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Ep 119: Clash of the Titans (1981, Dirka Classic Movies Finale)
23 Plays6 hours ago
We've had a lot of fun doing these Dirka Classic Movies episodes for the past year, but, in 2025, we have something new coming your way, so we decided to close out the DCM series with an absolute treasure featuring some killer special effects from the legendary Ray Harryhausen, 1981's CLASH OF THE TITANS. Giant scorpions, a steampunk owl, gods, men and skeletons abound in this absolute masterpiece of classic adventure cinema!
For more Bad Movies Worse People content head on over to patreon.com/worsepeople
To listen to Derrick and Jack jaw about Star Wars nerd shit, check out Han Took Shots First anywhere you find podcasts and hantookshotsfirstpod.com (now available in VIDEO on Spotify and YouTube)
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Transcript
Introduction and Humorous Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
I don't feel comfortable talking without a microphone an inch from my mouth anymore. I will be going to Thanksgiving with this apparatus. ah It's gonna be a waistband attachment. I'm just gonna drill this bitch right into my chest. Have it straight up into my mouth, dude. You call him Podrome. Yeah. And anytime I say something funny like, oh, thanks, yeah like, share, and subscribe, Mom. But have you seen our reels, Grandma? Oh, Grandma? Have you subscribed to our TikTok, Oma? TikTok, Oma?
00:00:29
Speaker
I'm all out of grandparents. Hey, guess what day it is?
Introduction to 'Dirk' and Podcast Theme
00:00:33
Speaker
It's the last fucking day for Dirk, a classic movie. What a wonderful day this is a for me. For me. And not for Derek. My eyebrow is twitching now. Last one. So release the Kraken. Whoo.
00:00:51
Speaker
I'm Derek. I'm Wendy. I'm Jack. Spad movies. Worst people.
00:01:26
Speaker
movies worse in palers.
Consensual Vampires and 'Clash of the Titans'
00:01:29
Speaker
I want to suck your blood, but in a consensual kind of way. Not to force myself upon your neck, showboy.
00:01:41
Speaker
oh Anyway, I was just thinking about a whole other thing. Let's talk about this movie. So Clash of the Titans from 1981. Oh, yeah. My first time seeing it ever. Really shocking. Yeah. This was a staple for my friends of my generation. Like this was what what was this had to be on like TBS or something. You didn't have like Fox afternoon, Saturday afternoon movies. Yeah. I have cable or USA spoiled. I had friends. Is that how I would have seen this as often as I have?
00:02:15
Speaker
I think so, because that's how I saw it. I saw it on afternoon. If I did see it, I'd probably change it and went trash. Whoa. I was not um married. I didn't care i exactly. You weren't married to Derek yet. Back then. So I was born in 81. So I obviously didn't see it then. No. So we're talking like the 90s that played on TV. 87, 80s and 90s. Yeah, it was just whatever. When I was a little kid and my mom was watching afternoon movies.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah, no, I've just. Huh, huh. No, I was either out riding bikes or and I'm not I'm not judging. I am just actually kind of surprised by that. I would have I would thought for sure this would be a movie you've seen at least 10 times. And like like she said, this is the end of Dirk classic
Ray Harryhausen's Influence
00:03:00
Speaker
movies. I was going to I wanted to do a Ray Harryhausen picture and I'll ask you explain who that is in a moment for the people who don't know.
00:03:07
Speaker
I should have chosen an older one because I didn't know until like I watched this cut like a month or so ago and I was like, who came out 1981 feels old. Yeah, a lot older but color palette and effects wise feel yeah older than 81. It's beautiful. He did. It's fun. It's yeah, it's beautiful with the lens of understanding. The practical effects are way better than I've seen like Poseidon. I'm sorry.
00:03:30
Speaker
I mean, there's there's a couple that are like, ooh, Star Wars already came out. What are you doing, pal? you know but Other than that, which one? Oh, Booboo was great. Booboo was our TV, too. This is my favorite Star Wars droid.
00:03:45
Speaker
But, like, I think the first one I saw, Harryhausen movie, was Sinbad and the Seventh Voyage. Okay, I think mine was Jason and the Argonauts. Yeah, that was in there, too. I just remember seeing the Sinbad one first, because at the time, I knew who Sinbad the comedian was. Uh-huh. And I was very confused when Sinbad and the Seventh Voyage came on. Wait, was he a pirate before or after his comedy? I feel like you have to be a pirate before the comedy. When was he a white pirate? Turns out not never.
00:04:14
Speaker
It was around the same time he played a genie. ah No, no, no. I will not abide, but this is my universe. Go back to your own fucking universe and spread that rhetoric. but Yes, this came out in 1981, so it's a little later, but it's also right here. Your wife also came out in 1981, not as a closet just out of the vagina. Well, she might have. but I think she decided pretty early. Yeah, i was it was quite pretty early. if I wouldn't say decided. I don't want anybody to at me. Yeah, you know what I mean? I discovered.
00:04:43
Speaker
Discovered's a much better word. yeah Is it when you're watching Gem and the Holograms? And you're like, huh, I like that. Then you're watching Barbie with Ken. You're like, I like that, too. Well, we had a black box when I was nine years old. So Channel 28, baby. All right. That's a spice channel if you didn't know, Derek. I didn't. Mine was not 28. On the black box, it was 28. Yes, it was. Playboy was up in the 40s, I 29. 29 for Playboy? Oh, I was a spice man.
00:05:06
Speaker
I'd love that Spice channel. but Start my own point. My favorite number is Spice. It's just just reviewing Spice movies. No, it's it's me having sex and I have sex the way old people paint slow and sloppy. Well, Playboy was mostly just on the girls. You didn't see anything phallic. You maybe saw the base. Spice, you were at the the male point of view. So you see them, but you also see more of a shaft. You never see the head.
00:05:32
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think they were allowed to show the head. I don't think so. Anyway, I started back out of that. So this is or was directed by a guy named Desmond Davis, who didn't really do much. ah He did a bunch of like BBC Playhouse oh stuff. Tell people where to find it. Oh, yeah.
Where to Watch 'Clash of the Titans'
00:05:50
Speaker
ah Right now, it's not streaming for free anywhere or subscription, but it's on Amazon and Apple.
00:05:57
Speaker
It was three dollars to rent and I think like ten dollars to buy. Yeah. And um this is a rotator. As I said before we started recording, I when I hit play, I was well into this movie without knowing it resumed. So which in which means I've not paid for it. I've watched it on Amazon before. Yeah. So it will rotate in and off of all these different platforms. So by the time this releases, maybe.
00:06:20
Speaker
Maybe just use the app or a website. Just watch. Yeah. But ah real quick, Desmond Davis, he did like Shakespeare plays and stuff. BBC, whatever. Written by a guy named Beverly Cross.
00:06:32
Speaker
And that confused me, because I've heard Leslie and, and. Beverly was the name of ah Karen's friend on Will and Grace, the little short guy. No, was it? Okay. Because I read a trivia thing. I just assumed woman Beverly cross and I read a trivia thing that, uh, I don't know, Wendy darling, what's the actress in Maggie Smith? No, I was like, Wendy, darling, I know that. That's a book who was married to Beverly cross. And I was like, man.
00:06:57
Speaker
England was progressive in the 80s. I looked it up and I was like, Oh, no, Beverly is a man. Got it. The band The Special is one of the first black and white bands to share a stage together. It's in the 80s. Well, Beverly Cross also wrote a few things, but the ones I wrote down are Jason and the Argonauts and Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger. You see, I am the Sinbad. He's going to make you laugh.
00:07:23
Speaker
And then the reason we're doing this movie is Ray Harryhausen, who is visual effects, Titan, you know, one of the early names I actually learned for someone that is behind the camera, like behind the scenes. Yeah. You know, I'm not even behind the camera. He's doing all this shit in post. And he did. I mean, he did all the he did Jason and the Argonauts Sinbad movies, Valley of Guanji, a bunch of other stuff. But he's known for stop motion special effects. So when you see.
00:07:54
Speaker
Like if you watch any of those movies, if any of you have ever watched any of those movies, when you see the the monsters walking around and it's the stop motion, you have the Cyclops and in ah Jason, the Argonauts, right? Stuff like that. Yeah, that's that's all him. We talked about it when we did ah Taming the T-Rex. There's a moment where like that is very Ray Harryhausen.
Harryhausen's Retirement and Sequel Plans
00:08:11
Speaker
Yeah. Like it did the just the claymation stop motion of it. It's like, well, that's not him doing it, obviously. Yeah.
00:08:18
Speaker
This was actually the last film that he worked on. Did he pass away or just get? No, he beat passed away in 2013. I think it's just he was just done. Rest in pictures. I mean, movies did move on from from here. Yeah. Like from from him. Well, there was a proposed sequel to this. That was another, you know, obviously Greek myth. No, that was that stupid later one. Yeah. I don't know what they were going to call it. Something different. it It kind of had to do with the Aeneid and all that stuff. But um The studio was basically like, well, people don't want to watch that kind of shit anymore. So I think that's part of the reason he got out. He's like, nobody wants this right now. We are tired of watching our men in short little skirts. OK, we're done with it. We like laser swords and we like darts. She commented on the short skirt that the king is wearing at the beginning. And I was like, well, yeah, but how else are those little boys going to reach? They have short arms. Yeah, when he dies and like falls on the ground, I was like,
00:09:08
Speaker
There's a couple of times I'm like, oh, those are Adidas undershorts you're wearing, pal. it' I saw that in the goof section on IMDB. It was like you could see a modern pair of gym shorts. Yeah. What do you want to do? Like flash ball? Yeah, exactly. They can show one boob and one half boob, but they can't show balls. No testicles allowed, dude. Never.
00:09:27
Speaker
And that one boob doesn't count because she was. Breastfeeding. Supposedly breastfeeding. So it's not inappropriate. So yeah as I hold the baby a foot away from my breasts when I breastfed. Well, the baby had Perseus. I don't know if you know this had like ah an anteater tongue that came out. and Yeah. God, crawl it's well known in Greek mythology. No, it's not. What are you saying?
Greek Mythology vs. Movie Adaptations
00:09:46
Speaker
Look, I'm basing my Greek mythology on whatever this guy spice channel. Because most of the most of the stuff in this is wildly inaccurate. If you look at Dick Duce, she turns you to stone from the waist down.
00:10:00
Speaker
Mandusa. Man, no, Dick Duce is much better. Snakes ah are dicks and on her hair. Damn, damn, Dick Duce. Mm-hmm, but so this movie didn't do very well I did okay cost about 15 million for this fucking podcast made 41 million worldwide All right, but part of that might be due to the fact that it released the same day as Raiders of the Lost Ark Ooh, yeah, that's stiff competition. And I mean, they didn't know that, you know, Indiana Jones was going to take the world by storm, but you got Spielberg and George Lucas should have. You should have already had E.T. like We've already had take our movie starring, you know, the great Shakespearean actor, Laurence Olivier. Yeah. And push it. I don't know. A couple of weeks before, or a couple of weeks after George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.
00:10:44
Speaker
Yeah, at the height of their careers at that point. Yeah. Like we've we've had most of the Star Wars come out. Yeah. We've had E.T. for sure. A couple others that um' Spielberg's I'm missing out on. Jaws? Jaws. Just one of them. The thing that the movie that coined the term blockbuster. Yeah. Yeah. maybe Maybe just hiatus that a bit. Yeah. But that was somebody like, we're going to take those punks on. Those two punks aren't going to go anywhere in this world. It kind of sucks that it kind of shows that like studio people don't know what they're doing a lot of times, which we all know. No one is going to know the name George Lucas when this movie fucking drops. I'll tell you that punk. Well, Ray Harryhausen, we'll get to a little later, but there's the scene with the Scorpions and like the the
00:11:25
Speaker
Photo grading whatever between the the effects and then the real shots doesn't look very good Yeah, and it's because like he he was basically pissed about it because he's like I used a lot better quality photo stock when I filmed my stuff than you guys did so he was like I want to get involved with the color grading and this and that so we can try to make this look better and MGM was like No, we got to get this out on time. It's fine. It's fox fine. How about the deadline? I will say if they had let him make that look better.
Praise for Stop-Motion and Practical Effects
00:11:51
Speaker
It would have not come out next to Raiders and people would have watched it and would have been like, man, that looks pretty fucking good. Yeah. So um I will say this, though, the people that are acting ah opposite of these superimposed things are doing pretty well.
00:12:05
Speaker
Dude, that was one thing Derek and I were like pointing out. Yeah, they're fighting in the exact position they need. to I think that's Ray Harryhausen because they're just blocking. Yeah. And he's like, well, I have to draw or not draw, but manipulate this two headed dog yeah or scorpion into this exact position because that's the scorpions are the best part when it comes to that because they're cutting off claws and stabbing them and like that stuff bleeds in so well. It did. And that's that's Ray Harryhausen because he does that all after the fact, but also like The actors made it look like they were fighting something. They did. They were swinging their swords at the air. Because we're definitely after Song of the South, but we are pre Roger Rabbit. Yeah. So this is a on the list of pioneer movies for doing that. Do you think they still had somebody in blue, like to start with? or there' No, no, no. This was before that. You couldn't remove it. There's no that doesn't exist at this point, really, like to be able to have somebody in that color and then remove them.
00:12:56
Speaker
Part of the reason you were talking about how like the backgrounds looked like they were fake sometimes because I mean, they were but that's all rear projection. So it's like they're projecting an image in the background. So like when we're in the city at the beginning and you can see the ocean and stuff out there. That's all just a big screen. It's not even when the city starts crumbling. That's a miniature. Yeah, and I love it. So the only thing they might have done in preparation for this is like in rehearsal blocking.
00:13:23
Speaker
have somebody on all fours like, all right, I'm a scorpion. I'm going to get you. All right. And I'm coming this way. Jab, jab. Now you slice the sting. It was Andy Serkis's grandpa. He picks up his leg. i been awesome I come from a long line of this. It's James Gunn's half brother's family. Oh, Sean Gunn. Sean Gunn. It's part of the Gunn family. It's part of the Gundam. But I have a ah ah thing about so there's the part where later on Perseus cuts off Medusa's head, right? Yeah. There was a thing. So Harry Hamlin, the guy that plays Perseus,
00:14:01
Speaker
and wanted to use a sword to cut off her head, which is what happened. The studio wanted to make it so he just threw his shield and decapitated her. Captain America. Like Captain America. Captain America. To make the British ah censorship board happy because they didn't think cutting people's heads off with a sword was family friendly. British have been doing that for decades. Centuries, man. Yeah, they that's what I'm saying. They invented that, didn't they? This is a huge start. hit But basically, it's kind of funny because he was like, no, this that's not how the myth goes and this and that. So he was insistent that he had to cut the head off. He even did his like, I'm not leaving my trailer thing. like I'm going home and I'm not going to come out and do this. I'm taking my shield. I'm going home. to it Yeah, they finally caved and let him do that.
00:14:41
Speaker
But I think it's funny that he was insisting because he's like, well, it's not consistent with the myth if we do it that way. And I'm like, nothing else in this movie. Not at all. There's a lot of borrowed. I'm not a huge Greek mythology guy anymore, but like there's a lot of borrowed from Hercules. Yeah. you know I almost like I was I think I was this close to watching Hercules cartoon. yeah If I can find it, I have the disk somewhere in this house.
00:15:04
Speaker
I made a short film in high school for a mythology class that I took. Ooh, I think we've talked about this before. Yeah, it was the story of Pegasus and Bellerophon, which is exactly what happens in this, except for this is Pegasus and Perseus. yeah And I swear to God, Perseus is Poseidon's kid.
00:15:20
Speaker
Um, like maybe I don't know. I know that you see this. I don't know. It's been a long time since I've picked up a what's his name? Great Greek Bible is following the Greek mythology and everything. I read all the books there. OK. Fantastic. I'm sure they aren't. You know, sorry. You look at why a shit. This guy, callla the guy, Kalibos, the monster man. Yeah. So that's not Greek myth. That's based on something from a Shakespearean play, a character named ah ah Fuck, I just had it where to go. A character named Caliban has nothing to do with Greek myths and Thetis is another named Caliphesis or Thesis or whatever. a fuck Wendy Darling's name was her actual son in Greek mythology was Achilles, not this monster man. So they're just taking like bits and pieces and just.
00:16:09
Speaker
mashing it, which is not right if I cut her head off with a shield. And I'm not. I don't want exactly. That's that's the only reason I'm bringing it up. I don't give a shit that it doesn't match up. I feel like saying this stuff. I feel like one of these fucking Star Wars nerds. It's like, but that's not how that goes in that book from 1991. That doesn't count. Read the rest of it. So speaking of Raiders of the Lost Ark, which you did earlier. Yes. Pat Roach. I don't know if you know that name. Oh, yeah. He's in this movie. Yeah. As his Hephaestus. But I could I couldn't. He's one of the Greek gods. Yeah. He's the one that just stands. He's the one that's just standing in the back, not doing shit. OK. He made the owl. No, that's right. Oh, yeah. He would have made it because he's the god of fire and invention. Yeah. Yeah. He made it because I was like, no, that's Aphrodite. But it was Aphrodite's owl, right? Uh huh. Yeah. Because she's like, I'm not giving you up. Athena. But that's Pat Roach. Oh, but Athena because she's wise. Athena's owl. Yeah. It's really hard. We got Athena, Aphrodite, Andromeda. I was obsessed with Greek mythology. But I was at one point, I actually got in a lot of trouble when I went to Catholic school and I wrote a thesis statement that was comparing Greek mythology to the Catholic saints. I was like, saints are just nothing but demigods. Yeah. You know, and I got a lot of trouble for that.
00:17:21
Speaker
surprised you're here and they didn't burn you. Yeah, they tried. Oh, that's how you got read. But yeah, just because you brought up Pat Roach, it was something that I read, I think on Wikipedia or something. I try to let people know where I'm getting these information. I'm not a font of knowledge, but yeah. i like So Lawrence Olivier was very sick while they were filming this, which is ironic considering that he is.
00:17:41
Speaker
Zeus, the God, in infallible and whatever. The father of all God. I mean, he passed away in 1989. So not too long after this, but he was very sick. He had to sit down a lot. He was, you know, having to use a cane to get around. But I guess so there was a lot of points where he was born in 1907. That dude, yeah like he. All right. You're still talking with survivors of the Civil War. Yeah. You saw World War I, you saw World War II, you saw the Korean War, saw Vietnam.
00:18:06
Speaker
Like he probably heard he he heard about Desert Storm coming
Casting Choices and Production Insights
00:18:10
Speaker
in. He's like, I'm out. Yeah. He's like, all right. I can't deal with a new enemy type. There's already so many races I hate. I can't have a new race. My grandfather was born in 1914 and he proudly. Oh, that's when I said I have damn near survived everything. Yeah. Absolutely. When is he still alive? No. When did he pass away? No. Oh, wait. When did he be like 110 now? He passed. Yeah. He'd be 110 now.
00:18:36
Speaker
That'd be a good life. 06 still ain't bad. 06 is not bad at all. He died just a couple months before his 93rd birthday. Yeah. But Lawrence Olivier, I guess, because he was sick, a lot of times he would use Pat Roach, basically. Oh, he didn't get to see a black president. That would have been, like, the best. No. Sorry. Anyway, back to Pat Roach. But he would lean on Pat Roach, Laurence Olivier would, to support him and stuff like that. And he kept telling him, saying stuff to him along the lines of, like, let me borrow your strength, you strapping young man, and things like that. It's like Martin Short and fucking Arrested Development. Fuckin' shoot me! Laurence Olivier, I could just see him talking like that, because I mean, the dude played
00:19:14
Speaker
So he was in a bunch of Shakespeare movies, right? like he But he wasn't just in Shakespeare movies. He played King Henry V, Hamlet, Richard III, Othello and King Lear. Yeah, he was. Yeah, there's a quote on IMDB from somebody else that says he can speak Shakespeare as clearly or as quickly as you can think. Like that's just it's as natural as you could think. Something paraphrasing because I can't remember. But like he is Shakespearean. So better than you can think. Yeah, yeah much better than I can think. Bad example. Bad example. He can speak Shakespeare better than I can speak he's English. hes He spoke it naturally. Yeah, it came very naturally to him. And you could hear it here. He adds a gravitas to it. I mean, I dig his performance. So this is a fun thing I like to do sometimes when it comes up. um Someone who could have played someone
00:20:04
Speaker
Trivia I don't know so we have time period though But just it'll still be fun because you'll know you know all three of the people that are gonna come up here What role so for Perseus which was played by Harry Hamlin this could have easily been Humperdink Chris Sarandon from fucking Princess Bride Well, no, it's only five six years difference oh OK, I guess I could have. Yeah, that's like I'm looking at like, how do I know this dude? I looked him up. He worked forever. Yeah. By the way, like he's still in a show that was going in 2023. Yeah. Mayfair witches. Yeah. So he's a working ass actor. I was like, I know him. It's from this. And he reminds me a lot of Humperdink. So he was that one hundred and five episodes of L.A. law, which I didn't look but might be. Liam's Neeson. No, not Liam's Neeson. Hold on.
00:20:52
Speaker
um
00:20:55
Speaker
Peter. Was it somebody that was? No, but that'd be funny. Well, it's drunk ass. Percy is. I want him. I want him played fucking Poseidon. Yeah. Like we're at least we'll the crack. Release the. crackn release the cra Release the crack. I just drank a whole bottle of crack. You want me to throw it up? Now I'm like, let's go.
00:21:16
Speaker
No. Are they cracking? Oh, you know, that's a Zeus. You know, you know, Liam's Neeson, speaking of, did play Zeus in. Oh, that's right. In the shitty. The shitty remake that made six hundred and forty million. Shut your fucking gorgeous mouth. That made money. Yes. I watched. Did you watch it? No. Did you watch it? I watched it in theaters. Shiny crap. Like there is this. It's still it's on the it's the 80th highest grossing movie. Wow.
00:21:45
Speaker
That's it's awful. It is just like this filter of reflective are we go shiny armor. One day. Yeah, I guess we kind of have to think about think about three hundred. Think about three hundred. Ooh. Slightly less desaturated. And that's the clash of the Titan. I would watch three hundred three times in a row to not have to watch that.
00:22:05
Speaker
All right, we'll do three episodes on 300 instead. I could do it. I could do a great Gerard Butler. No, no, Jeff Goldblum star. You want to hear me draw Butler on from Scotland, isn't it? But so these spots. ah have You sound like Jim Jeffries. that fucking lot ah So got to answer that. People who were considered or offered Malcolm McDowell. Oh, oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's ah the old in out and out. Yeah, it is the old in out and out. And which is funny because Pat Roach played a bouncer at the milk bar. Oh, OK. That movie.
00:22:40
Speaker
But which is a weird thing that I know ah is the other one. I have a fan, though. Another one I have here is Michael York, which the name might not sound. Does not. It does. But that is Basil Exposition from Austin Powers. Is that what you're asking? Who bounced? That's what we were talking before this. I was like, wait, why did I just i where did I just read the name Basil? What movie? Yeah.
00:23:03
Speaker
He was in a few other things, but like I clicked him and I looked and I saw that and I was like, all right, well, that's good looking dude. But this guy's gorgeous. He has he has a fucking thumb for an upper lip like in a sexy way. There's another person to say you were thinking about, but decided not to because of a producer.
00:23:19
Speaker
I'll miss you. One Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. God damn it. And the big thing was, so he was relatively unknown in 1981. Yeah, but he was also, like, grotesquely built. Well, he was probably going by Arnold Strong back then. He might have still been going by Arnold Strong. Did you see that very few days in New York? Yeah, he's Arnold Strong, because I was like, Schwarzenegger's never... No one no Americans are going to want to say that and catch on. Which is funny that he was in Hercules, New York, because one of the producers basically was like, well,
00:23:46
Speaker
Not he doesn't really work. like He could be fine. But in this producer's opinion, whose name I don't remember, Greek heroes are athletic and strong, but they're not muscular outside of Hercules, which then Arnold Schwarzenegger went on to play. Yeah, I guess that is true. Like he is a little too big for this this character, especially then.
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, this guy's fine. He's fit, but like Arnold's Mr. Universe. Well, and I mean, Perseus doesn't talk a lot in this movie, but. Enough that Arnold what was no one look him in the eyes. If you have to look at our usual reflection, the what the flag soon. I don't. What is he saying? Well, in 1981, he says use a reflection of the shield. And I say one, it was even more Austrian, though. So, you know, it was Einstein. Exactly. Think about Hercules in New York where they overdubbed everything he said. But there's a version that don't overdub and that's the version I watched and it wasn't as bad as everybody says. It was bad. But yeah, so those are the people that I saw and I was like, that's fun. Yeah.
00:24:49
Speaker
I would have said Ursula Chick had more stuff to do. She was beautiful. You mean the character who had one line in the whole movie but was on the poster and her name was on the poster? Wait, is Ursula the surprise? Topanga.
00:25:04
Speaker
Yeah, she's a penguin from boy bangs world. Wait, wait, not her. But I know. But I watched a porn parody. No, I. Sorry. I. That's my fault because I told you while we were watching that that was Ursula Andrews. Ursula Andrews actually played Aphrodite, not. Oh.
00:25:19
Speaker
I got mixed up because I know exactly what you're talking about. She doesn't have any lines. She has one line. Oh, okay. I was like, she just like looks at people like. But her name is on the poster. So that's good for her. That's my fault because I told you that while we were watching. Way to fuck me up, dick. So she's got to hang up. Aphrodite, Andromeda. Andromeda? There you go. Do you know the Andromeda syndrome? Andromeda was actually played by a girl named Judy Bowker.
00:25:46
Speaker
OK, I've heard that name of Alker. I hardly know her. I was. She's not in anything I could write down, but I was like, I'm writing this name down because someone's got a Bowker line. Wasn't me. It was me. It was you. But yeah, so the movie starts. oh yeah Let me just say out of the gates, I'm not where this is going to be a little more bare bones when it comes to like plot. But that's because it's sinfully boring. I lose action. I picked this one because I love.
00:26:12
Speaker
Like, so Greek mythology is very annoying, but watching it in movies is very funny now because I loved I read a lot of Greek mythology in high school. I took a fucking class about mythology and the bulk of it was shot a short movie. Yeah. We did a little bit of Roman, which is basically the same as Greek, which borrowed it. And we did a little bit of Japanese. um Our god of speed is called Mercury. That's that's ours now. But our Poseidon's Neptune Greek was the main thing, but it's It's kind of ridiculous, but watching it in movies is always funny because it's basically the way I told it to Whitney before we started, I was like, you've got the Greek gods who are living in, like, just a horrendous, like, 50 year running soap opera. And then you've got the people who are just suffering at their whims because they're upset about something going on in their soap opera. Yeah. Which is just funny. Why did all three of my kids die? Well, Poseidon was angry at my friend. Felt like taking your kids. You didn't offer enough sacrifice. Actually, you did to the wrong god, though.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yeah, so your children are dead drowned. So do you think do you want to do the since it's the last circus sum it up in 30 seconds? I Can do that? All right, you ready? Go Perseus is born from Zeus and then gets banished to some random fucking town and then gets picked up by Hera and dropped into another town. Arthestus, whoever the fuck that is, goes on an adventure to claim his destiny, fight some scorpions, fight a snake lady. When's the day? The end.
00:27:40
Speaker
Well, it's not the worst summary. I mean, you forgot about the part. You did say his destiny, but he's got to fucking get that bride. He's got to get to panga. He's going to get to banga. That girl is gorgeous. She's gorgeous, except her hands. She had tiny little sausage fingers, but they're like man hands. Well, we were watching it when he was like some shots. He looks she looks like she's 16 and some shots. He looks like she's 30. Yeah, that was really desired in 81. She was 26. So I was like, well, OK. Well, but at one point when when they touch each other's faces. Well, okay. That too, but like she puts her hand out and he grabs it and I'm like, Oh God, it's like an episode of science. She's over this cracking lobster hole. Just opening beers. That wasn't a twist off.
00:28:27
Speaker
She's gorgeous. I just don't want to fucking squeeze her from her. I'm afraid she wouldn't know her own strength and just rip it off. Do you want her to do your shoulders, not your dick? Yes, yes. One of the few times I'll take his massage over a fucking. If you tell her I'm really into like like light bondage, so I just need to tie your hands just off the side of the bed where I can't see them. I'll use the silk to do it. though Hands behind your back and no doggy style. But yeah, so we start with ah the king of Chrisias throwing his wife and child into the ocean. Into a coffin that floats. But Zeus is so funny. He's like, I don't know why he's jealous. I simply took human form and banged the fuck out of his wife. He took the form of a golden shower. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. i go Which we all know Greek mythology. He would like take the form of a bowl Yeah, that's something they talk about later. He takes the form of a bull, a swan. I'm like, wait, and I remember this from when I was in high school. Yeah, so he went to earth as a bull and some chick fucked him as a bull. Yeah. Or a swan. Or a golden shower. Or she just got a golden shower. Hold on.
00:29:32
Speaker
A swan? You don't give a fuck? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. You shut up, Whitney! A swan? You can have corkscrew penises, right? I'm not thinking of an animal, like of a live animal. I'm thinking of like, I don't know, like a gold swan. And then you can just like... You're not making it any better. You're not. You're backing a golden swan to sexy. Are you talking about using the neck as a dildo? Yes. Is that where we're going with this? Yes. I would fuck something shaped like a swan, but not a swan.
00:29:57
Speaker
He was a swan, but with Mandol? Wow. Interesting. I mean, I'm not saying I would do it. I'm just saying, like... You did. I did say that. No. But yeah, so he's jealous, so he throws his family into the ocean. I just don't understand the bull. He throws a man in a floating coffin. Hold on. Okay. I understand the bull more than the swan because it's fucking hung. The swan has a weird corkscrew pigtail penis. I'm thinking of, like, the object itself. Like, oh, hi, bull. Look at you.
00:30:26
Speaker
gar Horns thank you stick a horn in there. I Don't i don't know what it's got the two or you can actually get double penetrated did just just she like two horns someone penetrated Derek's now made it weird You've made you've turned making a Greek God turn into an animal to fuck a woman weird Hope you're happy you've turned deity, bestiality, weird. Something as innocent as Zeus turning into a platypus and giving you a rim job, and it made it weird. But also, can we agree, Golden Showers, he just like pissed on this girl when she got pregnant? She saw a fucking piss stream and was like, oh, yeah.
00:31:08
Speaker
That's the thing. like He turned into a shower of gold and seduced her. And I just looked at Whitney and I was like, they did just say that he gave her a golden shower, right? We heard that, right? That's on record. she He appeared and he's like, taste the golden spray. And she's like, I haven't seen the big hit. bro Taste my golden spray. We're just about to start fucking right now. What's it like being a bull? It's not bad. I'd rather be a fucking swan though. Whitney prefers it. we've still got We've still got to do that beer one day. ax col on spray Taste the golden spray like a hoppy lager. Yeah. So anyway, he throws them into the ocean in this coffin, but this coffin floats, which I was just like, why don't you make it out of lead and just dump them in the bottom of the ocean?
00:31:50
Speaker
Because I think he's like, all right, we'll pray to Poseidon. Don't worry about it. Poseidon will take care of it for us. Poseidon will take care of it for us. It's fine. I know a guy. Poseidon's not a fan of his brother. I know that. You sacrifice a goat and you say, hey, Poseidon.
00:32:00
Speaker
Do me a favor, kill my wife and that bastard, baby. She did fuck a swan. So then up on Olympus, one it time that bull gave her a golden shower. i'd I'd kill her. If it was me, I'd drown her. It is me. I will drown her. She was pissed on by a bull. I don't think I want to be married to her anymore. I already feel bad for her. And all of a sudden she pops out a baby two times, two times a pity.
00:32:22
Speaker
Wasn't even fun. I mean, it depends on what you're into. but It's not my kink. and likeship So Zeus learns about the coffin boat from Poseidon, who flew up there as a bird. okay Dude, the sentence was like, cough and boat. I was like, I can work through this. And then you kept going. I didn't. So that's a new one on me because I didn't ever flu. He was all about all that. Well, all the gods can change form to whatever they want. yeah and why not why not a And he's a seagull. Why not a seagull, right? The goal of the sea. Yeah.
00:32:55
Speaker
Hey guys, I'm getting really antsy today. I've been in the house a couple days. Um, I want to get out. Can we go somewhere? I have some things to do. I mean, I don't know if you know this music box, uh, the adult beverage place that is, they have live music almost like minimum twice a week, sometimes much more. And like as a fan of somebody that likes staying on the East side, I can't think of a place that does as much live music with zero cover.
00:33:17
Speaker
Can I get shots there? You can get shots there. You can get drinks there. You can get beers there. You can get pudding shots. You can get yellow shots. You're putting me on. I am not putting you on. This is real. Oh, they've got karaoke. They've got unhappy hour every Wednesday.
Promotion and Support for the Podcast
00:33:30
Speaker
You know I love karaoke. Saturday nights they've got open mic stand up comedy. Yeah, so there's plenty going on over the music box. We can go down there to 6951 East 22nd Street in Tucson, Arizona. Oh, right there at 22nd and Cole? Yeah. Did I mention no cover? Like everything we just talked about is no cover. No cover. No cover charge ever. Just drink alcohol and enjoy your friends. It's just like my insurance. There's no cover. Music box lounge. Check it out. All right. First round's on me, boys.
00:34:05
Speaker
hey guys i don't want to sound needy here i'm needy but we have a patreon at patreon dot com first people And it only costs three dollars a month. Three dollars a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford three dollars a month if you love us. Give us three dollars. Super love us. Please love us. We're not we're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. I mean, my knees hurt. They've been on the habit on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need to equip
00:34:42
Speaker
We need to do equipment. We need to do remote podcasts for all of you. I wouldn't mind eating. We need to have video. I wouldn't mind eating. ah We need more drinks. Food sounds good. and So please check out patreon dot.com slash worst people. Please check us out. You get a bonus episode every month and we're going to have more content coming for you. I'll send you pictures. ah Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Please give me patreon dot.com. I'm being held hostage here. Slash worst people. I don't think all of you out of here. They're going to kill me.
00:35:11
Speaker
I like, uh, Lawrence Olivier's throne here. They just have all these fucking LED lights coming out behind him. Well, they're not LED lights. No, but he looks like he's getting ready to like drop the beat. He's doing his set at Coachello. Yeah. right now Like he just puts his hand up and everything stops and then he puts it down and it's like.
00:35:27
Speaker
um I decree the Mount Dub Olympus. And then they go through roll calls so you know who all these fucking people in white robes are. My name is Athena. Yeah. So we've got Hera, who's played by Claire, bru Claire Bloom, who's still alive. She was born in 19 something with a one.
00:35:50
Speaker
And she's still working to 19. Oh one maybe it was 1914. It was 19. Oh one that no night 191 something I don't remember now, but she's still alive She's still working her IMDB profile actually starts with something along the lines of like this bloom hasn't faded yet or something like that And I was like you need to hire a new public. Let me translate still kicking bitch But like the only things of hers I recognized were a movie, The King's Speech, which I never saw, but I won a bunch of awards. yeah That doesn't mean anything. And she was in Crimes and Misdemeanors, which is a Woody Allen movie that I have seen. I don't know that one.
00:36:23
Speaker
Is that the one that the you don't know my work thing is from or is that now you wouldn't know you I don't know that one. I don't know. It's like he doesn't even listen to me. I was thinking out loud more than anything else. And then we have Fettis Fettis. I don't like Fettis. They didn't say there was no S in there. at the But Fettis sounds a lot like Fettis. I don't like it. Yeah. ah Who was actually not a Greek god. No.
00:36:44
Speaker
She was. Thetis was one of the Titans. That's what I. Which came before the gods. Yeah. So the Titans are the parents of. Yeah. Chronos and whatnot. Yeah. But that this is the one who's the actress they recognize the most clash the Titans. She's working from the inside to put the gods against each other. Technically, she's the only Titan in the movie. Yeah, because it's supposed to be and Medusa is supposed to be there in this movie, but they never were in mythology. And also the Kraken in this movie is not not the Kraken I've ever met. I she told me she's like the Kraken supposed to have. It's like a squid thing. And I was like, well, I so I read a thing about it afterwards. So this one.
00:37:27
Speaker
So this version of this monster, which is like a this this lobster Godzilla with cum gutters that this thing is, is. That we get focused on real tight. Is basically a Norwegian myth, which is the Kraken. Oh yeah, the Kraken coming here, just you know the fishes. The one from the Greek mythology was called like Seta or something, which is, I think. The squid. The squid, hence like cephalopod or whatever, I think it's like that.
00:37:54
Speaker
but now the because of this and other things like Kraken is associated with squid even though the Kraken was more like Gorgo. It's all it's all mixed up shit. Yeah. Yeah. But this is the actress. I think I said it right, Gorgo. yeah This is the actress I recognize the most, of course. Maggie Smith playing Fettis, Thetis, whatever, who just passed away, by the way, in September of this year. Rest in pictures. Pictures. She beautiful person. Obviously. She played Wendy Darling and Hook. Ms. McGonigal. Yeah, Professor McGonigal. Professor McGonigal. She's Mother Superior in Sister Act. You've got you've got your goddamn ass in Sister Act 2.
00:38:33
Speaker
Well, she came back for the Sister Act franchise. The Sister Act. And she's in a bunch of other shit that's very like tons of all the BBC stuff. Yeah. A lot of Shakespearean stuff. She is fantastic. She's gorgeous right here. You're right. Yeah. I mean, it's like seeing a young Betty White like, oh, oh, oh, my mother. May I check out that game? I was familiar with Betty White from Golden Girls because that came out when I was a kid. And I mean, turns out they were all like 40 something. They were all 50 something. Which is insane. But I did see the pictures of Betty White like young young and I was like, good God Betty White. Did you see pictures of Bea Arthur? No. Holy fuck. She was gorgeous. Was she a linebacker?
00:39:17
Speaker
No, she used to double her Charlie Chaplin. No, she's gorgeous. She did give a hand job to Charlie Chaplin. I saw Grandma's boy. That wasn't Bea Arthur. Oh, that wasn't Bea Arthur. That wasn't the silent era. That's the Partridge family's mom. Yeah, that's right. That's a different old lady. I know. She's masculine. Anyway, we'll be talking about Bea Arthur's suit on Han Took Shots first. Oh, yeah, we will.
00:39:41
Speaker
because she has a major role in the holiday special. You'll be there. Will I? Oh, you're going to be there. Apparently, I'm going to be there. Whether you record or not, you have to watch. Are we watching as a family? Yeah. OK. This is Star Wars. I don't want to watch alone. That's going to be the drunkest episode ever because watching that movie, we're going to get so hammered. Yeah. Anyway, movie watch.
00:40:01
Speaker
watching that ah two hour long vehicle. Anyway, so then we have Aphrodite, who's played by Ursula Andrews, who was like a bond girl. She was in Dr. No and and Casino Royale ah Poseidon is played by Jack. Let me guess. Her name was Larry Ola.
00:40:18
Speaker
Octopussy. Oh, no, I don't. I thought I didn't write down the names. One of them, I was like, she was definitely the bond girl for that movie. The other one, I was like, maybe she was just in it. They just always have some of the best like it wasn't as Hamilton. The one from Dr. No wasn't as sexual as I remembered. Most of them being.
00:40:38
Speaker
Who's the who is that? Sean Connery doing that? Yeah, that's Sean Connery. Her name was Honey Ryder. Was like a honey. Oh, not that sexual. It's sexual. But I'm thinking of like octopussy. Pussy galore. Pussy galore. Yeah. Pussy galore and shit like that. So Honey Ryder with a Y. It's such a weird time when you pen the name Pussy Galore and like I'm going to get away with this.
00:40:59
Speaker
have Poseidon, who's played by Jack Willem, who was also in Jason in the Argonauts, and he played Van Helsing in Monster Squad. OK. You've never seen Monster Squad? I don't know. 80s movie with the kids who like befriend the monsters and then they got to stop Dracula. Kick Wolfman in the nards. Wolfman doesn't have nards. How have I seen a movie? I don't know if it doesn't sound familiar. This is your wheelhouse. Yeah, this is it. Yeah. you Yeah. This is a movie I'm surprised you didn't watch. You've seen My Little Monster.
00:41:27
Speaker
Or, uh, how do you mean? Little monsters. Little monsters. Yeah, of course I've seen little monsters. This is a sister brother movie of this. yeah What is it called? Monster Squad. Dude, there's some kids who are obsessed with like monster movies. Stop recording. We're watching that. This episode is fucking over. These kids are obsessed with monster movies and then they like the monsters come to real life. And then was it like I think they hang out with the mummy and Frankenstein and they have to fight Dracula and the Wolfman and Helsing's there. And that's this guy. OK. Anyway, Athena from a different universe.
00:42:02
Speaker
Athena, played by Susan Fleetwood, who wasn't in anything I recognized, then Hephaestus, Pat Roach, of course. So he says, fuck this. Let's destroy Zeus being he says, fuck it. We're going to destroy our Jesus. Excuse me. DJ Zeus. We're going to destroy Argos at the drop. Ricker, Ricker, Ricker, wreck him.
00:42:22
Speaker
So he starts playing with his little clay toys. Which represent humanity. And I love this shit. This is his dark helmet from fucking Spaceballs. Oh no! She's coming to say, give me a kiss, princess. I don't want me to stand in there. Not long enough to watch you play with your dolls, Zeus.
00:42:39
Speaker
But I just love like throughout this movie, they use these a few times. It's like they can clearly just do whatever they want. yeahp But they're like, well, let's wait and see what these people do. And I'm like, why don't if you want a certain outcome, just do it because it's not just the fetus or the fetus or fetus, whatever fucking fetus says. Wendy Darling fucking does it later to Maggie Smester. I like Wendy Darling. No, I like Wendy Darling.
00:43:03
Speaker
But yeah, so let loose the crack in the last of the Titans. And even though he tells Poseidon to let loose the crack in and destroy this city, he then picks up the little statue of ah fucking a chrysius and just crushes it. And you just see him being like, ow, why does everything hurt? Oh, oh, oh. So I'm pretty sure the Greek gods are real and I've pissed off Zeus at some point because there are times where I'm just walking through the house and like, ow.
00:43:28
Speaker
Yeah, this is this is me sneezing. Oh, my God. Oh, what the fuck was that? Zeus? Why? So, yeah, this is where we find out about Zeus giving her a golden shower. The Kraken comes out and we don't see much of it. But like I said, it's like a combination lobster lizard man. It does have the creature from the blue lagoon or black lagoon, whatever the black lagoon, like face. But then it's got like a lobster. Oh, bottom. Yeah. Yeah. And it's got four. Oh.
00:43:57
Speaker
Yeah, Goro and then a little bit of my little mermaid my little mermaid. Yes, I was thinking of like fucking doll my little buddy. So yeah, a little mermaid. So yeah, a little mermaid arms Goro and then you got a creature from Black Lagoon. We solved it and some and also lobster and they all have come gutters. Dude, that thing is ripped.
00:44:18
Speaker
Yeah. Well, it's got to pull itself off of that rock, that sheer ass rock. But they we see them destroying the thousand tiny lakes to like and we see them destroying this video for that alone. Her hand gestures were amazing to make a great real. It was like a velociraptor mixing a fucking bowl of dough really fast. thing in new um Well, now we've got to cut her out these little arms. No, she's not. She's doing a quote. She's not making fun of anybody. And from Meet the Robinsons, when the T-Rex is trying. I got this big head and these little arms. Kraken destroys this town or whatever kingdom. But i this I love because this looks really good. So, of course, it's miniatures. They're dumping water on these miniatures. That's breaking apart. Fantastic. But the the.
00:45:05
Speaker
Parts where they like kind of superimpose the people mostly look really fucking convincing. Yeah. Like they actually shot it at the same level of light and everything like that. Like if you're really looking, you can tell because we're watching an HD. Yeah. Well, it wasn't meant to be viewed in the way we saw. No, but also even then, even then, I just love what at least half of them. I was like.
00:45:25
Speaker
They just dump all that water. There are parts where they are dumping water on. And those are. Yeah. But like, which is fucking hilarious. There's one of the soldiers water. Yeah. One of the soldiers run down the stairs and someone at the top is just like, I don't like this guy. This guy has bucket of water every night at the bar. He picks up on the chick that I've been flirting with all fucking night. You know what? I'm going to drown him. I pay for all her drinks and he swoops and come on he plays clean up.
00:45:47
Speaker
and lay this I'm like a fucking emotional fluffer over here. There's also the the people right after that when they're running up the opposite stairs and someone just fucking dumps a fucking vat of water off yeah on them from the top of the wall. And you see these people just get wiped out. I just imagine some stage hands like this is the best part of the day. yeah Watch this. Oh, they're still fucking dead. Like I'm making wrap up.
00:46:09
Speaker
I'm making $20 today, but I got to dump water on these fucking pretenses. They paid me with craft service. yeah I'm fucking hurting someone, dude. They paid me with craft mac and cheese. Oh, look at this. Cracking Cracking cheese. Well, fucking done. Cracking cheese. Fuck, yeah. You know what? After this, we're going to crack in the box and I'm buying you a taco. Whoo! Crack in the box sounds like a whole different thing, by the way. It doesn't work as well as hers. We're going to crack the box later. Excuse me?
00:46:37
Speaker
but Last night, he was like, you want to talk about? I was like, no, what I grabbed some Jack. And he was like, I thought you guys were just getting drinks. Yeah, that's we're going to want to phrase that differently. I'll just have some Jack in my mouth. ah some Oh, I'm good. I just filled up. I actually don't even say Jack in the box. that's not we Stop eating there. It's just as bad. Just stop eating there.
00:47:02
Speaker
But so Zeus basically tells him, like, make sure he tells Poseidon, make sure that, you know, a lady and kid. This is the part that looked the worst when Poseidon, like, is superimposed going and undoing the lever. Oh, what he's doing is he's letting the crack it out. Not when he's underwater. Underwater's fine. I get it. It's better than the stupid CG shit. The face shot of him underwater is fine. Yes. But him cranking the whole vehicle. Well, and you can see that like the crank he's grabbing and him are one shot and everything else is different. And obviously, because they're doing they're shooting this underwater, but not him. So like the way that the light is hitting everything is totally different because even like the thing he's cranking on, it's like.
00:47:38
Speaker
Well, that's not attached to anything. Yeah, it's just floating. It looked ludicrous and I was yeah loving it. But luckily it's here and at the end, but it probably accounts for a grand total of four and a half seconds of runtime. But it's also the same shop the first time in this. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Absolutely. And i'm my i'm I'm not complaining. I'm just poking fun. Yeah, it's super fun. Because as Derek said, we just got done watching a good segment.
00:48:00
Speaker
Yeah, like this is this is thrust in the middle of really good shots. Then it's like. it Actually, why is he like stunned and shocked when he's just like postidon who is just like because he doesn't want to see these people die. OK, he's they've all been loyal. This is what Zeus told him to do. But this king has built more temples than anybody else. That's what they're like, dude, I think to everybody. Oh, is what well, I don't. I actually don't know. I think it's implied that he's like he's just he trusts the gods. He's very God fearing. God's fearing. Well, because the three the three brothers is Hades, Zeus and Poseidon. Yeah. I don't know why he's killing God's baby. Dude, Zeus.
00:48:47
Speaker
Bless your wife with a golden shower and you fucking spat it into the ocean because he's a jealous titer turn tyrant tyrant because he wanted a golden shower. But so much stuff happens like they they get to the the the island. ah We get Dene who is the mother. We get one of her rocking tits. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nice. I'm not trying to objectify the woman. She has a rocket but though. It's nice.
00:49:13
Speaker
Yeah, but then the flash words to was walking naked with a seven year old boy walking naked down the beach. No, I'm having less fun. Let's just quick montage of Perseus growing up. I appreciate the fact that they were like, look, he's made it safe. He's a baby. Three minutes later, it's like, OK, now he's 24 in this two hour movie. Thank you. yeah Yes. Thetis.
00:49:36
Speaker
I hate it. Fettis Maggie, Maggie, Maggie asks Zeus to take a pity on her son, which is Calibos that we mentioned or Calabas, they say. Yeah. Calibas, who we mentioned, because he's been hunting Zeus's royal creatures or whatever, killing everything. And the only important mythical creature that's left is Pegasus. Yeah.
00:49:59
Speaker
Which I'll get to it later. Just the stallion. So he's an allegory for man's industrializing. Yeah. Like we just tamed this earth and fucking extincted animals. Yeah. I mean, so he was a spoiled brat. Zeus is like, fuck that guy. He killed my fancy animals. I'm going to turn him into a monster. Yeah.
00:50:16
Speaker
So he does that, which is another cool. I shall call him Irish. I wish they had done like you could see his little clay figure transform, but that might have been the shower the shadow workers. They did the shadow, which was really cool. I just I'm like, I know Harry hasn't could have done it. But does MGM want to put the money out? No, I actually like the shadow more.
00:50:36
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I do. it's It's I thought it was really well done. Maybe it was budgetary. Maybe it was artistic choice, but I liked it. But he was supposed to marry Andromeda, but he can't now because look at him. That's literally what. The Venus Cassiopeia. That's what is it no before that when the gods are still talking? That's what Maggie Smith says. She's like, well, he was supposed to marry Andromeda. But now, like, I mean, you look at him.
00:51:03
Speaker
He's a beast from Beauty and the Beast. He doesn't fucking kidnap a girlfriend. He's got this like following of people. Mud people. And I'm like, is it just like the ugly people that they won't talk to? This is another allegory for heathens, even though these guys are multi... got ah What do you call it? ah ah poly Polytheist? Polytheist. These are polytheist people at least, but they have belief. I think these are supposed to be like, you don't believe in anything. You worship evil, you follow a demon.
00:51:30
Speaker
OK, or even you don't fall even be on that. You just don't follow. You don't pay to the gods or agnostic. Yeah. Yeah. So fuck you. You're a monster. Yeah, you're a mud person or a short person because half of but half of them are just little people. No reason to live. Randy, cla of the Titans will be right back. Yeah.
00:51:55
Speaker
So he had Maggie Smith basically picks up Perseus and just sets him down in this kingdom. Japa dude taking a nap on the beach and wakes up and he's like, what why am I? And all the fun. All of a sudden Burgess Meredith is. Yes. My ah favorite character.
00:52:11
Speaker
That isn't claymation. Whitney, did you recognize this character? This actor, ah grumpy old man, grumpy, your old man. He's grandpa Jack Lemons dad. Yeah. Grandpa Gustafson. And he's also ah Mick from the Rocky movies. Oh, yeah, absolutely. He owns the he owns the gyms that and he's working out. This probably won't be for an episode, but I will make you watch it this year with me because we're friends now. Santa Claus, the movie with John Lithgow, Dudley Moore. He plays like the fucking ah the. Oh, God, there's a fucking term for Vindicum. He plays the head Vindicum, which translate to forest person.
00:52:49
Speaker
OK. First child. I know I've been watching Graham, so I'm learning all of these things. Yeah. But I love me. I love me. So Burgess Meredith, dude, especially grumpy old man. You don't know the way you have for breakfast, a pound of bacon and lunch. I have a bacon sandwich, a dinner, a pound of bacon and a beer.
00:53:04
Speaker
I do. I do recognize that. gravelly voice and stuff. It's perfect for this because he shows up and he's like got this mask and stuff and he's like, who are you? Why are you here? And Perseus is like, I don't know where here is. Dude, I just shit my little skirt. My little underwear. He's just wearing underwears. He's just wearing like, yeah, he's barely wearing underwear. Also, hello bulge. Oh, yeah. I was rocking it. It was a big'un.
00:53:27
Speaker
But like he basically we find out he likes to play this character to make people think the theater is haunted because the town's gone to shit. Yeah. Based on the. What do you say? The curse of Colombo. Collaborate. Colombo. So Colombo curse this town. Yeah, everything sucks right now. And like he does have the line. Call no everybody says call no man happy who is not dead. Yeah. I was like, well, I respect, buddy. Hey, I'll drink to that. I'll drink to that. And I love this guy's bit through the whole movie of like, I wrote a poem or I wrote a play, because here he's like, Perseus is telling about his story and he's like, no, no, I know your story. I wrote a fucking poem about it. If I remember correctly, it was stunning. Striking or something like that. Quite moving. If I remember correctly, it was quite moving. I like that he was going into a Marky Mark voice, though, to say it. Was it? Yes. I think that's just my voice. Bro, I wrote a fucking poem. If I remember correctly, it's quite stunning.
00:54:24
Speaker
Make him fucking cry. I read a poem. It was quite stunning. It's a little older version. If I remember correctly, it was quite moving. He doesn't just want to kill your rock. No, he doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to kill you. I love that he's like, uh, look, you need to wear something more presentable. You're a prince. So he digs through this basket of cats and laundry. Yes. Hey, don't judge him. Don't judge a man's lifestyle. i no thats like There was a cat running around and then like he went to the basket and took a cat out and i was like oh that's and that's the cat. They take some clothes out and takes another cat out. They take some clothes out. and I saw another cat.
00:55:00
Speaker
Yeah, he pulls like three or four. out Island is infested with cats. It's a catastrophe. Oh, God, it must smell so bad. It just smells like cat piss everywhere. No, they're wild. In the wild, they bury their ah feces and their urine because they don't want predators to find them. They still bury them when they're not wild. Yeah, because they think that predators are going to find them. Are you the predator? Nope. Find your poop and scoop it. Give me that turd.
00:55:25
Speaker
But so he gives them like just a sheet with a class, but he's like now you look like a prince. All right. You're wearing drapes now. You have your little skirt and yeah I put on the drapes. I took down my curtains in my house and I put them around you showering. It's all it's all like garb from it's the clothes from, you know, the amphitheater from acting. Yeah. Yeah. Can you find me a coat? did Did you ever do Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat? Can I give me some of that?
00:55:52
Speaker
Can I play like a Roman guard at least? Like, I get some armor. Oh my god, some of these fucking helmets too. Again, not supposed to be an HD. We're not supposed to see how plastic they are, but I'm like, I had that when I was in third grade. One of these guys he was like, is he wearing a gimp suit?
00:56:10
Speaker
My safe word is finchurian. So like he gets a he gets a helmet, a sword, and a shield from the gods. The helmet makes him invisible. From Athena. The shield is reflective. From Hera. Hera, and then from Aphrodite is the sword. The sword that can cut through solid marble, whatever. And doesn't get a scratch on it.
00:56:29
Speaker
Not a scratch. Not even a drop of blood. Oh, there is a point where they cut back to Olympus and it's one of those. Is it Maggie Smith talking to Hera? Who's like, well, he tried to s seduce me once. Zeus did as a cuttlefish. And she's like, well, did it work?
00:56:45
Speaker
I was like, well, no. I turned into a shark and chased him away. And I was like, what? I want to watch this movie.
Cuttlefish Anecdote and Mythological Humor
00:56:52
Speaker
What foreplay you guys got going there? He tried to seduce me as a cuttlefish, but all those little tentacles were a little too short for me. Turns out I changed into an otter and raped him.
00:57:00
Speaker
I just I just kept thinking of the the one episode that we were watching where the cuttlefish was pretending to be a girl so that one guy could get her all hot and horny and then right before he goes the one that's disguised as a girl just goes in and goes BAM and goes out um an episode of what It's one of those underwater blue planet type things. It's one of those, uh, what's the underwater? I'm thinking like, cartoony type of like, he's dressed as a woman. You don't remember that episode of The Simpsons with a couple fish, uh, just pretending to be a woman? Was it when I was on mushrooms? Yes. Okay, I don't remember.
00:57:34
Speaker
You were I was coming down and you were still pretty up and i I have watched no less than three specials on cuttlefish I fucking love cuttlefish. I watched a whole special about no I watched a whole special about them on mushrooms and then the next day I watched it again to make sure they were really changing colors the way I saw the night before they were I did like when he's looking at the different things and he's like I'm gonna go check out that helmet and the shields like
00:57:59
Speaker
um is this is size Yeah, but okay, but his voice is like this because he's covered it doesn't make sense, but I love it Yeah God down for you can you grab for Mongo?
00:58:15
Speaker
Oh, hello. It was on the way. So he goes out and he finds out like there's this dude being burned on like a pyre, which is all solid wood, right? It looked like a female. but I think it was just all solid wood. He's also wood. Like yeah it's again, it's those things we're not supposed to see. Yeah.
00:58:38
Speaker
But it's all going up in fire and it's because they're burning the people who are coming to be suitors of Andromeda because they don't have to be royal. They just have to solve a riddle. Yeah. So they and if they don't solve the riddle, they get burned. What is your favorite color? Oh, that's easy. What is it? It's like green. No, no blue. Oh, Monty Python. Yeah, I got it. So you weren't laughing. No. All right.
00:59:05
Speaker
So Perseus puts on his magic helmet and sneaks in to watch this girl sleep. He's like, well, I want a completely normal use of power. He's like, I might want to like be her suitor and have all control over her. I just need to know what she looks like without makeup. I must see her underwear. I must see what she looks like without makeup. What does she look like? Does she snore? Does she and does she smell when she's sleeping? When she sleeps, is she known for passing gas? Is she farting? I won't be with a farty woman. I won't do it.
00:59:34
Speaker
But we have this basically this giant vulture that comes to her.
00:59:40
Speaker
Appropriate as fuck. This giant vulture that comes to her room every night. It's like Princess Jasmine's room from Aladdin oh because this balcony is like a whole room to sell. So real quick watching this, I actually thought of Whitney at this part. um You thought of me at the sleeping lady.
00:59:59
Speaker
No, because no the vulture is making such a noise and I'm like, I'm starting to get annoyed. I wonder how when he feels about it. Oh, it's not as much here until it comes back. And I'm like, this vulture looks fucking good, though. Looks great. It looks like a real vulture. The only way you can tell it's not is that it's got that stop motion. Yeah. Jitteriness movement. Yeah. It was pretty fantastic. But like her. But yes, I was getting annoyed. Her soul question mark yeah comes out and goes with it or something. Sure. Question mark. Her essence.
01:00:28
Speaker
And um that's when he's like, OK, I found my destiny because this chick's hot. I'm a bang this chick so hard. So he has to go and capture Pegasus so that he can follow ah the vulture to the swamps. And so here's a nitpicky thing that I'll just mention because it's kind of fun. Go on. And listen, in the Greek myths, when Medusa is uh relieved of her head to capitated uh two things two more beings are born of her blood oh kind of hydra-esque and it's well two things come out and are become greek myths are fucking weird like yeah her head gets cut off the blood comes out and becomes two living creatures well that's why one of them is pegasus
01:01:17
Speaker
So Pegasus doesn't actually exist at this point in the in the chrono. Actually, ah no, but this is what it's like talking to me. Yeah, that sucks. But like I just that's something I remember is that Pegasus came from Medusa's blood. But again, I don't give a shit, especially with this movie we've talked about, like the only one that gives a shit is this main star.
01:01:38
Speaker
Only about that one scene that he just wanted. He's like, I just want to cut off that fucking clay. I have a fucking shiny sword. Let me use a shiny fucking sword. And OK, so can I just say he loses all his fucking gifts? Well, yeah that's how these myths go. He uses them. I mean, i've I've literally I remember reading. I remember reading some of these things that are not long and 80 pages. Yeah. And it's like he was gifted this from the gods. And then three pages later, he dropped it. It was gone. It's a video game or in our a tabletop like dungeon crawler. You you need it for one. dungeon a dungeon crawl out where you crawl through dungeons. It's you need that for like one purpose. Yeah. You got the magic sword. But once you use it, you're like, well, he's going to be OK. So we have to get like he uses it on this a specific thing. Now you got. now okay So the the shield is surely going to save his life. That's the Medusa. But how does it he like frozen? No, but he uses it as a mirror.
01:02:32
Speaker
Oh, that's what he's doing. oh Yeah, yeah. She shoots at a thing. and She does. He does the fucking velociraptor thing. But so he's he sneaks up on Pegasus and lassos it. And this is another really cool effect of like they do the invisible thing really well. And I'm actually really curious about how they did it, especially the footprints, the footprints again, still stop things. So it's but I mean, like have the running pause, put a step down, jump off, put a step down, jump off. but Yeah, I guess that makes sense. It looks really good. I mean, all stop motion is a lot of for sure. But I just heard saying that for just this scene, it puts it in a little perspective. But even I think this might be maybe it's on a string or something that they just hid well, because like when ah Ammon, who is.
01:03:16
Speaker
ah Burgess Meredith. Oh, you can see the string. I didn't. Oh, I didn't see it. I just he's like he hands it to him in the string, just like you got the rope. You can see the rope. He's going to last one with he's just walking away. And I was like, it's fucking really great. But good yeah once it gets on to the Pegasus, that's when you can see this. Well, and I actually they put it on the Pegasus. So he lassoed the Pegasus and it's like the the distance thing where it's obviously all stop motion.
01:03:41
Speaker
I was watching that and thinking to myself as we were watching it today. And I just I thought the same thing last time I watched it. I would rather have this because like the rope isn't really moving. It's around Pegasus's neck. It's a but the the animator, Ray Harryhausen is worried worried more about how the horse is moving and not the rope.
01:03:59
Speaker
But if it was a CG version, it'd be like just this wiggly waggly fucking all this shit. And it's like all this extra movements that also aren't real. Correct. Like I would rather have it be more stiff than reality, then way more fluid than reality. I feel like that was more realistic. That's those are two things not interacting. And it's a new it's a newer movie. Like, yeah, that CGI looks good, but he's not there. This is there. Yeah, this is present.
01:04:24
Speaker
Well, Burgess Meredith is looking at nothing. Sure. And then they impose this in. But the rope and the Pegasus are both there. but So we did because of the the montage of him growing up. One thing that they did show is how well he is with horses, like how because he's like running on the beach and doing like the side
'Avatar' and Movie Comparisons
01:04:43
Speaker
jump down. up Oh, yeah. And he's like running with the wild horses.
01:04:48
Speaker
So that's why he's really good with Pegasus. Well, it's a good thing because he fucking jumps on this Pegasus and does this bucking Bronco routine in but like hundreds of feet in the air. Like I was sitting there going like, dude, you better hold on longer than eight seconds. Yeah. executive might do nothing a quick that I mean, he cut the rope off, but he still left the collar of the rope on there like the last so he could. he So he still had like a whoa. nelly Yeah. yeah But he does, of course, Rangel seduce. I said what I said. OK, it's a baby horse. He stuck his hair tail into their hair tail and they bonded. I was when you first said hair tail, I was lost. Then when you said into their hair tail, I was like, got you. I was strangely right on board instantly. I was like, oh, she's. It's still the weirdest part of Avatar, which is not a good movie. Is that the fact that the same thing that use rough fucking I hate that movie. OK, hold on. The same thing they use for fucking is the thing they use for writing their animals are bonding. It's a bonding not fucking. No, it's also how they have sex. They show it in the bonding.
01:05:52
Speaker
They're bondaging. So, you said that movie sucks. I hate it. You said you loved it. Both can be right. I did. Have you, you being Whitney, have you watched it since the first time you watched it in theaters? Yeah. I actually had it on at work the other day. Okay, and you still enjoy it. I still do enjoy it. I'll never take that away from you. Thank you. I mean, I know it's a shitty movie. It's gone totally into it. No, it's not. It's merits, but it's just not...
01:06:14
Speaker
I watched it in theaters. I was kind of almost blown away. I was also fucking like 100 milligrams in. But then I watched it not in theaters and it does like without all the glit and glamour, it does not hold up for me. the I saw it in theaters. Also very stoned. Yeah. And this is for I went and saw it in 3D because it was the first 3D movie that was like that was using 3D like a thing, not just like a gimmick. Yeah, yeah. So I really enjoyed the 3D. Like you put on the glasses and it's it was almost it was like you were watching a play like there was a stage like it went back. but Everything would had depth. It wasn't just like those movies where it's like every once in a while something goes blue and flies out at you or whatever. Like, oh, dodge the donut. Dodge 3D. Yeah, or Harold and Kumar Christmas. Never saw it. I didn't see it in theaters. I only saw it.
01:07:04
Speaker
on TV. It's fine. I just I would rather watch Fern Gully or Dances with Wolves. also Also the same length. Also, no Kevin Costner in Avatar. I've only seen the second one. The second one's awful though. Never even saw
Perseus' Mythical Adventures
01:07:17
Speaker
it. The first Avatar was I didn't like it, but it is what it is. The second one.
01:07:22
Speaker
I saw it in theaters and like at one point I was watching a marathon of movies that day. It was during like an Oscar marathon thing at the theater. So I was watching like 12 hours of movies that day. And I was sitting there and partway through it, I was like, I really need to get up and stretch my legs. I'll be fine. I got up. I walked around the mall a little bit. I got something to eat. I went back up to the movie. I sat down. I was like, yeah, no, I know where I am.
01:07:43
Speaker
Yeah, I missed 35 minutes and I was like, and i I got it. I saw the first one. So I saw the second one, too. Anyway, that's a different movie. We'll talk about that one day. Yeah, I'm sure if you make me. But so he follows the vulture because the vulture comes back, takes after Andromeda, one of the maze. Have we gotten the the owl yet, Bob? No, no. bobo That's way later. I was way later than I remembered. And I just watched this movie like a month ago. Yeah.
01:08:11
Speaker
um So he goes there. They have Calabas, who the live action part makeup. Whoa. Was played by a guy named Neil McCarthy, who had this disease that I my fuck thought I was going to remember the name. I didn't write it down, but it was it would change your face. So he has kind of a messed up, not messed up, but like distorted. He was distorted in a World War II movie I saw. I can't remember the name of right now because I definitely looked him up.
01:08:35
Speaker
Yeah, this was one. I think he did one more movie after this and he passed away in 1985. He was only like 53. Oh, wow. Wild. Probably probably because of. this So I had a question though, because we just talked about you just talked about the makeup phenomenal. Yeah. The face and practical effects and all that. It reminded me a lot of legend. Yeah, for sure. But when they show.
01:08:58
Speaker
the back or whole body of this character. It's not motion. claymation And I just like, well, you don't you did what? Shoulders up. Yeah. Yeah. So he only appears as the actor of torso up, huh? Because originally in the original version of oh, you see like upper chest kind of. Yeah, yeah it's a bust. It's a bust with arms. But in the original version of the script, this character didn't have lines and was 100 percent stop motion. Mm hmm.
01:09:25
Speaker
And then they added in lines, so they hired an actor. Okay. So he does have makeup, but he also does have somewhat of a different face. Oh, okay. Well, it's still, it was phenomenal. And those teeth, like they didn't look fake. Yeah. No, I liked it a lot. Yeah.
01:09:40
Speaker
And basically his thing is like he's bringing her there to give her the riddles that are supposed to be like impossible to remember them when you're asked. Yeah. And this guy shows it to her in these fucking i'm assuming it's Greek writing, but it looks a lot like runes. It looks like runes. And these could be where they're Greece right now. Probably Athens. Maybe. Yeah, they're in Greece for sure. This could be just old fucking tribes.
01:10:02
Speaker
Yeah, but it's a dead language is what it is. and Yeah, she's begging him for like pity on the city or whatever. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. You used to love me. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, we find out she didn't. She didn't. They were just betrothed. But he was saying to her. She was she was saying to him, she's like, come on, take pity. Come on, guys. he Love me. Yes. Look at these tests. Don't you remember this? What about a little bromski?
01:10:29
Speaker
I would remember. like i said on You'd remember. We saw we saw a whopping like one eighth of that boob. And I was like, I'd remember them. Hello. I get why he's in love. yeah their But he does spot Perseus as footprints. Yeah, walking away. Yeah. And so that sets off kind of like the main conflict besides the stuff involving the crack into a squad. He follows him. He loses his helmet because of the squabble. Yeah, they fight. It was a squabble fight. Helmets gone, so he can't be invisible anymore.
01:10:59
Speaker
But Perseus does the right thing and only cuts his hand hand. Is that the right thing? Yeah, he's like. Put this monster down. No, because he's like. No, movie over. I have pity on you. Why? I'm a better person because you're just killing everything and I'm better than you. Yeah, you put evil down.
01:11:15
Speaker
Yeah, but then what would have happened? Maggie would have been like, and fuck you! No, because Zeus would have been like, hey, my kid wins, dude. Sorry. My kid wins. My kid killed your kid. And I'm the boss. My kid could totally beat up your kid. My other son's a demigod. Kid Fight Club. First rule about Kid Fight Club is you invite all your neighbors to Kid Fight Club. Yeah, you talk about it so you get more people there.
01:11:40
Speaker
But so we go back to Japo, I think is the name. Yeah, that sounds right. we've cast Cassiopeia, who's played by an actress named Sian Phillips. So the only thing I know her from was she was the Reverend Mother in Dune 1984. Oh, she got the the shaved head and like the things on the side. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen that in a couple of years. I think you made me watch it last year.
01:12:03
Speaker
I watched it before I watched Denny Villa News Dune, and then I watched it again before I watched part two. Yeah. Like, well, you just catch myself up. You're also a lynch head. Yeah, I am a lynch head. And I also have it on a beautiful 4K disc from Arrow Video. It's your money's worth, dude. and Still not paying us. It's such a great, terrible movie.
01:12:24
Speaker
But, yeah, so Cassiopeia, she's like, is there any man here in the shower? Is there any man here who's worthy or like is there are no men of courage in this town? And I'm here in bus. Fucking Perseus. Prince. ah yeah in about It's fucking. I guess. ah I guess Aladdin is this. He feasted galloping hordes. A hundred bad guys with swords, swords, swords.
01:12:50
Speaker
I always wondered, I always wondered why those women from question mark, Middle East are also from Brooklyn or New Jersey. He's got the monkeys. Come see the monkey monkeys were still because Rob Williams. I know. I know. That's the only reason.
01:13:07
Speaker
Uh, but yeah, so Perseus comes in and the riddle is something like in the mind's eye. Somebody hold my penis. I'm going to solve this riddle. I see three rings joined and there's a moon and there's a something something and I could totally see Chris Sarandon doing this part. Yeah. It's Carabasas ring is the answer to the thing. And how do I know that? How do I know hand motherfuckers? Look at my new ring display. It's your ex boyfriend's hand. One of two times in this movie, I will pull a severed limb out of a bag.
01:13:33
Speaker
Yes. It's kind of my kink. Have you seen this? It's kind of severed foot, I know. It's boobies on the ring, is what yeah it it is. it is titty ring.
01:13:47
Speaker
I even have the nipples. Yeah. This guy's always hard. Just looks at his hand. It's a little it's a little frosty down there. and Like they start talking Andromeda and Perseus and he's like, I've seen you before. And she's like, you you've seen me. He's like, I watched you sleeping once. it's Well, she's like, I don't want to make this weird. I went invisible. Vulture stole your soul. I watched you sleep. You went for and, you know, fell in love.
01:14:13
Speaker
despite the I just I love i just love it. He's like I watched you while you were sleeping and she's like you did what now and he's like Look, you were asleep and I was there. you It wasn't weird. Your soul was out of your body. and doesn't baly actually doesn't It doesn't even touch you that a lot. If I jerk off near your body when there's no soul, it doesn't count. It's kind of like necrophilia. Really, when you think about it. which ah Okay. You know what? Scratch that. Scratch that entire argument. I've never met you. I do have a twin brother that's been known to go invisible. Have you met poussias, my twin brother? Also, you remember to get that thing on the inner left leg checked out? He told me he told me that you I didn't see it. He told me you have a growth. So they start this wedding ceremony and fucking Cassiopeia makes the mistake of hubris, right? Yep. Hey, mom, my daughter is the most beautiful creature on Earth. You know what? She's more beautiful than the guys. Well, before that beautiful than Thetis, who is our patron? Yeah, dude like it's it's so funny. But also, ah what's his name? ah Calliope. Yep. kid Yeah, something like that. Kaleidoscope. Colombo. Callipus. Colombo. Colombo. Callidus. Colombo is like, hey, mom.
01:15:30
Speaker
They were kind of mean to me. Oh, what's a like, can you hate mom? I can't. What's what's Peter Falk? I can't think of him right now. I don't watch the more thing. Hey, mom there you don't mind. Can you do me a favor and punish all these other? groupss I haven't watched Princess Bride since like April. I don't remember want me to stop. OK, I'll keep going. um Do me a favor. They're going to say they're pretty. They hey look like this fucking guy cut off my hand.
01:15:53
Speaker
It's gotta be some sort of revenge. I've never seen anybody do that other than my good friend John Cassavetes. Also, one more thing. They said you're ugly. Do you want to like take down the walls or something? Here's the secret to a good tyrant. Kill everyone. Well, she tells him. She's like, I can't do anything. This is Zeus' son. I can't touch him. But then, as Derek and you pointed out, like you fucked up. like You fucked up, Cassiopeia. You're so much prettier than this bitch that we worship.
01:16:19
Speaker
Yeah, this all powerful bitch. There's like a fucking earthquake or whatever. Everything starts crumbling. The head falls off the statue and becomes Maggie Smith's face, which is a decent effect. It really is. It's Disneyland. It's and I mean, in a good way, not complaining. Yeah, it's like the haunted mansion. Yeah, like a projection. It's like they have the mask there or the face there and then they put the project, the Maggie Smith's face onto it. Probably wouldn't hate it in 81 if I saw it back then because I wasn't alive. I don't hate it now.
01:16:47
Speaker
Well, the problem is, OK, in 1981, if you saw this, did you go to the theater and go, well, I'm going to the theater twice this week. First, I'll watch Clash of Titans. Next, I'll watch Raiders. Or if you do it the other way around, because if you watch Raiders first and then went and watch I'll tell you what, you're like sight unseen, I would have seen this first had I been who I am right now. If I'm this person that you are talking to in 1981, right now.
01:17:10
Speaker
And we don't know Indiana Jones. I'm going Greek mythology over archeology. But you do know Harrison Ford, because if you're you right now, but then you've seen Star Wars and you've seen episode four and five. He's got me. So the thing is, um I'm going to be over there jerking out to Harrison Ford. He's right. Who hasn't? Harrison Ford had a better. Well, I can't say better because because the Hamill, not Hamill, but his name is Mark Hamill.
01:17:37
Speaker
No, who are you talking about? Harry Hamlin, Hamlin. hero arc Harry, Harry, Mark Hamlin, Hamlin. Oh, no, not Hamlin. They want. Never mind. What is happening? I don't know. I lost her train of thought. Delete all of that. She was doing Shakespeare. But who is it? What are Nothing to write. But yeah, she basically she's like, how dare you fuck your entire city if you don't sacrifice your daughter to the Kraken in 30 days?
01:18:05
Speaker
Because she's not touching Prometheus. I have one demand. Prometheus. She will not. Perseus. Perseus. She will not live and she will also not be fucked. I have two demands. She needs to stay pure. She will die and she will be a virgin. She shall never know the touch of a man. But if she might sizzle, oh, another woman. What would happen if they fucked? Yeah, Whitney pointed out while they were traveling. Like, what if they just fucked? I wondered that. Like, this guy's got to get in there and be like, for the greater good.
01:18:32
Speaker
Look, this isn't gonna be a good one, but it's for the greater good. It's for the greater good. ah Sorry, I don't have time for foreplay. We gotta to get crackin'. The first time sucks anyway. Oh! Oh! That. That's better than crackin' cheese. I don't know, man.
01:18:49
Speaker
I don't know if it is. You're selling yourself short on that one. Burgess Meredith sends Harry Hamlin off to talk to some blind witches. You gotta to get in there. You gotta talk to them blind bitches, Rock. I mean, sorry. ah Wrong movie. But also talk to them blind bitches. Talk to those witches, purse. Look, the only problem is they might eat you. Okay. They do have a taste for flesh. They don't want to beat you. They want to cook you. Yeah, but guess what? Now I have their eye.
01:19:15
Speaker
I remember this part growing up, like the hand coming out of the cauldron and being like, oh my God. Because I was young when I watched it. They're in the process of boiling a man right now. oh That's why they're not going for.
01:19:27
Speaker
Well, Perseus does get the owl. Oh, they were. He goes, they want Perseus oh in this. Yeah, Zeus tells Athena, um I ask of you to please send him your owl. I command it, which is also a droid name, right? Yeah. Got to be boo boo boo. Three poe. And she goes, never.
01:19:46
Speaker
I will never give up my owl. And he's like, watch, you're going to. Yeah. And then she goes to the besties, the fastest, the fastest and the fastest for the rest of us. And she is very much in love with this owl. She's like, I will never get rid of you. His feathers will never be as good as yours. Don't you ever tell anyone how much i this is me coming home. My cat drunk. It is. I've witnessed it. I'll never get rid of you. It's just you and me versus the world. And then your cat goes.
01:20:14
Speaker
My cat made that. So my cat makes Ewok noises and I'm pretty excited about that. Does she really? I'm gonna get her one of those Ewok costumes. ah She's walking around. um I'm against animals wearing clothes, but if she's into it, I'm outvoted.
01:20:29
Speaker
Yeah, like I've wanted to get candy, one of those, but she doesn't like having things on her. So I'm not gonna. I used to be anti all animals and clothes, but then I met animals that like legitimately love being in clothes. Well, it's because they were raised that way. If they like it or it's comforting to them. And I'm just like, I'm not going to get in the way of that. Yeah. Because I love those videos of like the little you walk dogs or the chucky doll. Yeah, i've it's mostly I've i've seen the chucky one. I've seen some. ah But I like the ewok ones. It's always like a little ah Dotson, the Sedona does it. What are those little fucking dogs that have mustaches? The dogs with the mustache. Yeah. a Scottish Terriers, some kind of terrier, a schnauzer schnauzer.
01:21:12
Speaker
The Rob Schnauzer. Rob Schnauzer is best in show. But I I've seen those things running around in a little fucking Ewok costume. They seem to like it. And I'm just like, this is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Totally a fucking Brussels Griffin. All right. Either way, it's a fucking fluffy little dog with a Brussels Griffin. Sounds like a dish I'm not ordering at a restaurant.
01:21:36
Speaker
and i've shown How much bacon and cheese are in those I'll have a big potato so he goes to the witches Which are? Whitney was like oh the fates on which is leave Which is leave where's Kurtwood Smith in this movie?
01:21:50
Speaker
Kurtwood Smith as Perseus. Oh, not as sexy, but made way more intense, dude. So terrifying. Oh, is that red? Yeah. He looks at Medusa and she turns the stone. Dumbass. Yeah, he goes to Calabas. He's like, you fucking dumbass. Oh, that hurt my feelings. Mommy, he got me a dumbass.
01:22:10
Speaker
But like the witches are basically the fates. That's the same. I mean, Shakespeare borrows obviously a lot from mythology when he wrote to Macbeth, my favorite play, Tabernet, Terminal, Troy. Yeah, yeah scotttish still haven't well you still haven't watched tragedy of Macbeth, though, which you no I haven't. But I'm like mostly Scottish. So of course I fucking love it. I Macbeth has always been hand hand the sky.
01:22:34
Speaker
My favorite Shakespeare play. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have one. Do you know why? Why? And this is before I even had a kid. This is before I even had a kid. I was not born. I was ripped from my mother's loins! Good roll of the R. Yeah, that was good. That was good. Yeah, we should put on a play.
01:22:52
Speaker
bad movies worst people presents i can be saltish i way way off Broadway away off of of of of way the fuck oh like we are off of but that'll be as that's what it's called oh my fucking god we're off Broadway that'll be a special presentation for next December it's us doing Macbeth our patreons have to send us drugs I'm not doing that shit Um, you know what? Have you ever wanted to hear three people sit in a living room and do Macbeth on mushrooms? But I do love when he goes in to talk to these witches and they have this like, they have the eye, which is like this little crystal ball thing they hold to their head. But the one sees him and she's like, I've been there. Is this a ball from the labyrinth? One of the basically she looks at him. She's like a young man. Spencer's in the mall. She looks at him though. She's like shit a young man.
01:23:34
Speaker
Not plump, not plump, but well made. But how? Not plump, but well, like these witches are trying to fuck Percy. She can see his dick. uhu She's like, give it to me. I haven't had dick in such a long time. Speaking of plump, look into that little skirt. I do see a bulge. It's quite a nice bulge. We'll fight over him. We'll call it the Battle of the Bulge. That's a joke for way in the future. But they can see the future. I see the future. It ends in smoking cigarettes in bed. So he has Booboo come in and steal the fucking eye from them. And he's like, now I've got you a little magic eye bitch. I've got your eye who? So answer one question. OK, four questions. And then I'll give one question, four parts. So how could a mortal man defeat the Kraken? Nobody can. Nothing's impossible, you old bitch.
01:24:25
Speaker
OK, one thing can the head of Medusa, but you can't get it because she's a Titan issue. No, no. But when you look from her and you will turn to stone.
01:24:39
Speaker
I like the line. It's like i you must get you must win Medusa's head, but she's not just going to give it to you. Yeah. A couple of these witches are like putting in some fucking work. I also played one of the fates. It's you like a fun role. It was very, very fun. And also, apparently, the I.
01:24:57
Speaker
has magical effects and it'll make his cloak which invincible against her blood. to Anything, right? No, just no, it does, because that's what he uses as the bag. Oh, he's carrying around the head in the red bag. That's so that's his red cloak. He's carrying her. i I kept waiting for like an attack. Oh, yeah, because her blood is her blood, much like the xenomorphs, her blood is acid. Uh-huh.
01:25:21
Speaker
Which came, by the way, alien came out two years. They did. you know Instead of making a Pegasus, they did ah make scorpions and maggots. Yeah, because Colombo stabs the bag. Yeah. I do want to mention before before we get there. Sorry. He's got a he's got to fight Medusa. I'm a little drunk. But there's that thing about. they I think they're telling the story. Apologizing for that. Maybe Burgess Meredith tells him somebody tells him about how Medusa fucked Poseidon. Yes. And it made an effort. He fucked her in Aphrodite's prison. Oh, no. Aphrodite is a temple. Yeah. After his temple. Sorry. Because that made Aphrodite mad. So she turned Medusa into a monster. If somebody had sex in our bed, would you not be pissed off? Well, I'm not going to turn him into a monster and banish him to the Isle of the Dead. Because we can't. Only because he can't. Well, OK. OK. That's mostly also 100 percent true. But
01:26:17
Speaker
If you could like straight up just curse the okay, let me ask you Jack if I had sex with my husband in your bed How pissed off would you be? Are you doing the laundry? No? No, then we can't abide by that. Exactly. If you're in the laundry, I have very little standards. Wait, wait, wait. You guys fuck my u fucked in my room? Yeah, did you close clean the sheets? Yeah, I got clean sheets. good So that's the cleanest my sheets have been in a month. Did you or after? I do sheet laundry every week. Before or after? Here's your question. You better clean them after. Before and after. Yeah, you want to clean sheets. It was before, but we fucked on your bed without sheets. I'm setting up that whole or fucking extra bedroom for a fuck room. There you go. Not for me, for everybody else. well obviously Well, I mean, I don't know. Think about that. I'm just going to put my ear to the vent, though.
01:27:05
Speaker
You just, see you know, release your arm and then you can go sleep in the other bed. sleep and So Perseus gets to the River Styx and he's got to cross with.
01:27:19
Speaker
Karen, Sharon, a Karen, Karen is that I've always on the it is a very much, but it's care. Oh, yeah. And again, in the Rick Royalty and books of Percy Jackson Laney, think of all that a care on is the gold coins from the guy, which makes perfect sense, though, because you have to pay them. You have to pay him with. But they just like the that's just what the coins are called. What's the ah fucking? Oh, god damn it. Dante's Inferno. Yeah. That's the biggest. That's the biggest literature I know him from. Yeah. I mean, he's he's the one that ferries you across the River Styx to the land of the day. They need to give you two pence on your face, right? Yeah. Yeah. You put the coins on the eyes so people can get across. And you know what? I don't know. Two pence, none the richer. I'm going to say that I owe me across that River Styx. I was like, if you listen to this podcast, you know that I'm An asshole? We would call it atheists, agnostic. Agnostic. You're agnostic. I don't care either way, so I guess that's agnostic. You can't prove there's no
Role of Bubo in the Quest
01:28:19
Speaker
guy there. When I die, if you guys do me a favor and just throw coins on my eyes, just in case. Thousand percent. I like that. I like cover some bases. Monk. Look, give me last rites, throw some coins over my eyes. ah cut Scrape off my tattoos so I can go Jewish. Oh, yeah. Then cut off my arms. He's organ donated. It's fine.
01:28:36
Speaker
Cut off my arms, give them to someone else, he can worry about it when he dies. Have we said on air that we're going to use some of my bones to make like dominoes and dice? Yes. Okay, cool. I think we did, yeah. Just making sure that's still out there. I'm going to wear it as an earring. Aww, babe. I'm going to have like, it's just going to be all ones on a die on each desk. I really love the the effect of how do you pronounce it again? Karen, Karen, Karen. I really love the effect. Just this. He's the skeleton man, you know, but like it's obviously they have a guy in a hood at first. Yeah, because it's like. But when he puts the hand out, it's like the it's it's not just a stop motion thing. This is my animatronic. I believe. Right. I believe. Because they got this point in the hand and he closes the hand.
01:29:22
Speaker
And my first thought is, well, that hand's not close tight enough to hold that coin. But for the purposes of the movie. Yeah. For what we're getting. His body absorbed the coin. So there you go. It's because Perseus goes to get in the boat and Perseus goes to get in the boat and he's like, no. And then he hands him the coin. He's like, all right. You didn't say the magic word. And then you and your four friends can come. Like, what? Didn't everybody need to give you a coin? That's a big coin.
01:29:47
Speaker
yeah Well, well, he also knows that the only one coming back. Yeah, he knows the only one leaving is Percy. If he would have paid more, they all would have come back. But he's like, hey, Medusa, leave one alive. That's the only one that paid the toll. ah Kill the rest of them fuckers. Yeah. So it's the whole thing like her reflection has no power. So only look at her in the reflection of your shield. power His shield is very reflective on the back. I saw the backs of the other guy's shields. Not reflective at all. So they were fucked from the beginning.
01:30:13
Speaker
Yeah, and his sword is absolutely very reflective. And there's this true dog, which is not server. It's not server for one reason, one reason alone. It's not 80s. Three heads would have taken longer to animate. But also it's not. This is I mean, it is their version of because it's the island of the dead, the Isle of the Dead. We're doing some cross the river.
01:30:36
Speaker
in Haiti, but we're doing a loose. Yeah. But I mean, you hear how much of this has been accurate, right? They're just taking shit and go. But but I mean, it really yeah it came down to that. ah Did you just roll dice and then say Jenga? Sure. Yeah. See Jumanji. Oh, don't say that. But it really just came down to go with your wife. It really just came down to the three heads would have taken more time and MGM wasn't for sure. Ray Harryhausen is probably like, I have an idea for three heads like, no, you don't.
01:31:05
Speaker
But this wasn't this was an actual Greek mythological mythological creature. The. Dioschylos. So Dioschylos too. I don't know what Skylos means, but hey, headed dog. Dioschylos means dog. It means i dog. What's up, Skylos? Two. Dioschylos is singular. Two. Like you have a die. A singular. No, no. But that's you're thinking of specifically with dice. It's it's like two. Yeah. but So is die. So maybe in in Greek is die too.
01:31:34
Speaker
Yeah, sure. andt know i know day is also too um fri so nice I don't know. There you go. But yeah, so ega they go in there that the two headed dog is hiding in the shadows. ah They do find it. He turns. He finds the stone man and touches him and he breaks. And when he was like, well, now he's dead. But there's no bringing him. They're already dead. I don't think this is like a kill Medusa and the all come back kind of thing. Yeah. This isn't like the the faculty. We quit. This isn't like Queen Percy Jackson. I don't know that reference.
01:32:09
Speaker
I went with the faculty because we were all there. But the two headed dog attacks one of the soldiers. I have fans here that that have watched and read. Well, they can email you. Yes. But the two headed dog attacks them, fights these two soldiers. The sword gets knocked away and there's a snake laying on top of it. It looks like a very non poisonous. It's a python. Yeah, it's definitely it's definitely and not a viper. Yeah, he's very afraid to grow bigger than a ball. But I like but I like that because it is but it could be a ball. It's curling up around the sword in such a way. Balls get like six feet. Well, oh, well, there's some weird balls, but this one's a guy's balls. They were old and six feet. Your balls don't curl up around your sword. didn I don't know if it was just the lighting, but it was more green than I'd see. Yeah. Perseus grabs the sword, kills the dog man. Yeah, he was alive. Thank you. He didn't kill. I was sitting there going, oh, does he cut this snake in a half? Please don't. Please don't. What a movie Friday 13th. Yeah, please don't do that. Yeah, we didn't even include that in the episode, but did they cut a snake in half. Yeah, we didn't include because I don't want to bring it down. We didn't want it at all. One of these soldiers gets shot with an arrow by Medusa and falls into the water, which is also apparently acid. It's her blood. It's her blood of her blood. That's where she periods. She periods into this pool and she's been there for a long time by herself. So this stink.
01:33:28
Speaker
of this place. Yeah. ah Well, look, it's just a pool of menstrual blood in the middle of the it's very acidic.
Medusa's Terrifying Portrayal
01:33:38
Speaker
God. I don't like it, but it's the Isle of the Dead. Why wouldn't you expect this every liquid here to be death? Yeah. I mean, even her blood is death and it destroys the fucking shield. We get the full shot of Medusa, which looks fucking great. I mean, great. The just.
01:33:55
Speaker
I mean, just imagine imagine the work because, you know, stop motion is like one frame at a time. Yeah. And these these fucking snakes are just going to town when she's not even moving. They're moving. So every shot of her is a different. Those eyes are so realistic and it's terrifying. Probably the longest. Probably. Honestly, like they probably have like eyes like someone really did the eyes oh and then they put it into the rest. But but I did not. I've I and don't know if I've ever seen Medusa actually in a snake form.
01:34:25
Speaker
No, what? This is the only time I've seen Medusa in anything. Oh. That I can think of. I've always. Well, also the clash of the Titans 2010. Maybe because of this, I've always pictured Snakebot. I couldn't imagine her with legs. Yeah. Sounds absurd. Because she's. A person with snake hair and legs. Because she's supposed to be still beautiful. She's like. Oh, I would have banged her. Just listen. Put it back in your pants and listen. And she always covers her eyes and face and everything. She can never find love because she's cursed, because as soon as somebody looks at her, they turn to stone. Doggy style it is. I guess maybe that's why I was confused in my high school mythology class, because they're like, she's beautiful. And I was like, I've seen Clash of the Titans. A Netflix original show with Jeff Goldblum playing Zeus called Chaos. Yeah. Debra Mazar plays Odisa. Oh, good red head.
01:35:18
Speaker
What did we just watch Grace? We just saw her in Empire Records. Empire Records. And she was also in Batman Returns. Yes. She's Medusa. And yeah. Or not Batman Returns, sorry Batman Forever. Batman Forever, you're right. Wait, she's in Batman Forever? Yeah, she's Spice of Sugar and Spice.
01:35:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it very more. Yeah. So, yeah, between those two things we've talked about her. But yeah, she's chaos Netflix, like six episodes. Get you some of that. She's also a Beethoven, by the way. I just found that we were we were scrolling. We were scrolling the other day and I saw it and I was like, is that Jeff Goldblum? And I was like, OK, us. Jack told us about this. Yeah, it's very appropriate. So we're talking about right meow.
01:35:55
Speaker
But I like that he's like he's using the shield to like watch her and shit because her reflection has no power. And at one point, he just tosses the shield to a stone guy who has his arms at the perfect to catch to catch the shield. Yeah. Like if if America had existed, Perseus could have been Captain America. Great with the shield. there He's like, here you go. I'm going to toss the shield. So there's your shield toss right there. But I'm still going to use my blade.
01:36:22
Speaker
The problem is, Grease Captain doesn't sound nearly as cool. Captain Grease. Yeah, like, what the fuck? dog Don't call him. Uh-uh. He's going to show up and just dump a dirty grease trap in your house. All right, I said we'd pour rancid grease on him. That's your plan for everything. Stop suggesting that.
01:36:39
Speaker
How are we supposed to to stop the resurrection of Hitler? Dirty grease? Dirty grease? No. No. Everyone cook a bunch of bacon. Save save the grease. Put on your stovetop for a couple of months. We're going to go to Hitler's house and give it to him. It's going to make him sick. We're going to cook him burgers in that grease that you've been saving. ah Hitler is going to get killed via diarrhea.
01:37:00
Speaker
Well, yeah, he tosses the shield. He's like, hey, thanks, dude. And then she's starting professional sneaking around looking for him. And he's like, ah surprise motherfucker jumps out and slices off her head. Surprise motherfucker. I do like that the dead body is like still twitching and he like picks up the head. As you can see, the rattle like going and they just stop motion does the death
Final Showdown and Kraken Defeat
01:37:22
Speaker
twitch. Yeah, it's so good. It is so good. I did not like it just because of who I am that the the thickness of this blood.
01:37:30
Speaker
It was catch up when it first comes out. Catch up. Yeah, catch up. Think about it. It's extra acidy. Sure. It's probably what my blood looks like. Well, why did the body keep moving for like minutes after? Because if you did, that's how it works with certain things. There's chicken like run around the chicken with its head cut off. I know that if you chop a snake, they'll keep moving. Yeah. You know what? You're not wrong. It's all the nerves. Also, it looks cool. It especially because that blood will get you.
01:37:57
Speaker
Well, we see that because the shield is sitting in the blood and it just starts melting. And it's a cool effect, too, because you could tell they're just pulling the shield like someone's underneath the stage pulling it down, but you have the sizzle and it it looks like it's melting. If it was if it was now, you'd see all the gold going out into it and it would be too much.
01:38:15
Speaker
So like he's already lost the helmet from the fight with Colombo. Now he's lost his shield and he only has his sword. Yeah. And I have it here in my notes. I wasn't earlier. I mentioned that two creatures or two beings spawned from her blood. Yeah. So there's Pegasus and then there's a giant named Crea, Chris, sorry. Chrisire. I don't know. Try one more time. C H R Y S A O R. Chrisour. C H R Y. I think I drank that beer once.
01:38:43
Speaker
ah The Christ sour. Christory? Chrisory? Yeah. But it's a giant from mythology. Chris or E. oh But so then Calabas X to see. Yes, exactly. Calabas sneaks up on their camp, stabs into the bag, which doesn't really matter later, but it does now because the blood comes in. This is a cool effect. And again, they just filled a bag with fake blood. I thought of it looks cool. I thought of Derek doing folly work and just filling T-shirts with wet gel splurge and hitting them with bags and fully fully fully. Oh, I just never know.
01:39:21
Speaker
I mean, if I was doing it, it might be a folly. Yeah. ah To quote Rund, it's soppy, soppy. No, that's to quote him. I said soppy first, but then you guys. it runs like I don't think he's even a word. He has a soppy joe. Soppy joe, dude. Soppy Colombo's man.
Reflections and Future Themes
01:39:41
Speaker
Hipsop and ominous. But so the blood drips out, it turns into maggots that turn into scorpions that turn into giant scorpions. I mean, these things get huge and Booboo sees it first. he's like And fucking pardon me. So how about just knocks that out?
01:40:04
Speaker
Seems that we have scorpions about. Oh, bother. A little C-3PO. Calabas 3PO. But Calabas knocks him into the water and you're like, no, little Bubo's dead. Yeah. Don't worry, folks. He's fine. Bubo's coming back. Scorpion monsters are there. They all fight them. Perseus has to fight Calabas.
01:40:27
Speaker
and Well, first, Kalabas kills Wolfman. Wolfman. Yeah. Wolfman. Fallow. Fallow I ended up getting was his name. Yeah. He is just like this beautifully harried up curly haired man. I love him. And he looks like the Wolfman with like a tight fro. He's like almost ginger Greek. OK. Well, I mean, all these dudes are British as fuck. They're just like, we have to serve the islands of Greece. Yeah. Because God bless the queen. Like every one of these motherfuckers, there's nobody here that's Greek.
01:40:56
Speaker
and And the town there is the non-speaking people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have the extras are definitely people because it looks like well this is they had a tan. Most of this was filmed in England, though. So I mean, they read all that English to.
01:41:10
Speaker
I mean, we're not we're talking about 1981. We're not doing anything on on location. du All way up to 2011. Anything that didn't that took place in a country that was like old world style, like Greece, Rome, that stuff. Everybody was British. What's the one with Jamie Lannister and Gerard Butler playing Greek gods or sorry, Egyptian gods, Egyptian. um Is that the one with god gods and men?
01:41:34
Speaker
I've got something. No, what no. The one I'm thinking of is one with Christian Bale. Is he in that one? Exodus Exodus. god There's another one, though. Yeah. where Gerard Butler and Jamie Lannister are fucking brothers in their Egyptian gods. And like the entire fucking movie is white. Well, I mean, let's just it's this episode is coming out December 16th, I think.
01:41:56
Speaker
The middle of December later two just came out. Let's think about gladiator one, you know, who's not Roman also you know lose sure for sure Who's not white Jesus yeah for sure Like why does everybody think Jesus why is why is Ewan McGregor Jesus a guy from the middle? Well, it's the hair Matthew mark Luke John, you know Middle Eastern names. Yep but Look we're comparing Ewan McGregor to Jesus because of the hair as we should Also, he's a great actor but also as was the human a Gregor Obi-Wan is not too dissimilar from the reimagining of yeah the guy white culture placing his mom's pictures with e and mcgre No, it wasn't he didn't place him she bought them I'm thinking that it was she thought it was a picture of Jesus and he's like Internet has to find out about this mother
01:42:47
Speaker
I can't tell her, but I'll tell you guys. Yeah, it's going to break her heart. So Calabas and Perseus fight. This is the part I was talking about. You know, Harryhausen was disappointed with the scorpions and stuff. But I mean, I think the scorpions look fucking great. It works amazing. But I'd like to see the Harryhausen cut.
01:43:05
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't exist, by the way. Hashtag release the Harry House. Yeah. Hashtag make it because the studio is just like, no, fuck you. We're good here. burn But he just tosses his fucking glowing sword into Calabas's gut. And this guy's like, oh, fuck me. Oh, well, you got me good. And then leaves it.
01:43:23
Speaker
yeah He doesn't need it anymore. The quest that part. What's he going to do? What's he going to do? Fight the kraken with a sword? This is the part. So this part I didn't quite understand. So ah Perseus is like crawling to his ah Medusa's head, tired, and then he grabs it and then Zeus, like we're back in the gods and they're all like and then everybody leaves and Zeus just kind of like stands him up.
01:43:47
Speaker
Because he was he was exhausted from the fight. He was passed out. Yeah. But why couldn't he just be like, Andrew, back in? No, he was giving him enough help without making it too obvious. You need to cargo load. Here's some chicken alfredo. Yeah. The other gods were getting mad at them already. and up it Not that this is concerned about it, but it was Zeus's way of being like, I'm helping without anybody knowing. Yeah. Just stand this little clay toy up.
01:44:11
Speaker
I can't get like I can't just transport you there, but here's a first class ticket. Wait, so since Zeus is playing with little clay toys all the time, does that make him? Does that make Ray Harryhausen Zeus? Yes. Yes. Yep. Yeah. I mean, he's the god of claymation. The god of stop motion. So he um Prometheus gets. Why do keep saying Prometheus? I don't know. Percy Percy gets the the owl comes out of the river and he's like, oh, my God, you're alive. Go find Pegasus.
01:44:41
Speaker
ah We can also is like the fucking stud star of this movie. He is our without him They wouldn't have gotten to the fucking temple. No where the with the fates are it's because he stoleizeds and You know why booboo was added because booboo mechanical owl surprise is not part of Greek mythology Really? Do you know why booboo was added in plot because of the success of our 2d2 Star Wars? Yeah He's just he's literally R2D. Look, I know I talk about Star Wars a lot, but it all comes back. But back in Jappo, whatever this fucking city was called, they're setting everybody up. Yeah. It just sounds like you've been racist. We have. I know you're not. We have a side move of Andromeda. Yes, we do. Which is nice. Oh, it's a lovely one.
01:45:28
Speaker
But they're setting her up for um the it's now the eve of the longest day of the year. Time's up. ah Zeus says release the Kraken. You are now sacrificed. Yeah, because they got it. So they take her down, they chain her up. The Kraken is coming to eat her or stare at her for a few minutes while he waits for Perseus to show up. He's trying to get his heart on. He's getting to his heart on right now.
01:45:50
Speaker
Well, she's also, I mean, she's looking at those kum gutters. And then, like, those Swedish fucking horns. Oh, I love these horns, dude. Like, we got Lord of the Rings armies marching.
01:46:12
Speaker
All right. We win. We win. That's the stinger. yeah um So. But so, yeah, ah the owl Booboo gets a little respect on it. Booboo gets a Pegasus out. like Another good effect because he pulls that pin out of the cage and Booboo is obviously stop motion, but they pull the pin out probably on a string. Yeah. Still, it's it's good.
01:46:38
Speaker
It's the stop motion is insane. Yeah, he is. Because the thing is in air. And it's still stop motion. Bubo, while he is trying to get the Pegasus out, has to like ah evade the vulture culture and all these goons. And like he's just flying around, evading the vulture while also burning the entire camp to fucking ashes. Yes. The stud Pegasus is stuck in a wooden crate. Get him the fuck out. You should have freed me then started the fires yeah asshole.
01:47:07
Speaker
And I also like and it's obviously it's because like compositing stuff, but like they have the fires going on and the horse isn't surrounded by fire. Right. Correct. You can see the lights on Pegasus and it's like blue and orange and yellow. yeah It looks like Pegasus is at a rave. It does. Speaking of DJ Zeus. and he And then, yeah, Zeus dropped the Kraken. And so the Kraken comes out.
01:47:34
Speaker
Peggy or Perseus is trying to get there on Pegasus. We don't see him get it, but, you know, it's implied. yeah That's fine. But it seems like he's very far away because he's flying through a desert. Oh, my God. Also, it's taking forever. And I. But Bubos buys him some time by and trying to annoy the crack into death. Yep. And he gets smacked, right? He gets fucking.
01:47:55
Speaker
batted out of this and once again, I'm worried about Booboo. Yeah, he's like on the side of the cliff and he's like, man, blarp and just fall walk, walk, walk, walk, walk. And it's great because when Perseus does show up, he's trying to untie this bag and he's like, should have done this before I got here. And he's still on it. And then he's still on. Oh, he doesn't have the bag. But Booboo brings him. Well, no, before that, he's trying to untie it while he's on the horse and fucking the crack and smacks him in the horse right out of the sky. ah Yeah. And then he drops the head. So Booboo brings him the head.
01:48:24
Speaker
and easily unties it then. Booboo worked on it on the way over. Yeah, he's smart enough. He's the best. He's the best. What are those? What are they called? The R2-D2s? Astromech? Astromech. He's the astromech of ancient Greece. Yeah. So as he was flying it over, he used his little pencils. I can't wait till Han took shots first. Our other podcast gets to why R2-D2 doesn't use his thrusters in the original trilogy. I have a canon answer that's going to blow your mind. Because they don't work.
01:48:54
Speaker
I can't wait. Yeah, yeah. He got they got gunked up. Can't wait. He's never been. He didn't get that oil bath. Anyway, we'll get to that. We'll get to that all later. I just wanted to plug Han Tuk shots first. You get it. Han Tuk shots. Don't forget about last night. Oh, wait. Let's get this page. That's next week. But Han Tuk shots first pod dot com. Get it. So.
01:49:18
Speaker
which I still had the soundboard open. I would have done a Wilhelm scream. Oh, so Bubo snags the head. He gives it to Perseus. The Kraken gets stoned and starts breaking. The Kraken starts cracking. He gets stoned. He's cracking up. Look at him over there. That was actually my joke of all the Kraken is cracking.
01:49:37
Speaker
There's just some Greek guy. Look, he's cracking up. I hate and you. Dude, won't you stop? Somebody lost a friend that day. Puniclies needs to shut the fuck up. Every time there's something happening, Puniclies has something to say. Did you hear? He told me the other day the best gift he ever got was a broken drum because you can't beat it. I'm going to kill this guy. I'm going to actually stab him.
01:50:00
Speaker
Well, like after he uses the head to turn the crack into stone, he tosses it into the ocean so that way nobody on the coast can go fishing, I guess. yeah Because all the fish are going to turn to stone. that's how thatd Jason statue got down there.
01:50:15
Speaker
damn He came out of the crate at the bottom of the ocean. Oh, no There's only one way to kill a Jason and it might be more dangerous than killing Jason gotta get Medusa head. She ain't gonna give it up easy there's ah We have the silly boo-bo scene where he's like standing on the edge of the rocks and he's like stumbles and falls oh's Yeah, and everybody laughs no, I'm like oh And then ah Perseus and Andromeda finally have sex. They get married, they fuck because you have to be married to fuck people. Can't sacrifice her. She's not a virgin.
01:50:50
Speaker
And then we get some um narration or over whatever from Zeus. Yeah. Lawrence Olivier about like the crew ah what if or one of the Athena I think says what if courage and imagination? It's not Athena. It's Maggie. Oh, OK. Yeah. What now? What if courage and imagination become regular qualities in people? And he's like, well, then they're not going to do this anymore.
01:51:12
Speaker
But not don't worry, but don't worry because there are a bunch of pieces of shit. We have lazy people. We have shitty people. We have racist people. We're going to be in business for a while. Yep. Till the stars die. Because yeah, because he makes them all into constellations. Cassiopeia, even in her vein. And he's got this thing about like, even if the gods are abandoned and forgotten, the stars will never fade. They will burn till the end of time.
01:51:36
Speaker
And I was like, they're already dying. Yeah, that's what they are. By the time you've seen them, they're probably dead. they're No, they definitely are. That's them dying. What we see as stars is already dead. That's how science works. Yep. So that's the end of Clash of the Titans. That's the end of Durkha Classic movies. Golf clap. Golf clap.
01:51:54
Speaker
yeah yeah go Okay, I'm the end of the segment. I'm still gonna make you guys do it once in a while I gotta say the dirt classics I'm not really always happy watching the movies, but the episodes end up really fun The problem is there are lowest there are lowest engaged episodes yeahp So we're moving on to schlock and load or any other segment we decide to Yeah, starting next year, not in January, because we have something else going on in January. But after that, we'll be doing schlock and load instead of during classic movies. So once a month, we'll have dumb action movies. It doesn't mean we're not going to be doing dumb action movies other times. Right. But schlock and load is reserved for the dumbest action like ah I watched the action USA invasion USA.
01:52:35
Speaker
Also invasion USA because of your record. I'm not saying that you're wrong. Yeah. Cause I know the action USA is a different movie, but he recommended he text me. He's like, dude, this is the most amount of squibs and dummies I've ever seen. That's the one I was watching with Chuck Norris and the dummy flies out the window at the end on fire. It might be my second favorite Chuck Norris movie.
01:52:54
Speaker
I think it's my favorite Chuck Norris movie. Firewalker. I've seen that. Lou Gossett Jr is a charm. I haven't seen Firewalker out of the ones I've seen. And this includes sidekicks, which I do enjoy. Invasion USA, much better. Invasion USA is top notch. Yeah. But yeah, so we'll be we'll be moving on from during classic sadly. Yeah, not for your wife. We didn't get to do the stuff I wanted to really get into. It's fine. We'll do it. I'll still just I'll still just throw it in there. It's not a second. It's not saying we just peppered and peppered in. Wife, do you recommend this movie?
01:53:24
Speaker
Oh, we have first time watching it too. Yeah. This is important because I don't know where you're coming from. It's I didn't hate it. I really did not hate it. I thought I loved all the stuff. All the stuff that took the acting was amazing. The stop motion was amazing. I think you're such an appreciator. Fucking slow. It was. Yeah. beginning Yeah. The slow in the beginning like husband was starting to fall asleep and I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I need bubbles in my life. And so I grabbed something to drink.
01:53:52
Speaker
I surprisingly needed Jack's. Wait, I didn't recommend yet. You just... Sorry, you stopped talking and I jumped in on it. I need Jack's caveats for this. I needed Jack with us. I needed somebody to be like... oh Yeah, so now I'm gonna segue that because I surprisingly did need my caveats because this is maybe my first time watching this alone. Okay. And it was just kind of like, oh yeah yeah, this would have been a great commentary for us, I think. Yeah. um And maybe in the future we do it. But yeah, I still everything Whitney said that all the effects we've gushed about sure.
01:54:31
Speaker
pacing is a little weird because it's a two hour movie that maybe doesn't need to be. Yeah, I felt like it was three hours. But my only complaint is watching it alone and drinking alone. I said I said that when we started um was I was like, this is one we should watch together. But just the way today worked, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Worked out. um But I do recommend it. It is. It's 118 minutes and the first 60 are could be done in 10 or maybe 20.
01:55:00
Speaker
Sorry to to unjack's caveats, if you've never seen it, watch it. Yeah.
Appreciation of Old Cinema and Patreon Content
01:55:05
Speaker
If you are an appreciator of old cinema practical effects, watch it. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's fun to watch. It's got great effects. That's why I wanted to do it. Ray Harryhausen, but like.
01:55:16
Speaker
It is a little rough. I did just watch it about a month ago, which is the reason I was starting to like not off in the beginning middle. I was just like I was like, oh, God, dude, I saw this like I get it. But once it gets into it, like it's really good. I mean, basically from the island of the dead on is awesome. Action, action, action. Yeah. And there's so many good effects. So yeah, I'll recommend that, too.
01:55:38
Speaker
But yeah, next week's episode will be a preview of our new Patreon segment. So starting in 2025, not only do you get your mental health episode on Patreon and you get on took shots first early and you get the newsletter and you get some extra bonus video stuff that we've done in the past, you will also be getting latch key vids.
01:55:57
Speaker
which is us discussing forgotten or never known TV shows from the 90s. And we start with episode one, the pilot of Cop Rock. Let's be careful out there, which is a gritty street police drama. Super that is also a light hearted musical. Yep.
01:56:20
Speaker
So tune in for that. It's it's a stop. but My mom will shoot had a baby with Mary Poppins. It's actually a really bad example. I know it's much more serious than that it is. I don't like to like toot our own horns, but it's a good episode. It's fun. i had a version I had a blast doing it. Yeah, I think it shows. Oh, and you know what? Speaking of Patreon, you can subscribe to our page. I was going to say, how much does it cost to become a patron? three dollars a month at Patreon dot com slash worst people and you get the new segment included in that three dollars a month. We're not adding a tier. It's still just three dollars a month. So you're going to get at least two bonus episodes a month. Plus, like I said, newsletters, extra content. I won't be begging anymore. I've already done that. Yeah, you'll bell be begging at the beginning of the next few episodes, at least. I'll be on his knees at least. My knees hurt.
01:57:06
Speaker
um We also do a thing every once in a while where we let the patrons help choose episodes. Oh, yes. So you can have input on that, too. We've done it before. We have a listener request coming up. We have a listener request coming up. We've gotten emails, badmoviesworsepeopleatgmail.com. But we also have requests from patrons and all you have to do is request it right there in the comments or send a message. Do you feel like your voice isn't heard enough? Because if you email us, we will read your email. We will. Your voice will be heard.
01:57:33
Speaker
and I'll read the male ones and they'll read the female ones. And I'll read the ones from Parrots. Right now, we have enough content, I think, from listener requests for like a month full of episodes. But if we get more, we'll have to do some kind of drawing. But I'm OK with that. yeah You guys put in requests. I don't know exactly when that listener request is going to fall, but we have it coming up as long as you're doing the drawing. I have no command over a pen or pencil.
01:57:56
Speaker
Not that kind of. Oh, I'm mistook. And also speaking of Patreon, our episode for this month on Patreon for our mental health episode is Violent Night, the 2022 movie in which the guy from Stranger Things plays a Viking that is also Santa Claus that has to fight John Leguizamo in a diehard esque fashion. I might cosplay as a Viking Santa for that episode. It took us two years to get Jack to watch this movie. I think it only took a year. He watched it. He watched it. It came out in 2022. I think it was a year. Yeah. Because I put it off the whole time because I have a reverence for fucking yes you tell ah Halloween for Christmas movies. And I thought this is going to be just like a schlocky murder. And it is it is that. But it's also a Christmas miracle. Christmas musical. Music. Miracle miracle. Nope. A super Christmas.
01:58:46
Speaker
miracle. Yes, it is.
Listener Engagement and Closing Remarks
01:58:50
Speaker
So if you guys can just do us a favor, you can check out the Patreon Patreon dot com slash worst people three dollars a month. Also do us a favor. Rate and review. You're listening to this podcast right now on some kind of podcast app. So just minimize the window where you're listening and go to the thing and click five stars or whatever you feel is appropriate on YouTube. Leave a comment. We engage. Yeah, we do. It helps us out a bunch. We love to engage with YouTube people. We try to respond to your comments. Well, if you have something that's pertinent to the episodes, we'll read it on air, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You get nothing, nothing. And we're going to thank Evasion, of course, for opening and closing music. and That's it for this week and for the segment during her classic movies. I've been Derek. I'm still Whitney. I'm. Call no man happy who is not dead. Huzzah.
02:00:11
Speaker
Boogoo! Boogoo!