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Oh, Now That's Gay!
16 Plays6 months ago
Now ya'll know we had to do a Pride episode! Join us for a second episode this month where will be chatting about queerness, our relationship to being queer, and navigating our queer lives!
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Transcript
DJ Experience and Show Announcements
00:00:00
Speaker
and And we're on the air. Here we are. Yeah. Here I am once again. I'm turning into these girls. I've been a nasty girl. I've been a nasty girl. I've been a nasty girl. I've been a nasty girl. I've been a nasty girl. What is going on? I'm just telling Tarksa, you talk about being nasty. It was a DJ experience. You had two different lines coming in at once. You feel me? I was trying to. And boom. Exactly. Yeah. That's great.
00:00:34
Speaker
It's a great mashup. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Um, so if y'all don't know, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, we're surprising y'all with two episodes this month. So voila. Um, love that for y'all. Congratulations. You've won. Um, welcome back to the pussy next time.
Music Intros and Pride Month Plans
00:01:01
Speaker
Welcome back to the person next time. Welcome back to the person next time. We really should have some like music, but... We know. like We could call out Aaron, but I don't think... If anybody is a musician and has a beat, you know, like, let us know. I was listening to one of our episodes, punk beat. He said a punk beat.
00:01:30
Speaker
ah so it's A Jersey club beat. The beat. Oh. Heard. I listen to one of our episodes, two of our episodes today. Both episodes have like intro music. And I was like, wait, why didn't we stop doing it? We just gave up. I was like, wait, we didn't do that. We weren't. We weren't the ones to do it. Not dragging of the human. OK. You said that way. Wagging of the humans. That's our friend. Thanks, friend. I'm not dragging um our editor, Erin. I just know that Erin was like, girls on an egg. And I said, you know what, sister? You might be right. Well, I think we should bring it back. Bring back some sort of something. Bring back my songs. Bring back my songs. Yeah. Bring back my song. That's also a part of referencing, and you watched that, so it's not like y'all would have gotten that for real, for real. No, I was just thinking, I'm about shoes. Let's get some shoes. That's all I was thinking.
00:02:31
Speaker
not That's the second time I've heard somebody reference that song today. I mean, that's like this week. And I'm like, what's going on with everybody? Are we all okay? Is everybody drinking their water? Is everyone drinking their water and minding their businesses? Because I'm not feeling secure that everyone's doing that.
00:02:52
Speaker
So, you know, um in honor of gay month, you know, be gay and do gay shit month, um, You know, Gay Cry Month, whatever i you want to call it. um Pride Month, if you will. We have the decided to talk about Pride shit, and in particular, queerness. um I'm excited. I think this will be a very cute topic for us. And a nice preface to, i I guess, what would be our next episode talking to you about, you know, your
00:03:27
Speaker
your film masterpiece, you know, your documentary.
Interview Plans and Patreon Discussion
00:03:32
Speaker
Extraordinary. Right, right. Slings a nice segue into that. Right. No, it is. I guess I hadn't thought about it that way. But yeah, no, I guess it is. i Because we'll be interviewing you about your process. We love that. We'll interview you about your process. Writer or extraordinaire. But that's not what this is about. But it can be. sort so work for us For a low fee of $9.99 per month, you all can help us interview Brea as well.
00:04:04
Speaker
$0.99. I feel like that. If we had a Patreon because they never consistent, if we had a Patreon, it was like join our Patreoners and be like, for what? I feel like that's a little low. Are we that consistent? $0.99. That was a great time. Go on a Patreon? Yeah. What would be the extra content? I don't know. We can't tell them now. They have to subscribe. They don't know what the content is. just say that There would be none.
00:04:37
Speaker
and um that's They don't know. I want to be delusional. You can make something else. It's just posting something every month extra. know ah Maybe they can see us. They can see what we actually do. you Oh, they could get the vision. They could get the... Oh, I would love somebody to get Shelly's faces on camera so people can also see what we're talking about. Because nobody ever sees your face. We have to figure out how to do that.
00:05:12
Speaker
Actually, it's not hard. I think we're kind of, nevermind. We're getting off track. All right. Anyway. come i'm like we're In theory, what we're doing now is just that, except like people can't see, but like we can see each other, but people can't see us seeing each other.
Humor and Pride Month Jokes
00:05:24
Speaker
And we can we can make it so we can record that too.
00:05:30
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know what that would see. that's what i don't know No one sees these things. And I can't even describe it because it will require me to like, The that I was doing was like from the proud family when the kids, I forgot what that dance is. The Peanuts, when they be doing that, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
00:05:58
Speaker
ooh, ooh I don't work out. They're very studious. Right. We're right we're writing papers doing projects. You don't have time to work out. Okay. No time. That that Kermit type it, it definitely gets the buses going. That's not what I thought you meant. I thought you meant to add something else. And I was like, well, this Pride Month, that makes sense. Well, that'll be a workout. you Surely we'll work out doing that. I'm going to get some muscle to bite. Oh, all right. All right. And on that note, we're going to start the conversation because Shelly has, once again, given us too much neck.
Personal Definitions of Queerness
00:06:43
Speaker
So I think we should start with what queerness is to y'all. Because fun fact, I'm not queer anymore. I gave my queer card back. So I'm a longer queer. I'm sorry. Hold on. Give it back. What do you think? What did you give it to?
00:06:58
Speaker
What do you get in return? I'm on the back. I just sent you everyone. Like you gave up your Costco membership? like Yeah, i just I just didn't renew this year. treatment you didn't You didn't pay your dues? I did not.
00:07:15
Speaker
here i a Wait, can you imagine, like, if you did have to, to, like, keep your queerness card? Oh, like, what if you had a certain number of, like, gay foods? Of all. Oh, my gosh. um my if yeah eat like Like, a certain amount of, like, gay foods, like, per year. Like, if you didn't eat the certain number of gay foods, you lost your, uh... You just would not get them. I'd have to go to karaoke and sing a very gay song, or go to karaoke with a bunch of queers. and yeah But like I feel like I would fail because I don't do karaoke. So I'd be like, oh, that's the requirement to be a CC amount. One of the options, like one of the 10 options of how to renew your membership. I feel like it'd be like eat like the cheap rainbow cake that they make at like the grocery store. like three layers of rainbow cake with the icing. I would have lost my subscription. It'd be like, eat two bags of Skittles, like a bag of Starburst, whichever you prefer. her Like, two bags of gummy worms. I'm like, okay, I can stay gay for that. But like, if they were like, no, you'd like, if they were like, oh, you know, like read like X amount of books per month, I mean, but per year. I'm like,
00:08:21
Speaker
i am If they're like, oh, like theoretical books about like gender. So like, you're, a you're abreast of like the community, yeah but I'm going to fail. Abreast. I can be an excerpt. An excerpt of the entire book. An excerpt of somebody's essay. hope I don't, I don't think that's enough, babe. I hope that's enough. It could do great work. Like, If the requirement is read three educational books on queerness and gender of a year to keep your queer card, I'd be like, oh, that's crazy, because I read Bell Hooks three times. Does that count? Bell Hooks. No, I made an analogy or something with, I made a graphic novel, Cough Cough, from Cough Cough. Oh, there's, you can hear me.
00:09:13
Speaker
right You've been for real. Wait, what? Why? Hey.
Queerness and Social Norms
00:09:21
Speaker
All right, we're going to get into the question. We're at work. And who's not working in the studio today? We're not working because you asked the question. I did ask the question and we all ignored it. Sorry to talk about something else. Well, I was waiting for it to come back. Oh, what does queerness mean to us? Yes. Look at that. You said I'm not queer. OK, yeah. That's what that's what the question is.
00:09:43
Speaker
That's how we, yeah, so it's my fault we got here, but still. Tyrell derailed the conversation, but. I derailed. Y'all are, no, sure. Oh, we're all nervous, spicy in many ways, so we all collectively said, let's do this. All right, what does queerness mean? All right, um I can start. ah okay feel I'm sorry, I'm gonna, so Yeah, here we go. Oh, goodness me.
00:10:19
Speaker
Honestly, the first word that came to my mind was the first two words were defiance and deviance. It just means doing what you want and what brings you joy um in ways that don't have like limitations or boundaries. um It doesn't mean confining to like words or labels or language. I think it really means like the expansion outside of so much of what the world has constructed to like fit into and instead it's just like absolutely not. I'm not going to do that. um I'm going to live what specifically feels good to me and what feels good to my people. um I think of like glitter and fairies and beautiful great things.
Intersectionality and Queer Politics
00:11:15
Speaker
um
00:11:17
Speaker
Sorry, Tyrell hates it. It's really because I'm like, wow, do I know? Like, what does it mean to me? I feel speechless when it comes to defining it. So yeah all the visuals that are coming to my mind are what I'm saying. But really, it's giving um fuck the gender norms, like, Fuck any of those binaries, fuck capitalism, all the isms, um and very much so, a pushback to any type of like societal structures and norms. And it means being homo sexy, because people love that. They're great, but I like being homo sexy.
00:12:02
Speaker
okay That's what I got. Maybe if I come back, it'll be more. I mean, no, I feel like that's good. I mean, I feel like that is essentially what I would say. I feel like it's, I don't know if y'all have seen like younger people just being like, oh, queer is like a bad word and blah, blah, blah. And I don't like to find, you know, don't define me as queer.
00:12:33
Speaker
bla bla but I don't know. But, and I don't know where I feel, I feel like, you know, the recipes get lost somewhere. But um I have no I'm being for real. I feel like a you know, there there are people like in their teens and early 20s or whatever that are just like, oh, you know, this is just like, it's like a slur or whatever. um But i feel I feel like, you know, this is like a reclaiming of an identity, um of being like, othered.
00:13:14
Speaker
um and marginalized, and people, like Shelly said, like who have been, who have always existed, ah being outside of the norm, whether it comes to identity, or sexuality, or a relationship, or a really just like manner of being. you know um And yeah, and I feel like there are people who don't understand that as it's not just an identity, but like as a way of being. And I feel like maybe that's what is getting lost to the younger generations of folks. But I feel like um from our ancestors to us, it is
00:14:00
Speaker
ah Yeah, it's like acting in this is a manner of being, of existing as outside of this mainstream identity. i am and And it's always it's always been present, despite some popular belief. But, you know, yeah.
00:14:25
Speaker
To the human being who asks the question, why did you ask the question? And also, do you want to let us know why you have returned to your membership? You don't have to. In this bonnet, yes.
00:14:41
Speaker
I don't know what the fuck is going on with the youth. That shit sounds stupid. I mean, it is. and I'm not about to, I'm not about to even get into why I think that's stupid. And why I'm like, what the fuck books have y'all like, and I'm not saying read a full blown book when they can like read, like Shirley said read a passage, read a passage from a book. Read an excerpt. Read the right excerpt. Pull a chapter or two, right? Pull a chapter or two. It honestly, it gives very like, the girls, that you know, you remember those Hilary Duff, like, don't call something gay. cards Like, you want a salt and pepper shaker? That's gay. It's the mean the gay people. It's like, if I were to say this salt and pepper shaker is so teenage women putting nipples on his face in a breakout and he's ugly. I'm sorry. But ah for whatever reason, it reminds me of that. Like, it gives very much, like,
00:15:32
Speaker
don't don't call me queer or whatever like I don't know like in a way of like the black people that are like I don't say niggas like I don't know it gives them also the people who say I don't identify as black well oh hey well and who are like I identify as like like American or human, you're like, Oh, or they say like, even if they're not from like, even from here, they might say like, I'm from another country. Yeah, they'll be like, I am Haitian, or girls are also arguing about that now. And I'm like, Oh, yeah, the girls are like, I'm Jamaican. I'm not black. Okay. Well, I'm honestly like, if that's i might I won't give you an identity that you don't claim, but when some shit pops off, if something happens to you here and you need niggas that are black Americans to help you, don't call us because you're not black. ah We are, but you ain't, so that means don't call us. You a nigga to them white folks. And the gag is that even even if even if you effortless, we're still gonna help because we black folk. So we're gonna show up. But oh but anyway, that's- Weirdness for me,
00:16:44
Speaker
I think queerness for me sits at an intersection of all the things, right? The race, a gender sexuality the the the body type, the politic. I think it's like this intersection of all of the things that come together for the girls who have been othered in more ways than one, right? And I think that that is what queerness is for me. And if I think about it like as a personal politic, right? It is the, the the understanding of the other, right? It's not necessarily the other ring. like it's not It's not the other ring of oh folks who are not straight and cis as a whole. It is the understanding of what that means. And then the implementation of of the navigation of queerness as a whole. I think I contribute a lot of my queerness and like that navigate me calling myself queer, like besides attraction. When I think of politics, I think like black,
00:17:40
Speaker
feminist, Black, queer, femin like well, Black feminism, and then like the subsection of that being Black queer feminism. I think about that. right I think about reading the black the black the Black feminist who started the Black feminism the fact feminist movement and then thinking about like how queer folks have come in and created our own like little piece of that. um And so like, yeah, I think that's what I'm thinking about. If you ask me but about sexuality and like my gender, ah what queerness is then, I think queerness for me is is the way that I define who I'm attracted to, because I think it like allowed to be very specific. So I can say who I do or don't like.
00:18:21
Speaker
Right? Oh, I like this thing here, a little bit of this thing here, a little bit of this thing there. I don't like that thing, but I like this part of this thing. And it's cute. It's really high. And it's like, this is a breakdown for me. This is what I consider to be queerness. um And so yeah, that's how I would define it. I wanted to ask the question you actually. I don't know, I just think that it's a good foundation to have. So when we answer your questions, people are like, well, what do y'all think? like If I were to jump right in and be like, girl, talk about this next question, you'd be up girls like, what the fuck? like what is book What do you mean when you say queer? Or like, what is queerness to you? right So I think it's a foundation of like what we think it is for ourselves. As we answer these questions, people have the context to be like,
00:18:59
Speaker
Oh, that's, that makes sense. Like based off what you said earlier, I can connect that to this and then this to that. And also, might i cut allll who we might say, we might, we might give a foundation right here and then like, boom, that shit cute, but bitch, this is what I really think about this. And then it's different, but you know, we mix shit up around here. So yeah, I think that was my idea of why I asked the question, but yeah. Yeah. Oh, also one last thing that I wanted to say, this is just me and my personal politics. When I say. queer, I actually am synonymously saying black and brown folks. Like I actually don't mean the white women or white people. When I say queer, it's literally synonymous to a community that is very specific. So I just want to define that. As you're saying, like as we're defining things and they listen to the conversation, that is my reference and I do differentiate it, that that is what I mean when I say queer.
00:19:54
Speaker
Oh wait, so are you saying white people can't be queer? Well, they can be queer, can't they? Because they're white and they should be able to claim by identity because it's for Queer it is for everyone. So why would you say that we can be, at that why is this obvious for us? Because we deserve space. Why would you take non-credits away from us because we're white? We should be able to have a space too. It's your acting of white that's so good. That voice was good. Was that not a good performance? I thought it was a good performance of white nose. No, you nailed it. But it's looking at it as a whole jig of being like, wow, how is this for you? It's so good. That was very get out. It was very, you tapped into something. It did not feel good. Come back. It did not feel good. I was like, oh my god, they do something like that so often they sound like that. Yeah. Why do I feel that way? Because I'm not in community with white queer people. I'm not even honest. I don't feel white people who are in queer spaces queer. I just don't. That's what I don't do. Because what I mean is this is for the niggas strictly for the niggas. And this is for the niggas. The real niggas.
Queer Activism and Movements
00:21:06
Speaker
The fuck I mean, and why I mean that is because white people, you have everything else. Go to your whole ass, corporate ass, five, with all y'all white asses on the float. Go do something else. Claim something else. But queerness, leave the niggas alone. That's all that I'm saying. There's a whole alphabet soup. Pick another fucking letter. But for me, for the alphabet soup, the Q means the niggas. Y'all can do everything else. Pick something else. That's all that I'm saying. And everybody knows my body by knowing that I am in no proximity or community with white people. So that is the other reason why I specifically am like.
00:21:46
Speaker
this is what I'm doing because I don't even visualize. And also for the like the the politic of it, queerness has such a politic and also a way of being that it has so many intersections, like what you were saying Tyrell, has so many intersections around like, it's not just like, oh, we're just doing this and this is just like how we feel or like, this is just sexuality. It's like, no, this the politic. It's the people who are doing all the movements, every movement, every genre, everything has been created by queer people. it's It's more than just like, I'm just saying something, it has action to it. And that's why for me, queerness is just black and brown folks who actually put action into it, like, and they actually sit at the intersections of what we're putting the action behind. So abolish the police, all of that shit, it's all queer folks that are at the center of it. And I don't feel like, you know, the white allies or whatever they're called, the whatever that other word is, ah ah
00:22:47
Speaker
affiliate? What is that word when they're supposed to do more than ally? um What is that? Did that make some language of something that's supposed to be good? Yeah, it's a word accomplice. That's what they be. That's what they be saying. Instead of being an ally to be in a crime. Yes, that's what they, that's what they're saying. I have never heard that used in I feel like that is the word I'm looking up, but basically whatever the whites identify as, they'll feel like to circle it back. so great I say it's because it's for a defiant space that needs to be very specific and white people can have everything else because they already have tried to claim everything else.
00:23:34
Speaker
take the rest of it and leave the dancing movement work doing niggas to do. Let me get my wine, child. Not an accomplice. yeah it is what It was like, it's like a whole thing where it's like y'all need to do more than just be reading the books and say you're going to do things. Like you need to get into the streets and read your in this but get your fucking ass up work. Nobody wants to fucking work anymore. be queer anymore. anymore. Oh my god, I hate Kim Kardashian. Get your ass up and be queer. And she was like, nobody wants to be queer anymore. Nobody wants to pop that pussy for a real nigga. Nobody wants to sweat their ass, there their weaves out in the motherfucking club. And nobody wants to drink Hennessy and be lit. Nobody wants to be queer anymore. so i like And that's that's so true. That's so true. I know. And surround your people, surround yourself with people who want to also be queer. If they're not being queer, then why are you hanging out with them? That is a weird girl.
00:24:37
Speaker
Um, I want to go to jail and I'm done. That's why it's white co-conspirator that's copi like That also sounds like a crime. Like it sounds like we're going to jail and they're not. this like like They get a lighter sentence. What are you supposed to be is that they're willing to go to jail and not us. Like they are the ones putting All of that on the line and they're the ones who are out there taking the risk. That's really what at least I've heard it explained as is like, don't nobody want y'all being allies, just saying cute shit. Go the fuck out there, be on the front line, stand all around us. That's why they've been making those circles around the black and brown people of all white people. But they'd be like, yeah, that's what we mean. Put your body on the line and you get arrested all the time. Marry that. I didn't know that they were using terms for that. I mean, as a bitch who's done organizing work, who has done the front lines before and all that good shit. I ain't ever had a person try this around me and keep my black ass body from nowhere.
00:25:38
Speaker
and e And also, white folks tap in if we have any white listeners, which I don't think we do. But if we had a white listener, tap the fuck in and it let us know, are you a coca spinner or not? Because we would like to know. um And that's why you found us. Oh, yeah, also, how did you did you find us? Because that's a good question. yeah OK, let's move on to another
Queerness in Intimacy and Relationships
00:26:03
Speaker
question. I want to switch gears a little bit, be a little bit more frisky, a little bit more sexy. um So my question is, the how has queerness impacted your approach to intimacy and sex? Ooh, spooky. How did you use that sound? Not the spooky feedback, that's very crazy.
00:26:30
Speaker
scar I don't know.
00:26:41
Speaker
I don't really know. Wait, come back for me. oh I if I haven't answered yet. Bria doesn't know how interesting.
00:26:52
Speaker
I have an answer, but I don't want to answer her question first. Go ahead. Oh my gosh, work with me. Y'all work coke. Work coke. Work coke. What is it coke experience? We're coke experience. Committing a crime. Stop glitching. Stay here. Stay here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We gotta keep it together. I'm putting it back. Oh my gosh. I remember the episode where I lost my shit. We was talking about something and I couldn't stop laughing through the whole thing. I don't know where the fuck it was. I gotta find an episode. I don't remember. I don't remember what that thing was. We were trying to sign off and you tried five times, so come back. I was in tears because that shit was so funny. And y'all were like, Tyrell stop it. And I was like, but it's funny. It was so, y'all were, y'all laughed after we got off. Y'all were like, it's funny, but like we couldn't even, I'm like, cause it was, I don't feel bad. Anyway, that's the point. I think to answer the question for me, I think queerness has impacted
00:27:55
Speaker
my approach intimacy. I think specifically for intimacy, it has made me, I think, um more critical of the people that I choose to engage with and who I choose lands in my space. I think it's also made me a lot more, honestly, hyper aware of how my body moves and the way that I think people see me versus how I see myself. um I think Clamming your queer identity and being attracted to a lot of different folks.
00:28:29
Speaker
um it has made it very easy to know when like people aren't really fucking with me the way that I'm fucking with them. And then it's also giving me the option to say, okay, well, if you just want to be like a whore from a night or pop this pussy real quick, then that's fine. But if you want something more, right? It requires more effort and energy from this person and they're not giving it. Easier said than done. Cause I have not always done that, but I can say, but that's the end theory. That's the way that I would like to things to go. Um, Yeah, look and like I said, to I think it made me its made me hyper aware of how the rest of the world sees my body and how they see me and how the rest of the world interacts with me, even if I don't like, I think I've internalized a lot of things that have come with.
00:29:14
Speaker
um the identity of queer and being queer. And even like the our perception of queerness for me, and I feel like I have learned that like I'm not a lot of people's complexity. Like, and I think that people don't, when I say people are like, oh my gosh, like, what are you trying to say? Like, that's so sad. Somebody wants you. I'm like, right, somebody does, but do I want them back? And also, is it is it the is it the people that I'm looking for? Is it the black, other black folks I'm looking for who I'm attracted to? Usually it is not. Um, so like, I'm thinking about how I've become so, so aware of my self and what I'm bringing. I'm aware of my weight. I'm aware of my face. I'm aware of like the blemishes on my cheeks. I'm aware of like the extra, the extra scars I have from having eczema. Like i'm I'm aware of all of those things now and how like, and they make me feel sometimes unwanted or how I feel like I'm not seen. So that's part of it. Now, sex-wise, I've got to explore more stuff. I think when I run stuff sexually, because, you know, gag. But when I have done sexual things, I think it's it been, I've been more open to things, I think like kinks and things like um certain types of like impact play, right? I don't think I would have
00:30:27
Speaker
I found those things or found that community or even been open to things like BDSM and stuff or kinks. If I hadn't, if I wasn't queer, if I wasn't identifying this queer and living a very queer life, i't I think if I was like straight, I would have missed all of that. I'm like, oh, I'm a man. I do man shit. I have a dick. I put it into people and people like it. Like, but but, you know, that would have probably been the extent I might've been like, I'll slap you up or something. But that also feels very gross if you're a man doing that. So, you know, feeling right feelings. But I think for me, like, yeah, I think the queerness also queered my like the landscape of what sex could be for me. If it wasn't just, oh, you know, we both laid out and someone sticks something here. So it puts something there. No.
00:31:09
Speaker
Now I'm getting wax cord on me. People are using you know ice, and we're doing we're doing all types of other impact play. And I'm being spanked and choked and tied up with you know like shaba you' doing it like Shabari. and Yeah, a lot of things, right? A lot of things. um So yeah, that is my answer. That is my answer.
00:31:30
Speaker
Now, one of you sissies answered that. Sissies? wait, didn't Tink call us faggots last year? Who called this guy? Wasn't he like at a show and like he was he was like performing in front of the gays? He did. good area he did I hope that he's not being booked this month. I hope he's being protested. Is he not? I'm just like, he seemed so too comfortable, honestly.
00:32:05
Speaker
does he one hundred girls lives my nose age asia he like getting the booty eight yeah look wait this This is a total aside, but apparently the Pope is like using it's gone let Go ahead, Brianna. I'm not going to say it, but he's oh he he said it twice, and it, and like, it grossed company. He didn't call it two people faggies. Whatever. It's like some Italian version of that, like a slur of that, and like said it, oh, the air in the Vatican is giving very, oh he and very gay in this church. No, it's even very faggot in this church, very faggie in this church. He said, as he said, bust down faggiana.
00:32:52
Speaker
And know how do you know? That's like when they say, I saw you at the club last night. Pastor, how did you see anybody at the club last night? How do you know what the air is giving? People are like, that term is like something one of the gays puts. It is. It smells very faggy in here. It's giving faggy behavior. It's Who has the pope's tea? I'm very curious about what that gives. Anyways, sorry. um the questions up for up up in the air who's answering anne that that's the real question
00:33:27
Speaker
I still don't feel like I have a cohesive answer, but I do feel like I guess what I would say is it gives me a sense of like being able to know what I like and like wanting to explore more things, like you said. like I feel like typically, I don't know, heterosexual girls be given like, oh, they don't explore anything. But yeah, but I feel like... No, I'm just going off of what you said. But I feel like yeah, that is what like queerness gives this... I'm gonna put it in a word of like imagination. you know Being able to imagine in intimacy is what I would say. Yeah. Giving the space for people to... like
00:34:24
Speaker
for you to be open to like imagining you know what feels good for you.
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah, to have fun, the imagining. um Yeah, I feel like there are so many things that could be dreamed of, imagined. um how does it influence or impact sex and intimacy for me? I feel like the experience that I have is reciprocal, it's fluid, um like on some like I mean, I'm not going to stay on this too long, um but it'll help to give a reference. At one point, I went through a straight face. And with that, not too much, please. With that, there's someone who witnessed it. Please.
00:35:18
Speaker
It was just very funny. No, it's because this nigga is fucking off. Whatever. I know people can't imagine it because it's like gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. But like at the time where I did glitch and go through that phase, yes, and you did witness it, I don't know how it happened. But I just remember like, wow, this is not reciprocal. like I remember looking and being like, well, what do I do? I want to do something now. like And it was not giving the space for niggas. We're like, yeah, you with they were like so whatever. They were like, we don't want your feedback. Don't answer the survey. I needed them to fill it out. But I say that to say like, that is how I like am able to have such a reciprocal experience now because it's fluid.
00:36:09
Speaker
is switchiana. It's not confined to like roles or norms in any kind of way. um I very much so feel like the queer girlies are like at the forefront of the kinks, the freaky and exploration. And I love that um for us all because who really is going to match our freak outside of us? Like, is somebody going to? Honestly, shout out to Tanashay for copywriting that phrase because she really, yeah. She did that. I love that for her. Anyway. Yeah. um Were you wearing pantsuits or something in your straight face?
00:36:53
Speaker
Um, the funny thing about it is that I will say this, that you aren't dressing or acting different. like how much And that's the funny part, because some of them niggas might be gay. I don't know. Because if I was generally giving, like, I was more studying whatever the kid, like, but it's funny because all of them clocked me at different points and were like, are you gay? And I was like, yeah. yeah
00:37:23
Speaker
Actually, yeah and want to love i with you yeah. I think I am and this is cute, but it's not permanent. how brown hi It's not one of them fetishized, but it was like, so can we have a threesome? I'm like, no, you fucking loser. And I literally told them, like, if I'm talking to a shorty, if I'm backing somebody, it's for me, but it's me. It has nothing to do with you.
Future of Queerness in Culture and Language
00:37:48
Speaker
It has nothing nothing to do with you at all. but Yeah, I feel like when I completely left the face, and there was no more face happening at all. You gave up your membership. The membership? I wasn't even worried about renewing that shit. They sent me letters every week, and I said, app, so fucking lutely not. that Please come back. We're off to a material secret bras. And what was that saying everybody loved? The cherry blossom. The cherry blossom.
00:38:20
Speaker
Did you entertain in both of those yet? It's a free subscription. And I sp i said, return to sender. They don't live here. I don't know them. I don't know who the hell you were talking about. And I said this one time. I was like, I pray. I pray. I deeply do pray that anybody who's in my straight face never comes around. Don't come around now. I don't want there to be any remnants. I feel like they would try it. They have and they've been blocked.
00:38:53
Speaker
That's wild. What if they're like, I'm queer too, you do clock me, at I do clock me, I clock too. They're not, they're all cis-het straight niggas and they're not on circle. No, because I gave them the space and opportunity And they could have, they could have explored, they could have done more and they didn't and they did whatever. But how this influences my approach to both sex and intimacy is that I feel like I really can just relax into myself and there aren't any like
00:39:31
Speaker
binaries, norms, any of those things when it comes to either attraction or when it comes to how I experience sex and intimacy. I feel like the ways in which like I can be very fluid and like Even just role play, I don't think I would have been doing that on some hetero ugly. like I'm not doing that, because only the homo sexies, I think. What is the role play? Is it like student naughty t-shirt? What's the role play? I mean, I just like role playing into a lot of different characters. What? I just like what it is. It gives scenes.
00:40:10
Speaker
It gives characters. It gives sometimes acting. on It does give acting. It gives some play in character, in person. It gives very, like, switch, DOM, stuff. Like, whatever it is, it's very fluid. So it just gives a lot of different character. And scene. Yes. But I don't do the and scene. It really lasts a long time. The role play, it can last, like, a day. Oh, wow. Like, every year. You're living it. It's giving, living the performance. Is somebody gonna match my scene? Is somebody gonna match my scene? Is somebody gonna act like a person? It's a great time. It's so like what you were saying, imaginative. Like, there's so many things that you can imagine with it, and I love it as an artsy, as an artsy neurospicy human being. It's a great time. It's so much fun.
00:41:05
Speaker
And yeah, for me, I just feel like it's endless. It's expansive. It's the freedom. It's the sexiest fuck. It's cute as fuck. orgasms on a million and it's just a great, it's to free. It really is the freedom because wow, imagine not having an orgasm is crazy. It's crazy. Wow. The ladies say that. I don't know why we're not going to get into that either. We got to stay on top of y'all. We got to pass. What is it? Hey gay, task the house, down boots, current.
00:41:41
Speaker
Okay, yeah bring it bring it back together. um
00:41:46
Speaker
yeah i Yeah, I will... Yeah, I'm thinking. I don't know what... ah I don't have a nice way to say it, so I'm just not gonna say it. But um yeah, I'm thinking about like this like the way that sex... how our community, especially like if you're queer and like you're not a person in a priative sex in the penetrative sex, like like being queer has taught me to that. Niggas do not have room for sex and it's not penetrated when it does not lead to sex. So we can't just be intimate and with each other. We can't make out and cuddle. Like I want to pick up my cheeks, but I don't want to do nothing else with it. Like that's also a form of like, kate like the girls don't get that though, right? Like, yeah, suck my nipples and suck my neck, but like also stop there. Cause this is just fine. Like there is no nuance around like those types of things with the girls. And I feel like being queer, I've seen it, but not enough, but but I've seen it. So like, that's the thing.
00:42:44
Speaker
Um, and who wants to have the next question? You didn't answer it. I mean, ask it. I was going to ask.
00:42:57
Speaker
You want us to ask. Yeah. Um, what about, question you have, you have a question too. Um, I have a question that was going off of your first question. So I don't know if he had something I was going off of this question. I don't think so, not the last two I have, nah. A question I have is going off of your first question around like what does queerness mean to you? um I heard us talking about things that like already in some ways exist or we've already experienced. um My question is how do you feel like queerness like can expand?
00:43:36
Speaker
and culture and language, like beyond whatever it is that we've experienced, what needs to be added, what needs to be seen, or what can be the expansion? That's a good question. Let me let me noodle on that. using a whole lot of thinking, not enough answering for me, but it's okay. I can't think about a question before I answer it, damn. That's kind of crazy. Tyrell doesn't want me to give y'all thoughtful answers. I really don't want to answer the questions and that's what I really feel like the truth is. Am I not gonna answer it later? Did I not answer the question? If this is question number two and I don't get no real answer, I'm gonna have a problem. Wow. This is very crazy. Are y'all, are you ready to answer? Cause I can't answer.
00:44:20
Speaker
I know, I figured you couldn't ask your question. I know you could probably answer. it Jesus. I don't know what to answer the questions we ask sometimes. Ooh. Ooh, wow. Wow. yeah That's crazy. Real crazy. um
00:44:45
Speaker
You know what? You go first, Shelly. It's your question. I want you to have the floor. Oh, my God. Oh, are you taking another second to think about your answer? wow Oh, no, I decided that no had i but don' attack me so decide I was going to answer the question first. That's what really happened. I was attacked. So I decided that i was going to answer the question first. Go ahead, Shelly. um Well, something I think can be added specifically around culture. I'm in the expansion of queerness is I feel like I go to a lot of events and I go to a lot of experiences.
00:45:18
Speaker
that are like queer spaces as events. But one thing I think really needs to be built in and like really locked in are regular gatherings that are just regular shit, not events, not paying for things, no nothing, just like the actual culture of gathering. And when I think of it, I think of like soul food Sundays like when you just go to your grandma house everybody's high school and you just eat and you just chill out and not for profit or for anything else. I think, at least for me and the experiences that I've been having with career spaces, that the ways in which like
00:45:53
Speaker
it can be so much more to it is not having things that are always a flyer or always like out there for all the people, but just like actual regular gatherings of community. um And, you know, inviting folks over just for to to have ease into themselves. Like I really think that is something that I at least see. could be done in expansion. That was just one part that I had. I would have more parts with. I feel like I could answer several things. I'm like, how to put this into a cohesive thought.
Community Care and Living Queer Experiences
00:46:41
Speaker
um Yeah, I feel like one thing I'm thinking about that I've seen some people bring up that maybe kind of goes along with this, but um I would say like more community care. as far as like, you know, I've seen like other people who are ah immunocompromised talk about like how they don't feel like there are people who are practicing community care in the moment right now because, you know, people want to go to parties, but they just don't want to ask.
00:47:13
Speaker
um or, you know, they wanna whatever, but they don't, you know what I mean? um And I feel like that's a part of community care um in these queer spaces and the girls will be like, oh, I'm queer and I'm going to this concert. But, you know, people are not, you know, taking, I feel like that's part of community care for like the the more marginalized folks within, you know, Black queer identities. So that's one thing. um I think like going off of what I was talking about earlier, like and like education, but not in a like outside of like mainstream you know public education. um So yeah, I wish there were more spaces in community for younger queer folk to like learn from queer elders or queer community um and archiving. and I don't...
00:48:12
Speaker
you know, know what access to queer archives every place has. Every place don't got that. You know, like what access Connecticut has or or Virginia has to to, you know, Black queer ah history is probably going to look different than like New York and New Jersey, but I feel like a lot of the younger queer folk just be saying some stuff because they they don't have the space to learn and you know and then niggas will get online.
00:48:46
Speaker
I'm sorry, this is a tangent. Sometimes niggas will get online and just be saying stupid stuff and like online spaces can't be the only spaces that people are like learning from things. Cause like, I don't know, like Twitter is a mess and people be saying stuff and don't be factually correct. ah And yeah, and we also can't rely on like you know, public education to give us queer, especially about like black queer history. So um yeah, I feel like those are the things that I'm thinking about, like community care and like access to education that's, that we are sharing with each other. Look at that time where I ate that. Wow.
00:49:38
Speaker
Because I had the chance to think about it. Wow.
00:49:47
Speaker
it was You ate that one little thing up though. Just that one little thing though. Just that one little thing. Just that one little thing up. I'm going to say something that's going to be controversial. It's a controversial take. I'm also in a space right now.
00:50:07
Speaker
I think I feel like I've given so much that I don't care. like not I don' don't know how to say it. I've given a lot. And so I feel like right now I want to sit back and enjoy the ride of just being queer and whatever that means to me. Right. Um, I think I'm very specifically curating spaces for myself. I'm very specifically curated spaces for like my friends. I'm doing shit that like feels good to me and my queerness or working through and also like reading out what does it feel good? And I think the bigger picture, of like what we need, I've talked about ad nauseam and I've even done something about it, right? Like I've created ballwinds. We did stuff with like, um, summits and like spaces for like dances and stuff like that and parties. Like I've done all those things, right? So I'm just like, Oh,
00:50:50
Speaker
I'm giving education, right? I think the the each facet that both of you have mentioned, I've done something again, right? And some of them, like those things, like I've called you, I'm like, bitch, come DJ her, bitch, I need you to put this event together. I need you to help me put this summit together, right? Like y'all have seen those things come but to first and fruition in real life. But the last thing being documentary. um I just feel like I don't, I like the critique that I have and the feedback that I have doesn't feel
00:51:22
Speaker
doesn't feel as important to me as it is to like be able to live the things that I've worked for for so long. Does that make sense? So I can yeah i can see the expansion and the need for it, but I think I just would prefer not to even, and like I just wanna hold the things that like the the few things that I have created and the few things that I have done and the few things that like I've been able to push, I hope have worked, but also I'm like, i'm like if if there's more to be done, i um i can I'm hoping that someone's taking that on and I can't give anything else. So I can only give like to myself at this point and hope that like the the things I have done have been useful. So I will build on those things and do more spaces, we'll do more education, we'll do more of something for like youth and shit like that. And maybe like a little conference or, you know, do like a youth, like a um like a like a queer week, or like a little queer camp for the kids. I don't know, something that,
00:52:16
Speaker
pushes further than what I've already done. And that's already out there. Maybe that's kind of half-assed it. I won't say no names. But yeah, i I know a few. That's what I was like. oh But I'm like, yeah, I think that I just don't. Yeah, I think I just want to i want to live it. I want to live it, if that makes sense. i think of just And that there's something else to that I think that's more deeply rooted that I wanted to get into. we don't I don't think we have the time for. um that I feel like I'm realizing about my experience in being queer and like my experience with my gender and everything up until this point is that I think I feel the heaviness a lot more now than I feel with joy. And so I think I'm trying to recollect what joy I can. And I think doing that late that labor and thinking about that critique and thinking about that more critical piece is like heavy and I've done it already. I've been doing it for years.
00:53:11
Speaker
and I just don't want to now, not right now. I'm sure I'll be back to the streets and shit and doing more shit soon, but. Well, I mean, I don't think that, I think, that like thinking of the things, you definitely don't have to be the person who's doing all the shit. like It's just like, girl. you know i feel I feel like it's also especially, like in oftentimes in like any community, it's like the people who are the most marginalized who end up like doing for each other the most, like where the girls pass crowdfunding the same $5.
00:53:47
Speaker
around to each other and do a whatever. um And yeah, I feel like, you know, it doesn't have to i I definitely don't think you should see it as like, oh, it's I have these critiques and I also, it is my responsibility to like do all the things, um which it definitely is not. And I feel like that's that's like part of, like I feel like there you know like there are people who like benefit you know more, um
00:54:18
Speaker
who are maybe not doing as much of the work as they should be. And you know the they gotta wake it up. but Yeah, I feel like often, oftentimes, I feel like it's more is the more marginalized folks who are in community with each other and we're trying to like do everything and that is how you end up getting like burnt out and, you know, not, you know, So yeah, so I was also saying, like, give yourself an ambition to also be like, I can see these things that we need, but also it is not my responsibility to do all of that because that is what a community is for. I think even giving the critique to me is a level of work because that means that that means because that's embedded in like care. Right. And when the community care, piece she was talking about going back to that, like, that's embedded in care. Like, I have to care to be to give the critique. I have to care enough to even talk about the thing that we're talking about. And I'm like,
00:55:12
Speaker
I'm tired, right? And also, I think I've spent so much time talking about it that I'm not living it. I've done so much time teaching it and ah and and sharing it, right? But yes, ah and like I've picked up stuff along the way, right? I've picked up stuff along the way. I've learned stuff along the way. I've had my own my own little Q experiences, of you know, one or two or five or whatever. now Not enough to make me feel like I've really gotten to experience what it really means to be queer, because I've spent a lot of time critiquing it or building it out. I haven't gotten to spend any time living in it. Right? um and i think i And I think about that too when I was talking about earlier, like, um which was also very heavy and we tried to slip past it, which I'm not mad about, but I was like, Dan, that was kind of heavy. um When I was talking about like how queerness has made me hyper aware of my body and how much people don't like me or how much people do not engage with me in a way that is sexual or romantic or intimate and how I feel like I am
00:56:04
Speaker
fighting. And sometimes I have practically begged people to see me. um And I've gotten nothing three people's asses to kiss, right? And I think For me, I feel like I need to go and live it out and make sure that, like and prove to myself that like this is not like this isn't this isn't like this isn't the end for me. This isn't what's left of mine. This isn't what's left in queerness and queerdom for me. like i i dare there is something else that There's something else out there that cannot just stop here. It can't stop by being rejected and dismissed and violated and used for emotional labor, but not being seen. that It cannot just be the shitting of on me because I'm fat. It cannot just be the the the critique of my dark skin. Like it cannot. that It cannot. That can't be it. Like there has to be more from somewhere else. And if I and if I if I spend all my time critiquing it and trying to fix it, I will never get to live it. So I got to go live it because if I do not go live with it, then what am I doing this for? That is really what I think is at the root.
00:57:05
Speaker
But you know, what do I know? I don't know nothing. You know a lot of things. my but know one thing so Yeah, I feel like that's really important to even name of what is the point in doing all of this and you don't live it. Like you don't actually sit in it. You don't experience it. It's like, there's some kind of quote that's like, i don't um I'm probably going to mess it up, but it's like basically some people can work their whole life and never end up living because they spent their whole life like working and just making sure that they can keep doing that. So in that similar vein of like, you're working to do all of this work for queer folks, for queerness, for all of this, but like not actually being able to live and experience it. It's just like, okay, so what was the point of all of that? Like all that work and what did it get me? like
00:57:59
Speaker
what was really truly honestly a point of all of that so I definitely am sitting with what you're saying and how you don't even want to give a critique and how all of this is labor um in itself and yeah and also I'm hearing at the same time that what what I think I'm hearing from you is saying like the other people can also step their fucking cookies up and they can do shit isn't up to you or isn't up to you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually isn't up to you to do that work and that may also be a very necessary like
00:58:42
Speaker
Sorry to say that that was a critique even without you wanting to do the work, but it's a, it's, it was a, it got slipped in there anywhere of saying literally be doing the work and also giving feedback and also showing up and also doing like having so much more expansion even in yourself is like it's at the expense of other people being like, all right, well, you did it. So I'm not gonna do it. And I'm just gonna benefit from it. So with that in itself, the critique is step your shit the fuck up. And also that care that would be in community care has to also be sent back to the folks who are doing all of the fucking labor at the expense of everybody else benefiting from them having queer spaces, them having all of this, like they're having their own expansion.
00:59:33
Speaker
at the expense of the person mentally, um creatively, and physically through all of it. so yeah I don't know about y'all, but I feel like I always feel like a shame when I, would not so this like this is my first time saying something like this out loud like ever, but I think that I sometimes feel the shame of like of like, oh, like you could be, like you have a potential to do so many more things. You have you have the energy and like the push sometimes to do so many more things. And I feel like this guilt of being like, but I don't want to, like, what if, what if, like, if I were to like die tomorrow or die with the next 12 hours, would I be happy about the experience that I've had so far?
01:00:19
Speaker
in this queer and like with being a queer and I'd be like, no, I think it's actually been really fucking harmful and it's been really fucked up. And I've tried to to to do things to bring, to to kind of, you know, like even it out, but I don't think that that's been working because I haven't lived it. I'm still working. like I'm still doing, but my goal is like, And I'm like i like, oh, like, who's it for? I'm like, oh, it's for like the kids, you know, the like the youth and like the queers who haven't come out yet, the queers that are coming up that will come out. Like, I'm like, I see that hopefully the things I've done have had an impact to change and move the needle enough for them to be able to do some different shit than, you know, if any of us are doing.
01:00:57
Speaker
um But when it's like, what do you get from it? It's like, Oh, I'm helping people. I'm like, right. You can help folks. But what do you get from it? Like, what do you receive? Like, if you're, if you're, if you're not feeling fulfilled or pulled from this, then like, there's something missing. So like, what do you get out of this? And I'm like, Oh. Damn, girl, i don't think I don't think it, really nothing,
Commercialization of Pride and Personal Reflections
01:01:21
Speaker
honestly. Like, yeah, you build the spaces out and people are like, oh, how great you build the space out. And people come to it, but like, what happens after that, right? Like, what do you, what does it do for you after that? And I'm like, oh, wow. So yeah, yeah, that's, love that for me.
01:01:43
Speaker
You said love that, and then I don't know what you said after that. I just love that for me. things get that um Do we have any other final questions? but
01:02:00
Speaker
My thought was just sitting with the question that was just acts of like, um Dang, you just say, it made me forget the question, but it was, hopefully I'm paraphrasing it and I'm not messing it up because it was in my brain just now, but it's basically- You got it, you got it. Basically, Tyrell, what you were just saying around like, so how do you feel after all of it? Or like, what do you have after doing all of this? Um, and I think that's a question that I think I'm going to sit with if I got the question, right. I'm going to sit with it. Um, because I think that's something that I want to also think about that doesn't keep, I think what I keep thinking about when it comes to like queerness and like all of the spaces and all of the work is like, how can queerness exists not in proximity to like,
01:02:55
Speaker
capitalism or productivity or any of that other shit. And like, how can it just like exist and just be? Yeah. So that's a question I think I'm sitting with not asking. Yeah. What about Schubert? What do you what are your thoughts? Your final thoughts? What are you sitting with? Um, you know, I think, um, I, I feel like this, this was coming up earlier. Oh, excuse me. But I was thinking about, um, like the beginning of pride. I saw this clip of, um, Sylvia Rivera and, um, yeah, she was talking about like this, like good the, the,
01:03:46
Speaker
It was like in the early 2000s or something and she was just talking about like this emergency, like rainbow cap rainbow capitalism and like um just talking about like a lot of what pride, ah what the pride you know, what Pride Month has become, was already becoming then, which damn, I guess was like 20 years ago. um But I feel like I see more so now. um
01:04:20
Speaker
and Yeah, she was talking about just like all of the things that she... And I feel like her perhaps this goes back to like this separation of like black and brown, like our queerness from like the this I don't know. i not to synonymize it with capitalism, but I'm gonna do it, um but like white rainbow capitalism. And she, like, just like this phrase that she was saying of like, I i did what, and um it reminds me of what you're saying Tyrell also of just like, i she I'm paraphrasing also, but she was saying like, I gave you your pride, but you didn't give me mine.
01:05:09
Speaker
um And I feel like, yeah, it's just making me think of like how a lot of pride and whatever is just very much giving. Like, oh, we're going to try to sell you something, or we're we're giving like fake ah acceptance for whatever. But what does it really mean? Because all you want to do is like print on a rainbow target shirt, it's giving. in life have the girls eat that up. But then like you know the black and brown transgender kids are getting kicked out of school and whatever, et cetera, et cetera.
01:05:51
Speaker
I don't know. That was a, that was a jumble of thoughts, but I'm just thinking about, about what is, what is getting your pride made and, you know, what, how does that look different from the pride quote unquote in air quotes that y'all can't see, but quote unquote that, um, that has been popularized. Yeah. Hmm. I hear that.
01:06:24
Speaker
I think I'm thinking about how heavy it is to like be me, which seems like that like, I would say that wasn't the point of this, oh but I feel like, yeah, I just feel like i the heaviness of being in this body and navigating this life in the way that I feel like I've kind of been forced to and not the way that I would like to, um it's just, it's heavy, it's heavy. and how I feel like I'm so, I just have this thing for everything. I don't want to put in the work of anything. I'm just um just exasperated and exhausted. I've just been pushed to my limit in so many different ways. And I just feel like to be queer for me has become this exhausting and very oftentimes sad and difficult experience that has sprinkled with little bits of joy occasionally, but the overall experience hasn't been great.
01:07:22
Speaker
And I feel like I am, yeah, I'm realizing like how much animosity and I think even like um resentment I hold toward the identities that I claim, even if they fit and they they feel good, but like I'm like, oh, at what cost? like What have you given up? What have you lost? like What have you gain you gained? But like I feel like the the loss has been greater than the gain. oh But also this is to my community and I still feel like the identity fits. So like what do we do about that? I hadn't thought about that really. And yeah, I think that the podcast opened up some shit.
01:08:01
Speaker
oh And I'm curious to see where I'm at, you know, five, two years, five years, seven years, 10 years away after you know from this moment. You know, we'll we'll we'll be we'll be able to find it and hopefully look back at it. So I can look back and say, oh, you were, bitch, you were. Or I'm like, you know what, bitch, that's that's still on brand. But or like I want to see if my ideology and things shift as I hopefully get to go out and experience more and don't feel like this, now well don't play how i feel now you know in the future that's the hope so it does feel dark now and it's may have gotten a little dark um but i hope i'm gonna stay there hopefully i don't stay here perfect pair yeah we'll be checking back in on
01:08:51
Speaker
I mean, even though you said two, five, seven, 10 years, we'll be checking back in on the two, five, seven, 10 months, two months from now. i side and I was going to say five to seven business days. Why so close? Like that's not enough time for I don't think I need to really shift. I mean, you know, it could be a document and speaking of documenting things. we I feel like Shelly and I could have a really interesting conversation. Although, wait, pause. is that will Will we be able to view the documentary before the conversation happens? If it ever... and if we get Not if it ever, I'm sorry.
01:09:39
Speaker
I'm sorry. um My idea has been going through it. It has been working really hard. um And I also will say that like i I thought it would be done by June, and I don't think it will be. Sure. But I think that there's a conversation to be had beforehand, too. OK, perfect. I will say that. Shelley and I will put our noggins together and we'll be thinking of the conversation to have about you in your directorial bag. um And we'll create more amazing questions. And then when the documentary is out, y'all can advocate for your movie theater to show us some shit. right you know Talk to the film festivals and be like, hey girl, have y'all seen this?
01:10:25
Speaker
um i wasn't paying lot a client sort of i but I was thinking about it because I looked at how much it cost and like how how how usually like first time documentaries and first time creations don't typically get shown at Um, like, you know, film festivals. And even if they do, like, you're like, you're not able to go and promote and do the stuff like that. Like a lot of times, like they'll show it, like, it'll be there. It'll be shown, but like, you won't be there to support it. Like you're, cause you have the work or you have, you know, whatever. So I don't know. I think the first one I'm doing, I'm like, well, I'm thinking I might just make it as like a public thing. Cause also I wanted to, if you wanted to, if you want to do distribution or do things like, um,
01:11:05
Speaker
what were the what film festivals you use do you can't publish publicly. So like I can't release it on YouTube or something. I can put it on Patreon or a very very specific place, um which means that like if i if someone wanted to pick it up or whatever, it can't already be like out in the streets. I think distribution is different, but I know for sure. like Film Fest was like, if like if I had released it on YouTube, I'd be like, yeah, girl, no. Well, all of that to say, somebody out there with deep pockets should sponsor Tyrell to continue for this amazing project for the future, you know, because they got more things, you know. Shout out to the Newark has a lot of film festivals that happen here. There are three of them. There's the International Film Festival, or there's the Black Film Festival, and there's also the Black Pride or
01:11:53
Speaker
I don't know how they like Black LGBTQA film festival. Eligibility? Eligibility? Yeah, it's the Black Eligibility Film Festival that they started like two years ago. oh be people we with lovevia there follow mess And So somebody sponsored Tyrell for the for the festival period. um But yeah, I feel like that will be a great conversation. And we could further dig into Tyrell's process for making the film, their thoughts about the questions, about the people you asked. One of them was Shelly. Wow. That is amazing. We can talk about how all of that, the making of, you know, is giving the behind the scenes, you know.
01:12:38
Speaker
like the like the little director if it was a dvd it would be the little conversation you know like or like the like what is it called the extras or whatever like the yeah when the dvd player would come up and be like play a movie i miss that they could still be there no more um but yeah i'm you know it'll be a good time i'm looking forward to it because that shit was wild and i feel like shelly got to see a lot of the process because shelly was there probably like i think like three fourths of most of the filming um yeah I think Shelley wasn't there for like the last two interviews I filmed. Shelley wasn't there for those, but like the first interview was Shelley. I haven't seen anything, and that's why I'm like, bitch, I need the film to be out so I could watch it. Well, it's funny because ah funnily enough, everyone who who was who was on the film has access to each other's interviews, so I was like, if they ever wanted to- I was watching it yesterday. Not to watch it. What, the interview?
01:13:29
Speaker
Yeah, it was because I wanted to see what my makeup looked like, and then I started clicking on other ones, and then I started watching crease. LOL. You know what's funny, too? I think I need to talk to everybody about about that, too, because i'm like I feel like I'm going to probably release my full interview, because I was supposed to originally be in it, but then I decided to like highlight all the other folks that that I had asked to like share their personal business with me and their lives with me. So I think I'm going to release my own full-length interview, and then I'm going to, like, Talk like maybe maybe actually they want to release theirs if they want to I'm like I'd be down to because I cut so much part like me increase interview like there's like me increase in particular me and friends I cut so much stuff out cuz like they were like Very overtly personal and like they were very like clearly there were things that like we were working through like say cuz some of that shit comes out like even and like I We had a session where like we all hung out together and like cars up got some video footage of that. And i i could I didn't use a lot of that either because there was a lot of it was like really personal.
01:14:31
Speaker
oh And so, yeah, I think, right. And I'm like, there's a couple of spots where niggas getting me together. Shelly came from right back. I didn't even say that. Yes. There's a clip at the very beginning where Shelly recently fulfilled, and I definitely kept that. But like ah but I used that. I want to say that reading made sense when it happened. It wasn't necessary. But no, I think that like there were things that felt so personal that I was like, I can't comfortably share this without people really seeing
01:15:03
Speaker
themselves, like themselves. in yeah And yeah, if you look, Shelly, honestly, because I'm being messy now, but if you look, you get the, um, the draft is also in that. Oh, okay. Somebody sent me to love that. yeah It's like, uh, the draft right now is like, it's like an hour and like 49 minutes. It's so amazing. Well, I will watch the full uncut version in preference of just so I have a frame of reference. of this conversation. I got to see something. I will think about it. I never see something. I don't know what I'm talking about. i'm All right, y'all, we'll do some Drag Niana. And all of our thoughts just think. yeah We got to get out of here. We got to get out. Anyway, that is that is all. We did not get under an hour, but when do we ever? Work done. Y'all a fun time. Enjoy the rest of your Pride Month. Be safe.
01:16:03
Speaker
Uh, get tested, make sure you're protecting yourself. Um, wear your masks, bitches. Um, breathe's doing a good social thing, but I don't feel like thinking about all three of us. And I'm just very confused. Um, Yeah, just have a good time. It's literally a week left for Pride. It's like a week and a day or something like that. Yeah, it's 23rd. It's a week and a day left. So go out there and shake that shit and be real gay for the last couple of months. Both of you are giving me a lot of neck, and I need you to cut it. Cut it out. But yeah, go out and do your Pride Month, the rest of the Pride Month. Do gay shit. Do crimes.
01:16:47
Speaker
What's the word? Wait, Shelly, what's the word? Be not an accomplice. No, that's for the white people. Be a coca-spirator. OK, but if there are white people out there, you need to do that. OK. If they listen. Go be a coca-spirator. And we'll see you never. Don't say that. Next month. May. May.