Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Archiving, family, and legacy
10 Plays1 year ago
Latest episode of The Bussy Next Time is out today!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thebussynexttime/messageRecommended
Transcript
Opening and Recognizing Cultural References
00:00:02
Speaker
Oh, ew. What? That's the very first word. Hey, it was giving like in three, two, one. Two. Oh yeah, yeah, they did do that. I think what's upsetting is how quickly Shelly was like, oh, that's so funny, it's giving Ark Harley, what? That's what it was. It was like one second in. Yeah. Like, picture listening to this in 50 years of present play.
00:00:29
Speaker
So that's great, because that's what we're talking about. I mean, yes, but that's the most ghetto shit I ever heard. I mean, hey, we don't need you to.
00:00:40
Speaker
You don't really get to speak about what people recognize in stuff. Maybe they misunderstand in the archive. True. I mean, there are some things that I think if I heard a beat or something, or I heard a part of it, I would immediately know what the song was or what the thing was. So I really can't say that. But for you to be like, oh, it's giving me iCarly, I was like, no.
00:01:06
Speaker
There's a song, it's a whole backstory, but I will say that that's not actually accurate. Maybe I'll come to that backstory later. Sure. Not today, but it's the whole thing.
Controversial Discussions and Cultural Context
00:01:17
Speaker
In any event, hey, niggas, inter-niggas on the web. Inter-niggas. This is for the niggas. This is for the niggas. This is for the niggas. We're real niggas. Yeah, exactly.
00:01:34
Speaker
So yeah, this is the day to next time. Yeah. Hi. Welcome everybody. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. I'm actually upset because that's not what I thought.
00:01:48
Speaker
Did y'all ever see the, okay, please don't cancel me, y'all. Did y'all ever see the video of Kicks the Killer? No, it's like Kicks the Killer, and he was doing a set, and he had to make his hand, and he was like, this one's for faggots. Did you ever see it? Did you ever see it? I did. It sounds exciting.
00:02:06
Speaker
I also could imagine being very, like, very, really, like, really bronxy, really much like, I just want faggots. I was like, OK, yes, period. It is very much is. Don't come from my neck, though, y'all, because I'm innocent. And I would just, you know, give it an example of what the T was. Thanks.
00:02:31
Speaker
also y'all Shelly is mouthing something and no one can hear them that's because the verse to boys a liar is stuck in my head and i just want to break out and like rap it to y'all and i was like mmm now i want to do it he said that i'm good enough government
00:02:56
Speaker
I love speaking of archives. I'm listening to that song and I'm like 50 years old cooking some shit. If I am a grandma or if I'm just somebody's mama, I'm like, what spice are you? Yes. What's her name? What's her name? Cookie Kawaii. Yeah.
Music and Personal Experiences
00:03:16
Speaker
Is that her name? I think it's just Kawaii. That person? No. Oh, it's Kawaii.
00:03:23
Speaker
No, I think we're transitioning to something else. Yeah, no, sorry. There was another artist I was thinking, I feel like she's from Jersey. She is from Jersey. Okay, yeah. If you back it up, is it fat enough? That's gonna also be a part of my... Is it back it up? Is it?
00:03:42
Speaker
I love this. You ain't ready for this work. Work, work, work. Watch me. I can't. That's too fit. I'm going to be such a ratchet element, just a little. That's too fit, fit, fit. I like how she brat, brat, brat, brat. It's a very good one. First of all. It's a Jersey. Shout out to Jersey. Actually, I got a couple of her songs when I play this, because they all bop. They all slap.
00:04:11
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Vacation? All of them. I need a vacation. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Not a handful of regulators. Thank you. Yeah. Second street, in the breeze, shining sprees, looking on the trees, you and me in the face. Ain't it my up? Thank you. Mm-hmm. That's my purpose. That's it. BSN has been almost five minutes, and I hope. You know what has fast forward it yet. Yeah.
00:04:39
Speaker
I'm hoping y'all are doing well and experiencing joy. I feel like at this point, it's just, it's just the fun tidbit at the beginning of that. Also, to be honest, it's a retro grade. We have celebratory micro-braids and um, it's the ninth, so we're, so we're right. It's the ninth, so like we're a little bit better, like it's almost over. But if you like me, the special grade is Scalpcha, Scalpcha Bald. I've been doing all right.
00:05:09
Speaker
I love that for you. I love that for you too. Godspeed to me. One of the favorites. They're like interesting things. They're like interesting things. But I'm also...
00:05:28
Speaker
But I feel like that's the consensus for them. What the gag is for me is that... I haven't had this meme, damn near this whole time. That's how I knew some shit was wrong. I knew it! I'm like, yo, I am so disoriented in everyday things.
00:05:48
Speaker
Girl, the way that I tried it, I set up my altar. I read it, my altar is very, very nicely put together. And it seems like it's inappropriate also for a nigga like me and my ancestors. And the way that I tried to do a thing, it was like, oh, wait, it's an eclipse and it's all this stuff? Perhaps not. And I felt like I knew what was coming before I knew what was coming. And ever since.
00:06:15
Speaker
It has been, I mean, bald-headed, confused the last two weeks. And mind you, here's the real gag, y'all. I haven't heard from nobody on this call. I haven't talked to nobody. I haven't heard from you, Missy. I haven't been talking to good conversations with myself before I can talk to other niggas.
00:06:34
Speaker
Don't do that, because the past few times that I've messaged you, you have responded days later or not at all. Even if I split your scenes, that is absolutely correct, and I can go to our text messages. You can't, because that's a fucking laugh to ever hurt one. Really? No, the last text message that I- The only time I talked to you was me sending you voice notes, and you sent me one text, and was like, oh, I don't have plans for this. I'm like, whatever.
00:06:59
Speaker
And I was waiting for you to follow up in this, like, you know, you're supposed to be seeing... Wait, if I tell you wrong, it's not true. It's giving me a stop that you said that you were being dragged by from retrograde, but also being... On top of the fact, on top of the fact that in my voice note, in my voice note, I asked how they were. I said... I didn't answer any of it. This was a week ago. No, you didn't.
00:07:23
Speaker
And before that, before that, I also sent you a TikTok that you didn't respond to. So that's not what I'm talking about. Not responding to funny videos. That's the one thing that will
Playful Dynamics and Friendships
00:07:34
Speaker
get you banned on the phone. Yeah, I had to customize one time. I would be like, so do you not see my messages? Because they're funny. Like, you want to say, LOL? I will say this. I don't think that my
00:07:50
Speaker
the person that I am, I don't particularly love receiving videos, especially from apps that I don't have, because then I feel like I got to actually look at it and I don't be invested. And I had to tell a couple of people in my life to stop sending me shit through Instagram because I don't be up there. That's the reason why I texted it to you. Well, you got to have something. Because I wanted you to see it and I know you're not on it. I also don't know if I ever actually watched the TikToks and I was like, I should go back and look at it because it might have really been funny, but I don't think I looked.
00:08:22
Speaker
Also, to be clear, I'm going through another morning process because I got some stuff in my very sad and the person was not a sad person of life, my very interesting love life that's coming to a close. So I had to, you know, I got some stuff happening where I got to deal with some stuff and release it in my emotions. That is also very fair. But so I.
00:08:42
Speaker
that before you called me out to be like, ooh, I haven't heard from the people on this call. OK, what does it mean to let me finish? And you also did not try. But you didn't let me finish. I wasn't going to call you out. I'm like, I haven't heard from nobody. That's how bald-headed and confused I've been. Like, I've been going through it. I haven't responded to back from my friends. Maybe you showed me that. That's what I was at. OK, but you didn't give me a chance to finish my sentence where you tried to grab my neck and choke me out. It felt like I was getting dragged. So you know what? It's 10 minutes in. But you didn't let me finish. It was low-necky before you even had a chance to let me get my sentence out. 10 minutes in.
00:09:11
Speaker
So, you know what? All we do is argue on this. All we do on this podcast is argue, all we do on this podcast is argue, eat hot chips, and be bisexual. And let's get into this topic. No, fuck that. All we do on this podcast is argue, eat hot chips, and lie, and be bisexual. No. We eat full meals.
Black Queer Archives and Personal Practices
00:09:39
Speaker
Like we talked about at the end of the last episode, we were getting into the archives and archiving and the Black archives, the Black queer archives.
00:09:52
Speaker
and what that looks like in our lives. So I created some Cuestiones to guide the conversation. Oh, yes. Come on, Cremation and Curation. And so my first one for everyone. Thank you. Right. No, not that y'all. Bria got on her soft voiceover voice, and I love that journey for her. It's not.
00:10:12
Speaker
It's not real. If y'all have ever heard Bria do a voice over something or read something, this is exactly how it sounds. It's very soft and a little sensual. I'm going to ignore. I'm going to ignore you. You know me for the truth? Friend, you're distracting from my question. Anyway, so my first question for everyone, for all of our panelists here, is what is the archive to you
00:10:39
Speaker
And how do you practice archiving in your day-to-day? I can throw out there. I feel like the archive is a space. I feel like remembering from last time, I remember Shelly was talking about how you called yourself an archivist. If people are like, girl, what the fuck? That's not...
00:11:07
Speaker
Did you make that a real job, right? Right. That's a real thing. But I feel like something, something that is more important is understanding that the archive isn't something that has to be connected to like traditional institutions, like the education systems, museums, you know, whatever, which are all in some way, shape or form, like
00:11:32
Speaker
biased and created, you know, bounded by white supremacy and such for the most part. But I feel like the archive is like, you know, in my own life practices of like, remembering, remembering, and memory. I was about to say, do you mean Tony Morrison's memory?
00:11:54
Speaker
Oh. Sorry. I don't want to ask. Yeah. Sorry. I'm like, you took me back to like, undergrad. Right. No, Shelley is actually more than it could be. Shelley is actually more than it could be.
00:12:11
Speaker
I actually have like two centimeters of hair on this scalp right now. Very confused though, giving two centimeters bald and confused. It's cool, we'll come back to that. Yeah, I don't really judge me. I'm a Toni Morrison book collector, but I have not read all of them, so here we are. Okay, well now for archiving. I mean, archiving looks like all sorts of things, and I feel like people don't understand, you know, that it can.
00:12:41
Speaker
So I feel like in my everyday life, I, even right now, for example, I am archiving a simple example that I also said is like on Instagram. Ever since I got this new job, I have been just taking pictures of my fits because I had to spend time eating. We're fans, we're fans, give us more.
00:13:10
Speaker
I have been taking a lot of pictures in this fly bathroom because why not? So when I go into the office once a week, I take a picture of my outfit for the day because it's also like the main time that I'm actually getting dressed to go out on my regular day to day life. And I like to, you know, be snazzy and sassy. So
00:13:35
Speaker
Yeah, I have plans of maybe gathering all of those pictures together at the end of the year, but we will see. But yeah, kicking the question to whoever else, yeah. I would say archiving for me looks... is, no, archiving for me is...
00:14:05
Speaker
Um, I think saving, it's just saving the, it's just saving the things, right? And a, and a non, you know, like you said, like a non-white supremacist, like non colonized way. Um, I, for example, I've just got finished archiving all of my papers from school.
00:14:24
Speaker
every one of them, the C minuses, the Ds, the ones that were solid A's, the ones that almost got published or whatever. I saved all of those in part because I think I was having conversations that were important, but I didn't have the language. Like when I was in 2013 talking about blackness and queerness, I did not have the language or all the knowledge base I have now to be able to write something substantial.
00:14:55
Speaker
I think for me, it's not even like a whole, like you said, it's not like a whole thing, like, oh, going to a museum or like creating this thing, like a website or whatever. It really is for me just putting all of that shit into Google Drive to make sure that like someone else can find it. I remember I'm like, it's really just pop it all on papers. And so Google Drive, I mean, all right. Yeah, organized. Right.
00:15:17
Speaker
And I think another way that this happening for me too is like, I'm working on a documentary. You didn't hear it from me. But like one of the things that's coming from that too was like me documentary, like me documenting and wanting to archive and save the actual voices. Like not just the ideas that come from us or not just like the ways that we navigate, but our actual voices.
00:15:41
Speaker
archiving those so that, like, when people look back and be like, oh, I remember this part. Like, if people would look back and they think about all the things that we have done over our lifetimes.
00:15:52
Speaker
they can put a name to a voice and a face. I think one thing I hate is that, or I've come to truly despise, maybe it's because, again, I don't have a lot of photos of my peoples and a lot of memories with all the folks I lost because I was younger when they passed, but I have no voice recognition. I can't remember, or I don't know what that person's voice sounds like.
00:16:16
Speaker
or like folks who have passed, I think because I was older when those things happened, like I can remember their voices, but I wanna be able to hear them in some sort of way. So I think like, even with our podcast, like Shelly is very big on like, bitch, we gonna be famous for somebody find this podcast and listen to that. Yup. One thing is, you better speak that shit to existence, okay?
00:16:40
Speaker
Well, don't wait do it now. Um, so like We're popping like what? Why wait?
00:16:48
Speaker
But yeah, I think that's another way I see it come up. For me, it's again, not just thinking about the physical things, the papers, the books, the articles. I remember I mentioned this last episode, my records and all that good stuff. It's like you actually know my voice when you hear it because you can find something of me talking or me fussing or me laughing or me finding joy or me being angry. There's something of that.
00:17:16
Speaker
left.
Preserving Cultural Practices and Resistance
00:17:17
Speaker
So yeah, that was a long way of me saying, you know, what I was saying. Go ahead, Shelly, answer it, Zaddy.
00:17:31
Speaker
Okay, that's one thing about it. At one point, speaking of archives, we could have one of our women's archives and Brie not being like disgusting, disgusting, nasty, nasty, stop, stop. One of them brought. What am I supposed to do? Brie got a whole nigga. A whole nigga. This is not me. Okay, flirt with my cousins. Like, I'm just saying.
00:18:02
Speaker
That's the problem. You got a nigga. The rest of you are, the rest of us are single and ready to mingle. You've been with your nigga for a while. Y'all are together. Well, y'all mingle together with this like fake, will they, won't they? I'm just... Did I just get a tag?
00:18:19
Speaker
Wow. Anyway. Wow. Wow, that's so wild how beautifully of a setup it was for me to go. And now it's like all of that neck. And now it's time for me to go. OK. It's no neck. It's no neck. I'm going to move. Whatever. Yeah. Oh, and Brian, for one of us. Well, well, I really have to remember what it was because now I have
00:18:49
Speaker
fake nick and toot in my throat not really um but okay what is our cabin for me our cabin for me in this current
00:19:01
Speaker
stage in life and also for the past few years has very much so been dedicated to the elders in my family. It's been dedicated to just making sure that although like we may have things that are very feels very like accessible and we are like on the day to day interacting with them in some way like
00:19:21
Speaker
Even the idea that we have Instagram pages or we have things like that, that is like somebody can look one of us up and see at least something or just anything that we've had in some type of interwebs.
00:19:35
Speaker
their documentation doesn't always look exactly the same and there are certain things that like they're not about to put on socials of the medias that need to be archived. For example, recipes. I have been heavily on the I'm not about to be like oh this person made the best carrot cake I ever had in my life
00:19:55
Speaker
And then they go ahead and don't be here. And then everybody just keeps talking about her with some legendary carrot cake. No, y'all niggas better learn how to make that. Like it just doesn't. So for me, in this current moment, the archiving is, it's done in a very tangible way for me because I've been like, I've been talking to a lot of elders. I've been having these conversations with them that I've seen across their conversations is so casual.
00:20:24
Speaker
But I just want to make sure it has a connection to other generations. Like, for example, when my grandma or her sisters be on the phone talking about all day groceries and all day recipes and stuff. I know that's very much a norm for them because every single one of them know how to make that same chicken and rice recipe, but just wanting that to be like.
00:20:43
Speaker
you know, put in a place that is accessible to other people in the family, even if it is those like family recipes, at least being a space that is archived for our access. So that's a big thing that I've been doing is just like, I think in like, for me personally, in my living, I am like, automatically archiving, like,
00:21:05
Speaker
literally it's like it just in my day-to-day practice and I know this because my last apartment I lived in and people say that this one too but the last apartment I lived in so many people used to come in and be like your room is so you this is so you and I'm just like I'm happy that y'all know that so like even in this moment like things that I have in the material realm
00:21:29
Speaker
somebody could literally understand heavily what you're saying about your record collection. You could really understand who I am as a person based on the things that I have in this current moment or things that I have done. So for me, I don't think I'm focusing so much on how I'm intentionally archiving, but also subconsciously doing it. But I think I'm more intentionally archiving the work, the lives, and the legacy of elders.
00:22:00
Speaker
Yeah. I like what you were saying about one, just making things accessible. When people really be like, oh we lose our recipes, it's just like, you know, it's really that fact of like,
00:22:20
Speaker
You know, maybe there are older generations that just don't have the means for passing things. Oh, I brought this up last time. What was that about? Like, I was saying how, like, when you have
00:22:37
Speaker
Elders and folks who like their main goal was to survive and take care of a family. Like you don't have elders. Like they don't think about leaving stuff behind. Like, and I said this last time where I was like, so my grandmother was a big cook. She cooked most of our big like Thanksgiving, Christmas, like people's graduation. She cooked all of those things.
00:22:57
Speaker
And I am so heartbroken all the time that not only did I not get any of her cooking belongings, but I don't know where a fucking recipe lives, not one. And it made me even more upset because I had to go and
00:23:13
Speaker
like find my own variations or my own versions of the cakes that my grandmother made because I didn't know how to make them. Like she didn't, you know, they weren't going to be exactly like hers, but like I had no guidance. Like my New York style cheesecake is amazing, but I had to take a recipe I found online and put a little razzle dazzle in that bitch and it worked out, right? My grandmother's pound cake, my grandmother's like her lemon, her lemon, her um,
00:23:34
Speaker
7-Up Cake is one of my favorite cakes I've ever eaten in my life. And I know for some of the girls in the South, it's a very regular staple, but where I grew up, it wasn't. So like, not only is it my favorite, but it's dense, it's heavy, and like, it's like this kind of like, I can't explain the texture. It's like this, the end of it is when it's cold. Okay, but like the point is, is that I had to figure out how to recreate that too. And I was like, it makes me mad, right? That I don't have, not as recipes, but like I don't have physical mementos of like my grandmother. Like when,
00:24:03
Speaker
Um, and this is like a whole family that everything I really don't have to get into, but like it was very clear after she passed it, like people had already decided what they wanted and there were no actual conversations about who should get what or who should be able to have access to it. Um, that's what I think about everything is like her actual belongings, right? Like I have
00:24:21
Speaker
When she was, when she had already passed and it was in her bedroom, I had to grab like stuff that was left over. Like I had, I had like a hat of hers on my altar and I had an old rug of hers that was in the room. And I'm like, the fact that I have to pick up scraps from my grandmother to like have anything to hold close to my spirit and to my heart is wild.
00:24:40
Speaker
But again, I think about the fact that when you have lived your entire life trying, thinking about survival and helping and having to support a family, you don't think about leaving yourself behind or, again, archiving things for a generation of folks who you leave behind and the generation of folks who loved you while you were here. Because I have nieces and nephews and stuff who still ask about, who I'm sure who act about them and still act about my grandmother now and don't understand the concept of death. And there's nothing to comfort them, because what do we have?
00:25:09
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. Okay. I got so locked into your words and then my brain, I think, ended up forgetting. Oh my god. Shall we? Because my body was like, say something, but I was like, oh yeah, what was it?
00:25:30
Speaker
I don't remember. The retrograde, the retrograding. It's doing it. But I know that it has something. It will come back to you. I wish we had a reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse on this thing. OK, I'm just going to say something and then maybe it will come back. But when I think of just the conversations that are being had with so many different generations,
00:25:58
Speaker
I think because it has been historically that pressure, it's not even that pressure, it was just resources and access that everything was oral based.
00:26:08
Speaker
you tell this story and play the telephone game as strong as possible to get this to other folks. And now to even have something like voice memos on my phone, one thing about it is I don't have that patience for somebody to spit off a recipe to me and what am I supposed to do, try to write the whole thing in three seconds? I'm like, absolutely not.
00:26:29
Speaker
and they don't be even saying the damn measurement, they don't say anything. So what happens, every time they start, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. I press the voice memo, so I'm not scribbling it all over a piece of paper, I press the voice memo, and I interview them every single time, no matter who it is. I feel like, oh, so how much? Okay, and for how long?
00:26:51
Speaker
Ooh, okay, but what if you want to do it for this? The archiving is voice memo for me right now. That's heavy. I also love how you like it.
00:27:01
Speaker
I love how you incorporate that into DJing also. The archive is existing with music and how you bring in the voice notes of people you know and also just sound clips of those you don't and bringing them into the mix together with music.
00:27:22
Speaker
What I was going to offer as another thing to go with that is what are things about this world lifetime that you want people to remember? Remember in general or about the use specifically? After this is over, what is something?
00:27:48
Speaker
I want people to, specifically black people, for the niggas. I don't care about anybody else. I want the niggas to remember line dancing and good ass music. And y'all better not fucking forget. If there's all of a sudden a generation that goes to cookouts and doesn't line dance, it's like, what the fuck are y'all really doing? Get some type of synchronized system of something going on with your body.
00:28:18
Speaker
That's heavy for me that I need there to be joy in the form of house music, any of those things that have to do with music and mass gatherings that are free and accessible to the community.
00:28:38
Speaker
that's something that I want folks to always know. I don't ever want there to be a generation that's just like, I've never been to a free festival ever. I'll be like, what the hell is going on with this world? So that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's a main thing that
00:28:57
Speaker
But that takes the preservation of someone else. There usually is people who are like, yeah, I grew up with free festivals. So then when I got older, I started managing them and I started curating them. But the way consumerism and capitalism is, people snatch something up real quick. They'll be like, oh, Juneteenth used to be a free festival? Just kidding. Every single festival for Juneteenth now is $500. So you should like that. That's not real. That's not real. What? That's all you mean, like, bought ones?
00:29:25
Speaker
No. Oh, all that's festival is festival. No. No. They were trying. I was trying. And those who get it, get it. And those who don't know. But the girls who get it, get it. Oh! Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. Aaron, cut that out, Jake. Never mind. No. Oh, no. Keep it absolutely. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep that shit the fuck in. Anyway. So whatever. Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker
Um, I remembered what I was going to say. It does connect back to the last question, so I'm not going to drag it for too long. But the only thing I wanted to say was just the feeling of wanting to, um, especially because of this like very connected idea we have to like the internet and all of these forms of technology, I think
00:30:17
Speaker
Something that I'm really thinking about a lot is archiving, not to go to like anyone else, like not to be like, it has to be shown to all these people. Like, but really just having certain things that folks are able to know, like if they really need to know, like if they really want to know, then those things are there. And they're like essentially kind of put in a safe space that they can be preserved. And I just think about like archiving.
00:30:47
Speaker
for the self and just holding on to those things or archiving amongst like loved ones that you really know and really love like if there's a game night and you and your friends wake up again and that's your thing it's not like you have to be like let's go worldwide with this game it's like no let's actually hold on to this for ourselves
00:31:09
Speaker
Let's go international. Because you know niggas would do that in a second. They'd be like, this is brilliant. We have to take this to the world. I was like, no, actually not. And you really can keep it in the cut and just keep it really, really cute and classy. And that's it. Let it be a tradition. Much as well. The classy and snazzy. Yeah, no, I really like that of archiving for the self and not really being concerned with who's going to see it.
00:31:37
Speaker
Yeah, and some things also just being for you for later in life. I saw something that I said that they need to bring back these diaries with these keys on it. I really think so. Oh my God! Also, yeah.
00:31:54
Speaker
I feel like anytime when I was older and I returned to like old notebooks or like diaries or journals where I was like first started writing poetry when I was like fucking 11 or some shit. But it's like
00:32:09
Speaker
I'm sad. I didn't keep. I was writing poetry too, but here's the thing. Here's the gag. I had journals up until I was about like maybe from like seven to like maybe about 13. And I remember I used to get made fun of guys to walk around with my journal in school and I would write with something that upset me because I just wasn't a conversational person back then.
00:32:36
Speaker
And so I would write in them, right? And I had like, I had like all of these different like short poems I had written, ones about like moving and like my feelings and friends. And I remember there was a girl, I want to say her name, her name was Chantel.
00:32:57
Speaker
And there was a girl, right. I was a girl I went to and she was like, she had two brothers and all of them was her rats. And she, she, I remember we were in school one day and I had got somebody to say something really, I wasn't, somebody said something really fucked up to me, even like for children that was real fucked up.
00:33:14
Speaker
And I put my shirt on, and I started writing about it, and I started crying because I was upset. And she was like, don't I get fucking with my little girl you writing in? Girl, that's gay, and you gay writing in it. She didn't say girl, but she was like, it's gay, and you look gay writing in it. And I was like, wow. So that day, I went home. And I had Harry Potter, like these, like when, because Harry Potter was a thing, it's still a thing. But like, Harry Potter was a bigger thing back then. And like, there were like these, like the drugs were like each like, each house on them.
00:33:41
Speaker
And I had like four or five journals, like full of poems and like reflections that I threw all of it away. And I thought writing. I was like, damn, I wish I would have kept those because again, older people had like a lot kinder eyes. I could have shared those. Yeah. I'm thinking about that.
00:34:03
Speaker
I was going to say that Bria definitely has seen my last story. Last story I posted on Facebook. Oh, yeah. For those girls of you who don't know. That's not on there anymore, no. Hell no. For those of you who don't know. I got it in my emails. For those of you who don't know, I used to be a very popular writer on BGC Live. If the girls know, they know. And if you don't, the girls who get it, get it. And the girls who don't, don't.
00:34:31
Speaker
Girl, I was tuned in on Facebook every week. I was in the top 25 writers for like probably, I would say about six or seven months because I was writing and I was writing good shit. And, uh,
Debate on AI and Creativity
00:34:50
Speaker
I stopped writing, and I posted some of those stories, the more appropriate versions on FaceTime, on Facebook, and the girls were hooked. And one day I was like, oh, I'm just, I just stopped writing. I was very upset. What was I doing? And why was I writing? So I sent Bria the ending, like the full story, and I sent her the ending of the particular story. And when I tell y'all, it was really back in the day when I was like,
00:35:14
Speaker
It's like, it's like turns, um, show you like bitch. I never seen it. I'm gonna send it to you, Shelly. It's not my best work. I was like, I really don't know if I need to ever see that shit again. But see, but this is the thing. No, no, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. I'm a hoochie mama. So her eyes and hoochie mama's get along.
00:35:42
Speaker
But you gotta understand that when I wrote this, it was like, I was in a phase where I was like, oh my gosh, I want a masculine thug type to like come and scoop me up off my feet. It gives Noah's Mark like, what was, what was? Wait.
00:35:59
Speaker
No, no, the thug, like the thug. Oh, the one that messed up with Chance. I forgot his name, T-Money. It's T-Money. It's T-Money. And Chance's name was C-Money.
00:36:17
Speaker
Okay. They bring a Noah's Ark back. No, it's the kicking and cackling. I'm just observing the joy and I'd love this for y'all. I was like, why you don't know what Noah's Ark is? We need to have a conversation. Why you don't know what Noah's Ark is? Noah's Ark is the time. They bringing it back. I had feelings about that, but we gonna come. Some things should stay in the archive, but that's just what I'm gonna say. Some things should stay in the archive. I think so too. You know, that's fair. Some things don't need to be rediscovered.
00:36:45
Speaker
They really don't. Or like repurposed. They don't need to be repurposed, because I'm going to say something about that. I'm going to say something about that, and then I'm going to say, because I feel like I could connect this to what I was going to say for something about this world I want to remember. That was the question. That was the question. And I do have an answer for that, but go ahead. I had an answer, but I want to make sure I say it before I forget.
00:37:10
Speaker
So yeah, about repurposing things from the archive, I was gonna bring up fucking post... I don't know how to say the word. Posthumous musical releases? Or just posthumous anything? Music? Or books? Or whatever? Because I feel like back to...
00:37:38
Speaker
things not needing to be like redone on top of like the whole like remake, sequel, spin off, whatever crazy the world is in right now. There's this like also this thing about like being a person and how like people try to take advantage, especially beyond your like, death, like trying to repurpose the things that you've created. And I feel like
00:38:05
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like that kind of goes with my thought about the things that don't need to be repurposed or reimagined, like, you know, the girls can just enjoy what is your butler's work or, you know, I don't know, whoever's Whitney Houston's music, you don't need to like, take her voice and put it in an AI and like, fucking
00:38:31
Speaker
make a new I want to dance with somebody like you don't you know they're so disgusting when they do stuff like that and and I just be looking at them like nobody even asked y'all for this and one thing you know speaking of archiving that I'm an archive right now because y'all already know I'm creating in a full tutorial oh that's what I was gonna say earlier that was the real thing I was gonna say earlier
00:38:54
Speaker
is that I was going to say one thing about me is that when I transition, niggas are not going to have questions about who owns this, who can have this. Y'all will have permission from me and my spirit and my energy. If somebody fucks around and goes, oh, I always went to DJ and they take that shit, but I said it was for my niece, my spirit is going to come back and fuck your whole shit up.
00:39:18
Speaker
I already said who it was for. Don't touch that shit. So I'm going to like, even when it comes to the work that I'm doing, especially as an artist. Oh, as the archiving for right now, I will hope that this like voice, like archiving can be copied and pasted in many places.
00:39:35
Speaker
don't touch my shit when I leave. Don't go, oh, I want to play homage and recreate it. Don't spit none of my poems. Don't do none of my shit. None of it. If I wanted it to be done by someone else, I would have done it in this lifetime while I had access. If not, do not do my shit. That's very real. That's very real. And I was going to say, in addition to the thing that I was going to say for what I want people to remember for this time,
00:40:03
Speaker
I'm not gonna do a whole spiel about the writer strike right now. But I feel like with that and the things that's happening with AI and just the tech industry and just a lot of niggas trying to move towards advancement.
00:40:21
Speaker
But really for the sake of like cutting corners and trying to make more money, I want people to remember about art, like the fact that they are people making art. And that's like the reason why it is so. Yeah, but that. And then people deserve to be, you know, be able to live a life and make such art, but.
00:40:46
Speaker
was talking about with the AI thing. I was talking to somebody who was like, she had been using her, I don't know what it's called, whatever it's called, but she had been using some program or whatever with AI to like help write her papers. And I was like, one of the joys, and this is probably like a nerd thing for like an academic thing for me just as a person. One of the joys that I get
00:41:09
Speaker
from writing my papers after they're done is being like, but you really researched that and put that shit together. And not just that. But I'm like, but not just that the girls are gooped and gagged because what you said.
00:41:22
Speaker
really, really, really, really is what it is. And like, I mean, there have been times when I have, like, I was in grad school as much as I was writing stuff. And I was like, did I, did I say that? Like, I wrote that? Professor, in my comments, like, this is amazing. Like, turn this into a paper. And I'm like, I'm like, no, but thank you. Like, but like, also, I'm like, oh, like I wrote that. Like, and I can't imagine having AI help me write a paper, especially about something that I'm passionate about, or that I have
00:41:49
Speaker
this really thick, like in my gut, like deep down, like, bitch, I'm, I'm about this. Like that kind of energy for anything in general, but specifically something like that, where I'm like, I love this topic. I love this subject. And I have dedicated some of my energy and time to becoming somewhat of not an expert, maybe, but like not, no, maybe what's not the novice, y'all is the expert.
00:42:09
Speaker
Girl, just be an expert. Okay. Well, all right. You got 50 million degrees to fucking go along with it. You might as well. But yeah, I can't imagine that. I can't imagine being okay with that.
00:42:28
Speaker
because also like a person didn't write this like I think that there's so many pieces of humanity and like so many things that go into being human and our emotions and our feelings and stuff that come out in our art like I know that like the AI like some do use AI to like make a make a Drake and somebody song and
00:42:43
Speaker
I believe Drake was upset about it. But I'm also like, to be honest, what gets me is that like, even though the song was all right, I didn't listen to it. The song was all right. I did feel like there was a little bit of pieces that were missing because I thought there's something about Drake's voice specifically. Like the way he, I just feel like I felt like that wasn't
00:43:02
Speaker
It wasn't, it wasn't, it did sound like something that he was saying, but I was like, the feeling behind that, that factor that Drake has as an artisanal year, I don't, I don't see it. I don't see it. And I also don't want us to get to a point where we use an AI, like when folks are deceased to be trying to make new music, like, you know, so-and-so featuring, you know, Michael Jackson, so-and-so featuring Beyonce. So, and please, please come to God don't do that. Because the Beyonce fans at 65 will show back up.
00:43:30
Speaker
We will come back and rise again. Who the fuck do you think you are? Take that shit the fuck down. Like the girls did for MJ. They were like, take, don't do that hologram shit with Michael Jackson. Don't do that. It's very scary to me, honestly. It's very disturbing. And the girls were like, y'all remember that?
00:43:46
Speaker
I think they were doing for it. They were doing for it. Girl, I was like, this looks terrifying. It is, it is. And moving on the stage at the same time, I'm like, all right, y'all are really doing a whole type of other drag into it. It's definitely disturbing. What I was going to say, we'll come back. So passing the mic. I didn't even know. To have memories of things that they would
00:44:14
Speaker
I have a few other questions that I could hit real quick. Wait, I didn't answer your last question. Oh, I thought you did. I'm so sorry. Go ahead. About what I want to see. What do you want people to remember about this world or time? Like where we are now. I think
00:44:41
Speaker
the uprising and exhaustion of, not exhaustion, that's not a good way to phrase that. I think the uprising and the fight of black voices. Like I want somebody to archive like the show Queen Sugar. It make it free. Because Queen Sugar is so beautifully shot. It's so beautifully done. The,
00:45:06
Speaker
It's amazing how much effort and thought they put into the season. Now, the last season, I'm not too fond of, and I have my feelings about that because I know why the last season was way that it was. Well, I have ideas and people have their interviews, but it didn't give it the other six seasons did.
00:45:27
Speaker
Queen Sugar is a show to me that feels like it shows black people doing Monday things in this beautiful light. And I know that people were like, I don't get it. But I was like, you have to hear me. When they're having some of these tough conversations, it's not the conversation itself is important, right? It's a beautiful discussion. And the writers room for Queen Sugar did a good job of discussing things like sexual assault. Sugar wanted for it all for the girls, sexual assault and like rape and like all types of like, like, um,
00:45:55
Speaker
Like homicide, always other things, right? Police brutality. But it's also the body language and the way that we look at each other that I think to myself in real life, like, oh, my God, that's how we look at my friend, or that's how I've looked at our partner, like, oh, that's how it looks like my parents before, like, when I have, like, this look of, like, oh, I love them, or I'm so grateful for them. And I was like, I want somebody to really capture the Black voice as it is right now, because I think there's something very special happening that, like,
00:46:26
Speaker
I think if you're not black, you don't see it. Now we can talk about because like, again, Shelly mentioned like consumption, like capitalism. We can talk about that, how people profit off of blackness and we don't get the profit off of it. But there are even the black creators that are out here, like Trey Melvin. Someone needs to archives my Trey Melvin's fucking videos. Those are hilarious.
00:46:50
Speaker
Right, but like also Trey Romans music is amazing. I'm thinking about again, like a Cakes To Killer and Azealia Banks, argue with your mother. Argue with your fucking mother and Azealia Banks, right? Like there is something that's been happening over the last, I would say, tease, but like at this point, even like now, like the swelling of our voices, even like the girls who are making documentaries and people who are making like shots of Amber Wallen and Ben Wallen.
00:47:18
Speaker
Their documentary dropped, right? And I don't know if you, Brie, I didn't get a chance to talk to you about it, but I don't know if you saw the trailer for it. I'm sure you did, don't you? Well, I saw the trailer, but the documentary is- No, she's so, so right now they're doing like, yeah, but yeah, I'm excited. But- Which also, I was about to be like, are you gonna go to the thing that I felt is- I won't be here. Yeah, I'll be gone.
00:47:42
Speaker
Well, no, I think they are. Did they already have an Atlanta showing? I feel like they already did. Oh, no, yeah, they did. No, she did. She did. But here's the thing. I heard about it, but it was like the day of. And I was like, I had things to do. But yeah, no. That trailer was so beautifully done. And I don't know if you like, I love watching Amber Waller as a creator. I think she's fucking talented. She's brilliant. She's a genius.
00:48:12
Speaker
watching like her cry on camera really put a it really hit me in the spirit because I you don't see her cry or nothing do her do too much on camera off this so I was like I mean in that in that realm um and even like my like the work of like you like artwork right like this podcast but like Brea your writings I hope that like like not hope they will be archived
00:48:30
Speaker
Shelly's DJ says, bitch, I want every DJ so I can get my hands on because anybody makes them like Shelly. I just want to say that. We need a Boiler's Room style situation where we're just like recording the whole thing, keeping it. Right. True. On a regular basis. Right. But yeah, I think there are things that I want
00:48:58
Speaker
that I want people to really see what the Black voice is. And not just Black cis voices, I mean the Black voice in general, where all of our voices are.
00:49:07
Speaker
over this decade, especially for millennials. Like, Arjun, I want people to hear. We're going to do some shit. We're going to do some fucking shit. We're going to do some shit. Why would they give us adulthood? Like, they were like, hmm, here's adulthood. But in the midst, some ghetto shit people ate. I want it out. Enjoy. So convinced that our specific experience of adulthood should be should be archived because it's just like the girls are out here. It's like,
00:49:37
Speaker
girl police brutality and racism, like all of the regular, you know, $7 million in rent. Capitalism is capitalism. Like the girls are not getting homes. The girls are not getting social security. I can't. We're not even going to talk about the way that the girl, like the social security. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. We're not having health care in the middle of a pandemic.
00:49:57
Speaker
Wow. And I also honestly do not think this is our last pandemic. I hate to say it. This one isn't even open, but I do not think it's our last one. Polar ice caps are melting inside while bacteria in the ice is new. Girl, the poor polar bears. The poor polar bears. But yeah, I still have to say that I really want somebody to archive our voices in our strife. I'm talking about, because I don't even think about not just
00:50:27
Speaker
the creativity, but like marking our like deaths, like of early ancestors, right? Like your Trayvon Martin's, your Sandra Bland's. Oh gosh, your mic. Oh God, your- Aaliyah Dye Solent. Sorry, this is so random. I was like, you're Philando Castellos. Like all of our folks, I can't stand you. All the training men we've lost. Not Aaliyah, that was 2001.
00:50:54
Speaker
So what? I thought of young people dying. And she was young. She was a kid. You feel very connected to Aaliyah. I feel like she was going to agree. She would have been in a millenia. No, no. Maybe she would have. No, I think no, she would have been in our parent generation, I think. Because when she was, when I was
00:51:13
Speaker
Because she was 21 when she died. When she passed, I was... Yeah, that was in the 90s. I was like nine. Or no, 2001. No, that was one. Yeah, I was like nine or 10. And she was 21, I think, or like 20 years. So we would have been... She's a whole... She's with our parents. Okay, sorry to mess up. We were doing libations to those who have transitioned, and I just... Trying to, but nigga, your ancestors... No, it's okay. Go ahead. Keep it cute.
00:51:35
Speaker
Um, no, but like, yeah, I, I hope that like someone again captures the black voice as it is right now with millennials being like, what the fuck is going on? Um, I mean, you got all the anti LGBTQ legislation. Who was that? What country, like what couple of countries in Africa decided to like try to slide legislation into law that like it's illegal to be LGBTQ person, period. I'll be hiring on my way. This is illegal.
00:52:01
Speaker
I mean, that's pretty much what Florida is giving. Is that Uganda? Oh, most definitely. Is that Uganda?
00:52:10
Speaker
I don't know where it is but I'm like preparing to go to Dubai so I'm doing like all of this research and all these things and this one website says homosexuality is punishable by 10 years and one thing about my queer ass is I really have to pay attention to what happens where because I will really go somewhere and I will try with everything in me but I'm like how could I
Global Cultural and Legal Challenges
00:52:32
Speaker
try?
00:52:32
Speaker
Try, it's who I am. And then I'll get over there. If I even eye them and I'm in jail in this place, never are any of these people worth this. So now knowing that shit said 10, it said 10 years punishable.
00:52:49
Speaker
I don't have to worry about nobody has to worry about me because I was never going because I was there. But I said that about a couple of places, even with Ghana, I was like, you know, Ghana had a couple of years ago, had the whole like, like, what is it, Centennial, like, welcome home or you can come back to Africa. Like, we want you to come back to the country. And I remember thinking, like, you don't mean queers.
00:53:12
Speaker
You never do. And I was like, if I started my queer ass over there, no matter how skilled, no matter how amazing, no matter how smart I am, it doesn't matter. Because you're gay or you're queer or whatever. I don't want you over here. You ain't talking to me. Yeah. Sometimes it's going to be like, you want community? What am I supposed to do with that? I mean, like, there are plenty of people here. Put them in the same place. Bitch. And how about you? It's access.
00:53:38
Speaker
Oh, I'm just, yeah, I just, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, all I'd say, that was my thing. You can go to your next question, Bria. I finally answered it. Thanks. Thank you. Appreciate that. Thank you. Well, I'm going to rapid fire the next few so it doesn't take too long. So here's two to think about in the same, you know. So what archives of the past do you turn to?
00:54:08
Speaker
And what unlikely things of your life, friends, family would you like to collect? Let's see, Archives of the Past, I would say for me, I am, I really like
00:54:25
Speaker
reading manga digitally. I am not like, at least with manga, I don't like collecting physically because manga is there's really just so much there could be so many volumes of the story and I read a lot. And I read a lot of different types of things. And I've been reading like manga digitally since I was a kid and my brother introduced me to it. And I think something
00:54:55
Speaker
But I feel like something that is difficult, of course, with digital things is just really owning something because it's not the same as owning a physical media.
00:55:07
Speaker
But I oftentimes return to stories that I've read when I was younger, different like romance, mangas, or like slice of life school stories, or just like really fantastical shit. Because it just like reminds me of like the different, especially like as a storyteller, it's like cool to remember like the stories that stuck out to me.
00:55:31
Speaker
when I was a kid. And then for the other question, as far as like unlikely things that I would like to collect, this is actually me kind of stealing an answer from Shelly, but something that has always stuck with me is Shelly has said that she wants to like create a hot pot. Shut up. That she wants to like create a hot pot. In the night. Okay, sorry.
00:56:00
Speaker
Sorry, sorry. She wants to create an archive of our family's laughter. And she actually does have a single of that, you know, a musical project. Check her out on Spotify. But I think that something that is very particular to our family is the way that we all laugh the same, but also differently.
00:56:28
Speaker
And it's very distinct to us. So the way that like, I feel like the way my grandpa laughs, the way that like, especially like my uncle Derek laughs. And I shall be messy. Because in my eyes, no, they know. Everybody knows. All of their partners, everyone knows. These are the top. It's very loud. It's very dramatic. And I feel like that's something
00:56:58
Speaker
That's something about us that I want to be remembered, especially to like future generations of us. So, you know, I have to get back with Shelly about collecting everybody's, you know, you know, laughter. Yeah. I love that. But yeah, so those questions of, what did I say? Those questions of cast and archives.
00:57:24
Speaker
or archives of the past you returned to and unlikely things that you would like to collect. I will go next.
00:57:39
Speaker
are kind of the past that I returned to. The first would be, I think, the books, like the Black authors that I was reading when I was younger. So I frequently returned to Brother to Brother. I frequently, and so the girls who get it, you get it, then I'm not going to do that. I returned to the ceremonies, which are like both, like their book, like Brother to Brother was written, was created,
00:58:05
Speaker
all put together, I want to say, by Joseph Beeman, and edited by Essex-Himsfield. And ceremony is the compilation of stories from different folks who, during the time, during the HIV-AIDS crisis and the height of it, the one at the height of it, in the late 80s, early 90s. And I think that was also, I want to say, edited by Essex-Himsfield. I think I'm wrong. Drag me, y'all.
00:58:34
Speaker
But one of those, I mean, but those I return to all the time. There are like stories and poems and like things that I resonated with when I was identifying as a gay man that I don't resonate as much with anymore as a queer, agender, or femme. But the writing is amazing. And I think sometimes it's very empowering to see that these folks were writing like this.
00:58:56
Speaker
Oh my God, the poem about like having sex in alleyways, the poems of like the stories about falling in love, like black men falling in love with each other, like under like not so much secrecy, but unlike this guy, like this, it just, it's something very warm and very direct or very clear about like, you know, like seeing like the captured story. So like, I think those are the books I returned to a lot. Jimmy, Jimmy Baldwin, James, Jimmy Baldwin, I return to Baldwin's books all the time.
00:59:26
Speaker
Yeah, I think that there's like a list. Oh, also, oh, God, there's like a list of black queer writers and their particular stories and stuff that I will come back to all the time. Either my spirit will call for it or I'll feel like I need to find something that makes me feel a little bit better. And so it could be as well. It hurts tonight. It could be, again, a Jimmy Baldwin night. It could be, I don't know. Oh, gosh.
00:59:56
Speaker
It could be a, it's a lot of folks. Anyway, that's the archive I think I choose to come back to. As far as weird things I want to collect. I have this thing. I want to collect, well, recently I just thought about this a little while ago, funnily enough. I want to collect the pens.
01:00:21
Speaker
like the actual like pins, like the clip on, like all your shirt pins that my family has worn over the years. I have a lot of those. That would also include brooches. So if the girls got a brooch, I would like that as well. We love a good brooch. We love a good brooch. It really does give us a Southern woman with a brooch. It's a woman who has a mission and she got shit to do. OK. She's a professional and she will let you know. She will let you know. Professional and that's a wrap.
01:00:50
Speaker
So yeah, I think that that is something. I have pins from when I got addicted to my fraternity. I have pins that I was wearing when I was in high school. I have a black Bob's Burgers pin. Bob is a black man as wild. I was like, not Bob is a black man. Did I buy you that? No, remember, I bought it from a thrift store in Savannah.
01:01:15
Speaker
Because I bought that and they had my Angelou pen. It looked exact. I mean, Spinn. I really like buying people pens because I am also very... I have a lot of anime ones. I went to this... I'm not going to try it out because I'm pretty sure it was my own. But I went to this store in New Orleans and it was in the French Quarter.
01:01:35
Speaker
I'm sorry that made me laugh. Yeah, I'm not going to shout this throughout. But I will say they had a pin of these different artists, and they had one of Stevie Wonder. And I was like, oh, bitch, put it in the bag.
01:01:53
Speaker
I did not buy it though, because it was white owned. And I was like, bitch, why you got, why you got all these black people in here? Cause they had like, oh, they had ODB, they had Ice Cube, Stevie Wonder. I was like, also like, why do I feel like you really, like you, like, you really picked a niche. Leaning into, yeah. It was like, it was a couple of like black writers who were there. It's like, why is this not white shit?
01:02:12
Speaker
Like, you know, I'm like, well, you really lean into whatever the fuck this is. I don't like it. So I ended up not getting one. And I'm like, we know that you're white. Like, where do you think you're going to do? You take it somewhere and we don't know the gag. But here's the gag. We walk into the store and this is a cute aside. We walk into that store, me and Ray, my friend, Ray, me and Ray were meeting like, oh, this stuff is really cute. And like the guy that made me fancy
01:02:36
Speaker
the store was like, this is like some pop techno bullshit. And I was like, ooh, girl, I was giving you Caucasian. Like the further back to the story with the boy, I was like, why is it getting browner and browner? Why is it getting browner and browner? He had like candles and stuff that were made of like Jordans. And I was like, you're white.
01:02:56
Speaker
What are you doing? And not to say that white people don't wear Jordans, but like, I feel like the inspiration behind this is not other white people. I feel like you are, you are, you are a cop and you are, you are pandering to niggas. And I say, no, no, no.
01:03:10
Speaker
And also not in the back of the bus. That's very girl. I mean, the farther back of the story got the more browner and then it got black. And I was like, wait, this is back here. Who did this? To the back of the store. No, I'm not. I'm not invited to the back of the store for the back of the store. You got me fucked up. Rosa did not, did not, did not sell the bus.
Preserving Memories through Books and Art
01:03:36
Speaker
But yeah, that was my answer. Yeah, for you. Michael. Okay, so archives that I've returned to the past are also books. I have happily been a collective books that are not just for my like enjoyment, but for other people very much so creating like a library experience of life.
01:03:58
Speaker
somebody has never seen this book, or if somebody like, it sparks a memory, then they're able to see it. And because of that, then I found not the full collection, but I found something like the Blueford series and like, Junie B. Jones and all of them. And I like have those books that, you feel me? So I have things like that. It's not a good thing. It's the authors. It's the fact that I wrote my niggas.
01:04:25
Speaker
They're not this whole time? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You can look it up. Somebody ruined it for me. I'm so sorry. Why wouldn't y'all tell me that? Because I thought I told everyone that I knew.
01:04:43
Speaker
All right, since we're ruining things that we think about niggas, what you won't do, do for love, is a white man. I know that. I know. And then there's another one. There's a reggae one that is a white man. Oh, no. And my whole life, no, there's actually like a, it's like a famous reggae song that is by a white man. But it's okay. By the end of this, I will have thrown out those books probably and I told you who the white man is.
01:05:12
Speaker
because whatever I will return to those I'll return to other books then um and I also return to um I'll return to other books
01:05:34
Speaker
Bitch, you just said that you reread them? Was it true? No! No, what I was saying is that they're, okay, when I say return to them, I don't mean to reread them. I literally mean because they're in my collection and people walk by and be like, oh my gosh, it reminds me of my childhood. Like, shit like that. That's what I was saying. What was the one where the girl or the girl, what the girl was giving me about her boyfriend? I remember that one. I remember the one where the girl got pregnant or something.
01:05:58
Speaker
I read so oh my god. I don't remember that but the one that was written by a Black person is called Imani. So I'll leave that right there that there was an Imani series and that shit was popping. The reason why I know that was written by a Black woman is I went to the book signing and our uncle
01:06:15
Speaker
is the graphic designer for the cover. So I know that Niggas was involved in that. So we're going to stick with that. That's the only one, I think. I think most of them are written. Or some of them be in tangent with Black and white authors. And I'm like, hmm. Yeah. It's a collection. For the main thing. No, I was just going to, I'm going to send a link about it. But it's a collection. Why would you do that? Because I want you to know the information so I'm not misspeaking. We have already heard that one. I want to come all the way here.
01:06:45
Speaker
Whatever. This is why I don't like naming people in an archiving space because I hate feeling like I have proximity or attachment to them when later on I'll be like, fuck them, edit that shit out. I don't fuck with them, but whatever. So how about I return to music that is tangible because I very much do not like to be consumed in a realm that I can listen to all these things, love it so deeply, and then have no
01:07:15
Speaker
no tangible way of experiencing it later on. So AKA my old CD cases that have all this music in it. And I don't have like on my line wire downloads that were, cause it probably crashed the computer I was using. And it also was probably a fatback computer, but I have like a bunch of USBs and like old things that I often return to it.
01:07:41
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Shout out to that computer. Just very, very side note that the reason why I am who I am today is because my auntie let me contaminate her fact-backed computer that didn't even have a camera on it. So there was no like, if they were really tapping into it, it was just like, what are y'all really tapping into this computer? I don't know. It's not a desktop. It's a computer that is from 1992. So it was not
01:08:10
Speaker
It was, it could fight back, just like a Nokia could fight back, that thing can fight back, voter. I returned to those things. And then the last thing is an unlikely thing that I would like to collect. Yeah, an unlikely thing that you would like to collect. Collect from, okay, it could be from someone else. From your life, your family, your friends, anything.
01:08:33
Speaker
I wouldn't say they're exactly my family or friends, but in my mind they're my friends. I would like to collect some production practices from folks like Missy Elliott, King, and Superwave who
01:08:49
Speaker
Oh, the producers for Beyonce's album. So they like produce cuff it and alien super set and all this stuff. And it's just like, if I'm like, if we're collecting, you said unlikely, even though I put that in the unlikely, like,
01:09:16
Speaker
I don't really mean that. It's very likely, it's very like it's going to happen that I'm going to learn a production practice from some or all of them. So that is something that I would like to collect is some sort of, whether it is mental or tangible practice of how they are creating the things that they are creating because they are all legends. I love that. I love that.
01:09:42
Speaker
I have one last, you know, offering before we wrap up. And... A lot of...
Designing Personal Archives for Future Generations
01:10:08
Speaker
It's a lot of being unprofessional in the studio right now. It's a lot of being unprofessional in the studio, but keep it together. So the last thing that I would pose to ask is how would you like to create an archive for anyone who comes after you? What instructions would you give
01:10:37
Speaker
for those in the future and what would it be for? So in this, can I finish? Can I please finish? Thank you. So in this, I was thinking of the inspiration of like Shelly in the last episode talking about ways you could conjure her. So yeah, in creating an archive for someone who comes after us, what
01:11:07
Speaker
what instructions would you give them and what would it be for? For me, in answering this question, I'm thinking about my writing, so I'm probably thinking about ways that I would suggest people read my work because I think a lot about how people like Toni Morrison or other prolific authors that I look up to
01:11:37
Speaker
have talked about their writing like Octavia Butler, etc. And the ways that they they honestly like knew, at least like while they were alive and also even like past their existence that people were interacting with their language in ways that was not going to be helpful for them, at least. And I think, you know, beyond what I intend, I would like to
01:12:06
Speaker
leave instructions for ways that people should read my work like. In reading my work knowing like who it's for, which is like Negus, Black women, Black queer Negus. And yeah, just really like knowing that I'm writing stories for us and about us, and that I'm not like writing them
01:12:34
Speaker
in positioning to whiteness or in the discussion of the Blackness is in existence outside of that. So yeah, I feel like that's something that I would think about as far as instructions for what I would want to leave behind would be how to read and interact with my work and really just how to apply it to their life and really just
01:13:03
Speaker
especially because I write a lot of speculative fiction, just thinking about ways that speculating about the future has led me to be prepared and surviving because yeah, last thing I would say is I remember I was
01:13:23
Speaker
Something that I wrote in my MFA thesis a couple years ago was this line that I actually tied to this conversation I had with an Uber driver when I was in Newark. And I was just having a conversation with this band.
01:13:43
Speaker
And he was just talking about different areas downtown and ways that spaces in Newark don't look the way that they used to or whatever. And he said, they planning for us not to be here. And I feel like that's a lot of the ways that I speculate about Blackness in the future. And I feel like that is something that I wrote into my work and my thesis then and something that I still apply now.
01:14:12
Speaker
So I feel like that would be part of the instruction, is really also like a warning of like, you know, whiteness is like planning for you not to exist. So like, here's the ways that you could use my writing to continue to exist, survive, and also to thrive. But yeah, that's my answer. So I will kick it to whoever is ready, but the last question, yeah, is like, in creating an archive,
01:14:42
Speaker
of what instructions would you give and what would they be for? Wow. I think I'm still resonating with your answer. I'm like, Oh, thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. I came prepared today.
01:15:02
Speaker
I love this journey. I love this journey for you. And I love how it has sprinkled over to us. Because the girls were struggling in the beginning. I just wanted to get it together, you know? Yeah. You want to go next, Shelly? Yeah, I could.
01:15:23
Speaker
What I'm sitting with is I'm not exactly sure if it would be more instructional rather than maybe like tip-based kind of like affirmations and pointers specifically around preservation of like joy and like how to like do things like ask for help and communicate needs and like
01:15:52
Speaker
communicate things that are coming up, like how to navigate hard conversations, like things like that, that like,
01:16:03
Speaker
I think very much so, at least for me, I needed someone to like have some type of receipt of the fact that they've been through it before and like didn't spiral every single, like everybody didn't like feel sucked into it. And not to say like I'm gonna leave it as like everything will be perfect in peaches, but like
01:16:27
Speaker
If I just had access to something in my teen years that felt like I could hold on to that was giving me that motivation and grounding piece to feel like I am connected to someone else and I have that knowledge to know they have experienced something, even if it is in the same exact way, but they have experienced it because specifically for
01:16:56
Speaker
like young people and like teenagers, like so many narratives that I've seen and I've also experienced are very much so like just invalidating their experience. And they just spend so much, like I personally spent so much of my time just feeling like, damn, like has anybody ever fucking gone through this? They're making it seem like I'm like the only person to be experiencing all of this. And it was a very like,
01:17:25
Speaker
It just can feel very isolating. And I feel like in that, something that I would very much so want to lean into archiving, even if it is a fucking book of affirmations that like all of my grandkids get just something that feels like you're at least able to have a connection and not be fully reliant
01:17:49
Speaker
or the human beings that are here or your family or people you have proximity to because although the internet is here and it's around and you can access all these things, you also can access all these things. So it's like so much that I feel like something that is maybe like just some grounding practices and then just like some nigga you're not alone type things. I think it's something that I really would be leaning into
01:18:19
Speaker
and giving folks a lot of resources for that. She's saying something really good right now, y'all. Y'all miss everything I just said? I'm a messenger also.
01:18:47
Speaker
I'ma just say, I do appreciate what Shelly was offering as far as like,
01:18:54
Speaker
Not the ping in the back room. As far as like, you know, like leaving affirmations, things that could be left behind and like ways of like living that, you know, could also go with like, I don't know, just like how to take a breath, like taking up space, staying in touch with yourself. Just like different affirmations of things that may be like people.
01:19:25
Speaker
Cause Shelly's still here in the room, but I don't know if she can hear us. But, um, yeah, no, I appreciated that offering. Um, so I'll, I'll kick it to Tyrell while we, we see if she can, she can circle back. But yeah, to you, Ty. So mine is twofold.
Spiritual Journeys and Legacy
01:19:55
Speaker
Um, what, what are the things that I am? Um, one of the things that I'm thinking about is those two things that us two things I don't, I think one of the things is going to be how to definitely how to conjure me or how to, how to pull me, see how to get me to your altar. Um, definitely. Um, it's like a script, but shut. Um,
01:20:26
Speaker
So yeah, like I wanted them is definitely going to be like how to get to, um, how to get me to your altar. I think, and I think as a part of that spirituality piece, I want to share what I've learned, like not like, so like there was no one, and there still is no one really to like guide me on my spiritual journey. And I feel like my family, um,
01:20:51
Speaker
is really big on like being like Christians and having this very Baptist upbringing and like how they focus their gifts, which I also think I mentioned last episode or episode or episode or two ago. And I don't wanna focus, I'm not that girl, I don't wanna go that route. And some of this stuff, depending on what you're experiencing can be very scary. And I also think that I felt like at some point I was like literally losing my mind. And so I think to leave some type of,
01:21:20
Speaker
guide behind as to like what you're experiencing, if they experience it, and like how to, and like how to
01:21:34
Speaker
navigate that without falling apart because I also feel like what I'm noticing too is that I'm kind of getting closer to like a spiritual practice of my own that has a name right and is a thing. Not there yet but I feel it and I'm doing more stuff so I feel like I'm feeling the energy of what's happening so like I'm excited but um I know that like there's another way for me to for us to channel whatever energies whatever ways you want to practice our spiritual experiences and so yeah um
01:22:03
Speaker
That is one thing I want to leave behind, like a book, like, hey, if you experience this thing, like, babe, and I said this like last episode too, like, I hear, here's what I experienced. You may not experience the exact same things, but here's what I experienced. Here's how I know the difference. If you experience something different, maybe go get that checked out and look at that. But if this is what I had, this is what I used to like channel that energy store. And this is what it was like for me. Um, and the other thing is very much, I think,
01:22:31
Speaker
somewhat when Shelly had talked about like leaving behind, and Shelly said this like episodes ago, like leaving behind something, not necessarily like, I won't even say it, I won't even go as far as affirmations. Cause I think that that's not something that I particularly look for or engage with, like honestly, a lot of the time and not because I, like, I feel like I'm just a bitch all the time anyway. So like, I'm like, yeah, I want you to tell me that. But like, one of the things that I really, um,
01:23:03
Speaker
One of the things that I really wanted was to leave behind physical things to offer to folks when I got to my record collection, right? Like my record player, I'm thinking about jewelry that I have, you know,
01:23:28
Speaker
I'm thinking about, you know, maybe like my favorite hoodie collection. Like I had, I have a collection of hoodies. I have so many of them. Like my hoodie collection and like,
01:23:37
Speaker
Stuff like that, right? Physical things that I think describe who I am and maybe write something down to go with that to explain to people what they got and also why they got it. Also, like Shelly said, if I say I leave something to somebody and it's not for you, nigga, I'm going to come back, because that was not for you. Give it to who it belonged to. Don't fucking touch the shit that I give to someone else, because it's not yours. And that will probably come at the end of whatever I put together. Like, hey, right. Shelly said you can look for don't touch. Agreed.
01:24:07
Speaker
So I think they were probably coming at the end of like, you know, whatever this journal thing, this journal is that I create. I love you revisiting journals, yeah. Yeah, I think like, I think even like now I have a journal, I haven't written in it much, but there's a couple of like maybe like 10 entries since January and I've been keeping a very loose track and I've been getting back into like trying to like,
01:24:33
Speaker
not forced writing, but like trying to kind of be like, okay, even if you don't write something that's creative, you can write a reflection of what's happening in your life in the moment. And you can look back in the center and say, damn, bitch, it was wild. And they're like, damn, bitch, you really ate the number. Like damn, bitch, damn, bitch. So like, I was like, um, it's kind of like that, but I think that the, like the physical pieces are the things I want people to be able to pull. And that like,
01:24:59
Speaker
You know, I said that to my nana. I said that to my dad the other day, where I was like, please leave.
01:25:08
Speaker
physical things to people so that we don't have to scrounge around your belongings to figure out, or like think like, right. I'm like, if you can think about it now, like leave something behind for your children and your grandchildren and our nieces and nephews. And like, cause I also like, I'm like, I want to share photos of mine. Like I want to like, even with my friends, right? I'm like, I want to share photos with, when we're older, like, you know, with my friends, like with my, like with my nieces and nephews and potential child, if it comes to that, like of,
01:25:39
Speaker
Later. I'll talk about that later, babe. That's like the bomb drop on an episode. I wasn't even gonna say nothing. Play it. But yeah, no, I think that, yeah, like there's something
01:25:58
Speaker
I want people to be able to see like, this is my friend Brea. This is my friend Shelby. This is me, Brea, and Shelby together in New York in 2020 and 2023 at a party. Or like, this is us at Pride in 2025. Or like, this is me, Ray, and Harold in 2013. And like, this is me and my mom on the couch. Or this is me cooking for Thanksgiving and stuff. I want them to be able to, again, see the timeline, the lineage, the things.
01:26:24
Speaker
But yeah, I say all that to say that that is, it's the spiritual aspect of my experience and the fact that no one else, it was always written in Christianity and mine is not. And I'm excited about what that looks like for me. And it's the piece of wanting to leave physical momentos behind so that people know one, that I was thinking about them, but also too, that these are pieces of me that I'm giving to you. So, yeah.
01:26:52
Speaker
That is
Humor and Rituals in Spiritual Practices
01:26:53
Speaker
a thing. I'm also wondering if Shelly, because Shelly is me on my Shelly, if you unmute yourself and then we can hear you. I don't think so.
01:26:59
Speaker
This is the most ghetto thing I've ever- Hello, hello out there! I saw she unmuted, but- Oh no, I had to say- Dang, this is wild! Oh my god! She said she can hear us. She said she can hear us. This is the most terrible thing I have ever ex- Girl! That's okay, she's typing in the chat that this is very wild. This is- And ghetto, and we're leaving the internet. Such a fucking mess!
01:27:25
Speaker
Um, cause she's nothing. Our niggas frozen. It's, I mean, ends and not even like the, I mean, in silencing black queers, the retro grade silencing silencing. I agree, babe. I agree. Cause you were really spitting a moment. Like even like, I really think that we have, we have given like, even though we like I bullshit and Kiki.
01:27:50
Speaker
and cut up a little bit. I really think that, like, episodes like this have become, they said, um, to my very little, like, here's some stuff you need to keep to yourself. You talking too much. You need to keep some of that shit to yourself. It's not for everybody. It's for you. Or were you silenced? Okay. I also feel like, here's also my thing, right? I feel like I'm gonna be really petty and put some wild shit in there for whoever tries, whoever tries to bring me to the altar.
01:28:14
Speaker
I want to do something where, like, I want them to do, like, the genuine, like, same old Gia, like, little dance waves. They have to do a dance? Oh, my god. You're going to have them sing legs and hips and body in order to bring you out. And I feel so bad. Like a jazzy rendition. Like a jazzy rendition. Legs.
01:28:40
Speaker
Shelly said, I'm going to let them know how to get me to their altar and how not to get me to the altar. Right. So I'm a dark liquor bitch. Don't bring me no white liquor. Don't bring me like, nah, I want Henny. I want Henny. I want crown. News and don'ts. If you want to bring me food.
01:29:00
Speaker
I don't think it's going to sound wild, but one of the ways I think they can get me to also, for real, for real, is to cookout. Because I don't eat cookout often, and I'm going from one place that doesn't have it to another place that doesn't have it. So if you want to get me a three-piece chicken-chip cookout tray with the hushbread piece and the fries and chicken pieces. Wait, and Landon doesn't have cookout? It's not near my house, no. It's the closest one that's 30 minutes away.
01:29:18
Speaker
Yikes. That's... If they bring me Paco, I'm tripping on this. I walk every day. I can't. I mean, that's one way to get your spirit drunk, if that's what... Right. Also, that's rude.
01:29:32
Speaker
And that's what you want. That's also why you should maybe to be like, well, all I have is vodka today. You know what they're going through. You don't have to be like, no food, not a meal. Girl, can we talk about that too? Because I don't know. I don't know if anyone else knows this. This is an aside. But I recently told again, because like I'm looking at practice and certain stuff now I have narrowed it down. I do my research. But like I was told that like a lot of people who offer who do offerings like
01:29:59
Speaker
The food is supposed to go on the actual altar? I didn't know that. So I had been feeding them from the altar, and I was like, oh, they got attitudes because they're like, why you got this food up here with the rest of us as if it belongs? And again, I think different folks and different practices work with different people. But what I'm leaning towards, that was something that I was told, maybe you just don't put your food on your altar in the same spot. And I was like, oh, not in the same spot, but it can go close to the altar, but don't put it
01:30:27
Speaker
on the altar, and I didn't know that. I was like, oh. And when I stopped doing that. I didn't know that. Well, I think it depends on what you practice. My favorite part of my face, and from the energy, they'd be like, yo, niggas. Niggas. But I will tell you what I thought. When I stopped putting my food on the altar, it also was a lot easier. It felt a lot cleaner, clearer. The connection was a little bit better, brighter. Oh, y'all didn't like that either. OK, cool. But yeah, no.
01:31:00
Speaker
I want to do some wild shit. Maybe I should have the same legs and hips and body. Please. On that note, we're going to wrap it up. Same old jail. Oh, god. I. Then recreate it. Then recreate it. Jennifer Lawrence following up the steps to get her off. I thought you were going to say, I'm still here. I thought she was going to. It's the motherfucking journey.
01:31:37
Speaker
Up and down like a rollercoaster. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. Because you were just going to launch into the whole song. Or the sex is spectacular. That's also a favorite.
01:31:50
Speaker
Ugh, anyway. Let me take a girl. Let me take a girl. For the archive's sake, I am not being serious. I don't know about Tyrell. I don't know yet. Maybe I can get like a Cheetah Girls performance. And if they do a Cheetah Girls performance, I want Amiga Cheetahs, I want Cinderella. Okay. Funniest enough, I remember, this is very random that I want close.
01:32:15
Speaker
I remember performing, this is also something of the archive and I really hope that I still have this CD somewhere in my childhood home. But I remember like me, I feel like Shelly was there, other little cousins, like doing the whole choreography to the Cheetah Girls. And then I don't know if you've had the experience where you do just like a fun thing and your family makes you perform it. And I'm just like, we were just having a good time. Like, I don't know.
01:32:43
Speaker
like what came the thing that we needed to do this like we had to have a dance contest in front of y'all or like just put on a whole talent show I don't know but we choreographed the whole CD the entire soundtrack we did and they were like okay come do it like y'all did all of this come do it
01:33:03
Speaker
And I could remember vividly like, just all of us going around the world and just like, yeah, not that, I don't think we did it that way, no. But like the actual songs, we did it to everything, fucking Cinderella, just like everything.
01:33:22
Speaker
As you should. Yeah, I remember the girl power performance.
Family Traditions and Community Reflection
01:33:38
Speaker
You know what? And this is, I will say this is my last thing, like speaking from me and Shelly's families, something that we love to do is like, I don't, I don't be playing in, but like my, I really come from a family of like putting together like a function. My family loves like putting together like a game, whenever we're together and impromptu party, like we put together whole events and we do like random activities together. And I feel like that
01:34:07
Speaker
because Shelly said they never had programming, so the kids and card games were the program. Right, y'all can perform and we're going to play spades. And we're going to drink. Everybody got sangria, a wine or something, like liquor. We really, it makes sense that we come from like a family of curators and facilitators and just, you know, orators as it were, because we're just always just putting together a thing. And I feel like that's also something that I would want to archive. And I feel like that is my last thought.
01:34:37
Speaker
that I would offer. Any other final thoughts about archive, the Black Queer Archive, anything else you want folks to remember in this podcast? Shelly, you can type it out and we'll read it. I do think that I'm thinking about how, like the way, I think, so I have, I'm gonna do my thing last, but
01:35:12
Speaker
I'm not going to read that yet. I was thinking about how, when you and Shelley talk about your family, I remember those things. And I know that for me, they kind of don't exist in the same way. And I feel like there's a moment, a twinge of not jealousy, but maybe like not really MBS also a bit much. But it's just a twinge of like, dang, I really,
01:35:34
Speaker
Yeah, I really miss the like cookouts and the impromptu like, hey, like all me and my cousins all getting together and we just end up hanging out and doing something. I just, I didn't, I think that I oftentimes, I'm trying to recreate that with my friends and it's hard because we're all busy and partnered and some of my friends are having kids and it's wild. People talk about getting married and shit. I'm like, oh my God. It's who?
01:36:02
Speaker
Riddick, so yes, I am now, I said Riddick on purpose. I am now, yeah, I think that, hearing y'all talk about how y'all have memories, I'm like, I don't think I have those, but I don't have any from the last five or so years. And I just, I'm heartbroken about that. But yes, outside of that, I have a thing I wanna say last. Well, I can read Shelly's first, if you like.
01:36:30
Speaker
I don't have anything else. Shelly said, remember me for all the great things. Thanks. Nothing. Thanks. I said, and thought of before I was silenced. You'll live on. Yes. Come on. I had to sing the song for that, but of course I did. Um, and for me, I
01:36:56
Speaker
I hope that this is gonna sound so fucking cheesy. Y'all don't drag me, I'm on Instagram girly with the quotes. But I...
01:37:05
Speaker
Um, I hope that people are finding ways to be joyous, but also to be grateful. Um, I know being grateful sounds wild. It feels like people are like, oh, Tuesday night that I'm ungrateful. No, I've just been in this space. Oh, at the last week or two or so where I've just been so grateful for like my job and like my experiences and like my community and like the parts of my family that I still have, you know, relationships with. And I've been grateful for like.
01:37:34
Speaker
I don't know, the way that things have been going, even when they've been difficult or hard or haven't already worked out my favor, I have just been very, very grateful. So I hope that people are finding a way to be grateful or thinking about being grateful about things too.
01:37:53
Speaker
That's a beautiful word.
Conclusion and Engagement with Listeners
01:37:56
Speaker
Yeah, I guess all I will say in wrapping up is, you know, you can follow us on the Instagrams, make sure you like, subscribe, you know, radar podcast, wherever the hell you're listening, I have no idea.
01:38:11
Speaker
and recommend it to your friends, your homies. We'll send you all better for listening, please. Please. Yeah. I beg. I beg. Share with your homies. And let us know, you know, the things that you're, Shelly says, I beg of you. And yeah, let us know the things that you are thinking of archiving and collecting and passing on for memory in the future.
01:38:41
Speaker
All right. Bye, bitch. Bye. Hey, my little boys.