some mean cock and fuck my jaw. was going to yeah, I mean, I remember you jacked me with your jaw. Yeah, right. Yeah.
00:51:25
Speaker
We were kids. Didn't know any better. It was legal. Yeah. It's my life. Fuck you. ah Basement, sitting on that L couch. I had an L couch my basement?
00:51:38
Speaker
I did. Wow. Yeah, you did. Like, yeah, you won it. Like a long time ago. It was like beige, right? Yeah, it was. Yeah, was. Show all the stains, baby.
00:51:49
Speaker
Yeah, I fell asleep on that couch watching Pulp Fiction one time. was the first time I watched Fiction. We watched Don John on that couch. Got a of things on that couch. Had my first kiss on that couch.
00:52:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah? Yeah. You want it? All right.
00:52:06
Speaker
um I just want to say the music to that intro is a fucking banger. I have that in my head like kind of consistently. Yeah, you want it just makes you want to like the yeah, you want it music just makes you want to like look someone down.
00:52:21
Speaker
Is that leading back? ah I mean, yes, it's a vibe for sure.
00:52:29
Speaker
ah So Hooper's blocking the the photo and he's measuring the bite radius, which just isn't quite correct. He just wants to see what that mouth do, you know, exactly. Yeah.
00:52:41
Speaker
um And he's like, it's possible this isn't the right shark. And he tries to talk to Brody about it, but Brody don't really want to hear it. He's like, only way to confirm is to cut the shark open and see what's inside of it.
00:52:52
Speaker
ah When the mayor steps in, he's like, we're not cutting the shark open right here in front of all these people, which I don't think is what Hooper was trying to say. Right. ah Because he's like, this little boy is not gonna come flying out of this fucking shark right now for all these people, which obviously we're not going to fucking do that, mayor.
00:53:09
Speaker
We're going to do it in the privacy of Brody's house.
00:53:15
Speaker
There's no way the shark was in Brody's house, was it? it wasn't. No. Okay. ah Next part, the mother of the dead little boy shows up and she kind of rips Brody new asshole. Makes him feel real bad.
00:53:28
Speaker
And she fucking slaps the shit out of him. Yeah. um So she gives it to him, walks away. Mayor says that she was wrong and Brody's like, no, she's actually right. Uh, we cut to dinner at Brody's house and, uh, he's again, not really there.
00:53:45
Speaker
ah him and his son do a weird thing. And then he asked his son for a kiss and sends him off when Hooper shows up with some wine. ah and he tells his story about how his boat got attacked when he was a kid by a shark.
00:53:58
Speaker
And then he wanted to like study sharks, which I feel like I'd be like, fuck sharks, fuck boats, fuck the ocean. I mean, you know possibly, but maybe he's like, why did you do this, Shark?
00:54:11
Speaker
Right. You are statistically more likely to get struck by lightning than get attacked by a shark. What are the stats on you fucking me? One to one.
00:54:24
Speaker
There we go. ah He tells Brody that he's going to go to the Institute tomorrow and tell him they still have a shark issue. um and that they caught a shark, but not the shark. I was going to pull the, well, the real Slim Shady, please stand up, but I don't have space.
00:54:38
Speaker
Hey, it's okay. The shark that they caught is a tiger shark. Right. They out here eat into humans, though. um We also find out that Hooper is going on this thing called the Aurora, which is a floating research vessel for 18 months to study sharks.
00:54:57
Speaker
Shout out Sleeping Beauty. i don't get the I don't get the link. Her name's Aurora. Oh, her actual name is Aurora? Yeah, Sleeping Beauty's name is Aurora.
00:55:08
Speaker
That's cool. Alright. Hey, man. You have the Aurora Borealis's. Aurora Boreali? I don't know.
00:55:20
Speaker
The Northern Lights. Brody suggests having ah one more drink and going to cut that shark open. So we see them cut the shark open and they fucking like milk comes out of this fucking thing.
00:55:32
Speaker
yeah White fucking liquid. fucking And it's a mother. I think it's a woman. So it's not shark jizz. ah And they find some fish in there, a can, a license plate from Louisiana.
00:55:46
Speaker
And there's ah there's no little boy. ah So we find out that it's probably a rogue shark who it just wants food and ah territoriality, which is a theory. It's not even proven yet.
00:56:03
Speaker
Yeah, but it's okay because Hooper's into sharks. Right. He sharks. Like, fucking them. You know, he's into them. They have to close the beach, and that night, they're like, we're going out in a boat to go find this fucking shark.
00:56:14
Speaker
And Brody's fucking sloshed. He's sloshed. He should just, like, be sitting down, not on a boat. It sounds like he took this job because it sounds like it's going to be a walk in the park because there hasn't been any crime 25
00:56:30
Speaker
So he probably saw the opening was like, bet. I got nothing to do. Technically, this isn't a crime, right? You can't charge the shark. No, but he says in the boat, there hasn't been crime over 25 years. He wasn't anticipating a shark problem. So he's probably think would'd be a pretty easy job.
00:56:45
Speaker
That's what I'm saying. Yeah. ah And there's both. They're on a super high tech, got some cameras and fucking radars and shit on it. And Hopper bought all of it.
00:56:56
Speaker
He's rich. Uh, he's got a fish finder radar that, uh, tracks a school of mackerel and then says there's someone else out there and they find Ben Gardner's boat.
00:57:08
Speaker
i don't know Ben Gardner is, but he's probably fucking piece of shit. Why? i don't know. I don't know who he is. also fish finder. Is that like an anti nasty pussy detector?
00:57:21
Speaker
like oh oh Yeah, stay away from that one. Yeah. Ginny Weasley would definitely fucking cause that radio to go off. Oh my god, yeah, dude. It's like a thousand dead tuna up in there. ain' Yeah, and especially, fuck dude, imagine all the fucking Brits with those fucking nasty ass teeth they got trying to eat her pussy. That shit's gross.
00:57:41
Speaker
ah They find Ben Gardner's boat, and Hooper's like, I'm going to go inspect the hull. And we see a shark bite in the boat, and he dives under and finds a shark tooth, but there's a yeah jump scare here of a dead Ben Gardner.
00:57:57
Speaker
Just so you know, that's probably the first jump scare that like traumatized me as a kid. I would look away every time... hooper would go under the water i'm like i know what's happening that head popping out it made me jump today i'll be honest yeah yeah first two jump scares yeah yeah first two jump scares that ever got me was that one and then uh when the fuck's her name doesn't matter silence of the lambs when she finds the head in the storage unit oh yeah yeah i saw i watched both those movies way too young
00:58:33
Speaker
The first jump I remember is I went on a Tinder date to see the conjuring at cut this.
00:58:41
Speaker
Hmm. I mean, yeah, I guess the audio is like in you, you know what i mean? Yeah. Inside my asshole. I put the speaker out my ass. but Yeah. Yeah, you did. Yeah. You want it. Uh,
00:58:54
Speaker
So, there's because the jump, guy he drops the tooth and swims back up to the boat. And we cut to Hooper and Brody telling the mayor it's a great white officer to deal with. And he ever going to stop. He's going keep eating these fucking kids, bro.
00:59:06
Speaker
ah Hooper explains the shark is attracted to the splashing that people do in the water. And they found a tooth, but they dropped it. So, the mayor's like, oh, you don't have the tooth? I don't fucking believe you.
00:59:17
Speaker
Alright, too bad. Yeah, like, you know, the word of the chief of police means nothing to you, apparently. We see on the sign, the Amity sign, that someone drew a shark fin, and Hooper points out that it's like the...
00:59:32
Speaker
It's accurate. um And the mayor just refused to listen. And Hooper's about to be out. But he tries one more time. And the mayor gives some smart-ass remark about like, he's like, oh, you want to be on the cover of National Geographic, don't you?
00:59:46
Speaker
That's why you're doing all this, just to get like fame. And Hooper just kind of laughs out of like sheer like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know. It's my job? Like, what?
00:59:58
Speaker
And he says the beaches will be open. The mayor does. ah We cut the next day and the beaches are fucking open. um And we see Brody radioing to the boats out in the water.
01:00:10
Speaker
We got two. We got a redhead. We got two redheads. We got two redheads. They're probably siblings. They look a little incestual, from being honest. Underage? No. yeah They hot?
01:00:22
Speaker
No. Oh, so they're looking for a shark on the water. We see a news reporter talking about the recent shark attacks and everyone's at the beach, but no one's in the water. So the mayor walked up to this couple he knows, Larry and his wife.
01:00:36
Speaker
He's like, why are guys in the water? Get in the water. um yeah Demanding. So they get in like kind of against their will and the rest of the crowd follows suit.
01:00:47
Speaker
ah Brody asks Mike, who's his son, Mikey, to bring his boat to the pond it's instead of the ocean. um Because he Mike delivers meat on his boat.
01:01:01
Speaker
His boat. His bike. He's upgraded. Right.
01:01:14
Speaker
um So he Brody then sees Ellen and she's like, she mos me stick I have Sean who is currently running off with Michael. She does not have Sean. Watch your fucking kids, lady.
01:01:26
Speaker
Jesus. We cut to the mayor telling the news that they caught a shark. um After that, people see a shark fin the water and everyone rushes out of the water. This is pretty fucking brutal. I mean, adults are like pushing kids for their own safety.
01:01:39
Speaker
I mean, a warner wouldn't you?
01:01:43
Speaker
I mean, i say I'd like to be funny, but I probably wouldn't like push a kid over in like deeper water to get out out of the light to get out. No, I don't think I would. I probably grab one low key.
01:01:55
Speaker
Just see a kid, just fucking grab him. What do you grab him? Hey, yo, pause. That's out of context.
Beach Panic: Fake Shark and Real Danger
01:02:00
Speaker
Like, you know. No, I don't know. Pick them up. was asking for clarification. Try and help him?
01:02:05
Speaker
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I would try to help him. Yeah, I wouldn't. I mean, to be funny. Yeah, fuck them kids. I'd probably throw him at the shark. It's kind of like the active shooter thing, you know? Like, yeah they try and save people, but. kids are meat shield.
01:02:18
Speaker
Yeah, I get it. yeah Well, no, like, try and save people, but don't let them slow you down, you know? Like. Yo, why do people still wear striped shirts?
01:02:28
Speaker
I don't get that. Horizontal or vertical? Horizontal. Oh. Actually, vertical's worse, I feel. i don't think either are good.
01:02:39
Speaker
What do I know? Anyways, check out our episode on the Devil Wears product for more fashion tips. Yeah. Fashion tips. T-shirt and fucking pants.
01:02:50
Speaker
There you go. yeah Spaghetti straps and cookie munch. That got cut. Shouldn't have been. It had to be, though. and no No, it should have gotten cut 100%.
01:03:01
Speaker
ah that will not be That will not be on Patreon. If you know, you know. And the only two us the two of us.
01:03:10
Speaker
We see an elderly lady literally get fucking trampled, like trying to out of the water. um And it turns out the fin was just a man-made fin from two kids as a prank. And when they come out of the water, there's like people with guns at the ready.
01:03:23
Speaker
One at the ready. um miss Harry Potter, dude. ah Yeah, bro. Maybe we should. Never mind.
01:03:32
Speaker
Oh, the but next three? Yeah. du Dude. Okay. i Pause. We know what's going to happen when we review movies we don't want to review. They're not but i recordings.
01:03:44
Speaker
I've only seen half of the first one because i turned it off. but i've seen But I've seen all the first one. Oh, okay. right Dude, the Buckbeak, it's not Buckbeak, but what? A Hippogriff?
01:03:58
Speaker
It looks worse than it did in fucking three. Yeah, that is kind of crazy, huh? Yeah, wild. We hear a lady screaming the shark is in the pond, where which is where Mikey is. And this is very sus. Call Chris Hansen. There's like four kids on a boat in the pond. and there's just Yo, and this dude just fucking pulls up on him. Are you guys okay?
01:04:20
Speaker
You guys good? You guys want to see some real fucking meat? Yeah, you want to see my great white? what I'm saying? um The shark attacks this guy because the shark does not like pedophiles.
01:04:34
Speaker
Good. She's not the shark. i don't fuck with I don't fuck with this scene all the way because he flips the pedophile's boat over, but for some reason the kids fall off their boat.
01:04:45
Speaker
um Yeah, maybe it got maybe they got scared. i Like they're just moving around in the boat. I know it's 1975, but it don't look good. but i don't look good ah So we see a leg. This guy gets eaten. Pedophile gets eaten. His leg floats the bottom of the ocean.
01:05:02
Speaker
ah The kids make it to shore. just like There's a big just a cut. And then the kids are just at the shore. And they're dragging Mikey who drowned or he was in shock and passed out. or I don't know that's what happened.
Hiring Quint to Hunt the Shark
01:05:14
Speaker
That's what the medical... evaluation was he was in mild shock. Oh, it sounds like he's a pussy. I'm just kidding. ah So where we cut to the hospital and Mike's okay. The mayor comes in and apologizes ah and Brody forces him to sign the contract to hire Quint to kill the shark.
01:05:34
Speaker
So at this point, from here to the end of the movie, well, the last 20 minutes like we talked about, is it's a drag for me. It's a fucking drag. I know this is your favorite movie, but this is a fucking drag.
01:05:44
Speaker
just If I'm missing something, you tell me if I'm missing something, okay? Yeah, I will. I'll tell you the great scene. Sure. The next scene we cut with Quint.
01:05:58
Speaker
And Brody, who are kind of negotiating Quinn's contract, talking about the perks that Quinn can get. yeah He wants brandy. He wants some meals bought for him. ah And while they're having this conversation, he's literally boiling shark bones.
01:06:11
Speaker
So homies are fucking rocker. Yes, but my brother does that with like antlers. Like you you cut the head off and then you boil the skin off. And you're not going to tell me younger lens, not off his fucking rocker.
01:06:26
Speaker
I mean, he is. Yeah. So I'm just saying like, it's a common thing in the redneck world. So I could understand why the, them shark fucks be doing it too. Fair enough. Um, Hooper wants to help Quinn. And obviously Quinn wants to do this alone. And he tells Quinn to tie sheep shank. Not, I believe is what it said. auto cook to sheep's head. I don't need to get head for a sheep. Thank you very That's not, that's like not okay.
01:06:57
Speaker
like that's like not yeah It's not. not. Sheep are yeah who is What pussy were you talking about? Dolphin pussy? Something like that you were talking about on one our episodes? Yo, dolphin pussy be looking tasty, bro.
01:07:10
Speaker
You ever Google it? Do a quick Goog. No, I'm good. i'm go a fan i want that in your hair You don't want that in your history? Alright, well now you're calling me. I'll do it. No, not going to search dolphin pussy.
01:07:21
Speaker
have going to dolphin genitals. Vagina, at least. Dolphin.
01:07:29
Speaker
For
The Hunt Begins: Quint's Leadership
01:07:30
Speaker
research. John Lee, just V-A-G? Sure. Oh, here's one that's blurred, so going to turn off Safe Surge.
01:07:40
Speaker
Hey, yo! Am
01:07:45
Speaker
am I wrong? oh Oh, it looks like a... Oh! I mean, that one don't look delicious. I wouldn't use that word, but... Oh.
01:07:58
Speaker
We fucking it. I'm not fucking it. They're mammals. They are us. i They're not us, but I... They're intelligent. Okay.
01:08:08
Speaker
Actually, dolphins rape people. We know that. That's fucked. But not those with vaginas, I'm guessing. Probably not. Yeah.
01:08:19
Speaker
um So Hooper's able to tie this knot, and then Quint grabs Hooper's hands, and he says he's got city hands. You a city boy. I have city hands. And Quint says, I do not. I would probably have closer to Quint's hands, I would say.
01:08:34
Speaker
I don't um't do any physical labor because I'm a fucking pussy. Fair enough. Quint says that he's going to be in charge. They're on his vessel. Listen to him.
01:08:45
Speaker
um Next cut is ah Hooper is trying to bring a shark cage onto the boat and Quint's like, huh, that's going fucking work? You're going to in the cage in the water with the shark?
01:08:56
Speaker
ah Not a good...
01:09:00
Speaker
Oh, I did. why do you Why do you make him sound like Pee Wee Herman? don't know. Why not? Why did you a fucking English governor's accent for him?
01:09:10
Speaker
in What What do you just... Fucking rewind. What do you just... That's what you just talked like. It doesn't sound like that. Hey, bruv. That's not what he talks like. Don't catch the shock, innit? Innit.
01:09:23
Speaker
Brody says goodbye to his wife and Quint's like, fucking hurry up, buddy. We follow them out into the water and they start chumming it. ah and Brody's just fucking chumming in the water. He's like, oh!
01:09:37
Speaker
you just They're just having a contest you can shoot the for the farthest rope into the fucking ocean. ah Brody knocks over some air tanks and Hooper freaks the fuck out because they're delicate. They could explode.
01:09:51
Speaker
Put it in the back of your mind.
01:09:57
Speaker
What? That was funny. ah Quint teaches Brody this knot. um And we slowly see the fishing line kind of tick. And they get a they got a hit. And Quint straps in.
01:10:10
Speaker
Strap in. Strap on, baby. baby Peg me. Don't peg me. I say that, like or I think that all the time. Strap in. Strap on, baby. Yeah. I've been putting it in our ah Instagram shit now, too. I did see that. Yes.
01:10:25
Speaker
Strap in. Put in the intro. Yeah, it's a good idea, right? For the one year, we're going to change the intro little clip, I think. That's a good one. I got to find out what episode that's from. cat It's Star Wars.
01:10:37
Speaker
It's the end of that Star Wars clip. ah The one that I don't like the most anymore... Is the... hu No, that one, i mean i't like the one anymore either, but the dodecahedron one I think needs to go.
01:10:51
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. But the Dumbledore one, there's like cracks at the beginning and at the end. Have you noticed that? No. It's like the audio spikes or some shit. ah I yeah haven't noticed it.
01:11:05
Speaker
I'll rework it. Remix it. Uh, so... Quint straps in Then he tells Hooper to throw it in reverse. It's back, baby!
01:11:18
Speaker
and then put it in neutral. Put it in neutral so I can fucking go to town on you. He's like, throw it back? Okay, slow it down. Yeah. Oh, maintain team position. Uh, so Quint's able to reel in the shark, and he's like, this shark's fucking stupid, huh? But the shark's under the boat.
01:11:36
Speaker
Uh... He's a genius. He demands that they put their gloves on. And then Hooper's like, it's not a shark. And he tries to pull the line up. And the line snaps.
01:11:48
Speaker
And he's like, yeah, not a shark, huh? So, the the I mean, the most the majority of this Hooper and Quint beef is just like street smart versus book smart is essentially what it is. Right. um Quint tells...
01:12:03
Speaker
Brody that his plan is just to get this thing close up to service and fucking jab it. That was his words. Jab it. yeah He has them travel southeast and tells Brody start chumming again.
01:12:16
Speaker
And he's like, why me? And he's like, Hooper drives the boat. That's Hooper's job is to drive the boat. So Brody's chumming it again. Like, Brody, put your dick away.
01:12:27
Speaker
Don't rock the boat, baby. ah And then you get the famous line here. You get a jump a little, not jump scare, but like ah the shark just comes right out of the water. yeah And you get the famous line, you're going to need a bigger boat.
01:12:42
Speaker
ah Next scene, Quinn tells Hooper to shut the boat off like the spray. And we see the shark coming straight at them. And it's a three-ton, 25-footer.
01:12:54
Speaker
border God damn. That's the biggest white I've ever seen. and he start he starts circling the boat. ah We see Quint assemble a harpoon.
01:13:05
Speaker
ah And while he's assembling the harpoon, there's a radio call. It's Ellen who wants to talk to her husband. And Quint's like, yeah, we caught some striper. We haven't seen nothing yet. Bye. We're kind of in the middle of things right now.
01:13:19
Speaker
um Meanwhile, Hooper's asking Brody to go to the front, front, front of the boat we can get a photo for ah size reference for scaling purposes.
01:13:31
Speaker
Yeah, I just want to compare. Yeah. Let me see how big it is. to the front. Snap that shit. Oh, wait, wait. Snap that shit back.
01:13:42
Speaker
Snap my shit. hoer
01:13:46
Speaker
Yo, throw a reverse hooper in my pooper, please. Yeah, that's what ah that's what's up. No, Quinn probably smells, dude. looks grimy. Yeah, he looks grimy as fuck. ah They attach a harpoon line to a keg and... ah Hooper was like trying to attach what is a tracker onto it. some kind yeah on like that be shit yeah That they don't use.
01:14:11
Speaker
for yeah They don't utilize it at all. so This scene was kind of dumb. ah but The shark starts tugging this keg. It's basically an empty yellow barrel. yeah um and The shark is able to pull this keg underwater.
01:14:27
Speaker
Fun fact about the ah keg jawns.
01:14:33
Speaker
So they're not in the book at all.
01:14:37
Speaker
So basically, the reason that they put those like in the movie was because the animatronic shark just stopped working half the time. So they needed a way for you to be able to see where the shark was.
01:14:51
Speaker
So Spielberg's like, I got it That's pretty good. That's pretty genius. Yeah. There's like a whole ah whole documentary about the shark animatronic
The USS Indianapolis and Nighttime Reflections
01:15:03
Speaker
itself. How is I very revolutionary? But 1975 wasn't very waterproof and they're shooting in water.
01:15:12
Speaker
Yeah. Water. Are you heard where sharks live? You know? Yeah.
01:15:19
Speaker
Uh. So Brody's like, all right, let's go back and get a bigger boat. And Quinn's like, we're staying out here until the shark comes back. And we cut to nighttime into the boat where Quinn's showing Hooper the lump on his head. He's like, hey, check this out for me. i stick it mouth.
01:15:36
Speaker
fucking rub it. Yeah. Yeah. They kind of exchange. where This is like, this scene's great, bro. What do you mean?
01:15:47
Speaker
It's fine. What's so great about it? Tell me. Look at my fucking lumpy head. Look at my skull. Yeah. No, like the whole USS Indianapolis shit.
01:16:01
Speaker
Okay, well, I wasn't there yet. I know. I'm edging. ah No, that's not what edging is. Edging is like you you just gave away the fucking punch. Yeah, you're right.
01:16:12
Speaker
I pre-came. Sorry. Yeah, you pre-came. If you have premature ejaculation problems, hit us up. We can't help you. We just want to know that we're not alone. I'll help you clean up.
01:16:28
Speaker
Yeah, I'll let you fucking jizz for you. Yeah, I'll sit there and be your cum bucket. Yeah. You know? Yeah, no. It's not gay. It's not gay if I'm helping the homies. Yeah, exactly. I'm helping the fans.
01:16:43
Speaker
Yeah. Sex be man to man. Still waiting. Hooper shows ah Quint and Edelbite. Quint had some injury arm wrestling.
01:16:54
Speaker
And then Hooper has some kind of scrape on his arm, on his leg. They both have the same kind of like looking scar on their legs, I guess. ah And there's a joke about a woman breaking Hooper's heart, Mary Allen something. What a dumb fucking name.
01:17:10
Speaker
I agree there, but they're all fucking drunk. That's fair. ah Brody asks about the scar on Quinn's arm, and it's a removed tattoo of the USS Indianapolis.
01:17:24
Speaker
It's kind of crazy that they could do tattoo removal back then. Sure. Should probably hurt. Essentially, they were helping deliver the bombs, the one-two punch we dropped on Japan.
01:17:36
Speaker
And their boat got attacked by the gnaws. and And they had the fucking boat went down and they got attacked by. They're just in the water ah stranded with sharks.
01:17:52
Speaker
And he basically tells. What? This is a real story. Like this actually happened. There was a doc on Dirty Shark about this story that I never got to watch, but I always was interested.
01:18:03
Speaker
It is cool. i mean It's fucked up, but this is like six dude, six dudes got eaten per hour and he found one of his old mates, but he was bitten half shot Darth Maul. ah Yeah, but Darth Maul survived. This guy did not. nine he definitely did not.
01:18:19
Speaker
They were found on the fifth day he said 1,100 men went to water and 315 men came out. and three hundred and fifteen men came out They start singing this fucking song that Quint sings throughout the but majority of the movie.
01:18:32
Speaker
um We see the shark approaching. And these motherfuckers are busted. He's busting in the doors. The walls. here He's breaking the walls down. Shout out Chris Jericho. I'm trying to get in them sugar walls with my mushroom tip.
01:18:47
Speaker
What the fuck is a sugar wall? A vagina. A sugar wall? Yeah, your sugar walls and my mushroom tip. Yeah, have mushroom tip. Hit him with the, ah!
01:18:59
Speaker
what mean? Yeah, the whole screen just shook. Yeah, because my desk moved. She got a big dick. All right. So the boat starts flooding because this motherfucker is busting. And Quinn starts shooting at the shark.
01:19:12
Speaker
I don't think he connects on any of these. And then the next part, a couple hours or days go by. It's not really clear how much time passes here, but you see it like be night and day.
01:19:24
Speaker
They're trying to repair the boat. The shark's back. He's fucking pissed. And Hooper tries to get some of this. There's a how you doing? She's white with her dog and she got some titties on her.
01:19:36
Speaker
Yeah. I'm alright with that. She looking nice? on it Yeah, I fucking want it. Yeah? Go tell her she'll... She got spaghetti straps on me. She's not a non-mean. She's got a tattoo going down her spine. Hold up, girl. Where you going? Hold Who gave you that ass?
01:19:52
Speaker
Oh, she got it. She got it front and back. Fucking mama hair. Yeah. No. Here's the thing with me. I like my woman kind of looking like men a little bit. They've got massive titties or massive butt, but just enough. You know what i mean?
01:20:05
Speaker
Yeah. look Happy pride. Yeah. um Anyway. You got to kind of look like a dude for me to be into, yo. Shout out Dykes. Yeah. sho Yeah. I do like, I like people who look like they're lesbians. I'm into that.
01:20:21
Speaker
I'm into women who are trying to be trans men, but they didn' they
Shark Attacks Intensify
01:20:25
Speaker
haven't done anything about it yet. They're just saying their name's Sean. That's what I'm saying. yeah So if you're undecided, hit me up. yeah and you're still like like If you're still trying to transition into a guy, but you're not a full-blown guy yet, I'm probably going to try to hit.
01:20:40
Speaker
Right. The only thing I don't like is... ah My cousin's going hate this episode. The only thing I don't like is those girls that do like the shave right here. Mm-hmm. like under underneath you can't tell i hate that's so unattractive to me that's my ick i don't have icks but that's one of them
01:21:04
Speaker
but i'm just kidding i'm kidding i'm joking uh anyways so they get a hold of rope that's like attached to the shark it's attached to the kegs um and uh
01:21:19
Speaker
The shark shows up, fucking comes out of the water. He sees his head. And then starts fucking bouncing and rope burns Quint's hands.
01:21:30
Speaker
The ship bouncing on me. ah Brody tries to call the Coast Guard, but Quint destroys the radio. um And they get into an argument, but the shark breaches again and like fucking nudges him.
01:21:43
Speaker
So they start to pursue the shark. Yeah. ah They're following him, and they're able to nail a harpoon with another keg into him. Brody shoots some bullets at the shark and connects on a couple.
01:21:56
Speaker
But the shark's able to go underwater again with ah with two kegs, but soon has to to reemerge. ah Brody suggests leading the shark to shore instead of letting the shark lead them into the ah deep waters. That's...
01:22:13
Speaker
Next scene, Hooper gets caught in the rope line because the shark's like going around. And he goes, ah ah And Brody's able to to pull him out of it.
01:22:24
Speaker
um The shark literally starts pulling this fucking boat because this guy, they threw it back and they were just resting back there. He's like, give me that He starts tugging on it. Give me that shit. That shit in neutral? I'm going fucking ride that shit. Yeah, I'm trying fucking yank on it.
01:22:37
Speaker
Yeah. So they but turn the engine back on, but they start to lose the cleats, which are like these little jaunts at the end of both. They're tying the fucking rope to.
01:22:49
Speaker
You know what the problem is? I can never find the cleats.
01:22:54
Speaker
ah The shark starts fucking eating the line that they've jammed onto him. Like Pac-Man. This shit looks like a fucking hurray. He fires a hurray right through this fucking man's jaw.
01:23:06
Speaker
ah Not man. He's an ah he's a shark. Fuck him. Through his jaw. Bruce.
01:23:13
Speaker
Uh, they now start trying to untie the rope attached to the cleats because the sharks have pulled back of the goddamn boat off, but they can't. Uh, the boat is also still filling with water.
01:23:24
Speaker
We see Quint chop the rope ah with a machete to free it. ah but the shark does have three kegs on him. And Quint is very much sure that the shark cannot go into work with three kegs on him. No fucking way he can. Um, and he tells Brody to start pumping water out of the boat.
01:23:40
Speaker
And then we see the shark go underwater. ah Wow. And there's a moment of silence here. And then the the shark knocks the boat. So they start moving. And the shark's now chasing the boat.
01:23:52
Speaker
And Quinn's new plan is to draw the shark into the shallows. And he says, drown him. Kind of like how Brody told you to do. Hmm.
01:24:03
Speaker
um So Hooper's kind of revving this fucking boat, which is damaged a little bit too hard. And Hooper's pretty concerned about the amount of pressure he's put in the boat. He's fucking going in this boat. I'm like, yo, take it easy.
01:24:14
Speaker
Take it easy. She can't take much more. Yeah, yeah she got tap out pretty soon. She's about to bust. And then the engine room bust, it taps out. It smokes the fuck out.
01:24:24
Speaker
ah Quint's just singing, and Brody and and Hooper overrule Quint and fucking shoot him off the... What is it? like The fucking steering? But it's way too late. The little...
01:24:37
Speaker
um And as soon as the boat stops, ah the shark just leaves him there. So the shark was like, going to make you motherfuckers stall out your boat. And now you're stranded in some water. The boat's sinking. to come back and eat y'all later.
01:24:50
Speaker
I'll be back. This is a smart shark. Yeah. ah So the boat is slowly sinking in their bait and they're stranded.
Climactic Battle with the Shark
01:24:57
Speaker
um So their new idea is send Hooper down in the cage with some of the equipment he bought so we can shoot some poison into the shark's mouth, not cum.
01:25:06
Speaker
yeah Hey, hold on. Let straight up bust in this shark mouth real quick. yeah go get and He gonna drink it and he gonna run away. gonna swim away.
01:25:18
Speaker
Like my sperm down his throat. Sharks swim away. Blacks run away. That's true. And ah Hispanics are getting taken away. They're getting thrown away. yeah rat Over the wall.
01:25:33
Speaker
Alright. Uh, they lower Hooper into the cage. We see the shark pass by and then rams Hooper from behind. Take it. Take it, Pooper.
01:25:46
Speaker
He fucking knocks Hooper's Pooper gun out of his hand. Pooper gun. And then just full blown. Knocks pole off. Full blown assault into the cage.
01:25:59
Speaker
ah Hooper tries stabbing the shark and he's able to fucking finagle the way out of the cage and he goes down to the bottom the ocean. He hides. Hides in like the coral. And the shark is kind of stuck between the the wiring of the cage and the boat.
01:26:13
Speaker
And eventually pulls the fucking cage and all like the holding the bearings of the cage off the boat. Brody and Quint are able to get the destroyed cage to the server. So they're like, oh, fuck, Hooper's dead.
01:26:25
Speaker
Uh, finally the shark attacks the boat. He just like fucking belly flops onto the top of this damn thing. Yeah. He's like, wow. i Exactly. Uh, which tips the boat like in that direction.
01:26:38
Speaker
and we watch Quint slowly get fucking, he's tries to not, but he gets, he slips and falls down the fucking boat. An air tank rolls on his hands. We loses his grip and he gets eaten by this goddamn shark.
01:26:51
Speaker
He like chewing them. He's slowly, there's some blood coming out of Brody's mouth. Not Brody, out Quint's mouth. Uh, and there's a moment of like calm and then the shark attacks again, trying to get Brody, but he's unable to get him.
01:27:05
Speaker
And Brody climbs up to like the very, very top of the ship. Uh, Which is slowly sinking. and i guess in the chaos of trying to fucking get Brody the second time, he must have inhaled the fucking air tank.
01:27:17
Speaker
I didn't see the air tank go in his mouth. Oh, Brody like smacked him in the face with it a couple times and and threw it in there. He threw it in his mouth. I missed it. i missed I missed him fucking giving the goods in his mouth.
01:27:30
Speaker
Yeah, you did. Yeah, I did. Take my can. Yeah. Take my fucking metal rod. Robocock. Okay. So as this ship is like slowly sinking, kind of like Jack Sparrow was on, uh, the first pirates movie. Oh, true. Yeah.
01:27:47
Speaker
And the shark attacks again. And he's got like a rod, like a knife on it. And he starts fucking stabbing the fucking John. Like a spear. It's like a spear. And the shark pulls it away with him. So he's got no weapon besides his gun.
01:27:59
Speaker
So now as the fucking ship is going down, he fires a few shots and he's able to hit the shark in his mouth. And he hits the, uh, tank of gas and blows this shark fucking sky high.
01:28:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's like a big explosion of guts. It's pressurized fucking air. Yeah, it's like I'm pretty sure it's an oxygen tank, right? The scuba tank? Probably, yes.
01:28:25
Speaker
To go scuba diving in that fucking Punani? In that dolphin Punani? That's I'm talking about. I'm to eat all the air I can get.
01:28:35
Speaker
He's reunited with Hooper in the water because he comes back to the surface. Where the fuck were you? And ah they swim back to shore. There's a joke that he hates used to hate water.
01:28:46
Speaker
That's basically the movie. That's John's.
01:28:50
Speaker
Uh, but I think I do stand corrected. Everything I wrote here is everything that happened in the last act worth talking about. Correct? Correct. Yeah. I didn't miss anything. So there is, oh there is some pretty heavy drag here.
01:29:03
Speaker
I would say in the second half for me, for me. So what they were able to do in 1975, uh, the shark looks good, right? Yes. The shark. I think it looks pretty fire.
01:29:15
Speaker
His name is Bruce. That's a, that's a, root that's a myth. That's what they called him on on set was Bruce. They called him Bruce. Yeah, in the movie, he doesn't. just the shark, right?
01:29:27
Speaker
But that's why Finding Nemo, Bruce the shark, reference to John's. Reference to the shark that started it all. Yeah, he did it. And instead of being robo, he's animated.
01:29:40
Speaker
Yeah, he is. Shout to the gays. Being animated? Yeah. All right. Why not? Shout out Luca. He's gay. He is. So I attribute this movie to my love of the ocean, I feel like. The ocean?
01:29:55
Speaker
You love ocean? or sea yeah i love ocean creatures except octopus. Those things are scary. But you do love some suction foreplay. That's what I'm talking about.
01:30:07
Speaker
You know? Right. i know what you mean.
01:30:11
Speaker
yeah it In my eyes, this movie's a
Jaws' Legacy and Podcast Promotions
01:30:14
Speaker
masterpiece. I get ah if you say that it drags in the middle.
01:30:19
Speaker
Because it is just a lot of bantering. ah But I like the character development.
01:30:26
Speaker
I don't think this needed a sequel. Because there's no sequel book. It was Universal being gay. don't think even four fucking movies it made. Yeah. Four or five movies total.
01:30:38
Speaker
Four.
01:30:40
Speaker
ah Two is about the child shark of this one.
01:30:48
Speaker
Three. Ooh. Three, a shark infiltrates SeaWorld. so I saw that movie, unfortunately. And four is about a telepathic shark that hunts down Mrs. Brody.
01:31:08
Speaker
Literally follows her.
01:31:13
Speaker
pretty gay. So only the first one matters. So you're saying Masterpiece. You're giving this a five. Yeah, it's a five. What you giving it? I like the movie more and more of time i watch it.
01:31:26
Speaker
I...
01:31:29
Speaker
I like the first hour and ten minutes a lot. It's good. They kill a fucking kid. Which, like, 1975... To kill is wild. Yeah, it's a wild decision. Respect the animatronic shark, obviously that work is not to be fucked with, but I do feel like when they're out in the boat, it's like, dude, can we just like wrap this up?
01:31:51
Speaker
Are we done yet? Oh yeah. I get that. You're going to like, like you're literally trying to find a shark in the ocean. They're trying to make you feel that I, to me, I'm just like, this is taking, this is just too, like do something more interesting than this.
01:32:06
Speaker
I don't know. Spielberg was able to like put together though on just that fact, you know what I mean? On just what fact you're in the ocean with, and you're hunting one shark.
01:32:19
Speaker
No, what what they made to good is a good movie. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. ah I guess I'm going to stay at three and a half. I do like some of the... ah I do enjoy some of the still shots, like...
01:32:33
Speaker
They had like a couple like cinematic views of like the, even there was a one of Quint standing at the end of the boat, just like hanging out. And it was like the the ocean, the sun behind him. Like there's just some shots that I was like, it looks gorgeous. Even on a Blu-ray that's like upscaling to a 4k look pretty nice.
01:32:51
Speaker
I still say this is the best 4k transfer that I've seen. Like this this shit is crystal. I'm fucking cranking it right now. Yeah. Are you? No.
01:33:03
Speaker
ah There are some spots that I didn't think looked great, but not that that like detract the rating that much. I just find this the middle part kind of boring. ah Yeah, three and I think three and a half for me is where I'm going to land.
01:33:17
Speaker
We'll do a... ah So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pods, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
01:33:29
Speaker
Follow us on letterbox. Follow us on YouTube and tick tock. When the clips start popping up again, and then, you know, send us a voicemail. Five, oh, wait, eight fist us.
01:33:41
Speaker
Five, oh, wait, eight dip tip. And listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it. You want it? Available in... Get it?
01:33:55
Speaker
Available in the archives. Not too far down, I don't think. No, not too far. It's there, though.
Upcoming Content Teasers
01:34:02
Speaker
ah Tuesday, we continue our ah journey into Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:34:13
Speaker
Dead Man's Chest. I mean...
01:34:17
Speaker
I mean, the first episode was pretty fucking wild. I don't know what's the second one. We even know, bro. even No, bro. It's bad. ah That's next week.
01:34:30
Speaker
And yeah, that's it for now. we're We're edging you closer and closer to our one year anniversary. The fucking it's insight. It's on the horizon.
01:34:44
Speaker
Yeah, it is. um At this point, when this is coming out, we're basically a month out from our one year. Yeah, we will have watched the movie again. That's going to be scary.
01:34:57
Speaker
and When this comes out, not yet.
01:35:00
Speaker
Are you excited to watch it again? i think it's good. It's a good movie. it's I think it's a good movie. I think it does the job it's supposed to do. It do.
01:35:11
Speaker
ah It's just that episode is going to be wild. Wow.
01:35:19
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. So be on lookout for all that. And we'll see you guys on Tuesday. Toodles.
01:35:30
Speaker
Fuck you, Mark.