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Triple Dog Dare You
90 Plays11 months ago
Somehow, someway, here we are at the end of 2023! The end. Of 2023. It seems like only yesterday the world was ending in 2012, and here we are 12 years later. Kels is here to wrap up this whirlwind of a year with you and talk about embracing the year to come!
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Transcript
Introduction and Reflection on Time
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awakened Bake, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, podcast from one girl, one joint and a journey to awaken what's inside all of us.
00:00:11
Speaker
the words of the Wise was Khalifa. Let's roll something and get the day started. Hello, good morning, good evening, good morrow, good day, good night. Welcome to the last episode of Awaken Big of 2023. It is about to be 2024 guys and that is absolutely fucking insane. Um, I remember like not long ago being in school and writing
00:00:38
Speaker
2003 at the top of my worksheets and now it would be 2024. That's just wild. Like if you were to shorten it, it's just 24. I truly, truly, truly, truly, it is blowing my mind and making me feel honestly a little bit old, which isn't a problem. I am about to be 29 in 2024 and I am
Embracing Age and Holiday Reflections
00:00:56
Speaker
embracing that. I am loving that for me and I'm gonna be my best self and that is exactly what we are here to talk about.
00:01:03
Speaker
First of all, I hope everyone has been enjoying your holiday season in whatever fashion you enjoy it. I feel like no matter what you celebrate, no matter what you believe in, no matter where you're from, this time of year has kind of just like a human nature or feeling of like happiness and joy and celebration.
00:01:28
Speaker
throughout all different cultures and stuff like that. So whatever that looks like for you, I hope even amidst all the pain in the world, you were able to take some time to find joy and find love and just honor those you, you are around and those that you love and those that you cherish and yourself and all that stuff, guys. It feels weird, not only because I'm like an ex Catholic, but because yeah, um,
00:01:57
Speaker
just the world as we all know is wild right now so it seems it seems a little bit strange to be celebrating and to be giving gifts and to be doing all that cheery stuff when people are dying not to like bring the vibe down as usual but i just you guys know we need to talk we need to say it it's happening it's there and while we can acknowledge it we can also be really grateful and so that's what i am
00:02:28
Speaker
I've been, that's what I've been focusing on these past few days, um, over this Christmas, which is kind of what I celebrate, I guess. Although, right. I'm kind of redefining what Christmas means to me and what this time of year means to me. And it's sort of just a season of giving and a season of sharing your love with each other. I think, um, or at least that's what I've come to find makes me feel the most fulfilled at this time of year.
00:02:54
Speaker
is just to tell everyone that it's in my life that I love them and show them that they're important to me and just find my own special way to make them feel special. And it's not
00:03:07
Speaker
It's obviously not a lot of times not gifts. It's usually like phone calls and stuff. I'm going to be honest. I'm terrible at giving gifts. I actually sent Christmas cards this year for the first time ever and I haven't finished sending them. I'm giving myself until Valentine's day. Um, but I also like decided to like hand draw all over them and it's nothing crazy. It's like doodling, but still it took a lot more time than I expected. Um, but yeah, so we just had like a Christmas at home, which was,
00:03:33
Speaker
It was nice, it was just the three of us, it being Phoebe's first Christmas, I wanted it to be low-key and it really was. I mean, we didn't get, none of us got each other gifts, me and Cole, I didn't get Phoebe any gifts for her first Christmas. I don't know, I just, it wasn't about that for us, it was just, it was about...
Redefining Holidays and Family Traditions
00:03:51
Speaker
being together and we did a puzzle, which was awesome. We didn't finish it. It was 2000 pieces. There's no way that was getting done. Cole and I have ADHD. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. But we've read books and played with Phoebe and it just, it was a really beautiful family time and we got to cuddle our dogs and just, I wouldn't, I, it was the perfect first Christmas for Phoebe and my in-laws did send me an awesome pair of Ugg slippers. So shout out to them because these things are so comfortable and
00:04:20
Speaker
I'm a slipper bitch. I love having a pair of house shoes. I don't like, and it's probably just cause I have dogs that we get like, our floors get kind of dirty and I hate stepping and stuff. So I need to have shoes on and I'm not going to wear my shoes all around the house. Come on, please. I'm the one who cleans up. But yeah, I've just kind of been taking this time to
Home Base and Life Transformations
00:04:40
Speaker
Visualize the future and for the first time like I kind of have a home base You know this house that we bought this land that we bought here in Ohio and now that we've Decided that we're kind of gonna probably stay here for the foreseeable future I have like an actual
00:04:58
Speaker
place that I have to plan from I guess and like I have these things that I want to do and one of the biggest things that I've been wanting to do to the house is add what I'm going to call like my writing shed and it's going to be like a little detached cottage shed thing. What we're doing is we're taking back
00:05:19
Speaker
If you've ever seen pictures of my house, it's like my house and I have two acres of lawn and then we have three acres of farmland, basically. So we're taking back the three acres of farmland. So I want to build it on there if there's like a little hill and I want to build it at the top of the hill and then just have wildflowers all around it. And that's like kind of like my dream that I'm developing for here. But I think because of that, I've kind of been in a different vibe for new years than I normally am, which usually it's like,
00:05:46
Speaker
fuck New Year's and New Year new me all that bullshit like and while I do kind of still stand by that I am much more embracing planning for the next year and I say planning vaguely I think like New Year mindset has two parts the first part being releasing this past year and the second part being
00:06:10
Speaker
embracing the year to come. And so this past year has been a lot for me. It's the year I became a mom. It's had a lot of ups and downs. I've, I've felt a lot of different things that I've never felt before this year. I've been more emotional, I think, in the past 365 days than I have in my entire life put together. Like it's been wild and unfamiliar and beautiful and powerful and hard and challenging and
00:06:40
Speaker
super, super fucking uncomfortable at times. But I wouldn't trade this year for anything. It's been our first year in our house. We got Frank this year. I had Phoebe this year. We moved to cross country again this year. It's wild to look back and think of all of the things that we've done. And then I think it's kind of sad for me sometimes at the end of the year to then
00:07:08
Speaker
release that and be like okay well now it's done like see ya because it's important to me to reminisce and to
00:07:16
Speaker
sit on what I've done and be proud of what I've done. And so I feel like this is the first time in a while that I've even thought about thinking about this before like 10 pm on the 31st of December, you know, like I'm actually taking the time here on December 27th to think about the things I'm proud of so that I am ready to release them when it comes time at the end of the year.
00:07:42
Speaker
on those last minutes to really say, wow, like, thank you 2023 for all you've done, but it's time to move on. It's time for my next step. It's time for 2024.
Looking Forward to the New Year
00:07:53
Speaker
And I'm really excited about that. And I'm going into 2024 with a new ADHD medication, which I think has been absolutely life changing. I'm going into it already, a mom and kind of a fucking good one, I think.
00:08:11
Speaker
I'm going into it feeling really confident about myself and all I can do and it just feels good. I feel like I'm not always in this place at the end of a year. Last year I was pretty anxious because I was still pretty early on in my pregnancy and I was really nervous about another loss and so that was really hard. And the year before that I was moving to California and while I was feeling
00:08:37
Speaker
excited it still was a very tumultuous time and so it just it was a lot on me and so for this to be able to sit here this year and know that at the end of this year I'll still be here in this spot I'll still be doing pretty much the same thing but I'll be better having that kind of safety that safeguard of like okay I know that for the next year I will be
00:09:06
Speaker
In a home, I'll have somewhere to live. I don't have to stress about there being food on my table. I'm lucky enough to have all of those needs met.
00:09:18
Speaker
And so now I can just kind of step into a year of just all eyes on me. That's all I can think of when I think about this year to come 2023. It's the year of me. It's the year of yes. It is the year of stepping into alignment. It is the year of being uncomfortable in ways that make me grow.
Growth Through Discomfort
00:09:37
Speaker
and have experiences that I could not have in any other way. And I truly, truly am so excited. I've been noticing like, I don't know if this sounds silly, but I've been noticing a pattern that being uncomfortable makes good things happen or at least it makes good things, makes things feel good, I guess. And I'm going to lead hard into that this year. I know it sounds crazy,
00:10:01
Speaker
I stopped shaving my armpits after I had Phoebe and that is something that was always like something that I really held like a belief of like my parents instilled in me that like women should shave their armpits and so like it's felt very empowering to take that back and to not shave my armpits and I've found that doing that has made me I don't know just take another step in
00:10:24
Speaker
my outward appearance and the respect that I have for my physical body if that makes sense and I don't know why having hair on my armpits would ever make me feel that way guys I'm not I have no explanation for why other than it makes me uncomfortable and not uncomfortable in the bad way but uncomfortable in like the this is new and different and I'm challenging my beliefs way and I think that's a really important thing for
00:10:52
Speaker
me to remember going into this year is that I need to challenge my beliefs and I need to question why, why I am the way I am. And again, not in a critical way, but just to evaluate, you know, we change so much all the time. Sometimes I think we forget that we have changed and we put, keep ourselves in this box that we used to put ourselves in when I remember and I need to, I need to remember, I should say that I have outgrown any box I am
Challenging Beliefs and Setting Goals
00:11:20
Speaker
unboxable. I am beyond limits. Like I am, I feel like, I'm going to say his name wrong, Nico Tortatella, the guy from Younger. He's married to Bethany Myers, but he has a book of poetry. All of it is you. And I feel like him when I'm just saying, but like, that's, that's how I feel. That's my vibe for this year is just all of it is me. And I don't care if that sounds selfish. I'm a new mom. Like I'm finding, I'm discovering this new person that I am.
00:11:50
Speaker
in real time and I want to do it in a fun and positive way and I want to do it by trying new things and seeing if, yeah, maybe there are boxes that I still keep myself in that I have expanded past and I need to just let myself do that instead of cramming in there.
00:12:08
Speaker
Um, and so I am here to triple dog dare you because I'm triple dog daring myself to do one really scary thing. I don't believe in like resolutions and stuff, but like goals, we're talking goals. And for me, I don't know if I've talked about this on here, but I have a phobia and that is to.
00:12:29
Speaker
sing in front of people to have people hear my my singing voice it is truly um it's it's a phobia like it's very hard for me to even think about i'm getting nervous just talking about it right now because it's making me think about having to do it even though i don't have to do it um however i have always felt a very strong pull to music and i've had a huge admiration for music as well as like
00:12:57
Speaker
just a deep understanding, I feel like, and I don't have any musical knowledge. And so I've always felt kind of like an imposter, like how could I love music in the way that I do and how could I feel like music makes me feel the way it does and yet I can't make any myself or I can't do anything and I don't know anything about it. And so I am stepping into that. I'm leaning into the discomfort and I am challenging myself to learn an instrument this year. And while it is not singing in front of other people,
00:13:28
Speaker
I am hoping that getting myself to do this and taking this step will help me to eventually realize that I can do anything and that being good at something or being the best at something or hell, even being decent at something doesn't matter. I have been singing to Phoebe and I think maybe, maybe my voice isn't that bad. So maybe someday you guys will hear it.
00:13:54
Speaker
But that's like just kind of the main
Learning and Personal Commitments
00:13:56
Speaker
thing. And I think I want to learn the mandolin and it's kind of like a bluegrass instrument. And Cole plays the banjo. And so I think it'd be kind of fun if we just had like a little, little bluegrass duo, me and Cole Akers on the farm with our little, little daughter, Phoebe June.
00:14:17
Speaker
Yeah, I'm really, really excited about it. I think it's going to be fun and just different. And then some other things that I want to focus on this year are just being, continue to be committed to my mental health. I want to read 50 books. I read 35 this past year. I want to read 50 books next year. I want to continue my daily yoga practice and grow on it. And I want to work on having a flow with it. I feel like I'm very like doing each pose, each position.
00:14:46
Speaker
and then moving on to the next and it's not, it's kind of rigid. I want to flow. So I've been working on kind of the grace and making it a little bit more dancey if that makes sense. And then most important thing that I am focusing on going into 2024 is giving love and patience to all, giving kindness to all beings. It is a new year. It has been a series of years that have left me feeling like
00:15:16
Speaker
How could the next one be any worse? And then at the end of the next one been like, okay, not worse, but different. So take a breath, give love and kindness and patience to yourself and give it to all of those around us as well. We are all trying our best and our best looks different and our starting point is different.
00:15:45
Speaker
And so just remember that going forward that everyone deserves patience. Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves kindness. And most importantly, you do. Don't forget that. And just have fun with this next year. If there's anything that these past three, four years have taught us, it's that.
00:16:07
Speaker
Fuck it guys. You only live once and just make magic with it. Just fucking make magic with it. Just have fun with it. It's not that real. It's not that deep. We are tiny little beings on this huge fucking floating rock through an endless amount of... I don't even want to say space, but just cosmos. It is... It's not that deep.
00:16:35
Speaker
Even though this life feels heavy at times and it feels so deep that you could never ever resurface. It's not. It's okay. We're okay.
00:16:46
Speaker
being here, doing this, you're doing enough, just keep moving forward. Just keep being proud of yourself for making it through another year and keep being excited about this chance in the next year and never stop giving yourself goals and things to work towards because that's what gives us purpose and your purpose simply is to continue being
00:17:08
Speaker
a better human than you were the day, hour, minute before. So just, let's keep being better. And let's do it together, okay? Oh, and stay high. Bye.