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Ep 160: Howard the Duck w Tyler from Swigfoot - Month of Action!
49 Plays18 hours ago
Our friend Tyler, from local ska-punk band Swigfoot, is back with us on this one to watch a movie he's never seen before, George Lucas and Marvel's Howard the Duck! Howard is just your average cigar-chomping, sarcastic duck from Duckworld, a planet where everyone waddles, talks, and apparently wears pants only sometimes. One day, without warning, he's beamed through space and crash lands in the one place stranger than his home: Cleveland, Ohio. After saving a punk rock singer named Beverly, played by the gorgeous Lea Thompson, from some thugs, he somehow becomes her feathery sidekick/boyfriend/maybe-it’s-complicated. She introduces him to Phil, a hyperactive lab assistant played by a manic Tim Robbins, who thinks Howard is the key to science or maybe just his own career advancement. When Dr. Jenning, in the unfortunate return of Jeffrey Jones to the podcast, tries to send Howard back to his duck-shaped galaxy, he instead beams a demonic space villain into his own body. Now, Howard must save Earth from intergalactic doom, prove that ducks can be action heroes, and maybe kiss a human woman without making the audience question everything.
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Check out our friends in this epic MONTH OF ACTION:
Give Me Back My Action & Horror Movies
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Transcript
Introduction and Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back for the final episode of the month of action. action action And this week, I'm here with three other beer-swilling, cigar-chomping, play-duck-reading, anthropomorphic ducks.
00:00:12
Speaker
oh And we're talking about Howard the Duck. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm a duck. I'm Tyler. And this is Bad Movies. Worst people. wow
00:00:26
Speaker
Weapons hot and one-liners at the ready, recruits. This ain't just some summer blockbuster vacation. This is the real deal.
00:00:38
Speaker
You've been chosen as part of an elite task force for the month of action.
00:00:48
Speaker
Now when those bullets start to fly and everything around you is up in flames, don't you lose your nerve. Remember who you are. You're the toughest, craziest, most resourceful sons of to ever lace them up.
00:01:03
Speaker
We don't wait for backup and we damn sure don't retreat. Now strap your asses in and get ready for the drop.
Discussion on 'Howard the Duck' Movie
00:01:10
Speaker
Oh, and one more thing. Before you pull that trigger, tell them John Mortis sent you.
00:01:22
Speaker
Yes, we are here with our friend Tyler. Welcome from back. Hey, thanks for having me. I missed you guys. I missed you. And now I get to look directly at you. It's weird. i'll talk I like it. He previously joined us for ah Almost Heroes.
00:01:39
Speaker
fun great That That be. That a swig foot it shall be. And unlike that movie, which he's seen more times than most people blink, he has never seen Howard the Duck.
00:01:54
Speaker
So here he is. I've made some choices. and To watch the George Lucas produced. Howard the Dutch. And it came out the year you were born. Year before, yeah. Oh, God, you are babby. What's funny is at one point, Tyler's like, did George Lucas watch this?
00:02:08
Speaker
Like, he put his name on this at the end. It's something I just spent time doing, that's for sure. i This is directed by Willard Hyuk. look It was the last thing he directed because his previous directorial effort was Best Defense,
00:02:26
Speaker
Oh, Dudley Moore and fucking Eddie Murphy have a tank. Yeah, Tanker Tom, one of our patrons, has recommended that movie to us. So talk about it one day. That was a VHS one I had.
00:02:37
Speaker
But this is another abysmal failure, so he never got to direct anything again. ah Do we have ah financial numbers? We do. but But real quick, i want to mention, this was also written by Willard Hyuk, as well as a woman named Gloria Katz. They both wrote American Graffiti and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Wow. Okay, so you're just George Lucas' friends. You've yeah been over and had wine.
00:03:00
Speaker
And she wrote Best off Defense. Yep. It checks out. Wait till we watch that. yeah yeah yeah It's a turd. So we'll play the box office game and one of these days I'll make a cool graphic for it that comes up when we're talking in like a music. A music? I'll make a music and everything. Okay. But I can do the... You guys make a little short like 20 second song this about box office game.
00:03:22
Speaker
Ooh. Just a bunch of horns and stuff and then just kind going, Scott's office! Scott is more than just horns, man. It's only 20 seconds. You don't have that much time. You got to get all the guys in there. It actually predates reggae. Just so you know.
00:03:37
Speaker
but I'm just saying, you got it's a short period of time to get all your all your musicians involved. know, it's tough to get that group in one place. We'll record you live here. ah don't think you'll even fit in our living room.
00:03:50
Speaker
Do you guys want know the budget or do you want to guess? It's a $60 million budget. The budget is $37 million. dollars So close. Okay, so $37 million in
Comic Origins and Transition to Film
00:04:00
Speaker
1986. And I have domestic and world. Okay, so domestic is, i'm going to say $9 million $15 million.
00:04:09
Speaker
and world fifteen She's being rude. It was 12 million and 20 million. Tyler? What you think, Tyler? Seven. I did seven. Just that seven. just So so world world is seven million? Seven. It made domestically. Wow.
00:04:29
Speaker
and thirty seven point nine worldwide so it made point nine of its of it so the budget they made nine hundred thousand dollars before advertising and promotional costs Oh boy. People were dumb back then, dude. Maybe people bought a lot of the toys that didn't come out. I don't know, but it it failed here, obviously.
00:04:47
Speaker
So when they released it worldwide, they changed the name to Howard the Savior of the Earth or something. I'm like, not any better. Not not better at all. No, the problem is the duck itself. Not the name. The titular.
00:05:00
Speaker
The titular You know what you guys have to thank this movie for? Pixar Studios. Oh, yeah? how How'd that roundabout go? So George Lucas had just built Skywalker Ranch, cost him $50 million, dollars and he was like, Howard the Duck will get me that money back. Gonna need to get some of that return.
00:05:18
Speaker
But it bombed, and so he started selling off
Howard's Earthly Adventures
00:05:20
Speaker
shit to not go bankrupt. And his buddy, Steve Jobs, who you may have heard of. I've never heard of Steve Jobs. Offered to buy their Lucasfilms newly launched CGI animation division.
00:05:32
Speaker
ah Well above market value, which eventually became Pixar Studios. Oh, so he got his return on that. Good job. Good Steve Jobs. Good Jobs. And I do have two alternate castings. I know you guys like this. Ooh, like the alternate. There was a bunch, but I wrote down two.
00:05:49
Speaker
I don't know about for... Well, actually the... No, was saying it said Aaliyah Thompson. Okay. I was like, Howard was supposed to be a child actor, and that didn't work out. So they have... mean, there's one main little person actor. Yeah. There was like 13. Well, there was one main one. Yeah. was Ed Gale, and he played Dink in Spaceballs. Yeah, he's been in a lot of things.
00:06:08
Speaker
Oh, good. He looked very familiar. i There were like nine listed, and Jack and I both looked and noticed one had a picture of Admiral Ackbar. He's the puppeteer for Admiral Ackbar, so he wasn't in the suit or anything. I made some cash.
00:06:19
Speaker
It's a trap. a trap. But I have an alternate casting for Phil, who ends up being played by Tim Robbins, and one for Beverly. ah didn't want to replace Tim Robbins, dude. He's fucking working. He made this movie. This alternate casting for Phil is awful.
00:06:34
Speaker
You guys have any guesses? Hold on. I got to think. 1986. Eddie Murphy?
00:06:40
Speaker
ah Danny DeVito. I'm going to do some experience on that duck. Come here. What you doing, duck? Shit. How it's got it up at the back of his neck and chew like this. I don't think you guys are going to get this one.
00:06:53
Speaker
ah Dudley Moore. No, 1980s. Steve Martin. No. Oh, that'd be funny. No, he said downgrade. So it's going to be so much downgrade from Tim Robbins, especially in this movie, because Tim Robbins is putting in work in this. Yeah, it's going to somebody subdued. Yeah.
00:07:10
Speaker
um I'll give you a hint, Jack, because you'll get this hint. He starred in a movie with one Pat Morita. Oh, is it Ralph Macchio? Nope. J-Lo. Oh, my God. oh That's wonderful. Look at that. I'm a scientist. I'm going to do some experiments on you.
00:07:24
Speaker
Hey, there's a duck over there. You know what they say about that? He's all foul. Is this thing on? Is this thing on? You just picture the duck making jokes about his chin, right? And then for Leah? One for Beverly, yeah, who ends up being played by Leah Thompson. That's the stuff between your toes.
00:07:40
Speaker
She's another eighty s star and seeing her in her lingerie wouldn't have been as shocking because we've seen her in a bikini before. Flashdance lady? gen ah Cindy Crawford. Phoebe Cates.
00:07:53
Speaker
Oh, I could totally see that happening. We've seen her in a bikini and and out of and out of it. yeah That's fair. That's why she didn't do it. She's like, wait, i don't take my top off. I mean, there was there was a thing like she almost wasn't casting Gremlins because it's supposed to be a family movie. It's not supposed to be. It is.
00:08:07
Speaker
It's a family movie, and everyone's like, ah, her nerfs are out there, though. you
Humor and Backstage Dynamics
00:08:10
Speaker
know People have seen her nerfs, and they can't forget them. So they do a good they try to do a good job, and Gremlin's like, frump her up and make her not sexy.
00:08:18
Speaker
But she almost wasn't cast. because She was horrendous in Gremlins. I know what's under there. know what's under You know what those nerfs look like. The internet didn't exist yet, so they were like, well, people can't look it up. i if People are letting their kids watch...
00:08:34
Speaker
may I'll tell you, I look, it goes up. Whatever movie that was. From 6 to Midnight. movie she in that was with her nips out? was first Fast Fast Times. Thank you. I was like, it's one of them high school movies.
00:08:45
Speaker
I was getting Fast Times and Dazed and Confused in my head. Oh, oh yeah. No nerps in that one. No, unfortunately. Some dude nerps. Did you see Sean Penn's nerps in that? No, he's in Fast Times. Damn it.
00:08:56
Speaker
Dazed Confused. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Same thing. Hey, hey. All right, all right, all right. Ben Affleck. I get older. Ben Affleck stays the same age. Ben Affleck is nipples.
00:09:07
Speaker
Cole Hauser's in it. It's true. Oh, yeah, he is. You got to watch that movie again. little ginger boy. I love him. Don't look at me when you say little ginger boy that love. I've been a little ginger boy since last March. hate you less than I hate the rest.
00:09:21
Speaker
I feel like Jack was called out during this movie because there's a character named Ginger. Yep. yeah and they're also screaming Jack at one point. Yep. I'm not Jack. Hey, listen here, Jack. I always get called out.
00:09:33
Speaker
But the movie does start with a big George Lucas Presents, and I'm surprised he didn't just go back and CG that out. ah You've heard of me making additions. Well, this one's a subtraction, bitch.
00:09:45
Speaker
I don't know who Forge Mookas is, but he produced this. Blorge Duke is here. That's a great name for Star Wars. I'm going to write it down in my old notebook and pretend I already thought of it.
00:09:56
Speaker
If you haven't caught on our George Lucas, it's just Kermit the Frog. Well, so is George Lucas. But yeah, a bunch of stuff in this little apartment. ah To let you know you're in a different world. We have movie posters like Breeders of the Lost Stork.
00:10:10
Speaker
Yep. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So ah the comic book of Howard the Duck was a lot more along the lines of like Deadpool where it's adult-oriented humor. Right. And the thing I read was like, it was toned down for this movie because it's meant to be for families. Barely.
00:10:24
Speaker
This is a PG movie. He pulls out a fucking play duck. He pulls out a play duck. There are four duck nipples. On the same girl. And there's a condom. In the first like 10 minutes of the movie. Wait a minute.
00:10:37
Speaker
Do ducks have multiple nipples? Well, i guess everybody does. this one no Is there an animal that has one nipple? ah Google that. Wait, wait. I'm kidding. This is stupid, but ducks don't make milk.
00:10:48
Speaker
No, they don't.
Romantic Developments and Tensions
00:10:50
Speaker
Why do these ducks have nipples? Travesty. I'm sorry, I'm Googling, is there an animal with one nipple? No. Nope, no mammals with one nipple.
00:11:01
Speaker
However, some mammals have an odd number of nipples. Yeah, that's less fun, though. The Virginia opossum has 13.
00:11:09
Speaker
13? Baker's doesn't. Damn. She's getting down. um yeah So anyway, yeah, he's he's got the posters. I got a genuine laugh out of like thes like a classic movie poster.
00:11:21
Speaker
And it has May Nest and WC Fowles. Anybody else going to laugh at that? Oh, I didn't get a laugh at it. I got laugh at you laughing at it like some fucking film nerd. It's May West and WC Fields. It's hilarious. Yeah. Oh, no, it's riveting.
00:11:34
Speaker
This whole side of the podcast was just laughing. You didn't hear it because you were laughing harder. They also had Howard and the Heartbreakers. That's just his band.
00:11:46
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Dude, duck porn would be so weird because they have that clooke clooca cloaca. cloaca It would be so weird because it's all butt and giant stuff.
00:11:58
Speaker
Well, most porn is. No, but this is in one shot, though. And one continuous shot. Some is definitely the same shot also. That explains why Howard is so into butts in this movie because he's like, my same thing.
00:12:11
Speaker
I don't know what that other thing is down there, but i know what that is. I smelled it. Let me get a shot of that butt-gina. Butt-gina. Hope you like butt stuff, Leah Thompson.
00:12:23
Speaker
I think she does. she was she She was playing chicken with a duck. She was pooping it up. She fucks this duck, She pooping it up. Yeah, she was pooping it up. Not in the movie, but between the last scene and the last, last Like between takes? say oh They fucked, right? Turn the cameras off. I actually saved it. That one's just for me. I read something about a dude who's like a writer and podcaster. I don't know his name.
00:12:46
Speaker
I just I read it real quick who owns like the largest personal collection of Howard the Duck memorabilia. It's not including one of the animatronic heads. And all I could think is how fucking scary would it be if you walked into your house and all of a sudden it just like turned and looked at you.
00:13:01
Speaker
No, that guy that guy watches a movie with it on. and inside Did you get that? Did you see that one, Howard? Rough. Hey, Howard, did you know do you like that new Jurassic World movie? Rough.
00:13:12
Speaker
i'm never I'm never drinking alone. I got Howard the Duck's head next to me on the couch. I'm not weird. Only weirdos drink alone. What do you think, Howard? I now know what his next ah bonus gift going to next holiday bonus will be an animatronic Howard the Duck head. It better not be that.
00:13:24
Speaker
and trying almost anything else. I've got a better chance to get an animatronic fucking head of myself. ooh I could probably start like work from home. Just fucking pre-record some pretty funny little zingers from my bar regulars. Load them up into your fucking animatronic head and just send it to work.
00:13:42
Speaker
They're like, that's a great joke, Jack, but where's my beer? ah Jack's still really funny, but really bad at serving beers. Yeah. I think it's mostly because of the no hands. Just because he's a floating head.
00:13:54
Speaker
It's a lack of body really restrains him. So anyway, he's looking at Duck Nerps, and we just get right into this movie because he gets... blast it zapped through the universe yeah he gets sucked off clear off off sucks clear off this world you've been sucked off so hard
Production Quality and Serious Topics
00:14:10
Speaker
you leave your planet I was a little disappointed because they show your chair they show the egg shaped planet but they don't show that Howard's galaxy is a duck shaped galaxy oh is it just disappointing yeah I didn't know so it was a comic can we go back to that Yeah, it was a Marvel comic. Was it successful?
00:14:25
Speaker
It's niche. I mean, its it's gone in and out. I mean, it's back when everything from Marvel was failing in the 80s. I don't think it's a super popular comic. I mean, most of you yourself didn't know. i I'm aware of it. Never read in a fucking issue. cause Only every reason I know. Mostly normal.
00:14:41
Speaker
The only reason I know is of Guardians of the Galaxy. One, two, one and two. Yeah. But the stinger in one and then he's got a scene in two where he's getting They were supposed to have it was supposed to be Seth Green doing a whole movie.
00:14:53
Speaker
Yeah. Was the plan. It might happen. it it was I can't do his laugh. That's Seth Rogen. Oh, Seth Green. Seth Green from past episode ticks. Yeah. but's And he's ever been in. Can't buy me love.
00:15:07
Speaker
yeah That was Patreon. You got to pay for that one. Wasn't? no It should have been. I know he's a banger. My God. You ever seen Can't Buy Me Love filmed here in Tucson? It turns out you can buy love.
00:15:19
Speaker
Anywhere in Tucson? Yeah. yeah Anywhere you want. Nah, it's a guy that needs to try and pretend he's cool so he pays a girl and they fall in love. Things happen. Patrick Dempsey. I'm imagining his genitals are much like ah like one of those like big giant bean bags and his penis is like a Yorkie that just jumps on the giant bean bag, gets lost on there.
00:15:40
Speaker
That's what it looks like when he takes his pants off. Wow. I wasn't thinking about that, but it's cool. Try not to now. So Howard the Duck gets sucked to earth.
Plot Explored through Scientific Lens
00:15:53
Speaker
And immediately attacked by a bunch of punks because Cleveland is full wouldn't say attacked. I would say picked up and taken into a club. Yeah, yes he was footballed. you know He was footballed in the club. I love that these punk rockers find this human and anthropomorphic duck and they're like,
00:16:11
Speaker
what we should do with this is take it to the nightclub. Because they're tired of society society judging him for the way they look. So they're like, i look, I got a skunk wrap on my head and people shouldn't judge me. This guy's a duck.
00:16:22
Speaker
And they brought you another dude too, remember? They're like, we found your girlfriend. we found We finally found you a date. And later you hear that like when he's getting kicked out, you hear the guy, hey, that's my date. I was probably going to get some.
00:16:33
Speaker
We're going to do it ducky style. He launched the fuck out just as fast as he got launched in. I was to get some real good bill. <unk> get like We're going to do it ducky style. I'm going to twist around. ah Do they get in by... Never mind.
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's like you're opening a bottle of wine. to A bottle of wine is vagina. but So the whole duck spirals, though? Uh-huh. Okay, cool. If you do it right. And we meet ah the other star of this movie besides the robot duck, Leah Thompson playing Beverly.
00:17:00
Speaker
Woo! Ow! Leah Thompson from ah Back to the Future, amongst other things, but Back to the Future. It's Back to the Future. Come on. Come on. Back to the Future, my adolescent dreams, et cetera. My dreams later tonight.
00:17:13
Speaker
Et cetera Et cetera Et cetera And she's a musician Yeah Yeah she's in a band She sings They do And she is really singing It sounds like her. They filmed it with her singing and then they were like, well, maybe we'll just dub it later. And then they didn't.
00:17:31
Speaker
I guess they were like $37 million. This movie had a $30 million budget. It wasn't bad. The music just was boring. And maybe I just don't like music from this era. Well, it's like this glam rock shit. from Yeah, maybe I don't like music from this era.
00:17:45
Speaker
i love a lot of music from this era. Not that
00:17:49
Speaker
And so he gets, ah Howard gets booted because this guy, of the bouncer is like, you're not fooling me, kid. I know that's a costume. Get the fuck out of here. Halloween's not for a month. I don't have a good Cleveland, so I don't know. Yeah, whatever. Neither does anybody listen in this movie. It's at least a month away. ah You could just say anything and then follow it with. yeah yeah yeah My whole family's from Ohio. I could make that joke. Oh, so I can't. Yeah, don't just told me to say a hate crime word.
00:18:15
Speaker
Well, they don't listen. It's fine. Now everyone in Ohio is going to be mad at me. I know. i have family in Ohio and they don't listen either. I'm almost sure nobody in Ohio listens to us. If you are, write us at Bad Movies, Worse People. Yeah, tell us what you sound like. We say negative things about Donald Trump. They don't listen.
00:18:29
Speaker
Oh, that's true. We say a lot of bad things about him. So does he, though. I mean, he opens his mouth and he's just but just doing himself a disservice. ah If it wasn't my president, I'd love it.
00:18:39
Speaker
You know who looks more human than him? Howard. duck So he gets bounced around. There's a bunch of shit happening. My favorite part was... oh he's got a big, beautiful bill, too. ah They both have big, beautiful bills.
00:18:53
Speaker
Oh, I just got it. hate It's real. I hate that. It's real so bad. I know. I have to laugh because otherwise I'll cry. But my favorite part of Howard getting like bounced around by all these people and all this shit is the Satan's sluts.
00:19:05
Speaker
Oh, i love it. Yes. Satan's sluts, dude. That's that's an SS I can get behind. Yes, it is. Whack it off. Isn't that what she says? oh Whack it.
00:19:16
Speaker
Kill it? Wait, waste it? Waste it. Waste it. Whack it off! here you it's It's a corkscrew. I can't get a good grip on it. My wrist is terrible. You know that. It's like I'm trying to start a motorcycle.
00:19:32
Speaker
That's why she was on the back. There you go. yeah She has a carpal tunnel.
00:19:40
Speaker
ah But then i don't say think the carpool tunnels in Jersey I don't think it's a different thing of a different tunnel my friend. it's not the carpool Beverly leaves her car. Oh, it's a carpool tunnel That's what you're thinking of carpool tunnel got it you have to have that's why she on the back You have to at least one person your motorcycle oh if you want to go to the carpool. There you go. Yes, it's some work All right i But so Beverly gets accosted by some creeps as she's leaving the club. One of them dressed like a droog covered in baby head dolls. That's the thing I was waiting for. Not dressed like a droog. He has the makeup and the hat, but then he has like a leather jacket covered in baby head dolls. Terrifying. Do you have any idea what a droog is?
00:20:22
Speaker
i don't either. ah Clockwork Orange. Oh, Tyler, do you know Clockwork Orange? Me too.
00:20:30
Speaker
ah The baby dolls was the thing that was most concerning for me. Doll head vest. I was like, are you having doll head vest? Like, do you just every time that you kill a little kid, you take his doll and yes's add another one? Yeah, it's terrifying. Well, this movie also features Jeffrey Jones. So maybe it's every time I recruit someone. Oh, hey, we got a um Phil here from set dressing. We need to do something like creep this up a little bit.
00:20:51
Speaker
I don't know who drives that 82 Civic out there, but your trunk was open. Bunch of doll heads. Can we borrow those? Jeffrey Jones just like, yes, you can. Yeah, yeah you can borrow those doll heads. I'm going to back exactly where they were.
00:21:03
Speaker
don't have a good Jeffrey Jones, but I think going, yeah, you just sound as creepy as you can because fuck Jeffrey Jones. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Let's get that out front. Jeffrey Jones is in this movie and fuck that guy. yeah like No matter what we say about this movie, don't fuck that guy. but you know what i mean fuck No, no, no. If he goes to prison, somebody should fuck him hard.
00:21:20
Speaker
heart He might be in prison. whatever maybe he went to prison Is he dead? No. He should be. No. Just make him suffer. i Make him suffer. right The trailer I saw just started with his funeral and i was like... Yeah, they should have made it more painful.
00:21:33
Speaker
yeah He was fucked to death by a duck. They start the movie and it's just him on top of a building but it's all CG and you can't see him and he's like, hey, God. I'd love it.
00:21:48
Speaker
flat Take a breath in between. Keep it going. Man, that much time to realize you're dying? That'd be terrible. But Howard defends her. Let the female creature go. He jumps out and uses his quack foo against these guys. Yeah.
00:22:03
Speaker
Yeah. That's what he did. That's what was said. That's what's happening. I love the one guy. He's like, ah you see what I see? Is that talking duck? I think I'm doing too much toot. By the way, I'm not from Cleveland. I just moved here. But I've done too much tootin'. I'm seeing a fucking duck over here. Hey, duck, get out of here.
00:22:23
Speaker
He's just slowly turning into Christopher Walken. Oh, no I'm going down south. My accent's changing with the seasons. o going down So he's from Canada. yeah from ah ah From Canada, maple syrup, Vermont. Nope, that's the state.
00:22:42
Speaker
Horses. Actually. Mounties.
00:22:47
Speaker
Anyway. Moving on. I can't think of anything else Canadian. Michael Myers. oh That was a good one. Ryan Reynolds. right He's not around yet. It's 86. A lady that sings that song from Titanic. Celine Dion. I always think of Dijon mustard. Celine Dion. What if so it was Dion mustard? like Dion has to poop.
00:23:11
Speaker
Dion mustard. There it And... and I'll give her a grave to poop on. We'll always go poo. Yes. Man, think back to like our first episodes. Derek never have sang that. Never ever. Well, cameras are off. It's okay. Is he going to auto-tune that shit too? No, he doesn't need to. It was perfect. It was great.
00:23:33
Speaker
I win a Grammy. It took me a second there. I would have said Tony, so you're fine. and ah But he finds out he's asking Leah Thompson, where am I? And she's like, Cleveland.
00:23:46
Speaker
He's like, that's a good name for this fucking planet. Cleveland. Like Cleaver. hi But turns out 86. Everyone's carrying a knife. Trust me. Turns out he's on Earth.
00:23:59
Speaker
And ah she goes to leave. at least she thinks it's Earth. What's the name of the planet Earth? I think. Would you just start out this movie by making this woman really, really stupid? Well, I think she meant like... It's the 80s and she's a woman. We call it Earth. I don't know what you guys call it.
00:24:17
Speaker
It's People World. Terra. There you go. They call it Tara Reid. Even though she can't.
00:24:27
Speaker
I do like, though, when she goes to leave him and she gets all sad and feels bad for him. So she goes back and she's like you have some place to stay? And he's like, if I had some some place to stay, would I be in Cleveland? That's the fucking state motto of Cleveland, the state. The state cleve state cleveland The land of Cleve.
00:24:45
Speaker
We're going to declare our statehood. Well, you say the land of cleave and it sounds a lot cooler. It's like the land of cleavage. It was supposed to be cleavage, but they'd made me change it to cleave. Cleavage. Knives are more deadly than breasts.
00:24:57
Speaker
I beg to differ. Depends on the time of year. gotten in more trouble with somebody's boobs than I have with knives. That's because you're a boob hound. I am. You can smell them from across the bar. Yeah. You just smell them tits? Is that cleavage? I'd like to get my arm stuck in there like James Franco in that movie. 127 hours? That's exactly how much time I want to spend between them titties.
00:25:19
Speaker
Set me up for that one. I tried. She takes Howard back to her loft x slash ex-doll factory, whatever the fuck this is. There's a terrifying doll sitting on the table. That was a terrifying doll. That was a fucking housewarming cookie jar. You walk in and you want a cookie from a doll head, that's the one to do it from.
00:25:37
Speaker
yeah If you've ever eat wanted to eat a cookie out of a child's head. No. jeffy Jeffrey Jones brought this from home, too. Yeah, he did. It's back of his Honda Civic. i have I have a cookie jar. Pillsbury Doughboy. There you go.
00:25:53
Speaker
I just thought she was making up a weird word for a vagina. I have a hoo-hoo-hoo. We know. You have a daughter. can't have a daughter without a hoo-hoo. He has a daughter?
00:26:04
Speaker
Yeah, and he used your hoo-hoo-hoo by way of, yeah. It's a hoo-hoo-hoo proxy. It's my daughter by way of hoo-hoo. It's more of a hoo-hoo-hoo done hit.
00:26:17
Speaker
Anyway, she's she's trying to give him milk out of a saucer and shit like he's a fucking animal. Because he is. was like, I don't drink out of bowls. Give me a beer. Yeah. I want a beer.
00:26:27
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Something like that? Yeah. I haven't been open beer already, but fine. You have two open beers in front of you. Just for the joke. Yeah. I sacrifice for the the joke. Comedic effect. I like how she talks about, well, I've never had a pet. Like, they seem like a lot of work. got clean up their poop.
00:26:44
Speaker
but He's like, I'll do my best.
00:26:48
Speaker
They go into this whole conversation about destiny and how he might be there for some cosmic cause. And it puts him right to sleep. Because was a writer, singer-songwriter that went to become a copyright. Yeah, advertising copywriter. And she straight up, she's like, you sold out. He's like, I need to fucking live. Yeah.
00:27:03
Speaker
I needed money, bitch. I grew up in a perfect world. Sure. Every one of my friends that does music gets paid for it. Like this is the difference between an 18 year old musician and a 30 year old who's like, well, I got to get a job, too.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah. What is the age for who between how I do? Right. A lot longer on the egg planet. Exactly. How long do ducks live?
00:27:28
Speaker
Google is our friend this episode. It's yours. ah Oh, Mallard's only lived five to ten years, so it might be weird on her part. He's at his midlife crisis. He's two and a half. Okay. I tried being a musician for seven months, but I figured most of my life was gone. so I gave it that seven months, and I thought it's time to get a real job. but ah need to retire when I'm three. I'm going to live out my twilight year.
00:27:53
Speaker
She does end up going through his wallet and there's like his Mallard card and his Blooming Ducks card. She even groans at how- She DC. She groans at how bad these these jokes are. She's all, ugh.
00:28:05
Speaker
Yeah. Ugh. She knows. Mallard card. Well, that was my question. Can I ask a question? Was she trying to actually act?
00:28:15
Speaker
Everything was like she was in on the joke, right? I think she was trying to act. I think she saw and was like, good God. They're like reaction. One of the first people acting across from an animatronic duck.
00:28:27
Speaker
Was it animatronic? Was there always a dude? and There's a dude with an animatronic head. So it's half and half. it a stupid thing So it's Daft Punk.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. He is duck punk. Yeah. I was like, daft duck. No, that doesn't. Dafty duck. Dafty duck. I like it. It was there, dude. Nice. You should have workshop it.
00:28:49
Speaker
I had to work my way around the block to get to that one. It's collective. um So she ends up taking Howard to see her friend Phil, who's a scientist. Ish. She's so mean him. Well, she says he's a scientist. this is Yeah, is he really her friend?
00:29:01
Speaker
I know. Phil's just some guy that tried to get in her pants. He's a guy that goes to her conference. Oh, hold on. Wait, because one in one scene when he's in the dressing room that we're going to come up, one of the girls in the band is like, Phil, come on. Yeah, he's banging the girl from 21 Jump Street.
00:29:16
Speaker
not the black It's not the black one. It's the redhead. okay. All right. The drummer. The drummer. Yes. Oh, well, that explains the terrible drummer. Oh, my God. i yeah She was horrendous. No, I can't. That explains a lot, though, because everybody, Jack's talked about how drummers are flakes. Excuse the fuck out of me.
00:29:33
Speaker
Drummers are some of the worst people. Have you met my father? No. Have you met my band? Yeah.
00:29:40
Speaker
I got one. Don't worry, we'll cut it.
00:29:45
Speaker
ah By we, I mean I. yeah i've Do I have to do something now? I'm sending this over to Jack to edit. who ah Derek, I deleted the podcast. Somehow we lost the website too.
00:29:56
Speaker
Oh no. There goes Twitter. deleted the podcast. You mean the episode? No. No. The whole thing. It's all gone. Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. i'm needy.
00:30:08
Speaker
But we have a Patreon at Patreon.com. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. We're not we're not begging. I'm begging.
00:30:20
Speaker
We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. i mean my My knees hurt. They've been on the ove on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:30:33
Speaker
any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video i wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures and thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people i don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me and But yeah, she takes him to meet Phil, who is played by Tim Robbins, who is doing a lot of fucking work. He's a hungry actor, and he's chewing up on the scenery a bit. Oh my goodness, he is amazing. yeah
00:31:11
Speaker
I mean, he's done almost nothing else, really, right? Well, he married Susan Sarandon, so... Not yet. No, that's what I'm saying. After Bull Durham, he's like, well, I got it. I don't to shit. but he becomes a big star.
00:31:22
Speaker
Like, I mean, Shawshank Redemption at least. The Martin Lawrence movie? That Martin Lawrence movie. The Pick of Destiny, Tenacious D. Oh, that's one of his best roles. Do I need to keep going? Team America, World Police. team America.
00:31:34
Speaker
Shall I continue? America. High Fidelity. We're guards. Also a jackpot. I do love High Fidelity. Yeah, I didn't go look at his credits, so I don't know if this was... This has got to be one of the first things, though.
00:31:47
Speaker
Yeah. I didn't look at his credits because fucking Tim Robbins. He was young and eager actor, yeah. But I think he's doing the best job because he's like, I'm acting next to a fucking animatronic duckhead. This is not a serious movie, right?
00:31:59
Speaker
Okay, time to turn it on. Also, this is the next big George Lucas feature. Yeah. Oh, my God. tim Robbins. Robbins is huge to be part of that. Tim Robbins is where George Lucas got the idea for Jar Jar Binks.
00:32:10
Speaker
Oh my God. but now Wow. Lisa Tim Robbins. Lisa Mary Susan Sarandon never work again. That hot Susan Sarandon piece of ass.
00:32:23
Speaker
She's still hot. Is she? I don't think she's ever been hot. i I've always been. I just watched Thelma or Louise and I didn't think that she was like, she's great in it, but it's not hot. What about the Banger sisters?
00:32:35
Speaker
I've never done that. I've never seen her since there. It's got Goldie Hawn. I love Goldie If it's got Goldie Hawn, I'll love it. Yeah. Yeah, I know why you watch Thelma and Louise, though, and it wasn't for Susan Sarandon. It was for Brad Pitt, wasn't it? was for Brad Pitt.
00:32:49
Speaker
It's for Gina and her Davis. ha ha. But I like when ah Tim Robbins, you know, she takes him into the office and he just comes bursting out immediately. He's like, holy fucking shit. That's a human duck.
00:33:01
Speaker
That's a human duck. He runs in to tell all these. don't think it is, dude. He runs in to tell all the old white people who run this place about it. And he's like, actually, never mind. But his whole thing is, this is where it sets its own. He's like, you'll never guess what I found. And looks at these guys.
00:33:15
Speaker
Nothing. I found nothing. And turns around. He goes, it's nothing. Yeah. ah He does the full R2-D2 distraction. So he's shooting oil out of his mouth.
00:33:29
Speaker
That's what the lady in the theater did today. i one of One of the parts. The one that wouldn't stop talking. Did we tell have this conversation with you? that was at your bar. Sorry. tell you later. We had a theater commentator. oh I don't think she knew.
00:33:42
Speaker
Fucking kill yourself. Yeah. But it paid off in the end. All right. It did. So he starts testing Howard. He's like, maybe he has superpowers. Can you bend this?
00:33:52
Speaker
Can you burn a hole in this with your eyeballs? No focus. Read my mind. Read my mind.
00:33:59
Speaker
and They don't like that, so they take off. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Oh, it was 4. So close. Thinking of number between 1 10. 7, 4. Real close. Damn. Only 3 off.
00:34:11
Speaker
And I had an even, and you had an odd uncanny. He's just impressed with him no matter what he does. It's like you but you were trying to avoid it. Pick a number one through ten. Ten. Ooh, it was one. You couldn't have gotten further. Excellent.
00:34:25
Speaker
If you were trying to hide it from me, that's what you would do. That's exactly what a genius would do. So they storm out of there. um all the people in the real world start seeing Howard walking around. Every adult human walking by is like, what the fuck is that thing? Which is the appropriate response. Dude, the part, I know it's like or later than this, but the guy that's hanging under the bus, that's a duck.
00:34:47
Speaker
That's a duck, man. Man, that's a duck. He's pointing right at him. That's a duck. That's a drive. I wanted the bus to come back around like, duck, duck, duck, duck.
00:34:58
Speaker
Goose. We're loose.
00:35:01
Speaker
So he tells Leah Thompson to fuck off and goes to find a job. It's a very small thing, but I thought it was funny. Because he goes and gets a job at like a jerk-off spot, it looks yeah like. Yeah, it was hot. Well, first we got to talk about the unemployment because this chick's like, oh yeah you I've seen them all, dude.
00:35:16
Speaker
You fucking slacker. just because you think you're going come in here looking like a duck, I'm not going to give you a job. I'll get you a job at a fucking pond. being a duck. Well, she says she has the perfect job for him. It's the water expert at this spa. You don't i need a like water expert at a jerk-off spa. he's telling You need something else.
00:35:32
Speaker
He's telling her, like, stop being a bitch, basically. And she turns around, she's like, I got this paperwork right here. And Ben's over. it's this older black lady, and she's got her ass right in his face. And he's like, oh, shit. going for the co-coa. He goes to nom-nom on her butt, much like the garbage pill. Which garbage pill kid was that? the alligator.
00:35:47
Speaker
Alligator trying to eat people's asses. I'm going take a bite out of crime. Start with your ass. Boom. Get it a saw that. I'm going eat your ass. I'm to eat your ass. Not in the fun way. Bang. Your ass.
00:36:00
Speaker
Bang. You're banged. and oh Charles Bronson here. But the guy the guy who he works for at the spa is like, go fix some shit, whatever. Tosses him into this one a hot tub with these two people who just continue making out. Okay, look. He can't swim, apparently. i know you're into some freaky stuff, you know? like you You're probably banging with people in your jacuzzi.
00:36:22
Speaker
A duck. They didn't even notice. They didn't even notice. I would. He was a drowning duck. He was drowning duck. They're just like, fuck, dude, when we get done, this this hot tub will slowly cook that duck. You hungry?
00:36:33
Speaker
That's what it is. They had a bottle of wine already. They're like, let that duck flounder. Man, this jerk-off spa is nice. They just give you duck flogra. She turns to the guy and she's like, I thought it was weird that you brought oranges. Now I'm glad.
00:36:44
Speaker
ah Duck l'orange when we're done Duck l'orange. ah But then he goes tosses the the boss. You try to say duck. La Ronge, not in a sexy way. La Ronge. Duck La Ronge.
00:36:56
Speaker
But he tosses his boss into this mud bathtub. We know it it's the poop bucket. Nope. It's semester spawn. going to need a room full of poop. If you could keep it in a simmer. That's why he won't touch the stuff. It's only in a glass tub because I don't want to be in it.
00:37:11
Speaker
ah want to be under under. Famously, supposedly, famously, supposedly, Sylvester Stallone likes to lay under glass tables while women shit on them.
00:37:22
Speaker
It's a thing that the internet told me. And I'll believe it. There's no lies on the internet. You know about the McAfee guy who did like the antivirus software? Oh, he yeah. He would lay under a hammock and have those girls Play-Doh on him. He would have them strained. Yeah.
00:37:34
Speaker
You remember the Play-Doh machine that squeezes out like a star? like all They waffle stomp him. They waffle stomped. like Dude, he was like, I need a couple of Vietnamese vietnamese working girls. Don't worry.
00:37:44
Speaker
You're not going to be doing what you think. Trust me. He does antivirus stuff for a living. So in his off time, he likes to get a little freaky. He's trying to get antibodies? Yeah. I don't want to get a real virus So I'll just have a fucking chick Shit in my mouth Make it a star shape ah Back at the nightclub where Howard the Duck goes after. derek's got it Derek does a great job of a just like right to it. Segway master.
00:38:07
Speaker
After he gets fired or quits his job, whatever happens there. like i've I've quit much the way he did where the guy's like, you're fired. and You're like, i I clearly just quit. No, he pushed him in. He's like, by the way, I quit because I'm an independent duck.
00:38:19
Speaker
I'm a strong independent duck. going to go be a private eye. chromes A professional duck. I mean, deck. A detective. A detective. But I'm only going to mention this scene because he meets the band's manager, some goon, and the owner of the nightclub.
00:38:35
Speaker
And at least two of these people are actors that we've seen before. Yes. not yeah One of them not on the show. One of them, yes, on the show. But Ginger, who's the manager, played by a guy named Tommy Swerdlow.
00:38:47
Speaker
He plays... Swerdlow. He plays Bodhi in Real Genius. I haven't seen that since I was like 12, know. I don't think we can keep doing that song. He plays who on Real Genius? Bodhi in Real Genius? Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Is that a guy? A main guy? wouldn't say main, but... I wouldn't say guy. I'd say duck. I know that Val Kilmer's in that movie.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah. That's what I got for you. i've seen real I saw Real Genius when I was like 12 and never again. was obsessed with that movie. I think I watched that movie. I was obsessed with Val Kilmer. I think I watched it twice. That's how obsessed I was. Pretty sure I watched it like 10 times.
00:39:20
Speaker
And apparently this guy also wrote Puss in Boots Last Wish. course they did. Is that the Antonio Banderas one? The newest one. Oh, my God. Who cares? And but then we have the important. That my who cares voice, by have the two important ones. Richie, played by Richard Edson.
00:39:36
Speaker
Richie! Who's the welcome back to the show. He was in Super Mario Brothers as either. Okay, I was like either Iggy or Spike. I don't know. Iggy is the skateboarder from Hackers. ah god sheer stevens yeah Fisher Stevens. You mean the ah the Indian guy from Short Circuit? Yeah. like We're talking early brownface. Yes, I know.
00:39:57
Speaker
and brown That's not early. That's late brownface. Early in his career, late in the world's career. our jack washsh statement It was 85. Probably something like that. I believe it was 83.
00:40:09
Speaker
And then the club owner played by Miguel Sandoval ah who my favorite description ever now is Jack being like, he's that guy at the beginning of Jurassic Park. Yeah. Such a great pull, man. It was a wonderful pull. He's in a lot of stuff like Clear and Present Danger and Get Shorty, you but Jack's like, he's that dude at the beginning Jurassic But as soon fucking said it, it was all three of you fucking lit up. We're like, yep, Tyler even fucking quoted that shit.
00:40:34
Speaker
Yeah, i just I'm used to seeing him... Older? Yes. So that was the weird- He didn't have a pencil-thin mustache this time. He had a mustache. No. I don't think he did. i think he was Nakey Lippy.
00:40:46
Speaker
Maybe. He was young. I think that guy was born with a mustache. Yeah, but he took it off for this. And a completely different character. If you had a mustache in this movie, it would be ridiculous. with The one stipulation. This is a duck movie.
00:41:01
Speaker
All right? Take the fucking a mustache down. Ducks can't grow mustaches. Howard's going to be jealous. You know Howard's not real. Oh, you know George knew he was real. Yeah. They spent like $2 million dollars making this Howard the Duck suit.
00:41:12
Speaker
It's a phenomenal suit. it's a I think it's good. I thought they did a fantastic job with it. I do have qualms with this movie. It's not the suit. no It's not anything to do with the effect. It's definitely the script. It's the movie itself? It's everything else and besides the fucking... Like the fact that someone made it? I'm very excited to get to the end of this episode because I have no idea where anybody's going to land on it. Yeah. You don't know where I'm coming from.
00:41:34
Speaker
I'm surprised where I'm going to land, and I'll just leave it at that. Oh, I think I know where you're going to land. Do you know? Yeah. Do you? Mm-hmm. Prediction. You probably do. He's landing right in the middle of the pond. Ooh. Splash.
00:41:44
Speaker
Quack. Marshington. right, let's get quack to it. ah So he gets in a bar fight with Ginger and Co. um He does stick this to Tyler's not used to it yet. We just let that shit roll off most of the time.
00:41:58
Speaker
i love he's ginger and Co. You know what I'm saying, man? like not ginger coke though everywhere oh this This podcast could be called Ginger and Co. Oh my God, it clicked. guys are the co. These are my co-gingers.
00:42:11
Speaker
I gave a day pass. They're allowed to wear a red wig That means you start doing all the research. and don't want to do this podcast. I quit. I have red highlights, naturally. Shumbling the shit pit. That's like somebody saying, I'm 116th Cherokee.
00:42:25
Speaker
I'm 52% Scottish. Sometimes I turn red if I go outside for more than 10 minutes. 52% of the time. Look, I'm talking about you right there. All ready for that next sweet segue.
00:42:36
Speaker
But yeah, so he I do like he ends up sticking this dude, Ginger, to the bar. He goes to stab him with an ice pick. Oh, yeah. But he does it right through his hoop earring, his big fucking pirate hoop. This part I remembered. like at Like, out of everything in this movie, was like, somebody gets fucking stuck with an ice pick to the bar.
00:42:52
Speaker
I don't know why that lived. I was curious if you guys did have, like, and like, oh yeah, this takes me back. We should have done it at the beginning. We know Tyler hasn't seen it. What is the experience? I don't think I ever... I was in my early 20s going like walking home from a bar and putting this on with my at-the-time roommate. So probably close to 20 years ago.
00:43:11
Speaker
And then if you were that drunk, that equals like 35 years ago. Yeah. and was like In memory time. No, no, no. it was his It was my roommate's favorite movie. So we would... drunkenly watch it so I've seen it somewhere between 2 and 35 times all different bits yeah gotcha come all total and told i kept thinking it was different movies I'm like man he's got a thing for Leah Thompson she's in like every movie we watch it's probably like 30 plus years I'm sure it was like on TV when I was no no no it was just like playing on tv I don't think I've ever watched it beginning to end
00:43:42
Speaker
I've seen it once, maybe twice, and it's been since I was like a teenager. But the thing that stuck with my memory, two things. One, Leah Thompson in underwear. ah Because that memory was used. And two, yeah ah oh yeah Space Alien at the end.
00:44:00
Speaker
ahha that's That's it. Very Ray Harryhausen. Of course you remember that. Of course I remember that. I love fucking stop motion shit. That's right up your alley. I know it came in, and i was like, this is for Derek. But i like how he's like he gets everybody to get away from him because he's like, if you fucking come near me, I'll bite you you'll get space rabies. You'll die in 15 seconds. And they're all just like, oh, fuck. I think it's ah Spike that's like, wait, is space rabies real? The other guy's like, fuck what want. Don't want to find out. I mean, we're talking about fucking AIDS time right now. So Ronald Reagan's like, oh, mommy, do I watch out for space AIDS? That's where he got the idea for AIDS. Yep.
00:44:33
Speaker
They started handing out to underprivileged children. watched Howard the Duck and was like, ooh, space rabies. That sounds good, Mommy. Hey, got another idea here. Hey, Mother. Mother, space aids. One of my least favorite things in this world is when a couple calls each other father or mother.
00:44:49
Speaker
you like I understand if you got a kid, like if if Whitney was, ah if me and you were mother and father, say, hey, go ask your father. That's different than me and you on our own. Like, hey, Father, can we stop and get food? No.
00:45:01
Speaker
like Flashbacks to my childhood.
00:45:07
Speaker
I'm not pulling the fucking car over. How do I put this? It unclogged a memory. I've been emotionally constipated for a while. you should have peed nine and a half hours ago. I'm not stopping this car. Use the soda bottle. You should get a Mountain Dew. Now you know and don't know which color is which.
00:45:21
Speaker
So Howard goes in. He meets the whole band. One of these girls is from 21 Jump Street. yeah yeah that ah She's also from Hanging with Mr. Coop. She's also super hot. 101 episodes. Not to objectify women on this episode that we've been doing already. She's gorgeous. But she is gorgeous. I'm not objectifying her. She's probably a lovely person. She also has a great rack.
00:45:40
Speaker
Yes. Great cloaca. That cloaca. Top notch. And then Tim Robbins comes in and he's, I guess, just there to be a groupie.
00:45:51
Speaker
Right? Because he's there to bang the drummer. He's banging the drummer. She's got great timing. But he claim one and he claims that he can now figure out. Fuck me. One and two. He claims that he can now figure out where Howard came from because they have another feather, something, something.
00:46:08
Speaker
Great. They could be birds of a feather. Crickets. Crickets. Hey, if I was in this movie, I could have dropped that joke. I'm just saying, Jay Leno could have dropped some really good jokes. It's a bird of a feather. this thing on? Man, I kind of wish Jay Leno was in this because he might not have got his late night career.
00:46:21
Speaker
Crickets. People would have been like, oh, you were in Howard the Duck? No, you don't get to be on TV. And in another universe, he's in this and we never got him on a talk show. And what do you think that's funny, Kevin? He also i've never got to make Collision Course. Collision, yeah. was in that movie with Pat Marina. Collision Course, yeah. He at top of the hour.
00:46:38
Speaker
Wow, what a great audience. Jay Leno's not. Ty and I are just like... It's the best part of the movie. Dude, any chance I can do, any chance I get for impersonations, especially Jay Leno, I'm taking them.
00:46:49
Speaker
The second the movie. what happened when she said she was 52% Scottish. The second best part of the movie, all kim by the way, happens right here because they go back to Beverly's loft and Howard the Duck's playing his little... Oh, by the way, it's Howard T. Duck, not Howard the Duck.
00:47:05
Speaker
We don't know what that t stands for. It could be Tyler. Ooh, Howard Tyler Duck. Don't you put his name on this movie. Don't you put that evil on me. Tyler just cursed you with his eyes right now.
00:47:17
Speaker
Words do not express how I felt in this moment. He's going back and he's playing the keyboard and dancing around and she's getting all horned up about it. Yeah, she is. And she invites him into bed to watch Letterman and Chill, which is first. First, she shows the shape of her butthole through her underwear. yeah But that's that's set why it's the second best part of the movie. She's walking around in her skivvies.
00:47:38
Speaker
And I was like, everybody should leave now. Yep. Except me. I like to watch three to seven minutes alone. If I could take a nap after. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:49
Speaker
to clean up, shower, take a nap. Hey, my duck likes to call me after sex. I put a car phone in this thing on.
00:47:57
Speaker
um But it's funny because she's like, yeah, just, you know, stay here, chill, whatever. He's like, no, got to get the fuck out of here. But she's crawling into bed in her underwear. He sees her in the mirror and he's like, ah on second thought, I have gained an appreciation for the female human form. So, I mean, you've only got two nipples. That's kind of cool.
00:48:16
Speaker
Those ducks only had two nipples too. That you could see. But they were that feathery nipples. see They were feathery nipples. Even the... The naked ducks had feathers on their boobs, of course, but then they also had feather nipples.
00:48:29
Speaker
It was like pink feathery. It kind of looked like fur. You guys paid a lot more attention to the duck nerfs than I did. Why weren't you paying attention to duck nerfs? I was looking at the cloaca. I wanted to be prepared. thought that would be the first 42 minutes of the podcast was talking about duck nerfs.
00:48:45
Speaker
Well, yeah, but i didn't get like a descriptor of them. I knew they were there. You're over here talking about hues and saturation. Well, there's that like the quick one in the play duck that's one thing, but like when he flies by the one that's in the bathtub. That lasted longer than I wanted it to. And then it went back to it. It did. But this is the family-friendly version of Howard the Duck. Yeah, I couldn't believe this is PG.
00:49:06
Speaker
And i know what I know what Whitney said to Not Real Nerfs, but you couldn't put a fucking cartoon nerf and call it a PG cartoon. that's Not today. Not today. The 80s were fucking wild. were saying that while watching. would be at least PG-13 based on her underwear.
00:49:18
Speaker
Well, and that's the thing is I was like, well, maybe this is pre PG 13. And then I went and looked. I'm like, no, Temple of Doom was 84. It's just PG 13 was invented for. So no curse words, dude.
00:49:29
Speaker
That's like, that's literally it. No one says, he he says suck up bill, but he doesn't say suck my assholes. Go duck yourself. Yeah. you mallardfucker You mallard Mother ducker.
00:49:42
Speaker
That's a question I have, by the way. don't know if you guys are familiar with ducks in general. No. mallards are the ones that are like golden green and shit, right? They're all different. It's male. But they're all different hues.
00:49:52
Speaker
Yeah. But all the ducks in duck world are white. No, we saw a black duck. Yeah. Did we? Yeah. He had a fucking boombox. oh that is he did yeah Of course did. Of course he did. So in this universe, I'm not saying I'm racist. He's a duck, man. that He's a duck, man.
00:50:08
Speaker
I'm not racist, but this universe is. I'm not racist, but I have a really cool idea for episode one where there's going to be these trade guys and they talk a lot. You know what? We'll just save it for the movie. They fought for de-aggregation in the sixty s If you guys want you guys want to hear more of that, jump on to Haunt Oak Shots first.
00:50:27
Speaker
Oh, no, my joke was actually more about like the history. Instead of segregated, it was eggregated. Yeah, I know. You know, got to separate the eggs. Yolks from whites.
00:50:39
Speaker
Woo!
00:50:42
Speaker
Again, I'm not racist, but in this universe, it's exactly what they're talking about. Exactly. On the graphic for this episode, I'm going to have to put a big red canceled stamp. yeah and just yeah George Lucas said it. i don't know what where he's. He left.
00:50:57
Speaker
He's not coming back. Good. Okay. He just burst back. in But I'm still here. George Lucas Kool-Aid man through the wall. Oh, yeah. I'm terrified. I'm in front of the window. No, he only goes for walls.
00:51:09
Speaker
Oh, it's all a giant window. yeah Windows are too easy for a Kool-Aid man. This guy's in trouble. Yeah. Just don't bring my TV, George. Is there a Kool-Aid man movie?
00:51:20
Speaker
So anyway, Leah Thompson should be sitting in bed with Howard the Duck, and she's like, I'll never find a good man. And he's like, oh yeah. goinging And pulls out a spring cock. Maybe you don't need a man. Maybe you need an animal.
00:51:33
Speaker
And then she fucking calls him on it. What is animalistic magnetism? Is that what like, do you think I could have better luck in the animal kingdom? We just watched it. You should remember all of it. just love the line. Do you think I would have better luck in the animal kingdom?
00:51:48
Speaker
Because now you are just straight up acknowledging that this is bestiality. Yep. I mean, you could have said you could have made a joke like some of the guys you already dated were beasts. Yeah. You know, make it a little bit better. But now it's like, hey, they were pigs. You've had a fucking much better. You're welcome. Like, hey, you've had sex with the best. Now have sex with the rest.
00:52:06
Speaker
That's my pickup line. How's it working? I'm married. You've had sex with the best. Now let's go have a rest. Come over. You can lay in my chest. but So she rubs his duck nips a little bit.
00:52:18
Speaker
And he gets a little. Yeah. his fuckin He got a hawk boner. Yeah. And she goes to take remember that. That was a callback for me. i was like, oh, hawk boner. This is the part that stuck with me. She goes to take off her top. mokok.
00:52:31
Speaker
And she's like, maybe it's time to try it out. And she's like this close. This close, guys. You can't see me because we're not doing video. But it's this close. Imagine his fingers almost touching, but not. Stop. And then he's like, no, I would hate to see nipples.
00:52:45
Speaker
ah That would make this movie PG-13. And then it would only that would only make 15 million instead of 16 million. have feathers on your nipples? Yeah, your nipples are all weird and fleshy. Bring back the feathers.
00:52:57
Speaker
They don't dry my tongue out when I lick them. Oh, my God. It's like the equivalent of bush. Since they just have the cloaca, they don't have the choice of like bald wax landing strips. So they either wax their nips or they don't.
00:53:09
Speaker
This chick went full 70s bush on her nerves. Well, the hu like ah they'll do it the landing strips. There's just some like right up the middle. I actually cut my cubicle. They're helicopter landing pads, and that's why they're a different color.
00:53:21
Speaker
Okay. They got an H on them. Okay. I like that. Because they don't fly anymore, so they needed a remembrance of landing. But she goes to give Howard a kiss goodnight.
00:53:32
Speaker
and But it wasn't on the lips where it was supposed to be. Tim Robbins walks in with some guy. He's in between Sam Rockwell and a turd. Yeah. Oh, I wrote ah which everybody i wrote a fake Oh, I like that. I like Show me that dick.
00:53:49
Speaker
And, of course, Jeffrey Jones, everybody's favorite, least favorite pedophile. This is what sucks about when he, like, i mean, obviously what sucks he actually did what he did. That's the worst part of him doing it.
00:54:00
Speaker
But the other part is, like... He's in so many movies and he was such an enjoyable character actor. Yeah, he was good. And I will never not watch his movies because they're not his.
00:54:11
Speaker
You know what i mean? Like, I'm not going to watch, I'm not going to not watch this movie. It wasn't his passion project. Because of him, yeah. Like, if there's a Jeffrey Jones-led movie, I probably won't. But, like, we had, him we did Houseguest. Mom and Dad. And it's like save the world or yeah yeah i like that he's like a main character there i know i just i guess what i'm getting at is like i'm not gonna he is canceled and fuck that dude he should be canceled don't boycott the movies he's in because other people worked on them no boycott them because they're horrible yeah i think we know i think we know where someone's landing big recommend right on the big h nipple called harryola
00:54:45
Speaker
i
00:54:48
Speaker
ah Jeffrey Jones is playing Walter Jenning. I'm going to mention that because I'm just going to call him Jenning because every time I say Jeffrey Jones, my blood gets hot. uhu Dr. Petter ass. Dr. Petter ass. dr petderre And ah he has this whole ex exposition speech.
00:55:03
Speaker
They were testing a laser that measures gas something something and it malfunctioned and they think that's what sucked. They powered down to earth because we had one feather land with us and we compared it to the one that Tim took from you. Tim pulled out of your asshole. And it's the same feather without kid' consent.
00:55:20
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. You don't pluck someone without consent.
00:55:24
Speaker
like
Humorous Critiques and References
00:55:25
Speaker
Exactly. But as he's explaining everything, Tim Robbins just jumps in to spice this movie up again because he's just like radical. He has a lot of fun. When he's on it when he's on screen, good time. Do you think he improvised some of his shit?
00:55:39
Speaker
No, I don't. I think it was all scripted. I think it's 100% scripted. He's just like, these are the words you want me to read these words? Okay, I'm going read it like this. Radical. I don't know because these people wrote Temple of Doom which is the second worst Indiana Jones movie I only count three movies so it's the worst one for me the other one doesn't exist the other two don't exist there's one we went and saw in theaters and did an episode about yep and then there's But you can't listen to that unless you're on patreon Patreon, isn't it? No, I think it was for the world. Oh, that was for the world.
00:56:14
Speaker
Sorry, world. Sorry I ruined your birthday party. Bad movies. and are No, it was an emergency episode on the regular feed. I believe him over both of us because he does the stuff. Right before we talked about Rambo for a month.
00:56:30
Speaker
It's the last thing we talked about before I don't remember that. got to go. i gotta go That's what Howard says here. He's like, I gotta go. Rough. King of Segways. He's like a two-wheeled machine. Segway sensei.
00:56:44
Speaker
That was the next thing I had written was just, I've gotta go. Rough. That part was good. You gotta go roughly? Because he's got the finger in front of his mouth and he goes like bite it. Instead of like, hu he just goes rough. And Whitney noted it said bark.
00:56:57
Speaker
Yes, the subtitles just said bark. Get a new subtitle, guy. You ruined this movie for me. as This movie was unwatchable for one reason. Subtitles. They said bark when it was clearly rough.
00:57:11
Speaker
So they go off to the science facility and there's another. think it's called a lab. Whatever. There's another. A laboratory. I think called laboratory. There's another travesty happening. The space laser is just shooting sparks and shit. Another travesty.
00:57:27
Speaker
You're making it sound so cool, dude. This is like a fucking ah a laboratory in Batman. Like shit keeps happening, but no one shuts him down. These guys are responsible for three crises this year. So the laser's fucked.
00:57:39
Speaker
And we get another welcome
Characters and Social Commentary
00:57:40
Speaker
back for one shot. Yeah. David Pamer playing Larry the Scientist, apparently. He's got a line. That's right, he's got a name. My eyes!
00:57:50
Speaker
David Pamer was previously on an episode of Cop Rock that we talked yeah about. Yes, was. Episode six. Copophiliac. No, that's seven. That's this month. It was the homeless encampment one. Oh, yeah.
00:58:02
Speaker
They were doing police. Out of doors. Out of doors encampment. that's All encampments are out of doors. What did that sign say the lady had? I am residentially challenged.
00:58:13
Speaker
Oh, saw a lady on the side of the road that said I'm residentially challenged. I like that. Right. i mean, I don't like that that. I don't like that for her. I'm not. I'm not a Republican. I'm glad that bitch is screwed. I love that. Bitch ain't got a house. I'm loving it. I want to go back to my house and laugh.
00:58:31
Speaker
But the laser malfunctioned and now Jenny has disappeared. And I was like, yay, Jeffrey Jones is out of the movie. Yay, he's dead. But he's not. And we meet Lieutenant Welker, which I was really hoping was a shout out to Frank Welker doing voices. thought so, And I asked because at one point when, like coming up, spoiler, when the Overlord makes it into this place, there's an exact sound that one of the trolls make in Willow.
00:58:56
Speaker
And only a real fan would have recognized that. Or a real degenerate. reveal A real lonely scumbag. I think Tyler's rethinking your friendship. Willow's fucking phenomenal movie. Have you seen Willow? I have. All right, thank God. Because there's things in this guy's life. He didn't ask if he liked it.
00:59:14
Speaker
But he's seen it. oh it's all times these These eyes have seen it. But Lieutenant Welker is played by Paul Guilfoyle, who was, as Jack pointed out, the bad guy in Beverly Hills Cop 2, Nikos Tomopoulos.
00:59:30
Speaker
So he's Greek? ah Maybe. I don't think Guilfoyle is Greek, but Nikos Tomopoulos is. believe he ah hails from Wisconsin around Muscogee. It sounds like the name like Tomopolis. No way that he's not from. He makes a nice fluffy cass cheese casserole.
00:59:46
Speaker
I'm telling you. Fucking fluffy cheese casserole. You like it when the cheese is nice and fluffy. or You like your cheese fluffy? Burnt edges, fluffy middle. That's just the way I like my women and my casserole.
00:59:58
Speaker
But the he orders the cops to take off Howard's duck suit. So they strip him down naked and play with his little corkscrew penis. found a zipper, but I can't turn it enough. I keep pulling on a zipper and it just keeps leaking. I found an opening in the back here.
01:00:10
Speaker
Let me stick my... Nope, that's not it. Sir, this man doesn't have a vagina or a butt. My finger smells like duck shit, sir. At least what I assume duck shit smells like.
01:00:22
Speaker
Not that I would know. I don't know. I don't eat duck shit. I don't spend a lot of time at the park feeding ducks and then sniffing their shit. Wait, what was... Hold on. Wendy you just had a really weird flex. I said, I've been to golf and stuff. and a ju look I didn't know what that meant, but they got ducks there.
01:00:36
Speaker
and And they don't clean it. Yeah. All right. Nice. Thank you. So they take it they take Howard off to jail. The charges being an illegal alien. You know, and I didn't really get this. yet Like it living in 2025, I didn't get this joke.
01:00:50
Speaker
No, no, no. Because like we know we want you're tired. We want you're poor. Yeah. We want your huddled masses your twenty masses. Yeah. I don't I don't understand racism. Man, woman, child, duck. We want them all. All of them.
01:01:02
Speaker
you Yeah, i got nothing. There's a couple of ducks in here. They're cause they're coming in. The ducks are voting. They're not voting the right way. We got to get them out of here. Get them back to Egg Town.
Stereotypes and Tangents
01:01:10
Speaker
i mean, the best news I had all week is that the duck is white.
01:01:13
Speaker
The duck is white. Then it's a plus. Just saying. With Macaulay Culkin face. you said Whitney said that. She's like, why does that duck look like Macaulay Culkin? Couldn't unsee it after that. Yeah. Like there's something about it. I think it's the i giant be the eyes. eyes.
01:01:30
Speaker
But he pretty much immediately gets out of jail by ah shoving like throwing a cigar into this trash can to catch it on fire and shoving a cop's head into it. Luckily, this cop goes to get the cigar. The worst way you could ever go into Let me see what's at the bottom of this trash can here.
01:01:43
Speaker
Let me leave my whole body in. Let me get to the bottom of this. Beverly steals his gun. I was like, oh, cool. They've got a gun now. That lasts about eight seconds. um I wanted to prove a point that we don't need guns to live in society. Well, um funny it's funny. Well, I'm not done here. um Sometimes you need to talk your problems out, buddy.
01:01:59
Speaker
so I'm done now. You don't need guns. Sometimes you need a laser sword. Sometimes you need blasters. You just need flashlights and radios. For a more civilized era. No, that wasn't me. That was my friend Spielberg. He had the FBI agents take the guns out. I talked to my friend Steven and I thought guns don't need to be in children's movies, Steven. And so we turned them into walkie talkies. It's like I've always said, guns don't kill people, Sith do. Wookiee Talkies?
01:02:21
Speaker
Wookiee's a great name for an animal. I'm going to use it in my next movie. My last movie. yeah Whatever order these things happened in. Did I return the Jedi? I returned to the Jedi. I did. I'm just checking.
01:02:33
Speaker
But, like, she takes his gun, and then the cops are all talking to each other. They're like, well, he's armed and dangerous. He's got a gun. And so Howard's like, okay, cool. Toss this gun into a vat of toxic waste or whatever's in this police station. <unk> all Why it's in the police station, I don't know.
01:02:46
Speaker
No, they're still in the... they in the police station. you know what it is It's the dip. This used to be Tomb Town. They were like, get rid of them. That explains Roger roger Rabbit. Yes! That explains why the gun screams when you're so confused. You've never seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Good God!
01:03:03
Speaker
I have it on 4K. Of course you do. Why wouldn't I? I don't know if I'm going to recover from this. You know what happens if you don't stop laughing? Where did you live as a child? Fucking Bosnia?
01:03:16
Speaker
Yes. I lived in Wisconsin. i was kind I was too busy growing up on cheap fluffy cheese casseroles. Didn't have time for no Roger Rabbit. But like as soon as he throws the gun away, the cops are like, consider him armed and dangerous, and we're gonna it's shoot to kill. And I'm like, you shouldn't have thrown that gun away.
01:03:34
Speaker
Because these cops will shoot to kill. ah Illegal alien, shoot to kill, this sounds right for me. Let me throw this wrap around my face, go out in my unmarked car, and get this duck. I have been waiting my entire life for someone to say the word shoot to kill. oh But they run into Jenning, who has reappeared, and he looks all fucked up now.
01:03:52
Speaker
he just know Right now, he just looks hungover. It's sunburned. Severely sunburned. How do you get hungover? You're drinking the sun. ah He also looks like he's got a Floridian. of White eyes.
01:04:04
Speaker
He looks like a good Florida man. Not a bad Florida man. floridaka Florida man claims he went on an adventure with a duck human and a young girl. Florida man and bath salts. Retired duck. I'm a space duck.
01:04:17
Speaker
Look, the duck was a musician. I swear to God. No, dude, you can't arrest me, man. The doctor's gonna my manager, all right? We're gonna go places. We just gotta kill this overlord trapped in a pedophile's body. You don't understand.
01:04:29
Speaker
That's the movie. We're making a better movie for Tyler right now. The makeup, I have to say, the makeup they did for Jennings, just getting every shot was just progressively stronger and stronger and more. And I thought that was just phenomenal.
01:04:46
Speaker
The problem is, though, it started off really hideous. Okay. He got more and more sexy as the movie went on. He got less pedophilic as that transformation went on. Once it sucks up all the nuclear power, yeah it's fucking awesome. Yeah, i agree.
01:05:01
Speaker
I like some of the effects, actually. i thought it was kind of cool. Yeah, they were fantastic. well and this movie did... Despite how much it failed, it did do a lot to advance special effects in general. As George Lucas does. Pretty much everything George Lucas does, yeah. Look back at that fucking episode two, Attack of the Clones. Garbage, but what came after was better CG.
01:05:20
Speaker
I thought you were talking about episode three. but Well, that's true, too. It is better. It's way better. it's not It's hard to be worse. It's way hard to worse. You could make the Scorpion King. You could? No, that wasn't. no.
01:05:31
Speaker
You were thinking of Mummy 2, my friend. The introduction of Dwayne The Rock Johnson playing Scorpion King with the worst CGI ever. Yeah. Are you talking about his hair? Who? His CGI hair? No. His CGI everything.
01:05:43
Speaker
The The Rock. Oh, the whole thing was CG. I'm sorry, guys. all it's He goes by Dwayne Johnson now. Not back then. was just pebble. He was the rock then. Yeah, he... Anyway, Mummy 2, worst CGI i ever seen.
01:05:56
Speaker
Go. Well, Spawn, the end. Fuck. Beowulf. No. I was in Beowulf. Did you know that one? Yeah, I did. Did you know that I was in Beowulf? I want to tell you a story about me on Beowulf.
01:06:07
Speaker
It's a funny story about me pooping my pants, actually. The funny thing is I started the day without pooping my pants. That is the funny part. At the end, I did poop my pants. Funny thing is I wasn't wearing them.
01:06:20
Speaker
They were across the room. Poop launcher. so It's a torpedo. I call it the shatapult. There's a funny line. Lieutenant Welker's like, how do I put out a manhunt about a duck?
01:06:33
Speaker
And the guy goes, a duck hunt? And see just this guy's like, no, no, no. Get him out of here. Get him to fuck off of my crime scene. We are fucking out. Because this well after the NES came out. Everybody knew duck hunt. Yeah, they did. I didn't see a single laughing dog in this movie. Everybody tried to shoot that fucking dog.
01:06:50
Speaker
They don't let you shoot the dog. You got to think. You missed a couple ducks. You got a responsibility. You get out there and you shoot that fucking dog. But so Jeffrey Jones, sorry, Jenning is transforming slowly. Dr. Peto. He's screaming about how something is inside of him, gnawing on his guts.
01:07:08
Speaker
And just love Leah Thompson's responses through the whole thing. And she's like, well, what'd you eat for lunch? yeah And later on, he says something and she's like, we can stop in a bathroom. I tried this new restaurant called Chipotle. I don't feel good.
01:07:19
Speaker
Ah. I thought it would be good. It's a McDonald's owned by or a Taco Bell owned by McDonald's. Another way around. its I just had some Shardicoa. It's their barbacoa on the way out.
01:07:30
Speaker
Oh, so Jennings turned into Nick Nolte? Yeah, you're goddamn right I did.
01:07:37
Speaker
ah So they drive off to Joe Roma's Cajun Sushi. What? I don't understand this restaurant. I was kind of hungry watching this movie and then not anymore. The most useless thing I saw. Not the most useless. I won't eat the rest this night. One of the most useless things I saw in the IMDb trivia was they go to a restaurant called Roma's Cajun Sushi.
01:07:57
Speaker
Those are three different types of cuisine in the same name. Shut up. I'm like, no shit. That's the fucking joke. IMDb trivia. That's not an IMDb. be fact that's a joke tap my fucking balls on your face for that one did you guys see all the fried ducks hanging from the kitchen staff oh absolutely that's a peaking they gotta let that oil drip oh we got a can under there save that yeah take a shot of duck fat uh we have this delightful waitress who is serving them she is hilarious i looked her up she's really she's in like one other movie but she's really good she's she's great because what dude she's holding her own at a fucking waffle house at three in the morning Oh, there's fights here all the time. With an alien-infested pedophile, a an anthropomorphic duck, and Leah Thompson. Even even ah Dr. Peto at one point like this will be the end of all life that we know it. She's like, we have fights here all the time. Calm down, dude. haven't even seen a weapon get brought out yet.
01:08:48
Speaker
But, yeah, she gets super offended when ah Howard refuses to eat the eggs. Well, because it's it's they ordered the special without looking at it like a fucking cunt. like Be nice your servers. This restaurant, the special has eggs. Be nice to your servers because you're like, give me three specials, three beers. They bring it and he's like, what are those? And she's just, what was your stupid line? It bothered me because he said, he's like, I'm not a cannibal.
01:09:08
Speaker
Yeah, they'd be chicken. He's not a fucking chicken. And ducks, birds are carnivorous. Well, let me ask you this though. Would you eat a monkey? Like an egg form? No Scrambled? Feetal Speaking of Temple of Doom You just eat their brains Like that's the but that's the thing though Would you eat a monkey Or an ape Or an orangutan some sort of gibbon Or maybe a golden marmoset?
01:09:33
Speaker
but the As you go on, the answer becomes more and more yes. Derek's like, yeah I was going He pulls out a fork. Derek's like, I was going to eat a human child. don't fucking care. longer pair baby They're not people yet.
01:09:45
Speaker
But that's but that's i get I kind of get what he's doing because I wouldn't want to eat something that looks close to our race. See last week's episode where
Dark Overlord Plot and Action Sequences
01:09:54
Speaker
we have a four-minute conversation about cannibalism spreading human roe across toast. Oh, I ate human.
01:10:01
Speaker
I was a human all day, dude. Just not a monkey. I was on a date this one time with this chick and it was going pretty well. It ended up going really well in general, but like it's going well and she's a little shy. and You know what that means? It means he got his corkscrew out. Yeah, he did. My fucking hair started standing up right in the middle of my head. Oh, sorry. That never happens in public.
01:10:18
Speaker
But she had she's like, I got a weird question. Do you think that you would be like, what part of the human be the best to eat? And she's like, i well, what she wasn't ready for was my very ready answer of like, oh, I'd go right to the haunches, right? Right below the butt cheek, mid thigh. yeah You fucking slow roast it or pickle it much like you would a ham when get them nitrates working for it. And she like, listen, she's like, oh, oh, people are usually get weird around that question, but not that weird.
01:10:47
Speaker
She's like, I was trying to weird you out. Now I'm horny. That's what it was, dude. She's like, I'm going to ask him a weird question. Oh, my God. He could cook human. I'm so horny. i did I definitely ate human that night. Yeah, you did.
01:10:59
Speaker
But Jeffrey. Jeffrey Jones. Jack All Orange. Dr. Pedderas goes into his whole explanation of what's going on. And and he's been inhabited by a dark lord of the or dark overlord of the universe. Nexus symbolism. From the semi-automous galaxy. You've got more than we've got. Some shit. You impressed me at Dark Overlord. Dark Overlord of the universe. That's how he's credited.
01:11:26
Speaker
It's a ah universe where all the demons were banished Yes, it's where the... Phantom Zone. Yeah, it's where it's where the previous beings live. ah Again, a movie Jack still has yet to watch, Cabin in the Woods. The the the things that come out... Oh, yeah. Oh, you've seen that one.
01:11:43
Speaker
you've got to feed them young children. Who framed Roger Rabbit? It was the guy that was in the cabin in the woods. From the cabin in the woods where they had a fever. Woo!
01:11:55
Speaker
Seen that one too. See? He's seen the good ones. chocolate And not Roger Rabbit for some reason. Oh, he doesn't understand that. Quick. man Quick. it's weird I don't know what it Growing up, I never watched anything old.
01:12:06
Speaker
i don't know that was a parent thing or whatever. No, it's a thing. didn't watch black and white movies. didn't watch things that were current with me when we were growing up. I never watched anything earlier your parents were punishing you for something. My parents were poor. Thanks. that No, my parents are still poor, which is why we have all the VHSs. All the old movies. like You don't have to be rich to have fucking...
01:12:24
Speaker
whatever CBS afternoon movies. What his parents were pouring in, and they made up for in love. um They brought Tyler out to like the ballpark and then left him there. and then they He found his way home.
01:12:35
Speaker
They brought him out to the soccer park, left him there, found his way home. They took him to a football game, they left him there. I think your were trying to get rid of you, babe. No, no, they they once called him the yo-yo of children. I always come back. He's a psychic boom boomerang of karma.
01:12:48
Speaker
So he's the Dark Lord now, not Dr. Jennings. and he has But he has Dr. Jennings' code key to activate the laser to bring more Dark Lords to Earth to exterminate human life. Howard gets prepped and questionmarked Howard gets prepped, cooked a little bit.
01:13:03
Speaker
Yeah, he gets into a fight with these truckers who come over and start... assaulting Leah Thompson much like the guys earlier. She's not alone. Everybody in this movie just walks around trying to have sex with Leah Thompson against her will.
01:13:15
Speaker
yeah Oh, I don't get that part. No, no, I get trying to have sex with Leah Thompson. That makes perfect sense. It's just the, you know, against her will part. um But I do like when they're dragging off Howard and they're trying to like, they're like sprinkling salt and pepper on him and shit in the kitchen. Everybody in the diner, by the way, has gotten into this. Men, women, children.
01:13:34
Speaker
Doesn't matter. they're still um They're still in Ohio. Waitress. This is out of the big city. Like, I don't care for no duck folk around here. And Dark Lord Jennings is sitting over at the table. DLJ, if you will. Just fucking laughing at the whole fucking thing. And it's really funny because li Thompson's like, will you go and help him? And looks over. He's just like,
01:13:55
Speaker
Oh, but then like they start talking shit. like Howard's all, he's the Dark Lord. He's going to murder you. And then they start laughing at him. And Leah's like, they're laughing at you. She was smart. And also they have your code, Mr. Code Key.
01:14:07
Speaker
yeah Mr. Code Key. So yeah, he turns into a laser being and like zaps all these dudes. Unlimited power. He fucking had to what I was thinking he had this fucking trucker yeah right back like back through like a kitchen wall, which is pretty sweet. I'm always going root for that. He like telekinetically takes the butcher knife from the guy and like starts spiraling it around the kitchen, uses it to free Howard by cutting very close to his balls, which is also very funny.
01:14:34
Speaker
I'm sure. Cloaca. He's got balls. No, he doesn't. He has a penis. Your penis doesn't work for what it's made for if you don't have you know something that creates semen. It's internal organs. it's Still balls. Not hanging down. Inside balls.
01:14:47
Speaker
Like mine. There's no vast difference.
01:14:52
Speaker
I see what you did there. I hope you heard it too. ah So he starts zapping these people. They all start running out of the building. He explodes the kitchen with his eye fire. That one got me.
01:15:05
Speaker
And he takes the code key. and Beverly with him locking Howard in the place. I did like that. He's like zapping Howard around with his telekinetic shit for a little bit. And he starts making him spin.
01:15:17
Speaker
And we're watching this in 4k on Amazon. It was beautiful, which by the way, I didn't mention it last episode. And i forgot to mention the beginning of this, but this isn't free streaming anywhere, but it's like five bucks. Just make yourself some more work and put at the very beginning.
01:15:29
Speaker
Yeah, it's $3, $4 to rent and $5 to buy on Amazon. So, so he takes off with Leah Thompson ah When they're in the truck, he's like, I need your body. And she's like, yeah, I've heard that one before. cool One more guy trying to frick me.
01:15:45
Speaker
And he uses his mouth. Trust me, honey, you're not his ah you're not his age group.
01:15:52
Speaker
that was That was why when he walked in on her and Howard making out, he was like, this is against the laws of nature because they're both of consenting age. Ew, are they both adults? Ew. Ew.
01:16:04
Speaker
Ew. ah I'll be in my trailer. I need to go hang out with that guy from Donnie Darko. I didn't want to say Patrick Swayze's name. Well, because we like Patrick Swayze. We like Patrick Swayze. So I just have to mention real quick, it doesn't really matter here, but Jeffrey Jones or Dark Overlord, Peter Ass, has to...
01:16:21
Speaker
has to get energy from shit so he like unplugs the cigarette lighter oh and he sticks in this really cool looking fucking tentacle it came out of his mouth by the way yeah it was like a tongue finger yes it had a claw didn't it oh yeah oh yeah gonna get mouth boned it was one of those things that comes out of the center of his claw when he's like full being mouth bone I said it this is mouth dick You don't remember the mouth bone, His tongue finger.
01:16:53
Speaker
do a It's from Deep Blue Sea. They got mouth boned in that Deep Blue Sea. That chick definitely got mouth boned. It's all about the micos. It's all about the cloaca. Have you seen Deep Blue Sea? I have. The things you've seen versus the things you haven't seen are astounding. It was just on at some random bar we were at the other day. That's funny.
01:17:14
Speaker
like so I just looked up who did the special effects. I was hope i was thinking because George Lucas, maybe it was like... Phil Tippett or one of those guys that did Star Wars. There's guy named Marty Brenniss. Oh, i don't know him.
01:17:24
Speaker
This is his most known for movie on IMDb, but he also did stuff for Enemy Mine, ah Wrath of Khan, Submission Impossible and Matrix movies. So he's done he's done some stuff.
01:17:37
Speaker
But Enemy Mine, come on. Enemy Mine is great. McMouse. But I only mention it because comes later. You've never trust me. I don't have that on 4K. It's very surprising. Because they haven't put it out in 4K. That's why, that's why. Dennis Quaid, fucking Lou Gossett Jr. I've been putting off Blu-ray because I'm waiting for the... I just watched that movie for the first time maybe like a year and a half ago. Floored.
01:18:01
Speaker
Blown away. Enemy Mine. It's ah ah early 80s. Yeah. It's fucking great. It was before you were born, so you've never seen it. I don't i don't know old stuff. I'm sorry.
01:18:12
Speaker
But yeah, you know me Lou Gossett Jr. with a bunch of crazy face paint or makeup. Face paint. Yeah, face paint. Makeup. The cops end up going to the restaurant after they leave. um And Tim Robbins is in the car. Oh, is he in the car? And Howard is over with a bunch of fake chickens and stuff just standing there pretending to be one of the women. This one got me. Very funny. This one got me because he's like, Whatever his name is. calls him Filster. Filsy. Filsy. Filsy.
01:18:39
Speaker
her With his like arm wrapped up. Can a duck talk out of the side of their beak? Yeah, this one can. Filsy. He's a Bill Trilliquist.
01:18:51
Speaker
I would just love when the cops like, huh, somebody dressed up that fake duck in clothes. believe he's wearing camouflage pants and a scarf. It's hilarious. But I got a kick out of this because it's like it's Tim Robbins in the back of the police car and Howard's trying to help him and he's like, there's no handle on the inside. Break the window.
01:19:06
Speaker
And Howard's like, I could just open the door. But Tim already goes out the front seat. Yeah, he's like. Dolphined out the front window. He basically did the Ace Ventura out of rhino's butt. Apparently in 1986, we hadn't invented. That was what I was going to ask. The partition. Oh, yeah. When did the partition get put up? Or to detective's car.
01:19:26
Speaker
They're like, ah, he doesn't imp pose any threat. Look at this big fucking lanky shithead. His hands are cuffed. He's fine. His hands are cuffed. He's fine. I talked to that guy. He's not going to anything. He's not that smart. skinny weirdo. He's never going to marry Susan Sarandon. He kept saying he was a scientist. He's just a janitor. ah Lab assistant.
01:19:42
Speaker
He's a lab assistant. He assists with taking out the trash. But they escape from there, and apparently the easiest way to escape from the police is not to steal the cop car or get a cab or whatever Howard says. Build a plane. It's find someone's amateur plane, finish building it, and then fly away.
01:20:03
Speaker
Hold on real quick. Finish building it while Tim Robbins is handcuffed. Mind you. Let's slow that process down just a bit more. That's right. So it's still in the middle of the night, and by the time they leave, it's like 9 a.m. They come off when they're at the lab.
01:20:16
Speaker
I think ah Emperor Palpatine shocks them Yeah, I think so. But I thought the same thing, because when they finish building it and they jump on and they fly away, i wasn't paying attention to him still having the handcuffs. It was when they get to the lab.
01:20:28
Speaker
Or yeah, it's when he's doing the gas line, right? Before they get to the lab. He's still... I was like... You just built this plane handcuffed? right. There's two steps to our plan. One step is get out of these handcuffs.
01:20:39
Speaker
Second part is build the plane. We cut back to ah dark Dark Overlord Pederas trying to break into... He goes to the... Dark pedo. The Cuyahoga nuclear facility because needs more energy.
01:20:51
Speaker
Cuyahoga Falls. You talking about the Cuyahoga? Oh, boy. And have a... There's the summer there with the missus. Yeah. but We have a shot of Beverly ah all tied up in a short skirt. And I was like, well, it's doing it for somebody. It's not me.
01:21:07
Speaker
Oh, tied up in a short skirt? I think it was. Consensually tied up is one my favorite things. Well, she's unconsensually tied up. But no but the pretendris the actress was consensually tied up. Correct. If she said our safe word, which is Dilophosaurus Popsicle, then I know to untie her.
01:21:24
Speaker
It's a good safe word because you're never going to accidentally say that. Yeah, not even close. It's not like banana where you can be like, shove that banana in my ass. And then all a sudden they're like, oh, we're done. Gotta stop. You said banana in the ass. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it back.
01:21:35
Speaker
No, take it back. Shove the oblong yellow fruit in my ass. Cloaca. Cloaca. Cloaca. I I said for it. Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. It's cacao. It's ocarina. Coala-Cola. Cucamonga.
01:21:51
Speaker
Well, it's hurt so bad I can't remember my fucking name. Say it. Cuyahoga. Cuyahoga. Cougar.
01:21:59
Speaker
Ocarina. Corinthians! I think this movie might have broken the podcast, guys. We were already broken. But so there's a chase. The cops are chasing this amateur bicycle plane. See, that's beautiful. It's more like trike. That's so eloquent. I thought about it. I was like, man, his la like this is a cool idea if you lived in a place that you could do this, you know, like fly, like not a big city.
01:22:23
Speaker
Cleveland. This is also how somebody dies when... with a lot of confidence. Yes. I'm pretty sure I could fly, dude. Oh, yeah? I got a hang glider and a motor out back. Let's do Howard the Duck has a great line. I know where you're going with that. Yeah, because he's like, it's like we say on my planet, if we were meant to fly, why would God take away our wings? Which is almost the opposite of ours. If we were meant to fly, God would have given us wings. Turns out there is no God.
01:22:48
Speaker
They're both wrong. The only wings I care about is Hauser. Woo! And the show. Yeah, let's watch a Wings Hauser movie. Champagne and cocaine. Yeah, champagne and bullets, but it works. Oh, I was just talking about the menu for the night. Oh, yeah. That was the craft services on champagne and bullets with champagne and cocaine. Are you hungry? Yeah, I'll try this cocaine. You won't be. I don't know the details of this because I didn't get too deep into like reading behind the scenes of this, but it looks like... You didn't go deep into Howard the Duck?
01:23:14
Speaker
No. Somebody did. But it looks cool. Like this little miniature plane thing. Right at Klaueca. You don't have the actor in a suit in the front. It looks like the guy who's pretending to be Tim Robbins, the stunt person, is flying the plane, and they just have a dummy of a Howard the Duck in the front. Yeah. And I was really praying for that dummy to go flying in at some point. just Just tilt. These were some really good air pranks.
01:23:35
Speaker
Yeah. Well, and was pretty wild. i think It is the only one here who's seen the newest, the only ones who've seen the newest Mission Impossible are probably me and Whitney, right? I made the newest one. Well, the the episode nine. Yeah.
01:23:47
Speaker
That's what I filmed. It's actually eight. See, you're so close. I was trying to stay sober for a whole day. It's like mission impossible. But the the the big stunt for the movie, the one they advertise in the trailers and everything, is Tom is by a plane, like holding himself up by his own power and like doing all. it's It's a fucking crazy scene.
01:24:06
Speaker
We're watching this movie. Tim Robbins goes to fix the gas line after the cops shoot it off. And he started he falls off and he's holding himself up only by his legs with trying to climb up because this with cuffs.
01:24:17
Speaker
Tim Robbins walked so Tom Cruise could fly. There we go. Yeah. You're just killing it, dude. Fuck yeah. See, they wanted Tom Cruise for that part, but he was just not tall enough.
01:24:32
Speaker
Well, he was busy making Top Gun also with Tim Robbins, kind of. Kind of. Tim Robbins' face is in that movie. Oh, that's how... So Tim Robbins tells him about it as it when in filming of Top Gun. Oh, Tim Robbins is like, yeah, they had me hanging off this fucking and little homemade plane. Why you have your pen and paper out?
01:24:51
Speaker
Why are you writing down He has little tape recorder. He's like, keep going. ah Tell me again about the stunt you i don't have a Tom Cruise. Tell me again about the stunt you did off the plane. pretty close. And then when Tom Cruise got rich and built a plane with his own hands because he has all the free time in the world. Did he do it handcuffed?
01:25:05
Speaker
ah He might have. He's like, if Tim can do it, I can. Fuck that guy. I don't use safe words. It's for pussies. They're too safe. Telling you, Ocarina is a great one. Armadillo quesadilla. Tom, what's your safe word? It's legend. Lofasaurus popsicle. The Lofasaurus popsicle.
01:25:21
Speaker
It's like you can't hear me. What's the reverse of a safe word? danger Cloaca. and What's your danger word? Cloaca. What's your safe word? Also, cloaca. You guess.
01:25:32
Speaker
If I say the words lowercase a, I want you to go big in my a.
01:25:40
Speaker
and But as you like Howard does get an opportunity because earlier in the movie he had been watching TV and seen like a thing about duck hunting season and someone cooking duck l'arange or whatever and all this stuff about murdering ducks.
01:25:57
Speaker
Yeah. Freaked out at this point when they're about to crash into this river. There's these duck hunters and he's like, I'm going to fucking take these guys out. Like, he doesn't give a shit they're running from the cops. He swoops down to take out these duck hunters. We've got time. We've got time. Like, several clusters of duck hunters.
01:26:11
Speaker
i I would say a gaggle of duck hunters. It's one of these, I think. Maybe it's one of the cops. think it's one of these guys because he dives down and yells bonsai and then we get a Wilhelm scream. Yeah. That's... IMDB should have that. They have a thing under their trivia where it's like director, trademark, writer, trademark, whatever.
01:26:28
Speaker
Wilhelm Scream's not on there. It should say producer, trademark, Wilhelm Scream. I'm sure there's there is one, I'm sure, about Wilhelm Scream, yeah but it needs to say producer, trademark, George Lucas, Wilhelm Scream. going to write them a letter.
01:26:41
Speaker
Tiki-tiki-tap. IMDB.com at Seattle. the The semi that Dark Overlord Pedrasse and Beverly are in gets stopped at a like smog checkpoint? Big fat question mark? Sure. I guess you just do emissions by random cop stop in Oregon or wherever they are. They're still in Ohio. Just so they can check for drunkards. Ohio, Oregon. What's the difference?
01:27:08
Speaker
Besides politics. It's just so they can check for drunks. Hey, blow into this thing. It's for smog. Look at that. You got too much smog in your throat. Get him out of here. But I love that like that the cop comes up to him and he's like, I need to see your license, Jack.
01:27:22
Speaker
And so yeah he's like, I don't have a license and I am not Jack. I am not Jack. And he fucking proton pack blasts this fucking code. Yeah, he does. I love Ghostbusters. got this fucking poster right here.
01:27:35
Speaker
But these blasts look so much cooler than the proton pack blasts. Yes, it does. It's couple years of advancement. This is what George Lucas does. One year of advancement. Punches shit up. punches it up and then he has this thing where he like focuses all of his energy and like blasts out and just annihilates every car in the like a quarter mile radius and like there we could say what we will about the effects of different things or whatever in this movie there are a lot of things that are blown up and they are really blown up that oven all these cars the entire end of the film yeah
01:28:10
Speaker
No, it looks really cool. like They do a really good job. I know. the The model, you could barely even tell it was the model when they blew it up. it And the only reason I know is looking at the size of the flames to the size of the... Oh, when they're blowing up the laser? Yeah.
01:28:23
Speaker
Howard and Tim Robbins get taken out of the air, finally, because they're flying low. They've been flying low the whole time. There's a train in the way. Lucky for them, they line up with an open train car. It's the same train car Pee Wee Herman was on.
01:28:36
Speaker
Yeah. So it's okay. He's actually sitting in there at that moment. He's like, whoa, this fucked me up. I was not Pee Wee Herman. No, that was not Yoda Herman. who This fucking plane almost killed me.
01:28:51
Speaker
You said it! Hey guys, did you see a duck? I'm loner. I have too much toot. ah He's never said that. I just enough toot.
01:29:05
Speaker
He said it right after they pulled him out of that adult movie theater. I'm sorry. It was too much to it. He got a bum rap, dude. He was jacking off an adult movie theater. I think we've talked about it before. I'll talk about it again. I have no problem with it because it was a porno theater. on life What are you supposed to do in a porno theater? He was also in a porno theater. In the documentary. No, his was a normal, I thought.
01:29:23
Speaker
I heard it was a porno theater. I'd like to pretend it is. I heard in the documentary it was a porno theater and he actually was not masturbating, but they wanted to. It was just the the trying to make something. The thing is, it doesn't matter if you know the masturbate was real. It was the prostitute thing that ah that he pled no contest to.
01:29:44
Speaker
But it doesn't matter. You're in a fucking porno theater. Whip it out and what? What else are you doing in a porno? What are you paying for? You're paying so you can whip it out and smack it looking at some nipples. Could have just rented Howard the Duck. Hit the bedpost couple Little did he know, could have rented Howard the Duck. I love duck nipples.
01:29:59
Speaker
Look at that, they're all pink. Mmm, feathery. You said the word of the day. Feathery. Feathery nerps. come on, Larry Fish.
01:30:10
Speaker
This did break the fucking podcast. Cowboy Curtis shows up. Pee-wee, I don't think you should be doing that in public. Let me give you a hand. Make a lick a high. like Oh, I got to go.
01:30:23
Speaker
Let me get high. I'll lick your hiney, ho. There you go. Yeah, yeah yeah it's broken. It's different than the last time. It's a little different than the last time. I think we scared Ty.
01:30:37
Speaker
We've just gotten much more professional since then. I know I have. We're like the reverse professional. Check the tape. i'm a professional this whole time. Yeah.
01:30:48
Speaker
So they fly through this train car, break the the wings off the plane. Luckily, right on yeah right on the other side of these train tracks is ah Super Science Lab. Yeah. Okay. We're right there.
01:30:59
Speaker
Yeah. So they go up in there. ah Dark Lord Petterass is doing some beepy boops and trying to get the laser calibrated. And Tim Robbins is like, I have a great idea. We could stop him with something that's in this building.
01:31:12
Speaker
if it's still here. Let's go check it out. And it turns out it says neutron disintegrator and I'm like, what the fuck do you mean if it's still here? Well, they built it for the army. That's a great point. It's 86. It's the Cold War, dude. They're trying to blast Russians. They hadn't tested it yet. You don't take it out of the lab until you test it. They were testing on Russians.
01:31:30
Speaker
oh They were testing it on quote unquote monkeys. you know Much like the Japanese. You know what I'm talking about. I do actually. Cut that out. Talking about what? Food? No. I'm hungry. no the japanese The Japanese did a lot of human experimentation but if you look in their notes it all says monkey. Turns out it was Chinese people.
01:31:48
Speaker
Where? Where are we? What is happening? It's the end of the movie. He's got the fucking giant MacGuffin. Yes. Tim Robbins and Howard the Duck find the MacGuffin. See, Tyler, a MacGuffin is something added into the movie just to make it work.
01:32:04
Speaker
And this is a gun. Like MacGuffin's disease. it's MacGuffin. Yeah, MacGuffin's disease from ah Batman so like for Robin. Batman for Robin. Batman for Robin. Yeah, so we talked about the MacGuffin's disease in Batman for Robin. Sounds like a dirty website.
01:32:19
Speaker
Batman looking for Robin. Swipe right. he yeah I don't like these orphans. Batman looking for Robin just means you're a rich guy looking for an orphan. That's all. But yeah, so a Dark Lord Pederas is using the laser to target the nexus of Somulus. I'm glad that's something like that.
01:32:35
Speaker
Or something. can use this to bring kids here. i like Howard and Tim Robbins mount the McGunfin on this golf cart. To cart that Austin Powers drives. It's the one he's trying to turn around in in the yeah hallways in Austin Powers. Oh, thank God. He finally got it out of there Now we can use it.
01:32:55
Speaker
But, like, of course, at the last second, Howard, being a little stinker, has to be like, what's this button for? more And then the fucking cart takes off. So now they have no McGunfin for moment. I'm part of the menace. Like I said, Macaulay Culkin.
01:33:08
Speaker
He has a face-off with ah Dark Lord Pederas for a moment and blasts him with the disintegrator gun and all is saved. except Except Jeffrey Jones is still alive. Well, Jeffrey Jones is fine now because we didn't know he was a pedophile yet.
01:33:24
Speaker
ah He might not have been yet. He probably was, though. was. I've seen that dark side of Nickelodeon or whatever the fuck that movie was called. oh That documentary.
01:33:34
Speaker
Tragic. Yeah. he where He probably worked for them. He supplied the gag. But actually, I do like right before he blasts him the fucking anime battle these two get into. Because Jeffrey Jones powers up his fucking Hadouken and launches it. was on a delay laugh right now. That broke me. That's so good.
01:33:54
Speaker
Jeffrey Jones powers up his Hadouken and blasted at Howard the Duck. And Howard has his disintegrator rifle and blasted back. And we've got the whole classic like lasers going against each other. I mean, i just not too long ago, we did we know we didn't watch it together, but Big Trouble in Little China.
01:34:08
Speaker
Yeah. It's that same laser green purple back and forth. Yes, exactly. a good one Except for case. You seen that? i have. Fuck yeah. Woo! think that the year he was born. Dude, golf clap. have too many things in my hand to crap.
01:34:21
Speaker
Except for this case, the purple laser is the good guy's laser. hmm. Comic book language that makes him the bad guy. yep Yeah. Yeah. Green, green, good. No green and purple and orange are bad. wo Red, blue and yellow. Green was a good one.
01:34:35
Speaker
You know why? Because when they were printing, it was all dot printing. Red, blue, and yellow are your primary colors. And then green, purple, and orange were made by Mixed. Oh, so it's a bastard.
01:34:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's why. It's a wee bit of a bastard. That's why you got the Joker running around in purple and green and all, you know. Makes sense. Red and blue. Superman. Stupid. Exactly. America. underwear on the outside but howard gets blasted away they think he's dead ah jenning is human again um ah the evil's not inside me anymore he claims it is it's actually more evil inside it's a new evil this is what changed him hashtag bring back the overlord jeffrey jones when he was younger not a weirdo
01:35:18
Speaker
Dark Lord got into him. All of a sudden, he wanted to do little children. Don't you blame this movie. It was the baby dolls on the jacket. Don't blame the Dark Lord. No, you know what? i did The Dark Lord had nothing to do with this. He's a lot of good people on both sides.
01:35:30
Speaker
The Dark Overlords of the universe have nothing to do with Jeffrey Jones' pedophilia. It's completely him, and he's a piece of shit. Send it. Print it. Tippy tap. I am baby doll.
01:35:42
Speaker
that' That's going to be the that's gonna be the thing I add to IMDb for this episode. I'm to start doing it, guys. Okay. You should. Tim Robbins releases Leah Thompson from her bondage. ah There's just some random growling happening, and big Ray Harryhausen-style stop-motion monster bursts out of this causeway.
01:35:58
Speaker
and Derek gets so excited. I've never seen him so happy. It's pretty fucking cool, man. It's a cool creature design. It's, I mean, but fucking stop motion animation is always gonna make me happy. Speaking of cloacas, this thing's mouth looks like a vagina covered in claws. Oh, no.
01:36:13
Speaker
That's not appealing. It's not. That's bad guy. It's still what it looks like. Okay, good. Yeah. It's not the good guy. That's why you don't fuck bad guys. Yes. And the mouth. Yes, yes, claw, vagina, yeah, yeah.
01:36:24
Speaker
Bunch of teeth in that one. Well, you've seen a a woman's vagina. they They can't have teeth. You've seen the shape of them gums. I've seen the movie Teeth. You don't want them to have teeth. Dentata. He knows this one. He knows teeth, but he's never seen Roger Rabbit. You know why?
01:36:40
Speaker
Dentata was released after he was born. Fair. I've never seen it. Dentata, dude. Dentata. I just like him saying that. I do too. Howard fires the laser at the dark overlord.
01:36:54
Speaker
Big bada boom. This thing blows apart. It's pretty cool. And then, but he had already activated the laser. There's one minute until the rest of the dark overlords arrive on earth.
01:37:05
Speaker
I think I'll be a countdown. And so, yeah, we get a ticking clock three minutes before the movie ends. Oh, thank God. We know how much this movie has left. Tyler cannot wait. The whole thing is, oh don't worry. There's four more minutes after right the whole thing here is like, he's got to destroy the machine.
01:37:20
Speaker
Otherwise, the Dark Overlords are going get there. But then he can't leave. my God. All them purple feathered titties. But he turns out he likes Leah Thompson's titties more than duck titties. Hell, yeah. So he blows up this laser. And this is where we get the miniatures Whitney was talking about. Wait a minute. You're telling me you poop and pee from two different places?
01:37:36
Speaker
That's lovely. love I love you, man. I've only got to be near the one with pee. That's awesome. That's the lesser of two evils. oh Also, I'm still going for the other one. Also, what's that other one doing?
01:37:50
Speaker
It's a little tighter. Looks like it needs a corkscrew. Which he needs. I need to open this bottle of wine. Say less, babe. go don't know why I said it.
01:38:01
Speaker
Your Patrick Warburton voice rubbing off on me. It looks like it needs a corkscrew. It's because any time you start, you know Patrick Warburton. Of course he knows Kronk. Of course you know Kronk.
01:38:13
Speaker
It's just any time I say, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Look at that. There we go. So now it's just it just hangs out in our mouth. You're the corkscrew. Get corkscrew. Open a bottle of wine. Yours is better, but I'm working on it. no you don't have to work it. It's right there.
01:38:26
Speaker
Yours is great. Don't ever sell yourself short. Yours is fantastic. Yeah, don't sell yourself short. now Howard says, goodbye, duck world. Blows the shit out of this thing. Goodbye, duck world. um That was the alternate title for this in Italy. Goodbye, duck world. No, it's arrivederci, duck
Conclusion of the Movie
01:38:43
Speaker
world. duck world.
01:38:45
Speaker
And the duellavi that's french miniatures explode and it rules because I love miniatures. Yes. I got vibes of like episode six, Return to the Jedi. I know you don't like that one, but like the blowing up at the, the, the fucking indoor shield generator. Same idea here. You're just blowing up a miniature and it's awesome. Yeah.
01:39:01
Speaker
Little pieces of balsa wood flying everywhere. I'm in for it. Yes. Oh, yeah. And the last little thing in the lab is like they think Howard's dead again. And he. That's from Forrest Gump. It's a movie with Tom Hanks that you've never seen where he's mentally challenged. And there's a girl that ah he gets friend zoned by a girl with AIDS. Is her name Jennifer? Jenny. No, know. Jenny. Jenny. They go together like peas and carrots, dude.
01:39:28
Speaker
And. Howard sits up and he's like, I am no longer Howard. I am the dark. There is no Howard. There is only Zool. And he just ends it with like, i got you, bitch. But I'm like, dude you are so lucky one of these dudes didn't cave your fucking head in with a fucking tire iron just now. You you know that I'm not in like horror movies like because I'm the guy that runs away. If I'm in this movie, have guns on me a lot, by the way, Tyler, in case you don't know.
01:39:50
Speaker
As soon as one of my friends wakes up, like, Derek's not here. Bang. Bang. There is no Derek. he is not I was joking. too real. Well, you're a really good actor. I hope that consoles you as you die.
01:40:03
Speaker
It's the best delivery you ever gave. Rest in hell. The movie ends with a big concert. Howard is their manager now. Tim Robbins is their stage manager. They even have a song dedicated for him. He's the production guy, man. He's the guy's like, all right, cue those fucking little fog machines.
01:40:20
Speaker
Cue those fucking, he's got an egg timer. Everything's on an egg timer. Clue the huevos. Clue the huevos. And Howard bumbles into getting launched onto stage on top of a speaker something. Yeah, he said pull that rope. So he pulled one of the four ropes right there. Yeah. Wrong one. The was going to kill him.
01:40:35
Speaker
And then we get his Johnny B. Goode fucking back to the future moment. Back to the future, baby. ah Kids are going to love this. Hey, this is your cousin, Duck Eye Cherry. i couldn't think of a band to go with. Listen to this.
01:40:49
Speaker
ah This is Duck Berry. There you go.
01:40:55
Speaker
He's got cameras in your bathroom. I wouldn't worry about Oh, yeah. And that's the end of the movie. So we'll go around the horn for recommendations. We'll start with our esteemed guest. Tyler ah do anything else do anything else man no it's fun it's fun watching with your friends yeah I'll never do it again though I could tell that you weren't I could tell that you were not digging it while we were watching really yeah I could just feel it because yeah was trying like I wasn't like oh I wasn't on my phone like I was trying to be into it oh I know yeah so I get it I'm not I will never judge anybody for not recommending something or the other way it's a tough watch
01:41:36
Speaker
Yeah, Jack? I also don't recommend it. um i mean, like, it has some really good parts we've talked about. I did have fun talking. I had more fun doing this, like, recording it than we did watching it.
01:41:46
Speaker
And that's great. I mean, there's some caveats to it, man. Like, nostalgia factor had no effect on Tyler. Yeah, no, I wish I had that. Nah, because it didn't really do it for me much either. There is, it is really cool parts, but it has some really painful writing. I mean, like, it's just, Howard the Duck is the weakest part of this fucking movie. It's so cringy. I kept saying to Whitney, he has no emotion. he's got Every line he delivered was the same. Yeah, they got this actor who I don't want to mention his name because I i don't want to rag on him, but they have somebody doing the voiceover that sounds like Stu Buscemi but has no fucking ah inflection ever. yeah And so he's the flat part. Leah Thompson is great. Tim Robbins is fucking killing.
01:42:24
Speaker
ah Jeffrey Jones can rot in hell. And that's, you know, kind of the end of my critique. But yeah, it's a miss. but I will buy this when I get home because do this thing where I turn the sound off on the movie and just put songs on the background. Oh, perfect that. And you often have like these weird matchup music videos. Like this is working really well.
01:42:43
Speaker
So I'll do it for that because it is five bucks to buy on Amazon Prime. So that's an easy one for me. Wife person. um I didn't hate watching with you guys.
01:42:53
Speaker
Good. I had actually That's the best part. but it's You have to have the caveats, the drinking, the friends, the hanging out. If you've never seen it, don't worry. like You don't have to.
01:43:04
Speaker
But i mean I don't remember much of this, so it wasn't really nostalgic for me. thought you meant from like this viewing. No, that's how I feel. Derek just reminded me. I was like, oh, yeah, that did happen.
01:43:15
Speaker
I just sat through this. The fact it didn't stick here. It was in and out immediately. that's not a sign of a good fucking movie. So I can't be wishy-washy, so I would honestly, ill probably say no recommend.
01:43:26
Speaker
I'm going to recommend it. I kind of figured you would. Dude, you're geared up for it. I could feel that, dude. I had so much fun watching this. It has everything that he loves in movies, though. yeah Yeah. Yeah, you got fucking- You got Leah. Like optical effects, fucking laser blasts.
01:43:39
Speaker
You've got animatronic suits. You've got stop motion. You've miniatures. You've got Leah Thompson in her underwear. You got cloacas. Duck boobies. You got furry nipples. um I always do. I will say Howard's performance, the guy who did him, whose name I don't have. ah i don't want I don't want to say because it's a bad name. It's it's a bad performance and I don't just shit on him.
01:43:59
Speaker
But I did read. So I didn't give you guys this the beginning. I was saving it. Two people who auditioned for Howard the Duck. ah so ah supposedly, John Cusack and Martin Short. oh ah wow Martin Short would have been amazing. yeah And supposedly,
01:44:17
Speaker
interesting rob he a fucking movie Robin Williams apparently was already cast to do the voice, but after a week, he quit. Well, he quit because it was he didn't like having to try to match up what he was saying with the animatronic Oh, yeah, you should have switched that.
01:44:33
Speaker
Yeah. You should have recorded his lines first. Yeah, yeah. and I don't really understand that because that's what you would do. You would record his lines and then move the animatronic. Especially with him. But the way the movie was, it doesn't have to fucking match. ah Most of the time you don't see him talking. No. True.
01:44:47
Speaker
I would rather a better voice actor and not match mouth. Yeah, who cares? But I was surprised to find that that's the one I would recommend this. I think it was fun. That's the problem? I mean, i did love... thought... really liked the third act. Like, once we get...
01:45:00
Speaker
out of like once we're in the the diner and then we get out of the diner and it's like diner on the car chase plane chase the lasers all that stuff oh the part I was falling asleep at yeah the best part it's just because you hate action It happens to me lot. By third act, I'm like... We got up to Pia, Whitney was like, I'm falling asleep. I got to do something myself up. And I was like, how could you possibly be falling You got some dying of cancer and Whitney's locked on.
01:45:26
Speaker
But you got lasers and helicopters and explosions. She's falling asleep. i've I've conditioned her to fall asleep to those things because I watch them at 3 in the morning. my god, it's your white noise. Oh my god, explosions are her white noise? i come home from work, I'm watching Stone Cold and she's over there falling asleep.
01:45:43
Speaker
I'm Sam Elliott. Shakedown. Sleeping through ah the Executioner. Yeah. But I don't know. I liked it. Nobody else did. That's fine. No, I said I had fun. I have problem with it. I have no problem with it. But here's the thing is, Witten and I are both on the fucking mids about it because it was a fun thing, but just... It lacked. movie wasn't what I recommend. The time I had with you guys, I always recommend. Yes.
01:46:06
Speaker
Well, the 28...
01:46:10
Speaker
The meta score that it has of 28 means that out of four people, one would recommend it. So we're right there, dude. Perfect. Perfect. i do I do kind of want to hear if anybody listening can ah comment, like, if nostalgia saves this, let me know.
01:46:27
Speaker
i pre If this is one that you watch a lot. Because my nostalgia is for me being a 24-year-old drunk. Imagine being like seven watching this. Right. well i feel like you would have liked it at seven.
01:46:39
Speaker
po your VHS gets worn out on those duck nipples. Oh, dude, there would have no fucking Leah Thompson in underwear that's watchable. You're watching the VHS and all of a sudden it gets the part where she's like, hey, how... her Dark Lord.
01:46:54
Speaker
um So at this point, I'd say let's give Tyler a chance to plug himself. Oh, yeah, plug away. Get that cloaca filled up. Thank you. Plug your cloaca. Plug that cloaca.
01:47:05
Speaker
Down under is where from. Yeah, i don't got much. I'm in a band, Swigfoot. Oh, when can we see you? Yeah, we got a lot of shows coming up. We're playing this weekend, which you're not going to hear, but we're going to be playing August 2nd at Brickbox.
01:47:18
Speaker
Then August 22nd is going to be It's going Fishbone at Club Congress. Nice. Please come out to that. We got a lot of new songs coming out. We just released one on Friday. ah It's called Perfectly Whelmed. Check that out. That's how I felt with this movie.
01:47:28
Speaker
um And then we got another one coming out in the middle of August, too. It's called Gatekeepers, so that's going to fun one. Podcast. Yeah, thanks. It talks about being like the struggles of being a band where everyone's like, well, we're not punk enough. You're not ska enough.
01:47:39
Speaker
Okay. Guess what? You sound fucking good. Dude, I love Sings Wakefoot. Thanks. We've seen you a couple times. what was the what was the who was the Who else was playing at the show we went to? Voodoo Glow Voodoo Glow Skulls and a couple other bands.
01:47:52
Speaker
And i think you guys were best ones there. I'm not just saying that because you're here. I appreciate that a lot. I mean, Voodoo Glow Skulls was a lot of fun. yeah They're like crazy. This is the only time you guys had ended up playing first.
01:48:04
Speaker
and it's the only time I've seen. Bullshit. You played the first song, and everybody's doing that first band thing where they're all back a little ways. And the first song ended, and everybody took like three steps forward. Yeah. That's awesome. so It was pretty dope.
01:48:16
Speaker
That's always a good sign. Oh, thank you. agree. It's been a bunch of fun. We're just a bunch of old guys doing weird young things still. I mean, I said last time you guys were on, I went and saw you guys as like that friend thing where I was like oh, you got a friend that's in a band. I'll go see him.
01:48:29
Speaker
Loved it. Told everybody about it. i was like, Swigfoot's fucking dope. Now, any any chance that I don't have to that i't have to take a day off of work to go see you? I do. We've got the stickers around the bar and all people who come in and see it and they're like, oh, i love those guys. So there are people in town who know who you are. you know what's funny always always a good sign. We were just at Streetlight, this sounds so fucking stupid, but we were just at a Streetlight show in Phoenix.
01:48:48
Speaker
A lady came up to my wife and I were like, are you the Swigfoot guy? Fuck. That was cool. Yeah, dude, that's awesome. It's so lame, but it's pretty fucking lame at all. Yeah, that was funny. As somebody who fucking bleeds ska, I love you guys.
01:49:00
Speaker
But that is the conclusion of the month of action. accept suction Action, action. We're go to sell you the tip and you're going need it. We're going to sell you the tip, but all you'll need is the cloaca. But next month, I shake it for the cloaca. I like the way you were rubbing your leg when you said that. I'm always fiddling with my pants.
01:49:19
Speaker
You have like ah three ADHDers This is my fidget spinner. Not That's the edge of my pants. I'm fine. Calmer than you are. Calmer you are. I'm going to sit here and finish my weed.
01:49:31
Speaker
But don't worry, guys. We've got more themes coming up because next month we get into our annual month. Shitbirds. It started as back to school month. It's just evolved into shitbird month. oh yeah We talk about movies, so mostly starring dumb little shit kids all month long.
01:49:49
Speaker
And the first episode. If we can see a kid getting thrown across screen, having a good day, dude. Yeah. can watch a kid fall off a bike all day. All day. don't give shit about your kids. fuck The first episode first episode we'll be talking about is fatherhood with...
01:50:03
Speaker
with Patrick Swayze. Patrick Swayze. Yes. We were drunk when we watched that at your house, right? Sober as a bird. Sober as judge, I was. i had a few bananas and I never did a drink. I ate a fermented banana and then then things happened. Sober as a judge, you're guilty. Sober as a judge, quarter to order. Give me a burger.
01:50:23
Speaker
Patrick Swayze plays a father who is also i the hood.
Patreon and Future Content Discussion
01:50:28
Speaker
Get it? Father. Father hood. It's father the hood. Oh my God. It's not streaming for free right now.
01:50:34
Speaker
But I imagine it goes in and out because we watched it for free at your house. was just going to say, it was on one of the Prime, I think. Yeah, it was on Prime. The Prime. was watching on the Prime when I was at my house. I had a glass of prune juice and I put it on the Prime. I saw it on the internets. The internets told me to watch it. Currently, it is available to rent on Amazon and Apple for $4 or buy for $18. I'd go with the rent. That's As much as I enjoyed that movie and I did, that's much. I'd go for the rent.
01:51:02
Speaker
And then we have our Patreon available at patreon.com slash worst people. If you want to support the show, you can go there. We have two tiers, $3 tier. You get a monthly newsletter. You get access to archived episodes. You get episodes of Han took shots first early uncut ad free, and you get our monthly mental health episode, which this month for the month of action, get little month. We are talking about the long kiss goodnight, which is also not streaming free anywhere. Sorry, guys. We're trying to make you spend some money.
01:51:34
Speaker
But it's rentable on Prime finally. Because on that episode, we do talk about it, that it went it it was just gone for a while. You could not throw money at it. Yeah. So it's on Amazon and Apple for $4 or buy for $13. Rent that. You can get it on Blu-ray.
01:51:48
Speaker
i think the Blu-ray is technically out of print, but it's also Arrow Video. Just put it out on 4K. So you can get that if you want. Not paying us. It's worth it, though. It's a long kiss goodnight rules. That's why it's on mental health.
01:51:59
Speaker
At the $5 level, you get access to our other side show, Latchkey Vids, where we talk about forgotten or never known television shows from the 90s. And currently, we are still talking about Cop Rock. We are on episode seven, Cop Opheliac. We're almost done, guys. know. We're so close. Only four episodes left.
01:52:18
Speaker
And then also at the $5 level, you get... All of these episodes ad free. So if you are a patron, you could be listening to this episode right now without having to fast forward through ads and not ah not making any money anyway.
01:52:31
Speaker
Thank you, patrons. So you can subscribe to that there. It's totally worth it. We put out a ton of content and I'm sure we'll have more coming one day because I like to make my life harder. I think once you let somebody else edit for you, it'd be a lot better. I like to make his life harder, too.
01:52:47
Speaker
And don't forget, guys, also those Han Took Shots first episodes, you get them early on Patreon, but they are available here on our Bad Movies Worst People main feed now. I used to have two separate things. Well, currently we still have two separate streams, but eventually it will all be on here just to make my life... It's a big step. It's tiny bit easier. He's trying to make his life easier. It's a big step, guys.
Reflection and Wrap-up
01:53:07
Speaker
So that's been it for the month of action, and that's it for Howard the Duck. I've been Derek. I'm married to him. I'm Jack. Put that shit to bed. I'm still Tyler. if I had someplace to go, I wouldn't be in Cleveland. That was one hell of an action sequence, soldier.
01:53:23
Speaker
I haven't seen shooting like that since the Battle of New Hope. The month of action couldn't have done it without you. Mission accomplished.
01:54:08
Speaker
cloaca. Australian for pussy butt. You're not wrong. I don't think it's Australian. The way you say it is. Cloaca. Either way, you put it in your mouth. It goes down and so does your mother. It determines your sex.
01:54:27
Speaker
You gotta take a whizzer. You gotta take a pooper. Don't matter. Cloaca.
01:54:33
Speaker
And we're back. Speaking of cloaca.