Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Finding My Power... Again
216 Plays3 years ago
SOLO EPISODE WITH DANI! I am coming out of my sad girl era and stepping back into my power. Here's what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and what I am learning.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Mystical Theme
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Bake, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, pod cast, from one girl, one joint, and a journey to awaken what's inside all of us. In the words of the Wise Wiz Khalifa, let's roll something and get the day started.
Solo Host Danny Watson on Empowerment
00:00:16
Speaker
Hey, bitches. Okay, you guys, it's another solo episode by yours truly, DW, Danny Watson, or Danielle, whatever you wanna call me. You guys, this episode is all about me finding my power again, yeah.
00:00:30
Speaker
So 2023 is another year of divine transformation. And let's just get really personal and talk personal.
Spiritual Growth & Strength in Challenges
00:00:39
Speaker
I knew going into the spiritual journey that life wasn't going to just like magically stop having challenges or obstacles that I have to overcome. But the whole point of it is that it's supposed to be a little bit easier, or it's at least supposed to give me some kind of hope or light at the end of the tunnel. And it's definitely doing that.
00:00:56
Speaker
So I don't know why I'm shocked every single time I experience a lesson from the universe, especially one that I've already experienced because it's like, I know that I'm God in human form, but like I'm not the universe in universe God form, if that makes sense. Like, you know what I mean? I don't fucking know everything and I can admit that I can accept that. So trying emotional and mental times these days, like it's, that's what it's been. It's been trying as fuck. Okay. Um, but I'm really grateful.
00:01:25
Speaker
I'm really grateful for the growth. This is basically why we do it. This is why we have faith in something, no matter what your faith is in. I don't ever want to knock someone's spiritual or religious practice, as long as you're not being hateful, right?
00:01:39
Speaker
But also guys, even if you don't have a faith or like a religious practice or a spiritual practice, even having faith in yourself, right? The stubbornness to just push through and not give up, that's really what it means. It doesn't need to be spiritual. It's your magic. It's your superpower.
Emotional Maturity & Self-Growth Patterns
00:01:54
Speaker
And something that I've been doing a lot of work in recently is my emotional maturity and regulation.
00:02:00
Speaker
Because my superpower is once I put my mind to something, I pretty much always achieve it. I'm really good at quantum leaping. We've talked about that a lot. I love a good quantum leap, quantum jump, quantum shift, whatever you want to call it.
00:02:13
Speaker
And basically I am doing that right now. Um, so I'm working on my self-awareness and my emotional maturity and regulation. So what that includes is like, I don't think that I am an emotionally dangerous person by any means. After we got that one episode out of the way where I told y'all that I was just, I was just having an episode, but I'm back. I got, you know, my, my med situation is getting figured out. We're fixing it. Um, I'm not,
00:02:37
Speaker
I'm not actually, though, like an emotionally manipulative or controlling or like evil person. You know what I mean? However, the more that I grow, the more I notice things about myself, like maybe unhealthy habits or characteristics about myself. And so one of them is
00:02:53
Speaker
I just know this as a pattern with myself is when my reactions start to lean toward the extreme side, when I start to have really, really big feelings and emotions that may not... It's not that my feelings aren't warranted, but it's like, damn, does it really have to be that level? Can we get a baseline back? That comes with being bipolar, of course, but I'm learning
00:03:15
Speaker
the older I get and the more mindful that I am, I'm starting to learn these signs a lot sooner and it's really saving my mental and my relationships a lot more. So self-awareness is helping and just
00:03:28
Speaker
Honestly, I don't have to be perfect. I just want to handle everything better than I did the last time or a little bit better than I did before. Or if there's a new challenge that comes up, I just want to handle it better than I've handled past situations. Like I'm constantly trying to ask myself, how would my highest self handle this?
00:03:46
Speaker
And that's why I wanted to talk about this personal victory journey or success. It's so rewarding and it truly feels like you're being productive because you see the progress within yourself. And I don't think we measure that as productivity that often. I was on the phone with my mom the other day, actually, and she was yelling at my brother, Jennifer is not a bad person, but one of the areas that she really did make an imprint on me or traumatized me, for lack of
Redefining Productivity Metrics
00:04:14
Speaker
a better word,
00:04:14
Speaker
is she verbatim said to my brother fine you can go out and have fun tonight but tomorrow you will be productive or else i'm i don't even remember what the punishment was and i was like okay first of all that just was like not a healthy statement um and i tried to joke and like lighten the mood or whatever
00:04:34
Speaker
Also, I'm not a parent. I don't know how to parent, but it just really triggered within me and reminded me, oh, that is absolutely where I get my productivity, stress, and anxiety from, where I'm like, oh, I'm worthless if I don't do something that's productive.
00:04:51
Speaker
That's just how I grew up thinking that everything was, that my productivity was measured in. How much cleaning did I do? How much academic success did I have? How much professional success did I have? It wasn't so much about my personal victories. So when I can see progress within myself in something that I can literally tell, oh my God, I've fucking grown in this area.
00:05:12
Speaker
It's crazy because it fulfills that need of feeling productive. It is so satisfying. I feel like it's not really talked about enough. The people who pointed out the most to you are probably your therapist. If you're anything like me, having a therapist is basically like having someone you can vent to, obviously, who is a non-biased perspective. But sometimes, damn, they really are your cheerleader sometimes because we often can be really, really hard on ourselves.
00:05:36
Speaker
So what I'm doing to combat this is also, along with mindfulness, practicing gratitude, none of this would be possible without mindfulness and gratitude, you guys.
Mindfulness & Gratitude in Daily Life
00:05:47
Speaker
Another reason that I'm really proud of myself is because I stopped killing bugs. If you know, you know, I'm not someone who likes to kill things, first of all, and I was never someone who got pleasure from, like, killing a bug. You know what I mean? Like, I wasn't like, oh, I love the crunch under my foot.
00:06:02
Speaker
It was more like I was so deathly afraid of bugs. And I would be like, kill it, kill it, kill it. Again, got that from my mother.
00:06:10
Speaker
But that's just a little small victory is I'm at a point now where when I see a bug, my husband has shout out Isaiah. He has really got me to a place where I see a bug as a living creature. And it's like, I should have always known that guys, I'm not the devil, but give me a break. Okay. Um, but yeah, just a dedication to myself and to put myself first has really been like transformative in all of these small victories and things.
00:06:35
Speaker
basically have been falling into place and more into alignment after a period of difficulty that I just went through. I was really constantly working to make the right choice and the best choice or at least a better choice than I maybe did the last time throughout this period that I just went through.
00:06:52
Speaker
And I have to say, and I knew, like, you know how you know, like, okay, bad times, hard times, they're not gonna last. But at the same time, you're like, when is it gonna motherfucking end? And they say, like, you have to go through that so you can really appreciate the good. I think because I stayed grateful throughout that and kept trying to make the right decision, and I knew, okay, it's not gonna, like, always be this hard, especially if I'm actively working on making it better.
00:07:15
Speaker
Suddenly, everything just started falling into place and skyrocketing. Everything worked out with the opportunities that Isaiah and I were working toward. We have some personal things going on in our life that we were really... Some goals, essentially, that we were working on as a married couple, things that married people do. And no, it does not have to do with making a baby, you guys. Calm down.
00:07:36
Speaker
But yeah, it was just it was a really trying time for us as partners as a marriage, also as dog parents. And we just said we have this goal. And it was we were kind of having a hard time making it happen. And we were doing our best to stay positive. And I will say like I do need my medication or I did need my medication.
Mental Health: Awareness & Medication
00:07:56
Speaker
adjusted. And my husband was very patient. And then also I'm at a place now where I have the mindfulness and self-awareness to know like, Hey, I sometimes have an imbalanced chemical reaction happening in my brain, or maybe my meds aren't working. And just that reminder, I think that like, Oh my God, like,
00:08:16
Speaker
My meds need updating. I'm having extreme reactions. That's the whole reason I'm like medicated. There is still so much power within your mind and I was able to like use the tools that I have learned throughout the years to kind of like
00:08:28
Speaker
Okay, cool. I've established like, this is why everything feels like it's falling apart. This is why my reactions are this way. Here are some of my tools. And I'm so grateful that I even noticed it that I even like, have the wherewithal to be like, wait, I recognize a pattern happening, or I recognize that I'm exhibiting behaviors that aren't really helping me. And that might be a sign that like, something's kind of out of whack.
00:08:52
Speaker
Instead of being upset about it and like what's wrong with me, I hate myself. Like I'm just so grateful that I realized what was going on. And that's something that I think I've gotten better and better at over the years. I remember there's always like throughout the times of my life where I've needed help.
00:09:07
Speaker
I usually wait until like rock bottom to realize it. Well, that was that was the old me. But then throughout them, honestly, since I've been on my spiritual journey, I realize I don't have to hit rock bottom anymore. Once I start to notice something, I can stop it in its tracks, I can identify it, I can kind of shift. And I'm just really fucking grateful for that. I guess this whole episode is about mindfulness and gratitude. And that's kind of what I mean by how I've been finding my power again.
Rediscovering Energy Post-Depression
00:09:32
Speaker
Not only that, you guys, but social media, our views have been doing a lot better. I needed that kind of energy back. I've kind of been feeling not myself for a while. If anyone has dealt with any type of depression or things like just mental health in general, and anyone who has been medicated, you know that sometimes you get like kind of zombified. And I was really fighting the zombiness. And it was just it was just like not a great combo. So it feels so good to be
00:09:58
Speaker
just having personality again having emotions feeling like myself feeling witty again feeling like I like have okay I feel like I have a personality that's what it honestly fucking is um and I'm just really really happy about that you guys um yeah also
00:10:14
Speaker
A little happy accident that I chose to handle with patience and gratitude and trust and belief and faith that I'm going to be protected ended up literally helping so much. I had to just kind of give it up and be like, you know what? Everything happens the way it's supposed to. Something was out of my hands. A personal situation happened recently where I was like, you know what? I've done everything in my power to see this through.
00:10:39
Speaker
the forces that be are and that are beyond me it's in their hands now you guys it's not in my hands and I just kind of was like so I'm not going to even give it my anxiety because I know how law of attraction works and I also know like what my power and what my energy is worth I'm not just going to give it away. So I've been really working on like
00:10:59
Speaker
taking myself out of the moment and becoming the observer. That's something I think that a lot of us could really benefit from. Like I said recently, I need to read if you've been watching our YouTube channel, you guys, you really should. I've been doing a lot more smoke with me episodes. And I really do need to read the power of now again by a cartoli or toll. I don't know how to say his goddamn name. And I honestly, I wish it was pronounced toll.
00:11:25
Speaker
Like, I think it's totally. I've heard bitches say totally, but back in the day, we were all calling it toll. And if it changed, someone kindly let me know.
00:11:35
Speaker
I miss my spark. I miss my spark for speaking. I miss realizing that I'm not my fucking thoughts, you guys. That's really what that book did for me is it made me realize I am the observer. Half of these thoughts that we have, actually probably most of the thoughts that we have, they're not even ours. They're a bunch of reflections and regurgitations and jumbles and of all these things that we've
00:12:00
Speaker
heard throughout our life or been told or witnessed or even maybe seen on TV or stuff that's been programmed within us. But a lot of times the thought that we have isn't necessarily ours to even have. So when you identify with it, sometimes that really fucks with your kind of sense of self as well. And that's what was happening for me, because I was like, why am I so sad? Like, I am just a sad piece of shit. Like, and it's like, no, bitch, like, you're not like you're, you're having some sad thoughts, but you are not your thoughts. And
00:12:27
Speaker
whoo, the mindfulness aspect is what has really saved me. I guess like that's that's really what I'm trying to get at. What have I learned through this season? I've learned that trusting myself and having I think I've gained respect, honestly, through trusting myself and having that type of just reassurance and knowing that I can really fall back on the tools that I have spent all this motherfucking time acquiring and working on like, awaken big,
00:12:53
Speaker
For the most part, we're doing two episodes a week. We're putting out content on all platforms. Everything we talk about is stuff that we just spend all of our time learning about, taking in other content from other creators who inspire us. I spend so much of my time
00:13:12
Speaker
trying to better myself, but it's nice when you're really put to the fucking test because everybody says this. You can spend all your time on YouTube, reading books, doing whatever, but until you get out there and are really forced to talk the talk and walk the fucking walk, that's really when you grow. That's when the growth happens.
00:13:30
Speaker
I can literally tell that something that would have destroyed me recently, I remember just constantly being like, I don't really feel right right now. But I recognize that I don't feel right. And I recognize that this is the mature way to handle it. And also, maybe this is my main character complex. I don't know.
Challenges as Growth Opportunities
00:13:47
Speaker
But I always think, well, if I was on a reality show right now, if there's an audience watching me, how would I handle this?
00:13:52
Speaker
I don't want to be the bad guy. I want to be the person that I want to be. You know what I mean? So reminding myself, who do I want to be? How would they handle this? That's kind of what I mean also when I say my highest self. If you're not somebody who really aligns with that whole my higher self thing, your ideal self, have a goal of who do you want to be. And I know who I want to be. I know who I think I am. So that's who I try to show up as even in the hard times and mindfulness. Holy fuck. Mindfulness and gratitude together are pretty much what saved me recently. And I'm so
00:14:21
Speaker
thankful that I got through that season. And honestly, I remember there was a point where I was thinking, am I ever going to feel good again? Am I ever going to feel the same? Am I ever going to have that spark for life? And I was like, I'm pretty sure I am because I'm pretty sure I felt this way before. And I was trying to remind myself that in low and behold, bitch, I was right. Okay. Everything is working out for my highest good. And everything that's happening is teaching me exactly what I need to learn. It's all about
00:14:45
Speaker
am I open to it and I really like that I chose this aspect of my life that I was going through as like a challenge I chose to see it as a challenge and I'm not saying every day I handled it perfectly there were some days where especially when I didn't really I hadn't yet identified what the root cause was of the issue so that was also like something that was a bit of a
00:15:06
Speaker
a bit of a hiccup, I guess. Um, but communication is something that is just so important to me. And I, I'm not perfect at it, but I work at it like a motherfucker. And my husband is the best teammate I could possibly have. So through my lack of communication skills, but persistency, um, and consistency with it, like, and he's just so open and receptive to that kind of thing. We were really able, it was, it was nice because I felt like we got to learn and grow.
00:15:33
Speaker
as a couple as well because this is clearly something that we were both working toward and we just we kept having like issues in the road. Like I said of just like a goal that we were both we both were working toward in our marriage.
00:15:47
Speaker
And things just kept happening out of our control again, that we were like, dang, well, that's a little bit discouraging. And then I think I started to get a little bit too, well, I got caught up. I became my thoughts and not the observer of my thoughts. I started identifying and associating with my thoughts and how I felt, essentially. And I think with that, and I'm not saying like, oh, he made no mistakes. I was just crazy. But I recognize in myself where I went wrong. And that was definitely where I was going wrong. But I'm just so grateful that I have a partner who
00:16:17
Speaker
is just also on a journey of always wanting to just like better himself and do the right thing and learn and grow and like how can we improve and how can we improve as a team. So it's been a really nice.
00:16:29
Speaker
kind of wake up I guess you know when you feel like you woke up or come you came out of a funk right it's like out of hibernation almost and we know like spring equinox is on the way also I have to admit I am I have depression all year round guys like that's it's clinical at this point or not at this point it's been clinical since I went to rehab but
00:16:51
Speaker
But also I thought that seasonal depression didn't hit me that hard because I always I just have like regular depression I do I do think that the seasonal depression is like really affecting me because in San Diego I didn't have as much anxiety or really as many issues as I'm having right now and I think it's because of the warmth and the Sun we're here in the Bay Area and I'm not gonna lie like it's cloudy and rainy and
00:17:16
Speaker
Um, it's beautiful. I loves it. But yeah, that's, and you know, my whole journey about us moving to the Bay, that's a story for another time.
Teamwork & Support in Tough Times
00:17:25
Speaker
Um, and I have a lot of exciting stuff coming up as well that I want to tell you guys about that has to do with that. But yeah, the fact that I even am excited to, and the fact that I'm genuinely excited to talk about stuff with you guys again is also what I'm grateful for. Like I am just so excited to start feeling better and I already feel better. Um, and, and I think,
00:17:46
Speaker
I couldn't have done it number one without Kelsey. I know she's listening to this show. So yeah, shout out to that bitch. Um, we make a great fucking team. You know, there was a time in San Diego where she was going through a lot of stuff emotionally and I was like, don't worry about it. Like I got you and I tried my best to really hold down the fort for Awakened Bake. And that has what that, that's really what that bitch has done for me now. And she's pregnant.
00:18:10
Speaker
this bitch is with child and in the hospital like every motherfucking week in the ER dehydrated doing her best and she is still holding it down for me and I really am just so grateful like I think that's probably what I've learned the most is like I just have so much to be grateful for and when I rely on that and I lean on that and I remember that even when it's hard and I'm like damn like I can acknowledge and I'll feel good right now but I'm grateful for all the stuff going right
00:18:35
Speaker
It kind of helps everything go right a lot quicker. It kind of helps you coast through that hard time quicker. And as I said before, yeah, being mindful and just being like, you know what, I'm going to try. I'm not perfect. And I accept that I'm not perfect, but I'm going to try to always make the right decision. I think Oprah Winfrey said that my old roommate in New York City, who shall not be named, we're going to call him.
00:19:04
Speaker
We're going to call him by one of his stage names, actually. Ryan Johnson is his name. This is only funny if you're me, because it's a little tiny bit of shade. But he said that he read a book or some shit or saw an Oprah interview. And Oprah said that she always tried to do the right thing. And that's how that really that's how she credits getting her success and being where she is today is that she got herself there. Like I was saying earlier, even if you're not spiritual belief in yourself, like
00:19:32
Speaker
just fully believing in yourself. It's not coming from a place of ego. You should have that self assurance and belief because at the end of the day, like I said earlier, you are the human form of God. I know some people don't like to hear that, but you are. In a way that other people might understand this, you're made in his image, right? It's the same shit. You are literally God or the universe experiencing itself.
00:20:01
Speaker
So be grateful for that bitch. Like you are that bitch. When you can know that, I mean, you can just like rely on your faith or your spirituality or even yourself and just knowing everything is going to be okay. Cause the world does keep turning and everything works out fine. And if it helps, Hey, do what I do. Pretend that you're on a reality show and you're like, okay, well for all my fans watching, like how do they want to see me handle this? Like that's really how I feel. I also know that there's apparently this theory about how
00:20:30
Speaker
If everything is like not a video game, but I don't know, like you know how everything's all happening at once? So then there's this theory that the people in the future are great, great grandkids are essentially, they have created technology and somehow been able to literally watch us right now. I don't know how, but that's just like a theory I've heard. And so if that's happening,
00:20:52
Speaker
I want I want to look hot all the time and I want to be funny and have personality and just be who I want to be and represent myself the way I want to be represented, if that makes sense. Yes, I am. I have that fucking main character syndrome. I don't care. OK, I'm a star. I'm a Libra. I'm a Leo. I'm a star.
00:21:12
Speaker
I love you guys. Thanks for being here with me today. The reason that I want to do this solo episode is because I have a very busy week of travel ahead of me. So and I didn't really have time. I didn't know when I was going to record this. It's kind of late right now. And I am three hours behind Kelsey. So you'll catch her later in the week. But I hope you enjoyed this little chit chat with me. I am all over the place. And like I said, my meds have changed a little bit. So if you were like, I don't know, bitch, you kind of talked fast, you kind of said a lot. Don't really know what the point was.
00:21:39
Speaker
Thank you for being patient with me. We will get to a point one episode sometime someday, but until then, stay high. Bye bye.