Introduction to Holiday Experiences
00:00:00
Speaker
is really just us chit-chatting about holiday goodies and fun and being black queers during Christmas. So strap in, get ready, and let's start the episode. And it's the most wonderful queer of the year. I don't want a lot for Christmas. What you want?
00:00:29
Speaker
I just want some dick from Bay. I don't want to beg these niggas or have to ask them if they'll stay. I just want you and your man to pay my bills, the checks in hand. But these niggas boo. All I want from Christmas. It's what, baby?
00:01:00
Speaker
is dick and you. That was great. That was really neat. That was straight off the dome. I don't care about these niggas. Okay. What you're saying? Check in hand?
00:01:28
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Okay. I want Chanel now, booze. Very dead. On the first day of Christmas, my true love came to me. Doesn't it feel like Christmas? Oh, wow. I know. I took it. I don't give all the words. Cheetah-licious Christmas. Yes! Cheetah-licious Christmas! I just didn't feel like Cheetah Girl's tic-tacs in the algorithm.
Meet the Hosts and Guest
00:02:00
Speaker
Oh, that's. Before we even get into this, hey, everybody, I am Ty, the founder and director of Baldwin's Second Generation. I'm Bria the baddest. You already know what it is. I'm also the associate director for Baldwin's Second Generation. And today we have a guest.
00:02:26
Speaker
I'm Shelly, a big booty babe, you feel me? It's not that big, but it's big enough. It creates a capital P, so it makes me smile. Wow. Not that big, but big enough. Or bell bottom, babe. You know, just a lot of BBGs going on. Bell bottom, big booty Shelly. Bell bottom, big booty Shelly from the block.
00:02:56
Speaker
And the block. Okay. And any box, but also from Dirty Jersey. Hey, Jersey. Dropping that in the song immediately. Okay, sexy walk. Brace into sexy walk. Brace into sexy walk. Immediately. Immediately. Turn it on.
What's 'Bussy'? A Holiday Special Debate
00:03:23
Speaker
So welcome to the Bussy next time. Now, I don't know all of the popular. A special holiday version. Right. First of all, I want to point out that it's the holidays, and so I decided I would say Bussy this week. But you bitches are this month. Only this week? You say it every week. No, I don't. I don't like that shit. I don't like it. So I hope you all know this is a holiday special because I ain't saying that shit again. We'll see about that. OK. It sounds beautiful rolling off your tongue to do the game.
00:03:53
Speaker
Oh, sorry. I'm not gonna do this. That's on air. I can't do this. Um, but hey, y'all, we're here. We're queer. It's the holidays. Um, so I invited two of my favorite queer-dos.
00:04:12
Speaker
Um, that is a wonderful term. I really love that. I was like a Queerdo. Wow. I invited two of my favorite Queerdos to come on the podcast.
00:04:26
Speaker
Well, one of them you already know as Brea. The other one is Shelly. And I figured that it's a holiday. I didn't want to leave y'all hanging for the holiday season. I was like, let's put something out real cute or whatever.
Holiday Traditions and Family Dynamics
00:04:37
Speaker
So really, I didn't have any specific shit. But now that we're talking, I do want to talk about traditions that we may have amongst the girls for the holiday season. So in case anybody doesn't know,
00:04:55
Speaker
You know, Shelly and Bria's traditions may be a little similar, because they're peoples. But my shit be ghetto. My shit is ghetto. Wow. You just put on a disclaimer for it. My shit be ghetto. So I was like, I wonder how many other Black queer folks were like, yeah. Also, my hobbies be ghetto and shit too. Not if they be, you know, they don't be cute or they don't be like, you know, hit at the end of it. But like, by the time Christian is over, you're like, girl, I hate every last one of you niggas and I want to go.
00:05:25
Speaker
Bro, I can't. I don't know. I'm the only one where I'm like, oh, OK. Because you know, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's like a month of just like. It's honestly a lot. It's a lot. There's gifts, gifts, gifts. And then I have a birthday on the 24th of December. OK. Capital K. And this is giving double cap energy so the girls really can't take me.
00:05:52
Speaker
But I feel like between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I'm cooking again. I'm typically also shopping for gifts. Wait, what you cooking? Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. Back it up. Back it up what you cooked. So I have started doing my grandmother, Tilly. Shout out to my grandma.
00:06:14
Speaker
Uh, she passed away a couple of years ago and she used to do a Christmas like breakfast every year. And it was like breakfast casserole. And usually like a couple of sweets that were leftover from like, you know, maybe some other stuff that we had done with each other during the week. And so I was like, boom, bet I'm going to remake.
00:06:31
Speaker
the breakfast casserole. I've done it two years in a row, and all I've gotten is rave reviews. So I was like, I'm going to, now my mother, because my mother is my mother's child is my mother, but my mother's my mother. So she was like, I just wanted more sausage. And I was like, girl.
00:06:50
Speaker
It was three types of peppers. It was onions and garlic. And she was like, I just wanted more sauce. She was like, the sausage, too. And I was like, girl. There are like eight sausage links in this. Like, ground salt. Like chorizo. And then ground salt. And she was like, yeah, it wasn't enough. And I was like, OK. But yeah, I typically end up cooking and shopping. And then I have a birthday. So that's always weird because it's like, poor Christmas.
00:07:16
Speaker
And I love the drama. I love the messiness. I don't know about anybody else, but I have a family who starts the messiness and the bullshit immediately after Thanksgiving. They're just like immediate. No, yup. There have already been three fights. No way. No way y'all are tiptoeing to make it there. Y'all still had two weeks, three weeks. Wow.
00:07:46
Speaker
I can't, I can't handle that. Bro, it's like last person's standard. Right. But we'll come back to my traditions. What about the two of you? Like what are traditions that your family has?
00:08:04
Speaker
Well, I mean, for most of my life, I feel like I've been spending Christmas with like other folks because I feel like around the holidays, like my well, my dad don't be working, but because so call your daddy, drag him, drag him. No.
00:08:25
Speaker
Not because my dad works for the post office so he's not like working around the holidays actually but um my mom like was always working and so I usually would like go to like friends houses or um a lot of the times especially like starting around like college I would go to Jersey
00:08:48
Speaker
Okay. For Christmas. So, you know, y'all know by now, like me and Tyrel are from Virginia, went to school in Virginia. And so, yeah, it was always just like these, me and I'm thinking back to like high school and undergrad.
00:09:08
Speaker
I would basically go to Jersey for a month for the holidays after my fall semesters.
Holiday Parties and New Year's Traditions
00:09:20
Speaker
Me and Shelly, I feel like the adventures have been Shelly taking me to the house parties at Maxwell.
00:09:30
Speaker
having done that. And the family being concerned every day that I'm still taking you places. Like, aren't y'all done? I'm like, oh, what are you doing? This is a one a day like a vitamin. What are you talking about? Day party today, night party tomorrow, morning brunch.
00:09:52
Speaker
Kelly really had me in the streets, like. And if one wasn't hitting, we know about three other ones were driving. Gotta go. Like, okay, so like, I'm, so I am jealous because, so that used to be me and my cousins like a long time ago. Like, obviously we're all grown. We were all grown up. We had, like, some of us had moved, you know, some of us are like, we're families, but the way me and my cousins used to be like, all right, it's the holiday season. What party? Or like, what can we do? Besides, you know, getting high.
00:10:23
Speaker
The Cousin Walk, that's what it's really called. I am blessed, because I feel like my siblings didn't get to have the Cousin Walk, because by the time they were holding up the smoke, we were all like, either we stopped smoking or we were all doing different things. So we didn't do those. But I am so blessed to have been 14 and 13 and been invited on the Cousin Walk and have come back.
00:10:45
Speaker
I felt so seen with being like, yo, my cousins are definitely a solid 13 years old. All of them are girls grown. And they would just be like, yo, you want to come to the store? And I was like, yo, I get to be in a car with y'all?
00:11:01
Speaker
Like runs to the liquor store, like cousin walks. It was so great. Honestly, a formative part of my child. And the greatest part about it is that nobody ever questioned like going places with them because they were the older cousins that were like, yo, you could do what you want. And we will come back to the house every time, realizing we have food for hours.
00:11:27
Speaker
Yeah, that was that was an experience. I'm like, yo, I don't think anybody should ever be high and not like not to say you got to go to every family function. But when you got that much food, honestly, you know what, what was like the best thing that our family had decided to do was this like New Year's Day brunch that we had. Bless their hearts for this. And so New Year's Eve, me and Shelly historically would always like go out
00:11:56
Speaker
I remember, I remember like one year, I don't know, like we were like in our early 20s or some shit. I think it was the Popeyes year. Like, I don't remember if this was the same year, but I feel like there was one year, like we went to a house party, we went to your friend's house at the end of the night and just like crashed. Oh, and then we fell asleep? Nah, we went from the Popeyes night.
00:12:20
Speaker
okay that was a separate occasion we just like crashed at this person's house didn't charge our phones nothing just like y'all was out in the streets and then woke up and it's like mad sun pouring into the room where i was in and i'm like yo where am i and it was like two hours later the family brunch was happening and i was like thank god i wake up first and i'm trying to get shelly up i'm like bro you drove here like we gotta we gotta go like
00:12:49
Speaker
But then there was, there was another year we, we, me and Shelly's friends, and we were, I think we were like driving for a mad long, trying to find someplace to eat at. We were so hungry. We had gone to like three or four houses. Mad McDonald's. We just couldn't. And we just ended up at Popeyes at the end of the night. And that we couldn't figure out what to order. So we were looking at all the Popeyes specials and it's like four or five of us in the car. And we're like, yo, we should get like the 20 or the 30 piece and we ordered
00:13:24
Speaker
And it's just always mad lit to have the brunch the next day. Because it's, I mean, one, our family is never on, I mean, we've been better.
00:13:35
Speaker
We run on Struthers Time, so it's a very particular brand of CP time. Yes, very particular. Very good food when we finally do all show up. That's the good part. You have to tell us like two or three hours before you actually want us to show up. Yes.
00:13:55
Speaker
And so, you know, we've gotten better since I think it's because we're getting older. Like, I feel like it's because like we're ready to eat. We're ready to go. Like, hey, how are you, girl? How are the children? And then also go run me a place like that. Like 4 p.m. 4 p.m. Like we've actually made it. You know, it's giving that we're not trying to travel somewhere and then still be mid cooking. It's giving if we travel there and it's giving maybe an hour that y'all have left that we didn't factor in. That's OK. Anything more than that.
00:14:24
Speaker
not out of pocket well you know what i will say so i will say that i have a couple of like times like me my cousins went out not too many because our thing was like black friday shopping um i haven't yeah so i had like me my grandmother
From Family to Friends: Shifting Traditions
00:14:44
Speaker
until it used to, like, she would make, she would decide that, like, we were going, like, like, she would look at the, at the sales of the, her and my aunt sit at the table after Thanksgiving. They would look at the sales. We would all go out, like, Friday night in the shop. Um, now I will also say that now that I am older, uh, we don't, like, we don't, that's not happening anymore. So I think a lot of the traditions that I have been looking forward to have come from, um,
00:15:13
Speaker
Other queers, because that's where I'm usually at. Like, I'm not usually over the holidays now. Like, I mean... Like a good friend skipping, you know? Right, you know, we love a good, oh, Christmas situation, like, the girls hang out, like, after Christmas and exchange gifts, and then New Year's, we're all, you know, drunk and doing a thing.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah, we love a white elephant gift exchange. Okay, your white elephant is honestly my favorite situation. So, I can't. I'm not doing it anymore. What? Why? You got the box of rocks you was messing with. I did that shit one year when I worked for white people.
00:15:48
Speaker
And I was like, OK, no, no, no. That doesn't even count. That's like saying the first time you ever had mac and cheese was a white person mac and cheese. That's nothing to do with anything. But I was like, I don't like that because I feel like I want the best gift. And also, bitch, my birthday was just usually a day or two ago, or a week or two before. Don't give me no bullshit gift, bitch. I'm about to be however many years old. Girl, write me the good gifts. I feel like the key to a good white elephant gift exchange
00:16:17
Speaker
Well, okay, like, of course, there's like, you got to know if you with a group of people that's like, gonna be good at a white elephant, or if y'all just need to do a secret Santa situation. But if you if you want to do because it's like, some people might be like, Oh, I have specific things that I just am going to ask people for what I want. But otherwise, if you're gonna do a white elephant gift, which is me and I bitches.
00:16:43
Speaker
But other people, if they're in a white elephant gift exchange, I feel like you gotta have a good price max or whatever. And people gotta be willing to be like, oh, are you gonna buy a good $30 gift? Bitch, okay. Let me tell you how... Okay. So me and my three brothers have decided to do stockings, right? Ooh, cute. Right, but the rule was that we were supposed to...
00:17:14
Speaker
The rule was that we were supposed to put one item in the stocking for each person. So each person would get a stocking, right? And it would have three items, which means you would get three items from other people.
00:17:27
Speaker
Nobody follow the rule, especially not me. I have purchased nothing. I am somebody, I'm a great gift giver, but I don't often give gifts around this time, simply because I'm like, my birthday's coming up. You think it's gonna be broke. I'm not doing that. I'm taking my own money, but you know what I mean? Bury that. I want the fabulous.
00:17:52
Speaker
It's giving Panay proud. It's Panay, okay. It's giving Panay, it's giving Sharpay Evans. All things Fabulous, bigger and better is best.
00:18:13
Speaker
I bought so much shit for my siblings and I'm like, but they're just stockings, right? So like, so Dollar Tree used to have a thing or whatever, so like these extra, extra long stock, extra big, extra long stockings and they stopped making them. But I was like, that's what I should have bought or looked for because now I have like four things for each stocking. A couple of other things aren't even stocking stuff for sure, just regular fucking gifts.
00:18:36
Speaker
but because I am who I am, I was like, okay, fine, whatever. I really like giving people gifts. Like, I just, it's one, but it's so, I do. I do like giving people gifts, but I like giving people gifts when y'all know what y'all want, because if y'all are like, I just feel like you, no.
00:19:03
Speaker
It's not just you, but it's not just you, but it's just like, sometimes like people don't know like what they want at this time, you know? If there's nothing you want, then I don't know what to get for you. Let's get into it. And sometimes I'm gonna get you what I feel like I want to get you, but I do like giving people gifts though, so. I am a gift person that's like, I'm the kind of person that's like, if you, nah, well, yes, but no. I'm like, if you want to give me a gift,
00:19:33
Speaker
I feel like I know my friends wouldn't love to be like, hey, I have an idea of what they may want. I think that's the fun part about giving a gift. Also, I have learned about the wonderful thing called a fucking gift receipt. You can take that bitch back if you don't want it and get the money. Now, people get offended and be like, I'm not doing that. I'm taking all the tags off. No.
00:19:51
Speaker
No, if I get you a cute plush blanket and it's in this ugly orange color, you say, girl, I'm a yellow bitch or girl, I got a bill to pay. But all it means, take that gift and put that bitch back and get the money or switch it out or whatever. Because I made a guess, and it may not have been the best guess, but I'm hoping it's a guess where I don't have a problem with that. But also, the gesture of guessing is something that is like, damn, you at least try. Right.
00:20:18
Speaker
What the fuck is it? Unless it's an insult. Unless it's literally a basket full of insulting things. Like, if all you do is pull up to my house and you give me a basket of gum and toothpaste, I'm gonna be like, yo, you're trying to play me. Like, why? Right. What the fuck is this? Why am I giving you this specifically? Like, you're wild. Exactly. Like, what would make you think that I need this? Exactly. I've never even said that. And this is fluoride toothpaste. And I don't even use fluoride toothpaste. So you're really wild. Then I'm gonna be upset. Oh my god.
00:20:46
Speaker
Nah. Other than that, it's like, oh, you tried. You tried. I saw it. You just went to anything that was epicenteric and said, yep, this is her. I get it.
00:20:55
Speaker
Come on, Afrocentric. I mean, yes. So I will say that because I am moving, I'm not doing gifts this year.
Gift Giving Challenges During December
00:21:02
Speaker
And people are like, I have a couple of friends who are like, are you kidding me? You give great gifts? Because I want to keep it up up with you. I ask my close friends, Bria, the group in general, what do y'all want? Because I feel like we're past our friendship where I'm going to guess. We have a 10 plus. And that's fine. I'm OK with people not guessing.
00:21:22
Speaker
Every year, Christmas and my birthday, I make a list because I want to know what I want. Brea's birthday dot with links is what you're guessing for. Brea's guessing. Brea's guessing. That's what I want other people to do for me. Like I was talking, I talked to Michael and I said, look, make a list, send me what you got.
00:21:46
Speaker
You know, and it was hard for him to come up with some stuff, but that's where I'm like, okay, I can pick some things off of this list. And then I can also pick some things, you know, myself that I want to get for him.
00:21:56
Speaker
But yeah, in general, I ask people to tell me what they want. And I'm also do the same thing. And I'm going to tell you exactly where to get it from. Right. No guessing. Don't get that cheap show on Amazon. Take your ass to the sort of Black-owned place that I send you. I send you to a Black business app. Right. And you get to pick it up from them before I have to get some ass. And if I see an Amazon box, or if I see a motherfucking Amazon tag, there will be
00:22:24
Speaker
trouble trouble I'm gonna put a foot in someone's ass and break it on off because I told you don't go there we don't fuck with her it's the regular side of me but I mean I feel like
00:22:37
Speaker
I also feel like as a person who, so like I will also say that like, again, my birthday being so close to Christmas, I didn't get to like do the whole surprise thing. So, you know, like the 24th, like when I wanted to have like parties, like surprises or like whatever, I couldn't because everyone I knew was like, had their own Christmas traditions and like, you know, the day before Christmas, people's parents were like, girl, I'm not going to no party. I'm not going to no whatever.
00:23:00
Speaker
And so I used to really be upset because I really wish I could do like a whole surprise thing or like a whole thing for myself or like a way to like do that. But so I'm like, I actually like people who just buy me gifts and don't ask me what I want. I don't name that often because I think that people assume that I'm a bossy Capricorn bitch.
00:23:24
Speaker
I'm just like, number one, why are you talking to me like that? Why are you making these assumptions about me? I am a teddy bear. Y'all are making me see this heart.
00:23:36
Speaker
I'm just like out here. You know what? I'm gonna keep it a buck. I'm gonna keep it a bean. I am somebody who definitely is like put my foot down. This is what I want. You know, especially when it comes to my career, like the work I'm doing with like ballwinds or like whatever. But I feel like on the inside, I'm baby.
00:23:54
Speaker
On the inside, I want you to rub my butt while I watch Netflix, and you can feed me chocolate chunk ice cream. That is what I want. And the girls are like, but you don't act like that, because you're not soft. So I've got to be vulnerable and soft for you to realize that I mean, like, I get it. But I'm just like, I don't understand. And then, like, again, to be like, OK, I've been telling my friends I want to party for fucking years. I am 29. I'll be 29 in, like, three weeks. And I still have not had a party.
00:24:24
Speaker
You had like a funny decision. Uh-oh. You're not going to do this to me, Bri. I was a fucking dream. You said you didn't want it to be a big rah-rah. You said you didn't want it to be a big rah-rah, so. That is common foreign language for if you do a big rah-rah, I'm not going to complain. In my defense.
00:24:41
Speaker
It snowed, so I couldn't get to you. So this isn't about me. They canceled my train, so. And they canceled you and Kai's train. It was like, bitch, don't come. And it was tragic. And I was distraught. Like, should I be sure to see me? I was like hanging out in my own decorations. And I was like, distraught. And I had two other really close friends there. And they were both like, it's OK. I was in the store trying out to cry, picking out decorations. And these fools was like, go crazy. Buy what you want. And I'm like, I know.
00:25:10
Speaker
I can't do this, this is not what I wanted. Yo, don't let the Capicorns' plans for their birthday not go according to the plan. Don't let an earth sign on any day things not go according to plan. But they birthday immediately cue, it's my party and I cry. Yes, I was too. Immediately.
00:25:31
Speaker
That reminds me of like that birthday you had at, um, was it Breeze House? That the monocle? First of all, I feel like you're planning for that. You work on stress.
00:25:43
Speaker
Cause you were like trying to find your outfit and stuff, but it came like, it was really nice though. I feel it was like a monochrome color, like themed thing. No, not that I mean trying to find a birthday outfit, right? I didn't have a fit.
00:26:02
Speaker
thrift store the day of or some shit. Yeah, everybody was hitting me up like, yo, when you say monochromatic, what do you mean? I was like, number one, I sent y'all all a flyer that literally set examples of visuals below. And I sent all these little pimps for like, and all these different black people that are literally wearing monochromatic outfits and was like, this is what I want.
00:26:25
Speaker
I'm just so eager, so many people are asking you that. What do you mean when you say a monochromatic outfit? I mean, from the tip of your head to your feet, make that shit the same color. I don't understand. No, do not wear purple shoes if your whole fit is white. That's not monochromatic. Don't wear white fit, nigga. No. I literally was like, it's giving little compression.
00:26:52
Speaker
Thank you. Oh, that's why we're trying to encourage. Silver hair with a silver outfit. So I remember a couple of years ago, I ended up going with New York. Let me go into New York. Gabrielle for like coming to stay at her house. I mean, her place.
00:27:12
Speaker
She had plans for New York on her birthday. And... Well, that was my birthday. It was, but like the outfit situation? I don't know if you recall. I don't. I have nothing. Okay, you were having a moment. I don't remember. Was that... Oh, I know what you were talking about. You were like... having a moment. And I was like, Bria, but you have so many cute like things in your closet. And you were like, I don't want to wear that shit. And I was like...
00:27:40
Speaker
That's me every week. Whatever the word is, I don't know what I said. And I was... That's when we're going to New York. Like, I just feel like that's a... All the time. I will let you act like this is your first time going, you go there for time.
00:27:56
Speaker
I'm like, you're not going to cook for me, bro. Later. It's the flashing back to that moment like, yeah, okay. And I feel the same way today. I remember like, so first they were like, we were looking for an outfit and I went to RA bed. So there was a couple of FaceTime calls. Like what about this? What about this?
00:28:15
Speaker
And then I got a phone call that was like, I don't know what to wear anymore. I'm tired of looking. And I was like, OK, that's cool. Like, haven't you checked? And I was like, when you have cute shit in your closet, you're like, I'm going to wear the shit in my closet. And I was like, OK, well, the energy is 0 to 10. 1 to 3. 10's across the board. I was like, I need you 1 to 3, because you're giving 10 energy to a bitch who only picked up the phone two minutes ago. I just needed you to share, like, in my country.
00:28:46
Speaker
You were talking to a bitch who wore sweatpants and a hoodie.
Birthday Surprises and Holiday Wishes
00:28:49
Speaker
So, okay, one year, like this particular year was really like a really shitty Christmas birthday situation. And I had, like my close friends at the time took me out to a bar. I was wearing a C and U hoodie.
00:29:07
Speaker
Did they surprise? Bruh, no, they didn't. Well, yes, but I was so upset because these motherfuckers, nevermind. I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to get into it because it's going to go last.
00:29:19
Speaker
It was a never mind, which is the same thing for black people's child. Like, you just say child, and it means a thousand things. Yes. It was something. A lot of shit had happened. That was also, yeah, that's why they tried to play me a party. I'm not going to shave my peoples because I love y'all, so I'm not going to say no names. But they tried to have it at a Red Roof Inn. And if anybody knows me, I'm not a simple bitch. You're not going to throw me no Red Cup solo party. And they're so shaved.
00:29:47
Speaker
We love a good red solo cut, we love a good kickback, we love a good moment, but on my birthday, I think the fuck not. So what ended up happening is all the shit fell through and four of my friends came through and took me out to like this bar in the area called BJ's.
00:30:04
Speaker
Come on, bud. Right. But I was so pissed about the way the fucking day had went. I was wearing a C&U hoodie, a Scully, a jean jacket. I had on a pair of super baggy sweatpants and my slides. You said I've refused to participate. I was like, yo. Everybody was like, what about photos? I was like, girl, fuck those photos. Where's the content?
00:30:32
Speaker
I feel so affirmed in my capital grand ways of being like, it's not that I get upset often, but when things like that don't happen, it's like so much so I'm just going to move about the day with the attitude, the actual minimum of energy I barely give in to this world because y'all deserve.
00:31:00
Speaker
And like shout out to like my other Capricorn niggas and like Brea for putting up with this shenanigans. Cause I feel like if there was no earth in Brea's chart, she'd be like, bitch, I'm not your friend.
00:31:09
Speaker
and the earth comes out too strongly sometimes yes um it does oh yes but i see that earth be bullying that water sometimes so i can see it you don't shut the fuck up like i don't got time for that bitch get the word like come on we got things to do i don't like it was i mean yeah it's been
00:31:36
Speaker
like a lot of I will also say a lot of Christmases because you know I'm not to get into my person you know not to get into all the ditty gritty but I do feel like the older I've gotten the more like the more I've wanted tradition because I have a family who is not like we're not always the most committed to having traditions um so I was like I've been trying to do Kwanzaa for like since you know my people were like Christmas is enough and I was like for Kwanzaa is for actual niggas
00:32:06
Speaker
I'm like, if you want to turn into a whole smorgasbord of other, you know, you want to add to other shit, we can do gifts every Quanta. And I don't know if some people actually already do that or if that's a part of Quanta. Don't drag me off. But I was like, we should do it. And they were like, nah, because Christmas is a whole bunch. I'm like, well, we can do a gift every day. And they were like, oh, so we're Jewish. And I was like, no. I was like, no. I don't know what that means.
00:32:34
Speaker
And they were like, okay, well, we're not doing that shit because we already got, you know, a year, like about a year. We have, we have like a whole day of just presents. And they were like, you get, there were presents, good birthday day before Christmas. So you think that you slick. And I was like, wow. I was like, niggas come together and y'all heard more gifts. Capital is over his ugly head again. And finally, most of those gifts are supposed to be like,
00:32:58
Speaker
Handmade, DIY. Handmade, yeah, you make yourselves type shit. Which I also was like, I have really creative. I'm like, we got really creative people in my family, so one of you niggas can pull out an art kit and draw some shit. What the fuck? Get a canvas and get the work. You niggas love doing all types of other artistic shit. Why can't you do this? Get some resin and paint a photo and give us something cute. Why are you putting the 20 on 10?
00:33:25
Speaker
oh you know what like tradition i would like to do more in the winter time i want to like go ice skating more i always i stay trying to make niggas go ice skating yo this ice skating ring from my house is sorry fy yo okay well can we go yeah
00:33:42
Speaker
I mean, let's, we should, we should go. I'll be in Connecticut the 27th, so... It's lit, heh. But yeah, I definitely, I definitely want to go ice skating more. I feel like I just, I don't get to go every year. And then I also, I don't know... Wait, don't you not a man? Yes, but... It can take you. What's it, what is he for? It can take you. That's all I'm talking about!
00:34:07
Speaker
But I also want to like, go, I don't know where the lights like where you go, like, okay, in Virginia. Yeah, because in Virginia used to like, you could go to Busch Gardens or like drive through places. I'm actually going this week. Oh, there's a light show in Jersey.
00:34:30
Speaker
Oh, you did? I'm also by my house. Girl, I've been trying to maximize. You could be having all of the convenient locations. No, it's because I don't know who the fuck is in charge of some of this programming that be happening in Newark. But they'd be like, hello, everyone. Would you like to have more programming? And I'm like, number one, when did we get an ice skating here? Number two, we have a ice skating here. In Newark? Yeah.
00:34:52
Speaker
I didn't connect the dots. I'm just, so the ice skating rink is my Prudential Center across the street from Prudential Center. They turned that into an ice skating rink. So that's over there. And then the light show is like, it's like a few minutes from my house. All right. I'm trying to put my whole album show. I mean, I was like, can we keep it cute, bitch? We celebrities now. We're celebrities now. I was calculating the time and stuff like that. But like,
00:35:22
Speaker
It's, um, there's a drive-in movie theater that's in, that's in North. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They move over the parking lot for the drive-in theater to do a light show. Oh, my goodness. You know what? I've been trying to get wiped up for a year. And I've accepted the fact that I'm not going to get to have cute wintery days until I'm, like, 45. Gross. I gave the key. You said December 27. Oh, when I come back to, like, Connecticut? Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:52
Speaker
I have a whole date itinerary always planned in my mind every day, like every day of my life. Did you say you have like on Instagram or something? I sure do. I had two, I was like, who was I talking to? And I said that I had two say like, um, say the category things collections on Instagram. One is called dates for myself and one is a generic date and I'll be ready.
00:36:22
Speaker
at all times. I feel like there's something, so I feel like this is a downside to the holidays, at least for me. I am not a fan of the way the girls are like, oh, you need to go find like a n***a or like you should be dating. And I feel like thick n***a season also coincides with the holidays. And as a thick n***a who's been thick since like 12th grade, I feel like I'm very insulted I've never chosen.
00:36:51
Speaker
So not only am I mad because my ass ain't getting ate and I don't get no gifts and I got to do my birthday with myself, but then I'm also mad because you niggas don't want, like, what is happening? I'm a fucking cat in a meal. I be so distraught. I'm like, you know what? I hate it. I hate it here. But I'm also a holiday driven. I like the holidays a lot. So I'm like, even, this also sounds like, oh my God, I'm so sad I'm single. Let's also be clear. I'm a really bad bitch. I don't mean nobody. But, but, but I do think that the holidays can kind of bring out those feelings
00:37:21
Speaker
Um, especially as like a black queer person who isn't always on the best terms with their family. So I think it does kind of like hit a little bit different when you're like, wow, beefing with the, with the famo. So not going to go home. Like, and also like, we'll love a piece of pie, but who's going to bring it? Like those kinds of things is the worst. Look, I miss my grandma's cakes and I would like a piece of ham with the pineapple already on it. But, and I don't typically eat pig or whatever ham is pig.
00:37:50
Speaker
I don't typically eat pig, but I don't want to eat pig now. I go to my grandmother's house for my slices because I can't. I miss it. I look at it every time. Like, oh, if I could track back time, I would never give up swine. Give up swine. No, stay without the swine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I snuck into the money wars multiple years after giving up swine. I'm sorry.
00:38:19
Speaker
Chris, I'm gonna eat Jamaican and you bitches can fight me? I'm not that ignorant. I pray over it. I've done my due diligence. Bro, thank you. You know, I mean, so like, what are some of the, so do you have, like, do you, either of you have any traditions with like your Black queer friends, you know, in terms of like holiday, Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year's, so we love a good New Year's pussy pop situation.
00:38:49
Speaker
Oh, bitch, I'm in town. Hold on. Wait till after it. After the podcast, we'll get into that. Because I am going to be two hours from Jersey, two hours from New York. And what is it giving? It's giving. It's time to party. I'm hoping it's time to party. I'm also hoping it's time to party in the house. How is that COVID though? It's time to party in the house. That's what I'm giving.
00:39:15
Speaker
I'm giving it a round sound heat and a lot of drinks and good food. I don't know if this is a tradition as of yet because of COVID and it was really ghetto so it kind of broke it up a little bit but I really wanted to do like friends givings kind of things but not always like
Decorating Joys and Personal Transformations
00:39:39
Speaker
exactly around that time. I just wanted to pick like a week that wasn't the fourth Thursday of every year in November and just be like, yo, let's just have a friendsgiving that's away from that time.
00:39:52
Speaker
And I also, I don't want it to be called a holiday party every time, because I don't want somebody to always feel like it has to be a holiday-centered thing. But I am big on somebody's winter, December party. And I am so excited that I'm really putting in all the energy of my heart to do one this year. And I'm like, yo, I'm staring at my tree right now. I'm like, wow, I'm really excited. You actually decorated all of that.
00:40:21
Speaker
I've been decorating for days now, and I'm just really excited about it. But I think maybe it's not necessarily like a tradition yet, because it's not necessarily annual or things. I thought you!
00:40:36
Speaker
You kind of like made space for like gatherings and stuff, because I was thinking about I feel like a couple of years ago you did. This was actually mad years ago that you did like remember you did that space. I don't know what the New Year's one. Yeah. And like Yazzie and Des came. And it was like a potluck situation. And I think it was like an art share, like an open mic sort of situation for brunch. That was really cute.
00:41:06
Speaker
Yeah, I wanted to do that more regularly because I realized it was New Year's Eve that we did it. It was a New Year's Eve brunch. And I realized, I was like, yo.
00:41:16
Speaker
On New Year's Eve, we really don't do shit during the day. All we do is sit around and wait to leave the house. And at fucking 1 p.m., we're not doing shit except for last minute running around or absolutely nothing. So I wanted to do that more regularly. So I think maybe I could find a way to be able to
00:41:37
Speaker
to figure out if that's where I want to put the placement of like regular kind of food gatherings but I guess it's like loosely a traditional tradition because it hasn't been like on the same day or around the same time every time but I think like just being able to have some type of food gathering every year has been something that I've tried to do
00:41:59
Speaker
mainly I mean not mainly but a big reason why is because I'm really trying to lean into my grandmother's life and I feel like I need to practice aka I need large gatherings of people or more than three people to come together and I see if I can feed all of them which I'm practicing because it's giving the southern family feelings that we have that we can feed
00:42:25
Speaker
of rocker people so yo I told grandma I went to go see grandma um uh after thanksgiving and I I definitely
00:42:35
Speaker
I told grandpa, I was like, bro, like, why is she cooking? Like, she feed her 50 people. And it's only like the five of y'all in this house. She literally cooks for, she only knows how to cook for a minimum of four houses worth of people. Yeah. She does not know how to, she does not know how to cook measures. And the size of the to go tray that I took back to my house with me was really
00:43:02
Speaker
It's like I was on traveling with an obscene amount of macaroni and cheese. I am I am distraught because there are no more like there are so like I feel like as we're talking I'm realizing that like
00:43:18
Speaker
I don't think I have any more of those moments where it's like, oh, I went and talked to like, cause like my, so my other group, like my mom's, so my, my, my mom's grandmother's like my mom's mom's mom stopped cooking like three years ago. She was like, Hey, I'm tired. Your niggas gonna have to eat on your own. And right. And then my other grandmother, my mom's mom has never cooked. And then I picked up, right. I picked up cooking the last.
00:43:40
Speaker
I haven't cooked in the last three years. This year was my third year cooking. You've been working hard in that kitchen, I'll tell you what. Bitch, when I told you I made a whole cheese cake for the first time this year, and I was flabbergasted when I fucked up Western Tooth in pain, it came out so well. Everybody loved it. Yes. Except the niggas in my household. Okay.
00:44:05
Speaker
When you move, if you want to make new. You need some taste testers. Exactly. Oh, let me. Oh, look. I just got to drop the Addy. Right. Because I will be. Well, yeah, I will move when we get off.
00:44:21
Speaker
I'm gonna come back to that, right? We'll meet y'all. Why do you like this? Oh my gosh, why are you like this? We're just waiting for the end. Yeah, I got it. I see. No, it was Ali who was back the way. No, I got it and I paid it. Because we're on air. We're on air. We're celebrities. I can't. Attention folks, but on air, on air, celebrities. Yeah, no, I think that I'm realizing that a lot of those
00:44:48
Speaker
The things that I really enjoyed about the holidays kind of came with the family dynamic. And I think my immediate family is not big on personal time and holidays and that kind of sharing of space together. And my general bigger family is fractured on my dad's side. On my mom's side, we're not fractured, but we don't really talk to each other. So I think it's a lot of me being like, dang, I think I'm going to have to create my own traditions on my own with other queers. Because I think that's also where
00:45:18
Speaker
I feel the safest. Yeah. It's valid. Yeah, so I'm like, oh, shit. And I mean, I'll have friends be like, well, let's do this together and let's do that. But it's never consistent. So even if we do that for one holiday, I'm like, oh, god, I have to find something else to do for the other holidays for the next year, because it's not always going to work that way.
00:45:37
Speaker
So I am very much like, oh, I should probably start thinking about what's something I want to do permanently, whether as with friends or not, that I can make a tradition. Now, my first thought was take my ass to an island and be like, don't talk to me for a month. I was gonna say, I definitely, especially because it's your birthday, like if you want to take yourself to a getaway somewhere, go to the spa, you know what I'm saying?
00:46:03
Speaker
Um, I did that. I have, ooh, I took a spa trip like two years ago.
00:46:11
Speaker
And Bria can recall, I was in Newport, Rhode Island, and when I tell you I was the most white woman I have ever, when I tell you, I was like, oh, I'm going to buy this bag. I'm staying at this hotel on the water with the bar. I got dressed. I got dressed. Bitch. So it was all season. So it's December. I would do like the 22nd thing, the 23rd, or whatever.
00:46:35
Speaker
No, the 23rd or something like that. But I was there for a weekend, so Friday to Sunday. And when I tell you I got dressed, I mean, I got dressed to the nines to go have a cocktail at the bar in my hotel, and the whites were flabbergasted. Oh, do you work here? Mind you, I had this long skirt and this
00:47:03
Speaker
like, off the show. Like, it was a very cute look, you know. And the whites were like, oh, do you work here? Or like, do you work in the area? Or like, are you from here? And I was like, not you calling me a peasant in my best dress. Like, uh. And when they saw me, when they saw me, I was like, drinking top shelf, like, you know, whiskey and shit. They were like, oh.
00:47:26
Speaker
I was like, and then I had ordered dinner from the... I feel like those kind of things, even though I'm doing them alone, feel really, really great. Honestly, yeah. I definitely think that is a wonderful recommendation. More people should take themselves to the spa. Yes, please do. Take yourself to the spa if you can afford it. I don't want to be that girl. But like, everything doesn't have to be expensive also. Also true. You can find...
00:47:57
Speaker
sometimes depending on where you're at. My pretentious, because I feel like it just popped out when I was like, yeah, you go to a spot. And you were like, you're right. But I was like, oh, well, it was expensive. No, but you know, I yeah, I feel like. You know, are we are we ready for a break? I think we are. I think we've reached a good point.
00:48:24
Speaker
We want to give a special shout out to this episode's guest, Shelly. Shelly Spin is a two step in soul food eating creative from Jersey. She brings together her knowledge of poetry, teaching, healing, and DJing to create a holistic approach to art.
00:48:42
Speaker
Shell uses art to send out messages of hope and inspiration to the community as she lives her life freely and boldly in a world that too often attempts to silence Black femmes. Their work is rooted in self-love and joy as a form of resistance. Shell's latest projects are available for streaming. Now that's Incenses in the Hood, which you can find on Bandcamp, and Waterworks, which is out now on all streaming platforms.
00:49:13
Speaker
They are rooting for Black people to thrive. They are a Capricorn sun, cancer rising. She is growing. She is learning. She is art. Now, let's get back to the show. So let's take a commercial break and we'll be right back. Yeah.
00:49:41
Speaker
okay and the girls are back hey hey the girls are fighting that wasn't the energy i was expecting
00:49:53
Speaker
Um, so this rendition of Girl, I Guess is going to be different. It's not going to be pop culture bullshit. Thank you so much. I love you. You're welcome. I just didn't help my shot. I mean, you have something. Yeah.
00:50:13
Speaker
I do have something, but it's just a sort of year-end review. So Girl, I Guess 2022 rendition. Because we're also preparing for the new year. Still here in Panini Press. But... Hey, Panini! Don't you be a meanie, talking about it even though you're trying to keep me clean.
00:50:40
Speaker
So I have a question. First is, what would you say is your favorite moment from 2021? I'm sorry that I thought of a moment, but I can't say it all every...
00:51:04
Speaker
Don't share. Don't share. That wasn't me. Sorry. Second movement. Thanks. I think my favorite. I don't know. I feel like it's a layered moment that was happening because it was like it had a few parts to it. But I think my favorite moment in 2021 is when I dyed my hair blue.
00:51:35
Speaker
Yeah, that was to which no longer is here. I just cut it off today. Oh. It needed to be cut. But I think that moment was a moment where I was like, wow, I am very seen now, extremely, no matter where I go. I think I had gotten used to the pink, and I didn't feel really like, oh, when I go places, everybody can see. But I felt like with the blue, I felt like a highlighter.
00:51:55
Speaker
Ooh, come on. Yeah.
00:52:03
Speaker
But I feel like I just really loved that moment because I loved the intention around why I did it and how it was essentially
00:52:18
Speaker
really pressuring me to not like run away or repress like emotions or just how I feel and just being able to be fluid in those emotions. I feel like they're really validated in how I'm feeling and experiencing life and it also was for throat shocker work which was a lot of heavy lifting with communication and I feel like
00:52:41
Speaker
the work of communicating boundaries, the work of like just communicating so much and leaning into that. I think that changed my life. Now it definitely shook the table for a lot of shit. And I was like, damn, I was, I was really concerned and scared at one point. But I think like,
00:53:01
Speaker
It was just because, like, as a Black family, there's just, like, a lot of shit that I don't communicate because I have internalized and just been like, all right, whatever. I'm just going to I'm going to figure it out myself or I'm going to do this. And I feel like, oh, not a read. Not a read. I did not come here. I did not come here. I was not intended for this. I want to read for it for my ticket. Give me my ticket back immediately. Oh, man.
00:53:32
Speaker
Imagine starting out with a drag. I mean, I'm dragging that part of myself. I mean, that is the other reason why the blue hair had to go because it was so much work that was being done. It could look cute to the people in the streets. That shit was stressful. Every day I was waking up like, bitch,
00:53:53
Speaker
You better communicate your truth. Stand your truth. Communicate those boundaries. I'm tired. I'm talking about advocating for myself. I'm tired of doing this. Somebody come and advocate for me. I'm tired of this shit. Very bad. Word. Well, thank you.
00:54:13
Speaker
I think for me, my favorite moment was probably going. So at the end of the summer, I went to this like cabin upstate. And it was a very nice moment. Me and Michael both went
00:54:33
Speaker
And it really was at a time where I was just like so tired. I mean, I'm still tired. But I was really... Yeah, that's really, that's really good.
00:54:45
Speaker
But I had been working so much over the summer and I didn't really have any space for rest and that probably, I think that was like the main vacation that I took and like I'm kind of the type of person where like taking vacations with other people can really like be exhausting for me because it just
00:55:09
Speaker
As far as like planning a vacation, like if I plan a vacation with the family or like planning a vacation with like big groups of friends, it can kind of be like a lot because like it's coordinating things and like, you know, making sure everybody's like staying high energy and blah, blah, blah. But just going with me and Michael and like going to this cabin and like being able to like
00:55:34
Speaker
be like, bitch, it's so quiet. It's so fucking quiet. I only had that thought for like, a little bit, like a little bit of a second that night. But it was also just like, it's quiet enough that I only hear like the bugs outside, like, or I only hear like,
00:55:58
Speaker
the birds and like deadass like well we didn't do like a whole lot of hiking because i'm not a super outdoorsy bitch but we did like we did this like private hiking trail that was like next to um the cabin um on the land
00:56:15
Speaker
and we like fucking saw hawks and shit and it was just yeah and I just really it felt it felt nice to like really be in a place of quiet and rest and like taking some space for myself after like especially because I feel like a lot of the work that I do a lot of the work that we all do is just like feeding into other people and it just felt like I spent pretty much most of the whole year like not being able to like fill into myself so
00:56:45
Speaker
Yeah, I was glad that we were able to take that time away and I definitely want to plan more trips like that. So yeah, I would say that was my moment. First of all, this sounds amazing. Both of you gave these wonderful, fantastic answers. Okay. So I had two people to think about it.
00:57:25
Speaker
You don't know I know what it is, but yes, okay so
00:57:30
Speaker
I spent a very interesting, okay, let
Personal Growth and Astrology Insights
00:57:35
Speaker
me put it this way. I think the best moment of the summer was watching a foundation crack that like no longer serve me and watching all those pieces falling off. I'm gonna say that the way that I did it was by being a hoe, but I'm happy that it happened because, right, because I think
00:58:00
Speaker
I was in a space where I'm in a space, even now, it's not over. The work is still being done. But I was really working on being a better person. This summer, I got some really hard truths about myself that I didn't know and some things that people shared with me that really made me reflect on the kind of person that I wanted to be going forward.
00:58:22
Speaker
And so I spent a lot of my summer avoiding my feelings and not addressing them because it was easier. And so I used, you know, essentially, you know, whole shit to get through the summer. And when we hit September, all of that shit stopped working and I had to like really reflect and spit on my ass and be knocked out. But one of the things that came from this experience was a very captivating young man
00:58:51
Speaker
I do know about this. Well, damn, Shelly. She's about to tell the whole studio audience. I don't put my shit out here. I'm being very big. Being a DJ. OK, so there was a very, I think, a very sincere young man who had a lot of work to do and growth to do that needs to happen. But our interactions,
00:59:21
Speaker
And let me be honest, this ex really kind of did a couple of things for me. Like it reminded me that like, hey, you're attractive and wanted and people want you and you really are a bad bitch. But also it was a moment of like clarity as to like what I really want and like to stop doing things that I don't want. Like stop doing things that don't put me in a place where I want to be. So like if you,
00:59:47
Speaker
For example, if I want a relationship and I want to date somebody, like, hey, if you want a date, stop doing hookups. Like, stop doing things that don't put you in the places that you want to be. I think that's more nuanced, right? But that's the example I could think of all the time in my head. But yes, we spent a very interesting month in each other's immediate space and
01:00:09
Speaker
I think it taught me a lot about my self-worth and where I stand about a lot of things like relationships and dating. And also, just stop doing shit that doesn't put you where you want to be. And also, I'm not going to hold you. The dick was fantastical. And my dick was changed forever. But that's not the main point. That's not the main thing.
01:00:36
Speaker
um that's not the key takeaway that's not the key takeaway the key takeaway was that this particular person had a really profound impact or the particular experience with this person had a really profound impact on
01:00:51
Speaker
how do I want to treat the folks in my corner and how to better treat myself and how to, again, stop doing things that don't put me where I want to be or don't put me in proximity to the things that I think are important or even my dreams, right? Stop doing shit that puts you farther away from the things that make you feel good.
01:01:08
Speaker
Oh, that's a word y'all really didn't even expect this. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna I mean, yes, we talked about you a micro bring in the woods. And my first thought was like, Oh, that must be super nice to like not have to worry about a job and like get to run away for a couple days and like, just be in nature this ground yourself like, jealous, very jealous. Why you were doing that? What was I doing? My fucking meetings.
01:01:35
Speaker
But I feel like the last thing I was going to say for that is you're starting your set in return soon, right? Oh, me? My nigga, I'm in it. Oh, I didn't know it officially. Oh, bitch. This summer should have given you all of the content. I have probably been in my setting. I thought you were going to ooh. We're coming out of it and coming into the set. I don't really. OK.
01:02:00
Speaker
See, I don't really know what the Saturn return experience is. So I don't know if it's struggle or if it's like, ooh, opportunity. I feel like Shelly can speak to this more because I feel like this may be where Shelly Helms arranged. Because I'm going to say this. I was always told that my Saturn return would start around like 28, 29. I think my Saturn's return started last year when I left my job and moved out of Connecticut. I think that is when everything, all the shit hit the fan.
01:02:30
Speaker
I love how you used me as like a who wants to be a man.
01:02:41
Speaker
What does a sadder return actually mean? I can't stand when I see some astrological shit that somebody's putting with no context. Like, why is your caption sadder return? What the fuck? Does that mean? Like, so no, I'm sorry. I need as a phone or friend on this one because I really don't get it. I used to, because I think people used to also reference that shit like when it's somebody's birthday and I'll be like,
01:03:10
Speaker
This is what I'm saying. When I see some shit, I'll be like, look, y'all may think that I'm an astrological old, but I be fiddling in and out. I do not deep dive. I doggy paddle. I understand the intersections. I understand who is the sibling sign of the other one. But once y'all start with these transits,
01:03:28
Speaker
in the way that one looped around the other one while the other one was staying still and doing backflips? No, I don't know. I don't know what y'all are talking about. Yeah, I can't like super describe it, but I mean what I've gauged from other people who've
01:03:45
Speaker
try to say their experience. It's just like, it's transformation. It's blah, blah, blah. You're entering in a new era of bad bitch, legendary. It makes sense that it happens like right. It happens before you turn. So there's like- By the time you turn 29 or some shit. Well, it's like 30 or some people's like last one. I don't, some people it like starts, it doesn't start till 29. So I don't know. Right. And I was like, oh, bitch, my, I feel like, and I can't see- I think mine starts, mine is supposed to start at 29, which yikes, scary.
01:04:14
Speaker
i don't know what that occurs every 27 to 29 years and when i i'm like i feel kind of struggling right now is that am i when i tell you what was how was i last year 28
01:04:29
Speaker
No, I was 27 last year, damn bitch, I'll be 29. Damn, damn. You're gonna be 29. Right, so I'm pretty sure that it started last year, 27, when I left Connecticut. And it has just, because when I tell you this year, this summer, all of this has been nothing but hard lessons and a lot of shit, though, tears.
01:04:46
Speaker
and a lot of questioning my words, and also a lot of coming out of things and being like, damn bitch, actually you are the baddest girl on the block, and the girls can't take you. But we already knew that. But to say something like that and actually mean it, like a year ago, I couldn't do that. To say, I don't love these niggas and mean it, and not, not as fuck one nigga, I'm like, no, fuck all the niggas. I don't need none of the niggas. I got me, and I'm the baddest in the game. And truly mean that. It took a long time.
01:05:14
Speaker
So I'm like, all that transformation, all of that work about being a better friend around, check new with my friends, even if they think I'm still an asshole and a very stiff dick.
01:05:24
Speaker
You know, all that stuff happened and came out of like, and mind you, it's not over. I feel like I'm still in it. I think things are still transforming and still happening. Even like as I'm getting ready to move, I'm like, I'm going back to a state that I had fled from. And you know, I've just, there's a lot of shit that came with Connecticut that I had to now address going back. Then I'm like, okay, this is also, it's not over yet. So.
01:05:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's like a process, it's definitely a moment that lasts sometimes longer for some people than others and it comes with a lot of hard lessons. Bullshit. Bullshit. So I did some clicking around and in my research
01:06:06
Speaker
I have figured out that it says I have been in my side of return since March of 2020. And I'm like, so y'all decided to make my side of return when the pandemic started? What the fuck? Not when the pandemic started. But I showed it. My name when the pandemic started, I was skipping around. I was like, yo, I feel great. I feel like, yo, I want to be in this
01:06:34
Speaker
I love it here. I was painting, I was becoming a new bitch being in the house. Everybody around me like, fuck these houses. I'm trying to run away. I'm trying to go on a vacation. I'm like, nah, I'm trying to be here. And I'm like, wait, all of that transition happening in one year was the same for something that I'm supposed to be locked into for three years?
01:06:58
Speaker
And it's like, it's very loud. And I'm just like, oh my gosh. I'm like, I'm 30, like I'm 29 and a few weeks and I'm 30 fuck and I'm 30 years old next year. I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I can't take another blow. If one more person's like, Tyrell, you're a nasty bitch. I'm going to probably throw myself over the side of a fucking cliff.
01:07:19
Speaker
Take another blow. I will lose it. And it's not even like their blow. I just feel like, you know, feedback from people or like realizing like you can also be like a really shitty person of folks, even if you don't intend to. It's hard to hear, but to have multiple people tell you that about yourself in a whole bunch of different ways and having to sit down with that shit and be like, damn, I am the drama this season. I am the drama. I am the drama this season. Oh my God. Like there is no villain edit, girl, because you are actually the villain. There is no edit. You just removed it.
01:07:49
Speaker
I know, yeah, people were like, girl, you are the villain. And I was like, oh, no, but I don't want to be. Okay, but if you don't want to be, you need to do some self-work. And I was like, I guess you're right. That is the theme of a Saturn return, child, self-work. Oh, yes, it's a lot of that. I'm going to go to astrological therapist, because this shit is really shaking my shit up right now. Again, if anybody in the studio audience knows more about this shit than we do, because clearly,
01:08:17
Speaker
We are not the experts. Please. Shelly is having a moment. Yo, I am shook. Like, did I know I was coming in attendance for this? You talk about you do not show up for what I was given. I didn't know my ticket was given this because I did not. Wow.
01:08:38
Speaker
But I also would say that, again, from some of these hard lessons come beautiful moments. But it takes a long time, I think, to get to the point where we're like, all right, I went through this shit for a year. It was compounded into a really intense couple of years. And I'm like, all right, let me look back and look at some of the shit. Because I think I'm doing a mid-year reflection. But bitch, I don't know what's going to happen next year. March 2020 to December of 2021 has been outrageous.
01:09:06
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like that goes into the last thing. I feel like people make their resolutions or whatever plans for the year, which I feel like is a lot harder to sort of make at this point in time in the very raggedy state of the world.
01:09:26
Speaker
But whether you call them a resolution or a vision or a goal or whatever, but what are your hopes, dreams, whatever for the next year? What sort of manifestations you want for yourself? Whatever, dream big.
01:09:51
Speaker
I'm sorry. I can't go first on a damn thing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me give some language to what the hell I did. You can think about it. I went straight to co-star to really deep dive in and once I got there, it said, your body is a city. I'm like, wait, number one, I don't even know how to receive that. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm receiving that co-star is telling me that my body is a city.
01:10:17
Speaker
Why would you, okay, so I'm gonna encourage us to get off of CoStar and close the Google app, or close Google until after the podcast. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could do that. No more phoning a friend. Right, I wanna pull you back, because I definitely want to get you. I guess I can go first. I think I'm gonna manifest my pussy. No. I like that. It's fun. Shh, hell out. I am going,
01:10:46
Speaker
I'm hoping that next year is filled with, I want some
Hopes and Ambitions for the New Year
01:10:52
Speaker
love, you know? I wanna be touched on, I wanna be, I mean, I want me, cause I'm a bad bitch. But I do think I'm like, dating would be cute. Hopefully I'm not a complete shit show and a mess by the time that comes along. I think I'm also really manifesting like, that I'm able to continue to pay my friends.
01:11:14
Speaker
In the various ways I've been able to pay my friends with Baldwin, I think that's really important to me. And I think that to have a really good team behind me, it's important to pay your people. I'm really manifesting grants, and I'm manifesting people to give us coin. And I'm manifesting next year's summit is so dope that the girls are like, oh, we'll just give you $100,000 to start? Great. Thank you so much. Come on, $100,000.
01:11:44
Speaker
Um, I am also not a resolutions person cause I never stick to that shit to be honest. Um, and I don't be really admitted to the resolutions cause I feel like it's just, I'm still like, I'm, I'm not going to lie and say I'm going to a gym cause I'm not going to say, Oh, I'm going to commit to a diet. I'm not going to commit to the type of privilege it to me. I think I'm just going to commit to continuing to do the work of being a better person and continue to hold myself accountable.
01:12:12
Speaker
and continuing to pour into my relationships the best way that I know how, even if it is a little rude. I'm working on it. I'm doing my best. Come on, doing our best. That's the thing. That's the thing. And hoping that the people that love me, the people that I love continue to love me back. And I hope that they see that I do love them. I don't say it often. It's just not something that I grew up with.
01:12:42
Speaker
and not something that I have to learn, because people like to hear it. And I'm not a particular fan of saying it for my own shit. But I hope that people do know that I become a place of love when I be talking and I be doing shit. And I hope that I get a lot better at vocalizing and showing with more action my love for the people in my corner. And for my chosen family
01:13:10
Speaker
the family I talk to that's actually blood related. Like I want to keep, you know, those things. So I think, yeah, I think there's a lot of shit there, but that is what I'm, I'm manifesting and putting in the universe for 2022. And that she behaves because I would like to go out and make some ass, please. Like I just want a little bit
01:13:33
Speaker
I just want to shake a little bit of ass. I just want to go out for one night, get drunk, and sweat out all the alcohol on the dance floor. That is what I want to do. That's all I want to do. Oh, yes. Where are the chicken wings at, bitch? Yes, chicken wings. Oh, I was just talking about her clothes. No, chicken wings. I'm like, yo, yo. I can't do that. I'm talking to you, your chicken wings, salapiana.
01:14:05
Speaker
Who's next? Um, I can go. Um, I think, yeah, I don't, I feel like I've stopped calling them resolutions because it feels like, I don't know. It just feels like work. Um, it just feels like a lot of pressure, but I feel like what I am trying to manifest is, um,
01:14:29
Speaker
being able to spend more time on the work that is important to me, writing all of the shit, because there's so much shit that I would like to write that I don't know how to make time for, but
01:14:46
Speaker
you know, I really just want to be able to put a lot more of my work out there regardless of sort of what the audience response may be because I've also been very, I don't know, I feel like I've been very open with people about how like I make the shit that I make for honestly really myself and if other people, kindred spirits come across it and they appreciate it, that's great but
01:15:13
Speaker
um I just want to be able to stay committed to that um in whatever capacity however it comes about um would love to also find representation um by an agent so I can get these books to y'all um we'll see yes hurry up we're waiting I'm literally trying my best please give me
01:15:40
Speaker
Like the universe is really trying to fight because it's time and we will like... Yeah, querying people is not easy. So yeah, shout out to other people who are trying to query their books and shit. And it's definitely not easy, like, as a Black
01:16:00
Speaker
writer, as a Black queer writer, to find people that are going to represent your work and actually show care for it. So, you know, gonna be continuing that process.
01:16:13
Speaker
I think outside of that, I really just want to fucking rest, bro. Like I just, I want to make sure I give myself breaks. I feel like, I saw this tweet the other day that somebody said about like, it sucks that like weekends now kind of feel like the time where you have to make up for the work that you didn't finish during the week.
01:16:36
Speaker
And I feel like that's what I've been feeling like for the past like two months or so, and it's been really ghetto. And I definitely like just want to have more moments like that moment of going, you know,
01:16:51
Speaker
whether I like literally take a trip, another trip somewhere, or I just like set up a work-life balance. Because I feel like it's really hard now since I mostly do work, do all of my work from home to like separate like, you know, being, you know, always working versus like taking the space for myself to just like fucking relax. So I definitely want to practice more of that.
01:17:20
Speaker
And yeah, I feel like... Ooh, I'm trying to remember something my therapist said. I want therapy! Yeah! Okay! Therapy! But I think her... She told me something about having my mood and stuff being affected by the expectations I have for myself. And I also feel like
01:17:50
Speaker
I want to let myself feel free to like, you know, live the life that feels good for me and not what sort of like high expectations I have for like where I feel like I should be in life at 27. So yeah, I feel like everybody on this podcast. I mean, if you feel, you know, moved by it, I'm sorry.
01:18:17
Speaker
you know, that was my therapist, you know, dragging me. And just being like, you know, I feel like I'm in this place in my late 20s now where I just feel like I should be doing XYZ or I should be an XYZ place. And we're still a little bit struggling and, you know, but that's okay. That is okay. So, yeah. Yeah, so...
01:18:46
Speaker
Yeah, so echoing off of what you said, it goes into like the feelings that I have for what it is that I want to put up into the universe and into this world for myself. And it's because like
01:19:02
Speaker
I literally had a moment I think like two days ago where I was like about to be on my way somewhere. I was about to do all these things and I pray before I drive every time and I think in that prayer where I was like about to like start moving and going these places I just stopped and I just like held my like chest and was just like I'm so proud of you Shelly. Like I literally just had to be like yo I'm really so proud of you kid like so happy because like
01:19:30
Speaker
I think one of the things that I have wanted and I know my inner child really needed was space for so many different things. I just needed space. I needed creative spaces that felt affirming. I needed space where there were
01:19:48
Speaker
queer, older people that were affirming. I needed space to just be, I mean, as much as I love our family, it's huge. And there's just nonstop, like, family commitments. When you live with the family, it's like nonstop having to show up in all these different ways. And I needed space away from that. And to be in this place right now,
01:20:13
Speaker
of just being able to have my own space literally being able to create and curate exactly what it is that my mind has been thinking exactly what it is that i spent all that time just like praying that i could have i think what i want to make sure not a thing i know the thing that i have to do for just this upcoming year it should really be able to celebrate all that
01:20:38
Speaker
I've done over all this time instead of always trying to pile more on like, there must be this, there must be that. I think echoing those expectations, I'm just like, girl.
01:20:49
Speaker
You're doing shit.
Art for Self vs. Capitalist Consumption
01:20:51
Speaker
And it's not in proximity to other people my age. It's not in proximity to all these other things that have to do with capitalism and this bullshit. It's like, nah, if you really were to sit down, and if you were to have a conversation with your 10-year-old self right now, she would be fucking hollow. She would be celebrating so happy that we have a place to hang out by ourselves. It's just chill.
01:21:18
Speaker
And I feel like that's... And you were a part for that. You were a part to get that. Oh, I was broke in the Lord. I'm moving out of her house like I'm... Yo, I was living off of dollar pizzas. And the only thing I could afford that was balling out was a falafel gyro. That was a ball out. You used to really love those gyros. Girl, it was the only thing when I was trying to live a vegan life. I was like, well, I'm just going to eat beans and pita every day. So that's all that I had.
01:21:47
Speaker
I think like just moving into this into this year, the main thing that I want to do that I feel like I don't feel like I'm in debt to myself, but I feel like if for lack of better words, something I really feel like I owe myself is just being able to create as much as I can. And I have an opportunity that I have
01:22:10
Speaker
I didn't really recognize that I had right in front of me this whole time with like being able to have sustainability around it that like I have a whole producer right now and I'm like I've always wanted to do things that were with music and right now like we're regularly like actually creating and it's not for the consumption of other people it's not to show people and there's nothing against it like people you go like people could publicly show what they're doing but
01:22:39
Speaker
For us, we're really just investing in our art and being able to create because of just how transforming it is and not from the idea of like, we must do it so that it can be consumed by others. And then it can have all of this other experience. And it's just like, nah, we're just creating right now, like deeply locking into our roots. And yeah, I have to do that for myself.
01:23:09
Speaker
So funny. I love that. Very that. But I just watched an interview that one of, I found on YouTube, was talking to this other person who does music. And they were like, oh, who told you that you could be an artist? Who told you that you were allowed to go out here and do those things? And they were like, your art is supposed to be for everybody, not just you.
01:23:29
Speaker
And I was like, incorrect as a person. Absolutely not. Occasionally and like has built the space like ballwinds, which I have not taken the time to honor myself for that either. Like I have not really looked at the shit that I did this year because don't get too high because next year may not be as fruitful and prosperous. But that's the thing. That's the me thing. But like,
01:23:53
Speaker
I think like hearing someone say that like your art isn't for you. I'm like, no, my art is absolutely 100% for me. Like the skills I create or the things that I put out are because I'm comfortable sharing them. When I go to put something out, when I go to create a space, when I go to do a workshop or whatever the fuck I'm choosing to do, I'm like, I am doing that because I feel comfortable sharing whatever it is that I am doing with other people.
01:24:19
Speaker
It's not I feel like I have to or I'm indebted to folks who have supported me or or because or it's not even like I want people to engage with in a way where like I can do it and like use that like that social capital or you know actual like monetary you know capital to like do something else. It's because I want to share it because I'm proud of what I've done and that's really point blank like that's it.
01:24:40
Speaker
Um, and so, you know, to hear both you and Brea talk about like, yeah, like I'm committed to the shit that I'm creating and like, no, I may not get famous. I may not get rich. I mean, I don't, I may have to do like other things in terms of like, you know, surviving, like, like my choice to do my art is my choice.
01:24:56
Speaker
If people rock with it when I put it out, or people rock with it, or whatever, that's cool. But if you don't, it wasn't for you anyway. It was for me. It's like the people who, for example, if somebody feels like the feeling of how certain people flow with rapping,
01:25:16
Speaker
isn't what they like but they're just like oh those are the people who get put on and make it to certain statuses and then they start rapping like that you're gonna attract the energy of people who like that and then one day you might be like well i actually have always wanted to rap over a saxophone to like slow jazz music but i never had the opportunity i'm like nigga well why didn't you start that way because then all the jazz heads would have found you like why are you doing this shit why would you do that now you confuse it yourself but you guys spend all that time unlearning
01:25:45
Speaker
the things that you just did for the idea of trying to have some advancements in capitalism, which capitalism doesn't give a fuck about black people. So no matter what it is that we do, you could work your whole life to try to mold yourself into like being a success in capitalism. And that shit could literally change in 10 minutes. Like the fact that TikTok came about and everybody could have been invested in Instagram. And then it's like, TikTok came about, we had a pandemic and they're like, man, fuck that shit.
01:26:12
Speaker
It's a whole other thing. And I knew my granny ass was like, yo, y'all take that on your own. I don't think that I personally want to hop onto it. But I know that, yeah, there could have been some benefits. But I was like, I don't have the capacity to invite in more consumption of social media than what I'm already doing. So if that's what it is, that's going to put me on.
01:26:33
Speaker
I don't have it in me. I can't do that shit. I would like, it's funny cause like, so I just, I just made an Instagram page after not having Instagram for like over a year. And I was like, I'm probably gonna, if we're gonna keep it a buck, I'm probably gonna let it go again. Cause I really don't like the way that people move. And I don't like being that attached to social media, but like, I'm like, I could have also, you know, did some shit, gotten on, you know, and did like a Tik TOK situation or whatever, but like,
01:27:01
Speaker
the way that social media, I think, again, is consumed, but also the way that I don't want to have to put myself out there that way. Because sometimes niggas be on 20, be putting 20 on 10 to show up. Niggas will put 20 on 10 to show up in somebody's searches or whatever, or whatever they call it, whatever thing. I'm like, I'm not about to be out here arguing with niggas and slapping old ladies to fucking kill me.
01:27:26
Speaker
like I'm not gonna like I'm not gonna discredit other black creators no shade for their dances and the shit they create because I want to be popular like I'm not doing that like I feel like whoever is meant to find my shit will find my shit and it's slow and it's taking a long time and I'm particularly I'm talking about Baldwin in particular but like it's slow and people are finding it you know as like as if as they see fit but the folks who have been following us have been following us since we started the Instagram page
01:27:55
Speaker
I'm like, the people who need to be here need to be here. And yet folks don't follow because right now we're on social media hiatus or we're posting, you know, whatever. But like, the people who needed to find us found us. And even if we're not big, we're still a community of people who want to be in that space. And I didn't have to bullshit. I didn't put 20 on 10 to get there. And I didn't have to fake and be somebody that I wasn't.
01:28:18
Speaker
Yeah, and definitely doubling down on what you were saying about grants and other stuff like that is that the concept of grants and the concept of like,
01:28:27
Speaker
like niggas not having to beg for money you just give us the money so we could sustain ourselves a lot of the things I think are rooted in like moving in a certain way because of a financial attachment but like if you get a grant if we get funding and things that are just like hey like we're giving you this so you can actually quietly or however you want to do it you can do it loudly however you want to do it but you don't have to do it in a certain way
01:28:52
Speaker
that will be attached to a financial gain of like maybe you could get on and be famous and have money. Like it could be like maybe you can actually just hold on to this and do whatever you want. You could spend this money to go be a hermit. Like do whatever makes you happen. Pick a year and hide out. That would honestly be me. Cause I would find a way to invest that creative writing and be like, I have paid my way to be off the grid for four and a half.
01:29:19
Speaker
That is really my goal. If I could just like escape to upstate, have myself a cabin somewhere, and I just stay in the woods and I write and mind my business. That's really, you know, what I'm trying to call out to place but you know.
01:29:38
Speaker
I also will say like, we like so we, we talked about this we've had this conversation before, obviously, but this comment before, but, um, but I think that there's a lot.
01:29:53
Speaker
to like even that part. I think having to give up parts of myself to make myself palatable for money and for support and for like coin. And I feel like Black queer projects, specifically ones like Baldwin, already don't get funded.
01:30:11
Speaker
So like having to kiss the amount of ass that I've had to kiss this year, not with the people who support, like not the foundation we work with. They've been great. But like the other place we've gotten our money from, like having to kiss Caucasian ass.
01:30:25
Speaker
because folks are having to really check people, not only explain to you why the project is worth it, but then having to also gather you because your politics are fucking shit. And you are talking about working with black, queer, and trans people who have come together to create a space. And you don't even see the value in it, but not only do you not see the value in it, you don't see the value of us as human beings outside of the work that we present.
01:30:50
Speaker
So if I'm not working or bringing you money or giving you some type of connection or if you can't use us to do this, that, and the third, we're not valuable. And of course, my team doesn't know this, but I have turned down other funding opportunities simply because the requirements have been that we would have to give up something that's important to us or that we've all named as important to us as a team. I've turned down people that were like, oh, well, you'd have to do this and this and this on your Instagram page. And I was like, yeah, if you look at our page, that's not even how we move.
01:31:21
Speaker
or like people were like, Oh, like we'll pay you, like we'll give you this amount of money, but like you have to do this, this, this. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not doing all of that shit. And he goes, I'm marketing manager. The fuck man. It's also the idea that you can manipulate, you feel, you feel the entitlement to manipulate somebody based on the funding that you should just shut the fuck up about and just give to them. Like the fact that you're like,
01:31:43
Speaker
here are the rules. It's like if a parent gives you money, and they give you $2, and they're like, when you go in the corner store, you can only get a lollipop. And if you come back with anything else, then I'm throwing it out. Like, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to go in there and get whatever I want. You gave me $2. I'm going to go into this corner store and get whatever the hell I want, because I got this money. Right. Doesn't make any sense. But yeah, I say all I like to say, like, it's
01:32:12
Speaker
It's a challenge. It's a struggle. And the spaces that I'm creating and the spaces that I'm creating and the things that I think we are doing collectively, a collective we, are important. And they deserve all of the breadth that they need to take up and all of the room they need to take up and all the fucking money they need to take up too. But because we are Black queers. Open your purse. Open your purse.
01:32:39
Speaker
But because we are Black queers out here doing this, our opportunities lack. So I feel like,
Love, Growth, and Social Media Challenges
01:32:48
Speaker
you know what? What I really hope for the three of us next year is that we all get to
01:32:54
Speaker
really invest in the things that that we like we want, right? I really hope that happens. I really hope that people are out here getting their agents and the girls are out here making their music. And then I'm able to do travel because this shit is ghetto. Um, absolutely. I'm like, no, go ahead. I don't have it. It was one more thing that I meant to say because I know
01:33:20
Speaker
I was talking about the creative part, but another thing that I was like, I definitely want to have out there in this world is definitely a reciprocated love. I definitely want to, in all capacities of relationships and experiences that I have with folks, I just want to be able to have reciprocity in the love that is extended. And in that same vein, I also want to be mindful of how I receive love.
01:33:49
Speaker
i'm not walking around as a hard bitch because i'm not i but i don't want to always walk around as a plush doll like what you were saying earlier like i don't want to always walk around like oh my gosh here i am vulnerable everyone now loves me i'm like no love me even if i'm being a hard body bitch like what the
01:34:12
Speaker
Mine is on the top, because they'd be out of pocket. Oh my god. They'd be like, actually soften yourself a little bit more, and then I'll like you. I'm like, actually, you can get that back out of my face. Wow. Like a true Capricorn, honestly. I have time to read today. This coming from Heidi, who I actively know, is really the same way.
01:34:40
Speaker
The fucking Virgo. The Virgo Capitone. A splash of cancer. For tuning into Girl, I Guess. Girl, I Guess your earth ass better act like you earthy, okay? Because you do it too. Paper. Anyway.
01:35:00
Speaker
Wow. No, but I do agree that I hope that everything that we're putting out into the universe that we receive it in the ways that we're hoping for, because we deserve. And I hope more than anything that we're able to see, you know, that we're able to see and recognize the things that we're doing, the things that we're working towards, whether in our work, our personal lives, like the work that we're doing on ourselves, and that we see the benefits of that.
01:35:30
Speaker
Also, if you can have my magical powers, that would be great. If I could find out that I'm a witch this year, bitch, please put me on. December 21st, I'm standing outside with my chest and my arm facing the sky. Please, please, Lord, do as you wish. Come on now.
01:35:47
Speaker
December 21st, I want to wake up this storm. Like, that's it. Like, I waited all those years for my fucking Harry Potter letter, and it never came out. My ancestors used to be powerful, you know. I don't know. Magic, you know, when they were really like pastors or whatever. Now was the time to wrap me up from all of those 30, and it's my fucking time to shine.
01:36:13
Speaker
It is your time. After the show is over, somebody help Shelly. Please check in. Whoever's listening just please.
01:36:34
Speaker
You wanted to meet? Do you want to know that? I was gonna say that's all I've got. Um, closing it out. Um, yeah, any anything else to add? Uh, Ty? Nah, um, it's been cute. It's been fun. See y'all bitches next year. Oh, yeah, follow us on socials. Shelly, you want to tell people, you know, where to find you once again.
01:36:57
Speaker
if you want them to find you. Yeah, you can definitely find me. It's kind of an archive of my life because I don't post that often. So it's giving a once every quarter on a good year and twice a year on a regular year. But you can follow to also look at the archives of what I was doing sometimes when I was active in life on Instagram at shell.spin.
01:37:26
Speaker
see like shell like the seashell that's been um yeah that's me kind of in all the places um facebook is where the aunties and uncles are but you just feel like if you feel like we're friends definitely you know at me on there as well other than that i twitter gives me a lot of anxiety because pressing send to my thoughts um it's stressful to me so kind
01:37:53
Speaker
not find me on there really saying anything since like 2014. Honestly, yeah. So let's just lock in with Instagram. And then other than that, I like to just put like art and stuff on like streaming platforms and then like run away. So definitely go to band camp and
01:38:15
Speaker
find a project that I put out, just typing in shell spin. And the project is called Incent in the Hood. And then on Spotify, Tidal, and all the streaming things, we put out a meditation project, conditional spin. Yes. Bitches love meditation. Bitches love meditation. Yeah, it's a really watery situation, AKA it's called Waterworks. So that's all that I have. What? Awesome.
Closing Remarks and Social Media Reminders
01:38:41
Speaker
All right, well, y'all follow us at Bolin, Second Generation. Make sure y'all listen to all the other episodes if you missed any. And we'll see y'all bitches in the new year. Bye, bitch. Wonderful queen. Bye, bitch. Bye, y'all.