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00:00:01
They Wanna See You Come Out!
8 Plays1 year ago
Same queers, same mess, new season! Ty, Shelly & Bria catch up after their spring hiatus!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thebussynexttime/messageRecommended
Transcript
A Startling Incident and Balanced Diet Humor
00:00:03
Speaker
What? Were you startled? I was like, what happened? I was like, why do you look like that sister? Like, what is going on? I think she just wasn't ready. Like, I feel like.
00:00:23
Speaker
you know, because she wouldn't have space and shit like, I mean, it is, you know, afternoon. It takes work to remain thick. Hello, everyone. Oh, wow. So it took a few oranges, some teriyaki kale chips and some granola. Really? That's
00:00:43
Speaker
It feels very balanced. It feels very balanced. Yeah, and that granola was granola-ing. It's called loaded fruit and nut, and it was very loaded in the mouth. I'm sure I had to hurry around. Oh, right.
00:00:58
Speaker
You're going to pause and do the words. That's the definition of words. It literally says, loaded, fruit, and not. But that combination of words and that sentence, it did not sit well in my spirit. Hey, y'all. Hi, everybody.
Podcast Return and Shelly's Family Visit
00:01:15
Speaker
Welcome back to the pussy next time. We've been gone for a minute, so we're back with the jump off, booth in the club. Now.
00:01:25
Speaker
So we're back. It's been a while. We've all been busy. Does everyone want to share what they've been doing? I've been working with one of the callers. I've been working with one of the girls on set. But you know, let's just see, what have the girls been up to?
00:01:47
Speaker
I feel like Shelly just had a really exciting experience, so. Wow, not you being called out like this. Me? I'm like, did I? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, going to the insurance. Yeah, so I was in North Carolina for a few days. It is where a good chunk of my family is from. I have to think about how to say it, like my maternal
00:02:18
Speaker
grandmothers. Yeah, that's giving too many layers. Down there, they are everybody from down there from all over the family, but specifically them. And it was, it was so beautiful to just be in the company and then the love and like predictably what I thought predictably so to be spoiled by my auntie.
00:02:41
Speaker
who cooks just as much as my grandma, like all of them collectively cook multiple meals a day just for their own joy if their body has shrimp to do it. So we had chicken and rice, a seafood boil. We had catfish and grits, catfish and yellow grits for breakfast. It was really doing it. And it really affirms like who I am and how I feel about
00:03:09
Speaker
just community gatherings, communal spaces with folks. You know what I heard? What's that? Oh, you know what I saw that made me think about that.
Spiritual Connections and Writing in the South
00:03:20
Speaker
I saw somebody make, I don't, I don't, I have to paraphrase it, but somebody was like, made this tweet of like, you know, like unpopular opinion that a lot of the sort of like spiritual connection that folks are trying to seek when they go back, you know, to the motherlands is like,
00:03:36
Speaker
they could also they really should be looking for like in the south or like where where their connections are um and i was really yeah i feel like i was thinking about that and also yeah while you were over there and while i was like writing this book at the um did i hear a book did i hear a book yeah yeah please yeah i'm not getting ready for the book release tomorrow
00:04:05
Speaker
I'm not going to give a lot of things away, but yeah. Or on camera and on the recorder. This is also my first time hearing about this. It's not. It's not? Did you mention this? I did, and I've asked you questions. You did. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. It's really happening. Wow. Telling on yourself.
00:04:26
Speaker
But anyway, but all of that to say, I most recently because of the type of story I'm trying to write, I like settled on the place and I was very excited in choosing North Carolina as the place because I was like, oh, this like fits in the lines with a lot of things that I'm trying to do in the story. There's black community, fishermen, that's all I'm going to say.
00:04:50
Speaker
And yeah, and my mentor in reading like the first few chapters that I completed and sort of revised was like really excited felt like stuff. And was like, you know, excited about things being connected to heritage and stuff. So I feel like yeah, just thinking about you going there.
00:05:11
Speaker
I feel like I feel like a lot of people, you know, should be exploring their their roots in the south and such. And maybe it's like shame or I don't know, just like wag. I think it is because it's not like this exoticized thing. Like people are not going to be like, I'm from this.
00:05:30
Speaker
beautiful like many people don't see it as like that um that land of like oh my gosh it's like tropical and all these other things like the weather here is ghetto so like it's not the same yeah um just starting at weather but there are a lot of things that just that aren't the same and then the association don't see like the cultural yeah don't see like cultural significance in the way that they do and from like being from another country or being able to trace to another
00:06:00
Speaker
I mean, I went to, so I, when I asked what the girls have been up to, I remember the last six weeks we have them reported. I know, but I wanted to have a conversation about it. Right. Fair, but Shelly was like, oh, I was like, two days ago, a couple of days without account for the whole six weeks we have them. I mean, sure, but I was, I was interested in her. No, okay, no, no, I agree. I get it. I would just say it like, this will be clear.
00:06:21
Speaker
I mean, Shelley been out here like, you know, I was like, well, Shelley been out here fucking just out here. Right. Okay. I live in doing gigs. $1,000 an hour.
00:06:44
Speaker
To be clear, and to be clear, the money is worth it. Like, Shelly's skill set, and we don't have to do this. We don't have to do this. We don't have to do this. We don't have to do this. We don't have to do this. We don't have to do this already. But all of that to say, DJ, you know, Chelspin is out in the mix for the spring of summer. I mean, doing the things. Thank you. Shelly is doing. So, get her books.
00:07:09
Speaker
Right. Shelly is doing gigs. Um, they will take your motherfucking money. Yeah. Period. Not, not the performance. Well, I.
New Orleans: Culture and Cuisine
00:07:24
Speaker
Yeah. In relation to what Shelly was talking about, about being in the South, I went to New Orleans. Period. Yes. My old home. Um, I went for a weekend, me and a close friend of mine and. How was it?
00:07:40
Speaker
So we stayed about a block, like, no, we were like a 15 minute walk from the French Quarter. What is it called? It was Esplanade Road or Street? Yeah, Esplanade. We tried to find a way to pronounce it, but we were around a whole bunch of other tourists who also could not pronounce the word. And I stayed in the Treme.
00:08:05
Speaker
Um, is it, is it tremendous? What are you saying? I'm like the guy said it that way too. It's the tremendous. Yes. You sounded like you didn't have no confidence in yourself.
00:08:19
Speaker
I'm like, I don't want y'all dragging me across the internet. It's fine. It's fine. I just, I miss having like names of the names of everything in New Orleans. It's so French. And so it's so funny. It's so funny going there at first and like everything that you think is the way you say it is not the way you say it. So it's, I love being around black people who actually say things that
00:08:47
Speaker
You know, um, yeah, the tremay, the tremay neighborhood stayed there. Very historical, very black. If you didn't know, I learned a lot of shit from like, there was like a jazz museum in this, in this particular neighborhood, like literally in the middle of the neighborhood.
00:09:03
Speaker
And I went, I don't- We love accessibility. I had an experience with the person who runs that museum, I want to keep it cute, but he definitely tried it and I picked it. Bria knows, we talked about it when I was like, what the fuck is going on? But I realized, I'm going to say this, for spiritual folks, for the folks who be tapped in like that,
00:09:25
Speaker
I am a person like me and my close friend are both very people like people who are kind of in tune with the girls you know with the ancestors whatever.
00:09:34
Speaker
It is very much like a portal city. Like I've heard people say that before, and I didn't know what they meant, but there are just some things you just do not do. It's of it. It's of it. It's of it. It's of it. This is something that I feel like, and I feel like if you're not tapped, like, okay, I explained New Orleans to my grandmother like this. I said New Orleans is a place where I think people go, people can go and like your moral,
00:10:02
Speaker
Like your moral grounding can be thrown to the wind. And I also think it's a place that people go, people can go, not do go, people can go to experience a level of hedonism, where like drugs, sex, liquor, everything is available to you in that city. And if you are someone who is feeling something or experience something and you go, it's very easy to be drowned in all of that.
00:10:33
Speaker
The French Quarter in particular, I think it's interesting because learning a lot of the history about the French Quarter and how it relates to Black folks or don't relate to Black folks, honestly.
00:10:43
Speaker
And then the conversations around who is there. There are white folks in the French Quarter who are practicing hoodoo and voodoo. And I'm like, what are you doing? And then I was confused because I was like, OK, I'm lost because why would you think these folks would answer your white ass? What makes you think that they're going to answer you? I'm dead ass. OK, me and my friend walk into a store. We thought it was black owned because of the name.
00:11:09
Speaker
And we walked in and it was too, it was a white person, like an Asian person sitting in this, he having a conversation and we were confused. And I'm looking around, you know, looking at all the herbs and stuff. And I was like, what? And then I see like a thing about a little, um, like wooden, uh, a little wooden
00:11:26
Speaker
like, uh, Stan that has like pop a leg button, like history about him carved into like, and I'm like, first of all, bitch, why is this here? Second of all, what makes you, I just don't, I'm so confused. Like, I don't understand. And it's multiple places. You got girls on the corners reading people's palms and reading people's like cards. And I'm like, there's no way in hell.
00:11:50
Speaker
I would let your lily white ass. And I'm going to be clear, too. It's some niggas who I also trust who I wouldn't let read my own niggas. People in general who I wouldn't let read my cards, my whatever. Because I don't trust you. Who backing you? Who are your peoples?
00:12:05
Speaker
Right. And like, so to be in a place like that, where I feel like there's like, I mean, there's a smorgasbord of shit, right? And some of it isn't good. And some of it, I feel like you got to be spiritually in tune to me at least, to be able to go to New Orleans and keep yourself, keep yourself steady. I did go to a store. I'm going to shout it out. I went to two stores.
00:12:26
Speaker
I did go to a store, the House of Hoodoo. Yes, House of Hoodoo. And Breena has actually gifted me two things from there. I gifted the both of them things. So I went and it was probably one of the best places I have gone. I loved it. It felt so caring. It felt warm. I'm able to actually literally warm because it was kind of
00:12:59
Speaker
But it was warm, it felt inviting. And like, I bought some stuff that I needed, that I haven't wanted to buy. I've been like really hesitant to buy it from anywhere else, but I definitely went there and bought it. And there was another place I went to, and I wish I could remember, because it's also black and queer owned. Ooh, I love that you guys gotta get into the- It's another, it's another, it's a,
00:13:25
Speaker
another black owned like crystal shop or like another black owned like spiritual shop. And I bought one of my, I don't know if other people have these, but like you were like starting things that kind of keep you grounded. I am a bracelet person. So I bought a bracelet from here and I've been wearing it every day. I love it, you know, but I wish I could remember what it's called.
00:13:50
Speaker
I want to say I'll put it in the comments. Please go to your card. If you pay it with your card, go ahead and go to your spending list of where you bought things from. And it will be a big statement. I can't do that. It will be a big statement. But yeah, I was there. And then the week before that, I was in Savannah. And that was also a key. But again, I think Savannah is another place, another city where I feel very spiritually grounded. I think also Savannah being the city that had one of the biggest slave auctioning
00:14:19
Speaker
slave auctions in the country. It feels very, I feel safe there. Now, how far people say they go there and they feel like they're like endangered or like they don't feel comfortable?
00:14:32
Speaker
I don't feel like that. My ancestors got me and I feel like for some reason I'm Savannah. Yeah, we like, but I feel like for some reason when I'm in Savannah, it really like, I really do feel like, okay, it's giving. Like I don't feel concerned or nervous. And I think a lot of the times I feel guided even, like I feel like a little.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think it might be something to do with my family history, maybe something of that nature. But yeah, Savannah's also on this place like that. So to go to Savannah, and then a week later, spend a week in Savannah, and then a week later, the next weekend be in New Orleans, I was like a bitches. Period.
00:15:07
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely I love that I love. I do have much love for New Orleans as a place. While I was there, I was too stressed and depressed to really enjoy it in the way.
00:15:23
Speaker
I wish that I could have, but there were a lot of things that I learned and experienced, especially. I feel like I went to like really cool, like a lot of different cool museums and like Louis Armstrong Park. And yeah, there's a lot of places, but one of the things that I was thinking about was just like thinking about food because, you know, but
00:15:52
Speaker
I was like, damn, New Orleans was the only place where I had like long ass macaroni and cheese. And I don't know why. I was like, there are places that make macaroni and cheese with like long spaghetti noodles. They do. Y'all are not gonna play them because they're locked in. They're using for third eye. Like it is very different. That's where I started putting hot sauce, the crystals. Okay, period. Yes.
00:16:18
Speaker
personal for me, started putting that hustle on the long spaghetti noodle mac and cheese. Also, I want to tell you niggas in Atlanta, you niggas in Atlanta who think that you are making Creole food or you're making New Orleans based food, you are over seasoning your fucking food. Why you got Tony's? Why you got Tony's? Slap your mama and Laurie's.
00:16:38
Speaker
You don't need it all. Having gumbo from like real people who like live in New Orleans. This one is a really great transition from what y'all are saying for any folks who are in Atlanta and are looking for actual traditional food that is from New Orleans. There is some of the amazing folks that have a food truck that's called Whatcha Cookin' Baby. Ooh, Whatcha Cookin' Baby.
00:17:06
Speaker
Today is Sunday. They're actually at Star Bar at, oh wait, wow, we're gonna put this up later. They're not gonna get this. They'll be all over. So just follow them on Instagram. It's W-H-A-T-Wetch-A, cooking baby. And they are born and raised.
00:17:24
Speaker
in New Orleans, but they live in Atlanta. So their food truck is popping. It's two black sibs. They're queer folks. We love them. They're here. Black queer New Orleans race. Queer trans folks. Sibs. Amazing. Love them. Haven't had their food yet, but go ahead and get into it if you want it. Time to go try it out. I was like, where are you at today?
00:17:49
Speaker
They posted something I think yesterday. Oh, today is the day for you. I'll send you exactly where they are today. All right. We'll come back and report. Okay. Also, I found it. The place that I also went to was called Path of Awakenings. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, it's called Path of Awakenings. And I bought some
00:18:13
Speaker
some incense, and I bought this fabulous bracelet that I love. I feel very rooted. It's really giving me what Nista had gave. And I also purchased, oh, a really cute lighter. Light it up, light it up. Yeah, I just purchased a lighter. But how's the hoodoo? I'm gonna tell y'all now. I spent...
00:18:36
Speaker
So when the lady told me how much my total was, I didn't even hear her. I just swiped my card. I tapped it, you know what I'm saying? Sorry, I just tapped my card. And Ray was like, damn, sorry, Ray. My friend was like, oh, you got money. And I was like, you do? I was like, wait, how much did she say? Because I didn't get her. Not just say it way later. We were in the line. $74.12, please.
00:19:04
Speaker
She said the total. She said the total. Yo, I swear, I kid y'all that. I feel like I was in a trance. But she said the total, and I didn't completely hear her. But I was like, whatever. And I tapped the card. I remember, like, oh, bitch, you got money. And I was like, what you talking about? I'm confused. Like, what did she say? And I promise y'all, I feel like I didn't hear anything else. I just knew I had what I wanted, and I knew what I needed, and I had it in the bag.
00:19:25
Speaker
You were like, period. And when I got out, Ray was like, bitch, you spent $147 a year. And I said, how much? Wait, they got seafood products? Girl, I'm just. Wait, wait, wait, Tyra, keep going, keep going. I'm sorry, I'm just getting hungry. It's also OK. Just please, I'm trying to say this. OK, no, keep going. Did you say this? No, because I don't know your, yeah.
00:19:54
Speaker
They don't really be on there, so it's great. No, they be watching my story. They deleted it. Yeah, they deleted theirs like five different times, so it's hard to keep track, you know? In every combination, I'm like, no, none of them.
00:20:12
Speaker
Yeah, believe them into keeping it forever. Y'all better eat me up like this. We do every time, because every five to six weeks, it's giving up weeks.
Social Media Targeting and Personal Interests
00:20:26
Speaker
I'm not going to hold you. I really hate Instagram. And the way that they've been advertising to me about weight loss, and I'm not going to hold you. Instagram is like,
00:20:36
Speaker
Because at one point in time, I really enjoyed being on, I really enjoyed Insta. I love being on Insta. I thought it was so cool, like post pictures and see what my friends were doing and watch their videos and stories and stuff. And like the advertisement became more and more intense about like weight loss and gender. And like I'm getting advertisements about like supporting the like the alt right. And like, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Like all of the niggas I keep seeing that are like super thin and they're like, somehow.
00:21:02
Speaker
There's a corner of Instagram workouts where people follow white men who's screaming to them about being fat and going to the gym. I don't know why that's now being shown to me as a bitch who follows a whole bunch of femmes and queers. I never asked for that. Yikes. Throw it out. Yeah, confused. That's what I'm saying. But yeah, we've all been busy.
00:21:29
Speaker
I also, again, happy writing something with Brea. A script. Your friend could never. Your friends could never. It's going well. We've taken a small break. Because a white man don't want to give us money.
00:22:03
Speaker
But yeah, I also have been pole dancing.
00:22:10
Speaker
Oh, cute. I love that. All right. I can show you some later. That sounds like fun. Actually, I could send you a video in real life. She's about to say, do you have videos? I do. But I'm like in my dragon head. No, I recorded a video at the end of every class. So I have a video for my first class. I have a video that I took. Well, I have a video that I took at the beginning of my first class and what I took at the end of my first class. And this class is climbing.
00:22:39
Speaker
So I'm working on climbing the pole. I actually can't climb the pole yet. For my pole dancers out there who are big, who are fat, who are chunky, who are thick, if you got any tips about how to wrap your foot around the pole so you're not falling, because I got a lot of thigh meat and so my knees aren't touching on the pole, if you got any tips and tricks.
00:22:59
Speaker
That would be great, because I'm not, I'm struggling. And I'm trying to explain to the instructors, my body is not built like yours. My knees are not doing a thing. What should I do? And they're like, oh, it'll click one day. And I'm like, what? I don't know if that works for fat people in the same way you think it do. But anyway, but yeah, I've been pole dancing, and that's been amazing. I'm always tired of kicking my ass, but it's a good time.
00:23:26
Speaker
I've been traveling, like I said, and I've been working. I'm a deputy director for Back in Fendi Collective and it is showing because they got my ass hit. I am out here actually having to work. As Kim Kardashian said,
00:23:46
Speaker
People out here don't want to work anymore. They just don't want to work anymore. Get your asses up and work. And I sure don't. I don't. I don't want to work. I don't want to be known for working. You know what? I remember I said that a while ago when I was like, I don't want to be known for like, as a person who like, I don't want to be known just for like being the person that created this thing and like did this work. I want to be known as a person that actually exists.
00:24:10
Speaker
If that makes sense. Like, niggas would be like, oh, you did Black, you did, like, like, you worked at BIC, like, you did, like, this podcast. Oh, like, you're the person that started, that started, um, Baldwin Second Generation. And I'm like, yeah. Or like, you're the one that's outspoken. You're the one that be, like, dragging all the duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. And I'm like, sure. But, like, people don't be knowing me, knowing me like I'm an actual person. Mm-hmm. And I would kind of like the humanity back, please, and thank you. Right. We love humanity. We've also spent 25 minutes talking about what we've been up to.
00:24:39
Speaker
We could just catch up. Yeah. We do have a lot. I mean, it's what it's also kind of does kind of go. So I'm going to also say we had a topic originally.
00:24:52
Speaker
Which is still similar to what we're going to do. It is. But we also had a conversation. We were like, you know what, y'all? We're just, you know, we've all been busy. We miss talking to each other and bullshitting and kicking and posting and y'all listening to it. So, you know, let's get up here and like, you know, shoot the shit. And what came out of shooting the shit before we started the episode was a conversation about gender performance and like experiences of people engaging with that.
Gender Performance and Non-Binary Experiences
00:25:18
Speaker
And I brought it up because I had an experience in the doctor last week twice. And Shelly had mentioned something as well. And so I was like, oh, I think it was a bit like a really interesting topic. So I guess kind of talk about in the midst of us being like, yeah, we're back. And also we're shooting the shit in here, girl. I mean, forget about y'all. So yeah, so let's get into it, shall we? Shall we? Shall we or shall we not? Action.
00:25:46
Speaker
Oh, I was thinking, ready? Okay. Go team, go. I'm like, not go team, go. Go team, go. Wait, Toru's on the way. I'm sorry. I love my boyfriend. That was a whole like, that was a whole line.
00:26:10
Speaker
She was crying. Yeah. Did she run? It was my week. No, she just stood there. She was like, go, team, go. It's the Toros. Go away. I'm sorry. I threw up my boyfriend. Oh, thank God. Cry after the tryouts. What are you doing? She said nothing. And she said I tried to do this. I missed it. But I keep it in all of it. Everything reminds me of it. And now I'm crying because I fucked up my audition. And I've also fucked up.
00:26:39
Speaker
my life. So like, I got a nigga and I'm also on the chair squad. Wait, I'll have a man and I'm also not on the chair squad. Great. So now I'm a loser. Got it. I'm going to just, I mean, white people though. Yeah. Okay. You were introducing. Yes. Okay. So what happened with me and why I thought about this topic?
00:27:03
Speaker
is because I had to go to the doctor twice yesterday for some testing for a new diagnosis. And I have an X on my ID.
00:27:17
Speaker
Now, I don't know how many other states do that. I'm not sure. I know Virginia started doing it maybe a couple of years ago. And as soon as I heard about it, because I think you were doing a pandemic or around the pandemic or something. When I heard about it, I was like, bitch, I want an ID like that right now. So I renewed my ID, I think, when I turned like 25, I think. And I was like, oh, bitch, we're going to do this. Maybe like 27. I'm like, we're going to do this. I'm a non-binary and a point A gender bitch. Yes, give me all the things. I feel good about this on my ID.
00:27:43
Speaker
Now there was conversation about, from other queries about the idea of having an ID like this, because they could like single us out and people would know, but like, you know, we were out here existing and I was like, well, they know that. And also I'm a kind of bitch like the fight. So if you want to get shot in your ass, by all means, come get shot in your ass.
00:28:01
Speaker
But yeah, so I was in the doctor's office, and the first appointment, when I walked up, I was wearing like sweatpants like a hoodie because it was raining and it was a little bit chilly here. And she saw my ID and she looked at it and was like, huh. She made an audible like, hmm. And I was like, I'm not going to comment on that. I'm going to let that go.
00:28:21
Speaker
Because I was wearing it because I think that maybe like click in the system for them it has that I'm a male but they're like my ID has an X and I'm also like there's no um there's no clear concise like what like understand like what the X means and even though you have it as an available as an ID option.
00:28:37
Speaker
You also, like doctor's offices and insurance companies have not caught up. So they have not added that option to paperwork so that you have the options for your IDs to match. Even when I go pick up medicine, right? They'll be like, oh, we have to double check because your ID says X, but your gender marker on your stuff says male. And I was like, bitch, give me the fucking drugs before I die. What are we talking about? I've been coming to here and trying to get this shit every three months before the last year I lived here. Give me the fucking drugs.
00:29:04
Speaker
And also the fact that y'all are gendering certain things around drugs, like, yes, there are certain things I would, like, I don't know, guess in how they say, I don't, I don't even know. Yeah, there may be may.
00:29:21
Speaker
but also there's certain things that are like, you don't need to know all of them. No, give me the fucking medicine before I die. It's what's keeping me alive. Oh my God, the little girl who threw the dog. Give me your fucking medicine. I say that all the time. I'm mad because I said to it, no one ever gets the reference. And I'm like, did we all not watch the same video five years ago?
00:29:50
Speaker
this is on the internet you just don't
00:29:58
Speaker
Look, Shelly, Shelly is so... Why is this become about me? Because you open your mouth. You trying to make it seem like it's just weird. Right? You open your mouth. I didn't say it was weird. I said y'all have insiders as besties. You open your mouth. It's not even dead.
00:30:18
Speaker
You opened your mouth and we said something bad. And I'm also be clear that you and Bria also got fuck inside. I be sitting here looking stupid in the face, fairly moment. When do we operate? Only because we went to cookouts and things like that together. Y'all have inside us.
00:30:34
Speaker
What? Y'all be talking about eating fried chicken after New Year's Eve and going out together every New Year's Eve. The one story we have. There is literally one story that the family tradition that doesn't even exist anymore. So be blessed. Yeah, it doesn't. OK, not be blessed. We haven't. We haven't even. You can log out. You can log out. You can log out. I've been waking up New Year's Day every year for the past, I don't know how many years, like four or five years. Like five years. Hungry.
00:31:02
Speaker
Not hungry. Yeah, I don't know. Shall we be poppin' puss New Year's Eve somewhere? Why did you all be giving me this poppin' puss narrative? I feel like that's true, because the last- You do always still end up somewhere. I don't go out. No, nobody wanted to acknowledge a year that I stayed inside and did a money ritual instead of going out. So one year? Only three years ago.
00:31:32
Speaker
Last year, you were in fucking Africa for New Year's. Yeah, that's for you? What the fuck? I'm just saying, I want to be clear that, like, you. Who the hell? OK, we're off topic. Anyway, anyway. No, that happened. But then, and so, like, I wore, like, again, a hoodie, whatever, and they were like, I'm confused. The next time I had a doctor's appointment, that was Monday. I had another one on Thursday. Thursday came around, and I was like, boom, I'm about to give a little bit of femme. Like, I think y'all so confused.
00:32:02
Speaker
This bitch, this bitch read my ID again and looked confused and was like, she was like, I'm, she was like, I'm not sure what, like she literally was, I'm not sure what to do.
00:32:21
Speaker
And I was lost because I had on a crop top and a pair of shorts, because now it went from being 65 and rainy to 75 and fucking sunny. You know, humidity here is a thing. So, right. I popped out, um, had my little thighs out and shit, my little leg needs, but like, right. And it's funny cause I was like.
00:32:40
Speaker
So the hoodie and the sweatpants didn't confuse you, but the ID did. Now the ID and somewhat of my performance match, and now you're confused because you don't understand. One, probably what the X means, and two, where to place me, I guess, in your terms, like a gender. And it made me mad, because I was just like, either people are like, oh, you want to be a woman,
00:33:04
Speaker
Or people are like, oh, you're just a man that we're interested in and how we ensure it. And here's the gag. There are folks. There are men who navigate that way. But I think people have to start asking because people have to. People need to start asking and also have to start asking. Let me be honest. Because we're all doing our own things gender-wise. And everybody's on the spectrum of expression in terms of their gender. So asking folks who they are versus making an assumption, oh, you got a beard and your head is shaved.
00:33:33
Speaker
That makes you a man in the dress. Bitch, where is there a man? Where is there a man? Who? Who? Who said that? Who said that? Who said that? You said that? Who said that? Who that? I'm an owl now. Who? Who? It's you collecting all the characters that I've owned. Oh, exactly. I want to have a little bit of a candy candy. Why are we candy candy?
00:34:12
Speaker
I think Kandi has some of the best longevity highlights of that show. First of all, I remember that somebody had attached at the reunion, I guess Portia had said it, and Kandi was like, you said that? So it was like, who said that? Who said that? Who said that? Who said the who, who, who? And it was like, you said that? And Portia was crying on the couch. And I was like, girl.
00:34:32
Speaker
Who said that? Who said that? Who said that?
00:34:36
Speaker
Oh, candy legs and hips and body body body. Let's get them girls. If anybody forgets to let's get them girls, I'm like, is that not? And it's not correct. If you're going to fucking sing it, it's legs and hips and body, body, body. It's three bodies. And then there's a pause.
00:35:01
Speaker
If you count, it's about three beats. It's legs and hips and body, body, body, doom, doom, doom, doom. Let's get them girls. You got to count. Some of you girls don't count. It's, it's giving you five. Don't forget. It's also body, body, get one more after that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not Bria being like, there's some ghetto shelters about gender. I was talking about.
00:35:29
Speaker
No, I was, I was distracted. But, uh, well, on brand. Um, but yeah, so like, um, yeah, like that happened and it made me mad and something else happened too recently, but I'm going to let Shelly share because Shelly had a lot of, a lot of, there was something that Shelly said that made me come home from me. Right. And I, and I, and I said something after Shelly said this, so I'm going to come back to this.
00:35:56
Speaker
Eat the girls up, Shelly, period. I'm like, how do I start with where I was?
00:36:03
Speaker
What I was talking about I think was around just being like this very binary idea of queerness and like folks just seeing folks as queer based on their presentation and gender expression and all the shit. And I basically was just, I've been reflecting on this and then also there's somebody who runs this like queer page that really, I really love this queer page so much. It's specifically
00:36:33
Speaker
like black folks, black femmes, black folks who identify as femme, who are attracted to other black folks who identify as femme. And it's like, that's the entire page. And I'm like, wow. It's like heaven, but it's the fact that it took like up until maybe last year for me to find a page that evens like that, that is dedicated to that. And it just reminds me of, although like I don't,
00:37:02
Speaker
I don't feel attached to like gender roles in the binary. And in those ways, I know that like how I've heard people receive me or perceive who I am has been a chat has been attached to a binary that has
00:37:18
Speaker
gone into queerness in ways that I don't think should even be placed there at all. For example, if I'm not mass presenting, or if I don't look a certain way, then folks will be like, didn't know that you were queer, didn't know that you were this. And I'm like,
00:37:33
Speaker
that's also very wild to me because in how I move it's like very centered in being super queer. So the thing that got me is that it then had me thinking about like how folks like like may desire me or may not desire or have any attraction towards me because of like presentation and because I am like
00:37:56
Speaker
very both fluid and like very just queer not giving a fuck about any of the lines and how I move through this idea around gender. It's very like it can't really necessarily like always have placement for other folks but for me it's like I'm minding my business I'm perfectly fine but it just has me thinking a lot around like how folks have had these conversations around like
00:38:26
Speaker
what feels like to me, they're basically saying, you don't seem queer enough, or you're not moving in a way that I can perceive in this binary way of, are you in the very binary way? Are you the man or the woman in the queerness? And I'm like, nigga, neither. That's what I'm trying to let y'all know. Why the fuck do you... And it has been very frustrating to me because I've been around folks,
00:38:54
Speaker
And I've seen different people move around different folks. I've heard people literally be like, I only like mass folks who have locks. And I'm like, well, that ain't me, nigga. And I'm budget-influenced. Can we talk about the way? Because very much like you, I think people
00:39:17
Speaker
will see me in a very binary way. And I think a lot of things are binary, woman, man, mask, femme. And the mask femme thing also irritates me, because I think a lot of folks will be like, oh, I thought you were a femme. And I'm like, OK, well, what does being a femme mean? And not what does it mean, but if that is a presentation of gender, if that is a way to
00:39:41
Speaker
Engage with your gender, right? What does it mean if it's just something, if it's just about the clothes and the makeup? Like, what, or if you're wearing makeup, right? Cause some folks don't wear makeup, so to be clear, I don't, I don't, right? But like, if you're, if you're performing, if your expression of femme, everyone's expression of femme looks different, then how is it that?
00:39:57
Speaker
some of y'all are determining that you only like mask folks when like you don't know what someone is presenting or how someone is engaging with day-to-day life when they're not dressed, right? Because I think a lot of it is about, again, perception, but like visual perception, right? It's not about people listening to you or getting to know you or engaging with you. Because if people got to know and get engaged with me, sometimes I'm real, you know, it gives what it gives whenever it gives it. And that's it. Like it's a mixture, it's whatever, it's however I feel.
00:40:24
Speaker
It's not the same. So I think a lot of people talk about a contraction. I'm like, you don't even know how this, like this person, yes, could be giving you a femme moment. And also it could be a femme presenting person consistently, but it could be a mask, like a very masculine center or like a very, like a very dominant person, like in bed or like outside of this or like at home or like with their partners. You don't know that though, because you have not engaged with them beyond your perception or your visual of what they look like to you.
00:40:50
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I had to sit with this maybe like, I think two years ago when I was getting dressed for a gig, and I remember saying to myself, I was like, there is something in me that has at one point subconsciously dressed in a certain way, specifically when I'm performing.
00:41:10
Speaker
And I'm like, I, what's, what has then happened is that I think folks have perceived me in this very like fem way, this very like flowy in femininity way. And I named that. That's not like, although I can say I can literally be like, I'm a genderfluid femme and people will be like, oop, that means you're a woman. I'm like, bitch, I didn't say that.
00:41:33
Speaker
did the fuck I say that? Like I didn't. So I think for me, I've been leaning more into like, because what's the plot to this and so funny is that y'all see me like that, because maybe that's how I want to pop out. But on the day to day, I always make jokes about how I've been wearing a Scully and t shirt and leggings and how I'm really about to like, I really used to lock into my joggers and t shirts and be minding my business because
00:41:57
Speaker
I did not even like the presentation of people looking at my body in certain ways. And then on other days, I want to pop all my titties out. That doesn't mean that I'm any less than what I was before. It just means some days I pop out with the titties, and some days I'm like, don't look at my titties. Period. Dang it. What's the truth? And I think for me, now I'm at a place, because I remember two or three years ago, before I turned, we're both, are we both 30 now, Shirley? We are both 30.
00:42:29
Speaker
I'm 28. You'll be 29 in July. Okay. But also fuck age the way that I feel about a lot of other things because my expectations matter. True. Um, so like, I feel like
00:42:45
Speaker
Before I hit 30, I was very concerned about who wanted me and who didn't. I think I was butt hurt because I recognized, and people used to tell me like, oh Tyrell, you're not thinking about this. People would be like, and if you would be checking for you, people would be interested in you. They don't. And I'm going to tell you why I know they don't be.
00:43:03
Speaker
Because I understand where I am in this hierarchy of how, especially in the Black queer community, how we see folks, right? I understand that I am fat, I am dark-skinned. When I had hair, it was nappy, kinky, coyly. When I cut it off, I was bald-headed and looked like somebody's uncle. I mean, I understand that I am not perceived as attractive to a lot of the people in my community.
00:43:28
Speaker
And I do not think I'm unattractive myself. You got me fucked up. I'm one of the baddest bitches that I know, period. But, Shelly, please. One of the baddest bitches that I know as well. Oh my God, stop it. But what I also recognize is that
00:43:49
Speaker
I was like, it's no longer my job. Cause I would put myself in boxes. I would try to be, okay, I'm either strictly like a femme or I'm doing whatever else, mask of center or like whatever. Like trying to like play in that realm of like making myself feel like, no, I get like, I need to like be in a box. Cause maybe that's part of the problem. People can't perceive me and people can't understand what I'm serving and therefore I'm not seen as attractive. But I realized it didn't matter what the fuck I served. But it don't matter what I serve because you niggas don't want me either way anyway. But you know who wants me, bitch? I do.
00:44:19
Speaker
If you want me, I'm going to fuck me. I'm going to take me on dates. I took me on a trip. I went to do it myself for a week and it was fucking marvelous. I had a great time. I was sickly and it was a struggle. But not sickly. Girl, you know that too, because I was sexy. I mean, yeah, but we don't want that. We don't want to bring that. I had a whole ear infection. My goodness. That's what it was? Yeah, it was an infection.
00:44:45
Speaker
Yikes. Um, but like it just like I just like I realized it doesn't
Dating Dynamics in Queer Communities
00:44:50
Speaker
matter. It doesn't matter how I how I perform. It doesn't matter what I wear. It doesn't matter how I see myself. Um, because other folks will always project whatever they see on to me and I will also in terms and that will also then in turn, uh, impact or even like sway their attraction towards me.
00:45:09
Speaker
And if I'm being honest, I feel like my experience with other trans and non-binary and gender queer folks has been a fucking one. Dating cis people for me no longer works because cis folks don't understand how to engage with other people's bodies who are not cis.
00:45:32
Speaker
And I'm like, I'm going to say, I'm being a bit messy, share my business, but I always do that up here, so whatever. It's only like Fabulous anyway, so it's cool. Step up closer to the mic. To the mic.
00:45:47
Speaker
Also, just to say it might be five now, but as this is archived, hello to the 500s. I listened to this 10 years back. It is the year 2023 of the world. Period. And we are still around, so you can find us. Might even be 5,000, 5 million. Okay. Love you. Bye.
00:46:03
Speaker
No, like I lost my train of thought because of fucking Shelly. What was I saying, y'all? You said you were going to be a little messy and talk about your life. Yeah, OK. Not you remembering that part, but nothing else. Like the time you're supposed to meet. Wow. Crazy. Outrageous. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. A drag. A drag. We're supposed to meet somewhere now? No, I mean like for the podcast. But I was here on time. Today.
00:46:32
Speaker
I be here. What are you talking about?
00:46:37
Speaker
What? How does this energy come from? Oh my god. How does it feel? Because Shelly remembered the mess, but couldn't remember when we recorded. And I was like, wow. Wow. In Shelly's defense, Shelly was prepared. So. Wow, Bria, you probably know. Thank you. You also, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. Anyway. Thank you. I don't know you not. I know. Thank you. I know. I know. What's up? What's up? I don't know what this is.
00:47:07
Speaker
I can be naked with everybody. What's up? It's given Chihuahua energy and I am a very happy minding my business. But if you want to fight, you know, I'm down for it. I'm with the shit. It's whatever wonderful. Chihuahua. But we also know that if it's what it's going to be and the girls want to squatter the fuck up, then come and beat the fuck up. If not, what's up?
00:47:32
Speaker
Anyway. I want to say something responsive, but I'm not going to on air, so. I'll be a pedicist, so you know what's up. I'll beat your gig. I can pull up. You can get beat up in the parking lot. That's it. Thanks. Anyway, no, I'm talking, I have been engaging with a trans person for quite some time. And like, when I tell you this experience has been eye opening,
00:48:01
Speaker
Like having another trans person be like, we have these different, that's what's hyping it to me. We have these different bodies. Oh. Okay. We'll chat later. Get the fuck out of here. Okay, sorry. Sorry. We'll take you along with your sweet story. We'll chat later.
00:48:29
Speaker
But yeah, no. So like, I've been talking to another trans mask, another trans person who is also a trans mask. But like, again, I think that that's another piece of that too. Because whether the trans mask folks that I've engaged with, like, engage with masculinity is not the same. It's a very different form of masculinity. It feels healthier to me. It feels more open. It feels honest. It's very different. But anyway.
00:48:51
Speaker
Having somebody who understands that our bodily anatomy is different and that we will come in different ways. We are aroused in different ways. We like different things. We've been able to explore with each other in ways that have been so meaningful to me because dating, talking to cis people, cis men, and women, for those of y'all that are confused, everybody got a piece.
00:49:14
Speaker
It hasn't been enjoyable because there's a level of expectation and there's no understanding about how sex can be different for different body types and for different people in general. So I was like to have somebody who folks in my presentation either way, because I'd be out here in sweatpants. I wore a cute little high waisted skirt and like a little crop top with my cheeks out yesterday. And I think it was like, oh, I love that for you. And I was like, what's up? And I was like, stop, Zaddy.
00:49:45
Speaker
But it's given over the course of the experience, right? It feels like I have never had to put myself in a box. And because of that, the experience overall has been amazing. Like again, the experience with the sex, with the orgasms, with like the engagement, like with the community, even the communication is different. I don't know what you cis niggas are doing in your spare time, but it's not learning communicative skills. You niggas,
00:50:15
Speaker
Do not know how to talk to each other. It is wild. I don't have the words. Y'all don't know how to speak to each other. I mean, there is like, when I realized how I'm being talked to, cause even like, for example, like Shelly is another person I think who is, calm down, babe. Not too much neck. Not too much neck. Put the neck back, put the neck back.
00:50:39
Speaker
Okay. Shelly is another like non-binary person who I think when, like who speaks and it's loving, right? Like it can be firm. It can be direct. It can be clear. It's loving. I also don't know. Look up. I think Brea is another person who is like, you know,
00:51:10
Speaker
uh, like that were like, it's, it can, it, it, it, it can be shady. It could be cute. It can be messy, but like, it's also like very, you make a fact, but it's loving, right? It's supposed to be a compliment. Here's the thing, right? I think it's working its way there. No, what I say, well, you do be treating me bad, but like, no, I'm right. I'm not going to do this on air either. Um,
00:51:39
Speaker
What I'm saying is that I feel like the way that we talk to each other, even when it's honest and it's direct and it could be piercing, it's not meant to break you. It's done out of love and concern and care or genuine investment in each other as people. To me, the way that I hear cis folks talk to each other, I'm like, y'all don't even like each other for real. Well, I saw this is such a random aside, but it made me think about it.
00:52:09
Speaker
the discourse of people talking about not wanting to fly out for somebody's wedding or not wanting to go to somebody's wedding or something. I don't really remember how it started. I didn't watch the original, I think it was from a TikTok and then people were like, oh, I don't want to do this for somebody's blah, blah, blah, and I'm just like, damn.
00:52:36
Speaker
I think I think originally what it was, was that the person was having a wedding, but they weren't paying for a reception or something like that. And they were like, Oh, I don't want to fly for that. And like, y'all not about to like, where's the food with the drinks with a blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, girl,
00:52:53
Speaker
Do you know that you're not just showing up for a party? Like, yeah. Like, can you not just celebrate your homegirl and like go home? Like, I don't know. I don't know. Let me tell you something. People are entitled to needing to be spoiled for things that don't have anything to do with them. Like, bitch, this is not even about you. Yeah. So I was just like going back to like cis people have like in their relationship, like even in their friends. Right. And like, for example, your friend's birthdays are not about you.
00:53:23
Speaker
If your friend says, Hey, if your friend says, Hey, I want to go to a Comic Con, like I want to go to a comic convention and then I want to go get food at my favorite restaurant. It's not about you. Get your shit up. Nobody wants to get their shit together. Get your shit up. Get your ass up. Put your clothes on. Put your shit together friend. Right. Like I don't understand why people feel like it needs to be something that you also want to do.
00:53:49
Speaker
Like, it's not about you. If my friend says, I'm turning 30, I want to hit, you know, I want to go to, to, to, to Cote d'Ivoire. I want to go to the Ivory coast. Okay. Now that's about price. That's different. But also like, I don't know. It doesn't have, like, it doesn't have to be like, it's not about you. Right. Yeah. You're reminding me of something I'm doing. I haven't, I'll tell them.
00:54:18
Speaker
probably soon, but, or they'll, if they listen to this episode, they'll hear it. I'm canceling my 30th birthday trip because I realized it's not about the 20 people that I want to coordinate to put this with. I'm using that same money and I'm going to go travel and go live life. And I will let folks know where I am. And if they desire- You want to come to me, you come to me. If you want to come, you'll figure out how to get there.
00:54:54
Speaker
For my 30th, I want to definitely plan to do something for myself. And if you want to meet me. Bria did that a couple of years ago for a birthday. I definitely did. And I showed up and I was like, bitch, I'll be there. I'll be there.
00:55:09
Speaker
I'm like, whoever shows up, shows up. Right. Show it up. It was hot. You know, we was in a struggle. It was. It was very hot. But we had fun. We got hot. We had a good time. We got trust. I got trust. I mean, you know, we had a good time. Yes. We had fabulous brains. You came into York. You didn't get lost. Yeah. Because I roll with you. I mean, yeah. But I think you are very, like,
00:55:32
Speaker
anxious we're going like it's fine you're good we're on the bus i know where to go the bus and the train you were giving like
00:55:49
Speaker
Me and Kree were like, oh, like the bus stop over there. We could just go real quick and like get to where we're going to go. And I was like, how? What do you mean? I'm going to feel like I don't have any money. I was like, it's fine. And I think it was also that I was like, oh, sometimes people just don't pay getting on the bus. And I was like, what do you mean? And you were like, what are you talking about? I was like, they're not going to say anything to you. You pay if you want, but they're really not.
00:56:17
Speaker
Because a lot of times, it's a transfer from the train. The transfer is free if it's within a certain amount of time. So if you're taking the train and you transfer to the bus to go the rest of the way, then it's whatever. And so people are not going to stop you. I didn't know that. I tried to be like, it's fine. It's like, oh my god, what the fuck?
00:56:39
Speaker
I was just like, girl, the bus is coming. Let's just go. No, I said I did. Right. No, I turned 30 in December and I said that was the last thing I'm going to plan. From now on, I'm going to tell the girls where I'm going. And if you want to come, you can come and you can. And I'm going to tell you this, too, when you get there. I want to start thinking about what you should do. My itinerary is set to be clear. I know what I want to do.
00:57:04
Speaker
I will send you my itinerary and you can pick and choose what you want to do, but I'm still going to do the shit that I planned on doing. Yeah. Whoever made the tradition of normalizing that the folks who are to be celebrated and to be centered are also the folks that are simultaneously doing anxiety inducing, making sure everybody else is catered to traditions of weddings and birthdays and all other things.
Rethinking Celebrations and Family Roles
00:57:28
Speaker
Even baby showers is not even the fuck about you. It's about the whole child. So throw all of that shit out.
00:57:34
Speaker
All of it, like every single, even kids' birthdays. A one-year-old's birthday don't have shit to do with the one-year-old for the most part, except for a little bit of snacks and all the kids. It be all the adults. Ain't no shade, but I don't want to order anyway. If I'm keeping it in the book with y'all, I don't want to go.
00:57:51
Speaker
I don't want to go to a one-year-old birthday party. I like to go to all the celebrations. I don't have to coordinate. If I'm not coordinating. Which is fair, but I feel like no shade. Your baby is one. That nigga's not going to remember this. And honestly, I don't have a child to breathe. I don't have a child to bring. So I don't feel like I should be showing up to a one-year-old birthday party, even if you are my good cousin, because
00:58:18
Speaker
I don't want to be there. That's also the problem, it's not about the baby, it's about us getting drunk together. We can do that any fucking time. We don't have to do that at the baby birthday party. Not at the baby birthday party with the baby birthday gift. But the birthday gift, I'm ripping my little birthday gift. I do feel it's very real about like, girl, I don't have a baby to bring. So like, I don't have, like, you know,
00:58:46
Speaker
The babies are not having fun with each other. I don't have. And they're one. They're not even. And then that's the thing, too. Like, you got, that's the thing. People love, like, that, when it comes to childbirth, specifically. Everybody got a range of babies, like, ages. So you got niggas who are, like, one. And then you got the five and six-year-olds who also, they also bring those kids, too. And I'm like, but this is a one-year-old party. Why is your six-year-old, you got six-year-olds? Very different frame of life. Trying to beef.
00:59:15
Speaker
or trying to play with his one year old baby. You know that baby is too damn big for that. You're a big, you're a nigga. Can't stand up and the bouncy, in the bouncy, in the little bouncy play house thing. Why you put the baby in the air? That nigga is two. He just started walking six months ago. He can't stay still. He can't bounce.
00:59:35
Speaker
You feel very passionate of it all. Very passionate about it. The joy of it all. Because that's really there. Oh, it's stupid. Do all of that bitch have a cookout. This time I'm going to be dancing out for the celebration. I can't. I was trying to think of like a transitionary question that I don't know that I have one.
00:59:59
Speaker
as we wrap it up. I don't have one just yet, but I would like the listeners to just if they could help me think around this. If folks can think around something that's an alternative to an auntie and uncle that doesn't feel as binary, please. A uncle.
01:00:13
Speaker
No, no, it's no it's still bitch. It's a porn called it. Sorry. Oh no, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
01:00:32
Speaker
any ideas anyway it's a movie scene called gunkles and i was like why is it called gunkles it's like gay uncles and i was like oh but like i think i'm upset because i was like why did you use this as the fucking scene name no but you know there's anything that has family ties too oh sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry go ahead okay go ahead brave you got a question
01:00:54
Speaker
I don't have a question. I was just trying. I really was trying to think through your, your inquiry. Um, because yeah, I feel like I've taken Antia's default, but you know.
01:01:04
Speaker
I feel connected to it. I do. I do. But I'm just wondering, I'm like, bitch, I don't want to be called that. I'm like, I don't want to be an uncle. My father be using Arabic names as if he's not a grandpa. Oh my gosh, he love his Baba Baba. That is what he he chose for himself to be called instead of grandpa.
01:01:32
Speaker
Yeah. And he eats that up. Yeah. He does. My mom was coming up with a bunch of random... I don't even know. So we're not gonna... Oops. So we're not gonna... You have something to say? Right.
01:01:45
Speaker
We're not going to talk about how I feel like that gives a tad bit whole time. I mean, I've already said that. We have, have we not talked about how many whole times? We've talked about that. Yeah. I'm like, it's not a hidden thing. It's a known thing. Yeah, it's very known fact. Whole times. It's a very heavy whole tepary. Whole tepary amongst one another. Whatever my dad posts on his Instagram stories, just skip it. Don't.
01:02:12
Speaker
Got it. But anyway, I will think very hard about if there's a term or a word that, you know, I know nibbling is like... You don't like it? I don't really.
01:02:29
Speaker
This is stupid. I think it's cute, but I don't, it's not, I don't really use it. I feel like when people use that shit, I have yet to see a nigga. No, I've heard, I know people. I know people that use that. You know niggas. I've only heard people of color use that. I've never. Never heard nigga be like nibbling. Never. No. I've only heard queer people of color use that, so. I was gonna say I could think of one, but I realized my nieces and nephews don't call me anything, because I'll be talking to them for real. Oh, okay.
01:03:00
Speaker
And it's no shade, but yeah, I don't, I don't, I said when they, when they become teenagers and they feel like they're gay, like then send them to me, but otherwise. I'm just, you know, support. I feel like, when they get older, if they're like, if the family, if certain folks are like, I can't hold this, I can't do this, go to your queer auntie. Don't wait, you're going to cook them a full cook meal. I'm gonna walk them in with so much.
01:03:30
Speaker
I'm gonna sit them down and then I'm gonna ask them questions about what they feel comfortable with. Like, is it okay if I invite communities of queer folks over so that you can see what it's like to have this? Would we be a part of these queer elders? Because like, we are... Yes! We're already 30! We're on our way to be queer elders!
01:03:52
Speaker
Wow, that's so true. That's what I'm saying. I love that for the potential of what I can do. I'm just like, send them around here so that they don't grow up being fuck motherfuckers and not understanding the fuckers in their family approximately. Maybe since we only have like a few minutes related to that. And yeah, I'm trying to post formulate the question.
01:04:22
Speaker
As a queer elder, how would you like to leave behind, you know? Maybe some words.
01:04:32
Speaker
believe behind for like in just in general it doesn't have to you know i am building a record collection tasty and i pulled some stuff from like my childhood so there's some like so there's some stevie well not my childhood but like what i heard is it kids like there's some stevie wonder i'm looking for a fuji's vinyl right now can't i'm i'm determined look for you oh my god thank you
01:05:00
Speaker
I bought a Stevie Wonder one and I think I said that, but like the Fugees, I just bought a Jill Scott, I bought Jill Scott's first album. What? It was a $50 vinyl and I couldn't believe that it cost that much. I mean, I could have probably found a cheaper somewhere else. We have a store here that every vinyl at the store costs a dollar, so.
01:05:15
Speaker
I'll look for you. And I'll bring you. What's mine on? Please let me know. If you see a Frank one. I got the Missy Elliott one, like a Mary J. Blige. Like, I'm just so happy about the collection. But yeah, like I am. So I started building out that. I also have a few of my own. So like I love Khalid. I think he's definitely queer. Yeah. Yeah. But he had to set it. But you know, I think I and I and I don't want to I also don't want to label him if he has a label himself that but it's giving those vibes for me.
01:05:41
Speaker
I also love Alana Ray's first album. I added that Alicia Keys. I'm sorry. Studs been keys. Studs been keys. It's her diary album. It's the very first one.
01:05:56
Speaker
Head on my pillow, dragon days, when the fire's hot. OK. But yeah, sorry. But yeah, like I am so I'm building about it. I want to leave them that because I think it'll be full of queer shit. And not even if it's not queer, I think a lot of like my childhood, those songs were playing for me and my background. And then
01:06:21
Speaker
Shelly said this before, and I've been trying to figure out how to do it, but Shelly said that they wanted to leave a book for anybody that comes along about all the experience that they had, all the things that you saw, all the things you wanted to do. And then Shelly said that she would also explicitly put in this book how to conjure her, how to bring her to the outside. Wow, that kind of sounds like...
01:06:51
Speaker
What are we writing? Wow, it's kind of crazy. Stop it. It does. Oh my gosh, it's behind the scenes. I ain't go. I ain't go get into it. I ain't go get into it. You'll see it when you see it. You'll see it when you see it. Period. Keep your eyes open. But no, Shelly said that, like, I think like four or five, six episodes ago. And I was like, oh my god, that's a fucking fan. That is really great. Yeah. That also reminds me of this.
01:07:21
Speaker
video game called Seasons really quick is about like this, like the world is like ending and entering into a new season. And like this person was chosen from their village to like kind of like record everything in the world that's available. So like, they take their own memories like memories of their village and then they they're
01:07:44
Speaker
They're in a village or a community that is insulated and they're tasked with going out and recording everything in the world to sounds and
01:07:53
Speaker
taking pictures of things and like picking up postcards and like whatever. So it's very cute. Y'all should check it out. I will also, I will say really quick, I would like to leave behind a super fly as fly as collection of clothes. Thank you. People have been bucking my head up about like, you know, my style a lot. You know, I go to work and people are like- No work fits. It's just- No work though. I hate them out.
01:08:21
Speaker
You know, thank you so much. I really I do I do really good work. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Rhea with the black t shirt, the pinstripe pair and then like
01:08:43
Speaker
I have to read up my spring summer, you know, I have to give you custom mirror at this point because the series that you're giving to that space is 10 out of 10.
01:08:59
Speaker
Another fit? Every Wednesday with Thursday, you know, sometimes, yeah. You can give us a recap, or like a collage of them, because... I really should, but I don't have them, I don't necessarily have them saved. I should see if I can... It's on your archives, it's okay. Yeah, if it's in my archives. Maybe I'll do like a year end of my favorite fits, you know. Yeah, on your page as your highlight, so I can go back and look. I should, yeah, I should do that, thank you!
01:09:27
Speaker
So yeah, I think I would like to do something similar like Shelly, Shelly in Tyro said, and then maybe do that with like fits, clothes, you know.
01:09:38
Speaker
Um, putting together my favorite outfits where I went, you know, I think I want to be more outside, you know, this, this spring summer. So I think that, come on, spring summer leave behind the memories of me and these amazing outfits and where I went. So eating them up, eating them up. Love to see it. Um, so what I would.
01:10:01
Speaker
What I want to leave is just as many forms of joy as possible, whether it's tangible or just the feeling of it, whether that is like traditions that have started that can then be picked up and they center joy that they have like touch points for.
01:10:21
Speaker
or whether it is that it's just like places and spaces to go for joy, if there are things that exist. And then just having those things archived, because even if I archive them and then they don't exist anymore, at least they have the knowledge that that did exist. It's the fact that there was a whole Black Joy Festival here in Newark.
01:10:46
Speaker
like 50 years ago and I had no idea. The only Black Joy Festival I've ever known, I think it's like in Oakland. And the fact that it happened like five minutes away from my house and I've asked a bunch of people in my family that they know about it because they lived here in Newark since like, I don't know, like the 30s or 40s or something.
01:11:05
Speaker
And I asked if they know about it and they were like, no. And I'm like, this is so wild, but it's a moment for me to think like, oh, I'm thinking I'm gonna do something. I'm like, maybe it hasn't happened if I do do it. And it's just like, no, there's historical reference to it. So I think having references to what joy looks like.
Creating Black Archives and Legacies
01:11:23
Speaker
And then also, just for a moment of like, when you feel like, man, fuck this world, this shit is ridiculous and this is a hot ass mess.
01:11:32
Speaker
And this needs to be created for me to have spaces where I feel safer and more joyous than they have some type of archive thing where they know where to create those things. That's also reminding me, I went to the Schomburg Center this weekend. We've been outside. I'm trying to go out, y'all. I'm trying.
01:11:58
Speaker
I didn't know that I was still going to go. So it's I'm sorry. When I go to the one here.
01:12:05
Speaker
Wow. You never told me what day it was. You never got back to me. Anyway, so I went for the Black Comic Book Festival, which is also amazing. But that was my first time at the Schangberg Center in Harlem. And that was making me think a lot about, and I was just like, I didn't know that this place was here or existed or whatever. But just like, it's like an archival place of like,
01:12:30
Speaker
black American history. And I'm like, yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love it. It's so beautiful. Which of us I like making our archives of black queer history of our lives, you know? Yeah. I told somebody I was a black archivist and they were like, did you make that word up? I'm like, no. No. I didn't. Yeah. No.
01:12:56
Speaker
Yeah, that's me making the family tree I'm actually archiving the black experience of my family right, you know what's funny though is I thought about it because I was thinking about like how my grandmother died a couple years ago and she didn't leave there wasn't much that she left behind and I was like
01:13:18
Speaker
I feel like there's a shift where we can focus on what it looks like to archive and think about leaving stuff behind for whatever duration or whoever comes before after us. But I think about my grandmother who was working a job and had one semester left before she got her bachelor's from ODU and her commitment looked different and her wants looked different.
01:13:42
Speaker
And so I'm like, to her, she was concerned about archiving and she was concerned about survival, right? And I'm like, now I'm in a place where I don't have the necessarily worry about survival. So I have rooms to think about things like archiving, right? Whereas I wanted my grandmother to leave stuff behind, like her record player and her records and her iPod, which she did. I didn't get any of it. But like, I wanted some of those things.
01:14:05
Speaker
Um, but I'm like, whatever I leave behind is not going to be owned by one person. It's going to be something that everyone can access because you should be able to. So if there's a child that's a queer comes along, you know, for concentration after me, right?
01:14:21
Speaker
You got something from 2020, whatever, from 1992 to wherever I live. And I got some shit. You got photos of me and shit. You can find me. I got sit. You'll be able to see my writings. My journals will still be open. You'll be able to say, oh,
01:14:36
Speaker
i like this person existed and someone made a conscious effort to at least record something so that they could hand it off to me so i don't feel like i'm by myself even when i think about like ancestral practices right like i really want to leave some shit behind because
01:14:52
Speaker
There's no one helping me do this. There's no one that's helping guide me. I'm having to figure this out by trial and error. And it's been a whole lot of error. So it'd be nice if I didn't say, hey, girl, this is what I practiced. This is what I did for my ulcer. This is what I ended up practicing later on in life. You may not want to practice it this way. You may decide to root towards Christianity or whatever. But here's some type of guidebook or some type of thing to let you know that what you're experiencing, what you're feeling, what you're seeing, you're not crazy.
01:15:20
Speaker
Also without a mental health thing, it's real. You're, you're not wiling. Your ancestors are talking to you. There's nobody, there's no, there was no one to tell me that. So I was out here thinking and I was like losing my mind and shit. I was like, Oh my God, I have this, I have that mental health issue. I have this thing I have to go check out. I should go, you know, put myself like, you know, take, check, check myself in for like safety. Like, and then going through all of that and realizing bitch, nothing's wrong with you.
01:15:44
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You know what would be cute? We're out of time. But we are. I was going to say, I feel like next time, because this this feels like a conversation that came out of like 15 other conversations. Yeah.
01:15:59
Speaker
I have an episode within the episode. So I feel like creating the Black Archive is like an episode we should do. I'm glad you like that. Yeah, we'll be making the topic for next time, period. So we don't have to decide at the last minute.
01:16:17
Speaker
So I love that, like, I absolutely love that topic. And when I think about like archiving, it reminds me of all of the senses as well. And just like putting this out there for like expansion, like for us and all things we do, although a podcast and something that is auditory and we're having a voice, doing an in-person installation or anything like that, we're like, we then have this later on. It's like,
01:16:42
Speaker
We're doing more tangible things that are like in person and you're hearing the voices. We should look into it. That's where there is giving, yummy, imaginative. And also, I'm like, maybe we should have like a digital archive party while we're like fucking recording or something. Because I'm like, I know Shelly's been doing the whole digital
01:17:02
Speaker
family tree and such. I'm like, I love using a Canva because that's a good time for me. You do love using a Canva. I do. I do love a Canva edit. But anyway, we gotta wrap up, but I'm excited about all of the conversations and just like Black queer joy. Anything else before we go? No, I think I'm good. And I love y'all too.
01:17:31
Speaker
And we gonna see y'all on a regular basis. Bri, are you not gonna express a lot? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just trying to end. I love y'all. I'm so sorry. Also, therapy is starting soon. Yeah, we gotta go. Bye. Bye.