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Ep 111: Street Fighter (with Patch from Evasion)
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This week we welcome our good friend Patch from Evasion to dive into the 1994 smash hit turd, STREET FIGHTER directed by Steven E. de Souza and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, the incomparable Raul Julia, Ming-Na Wen, Wes Studi and Kylie Minogue. When General Bison, the evil dictator of Shadaloo, takes a busload of relief workers hostage for ransom, Colonel Guile leads the Allied Nation's forces against him along with reporter Chun-Li and a cast of colorful characters. There's almost no street fighting and a lot of silly bullshit, but it was a lot of fun to watch and even more fun to discuss!
If you're in Tucson, Arizona, go see Evasion perform this Friday (Nov 8) at The Rock when they open for Crowbar!
Watch the music video that Derrick made for Evasion many moons ago, COOL BREEZE!!
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Listen to Jack and Derrick, along with various guests, chat about Star Wars by searching Han Took Shots First or heading to hantookshotsfirstpod.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Local Music Scene
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back. We're doing an entire month this month with a bunch of good friends of ours who are in local Tucson bands. And this week we're discussing Street Fighter with our friend Patch from Evasion. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And I'm Patch. And this is Bad Movies, Worst People. Intro Evasion. It's my band, oh my god.
00:00:53
Speaker
We, as I said, we have friends from various musical performance groups. Not all bands. Tucson's got a a good musical scene. It's time you guys fucking learned about it. And today we have our friend Patch, who so from day, well, like, episode five, I think, is when I finally was like, I need some intro music. And I texted him, and he's like, fucking A, man. Fucking A.
Guest's Movie Choice: 'Street Fighter'
00:01:16
Speaker
Honored, I would say. I was honored. I'm a little hurt you didn't text me. Just had me, like, scat something. God.
00:01:30
Speaker
um why did you want for hand i like this podcast they have freeform jazz as there right i don't know what it is just uncomfortable from the get-go just sing the right notes The fuck are you saying? I feel like someone's trying to seduce a 15 year old. Oh, well, now you made jazz creepy. I did. It wasn't the heroin. It was you. God damn it. All right. We are allowing. We are not allowing. We are asking all of our guests to choose a movie. Yeah. And so Patch said, can we do a stupid video game movie? And I said, sure. Pick one except for Super Mario Brothers, because we already did that. Also, it's not stupid. It's amazing. That's fair.
00:02:12
Speaker
ah No, he's right. But, subjective.
'Street Fighter' Movie Discussion and Humor
00:02:17
Speaker
But he chose this one, Street Fighter from 1994. Based on the video game Street Fighter 2. Yes. so Which it has... Did you not see that? Zero to do with. Yeah, it has nothing to do with characters. he also has characters of ams right It also has characters that in number two. like it's Right, right. I mean...
00:02:40
Speaker
Roll Julia. Treasure. Yes. Absolute treasure. Rest in pictures. Definitely. Rest in pictures. Also, definitely the only really good part of this movie. Hold on, hold on. There's some people who are good. Hold on. The guy that plays Zangief is putting in work. I am loving it. I like him a lot. He got the mohawk. He did have the chest hair. He let him move. He let him move. The upside down pyramid scheme, dude.
00:03:10
Speaker
Yeah, Woody takes off his shirt, and he was like, what's up with his chest hair? And I was like, what's? And I showed her the picture. She's like, oh, OK. I watched this with the bleeps not too long ago, and a female bleep was like, what is up with that dude's hairline for Ball Rug? And I was like, let me show you an image of the character. She's like, oh, yeah, spot on, spot on.
00:03:31
Speaker
ah all that is a deep widows piece real
00:03:38
Speaker
He was in a few things there's something in particular that he was in was it renegade it was he's a renegade Three fucking episodes. He's got a three four. He's got an art. He's a renegade I didn't it's probably gonna be past season two because I haven't seen him yet You're early on season two? Yeah, because we only watch it when we're drunk as shit. Yeah, you drink you're drunk as shit all the time. Not together. yeahre Not the bleeps.
00:04:03
Speaker
It's apparently like just the worst thing to watch sober for my friends. We watched it not that drunk. It was all right. Oh, no, it's amazing when you're drunk though. Because we watched that one episode right after we got done watching Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Oh, I remember the episode very well. Jack told me I had to watch it, otherwise we couldn't keep being friends. The Robin Hood, not the Renegade. you's You do what you want with Renegade. I said, you don't have to like it. You don't have to like Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, but you have to watch it. And if you don't like it, sure. But if you don't watch it, can't be friends. I mean, I love that movie. If you don't know Prince of Thieves, how are you going to understand Men in Tights?
00:04:40
Speaker
Right. That was the problem. We watched it and the whole time. I was just like, I've seen this before. Did the same thing in the wrong order, dude. He did the same thing when he watched the Rambo movies. He's like, this, they stole this from Hot Shots. Right, right, right. There's that part where he shoots the chicken like an arrow, right? Charlie Sheen did it better. Right. And next you're going to tell me you watched Walk the Hard before you watched Walk the Line. Walk the Hard's so good. I did watch Walk the Line in theaters because I was working at the movie theater and I watched all the movies that came out. I don't know if I've told you on the podcast, but that's written by one of the castans, Walk Hard. Yeah, we talked about it on Hot and Took Shots first. OK.
00:05:17
Speaker
because we have two podcasts now, but hey, my goodness, because I've got nothing but free. It's not a Star Wars podcast. ah not the po actually' looking for ah But that's what I was trying to say. So this movie, sorry, she's trying to scold me that it's not a Star Wars podcast by making Star Wars references.
00:05:36
Speaker
So this movie was written and directed by Steven D'Souza, who directed not much else, but I was going to say, I wonder why he wrote a bunch of cool shit, though, and he wrote a bunch of bad shit. So he had a good run.
Filmmaking and Actor Anecdotes
00:05:50
Speaker
He wrote 48 Hours Commando, Running Man, Die Hard, Hudson Hawk, Ricochet. So a bunch of cool movies. Right. Right. Mixed in there. And then further on, he wrote another 48 Hours Die Hard 2 Beverly Hills Cop 3 Wolf. God, the worst out of every trilogy you just named is what he's responsible for. The Flintstones, Judge Dredd, Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, The Cradle of Life. Is that the second one? Who knows? That's something I should know. I don't know. The Lara Croft, the something of life? The Cradle of Life, it's the second one, right? I would look to you for that answer, sir. I'm gonna say yes. I think the first one was just Lara Croft Tomb Raider, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he wrote the worst one of those, which is tough, the worst Beverly Hills cop, not the worst Flintstones movie? No, definitely not. Is there another one? Yeah, neither Rock the Vegas. That's the bad one. With the shitty Baldwin? Yeah. Oh, that's the bad one. Yep, there it is. Steven. But I mean, come on, he wrote a bunch of good shit, guys. 48 Hours, Commando.
00:06:52
Speaker
How are you going to defend him when you just gave me a bunch of shit that I don't like from him? Look, he had a good like eight years. It's like that you do one for them. You do one for them, you do one for yourself. The one for him was Viva Rock Vegas. No, but like this was like the beginning of the end. I mean, he'd done another 48 hours in Beverly Hills Cup three, but he wrote and directed this and then all that other shit came after. So we can forget about that guy. Right. Right. I already did. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. Heaven flow, dude.
00:07:21
Speaker
um Do you know what I can say that's good about him though? This movie so this movie cost $35 million. dollars Van Dam got paid $8 million. dollars Why? I couldn't find how much Raul Julia got paid, but by the time they paid Van Dam and Raul Julia, they'd used up all their casting money. So he deferred his fee to pay all the rest of the cast. Oh, no shit. That's dope. That is dope.
00:07:44
Speaker
Wait, he being Jean-Claude or? No, Steven DeSouza. Okay. Yeah, Jean-Claude. I just, I was like, I don't see that from him. He's like, just, you know, pay the actors what you need and then spend the rest on cocaine.
00:07:57
Speaker
But I've definitely heard rumors of the amount of cocaine on this set. Yeah, fun facts. And you can watch Jean-Claude Van Damme's face and be like, yeah, there's a lot of cocaine in that face. Nice. And you can watch him act. Oh, no. There's a lot of cocaine in that act. When he's on set and he's asking for line, he's not asking for the dialogue. He's asking for cocaine.
00:08:21
Speaker
yes Line. ah damn it ah I read I read during the or in the IMDB trivia, so whatever. But apparently Van Damme said in an interview that during the time of this filming, he was doing $10,000 worth of cocaine a week. Good God. And I told Patch that earlier and he had a good point. He's like, does he know what $10,000 looks like? You know, home he's just like ah just scrape. Wait a minute. So he's got a dealer's hand. It's not a package. Does he have a dealer just taking advantage of him? Right. He's got an eight ball like that'll be 10,000, dude. ah Trust me, I'm losing money on this deal. yeah It's like Hank Scorpio in fucking s Sims is just like, oh, you need cocaine just reaches cocaine cocaine.
00:09:09
Speaker
and you want Did you want any cream? No. Apparently, also, they had to hire a wrangler to keep an eye on Van Damme because he was wouldn't come to set. He would just disappear for hours or days. Yeah, Van Damme! Yeah! But the guy who was sure not helpful was actually more of a problem. Oh, yeah, because he was a cocaine dealer. You want me to go find Van Damme? I can keep an eye on us.
00:09:35
Speaker
ah Say let's see you later. Dude. He went to go wrangle Van Damme and just sees him surrounded by women and He's doing the splits in the bars like oh I can get some of this action I'm gonna like clean up i'm going to have Van Damme scraps dude, which is no problem right right doing the splits on two countertops hard as reer women doing lines of it out damn it it was a gay old time i would love to do that a line would be around the block and split Nobody in this room that I'm aware of unless patch can do the splits
00:10:05
Speaker
Oh fuck no. No. No splits here. The only splits I can do is banana. I can eat a lot of that. Right. I've gotten a few seven, 10 splits.
00:10:17
Speaker
But can you pick them up? Fuck no. I'll try, but now I've never done it. I did it once. Oh really? I did it once. Suppressive. Thank you. I was 10. No. More impressive. I'm all fucking three times a week and I've never done it. Let's
Movie vs. Video Game Inaccuracies
00:10:34
Speaker
talk about this series of scenes that were glued together and released as a movie. Okay. Let's talk about this montage masquerading as a movie. I hear my notes are a fucking travesty because I was trying to keep track and I was just like, I don't know. So we'll get there. What do you say? I just want to start by saying I never really played the game. OK. I don't think it matters. No, it doesn't. I'm pretty sure I saw this back in the 90s.
00:11:01
Speaker
Yeah, it was a big deal when it came out. I think it quickly fizzled when everyone watched it. Yeah. But when it was getting released, it was like the fucking rage. It made well, hell yeah. Decent money. You got a thing. Did it? Really? How much did the box office? I mean, it didn't recoup in the U.S. U.S. and Canada made 33.4, so less than they spent. Right. But worldwide it made just about 100 million. OK, so international market, it wouldn't be called a success, but it wouldn't be called a flop. Which is funny because Patch and I were both bothered by a lot of the the inconsistencies with the video game, right? Yeah, which it doesn't matter, but it's just like some of the stuff so egregious. But apparently I don't know why Balrog's a good guy.
00:11:38
Speaker
right Get out of here. Why is he Honda from Hawaii? Why is Charlie a reporter? But they explain all that. Why are you and Ken fucking common? Why are they common, dude? And they don't explain that when they're having the fucking Honda Zenga fight, we can get back to this later. Oh, yeah. When he has the fucking what do they call it? Like the Kabiki or fucking whatever. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry to everyone who's Japanese. I'm terrible right now. Kabuki. Whatever the face paint is, he has it in his blood and it's like, oh me. Here's his alternate fucking fighting skin. It's like, now are you really fucking deviating, but now you're appropriating? Oh man, bad luck guys. Even in 94. Yeah, there was... I mean, this is my fourth time watching this movie this year.
00:12:31
Speaker
I almost even was like, I don't think I should watch it today. I could just go in blind, but i I did watch it. You know what? I watched about six months ago and I was like, I don't need to take notes, right? As I was say, those little notes, we got to the end where people actually start fighting. I was like, I don't remember any of this. By the time I got there, I had checked out.
00:12:49
Speaker
I was definitely working on probably stuff for the podcast while I had the movie on. ah I remember all the stuff where there's no actual fighting, but I don't fell asleep like those fight scenes. No, I was awake the whole time. I remember the singer scene happening. I couldn't remember what happened in it, but I remember I got you. You woke up for this. I don't know, man. Roughly, this movie is about.
00:13:12
Speaker
Raul Julia, who plays M. Bison, trying to take over the world. Who is Bison in the game? M. Bison. He's a big general guy. M. Bison is... Over in Japan, he's BallRug. That's what I was going to say earlier. I was waiting for this part. That's what I was about to say. Then I got distracted. Because BallRug the boxer was named M. Bison for Mike Tyson.
00:13:33
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah, he was like Bison and then Ballrug and then Vega. No is and Bison was actually. Yeah. And Bison. Oh, that's right. Vega. Oh, that's right. So God is the only one that had the same name as those bad guys. OK. Yes. okay yeah It did better in those markets where they had all the names wrong, too, than it did here. Talking about a montage. No, but it's so think you so. Raul Julia, the great was like Where is he in the list of battles? So he's he's the guy that's like, my electromagnetic shoes. In the game? you didn yeah what i saw
00:14:15
Speaker
he's like it's He says it at the end. That's what makes my throne float in the air. I swear, I sound just like him. No, no, you sound you sound exactly. I didn't actually know what you're talking about. I was like, oh, that's why he has a cape so he can fly. I was born in Shabu. Like when you're playing the game. He's the final boss. Okay. so yeah Yeah. Yeah. He's the big bag. So I think it's I think it's like what ball rug, Vega, Sagat and then in Bison 100% is the order. I know this very well. I haven't played a long time, dude. I've talked to them before. Like I grew up in grocery stores, a head arcade games. Mom's like, just go fuck a play, dude. Here's a handful of quarters. Oh, yeah. We got it at my work if you want to do a tournament.
00:15:00
Speaker
This is super important, and I can't go on anymore until I know. And I don't think I'll get an answer from you. Who's your Street Fighter character? Who do you play with? Now, let's say it's going to be Street Fighter Turbo, so you could be the bad guys. Right, right. so And also also, let's do a tier. Can we do that? Can we do your top three?
00:15:20
Speaker
your main, and then your your other go-tos? Yeah, I can give you three. Right. Say, say we I think we all had those friends that you played. I always side it. We all had those friends. Tommy Shadow. You would play against them, and you would always play as the same characters, and then we'd get to a point where it's like, fucking, we can't play as these characters. Somebody else. yeah I think we all had those friends, right? So let's do a tier of three. So your top three.
00:15:45
Speaker
I think I usually played Ryu. Blanca. And I don't know, it was mostly those two. I played other people. I played everybody at some point. but Right. Right. Because I'll see him. I played all seem a lot. I like don't seem right. I was still see especially the one. This in and this is the doctor.
00:16:02
Speaker
In the game, he has stretchy arms. He's a Buddhist, he's a Buddhist, like yogic pacifist. Yes, that's what they make all for no reason, yay. And he spilled, I don't know if you guys noticed, some of the ooze from Ninja Turtles got spilled on his arm during the final thing. So in the second movie that they were going to make in 2003, he was going to come back and have stretchy arms. Not only did they bald him for no fucking reason but his his religious jewelry is just shackles. Yeah, like in the game. He's got like all the I was like, is he chained to nothing? I can't leave me No,
00:16:51
Speaker
is shackle no the the director is so fucking deep he's like you can never run away from yourself man You're always chained to your own problems. This movie's so fucking deep now. Until you get stretchy arms. Yeah, unless then you've got to get stretchy arms and break those shackles and lose your hair. Right, slide it off. Just get rid of your hair. So what you heard you said, you said, Ryu, first, blah, blah, and then I'll see you. OK, OK.
00:17:18
Speaker
I'm dolce main. Yeah, straight
Character Portrayals and Critiques
00:17:20
Speaker
up. Yeah. My number two is Blanca. I, cause I was always like the counter Ager agent of chaos kind kind of guy. I'm like, you play right? You and kin how boring. right And then I went in between Vega and Sagat, but I'd say Vega more. Okay. I liked that wall climb. I liked that mask.
00:17:35
Speaker
Right. When I played, I did do Blanca a lot. Nice. Because I high school. You got that shock. We went to New York Pizza after school. And like, right as long as you can tap that button. Fucking. Oh, I was. I was just a button. I don't know what I'm doing. Much like Raul Julia. Right. Which is actually a style. Button mash is a style. It won some. That's why I did. Were you a lot? Because I either I either had a button mash or I could do that because it was easy. It was that quarterback turn.
00:18:00
Speaker
either quarter circle, right? yeah And then because I was girl, I just picked between the girls. We're going to do the same thing when we get to Mortal Kombat. But so Blanca, is that your only one? And then when I would, because I was a girl, I would go switch between the two girls. So you would go Chang Lee Cammie. Cammie. Yeah. Because I believe that was the only other girl at the time. Yeah. yeah we're going if If we're going to. I mean, this is based on two, allegedly. They got Cammie, Kylie Minogue in this movie. Oh man, Jean-Claude ruined her marriage. I was a Ryu for sure. That was my main. But Fae Long, 100% second go to. I did actually play DJ too. Fae Long's not in this one. Fae Long was kind of in this movie. From what I read in in trivia, at least. ah The producers said that Fae Long was too generic because he was there like Bruce Lee.
00:18:45
Speaker
for the game. Yeah. Yeah. So they said that was too generic. So Captain Shada Daka, whatever the fuck. The guy who can't act. Yeah. That's like the captain of the A.N. in this. He's supposed to be Pha Long. Sure. Right. OK. Right. Right. And I've always had an affinity for wrestling characters. So Zangief. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I feel like it was always a flex if you could beat people with Zangief because he's just a fucking king and Tekken. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you could get the moves out and know when to execute and how to do it and do it properly, you could murk people with a fucking A. And we all know the director of this movie made Zangief to be a mirror held up to Russia's reality of Cold War. Oh, shit. We're getting deep. Wait, he is bad. He is. I am bad guy. I am not bad guy. So this this episode is probably going to be all over the place. Who cares? So is this movie. It takes place in the fictional country of Shadowlou, which is not in the game as far as I remember. Well, not Shadowlou is just a criminal organization.
00:19:49
Speaker
Okay. It's in bison shit. He says it's shadow Lou city. Yeah. Shadow Lou. Nobody asked me. Oh, you know what it is? He took over some other place formerly known as fucking India now known as shadow Lou. I really fucked you. It's like some, they said in Southeast Asia, they were filming in Thailand. They were filming in Thailand and apparently there was I mean, they had rivers, I guess there was a because they had that boat and had at least a channel, right? There was a military coup going on at the time oh or possible. So like they but they were like, we're still making this street fighter movie. It's important. The world needs this now more than ever. Yes. So people were like the actors were getting shipped in by boat to go to do their scenes because they couldn't travel by land because they might be murdered.
00:20:37
Speaker
yeah I really hope they got paid a lot. Wow. I mean... Well, they didn't, obviously, because... There was an early joke where someone says, like, by land, by sea, or by air, and fucking Jean-Claude's like, should've seen that coming. Like, it's just such a fucking... Oh, yes. It's actually hoppy. The one-liners to this movie are... They're not good, but he loves them.
00:21:00
Speaker
But man, if he doesn't fucking just, you know, he was like, that stays. Oh yeah. That was not the director. Oh yeah. do This is the, this is the fucking van dam cut we got right here. yeah it is And he's barely in it. We really look at it. My favorite one liners. He doesn't even fucking say anything. He just looks to Cameron. He's like, Hey, and bison listen to this um and flex is like, you dickhead. Yeah, dickhead. Dude, with that painted on tattoo. Let's talk about the tattoos in this movie. Let's also talk about who thought was a good idea to make guile ginger.
00:21:30
Speaker
Right? I said the same thing. I was like, did they bleach his hair and forget to put toner on it? Because he's a ginger. Yeah, they were trying to make it blood. The We ran out of bleach. We've been over this. We can only afford one box of bleached stuff, peroxide dye, whatever. I used half it but half of it by frosting the tips of your pubes. They're not going to be in the movie, Van Dam. We'll see cocaine frosted.
00:21:57
Speaker
and is I need more frosting. As in he fucking railed it and was like... I like to numb up my skull real good. Speaking of Van Dam's pubes, I usually am. This movie was actually supposed to be rated R. Well, it was rated R when they first submitted it. And Capcom was like, no, thank you. So they made a bunch of cuts. Like cursing or blood?
00:22:22
Speaker
I think violence. Ooh. But they submitted, a but they made a bunch of cuts, resubmitted it, and it was rated G. Now, Steven, Steven D'Souza was like, that's not going to work because teenagers aren't going to go to a G movie. So they had him say things like dickhead. Yeah. So they had him cuss in like post-recorded stuff.
00:22:37
Speaker
so that they could make it PG-13. That's funny, because I actually was watching it right now with you and thinking, wow, like some of the like the editing is weird. It's bad. And the ADR is like all over the place. Right. Right. There's fuck. I think it's the scene. God, I don't remember the quote and it was fucking tragically beautiful. It has fucking like everything's blowing up and he's running out the door at the last second. He says some bullshit, but obviously he couldn't say that. Oh, you're out of time. My favorite. Right. Right. Right. Like some fucking arbitrary. My favorite moment of ADR is when they're sneaking into the temple, which is actually bison's secret base or whatever. Yeah. And.
00:23:22
Speaker
And then being who, uh, Cammie. Yeah, it's when Tommy Hawk, Tommy. Well, they keep saying T-Hawk and I'm like, is that Tommy Hawk? It's T-Hawk. It's Tommy Hawk. Holy shit, I've never thought about what the T stands for. It's just Thomas Hock. That's that moment where they. Tom A. Hawk. He's T-Hawk and it's like 20 minutes. Well, I guarantee it's like 40 minutes before the end of the movie should have been 20 minutes before the end of the movie. And yeah, they're like.
00:23:49
Speaker
Why are you wearing that headband, T Hawk? And it's like just clearly a wide shot of them walking. And they're like, OK, guys, just talk into the microphone. do If you like obviously throughout the course of the film, you can notice that they say 90 percent of these characters names once. Yeah. but Well, yeah, ah but apparently D'Souza wanted to have it be like seven, six or seven characters or something.
00:24:11
Speaker
the The film focused on, which is already a lot, and Capcom, who funded most of the movie, kept coming in and being like, no, no, you need to put this guy in. You need to put this guy in. Was there a toy line after this? Like, I know there's Street Fighter toys, but is it Street Fighter the movie toys? Maybe. They made Street Fighter movie the game.
00:24:27
Speaker
Oh, God, they did. That's like the dumbest thing. But it's literally imagine Mortal Kombat, like their first Mortal Kombat. You know how they use like live action people yeah to create the characters? Imagine that. But Street Fighter. So it's all right. I rescind my dumbest thing. It's up there, but it's not the dumbest. Oh, Street Fighter was trash. We're talking, God, what what year? like I think it came out around When the movie come out, 94, so we're talking 96. So this is probably like a Sega Saturn. game Oh, yeah, it's bad. it's Bad. and There was like 1994 Street Fighter and then there was 1995 Street Fighter, the movie. So that's the probably the game. Yeah, it's probably the movie, the game, because they called the game five. They called the game Street Fighter, colon, the movie. right Wow. Get your shit
Marketing, Merchandise, and Ad Break
00:25:18
Speaker
together. And then you have Street Fighter, the game, the movie, the book and
00:25:23
Speaker
There's a line where Bison was talking about the food court. Yeah. And he's like, the food court should be bigger. The corporations are going to want everything to do with this. But yet you couldn't name one corporation because they wanted nothing to do with this movie. Oh, yeah. Like there's no McDonald's fucking collector's cups of this. There's no Burger King fucking toys of this. I want to see the R rated version. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to see the R rated version. I bet we get to see Agent May's titties.
00:25:50
Speaker
No, we get to see what he said. ah the Van Damme doing the split. Hard dick. Cocaine lines off of the dick. oh I mean, i I would do that too. I too would want to see that. I mean, if you don't, are you American? now belgium I am American. Right. I love that. I love that Van... Jean-Claude Van Damme is the American guile. The most American man there is.
00:26:10
Speaker
Yeah, he's supposed to be America. I read a thing of trivia that was like, in the movie, they say Guile is US Army, but in the games, they always said he was Air Force, and that's the whole trivia. And I was like, you're not going to mention that he also say he's American in the game, and he's clearly not in this movie. Right, right, right. I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. I won't forget the man who died and gave their life for me. I'll probably stand up with you today. He's got my cocaine. Because I can't wait to get to Continuity Air. Yeah, we'll talk about some stuff. So we talked about Raul Julia playing Bison. He was also in Adam's family. He was Gomez. He's also dying while filming this. Oh, yeah, you didn't know Raul Julia. Yes, he was dying.
00:26:52
Speaker
of stomach cancer while filming this. And he only did this movie for his kids. I guess kids love the game, and I guarantee you they hate this movie. He had just had stomach surgery right before this movie started. In Mexico or something, because he was filming something down there. Yeah, which is one of the reasons. There's a few reasons this movie's the travesty that it is. One of the reasons was with Raul Julia's stomach surgery,
00:27:14
Speaker
He was insanely like skinny at the beginning of filming. What they had planned on doing was filming all of his dialogue, heavy stuff at the beginning and then doing like, which is a lot of close ups and then doing other stuff later. Well, they had to switch everything around. Well, so while they're filming that, all these people were supposed to be training with this martial arts trainer they got. But he looked very skinny and sick, so they couldn't film that stuff first. So they had to just go, you know what? We'll just film all the martial arts stuff first. So they had like between days and hours of training, depending on which scene we're talking about instead of like weeks. So that's one of the reasons this movie is a travesty. And also, um Capcom was said they know no matter what, they didn't care what obstacles came up. This movie had to come out Christmas 2000 or Christmas 1994 because they had toys that they were releasing.
00:28:01
Speaker
or other merchandise they were releasing, and that's when it was coming out. That answers the question. They had toys. I don't know if it was for the movie or if they were just like, we're putting out Street Fighter shit in December. Yeah, okay. Right, right, right. We need Street Fighter in people's minds. Because if I can get an All-American toy with Kyle being Jean-Claude as a toy, I'm in.
00:28:17
Speaker
Right. Because you're talking 30 years ago. I don't fucking remember that. Yeah, I don't either. And I mean, the thing is, Guile isn't working for the U.S. Army or anything. He's working for the A.N., which is their version of the U.N. He could easily be from, I don't know, Belgium. Exactly. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Makes perfect sense. Yeah. No, he's not American. He's the A.N. Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
Chun Li's Role and Costume
00:29:08
Speaker
The other person we see at the very beginning is Ming Na Wen, who's playing Chun Li. Ow! Ming Na Wen is awesome. Dude, how does she- The smoke show now. I was going to say, how does she look- Oh yeah, dude, we're talking. She looks like she does in Boba Fett right here. Like this is just a little bit younger looking. She is awesome. She got like four wrinkles. Yeah, you can only see two of them.
00:29:31
Speaker
to earn her butt. Yeah. No, my favorite. My favorite part of the movie. My favorite part of the movie is when she puts on the actual Chun-Li costume with the slits that go up past her hip. I'm the best part of the movie. Yeah. Right. right so Can we point out that?
00:29:48
Speaker
It's red. It's red. It's not blue. It's not blue. Was there an alternative like fighting? That's probably right. Like you already selected the character if it's. her alternate All right. Because of the aesthetics. I guess because Bison gave it to her and he likes red. Right. But still.
00:30:06
Speaker
I don't, man, I don't know, they gave- Red means bad. Right, Ken gets the red gi, Ryu gets the white gi. You know, but why is Ryu shirtless? what Why not? Why not? That actor is proud, dude. Hey, hey, hey, you guys play new street fighters?
00:30:22
Speaker
I haven't played one in a while. Capcom has leaned into fucking people being like, I will fuck Ryu. I swear to God. But it was Kami for years. studentde She's going to enter a fighting tournament with her underwear upper butt. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. But no complaints. No complaints. Same. They've definitely sexualized Ryu at this point, where he's got like a beard. He's like shirtless, like yeah sag and low. You can see the crotch fucking long. Oh, the cum gutters. Yeah, the cum gutters. Absolutely. huh I was just gonna say real quick, Ming Na Wen, for those who don't know. Agent May! It was Agent May on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. She's in Mandalorian and Mulan in the cartoon, and then she also played Mulan's, like, trainer or something, maybe? I never saw the new one. Motherfucker, she could have played Mulan. She could have played Mulan. Yeah, like she looks great. She also played Fennec Shan in the Bad Batch. So yeah, we're doing her voice. Yeah. How do you know about the Babby? You know nothing about it. I saw it on the IMDB. OK. And I was like, Jack knows this. Did you recognize the guy that played Ken? Welcome back to the podcast. I did not. I mean, I. Oh, I did. He's a real shitty character in Under Siege. Yeah, he's one of the guys, just one of the guys that's with, he's with Steven Seagal. He's the one that the fucking stripper has to show how to use the MP5. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We have a lot of welcome back to the show. Did you recognize Zangief?
00:31:42
Speaker
He was in Batman Returns as Chip. Oh, damn! He's fucking Christopher Walken's son. Oh, no way! Dad, we have to get the speech out there. Is he? Holy fuck! Who's Zangief? Dude, I can see it. Zangief is sideways thumb. No way! Yeah. He was also in fucking, what did we talk about before? I love how you can say Zangief if she's not like the Russian. You have to do sideways thumb for him.
00:32:07
Speaker
Yeah, I I love this actor. He's in he's in what the program ah any given Sunday. yeah He's in any given Sunday. He's in Hudson Hawk. Yeah, it's like Brian bad. It's not bad zenski. It's close to that bad. Andrew. yeah Well, we do brain Narski. Well, what is it? Andrew brain Narski. Right. Narski.
00:32:26
Speaker
B-R-Y-N-I-A-R-I-R. I said Badsinski, I'm close. It's fine. We'll go with Badsinski. I'm telling you right now, my girlfriend loves Batman. I have seen Batman return so many times. I know that exact character. I didn't know that was shit. I would have never.
00:32:43
Speaker
I'm here for it. Also, we just had him on the show for Friday the 13th, the guy that plays DJ. Yeah, he plays demon Miguel Nunez plays DJ. Yeah, he was demon on Friday the 13th, which we talked about in October 13th, part five, a new beginning that we talked about in October. Not a good one. Also in Joanna, man. Yeah, not a good one at all, but had some fun. yeah well All of them have fun. Those are the ones you have to watch with people, because if you watch that by yourself and try to enjoy it, you're a psychopath. Right. like It's like, raise his hand. yeah Did you notice that he only has a Jamaican accent for like the last two lines he delivers? Yes! No, he has the very first line, too. and then But then like when he's stealing the box, he says something, no accent. Mama didn't raise no fool. And then he switches back to the Jamaicans. But like at the very beginning, or not like throughout the movie, did they deposit the funds? Hell no. like He just has all these... I mean, I guess he was like, I'm doing a Jamaican accent. that You just can't hear it. it's only I'm wondering if those were filmed early scenes, and they're like, dude, drop it. It's not good. Just dont don't do it. Just do nothing. Because it's bad. You know you know the better Jamaican accent? Miss Cleo.
00:33:53
Speaker
I was thinking of Dave Chappelle and half. bay Terrible. Much better than DJ. Down by the beach. boy All right. So whatever. Bison's doing some shit. He's got hostages. He's killing him. Here's where the kids fucked up because the inciting incident kind of of this whole thing, not of bison trying to be world leader or whatever, is guile.
00:34:20
Speaker
going oh you have hostages they're talking to each other over the TV which I don't know that's how TVs work I don't get this and guile is like don't worry hostages we're coming for you sorry don't worry like that's that's Arnold du done hello my here's how you get into it silk underwear silk underwear see don't worry hostages don't worry hostages we are coming for you and Chris or Charlie, keep your head up. ah Fucking bison turns around, looks at this guy whose tags dog tags say Carlos and he's like me. Are you Charlie? You're about to get fucked up, Charlie. Yeah, call anybody named Carlos Charlie. Who ever do? Who ever nicknamed a Carlos Charlie? My dad calls my brother Charlie Sheen. My dad My buddy fucking Carlos are my co-worker Carlos Chuck but Fucking I've never heard anybody be like, oh your name's Carlos. Also. Why do you Charlie? Why did you death sentence your friend? Yeah, also bison. There's somebody that I care a lot about his name's Charlie. Don't fuck with them My ah best friend is there dude
00:35:23
Speaker
You're on point with that, Van Dam. That's good shit. I watch a lot of Van Dam movies. That's good shit, dude. All right, so Ken and Ray, you'll go to this fighting ring because they're con men who are there to sell Sagat. Nerf guns. Nerf guns. Sagat. Oh, welcome back. Another welcome back to the show, Wes Studi, who was in our previous episode on Deep Rising from last October. Yeah, last October. Trick or treat Williams. Oh, okay. Trick or treat Williams. Gone too soon. So Ryu is like an actual actor. I mean he's a character actor. Did you ever see Hell on Wheels? I didn't watch much of it. I only watched the first season. He was actually pretty fucking awesome antagonist in that. Okay. So he's got chops. He was in multiple episodes of
00:36:10
Speaker
Like, not a main character, but he had arcs in The Expanse, Altered Carbon, Arrow and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., amongst other things. So TV character actor. But he actually acts unlike the guy that played Ken, whose name I don't even have here, who looks like a hangover. Ken just like ah is the the Teemu version of Sebastian Stan. Dude, he's the Emilio Estevez you have at home.
00:36:35
Speaker
yeah mom can we get him million west of her we have a really less best at home This guy just like from from shot one just looks like a hangover he's sweaty he's fucking bloated over and over He's probably got the squirts dude I know I saw I can never super cut cocaine to get from there. Yeah. Oh, is that donkey laxative? I can taste it. Right. You just have some real lines on the toilet. Van Dam's got the pure shit, but he cuts it to give it to the other guys. And they get, you know, hell yeah, dude. That's how he makes this thing came back. It's just evaporated milk. He blows his nose, dries it out, and sells that. Right. Right. He gives him his boogers. Right. so It's like an eighth of an eighth ball. He wants some of my booger's sugar.
00:37:23
Speaker
And of course, you you have any idea how much motherfuckers will pay for cocaine from Van Dam? Oh, is there like a waiting list or do I just contact him? You just buy it and then you put it in a little case up on your shelf and it's like Van Dam's cocaine. Can you sign it when you send it to me? That's some Van Dam good coke. It's got a label on it. It's Van Damage, dude. ah This is not from me. That would be illegal. Van Dam is. You're going to have Van Damonium.
00:37:56
Speaker
But so they're, it doesn't matter. They're trying to sell them guns. It turns out they shoot tennis balls. So they get taken by the group. I feel like we have these guys. Like remember our shoes. like Orange Nerf balls. Nerf balls. But the fucking painted like green ass army men. A gun a gun that shoots tennis balls is much more dangerous than a gun that shoots Nerf balls, but not in war.
00:38:22
Speaker
Yeah, they were just like bounce off your face. Like a butterfly's wing. Butterflies don't bounce off your face. I like to differ.
Humorous Characters and Inside Jokes
00:38:32
Speaker
Are you running really fast? Look at me. Do I look like I've never ran really fast in my life? I'm just trying to say something to you. When dude just like pulls up. Right. Super serious. Ken's face.
00:38:45
Speaker
Boom. You already know the gun is fake, sir. Yeah. You already know the gun is fake. What do you think? This was going to be the one metal ball? i Oh, sorry. Short range. It would impact. No, I got confused with our real guns. I saw two guns laying there and I thought this one looks like it has real bullets.
00:39:09
Speaker
This one's black with a very slender fucking nozzle. This one's army green with the fucking porthole is it re or ken that gets shot in the face with it it's kid yeah i can walk around the rest of the movie with just a welt on his forehead because he got hit with like Like super fucking you Tom and Jerry cartoon yes fuck yeah What's the ah famous tennis ball is it Wilson I think that backwards on his fucking head That's a movie. Fuck you, Ken. What's your name? Nilsao? The fuck is Nilsao? Maybe it's not Nilsao. It is now Nilsao. So Dalsim is apparently a scientist, I guess, because he's the Indian character. So they decided, well, he's from India. Well, this used to be India. Now it's Shadaloo.
00:39:51
Speaker
They say Southeast Asia. Oh my God. They can say whatever they want. I almost spit my beer out. I try to do that to people. This used to be Asia. Sorry, India. So they're doing experiments on ah Carlos Charlie, and they're going to... They're basically... He's got an actual last name. The motherfucker's name is Carlos Blanca.
00:40:14
Speaker
Nowhere have they i and always what I know of have they ever called Blanca Carlos. Well, most of these names were made up for that. So he' never got William. If you prove me wrong. No, if you go to the Wikipedia and calls him Carlos. But that might just be from this. This is canon. There's a video. It could be. It could be. But I was going through it just to see ah something like I want to see if they ever called him Charlie because I knew like the guy looking for Charlie thing in the video game is a big deal. That was his yeah Charlie motivation. Yes.
00:40:42
Speaker
But I don't think they ever like there was a rumor growing up that Charlie was Blanca. Yeah. And then this is long before this like long before this movie. OK. Like we all had these theories growing up like this. He ain't lying. This is where actually real. OK. Yeah. But they disproved this just with the Alpha series when they introduced Charlie. Yeah. Right. And then Charlie yes Charlie was another blonde. Right. Guess who else was there.
00:41:05
Speaker
and to today like ah right Well, maybe it's like a Hulk thing. I mean, wait, could they ever fight each other, though? Were they ever in the same room at the same time? Right. You know, there is a real issue within that game in and of itself. I think the Alpha series was also the one that introduced the evil version of Ryu.
00:41:27
Speaker
Okay. Which you could have Ryu versus Evil Ryu. Dulcem is making Carlos into Blanca by giving him Mountain Dew. Red original. Right, right. But they also have Diet Dew. I think this is actually just Ral Julia's chemo, dude.
00:41:43
Speaker
Oh. Right. Right. mean, it kind of looks like that. I mean, if we're willing it in for a roll, like you might as well pass it by the camera. Yeah. They're like, well, it's better than any practical effects we had. He's like, you did you get stickers on those? Thank you.
00:42:02
Speaker
And that joke made me feel bad. I had no idea that Mountain Dew cured stomach cancer. No, it causes it. Yeah. Much contrarily. See, and this is why he died. This was... Craft services had fucking IV bags of Mountain Dew and Code Red Mountain Dew. It's like, it's like you thir mutagen, mutagen, leukemia.
00:42:26
Speaker
Where's people? I'm just picking up on what this guy's putting down. Oh, nobody should follow my lead. You opened Pandora's box, my dude. Let's go. were you supposed to fight Vega? Is Vega supposed to be like a bull? Yeah, a bullfighter. You know who they tried to get to play Vega? Spanish. Just Spanish. Blue Diamond Phillips. Nope, even worse.
00:42:48
Speaker
Even worse, Lou Diamond Phillips would have killed this one. He would have eaten his script up. If they would have cast the person they were trying to cast, it would have been just in line with the rest of this movie, because they were trying to do Fabio. Oh, man. So Vega's big thing is he wears the mask because he's too pretty. That's what Patch didn't have to enlighten him. That was his whole like, even his like, is i'm pretty I'm too pretty to lose, was like his victory taunt. Yeah. Right. And it's like if you fucked him up, it would show like his mask all fucked up and his face all fucked up. He's all ugly.
00:43:17
Speaker
because the whole point is, you know, he's supposed to be pretty because he's fucking right. And that's great. He's fucking Rico. He's Don Flamingo. He's got great hair. It's great because he comes in with the mask and he takes it off immediately. like Judge Dred gives it to the girl who takes it away, talks some shit, and then she brings it back so he can put it on. Yeah. But then everybody starts chanting no weapons. And so he doesn't put on the mask, which isn't a weapon. Right. Also, when he kind might be an advantage, he does the Don Flamingo.
00:43:46
Speaker
Yeah, he does. Sans Rose. Sans Rose. From Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Yes. He does the Don Flamingo, dude. That's real shit. So there's about to be a video game style fight in the street, in the cage, with Vega. And Ryu. And Van Damme decides this is not happening. So he bursts in with a tank and breaks up the fight. Like a dick. Right. Right. And Van Damme only decided this because budget Well, he gets out of the tank and you can just see the powder coming up around him. He just stands up. He's like, you're all under arrest. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to chase you down on foot. I know where you live. The two giant missiles on the size of this tank. Those weren't missiles. Those are tubes of cocaine.
00:44:40
Speaker
Wait, are we going out into the jungle? Make sure we have supplies, a bunch of supplies. More cocaine. Fill those tubes full of cocaine. Let's go. Right. I was just waiting for him in the scene. It's like, no, there's a war going on out there. We can't just drive around with cocaine on the sides of this. Makes them look like missiles. Yeah, missiles are good. You know what, Patch? I think you're right. You're right. You're right. Missiles straight to my nostril.
00:45:03
Speaker
I need another nasal mist, too. Right, right. But real talk, how fucking arbitrary? What is this? What tank has missiles on it? On the side. It seems useless. On the sides. GI Joe tanks, dude. ah Okay, guys. That's it. GI Joe tanks. Well, they are using GI Joe vehicles throughout this because that boat is definitely a GI Joe. I'm sorry, what is a GI Joe? Is it a GI Joe? Right, right. I believe Woody Allen made that movie. GI Joe. Don't fire the bullets. They're expensive. It's about warriors fighting for the integrity of bagels. It started Eugene Levy and Judd Hirsch. Judd Hirsch was Cobra Commander. fear Is this a Spielberg movie? I can see it, dude.
00:45:49
Speaker
So Shadaloo itself is pretty much more sizely, right? It's a wretched hive of a scum and villainy. This place is the bar that they go to in Star Wars, right? It's the worst place. So I was waiting for a Van Damme when he popped out. He's like, you're all under arrest, except for you, John. I need more shit.
00:46:05
Speaker
Dude, this motherfucker. I don't like you. My friends don't like you either. He was just on his way there for cocaine and crashed into the wall. This motherfucker literally pops out and like does the most casual left to right.
00:46:19
Speaker
Yonder rest. I've seen all of you in a hundred, 200 of us. You've seen all their faces. Right. Right. Yeah, he's also he's also he's got a tank with missiles. He's like, I'll fucking blow it up and throw it.
00:46:44
Speaker
So through a series of events, Ken and Ryu end up getting recruited to go undercover with Sagat and Vega. Yep. To then get into Bison's- The Shadowloose City Gang. They're not the Shadowloose. They're the City Gang.
00:47:00
Speaker
It's much like the inner city posse. right they got the dog And then the the agent may is what's her name. Me now when now when Chun Li. Yeah. As in me now when we're going to hook up. Yeah. if ah Yes. I guarantee you Van Dam said that on set to her. No. OK, so Van Dam was banging Kylie Minogue through this whole production. Yeah, he wanted her. But he may have also been trying to bang me, not when, because why not? But in the last scene when he tells her, like, he'll give her the interview. If you wear that dress wear that dress, that look of disgust on her face was not in the script. She's supposed to be like flattered and flirty because you could see she's trying to do a flirty look, but she looks like she wants to throw up. Because he's looking her up and down hoard.
00:47:45
Speaker
Well, I guarantee that was ah improv. no Yeah. No, there were things that the line was delivered. Just that was where that dress. The fucking the the fucking chin lift. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, front and back front and back. I was like, yeah yeah. I mean, we were all checking her out, but respectfully. This is 30 years old and and and um I had a 30 year old. yeah Like years worth of. So they basically have to organize like a fake prison break so they can go undercover and they. You can escape over my dead body.
00:48:23
Speaker
Yeah, so they do. So Ken kills, guile, definitely for real. Sean Pudge Van Dam is definitely dead. He's out of this movie. out The whole village mourns. Because everyone's sad. What Ken gives him.
00:48:41
Speaker
Like I don't. with your left time I don't remember, was anybody fooled by this shit? Apparently, Sagat was. Well, he He blinked at the moment that got a shot.
00:48:54
Speaker
Man, is this just Nick Fury in deep cover? Yeah. I was in drug mode once. I was just like, I do not understand. Good thing I don't speak English. All I do is follow what's going on. Sorry, I wasn't looking. I saw a reflection of myself, and I was staring at that. I am the hands of Spaniard. He was looking at his reflection. That's what he was looking for. Yeah. Sorry, I got lost in that. Does Benioff have a line in the movie? No. I don't think so. No, I don't believe so either. Bitches, leave.
00:49:23
Speaker
Now we fight. I think that's what it was. Oh, and he does say something to Ryu at the end. Is it Ryu or Ryu? Ryu. It's Ryu in the game because it's Ryuken, which is Japanese for dragonfist. Ryu's dragon and Japanese Ken is fist.
00:49:40
Speaker
But is it pronounced right? You are the people with you can said Ryu and the white person said Ryu. And then whatever I'm going to go with whatever fake Sebastian Stan said, the opposite of that. I will always I will always be Team Ryu. You know who knows this? Google Internet. No fucking way. I don't trust him. But im dude, I got to hear it. There's a line. There is a line. Here it is. We have Internet.
00:50:07
Speaker
Ryu. Ryu. I don't trust that fucking French dude. I don't trust that Jean-Claude Van Damme. That's what he's doing now. That's what he's doing now. Nothing referred to as Ryu. As Ryu's that condom.
00:50:20
Speaker
oh
00:50:23
Speaker
Reuse that strong. I'm still going to call it Ryu because I'm a fucking 40 year old white American. I always said it it just way I always got corrected by people. Yeah, I started of saying I never listened. well um Well, I was a young white kid in America. I don't know anything. What do I know about Japan? Not much. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. That's what I do. Deep cut. Chun-Li decides that she's going to sneak back into the chatteloo thing of the A.N. here after Ryu and Ken leave or Ryu.
00:50:51
Speaker
after that guy and you say it however you want. to Don't you ever let me correct you after they leave with they break out. You know, they drive through the gate and all this stuff. The media is getting kicked out. So they're leaving. She decides to dress up like a ninja.
00:51:04
Speaker
to sneak back into the A.N. base. But she's decided to do this as wearing an all black ninja suit. In the middle of the day. In the middle of the day, sinking into a white building with white hallways. And you definitely could not see her on top of the bus.
00:51:21
Speaker
Honda says all clear. He's like, all right, all clear. Get up there. It's like not clear. This is the worst time yeah when they climbing up right now. ti And the the the A.N. guy lets them out and you could just see me now wins ass sticking up over the edge of the top of the van. And I'm just like, all right. All right.
00:51:39
Speaker
All I see is a black bag up there. Oh, that's just our equipment. Okay, carry on. We call her the old bag. What? Nothing. Right? I would have watched a spin-off movie though of Ball Rug and E. Honda together in this van. It seemed like a fun, healthy, like male environment. You know what I mean? yeah They're lifting each other up and stuff. I don't have his name because I didn't recognize him at first when I was looking at the stuff, but the guy that plays E. Honda,
00:52:04
Speaker
Oh, God, I know him from necessary roughness. Yeah, he's one of the the guys that is up a again he's up against in L.A., maybe. Yeah, he's one of the felons. Felons, yeah. And that's that's the one that D.M. Bakar, a little ah little little tiny dude. Little bitch. Yeah. Squeak.
00:52:21
Speaker
Squeak Squeak says it's the one that squeaks like he they give him they write something for him to say and they give it to him and he's looking at the thing and he's like I was with your mother last night he's like my mother's dead oh must be why she didn't move around so much yeah Necessary Roughness is the best movie he's in I just said baseball no He's being in it for that line, dude. This interrupt is amazing. Scott Bakula. Apparently, instead of... Sin Ben? Apparently, instead of a sumo wrestler... Rob Schneider? You really just heard the movie.
00:53:11
Speaker
It does have Robert Loja and Hector Alizondo. Oh, Loja. Oh, my God. Gene Heckman would never be. Gene Heckman would never be in a movie with Rob Schneider.
00:53:27
Speaker
I don't know, he was in one with Ray Romano. Yeah, but that was after he had retired, and they convinced him to come back, and then he came back. They convinced him to come back, and he was like... They put some cum on his back. And then he was like, you know what, I'm retired. They got him a cum one time. Welcome to Mooseport, my ass. He could have fucking had his last movie be goddamn Royal Tenenbaums. Royal Tenenbaums, dude. Fuck.
00:53:49
Speaker
I thought I was done with it. Robert Lozia, I heard there was cocaine on set. Look at my nostrils. Fill them up, boys. I need a missile full of cocaine. I want to see Lozia and Hackman in a movie. You can call me Robert Snozia, because I'm going to do all that coke. I don't have the ability to find that out.
00:54:07
Speaker
I'm running through my catalog. So she sneaks in ah pretending to be a statue. Peter Griffin and family guy when he's trying to sneak. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. I was thinking of Kronk when he was like. Yeah. And she's doing his own theme song. Dude, I could think of spiking. Dun dun dun dun dun dun.
00:54:31
Speaker
But she ends up finding Guile. She finds his dead body. She goes, good. Throws the blanket back over his head. She goes to look at his dick. He immediately sits up and he's like, I am not dead. Did you come to the morgue for a stiff one? Because you found one. I wouldn't give you an interview while I was alive. Frigamotas are sitting. I wouldn't give you an interview while I was alive. Why would I give you one while I'm dead? yeah She's like, that's not sexy. He's like, it is an America where I come from.
00:55:03
Speaker
Born in Texas. Grew up on a ranch, riding and roping. I am a cowboy. I am a cowboy. How you say yee-haw? What do they say, a steel horse I ride? Well, they're dead or alive. But I'm dead. But now I'm alive. Now you want me, right?
00:55:28
Speaker
Anyway, we were making Derek's life so fucking hard. I'm just thinking about the hours that are going to be spent on this episode. episode
00:55:38
Speaker
um He tries to get her arrested. She sneaks out the window and they're like, I think it's Teahawks is good with the window. He goes, what an escape. And Van Dam leans out of one of the worst lines of the movie. What a woman.
00:55:50
Speaker
But he doesn't just do it. He he pops out like Pepe Le Pew of this window. What the woman? And then he floats away, dude. it is It is one of the worst lines of this movie, which is saying something. Like it's a tasty pie. Good job.
00:56:11
Speaker
And now we get to the tent inside of 300 with the goat person. ah Yeah. Well, there's the flea market for selling the used American military equipment. Go ahead. Kick the tires. Only been used once. I loved this because it reminded me of the market from the beginning of Aladdin. or They were selling like Apache helicopters and rocket launchers. I was like not bright this flea market broke. This flea market.
00:56:38
Speaker
wow How do I get in this place? How do I get to buy these missiles or this aeroplane? Oh, you have to have been a bad guy used once to in an American assault on something something you have to be a bad guy in a Street Fighter video game and they'll give you an invite. Okay. Yeah. All right. No, I am Well, I praise Satan as he fell from the heavens um man what a line man roll julia rests dude This movie did not deserve his performance I'm glad it's here ah one saves it I'm glad it's here but man
00:57:14
Speaker
We didn't deserve you is good. Like a lot of these guys are good. Sure. But let's talk about one putting in a quick elephant in the room. West study is a Native American actor, not from Thailand. Right. And they got what this is. this is how you Somebody was like, he's an Indian video game character. It's like, all right, well, it's the 90s. So you said the Indian, right? I'll get West study. Exactly. Exactly. He he looks the part. He's got the eye patch. Yeah, he doesn't fucking fight, though. Well, Julia has a great line at the end fights, Ken.
00:57:44
Speaker
Yeah, not well. When they find out and when the bad guys find out that Guyle's still alive and then like says something and he's like, I thought he was dead or something. and Fucking Raul Julia has this line where he's like, what? You couldn't see that and covers up his one eye with his hand, which apparently was something he improvised. And I was like, that's that's why it's the best line of the movie. Yeah, dude.
00:58:04
Speaker
ah So they're having like this little market or they have the market and inside they're having like a circus show question mark. Yeah. And it's it's me now. And and it's so it's suddenly Hahn Ihonda and Balrog pretending to be circus performers and doing a pretty good job. Apparently they were circus performers. Gandalf runs out. You shall not pass.
00:58:25
Speaker
a And this barrel that they put her in, the lid does say Capcom. It does. You got to throw it in there. Yeah, I mean, it's like this this universe's version of Acme. Yeah, we just talk about product placement and how terrible it is.
00:58:41
Speaker
I think that's the only one in this. I mean, we we also have the entire arcade controller. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Later. but I mean, i'm I'm kind of a little surprised like Coca Cola didn't want to have him buy some ice cold and or something.
00:58:57
Speaker
Look, you can have Coca-Cola in your movie, but only if the terrorist warlord is drinking it. Right. We want to send the right message. No, he was also drinking Coca-Cola. Only if it says Cap Comi-Cola. Oh, he would definitely have Coca-Cola. Cap Comi-Cola. Right? Code red came out in the 90s. Drink it. I don't know. How do you stop from getting pregnant? Use your Cap Condom.
00:59:15
Speaker
yeah Kids. Oh, no, no, sorry. Never mind. Don't advertise to kids. There is some product placement because Ken looks around in this place and he says, this makes Detroit look like Disneyland. He does. Which really probably brought zero tourism to Detroit. In Disneyland. I mean, not that there was a big, you know, vein for that anyway. Around 1994.
00:59:40
Speaker
ah No. Unless you want to go relive Robocop. See, I think Robocop put a kibosh on Detroit. I feel like Detroit put a kibosh on Detroit. You want to make a call? Then get the fuck out. You don't like kiss? Fuck you. Fuck you.
01:00:03
Speaker
So for some reason. Ted Nugent is our God. I'm not sure why, but Chun-Li leads. Isn't Steve Perry their God? Steve Perry. He's always singing about South Detroit. Is he?
Plot Points and Humor
01:00:14
Speaker
Always? Is he always? Always. That's the only song you hear. But for some reason, Chun-Li. He's just tapping South Detroit. Chun-Li takes Ken. She seduces Ken to her tent pretty much to tell him, like, hey, we're here undercover. Now go back? Question mark? Yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
like Why would she do that? Because the oh I guess she was warning them that they're about to blow that shit up. Yeah, she figured out that they were undercover because the tracking device something something something something track because she knows the guile is still alive. And she's like, ah, they sent these motherfuckers. Yeah. So she's trying to save them from getting exploded here in a minute, I guess.
01:00:49
Speaker
Right. So she brings him in to explode him. And then for some reason, immediately Barag and Ihana pull Ryu in because he could smell the stank coming out of that room. So it led him to the doorway and they like push him in to see. Following the smell of sex. Where's Ken? They just pushed him in to see the moment of climax. And then they tied him up. Have you ever seen Ken's O-Face? No, you will now. right right You know that homie you have? Back in the tent, Bison is buying guns from Sigat and he's trying to pay with Bison Bucks, which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Also, the first thing he says is, hey, how about you front me these guns and I'll let you be a part leader of the country? And Sigat's like, um you're going to lose, so no.
01:01:40
Speaker
I'm trying to play both sides, so I always come out on top. So fuck you, pay me. Yeah. So here's a here's a bucket of bison bucks. These are worth nothing. They're going to be worth five times the British pound once I kidnap their queen. Hmm. I don't think any of his plans are. I smell a sequel. What does the God do?
01:01:58
Speaker
Puts that shit in the fire and calls him a madman. Yeah, throws it in the fire. Not worth a paper. It's printed on the psycho. Oh, lunatic. Yeah. Which, hey, OK, look, you're in the right here, but don't call a dictator a lunatic unless you have like rocket skates on. Yeah. Yeah. Dulce did it earlier, too, because he's talking about. Oh, yeah. They're they're trying to brainwash Blanca. They're showing them all that fucking clockwork orange footage. And good fucking reference.
01:02:25
Speaker
Here's a bunch of video of your grandparents fucking and b Bison looks at it and he's like fire, fire. This is just educational. Yeah, this is just educational material. Why is he disturbed? Because he's not a fucking psychotic like you. He's like, oh, well, I'm going to fucking shave your head. Yeah, right. He's like, tell me, check me, lift you with one hand. He's crazy. now they don' They cut out the scene where he pulls the hair out of his head, which I read about in the IMDb. Was that real?
01:02:52
Speaker
Yeah, apparently they gave him a skullcap with hair because there's some point where he's going mad with whatever and he pulls out the hair and that's why he's bald. He's gone mad with Hinduism. No, he just shows up bald. Yeah, he just shows up bald with the climax. I just always assumed it was like the chemicals did it. It's quite the Goonies moment.
01:03:08
Speaker
Quite the what? Goonies. The Goonies moment. Who shows up bald? No. No, no, no. In The Goonies, if you fucking, if anybody here has ever seen The Goonies, it's kind of, it's not the most familiar flick. Couple times. Most people don't know about it, but there's this scene in the original edition where they go down the slides and they hit the water and they run into the octopus. Yes, that one. Oh, yeah. I've never seen that. So after they leave the tent, Ken and Ryu walk into fucking right in between these two armies facing off with each other. And they're like, we can diffuse this, right? So one of them goes to each side and gets taken prisoner, basically. And and Ken immediately sells out Chun Li. He's like, Oh, there's spies. They're over there. It doesn't matter because she sends a truck full of explosives at them after warning them, because that's the best way to blow up bad guys is warn them you're coming.
01:03:58
Speaker
And I love when the truck reverse bond villain. Do you see the the the video display of the truck coming at them and fucking saying he looks at he's like, change the channel. I got it this kind of genuine laugh at him. He did change the channel. And they just look at him like, what the fuck? It's funny because I'm stupid. I'm telling you, he works, dude. He works. I agree. If you know the character of Zenga, if he's actually supposed to be yeah like like good natured and actually very intelligent. Oh, he's not intelligent in this. Right. But he's supposed to be intelligent and actually has like a quick sense of humor kind of thing. He's supposed to be kind of witty in that aspect.
01:04:41
Speaker
Yeah, no, I like this actor doing it. and where That line is it works for me is perfect. You got paid. Yeah, that's right. You guys getting paid early version of that. The tent gets blown up, but everybody's out of it. So Bison takes everybody back to his lair as hostages. um And there is. So we cut back to the A.N. and now everybody knows Giles back.
01:05:04
Speaker
And it's funny because he says he talks about how an attack by air is impossible. So this ties back into the potential military coup that was going on. Thailand wouldn't let them fly anything in their airspace. So they basically were like, let's write it into the script. So an attack by air is impossible. We won't explain why, but we're going to have to go in by water.
01:05:26
Speaker
And we have to use this invisible boat that no one can see unless they look at the water. I got this boat from the GI Joes. yeah but I thought they were going to go underwater to be like stealth mode. No way. No way. You got to show off your stuff.
01:05:44
Speaker
I was waiting for this boat to fucking get wings and fly. It didn't like it was going to turn into a plane. you know that but You know the best maneuver for a stealth boat? Write the fucking pilot's name, Colonel William Guile, across the fucking side of it. It's the stupidest thing, dude.
01:06:06
Speaker
This is where we meet our fake fae long because Guile is explaining his plan. He's like, you guys come from one side. We'll come from the other side in the stealth boat, which isn't how things work out. But this guy stands up and he's just like an attack like that would be insane. And what is he a speaking spell? It's ah yeah a good thing. Bison has made me crazy. I will drive the boat. Yeah. you'll need Yeah. You'll need a madman to do that. I will drive.
01:06:33
Speaker
ah Good thing he's Mick McCrazin. He has like three lines in this movie and every time it's just like What an attack like that could never work line ah line He's just like jo caught doing line he he's actually telling that line line when at this point. they had They had spent their casting budget on the two actors. Stephen D'Souza gave all his money to the rest of the actors and they were like, fuck, we need one more guy to play this captain. And he's like, find a guy on the street. Yeah. He's like, my name is what the guy who plays Honda.
01:07:12
Speaker
They could have just put the guy who played Rio and so I could have seen that. Just give him a mustache.
01:07:20
Speaker
He's wearing a hat and a uniform. It's not the same guy. I would have loved him just in a mustache. We do get ah a fun... Half falling off. We got a fun prison sex gay joke right in the middle of all this. Dude, this is a children's movie. Calm down, Street Fighter. This was rated G. It's PG-13 when we watch it. Right. But with this, it would have been rated G. So they got E. Honda's getting whipped, and he's pretending like it doesn't hurt kind of thing. And then Ballrug says, hey, give me a hand. Dude, we've been in prison for a couple hours, maybe in a couple, maybe in a month. Maybe in a month. Yeah. That was in the G version? Question mark? Question mark.
01:07:55
Speaker
I'm gonna jerk i'm goingnna jerk you off, just not right now. I'm gonna make you wait a month. like I'll jerk you off when I'm desperate. Wait, you have to be... Wait, excuse me? What do you get from that again? Well, he's probably gonna make him jerk him off too. And then just jerk each other off. And all the gross step-dads that had to take their kids their step-kids to this movie, love this joke.
01:08:13
Speaker
Well, the first one that comes, you guys get it? You guys get it? You get that joke? It's a hand job. You don't get to ask your mother. She calls them old fashions. So she sues me to sleep after we've been fighting. I told her I don't like red sauce. She makes red sauce.
01:08:30
Speaker
yes Experience much? No, I never had a stepdad. So Ken and Ryu are given costumes, given their video game kind of costumes by Bison because I guess he's really like street fighting. Yeah, it's not even their own like geese. It's fucking Bison uniforms.
01:08:50
Speaker
Get the fuck out of here. And it's like the one is white and one is red. Yeah. And all of the the bison folks are wearing red. The bison folk, I think they're called buffalo people. All of the buffalo people are wearing red. But for some reason, they're like, OK, you got you. Can you get the red? We need to tell you apart. No, no, we have we have the we tell you apart. Never mind that you're a face of Ashton Stan and you're a Chinese-American playing a Japanese. I can't tell the difference. There are there are bison people, as it were, bison folk that had red and white on as well because they're sparring each other. OK, I didn't see the white. All right. All right. You fixed it. It all tracks, dude. This is a flawless movie. Oh, God. Flawless movie, dude. The force. Fixed by the force. It's funny. And that's what he's done to me to work two doors down from them. I know. I love Bison Riches. Where where where are we? So the guy was coming up with his plan to attack the whatever. He's telling all these people. He's getting them all riled up. I'm going to go in from the front. You take them from the rear. Wait, no, switch. I want to do the rear. And this fucking stuff shirt guy from the A.N. shows up and he basically tells them like, hey, we're not doing this plan anymore because we're going to negotiate. And also we're going to give him the 20 billion dollars he wants.
01:10:07
Speaker
So one of those true, one of them isn't. You got to pick. You're either negotiating or you're giving him the 20 billion. Quick deviation because we do that here. You recognize this actor at all? Vaguely. ah Ace Ventura, pet detective two when nature calls. Oh, shit. He is the guy that that steals spoilers. He steals the white bat. Cappy from the consulate, right? Oh, fucking way. Far too busy for a follow up jiggle. No way. That's him. Holy shit.
01:10:35
Speaker
Also in Amadeus. Dude, he is all my fucking also in Amadeus. I just love the dude. Holy shit. Yeah. The things my brain chooses to remember. But he tells him like the attacks off. Guile is like, no, fuck it. We got to go in. He's like, no, you're not. Tell it. Read this note to everybody. Tell them that they're not doing this attack and then you're fired.
01:10:59
Speaker
ah But then he gets on the boat anyway, and he's like, you got to bring the soldiers back. ah Can some dickhead just fired me? dick kid Yeah. Dickhead. Yeah. Van Dam gives the speech kind of. He starts. He's like, hey, they're telling us that the war is over or the war is off. Wars. We get to go home. We get to go home. But in which is you know, Texas. We go home back to we get to go back to our back and to middle America back to Wisconsin where my mother is from. I'm going to have some poutine cheese curds, maybe.
01:11:28
Speaker
I'm going to drink a line in Google. We are going to the Green Bay Packers game. Is that the new Galera spotted cow? did jesus that already I have cheese hat right here. I have cheese hat. He doesn't even know the proper term. I am cheese hat.
01:11:46
Speaker
It's because he doesn't know the proper term. No, it's cheese head. It's made from fresh stinky cheese. From where you're from? I mean, fresh American yellow cheese. I like to use the Swiss because it has pockets for cocaine.
01:12:01
Speaker
You can just put your cocaine right there and then let you in. I also smoke parliaments. Oh, man. Cheese. How many people do you think snuck shit in? And then the cocaine does not make me poop so much.
01:12:15
Speaker
Depends on the cheese, man. I mean, also, are you lactose intolerant? But how many people snuck shit into Green Bay Packers games? ah That was a family tradition for us. We always snuck in all kinds. I used to put peanuts in my hat. Everybody put on your cheese head. You can put a beer in each little hole of the cheese. We're getting into this. I stuck in 13 beers on that one. That was a long game. It's very we were super excited when they started doing the seven ounce beers just because I could fit so many beers and a so many beers. Why do you think I got such a thick neck? I'm holding up this cheese, which is full of beers.
01:12:50
Speaker
What's wrong? What's wrong with Fred? ah He's got the whiskey. fred ah He's got the cheeseburgers. Yeah. So they go to ah kick Bison's ass. And that's a quote.
01:13:02
Speaker
Don't kick Bison's ass.
01:13:07
Speaker
So Bison has Chun-Li in his chamber because he's like, I'll give her an interview. Yeah. We don't have the time to talk about everything in this room, but I do have time to talk about him painting himself as a fucking clown. Yeah, he fucking said it too. William H. Gacy's terrifying.
01:13:29
Speaker
you think casey's terrifying Oh, I'm going to kill your kids and put them under my house. Don't you know? um Yeah. Yeah. john i trying to love it Very much. It's a straight up reproduction of it's called Pogo the Clown. It's John d Wayne Gacy painting, except for it's a bison instead of. Oh, I didn't know it was actually Gacy. I thought of Gacy. Yeah, that's fucking perfect. That's awesome. thats Why you thought of Casey? Because it is. Which is funny, right?
01:13:59
Speaker
always right it's very funny to put serial killers children's movie well we already anyway bary How else do we get to PG-13 you were at G you insert a fucking handjob joke in prison you insert a fucking clown murderer painting PG-13 ah Magic. You have John Clavinham called One Person that Dickhead. That hand job joke was probably in the G version. yeah It was in the R version and they skipped over it when they took it down to the G version. It's 1994, I'm telling you. The R version had a hand job.
01:14:31
Speaker
He's like, give me a hand. So Chun-Li is in Vice's thing, but she's got her video game costume on, sort of. Wrong color. Yeah. Yes. It's got the splits up the side. It's got the little fucking buns. Got the boots. It looks good. She's rocking those buns. It does look good. She looks great. She does got those buns. Oh, you're talking about her hair. Both buns are looking fantastic. Knowing your wife, no.
01:14:53
Speaker
And both buns looking fantastic. she's She exposition dumps all over Bison. He's not listening. She's like, um did you say dump? Exposition dump. That's not the wrong kind of dump. but He's like, well, listen, I know you've never thrown a fist. So you're a woman and you're going to do what I say. I know women. You're harmless. have it You're harmless. And she's like, yeah, right. But also I do like The good villain moment for Bison, the only one of the only good ones in the movie for him. Oh, she tells this fucking she tells story about how his people came and like destroyed her village and her dad drove them off and blah, blah, blah. But he died in the process. And he's like, yeah, I don't remember that. He's like, for you, the day M. Bison graced your life is something you'll never forget. For me.
01:15:41
Speaker
It was Tuesday. It was a Tuesday. And I was waiting for her to go, so you do remember. yeah It was a Tuesday. The day was warm. It was Tuesday. I got up just around dawn.
01:15:58
Speaker
And I said, fuck your father. Somebody shoot the man. Yeah. So Canon and Ray, you end up rescuing Honda and Balrog. His little thing there is fine. Sure. Yeah. Even though they kind of rescued themselves after the hand job. I mean. I'm energized now. Right. Is there even worth talking about? Like, what a terrible scene. Yeah, it was pointless, by the way, other than like, here's why they're out of prison. They gave us that, but they didn't give us a lot of other things that explain what a lot of other people are. We can show how these guys got out, even though we saw them breaking out, but we can't show how they'll see him got bald, even though we never showed up. Right. Balrog has one of my least favorite scenes in this movie.
01:16:39
Speaker
what's that It's coming up where ball rug winds up his fist and it makes that ru noise and he punches somebody it is ah dude while he's in this white but like weird like weird love yo You shouldn't have the gloves on. Why gloves? He found them in the gym and he filled them with lead. Because like they don't explain. Dalsio's hair is gone. Why the fuck do you care about where the gloves came from? Also, he's got the purple. he's got That is a big problem. I don't know what it's called.
01:17:11
Speaker
Boxing uniform. Yeah, he's got that on. He's got that on. They don't show where he got that. That's how he came in in. In and in. He came in and in. I'm trying to force explain it. I can't. There is a quick cut. It's a bad movie. I'm back to it. There's a quick cut to Van Damme driving this boat. That's what you do, right? Yeah, piloting.
01:17:30
Speaker
No, you drive a boat. You can pilot it too. You do pilot a boat. It's their way. It's their way of reminding you that Blanca is in this movie because like they're listening to what I have to assume is Kylie Minogue music because she's on the boat. Oh, that's right. It probably is your fucking music. And he like turns it off and puts in an eight track that plays video question mark. And it's just he just carries around this video of him and Carlos Blanca having lunch with some ladies at a wedding.
01:17:57
Speaker
When you are building my boat, make sure that I can watch old wedding videos of my friend. And it's like they do that. It's going to make me super sad and motivate me. Yeah. Yeah. They do that and then cut back to. You can't say yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. That's how you get that's how you get kicked out of being president. Oh, that's not the reason for me. But they show that just to cut back to Blanca because they're like, oh, shit, we haven't shown him for like an hour. Don't forget there's plot here, guys. Motivation. I know what I do when I'm about to go into battle is I watch sad video. Yep, that gets me real pumped up. It gets you angry. My random ass friend who I am definitely not in a sexual relationship with. Okay, so here's what the Rated-R version shows. They bang these chicks together. They just go to town. The Rated-R version shows it right before he gets to in Bison's. He's like, remember just railing cocaine off their butts? I remember railing cocaine off their butts. and they did it off my dick. Remember, I start with this one. Thank you for the call, man. I start with this one, you start with that one, we switch, we share, we go back and forth, they do each other, it's great time. Right. We end up doing each other, we get confused, but we fall in love.
01:19:08
Speaker
We just have some dice to the side. We roll them, tell us where we fuck next. Oh, each other. Whoops. Oh, no. It's in the dice. We get confused. They peg us. But we fall in love. So Blanca is now green with orange hair like he's supposed to be, except for this looks like trash. The Mountain Dew and the Code Red kicked in. Do you know what it looks like?
01:19:33
Speaker
Mid Hulk. Fucking Eric Bana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just knows I've ever seen on anybody. Eric Bana is like, doo, doo, doo, you know. um If you're going to just paint a dude green and have him be Blanca.
01:19:49
Speaker
Get a, I don't know, giant big guy. They even say it's a hundred percent muscle mass increase. What did you look like before? Yeah. Skinny vegan. Is this like Captain Rogers fucking thing? He looked like that. This is Steve Rogers, Captain of the Indo alien Romulus. Oh, man. Nobody should look like that. Nobody should look like that. Hey, that's a real guy, guys. I know he shouldn't look like that. It's terrifying. Hey, can we talk about?
01:20:18
Speaker
The Hadoochen real quick. Oh, yeah. Real quick. Let me finish Blanca because dolcim says decides I don't want to brainwash this guy, right? So he's like, I'm going to switch it to happy videos that we have in the computer for some reason because and the happy videos are a child running through a field. Martin Luther King giving a speech. Some lady holding her kid and crying. I'm like,
01:20:39
Speaker
I don't think you're making this guy as happy as you. Not unless that kid falls down when it's running. Then he's happy. The kid running through the field reminded me of the little kid from that meme where he's wearing the surf shirt and the old man is like, you've never surfed a day in your life, you lying little shit. You lying sack of shit. Derek fucking loves that meme. That's my favorite meme ever, because an old man telling a kid, fuck you. Anytime I see it, I just send it to him. Derek wants to be that guy. That is Derek. What are you talking about?
01:21:07
Speaker
As they go in, they they're the A.N. folks. Guile and Kami and T-Hawk, apparently. Yeah. Go in. Tom A. Hawk. They activate stealth mode on the boat and they all put down their visors. And then as soon as they go stealth, they all pick up their visors. Not 100 percent sure what the visors were for. I know Van Dam. Van Dam put it down. Oh, you don't know. Oh, man.
01:21:29
Speaker
They were going they're going past a red light camera. Like, catch your face. I can't get a ticket now. No, Van Damme had them put it, they put it down and then he watched the take and he was like, no, we do it again with my beautiful face. Yeah. that Don't you hide me. why what did that do well what is what is this steal boat do because as soon as they go into stealth mode f les the pickic like oh I know what it and does, but as soon as they go into stealth mode, they start shooting radar stations, drawing attention to themselves. And then on camera, you can see a fucking boat in the water without the boat. Yeah. So it does nothing. That's where he goes to.
01:22:06
Speaker
Poop. I don't know what you're doing down the boat. The fucking console, the console. I didn't want to steal your thunder. No, you're good. Steal it because I didn't know what you were doing. That's where goes of the like soul he's ah he the controlling. He's controlling the mines. That's what he's controlling. He's kind of playing battleship. Yeah, he is playing battleship. And like, dude, homie, it's like, fucking God, what what game am I thinking of? Battleship.
01:22:31
Speaker
That's what I was saying. It looks like battleship. I mean, now he not look like we're talking. Hey, we're talking Atari. We're talking. Oh, the old tank battles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got those like same lines. like Yeah. Like battle zone. His control panel on his little floating like Bowser station. I got I got heavy Bowser vibes. yeah no I got sonic vibes. Same same idea. Eggman. Robotnik. Robotnik. But literally the control panel is an arcade control.
01:23:01
Speaker
thing. It's the exact one from Street Fighter. It's got like the world. It's got like the points marked where all you find all the people. It's got the two joysticks and two sets of buttons. I'm like, is he play two player when he takes over the world sometimes? He said I have a position for you. So he's well, he was just inviting Sagat to come play Street Fighter. He's just really awkward, dude. He's like, you want to come over sometime? Maybe take over the world. I don't know. Complete the world domination unless we do it.
01:23:27
Speaker
And you're on a sun. But yeah, he is. Turn the key, baby. Turn the key. He is doing like precise commands at first. And then when he wants to blow up the boat, he does just start mashing all six buttons at once, spinning the stick. The last hit is like all six buttons. I think they were just like, all right, well, we're going to have you play Street Fighter. We're just going to film your hands. And that was him just playing. And he's just like, I don't understand this. He's cheating, he has a good controller. This is fucking bullshit, dude. Man, Darca, seriously, if that's what they did, I would actually appreciate that scene so much more. Like, I would actually wipe a tear, dude. That would make that scene beautiful. In a way, the one time he played it before he died. That gets me in the feels, dude. I like that. But so he blows up the boat, and they're all dead.
01:24:21
Speaker
The movie is over. Yep. Kyle's dead again. Kyle's dead again. Oh no. Cammy and Thomas Hawk. Is Kyle? Tommy. It's Tommy Hawk or Tom A. Hawk. All right. Is Kyle? Jesus. Right. It's Tomahawk.
01:24:37
Speaker
I may not be Jesus, but I always come again. Tomahawk. Tomahawk. Marissa Tomahawk. It's a tomahawk. Oh my god. Oh, that's what this movie is missing. We're going to get in there. We're going to fight this in Boyston. He's trying to take over Shadowlou. Who've never heard of Shadowlou? I have eyeshadow from my friend Lou. He bought it for me. That's about it, Boyston. He's played by Harvey Feisteen. Oh god. I'm in this movie. David. Ah, forget my lawyer.
01:25:06
Speaker
Is that Mrs. Outfire's brother? Yeah. Oh, I picked up a tumor. That means you did a good job. I think I did. Thank you. Bison refers to the fact that this is a gay movie by screaming, game over, after he blows up the boat. Oh.
01:25:23
Speaker
so do remember that Put your quarters up if you want to play again bitch this this guard who was right but do my quarters are up i have a quarter there and a quarter there The reason doll seem could fuck with Blanca's programming was because this guard was looking at porn oh yeah Suddenly this guard comes over just to look at what doll seems doing and he's like oh Those aren't murders. That's Martin Luther King. Oh, that's a murder. That's going to be a murder. Maybe he's playing the long con. Let him like any switches to the screen. He like presses the buttons. But only he knows what he's doing. Yeah. per percent Or something. eighty Yeah. percent He's 50. He's 46 percent evil. But he's at like 98 percent on the good now. So the 46 plus 40.
01:26:08
Speaker
Oh, that math doesn't carry 57. I know. I can't imagine. Well, it looks like a math. You said you said 98. It doesn't matter because this isn't a math podcast. He's all green. He's green with orange hair. Red hair. Then he breaks out and saves a bright orange dude.
01:26:25
Speaker
It's as orange as a shirt. He breaks out and saves it all, see him from the guard. ah Van Dam, Kylie Minogue. Not before the guard spills all the mutagen on him, but go, yeah. yeah yeah Van Dam, Kylie Minogue, and Thomas A. Hawk take out these guards and sneak into this tunnel. And like, Kyle's going down, Van Dam. It's like an Indiana Jones tunnel. You know what, dude? Kyle doesn't go down. He is not a giver. He's a receiver only.
01:26:50
Speaker
Guile does, Van Damme does. But by the way, he says four years of ROTC for this shit. Like, what? Isn't that? That's called high school. Yeah. You went to high school and joined ROTC. You went to military high school. Anyway, he's in this tunnel with a tarantula on him, which is apparently it's the 80s and 90s equivalent of Scary Spider. Motherfucker said.
01:27:11
Speaker
but too it's like tarangulas ah I'm pretty sure famously the least dangerous. Yeah. Yeah tarantula like I think it'll bite you but it's not gonna kill you dude Can we all agree to it was like?
01:27:25
Speaker
Probably one of the cuter tarantulas that was like nice and small and orange and just like fluffy and just looked all happy. but yeah Homie's just like hot sipping, like, I'm in a movie. He's just trying to get back to his family, dude. Old Harry Terrazulas worked hard. No one's going to believe this.
01:27:44
Speaker
so where i crawled I crawled on Van Damme's dick. I can't wait to tell this to my mom. Sorry, I might be a little high after walking on him. I think he has something that can't get on my feet. I'm going to spin a web. Look at this. I'm going to dig a hole, too. Wow, we get so much done tonight.
01:28:00
Speaker
So Guile enters the facility via the lab conveniently. Mm hmm. It's all smashed up. He's like, the fuck happened here? And then he block attacks him because he's protecting Dulce. And Guile's basically like, oh, my friend, you are now ugly. I will kill you. You know, I need help. He's like, I will help you. What? Whoa. Just.
01:28:22
Speaker
That's an escalation. The only movie I've ever seen is Old Yeller. I will help you. Right. And then here. Mice and Men is my favorite book. And here, D'Alcym still has hair right here. Yeah. That's the last time we see D'Alcym. He still has hair. Until later. We are hyper fixated on his hair when we shouldn't be because they aren't. It's so abrupt. It is so abrupt. He has this whole head of hair in this scene. Sure. One of these bags is Nair.
01:28:49
Speaker
Like just straight up Nair. Hey, have you ever seen Nair work? That's how they got all the hair. Nair doesn't work that well. That's the one they used to get all the hair off of Blanca's body. Yes. Yes. He didn't inject it in his head. Yes. Much like being chained to yourself, this director is also talking about you have to shed the things that you think are protection like your hair, right? He's getting deep and he's letting you know it's not always going to be warm and fuzzy up top. Sometimes you got to face the world chained to yourself.
01:29:18
Speaker
Yes. You know what? You need to write the dissertation on Street Fighter, the movie. I have a question. I don't know if I should say it now or save it for later. oh so I'm going to ask it now. Oh, I'm walking. Wait, real quick. My my book is going to be called street my Street Fighter, the movie, the book, the dissertation. There you go. You better give the movie the book, the dissertation. podcast What's your question?
01:29:42
Speaker
ah So it it is you can cut this if you need to or move it. I know what I can do. They but don't tell me what to do. know I'll fix it whenever I want. So Dalsim and Blanca huddle in a corner. Are they like killed?
01:29:57
Speaker
I think they're going to come back in the sea. They were supposed to come back. The long awaited sequel. You finally get this guy in his fucking shackles and his baldness and you kill him. Where they fucking deep fake draw. That's why they didn't do the sequel. They didn't have the technology. Yeah, they couldn't. They couldn't alien. No, I think they fell in a tunnel.
01:30:20
Speaker
I think the idea is we are going off to kill ourselves, even though he stopped Jean-Claude from killing him. He's like, I can do it. You can't. Well, I think things started exploding. They just hid in the corner. And they're coming back for the sequel. When homie goes
01:30:44
Speaker
We're just now getting a Beetlejuice sequel. That's 40 years. This is only 30 years old.
Movie Quality and Acting Styles
01:30:48
Speaker
more you first sequel but You can see it all you want. It's gonna be trash. You're gonna see it with me. I'm not right. I can't wait till we do the episode on that on the sequel. yeah It's coming, I'm sure. Ten years, baby. The last good movie Tim Burton made was real. ah I always want to say real big fish, big fish from 2003 and the last good one before that was Beetlejuice. Forget about audience tell you right now. Yeah, I forget about real big fish is probably better than anything Tim Burton's ever done. Not Tim Burton did Tim Burton did Batman. He's giving us two. Dude, Batman returns. That's fire. That's my shit. That's a Christmas movie that I love. Me fucking too. And also calling it a Christmas movie makes me you my friend. Yeah, absolutely. ah During this fight scene, we talked about Bowser feels for this this little platform floating hoverlo hoverboard thing. yeah dr eggggs I also got fucking Mario vibes when Jean-Claude's under it, but there is a vast difference between Bob Hoskins climbing under yeah and Van Damme climbing under. And you know what? I think I'd rather see the Bob Hoskins version. and It's less believable, but I'd rather watch it. yeah
01:32:03
Speaker
ah But like bison is basically he's gonna kill all these hostages that he has so he summons up the Blanca chamber and As it's about to go up. I'll see him is like he's summoning the Blanca chamber He's expecting Blanca to be in there and guys like I have a good idea. I wonder what it'll be So it rises up this motherfucker comes flying out with no like has zero momentum because he's in like a a three-foot cylinder What is that? But he comes flying out as if he just ran. But this wasn't one of his room like this would make more sense if it was one of his moves. But his was like, ah what was his kick? The flash kick. the flight The big slice kind of like over overhead. Yeah, which he hits. He fucking corners Bison and hits him with the twice. He does get to sure watch the video game. Sure. Just like I'm saying, like, corner flash this is a Luke flash kick. You're dead. Right. This is a Luke Kang move. Wrong fucking video game. Yeah, exactly.
01:32:59
Speaker
Wow. Or a Tommy the White Ranger move from previous episode. That's what I wanted to say. I was like, come on, you can do a better callback. Yeah. So all all hell breaks loose. We're not even going to try to describe what's happening because I could even keep track or don't. There's been well, I mean, it's up to you.
01:33:19
Speaker
But it's hard. Everybody owned it, so don't look at me. If these guys are talking about this movie, you should watch it. So everybody's just shooting at everybody. People are fighting in random corners of the facility. Shit's gone haywire. The AEN arrives with their reinforcements, so it gets even more crazy. ah This is when Bison, after everything is on fire and everybody's being killed, goes,
01:33:43
Speaker
It seems defeat is a possibility. No shit, dude. DJ's hanging out with that. We will face it as like stoic men, you yeah as one warriors or whatever. yeah i think you fucking And it's there's it's one of the many moments of like almost slapsticky cheesy comedy that just doesn't work because DJ just looks at him and just kind of like.
01:34:05
Speaker
to to do walks away out of here. And I actually think it does work because if you fucking look at the intensity and roll Julian's eyes, dude. I mean, that does fucking help. That does help. That dude is acting his fucking heart out. He's the only one acting in this. But then he's hanging out next to Black Rob Schneider.
01:34:27
Speaker
We're talking about a juxtaposition. It's like i say that it's almost like the beauty of it. It's like i you got this person like he does. It's not like it's like he turns around like.
01:34:39
Speaker
Oh, or anything like there's no joke other than dude slipping away. Yeah. It's like, oh, Julia is fucking acting his heart out. You you can see it in his eyes. And I'm telling you, the juxtaposition of this scene is actually I, in my opinion, hilarious. It's beautiful. It's great. He's like, I've played Hamlet. and Miguel Nunez Jr. is like, I played Joanna man. He's home back and like, you know You just said I listen to Beethoven I listen ICP yeah we've got two icp references in this episode this good stuff that's okay and love But like how how do you feel about this joke that follows that one immediately yeah when guile is confronted with an entire group of bison troopers and Buffalo Soldiers, if you will. and And he pulls out his little tiny cocaine knife and they all start backing away. And the camera zooms out to reveal that there's a bunch of A.N. troops behind him. But Guile doesn't know that. And he's like, oh, yes. my You know what? You know who loved that joke? Twelve year old me.
01:35:48
Speaker
I can't say I did, but I'm sure I did. I'm pretty sure you did. This would have fucking killed me in a thing. He thought that he had the knife and he was keeping him at bay. There's a whole army behind you, you idiot. As soon as he pulled out the knife and they all started backing away, I couldn't remember, even though I just watched this movie a few months ago. I was sitting here going, what's behind him? Who was behind him, though? It's a transparent joke now, but at 12 years old, I didn't give a shit.
01:36:13
Speaker
That's why kids are stupid. That's why we do a whole month about how dumb they are. To me, a 38 year old me is the fact that they he thought they were scared of his coke knife.
01:36:24
Speaker
um Maybe. That knife has seen some shit. They're like, holy shit, he's going to fucking rail some shit and fuck us up. Is he going to make me do coke with him? It's like Popeye with spinach. It's like, holy dude, exactly. It's like, just one line is like, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
01:36:48
Speaker
Bison comes out, confronts Kyle. And he's talking about we're going to face each other with the purity of unarmed combat, something, something. And that's when we get the ah fuck you, whatever line that you were talking about where he flexes and shows his American flag painting. yeah We started talking about that and then got distracted. So the painting his tattoo.
01:37:10
Speaker
I can sing the painting because it's not. Well, no, you're right. You're right. It's painted on. It looks it's like it's not even face paint like you would get at a carnival. It's like fucking full on acrylic like paint. But you can see it bumped up. And then also Sagat and some random goon have like the Chateau, whatever. was drawn on with a pen And it's literally someone drew that shit on with a Sharpie. You can see it's like wiggling. I'm like, why is your makeup artist to have Parkinson's? like I mean, you know, everybody's got to work. Oh, come on. Everybody's got to work. But don't be having mean that person do the fine line work because we all know budget. Your MUA should be able to do a line. that's but Maybe that's what it was. You know who they got to do it? Their cousin. All the MUA's were doing all the lines with Jean-Claude. When it came time to draw on the tattoos, they're like, oh,
01:38:06
Speaker
Fuck. Or they got the shades. We need a makeup artist that could do a straight line and people showed up and Van Damme gave him coke and they were like, oh, that guy's fired. And you know who did? The fucking tattoo was cocaine dealer's Nana, dude. Oh, yeah, she's got an old stick and poke. That flag was a stencil. And so that's where the lines were straight. like And I don't know. I mean, I'm OK.
01:38:32
Speaker
I know why they had Van Damme tickets because he's he's had his uniform on this whole time. And by the way, in this whole ending sequence, Kami is in her video game costume, which is the the pants and like a a blue tank top. Nope. Just at the end, she put is in the blue tank top. That's what I mean. in the In the end, in the the crescendo. The crescendo of this master talk.
01:38:57
Speaker
is wearing a a bulletproof vest with no shirt on. not yeah bullet Well, I guess he does have bulletproof vest. I was thinking like because in the game he's just wearing like because he's Native American. So he's got like a vest. Oh, no, because I guess that's what it's got to be. Tomahawk. No, it's actually Tua. And so in the phone book, it's Hawk Tua.
01:39:17
Speaker
coming to a Real topical, real topical joke, Jack. Right. ah Terrible. I was thinking at first like, oh, Van Dam took the shirt off because he's also wearing a blue like tank top. Right. Yeah. So I was thinking like, oh, it's like continuity with Cammy's blue tank top. It's the color. No one was thinking about that. It was Van Dam going, this is the part where I take my shirt off. Right. You see my muscle. Oh, i mean we talked about hard target for our 100th episode.
01:39:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah, where he's like focused. Yeah, there's like he's like, I'm going to stab this thing. Flex and stab. Like, I'm sorry. At one point it was tying up a grenade in a t-shirt. That's what it was. Whatever he was doing. That was months ago. I just said it. It was months ago. And I agreed with you. Hey, you know what, guys? If you want us to have video so you can see the ridiculousness that's going on with us. Become a patron. Become a patron at patreon dot.com slash where's people for three dollars a month because we'll buy cameras. That money is all going into what we're referring to as our slush fund.
01:40:22
Speaker
Much like the CIA has after they, you know, squash a cartel and take over its territory. Yeah. Or like overthrow a government. It's less fun. And that money is used to better the podcast. Yeah. ah So it's only three bucks. You can go one day without getting that vent. OK. OK. OK. OK. Don't talk about my coffee boomer. Fucking avocado. Give up anything for three dollars a month for three dollars. You don't have to give up anything for that.
01:40:49
Speaker
And also from an outside perspective, yes, I cannot stress how much fun we're having here. I would love to show you how much fun we're having. I have. You don't get to see this unless you fucking donate to this. Who donates a good word? I like that. You're not donating, though, because you get shit for it. You do. We're exchanging goods for... What do you get for the Patreon? Tax breaks. You get an extra episode. I wish. I'm probably going to be paying taxes this year. Right, right, right, right. But on the Patreon, you get an episode every month, an extra episode. Plus, you get some other shit, and then if we get enough Patrons, we'll get more shit. That's plug number two and a half. Yeah.
01:41:28
Speaker
I do love even though it's really stupid. ah So Zengief and Honda are fighting and it cuts away to them. Oh, I know it's you Kaiju fan. These guys see them
Action Scenes and Filming Challenges
01:41:40
Speaker
fighting go join some like monitors and they're fighting over this little model that Bison had built of Bisonopolis. This got a genuine.
01:41:50
Speaker
like got laughed, but it would have been a lot funnier if they didn't cut to the actual kaiju footage. Like they they're like the the audience isn't going to get it. We have to show them because it's those two fighting over this little fake city. And then it like cuts away real quick and it shows like monster stomping on a city. And then it cuts back to these two fighting. I'm like, I think they even added noises. I feel like I heard that one. Oh, yeah. There was like there was like the Godzilla roar. They wanted you to think this. Yes. And but like I would have thought it. You don't have to fucking spoon. Right. Right. Right. Mary Poppins. They were. I was 12. I still got it. I watched Power Rangers. So Jean-Claude Van Damme defeats M. Bison, maybe. Oh, for sure. For sure. For sure. For sure. So this is the point.
01:42:37
Speaker
ah Patch Whitney and myself for watching this movie together. Jack watched at home. So when Van Dam defeat Spicen and there's stuff going on, I text Jack and I said, hey, we're almost done. You should head over. And then Pat has to pee. Pat got up to pee, so I paused it.
01:42:52
Speaker
And then I text Jack, Jesus Christ, there are 20 minutes left in this movie. I wondered how you confused that. I was like, i I would have thought for sure. You knew you were almost done. I mean, I know Bison does. I knew, you know, Bison is going to come back. Yeah. But I felt like this was the end of the movie. We thought there was like, I was like, oh, there's 10 minutes left in this movie, Jack head on over. No, there was 20 ish. movement There's a little over 20 minutes left.
01:43:14
Speaker
I don't know what happened. I haven't written down. Still don't know. Oh, you know what happened? Oh, this last 20 minutes is where all the street fighter stuff happens. Yes. This is where we actually get all the action. It's like literally that's everything. This is the montage within the montage. Lionheart, better Street Fighter movie. Yes, I mentioned that there was like some issues with having to rush the movie because Capcom wanted it out by a certain time, whatever. So what one of the things they did because they kept falling behind um because, you know, well, military coup and whatnot. Steven D'Souza was shooting like the the story scenes and they had another guy shooting a lot of the action at the same time, different locations so they could OK.
01:44:00
Speaker
And then Susa went back and watched all the footage and realized you don't have any of their like signature moves or any of the stuff we're supposed to have. And the guy was like, yeah, because it looks stupid. And he's like, that's not the point. This is Street Fighter. It's what we're here for. So they ended up having to build sets in Vancouver after they were done to redo a bunch of the stuff so they could get like the little fake Hadouken and the hurricane kick. I'm not going to try to say the whole thing. He yells out during the game. that Yeah, it's got a name in Japanese and it was in the trivia that I was reading and I was like, not going to say that. Do you bastardize it? I did. I did the internet. Fuck you, dude. I didn't even copy it because I was like, I'm not going to get inside your fucking ears. And also I said, don't know what his name is. Stretchy always happened in number two that never happened.
01:44:49
Speaker
Um, do'll see him but there was another thing I want to mention, uh, just cause I thought about it because I was talking about setbacks, right? So. You guys know who John Ford is was Coppola, Francis Ford Coppola, John Ford.
01:45:03
Speaker
He was a director. He did a lot of Westerns and stuff. He's he's like the guy that directed all the fucking John Wayne's John Wayne movies. I do know. say du This sounds right on my dad's alley. So he had this trick when he would get shit from executives about going over budget or going over time. He'd go, OK, fine, and just pull a page out of the script and be like, now we're doing this, you know. And it was kind of his thing. But you're talking about a Western where it's a lot slower pace. Not so important.
01:45:29
Speaker
Yeah, Steven D'Souza decided he was going to do that. So he's like, OK, fine. Pull the page out of the script. They get into the editing bay after they're done. And he goes, I'm missing so much important information. I pulled out the wrong page. from that They were six days behind shooting on the 10th day of shooting. Oh, wow. But you know, the coup militia thing. Yeah.
01:45:53
Speaker
the The military, the the potential military coup. No, no, no. The coup militia thing is how we we say it on the internet talky talk. Exactly. I knew what I was saying. So am anyway, anyway, now M. Bison has lightning powers. But first, first he gets brought back to life because he's shocking.
01:46:20
Speaker
But not too late. But not too late. Not too late, actually. Then this jacket gives him the fucking John Travolta from Pulp Fiction, where it's like adrenaline to the heart. Yeah, but he's back and now he's Magneto. It's not the biggest deal in the world. Didn't know that he saw lightning. His whole speech about like, have you never heard, I don't know why I'm doing Van Damme. I don't either, but have you ever heard of an electromagnet? Van Damme's like, I don't know anything about electromagnet.
01:46:48
Speaker
How do those work? It seems like three ICP references. Three ICP references. It seems like they might be a miracle. um Yeah, we're just good featuring Patch and ICP. How do those work? Insane clown patch. I've mentioned on the podcast because I have no shame that I grew up being a juggalo. Yeah. You know who I was one with?
01:47:16
Speaker
patch. You guys are part of that. You guys are part of that gang, the Juggalos. That gang recognized by the federal government. Remember when we went to career day and vaguely in juggalo face paint? I do now. I forgot all about this. This is my favorite. They're like, you can't do this. And we're like, well, we aspired to be kind of like these guys.
01:47:42
Speaker
So that you tell us to dress like who you want. Dress for the job you want. Right. Right. Oh, my God. Everybody else is in business suits. We're in like our normal clothes and fucking joke. I had forgotten completely about this until you said the words career day. And then I had this like fucking butterfly effect. And it was this weird back and forth where they're like, I want you to go back to the school right now.
01:48:10
Speaker
You could do that. And then the next person would be like, you can't do that. And they're like, well, these people said we can like. I really feel like both of you should go back there right now and be like, look, i this is how I go to work every day, so fuck you.
01:48:24
Speaker
I dress for the job I wanted. I used to wear jeans. That's the difference. He talks about how the trains in Japan have the electromagnetic, whatever. It's also what powers my floaty chair station. It's also what allows me to fly above you or whatever he does in power. And he's literally just flying back and forth. and I mean, like if I remember right, Bison did do like a flying. punt He had a head stomp. One of his moves was huge.
01:48:49
Speaker
fly across the room, flat-footed and head stomp on you. The other one, he would come at you fist forward and spin and tornado at you. Like a cyclone maneuver. So that's kind of what they're going for. Yeah, exactly. Without a cyclone because he's on wires and they'd get all tangled up. And he's also dying. I definitely know this. It was called the psycho crusher.
01:49:08
Speaker
OK, I definitely noticed watching this ice both his floaty platform and him when they're in the air. Like, OK, we all know when they're on wires. I don't care. That's fine. But usually you don't let all the play show on the screen. It's like the platform is rocking back and forth when Raul Julia is flying. He's just like swinging around. I actually kind of wonder with the. And so slow. Yeah. So slow. I wonder with the pod, is it wires or is it on a fucking like a lift it looks and they're just using they're using angles to cover the fact that it's got her arm. I want to say it's that. It looks like wires because when he gets into it the first time when it's like lowers down to him and stands in it, the whole thing is like rocking back and forth like a boat on water. Yeah. Which I mean, it's like on two wires on either side. And when he gets in it, it kind of shakes. You're going to put wires on a big thing like that. You need to put them on all four like points so it holds it still. But he gets in and the whole thing's rocking like you're getting into a fucking boat with every platform to rock. and and Bison's a knocking boots. But so Rio gets no place like home. Shadow. Rio gets ambushed by a cigar and Vega. Ken comes to rescue him because they kind of broke up for a second. Yeah, they had a falling out because you know, Ryu, not Ryu, wants to be a really good guy. And Ken is just like, I'm here for myself, dude. Yeah. I'm a hangover. Yeah. So then Vega and Ryu, not Ryu, continue their fight. Fucking awesome. From the beginning of the movie. Ken fights Sagat. So they're actually kind of doing street fightering. Yeah. Street fightering. Yeah, we're street fightering. We are making street fighter a verb. We are street fightering right now.
01:50:50
Speaker
Ryu does do a Hadouken kind of. Fuck yeah, he does. He does the form. But Ryu doesn't have any flame coming out. There are no flames. Ryu is like trying to. Hold on. Your wife went right in between Ryu and Ryu. She was like, Ryu! It's goddamn Ryu! I said what I said. I said, Ryu. So, Ryu does a fucking Hadouken punch, which is not a good move. Can we just call him Dan if we're gonna drive through it?
01:51:20
Speaker
And we're just going to like do this, just judge this. He does like the so Dan Habiki. He does the hands. I know that. Dan Habiki goes. Dan Hadouki, isn't that an actor? No, Dan Habiki is fucking from Street Fighter, actually. But he goes, yeah, fucking. Yeah, it's a lame attempt at a fireball. Yeah, he does the hands together, but like that's what he does at a fireball. Yeah, it's a Dan fireball. Dude, this is not a Chad fireball.
01:51:48
Speaker
They don't even bother trying to do the fireball. They just haven't hit Vega with it. And then the screen like flashes. And it's like, I guess that's what that is. That's all that she he could muster. Dude, he's a little drunk. At some point, he does his hurricane kick. Dude, you can't even say hadouken like what the Capcom not give you the license to say it. Oh, yeah. No, drop all the fuck. Capcom paid for most of this movie. Like, why aren't you yelling hadouken and why aren't yeinghood that does zaka you know, it'd be great to take the fucking take the audio from the game. Yeah. Oh, take the fucking I want. I want your damn Jean-Claude to say flash kick twice in a row. Yeah. You piece of shit. I want to see Blanca spam that electro fucking
Final Battle and Aftermath
01:52:30
Speaker
duck arc. Oh, I never got the electric Blanca did that. Yeah.
01:52:35
Speaker
Yeah, no, Blanca did it. as by Bison did it. Bison never shot lightning out of his goddamn hands. In the game, I remember Blanca like if you. Yeah, that was his that was his move. What is he? What is he fucking Zul from Ghostbusters? blan I bet you that was the same goddamn fucking who Bison. Yeah, Bison's the lightning fucking effect. I bet it was the same shit from Zul from Ghostbusters. We got this lightning. We're gone.
01:53:02
Speaker
if ah If somebody asks if you're God, you always say yes, right? This is like then died There is a fucking goddamn computer effect from the 1980s there is a point in this hullabaloo that's where one of the bison troopers gets shot and flies off of like an ah and Overhanging thing and you totally hear the goofy like whoa It's like Disney's Wilhelm scream before they bought fucking Star Wars. Yeah, like that. There you go. That happens when one of the guys flies off one of the platforms. Yes, I also, you know why I noticed it was because I was like, why wouldn't they just use the Wilhelm scream? They're like, Star Wars has the Wilhelm scream. That's actually funny. Star Wars has Wilhelm scream, we have the goofy yell.
01:53:51
Speaker
yeah And I was that was mario Mario. That was Mario. You're about to throw in England off the edge. Yeah, I was I was trying to lock that big one. ah It's fun. I don't even care. I was trying to look through the oh, here we go. Rio does do his hurricane and kick, as it's called in the United States version of the game. OK, the thing he's yelling the patch told me to try to say, let's see if we can do this. All right. I'm just going to say it slow first and then I'll try to do it. So it's Tatsumaki Senpyu Kyaku.
01:54:20
Speaker
I don't think that's too far bad, too far off. No, it's beautiful. He does it fast like that, like Goofy. I mean, you sound like Mickey. Like Luke Kang. Yeah. Exactly like the bicycle. It's not racist. It's not racist. I grew up in the 90s. Yeah, it's from the game.
01:54:42
Speaker
The amount of times you've almost now he sounds like a boomer. I grew up in the 90s. It's not racist Ken also does his flying uppercut, but he doesn't fly. He does the right you can he uppercuts show you can ah so Sure Ryokan. Sure Ryokan. Sure Ryokan. Sure Ryokan. He uppercuts Sagat and he does the whole like spin and the uppercut like the follow through but he doesn't jump or do anything. just he's He's standing with his feet flat and his waist moves. Is that how Sagat gets the scar on his chest? From an uppercut?
01:55:20
Speaker
Yeah, I would doubt it. Because he's got a flaming hand. One hundred percent, but not from Ken. It's actually from Ryu. And that's why they have like the vendetta in the game. Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought. Like in the game, in this movie, I don't care. how I don't think about the movie. There's a hadouken, which is a fireball. And then there's a show ryuken, which is the uppercut. And Derek, what's the whirlwind kick? Oh, fuck. No, no, don't look at it. No, I got it. Hold on. ah I too need. Tatsumaki Senpyo Kyaku.
01:55:50
Speaker
Takamatsu? I'm hungry. Guile fucking knocks Bison back into it. Oh, here we go. Woo! Tatsumaki Senpu Kayaku!
01:56:02
Speaker
Not bad. I just can't say it as fast as him so it doesn't sound as cool. Yeah. I also put a lot of inflection on it. Oh, inflection? I like that. All you Japanese viewers at home, contribute to the Patreon. Oh, God. If we have any Japanese listeners, please tell us how wrong we are about everything. Oh, yeah. Please do. On the Patreon.
01:56:25
Speaker
ah don't Don't leave comments on Facebook. Join the Patreon. Leave a comment there. Or just email us. at badmoviesworsepeople.com. I've spent more than $3 to talk shit to people. And you should too. Or just email us at badmoviesworsepeople.com.
01:56:42
Speaker
Right. And also send money. Right. Do it for the children. It's for the children. Send the money to 150. Guile kicks Bison into these TV screens. It might be a dummy. I think it's not Rell Julia. It's definitely not Rell Julia. So I think you got a dummy on some wires.
01:57:00
Speaker
I hope so. And that is why we're married. They watch it again, but don't. Right. He flies back. That was adorable. They hit these TV screens or he hits these TV screens and they explode as if they're full of TNT. I don't know what's in most people's TVs. Well, this is but this is Bison, dude. He's got to hide TNT all over the house. Well, also he's electric. Explosions and fire. OK, that's what I keep. That's what the light comes from inside the TV is fire and explosions. Right, right, right, right. It's like he's got all this electricity gardening through him. But it all leads up to one of let's hit this TV right now with a hammer. I bet you it was fire and explosions in it. And if I'm wrong. No, no, no, you have to throw a maggot through it. If everybody else can start donating to their patreon. Look, we're going to hit the TV with a hammer. Please donate to the patreon. We need four grand. But Fandam has the line after he tosses Rel Julia into all these TVs. Bison, you're off the air. Oh. Oh, that was it. And you can even hear Steven D'Souza back there behind the camera going, oh.
01:58:11
Speaker
It lands as flat as a frisbee. This is him in a booth with a cup of coffee, a cigarette, and a line of cocaine by saying, you are off the air. Multiple lines of cocaine. Do you want to try that again? A cup of coffee and a Corona. A cup of coffee sweetened with cocaine and a line of cocaine. Do you know how cocaine works? Well, he doesn't either. He has one of those little sugar containers from a diner, but it's just full of blow.
01:58:37
Speaker
and those when we go to the texas roadhouse and they have like the test tubes he's sitting there he's like bye son
01:58:53
Speaker
Finish it. You are off the end. He's so hungover from the day before. No, he can't be hungover. He's still drunk, dude. Dude, I was reading. apparently So he didn't have a trailer for this movie, as you usually do. He had a ah like a presidential suite that he had them build a gym inside of. That's his like trailer for the movie. And most of the time he wouldn't leave the trailer or he wouldn't leave the hotel room to do his scenes until he was damn good and ready. And then when he did bad good and ready when he did show up, he was coked out of his mind and drunk most of the time. That's what all the other cast members were saying. But like he basically was like, I have this presidential suite. I have Jim. I have cocaine. i don't Why am I leaving? You're making a movie. What kind of a madman works out when they're drunk?
01:59:42
Speaker
That's awful. Dude, do you I mean, yeah I know the answer is no, but do you do a bunch of cocaine and work out? No, I don't. I'm sorry. What was that question? Do you do a bunch of cocaine and work out? Definitely not. Because like so if it's a bad idea. Like your heart rate is going to be up on both of them. That's how your heart bursts. Yeah. You end up looking like fucking Joe Piscopo. Someone from... You're like, fuck Van Damme, bro. Come on, dude. That's how you end up looking like John Cod Van Damme today. Yeah, if I can do the splits, man, you'd all see it. The hostages are arrested by Cammie, Thomas Hawk, and Chun-Li. They're arrested? rest rest rest Rescued. rest No, i he I think he meant they... Cammie makes them all take naps.
02:00:26
Speaker
You are all rested now, like 18 hours into this episode. They are rescued. They are rescued, not arrested. They're rescued. It's like a little bit about this is when Zangief sees DJ leaving with like this chest full of money that he stole from Bison. Oh, yeah. And he's like, you know, why are you stealing from him? He's our leader. do We fucking lost. He's like, why are you out of uniform? We are the the Bison is a bad guy. He's a maniac. And Zangief like, wait.
02:00:56
Speaker
He is a bad guy? You didn't notice he had a fucking skull on his hat? Like the good guys don't really have skulls on him. Then why did you stay with him? Just so you know. Yeah. Why did you stay with him? Because he paid me a lot of money! He paid me a fucking fortune. Best line in the movie! You are getting paid?
02:01:15
Speaker
paid So since since Zangief didn't get paid all of our heroes except for block and I'll see who I guess aren't really here and now they live Because they're all trying to leave this place is blowing up. There's a countdown happens fucking yolks by the way last doors are closing because apparently this is Star Wars so you got blast doors Zangief catches this shit and lifts it. Oh, can I call back to another Star Wars moment? Oh my goodness I want to I want to come back to another Star Wars moment. Cami is about to open the door for the oh yeah yeah ah prisoners. And she's like, it might take a minute or two and ball rugs like, hold on, punches the fucking panel and it opens up yeah Star Wars. And Van Dam pulls it in another one. I think it's when he's fighting with ah ah Bison. He ends up just fucking doing his ah whatever his kick, slice kick, slice kick into the control panel. Uh huh. Like, oh, you are no longer flying. fly Flash kick, flash kick, flash kick. Zingief is now in like a really tight booty shorts. Oh, yeah yeah. He took off his uniform. So he's just in his underwear, which are bison color. Yeah, which is like the best version of it. And he has this really long matted hair on his chest. It's supposed to look like what is happening here. It's supposed to look like an upside down pyramid, vagina scheme. Yeah. If you look at the game, he's got like the it's it's not necessarily ah like a triangle, but it's got because it's got like hair like stuff sticking off the vagina because Russians are hairy. Yes, I get it.
02:02:38
Speaker
he wrestles bears he's hairy like animal but in this they were just like well you've got some chest hair let's glue some of the pubes that Van Damme lost in his coke bins right to your chest because it's just like patches of no bullshit he's picking up dull seams here it's like you're not gonna use it
02:02:59
Speaker
It's your loss. Mystery solved. Oh, my God. That is where it went. Because now is where we run into Jean Claude is boy looking for. um yeah That is exactly. Wait, hold on. Did you say Van Dam is Willy Wonka?
02:03:17
Speaker
No, I said now is where J.C. is looking for Blanca. Oh, god Blanca and don't see him show up and then and they seem as bald now. They cuddle in a corner and die. My friend Van Damme goes to it like try to escape the countdown reaches zero. He's still inside the main part of the building. The whole thing goes up. So he's definitely dead. Dead now. He's definitely dead. No.
02:03:41
Speaker
I'm pretty sure he's dead. Okay. I think the manam Van Damme dies in most of the movies he's been in. Yeah, dude. Is this the third death or fourth? I don't remember. I lost count. Third. This is the third at least. All right. Cause it came back twice. Yeah. Holy shit. So Sagata and DJ had both gotten together and escaped and they have this chest full of money. And unfortunately for them, it's Bison bucks. Bison bucks. ma All the heroes are sitting around talking about how sad it is that Guile didn't make it. ah Most of the women look relieved.
02:04:16
Speaker
a a Except for Kylie or Kami. Sorry. She's like, no, she's still relieved. She didn't like fucking her. She thought it was going to be a better career. She took the fanny pack off the back of her and put it back on the front so it wasn't protecting her butt from getting grabbed anymore. Right. Which means, you know, that's British for fucking OK.
02:04:35
Speaker
but Cami is British. Kylie Minogue is Australian. yeah Yeah. But I think the producers were like, what's the difference? We don't care. Jean-Claude Van Damme is playing an American. Yep. We don't fucking care. Right. E. Honda is Samoan. By way of Hawaii. Mario is Chinese. Yeah.
02:04:55
Speaker
I'm pretty sure Sagat is supposed to be from Thailand and he's definitely an American. But they're all sitting around being sad but also kind of happy they're alive. Van Dam comes out of the smoke somehow. Oh my god, he is risen again. Oh. Just like Jesus. He is risen? Or he has? He is risen. That's how the Bible says it. I fucking hate that.
02:05:19
Speaker
um Oh, yeah, we're gonna quote them. We're quoting the Bible now in this podcast. Yeah, you know what? Do you van dam is cocaine and a right?
02:05:29
Speaker
cocaine and a The movie ends with all of them doing their victory poses from the video game and Mano fucking turns around. not' not that meeting That's her victory pose. That's so weird. But the problem is It says the end right over it. Yeah, it's the end. It's the end of the movie, right, guys? Oh, it doesn't say the end. It says Street
Ending and Recommendations
02:05:50
Speaker
Fighter. Oh, there is one laugh here. I do want to bring up one laugh that we missed, a laugh for me. The fucking guy that's in Ace Ventura 2, that's the paper pusher for the A.N. He's on the helicopter. He's like, no, no, I didn't. Not all of them went. I did keep some soldiers to the base. Cut to a cook, just stirring a pot by himself with a cat in the background.
02:06:11
Speaker
It made me fucking laugh because I wasn't expecting it. Yeah, it's a good little like that's a good visual gag of. Yeah. Very few in this. And the movie ends and it's dedicated to Raul Julia. Like because apparently fuck you Raul Julia is what Viacondios means, because why would you I understand it was his last movie and they all loved him. But don't do de dedicate this movie to him. Oh, you don't have to. He wasn't even in. No, you have to.
02:06:37
Speaker
You have to. mean I think it's disrespectful, honestly. it's like You have to fucking do it because if you don't do it, people are like, you're an asshole. Motherfucker died for your film. So he fucking did such a spectacular job. Let's be honest. like um You know, what he was the shining light in this. He was the one acting sea of shit like he fucking he sailed it. He sailed it to the end. But the movie is not over.
02:07:01
Speaker
because we have a singer, which Jack didn't get to see because Amazon doesn't let you wait. I didn't get to see it either. Yeah. ah So there's like a countdown of like a solar battery coming back online, et cetera, et cetera. Systems activated. Bison's fist bursts out of all the TVs and it says, good morning, General Bison. What's your menu choice for the day? And it scrolls through and selects world domination. Replay get the fucking ball to set up a sequel.
02:07:30
Speaker
It's on its way. So that's the end of the movie. Let's get through this and stuff quickly. Do recommendations. We'll start with our guest patch. Do you recommend this movie to people who haven't watched it after listening to our podcast? If you've ever played Street Fighter.
02:07:45
Speaker
Do not watch this movie. I had a feeling that was that's what I was going. If you have never seen Street Fighter, hell yeah, watch this movie. If you're a fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme, fucking A, go ahead. and You're going to like it regardless. His meaningful fucking action is going to really just sell to you regardless, so fuck it. Go for it. But if you're a fan of Street Fighter,
02:08:12
Speaker
Don't watch it. Trash. Especially like everything about it. Don't do it. I got classic caveats. Zero out of ten. I do recommend it. I do recommend it for the simple fact of classic caveats. Watch it with your friends. Watch it drinking. It's fun to make fun of. But also it's so bad you almost have to see it.
02:08:36
Speaker
once seeing is believing seeing seeing is believing how bad it is so yeah i'm with you exactly on that i have to have the the classic jack's caveats hu and you have to drink you have to watch this with friends and make fun of it while you watch this yeah i was definitely more bored watching it at home yeah you you gotta watch with people's You have to. And you got to be able to laugh and be like, oh, my God, that's it's terrible because I was not big into the game. I didn't know much of it. You guys had to explain to me who people were. um I can't. I know you're in between. It's a soft recommend because I'm agreeing with what you guys are saying. It's fun to watch with your friends as a party movie. If you're watching it by yourself, you're going to be tortured. Yeah. As as I have been in the past.
02:09:26
Speaker
Oh, there's one thing I forgot to mention while we were recording. Be a patron. The guy... We're begging you at this point. That's coming up again. The guy who's doing the Shadaloo... Did I mention the Shadaloo DJ? No. No, you didn't. Okay. The guy who's doing... Oh, good morning, Shadaloo. That guy is the guy that Good Morning Vietnam is based on.
02:09:47
Speaker
Oh, awesome. So the guy who actually is recording that is the guy guy that did the that was the true story of Good Morning, Vietnam. Oh, so Robin's character. Right. Yeah, you've good. But I only remembered because I pulled up my letterbox rating to see what I rated it when I watched it ah back in March. And that was my quote at the beginning was good morning, Chateau. So ah but I gave it two stars, but also a little heart, which means like this movie sucks, but yeah,
02:10:16
Speaker
Hey, you know what you do when a ah bison soldier throws a grenade at you pick it up pull the pin and throw it back good morning chatteloo What does a bison soldier do when he picks up a bottle of soda to drink it? He looks at the bottom and reads open other end ah that was one of them ah we kind of joked about it i was like they just told this guy say the stuff you said in vietnam and he started saying stuff and you're like not not that okay okay you gotta tone it down you got it the racism is a little rampant right now but i mean it's a soft recommend as a fun group movie yeah yeah
02:10:49
Speaker
But it'd be greater it'd be better to watch if you don't have to spend money. For sure. I would like to amend mine. No, you're good. Because of you guys. i would I agree. Watching with friends. It's a party movie. Part of the reason my notes were a mess is because we were talking and joking through the whole thing because that's what this movie begs for. That's exactly what this is. Don't watch this movie. I do not recommend this movie if you do a movie podcast because you're going to be too busy talking during the movie. Right. But if you do want to watch it, it is free as of recording, at least. I'd be a good commentary movie. It would. You can watch it on Netflix, apparently, if you have Netflix as of recording. So I just watch it for free, kind of. I mean, you're paying for Netflix, but maybe.
02:11:32
Speaker
Hopefully not. I did have a lot of fun making fun of it with you guys while we watched it. That was actually probably one of my favorite parts. Do we want to give Patch a moment to plug himself? Yeah. Do you have anything to plug? Let's plug you,
Band Evasion's Upcoming Show and Music Video
02:11:44
Speaker
boo. You know, we got next week after this, we got A show with Crowbar coming up with my band Evasion. I would like to invite all of you to come out. It's going to be a Hootenanny. I just want to thank all three of you guys for having me out here today. Oh, I love you coming. Thank you for coming. Thanks for being here, man. Oh, man. Me and Dirk could go back.
02:12:04
Speaker
Way far. And if you want to hear about that, donate to the Patreon. Because we got stories to tell. What day is your show? Our show is November 8th at The Rock. So this Friday, four days from now. Yes. Four days from now, it's going to be twenty dollars. Come on, see us. It's going to be fucking great. I'll probably be there. Crap Bar is an incredible band. We are so stoked to play with these guys. I see you play live. Real deal of shit. Are you going to play my song this time?
02:12:33
Speaker
Which song's your song? Our closing outro is my favorite song. Oh, 100 percent. We will. yes i am dare I'm tell you right now, we have Ricky back as our drummer. Things have been fucking incredible since then. So you said the band name is Evasion. ah Spotify, I'm assuming Spotify, YouTube, everything you. Hey, we're on Apple. Derka actually did a video for one of them. Yes, yes. Derka. Yeah. my On my personal YouTube page, I'm swimming on Evasion's page. you Yes, you can find the video for Cool Breeze. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. Cool Breeze, that's a good video. um It's a video based on the band getting so drunk that they can get into their own show. The problem was we shot all the drinking stuff the first day and the second day we shot the performing stuff and everybody was like,
02:13:21
Speaker
yeah Because most of the drinking in that video is real. Yeah. Now, when you sell method actors, there is the parts where you see people chugging an entire bottle of whiskey. We we fudge that a little bit. That's the day before stuff. du that that But that that second day, it was just like.
02:13:37
Speaker
We have to do all this. All right, we're doing this. We did. We did a we shock on those beers. And the shot is real. Most of it's real. Just the chugging of whiskey was like, oh, this no, the chugging of whiskey was done the second day because everybody was like, I can't possibly. yeah So we made fake whiskey, but it had soda in it. So people were chugging it and then going,
02:13:57
Speaker
I can't possibly do it. I'll never forget Mark had fucking he was drinking the Jaeger. He's slamming the Jaeger and fucking he just had Dr. Pepper in it because it was black. It's a green bottle. Oh, yeah, that's all that mattered. It was dark. I'm drinking out of a bottle of gentlemen, Jack. ah o So we had to make a whiskey colored concoction, which is literally Dr. Pepper and apple juice.
02:14:25
Speaker
Guess what's almost as bad to chug as actual whiskey? yeah Dr. Pepper and apple juice. And I did that shit for like three hours. That's great if you want to take shots and not get drunk. Hey, rock and roll's not for everybody. No, it's not. I don't know which episode's coming up next because we're doing these as our musical co-hosts are available. Yeah. So we're not. We do have other bands, band members coming up. I don't know what the next movie is going to be, but you can tune in and find out if you're a member of our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people, which we haven't mentioned yet. You can. win all already on We do. It's only three dollars. It's on patreon dot.com slash worst people. It is. Holy shit. If you're a member there, you'll know what's coming up. But as of as of recording this, I have no idea. So you neither have an idea.
02:15:10
Speaker
So all you got to do is log on and go to worstpeople dot.com slash Patreon. Other way around. Other the way around. So close. So close. That was also almost phenomenal. It's good at worst. You know what? Just go to badmoviesworsepeople.com. Click the link that says Patreon. Oh, that's amazing. But anyway, um we have to thank, I guess, you, Pat. We have to thank Pat for our opening and closing music. Oh, man. We usually do it.
02:15:40
Speaker
We usually think that at the end of the episode, we thank you guys every time, but you're here, so thank you for our opening and closing music. You can use any of our music. You don't want to switch it. Switch it up, dude. Fuck it. We're yours. You want us to write a song for this? I'll fucking do it. I'm not against it. We might have a new theme song coming soon. Yeah. So we're going to end this episode instead of our usual closing music, which is my favorite song, which is Whitney's favorite song.
02:16:05
Speaker
We're going to end this episode with a new song from Evasion. Life is like a screwdriver, parentheses, a Morgan Freeman memoir. It's going to be the full song, not just a little 30 second snippet like we usually have. So thank you guys for listening. Listen to that. Enjoy them. Check them out on Spotify, Bandcamp, wherever. Bandcamp is probably better because you can give them money that way. Spotify fucks artists. Yep. Hey, but listen to us. I don't care. As long as you're listening. I don't care. I want to make money. Make a living.
02:16:35
Speaker
So I have been Derek. I'm still Whitney. I'm an American. And holy shit, I'm fucking Patch. Game over, Bison. ah We're off the air. Don't fuck with me, Jason.
02:17:25
Speaker
die life
02:17:41
Speaker
where
02:18:22
Speaker
Lie, lie, lie, scabbing off the slender
02:18:50
Speaker
yeah the side my live
02:19:34
Speaker
Letting go by no good
02:19:58
Speaker
so are are so um
02:20:18
Speaker
are