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Why Women Struggle With Sisterhood Friendships, When To Know Its Time To Let Go, And Communication Hacks To Create Deeper Connection, Trust & Respect
15 Plays13 days ago
Most women won't admit this innate desire for sisterhood and having deep, intimate, nourishing female friendships that feel like home. This episode is the "Darsh Version" of the foundation you need to start cultivating healthier sisterhood type of dynamics with your female friends. It's everything i wish i had 10+ years ago to help me be the woman i am today who has such beautiful, quality, deep nourishing connections with my female friends and i want that for you too!
Episode With My Friend Gabby: "Why Adult Female Friendships Feel Complicated And How To Manifest Friends Who Love The Real You"
Enjoyed this episode? Give it a 5 stars & share with a friend. Send me a screenshot of your review on IG @darshvibess (screenshot before you submit the review), and I'll send you a free gift ;) ORRRR just leave me a review anyway haha ilyyyy
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Contact for Collab/Work with me: nextleveldarsh@gmail.com.
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Transcript
Introduction to She's Next Level Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the She's Next Level podcast. I'm your girl, Darsh. And if you are ready to step into your feminine energy, feminine embodiment, and feminine leadership, everything to do with femininity, and become a high-value woman and live a high-value life, then this podcast is for you.
00:00:19
Speaker
Today's
The Role of Female Friendships
00:00:20
Speaker
episode is very near and dear to my heart because I also feel like this is something that not a lot of women and people talk about in the industry.
00:00:30
Speaker
I feel like anything to do with relationships, anytime I hear like or see any content around relationships, it's always around romantic relationships. But no one is out there really talking about female friendships and really cultivating that sisterhood dynamic and bond. And it's something that women deeply desire and crave deep down. because there's nothing unlike it. I mean, especially even in my journey, I've had so many types of friends. Like, it's just been a wild rollercoaster journey, and I'm sure you have too. Like, it's something that really...
Emotional Support in Female Friendships
00:01:07
Speaker
helps us connect with each other and really like having a sisterhood bond helps you emotionally like receive that emotional support and connection that we thrive as women like we need as women and that's not always something that you get from men like it's It's a different relationship that you receive from men versus your girls, like your squad. And so I really want to talk about this deeper with you guys. And I want to give you like the Darsh version because there is another episode in my podcast that I did with my friend Gabby and... and
00:01:41
Speaker
She's like an amazing friend that I have and has really taught me a lot about sisterhood, a lot about friendships and healthy female friendships. And I'm just so grateful for her. And so I will be linking that podcast. episode in the description so that you guys can listen to that one after this. But I really wanted to create like my own around friendships and how to cultivate, you know, healthier female, female friendships and really cultivate that sisterhood, but then also the nuances and This is going to be very foundational because i don't want to overwhelm you guys with like too much information.
Tips for Healthier Female Friendships
00:02:17
Speaker
But I also want to also give you guys some tips on how to navigate like letting go and knowing when to let go of certain friendships and also some communication hacks. Because in any relationship, obviously that's like a duh. But
00:02:33
Speaker
in friendships, it kind of looks a little bit different. And so I want to help you guys learn how to navigate that so that you are truly in friendships that are in alignment with you.
00:02:44
Speaker
I can't even go back like the history that I have with female friendships. It's just wild. I've been always the type of person that You know, I love people. i really do. And and I think it's healthy, like, at least for me to really love people and have this like genuine curiosity and desire for people and especially females. Like, i just love that, like bond that you get from having like a a sisterhood circle, like your village, your tribe. And I'm like the type of person I'm like, I want to have like 10 best friends and that we're all obsessed with each other.
Personal Anecdotes on Female Friendships
00:03:20
Speaker
And just like that vibe is just so juicy and so like yummy and I just love it. and
00:03:25
Speaker
In my journey, I have definitely had my fair share of ah all different types of women where women that have really made me feel shitty about myself and women that have really supported me and have been just like an amazing support system. I've really had such a full spectrum and I feel like you guys probably have too because it's just such a women. First of all, women are fucking crazy. Like we are cyclical. We are emotional. Like we there's just so much to us that makes us who we are. and it's so beautiful. And so I can totally understand why a lot of women have had a difficult time just navigating certain friendships. And then also like we have our own shit, right? Our own
Impact of Childhood Trauma on Friendships
00:04:07
Speaker
trauma. If a lot of women have not healed their trauma especially in this modern world and day and age like we are have been so trained and conditioned to operate from a masculine ah perspective from a masculine type of way and so I definitely see a lot of women starting to like decondition themselves from the conditioning and really come back home to themselves but like in that journey along the way I'm sure that we have all and I know I definitely have ah operated from a very like
00:04:36
Speaker
masculine place and very like, um unhealed place. And it's just part of the journey. And that's totally okay. But it is your responsibility to, you know, once you're aware, it is your responsibility to do something about it. If you do want to have healthier relationships and it's so possible like do not be that woman that tells yourself like I just like women are just like this and like I just can't like I just don't think it's possible no you just haven't allowed yourself to explore that option and do something about it so we're gonna talk all about it today and I'm gonna do my best to keep it as concise as I can because I can go down so many like deep dives and everything
00:05:19
Speaker
But I do want to say, I will say like I am, I'm so like privileged and grateful of the friendships that I have now compared to the friendships that I've had in the past.
Jealousy, Comparison, and Sisterhood Wounding
00:05:30
Speaker
And just seeing that journey and that growth and witnessing like the tiny ways where I notice like how my friendships continue to get better and better are because of all the things and the trauma and all the things that I have like healed within myself and the way that I show up. So I will say one of the biggest things that I notice with women and like what creates that little catty energy with women is just jealousy. There's a lot of jealousy. There's a lot of comparison that happens. And that's really part of like that sisterhood wounding that we experience in our life. And a lot of it.
00:06:05
Speaker
If you really were to like, there's a lot of different aspects that create it But if I was to really simplify everything for you, for simplicity's sake, if I really was to simplify it all, it really comes down to a lot of the trauma that we experienced in our childhood, which then ends up just showing up in our friendships and our relationships and the social area of life. But a lot of it stems from our childhood wounding and the overarching reason why we may sometimes feel jealous of other women or compare ourselves to other women and we may just feel insecure around women or unsafe, right? And just like unsafe to just um allow ourselves to even love or like, you know, just create that emotional connection, that closeness, that trust is ah has to do a lot with um your relationship with enoughness and you
00:06:58
Speaker
um your relationship with wholeness so you guys know if you don't know i have been on a wholeness journey of really like coming back home to myself of like really healing a lot of my own own feminine energy and it's been a life like it's been a couple of years since i started my feminine journey but like i've really been honing in on my self-image which is the way that you see yourself and the way that you think others see you um and then a lot of like my um like safety is a big piece in feminine energy. So like working on that wholeness, wholeness is like literally the foundation. It's what people call in the world did being detached. But I don't like the way that they talk about it because it's not very like, it's not from an aligned place. There's so much fucking information out there. and I yeah, I'm I've been really like, there's so many pieces to wholeness that not a lot of people talk about.
00:07:53
Speaker
And so that is exactly what I'm like working on like a scientist, just like fucking digging deep and like getting into different aspects of it and like experimenting, integrating myself.
Self-Worth and Healing for Better Relationships
00:08:04
Speaker
um So yeah, wholeness not enoughness is a big, big one. And then unconditional love is definitely another thing, but overarching theme when you do feel like you know you experience um friendships that are just not wholesome like you may have had a tough time navigating friendships and like figuring out like how to communicate how to cultivate deeper connection or like how to make sure that your needs are honored. Cause that's another big one of like, maybe, you know, in childhood, your needs weren't honored. And so you just feel like you can't trust other people to, um, you know, be able to, ah like honor your needs or you have an abandoned mood too. Right. Like I've definitely dealt with that.
00:08:50
Speaker
of having an abandonment wound wound um growing up and especially in like friendships and stuff too. I've definitely dealt with that. That's a really big one, but a lot of it stems down all of those little micro like mac micro macro, it depends on how big of a thing it is for you. But all of those little things that have happened, those traumas, like that really stems down to not feeling whole and not feeling enough as you are. And so it's really, really important to understand this. And why i'm mentioning this is because i don't ever want people to take things personal. I was the motherfucking queen of taking shit personally. And like, anytime a conflict happened in my friendships, like,
00:09:34
Speaker
I was just like, oh it must mean something about me. And like, what the hell? And like, that affects your self worth, you know, because then you make everything about you. And then you're just like, am I just like a shitty ass person? Like, am I just not, you know, worthy of having amazing friendships or whatever it is that I want? it really fucks with your self esteem.
00:09:55
Speaker
And it's so just, just knowing this, like helps you kind of be like, oh, it's not it's not personal because honestly, a lot of things that people do is never personal. It's truly how it is, whatever they're dealing with. And it has everything to do with them. Like everyone literally operates from their own mind, their own world. Deep down, women want to feel chosen. They want to feel desired. They want to feel loved. Like this is such a primal thing for us. And so whenever if you haven't healed like the things within you of like not feeling enough, not feeling whole, like it's it's of course you are going to feel jealous and you're gonna compare yourself to another woman that may end up having the things that you want. We have all done it. OK, don't sit here and fucking act like you've never done it before, girl
00:10:48
Speaker
I see you because I was you. Okay. And I deal ah sometimes, honestly, I still deal with that. Like, it's not as intense as it used to be. But I still deal with like comparison, you know, it's just like, it's, it's just a thing that, you know, you just have to constantly rewire it in your brain until it literally just like does not happen anymore. Maybe if even if it does, that's okay. Like it's, The point of healing is never about like, I'm never going to experience this again. Because as we grow into new levels, into newness of things, like it's unsafe for our brain, right? It's we're expanding. So we're going to emotions and things are going to come up. But it's just around being aware of your shit and choosing different. So again, anytime we see someone else that has the things that we want, like women, right?
00:11:39
Speaker
I just find it really interesting how a lot of women tend to like, you know, just tear each other down when deep down they like really want those things to and it's all because of the same things. They don't feel whole. They don't feel enough and so they feel like that person is taking something away from them or they just feel like that self-projection thing going on because they're just like, I don't like why like they they take it so personally. So this This is just to give you awareness if you have definitely had a hard time like with friendships and navigating friendships and like just really wanting to feel that feeling of feeling loved, feeling desired, feeling valued, then just understand that you cannot...
00:12:24
Speaker
receive from a place where you don't have yourself like you have to be able to give yourself those feelings for you to be a match to attract people that have the same thing too it has to be a vibrational match just be aware of that and know that it's not your fault but it is important for you to work on healing those things within you and getting the help that you need to be able to do that because only when you truly heal those parts of you you are then going to be able to attract the kind of friendships that you desire but trying to do it from an unhealed place like you're going to keep going around in the same loop the trauma loop you're going to keep
00:13:03
Speaker
Coming around the same situations, because that's exactly what happened to me until I started really healing my self-image and really healing a lot of my own shit was really then when I started attracting healthier friendships, which leads me to the next thing, which is how to actually cultivate healthier friendships.
Creating Healthy Friendships
00:13:22
Speaker
And it's really important to be aware of what actually creates healthy friendships and healthy dynamics so that you can start working towards those things. But number one is no people pleasing. Okay. Being able to express yourself authentically, even when it feels uncomfortable, because it's going to, especially in the beginning. And if you haven't done that, and that's like a not a normal for you, um it's going to feel uncomfortable, but you have to take it one step at a time. You have to, even if you take tiny baby steps in tiny ways that you kind of express yourself authentically and you don't water down who the fuck you are and how you feel that's going to be key emotional wholeness is really important so like being like fully rooted to your emotions honoring your emotions not labeling your emotions as if they're good or bad because they're not they're just emotions And when you actually start to do that, you really start to feel more free in your body because also you cannot feel as joyful and as loved if you don't allow yourself to feel as angry and resentful. Like you cannot feel one and ah emotion without feeling the other.
00:14:37
Speaker
to fully fully experience the emotions so you've got to make sure that you're allowing yourself to feel allowing yourself to be with your emotions and not beating yourself up around having those kinds of emotions another one is not feeling like a nuance for your needs so your needs matter and it is important for you to express your needs because It is a two way street, right? With a friendship with any any type of relationship.
00:15:04
Speaker
It's a two way street. And so when you don't speak up and honor your needs and mention and like, share your needs with the the relationship with your friendship, causing um resentment.
00:15:17
Speaker
And that's the last thing that you want in your friendships. And that's also gonna make you like abandon yourself and you don't want that because who wants to be with someone that abandons themselves? Another thing is not attaching your value based on what you do for people. This is such a big one because we are such in a do-do-do kind of society and world now where it's like watered down concept because everyone just looks at value so differently and everyone does have different values in their life, right? But if you are
00:15:49
Speaker
attaching your value and you know, and you feel like you're only valuable with somebody or for somebody, when you do things for them, that dynamic is not healthy. And so making sure that your value is within in who you are, your qualities, your traits, your attributes, like who you are as a person, and not based on what you're doing for people, because then you're going to start showing up more aligned and more authentically.
00:16:13
Speaker
And actually allowing people to really love you for you. Another thing is boundaries. And it's such a big one out there with boundaries. But I think there's a big difference between like being like, no, like boundaries in a bitchy way versus boundaries in a more aligned way. So putting boundaries and saying no in a more aligned way actually makes people respect
Respect, Self-Love, and Letting Go
00:16:40
Speaker
you more. And self-respect is the fucking key to having any type of healthy relationship, even friendships. When you respect yourself and you learn to say no, that is hot.
00:16:55
Speaker
That is hot. People, even if they, even people that may not even like you that are not your friends, but like people that may not even like you will actually at least respect you.
00:17:09
Speaker
Like respect is key. Respect and self-love. I firstly feel like those are like the biggest keys for cultivating a healthy friendship and relationship and all of that. But these are just some of the things To just think about and know that, okay, where am I at with like the things that I have on my end and my trauma and like the things that I've experienced? And what are my beliefs around all those things? And then these are the things that really help like really cultivate healthier relationships and friendships. So how can I start to navigate towards that?
00:17:42
Speaker
Now, if you may have done the work, right, you're fully aware and you're like, I've healed a lot of my shit. Like, I know I'm good. But how do I navigate the nuances of the relationship and like, like understanding and knowing when it's time to let go from an aligned place. And that's the key here is like knowing when it's time to let go from an aligned place versus a place of resentment of like just a like a weird type of energy of just like avoidance even that was a big one for me like I would be very avoidant and avoidant in a way where I was like so easy to cut people off
00:18:19
Speaker
where I didn't want to deal with the uncomfortable conversation or even the rejection. Sometimes we don't want to deal with the rejection or face it or feel that feeling of abandonment that may have been coming up from our childhood and our previous wounds. And so we we don't really deal with the nuances. We don't really deal with letting go from a aligned place. And I want to let you guys know is that no matter what you do, your energy follows you everywhere. You follow you everywhere. So the energy in which you do something is the result that's going to happen in it like overall across all the board. And so I even noticed this in my friendship and the patterns until I finally, like finally fucking cut the pattern and like got myself to a place where I was like, okay, this is an aligned decision to let go. And I'm actually going to share that story with you guys because It's so important. And ah it was really interesting because again, the history that I've had is cutting people off when they are not making me happy. So if you're being fucking stressful in my life, if you are not showing up in the way that I i desire to, or like you're not honoring my needs, or you're just non-existent, I'm cutting you off, bitch. I was like,
00:19:35
Speaker
I don't need you. Fuck you. Like that kind of energy, you know? So like it was obviously not healthy because I would spend a lot. Like it's an investment. It's a time, energy and effort investment in cultivating friendships and like building them. And it it takes time. It takes effort. It takes, you know, all of that. So I would then end up feeling like shit because I'm like, damn, can I even hold like healthy friendships? like Can I even hold people in my life? like can i even It would just be like a constant come and go. So anyways, i obviously, I've met a lot of great people last year, but there were...
00:20:12
Speaker
there was one in particular, there were two, but like the the other person is really matter to me. but There was one in particular where, you know, we met through like a similar program that we were a part of. And um we were, you know, I thought we were close, like in the beginning, right? Everything sounds everything seems so good in the beginning. It's like kind of like similar like dating. It's like,
00:20:35
Speaker
everything's getting great. Like we're getting to know each other. There's that spark, there's that excitement, right? And then over time, you really start to get to know people. And so I just like noticed in the relationship that I felt like I was messaging them more, like I was hitting up hitting them up more than they would message me. Even our conversations were just like not as nourishing as I wanted them to be. And I didn't really feel my very best. That is one thing that you want to look at is, is this relationship really making me feel my best? Is it really nourishing me in the way that I need, especially vulnerability?
00:21:14
Speaker
I feel like, yes, as women, we have gone through a lot. We have endured a lot. But if there is no vulnerability in that relationship and it's just like you're just like not really open in expressing yourself and allowing yourself to be who you are and be okay with sucking at things or be okay with dealing with shit um minus the trauma bonding though. Because I know a lot of women become friends off of trauma bonding and I don't think
Authenticity and Emotional Neutrality in Friendships
00:21:44
Speaker
that's healthy. But it's just like being open, you know, being vulnerable, being okay with just being all of you. And um just just being you learn literally like it's just fine I find it really funny that it's like one of the hardest things for people to do is be themselves like fully themselves. But then it is like one of the most simple and easiest things to do is be yourself.
00:22:05
Speaker
So anyways, there were just a lot of things like that that I was noticing and just like tiny ways, like paying attention to like tiny ways where I just did not feel like you just feel it, you know, your intuition tells you you just feel it in your body.
00:22:20
Speaker
So and I had and I always and I always say this and I will tell you guys too, is that given my Even given my history, always like give people an opportunity to like you know show up differently based on what you're telling them and what your needs are. So I did have an uncomfortable conversation with her at some point. And I was just like, hey, just noticing our dynamic here. Just wanted to see like... what's going on you know i this is kind of like what i um would love in our friendship and this is kind of what i need in my friendships um and i definitely see something here with our friendship and if you feel the same way like let's you know um work it out or whatever and at that point she told me you know like yeah great like no i feel it and whatever like like i definitely want to keep in touch more and like i all of these things right but
00:23:16
Speaker
people whatever pay attention to what people do, never what people tell you, because I just let things unfold. So over time, just started to notice like our conversations again, were just very dull, very like not as nourishing. But then also, she just was not as active in my life.
00:23:34
Speaker
And it was just kind of like, okay, well, I guess, you know, i thought we had something and I thought we were building a really great friendship because we were literally like in touch a lot before.
00:23:48
Speaker
And yeah, I just, I never heard from her even till this day. And it was really interesting because I did have a, I did have this like within me, the old pattern, right? You got to be really, really aware of your old shit had this pattern.
00:24:02
Speaker
So I was like very aware and I was like, you know Fuck that bitch. Initially I expressed myself like to myself. I was like, fuck that bitch. Like who does who does she think she is? Like whatever. And um, i I was like, I'm gonna just unfollow her and I'm just gonna like fucking cut her off completely to protect myself, right? From feeling that feeling of abandonment, rejection, all of those things.
00:24:25
Speaker
But I, this is something I'll give you guys too, is I made sure that I neutralized my energy around that. Like I neutralized my just feelings around that and i got myself to a place of very feeling very neutral about the situation and very like that whole unconditional love of like i don't have you don't have to love the person but i just got myself to a place where i was like very neutral about the whole situation where i was like it's okay like ah how am i still okay if this person's not in my life like got that got myself neutralized
00:25:00
Speaker
got myself even neutralized around. i i was like, what do I even appreciate about her? Because that really will get you neutralized. And I know it's it can sound tough to do. at certain times, but I took my time with it. And I told myself, I am not going to take action on unfollowing her and fully cutting her off, even though and energetically, I did emotionally and energetically, but I was like, I'm not going to fully do it until I really feel grounded about it. Like I really feel like, like, you know, doing it from a place of like, this was great,
00:25:36
Speaker
thank you so much for a great time, like really just not having any type of like, resentment feelings, any type of um feelings of just animosity or, and then I did it. And that was the end of that pattern. And I noticed ever since then, my friendships, like other friendships have gotten a lot more connected, a lot more deeper, a lot more intimate, like just very,
00:26:01
Speaker
emotionally nourishing and whole and just like so good. And so I knew that there was something there. So ultimately, the biggest things that I want you guys to look for when navigating like, you know, whether letting go of friendships or not, is to really know yourself and know your needs.
00:26:19
Speaker
And I know that there's going to be maybe a bit of compromise. i don't really like to even use the word compromise. It's really about compatibility to me, honestly. And that's one of the biggest things that I look at is are we compatible? And what are my values? What is truly important for me um in my friendships and getting really clear on that, like getting clear on that really helped me navigate just even that friendship that I had and letting it go, even though like it was amazing in the beginning. And like we took all this time to like cultivate it.
00:26:49
Speaker
I really was like, are we even compatible? I accept you as you are because we should all be accepting each other, right? We would want to be accepted as we are too, right?
00:26:59
Speaker
i accept myself as I am, obviously. And having that, of having acceptance of each other and how we are, are you compatible for me? And if you are not compatible for me, then it's not personal and you're just not for me. And that really helped me get neutralized with the whole situation. Like that was the biggest thing, but really know yourself and your needs and be able to also something else that you wanna pay attention to too, that I was also noticing It's a big thing is ah pay attention to
00:27:34
Speaker
how people respond
Communication and Emotional Management
00:27:36
Speaker
to you. So like if you guys are making plans for something and then, you know, the person doesn't reschedule or at least let you know, even if they don't know when it's going to be rescheduled, least like communicate with you and show you that they fucking care.
00:27:51
Speaker
That's another thing is that pay attention to how people respond to you, how people reschedule with you when it comes to plans, like how they communicate with you, because it'll show you how much they care about you.
00:28:04
Speaker
Because that's going to lead me to the last thing is communa motherfucking-cation. Communa motherfucking-cation. I like that word. Communication is fucking key, okay? To any relationship.
00:28:16
Speaker
Friendships specifically. Female friendships. This has been the biggest thing that has really helped me in cultivating healthier female friendships. And...
00:28:27
Speaker
really navigating this whole like thing um is as uncomfortable as it may be sometimes okay as uncomfortable as it may feel communication is key and i would rather over communicate than under communicate because it is important for especially in a healthy friendship to have check-ins with your friends it is important to um know that you guys are on the same page, especially if you care about the friendship, right? And it's just so healthy to have that kind of habit to communicate. So I do want to give you guys some communication tips and hacks to really help you start to navigate and and understand like, how can I communicate in a way where
00:29:12
Speaker
I'm getting what I need and you're getting what you're needing. And we're both winning because that is that is healthy communication. Honestly, it's not about like you did that and I did that. And like it's not this you and me. It's a we. And so how can we communicate and give give each other what we need to thrive. One more thing I wanted to mention around communication as well that I think is so important is to understand, and this is really going to help any of the people pleasers out there or anytime you may feel uncomfortable, is to really understand before you go into the situation, understand that it is not your task. Like it is not your responsibility. It is not your task. to see how they respond based on what you say.
00:29:58
Speaker
It is not your responsibility. People are responsible for themselves and people can handle their own emotions. Like people can handle their own shit.
00:30:08
Speaker
It's not yours to handle. It's not your responsibility. It's just going in with just even that understanding is really going to help you own you. It's really going to help you express yourself authentically. And you can at least walk away, detach from any outcome or any situation, you can walk away knowing that you showed up authentically as you you expressed yourself, you expressed your needs, like you communicated in the way that you desire to.
00:30:39
Speaker
And you'd be fucking proud of that. And knowing that you did your best with that. And that the way the other person, however, they respond, however, They react. That is simply just feedback. It is feedback for you. It doesn't mean anything.
00:30:54
Speaker
And you are still safe. You are still okay with expressing your needs, expressing yourself. But you then take that feedback and then decide, okay, is this for me or not? Or, you know, whatever the situation is. I just wanted to mention that part because, again, we take shit so fucking personally and it's it's just not.
00:31:14
Speaker
It's really just about get like communication and understanding if that person is, you know, somebody that's compatible compatible with you.
00:31:25
Speaker
And you'll know, you'll know based on how they respond, but just know that you are responsible for you. You are responsible for the way that you show up and how authentic you are to yourself. And people can only meet you from where you are because life is literally a mirror, right?
00:31:42
Speaker
Like you are literally creating your own reality. And so they cannot reflect back to you anything that you are not giving to yourself. And so make sure if you want people to be authentic with you, if you want people to, you know, be the way that you want to feel, you need to show up in that way. You need to start and lead with that way.
Saying No with Appreciation
00:32:02
Speaker
So one of the very first tips that I want to give you guys around communication is ah when you want to say no, or when you want to reject something or somebody or the situation.
00:32:15
Speaker
I always, personally, this is what I do. These are the things I'm sharing with you guys is things that I do that's helped me communicate better. And the very first thing i always start off with is I always say like, thank you, I appreciate that. Or, you know, I appreciate you sending the invite or I appreciate that. Like,
00:32:36
Speaker
People love to feel appreciated. Okay. People love to feel appreciated. And you're starting off the conversation in that way. Their guard is already down. They're already like, oh okay, they take it even when you say no after saying that first part of the sentence, like, they just feel good. Like they don't feel as bad as like, if you were to just say like, no, that doesn't work for me.
00:33:00
Speaker
let people know like, thank you, I appreciate that. Or I appreciate you thinking of me, I appreciate you inviting me. However, and then say the thing, like, it's just not in alignment.
00:33:11
Speaker
um I was just not right for me right now. I just don't feel like going or whatever it is, whatever the situation is. And then do not justify, do not justify why they can just tell them no,
00:33:26
Speaker
in the way that you need to based on the situation, but do not justify why you can't because that right there is affecting your self-worth and self-respect.
00:33:39
Speaker
That is basically you not being rooted and grounded to your decision. And that is people pleasing right there when you start to justify because you want to make sure, quote unquote, that they understand. You want to make sure that they're not going to reject you or they're not going to abandon you or they're not going to feel bad, quote unquote, bad, right?
00:34:00
Speaker
That again is not your task. So say it. People actually respect it They will respect you more. I know I sure do when people really like are like, hey, I'm like, damn, I love that. Because you know your shit. You know you. You honor you.
00:34:17
Speaker
And I love that. Okay, another one is when you're canceling plans, do not say I'm sorry. Like, why are you sorry? Like, why do we need to say I'm sorry? That language right there is also indirectly causing a people pleasing type of situation where you are basically telling yourself like, like it's an inconvenience for you just saying no.
00:34:42
Speaker
Like, no, don't say I'm sorry. So don't do that. But when you're canceling plans, you can at least let them know like, hey, um i have to cancel plans like this is not going to work for me, but let's reschedule. So offering to reschedule for another time or letting them know like, hey, if you don't know when you can reschedule, asking them and be like, hey, like, let me know when you're free. Let's reschedule.
00:35:08
Speaker
It's okay. People understand like shit happens. Life happens. It's okay. But just don't say I'm sorry. Just fucking say it. Own it, bitch. Own it. Own it.
00:35:20
Speaker
So the next thing. And this is something that my friends have really taught me, honestly, with communication that I really, really appreciate. And I also implement with my other friendships is ah even if like you're busy and we all are in our own lives and you may not have gotten back to your friend for a couple of days or a week or whatever, however long it may be. just like check in and just let them know you don't even have to have a whole conversation just like send them a text it takes fucking 30 seconds to do so but it really makes a big difference and it really helps um create more deeper connection and trust and just it's so thoughtful just send your friend a test text and let them know that hey i've been really busy and a lot going on whatever
00:36:09
Speaker
And um I just know that I have not forgotten about you. And I really want to be fully present when I respond. And so just I want to let you know that.
00:36:19
Speaker
i It's just so beautiful and amazing. Like I love when my friends do that. And i really appreciate it because it's like it makes you not start to think of crazy shit. Think of things when you haven't heard from your friends in a while and maybe you were so used to it. And then your friends just like you haven't heard from them and you're like, what happened? Like it makes you just relax. It makes you just trust. It makes you feel loved, connected. Another thing is when you have told your friend that you were going to do something for them and maybe plans changed and you're unable to.
00:36:54
Speaker
I know that one's like kind of it gets tricky. Letting your friends know instead of just like not showing up at all and not doing anything, because that basically shows yourself that you don't trust yourself, but then also shows them that they can't trust in you for showing up for them. Instead of all of that, let your friends know that, hey, i wasn't able to get to this for you.
00:37:18
Speaker
unable to do it this day or whatever it is, and I'm going to do it this this day instead, or I'm going to get it you know for you by the end of the week or whatever, offer an alternative.
00:37:30
Speaker
But having said that too, manage your commitments. A lot of women overcommit and they overcommit because they think that that's what's required in order for them, especially with friendships, that that's required in order for them to maintain and hold that friendship in order to feel like they've done enough for that friendship for it
Compatibility and Natural Relationship Unfolding
00:37:50
Speaker
to remain. No, bitch, you've done enough.
00:37:53
Speaker
If anything, it it fucks you when you're not able to show up for your commitments and you're over committing and you know you are because you're not fully rooted to it. You're not confident about it You know when you're committing to something when you're fully committed. And so let's stop over committing.
00:38:10
Speaker
And even if you do commit, and you're unable to show up for it, just communicate that. Let them know and give them another time where you're able to get to whatever it is for them. Just be like, I won't be able to do it this day. I'll be able to do it this day now or like things have changed, but I'm still here for you. Let's make it work.
00:38:29
Speaker
It's all around just like communicating honestly, truly. um And then another one that I wanted to mention was ah this one's a kind of a pet peeve for me. It's been a pet peeve and I recently had told one of my friends about it because I was like, I don't like lateness and ah it's not that I'm like super nasty about it, but I just like I like being on time because to me it's a form of respect, you know? so anyways,
00:38:58
Speaker
If you find yourself running late for anything, because I'm not going to say I'm always on time. I've been late a few times in my life too. ah try not to. um It's pretty normal for me not to be late. But if I am ever late, I'm not hard on myself. I'm just like, okay, this is what I do. Thank you for your patience.
00:39:16
Speaker
So it's like more of that assert, not assertive, but it's more of that like confident, like rooted energy of like, thank you, like receiving, like, thank you for your patience.
00:39:28
Speaker
And that's it. You don't have to justify you don't have to say I'm sorry for being late. Like, it's okay. Own your shit. Okay, own all your actions, own everything that you are own everything that you say, like, really own you own what you do.
00:39:47
Speaker
So and it's okay, like the people that truly love you that truly care. are going to stay are going to respect that and the people that aren't honestly are just not for you.
00:39:57
Speaker
They're just not compatible for you. And it's not a right or wrong thing. It's just you are compatible or you're not for me. And one of the biggest things for me is I've now recently just like, I really just let people show themselves and I really allow things to unfold as they are, especially for like newer friendships.
00:40:16
Speaker
it's because there's so many different like nuances, right? But I would say in a nutshell for newer friendships, I let things unfold as they are. For friendships that I do care about, I speak up because you care.
00:40:29
Speaker
And if you care, you're going to care to honor your needs and honor theirs and do everything you can to make sure that you're both thriving. Otherwise, it's just going to be resentment. So yeah, these were my tips, guys. This is the entire podcast episode for you guys. Honestly, i i had no idea what I wanted to talk about.
00:40:50
Speaker
Kind of wing this one. I was just like, we're just going to speak from the heart, you know? but there's a lot more to this um this is really just the foundation and i want to know from you guys like what you took away you know I want to know if there are more women out there that actually feel this way too of like just this deep desire of ah creating sisterhood deep authentic like loving friendships where you guys are obsessed with each other and it's like amazing like I feel like it should be a normal thing. Like, it should be a thing.
00:41:24
Speaker
You know? Just as we are with fucking friends, like, with men and relationships. Like, Obviously, it's a bit different with females. But yeah, it's definitely something that I am aspiring to create um in my community, in my life. And so if that's something that you also desire as well, then ah stay along the ride, girl, because it's going to get better and better. Again, these are the foundations. um I will be continuously like updating you guys with more stuff as I experience, integrate in my own life. There's a lot, there's a lot to unpack. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let me know, um, hit me up on Instagram. My Instagram is Darsh Vibes. So it's D-A-R-S-H-V-I-B-E-S. Hit me up and let me know what your takeaways are. Let me know if there's anything that you want me to talk about. Um,
00:42:13
Speaker
I'm an open book. I'm an open mind. And also share this episode with a friend. I really do feel like it would help a lot more women out there.
00:42:23
Speaker
We need to be talking about this more. um And give me a five-star review. Let's get this podcast out there to more women and make a positive impact. I love you and I will catch you guys in the next episode. Bye!