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EP. 97 Best Moments of 2 Guys 1 Screen in 2025
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Transcript
Introductions and Yearly Review
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk? We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the real episode 97 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast. The Hemorrhoid homies, the Poe Town boys, the Diarrhea Daddies, the Hindi homos. We got so many names, you don't even fucking know.
00:01:05
Speaker
Yeah, we got, we're like fucking, you know, get out here. Yeah. but And today we are not here to review a movie, no.
00:01:16
Speaker
We are here to review year 2025. The best of. twenty twenty five the best of Yeah, for the podcast, not the actual year. That year was like, you know... I mean, the year was mid.
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah. my My best movie spoiler is the movie I saw in January. it Still the best movie I saw all year. I went the whole damn year waiting to see a better movie and never saw one.
Statistics and Franchises Discussion
00:01:37
Speaker
Mine's newer, but that's fine.
00:01:39
Speaker
Because I didn't go much. Oh, you know, I wanted to bring this up. We can do this quickly. I pulled... stat You can pull stats. I'm really autistic in there. I love fucking stats. I pulled stats on...
00:01:51
Speaker
um the movies we've covered. Okay. Like specifically ours. And besides like, you know, obviously the, the film we covered, like the, the biggest year, a number of film we covered per year. It's obviously like the past one. Cause we cover a lot, like as they came out, but besides that, right. The next biggest year, you know what it is? 2007.
00:02:12
Speaker
two thousand and seven Really? It's 2025, we covered 18 films. 2024, we covered 13. And then after that, you're just looking at scene by scenes, right?
00:02:24
Speaker
True. So the biggest year after that is 2007, and there's eight films. Wow. The year Chris did it. We are a 2007 podcast to bring it all the way back. You know what I mean? mean, yeah, you're not wrong.
00:02:36
Speaker
um So I pulled that, and that was cool. But, you know, it's been... um It's been a good ah good year for us. this It encompasses covering two franchises. One went R Prime. yeah The other one was kind of like just... AIDS?
00:02:56
Speaker
It was fine. we I mean, it's still it's in the list, but... you know Oh, the movies were AIDS, but the recordings were good. Yeah,
Uncensored Content and Jokes
00:03:06
Speaker
so we're going to go over... we only We limited it to 10, right? Because I think 10 is a good number.
00:03:12
Speaker
um And then after that, we're going to do some movie superlatives, end of year awards from the two of us fucking bozos. um If you were here last year, you might remember that or you might not. Also, our episode from last year is fucking cooking right now. So...
00:03:29
Speaker
Imagine the difference. It's like you're to listen to that episode and hear us laughing about with fucking gravy, baby no money lyrics. And this one, you're going to hear us laughing about piss pots. So you choose. It's steady growth. You know what I mean? Yeah. Our humor has not grown, but it's told what it is. It's gotten worse. It's gotten worse. Yeah. i You know, maybe...
00:03:49
Speaker
we've been We've been toying with the idea, toying with the top, the idea of ah of a Patreon. I really want to make ah a top 10 list. And I didn't talk about this off the air, but I really want to make a top 10 list of shit we bleeped.
00:04:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Top 10 most censored moments. Yeah. And i just want to I just want to have them out there in the open on Patreon, just uncensored free. I mean, that'd be you fun. I think it'd be awesome to do. Yeah.
00:04:12
Speaker
Because i like there's so... like The Grinch would for sure be on the list because that was such a fucking crazy episode. The Fly would probably be on the list because that was such a set that was our most censored episode of all time was The Grinch. American Werewolf in London.
00:04:26
Speaker
I mean, that episode was fucking wild. We couldn couldn't keep any of it in. Definitely not. Because we were fucking crazy.
00:04:35
Speaker
Pwner can't even get released. So I don't feel comfortable putting Pwner out on Patreon. Even like that episode is fucking insane. Yeah. Really rough. Yeah. You can't, we can't put that out. that one's That was just, that was just a fun time for the two of us.
00:04:50
Speaker
And we didn't really think about the consequences. No, mean, the MP3 is there for us and us only. Yeah. No one else will ever hear that. Sorry guys.
00:05:00
Speaker
All right, so we have to we have to give Love an honorary mention. We were going to do one each, but then i just put all of ours in the same fucking, and the same jaw. Yeah, it's in the same shit.
00:05:12
Speaker
um It didn't make the top 10, but it is just in our language now. We just say it all the time. ah This is the Dark Knight, which we technically doesn't even count as 2025. We recorded this shit last year, 2024, and we just sat in it for a while.
Humorous Clips and Inside Jokes
00:05:28
Speaker
Yeah, so that counts, right? Because it came out. It came out, yeah, but it's old as fuck. ah This is bald fat pussy lip. I still don't know why why you said that, how you said it.
00:05:41
Speaker
I don't know. But it made a moment, and now we use that phrase, I mean, all the time. There's not a lot of ya means in that movie. At all. There's like that one commissioner guy. Yeah, I mean. And then like the guy in the boat.
00:05:56
Speaker
The guy in the boat is like, give it to me. That whole boat's fucking. Yeah, I mean. Right. Because they're convicts. Yeah. um So here that is. We hope you enjoy it.
00:06:08
Speaker
Ball head. They finally get some.
00:06:16
Speaker
What's that from? Ball head. Ball head. Fat pussy lip. Fat pussy lip. Just one, not even two.
00:06:27
Speaker
They're fucking missized. One's bigger than the other. Ball hair. Fat pussy lip.
00:06:36
Speaker
That how love my bitches. Ball head. Ball head.
00:06:42
Speaker
Fat pussy left.
00:06:48
Speaker
I love one fat, one skinny. Love me a thick bitch.
00:06:56
Speaker
Let me see them pussy left.
00:07:04
Speaker
like Just the one? Yeah. Hey, yo, boy, hey! Let me on that pussy now. Hey, let me suck on that pussy now.
00:07:20
Speaker
Yeah. Alright, that was a lot. il That whole thing was just a big row. it's just a big rut row She got a bald hair. Bald hair.
00:07:33
Speaker
Pussy lip.
00:07:37
Speaker
That could be sound, right? Bald hair. Bald hair. Pussy lip. Were you saying just to clarify bald head were you saying bald hair? Bald head.
00:07:48
Speaker
i heard bald head, but it kind of, if you say it too many times, just like bald hair. Pussy lip. Pussy lip. Like a pussy lick almost, right? But put yeah. Okay, it's just not. It's like your Danny Towers. Yeah.
00:08:07
Speaker
Danny Tower, Tilted Towers.
00:08:12
Speaker
That's literally Danny Towers. Yeah, Danny, tell me how you feel, pussy lick.
00:08:20
Speaker
yeah yes no You got a ball hit. Fat pussy lip.
00:08:29
Speaker
ah Why is that funny? Because, i don't know. It's so stupid. It really is stupid. Yep, so ball hit. Fat pussy lip.
00:08:40
Speaker
Fat pussy lip. That shit went crazy when you said that shit. ah We had a good time in that recording, I feel like. Yeah. That was long as a long John Silver, too. Don't have the button today.
00:08:53
Speaker
um So that's our honorary mention. It felt disrespectful not even like talk about it. So we have to at least mention it.
Harry Potter Series Humor
00:09:01
Speaker
Kraken, our top 10. Again, this is just in chronological order. Our first clip we have from you is from December of last year with ah Black Christmas. There's two bites. Two bites?
00:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, what are you talking about? There's two clips here. Horde d'oeuvre, motherfucker. what I am. I'm hors d'oeuvre. ah There's two sound bites here. one ah my cat's going crazy One became a button.
00:09:29
Speaker
This is the he ain't fucking it. He's not but and i fucking it. Yeah, I mean, you can't fuck a corpse. That's wrong. Unless you're in the gypsy tapes. Yeah, he ain't fucking it. It's upon. He ain't fucking it.
00:09:42
Speaker
So that's the that's the first soundbite. And the other one, you know, I don't even think I'm going to say what this stuff is. I'm just going to let you guys hear it. There you go. And we're just going do that. So we'll be right back.
00:09:54
Speaker
You think the killer is a necrophiliac? No. All right. No. Why would you think that? Because he just keeps the body for like days. I don't know. He likes looking at it. He was waiting to fuck it.
00:10:06
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Alright, dude. don't know why you're so hostile about this. He ain't fucking it. He's not the guy from the Poughkeepsie tapes.
00:10:17
Speaker
No, he's not fucking it, but he There's definitely something wrong with him. Go ahead. I think he's schizophrenic. We should have made the name of this podcast the Poe Town Boys.
00:10:29
Speaker
Poe Town Boys. That's fire. Anyways, if you guys want us to change the name of the podcast, let us know. Did I go to a school for criminology? No, I did not. Is he going to fuck Mrs. Mac? No, but you could definitely get a good titty fuck.
00:10:42
Speaker
That's so aggressive. Titty fuck that bitch. You know what I'm saying?
00:10:50
Speaker
oh
00:10:52
Speaker
Kitty fucker and fucking cum on her chin. um Jesus Christ. I hope no one in my family ever hears this episode. We're talking about dead bodies, by the way. Gerald and i both realized just now that was the birth of Poetown Boys, which I've been saying unironically for the past year. Like, it's ironically.
00:11:15
Speaker
i didn't I thought Poetown Boys went back further. Maybe Poughkeepsie tapes? That's what I was thinking, right? Potown Boys? But then actually named yeah I I said that she was firing that clip, though. So maybe that is the birth right there.
00:11:31
Speaker
but So there you go. There you have it. ah Always gotta shout Black Christmas. that was ah That was a gem of an episode before. Before the next clip, not to segue, but we moved into our our prime, as we're gonna call it. These are the Harry.
00:11:48
Speaker
Harry's Boppa. What you call eight or seven movies? so It's a, if like four of them, it's like, if three is like a trilogy, four is a quadrilogy.
00:11:59
Speaker
Yeah. Um, centilogy. Okay. Here you go. Trilogy. Terror. Fuck. I can't, I can't read.
00:12:13
Speaker
Tetralogy is four. Pentology is five. Hexology is six. Heptology is seven. I got a heptology my cock. Right. ah And octology is eight.
00:12:24
Speaker
Okay. So this is the... Yeah. yeah With Harry Potter. There was, you know, there's at one point in time in our lives, we thought the entire list would just be Harry moments because after Harry went through a rough patch of just recordings that weren't great.
00:12:46
Speaker
um But thankfully we have some more after that. So you guys will hear those soon. This is from, um, This is from the first episode of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
00:12:56
Speaker
We cut to Hagrid and they tell him they're fucking racist. almost said racist. They're crazy. They're crazy fucking theory about Snape and how Snape was staring at. I can't say it this. maybe screen brow He was staring at every shtick and he didn't even blink once.
00:13:23
Speaker
Hey,
00:13:31
Speaker
Yo! You stare at Harry's broom? At a schtick like that, dude!
00:13:42
Speaker
Yeah, so I mean, if you heard our intro music, you know the old intro music this point. But Shtick Like That Dude is iconic. Very, very classic.
00:13:54
Speaker
Yeah, ah that was that first episode is so good. There's so many moments in the Sorcerer's Stone ep that are like very funny. The whole franchise did a good job being yeah funny, I feel like. I feel like I should make that my ringtone. Shtick Like That Dude? Yeah.
00:14:08
Speaker
That's true. just me saying over and over again. sh like that dude Oh, my voice cracked. Oh, sorry. yeah yeah who Like only be for like, if you called me.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And then yours would be oh like football. ah ah wait What the fuck is wrong with you? was like, I got this fucking retard talking over. here Yeah. Oh, fuck.
00:14:33
Speaker
So obviously our you know, we couldn't just put all Harry's in here. And even some of the Harry moments we put in, ah didn't as well we wanted it ah I also, you know, we didn't put it in here, but shout out to tyler the flying fucking car.
00:14:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's great one. Tyler came to Goblet of Fire recording. Correct. He was ready to fucking go. Yeah. yeah um And, you know, the owl tower. That's a good one. Honorable. Yeah.
00:14:59
Speaker
Honorable mention for sure. um But the next one is from our Half-Blood Prince episode. i think... This truly opened Pandora's box into the just fucking debauchery that we talked about in this podcast. Because yeah we recorded that app and we were like, yeah, let's just tell them ahead of time, hey, this is fucked up.
00:15:19
Speaker
And now we just don't warn you. you know it's just now we just Now things just get bleeped. Yeah. But I also, this is an episode too that I listened back to. I go, I left that in. you know There's a lot of such shit.
00:15:31
Speaker
Yeah, that we said. And, ah you know, we're just joking. It's all jokes. Yeah, we're just kidding. But, um yeah, this one from the Half-Blood Prince, I think, is ah it's a great a great moment. And the reason why, i mean at least that I thought it should go is because it still makes me laugh very hard. And that's what it is, right? Yeah.
00:15:52
Speaker
All right. So here it is. This is from the Half-Blood Prince. ah Ginny is about to go to bed and she goes, going to bed, Harry? And he's like, yeah. Oh, your shoe's untied.
00:16:07
Speaker
What happened?
00:16:12
Speaker
Yes. of ah
00:16:18
Speaker
What? yeah i' would Say it. say it say it oh harry
00:16:33
Speaker
your cock is all dry that's what you're laughing about cock is dry what if i no just because she's already down there tying her shoes right warfi just what i just oh
00:16:55
Speaker
Oh, Harry. Oh, Harry. What if I...
00:17:04
Speaker
Ugh.
00:17:08
Speaker
um harry ah harry
00:17:17
Speaker
whatever
00:17:23
Speaker
ah
00:17:25
Speaker
Okay. Would you like me to caress your balls while I stick a finger in your bopper?
00:17:32
Speaker
ah Oh, boy.
00:17:36
Speaker
Damn. Okay. It's just funny to me that that she's like, I'm about to go down and tie her shoes. was On the way back up, just gives me that fucking slop.
00:17:52
Speaker
Dude. dude Um, I think she uses tongue. She better a dirty bitch. which if she suck cock what are you talking about I don't know. I hope so. Not no teeth, please.
00:18:07
Speaker
So, I mean, big topic of conversation during the Harry Potter coverage was how much of a fucking skank slot or Ginny Weasley is just getting fucking rented out.
00:18:18
Speaker
ah yeah You know, she's getting fucking rented out. Um, I mean, some really unhinged ASMR from dick sucking noises from you, Gerald. I mean, not out of control. It was funny. It was just like, wow, man, you really deep throat in that shit.
00:18:35
Speaker
I mean, you know, i i channeled my inner nah mean. That's how they suck mean dick right there. They suck mean dick. Yeah. You fucking cowl after you're done.
Pirates of the Caribbean Comedy
00:18:51
Speaker
ah Yeah, that's an all-time soundbite, and it still is very fun. And I also birthed the Oh, Harry. oh Harry. just say that nowadays. Yeah, all the time. Oh, Harry.
00:19:07
Speaker
Give him that fucking schlop. um The next the next ah moment we have for you is from Deathly Hallows Part 1. And it also follows the the line of Ginny Weasley getting fucking rented out.
00:19:22
Speaker
um Jake was on this recording. Shout out Jake. But unfortunately, Jake, you didn't laugh into the mic or at all during this part. So you're just not in it. And I'm sorry. Just kind of quiet. Yeah.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah, you just didn't say anything, so I just don't have your audio in for the soundbite. And that's okay, because you'd hear nothing anyways. um But this is from the Deathly Hallows part uno.
00:19:44
Speaker
Yeah, but he's getting like fucking A1 poon. Harry? No, Ron. Yeah, but at this point... What poon is Harry getting? Chose? No, he got cock block.
00:19:55
Speaker
That shit smells like fucking shrimp fried fries. What the fuck that?
00:20:22
Speaker
you just said that.
00:20:27
Speaker
That's crazy. craziest things.
00:20:34
Speaker
um ah All right. I'm just saying she's at the bottom of the fucking leaderboard. All right. They're not worrying about her She's no, I agree. I do it. So she's like left out. So what else is, can she do? But let's get fucking rinsed out.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah. Shout to show you. I still want to fucking rinse you out. Absolutely.
00:20:58
Speaker
Well, like how did Jake not even like say a damn thing there? Jake said, i didn't leave it in, but when in the beginning, when you're like, who's, who's getting pooned? And I was like, no, Ron. Jake was also like, Ron.
00:21:10
Speaker
And that was it. That's all he said. And, uh, that was also the episode that I'm pretty sure I said, shout out with Sama, which I didn't mean that, but it was funny. rat Yeah. Um, go. Yeah. You know, that, that is, that, that concludes all of our, our star, our Harry Potter best moments. I'm reading ahead of myself.
00:21:29
Speaker
um But, you know, go check out our apps. They don't have enough views right now. We need them. We need the views on the Harry episodes to match the views on our older episodes. Right. We need all eyes on that because you the the our app with the high views, that's rookie shit. All right?
00:21:43
Speaker
This is... We're better. Peek. I mean, tell your friends. Everybody's seen Harry Potter. You know what I mean? Yeah, Harry. Oh, Harry. and You've all definitely thought about it sexually. So, you know, just go listen to the episodes and you'll hear it.
00:21:58
Speaker
You know, the movies just speak for themselves, just full of sexual tension. You'll hear your sexual desires come to fruition out of our mouths. Everybody just wants to fuck everybody. But no one wants to say it.
00:22:10
Speaker
And again, you know, in case we didn't say it enough, ah best franchise of all time probably goes to Harry Potter, at least most consistent. There's not a no competition.
00:22:21
Speaker
Spanning eight films be that good. Yeah, come on. Um, so we're leaving though the realm of Harry Potter and we were, um, I would say at this time we were in this, in the midst of a, of a, uh, it was just kind of eh. The recordings were just kind of eh.
00:22:36
Speaker
We were talking about this point, what the top 10 was going to be. And it's like fucking like May. Yeah. But we were like, Oh fuck, what are we going to do? Um, and thankfully we have this gem an episode. We released it on the
Jack Frost and Home Alone Humor
00:22:50
Speaker
5th of May. May the 5th be with you for, uh, Star Wars. It's revenge of the Sith.
00:22:56
Speaker
Um, this is one of the, I mean, think both of our, one of our favorite clips, one, probably the best clip I've ever made in my life is this one. Um, And if you haven't seen the clip, you'll hear it right now. You got that blued that blue bitch. Ayla Secura.
00:23:13
Speaker
so Shout out you and your long thang. I'm pulling
00:23:17
Speaker
She's got those fucking milkers on her too, dude. She's fucking ready, dude. I want to fucking wrap myself in your fucking long tubes, bro. ah You got some long tubes. Are those Urphalepian tubes are on the outside? Yeah, she got external fallopian tubes and I'm trying to suck them.
00:23:36
Speaker
I'm trying to tie myself in like a seatbelt. Strap in. Strap on, baby. Tag me.
00:23:46
Speaker
What the fuck? want you to tether me to you like a fucking buddy system. What are your fucking blue tentacles? Yo, those joints got some suction cups on them or what?
00:24:03
Speaker
Yo, what's her name? Ayla Secura. Yo, shout out to Ayla Secura your fucking thangs. You know what mean? have to fucking suck them and pull them. 100%. And that was probably the beginning of strap in, strap on. So that's probably what that is.
00:24:19
Speaker
ah Great moment. Great clip. Some of my finest work as a clip maker. And after that, it was just shit. The true dark ages.
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah. um Because the next i mean the next clip we have for you is Pirates 1. um Whatever that first one's called, I forgot. And there is... curse of the Black Pearl.
00:24:44
Speaker
Yeah. There is... I looped in a moment from Pirates 2 because it's all about the same subject matter and that subject is Elizabeth's fucking dirty pussy. so So, um I mean, i cut, i you know, this is a longer clip, but I just want you you guys to know that I made it I mean, I made it even shorter because there's just so much talk about how fucking disgusting that shit probably is. Like, um yeah, I mean, good like sanitation back then, you know, like, I mean, they literally show Orlando Bloom eating her out at the end of the movie one of the movies. Damn near. Yeah. Yeah. So ah enjoy this. This is flicking her shit.
00:25:29
Speaker
Her dad starts knocking on the door and she's like, just a minute. And then he kind of like busts like, yo, what if she's like straight up flicking her shit? Like walk in. What if she's straight up flicking her shit?
00:25:48
Speaker
You're about to see the unthinkable. Yo. Yo, what if she's straight up flicking her shit? What if she's doing that?
00:26:01
Speaker
i mean yeah I just... I just... I just see her laying legs fridged, just like... Like, you know how long you fold the fucking paper into a triangle? Yeah, yeah, flick it. Yeah.
00:26:22
Speaker
this disturb fuckcker shit
00:26:29
Speaker
Oh, wow. but ah And then Dad enters and she fucking so makes eye contact and squirts. Oh my god, wow. why Dad's like, ha, ha, ha. He's trying to like scoop it up real a quick.
00:26:46
Speaker
yeah He's got to fucking repowder his wig because it's all wet. He's got a straw at the ready, you know what mean? Like a retractable straw. What's up? Oh my god, dad, put your telescope away. Dude, he does. that mean that's the Fuck the retractable straw. He's Zoom in. zoom it feeds Honey, I'm a gynecologist.
00:27:13
Speaker
You're flicking that shit aggressively. You need to stop it a little bit. You need to rub it. yeah It's called rubbing one out, not flicking one out. Why are you flicking it out?
00:27:25
Speaker
Why are you flicking it out like that? gotta, you gotta to like do like you're a DJ, you know, you can't like, you're a era yeah, like, yeah, yeah exactly. Um,
00:27:39
Speaker
so he gives her a dress. Because she's naked flicking it. Yeah. You need to put this on. Put some fucking clothes on. And she's like, well, what do you want from me since you're gifting me a dress? He's like, that fucking bean. Yeah, I want that fucking cherry for my own. know what I mean? want some cherry. Fucking mashed peas. What? Mashed peas? I don't know, dude. They're fucking... They're British. They eat mashed peas. They try to mash her pee, bro. About to make fucking split pea soup out of your fucking cunt. Out your fucking... You know what I mean?
00:28:19
Speaker
Hey, yo, believe that. That'll be on Patreon, ladies and gentlemen. Is that too Yo, I think that's... Cunt juice.
Comedic Highlights Recap
00:28:33
Speaker
That's crazy, dog. What?
00:28:39
Speaker
Oh, my God. Yo. Yo. The fact that you're like, that's crazy. You just fucking said. Stop giving the instant replay.
00:28:52
Speaker
said. Yeah, you said cunt juice. Yeah.
00:28:58
Speaker
I don't know about that either. I want a fucking shakey and a martini shake. Oh yeah. Give me a little olive on a stick, you know what i mean? Yeah.
00:29:11
Speaker
Use some fucking yeast from your yeast infection. Oh, that's the blue cheese. That's
00:29:19
Speaker
wild. That's wild, son.
00:29:25
Speaker
Yo! That shit moldy! What do we do? yo Hey yo! This cheese got some stank on it!
00:29:33
Speaker
Your shit fermented in your pussy for too long! oh I'm trying to stuff that olive with it, put it in that martini shake. That shit gonna be stalled with mento for sure! Hey yo, you got cheese, girl!
00:29:47
Speaker
Damn! You got straight cheese in your pussy! What's going on? That shit's consistency of cottage cheese. What are we... Oh! Oh, chunky.
00:29:59
Speaker
Oh! oh You ricotta-having ass? What are we doing? but What are we doing right now? You said Cunt Juice! I know, but I didn't think it was gonna spiral.
00:30:12
Speaker
Cut to the dummies running with the chest and Liz goes to stop them, but she don't have a sword. Following the theme, she ain't got dick. No dick to pull out. Just her fucking irritated bean. The only thing I have is my little pussy pussy.
00:30:26
Speaker
well Why say it twice?
Reflection on Podcast Content
00:30:28
Speaker
hu No, I said pussy. Oh, pussy pussy. Pussy pussy. You know, it's fucking oozing pus. It's all yeah green and snotty. Right. Because I got a fucking yeast infection from flicking my shit on the sand.
00:30:43
Speaker
Yeah, and you can see that she's angry in her eye. know what I mean? Yeah. That eye is fucking mad. You need the fucking shit you, the eye drops you use for fucking pink eye. Put that your pussy. Oh, yeah.
00:30:56
Speaker
Bro, you got a lot of that shit with Neosporin. She's like, hold on. well well well wait What are you doing?
00:31:12
Speaker
She put a fucking pussy drops in. yes She's sitting like there like that. Does this look okay? yeah I can't see. aiming right? It's bad, huh?
00:31:25
Speaker
been Oh my god, my...
00:31:30
Speaker
so this my piss hole or my piss hole? I can't see what's going on. I mean, I still have the visual in my head of you putting your pussy drops in. it is I wish we had the video so bad. its It was so funny.
00:31:44
Speaker
need to record video, and it's like that one day wish we recorded video to see you fucking put your pussy drops in. You were bent back on the chair. Oh, yeah, babe. Yeah. ah So, you know, those movies are fucking mid, but we got some good we got some good stuff out of it.
00:32:01
Speaker
You know? Yeah, the first one's definitely the best movie. Yeah, for sure. And then just goes downhill. But people really like the third and the fourth one. I just don't understand it. I don't get it either. I saw the third one in theaters and I was like, wow, this is pretty fucking boring.
00:32:16
Speaker
Yeah, it is. um So our next moment is not until December because October, unfortunately, as we said, we just went a little too crazy and had to bleep it. And we still can't play it for you now.
00:32:30
Speaker
So that didn't change. All right. So this next one, will probably feel more recent to you all because it's December. This is from there's a two little clips from Jack Frost.
00:32:45
Speaker
Gabby arrives home and she sees the snowman outside. He's just like kinda know posing. Fucking poser. And she kind of like adjusts his his scarf and is like you're cute or whatever I don't know. Yeah I'd fuck this shit out this snowman. Fucking sticking the branch in a twat I don't know. Oh my god I'm gonna do splinter.
00:33:03
Speaker
Just making eye contact with those fucking rocks for Isaiah. She's like, fucking like that? She starts like like, kind of like doing like a strip tease and puts her his hat on her head.
00:33:15
Speaker
yeah yeah
Best Purchases and Mediocre Movies
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah, she like pulls a scarf off. She's like, yeah. yeah yeah You like when I act like a fucking high school car guard girl? What the fuck?
00:33:34
Speaker
That's bad. That's not great. that That's not great. That's not great. That's fucking don't know why thought of that, but yeah.
00:33:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in the fucking band. I tore my flag. You want to watch? Yeah.
00:34:02
Speaker
Yeah. Give you a fucking branch you can sit on. Oh. I mean, are we doing? What are we doing with life? I don't know. This is fucking horrible.
00:34:17
Speaker
ah We're going to put this on the internet. Yeah, we are. I'm happy with that. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Yeah, and she's a fucking bank teller. They act like she's like a fucking, you know, she works 12-hour shifts. and She's a fucking bank teller teller. They're only open, like, what, 9 to 5?
00:34:31
Speaker
Barely. She's federal holidays off. It's true. And the fucking Jewish ones. It's ridiculous. have Fuck you, Yom Kippur. Yeah.
00:34:44
Speaker
um I'm going to fucking Yom Kippur that holiday. Yeah, know what I'm talking about? Ugh. I mean, all that Jack Frost episode is kind of a sleeper. It's kind of a really good ah it's a really good episode.
00:34:56
Speaker
ah I listened to, you know, i we do the recording. i obviously hear you say what you said the recording. Then I edit it. And then I listen to it in the car or like at work or whatever. and I'm listening to this episode in the in the car and I was drinking soda or something. And that fuck you, Jan Kipper came on. I just didn't expect it. And i had heard it twice at that point. I just fucking spit my drink out. It was so funny. It just caught me so off guard. Yeah.
00:35:20
Speaker
No disrespect to you Jewish folk, but it's also um it was ah it was also funny as hell. Yeah. yeah ah Moving right along, our next our next ah moment. i don't know if I'm going to call it a moment. This is a long. um Gerald will say I went crazy, but I would say we went crazy on on Home Alone um with this new device we invented called a piss pot.
00:35:48
Speaker
ah par the kidding this pening This shit is still funny. and I want you to know I could have taken more out of the episode, but I tried to keep it short.
00:35:59
Speaker
But it's still like six minutes. So it's what I mean, it's what it is. We talked about we talk about piss pots for like a good 10 to 12 minutes on that episode. How are the kids in the back of the plane being like, oh, Kevin's not here?
00:36:14
Speaker
That's valid, right? it Where's Kevin at? They probably don't care about him. Yeah, but Buzz is like, i need to fart on somebody's face. like Where's Kevin? He's like, fucking stick his head in my ass. Not in his ass. Not in a sexual way, like in a bullying way. like Come on, Fuller. You're sharing a bed with this boy. Yeah, didn't pee on him?
00:36:30
Speaker
Yeah. Where's my pee... My pee partner? Yeah. Where's my portable pee pot? You know what mean? Instead of a pen pal, got pee pal. Yeah. but but
00:36:42
Speaker
yeah I just didn't piss back and forth. You see this kid stand up and start pissing at this other kid's mouth on a plane. They're just sitting on a plane and Fuller attacks him on the shoulder and goes, it's time. And then he's got his mouth open and he pulls on his ear for him to swallow like he's flushing.
00:37:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. My horrible piss pot. Yeah. Yeah. yeah He goes to the back door and he sees the Murphy's van outside. It's not their van. Spoiler alert. And he's like, I thought they were on vacation because Mitch and his dumb autistic family were supposed to be in Florida. Hey, do you know we're going to Florida?
00:37:27
Speaker
oh Hey, Kevin, can I use your piss pot?
00:37:33
Speaker
um I like the way he gargles. It's fun to pull it if you're able to flush it. um And I keep pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling and he keeps telling me to stop, but no, you're my piss pot.
00:37:48
Speaker
But when I pull on his when i pull on his right earlobe, he swallows my piss, and when I pull on his left one, he sucks my cock.
00:38:00
Speaker
Have you ever tried the left earlobe pull feature? who gets sucked off. I got to upgrade to the newest model.
Disappointing and Exceeding Movies
00:38:12
Speaker
Yeah. If you pinch his nose, it'll make him open his mouth. Yeah. Autoblow, it's 1990.
00:38:25
Speaker
Introducing the piss pot. My piss pot has face ID.
00:38:31
Speaker
My piss pie has head ID. Yeah, I have my fucking penis head right there. You see the tip, you're like, ah. Yeah. Set up face ID now.
00:38:45
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe he has to stick his finger in his ass and make his mouth open. He's like, oh! Yeah.
00:38:52
Speaker
yeah yeah I got the key to my piss pod on me at all times. At all times. My unique finger ID. And that's the craziest part. These fucking loony bins are calling the police on a fucking eight-year-old.
00:39:05
Speaker
Yeah. And like a toothbrush. He's just trying to keep good dental hygiene. Yeah. I mean, it's not like he's fucking stealing a piss pot. He's stealing a fucking toothbrush. Well, the piss pot's to be special order nowadays. Yeah. Can you imagine he's like, order he's just dragging a kid.
00:39:19
Speaker
What is he? That's my personal piss pot. my Punk. my My triple P, my personal piss pot. My PPP.
00:39:28
Speaker
Yeah, Triple P. That's my favorite wrestler. Yeah, I need to see your... yeah The officer gets him. He's like, i need to see you and your piss pot's ID, please.
00:39:38
Speaker
Get your serial number. Yeah. And he's like, but officer, this is my piss pot. He goes, i need some fucking registration for that. is that right? You got the proper licensing for your piss pot?
00:39:53
Speaker
That's fucking crazy.
00:39:56
Speaker
You got one or not? Non-piss pot registration is $50 fine. And he's like, but sir, if you fucking take my piss pot, he's going pee in the bed. why I wrote, I wrote, or I'll record a cut to Kevin watching TV looking at a family hot pot.
00:40:13
Speaker
They're all just pissing in a pot. Yeah. That's so It's a family portrait. Oh. And then he kisses his piss pot, right? Right. Kisses his piss pot.
00:40:25
Speaker
I wish you'd come back, piss pot. And he sings like a really sad song about how he misses it. Right. ah Where are you, piss pot?
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking. I mean, Pisspot's an all-timer. The Where Are You Pisspot? I was editing this last night, like trying to pull the clips up, and I just kept singing that. It was so funny. It was so good, dude.
00:40:56
Speaker
Really well-timed. We went fucking crazy. And then, you know, if you thought the debauchery ended, it didn't. um We got two two clips left. We're at number nine ah or number two. Whatever. Count down, count up. Doesn't matter They're not ranked.
00:41:12
Speaker
ah This is from Santa Claus. And I listened to this on my flight home two days ago. and I rewound it probably three times because thought it was so funny. Uh... This is a great episode. The whole episode is just fantastic. Yeah, we fucking cooked big shout out Mike Rowe. Shout out Dirty Jobs. Yeah. And what we're describing that you're about to hear sounds like a pretty fucking dirty job to me.
00:41:38
Speaker
And then she telling him, like, you know, believing is seeing not seeing is believing. So I don't know. Pull it down if you're fucking big, huh? want to see it. no I mean, ah Talk all this fucking big game, Santa. Yeah, where's it at?
00:41:52
Speaker
Huh? Scott? Huh? ah
00:41:59
Speaker
Oh, big dick Scott! Yeah, where's it at?
00:42:05
Speaker
Where's your fucking cock at? it Must not be too good if your fucking wife left you. yeah I know Neil's probably fucking packing that shit. Yeah.
00:42:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's, I mean, but Sam looks so big in my little elf hands. Oh, no. ah soof de How many elves you think he needs to jerk his shit? That's crazy. like oh Probably at least four. like Four of them. Single go file hands up like this.
00:42:35
Speaker
but Yeah, they're just standing there like this, right? He starts fucking their hands. Fucking their hands.
Worst Movie of the Year
00:42:58
Speaker
Here comes the
00:43:05
Speaker
That's fucking insane. oh It's a the ah crush crazy visual. Yeah. yeah it's like It's like when you go see like, a what's that shit?
00:43:22
Speaker
Niagara Falls. And they like give you the free poncho that comes with it until you won't get wet.
00:43:28
Speaker
They walk in, they all grab a poncho and they're just like.
00:43:36
Speaker
Yeah, come on. A little more spit. a little more spit. Dude, that's where Bernard is. They're just fucking spraying lube. Don't.
00:43:48
Speaker
Santa I'm out of spit. the Well, fucking take some out of her mouth. Santa I need more spit for Christmas. Oh, wow.
00:44:02
Speaker
Four elves just holding this fucking... Just fucking it.
00:44:10
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, so that's crazy. Hey, at least that one can stay. Yeah, it's good that one could stay. ah that was fuck That was fucking insane.
00:44:22
Speaker
And then then we were talking about in that episode too, Santa has just like a fucking loaded butt plug in the bottom of the sled that just pops up right whenever. Sits on it. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. I also just thought of, there was a crazy moment from Pirates. I can just put this in over there.
00:44:38
Speaker
That we bleeped that like put me out for a long time. The when Jack meets Cotton. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah I want to shout that moment really quick because it's fucking hilarious.
00:44:54
Speaker
And ah unfortunately, we just couldn't. We just couldn't keep it in. i kind of wanted to pretty hard, but unfortunately, we could not. We've reached number 10, the final moment. This is real recent. As in last week, you guys heard this.
00:45:11
Speaker
This is from our our coverage on the Marine. And shout out John Cena. Do I set the button here? I don't have it. Okay. I was going to say RIP, but he's not dead. Yeah, he's definitely not dead. Yeah, that shit's fucking still funny. Yeah. That's great.
00:45:30
Speaker
Shout to John. Shout out to Cody and Goldust. it's It's very funny that Cody wrote to the podcast because he just talks like this and probably just spits all over his mic. Yeah, but his wife's a baddie. She probably loved that spit. Yeah, he got a fat tongue and a small mouth.
00:45:46
Speaker
He do. You know what John called his drink? They made his drink, he's like, Cody, you spit all my drink. Sorry, John. Sorry, John, you didn't mean to spit all your drink. Hey, John, you want me to spit your cock? You want me give you the good old five knuckle shuffle, John? You literally can tell John doesn't drink.
00:46:15
Speaker
No, but he likes it when I spit in it. It's my new drink. do you want to wrestle my brother Goldust?
00:46:27
Speaker
Yeah, my brother Gold- He's a bit of a ****, but- I don't fuck that guy's problem. me
00:46:37
Speaker
He keeps coming up to me and like, rubbing his chest. I don't know if he wants to fuck or not
00:46:44
Speaker
like ah And I'm like, oh, you want fuck a hook to my dick, brother? What do we do? That's so fucking gay.
00:46:56
Speaker
what the fuck? Can you tell fucking my brother Gold, that's a chill? Chill out.
00:47:05
Speaker
think he gets off to me when I spit on him.
00:47:11
Speaker
But the good thing is I'm suiting dust. Yeah. Shout out to my dad, Dusty Rhodes. Oh, man. RIP Dusty Rhodes. RIP to a fucking legend.
00:47:22
Speaker
Yeah. Son of a plumber. Because the only accent I can do with the list is Mike Tyson. Yeah. It's just Mike Tyson the whole time. I don't know why. I'm white Mike Tyson.
00:47:37
Speaker
Yeah. You know, i'm looking into a tongue reduction surgery. I think it'll help with a spit. um Hey, John, I know you went to Turkey to get your ah your hair implants. Do they do tongue operations too?
00:47:50
Speaker
Tongue, can get It's a bomb. Yo, Tom, you suck my tongue off or what? Yo, John, do you think I'd get my tongue reduced in Turkey and then cut a promo?
00:48:03
Speaker
I'm gonna cut a promo like this? of the Do you think I'll reduce tongue and fuck up my promo, John? Alright.
00:48:14
Speaker
That's not crazy. But Goldust is kind of a I'm just being honest. Yeah, low-key, yeah. Like, shout out to him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's still wrestling. He doesn't do any of that gay shit, though. He just goes by and is like, but I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
00:48:33
Speaker
We love my everybody. What's his real name? Dustin? Dustin Rhodes. Yeah. Shout out to you and your Goldust, dude. Uh... But that'll that' wrap up our our best moments of 2025.
00:48:48
Speaker
You know, if you're mad that your moment didn't get mentioned, well, you didn't fucking write in. So unless you write in, it's not going to get mentioned. It's true. You know, I asked Jake. I was like, what's your favorite moment? And he just like, he's like, I don't have one.
00:49:01
Speaker
Oh, you don't listen. Well, who the fuck's listening to Violent Night over and over again, Jake? It's got to be just him. Got to be Jake.
00:49:11
Speaker
We'll move into our, actually, before we move into our best movie superlatives, we'll be right back after this ad break. Hello, you're now in an ad read.
00:49:22
Speaker
Yeah, fuck you, yeah. that we're We're, Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So here we are in the middle. So here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out. Plug it in.
00:49:35
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
00:49:47
Speaker
Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail, 508, eight fist us. 508, eight dip tip, six minute limit, 12 body maximum.
00:49:59
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson behavioral health. All this will be linked in the description below.
00:50:17
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. Okay, so movie superlatives this year Here are your categories. We did not add any new ones. They're the same ones from last year.
00:50:29
Speaker
Do you think we should go bottom to top? So that way it's like... The best movie goes at the end. Do physical media first, you're saying?
00:50:39
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So the categories are best physical media purchased. That can be on the internet or in person. Best physical media find... uh then for movies that released this year those categories are most mid most mid movie you saw this year best soundtrack biggest disappointment the biggest surprise the worst movie you saw this year and the best movie you saw this year so as my co-host mentioned we'll start uh with physical media the best physical media purchase uh i have two contenders i know one of ours is the same yeah uh you can go first
00:51:18
Speaker
Best physical media purchase. I decided that it's 100% the Terrifier box set from Umbrella. I mean, they just did a fantastic fucking job with that.
00:51:30
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, the quality is crazy. I have not used it yet, but you watched you've watched Terrifier 3 a couple times, right? yeah Yeah, anytime I get a chance to show somebody that, I just do it. fuck yeah Yeah, i the poster's hanging up on my wall.
00:51:44
Speaker
That came with it, one of them is. Nice poster. Shout to Umbrella. Big Umbrella W. Yeah, big Umbrella W, but fuck that shipping cost. Right. I had... So I had that...
00:51:57
Speaker
um But I wrote or just to spice it up in case you wrote the same thing, just so we don't on the same answer. I will say, and this could also go for best physical media find because did find it in the wild. My 4K copy of The Sadness, which I did not think existed outside of, ah well, we had a whole conversation about that. But yeah, I remember I found that because somebody traded it in. It was in a stack of movies.
00:52:23
Speaker
And I was like, whoa. I was like, what's going on with that? Can I buy it? um Obviously, you know, there's... We're a little backlogged on the Yayyuanas right now. But um you'll hear them next year to hear all the stuff we found this year. So I guess this is kind of low-key a spoiler, but not really. cause we both We already told you about the box set.
00:52:40
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. um So, spoiler alert, for the best physical media find, I guess you found it for me. But I had the sadness.
00:52:51
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, that's fine, but you didn't find it. In the wild. But I didn't really find anything crazy. Not when you were here last?
00:53:04
Speaker
Not crazy.
00:53:08
Speaker
Okay. um My best physical media find this year, i don't even think it's a question, is the 7-4K. That story that I told, I don't know what episode it was, but went to Barnes & Noble looking for Ghibli Steelbooks and I just randomly saw a black case with no label and I pulled it out and it was the 7-4K.
00:53:27
Speaker
And you're like, oh, fuck. And then I got it on sale for some reason. And then I found out one for you and then i I just haven't really seen them since. Just how is.
00:53:38
Speaker
You can't really, you know. Did you see that the guy that wrote 7 and 8mm is coming out with a new movie? Shout 8mm Big. Big. What's his new movie?
00:53:50
Speaker
I forget the name of it, but it's another like serial killer movie. Next category is the most mid, just the most fucking nothing movie. um I'll let you go first.
00:54:01
Speaker
So for most mid, there was a lot of mid movies this year. lot schlop this year. Big schlop. Yeah. So for most mid, I went with an overhyped movie.
00:54:16
Speaker
I went with Mickey 17. That's interesting because I put Mickey 17 somewhere else. Oh, for the, okay. But Mickey 17 is mid as Like, yeah, besides Pattinson's acting, it was just a whole fucking nothing.
00:54:32
Speaker
It was a mid fest. Mid fest 2025. My mid is a movie that was a mystery film at not Alamo at AMC that went and saw. This is Sisu to Road to Revenge.
00:54:48
Speaker
ah This is the most nothing. Try to be John Wick. spin-off, just kill Nazis, but it looks bad and it's dumb and nobody cares movie ever.
00:55:00
Speaker
I gave it, I think I gave it two. maybe I mean, gave it a two and a half, but it is, I mean, just the most nothing burger of a movie ever. Middle of the road. Just like some movie you'd see on like cable television, just like playing yeah for like four times over.
00:55:15
Speaker
It's like on TNT. Yeah, literally. like that's what it's like. This is like it's like the Expendables is like prior to this movie. Honestly, that's that's yeah terrifying. Yeah. Movies fucking mid as fuck.
00:55:27
Speaker
Um, our next category is a little tricky. Uh, I literally had to go back and read reviews that I wrote for movies that came out this year for best soundtrack. Cause i just didn't know what to put. Um, but I did go see a movie. it had an early release, uh, at least here in Boston, not' probably everywhere, but, uh, it's this movie called no other choice. It's directed by a guy who I can't remember his name, but I will tell you his name in a minute.
00:55:53
Speaker
Uh, it is Park Chan-wook. It's a foreign film, but Park Chan-wook directed little movie called Old Boy. Have you heard of it? And Handmaid, Lady Vengeance, which is great.
00:56:06
Speaker
I've seen that. Also directed Thirst, which I want to see. Just haven't seen it yet. um Either way, the movie itself, pretty mid, but you know I hate every movie, right? so But I will say it's about this family, and their daughter is a cellist. So the majority of the soundtrack in the movie is just like literally just cello.
00:56:25
Speaker
yeah No, like just like literally just cello and nothing else. Oh, okay. And a little a little more Nick lore. I played cello for like 10 years, so I'm biased as fuck. um So that takes the cake for me for best soundtrack.
00:56:41
Speaker
Yeah, last last year for our best moments, we kind of like threw... We had Ghost. We had Ghost, and it's like... Yeah, they didn't come out this year. Can't compete with that. ah But for my best soundtrack...
00:56:54
Speaker
A soundtrack that, like, you could probably just straight up listen to ah for, like, Halloween. Just put this shit on during, like, Halloween party or something. Yeah. It bops.
00:57:06
Speaker
Bopper, bopper. I weapons. Weapons? Weapons? Shout out weapons. Now, you're probably like, why? Because they got, like, the creepy shit, right? But then they got, like, some synth fucking boppers going on. Yeah. It's like... Put the shit on shuffle. You don't going get. Exactly. It's a vibe. Weapons is a good movie. Weapons, I almost put for my, it was a contender for my most surprising. Because I was, like I said in one of our episodes, I was sick of seeing the fucking ads. And I was like, probably fucking is going suck ass. And then I just bored one day after recorded. I went and saw and I was like, it's actually really good.
00:57:41
Speaker
Yeah, it was a really good movie. But again, not the winner of that category. So, fuck you. um Anyways, next our next category is biggest disappointment. Not both.
00:57:56
Speaker
I wish I had the wah, wah, wah. Biggest disappointment for me, to me, to fit this category, it's like a movie that had crazy hype and then just did not live up to expectations.
00:58:08
Speaker
There was a bunch of these I could have put, um but for me, the biggest one, just because of like the director and everything like that, it is Mickey 17. um I remember the trailer was crazy. It looked so good.
00:58:21
Speaker
And then I went and saw it and I was like, this is the fucking movie? Just like, so just like it's it's literally a fucking Bong Joon-ho joint. He did Parasite. He did Memories of Murder, Host.
00:58:35
Speaker
These are all like good movies. And then you have Mickey 17, which is just, still is a 3.6 on Letterboxd. But like, really just, it's 137 minutes of just like too long. And it's got an all-star Not interesting.
00:58:47
Speaker
Yeah. And just not very interesting. So and I wanted to come out that movie like, yeah best movie the year this year. And unfortunately, just wasn't. unfortunate, but. Yeah. Right here next time.
00:58:59
Speaker
Yeah. Mr. Mr. Ho.
00:59:04
Speaker
So for my biggest disappointment, I took it as. I guess not overall hype. There was hype behind it, but like my personal hype, you know?
00:59:15
Speaker
Sure. now That's fair. ah Coming off of one of my favorite horror movies, Long Legs. ah The legs are long. The legs are long. You see Osgood Perkins. You're like, what the fuck we got?
00:59:30
Speaker
And then we get the fucking monkey. mean, yeah. Holy yeah shit. Movie's fucking garbage. When I say I was hyped, I was fucking hype.
00:59:42
Speaker
And then you watch it and it's like gross. What are we doing? Yeah. Shout out that episode we doxed a lot of people into high school with. That was that episode. Okay. Just doxed a lot of people.
00:59:55
Speaker
Yeah. I agree with you, though. Movie's fucking trash. ah Literally all given away in the trailer, which is seems to be a trend here. ah so And then the twist was just fucking horrible.
01:00:07
Speaker
Dumb. Yeah. um All right. So my most surprising, I'll be honest, I really can't pick one. Yeah. Would you be willing to say yours first? Because maybe we have the same one.
01:00:19
Speaker
Sure. So my most surprising was a movie that came out in January. Okay. we might and We might have the same one. All the way back in January, you know? And yeah I didn't get a chance to watch it until I ordered it.
01:00:36
Speaker
It's PP. PP! Yeah! Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare. Fuck it. That was one of the three, so I can get rid of that one. Okay. Okay. Like, if you look at the movies in this cinematic universe, right? You got fucking Witty the Pooh 1 and 2.
01:00:51
Speaker
Garbage. Fucking horrible movies. Yep. And then you take a movie like Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare, right? Yeah. Peter Pan make him like a low-key pedophile kidnapping kids? Make Tinkerbell trans.
01:01:04
Speaker
Trans and fucking like heroin addict or some shit. Yeah, yeah. And it's like...
01:01:12
Speaker
like grounded in reality. And the gore is fantastic. Gore is great. The gore is so good. And it's like, you go to see one of these movies knowing what they made before, guess fucking suck. Yeah.
01:01:23
Speaker
And I didn't see that Bambi movie, but there's no fucking way. It's like that better. Yeah. No shot. I got to see Peter in theaters and I was like, wow, this is fucking awesome.
01:01:34
Speaker
yeah This is why you play the game though. Sometimes you go and you see fucking Winnie the Pooh, Blood and Honey. And then sometimes you see Peter and you're like, damn, this shit fucking bumps.
01:01:45
Speaker
Yeah. Like if they just completely ditched like everything and just made a sequel to Peter, I'm down. I'm seeing it. Hell yeah. Peter too. um So I still have two that I'm stuck between. I'll talk about one that I saw older first.
01:02:02
Speaker
Again, I'm bored. I go to the movie theater. I go to see this movie called Good Fortune. It's a comedy with Keanu Reeves, Seth Rogen. What's his name? Right? Seth Rogen?
01:02:13
Speaker
That guy? yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah, that guy. Yeah, okay. And Aziz Ansari. And I was like, oh, probably should be like a little cute comedy, whatever. ah The social commentary on this, on like living in like...
01:02:30
Speaker
It's very funny, A. And then B, it's like the commentary on like trying to like make a living and like a afford your pay your bills and like live a like a proper life and like kind of the wealth divide in America. It's kind of crazy how much it hits you in just like a goofy comedy movie.
01:02:46
Speaker
And again, you have a stacked cast. Keanu Reeves is an all-time actor. you know He's great. He's so good in every role he's in. um So that one really shocked me. i ended up giving that a four and a half star.
01:02:58
Speaker
ah Yeah, which is like, you don't go to watch a comedy expecting give it a four and a half. That's like just like shocking, right? Yeah. um The other one that I wanted to mention, because lip this this is more in the vein of Peter, where it's like, this movie's going absolutely fucking shit, right? Like, there's no possible chance it's going good.
01:03:18
Speaker
So i didn't I didn't see in theaters, but i was I was visiting my parents, and they have Hulu, and it was on a Hulu. And I was like, well, you know, I got fucking days to spare here. So, like, let's just kill some time. Let's watch this fucking movie. I watched the movie Locked.
01:03:33
Speaker
That's the movie with bill when Bill Skarsgård gets locked in the car, and the guy talking to him through the car is Anthony Hopkins. Okay. Okay. Let me tell you something.
01:03:44
Speaker
Movie's fucking good. Okay? This is not a bad movie in the slightest. It's great. It's so good. you get If you wait long, it's like an 88-minute movie, something like that. If you, like an hour in, you get Anthony Hopkins on screen.
01:03:59
Speaker
He's in the movie. um I wrote it in my review. That's one thing. Bill drinks his own piss. Oh, my God. ah you Anthony Hopkins smokes a joint.
01:04:09
Speaker
Okay. What else do you want? yeah You know? so like It's a thriller, right? Yeah, it's a thriller. And it's... I forgot... Let me look it up real quick.
01:04:21
Speaker
Not to give you all a whole ass review on this movie, but... sure The car... They used a Range Rover... um But they labeled, they made up a car brand. It's called Dolis. And in Greek mythology, Dolis is a demon and a minor god of trickery and deception. So like, you know, Bill breaks into this car and he gets tricked. Now he's locked in this fucking car.
01:04:44
Speaker
Interesting. So the movie's good. I really enjoyed it. And i'm gonna I'm going to defend this movie till the day I die. I'll buy it on physical. I said it.
01:04:56
Speaker
Um, the average rating, I can watch this movie. The average rating is like 2.5 or something something, something like that. I gave it a three and a half thing. Okay. So that's big contender for most surprising for me. Cause again, you think it's me fucking absolute ball sack.
01:05:10
Speaker
ah Just do lock in a car. just But it's Bill. And you know Bill's a great actor. Bill is a good actor. yeah And my problem with Bill is every time he's like looking up, I just see Pennywise. and i just am' just like I just can't do it. That's why he didn't want to come back. He's like, I'm done with the monsters. Like everybody just looks at me as like Pennywise.
01:05:27
Speaker
But we were watching the movie and he has like ah bleached hair and he looks very different. And he has like obviously fake tattoos all over him. ah My mom was like, is that ah is that Pete Davidson? I was like, no, that's fucking Bill. But he looks like Pete Davidson in the movie.
01:05:43
Speaker
I mean, he completely like transformed as far as like costume and the way he looks. That's sick. Shout out Bill. Shout out Bill. Shout out Anthony Hopkins. He's Sir Anthony Hopkins. He must be like fucking 90-something years old appearing in movies.
01:05:56
Speaker
that's cool. Yeah, it's awesome to see the fucking goat on screen in 2025. We'll move into the worst movie you saw this year. i will let you go first.
01:06:10
Speaker
I'll give you, you know what? I think I know what you're going to say and we don't have the same answer, believe it or not. Oh, really? Yeah, but go ahead. Okay, so when it comes to worst, there was no other thought in my mind when it came to the worst movie.
01:06:24
Speaker
um This was like one of the first ah reviews that we did. It was a double feature when I first moved back to New York. And...
01:06:36
Speaker
Everybody knew going into this movie that it was going be fucking horrible. But little did we know that this is probably one of the worst things that the Walt Disney Company has ever made in their entire career. It's the live action Snow White.
01:06:49
Speaker
This movie is fucking shit. It was horrible. Shit. So bad. i mean, we talked. That was a double feature. And the other half was like not Novocaine. It was another It was Snowvocaine.
01:07:03
Speaker
Snowvocaine. And we spent most of the episode talking about how bad Snow snow White was because it was just horrible. It was god awful. One of the worst things ever put to screen.
01:07:14
Speaker
i thought you were going to say screenboat. No, because Screamboat... you have a good time watching Screamboat. Right. It's a horrible movie, but it's redeemable. Yeah, you have a good time watching... you Dave, you know? Shout Dave. It's fucking Dave.
01:07:27
Speaker
ah This fucking cunt... It's fucking horrible. So bad. Gal Gadot is fucking horrible. They're all bad. It's it's it's just like, why even make this fucking movie? and like It's just dumb. And even the princess Snow White...
01:07:41
Speaker
Her performance was fucking terrible too. Horrible. And I'm... It's like kind of upsetting in one way because I feel like Disney could probably do something good with live action. But... This pretty much put a halt on all live action adaptations for Disney because they're like, oh, fuck.
01:07:58
Speaker
This was bad. It made money, didn't it? Unfortunately. My worst movie, I wrote... I mean, a fucking essay on this movie because it was so fucking bad. um Again, it is a ah Random mystery movie at AMC. You never know what you're going to find. And this was absolute shit.
01:08:18
Speaker
Movie's called The Mastermind. And I'll read you the plot synopsis because it doesn't sound bad. um And it's a date Massachusetts suburb circa 1970 unemployed film man amateur art thief J.B. Mooney sets out on his first heist.
01:08:33
Speaker
Okay. Could be good, right? That's little thief movie? Garbage. Garbage. Trash. Disgusting. Basura. I wrote my review watching people do average shit the movie because literally nothing happens. I swear to God, nothing happens this movie. You just, it's like, you watch him just do, you watch him get in the bathtub. You watch him tie his shoes. Like, you literally watch him from start to finish tie his shoes.
01:09:02
Speaker
Why do you need that? Why, why are we doing? Um, You know, so this movie just really fucking pissed me off. And I did write in my review that if I wanted to watch a guy put his shoes on, I'd go fucking sit in Foot Locker.
01:09:19
Speaker
That's pretty good. Yeah. um I just want everybody out there, whoever is listening movie whoever's listening to this, um if you are sitting down and looking for a movie, please, you'll never get back the 110 minutes that I lost watching The Mastermind.
01:09:33
Speaker
Okay. Almost two hours. Movie's fucking brutal garbage. It has Josh O'Connor who's from Challengers and he's getting all his praise this year and you know, as he should. But the movie's fucking garbage.
01:09:45
Speaker
It's trash. It's one of the most boring, dumb, stupid, useless fucking movies. I don't need to watch somebody go through life and tie their fucking shoes, man. You do that every day.
01:09:57
Speaker
There's literally a scene like where like he's putting a shirt on or whatever, and the camera pans away, right? And let's say there's a wall right here, right? So he the camera's the mic, right? Or no, not not the camera's not the mic. The mic is Josh.
01:10:10
Speaker
I'm the camera, right? Josh is like taking his shirt off, right? The camera goes, that there's a wall here. The camera goes like this in slow-mo. And you just stare at a blank wall for a while.
01:10:24
Speaker
And then, oh, maybe there's a hallway that has nothing in it. There's nothing in it at all. All right, here's like a window or something. And then it's been probably like 45 minutes. And, oh, we're back to Josh. Now he has a shirt on.
01:10:35
Speaker
ah angel And it's just like the dumbest, I mean, the dumbest, dumb, useless fucking piece of shit movie. I hate this movie with a passion. And I feel like we should fucking sue the people who made it to get my fucking time back.
Top Movie Choice and Praise
01:10:49
Speaker
that's It's insane. It's literally fucking insane how fucking dumb this movie is.
01:10:55
Speaker
What's the average rating on Letterboxd? 3.3. I gave it a half star. Wow. Movie's dog shit. idry a wash human centopeee two the mean one fucking I'd rather watch At this point, I might actually rather watch ah that fucking can Hannibal Hull...
01:11:12
Speaker
Cannibal Holocaust. I might watch that over this. That's how fucking boring this movie is. I mean, genuinely nothing happens. Yeah. And it's just like, you just like, the camera just sits with him like every single moment. You know like how like movies cut?
01:11:29
Speaker
It's like, we're gonna go in the car and go to wherever. And then it cuts. No. No cut. Let's follow Josh. All he's in the car. We're in the car with Josh. And then you just, the camera's just looking at Josh's face as he's driving like this.
01:11:42
Speaker
And then people and then people people out there in the world go, oh, his acting and and his facial expressions. Hey.
01:11:52
Speaker
You're so fucking stupid. It doesn't mean anything. It's bullshit. The acting is not good. I don't care. It's dumb. You do not deserve to be nominated for any kind of award for putting on your fucking shoes.
01:12:06
Speaker
Oh, this movie's nominated? I hope not. i i'm just i'm just I'm just saying, you don't deserve it. So, movie's fucking trash, and that's all i to say about that. I fucking hate it.
01:12:19
Speaker
Next category is the best movie of the year. This is the the big dog here. Yeah, i think what you're going put, but let's hear What do you got, brother? You think you know?
01:12:30
Speaker
I think I know. I think I good idea. So... For my best movie that I've seen this year that came out this year, I was going back and forth between two movies.
01:12:41
Speaker
Yeah. right. The first one that crossed my mind was a review from way back in the year.
01:12:49
Speaker
I was thinking about putting presents down. Yeah. But then you remembered. But no, not remembered per se. Yeah.
01:13:00
Speaker
A movie that you are not high on at all. I know what it is. Yep. ah For my best movie of the year, I put Die My Love. Yeah, I knew between those two. and I remember you gave it. Yeah, 100%. Easy.
01:13:12
Speaker
easy This movie just really fucking hit for me. I'm very excited to get it on physical media. I could see this getting a Criterion release 100%. I could see it.
01:13:23
Speaker
That's something they put out. This got Criterion all over it. Yeah. um So if they do that, Criterion, you're not listening. Put it out. I'll buy it. Yeah, I'd make a lot of money.
01:13:34
Speaker
Do
01:13:37
Speaker
an eyebrow for that. Yeah. Yeah. We're Criterion. Yeah. really fucking hit me hard. Yeah. That's awesome, Jim. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Yeah. um And Jennifer Lawrence can get this fucking cock. 100%. Big. I want to give it to her.
01:13:57
Speaker
um My best movie of the year is a movie that I saw in January, and it's not Peter. um But Peter is still in the top eight for me, so that's good for Peter.
01:14:08
Speaker
um I watched this movie what day? January 7th, 2025. So about a year ago from when you're listening to this. And it's still the best movie ever i've I've seen. It's a French film about the classic tale of Edmond Dantes. If you don't remember Edmond Dantes, he's the main character in the movie that V is watching in V for Vendetta.
01:14:29
Speaker
It's a revenge tale. The movie is, in fact, 178 minutes. And I'm telling you, I was strapped the entire time. it was all line three i order it is It was like three hours who? It's called The Count of Monte Cristo. i just realized I never said the name of the movie.
01:14:46
Speaker
um Movie fucking bangs. The acting performances. Granted, i don't I'm not familiar with French actors. The performances are phenomenal. I do remember ah the score or soundtrack, whatever it is, for this movie fucking ripped.
01:15:03
Speaker
um And I can't say enough good things about it. There's no three hour movie that I would say go out there and watch it. And you know if I watch this again, this could take over ah the top spot above the Irishman for best three hour movies of all time. It might, but right now it's not. ah I've only seen it once. so Does this, ah no physical release on this? it does it does shout out door the disc for letting me know about that i think it came out in november but i just haven't been out shopping in a long time so i have i it's definitely it's on my list to find it but uh it got a 4k release in november nice i think around veterans day it got a release um so yeah absolutely love this movie and can't say enough good things about it uh
01:15:48
Speaker
Yeah. Fucking rips. I don't know. It's laying with fucking peace. So, I mean, that's always a plus, right? So I can say about that. Uh, yeah. Uh, and that's essentially, that's our episode today.
01:16:01
Speaker
Ladies and gentlemen, uh, actually, you know what? I'll read off. Look, I haven't seen Marty Supreme yet and I haven't seen mission impossible. The last one I want to see it never got to it. Um,
01:16:13
Speaker
But I'll read you off because I have a ranked list on my letterbox. You can go follow me there if you want to. Or don't. don't give a fuck. um I'll just read you guys my my top 10 movies of this year. All right, let's get it. The rest of the list, who fucking cares?
01:16:28
Speaker
So these are all, you have a like a separate list of everything you've watched in 2025? 2025 ranked. i did it last year did it I've done it past like three years Uh, it's pinned on my profile. My profile. So if you scroll down letterbox, there's two lists. There's a, I have a 2025 ranked and I also have a a list called movies covered on two guys, one screen podcast over 98 films covered guys. Check it out.
01:16:53
Speaker
Do it. Um, and then if you click on the movie on the list, it gives you a direct link to the podcast episode. Whoa. That's sick. Go check it out, bro.
01:17:04
Speaker
You know what I mean? Um, all right, so here's your your list. I'll start from 10. 10, we have Yorgos Lanthimos' newest release, Bugonia, starring Emma Stone.
01:17:15
Speaker
ah And my boy Stavros Halkis. He's not my boy. just a comedian that I like. Stavros. That's a nice name. Stavros. S-T-A-V. Yeah, not like I'm starving. Stavros. Got it. 10 is a four star. So it's only going up from four here, just so we have clarity.
01:17:34
Speaker
ah Number nine. that it Four stars. Number eight. This movie at one point was at number four, but it is unfortunately just more four stars that are better than it. We got Peter.
01:17:47
Speaker
Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare, as Gerald said, and as I said, go check it out.
Highlighted Movie Reviews
01:17:52
Speaker
ah Number seven, we have a comedy that I wanted to go see and then got lucky. I went to go see a mystery movie at AMC and they were playing this. It's a comedy starring Tom Felton, a.k.a. Draco, ah called Facom Hall.
01:18:06
Speaker
It is, I mean, very funny. Like, very, very funny. um There's a part, and it's in the trailer... this guy tears a portrait in half and the words on the bottom, because he tore it in half, it just says cock eater. It's a photo it's a photo of a woman. It's just as cock eater. It's, it's so funny. Oh, loved it. Uh, I had a great time watching that movie.
01:18:27
Speaker
Um, honestly it's humor. That's kind of like airplane. I don't like airplane. I really liked this movie. I don't know what it is. I like that kind of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. You'd enjoy it. Um, Sixth, we have Presence.
01:18:39
Speaker
Again, check out our episode. Great movie. I think on a rewatch, this could easily get bumped like a four and a half. um But I have not had time to rewatch this movie this year. ah Number five, we have the third installment of the Knives Out trilogy. We have Wake Up Dead Man. Let me tell you, second one, fucking stinker. Movie's mid as fuck, right?
01:18:59
Speaker
Has nothing going for it. First one, OG classic. Third one, they get back on track. All right, you got fucking benwab Benoit, Benoit Blanc. Not Chris Benoit, guys. He's dead. Right, yeah, he's dead. You got David Craig. You got my boy, Joshua O'Connor from Mastermind redeeming himself. You got Josh Brolin. You got Mila Kunis. You got Jeremy Renner.
01:19:18
Speaker
You know? Performances are great. The overall storyline is good. It's not a rehash of like, oh, who did it? They actually add some other elements into the movie. Not to talk about that for too long.
01:19:28
Speaker
Is it still a whodunit though? but it's It's a whodunit, yeah. But it's not just like a rinse and repeat. Got it. um I don't think you'd give it a four and a half. I think you'd probably land like three and a half, four range.
01:19:39
Speaker
But think you'd like it. i haven't seen the second one, but I really love the first one. Don't watch the second one. It's fucking it's garbage. Because they're not connected, right? they're just No, it's just a new mystery. But it's you still got Benoit Blanc.
01:19:51
Speaker
You got Daniel Craig, yeah. Daniel Craig's still like the investigator? Yeah. Okay. Number four, good fortune. Just talk about this movie. Keep it moving. ah Number three, ah early, got an early access to see this movie at Alamo. Shout to Alamo for the whole fucking year. You guys are the goats. Love you guys.
01:20:11
Speaker
um The Long Walk, that is a Stephen King movie. I texted you about this when I saw it. ah Let me tell you, it's 108 minutes of people walking down a road, but I was literally just like, what's going to happen next the entire time?
01:20:27
Speaker
Yeah, so The Long Walk, ah great performances. You got fucking Cooper Hoffman. You got David Johnson, who was from ah Alien Romulus. Black dude. Now, I mean... um And nobody else who's like a big... i mean, I think Charlie Plummer's a big actor, no?
01:20:43
Speaker
think he's in... Yeah, hell yeah. I think he was in some show that people talk about. Maybe not. i don't know. ah Great movie. I would recommend it to everybody. It's a thriller. There is... um It kind of gets advertised as a lot of gore. There's not that much gore.
01:21:00
Speaker
There's a little bit. But overall, as a thriller, it's very good. I give that a four and a half. Number two, I talked about on the podcast already. You got Warfare.
01:21:10
Speaker
Movie fucking rips. Movie literally fucking rips. It's awesome. Let me tell you, I said it before. I'll say it again. alex Garland is a god with sound design. I'm watching through some fucking piece of shit TV that I bought six years ago, and the sound design is fucking insane.
01:21:25
Speaker
um You're in the war. Yeah. yeah i own it i own it physically and uh i can't wait to watch it again on a better sound system of tv uh meaning the one in my living room and then number one already talked about count mine crystal you want to see my full list go to letterboxd check out the link in the description you heard it in the plug you fucking bitch uh you won't click it we already fucking know you're not gonna click it you can stick in my ass you want for sure ah So that is going to wrap up our episode today. the next episode, which I for sure 100% in the recording called it episode 97. Make no mistake. It is episode 98. It is scary movie too. i've we I finally watched it.
01:22:09
Speaker
We did it. It's out. It's out. And, uh, well, it's not out yet. not out Next week. Uh, my first editing journey. So if it's AIDS, I'm sorry, but it's not, I mean, I listened to the, I listened to the Marine and you, it was fine. So, I mean, I'm sure this is also fine.
01:22:28
Speaker
Uh, we had a good time. Not nothing too crazy. It's tough to add your own comedy when you're reviewing a comedy movie. Right. Cause you just got to kind of tell the comedy. Right. ah And then, you know, looking into next year, we get a Friday the 13th coming in February.
Future Podcast Plans and Patreon
01:22:45
Speaker
We got now meme month in February and we got our newest.
01:22:49
Speaker
What did we just look up? Quadrilogy. Quadrilogy. Quadrilogy. ah We are covering the Batmans. Yeah. Batman 89, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, Batman and Robin.
01:23:03
Speaker
That's coming to you probably in March. And that's currently your outlook for 2026. We have nothing else planned. It's going to be a good year. It's going to be great. We had, I think this year was, was a good year for us. You know, I think we got out a lot. We, did I'm, I'm proud that we were able to do, we did two a week for October and December, and we still recorded best of, and we're not putting out three episodes in one week because we put out last we put out gremlins black christmas and uh best of all in one week which is kind of insane this feels and that's this feels better guys too yeah this feels better uh if you're listening to this right now go check out our fucking other episodes go check out all of october all of december who cares about november all harry check out harry harry's buppa should we look at the fucking
01:23:55
Speaker
We'll have to power ranking. We'll just do a real quick. We'll just look through them real quick. You what I mean? Yeah, let's let's get it. real Real quick. We'll just see. This is how this is how we're ending 2025 as far as views. i already kind of know because I've been looking at them the past three days.
01:24:09
Speaker
um First place, i believe, is a tie. 84 we're up to. 84 views. Poughkeepsie tapes. Let's fucking go. There's another 84 in here somewhere, I believe. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there is.
01:24:23
Speaker
um Oh, I misspoke. 84, tied with the subdy-webby. 84. But the first place is it. mike Really? ah Mike who delivers me on his bicycle.
01:24:35
Speaker
Yeah, he's still fucking throwing his fucking cock around. That's number one. I misspoke. Yeah. Hereditary 81 views cooking right now. All our older episodes are like in the 60s 70s.
01:24:48
Speaker
And then Speak New Evil 78 views. i don't know the fuck's going with that. Reanimator 75. ah Art the Clown just shot up to 70 views just out of nowhere.
01:25:00
Speaker
ah Basket Case. Oh, God. What Evil Lurks 60. Whiplash 68. What else? Better Watch Out 77.
01:25:12
Speaker
God, we're really getting... Krampus with that shit audio, 73. Wow. The best moments of last year got 81 views. Nosferatu, 72. Violent Knight, 80.
01:25:24
Speaker
Wolfman, 67. Fuck you. Fuck that movie. Companion, 80 views. such a mid-recor Such a mid-recording. And then literally it drops off a fucking cliff. Harry Potter, Sorcerer of Stone, 39.
01:25:36
Speaker
So pick it up. Come guys. All right. Hurry it up. You're missing a lot of good stuff there. You're missing a lot of good stuff. um And then, you know, check out the Yeah, You Want It series. We already plugged that.
01:25:50
Speaker
um But, you know, we got John's out. We got pirates all flicking their shit and in your glory or whatever the fuck you want to say. Potential for a Patreon in the new year.
01:26:03
Speaker
I want to do Patreon. I want to Patreon censored shit. Top 10. Yeah. That's what I want to fucking First episode drop. Boom. but That's it. You guys want to hear everything we censored. We can't. Not all of it. But a lot of it. Most of it.
01:26:17
Speaker
Most of it. But ah yeah. I mean, possibly. And that's really all I have to say. I didn't pull that every fuck you mark. So sorry I didn't do that.
01:26:28
Speaker
But whatever. yeah Fuck you, Mark. Fuck you, Mark. I hope you like get fucking tonsillitis in the new year.
01:26:38
Speaker
ah Oh, and I really hope we we have a banked episode of a ah ah Disney, early Disney movie that I hope comes out. c Shout out Mike Wazowski.
01:26:50
Speaker
Mike Wazowski. Yeah. ah Happy New Year. Whatever. Talk to you guys later. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.