Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
EP. 45 A Minecraft Movie/Screamboat
18 Plays2 months ago
Follow us on Instagram to enter the giveaway!
Our Tik Tok page is live!
Email the pod at 2guys1screenpod@gmail.com
Leave us a voicemail to be answered on the pod! 508-834-7847
Check out our Youtube Page for clips!
Recommended
Transcript
Opening Banter and Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? i've been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm gonna rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
Introduction and Episode Context
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. I ever think jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 45 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, aka the Hemeroid Homies, aka the Poe Town Boys.
Recap and Reflection on Previous Episodes
00:01:06
Speaker
My name is Nick. I'm joined, as always, by the Edgelord himself, ah Gerald. And we finally reached our Minecraft episode. This is scary. We were dreading it?
00:01:19
Speaker
I was dreading it heavy. I was optimistic. Kind of. We should say I also had a little bit of optimism towards the end that it might be good. I said i listened. Obviously, the our Goblet of Fire episode is out. Shout out to Tyler bringing the fucking heat.
00:01:34
Speaker
Shout out Tyler, yo. Hey, great. i mean, you really had a great episode. You had a great outing for yourself, man. I would say that. You're coming back for sure. i A flying fucking car is like in my head on loop.
00:01:46
Speaker
It's so funny to me. That's probably going to go in the top 10 moments. I was going to ask you about that, actually. um Not top 10. Is it top 10? Well, last year, we only we only had half a year worth of shit.
00:01:58
Speaker
So this year, might have to actually do a top 10. But i think we have like, the Notes app has like 12. Yeah, we're going to have to you know pick and choose. And we're not even, are we halfway through the March.
00:02:08
Speaker
No, it's March, bud. It's April, actually. It is April. God, Christ. But I did say on the Goblet of Fire episode that, go listen to if you haven't listened to it already, that ah the visuals looked good for that movie. And I think they held up. We can talk about it.
00:02:25
Speaker
This is also, I didn't really introduce the episode properly. This is a double-decker peck-a-wrecker. ah We're also covering Screamboat. A little film
Celebrity Encounters and Anecdotes
00:02:35
Speaker
with, he's your boy, he's my boy. I got a fucking picture with him right here.
00:02:40
Speaker
i mean, i like David Howard Thornton. I love him, dude. Yeah. um No, I meant like we're boys, like we text or whatever. No, we don't. oh yeah, you text? No, absolutely not. I mean, he's not like the the type of celebrity that's like, you know.
00:02:54
Speaker
Dude, he's so humble. yeah Right, but he's not like unreachable to be like, yeah, I text him. Yeah, I know. What of it? He ain't there yet. At my job, Mike Vrabel's been coming in to eat.
00:03:07
Speaker
Came in again last night, too. And I saw him. This man is huge, and he's a piece. Did you say hi, or you weren't allowed to? i Well, the first time I saw him, I walked by, and I was like, that guy looks so familiar. And then I found out later it was Mike Vrabel. like, I fucking know i recognized him.
00:03:24
Speaker
And then last night, he was in, but I didn't go outside to... I didn't go to the table like, hello, I'm... Yeah, you don't want to like yeah i don't want to be that guy. Fuck you, I'm a Giants fan. ah I guess we can do a little... plugy ah So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod.
00:03:42
Speaker
Send any comments, concerns, movie requests, twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com.
Social Media Engagement and Fan Interactions
00:03:47
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube, popping off. Follow us on yeah YouTube. tick tock fallen off uh follow us on letterboxd and uh send us a voicemail 508 fist 1-800 1-800 1-800 forgot my line oh twenty hundred
00:04:04
Speaker
one eight hundred one eight hundred forgot my line oh
00:04:14
Speaker
I'm sorry. I did not mean to fucking blow up the plug. 508-8-DipTip. ah We were going to talk about this YouTube comment, obviously, and I just saw that the video had another comment, and it's Tyler, so we can talk about that in a minute. Okay. All right, Tyler, finish the plug.
00:04:27
Speaker
Yeah, finish the plug. Finish the plug. No, I'll read it to you on air. Yeah, I'll read it you on air.
00:04:35
Speaker
Was that Len? Yeah. All that's going to be in the description. I'm sorry. i didn't mean to fucking say I was i just trying to queue up the comment. it Yeah.
00:04:46
Speaker
Fuck them kids. are today ah On the note of Tyler, there was a lot of debate on that episode who the biggest fan was. I think it's now confirmed ah that it would be my cousin, a.k.a.
00:05:01
Speaker
the slut. She who who calls herself the slut. I would say that. So it's between her and Tyler. Well, this cements it because she left us a voicemail.
00:05:13
Speaker
Because Jake's fake. so No one's ever left us a voicemail. so she she's How about this? The trifecta has sent us an email, has left us a voicemail, and she's in the kind the giveaway. we have to plug the giveaway.
00:05:26
Speaker
Guys, we're doing a giveaway. Doing a giveaway. Harry's bopper. think we' We're giving away a Funko Pop. Is it going to your cousin? Probably. I mean, she's the only one that out also let's talk about that really quickly.
00:05:37
Speaker
um You guys did not follow the instructions very well. We appreciate you guys liking the post, but the the instructions were to comment your favorite moment. Now, my cousin, my cousin also didn't do it right because she commented her favorite moment in Harry Potter. He meant from the podcast.
00:05:54
Speaker
Your favorite. That's fine. Yeah, whatever. I mean, um we're going to take it because no one else has entered correctly. You also have to follow the page. Right. Which um we some people who liked it also aren't following the page.
00:06:09
Speaker
i don't I feel like giveaways are pretty easy, and this is pretty straightforward. I feel like this is basic giveaway stuff that we're doing here. Right. So what's going on?
00:06:20
Speaker
Have you never entered a giveaway? I typically don't. I never win, so I You ever win? was going ask. You ever a giveaway? I won a ah Tim the Tatman giveaway. He's a streamer.
00:06:32
Speaker
Shout out to Tits. Only 250 people won that, so that was exciting. And he's a big deal, so. Hey, great. Yeah. um Anyways, we're going to play her voicemail. This is our first voicemail of two guys, one screen.
00:06:46
Speaker
Ever. um Ever. Episode 45. Let's go. This is exciting. Actually, I don't know how the volume is going to be, so we're going find out together. Hello, podcast dudes. This is Christina, a.k.a. the cousin, aka the slime.
00:07:05
Speaker
I'm calling in to tell you that you absolutely need to review Unhinged. Excellent fucking movie. Hands down.
00:07:17
Speaker
I will be waiting. Bye.
00:07:22
Speaker
ah First of all, thank you for being a brave soul and leaving us a voicemail. um ah Could you tell she was high off her ass? Was she? Yeah. so be She was like high off her ass. fair.
00:07:34
Speaker
Unhinged, great movie. Great movie. Phenomenal movie. Do we have a release date for that? Yeah. ah I think it's two weeks from now. So there you go. We got the voicemail. We recorded the episode.
00:07:46
Speaker
ah It's done. And I know there's going people out there who are going to be mad because they've requested movies. not vi voice Voicemail takes priority. It does. we will This is our podcast. We make the fucking rules.
00:07:59
Speaker
yeah If we switch it up on you, oh well. It's our podcast. if you call If you call your top of the line for a recording, I would say. That's like game changing. that's yeah That's S tier and then tier is like email.
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah. And then if you try to talk to us out to the podcast, we're not going to fucking listen. Probably not. It's what it is. I mean, it depends if it's if it's actually like a good suggestion. Maybe. It depends. If you have fat tits.
00:08:24
Speaker
I'm kidding. I'm not. Right.
00:08:30
Speaker
If you got fat, I might take priority. Yeah.
00:08:37
Speaker
Um... We have the couple social media interactions I wanted to talk about. We'll start with the YouTube one because i just read Tyler's response and I'm fucking laughing at this. Tyler, you're a legend. I haven't seen response.
00:08:53
Speaker
I should say I did send Tyler the same screenshot that I sent you after I sent it to you. and i did He didn't tell me he went and did that. um Anyways. What a man of the people.
00:09:04
Speaker
Shout to Tyler. Yeah. ah So we posted a clip this week about why Harry Potter is so fucking stupid, which is the theme of our coverage on that. um And essentially, i just clipped Tyler because the man was on a fucking rampage.
00:09:18
Speaker
Going off cooking. Flying fucking car. Cooking, cooking. um So some guy on the internet, which we appreciate you... interacting with our posts. Obviously leave a comment. We love this, you know, thank you for commenting, but fuck you. Yeah. Unfortunately, you're caught.
00:09:39
Speaker
You hopefully believe in
Humorous Critique of Harry Potter
00:09:41
Speaker
science. So are you saying that if you saw someone use a machine to disintegrate Jupiter, you wouldn't be impressed? Now, before we read Tyler's response, let's – how about we react to it first? Let's break that down.
00:09:53
Speaker
Let's break this down. Okay. So this is what I have to say, okay, because I've thought about this. In the world of Harry Potter, the precedent is set from the moment you enter the first movie that magic exists.
00:10:07
Speaker
That is already done. Okay. So after the first year and the, all the shit that Harry sees, you'd think you'd be like, okay, magic's a real thing. Literally within like the first i literally few minutes of the first movie, glass disappears.
00:10:24
Speaker
I literally walked through a wall. Shout out Danny. Was it Danny Phantom? Yeah. Yeah. I wear it an invisibility cloak. and I'm invisible now.
00:10:35
Speaker
I killed a giant snake. With a sword that disappears. I saw. I watched a bird burn up and then come back. I watched a guy that was my professor turn into a werewolf and fight my godfather who was a dog.
00:10:54
Speaker
You know what I mean? Okay, now, back to, uh, this guy's name is at Zagreus. Zagreus.
00:11:06
Speaker
There you go. Um... Have we, and Gerald and I are not do not pretend to be smart people, but have have we ever in real life disintegrated a planet?
00:11:19
Speaker
yeah Have we ever done that? I feel like that would be big news. Never, ever once in life have done that. This is not Star Wars. We don't have a Death Star like you said.
00:11:30
Speaker
um Also, he is claiming that we don't believe in science. We've said multiple times on this podcast, God's not real. ratwell So that is a fact.
00:11:42
Speaker
There's only one other way to like think about existence. It's through science. The Big Bang. Right. Big Bang. All right. Except for the Big Bang Theory. That show is terrible.
00:11:55
Speaker
So all that being said, because we've never disintegrated a planet before, I would say I'd be very impressed. Yes. A thousand percent. Because it's never been done. Ever. But magic and the use of magic has been used up to Goblets the Fourth Movie.
00:12:11
Speaker
The past three years of Harry's life, Harry's parents were fucking wizards. ah i got a He got a vada cadavered and lived as a toddler.
00:12:24
Speaker
Yeah. Like, what do Harry, what are you talking about, buddy? um Here's Tyler's response. I didn't realize, I just saw two comments and I read it with Tyler's name I'm fucking, I lost my shit. ah Yeah, if I saw someone b blow up Jupiter, I'd be amazed. But if I saw someone blow up Jupiter, then I saw someone blow up Mars with a laser, I'd be less impressed.
00:12:42
Speaker
Harry is going into his fourth year Hogwarts, so he shouldn't be surprised that random objects have magic. pretty I'm to like it. Preach, sister. There you go. the What bothers me is two other randoms like this first guy's comment, which means people think he's right, which is crazy because it's if you watch Harry Potter sequentially, Harry's still getting shocked about magic in fucking year seven.
00:13:04
Speaker
dis This guy's a flat earther. Year zero. Hell, Satan. I'm just kidding. There you go. rat ah Yeah. ah Maybe he's a flat earther. I'm not sure. This guy's got problems.
00:13:16
Speaker
Let us know. i mean he said I mean, he said you hopefully believe in science, so maybe he's not a flat earther. This guy likes the Hobbit trilogy. Ugh. Yeah, that's rough. It's gotta be. g um But we appreciate your reach now. Unfortunately, your comment was just fucking stupid.
00:13:32
Speaker
Thank you, though. I mean, you put it out there. we You put it out there. Let us know if you agree with Zagreus. Or... No, that's how you say it. I think it's Zagreus. Let know. Do you know that the Death Star exists? Maybe it we're just, you know...
00:13:44
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, if something unprecedented happened that had never happened ever before. Sure. But like in the wizarding world, a port key is like a pretty normal thing and no one else is. The problem, the other thing, too, we should say no one else is shocked at this shit.
00:13:58
Speaker
Only he is. Right. Hermione's not shocked. Ron's not shocked. Arthur's not shocked. And Hermione has muggle parents. Yeah, fucking muggle, dirty muggle. Like she grew up in a fucking mud blood.
00:14:13
Speaker
Yeah, he repairs teeth. That's the most magic she's ever seen. The most magic she's ever seen is a root canal, you know? That's not magic. Painful. ah Moving on to the world of TikTok, which wasn't popping off, which i'm actually our most recent video is doing decent, I would say.
00:14:30
Speaker
um We did get two new followers on TikTok. Just want to shout them because I have their names. Let's go. What are what are they at? Shout out to Corbin Penley um and Patrick Lang.
00:14:42
Speaker
Patrick Lang, 825. Thank you for following us. We really appreciate it. um
00:14:50
Speaker
Let us know what you think about Harry Potter. You like his bopper or what? Oh, also I should mention on Tik TOK on the same clip we were speaking of, uh, this guy named Gafiltha.
00:15:04
Speaker
I believe it's Gafiltha commented. I mean, honestly though, like we're right. So maybe Gafiltha and Zagarius should have a fight. za both on And like in zigzag.
00:15:16
Speaker
Yeah. Hit him with the zigzag. Like the Ziggler finisher move. Right. Um, uh, um Yeah, shout out Dolph Ziggler. He really sold you. You ever see those compilation videos? Him just selling like a great seller. Yeah, great seller, dude.
00:15:30
Speaker
Hey, great. That's Vince McMahon. but You're a great seller. You're a great fucking seller. Yeah. um I think that's it for the social media stuff. Again, as we said before, I don't think we talked about it for long enough. We are doing a giveaway for Harry's Popper. It's a Funko Pop of Harry with his schtick and his schnitch.
00:15:50
Speaker
So if you want it. One in each hand. He's double fisting. You like it? Right. We should also mention before we start our reviews, RIP to a fucking legend.
00:16:04
Speaker
Val Kilmer ah passed away this past week. Right. um I actually really liked him Miss Batman. I'll be honest. Not horrible.
00:16:16
Speaker
Not horrible. not thought He's not. i mean, it's not c Clooney. No, it's not Clooney. He's also not Clooney. ah Tom Cruise's best movie, Top Gun. Fun fact, I haven't seen Top Gun.
00:16:28
Speaker
Well, there you go. You can you can scratch it off your list and you can see another Val Kilmer movie. I also had a thing with Jake, a running bit, that Val Kilmer and ah Brad Pitt were the same person.
00:16:44
Speaker
When they're younger, not now. What's wise, you mean? Well, not now because Brad Pitt's still alive. but Right. I can kind of see it. It was just a bit, and jake and Jake got so mad that they didn't look. He was like, they look nothing alike. This shouldn't be a thing. And because it made him mad, I just kept saying it.
00:17:01
Speaker
But now Val Kilmer is dead. So now it's like, you know, it's disrespectful. Right. Yeah. So shout out Val Kilmer and his family. Yeah, i guess I guess we can't say that, though.
00:17:14
Speaker
Do you remember that guy? ah was his name? think it was David Guetta. And he. ah The DJ? Yeah. And then like there's some tragedy happened. I want to say it was like Sandy Hook or something like that. And he was like, shout out the Sandy Hook kids and the and their parents or something like that.
00:17:31
Speaker
Wow. you hear about that? No. ah you die sha David Shouts.
00:17:41
Speaker
Oh, he yeah. he he did a shit he said He was DJing a live stream. He was like, shout out to George Floyd. Oh, no. Yeah, came off wrong. I'm sure he had good intentions. Just came off not great. Yeah, definitely good intentions, but you just can't...
00:17:59
Speaker
You can't do that. Right. Yeah. just not appropriate, David. I don't even like David Guetta. Yeah. Come on the podcast, though. He had that one song, Sexy Bitch. There's nothing like that girl. you Yeah.
00:18:10
Speaker
That was a banger.
Minecraft Movie Discussion
00:18:12
Speaker
Yeah, that was a banger, dude. 100%. We're going to talk about Minecraft first, right? Yeah. um Gerald and i both did a back-to-back, double-decker, pecker-wrecker,
00:18:26
Speaker
In person. same Same day. Did what I say just make sense? I'm not sure, but thank you for clarifying. I mean, it made sense to me. i don't yeah um We'll go through the cast. We saw them like opposite.
00:18:40
Speaker
like I saw Minecraft first, you saw Screen Boat, and then Flip Flop. Yeah, Flip My Flop. Or no, I saw it first. Never mind. Also, be we gotta stop I got to stop saying this. it's it's The movie is called a Minecraft Movie. We can't just calling it Minecraft.
00:18:56
Speaker
I mean, what else are you going to call it? A Minecraft movie. It's the Minecraft movie. It's not. it's I know. It's a it's directed by Jared Hess, who made Napoleon Dynamite.
00:19:11
Speaker
That movie I do not like. I was trying to read it. Very overrated.
00:19:19
Speaker
Oh, he also directed Nacho Libre, which I didn't know, but that kind of makes sense. It's kind of um what what's your opinion on Nacho Libre? Fuck. I've never seen it. Me either. So W ah here's your cast.
00:19:33
Speaker
We have Jason Momoa, who plays Garrett. I'll be honest. I did not know what the character's name was for most of the movie. Oh, really? Yeah. It's the garbage man.
00:19:49
Speaker
There's no conversation. He's a fucking piece. He's one of the few guys that can just any day to take it. Come come to me. ah Fun fact. I've only seen one episode of Game of Thrones, but in that episode, he's fucking the shit out of this girl doggy style.
00:20:03
Speaker
i mean, he's raping her, but yes. It's not consensual. ah Okay, we should. Yes, put an asterisk. It's not consensual asterisk. But yeah, that's the only episode of Game of Thrones I've seen as well.
00:20:15
Speaker
wow We're so NSYNC. Okay. ah Next, we have Jack Black. I don't think this man's a piece. Unfortunately, no. But ah back up to to our Snow White thing.
00:20:29
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. If you're going to have someone sing, at least they know what they're doing. From Tenacious D. I actually do like Tenacious D. Tenacious D and the Pick Destiny, good movie. but when we Shout Factory has that out.
00:20:43
Speaker
I bought some fucking jank copy of it. I don't know what I bought, but it's not Shout. Yeah, it's what it is. um We have Sebastian Eugene Hansen. Who that boy, who him is. I'll tell you who him is. He looks like a mini Paul Rudd.
00:20:59
Speaker
He really does. He looks like a child Paul Rudd. This is his first movie besides Just Mercy, which I haven't heard of. michael b um and no so Michael B. Jordan, Jordan.
00:21:11
Speaker
How many of you guys are mad out that we're not reviewing Sinners right now? Let us know. I mean, it doesn't come out for a minute, but I'm still going to see it. Isn't it out? I don't think so. Oh, then maybe we'll review it.
00:21:22
Speaker
Or maybe won't. Who fucking cares? It's our podcast. Okay. It does look good. ah Well, it looks interesting. We have Emma Myers, who...
00:21:34
Speaker
Another one. Another...
00:21:38
Speaker
Who that boy, who him is. She was born 2002, so I guess technically she's of age? She's of age. I feel like I'd give her the button. You would?
00:21:49
Speaker
think I would. She might not be. i don't know if it's not fucking it, but she might be a skip. You would give it to her? I mean, in this picture, she looks like a little kid. I don't think I could give it to her like this.
00:22:01
Speaker
I mean...
00:22:03
Speaker
In this state. She uses that hoe in the movie. Good. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, i mean. They're using hoes as weapons, guys. Right. Minecraft 101, not a good idea. If you haven't seen. Yeah, if you haven't actually played the game of Minecraft, that's we'll talk about that.
00:22:17
Speaker
um Oh, by the way, sinners, April 18th. Oh, OK. I'll give it button for you, but does not reflect my feelings on it.
00:22:29
Speaker
OK. It feels a little gross. ah We have Danielle Brooks.
00:22:40
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. No. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. It's not because she's black. it's because she's ugly. It's because she's ugly.
00:22:54
Speaker
um She was in The Color of Purple, which i I heard is a very good movie. I haven't seen it yet. The Angry Birds movie. W. um's good she's good She's in guys too.
00:23:06
Speaker
That's a w And the rest of these is kind of a who that boy who him is type situation. um Next we have Jennifer Coolidge.
00:23:17
Speaker
ah Look, all I'm saying is i would hit. Yo. oh Yeah, you was hit a thousand and ten percent. I'd hit I care. don't care.
00:23:29
Speaker
I know her from ah that TV show Two Broke Girls, mainly, is where I saw her. um But she was in Click, I guess. I don't remember her in Click. She was in Robots. Shout to Robots. It's a movie we want to review for the don't remember in American Pie.
00:23:43
Speaker
I haven't seen American Pie. What's wrong with you? Did she have hit? Legally Blonde. Legally Blonde 2. A series of unfortunate events.
00:23:54
Speaker
Lemony Snicket. That's Jim Carrey in it, right? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. Shout out to Jim Carrey. She's been in a lot. lot of B-rated movies, I would say.
00:24:04
Speaker
um There's a Legally Blonde 3 that's allegedly coming out. And we'll move on from her. She can get it, though. In case you guys forgot. um We have Rachel House who voices Malgosia.
00:24:16
Speaker
I don't really... I think this is a skip. Yeah, for looks and her filmology. ain't fucking it.
00:24:27
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. The films are a skip or she doesn't have much? She has some pretty big ones. I mean...
00:24:35
Speaker
King Kong, Godzilla, New Empire... Soul, Ragnarok, and two Moana movies. i mean, she's in Moana 2, so that's a skip. And she's in Moana 1. That's a decent movie.
00:24:48
Speaker
I like two more than one. That's my hot take. ah Yeah, i would say ah I would say you're right now. I've come all the way full circle on that. Yep, she's who that boy who him is. Who that boy who him is.
00:25:01
Speaker
out to Rachel House. You ain't getting fucked, and we don't know who you are. hu That's the biggest insult on this podcast. You're not getting fucked.
00:25:12
Speaker
We have, I mean, do I want to... Does anybody else really need to be shouted out? I would say Jermaine Clement voices Daryl.
00:25:24
Speaker
Daryl was a person in the movie, right? Heya, Daryl. Heya, Daryl. Heya, Daryl. Heya, Daryl. ah Yeah, I think that's want to shout out. Yeah, so i I have, I mean, obviously we talk about theater experience. I mean, my, I almost wanted to go see this movie again because of how bad my theater experience was.
00:25:41
Speaker
Really? ah When I went, when I, I mean, it's, you'll find out I'm retarded. Okay. It's not really anybody else's fault besides my own. I'm dumb. I went at night at like 10 PM to a ah showing and there wasn't many people in the showing, which was worked to my benefit.
00:25:59
Speaker
ah I sit down. Also, it was in Dolby. The seats in a Dolby theater are so nice. Are they? Like, so nice. Was this an AMC? ah This was an AMC.
00:26:09
Speaker
ah Full recline. I'm not going shout AMC because I have a different story to tell for Screamboat. Fuck you, AMC. ah And I'm sitting there watching the movie. where like They're not even like ah Jason Momoa and and the crew are not even like in the underworld or overworld yet, whatever they called it.
00:26:27
Speaker
Yep. ah And my phone, I hear it fall out my pocket and go down the seat. And I'm like, fuck. So i stick I stick my hand down the seat.
00:26:40
Speaker
I full recline it. I'm on the floor sticking my hand under the seat trying to feel for my phone. I can't i can't find it. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to go outside and ask for a light. ahha And I go outside and i ask this dude if you give me a hand. And we walk inside and then there's three dudes. There's three AMC employees trying to help me. I don't know why.
00:27:00
Speaker
ah so they stick the light under the seat. We can't find it um They're going to flip it. I was like, what? Flip the seat? Flip the seat over. 180. Whoa.
00:27:11
Speaker
They're not as heavy as they look, I found out. And they're not fucking stapled to the ground. I didn't know that. Because they don't really move when they're reclining or anything. You can't really feel it. So we flipped the seat over. and i mean, i don't know if you've ever seen under a movie theater seat. It's sure just popcorn. It's gross.
00:27:29
Speaker
um And I'm in there. I'm back there. I'm back there trying to find my phone. I'm sticking my hand in all these crevices. And like i I'm like, guys, I felt it fall down here. I asked one of the attendants to call my cell phone and see if we can hear it vibrating. Meanwhile, the movie's playing.
00:27:47
Speaker
It's on. and like Stuff's happening behind me. I have no idea what's going on. Is anybody like looking at you? I don't think so. That's good. Because i did hear active laughs as the movie progressed.
00:27:58
Speaker
and now as it was going on so um They give up. They go, we'll come back after the movie ends. Now, I went to a 10 o'clock start time, so I'm freaking out. I'm like, what's going to happen when the movie ends and they're not here?
00:28:09
Speaker
Yeah, they're probably going home. Right. So I sit back down and I'm trying to watch the movie, but I'm like, bro, my phone is in this chair somewhere.
00:28:20
Speaker
The phone is in the chair. Then I started thinking one of these fucking guys took it. I'm just like, i'm yeah, I'm just having these random thoughts. Like somebody took it. Like they fucking snatched wasn't looking like what the fuck is going on. You're like, did my phone fall into the nether portal?
00:28:34
Speaker
Possibly it's in the void. I don't know where it went. Yeah. Uh, So I decide on my own accord to get up and flip this chair myself while the movie's playing. No one's in the theater besides like the audience, dude, I am fist fucking this chair.
00:28:51
Speaker
Like I am sticking my hand in every single fucking crevice, unzippering every zipper. I'm taking the chair apart. Looking for my phone. Yeah. Cannot find it. cat I'll send you a picture of my hand. My hand was cut up from like how like I was looking through this chair. Yeah.
00:29:07
Speaker
Uh,
00:29:10
Speaker
So you ended your night with a bang. So then I'm sitting there and the movie's playing and part of me is not paying attention and part of me is. you disinfect your hand after this? because I went home and scrubbed my hands with soap and water. yeah Yeah.
00:29:22
Speaker
I mean, it was... ah Dude, i'm so i'm The way that I flipped the chair, I'm behind it and I'm just sitting in a pile of like old popcorn. There was a bag of Sour Patch Kids that was like open on the floor like and they'd mold it into like one big fucking lump.
00:29:36
Speaker
Maybe this is why almost tore a throat. probably is. It was not healthy what I was doing. The movie ends and I'm like, fucking finally. And i run outside. I'm like, all right, movie's over. Fucking help me. And again, i told you I'm retarded, right?
00:29:50
Speaker
We come back inside. I realized that when I went out the first time, I brought them back to the chair that I was not assigned to. So I was fisting a chair that my phone did not fall into.
00:30:02
Speaker
So we go to the right chair. I was one i was one row short. I was in like J1. I went to H1. So we go to the right chair. We flip it over. It's right there. On the floor face down.
00:30:14
Speaker
So you could have like got it yourself without even... If I was in the right chair. Yeah, I would have... fine And you probably could have put it under... No, because I couldn't find it for recline. So we would have had to flip it.
00:30:26
Speaker
um And this is how fucking round and smooth and no crevices my brain is.
Screamboat Film Analysis
00:30:31
Speaker
I get out of the movie. I'm looking at my phone and i have a missed call and I text the number. Who's this? How about the fucking guy that was trying to call your phone to help you find it? idiot You fucking idiot.
00:30:43
Speaker
o Did he text you back? Yeah. Yeah, yeah i was so embarrassed. I didn't even answer. didn't at I was like, hey, I'm the AMC guy. Dude, he was like, hey, this guy lost his phone. He asked me to call this number.
00:30:54
Speaker
I don't think he thought it was me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, i'm so fuck i'm I'm so fucking stupid, dude. Now you can't go back there. No, going to go back. don't give a fuck. Shameless.
00:31:07
Speaker
I will not be going back to the AMC in Boston Common. and We'll talk about that later. ah Fuck that place. Anyways, so I would say a solid... I was paying attention when ah Gargar was in the... Gargar? That's they call a Jack Black calls him Gargar at one point. Yeah, I know.
00:31:25
Speaker
um When he was at the auction. And then the next time I was actively paying attention, not fist-fucking a chair, um was when they first get attacked by zombies and the skeleton shoots the arrow and knocks the outside part.
00:31:40
Speaker
Like, destroys the outside part. Okay. And that kid builds that tower, I guess. Not, like, crazy amounts of stuff you missed. But a solid chunk that I definitely didn't see. Not important stuff, but yeah.
00:31:52
Speaker
Yeah. um Anyways. I'm really upset that you had to experience that. I mean, i it's it's my fault. Also, i should I didn't say in this story, went went out this movie, phone, no case.
00:32:08
Speaker
That's just ballsy. That's just fucking stupid. Why'd you not have a case on it? Because got home, my phone was going to die, and I put it on the MagSafe charger. And then when I left, I didn't put the case.
00:32:19
Speaker
You don't have a MagSafe case? Yeah, so again, we're going down the vein of how stupid I am. I bought up i bought a case, and it doesn't work with the MagSafe. And the case I had before did. Huh.
00:32:31
Speaker
So it's just what it is. All right. right Well, my ah my Minecraft theater experience was... About is what you would expect. What's the occupancy like?
00:32:44
Speaker
Probably about 20 people. Okay. um Random kids about halfway through the movie just showed up. And like, I'm talking like little kids. Yeah.
00:32:54
Speaker
Like maybe four and they were just running the aisles. That's annoying. It was. I almost tripped one of them on purpose. That's fun. ah But other than that, it was, you know, just bunch of kids laughing. And I wasn't too mad if kids were laughing because it's Minecraft. There were people of our age laughing in this movie.
00:33:14
Speaker
I thought the movie, I think that's one of the biggest positives I have for the movie. I think the comedy hits so hard for me. Like I said, I might be autistic, but who knows?
00:33:26
Speaker
Undiagnosed. I don't, I don't know. Comedy is weird for me. It's very, I i like, we'll get into a scream boat. There was one line that I was like in tears laughing at and it, nothing else made me laugh in it.
00:33:38
Speaker
But, uh, for Minecraft,
00:33:42
Speaker
maybe some of it was kind of, some was like, Oh, ha ha. I see what you did there. More than like a, like an actual like laugh. It was for me. Like when I after I got out of the theater, I text you and I was like, it's cringe in a fun way.
00:33:58
Speaker
Yeah, it is cringe. ah We should also preface that we both played Minecraft as kids. I would argue I was a young adult playing Minecraft still. i mean, I played Minecraft hard.
00:34:09
Speaker
I still have Minecraft downloaded on pretty much everything I own. I can hop in once in a while. Oh, you do? Yeah. That's fun. I was addicted. I was up obsessed. because i couldn't Want to get a realm going?
00:34:21
Speaker
Yeah, let's fucking do it. Because couldn't play M-rated games. Shout my mom. So we're playing E10 games. So we're playing Minecraft for, I mean, hours.
00:34:32
Speaker
Hours and hours and hours on end. I played fucking Minecraft. Yeah, yeah you said that Jason Momoa was the big... big a big positive for you as well yeah he just excels in most things that he's in you know i mean like he he he's not afraid to be like an idiot you know like he can be aquaman he could be in game of thrones being all serious and then he can just hop in this role yeah he can just hop in this role where he's like a mid-30s guy who was popular in the 80s down down bad down real down bad
00:35:09
Speaker
Let me get into the general plot. All right. So basically, Steve, right? Jack Black. Not Steve Madden. Not Steve Madden. No. Steve from Minecraft wanted to be miner, not a kid because he was a kid, but like a cave miner.
00:35:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But kids weren't allowed to be down in the mines. I would say they're still not allowed to be down in the mines. Well, no, it's a good thing. Shout out my bloody Valentine. We sucks.
00:35:41
Speaker
Sorry. Good episode. Shout out the wiener pot. Wiener pot's underrated. Shout out the wiener pot, dude. So he worked like a boring office job selling doorknobs.
00:35:56
Speaker
And he was a loner. Did you write a scene by scene for this? Not really. Okay. All right. We're just going to give the general plot. Okay. I don't want you to go through whole entire movie. That'd be, didn't do that. not going through the entire movie.
00:36:08
Speaker
I was fisting a chair. You're a fist a chair? You're fuck a chair? No. All right. I was just very, I just really liked this movie. I'm sorry. So I was just kind of cooking. Go ahead. Basically finds this orb, right? Cook, Russ. Which is not an orb. It's a square, which they mentioned in the movie. It's not an orb.
00:36:25
Speaker
and he's like draw looks like It looks like the Tesseract. yeah It does look like the Tesseract. I thought it was a beacon at first, you know, from the actual games. Right. It's used as a beacon in the movie, but i don't think it is.
00:36:37
Speaker
Which this is the other thing, because um I haven't played Minecraft in a long time. What of this stuff have they actually added into the game and was just added just for the movie's sake? Like those pigs in the nether?
00:36:48
Speaker
Pigmen? That's a thing? have always been exist. They've always existed. Oh, then I'm a fake fan. Or I was not in the nether much. Probably not. I mean there's nothing in there besides like nether courts.
00:37:00
Speaker
Yeah. Gold, I guess. ah But, and that pig bitch, she doesn't exist. Yeah. like She was just created for the movie, I guess.
00:37:12
Speaker
Mog Shala, the fuck her name is? Yeah. already fucking butchered name. Basically, this orb and shit brings him into the overworld of Minecraft, which is like the normal world, right? Yes. Then, it's like I said, this evil pig bitch wants this orb to control the world, right?
00:37:29
Speaker
So Steve knows that he's going to be kidnapped, right? So he tells his dog, Dennis, all right? Shout out Dennis. Shout Dennis. He charms this dog. If you know, you know, right? Dogs are the goats of Minecraft. How do you charm dogs? Give them your bone. Give them your bone. We are not okay with bestiality. No, but I force fuck cows all the time in Minecraft.
00:37:50
Speaker
That's true. You can force fuck pigs too. Yeah. Force fuck chickens. If you want. If you want. Anyway, so Dennis brings the orb back to the real world, right? He hides it under his bed.
00:38:02
Speaker
Yes. So then time goes by. Mm-hmm. And Henry and his sister Natalie... Not Harry Potter. Not Harry. Henry. Move into this guy's house, right?
00:38:14
Speaker
Because they're like parents died or some shit. Classic kids movie thing. My parents died. Classic orphans. Classic orphans, right? And they bought Steve's house because it was abandoned.
00:38:25
Speaker
All his stuff was put in a storage unit. Right? and ah Yeah! ah Yeah. shut storage war Like on Storage Wars. Right? So then yeah the winner of the storage unit is Garrett.
00:38:36
Speaker
Who has no money. He has no money. he He runs a video game store. Which he's about to get evicted from. But he sees this Atari thing in the storage unit. He's like, I'm to fucking buy that. I'm going make a lot money.
00:38:49
Speaker
It's not in there. But what's in there, in the box, is the orb. Right. And then Jason Momoa kind of goes pedophile-like and starts friending Henry, takes him under his wing. He's like a mentor.
00:39:02
Speaker
Yeah. And then he's like, let me touch this, John. So Henry touches John. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Henry puts the orb in the crystal thing, and they all get sucked into the Minecraft world.
00:39:16
Speaker
And basically, the entire plot of the movie is Steve needs to help them get out of Minecraft. And they can't get out because the jaw that goes over the Tesseract broke. because Right.
00:39:28
Speaker
Because Jason Momoa got shot by a skeleton. that's That really, I mean, I don't know how much I have to to say about this other than I really appreciate the visuals.
00:39:39
Speaker
I think it looks great. Probably one of the best-looking CGI. You ever fuck around with um shaders in Minecraft, like on the computer? No. Basically, there's like these there's these things you can download to make the graphics look different. and like they can like Your things have like shadow.
00:39:56
Speaker
It looks like high def. It looks different. it's like text Yeah, like and like texture packs and stuff like that. Right. I really fuck with it. I've seen online a big negative for it is that it looks like people are are in front of a green screen the entire time. I don't know if I agree with that.
00:40:12
Speaker
Certain shots, like when they're flying through like the canyon on the Elytras, that kind of a little rough. Which, what did he say when they were flying? they had to go nut to... What fuck? When he turned them? There's so many sex jokes and...
00:40:29
Speaker
sex jokes and like They curse, kind of. They do kind of curse. Like ass and hell, damn, crap.
00:40:40
Speaker
Crap shouldn't be a curse word. No, I agree with that. But basically, yeah Jason Momoa and Jack Black 69 to fit through a hole. Hot. ah Yeah, I mean, they the gas look great. The skeletons, I didn't think they were in the movie long enough, look great. The zombies look great.
00:40:56
Speaker
Spider jockey. What are we doing? and We have spider jockeys. That sick. Chicken jockeys? It was a chicken jockey. Was there a spider jockey? Spiders did not make an appearance. They did. Where?
00:41:07
Speaker
You were fisting stuff.
00:41:10
Speaker
Hmm. I was kind of mad I didn't see them. Yeah, when it first became night, all the skeletons were riding the spiders. so I must have missed it. It's okay. I was fisting my chair. You're getting fisted.
00:41:21
Speaker
Yeah, literally fisted my chair. It's what it is. What other positives you have? The comedy, the CGI... They really did, i don't know, like, great with the source material.
00:41:35
Speaker
You know, like, they they knew what they were talking about. I think what you're saying is they paid our, like... did there what happened in What happened in Minecraft, like, could happen in a Minecraft, like, world on the computer.
00:41:49
Speaker
Like, it follows Minecraft rules. It'll be, like... You really feel like you're in like a Minecraft game. Yeah, like, come on. They even used water bucket. A crafting table. They used a crafting table. They used a water bucket to break their fall.
00:42:01
Speaker
Right. like shout to Although, if they jumped off that cliff and landed that war, they wouldn't have died. No, they probably wouldve taken a little bit of fall damage. but i mean, unless there was like a one like there was a block right there, they would have No damage. maybe there are anddas in mind Are pandas in Minecraft now?
00:42:17
Speaker
They are. Yeah, pandas and bees. Why are pandas in Minecraft 4? Because they have bamboo forests. Do they attack you? No, they're friendly. and Okay. kind wanna to play I honestly left to feel like i want Minecraft again.
00:42:28
Speaker
I did too, yeah. And all of them are connected now. like You can play PS5 to PC and all that stuff. I have it on my PC, but um unless they didn't jump in the water because they were afraid of the drowned.
00:42:41
Speaker
Do you know who the drowned are? Are those those ones that have the underwater like ah castles and shit? Yeah. Societies? Yep. That's like right when I stopped playing. They're like zo yeah zombie swimmers.
00:42:54
Speaker
How doing? That's what I called. That's what it's called when a zombie shoots out sperm. Are there sharks now too or no? Dolphins.
00:43:04
Speaker
That's fun. They don't do anything. i kind of missed the old Minecraft. and be honest. yeah I know you gotta to keep adding shit to stay relevant, but... Right. i mean the general Also, can you get those can you get those Wing Johns in Minecraft 2 now?
00:43:16
Speaker
Oh, you didn't play when there was Elytras? No. Damn. Yeah, you can get them. i You can only get them after you beat um the Ender Dragon, because then you go to like the Ender Villages and you've got to loot it from a chest.
00:43:31
Speaker
Right. I've never done that. Yeah. And they they I was really worried they weren't going to talk about it, but Jack Black was like, you can use fireworks as propulsion. And that's kind of how what you get around. does do That's kind how you get around, because like you can glide, but then you'll lose trajectory, and then you've got to shoot yourself up with a rocket.
00:43:48
Speaker
Red Rocket, dogs, how you doing? Shout out Sean Baker. He direct a movie called red he shan baker directed a movie called Red Rocket. Is it about jerking dog off? i I hope not.
00:44:01
Speaker
Okay. Yeah, I hope not. so i You know what? There was no Silverfish. No, there was no Silverfish. I don't think we needed that, though.
00:44:12
Speaker
Bullshit. um i like I like what they did with the chest, how you open a chest and there was like stuff in there. That was cool, yeah. How they did the crafting table. They kind of made it work, I feel like. You just place it down and bang, and it's there.
00:44:25
Speaker
And then you got something. You got water buckets. Water buckets, yeah. he Jason Momoa made nunchucks out of two water buckets. W. And then Henry made a... Not Harry.
00:44:37
Speaker
Not Harry. Henry made tater top launcher. Portrait of the Seeropiller. W. That's pretty sick though, honestly. but Bring guns in Minecraft. There's packs you can fucking add guns to Minecraft. mean, yeah, there's mods and stuff, but maybe they'll add the tater tot launcher now.
00:44:54
Speaker
Maybe. Someone's got to make a mod of it already.
00:45:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's what I like the most. It definitely made me feel nostalgic for the game. Yeah, they knew what they were talking about. Except, you know, attacking someone with a hoe. Not a good Dirty hoe. Yeah.
00:45:12
Speaker
I would say, I mean, other than that, it's not, it's, it's cringe. Like you mentioned, some of the lines are pretty fucking cringe. I saw a review that was like, they, they were, they were done when Jack Black was like, let's mine and craft.
00:45:25
Speaker
Let's Minecraft. It's pretty tough. I mean, it's rough. Yeah. But that's late in the movie. You're right. I don't think the buddy, buddy thing works between Jason Momoa and Jack Black. I, I think their chemistry is good.
00:45:42
Speaker
But like at the end when they're like trying to like say goodbye, it's like, bro, you guys argued the entire movie. And you were friends for like 30. And now you're all hyped that like Jace Mova comes back riding a fucking gassed.
00:45:54
Speaker
Which can you do that? Ride a gassed? Like have that drawn like fucking. I don't think so. Yeah. But there are um because everybody's like, how the fuck are their gasts in? That's what I was thinking. How's their gasts in the overworld?
00:46:08
Speaker
You can build those nether ports big as you want. yeah There's a minimum ah minimum size and you can just make them as big as you want. Yeah, but gas can't come into like the normal world.
00:46:19
Speaker
Pigment can. It's a fucking movie. Yeah, but then I saw something saying that there they're making it. Like you can tame gas and bring them into your world. That's a W. Imagine like building a fucking fortress and you have a gas at each like.
00:46:33
Speaker
and Yeah. No, like collar to your fucking. and you got my lasso to your fence post.
00:46:41
Speaker
which is Yeah, just lasso a gas. Lasso a gas and put them on your on a fence post like one little fence post. Then you got find slimes. ah It's too much work. Finding slimes does suck a lot of ass. It does.
00:46:53
Speaker
I don't like doing that. No, we sound like fucking losers. Yeah. We do, but I did play Minecraft for a long time. But I was more of a, I would just do the open, the flat world, and you have like unlimited whatever and just build shit. That was more speed. Creative mode.
00:47:06
Speaker
I like doing the survival every once in a while, but I'm more of a just like build shit. I'm ah i' the one of those losers where it's like, okay, I'm going to create a survival world, but I'm going to start on peaceful until I build my house.
00:47:17
Speaker
Then I'm going to go full on. Oh, you fucking dork. ah Peaceful until then. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. um i'm currently playing through uh the south park fractured butthole uh but once i get through that i'm probably gonna start playing minecraft again i'm gonna lie to you i think i have it oh i had it old laptop not this one i could probably get it back though is it on mac i've played it i played on my old mac yeah oh i mean if it wasn't you're missing a pretty big audience i feel like that's true
00:47:47
Speaker
and Yeah. Well, I didn't know because Minecraft ah or Minecraft. Microsoft owns it now. Mojang. Yeah. Yeah, I played it. I was playing on my MacBook back in like 2017. Whoa. whoa Which is like almost 10 years ago.
00:48:00
Speaker
You were like 19. Yeah, playing Minecraft. It's what it is. i had no friends. I still have no friends. but Like, I feel like more adults probably play Minecraft than kids at this point. Yeah, there were some pretty big YouTubers that I followed that were like in the Minecraft space. lot of them came out to become pedophiles, but it's right.
00:48:19
Speaker
Oh. Wait, just because don't know. Was that one guy? like mr not Something Sparkles? Never followed him, thank God. He was pretty big, but he was like a pedophile. A guy that I still am subscribed to from like back when I first got ah ah made a YouTube account. B00.
00:48:35
Speaker
This dude... I mean, listen... It's going to sound fucking stupid, this man's talented. Okay? He knows what he's doing in a Minecraft world. Right. ah Like, built, like, always built, like, really beautiful shit.
00:48:48
Speaker
Really cool shit. Shout out, like, all those people that taught me how to use Redstone because I just couldn't grasp the fact. like Right. that' That's, like, complicated stuff. Also, shout out GenericBee. That was the first Patreon ever subscribed to to watch Minecraft.
00:49:03
Speaker
Whoa. Yeah, i paid a watch I paid to watch a guy play Minecraft. How about that? Was it, like... Yeah. full-on like playthroughs or like tutorials
00:49:13
Speaker
no the guy that did tutorials i think it was paul soars he had his uh survive and thrive series about how to play minecraft it was like 40 or 50 it was fucking amazing it was so i had a piece of paper as a kid i don't even give a fuck what people think about me anymore yeah I had a piece of paper as a kid that had like episode three. He covers this. If you need like you need to remember how to do this.
00:49:34
Speaker
Episode fucking eight, he covers Redstone. I had that kind of shit. And then there was one. They had this series. I forgot what was called. Oh, it was a mod. It was a Attack of the B Team. This shit was so fire. And all these fucking Minecraft YouTubers were just in one big world and like ah i playing in this world. and you could watch all their channels, see all their different like perspectives on it.
00:49:54
Speaker
um And sometimes they would collaborate. Minecraft is dope. I fucking love Minecraft. I always did. like um I just haven't played in a long time. If you want to like get a server together, you've got to pay for it. but I've tried. and so So Zach and I, shout Zach, you fat fuck.
00:50:10
Speaker
um
00:50:13
Speaker
ramo Zach and I tried to make a server and it never worked. I think they updated it back in the day. Are we going to get off this recording and play Minecraft now? I don't know. Maybe. I might fuck around find out.
00:50:25
Speaker
Yeah. I'm using controller because fuck keyboard and mouse, but. I was actually pretty good at it. Yeah, played for a long time. like I finally made the switch over to the WASDE keys.
00:50:36
Speaker
ya mean Can't do FPSs on keyboard and mouse. I'm just a stupid idiot. what I mean, me too. i was fisting a chair. Yeah, but that's more fun than trying to fumble with like WASDE.
00:50:50
Speaker
WASDE. I will say, i don't, so, this movie's getting panned pretty hard. Not as hard as Snow White, by the way. Snow White's officially, like, one of the worst performing Disney movies of all time. I mean, as it should be.
00:51:01
Speaker
As it should be. That that movie's a fucking... ah I think Minecraft's getting slammed pretty hard. I don't think it's as bad as it people make it seem. Do you think a lot of people going into it not knowing Minecraft?
00:51:13
Speaker
That's the other thing. So I saw a review that was like they over explained everything. and It's like, well if you've never seen if you've never played Minecraft before, you don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And they only did that in the beginning. Yeah, I mean.
00:51:27
Speaker
Some other scenes, they kind of explain shit. I feel like that's more for so like the adults, you know, like the the adults taking their kids to go see it. Yeah. I don't know. I think people are hating on it because they didn't.
00:51:40
Speaker
the people that are hating on it, I don't think they know what the target audience was.
00:51:46
Speaker
Yeah. but the other thing too, is like the other conversation I've seen online is that, Oh, it's made for kids. So it's not gonna be that great. Like kids movies should have a standard still, you know what i mean? Talking about like, like Shrek, like,
00:52:00
Speaker
is a great movie, even as an adult, is a phenomenal movie. like The Incredibles, were at it like we've been through this, but Monsters, Inc., they're all great movies. Most of Pixar's entire back catalog, like except for Elio.
00:52:13
Speaker
Right. Lion King. Most Disney movies are like... Back then. Yeah. From 2009 back.
00:52:24
Speaker
I can think of like modernly, like Coco, ah Soul... I guess Luca's decent. Luca's decent. Yeah. I like decent. We were a star. if We were, we're a star difference on that movie.
00:52:37
Speaker
Like a whole star difference on that movie. Yeah. Uh, we have a banked review of that movie. If you want to hear it, let us know all timeline by, by Gerald, by the way, in that movie, in that, uh, review, which, uh, if we released that episodes in the top, that's in top 10 for this year, for sure.
00:52:52
Speaker
Um, Either way, i don't think it's as bad as people make it say make it out to be. i don't think it's good. I think the characters outside of... Well, actually, any of them have any kind of real development. The sister and that random black lady just don't really have any purpose in the Yeah, they're just kind of there. She's like, I need to save my brother.
00:53:20
Speaker
Yeah. But i mean, anytime they're like walking through the like the biomes, I was like, i was in it. i was like, this is fucking cool. This shit looks sick. Going into the woodland mansion. I was like, yo, I didn't know what that was. Oh, you don't even know woodland mansions.
00:53:33
Speaker
No. Damn, dude. All right. Yeah. Yeah. ah The Enderman shout to the fucking Enderman. They made him scary. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. That was a W. That was so... It looked so good.
00:53:44
Speaker
I was like, whoa. I was very impressed with that. i could see The visuals for me are the biggest sell. Oh, yeah. I was terrified of anyone playing the game. Just playing the game, I was terrified.
00:53:56
Speaker
ah What do you think you're going rate it? Unless you have more to say. I don't have... I don't have any more to say. Because I'm just going probably like... I'm going be talking about the game instead of the movie at this point. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:09
Speaker
I've gone back and forth between three and three and a half. Um, I, knowing what it is, right. i think I'm going to just chill out a little bit and give it a three.
00:54:25
Speaker
Fair enough. edit Three and a half, because then I'm going to probably rewatch it and then probably be like, Oh, I, I kind of get the, the criticism. Oh, next week. I'm a Minecraft elitist. Oh, um,
00:54:38
Speaker
But I'm definitely going that 4K steelbook that got announced, dude. I was going to say, that looks fire. I'm buying that. That's a cop. I don't give a fuck. Sure, dude. I'm buying that. that's on the wall. It has nothing to do with the movie. It's just a bunch of like stuff from the games, but it looks sick.
00:54:53
Speaker
It looks fucking sick. I would buy that and then buy a disc copy of the game and put the game inside of it. Yo. That might be a move, dude. Yeah. That'd be lit. I think I'm – I want to watch it again because, again, for ah solid chunk, I was fisting a chair.
00:55:12
Speaker
You know what i mean? Yeah. Like cutting my hand up. Did you get any pleasure out of it? No. My hands really hurt afterwards. Like really hurt. And they did not smell good. Yeah. I was – oh, yeah.
00:55:24
Speaker
It was bad. I want to watch –
00:55:29
Speaker
Stop the podcast. What? That's what I forgot to mention. Say it. Shout out the guy at Regal. All right. I'll shut this guy out. The guy that didn't give a fuck about his job at the concession stand. Right.
00:55:42
Speaker
So I had a free small drink. Right. And if I drink any more, I've established if I drink any more at a movie theater above like a small, I'm gonna have to piss before the movie's over.
00:55:52
Speaker
And it's really bothering me. That's good science right there. Dude, I go to, I pee like 80 times a day. It's really getting on my nerves. I have diabetes. Um, he's like, he's like, what do want?
00:56:06
Speaker
No, no, don't shout out diabetes. He's like what do you want? And I'm like, you know what? Type one or type two. Sorry. Whichever one's less bad. Type one. Yeah. Yeah. I was, he was like, what do you want?
00:56:17
Speaker
I'm like, you know what? Give me a story feeling, feeling risky. And um and then he's like, he's like, all right. And then he's like, do you want one of our flavor shots?
00:56:28
Speaker
And I'm like, what's that? What does that mean? And he like point back shot. Kind of. Yeah. He pointed down. It was like this little list of like flavors that you can like shoot into your soda.
00:56:40
Speaker
It was sponsored by Captain America. Shout out Captain America. He was like, do you want any of these? I'm like, do they cost money like extra money? Because like this shit's free right now. i'm not trying to actually pay for my free soda.
00:56:53
Speaker
Okay, so you you got... What'd you get? Starry? Starry. So you didn't get...
00:57:03
Speaker
I literally just pulled that while you were talking. ah No, because ah my Regals Pepsi products. Shout out tequilas and sprites. Fucking do that more. I love fucking tequila sprite. Sorry. I do too.
00:57:15
Speaker
Anyways, you got a flavor shot. Yeah, I was like. but You caught this guy's fucking back shot. Yeah, I did. um like I like, don't want to pay for that. And he's like he's like, you know what? I don't really care. I'll just give it to you. Wow, I'll just give you his fucking back shot? Yeah, dude, he's straight upset. I don't care that much. I'll just give it to you. Did he shoot it in your mouth? Where do you shoot it?
00:57:33
Speaker
Nah, he kind of took my cup away for all I know he jizzed in it, but... You were you were like... He was like, where should i put it in my cup? you He was like... was like, you know what? Give me blue raspberry.
00:57:46
Speaker
He's like, that's that's a Gerald move. Yeah. That's a real popular one. But like they were so in depth, like next to like the, the soda, it had like suggestions what to put in it.
00:57:58
Speaker
Based on this. Based on what the soda. Yeah. Like, so you can't get cherry Pepsi. and my name I don't know. But they had like a cherry sauce. And that was one of the suggestions.
00:58:10
Speaker
ah So next time I might have to get the cherry Pepsi sauce. ah But shout out that guy for not giving a fuck about his minimum wage job and just shoot up. Shout out to him. Shoot but oh You caught his fucking load, dude. It's like that shit on the fucking chin.
00:58:28
Speaker
It's like fucking pop a Smurf key on your face. he was Also, shout out to the 46k people who gave Minecraft a five star on Letterboxd. 46,000 people gave it that. I feel like that's one of these movies where it's like, it could be a five star or it could be like a two.
00:58:43
Speaker
It's not a five because this movie is not as funny as like Cat in the Hat. That's true. Cat in a Hat's like generational. Yeah. ah Did I say I was going to rate it? i So I was fist fucking the chair.
00:58:54
Speaker
and i I cock blocked you with my me taking the regal guy shot. Right. Rim job. ah I think um i want to i want to see I actually want to see it again because i wasn't really paying attention because I was so like, where's my phone? which i I now know how it's testing with my phone. I was like, where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
00:59:11
Speaker
There's probably a lot of Easter eggs too. I'm sure. um So I'm probably going to give it a two and a half. That's valid, you know? i'm not I can't be mad at that. I want to see it again. i don't like i just my experience was kind of ruined.
00:59:23
Speaker
Because were just thinking about your phone. Yeah. Why is there Screenboat 2 already confirmed? What are we doing? On Letterboxd. I went to go log this movie and I typed in steamboat and I was like, where the fuck is it? And i was like, it's fucking scream, but you retard. You just watched the movie.
00:59:36
Speaker
Normally when I type in like a couple words or letters, right? The movie pops up. So I typed in like SC and nothing S C R E A. And then it was just like scream one through like six.
00:59:48
Speaker
I'm like, how deep is this? Right. Yeah. It's, you gotta go, you gotta go scream B and you'll probably get it. Yeah. Scream bad. Um, Yeah, we'll go through the cast. It's directed by Steve LaMorte.
01:00:01
Speaker
Which i found out, he directed Mean One. Which, if this is like Mean One, yeah I don't want to watch that. No, Mean One might be better than this movie.
01:00:14
Speaker
I'll be honest. Mean One is pretty bad. I give Mean One a half star? I get a one star. Oh, i I don't know. I'd watch Mean One again. But I like this whole universe universe that we're doing. i really do it They're bad, but I enjoy it.
01:00:27
Speaker
You know what mean? They're trying to do what, like, the Winnie the Pooh people are doing. Right. And it's just not. But I kind of like it. But I kind of like it. Oh, I'm not. They're bad.
01:00:39
Speaker
They're really bad. Is anyone streaming? Probably somewhere. or you could probably pirate it. Don't do that, but you probably could.
01:00:50
Speaker
Peacock? Come on. I just want to say this entire cast besides David Howard Thornton and that one girl ah is a who that boy who him is. not going to click it a bunch of times for all these people.
01:01:02
Speaker
ah So David Howard Thornton himself is Screamboat Willie, a.k.a. Art the Clown, a.k.a. The Mean One. He's actually called Screamboat Willie, not Screamboat Willie.
01:01:14
Speaker
Oh, you're right. So
Cast and Roles in Horror Films
01:01:17
Speaker
there's a rut on my part. No, David Howard Thorne's kind of ugly. I'm not going lie. We love you. we ugly No, he's ugly. Yeah, you're right. He ain't fuck. We ain't fuck him. There's a reason you're always under prosthetics.
01:01:26
Speaker
Yeah. ain't fucking it. Which I feel like is just like the fuck formula for him. It's like, yep, give me a role where I can just do physical acting, not speak, and wear a fuck ton of prosthetics.
01:01:37
Speaker
Which will make a lot of money, dude. Whatever. Get the bag. I can't see this money, this movie, paying him a lot. Nope, ah but Terrify will. We have Jesse Cove, who plays Lieutenant Diaz. That's kind of a beast.
01:01:52
Speaker
He was the cop, right? Yeah, he was the... On the boat, and then gets electrocuted. The cocky one? Yeah. um We have... Oh, why, you want to fuck him?
01:02:04
Speaker
He's just a good little guy, but he's in a movie called Psycho Stripper, so now I'm a little concerned.
01:02:11
Speaker
I don't really care if he gets the button or not. I'm not sure if you're going to push for this hard. No, I don't care. Okay. ah Jesse Posey, he plays Pete. ah This kid I would give the button. He's a piece. Yeah.
01:02:23
Speaker
Dare I say like the best actor in the movie?
01:02:28
Speaker
I really like David Howard Thornton, though. Beside. I didn't mean like. Okay. And that girl who was a piece from Terra Fari 2 I thought was great at playing a drunk annoying lady.
01:02:39
Speaker
Oh, she plays like the bimbo like really well snobby bitch really well. Yeah.
01:02:48
Speaker
ah We have Charles Edwin Powell who plays ah President Molnar. He's not even fucking the movie for like more than five minutes. ah He's not really a piece. He's been a lot of shit though.
01:03:00
Speaker
ah We have Amy Schumacher who plays Amber. I do not think she's a piece. No. She the EMT. Yeah, no, she's not. He ain't fucking it.
01:03:11
Speaker
And her... He ain't fucking it. Her entire filmography is the mean one in Screamboat. She's off to a really hot start. You're on your way. I'm sure it's hard out here.
01:03:22
Speaker
i mean, you got to work with David Howard Thornton on your first two movies. That's pretty good. It's W. ah We have Jarlath Conroy, who plays Barry. ah He was a crazy old man. He's in True Grits. Good movie.
01:03:35
Speaker
ah We have Allison Patel, who plays Selena. I think she was just one of the... Oh, she was the main... She's the main chick. The main chick. I'd give her to her.
01:03:46
Speaker
I'd give her to her. I'd give it to her. She was also in Scream. our so ah Stream. She was in Steam.
01:03:59
Speaker
Steam on my chest. Cleveland Steamer. Shout out Ola Beckham Jr. We have ah Jared Lindsey who plays Moses. a Who that boy who him is.
01:04:11
Speaker
We have Rumi C. Jean-Louis. who plays Mateo. He's a little boy who gives a fuck about him. i was really hoping you could kill him. Yeah, fuck, dude. It'd be so great. We have Anthony E. Williams, who I keep clicking it early, plays Officer Martinez, who that boy, who him is.
01:04:29
Speaker
have Tyler Posey, who plays the radio operator, Mike. um And the only other person that i really actually wanted to shout out was that girl, but I don't see her on here again.
01:04:43
Speaker
There she is. um Kaylee Hyman. I
Movie Theater Experiences and Critiques
01:04:49
Speaker
want to see your Heyman. Yeah. What is it? She
01:04:55
Speaker
plays Cindy. She's a fucking piece. She's in Terrifier 2 and she has a little cameo 3. Like for 30 seconds when um Lauren Lavera is having like those flashbacks and she sees her.
01:05:08
Speaker
She's the bitch in Terrifier 2 that mollies her drink. Yes. I think it's absolutely eviscerated in the terror fire. We should also shout out ah Q from Impractical Jokers. littlel Little cameo.
01:05:22
Speaker
And ah Joe DeRosa. If you know who Joe DeRosa is, keep to this podcast. um I have a solid amount of notes on this movie, but I will say this first. I went back to AMC Boston Common, which I was actively boycotting, if you guys remember, because of the flat soda thing.
01:05:40
Speaker
yeah I had to go to this one because no other theater was playing this movie. And yet again, flat fucking soda. I mean, I took one sip and I wanted to throw it. how How is this possible?
01:05:52
Speaker
I don't know how their soda's flat all the time. I've gone on a Monday. I've gone on a Thursday. I've gone i've gone probably every day the week to this fucking place, and it's always flat, and it's always shit, and I'm sick of it. The last story I told you, I complained.
01:06:04
Speaker
And the guy was like, have you tried a different machine? That's not the point, fuckwad. The point is you need to give me some carbonation. Please, and some fucking flavor, dog.
01:06:16
Speaker
They're probably expired products. Is it Coke? It's Coke, yeah. getting i just get i don't get i don't get I'm not getting anything crazy. I'm getting Coca-Cola. You should do Coca-Cola right.
01:06:28
Speaker
McDonald's can. Yeah, ah this is the problem. The new place is walking distance from McDonald's. It's going to be an issue. You're going to be getting hella McChicken. I could literally walk there.
01:06:40
Speaker
You're going to working out and then putting it on again. Yeah. That's a problem. You need the carbs. No, I don't know. um I'll go with my... ah This isn't a positive or negative. I just didn't realize the marketing made it seem like ah Steamboat Willie was a full-size person.
01:07:01
Speaker
Like a big-ass rat. was thrown off. And then he's just like it's like yeah he's like scaled down. Yeah, like yeah they like green screen shrunk him. Yeah.
01:07:11
Speaker
It was very off-putting. But I did... Go ahead. I think that's part of the charm. I did love that. show He you literally hit a... hole Yeah, that show was that was so funny. I love that shit.
01:07:27
Speaker
um I'll tell you the one thing that made me laugh was when they get locked in the room on the ferry. So by the way, this movie essentially is people getting trapped on a boat and then the mouse trying to kill them all. That's all it is. Just like, but it's bad.
01:07:44
Speaker
And the whole reason he's like killing people is because he's trying to find Minnie. Cause she's lost at sea. Hmm. And she, well, actually I shouldn't say that. Um, When they're all locked in the room and that officer is like, we're New Yorkers.
01:07:59
Speaker
How are going to figure this out? We're big fucking balls.
01:08:05
Speaker
We're big balls. That shit, dude. I was in the theater cackling at that fucking line. That shit was so funny to me. I mean, so funny. I kind of. The only part I kind of like really out loud laughed at is when those bitches were making that dumb face.
01:08:22
Speaker
And then they got murdered with a forklift. Yeah, Steamboat Willie's just, he's like, huh? He's looking at like, you're retarded people. but Yeah, I mean, it is it is a funny commenter. Like, have you ever seen someone in public, like, trying to film a TikTok? its like, you guys, you look so fucking stupid.
01:08:38
Speaker
Yeah. Also, they said the name of that face, and I don't know what they said. I don't know either. But I'm like, I see that face all the time. In, like, uwu clips. Uwu?
01:08:51
Speaker
ah Shout out my job. People like take pictures right in front of the bathroom and like make TikToks because there's like a big window. You can set the waterfront. ahha It's like you guys look fucking stupid.
01:09:03
Speaker
Real dumb. never really grasp the whole TikTok thing. Like, I still don't go on it. I mean, TikTok hasn't firmly grasped our podcast yet because the views are not great. I go on Instagram Reels.
01:09:15
Speaker
That's what it is. ah The kills were very, very much hit or miss. I will say my favorite kill was the blowjob kill. Blowjob kill going to be iconic.
01:09:27
Speaker
Yeah, and I feel like I texted you about this, that it's very, very similar to a kill in Terrifier 3.
01:09:35
Speaker
um So it's just, I don't know. It felt, some of it us felt original and some felt like, eh, this is fine. I mean, there were some kills that looked really bad. Yeah, there was a lot of off-screen kills too.
01:09:47
Speaker
Like why? Why are we doing this? Oh, and the piano-wired neck saw-off thing was kind of funny. anyway Where, like, he thought he couldn't, like, cut through because he wasn't strong. He's like, and he started sawing harder. It was fucking funny as shit.
01:10:02
Speaker
Yeah, and he's, like, whistling while he's doing it. He's, like, doing it to the beat. Like, cut head off. Yeah, like that. I thought the first kill was pretty good with the Statue of Liberty guy. He, like, takes the torch and, like, shoves it through his face.
01:10:17
Speaker
The practical effects, I mean, again, we have to give credit where it's due. They did do practical effects and did look great. I'm not too sure what the budget of this movie is, but I don't know where all of the budget went.
01:10:31
Speaker
Probably just paying David Howard Thornton. Has to be, right? Also, the movie's an hour. I can't find the budget. Sorry. We'll update you if we find out. It's a little too long.
01:10:43
Speaker
It's an hour 40. That, yeah, I mean, it's way too fucking long. you
01:10:50
Speaker
It's back. Yay. You don't need slashers, especially this kind of slasher, to be more than 90 minutes. Yeah, this goofy thing. Yeah, cut it, bro. you know Cut it by at least 10 minutes. Hour and 20?
01:11:02
Speaker
They kept showing that shitty boat. The shitty design. like it Like, fucking just cut all those scenes. I don't care. or like, the shots of New York. I get it It looks so pretty. Shut the fuck up.
01:11:14
Speaker
No, it doesn't. You ever been in the streets, dude? Get out of Times Square and you're going to be like, do do you have any other positives that you want to share? Because I'm just to start shitting on this movie now.
01:11:24
Speaker
I have no. right. My biggest thing, and this is something that bothers me in, I would say, slasher movies in general. I don't like mass killings.
01:11:38
Speaker
Oh, no. Like, I believe it's the the collection, the sequel to The Collector. They do one that really fucking irks me. And like any kind of sequence where 25 people die always looks bad.
01:11:52
Speaker
It feels cheap. And it's fucking stupid. So the one in this movie was no exception. It's a cop out. Yeah, did not like it. you Them getting electrocuted. The electricity coming out of Palpatine's hands and fucking Empire Strikes Back looked better than this shit.
01:12:07
Speaker
Yeah, and that was like 1970-something. So like why not make this more contained and then put more interest in the kills? Because like that we talked about it over text. That kill where he gets lit on fire? Fucking terrible. Horrible. We go from some of the best CGI to some of the worst.
01:12:24
Speaker
What's good CGI in this, you think? No, I mean like in Minecraft. Oh, oh i okay, yeah. Yeah. um i did I mean, I think we knew, though, we we can shoot the movie for looking bad. i think we all knew beforehand this isn't to look great.
01:12:38
Speaker
We never thought, hey, it's going to look good. No. just My expectation was shitty CGI and then... Some good kills. Good practical.
01:12:50
Speaker
And we got... And good fucking prosthetics, which obviously... So, okay. what it How much did you like the way... David Howard Thornton looked. I mean,
01:13:06
Speaker
i kind of muddied him. Like he couldn't do facial expressions very well, which is kind of his thing. But like the costume design.
01:13:18
Speaker
Looked like it bought it at like spirit Halloween. Okay. I don't know. I wasn't very impressed with that either. that's why would getting your take on it.
01:13:26
Speaker
Uh, The origin story they tried to do with Willie was fucking terrible. I just, felt no, it was so bad. I laughed. I just didn't care. Like, Oh, like an old, like boat hand. His name was Walter known as Walt.
01:13:40
Speaker
I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah. Walt Disney. Get it. Get it? Our back? Okay. They were doing like experiments on Mickey Mouse to make him more like anthropomorphic.
01:13:55
Speaker
Yeah. yeah What fucking word did you just say to me? Anthropomorphic? What that mean? It's like when inanimate... Wow. Here's my IQ.
01:14:05
Speaker
Inanimate objects become animate. Like when non-anthropomorphic things move.
01:14:16
Speaker
So if you brought this this war ball to life. Yeah, if you gave it like little eyes and shit. Made him dance, do a little jig. I'll dance for you. um Yeah, it was kind of fucking stupid. Didn't really have much going for it.
01:14:33
Speaker
ah A positive here. i love the fact that when... um Willie was like killing everybody. He saw the main your girl and he was like in love with her.
01:14:43
Speaker
I fucking love that. thought That was so funny. That shit was hilarious to me. Like King Kong shit. kind But her being, but her, and then he gives her the bouquet of like ears.
Speculation on Future Films and Ratings
01:14:52
Speaker
That was funny. That shit was fucking great.
01:14:55
Speaker
But then the, the romance of her with the other dude, Pete, that shit was so fucking eye roll stupid. Like just don't even, why even have that in the movie?
01:15:06
Speaker
It's a slasher trope. And then we go right into Pete's death scene. He's just literally hanging out in the water. And they're just looking at him. He's yeah, go without me. And they're like, well, you could just but you just come up. He's like, no, go without me.
01:15:20
Speaker
they're like, well. I'm trying to kill this mouse. Here's another thing, too. And I said this about Chucky. I could beat the shit out of Screamboat Willie. I call him Screamboat again. It's what it is. right I could beat the shit out that fucking rat.
01:15:33
Speaker
Just kick him. That's it. He's like shorter than Chucky, I feel. Yeah. Oh, he's a rat. Or mouse. A little tiny mouse. I don't think he's like full mouse size, but he's like... i think he's I think he's a little bit bigger than a mouse.
01:15:47
Speaker
At least two feet. At least. um And then why... That lady from the opening who you think dies, and then like she's like a loyal servant to Willie. Yeah, what is that?
01:16:01
Speaker
I didn't even hate that, but then they killed her like immediately. So I was like, what was the point of even having her come back for like four lines? I didn't even catch her name. At first, I thought it was Dominic. I'm like, why is this chick's name? Shout out Trans.
01:16:17
Speaker
Um... i do I did like all those noises. Yeah, that was fucking great. ah And then the other thing I didn't really like... i mean, we talked about the de kills, but the EMT, she got stabbed in the chest, and it's like barely even the tip. It's like a nick.
01:16:34
Speaker
right And then she's just like... And then she's like, it's a good thing I was an EMT. She saved her own life. Stepped on the fucking nail. That was good. Yeah, that was cool. That's like an homage to...
01:16:47
Speaker
Home Alone. there's actually There's actually a kid in my summer camp back in the day who stepped on a nail. Oh, it's got to be horrible. Remember hearing about it. Yeah, doesn't sound pleasant. Also, I don't know if this was a... ah i don't know if this is confirmed or anything. Maybe I'm just being a conspiracy theorist, right? But watch them do a 101 Dalmatians movie next.
01:17:08
Speaker
Because the main chick... don't know if you caught it. Her little bag thing... was a thousand percent like a dom dominatrix. Whoa. Dalmatian bag.
01:17:20
Speaker
Interesting. So if they if they come out with that, you heard it here first on Two Guys, One Screen. I hope you're wrong. I hope you're wrong, but I can see why you would think that. I do hope you're wrong because would not. I mean, what? what No. David Howard Thornton as a cross-dressing Cruella.
01:17:37
Speaker
You don't want that. That's very progressive. That's what I'm saying. He would 100% do it and kill it. Hey, great. ah um I want to see.
01:17:48
Speaker
i don't know what I want from David Howard Thorne. I want to see him as the Joker is what I want more than anything. I think there there was enough in that video we talked about that he could do it. DC is not going to do it because then. No, I know they're pussies because if they do it, then he's not going to be able to do any of this like grotesque horror stuff again. They're going to be like, you're too mainstream. You can't do all this indie shit.
01:18:09
Speaker
I don't think... i feel like that's not true. but Unless they make the Joker like brutal. But I do think the... I think the if he's the Joker in the new DC universe, it will be very sanitized. I agree with that. Yeah.
01:18:23
Speaker
I agree with that. That's like his thing. Yeah. It really is his thing. And being a physical actor. Which is a Joker trait. So... I... Yeah.
01:18:35
Speaker
So Screambow, I mean... It's nice that we caught it in theaters. My ticket was $24. Mine was 50 cents. Yeah. um Now, here's my thing, right?
01:18:48
Speaker
Yeah. You bought the Mean One Steelbook.
01:18:53
Speaker
Are you going to get it for the collection if it's fire? Yeah, maybe. I mean, if it's this, definitely not. No. Here's the thing, right? I haven't seen any artwork, even the posters. I have not seen any marketing that was like, I want to buy, um this movie looks good.
01:19:10
Speaker
So i don't know what they're going to use for a steel book. mean Maybe the letterbox like header, John.
01:19:17
Speaker
Yeah, but that's even misleading. He looks like a full-size fucking adult. He just straight looks like Mickey Mouse. He's a little rat. Yeah. yeah Um, and this scene never even happens in the fucking movie.
01:19:28
Speaker
No, the boat doesn't even look like that. I mean, the back the boat looks like that. Yeah, it does. Kinda, but it's more like round. I like bad. hope I own almost the entire puppet master franchise. So I know yeah bad horror movies. You also own phantasm bad movie.
01:19:44
Speaker
You go fuck yourself on that. Take. Yeah. Fuck that movie. movie sucks calm It It doesn't. Um,
01:19:55
Speaker
I'm looking at my shit. so here's here's the real question, right? Because this is obviously a bad movie. Is it worse? Oh, I didn't put it on here. Is it worse than Snow White? It definitely looks worse than Snow White.
01:20:07
Speaker
I had more fun watching this than Snow White. I'll be 100% honest with you. Because it's so bad that it's funny. i figure I think they're not making this to be a masterpiece. You know, they're just having fun making it. Of course not. Yeah, no.
01:20:24
Speaker
I think I might land that a star and a half.
01:20:30
Speaker
um don't think it's a one star. I think it may be star. It's not a half star.
01:20:35
Speaker
Which technically means that I like this more than the mean one, but who knows? Oh, man. What did I give Snow White? I have to give it. I gave Snow White a one and a half. Oh, no. Yeah, I gave Snow White a 1.
01:20:49
Speaker
On that prefaces alone, I have to give it a 2 star. Oh my! 2 is high. Juan, Juan, you gotta watch Snow White. and Yeah, you're right.
01:21:01
Speaker
You gotta watch this movie. The Mousetrap. Okay. All right. It's on, I think it's on Peacock. If you have Peacock. All right.
01:21:10
Speaker
It was first, like when Mickey like first became um public domain, it was like the first horror movie to come out. takes places like a Chuck E. Cheese type, John. Okay.
01:21:22
Speaker
Kind of, I gave that a star and a half. Cause my, my comment was this movie is absolutely horrendous, but I enjoyed it.
01:21:32
Speaker
So I think you're right. I think I have to drop Snow White down to a one star. Because this is this is better than Snow White. Oh, it is.
01:21:44
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to give it a one and a half, like you said. It can't be a two. ah Two is high. Two is very high for that movie. Because I gave the monkey a two. Also, it's not really... Go ahead. The monkey's better than this.
01:21:56
Speaker
Yes. And the monkey's bad. Yeah. But other thing, too, that it's not a fair comparison because we're looking at Snow White in the context of like Disney movies, live action remakes, that kind of thing.
01:22:09
Speaker
And Screamboat's like in its own. It's like a parody. These weird parody horror movies they make. It's like in its own kind of bubble. <unk> so we It's like apples to oranges almost. kind of a weird comparison. Yeah.
01:22:21
Speaker
But it's I'm taking it as like a rewatchable. Am I going rewatch it? Well, if I can rewatch the mean one, I don't know. I don't know. I do want to rewatch that movie, actually. We got to do for Christmas horror. for Christmas horror. We got to do mean one.
01:22:35
Speaker
I'm so game. All right. I'm so fucking game. I'll buy the steel book now. It looks nice. Oh, now you
Reflection on 2023 Film Quality
01:22:41
Speaker
want to buy it?
01:22:43
Speaker
You were out on it. Well, if I'm going to review it, I'm going to buy it. Okay, fair enough. That's how fucked my brain is.
01:22:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'll be honest with ah Anything else to on Screamboat?
01:23:00
Speaker
It's not in theaters anymore, so I can't go say go watch it. It's too fucking long. This year's been pretty bad. I'll be honest with you. I have not enjoyed anything that's come out this year. whenever Other than other than like the Count of Monte criska Cristo and Presence and Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare. you gave Minecraft a good rating.
01:23:19
Speaker
I gave it a neutral rating. Two and a half is not positive or negative. really got to find Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare. I got to watch this movie. ah this movie's been This year has been fucking brutal for movies. Like, not good movies been coming out at all.
01:23:34
Speaker
you've You've probably seen more than I have. I've seen 18. This year? Like, new releases? I've seen 20. Actually, I've seen 20 new releases this year.
01:23:45
Speaker
I'll give you the rundown. Count of Monte Cristo. Banger. Presence was good. listen our episode on that. Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare. Good movie. Don't care what you say. ah Bring Them Down was an Australian release. Horror was decent. Novocaine.
01:23:59
Speaker
Then a Thieves 2. Wallace and Gromit. The Brutalist. Over-fucking-rated. Companion we talked about. I watched that movie on Shutter Grafted. How was that? I gave it a three. It was fine.
01:24:11
Speaker
Is the horror, is like the gore good? Hit or miss. Hmm. ah The Luckiest Man in America, which was a mystery movie at Alamo. Shout to Alamo for doing mystery movies now, by the way. always will fire Now I go for free.
01:24:25
Speaker
Movie was mid. Mickey 17, mid. Black Bag, What Happened? ah Hard Eyes, so mid. Captain America, Brave New World. I mean, just mid. The Monkey, bad.
01:24:36
Speaker
Wolfman, bad. Screamboat, bad. ah Minecraft movie, mid to bad. We're at more bad than good here, guys. 2025 needs to turn it around.
01:24:48
Speaker
Yeah, hopefully some of releases are good. I mean, let's see. What we got? You're going to see Drop?
01:24:57
Speaker
i'm I mean, maybe. If I'm gonna be but i'm bored. You're down bad? That's if i'm bored, yeah yeah. I was pretty down bad when went to Hard Eyes, to be fair. You see that trailer for that movie Sneaks?
01:25:11
Speaker
What the fuck is that? What are we doing? Yeah, it's about sneak about talking sneakers. yeah Somebody I follow already saw and gave a half star. Oh man, that one line just in the trailer where was like a converse talking. He's like, us sneaks don't talk, we converse.
01:25:27
Speaker
I'm like, shoot myself in the theater. um Until Dawn, it's going to be terrible. don't know what that as The Surfer with ah Nicholas Cage. Silver Surfer. Oh, that's definitely going to be bad.
01:25:42
Speaker
Thunderbolts. We have hope. Do we? Honestly, that's out of the group of movies you just said, that one has the most potential. Clown in a Cornfield. Hearing a lot of good stuff about that. Could be good.
01:25:54
Speaker
Could be good. be good. I'm just saying. it Could be also bad. It's not going to be Screamboat bad, but it could be bad. Final Destination, we're hoping. Dude, that trailer looks like it's going to... work We're reviewing that for the podcast.
01:26:07
Speaker
Lilo and stitch stitch looks good. Stitch. Stitch. I mean, the CGI looks good. And then just going until June, um, ballerina.
01:26:19
Speaker
Yep. I have hope. Um, they also just announced John wick for
01:26:26
Speaker
five. I was going to say John wick for his already out. Yep. I'm a fucking idiot. 28 later. Hope. hope Looks good. Megan 2.0 is not going to be good. ah makes you the new one is Megan 1 is mid. ah Megan 2, I have not seen the chart for yet. No, man.
01:26:43
Speaker
It's not a horror movie anymore. It's straight like action. Oh, boy. Why? Don't know. like She's shouting one-liners and like she's got mech costumes on. like I don't know what they're doing.
01:26:59
Speaker
How did we get here? um i'd fuck Would you fuck that doll? I'd fuck that doll.
01:27:07
Speaker
If she's got the right kind of amount of suction, if you know i'm saying, then maybe. Yeah, and I mean, if she's anatomically correct. She's gotta be, right? She's AI. well It's okay to fuck that doll, right? Or is it not okay because she looks like a little girl?
01:27:21
Speaker
It's a doll. It's fine. Okay. And Superman have hope. So... I do have hope. Dude, I saw that trailer in theaters with... Yeah, I saw in theaters in Dolby, and I was like, okay, this looks like it could be good.
01:27:36
Speaker
yeah I mean, I trust James Gunn. You can't not, right? Left. You can't not. he he put He puts out quality quality shit.
01:27:49
Speaker
That's
Closing Remarks and Social Media
01:27:50
Speaker
the truth. Should we wrap this episode up with a little... problem blood Yeah, probably. So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com. And we'll cover them right here in the podcast. We'll cover your comments because we don't get many.
01:28:10
Speaker
You get top priority, dog. you If you can leave a comment, we'll probably talk about it the podcast. I'll probably find you, come to your house, and consensually fuck you. Or give you a little kiss if you want.
01:28:22
Speaker
I'll kiss you on foreskin. I don't have any. Joke's on you. Follow us on Oh, yeah. Send us a picture of your unsnipped penis. um Sex me man to man.
01:28:33
Speaker
No balls. Follow us on TikTok, YouTube for the shadows yeah Instagram clips. Follow us on Letterboxd. I've never gotten a new follower, so please, I beg.
01:28:48
Speaker
We're fucking 50 episodes in. Fucking fall. And send us a voicemail. 508-8-5-0-8-8-8-5-0-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- And follow us on ah Instagram. Comment your favorite moment for the podcast. Like the post for the Harry Potter snitch stick giveaway.
01:29:07
Speaker
Yeah, we're giving away Harry Potter shtick, dude. What are you fucking doing? You got a shtick like that, dude. you know I wanted to say, because you were talking about getting snipped, I was looking at my ball bag other day.
01:29:18
Speaker
as I normally do. And I like my testicles are up. What? Your sack dangles. But my, the, the back half my sack is like out. Like back. Excess skin.
01:29:30
Speaker
It's excess skin. Yeah. You gotta get a sack tuck. I gotta to get a sack tuck in my taint. Oh, that sounds dangerous. It does sound very dangerous. You know, like they gotta, they gotta get scalpels near your nut sack.
01:29:43
Speaker
Yeah.
01:29:45
Speaker
um Next week, we continue our Harry Potter coverage. We warned you, and we're going to warn you again. Get ready, because the next two are pretty wild. I would say Half-Blood Prince is wilder, but next week, we're going to start off.
01:30:00
Speaker
We're going to build up to it. Yeah, I mean. we're We're edging you. Right. You are the edgelord. With my favorite Harry Potter movie, maybe it will change by the end of the series. Who knows?
01:30:11
Speaker
ah Order of the Phoenix. I fucking love that movie. Yeah. and We talk about it in the episode, but Dolores Umbridge can get it.
01:30:25
Speaker
I would probably just be, I mean, those those fucking, that wagon she got going on. Oh my God. You can play all directions. I mean, you could play like bongo drums. You should be like, huh?
01:30:37
Speaker
Yeah. Like scream boat. Steamboat. i keep calling fucking scream boat. It's steamboat. Yeah, it is. Steamboat Willie. my My willies kind of steaming, you know? yeah Do all that shit. It'll all be in the description as always.
01:30:55
Speaker
And we'll see you guys next week for Harry Potter. Totals. Fuck you, Mark. And shout out Mark from Bandit.