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Ep 161: Father Hood (1993)
0 Playsin 2 days
We kick off our annual "back to school" (aka sh*tbird) month with 1993's Father Hood, in which Patrick Swayze trades his dancing shoes for a beat-up station wagon as Jack Charles, a small-time crook suddenly saddled with his two kids that he left in foster care after his wife passed. After rescuing them from a shady foster home straight out of a bad made-for-TV movie, Jack takes them on a chaotic cross-country run from both the law and his own commitment issues. Along the way, there’s bonding, bickering, and just enough heartwarming moments to make you forget he’s technically kidnapping them... almost. It’s part road trip comedy, part family drama, and 100% drunk Swayze charisma.
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Transcript
Introduction: Hosts and Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back folks. The month of action is over and now it's the month of shitty little kids. fuck And this week, I know you, you're the hit guy. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack.
00:00:11
Speaker
And this is Bad Movies. Worst people.
Exploring Themes in 'Fatherhood'
00:00:48
Speaker
This movie. Yeah. they never Kids don't fucking learn. Dude, you don't want your dad to leave? Stop acting the way that he makes him want to leave. Thank you. Kids don't learn, but parents just don't understand. yeah That's true. It's been documented.
00:01:02
Speaker
Documented well. Yes, this week we are talking about Fatherhood. father hood Now, correct me if I'm wrong, neither of you guys had seen this the first time that we watched it, which was seven months ago, eight months ago? Yes, somewhere in the cooler months.
00:01:19
Speaker
Yeah, somewhere either early this year or late last year. Yeah. You had never seen it before that. I had not. I know Derek hadn't. I think I had seen clips, but not the whole movie.
00:01:30
Speaker
Okay. You know, those famous clips of fatherhood running around on Tick Tock. Fatherhood. like cruising through like the movie channels.
00:01:41
Speaker
I just remember when you put this movie on at your house, it was like, ah you know, fatherhood, and it was two words.
Title and Director Insights
00:01:48
Speaker
And I was like, fatherhood is one word. And then we watched it, and I was like, oh, I get it, because he's a hood.
00:01:53
Speaker
Well, guess what's in the IMDb trivia? Oh, God. cook Tiki tab. It refers to the fact that he's a father, but also he is a gangster or a criminal.
00:02:03
Speaker
That's not a fact. You just got in on the joke. It's not a fact. You guys, you guys, I get it. By the way, we are talking about fatherhood. And when you do look for to like to try and find the streaming, make sure you put the space in there.
00:02:17
Speaker
Yes, because there are 10,000 movies called fatherhood. Are there seriously? Yeah, it's close to that. It's at least 30. This one is from 1993, if you're looking, starring one Mr. Patrick Swayze.
00:02:30
Speaker
And it was directed by Daryl James Root. Root? It's got a D and a Rowad. Rowad. ah The only thing I recognized from his directorial credits was the movie Dangerous Ground with Ice Cube.
00:02:44
Speaker
Oh, come. um He's a South African director. He's still directing, but it's all South African shit, so I don't know. Right, right. With Ice Cube?
Box Office and Tone Speculation
00:02:52
Speaker
Yeah. That's shocking. Yeah. I was surprised.
00:02:57
Speaker
And then written by Scott Spencer, who also doesn't have anything I recognize, but he has a movie. He wrote a movie that I would I'm going to watch now called Act of Vengeance. It star stars. one You don't tell me anything else. It's right up your alley.
00:03:10
Speaker
Let me guess. It has another name in Hong Kong. No. Damn. This one stars one Charles Bronson. Ooh, look at that. Along with ah Ellen Burstyn and Wilford Brimley.
00:03:21
Speaker
I don't know who that middle was. Oh, Ellen Burstyn. I mean, the one I'll give you guys because you know I know it is she's the mom in Requiem for a Dream. Does this bus go to Madison Avenue?
00:03:36
Speaker
She's been in a hundred things, but and just so you know, um, your wife was talking recently about like fucking watching a movie, you know, like a Derek movie for your birthday. And I was like, that's how you get a room full of people to watch Ruck Room for a dream.
00:03:49
Speaker
That's like, no one's going to be having fun except Derek. and it's gonna be going to going, well, you shut the fuck up trying to watch this part. Chris O'Donnell's on the screen, you dick. You guys, ah whichever Marlon Wayans is overdosing. Come on.
00:04:03
Speaker
It's my favorite movie. and one of the Wayans brothers whose name I don't know. It's overdosing. You got there. forgot which Wayans he was. So we'll play ah quick little box office game. It's an interesting one because I could not find a budget.
00:04:17
Speaker
Okay. I'm going to say $50,000 was your budget. that's No, the budget with with this. It was $500,000. They closed down a highway at one point. This is at least a $15 million dollars movie.
Plot and Characters Exploration
00:04:26
Speaker
Okay. Okay.
00:04:28
Speaker
Just to get some of these people out of bed and then like he's talking about the fucking pranks. But i couldn't I couldn't find a budget. Car pranks. But I do have one number for box office. Okay. i did The worldwide and the domestic were the same. so And I did read that it didn't get a UK release.
00:04:44
Speaker
I'm assuming that means it didn't get a worldwide release at all. um Okay. So, Jack, you think 15 was the budget? That's my guess. All right. I'm going to say...
00:04:56
Speaker
People love the Swayze. I'm going to say it's $17 million. Oh, man. I thought she i was i was thinking $18 million, but and i'm not going to say that now that she went there. Do it. $17 million and one. i think the way like People love the Swayze. I thought she was going to be up to the 30s. I'm going to say it's a $10 million. dollars Oh, they wish three point four million dollars worldwide. Yikes.
00:05:21
Speaker
And one point six, I think of that was opening weekend. So basically people went and saw it and then the same amount of people went and saw the next week and then it disappeared forever. Yeah. I wonder why, though, like why this movie didn't work.
00:05:33
Speaker
I'm not going to spoil my recommendations, but like, this is fine enough movie. It's got Patrick Swayze. It's got the kid from blank check. Too honest to facts. Like it's a weird movie. It's a, much like last week's movie. When we talked about Howard the duck, it doesn't know what tone it wants.
00:05:50
Speaker
This is supposed to be like a family friendly movie, but it's also about, you know child abuse and it's a modern family film on Louise. Yeah. Totally has a dropped ah topic, by the way.
00:06:06
Speaker
What? We never find out about Dolores. Oh, yeah. Well, that girl disappeared. Who's Dolores? The pregnant girl. Oh, no. Yeah, we got no. It wrapped up really well. Ice grabbed her. She got iced. That's the fucking end, dude. I'm not saying I like it, but it wrapped up. Those guys didn't have their faces covered and their vehicle was clearly marked with what organization they were with. in the night. First of all, you can fake a decal.
00:06:29
Speaker
Second of all, they didn't have the facial recognition yet. Nobody had cell phones shoved in their face. So they're like, cool. I don't need a ball of ball of a ball of a ball a ball of ball. They didn't just pull up in their Dodge Ram with a fucking Punisher logo on the back and disappear people from parking lots. Yep.
Key Scenes and Performances
00:06:45
Speaker
Your fucking afflicted shirt under your vest, I'm sure of it. Oh, yeah. and And they're wearing ah a true. Was it true romance jeans? Oh, I don't know.
00:06:56
Speaker
I don't know if that's their that's not what they're called, but it's something like that. the ones with all the stitching and the fucking the ones that guys that wear tap out and affliction shirts would wear if they were going out clubbing. Oh, they're like pretty jeans. Yeah. Bedazzled. What was that guy who made T-shirts? Harley and Hardy and Hardy.
00:07:12
Speaker
These are like that style Dutch. There wasn't a lot of trivia surprise about this $3 million grossing movie, but I do have one alternate person who could have played Jack Charles.
00:07:23
Speaker
Ooh. Danny DeVito. see What year was this again? 93. 93. Think along the lines of Patrick Swayze. Kevin Bacon.
00:07:37
Speaker
No, but that'd be i could I'd watch that. I could watch Kevin Bacon do this. What the hell is going on? What the hell is going on? Will you shut the fuck up? That's the line you need. The audition is just put a little kid in front of It's like, ah shut the fuck up.
00:07:51
Speaker
thats Next, shut the fuck up. Kurt Russell? Kurt Russell. Nice. which Which made me laugh out loud because every time we talked about this movie, I was like, that's the one with, is Patrick Swayze or Kurt Russell?
00:08:03
Speaker
Every time. Because all I remembered was the fucking hair.
00:08:08
Speaker
It's good hair. Except when it's wet. And also, ah type this up on your IMDb. It was almost Kurt Russell that played him. Kurt Russell played Jack in Big Trouble in Little China.
00:08:20
Speaker
Oh, same same person? Same person. Yeah, this is ah the same character a few years later after his truck was blown up by, this time, Japanese ghosts. There we go. That's the sequel we didn't get.
00:08:31
Speaker
For two and a half points, what is the name of his truck? Lucy. The Pork Chop Express. Ding, ding, ding. Thank you. I know. Yeah, it's actually director's cut. It's named Lucy.
00:08:45
Speaker
but So the movie starts at the end with Halle Berry. Which I kind of hate. Yeah. how bear How did her hair get so long?
00:08:58
Speaker
He was in jail for two years. It was 15 months. It even says 15 months earlier. Okay. So she was hair got long in 15 months. Not that long. I did. Because she's Irish like me. I'm the Irish Cat Lady. The Irish grow. Our facial hair and the hair on top of our head grows quite fast.
00:09:15
Speaker
You never know. We need to cut it off and stuff a pillow. Fair enough. So the very Irish. Anytime you come over, you're sitting on my hair. Right off your ass. Playing Kathleen Mercer.
00:09:25
Speaker
Welcome back. She was in Catwoman, of course, but just very recently. Yeah. Best movie that we've recorded about this fucking year. Incorrect.
00:09:36
Speaker
Steal's close.
00:09:40
Speaker
You guys are both wrong. I'm not. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't either those. was Howard the Duck. It was heat. Nope. I laughed more at Catwoman. You were watching Heat Rung. Halle Berry will be back because she's in Gothica, Die Another Day. Swordfish. A very recent movie called Moonfall that's trash. Oh, that's so I was texting you about that one. It looks like it's going to be really trash, and I'm in.
00:10:08
Speaker
Yeah. It's also got ah Faux Cole Hauser. What's his name? Patrick something. McGillie-Huddy. Oh, I can't think of his name now. It's going to bug me. I don't know. Dempsey.
00:10:20
Speaker
No. God, no.
00:10:23
Speaker
And then we have ah Kelly and Eddie Charles. oh i know who you're talking about. right. Gotcha. From Watchmen. Was he a co-star on Castaway? Is he the volleyball?
00:10:35
Speaker
That was his father, please. So Kelly and Eddie Charles. Kelly played by Sabrina Lloyd, who's mostly a TV actress. She did she was in Sliders and she was in Sports Night.
00:10:47
Speaker
I didn't watch those. Oh, that's Sports Night. She's a fucking delightfully like neurotic character in that. I like her in Sports Night. Yeah, she's on the poster for both. She's like in those shows. She didn't just pop up like most of our people in this movie. Yeah. movies And then ah Eddie, played by Brian Bonsall from ah Family Ties and Blank Check.
00:11:08
Speaker
That's all I know him from is Blank Check. So he'll be back because we'll talk about Blank Check one of these Augusts. Oh, yeah, we have to. this is We definitely must. It's not on the docket this month, but maybe it becomes. Who knows?
00:11:21
Speaker
i got I got nothing going on. Or wait until next year we do Richie Rich and Blank Check back to back. Oh, there you go. Stupid little fake rich kid. And then we could do the toy. One of them is a real rich kid.
00:11:34
Speaker
That's a little problematic. Toys, you mean? No. I'm thinking about spoiled rich kids. ah Okay. Okay. It is problematic. You're not wrong. Who else is a spoiled rich kid?
00:11:46
Speaker
Is there a movie about Bryce Dallas Howard?
00:11:53
Speaker
We'll just do one of those Jurassic Park movies, Jurassic World movies. Oh, God. ah Please, no. Transformers all over again. So they're waiting for their dad to get released from prison.
00:12:04
Speaker
And there's this voiceover from Kelly. And she's like, the thing about Jack is he kind of grows on you. And I was like, that's true. That is. It's true.
00:12:16
Speaker
I'm much like a fungus. and And we see their dad, Patrick Swayze, playing Jack Charles. Patrick Swayze, previously on the show when we talked about Donnie Darko for Mental Health Month. yep Oh, yeah. um He'll be on the show next month when we talk about Point Break on our Patreon. Spoiler alert for the folks out there.
00:12:35
Speaker
And yeah one day we'll talk about Roadhouse. Roadhouse. We could also do Black Dog. Oh, my God. I was just thinking about Black Dog. don't know that one. He's a truck driver. Black Dog is the move. She's overselling it. It's so it's it's fun. Does he drive a truck called the Pork Chop Express?
00:12:53
Speaker
oh Shockingly enough, no. No, it's called the the Porterhouse Coach. Yeah.
00:13:03
Speaker
But in the voiceover, they're all hugging and stuff. And in the voiceover, she's like, trust me. Fleming yon layover.
00:13:12
Speaker
The Fleming yon bus. The Portobello train station. The Brat bus. o I want a Brat. That sounds dirtier than I intended it to, and I apologize to the people. The Brat bus is pulling into the station.
00:13:26
Speaker
thought she was going into song. Ave Maria. I want that pork. But the voiceover, says she says, trust me, it wasn't always like this.
00:13:41
Speaker
And we cut back to. She's breaking out of prison, man. Yeah, the shitty abusive orphanage. the Speaking of Shawshank, right? Oh, yeah. Because the guy who runs it runs Shawshank. Yeah. um But it's called the Bowman Center.
00:13:55
Speaker
Bigelow. Bigelow. Yes, there we go. I knew it was something with B. Bigelow. I was going to say the Orson, so I'm really glad that you guys went first. The Deuce Bigelow Center for Children. God, no, no.
00:14:09
Speaker
Rob Schneider is your doctor. The children aren't safe there. That is abuse to have people to sit there and listen to Rob Schneider for any amount of time a day. And they don't they don't do vaccines there. Oh, no.
00:14:20
Speaker
It's just fucking ah RFK and fucking Deuce Bigelow running it. Well, because he's very famously anti-vaccine also. That's why he's the only one of Adam Sandler's friends not in everything anymore.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. like Adam Sandler was like, look, dude, that's too much. We can't can't have you doing that. So she escapes the orphanage and we cut to Patrick Swayze going to a psychic to get tarot cards read.
00:14:48
Speaker
This is a cameo. It's not tarot cards. It's playing cards. Yeah, well well, it was terrible. It was terrible. This is a cameo from the great Adrian Barbo.
00:14:58
Speaker
Speaking of Kurt Russell, because she was an escape from New York. Um, I think she might have been in the thing for a moment. She's in the fog. Cannonball, Dredd, Demolition Man, Cannonball Run.
00:15:11
Speaker
yeah John Carpenter wasn't her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Gorgeous woman. go back and watch a Go back and watch the fog and try not to get a boner.
00:15:22
Speaker
Says that all the time. Usually to me.
00:15:27
Speaker
But she's reading her his future and it's he's going on a big trip and he's not going alone. And he's like, fuck yeah, because I'm going to get some. Wait, not alone? Right. He just skips over. He stays on the positive, not the negative. Maybe he's, I'm thinking, she's probably talking about like a prostitute or a girlfriend.
00:15:44
Speaker
Is that what you mean? I'm not alone because I have Adrian Barbell with me. He's got a partner. you're You're saying you're coming with me? Is that what you're telling me? He's going to take her and her big old boobies.
00:15:55
Speaker
She looks so fed up with him. Well, I did read i was going to save it for later, but she might be fed up with him because I did read that Patrick Swayze's alcoholism was at its peak at this point.
00:16:08
Speaker
Oh, man. And so he was frequently falling asleep, including like in the middle of takes. rough yeah well the editor did a good job then rough rough
00:16:20
Speaker
so uh we find out he's going he's he's going to court he's going to jail uh two years for robbing drug dealers he's like dude come on dude i was i was robbing drug dealers like yeah until he robbed an undercover cop yeah like First of all, you just admitted to robbing people.
00:16:36
Speaker
They're still people. But I think it's to help us, the audience, be like, he's not a bad, bad guy. it' He's that chaotic neutral. He's me. Yeah. He's not like Robin Hood at all, though, because Robin Hood likes to donate stuff. This guy's like, I rob from the rich and I give to me.
00:16:54
Speaker
and I am the poor. He didn't steal anything on this whole way. I mean, maybe he food i mean and cars. But like he traded jewelry for things.
00:17:06
Speaker
That's only because he knew he couldn't beat those guys up. Yeah, he did trade that bartender ring for the blankets, too. And the watch for the truck yeah to get him back on the boat.
Legal Drama and Plot Twists
00:17:15
Speaker
because he did the math. He's like, look, if I steal this thing, all these bikers are gonna catch up to me and kill me.
00:17:20
Speaker
I'm rid of my watch. Also, how am I going to jump on a hood if nobody's driving the car? Oh, true. See, he's a genius. Well, we see he's not a good dad from the beginning.
00:17:31
Speaker
I mean, I kind of agree with what he's saying here because he's a bad. He's a shitty guy. But he's like, the smartest thing I ever did was keep my kids out of my life and me out of theirs. And it's like, well, yeah, that's a bad dad. But also, you're not a good person. So it might be true. Yeah.
00:17:44
Speaker
Yeah, this could be this could be true. And Kelly gets to his apartment. And she's telling him about all about Bigelow and how they abuse kids and they handcuff them and they do all this shit.
00:17:57
Speaker
And tomorrow they're. Yeah. Tomorrow they're bringing in Eddie, his son, who was with a foster family, but he's going to be brought in. Yeah. Why is he being brought in? Because they're they're it's all about the money. Like ah Prego Girls Mom. Yeah.
00:18:12
Speaker
Fake mom says. Yeah. Prego Madre says that. Like they take him away from the foster family because they want him. Because they get x amount of money for him it only takes him $3 to raise him.
00:18:23
Speaker
If you do it this way. Yeah. Yeah. And his plan is to go to New Orleans and collect $250,000. It sounds like he's just picking it up. It turns out he is not. There's a lot you got to do to get through that.
00:18:35
Speaker
And he goes to court and the judge is, oh, I didn't get this late, Georgian something. um She's the only thing I recognize from hers is she's one of the ladies in Midnight Cowboy.
00:18:48
Speaker
Oh, okay. That ah John Voight is either trying to bang or does bang yeah for money. um He argues about getting his kids out of Bigelow and how they use handcuffs and stuff. He's charming this entire time.
00:19:02
Speaker
He is. Do you know what these are? i believe these are folders, ma'am. Yeah, but she's not buying his shit. it's like she even she's like Because when he asks to see his his son, she's like, oh, as a reward for all of your good behavior in my courtroom.
00:19:16
Speaker
I said I was sorry. When we meet Lazaro, who runs Bigelow. I'm sorry. I think it's Lasagna. Nice lasagna from now on. Yeah. That lasagna dude's lying.
00:19:28
Speaker
Played by Bob Gunton ah from Shawshank Redemption, as we mentioned. Oh, yeah. And he'll be back on the show. He's in Broken Arrow, Ace Ventura, Demolition Man, JFK.
00:19:40
Speaker
so Broken Arrow is going to be sooner rather than later. Yeah, I'm excited. Me too. Love that movie. ah But he demands to see his son. So they have a meeting in the office.
00:19:51
Speaker
He makes a fucking scene during the the meeting with Eddie and Lazaro drags him off. So they him and Kelly go off to see Eddie and they they do see he's in handcuffs.
00:20:02
Speaker
And I just love Patrick. He's like, that motherfucker lied to me. It's not just handcuffs. It's fucking waist and wrist shackles. yeah yeah But it's leather so it doesn't leave abrasions.
00:20:13
Speaker
But it's just so easy. Like, if you were really worried that someone might be checking on to you, just wait to do this a little bit. You're just right there doing it. Well, yeah nobody believed Patrick Swayze. So the dude's not worried about it.
00:20:27
Speaker
And it is. She even said Bigelow is the best. Yeah. And she said Bigelow is the best institution in the state or whatever. So. So they break him out of there by holding Patrick Swayze. He holds this bus up at gunpoint.
00:20:43
Speaker
A little, what is this little snub guy? Snub nose 38. Even Michael Ironside gives him shit for it because like, oh, you always get that snub nose 38. That's not a real It's love it.
00:20:54
Speaker
It's a good gun. And the there's a cameo here with the bus driver. I imagine maybe he was doing stunts on the movie, but this is Kane Hodder. oh Oh, that was Mr. Voorhees himself. Yeah, yeah, for sure doing stunts. I love it.
00:21:09
Speaker
Because there's needed stunts here. Doing stunts for Patrick Swayze because they look just alike. No, he's a little kid stuntman. Get it right.
00:21:19
Speaker
I don't know. I'm five. cut That's a good one, Kane. If we put the camera really far away, you can't tell how big he is. You ever heard of like shooting with perspective?
00:21:32
Speaker
Just put a bigger rock behind him. He'll look small.
00:21:37
Speaker
Just put him on his knees when he's next to Kelly. yeah Still twice as twice her size.
00:21:44
Speaker
But ah they take he takes Eddie. He takes this pregnant girl, too. And he makes Lazaro swallow this key so none of the other kids can be released until Lazaro takes a shit. love it. He's like, be a good boy. Swallow it It's good for your body.
00:21:56
Speaker
Eat it. ah Isn't that delicious? Derek pointed something out about this scene, though. How could Kelly possibly know Dolores if she's just now being transferred?
00:22:07
Speaker
Yeah, this she's being transferred back to it. She was there before she ran away before. Because later on in the courtroom, she's like, what about Dolores getting pregnant and all this stuff when they're talking about the the real abuse going on? Yeah. But yeah I don't really i think she ran away and then they got her back.
00:22:27
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So she just keeps running away. Yeah. Wouldn't you? or she was Or she was going to a doctor's appointment. I would have killed myself. ah would i would have gone out swinging. Try to cause a gas leak in the kitchen and then just take out the whole place.
00:22:40
Speaker
Not bad. Not bad. but So a cop chases him and crashes and the little kid, that's the second time in like, what, two weeks now? we got a radical! Yep. Radical. Super wizard. So wizard.
00:22:58
Speaker
Well, it's a good way of showing Patrick Swayze's growth throughout this film because he says radical dad and he's like, yeah, don't call me that. I'm not your fucking i'm dad. I'm not your fucking dad. yeah is this Is this child your son? Well, never got a DNA test, but yeah, sure. He's my son.
00:23:14
Speaker
So they drop off Preggers and head off to Vegas to see grandma. Oh, he dumps her. He's like, we got to dump you. Yeah. They head off to Vegas to see Grandma, who is played by Diane Ladd, who's a welcome back. She was in Wild Angels.
00:23:28
Speaker
Oh, that's Derny's lady. Yeah, she's Derny's wife and the mother of Laura laura Dern. yeah Just prop me up on the couch. I'll still be in your movie.
00:23:39
Speaker
Put a little joint in my mouth, and we'll see what happens. Oh, look at that. I'm back to life. It's like Weekend at Derny's 2. Instead of ah music that brings me back to life, it's ah it's a spliff. It's a little reefer. I still got an erection. Oh my God, I'm still rock hard.
00:23:54
Speaker
ah She's in ah Wild at Heart. She's in White Lightning. Let's put the us in rigor more to us. some Yeah, we will be talking more about her. Yeah, because White Lightning is fun and stupid. Yeah.
Chase Scenes and Comedy Elements
00:24:05
Speaker
ah So they get Grandma who's cheating at craps and fakes a heart attack to get the fuck out of there.
00:24:10
Speaker
How is she cheating? i don't know. She's doing some shit with her hands. and Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, that's i mean, that's the only way I could think of to cheat. Yeah, but like where's like because it's not in her hand when when she goes to put down the chips, she does it really awkwardly and she like puts down the chips and grabs the dice at the same time. So and that's when the security guards watching her. Yeah. so maybe she switches them there.
00:24:31
Speaker
But either way, she gets called out and she fakes a heart attack and then they just let her walk out. Yeah. Question mark. They didn't let her take her money. i don't know. You call an ambulance if someone's having a heart attack. He did. He's a call. 911. And then they probably said, oh, it's just I need some air. I need some air. we just Look, the casino wants to get her nitro pills. They want to get back to business as usual.
00:24:52
Speaker
So he's like, I'll walk her out. It's OK. I'll take her to the front. we'll wait for the ammo there. Like, good. Get the fuck out. And she's mad at him. She's like, look at you dress showing up dressed like a hood. father hood.
00:25:04
Speaker
Dumb. And in the morning, they are in the newspaper with the article written by Halle Berry saying that he was using an M16. Fully automatic. He's a maniac.
00:25:16
Speaker
He put all the kids. The kids were laughing and hooting and hollering, man. They were loving that shit. They're like, yeah, make him eat that key. You have no idea what he's done to us. And now we're stuck in these until he has a bowel movement.
00:25:28
Speaker
And speaking of white lightning, there's another cop chase here on a dirt road, ah which is very fun. um I love any car any car chase on a dirt road is always fun, especially when you're using these old fucking big boat cars. Yeah, dude, this I lot of love this car.
00:25:43
Speaker
I'm with the kid. like I know you've got to get rid of it now, but I love this car. Yeah, and and the things are these things are just romping and flying off hills. It's a good time. And he fakes out the cop and makes him crash into a hill and flip over. a berm, if you will. A berm. We can get Burmese.
00:26:01
Speaker
We can Burmese. A Burmese python. Isn't Burmese a python? It's also a place, Burma. It's also a black Siamese cat. Interesting. The thing about this movie that works is definitely the the stunts.
00:26:14
Speaker
yeah yeah Like right here you see this cop car goes off like a corkscrew like a duck penis through the air and lands a fucking sunder. But don't worry that the cop is okay. It's okay. He's not because our guys like it's that bad.
00:26:27
Speaker
Well they always show that the people are still alive. Patrick Swayze isn't killing cops. Right. He's not killing anybody. Maybe drug dealers. And we get like, this is, I'm with him here.
00:26:39
Speaker
They're driving through the middle of the desert. These kids are just fucking bickering. You're on my side. Don't put your foot over here. brip pepper but And we have this super, super wide shot of the car. And you just hear Patrick Swayze scream, shut up with like a big echo.
00:26:53
Speaker
And then he just gets him out of the car and drives away. And I was like, roll credits. Because like, That was a good episode. ah My favorite part is when he told that kids though both of those kids to shut the fuck up and then left them in the middle of the desert to die. Five stars.
00:27:10
Speaker
Yep. Somebody will come along. is The Jeepers Creepers guy will find them. Oh, good. Not the director. I'm not wishing that on them. Just the murderous monster. i ah um' I'm not like hoping they live. i just want to molested.
00:27:24
Speaker
Um, I thought of Derek while watching this, a lot of this movie because it's, it's rough towards kids, but definitely this part where it's like, dude, I hit my limit. Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:35
Speaker
And like we were saying, these are the dumb kids. your Your dad is prone to leaving. He fucking puts you into foster care in the first place, or actually the state took him, but he left him in there. Like he's ready to bolt and you just keep doing this shit bird shenanigans.
00:27:50
Speaker
Um, Also, you're on the fucking run. So quit stopping. even though I'll give you the i'll give this though. They've never been on the run before. So they don't know the lay of the land.
00:28:01
Speaker
He needs to be like, look, time out. like I'm not saying he's going to have the patience for but he's like, time out. Here's what we're doing. We're on the fucking run. You want to stay with me? You want to not fucking beat you in the face with ah a pistol?
00:28:12
Speaker
Here's the rules. Here's what we do. communication You're going to learn have to you're gonna have to learn how to put your tally whacker out a window while we're driving 65 because we ain't stopping. What about her? ah Coffee can. Okay.
00:28:26
Speaker
It made me think of Rat Race. I'm prairie dogging it. is sorry Sorry for ever making me think about that don't remember Mr. Bean? I remember Mr. Bean was in it, and I remember prairie dogging. I've never seen it. i remember Seth Green. I saw that shit in theaters. Not a flex. Seth Green is in it.
00:28:41
Speaker
You two dummies are meant for each other.
00:28:46
Speaker
But of course he turns around and goes back for them. And immediately Eddie starts whining some more about wanting to go to the Hoover Dam.
Community Engagement: Patreon
00:28:53
Speaker
But then he does play to his dad's criminal sensibilities because he's like, we can get a new car there. I was going to go there anyway. yeah it's not your idea. Nope, you weren't right. I was going to do that. Look, turn signal is already on before you finish it. Sentence.
00:29:08
Speaker
So he gets there. He calls Halle Berry. um and He's like, dude, I'm just trying to save my kids. Like their blood is going to be on your hands when something happens here. And she's like, I've just been trying to bust this foster care racket. And I guess she's using this to smoke him out. So he'll help? Question mark.
00:29:23
Speaker
Thousand percent. Like, why would you assume this guy would help? He's got this criminal record and he's in his past tells you. he Yeah, exactly. But that's her plan. So she's like, it's illegal for a journalist to talk to minors? Question mark. Without a guardian. She just says to talk to minors, period.
00:29:42
Speaker
So can you ask her these? That's it's different minors. It's from the old Hatfield of McCoy thing. Like you weren't allowed to talk to people the worked in mines. Got it. It's a habeas corpus Roe v. Wade.
00:29:55
Speaker
If so, facto filibuster.
00:30:00
Speaker
Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com slash worse people. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging.
00:30:17
Speaker
We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on the omit on so long. But... We do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:30:30
Speaker
We need to do remote podcasts for all of you. wouldn't mind eating. We need to have video. I wouldn't mind eating. ah We need more drinks. Food sounds good. So please check out patreon.com slash worst people. Please check us out.
00:30:44
Speaker
You get a bonus episode every month and we're going more content coming for you. I'll send you pictures. ah Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Please give me more. Patreon.com. I'm being held hostage here. Slash worst people. i don't pay my way out of here. They're going to kill me.
00:30:59
Speaker
Sharks of the corn? Virus shark? Cocaine shark? Sharktopus? Yeah, those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of shark-sploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the shark movie podcast.
00:31:20
Speaker
But the cops arrive at the Hoover Dam while they're checking everything out. And I mean, one of the cops sees him and calls in and these guys arrive immediately. And I'm like, the Hoover Dam isn't that near anything.
00:31:31
Speaker
don't know where these guys came from, but they're there. Helicopters, dude. ah Helicopters dropped off cop cars.
00:31:40
Speaker
um So Patrick Swayze goes to steal a car. The cops come up to the kids. And I got this confused... Was it the wizard where they give some other kids their jackets? Yeah.
00:31:50
Speaker
Yes. Okay. I expecting that also. Because the cops were walking up on him and I was expecting him to turn around and be different kids, but it was the wizard. It's funny because I had a flash and I was like, is that the same jacket from wizard? Or is it just that that jacket in wizard is such a plot device that I'm remembering that?
00:32:05
Speaker
Like similar movie, but they're going in opposite direction. and There's no dad. One is leaving California and one is going to California. Oh, excuse me. four Thank you. You know what they say about California?
00:32:17
Speaker
It's rough. In this one, they're going to, Nolens. Nolens. But the dinosaurs are in Texas. I hate this fucking kid. why i ought The daughter's fine when she's not being antagonized by the shittiest of shitbirds.
00:32:37
Speaker
She's fucked. but I didn't pull up the graphic at the beginning because I forgot, but look at these little shit kids. Both of them. I mean, between his legs, that's not a good place to stand, sir. don't know. That little kid in this picture looks an awful lot like Freddy Krueger. Yeah, I thought about that during the boat race, the boat scene. I was like, this is fucking Freddy Krueger sweater.
00:32:56
Speaker
Yeah. Damn, Patrick Swayze's got some fucking swag right there. That shirt, leather jacket. Say hello to my big ass friend.
00:33:08
Speaker
Oh, the kid's between his legs because he was so drunk that he forgot there were two kids. He's like, look, I got the kid. Take the picture. And the kid just had to run in real quick and just slid in there. No, the kid was on his shoulders and Patrick Swayze dropped him and he fucking got all concussed. He's like, just don just look through my legs. Here, come.
00:33:23
Speaker
Click. Boom. Kid got into my bananas. Got it. Kid ate my bananas. He can't stand. Kid gave me a banana. What are going to do with it? Not fucking ferment it? fucking ferment it? All right, let's go. Make a banana Korean pie. But this is the part I remembered the most from when we previously watched this was Patrick Swayze. He goes to steal this car.
00:33:42
Speaker
and You see it go driving off and it crashes into the the thing they're standing on, the platform, and then just goes plummeting off this cliff and explodes.
00:33:53
Speaker
Huge bada boom. Dude, that that car was full of had a full tank of gas and also that guy was transporting nitroglycerin. Yes. it's It's a terrorist. It's like, what happened to my car?
Character Development and Humor
00:34:03
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:34:04
Speaker
oh Oh, no. That's not where I was supposed to be going. He's detonate, detonate. ah so I was here to blow up the Hoover Dam. Much like um Lex Luthor in that Superman movie.
00:34:17
Speaker
oh That Superman movie. It's called Superman. I was going to say, the Superman movie? Is it that? Yes, the Superman movie. But it's ah it's a distraction, you see. i mean, it's a good thing we saw at the very beginning of this movie that he makes it. Otherwise, I would have been concerned.
00:34:34
Speaker
Yeah. So he takes the kids and they flee. um We do cut real quick to Lazaro and this guy McDougal. Lasagna and McDonald's. Lasagna catches McDonald's.
00:34:48
Speaker
Talking to a girl. Yeah. Where were you last night? Don't disappoint me again. Like, it's it's not good. It's not good at all. No, it's not. Have you ever met somebody where you think they should have been aborted? I think he should have been aborted. We need to see this guy die in this movie.
00:35:05
Speaker
Agreed. But I do like where they cut it off. You know what mean? we We talked about previous episode, ah when they got undefeatable, where it's just like, we get what you're doing, but you're you're you're making me watch more of it than I need to. And especially with this movie being the age group it is, it's like, implication is fine.
00:35:24
Speaker
That's plenty. so That's all you needed to do. Yeah, we'll do. We'll do the work. It's fine. that That's really just that scene is just that. And the guy lasagna is basically like, hey, we got ah pretend everything is on the up and up around here while they're looking at us.
00:35:39
Speaker
So, yeah, he's like, be extra special care. ah Patrick Swayze talking to Halle Berry on the phone again. ah She's like, ask your daughter if she ever went to Yosemite National Park and ask her if she ever ate steak.
00:35:53
Speaker
Seems like weird questions. Yeah. What? See, communication would go a long way here. He does ask her about that, but she's like, the only time I ever saw steak was when I was cleaning up the janitor's cafeteria. Yep. So the janitors get steak and the kids clean up after them. Hell yeah. I don't think that's how janitors work.
00:36:08
Speaker
No, because the janitors have to just basically keep their mouth shut. ah It's a drug front. like Look, you got to do all the the mopping of a lot of the places, but we have someone muchs going to come clean your place and we're going to give you steak.
00:36:20
Speaker
Just don't talk about the handcuffs or the steak. Or the sex. I was trying to leave it up to the implication there, Whitney. Sorry. You took it too far. I took it too far, guys. I am a worse people.
00:36:37
Speaker
ah But when he calls Kathleen back, he finds out that lasagna does has been turning in these reimbursement sheets for trips to Yosemite and all this stuff do this year and and the stakes and all that. So it is all about getting money and collecting money.
00:36:51
Speaker
By keeping these kids prisoner. Also, who would sign off on two days a week of steak dinners for, we'll say, 200 kids? <unk>'s running Whoever's running California is like, oh, they're taking care of those kids. That's nice.
00:37:08
Speaker
That's $30,000 year, she says, for steak dinners. yeah that I wish that was my steak budget. Fuck yeah, dude. That's a good steak budget. That's you get gout, but it's fine. It's a good gout.
00:37:21
Speaker
You'll die happy. It's fine. And we also learn at this point that we that Kelly is trying to get to New Orleans because she has a she thinks she has a boyfriend there. Yep. There's a guy that liked her.
00:37:33
Speaker
Which comes up at the end of the movie with a an actor that I recognized. Yep, from ah Sweet Home, Alabama. Oh, that's what Derek knew him from. yeah Yeah, that's what I knew him from. Definitely. Sure was.
00:37:45
Speaker
I've seen that movie at least one times. How many times did you remember it? Zero. I'm not going to say how many times I've seen it. We know. But I love when he's yelling at Halle Berry on the phone and he's like, you're just some scrawny Irish girl with a cat named Ginger.
00:38:01
Speaker
She's just laughing because Halle Berry is clearly not Irish. She could still be Irish. And then she's like, ah by the way, I'm allergic to cats, motherfucker. Not in the movie I saw you in.
00:38:13
Speaker
That's what I was thinking. I was like, um... Meow. Well, that that allergy went away in 10 years. Halle Berry says she's allergic to cats, and then she later played Catwoman, where she, in fact, was surrounded by cats. Because she died, That's in there. Is it? Is it really?
00:38:27
Speaker
Yep. Shut up! You could just put anything in the IMDb trivia. You need to just going to go on there and start writing fan fiction. Like it's not even true stories and people are going to believe it. Like in an interview with Popular Mechanics magazine, Halle Berry said that her and Patrick Swayze took a boat ride to.
00:38:51
Speaker
Guam.
00:38:54
Speaker
ah I'm listening. I'm reading. There was an on-set story about after they got done shooting one day and they were both disgustingly filthy, they started dancing.
00:39:05
Speaker
And they called it Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing. And Patrick Swayze was in a movie called Dirty Dancing. Woo! Mic drop. Oh, yeah. They do stop to make... When he stopped to make this phone call, he's at this gas station slash bar, which is pretty sweet.
00:39:21
Speaker
Fuck yeah, dude. Fill her up and then do the same for me. I mean, they have the gas and goes up in Phoenix where it's a bar and you can get gas. Do they? Yeah. Remember, you can get growler fills. i used to sell my beer there. Growler fills. Growler fills is not a bar. This has a bartender.
00:39:37
Speaker
You're right. This dude has a bartender with a shotgun. Yeah. He pulls it out on Patrick Swayze. course, Swayze catches him in the act, pulls out his little tiny gun. He's like, I know mine's smaller, but I'm quicker.
00:39:49
Speaker
doesn't say that, but it'd be good line. It would be a great line. let's do some negotiations yeah so he gets some blankets for the kids even though they asked for food but hey what are gonna do and uh this guy calls the cops on them of course so the cops can stay on cold on their trail the whole time oh yeah um he starts falling asleep while driving and gets recruits kelly to drive she's like i don't know how to drive he's like uh what does he say ever break road forward uh-huh everybody in my family knows how to drive let's go Yeah I hate to write a passage of my family Learn how to drive young Somebody probably picked you up way too drunk Yes I love that the What the fuck Eddie is like I'm driving next And that's when Patrick Swayze sits up He's like the fuck you are No you are not Shut up I'm trying to fucking sleep Yeah She does have a close call with a semi because she gets mad and starts yelling at Patrick Swayze and turning around. I'm like, dude, you just started driving. You see that there's a stop sign ahead of you. got some confidence. I mean, she's new, but she got some confidence in you to be turning around fucking backseat talk driving.
00:40:53
Speaker
And I read a thing. I didn't get exactly where these mailboxes were, but this like right across the street from here, it's not seen in the store, but there's like a general store right there called Rio Medina, I guess.
00:41:04
Speaker
And they had a big poster of this movie displayed at the general store. It's autographed by Patrick Swayze. Fuck And like, that's a, that's because they're like, that's the one thing that's ever happened here. Right. Yeah.
00:41:19
Speaker
Patrick Swayze he passed out right there where you're standing, Fred. shit you not. Apparently someone stole that poster and it's never been recovered. Scumbags. Yeah.
00:41:29
Speaker
So that person is actually more pathetic. Yeah. Most. ah Most pathetic. I like the truck driver's like, hey, i called for help on the CB. He's like, can you uncall your help? What?
00:41:42
Speaker
You want me to uncall? Yeah. Okay. I don't think that's how it works. Especially if like he called for like a 911 on the CB. Like, hey, I need an ambulance. There's a car crash.
00:41:54
Speaker
Oh, never mind. They said they're going walk it off.
00:41:57
Speaker
That's not going to attract something. like that's that's ah It was two young children and a guy that looked like, I don't know, he wants to be Elvis. yeah Part Elvis, a lot Christian Slater. That the joke that joke will be more relevant in a couple years. Yes.
00:42:15
Speaker
Yeah, nobody had seen Gleaming the Cube. that out by now? Yeah. I'm sure it was, right? He's about to make cuffs. I don't know that one. i've heard You've mentioned it before. i own it. Is it dirty? No, not really.
00:42:27
Speaker
okay. Sounds dirty. i I grew up really enjoying it. I know listener Chris knows what I'm which movie I'm talking about. I tried to show to the bleeps one day and man they just weren't having it. They were fucking bored as shit.
00:42:43
Speaker
And I just looked over. i was like I'll put something else on. I'm not going to make you suffer through this. I just looked it up. Gleaming the Cube was 1989. So people knew who Christian Slater was. Yeah but not like the way that my joke plays.
00:42:57
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. Pump up the volume also, I think. came Oh, yeah. 90. Oh, yeah. We got to get that on there. um They get to the Cascade Caverns National Park.
00:43:08
Speaker
ah This is where we started talking about the wizard, Whitney and I, because they've got a big fake dinosaur out front. And I was like, different dinosaur. But it's it's a lot of similarities to wizard, though. So many.
00:43:20
Speaker
Oh my God. Didn't Patrick Swayze, like when she was asking about, did you love mom? He's like, yeah, you actually kind of look like her except for the legs. And in wizard, the girl's like, don't I have like my mom's gams?
00:43:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So there's, they're wizarding all over this place. They are. It's wizarding all over. Dude, that's so reverse wizard. So reverse wizard.
00:43:44
Speaker
ah Eddie is whining about wanting to go into the caves because he just still doesn't understand that they are on the run. Like, I know you said like they've never been on the run before, but they have escaped from the police no less than three times at this point. That excuse doesn't fly now because now you have been on the run. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:58
Speaker
You should know better than be like, well, I'm going to go anyway. But the cops show up. You want your dad to leave? That's how you get a left dad, dude. Keep fucking around. You don't want a left dad. You want a right dad. You want a right dad.
00:44:11
Speaker
If you ask any dad, they're all right. Dude, I love the fucking use of the word girlfriend from Patrick Swayze. ah Did you catch it?
00:44:23
Speaker
Oh, hey girlfriend. He says it almost like somebody being a stereotypical, um like playing a stereotypical homosexual, like a character of, like girlfriend. But he's just like, you can write up whatever you want, girlfriend.
00:44:35
Speaker
you know And he calls his daughter girlfriend a couple times. so And he's not it's it's just it's a really weird slang that works really well for this character. It does. the The cops do show up, so they go down into the caves, and of course they're like, well, we know they're here, so they call everybody out, and there's a big chase through these caverns. if There's a bear. i shot the bear. Dude, that one guy just shoots the bear. The other guy's like, there are children. I'm glad you brought it up. Like, dude, calm the fuck down.
00:45:02
Speaker
But then again, it's like, hey, if they're going to fucking throw bears at us, I am going to shoot. i don't want to go down in some cave where children are throwing bears at me, dude. They're coming right for us. They're throwing bears right at us.
00:45:14
Speaker
So they get out the back of the cave because most caves have a back door.
00:45:20
Speaker
And jump into this. If it was like a fucking cowboy hideout pirate treasure cave. Yeah, you bet. Well, if this is a, well, it it is a tourist attraction, they have to have a secondary exit, right?
00:45:33
Speaker
In case there's a cave fire, question mark? Yes. Cave fire. Cave fire. This summer, Gerard Butler. Is it a fire? Is it a cave? It's both. Oh, no, look at that. They're all caves on fire.
00:45:47
Speaker
It's a cave fire. You know, you started with the thing, and I was like, ooh, Cave Fire. I'd watch that. Then you said, Gerard Butler. And I was like, oh. This summer, Cynthia Rothrock kicks around in Cave Fire.
00:46:00
Speaker
Holds stalactite for an upcoming trailer. Hey, that movie that she filmed here in Arizona is coming out pretty soon. Is it called Cave Fire? It's called Black Creek. Ooh, I like it.
00:46:13
Speaker
It's on digital, but I'm waiting for that Blu-ray. course you are. Well, I'll get the digital so you can watch it with me. So they sneak onto this guy's boat that he's towing. The Caribbean princess. Cajun princess. Cajun princess. Narlins.
00:46:27
Speaker
Narlins, y'all. It's the Cajun princess. It gets a little bit of Cajun sushi on the way to the bayou. The Nick Cajun so princess. Nick Cajun sushi.
00:46:38
Speaker
Sushi princess. I love it. Maybe it's this movie growing up, but I always wanted to be in the back of a boat while was being towed. It looks like fun. It looks like a fucking hoot.
00:46:51
Speaker
This is the first time in days that he has fed these children, by the way. Yeah, finally, because she's like, dude, I'm hyperglycemic. I'm fucking, I got low blood pressure. going to pass out.
00:47:02
Speaker
They go ham on this turkey. They go ham on that turkey. Yeah, they have a little Thanksgiving dinner in the boat. um Is that an illegal ham? One of my favorite lines of the movie is Eddie pulling out the wishbone and looking at his dad and saying, you want to tug it with me?
00:47:22
Speaker
Nope. We're going to find a different family tradition. We're not tugging it together, son. there's the We got to talk. I know I haven't been in your life much, but you should know at least this much. You don't look a man in the eyes and you say, do you want to tug it with me?
00:47:34
Speaker
Unless you're ready for someone to say yes, then you can ask that question. What does this look like? Reddit?
00:47:43
Speaker
Now his beard goes all the way up.
00:47:47
Speaker
And ah he's asking Kelly about if anybody ever touched her a big low and she gets really defensive and angry and she's like, you're drunk. And he's like, no, I'm not. Probably. Yes, he is. That was OK. So he in fact was drunk. That's what I was going to say. I'll wait till we get there.
00:48:04
Speaker
Was that not scripted? Did he not say the proper line? And she's like, you're fucking drunk, dude. Keep rolling. Keep rolling. This is only a $10,000 budget. Because in my notes, this is where I have the thing about Patrick Swayze's alcoholism. But it came up earlier.
00:48:20
Speaker
So it might be true. We both had the same thought. I love it. I didn't realize he was that full-blown of alcoholic. Neither did I. Yeah, I guess he had some problems for a while there. Crazy. That's a bummer. Which would explain, you know, he's been disappearing from movies for a while there. Yeah.
00:48:37
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, Patrick Swayze in the 90s. I can't think of a whole lot. I mean, they're like no point break point break. But that's barely that's 91. Yeah.
00:48:48
Speaker
I mean, it was late ninety s I'd say mid. I thought it was like 97, 98. keep talking but i think derek is right i think derek's 100 right though like it's that that early 90s the last bastion i mean this this obviously didn't fucking set him up for success in a career i was right 98 98 okay for black dog yeah because i saw it with my parents but again that's not a good movie and even derek hasn't even heard of it no If Derek hasn't even heard of it, that's a wild thing.
00:49:24
Speaker
All I know is I've looked it up on Google and like you know they have the little thumbnail of the trailer that starts playing. And it's just like three cars chasing a semi and crashing everything crashing together. And I'm like, just sign me the fuck up. yeah yeah That's the thing. You are going to like it, but you didn't hear about it because it was a fucking late 90s action movie with. ah Can you guys see it?
00:49:45
Speaker
Oh, yeah. all All it is on repeat is those cars chasing a semi and it crashing. Fuck yeah. Yeah, I'll watch that again. um Hey, Dad. Hey, Dad. Can I be in your semi when you're on the run?
00:50:00
Speaker
Hey, Dad. You want to tug it in your semi? Yeah, it's called over the top. Hey, Jack, you want to tug it with me?
00:50:08
Speaker
Should have done over the top. Oh, we can do over the top. I got to get a fucking hat so I can turn it backwards. It's a little spoiled rich kid. I don't think he's rich. ah Military school. His grandfather, Robert Loja, has some money. Robert Loja. Well, I had a different movie in mind for Schlock and Load this month, but we could do that. What movie is Schlock and Load?
00:50:29
Speaker
Suburban Commando. That's the one. that that's so That's the one. That's the one we do Oh, great Scott.
00:50:36
Speaker
Like a suburban commando. I'm going to hit you, brother. Brother. I'm talking to my kid, though. ah I'm going to hit you, brother. You mean son? Either way, brother.
00:50:48
Speaker
oh fuck. I had too much pork. Yeah, exactly. We both went there. His sex tape. Yes, and his sex tape. He has sex, and he stands up and says, I had too much pork.
00:51:02
Speaker
Anyway. I've never seen the sex tape. It's hard to find out. Let's do that on the podcast. It's been pretty well de-scrubbed. Ah, Daily Motion's got it, I'm sure. Oh, I'm not saying it's impossible. Just make sure you click that incognito mode.
00:51:15
Speaker
but I keep looking for that and I can't find It's because your phone knows you're filthy. But he does call Kathleen again. Again. Halle Berry is in this movie.
00:51:26
Speaker
She had... One scene outside the jail, two scenes in the court, and then the rest of the time she just filmed everything. They were like, okay, pick pick up this phone. All right, now say these lines. It's a day. She's there for a day put the camera on the other side of you.
00:51:41
Speaker
Let's keep holding the phone. Now say these lines. but She's there for a day. Yeah. But he tells her about the abuse and he thinks that she that Kelly was abused at the orphanage.
00:51:55
Speaker
um I know they're called foster homes. In this case, it's an orphanage because they're beating kids. This is an orphanage. A foster home isn't actually like this is We're a foster home. We fostered most of Zoe's friends. what what am i Write them off on your taxes.
00:52:09
Speaker
They don't call them orphanages anymore where you keep all the kids in a big building. Home for the parents... Kittatorium. Ice. For parentally challenged children. ah The out of parents.
00:52:21
Speaker
like Xavier's home for parentally parentally challenged kids. They're called co-ops. Children without parents. Co-op. We got a bunch of coopers here.
00:52:33
Speaker
Oh, fork. um But he tells her about that. she's like, you have to come back and tell your story in the courts. And he's like, you can go fuck yourself. I'm not.
00:52:43
Speaker
I just got to Texas. I'm not going back to fucking. Right. I think they just got to Louisiana. He's like, I'm not going back to fucking California or wherever the fuck they were. I'm sure he's still in Texas. I think this movie's in California.
00:52:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, well, they they do. It's a road movie, so it's all they do film in like they filmed in Arizona. They filmed in Texas. They filmed in Louisiana. You have to. Hell, so you get a fucking sign that says Flagstaff. Got to go to Flagstaff for that. you You can make one.
00:53:10
Speaker
They didn't have that in their budget. It's cheaper to make a sign that says Flagstaff than it is to drive to Flagstaff. Not if you've got a big dummy producer.
00:53:19
Speaker
um The boat leaves, though. And well, the boat truck, the boat, but the boat truck is absurd, sir. Get it right. And Patrick's it's a land. It's a land yacht.
00:53:32
Speaker
So he runs into this bar. He's like, who's got the truck with the antlers, even though they're horns? And this is where we get- He doesn't know. He's a city boy. This guy is just credited as Skinny Guy, but it's Marvin J. McIntyre who owns this truck, and he is in The Running Man. oh He plays Weiss, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger's like tech buddy, the skinny guy with the glasses. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's doing the tippity-tap hiking. Aren't we doing a raffle for The Running Man?
00:54:00
Speaker
We are. So speaking of The Running Man- I have this 4K digital download to give away. All the people who entered last month during the month of action. Action!
00:54:11
Speaker
Are going to be up to win this 4K digital download of The Running Man. So we will do the drawing for that right now, live on the episode. Woo! Ooh.
00:54:22
Speaker
So, I've got a little spinny wheel. Chika-chika-chika-chika-chika-chika-chika-chika. Root-a-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:54:41
Speaker
And the winner is Tyler L. Woo! Finally. Tyler! He's finally winning. Golf clap for Tyler. Golf for Tyler. He literally submitted his request and said, I'm putting my name in to lose again.
00:54:54
Speaker
No, you're not this time. Try again. You get everything. Good day, sir. Good day. I said good day. So congratulations on winning the Running Man digital download.
00:55:05
Speaker
Jealous. Hashtag jealous. Rock Thank you for being a loyal patron, too. And I will send you over this digital download code via Patreon in your messages. So keep an eye out for that.
00:55:19
Speaker
And it might force us to do the Running Man on Patreon. Oh, we'll do the Running Man one. Yeah, since it was a patron in that won. The new one comes out in November, so. Oh, perfect. So he gets this guy to drive up to the the truck here, and the guy keeps saying, like, I recognize you from somewhere. i'm good I'm good with faces, but I don't know why I know you.
00:55:40
Speaker
Did we work together yeah at the call center? You are not that good with faces, dude.
00:55:46
Speaker
I know I've seen you on TV.
Thrilling Finale and Resolutions
00:55:48
Speaker
Somebody this gorgeous doesn't leave your brain. You and i both worked at the call center where we called for the police auxiliary, right? Patrick J. Pespis worked with us.
00:55:59
Speaker
I can't get that show out of my head. sorry. Yeah, it's fantastic. But he does this fucking cool, I mean, Patrick Swayze stuntman, climbs out on the hood of this car, but it looks good. It does. Car breaks.
00:56:10
Speaker
It was Kane. He jumps out. might but might do but i I don't know if Kane Hodder can jump like this. We've seen Kane Hodder jump into a window. That was a different Jason. Oh. No, no, seven, that was Kane Hodder. That was Kane Hodder. Yeah, right.
00:56:23
Speaker
There's definitely somebody that looked his build driving at some point. It wasn't for Patrick Swayze. was for somebody else. maybe ah Maybe a cop, maybe a co-op. I think it was a co-op in the in the berm.
00:56:36
Speaker
Yeah, and might have been it might have been him too. I don't know, maybe he's not even driver. Crash and Crash and berm, I love it. He was the driver for the bus that he kidnapped his kids from. Well, duh. yeah they don't They don't want good drivers. They they want those kids dead.
00:56:50
Speaker
um No, you don't make money off of dead kids. Yet. But he jumps from the hood of this truck onto the boat and the kids let him in. And the guy driving this truck is the most clueless person ever. Uh-huh.
00:57:02
Speaker
Because I feel like you would notice, like, wow, my boat is shaking the fucking trailer hitch of my truck. There's a truck getting really close to me. Oh, I don't see it anymore. Oh, trailer shaking. Oh, truck's back. And this truck getting close to you?
00:57:14
Speaker
i mean, Jeepers Creepers hadn't come out yet. But speaking of Jeepers Creepers, you get this fucking murder truck rid riding up on you. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you get jeepered. That's how you get creepered. He's getting roadhead. They just got married. He's by himself. That's the funny thing. The boat has all this stuff hanging in it that says just married.
00:57:30
Speaker
This dude's alone. He's going to go pick her up because she lives on the bayou. He's got to pick her up from the post office because he ordered her. I know what it is. She's crying her eyes out. He's not the one getting married.
00:57:43
Speaker
he is Somebody's renting it that they just got married and he just stocked the boat up for them and he's just taking it out to the water for him. That's pretty fucking good. Thank you. to The guy who owns the boat ah looks like If ah Svenel Thorsen was huskier and American. Yes.
00:58:03
Speaker
Oh, he's definitely, mean he can pull off American, go back and watch ah ah the hard target. hard no no I searched all the rooms. It looks like nobody's in here. Svenel Thorsen out.
00:58:18
Speaker
Oh, we need to watch that again. I did not say that. i'll watch it again right now pause i saw jack's reaction he's like when he said we're doing it got a tv right here i can just just keep talking i'll put it on i know ours is literally two feet away from derek yeah but the movie's about 10 feet away i own it digitally i don't know if i do sure it's streaming also but i own it on 4k why would i do that why would you they wake up to getting the boat getting lowered into the water And they steal it.
00:58:48
Speaker
And i love this guy trying to like, I mean, he's trying anything he can. That's my boat. Yeah, he grabs the anchor thing and just gets fucking pulled out. And the kid tosses him a life jacket. Because we will no one dies.
00:59:06
Speaker
yeah And there's there's a boat montage showing off the beautiful swaps Louisiana. I'm all right. Ain't nobody worry about me. Oh, there was no dancing gophers, though. I know, but it's logins. you'd You got to have logins for a montage.
00:59:22
Speaker
I'm
00:59:25
Speaker
sorry. um But they get stopped or the the police start chasing them in a chopper. and this dude is ready to fucking shoot Patrick Swayze because they won't stop. Seriously, that dude is like, I got you.
00:59:39
Speaker
I had Rambo vibes. Yeah. And this helicopter pilot is fucking good. Yeah, he is. Did you? Air pranks were like abnormally large though. The what? like I know they got it. The blades.
00:59:52
Speaker
They just seemed hella bigger than, I don't know, the news people. Well, if they're hella bigger, it's because it's a helicopter. That's in the name. I just, I don't think anybody that's um on this podcast is, is educated enough to start speaking about helicopter blades, ah norms and not norms. I just don't think we're there.
01:00:10
Speaker
and So Nick Cage, if you know anything, give us a call. ah Dustin hit me up. Because Nick Cage was in a helicopter movie. That's right, I was. I am the greatest.
01:00:21
Speaker
I am the greatest. ah lost my cool back there, but I'm all right now. He's all right. See? This news chopper shows up and stops them from murdering, stops the police from murdering these people. See, now we're going to be famous. They're not going to kill us on national Just got to think positive.
01:00:39
Speaker
Positive, kids. I'm not positive you're mine, but I want you to be positive, kids. But this kid fucks up Kelly. She's like, hey, look what I found while they're being chased by the police. Why? Put it out down. like Put it take down. Why? It does work out for them because what were they going to do?
01:00:57
Speaker
I know. it' like Every time the kids fuck up, it actually works in his favor. Because he's staying positive. Which is why this is on this month because that's how shit bird movies work. Kids do stupid shit and it all works out just fine. It's all reward.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah. You never learn a goddamn thing.
Michael Ironside's Influence and Filmography
01:01:16
Speaker
So she they're struggling to get the flare gun out of her hands. It goes off, fills the boat with smoke as they go under this bridge. The helicopter has to go over it and they dive out right underneath there. So they're able to escape again.
01:01:28
Speaker
and they hitchhike the rest of the way to New Orleans where we meet. The best character in the entire movie. He's not wrong. Michael Ironside. A fucking drunk, sweaty, coked up, in a fucking bathrobe, gun-toting Michael Ironside. yeah He is so fucking scummy looking. He's got the long hair. He's got a goatee.
01:01:49
Speaker
You say bathrobe. I thought he was wearing like a similar shirt to like Patrick Swayze. I wrote down Led Zeppelin-style shirt. Oh, thought it was some sort of silk kimono. I thought it was like a flowy shirt with like an open. Okay. Either way. Either way is gummy. And he was a thinner. And a vest.
01:02:04
Speaker
So. Yeah. right. But Michael Ironside, the great Michael Ironside, who we have not talked about on the show yet, I don't think. There's no fucking way we haven't talked we've talked about him, but not a movie he was in, I don't think.
01:02:17
Speaker
But I mean, we will one day. i mean he's Let us know. Comment on this episode if we have. Highlander 2. Highlander 2. Total Recall. That quickening.
01:02:29
Speaker
I was old in that movie and then I was young and then I had sex in that dumpster with the woman. It was quite lovely. It was consensual though. Was it quickening? It was not. it was the longening.
01:02:39
Speaker
The quickening made me young and then I was longening. And now she's longing for for me. She won't stop calling me. had to change my number. Oh, yeah. I know I brought him up once when I told you guys about a movie I had just watched and I think it was on the show called extreme prejudice that has Nick Nolte and, ah powers booth and a bunch of people, but Michael Ironsides in there, Clancy Brown's in there. got it.
01:03:03
Speaker
It's a fucking, I got it. Next year for shipbirds, just for Whitney. We do major pain. Ooh, he's in it for one scene, but he's in it. He, all right. yeah We have not discussed a Michael Ironside movie. I'm looking right now.
01:03:18
Speaker
ah but there's ah I've watched a few that we can talk about. Red Sun Rising, he's in there with ah ah Don the Dragon Wilson. o um Scanners, which would be Patreon.
01:03:30
Speaker
Extreme Prejudice, Starship Troopers, Total Recall. so Oh, when are we going to do Starship Troopers? Oh, we'll get there. Is that your birthday choice? We'll get there.
01:03:40
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe. You're talking about Derek's birthday, November birthday. This November is my 40th birthday, so maybe I just choose, well, I always choose all the movies. This is 40. I'm going to choose all the movies that I really want to talk about. This is an oligarchy masquerading as a democracy. Yeah.
01:03:58
Speaker
Hey, we share the responsibilities of choosing. This month was chosen by everybody. yeah You'll find out later. You don't remember, but you recommended a movie. I know what mine is. But anyway, so Michael Ironside looking scummy, disgusting, and awesome.
01:04:12
Speaker
Very. ah I love that they're sitting there planning this robbery to rob this guy, Guzman, while the kids are watching a black and white movie. And of course, Whitney looks at me and she goes, what movie is that?
01:04:25
Speaker
and Do you know what movie it was, Jack? No. Without hesitation, I was like, it's Night of the Living Dead. That's why Ironside goes, rah! I thought that was just an Ironside thing.
01:04:36
Speaker
That was just him screaming at children. Look, I did a barrel of cocaine before you guys got here because I saw your name was in the news. I didn't think we were doing this job, so I'm in rough shape.
Robbery Plans and Protective Instincts
01:04:48
Speaker
ah Rough. Rough. rough ah But he also has a cabinet full of guns. low i This was not a cabinet. This was a freezer. This is a locker.
01:04:58
Speaker
We have one at the brewery. This is that what he keeps the hops in. I loved it. This is what took me so long. I had to pause and rub one out real quick. And it's fucking great because Patrick Swayze's gun says a lot about his character.
01:05:14
Speaker
He's got a revolver. It's very sure. It's a little snub-nosed. Yeah, he goes from the.38 to the.357 with still small barrels. It's a cal it's a calculated gun. It's powerful.
01:05:26
Speaker
But it's not like the automatic. Because the automatics will be overkill. Because it's ah it's unpredictable. And you're going to get somebody hurt. Maybe you're not. I heard sides choice of guns says a lot about his character because he has a hundred of them. Yeah. i
01:05:44
Speaker
So their plan is to rob this guy on the ferry to Belize where there's no extradition. And the ladies are breezy. Lovely.
01:05:55
Speaker
Lovely. And the beer is cold. He makes it all rhyme. or Maybe just because he says it. It like poetry. ladies are easy Belize. But the next morning, there's a wrench in their plans because Kelly is missing.
01:06:10
Speaker
She went off to go see her boyfriend, yeah who is Andy, played by Josh Lucas. And I believe his first movie... um As Whitney said, Sweet Home Alabama.
01:06:21
Speaker
Yes, sir. He's in American Psycho. ah He's in Yellowstone. One of those Nick Cage movies I just watched. He plays young Kevin Costner in Yellowstone. Oh, okay. Like when they flashback to when the the kids are kids. Nobody's after his seed.
01:06:35
Speaker
No. um oh Oh, I think he's pretty. He's in stolen. That's what what you call him. The wish.com version of. um right all right Oh, i like that. all right. Because he's got he's got like his delivery and he's got like the eyes and stuff, but he's kind of just bland.
01:06:52
Speaker
Yeah, I can see that. I still think he's handsome. You could think that all you want, especially in Yellowstone. He's forgettable. graph But it turns out that he was just like an intern at the orphanage and he was just trying to be nice to her. Yeah, he was nice to her. And he's like, has no one ever been nice to you? She's like, no, not really.
01:07:10
Speaker
like that that hurts man. Ouch. You thought I was in love with you because I smiled one time. I get that. When I was cute, I'd smile at people. and i mean Let me get them digits.
01:07:24
Speaker
Bitch, I'm married. Let me get them digits. It happens now, so you're still cute. No, it doesn't happen at all. They just see who I'm with.
01:07:36
Speaker
um But Patrick Swayze is becoming a dad here because his first response when he sees his little girl walking away from a boy crying. is you want me to break his legs?
01:07:47
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Which is the proper dad response. Yeah, I agree. So we go back to the hideout and he's talking about how he had a good horoscope today and things are going to go great and theres there's no way this robbery goes poorly and fucking Eddie has a great line. He's like, what if the guy you're robbing had the same horoscope?
01:08:01
Speaker
Yeah. Gotta stay positive. Gotta to stay positive. He's like, shut the fuck up. He's like, he's as bad as the fucking Vikings planning. Like, we can't we can't go fight today. The eagle didn't need a snake. Not a good day for war.
01:08:15
Speaker
Fucking checks out. I get it. No. If the eagle doesn't eat the snake, water? would have done much better in England.
01:08:24
Speaker
um But he leaves. And Kelly is like, he's not coming back, dude. So they sneak down and get into the car, the trunk of the car. Because ah earlier he told them when they were all in the boat, he was like, there was this one Thanksgiving where my dad just fucking went to skip out and I hid in the trunk and I ended up being in there all night and I woke up covered in piss and it was great. The cops pulled me out. It wasn't my piss.
01:08:52
Speaker
So the kids get the idea. Let's hide in the trunk. Yeah. So they go out onto to the ferry. Apparently it's just Guzman and these guys. See, I told you it would only be us. There'd be nobody here. Just cocaine dripping from his nose.
01:09:05
Speaker
Dude, Michael Ironside, his character at least, is fucking coked out of his mind. No, I think Michael Ironside's playing it just great. I think... You don't think he's actually coke fiend? No, I think he knows what it's I've never heard about Michael Einstein being coke fiend. guarantee you he's dabbled because, you know, 80s.
01:09:20
Speaker
But I don't think he's ever been a coke fiend. I think he just knows. He's definitely ah been around it enough to know what it looks like. And like, hey, I've i've met this guy so I can play this guy. Well, and he's Canadian. I don't think they love cocaine as much as Americans.
01:09:32
Speaker
No, nobody does. It's called snow for a reason. that's true Yeah, because of Minnesota. Minnesnoda. Those Minnesotans love their cocaine. Minnesnodans. Okay. Oh, you're going to get me another Tudor there? okay Oh, can I have another one in Tudors after dinner? We get the the made the jar mayo out, maybe put a couple Tudors out.
01:09:53
Speaker
I know cocaine is supposed to make you not hungry, but this is Minnesota. I'm going to eat these sausages. No, I'm just having a snack of mayo and sausage.
01:10:02
Speaker
Oh, moving on along. Give me another Milwaukee light.
01:10:07
Speaker
Michael Ironside, here's the kids bumping around in the trunk. Patrick Swayze gets out to let them out. and this when He's got to pull a gun on Michael Ironside to do it, though. yeah Michael Ironside's like, no, leave him in there. it's fine.
01:10:18
Speaker
We'll pull the job. Your priorities are all fucked up, man. We're just going to pull this job. We'll make our money. We'll let your little shit burns out of the trunk. It's fine. have to pee. Also, if these little fucking stupid ass kids would have just... Why'd they just start screaming all of a sudden? like If he wouldn't have, he could have got the money and everything would have worked out. Yeah.
01:10:35
Speaker
No, because what's what's going to happen is because they don't plan on killing anybody. So they hold them up and then they bolt and the guys shoot at them. Well, you're shooting at a Trump now. I guess I didn't think about that.
01:10:47
Speaker
Because this fake Ricardo Montalban guy playing one of the goons. He definitely would have shot right into the back of that car. absolutely. He would ordered his men to. But there's a chase on the ferry. Michael Ironside's whipping this car around, chasing this dude.
01:11:01
Speaker
Maybe this is where you saw the big dude. Maybe this is Kane Hodder. Oh, that could be. Yeah, that could be. But I do like the the guys drive off. I'm like, you're on a ferry. We just got to drive in circles until the ferry gets to the other side of the lake or whatever. you say You least have enough time to make a plan. Like if you can just avoid them long enough.
01:11:18
Speaker
Yeah. But they they light up Michael Ironside. He goes crashing off the boat. Because he's so fucking coked out. He drives right into them. It's like there's four guys with automatic weapons pointed at me. but He's shooting at him. He's like, yeah he's got one gun, none for each of them.
01:11:35
Speaker
And then Focardo Montalban and that other guy go off looking for Patrick Swayze. Patrick Swayze sneaks around and gets Guzman in his sights. There's a weird slow-mo moment for some reason. Like the stills? The slow-mo into the freeze.
01:11:50
Speaker
Yeah. the slow-mo, I think, is okay, but then it makes it weird when it's a freeze frame. I'm like, are we glitching? What's happening? I got it. I know what happened. Okay. So they wanted him to pause. He fell. Like he was thinking, right?
01:12:01
Speaker
Okay. But he fell asleep every time they were doing it. So they were like, you know what? We'll just you you'll use the take where he didn't pause long enough and we'll just freeze frame it. He could not hold still. Hold still. Hold still. Hold still.
01:12:13
Speaker
Hold still like you're thinking. did Did you say hold a still while I'm drinking? Because i if you have a still, I'd love to try a little bit of it.
01:12:25
Speaker
I've been drinking. I've been drinking about you. o Action. Action. Action action. I'm here for it. There we go. Dirty dancing. and but
01:12:41
Speaker
it was the whip that did it for me
01:12:46
Speaker
he just grabs with a little girl and starts twirling her around like wrong movie patrick had the time of my even better he picks up uh this guzman guy ah the funny thing about jennifer gray though she's actually white that's funny story She's not gray at all. that great That's what I found funny.
01:13:07
Speaker
She's not even related to Skeletor in the castle of Grayskull. Disappointing.
01:13:14
Speaker
But he does not end up robbing this
Swayze's Courtroom Defense
01:13:16
Speaker
guy. He goes back to his kids and then we go back to California because he's like, what if you do the right thing? You've ruined me. I couldn't even kill a guy anymore. Where's the money, Jack? Shut up. She says that and I was like, shoot her.
01:13:29
Speaker
Shoot her. Like, not kill her. She's like, take a toe off. Yeah, like, you know, make it so she can't play soccer anymore. Yeah. She goes hiking. She can't wear high heels. She's going to walk in circles.
01:13:43
Speaker
You want a toe? I'll get you a toe. She'll be a great NASCAR driver, though. She's used to only going left. ah yeah It turns out, actually, there's the advantage of this race car driver. Her father shot off one of her toes when she was younger, so the car always naturally pulls to left.
01:14:01
Speaker
It's zero sense. It doesn't make sense, but liked it. No, no. You don't understand, It's like as if she could only go left because of the toll. Because she's used to always going left. What you don't understand is she drives with her feet.
01:14:14
Speaker
Okay, got it. She also weighs less now. Anyway, back to NASCAR. Vroom! so They're still driving. They go back to California. He's going to do the right thing.
01:14:26
Speaker
We have Lazaro, lasagna, sorry, in the courtroom talking about how all this is bullshit. Patrick Swayze and his kids come in, and he gives them a little hint. I see you, bastard. But when he meets Hallie Berry as they're going in, he's like, you're not Irish. The fuck?
01:14:43
Speaker
She's like, but I lied. She never really said she was Irish. He just. Well, what else did you lie about? He just assumed. Everything. I actually work for the FBI. You're under arrest. I'm actually a Russian spy.
01:14:57
Speaker
So he recaps the movie to the courtroom. um But puts his little spin on it. He's like, we had to cram a whole lifetime in just a couple of days of adventure. Hey, we went to the caves and we went to the Hoover Dam. It was very educational. Yeah. um Good dad.
01:15:12
Speaker
And the guy, Lasagna, how to drive. lasagna stands up he's like all their evidence is gleaned from the minds of disturbed children because that's what he's been doing is talking about how this girl's fucked up in the head yeah how did she get that way lasagna well then she stands up and and tells the story she starts out by saying like what about these other people what about all this other stuff and then she shocks the courtroom drops the ball what about me you were there you just you watched it happen and then you left So fuck this guy, too. Yep.
01:15:40
Speaker
And then Swayze goes up to Lasagna and he's just like, what is a kid ever? What did she ever do to deserve that? Dude, I love when he's just like, well, first of all, he has a hilarious line. He's like, why should they be punished for being kids?
01:15:52
Speaker
You can't be punished just for being little.
01:15:56
Speaker
That's funny. But he he walks up to Lasagna afterward, and he's like, when they put you away, hope they put you where they put me, because me and you, we're going to dance. yeah yeah I got drunk on a little bit of toilet hooch, going to pick you up, because that's the movie I did, and I'm going to do it again with you.
01:16:18
Speaker
but The fear that lasagna has in his eyes, outstanding. yeah I want you to make some pottery, and I'm going to get behind you and put my hands on your hands and make a pottery.
01:16:29
Speaker
I'm the Whoopi Goldberg, and you're the Demi Moore. My dick is also going to be in your ass the whole time. Then I'm going to do you more. Get it? Demi Moore. Ooh, Demi Moore would be nice. yeah so he i love I love some Demi Moore. He gets dragged off to jail.
01:16:46
Speaker
I guess Kathleen is left to take care of his children. So, yeah. i she He says, just check in on do me a favor. Check in on him. check it Where do they go? yes so who are they with A foster family.
01:16:58
Speaker
for fifteen Oh, with the prego the prego lady. The prego teen mom. Prego teen. that like teen-gis? ah but Fucking teen-gis.
01:17:09
Speaker
Ain't nobody teen-gis. It's teen-gis. They're going somewhere and Halle Berry is just going to make sure they're not getting abused or worse. Yeah. So we cut back to the beginning of the movie. They hug.
01:17:21
Speaker
Roll credits. The end. Had the time of our lives. I actually love this soundtrack, by
Nostalgic Soundtrack and Movie Review
01:17:30
Speaker
the way. Multiple Sam Cooke songs.
01:17:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah. it's It's all a lot of... He's listening to a lot of, like, you know, 50s and 60s rock type stuff that's very enjoyable. Yeah. Very. He's also got a lot of... It's just... It's a good mix of stuff that a guy that wears this shirt would be listening to Yes.
01:17:46
Speaker
And he keeps taking his tape everywhere he goes. Smart. This fucking... This is... ah It's his lucky tape, man. It's the beginning of Star-Lord. i wouldn't hold out any hope for the Creedence, though.
01:17:58
Speaker
ah So we'll go around the horn for recommendations. We'll start with wife because she's in the room and I pointed at her. Moi? You are. um I...
01:18:11
Speaker
Shocker. I liked it as much as I hate these fucking kids. I enjoyed watching it. I definitely had more fun watching it with Jack and you while we were drinking. So heavy on the caveats.
01:18:24
Speaker
so um You're going to get very angry and yell at the TV unless you really like annoying kids. which I like to annoy kids. But um I think if you've never seen this,
01:18:39
Speaker
and you have friends and you like to drink and make fun of movies, this is a podcast for you. Definitely watch it.
01:18:46
Speaker
jacque Yeah, I do recommend it. I don't necessarily think you the caveats help. I just like it because it's ah it's Patrick Swayze. That's fucking charming. It's got good stunts. It's got great car pranks. It's got Michael Ironside.
01:18:59
Speaker
Should have had more of him if we really you know had my way, but that's fine. like i wouldn't I wouldn't have minded a prequel that's them two doing these jobs before the shit kids. But you could even actually put this on with a certain age group of child because there's really not too many bad things.
01:19:14
Speaker
No, there's really it's not. like It's not really... i mean, in tone, there is some things that maybe are adult, but as far as like curse words and nudity, it's fine. The tone goes over the kids' time a lot times. I recommend it.
01:19:26
Speaker
ah do. It was fun. And it's an hour and a half. I mean... Easy. I didn't feel like it was dragging at almost any point. I'll use that to start mine. I did feel like it was dragging. At a certain point, I was like... I was like, okay, we've got to be almost done. And I looked and I was like, how are there 25 minutes left in this movie?
01:19:42
Speaker
I remember how it ended and i don't I don't know. i I can't recommend it. It's got car pranks, which are fun. I guess, like you said, if you're watching it with friends or whatever, that's one thing. But not just not even really paying attention to it like we were doing that first night. It's not getting added your collection.
01:19:58
Speaker
No, i I just the kids are annoying. um Patrick Swayze's got moments of charm, but there's a lot of times where he is just not good. He's it seems like he's not trying or not delivering.
01:20:10
Speaker
I don't know how much they paid him. Not enough, apparently. Yeah, he drank it all. like i Especially toward the beginning when he's like trying always looking at himself in the mirror and trying to be like cool guy. And he's just like, hey, was like, get the fuck out of here.
01:20:24
Speaker
Like, I do like car pranks. That's really fun. Kick-ass soundtrack, Michael Ironside. Those things are good. But overall, I just, I i will not watch this movie. still a shipbird movie.
01:20:35
Speaker
Yeah. So, much like last week, but reversed. Yeah. Interesting. Only these numbers don't add up because this has a 10% on Rotten Tomatoes. Only one out of 10 should have recommended it. percent 10%? It's better than that. It's maybe at least at 15.
01:20:57
Speaker
I just feel like it's, and I didn't read any of the reviews like that. Cause the, the, the rotten tomato scores critics. Yeah. But i feel like I know what their criticisms would be is it's just, it's, it's very derivative of these type of road movies and it just doesn't do anything new or exciting or fun.
01:21:15
Speaker
and Besides the message, it's kind of heartless. Like it's just, it's a, it's a hollow version of what it's trying to be, which maybe is why the caveats are needed. Well, there are the dropped ah dropped things like um where did Dolores go, where she now. Oh, just don't think we need that.
01:21:32
Speaker
And did Lasagna get arrested? oh yeah. And Patrick Swayze dance with him? Oh, yeah. In the shower. That's what I want to see. It's called the soap drop. when they went to prison, Lasagna got there first, and somebody...
01:21:46
Speaker
became his daddy and then that guy banned dancing in the prison so Patrick was John Lithgow up nobody puts baby in the corner it was John Lithgow you can't dance in you cannot dance if you want to and said nobody puts lasagna in the corner and the prisoners but what the fuck is happening right now John Lithgow's yelling lasagna's in the corner crying i looked I did look a little bit on Letterboxd before we watched this, and it's it's like a 2.2 on there. Most of the ratings come up in like the 1.5 to 2.5 range, but there was some five-star ones, so I pulled it up. I wanted to see, and I pulled one that just made me laugh because this person, i don't know. I guess maybe it's along your lines, Jack, because i mean, not the first half of what he says, but the why or why they like it.
01:22:31
Speaker
This person, CDMXX is their username. Five stars with a heart. Ha, ha. he said, best movie I've ever watched by far, my favorite movie of Swayze's.
01:22:43
Speaker
So it's just because it's Patrick Swayze. Yeah. That's what I'm getting from that. This is their favorite of Swayze, though? they They clearly have not seen Point Break or Roadhouse. Dirty Dancing. Donnie Darko. You could leave your dancing out there. Who fucking cares?
01:22:58
Speaker
I love Dirty Dancing. You shut your dirty mouth. Somebody should and somebody should have put Baby in the corner. Somebody along the line in the production also just wasn't paying attention, which is obvious, I think, to with some stuff. Hence the reason it didn't make any money.
01:23:12
Speaker
So I told Whitney when we started, I started laughing when I pulled it up on the screen. And I thought, maybe it's just a typo on this service that we're using. So I pulled up the actual or movie description. Deadbeat Dad kidnas his kidnas kidnaps his kids from the bus to an abusive foster home.
01:23:29
Speaker
They go on a run. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't know what else you want say, dude. Look, I typed it up. They go on a run. Can I get paid? I'm fucking done. i was like, I get what you're saying.
01:23:42
Speaker
But the rest of it's not any better. The cops are after them. They bicker constantly, and his idea of a way out is grim. Yet this dangerous ride might just turn them into a family. ah But i just they go on a run. Just had me rolling in my in my fucking chair.
01:23:56
Speaker
That's great. Come on, kids. We're getting you out of here. Let's go for a jog. Get your fucking windbreakers. We're going for a run.
01:24:06
Speaker
So that's it for the first week of our Shitbird Month. First one's always the roughest.
Upcoming Movie: 'Hardball' Viewing Plans
01:24:13
Speaker
Rough. We'll get used to kids by the end of it. no Speaking of getting used to kids, next week we'll be talking about a movie that Jack recommended and he doesn't remember. 2001's Hardball.
01:24:25
Speaker
Oh yeah, Keanu Reeves and little kids using the frickin' F word. Yeah, it's ah it's Bad News Bears with Keanu Reeves, right? Fuck yeah. Basically, ah that one is available streaming. You can get it on Prime.
01:24:39
Speaker
You get on Paramount Plus. You get on Hoopla. You can also rent it for four, buy it for 15. Prediction. um Whitney's going to cry at one point at the same exact point that Derek laughs really hard.
01:24:51
Speaker
okay
01:24:55
Speaker
And don't forget to check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people. and We have two tiers at the $3 tier. You get access to archived episodes. You get a new monthly newsletter letting you know everything that's going on.
01:25:08
Speaker
ah You get episodes of Han Took Shots First early and ad free. And when we do the two parters, they're uncut. And you get our mental health episode that we do every month about movies that we really love.
01:25:20
Speaker
It turns out we like a lot of the movies we talk about, but these are movies that we love, generally speaking. And this month's mental health episode is Steven Spielberg's Hook.
01:25:30
Speaker
Hook, hook. Where's the hook? Hook, hook. Hook, hook. Where's the hook? Run home, Jack. No, no, no. They've called it backwards. We can't watch it with Jack because when they start chanting run home, Jack, he'll leave and we won't have an episode. I once danced my way out of a house party because hit the road Jack came on and a girl I was dating. it like, are you ready? i was like, we're dancing out this front door right now. And everyone's like, oh, that's so funny.
01:25:54
Speaker
And then 30 minutes later, are like, are you not coming back? I was like, no. went home I had hit the road. i always listen to a fucking ah Ray Charles. That one is not available free right now, but it's $4 to rent, $8 to buy on Amazon and Apple.
01:26:10
Speaker
And it's in 4K. So $8 for 4K. I have no problem with that. Can anybody buy it physically? um Yes, there's no like um boutique releases or anything, but it has been put out on physical media.
01:26:23
Speaker
It is available right now physically also. I just pulled it up on Amazon. I'm sure you can find it from less evil institutions. But currently on Amazon, you get the Blu-ray for $9.55 and you can get the four k for $18. Sounds pretty to me. So instead of spending $8 on that 4K digital, it looks like I might be ordering a Blu-ray or a four k Looks like it. $18. How can you afford not to? Yeah.
01:26:47
Speaker
And then at the $5 level at patreon.com slash worst people, you could be listening to this episode and all of our episodes moving forward ad-free. That's right. Ad-free, You don't have to skip those ads. Because know you don't listen to them.
01:27:01
Speaker
But you should because we can make like 14 cents. But you can get it ad-free and you also get access to our other side show, Latchkey Vids, where we talk about forgotten key or never known television shows from the ninety s We're quickly approaching the conclusion of Cop Rock with this month's episode number eight, Potts Don't Fail Me Now.
01:27:22
Speaker
potses It's been so long since I've seen. last episode Last episode, his family had the cross burned on their front yard. That's right. yeah So it's a Potts heavy episode.
01:27:33
Speaker
Always is for me.
01:27:37
Speaker
And of course, we have to thank Evasion for providing our opening and closing music. Thanks, guys. You guys can find them anywhere you stream music. you can go to Bandcamp and check them out so you can give them a couple bucks. Go see them in concert. Follow them on social media. All that stuff.
01:27:50
Speaker
Evasion from Tucson, Arizona. Evasion. That's it for this week. We'll see you guys next week when we talk about Keanu Reeves throwing baseballs at kids and making them dodge them like they're in the Matrix, I'm assuming.
01:28:03
Speaker
I've never seen it. You're not far off. I'm still Whitney. I am Jack. Hey, Jack. You want to tug it with me? I'll be on my way.
01:28:43
Speaker
It's the same squeaky thing, but a different one. It's another... give me the Give me the baby. She's like, you can't have it this time, fucker. I'm throwing that one in. Hold on, hold him up.
01:28:57
Speaker
She keeps finding them.
01:29:01
Speaker
And Candy's yelling. I hope she brings another one out. I know it's going to disrupt the podcast, but I'm rooting for it. The third one already died. haven't thrown How many rules of threes, so... That'll be the funniest one. That kid's on the fucking escalator again. A year goes by and a dog doesn't grab a squeaky toy.
01:29:19
Speaker
Hey, my dog doesn't. I know. She's the goodest girl. She is the goodest girl. Candy is really a good podcast dog. Go on. I know. She's hanging out as long as nobody comes in or out of the house. They shouldn't be. That's what you want from a podcast dog.