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Ep 100: Hard Target
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For our 100th episode, we chose one of our favorite bad movies, John Woo's American directorial debut, HARD TARGET, starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Arnold Vosloo and Wilford Brimley! JCVD agrees to help a woman who is searching for her missing homeless father in the streets of New Orleans. Henriksen and Vosloo run a service that lets rich assholes hunt the most dangerous game, MAN! They get their men by culling the streets of homeless veterans, but this will be their last hunt if Van Damme has anything to say about it. Terrible Cajun accents, roundhouse kicks, splits, explosions and whiskey that makes a jack rabbit jump up and slap a bear!
Check out Jack and Derrick's Star Wars podcast Han Took Shots First
Get more content on our Patreon at patreon.com/worsepeople
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction and Movie Selection
00:00:00
Speaker
welcome to the one hundredth episode a and um man This is a podcast. It's not just a noise making session. If you're you, it's a podcast. If you're me, it's a noise making session. And if you're me, it's interrupting you all the time. Interrupting who? This is our 100th episode. And it's off to a mess. Yes. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm Welcome Derek. to the 100th episode! I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies. Worst People. Times 100. Woo!
00:01:02
Speaker
Wait, what was that?
Exploring 'Hard Target' and Van Damme's Role
00:01:03
Speaker
Whoo! And who's this movie directed by? Whoo! Thank you. We're back. We were already back because I was on there, but we're back. We're talking about 1993's John Woo, American debut.
00:01:19
Speaker
Hard target. And the reason that it started as a mess is because we are all three the excite. All the excite. I'm just going to speak for all of us. We love this movie. yeah There's a reason we chose it. It wasn't unseen before. So, I mean, spoil the recommendations, but yeah, we recommended it to ourselves. Let's ah break down why it's considered a bad movie. How did it it do in box office?
00:01:39
Speaker
Um, I did OK. It cost 18 million. It made 32 million in US and Canada, 74 million worldwide. That's not too bad. I did all right. I did pretty good by our standards. But I think it's considered a bad movie because the star is Jean-Claude Van Damme. And despite how much I love him and I own so many of his movies, I don't think any of his movies are considered good. I was just going to kind of get into that. Like you're talking to one of the biggest J.C.V.D fans. He is probably the weak spot of this movie. Don't you have a J.C.V.D. bracelet? I do. I had to make it myself because he wouldn't sell me one. He's no longer returning my calls. He wears it for himself, though.
00:02:17
Speaker
I was like, I have a really good idea. I was like, it's a good idea. I am now wearing that forever. His just says WWID. But no, I mean, this movie is really, really awesome. And he is awesome in it for the sense of this podcast. But I think if you put somebody else here that has acting and fighting chops, it's a much bigger movie. You just told me it did good. Yeah. But this could be a much like Stone Cold. This could be a household name. Well, maybe much like Stone Cold.
00:02:44
Speaker
that Stone cold should be a household name. Pretty sure this is more well known than that. Every house I hang out in knows stone cold because I bring a copy with me. It might have done better if Jean-Claude Van Damme had kept his sc grubby little fingers off it. i Derek has informed me there is somewhere out there, not in distribution, but on the cutting room floor is a John Woo cut.
00:03:05
Speaker
Oh, so it's going to be like an hour longer, right? It's like ah about two hours, only about 25 minutes longer. But it's going to have more Lance. Yeah. And that's never a bad thing. And that was the big thing. Van Damme said this is a Van Damme movie, not a Lance Henriksen movie. And this is a damn, damn, damn movie. Not a damn, damn if anybody gets their greasy hands on my film, right?
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, so John Woo directed it with some assistance from Sam Raimi, which I just recently learned. Yeah. Because Universal, this was John Woo's first American movie. His previous one was Hard Boiled, which kind of blew him up in America. It was a huge movie over here, even though it wasn't English and everything. Yeah. I mean, this was around the time we're getting like Jackie Chan and that kind of stuff. So it was becoming more popular here.
00:03:58
Speaker
as far as mainstream audiences go. But we've always been looking for the next Bruce Lee. Yeah. But ah he did it and then he edited it with a guy named Murashawa, I think his name was. And he loved it. And Jean-Claude Van Damme was like, nope, not enough me. So he locked himself in the editing room with another guy for like two days and they re-edited it. They just sat there and jerked each other off. Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker
And apparently there was a a big thing. So Sam Raimi was there because Universal wasn't 100 percent confident that John Woo could direct American actors or English speaking actors as well, because he didn't speak any English at the time. He had a translator on set.
00:04:36
Speaker
Well, it doesn't show because it came out well. Yeah, it was Sam Raimi was there, but he's like, I didn't have to do anything. But the one thing I did see, we did get somebody watching an interview with John Woo about this. And apparently Sam Raimi, they had a big meeting with executives and whatnot. And Sam Raimi stood up for him as far as like this being a Van Damme cut. Yeah. He was like, this is bullshit. He's like, you want a John Woo movie? Make it a fucking John Woo movie, not a Van Damme movie. He is an actor. He did his part.
00:05:04
Speaker
yeah Now it's up to the other people to do their parts. And John Woo was saying, he's like this he's like, I had no idea how to handle any of this, because that would never happen in Hong Kong. But also, apparently, at least at the time, there weren't like popular directors in Hong Kong. People just went to see movies. Yeah. I mean, also, JCVD is
John Woo's Directorial Challenges and Industry Insights
00:05:21
Speaker
the biggest thing at this time, in this movie rather. like From this movie, nobody's bigger. Say what you want about Sven O'Thorson. No, what about Lance? Lance is a less than a household name, sadly.
00:05:33
Speaker
Really? Yeah, I would say so. I mean, he's known at this point. You know, he did Aliens. um I mean, kind of his biggest solo outing. he He did that one movie with the guy in the wheelchair.
00:05:45
Speaker
Uh-huh. Savage Dawn. Savage Dawn. Yeah, but that's not like a... That's not a household name. We're talking about movies people have seen though. The reason we're talking about most of these movies is nobody saw them. I mean, for anybody that's listening to this and people that are on this podcast, it's a household name. Yes. Yeah, I mean... You fucking love Laning Head. My daughter knows who Laning Head is. Yeah, Razor Right. Razor Right. But there's another fun little clip.
00:06:09
Speaker
Cameo, we get. He's also in Terminator, by the way. Yeah. But because Sam Raimi directed this, we get a fun little cameo. We don't get Sam Raimi. We get some Raimi. We get some Raimi. Well, Ted, ra Sam Raimi doesn't appear in his own movies, but Ted Raimi appears in everything he's even tangentially array related with. He's the ah poor man's. What's the Howard's name? Not Ron. Oh, the brother. Good God. Yeah.
00:06:35
Speaker
That's where I'm at right now. Clint. Thank you. she He's the poor man's Clint Howard. ah Quick and the Dead was after this. I believe so. Yeah, 95. As she was talking about big movies that he would have been in. I mean, Aliens. Well, my parents loved him.
00:06:48
Speaker
I mean, before this, the biggest movie he was in that was like a Lance Henriksen movie was Pumpkinhead. ah okay Oh, OK. Oh, Powder's after this. Yeah, which is a fairly popular horror movie. That's the kid with the big fat bottle coat glasses and like. Coke bottle? Didn't. Isn't that what I said? You said bottle coke. Oh. She was thinking about the old days when she used to buy bottles of cocaine. I might have had a stroke and I've been talking backwards all day. Well, we kind of see somebody about that.
00:07:15
Speaker
There's like this creature thing that comes out and it doesn't look anything like a pumpkin. My sister made me watch that when I was a kid. That's cool. Smart. But no, I'm not trying to, I love, I love Lance. I just don't think he's a household name. If you ask most people on the street at a 20, I would say maybe one or two know him. Okay. By name. And you could, I mean, you could show a picture and some people might be like, Oh, Bishop.
00:07:37
Speaker
Yeah, but I think you're going to get that more than anything is. Oh, Bishop, the Android. I did see. I see an iPhone. What did I read it or did I see it in the John Woo interview? I watched. I can't remember. But there was a thing about John Woo going to they had like a screening as Hollywood does. You know, people come to see the movie. Sure. And he like I guess John Woo went to like turn to a producer and was like, we don't ever do this in Hong Kong. Like this is weird. And he's like, well, how do you know if people like the movie or not?
00:08:04
Speaker
And he responded, well, because if they don't like the movie, then they light the movie theater on fire and cut the seats. Jesus. we We are in high stakes critics here, dude. You ready to go to the movies? Yeah. You got your candy? Yeah. You got your box cutter? Yeah. You got your gasoline and matches? You bet. But ah you know, he John Woo had a couple of scripts on his plate for his first American Hollywood movie.
00:08:31
Speaker
And one of them was face off, which he turned down to do this. And then four years later, he did face off anyway, which I fucking love. things I just love that they had the script off. No more drugs for that man. I love that they had the script. And John w said no. And they were like, well, ill just wait till he says yes. Nobody else is going to do this. like Apparently, he didn't like the sci fi elements of it. That wasn't like his thing. He did.
00:08:58
Speaker
Hong Kong action. I mean, outside of the face swapping, I guess. Oh, I guess that magnetic boot jail cell. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. I wouldn't really call that sci-fi. I wouldn't either. But if you're John Woo, like compared to this movie, it is. Yeah.
00:09:13
Speaker
This movie is just good old down home cooking. The gumbo was tragedy. All right. Let's get to this, please. The tale of. That's. A hard target. The tale of a hard target. It runs longer than John Claude Van Damme's extensions, which did not look bad. John Woo did do other movies. People might know besides Face Off.
00:09:36
Speaker
He had Broken Arrow. Oh, yeah. John Travolta. Unfortunately, Mission Impossible 3. So he he did a bunch of cool Hong Kong movies. Then he had this. He had Broken Arrow. He had Face-Off. And then he had Mission Impossible 3. Did they let him woo on 3?
00:09:52
Speaker
What did they let him or two? Sorry, Mission Impossible 2, not three. I bet. Oh, and also he was it was out into it was the they will the fuck out. But it's also the worst mission impossible. It's the wrong wooing. Yeah. And I'm sure Tom Cruise has something to do with that. But yeah, he did that. He did Mission Impossible to win talkers paycheck. So like a bunch of bad, bad movies. Yeah. I don't know. Wind Talkers might be okay. Wind Talkers might be the exception. You said, I do. However,
Cinematography and Script Evolution
00:10:19
Speaker
we've talked about Broken Arrow a couple of times. It's just come up on this podcast. I haven't seen it in a long time. That might be that might be worth watching. It's got Howie how he Long. Well, it's got Christian Slater. Well, it's got John Travolta.
00:10:32
Speaker
Well, it's got me. Well, it's got Princess Daisy. I forget the actress' name. Uh, Samantha Mathis. I don't know who Daphne Zewaldigas is. She was really close with the Daphne Zewaldigas. She was real close to close to Daphne Zuniga from Melrose Place. Is that where you're going? ah I was pretty excited. I thought you just made up a name, Daphne Zewaldigas.
00:10:53
Speaker
Or I was hungry for soup. I mean, yeah, no, I totally just, like, thought of that on the fly. You know that famous actress, Jennifer Kockensticks? This one was written by a guy named Chuck Farr, who wrote... The first movie he wrote was Sudden Impact, which was the fourth Dirty Harry movie, I think.
00:11:10
Speaker
Oh, sorry sorry. When you said sudden impact, I was thinking of Jean-Claude Van Damme, where there's a ah bomb in the fucking ice rink. Now he wrote the. That sudden death. Sudden death. OK. He also wrote Navy Seals, Dark Man, Barbed Wire, The Jackal, Virus, some other movies that we'll be talking about. Stay close by for Dark Man, please. Stay close by for all those. By the way, I have a Dark Man on 4K. Of course you do. And Navy Seals. yeah Less, less surprising or more surprising, I guess. less on the nose oh and then the cinematographer here which i want to mention just because this looked really good he did a good job even though there was john wu said that the guy was like why are we shooting in this warehouse at the end he's like this is impossible to light this huge space with all this crazy shit yeah but didn think about lighting that
00:11:58
Speaker
and looks good but that guy named russell carpenter He also shot. I like to rustle up a carpenter every now and then. He also shot Death Warrant. So Jean-Claude Van Damme. And True Lies. Wow. James Cameron vehicle. Yeah. He did a couple of James Cameron's. Fantastic. Just watch that. Yeah. Just not even for the podcast. Just watch that. He did a couple James Cameron's because he also shot Titanic and Avatar 2. But who could care? Yeah, could not care about that. And he shot the first Ant-Man, which was the good one. Oh, I was just going to say, I like that one. Yeah.
00:12:31
Speaker
That's a caper. I have one last thing I want to mention because Sam Raimi is here. Jean-Claude Van Damme is here. Apparently they had talks while they were working on. He was going to play Spider-Man about doing a movie together. Spider-Man. No, not Spider-Man. That would be great. With great power comes great. What's my line? Responsibility. I don't. I am 50. I didn't write down the name of it. High school is tough for me. What are you doing, sexy mama? I didn't write down the name of it. Just imagine, sorry, Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the Tobey Maguire, like, cool guy thing from Spider-Man 3. Where he's doing a little fucking dance and shit.
00:13:10
Speaker
We've already seen Van Damme dance. Oh, God. Yeah. Bloodsport and kickboxer. It was a kickboxer, not bloodsport. Kickboxer, he's dancing because his teacher gets them all fucked up and he fucking makes them dance to those chicks and then tells the guys they have small peepees. Is that the one with the sesame? No, that was not. No, that's that's why it hurts. Yeah. Yeah. Which was the only previous universal movie that Van Damme had done before this. I love Van Damme. They cast Van Damme because they wanted to be in the Van Damme business. Uh-huh. The damn Van Damme business.
00:13:38
Speaker
But I don't I didn't write down the name. Oh, no, here it is. OK, so Steve, Steve, Steve, you know, him you know, i'm well, see for me. OK, you know, him well enough to change his first name. Sam Raimi was going to direct a movie with Van Damme called Steel Donkeys.
00:13:55
Speaker
oh ah which has a there's a reason behind it. This is getting great. But all right. So this is just taken from IMDB trivia. So, you know, but you mean like steel as in the material or yes, steel is in the the metal. OK. Either one's fun. The story of the script, which is said to be very violent and gory, followed a gang of thieves. Van Damme playing the leader.
00:14:19
Speaker
who break into an old bank in Amsterdam during a Queen's Day festival. And while they're stealing diamonds from the bank, the gang members accidentally release an alien shape shifting demon. Whoa. Which would explain the title, I guess, because supposedly ah Jamaican yardies use the term steel donkeys for soul sucking demons. So wow. There are no layers. It was it it was trapped in inside the building since the Second World War.
00:14:44
Speaker
The police show up, put the building under siege and the gang members have to find a way to survive and escape at the same time while fighting against the demon who starts possessing and killing them one by one. So Van Damme is going to be a bad guy? No, like a bad guy you root for. What was the movie where it starts where he's like an old fucking clown French thief in in France and he's got a little gang. It's like very Fabian in Oliver Twist. He's got a gang of thieves.
00:15:09
Speaker
Actually, it starts with him, an old man drinking coffee, and he stops the robbery. He's like, let me tell you a story. It's not Legionnaire. Is it? I don't know. Is it the quest? It could be the quest. and my
Thematic Analysis of 'Hard Target'
00:15:21
Speaker
ques are If you watch too many in a row, you're like, I don't know. Yeah, no, they blend together hard.
00:15:27
Speaker
So Jean-Claude Van Damme was a street fighter. Not in Street Fighter. I was thinking of Lionheart and then I said it out loud. Well, I just i did June Claude Van Damme and I think I said it on here before, but every movie he does is a better street fighting movie than Street Fighter. This is a hundred percent more better movie than Street Fighter. Well, better movie for sure, but like ah there's actually street fighting in here. Yeah. yeah And his kicks, you get a lot of kicks. Oh, boy. And he has the same accent he does when he plays Guile. You know the American hero, Guile? All American. I fucking just love that. Mike, you you chose who for Guile? I love crepes and cigarettes. I am American. ah Pancakes, I apologize. I mean pancakes, did I say? And did I say cigarettes? I mean cigars. Big, beautiful cigars cut open with weed put in them. Blunts, it's a hip hop life. Get out of the way or get in.
00:16:16
Speaker
yeah
00:16:19
Speaker
So we start stop we stop we stop You've been doing too many accidents, man. You don't even know where you begin anymore, man. You fucking lost it We start in Nalins, huh? Oh, you've been to Nalins. I have that's why he says it that way no I've never been so I have to call it New Orleans New Orleans, New Orleans, dude I'm not that guy. i Call it Vampire Central with this homeless guy whose name is Doug Binder, who's being played. It's Binder. It's Binder who's being played by Chuck Farr, the writer. It's fair. It just sounds like you're forgetting to say like Chuck Farr. Like there's something else that comes after like Farr. Farr. Farr. So P.F. P.F.A. R.R.E.R. It's Farr. Farr. Farr. for her. I'm sure far. I see why you change your name. You got to this country. Your name's your name's Joe Dirt. Don't church it up. Fiverr is PF, isn't it? Yeah. But it's like actually pie her because I like to buy her. Yeah. So this guy is being hunted in New Orleans by. You've heard it once. You've heard it a thousand times. Some faceless dudes on dirt bikes, Arnold Vassalou and Lance Hendrickson.
00:17:36
Speaker
and apparently American Tamora Morrison. Yes. Time traveling because he's older now. Wait, is that this one or is that the guy who's hunting? Yeah, that's this one. Yeah, because he has what I think is the stupidest weapon. I get it, though. Like, I think it's stupid practicality wise, but he wants it's the harpoon gun.
00:17:53
Speaker
or or electric spear gun. It's not a crossbow. yeah It's not a bow and arrow, but it's shooting bolts, not arrows. Correct. And it's I guess it's just you're brutal, right? You're like, oh, I want to see him like kind of bleed out a little bit. Yeah. I want to give him a sporting chance, even though I have all these dudes on dirt bikes with machine guns, look hurting him into where I need him to be. Yeah. I still want to give him kind of a chance. cause This is your classic.
00:18:15
Speaker
most dangerous game scenario. Yes. You've got rich people paying to hunt poor people because they're all out of thrills. The only thrill left is hunting my half a million dollars. If you're our age, you probably read the story in high school. Doesn't he charge them more at the end? Doesn't he say something about like you're each paying 750,000 to do this or something? I think that's the very last one yeah yeah when they're chasing yeah because it's like this is the top dog you want to play fucking one-on-one with Michael Jordan you better fucking bring your you better bring your cash there's a reason why it's all of you and not just one yeah yeah it's been all Thorsten has but whoever kills him gets their account wiped but so Arnold Vaslu is playing pick van Cleef and Arnold Vaslu if you don't know is the mummy the mummy he is so great like in this especially trim in this
00:18:59
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, actually, he's a little bit bigger. If you go back and look at the mummy, the mummy won. I just walked in. He's skinny, though. Like, fit, skinny. This is him, like, you're kind of intimidating or you're much more intimidating. Because he's like in all black and black and slimming. Yeah, he just looks very slim because I just watched it the other day with Mike and Ryan. Well, not heavy here, just beefy. Beefy is a better word in the mummy. He's half naked and like, oh, yeah, he is. I even say he's more. It's like two thirds naked. And we'll see him again because we'll talk about mummy movies and he's also in both those G.I. Joe fucking live action movies. Right. I love to watch those makes an appearance. And I can't remember how major he is because I didn't I don't remember noticing him, but he makes an appearance, at least in Steel Dawn, which was that Patrick Swayze Mad Max movie I was telling you about.
00:19:49
Speaker
Ooh, okay. Yeah. You didn't have to sell me more, but you did. Lance Henriksen is playing Emil Fouchon. But he's just Lance Henriksen for us. He's Fouchon, huh? I heard that name once or twice. You really don't hear it much. No. no And I was like, Fouchon? Oh, because he even says he's not English.
00:20:07
Speaker
he is not american He is looking mighty tasty. Dude, he is looking like the fucking straight up devil in a sexy way. And I'm not mad. We've all learned that Whitney is down gone to the dark side. We know your sexy movie.
00:20:24
Speaker
We don't have to deal with murder. This beginning part is this guy getting killed by these hunters. And right out of the gate, we get multiple bada booms. We get a lot of woos woos, too. Yeah. I mean, there's a dirt bike that explodes. There's a tackle shop that Arnold Vazlu shoots with a grenade launcher.
00:20:41
Speaker
There's the slow motions. There's some slow motion. ah You have him roll out with ah him being a binder, has the oil can rolling down, throwing it, and then they shoot that and it explodes another fucking motorcycle. Yeah. Like, yeah, we're setting a we're setting a tone here. But he gets murdered.
00:20:56
Speaker
It's a lot
Character Dynamics and Plot Development
00:20:57
Speaker
of badaboomas. All he had to do is make it to the river. And he almost did it by what like how Lance is saying it. Yeah. And $10,000? $10,000. $10,000. They have this belt that has $10,000 in it. If they make it to the river, it's theirs. I doubt that. I was going to say, do you really think that? I do think so. Because otherwise, Lance would like like just walk up to pick and be like, don't fucking let him get to the river. like You have to kill him before that or right after and take the belt. He seems like concerned we've never had anybody win, and he's about to.
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah, in my mind, Lance is an honorable devil. OK. But but then if you were if they were to win, they could just be like, yeah, this guy is killing people. They're not from here. This guy that looks like Satan was hunting me with the mummy. Uh huh. And the police just chase these homeless. I was going to say a homeless person comes into a fucking police station. So the devil and the mummy are hunting me. Get out.
00:21:48
Speaker
well ah honestly Well, there was a rich guy there too. He had a harpoon gun. You can go get the fuck out of here it n g Joe when the other homeless guy is like begging for help and I was like, don't fucking touch me. Get a job, you bum. I got no change, man. And yeah have to Ted Raimi is great. I got no change, man. I got nothing, man. No, you're doing his best. Dennis Hopper. Yeah, he is. He was. I didn't hate it. So then we're introduced to Yancy Butler, who's playing Natasha. But I'm going to do a lot of woos because of John Woo. And how do we know Yancy? Well, she's in drop zone. Yes, we'll be talking about her next year. Don't change that dial. She's got great eyebrows.
00:22:30
Speaker
we're goingnna have spoiler alert for the future one year from now actually oh yeah we're goingnna have an entire month of skydiving movie skylight sky timbers there we always yeah It's going to be remember, remember the guy sky, September. Apparently she plays a mom in kick ass also, but I don't remember that. I didn't recognize anything else she was in. Yeah, so. But I did. As soon as I saw a drop zone on her credits, I was like, oh, yeah, that's the girl that ah Wesley Snipes should have fucked. But America is afraid of inter interracial relationships. We aren't. No, but we they are in movies. I know. Not in commando. That was way earlier. Oh, yeah, that's right. Arnold is getting all up in that. ah Oh, fuck. Well, she's got a great name. She's got an awesome son.
00:23:11
Speaker
rahand Ray John Ray Ray John John. I don't know. Hold on. I want to bring it up because we're assholes if we don't know it Ray R.A.E. Don as in the sun's coming. Ray Don Chong. Okay. R.A.E. Don and then Chong. Okay. Like do o D.O.N. or D.A.W.N. I don't know why the age of Aquarius just started playing. This is the dawning of the age of Ray Don Chong.
00:23:38
Speaker
But they weren't afraid in that movie. Arnold, it's all up in those guys. Hell, yeah. I think that was Arnold just making the moves on her. It's because Arnold wasn't American. Arnold's like, I have no problem with this race thing you guys keep speaking of. Well, also they- Sexy is sexy. I don't care what you look like as long as you look good. They kill an awful lot of non-white people in that movie. So maybe that was their way of making up for it. There you go. No, no, it's OK. Look. Look, they're together. But she's there in New Orleans, in Nalins, looking for her dad, her daddy. Her daddy, her papa.
00:24:06
Speaker
ah The first person she meets looking for him. Well, once she finds out he's homeless, she meets ah Elijah Roper, who's played by a guy named Willie Carpenter, who's the the black guy, the black homeless guy that gets hunted later. than He was he said what he was in the military. I think he was a Marine. Yeah, but he's like a big character actor. He's he's a bunch of things going through his credit. Melrose plays. He was at Melrose place as a airborne. Oh, OK. Airborne Ranger. Yeah, he was a ranger. Thank you. Willie Carpenter will probably be back ah because he was he had a part in the movie called Brawl on Cell Block 99, which was a Vince Vaughn movie. I saw half of that. I didn't hate it, which is it's pretty entertaining, but it's not good. So it'll probably be here. so Yeah, you have to me.
00:24:50
Speaker
You watched it when we were in Colorado with our friend Michael. It's still new to her. Oh, is that when I fell asleep or when I left with his wife? I don't know. Both at the same time. He also appears in Leprechaun, Back to the Hood. Up to no good? So we'll probably be seeing him again. We'll definitely be seeing him. Whether we record an episode or not is yet to be seen. Leprechaun in the Hood is probably the best Leprechaun, which isn't saying much. That Leprechaun back in the Hood. That Leprechaun back to the Hood is one of the worst Leprechauns. Is that the one that has the dudes that cross dress for a bit?
00:25:18
Speaker
Like they have the flute that makes everybody think that's back to the back to the hood is awful. And I love it. A friend with weed is a friend indeed. But he's telling her like, oh, he lived like the rest of us out of doors. The nicest way to say homeless. I thought the same thing. I said the. home Out of doors instead of. out Well, now they say ah the unharmed. But, you know, I'm all out of doors, dude. I got none left. Now say like walk in.
00:25:46
Speaker
I'm all out of doors. We are out of doors. Like, you know, my doors albums broke and now we are out of doors. Anyway, he's all out of assets we say. Oh, oh, no. Starting to sober up reality seeping in. Don't let it. You know, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. It's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
00:26:37
Speaker
Sharks of the Corn? Virus Shark? Cocaine Shark? Shark-topus? Yeah. Those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of Sharksploitation Cinema on Bucket of Chum, the Shark Movie Podcast.
00:26:59
Speaker
But we then we meet Jean-Claude Van Dam hanging out at this diner, eating for free like an asshole. Trying to. He gives her like 87 cents. He's trying to eat for free because as soon as he's sitting there, she she says, how is the gumbo? A tragedy. The coffee was tolerable. Well, he's still got to pay for it. And he kind of looks up. He's like, oh.
00:27:19
Speaker
Did you leave your wallet and your other tuxedo? Use that one on you before, did I? This dude doesn't own a tuxedo. You have a crispy aqua net velvet or aqua net hairspray fucking mullet. They don't say exclusively like explicitly in this, but I think he's also supposed to be out of doors.
00:27:38
Speaker
Correct. Because he's he's waiting for bids to go on to a ship. Oh, dude, you got when you got a body like that and can do the splits. You are never out of doors when he's going to talk to a roper. They go like yeah I'm going to flash fast forward a little bit yeah yeah because of what you said. um He's like, you know what? I know somebody in there. So you you look at the line for your dad. I'm going to go talk to people. That's what I'm saying. Everybody there knows him. Yeah. So I'm not going to say you guys are wrong. I took it as he helps.
00:28:07
Speaker
homeless people whenever he can. Maybe, yeah. cause he's also But he's also be he also broke and like... yeah He's past due. Yeah. I would be homeless if he didn't have such a sweet dick. it Turns out, it's a wonderful talk. So he is homeless, but he just finds places to sleep every night. Yes. He's a man with these southern bells. All I charge is a room board and a bowl of jambalaya.
00:28:28
Speaker
tragedy Tragedy. I'll make you some jambalaya. What a terrible. Oh, I would love it. What a terrible review to leave a server like that was your food. A tragedy. So is your hair. Fuckface. Yeah, let's address the hair. Let's. So he's got this greasy fucking mullet through this whole movie, which looks real. But apparently, according to Yancy Butler, at least it's it's extensions, very expensive extensions, but extension. I think that's why they had to give it that, like, crunchy, the moose look. Yeah, he's a. Well, ah or ah he's about to get a glamour shot.
00:29:03
Speaker
Oh, yeah, or he's just in Nalins and it's fucking sweaty and gross there all the time. But it doesn't move like sweaty and gross. It moves like stiffness. Dried ramen. Yep. Like ramen before you put it in the hot water. I was going to say before you cook it or after you cook it and then let it sit out. Actually a little bit more like that. When you put it in the water for about one minute and so it's still together. It's just a little give but not a lot. Yeah, it's a little under al dente. Which I don't think you can cook ramen too much dente. Yeah, you got to cook the whole way through. It was your worms. But Nat is here flashing around her big fat stack of tens. Do you have change for a thousand? That top bill was a hundred dollars. Yeah, for sure. OK. And these dudes who are sitting there see it and Jean-Claude Van Damme sees them seeing her. I see you seeing her. Another who shot. We're looking at reflections. Yeah, he's walking out. He's walking out of the diner and he sees the reflection of the goons in the window or the mirror with a it's a window.
00:30:00
Speaker
this This movie, this is going to be the first of many times that it just poses him in the most badass frame. Yeah. like him what He's got this black, like it's not quite a duster, it's like a peacoat. It is. It's really close to Boondock Saints. Yes. It's a longer version of that, I guess. ah John Woo said that Van Damme kept telling him to get, like he wanted basically an extra camera there to always get shots of his muscles in every shot.
00:30:23
Speaker
it's It's part of the movie I don't need. Wu was like, I got all those shots, didn't use any of them. And we get a couple of muscle shots at the end. Yeah, at the very end. And those are the ones that I'm like, I that's a not Wu move for me. Yeah. Well, that's I'm sure that was Van Damme going back and being like, ah he didn't even use the fucking muscle. sh Look at that. I am flexing. and He did not film that.
00:30:43
Speaker
The one where he is flexing when he's tying something and he's just in his shirt and his pectorals go in. Oh, he's sorry. He's wrapping a grenade in his shirt, ma'am. Yeah, that one was when he's like tightening it. But the funny thing is he's tightening it and you can see his bicep flex before he starts pulling like he's like flex and pull.
00:31:07
Speaker
and Because it wasn't a shot that John we wanted he just fucking used it Yeah, Jim was like just put the camera on this guy's bicep to shut him up, please but so these guys follow her out start attacking her Van Dam comes to her rescue ah Take your pig stick and your boyfriend and find a bus out of here. That's not a good Like, one-liner. No. You know, you need to, like, take that pig stick in your girlfriend and go find a picnic. A picnic. And this is the first of two times in this movie where he tells someone, go get your boyfriend. Yeah, he's a... I bet you he's probably a big homophobe. Oh, I'm sure. He's probably had dudes hit on him. He's like, no, don't swing that way. I don't swing that way in public. He swings only this way.
00:31:47
Speaker
But if you're a wife, no, I'm gay. I know, but if your wife wants to fuck me, I don't have a wife, I'm gay. I know, but you're gay, but you also have a wife, right? Do you think he secretly did a bunch of gay stuff? No. I don't know.
Van Damme's Career and Cultural Impact
00:32:02
Speaker
He's got that, like, I don't know. He's pretty. You know that Bleep's mom has met him?
00:32:08
Speaker
Yeah, instead of he just hit on her and says, she's a gorgeous, gorgeous woman. She is, I can keep her. But it is just like, it's everything that you think he would be. He wasn't inappropriate in the sense of like touching or anything, but just nothing could be, anything you say, can you hand me this? I can hand you anything. I can hand you my dick. Kind of, you know, stuff like, hey, how about you give me a number and I hand you a piece of paper and a pen? Write it down.
00:32:33
Speaker
Can you hear me my drink? I've got something you can drink. Okay, that's enough, sir. Yeah, it's very much like that. Oh, is your lips wet? I can moisten them. Please don't talk about moistening my lips. I make your lips moist. He had a lot of plastic, like face lifts, right? I don't know. He doesn't look, he looks aged. Yeah, I think, I think no. I think a lot of makeup on, on a He may have had like in late stage, late stage Van Damme, like in those early 2000s movies, he may have had like Botox and stuff. I wouldn't put it past him. Because I mean, in some of those movies, he looks a little made up like fake. But if you look at more recent stuff like JCVD and stuff like that, what was it the second expendables he's in? Yeah. Where he steals that fucking show. Oh, I bet Sly Stone was pissed. It's my movie. I'm going to do better. Uh, but so there's some ass kicking that ensues. He does make, so he starts out by kicking these dudes. That's Van Damme special, right? Kicking the shit out of dudes. Oh dude, sorry. You, you're not setting the scene right. He tells him to get the fuck out of here and then throws back that damn near trench coat.
00:33:41
Speaker
What would be in a Western to reveal the gun that he's about to draw? But it's his hip. He's about to kick you. And he's treating it like a fucking six shooter. Not only does he kick the shit out of these dudes, he makes one of these dudes kick another dude in the face. He throws this guy on the hood of the car, flips him over, and kicks another guy in his face with his friend's foot. Oh, man, did you see that? That dude just made him kick that dude with his foot. He hit a motherfucker with another motherfucker. Damn. I think we get Jean-Claude Van Damme stuntman here because same hair and pretty close to the guy that was riding the motorcycle. Oh, one of the thugs? Yeah, one of the thugs is looking exactly... Oh, you know what? Most of the time in these kind of movies... No, hold on. He's wearing that denim shirt that we're going to see JCVD in.
00:34:26
Speaker
Later, when he's on the motorcycle, he's wearing it now. Yeah. Fucking lazy enough wardrobe. Couldn't even put a shirt on or vest. Well, and more often than not, in these kind of movies, nameless thugs are also just stuntmen from the movie because they're like, well, you don't need to say lines. Maybe like, give me a purse or something. You know, one of them was one of the guys. that Yeah, that's that's what he was saying. OK, sorry. I want to hear it. You'll hear it you'll hear it when you listen. I want a little deep dive in. His kids are gorgeous. It's coming up later, but we get some great fun. Yeah, you know what? Never mind. I'll save it. Yeah, we'll get there. Save it. I'm excited about it. Are you an excite? I'm an excite. We go to the police station. The police are on strike, which seems like a pointless thing, but it explains why all this violence can go unchecked. I guess what are the only police who aren't on cops. Yeah. Like apparently you the only police who are on strike are are are detectives that we kind of spend some time with. But then there's a few other detectives that show up.
00:35:18
Speaker
So the detectives aren't on strike. It's just... It's cops. It's beat cops. Beat cops, yeah. That's it. Which is important. So we meet Detective Mitchell, played by Cassie Lemons, who we Whitney and I just watched in Vampire's Kiss with Nick Cage. Ooh! Where I think the first movie where Nick Cage goes full Nick Cage. He's figuring it out. like He's like, oh, I know what the people want. Yeah. She's also in... Sit the fuck down! She's also in Candyman, one of the main characters there. OK, yeah. She's in that one of them. They're Tupac movies gridlocked. Oh, with ah Timothy Roth. Yeah. i Going through her credits, I was like, so she got to do this and like vampires kiss. And then she just did like she got 90s typecast. It's like, well, here's another black movie. Yeah. And this and which I mean, some of them are really good. I mean, Candyman is good and stuff. But like.
00:36:08
Speaker
She is a beautiful woman and she's a the probably one of the best actors on this movie. but she's got She's not better than Lance Hendrickson, but that is a tall order. That is a tall order. But I'd say everybody else, because she doesn't share a scene with Lance, pretty much everybody else that she's with, she takes the scene. Oh yeah. No, thousand percent.
00:36:26
Speaker
And basically still from Lance, she's telling Nat, like your dad's homeless. I don't know what you want me to do. Like to look for someone to do your fucking job for someone to be missing. There has to be somewhere they're missing from. Yeah, just pretty fucked up. But also probably the exact way the police would respond. Yes, that's probably the nicest way she could have said it, though. And she does tell her, like, go check out this shelter. I can't remember, St. Charity or something. She said, check out the mission. That sounds about right. Check out the shelters. Yeah, it's like St. Charity's mission or something. But she's like, by the way, if you're going to go down there, get some protection or I'll be filling out one of these forms about you. OK, cool. Get a condom.
00:37:02
Speaker
So she goes and finds Jean-Claude Van Damme and offers him $100 a day to be her bodyguard sidekick. Something, because if I'm paying you $100 a day, does it really fucking matter? Actually, it kind of does. Yeah, it does. Make more than that for the dick.
00:37:18
Speaker
Uh, no butt stuff. It is an unbendable rule. So the reason he goes with her, though, is because he is a able semen, and he hasn't paid his union dues. and And we're all children, so anytime there's a boat involved, people say semen. I'm like, I know what you mean, but... Especially you put a fucking adjective on it, able semen. That implies there are unable semen in your body. Oh, I need a jizz. I just can't. I'm full of unable semen. I've never had a kid. Uh, they're able. You just put them on the wrong boat.
00:37:48
Speaker
You take the boat away before they leave the dock. Sometimes they're on the right boat. We've never. All right. Well, maybe you did enough Mountain Dew and Cheetos like I did. But he he owes two hundred and seventeen dollars to the union, so he can't sail. So then he goes to her and he's like, all right, I will work for you for two days. Two hundred and so seventeen dollars. Yeah. I do want to mention, though, when he does, she's trying to leave. These guys block her with like a forklift full of barrels.
00:38:16
Speaker
And then it slowly turns out of the way and we get another fucking hero shot of Jean-Claude Sandia. This is one of the many times. We're at 15 minutes into this movie and we've gotten two hero shots. It's one of the many times I said this is one of the coolest shots of the movie. Oh, I'm sorry. This is three hero shots. Uh-huh. Because he walked out of the diner in slow motion. Yep. And then after he kicked those dudes' asses, he walked away in slow motion. Yep. And now he gets a slow motion reveal.
00:38:39
Speaker
of these barrels moving out of the way. Fantastic. Unnecessary. Very fantastic. fantastic There's a few unnecessary that were absolutely loved. Appreciated. You know, and it's John Woo stuff. He likes his slow motion and whatnot. Apparently American audiences had some trouble understanding slow motion at the time. They associated from what I was watching in an ah interview with somebody. It might have been John Woo.
00:39:02
Speaker
They were American audiences associate slow motion with like flashbacks. So apparently people were having issues understanding what was going on. I'm like, it's not that hard. It's not. And I understand that you're used to that, but come off it. Yeah. um And also John Woo said that and this is where another reason I want to see the wu cut. Apparently the universal execs were like, yeah, we really want you. We love your movies. We really want you. We really want you. And they got him. They're like, OK, so like, do like your movies, but like way less violent.
00:39:29
Speaker
Whoa. So this is the less violent version. Oh, we need we need hashtag release the wool cut. Yes. Because the less violent version has a fat dude's head getting blown away through the front of a car. So I want to see the violent version. Yes. Yes. The nonviolent version has that same fat dude get part of his ear cut off.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yeah, like Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. But with less pop music. No, not like Reservoir Dogs. You're going to live, man. Actually, just the low John Woo said it was like an ah his nod to because Tarantino had done something that was. Oh, because in Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino has the Mexican standoff at the end, yeah which is a John Woo trademark. Yeah. And so he did the cutting off the ear. Oh, I Golf club. Golf club.
00:40:15
Speaker
By the way, John Woo is fucking delightful. I watched this interview. It's still somewhat hard to understand. And the supplements on this disc did not have subtitles. And I was trying to watch it while Whitney was in bed. So I had it turned down real low. And I was like, just turn it up a little bit. Turned out for what? I didn't take a nap. I just, I was laying down. No, it was in the middle of the night.
00:40:35
Speaker
Oh, this was a couple of days. This was last week. But John Woo in this interview is just fucking delightful. He's just like like I read about some of the turmoil of the shoot, like Jean-Claude Van Damme, all that. But then for him, he's just like, it was fucking great. This guy was great. That guy was great. Van Damme was great. Apparently Van Damme.
00:40:52
Speaker
like personally kind of recruited him. OK, so I read two versions of the story. He probably fucking watched or I read one. Yeah, it was like, I want to do that. Well, he had seen that and other John Woo movies like The Killer and stuff, some of his other Hong Kong movies. But they him, the producer and I think the writer, went to Hong Kong and met with John Woo at some hotel to basically get him to come and do this movie. They really wanted him.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah. The other version I read was that he was already there shooting some other movie. but By the way, they said they went there. This is a Van Damme movie without who probably doesn't work. I mean, I'd probably still like it, but it has land really is cool. Yeah, Lance Van Damme in 93. But I'm saying it's not as cool. It's going to be like, what's the one I told you to watch? ah Inferno. Yeah. Like it's like that. It's still fun, but it's super dumb and it's not anybody's like that. You do not need a 4K collectors of that. This you do.
00:41:46
Speaker
Yeah. Which I have. Yeah, good. Of course you do. Of course I do. Of course you do. From Keno Lorber, if anybody's looking. They're not paying us. They're not. But I like to help people out. Well, especially because if you want this movie, that's the best way to get it. Yeah, exactly. like So they're they're talking they're having a little drive. He's asking her name and whatnot. shes And she's like, yeah, he makes fun of her name because she says it's Nat. you had name Your parents named you 4A. But he does like the thing where you have to think about it. Your parents named you 4A.
00:42:15
Speaker
bug How do you say Kakaroch? But she's like, what kind of a name is Chance? Well, my mama took one. She took a chance on my daddy. He was not for beignets and never came back.
00:42:29
Speaker
I want Beniez now. Yeah. Can you make Beniez? I don't I don't have Beniez, but we are drinking Sazerac. We are. Oh, yeah, we are. Delicious, too. Cheers. Cheers. Clank. Yummy. but So they find her daddy's stuff because Roper shows them that, ah hey, I found this.
00:42:50
Speaker
It's it's a shopping cart. The only hole in this movie that these homeless people wouldn't have taken everything. Well, I think the way they're showing here because well, he has somebody watching. There's a guy like guarding it. And it's like Roper is kind of like the leader of the guardless people. leader of the past And so he asked this guy like, hey, can you watch this stuff for me? And like I get it. Yeah. Also, apparently people really liked her dad. Like he was very helpful to people, whatever. So you know what? No hole. But they go through her daddy's stuff. She finds a pile of sex flyers. Uh huh. Which is nice.
00:43:19
Speaker
And they're like, don't judge. He had to give them out for money. He was passing them out. He was trying to make money. Yeah. We've all done it. So they go to... Yeah, see? Him being homeless makes a lot more sense now. He's just sexy homeless. He's homeless chic. We cut to the guy who's distributing the sex flyers, Mr. Poe, whose name, first name I forget, Randall? Yes. Randall. Randall Poe.
00:43:43
Speaker
I looked the guy up, but he wasn't anything I recognized. I saw a couple of movies that he's in, but it wasn't even like named characters. So I'm like, I don't probably probably don't know him from anything. Just this. Yeah. I've seen this. I've only seen this movie three times, but it's been in this year. Really? That's it? Yeah. All right. I don't have this special edition. I mean, I have never seen this before this year.
00:44:07
Speaker
Well, no, it's been in a year. Well, you have a Blu-ray of it. Yeah. I know you do. Thanks to you. Because I bought that fucking Blu-ray from a used video shop. And then a month later, Kino Lobo was like, you want the 4K? And I was like, well, I do. becha
Humorous Anecdotes and New Orleans Experiences
00:44:20
Speaker
I do now. But yeah, so Mr. Poe is there. He's hiring homeless people to do shit. That's what we see. We find out it's also the the the filtration system. Yeah, he finds the people for them to hunt because Vaslu shows up with Lance Henriksen and they're pissed because they didn't he didn't get the guy they wanted him to get. He got Douglas Dinder. I know. Lance Henriksen is not here yet. This is just Vaslu.
00:44:48
Speaker
And he comes to talk as as chances there. OK. And then that's a quick passing. And then we get Vaslu and Henriksen going to ah his house. Oh, that's right. That's when Vaslu is beating the shit out of him. Yeah, that's right. Sorry. No, it's fine. no it's just its but It's just that there's no slow part to this movie. So it's it's just like from fucking scene one is a ride. I'm OK that there's no slow part. Oh, i'm yeah I'm not complaining about it. I'm saying that's why I think why Derek's a little like off on the time frame, because it just goes I think it goes right back to that real quick, because, yeah, he talks to we see Van Cleef there, Vaslu, and then we find out that the police, what another detective shows up and tells ah Nat that they found her father's body.
00:45:31
Speaker
And that's when we see our Cassie Lemons. I already forgot her character name. Sorry. His name is Cassie Lemons. I can't get that right. But she's like, yeah, his fire was his fire was burned. Yeah, that's how fire works. He didn't start the fire, but it was always burning and your dad was also burning. He was burned in an abandoned building, and that's definitely how he died.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yeah, just you've heard it a thousand times in New Orleans. Homeless man sets himself on fire in an abandoned warehouse. Yeah. and And I love she. This is when you get the line that Jack has said many times because she's like, what are you even doing here to chance? And he's like helping her find her daddy. I have to help her find her daddy. That is my point in life.
00:46:11
Speaker
I know mine sounds more like an asshole waiter, but I'm going to stick with it. did you and You do you. Mine's not even close to his, but he's also doing a Cajun... Well, sorry. he's He's supposed to be doing a Cajun accent. Yeah, no, the John Woo interview and the Yancy Butler interview I watched were like, oh, it's you know he's doing a Cajun accent to make it more American. And I'm like, is he? his Coming up, his Uncle Duvet also is not great. like It's ah it's a probably like my Cajun accent. But it's better in and out. But it's better than this.
00:46:37
Speaker
It's in and out for sure. I didn't realize the man was the man was born in Salt Lake City. His uncle Duvet is played by Wilford Brimley. I was going to save it. Well, no, because I have to explain. This movie is the reason how if you're listening to this. I hope you watched it. Well, if you listen to Remo Williams back in November, you already know that because that's the reason our Wilford Brimley is basically just an old weird Cajun because this movie is what we're doing. Sure. We've always done his impersonation. Yeah. and So then we cut back to Vaslu attacking Poe in his bed. This guy is passed out in his bed with his feet hanging off the end. And this the I'm a big guy, but this gut is huge. This is this is a very laying down. My gut is at its smallest. It's ever going to be. Yeah. So this is the smallest his guts ever going to be. And there's yeah they must have some padding in there because Vaslu whoops the shit out of him with a baseball. yeah The way he passed out, we've all been there.
00:47:30
Speaker
You make it to bed, but just barely. Like you fall down that bed and just go, oh, thank God I'm home. He's on his back at least. Yeah. I've done that on my face. Well, you can't die on your face if you throw up. This guy has a very good chance of dying on his back. I love sleeping on my tummy.
00:47:44
Speaker
Yeah, ah but I got he attacks POTUS bed. Lance Henriksen is there. And this is when Vaslu is holding night scissors to his ear. And he's like, don't worry, boss. He'll listen to you. He's all ears right now. They're not just scissors. These are like fucking cheers. They're 1986 teacher scissors. yeah i was just These are the scissors. i had shears These are the exact scissors we had in my kitchen when I was a kid. These are I think fabric shears. like My mom had a little like pouch thing hung up on the wall that had the scissors in it. so It was these exact giant murder. So you hear this rich motherfucker had a fucking scissors pouch in his kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. those rich is they're rich thats It just for rich people. Do you know what he must out there?
00:48:28
Speaker
No. So feel like i should they look like scissors, but they grip. Oh, Roach Clips. Yeah. When my mom worked at the hospital, when she like work with the cath lab and everything, she grabbed some sanitized hemostats and scissors. She's like, they made great growth Roach Clips. OK, I've never knew the real name for those. Dude, I've used those so many times thermostats. I get it. Hemostats. That's what I said. Roach Clips.
00:48:58
Speaker
ah So they're there because now there's people walking around inquiring about one of the quote unquote volunteers for their little game. And he's pissed because we do find out right here that you got the wrong guy. I don't know how this system works, but the hunters get to pick. So this guy, Randall, I don't see me a little bit. I don't think it's the hunters exactly. I think it's Lance Henriksen and Arnold Voz. No, because they show the the guy coming up, the German dude. OK, they show him like a fucking port portfolio. We don't see it, but it shows a bunch.
00:49:27
Speaker
So I think Randall's job is to find X amount of homeless that fit a certain description. Yes. Fill out an application. They definitely can't have friends or family or anybody that would notice that's going to be Lance's rule. That's him covering his butt. And that's the problem here because he didn't get the guy he was supposed to get.
00:49:43
Speaker
He got this guy instead. He's like, well, he was a veteran. I figured it would work. You want to combat experience. But this guy had more medals family. Yeah, this guy had more. Yeah, which is why he almost made it. Yeah. He's a war hero kind of guy. So I guess it's like like novice, even easier, hard.
00:49:59
Speaker
Him being a fucking ah marine in Vietnam as a recon is insane. Yeah. That is not what you want to do. So yeah the fact that he made it back is, yeah, he's going to be good. He's going to have some fucking some prowess. they're They're basically telling him like, you got to find another guy for us. This is your last chance. Lance Henriksen says to him something on the lines of like, you're careless and stupid and now you're sorry. Yeah.
00:50:23
Speaker
like The whole time, by the way, Lance has his foot pinned up against in between this guy's gut and chest. A bit of both. A bit of both and just pressing on on this desk. And I don't know if this guy's a great actor or if it really hurts. I'm going to say a little bit of both. A little bit of both because it hurt me. You know, ah Lance Hendrickson, I saw an interview with him about this movie. He said something about like one of the main reasons he did this movie was because he wanted to work with John Woo. Yeah.
00:50:49
Speaker
And he's talking. He had nothing but good things to say about John Woo. He's like, he's an amazing man, whatever. And he and he had a thing at the end of his interview. He's like, I love John Woo. And they almost exact quote, because I would do.
00:51:02
Speaker
all of the animals on Noah's Ark for John Woo. i fucking and And not just the females, the males, too. This guy, Lance, comes up on on the spot with his one-liners. We've learned it in stone cold. Oh, yeah. On this one, he definitely ad-libbed a lot of the things. What was the one thing he said? Fuck you, and then I will eat you. Yep. yeah and the To a guy that's dying, by the way, he goes, shut up. I will fuck you, then I'll eat you. The thing I know for sure that he improv'd was calling the hunters at the end of buffaloes and stuff, but that fuck you would eat you sounds an awful lot. An awful lot like Lance. Sounds an awful lot like a stone cold adlet. Yes, it does. I mean, he's not playing too dissimilar a character. This is the twin brother. One brother became chains and started a Nazi biker group. This guy fucking moved ah to Zurg. Oh, a thousand percent, right? They are twin brothers. You could just say biker group.
00:51:59
Speaker
Well, no, I think it's important to know they're Nazis. I think at the time they were all Nazis. OK, fair. But these guys specifically were Nazi Nazis. They weren't just like, oh, we have some Nazi memorabilia. No, no, we also like the doctrine. That's why he went by chains because he didn't need anybody to know his last name was Fusche. What the fuck is your last name? Fuck you, pig. Bobby Fusche.
00:52:22
Speaker
Fucking Bill Forsythe. This movie could have used some Bill Forsythe, too. I was about to say. Where are we sneaking him in? Just one of the hunters at the end. I don't want to take the girl out because I like her, but I was like, make him a detective. Make him a hunter at the end is the best thing you do. Yeah, one of the hunters. Yeah. Alongside Svenal Thorson. Yeah. And the buffalo. Yeah. Jason, so there's like this back and forth where they're looking at Jean-Claude Van Damme's file about his military service. He's looking at the dad's file and the coroner's report.
00:52:52
Speaker
And there's dog tag in there, but it's just one of the dog tags. We saw at the beginning of the movie, an arrow or the the harpoon the bolt went through one of the dog tags. And then in a very John Woo moment, a fucking slow motion, maybe not slow motion, but a fucking less slow motion ah a slow motion dove flies in and per like just kind of perches right above his dog tags that he has. Reminding him that they're supposed to be two. Wait a minute. They're coming to two bird wings. The bird has two wings, two tags. Wow. So he goes. legs I did two legs. One for breakfast. I ate two eggs. Wow. That bird is a toucan. Wow. I'm from Tucson. Wow. No, you're not. Don't fucking lie. I'm not from Tucson just right now. I am from Tucson, Arizona, born and raised in the desert is where I spent most of my days sweating out, dying, passing out cool, shooting some heroin inside of school.
00:53:55
Speaker
Oh, that was a good one.
00:54:00
Speaker
The meth prince of Bel Air. All right, stop messing around. So he goes to the fire, the police site there, whatever. He goes to the fire police. Not a thing. The police. He goes to the crime scene. Crime scene. the crimes That's the words I'm trying to think of. Crime scene. The fire police. I can't because I've tried the heroin school in my head.
00:54:24
Speaker
No, they don't teach you about hair when you use the hair when at school. Well, they try and teach you about maths. Math? Maths. No, you already know about math. You go to Tucson High.
00:54:36
Speaker
ah
00:54:39
Speaker
And so he finds the dog tag with the arrow through it or the the mark and then immediately gets to one of these guys has one of these dog catcher lasso. Yeah, he does. Only reason he gets his ass beat. Yeah, think he ropes Jean-Claude Van Damme. The other guy starts beating him with a baseball bat. He gets some really good licks in though, himself though. It's the white alley ong, at least hairline wise. Yeah. One of the best lines in cinema He's like, get the it's almost like you get the fuck out. Lebowski. Yeah. But he tells his white alley on. Yeah. White alley on. He's like, get the fuck out of here. Tell that girlfriend of yours to point her tits north and step on the gas. tell That bitch girlfriend. Sorry. Tell that bitch girlfriend. It's just one of my point your tits north.
00:55:21
Speaker
and step on the gas. From there, that's the only direction you can really go. I used to go east or west. I didn't think about heading south as the ocean. and Right? Head south and then fucking keep driving. and We see Elijah Roper being recruited, but he basically offering him $100 to fill out an application. He's like, I don't fucking believe you. And there could be more. So he goes to take that $100 and he's like, I'll fill out the application. That's $100.
00:55:46
Speaker
Fuck, yeah. He can get a hot shower, hot food, and a motel for the night. I'm just saying, we're recording this for the night. He can get a motel for a month on $100. 1993, New Orleans? Oh, yeah, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't know about New Orleans, but I know. Not a good motel, but no, like the one you see in Big, St. John's. Or the one that he stays in at the very beginning. The one they stop at in Dutch. Right. It was like 30 bucks a night. And it's New Orleans, if you're OK with the smell of blood and or urine.
00:56:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's what he was telling me. He didn't even go during. He was there in the summer. He was like, the streets still smell like urine and vomit. Yeah. We went to ah Bourbon Street Memorial Day weekend and I was like, is this just a normal Saturday on Bourbon Street? I thought this was like like this was like Mardi Gras level packed. Yeah. But it was just Memorial Day weekend. The next weekend was only half as packed.
00:56:37
Speaker
So only 500,000 people pissing in the street. There was a time in my life I would have done that as not me now. No, not me. I mean, even like disease and all that aside, you know, post-COVID world, I just don't want you to fucking touch me. I can flash my tits anywhere. Yeah, absolutely. I don't need to be down there. I can make beads online.
00:56:54
Speaker
I stepped in a puddle hu ah one of the nights we were there because we I went to Bourbon Street three times once the first time because you got to go to Bourbon Street if you're in New Orleans at least once. Yeah. And then the next weekend we went some of my coworkers wanted to go and we just went to a strip club there and spent too much money. Next morning I woke up I was like could have bought a PS3. Uh huh.
00:57:16
Speaker
or the third time we went, I was walking around and I stepped in this puddle that I thought was like a small puddle. How high was the puddle there? It was almost knee high. Oh, Groundhog's Day. But I didn't know until I stepped in it, and I'm wearing jeans, so my foot goes into this puddle all the way up to almost my knee. Did you die? My jeans were soaking wet. I pulled my foot out and I was like, I'm leaving. And I was like, no, it's fine. I was like, no, because my jeans are soaked in urine and vomit, I'm leaving.
00:57:41
Speaker
Because it hasn't been raining, but this hole is full of liquid. I'm going to go home and light these on fire yeah while I'm in them. Yeah. And that's when Derek stopped wearing jeans. I had the fucking end of Ace Ventura shower. I all there is to know who about the crowd.
00:58:00
Speaker
I have a friend, Sarah, who lives in New Orleans. How did you not dive? It went to your knee. Did you fall down also? No. Because then you're just like, ah! No. So I got a friend, Sarah, who lives in New Orleans. And she's like, hey, if you ever, or she did. She's like, if you ever come and visit, two things.
00:58:16
Speaker
Do not wear open-toed shoes, because she knew I like sandals. She's like, do not do that. And two, do not touch any fucking handrails, ever. Yep. That was it. That was all the rules for surviving ah New Orleans. My rules for New Orleans, go to the Avenue Pub. Everybody listening out there, go to the Avenue Pub. It's great. 24 hours a day, great craft beer selection, awesome food. The food stops at like midnight, but it starts again at six. So you'll be there for both. You're you're hungry for four hours max. Yeah.
00:58:43
Speaker
And also go check out Koshan Butcher. I believe it's still there. OK. There's a very fancy restaurant called Koshan. Next to it, they have their like butcher shop in Delhi. That's where I went. Yeah. Great sandwiches. Yeah, I don't need a fancy shop. I need that fucking sandwich. Welcome back to Touring the South with Derek.
00:59:02
Speaker
We see the next rich guy, Zenza or something like that. Yeah, it sounds
Ethical Debates and Personal Reflections
00:59:08
Speaker
about right. I have his name written down later, but he's getting, he's paying to do this, paying 500 grand for this. And Lance Hendrickson mentions like, Hey, we were doing this in Rio during carnival. We did this in Yugoslavia during the recent troubles.
00:59:22
Speaker
Yes. So this is how, Whitney, this is what I was saying. If they if the the homeless person wins, they're going to pick you up and leave anyway. They are in these locations for a very finite amount of time. Right. They find it, what does he say, an unhappy corner of the world? Yeah. where Lance Hendrickson says, there's not a country on the planet he has not fired a gun in. yeah So does that mean- Wow. So he's hunting people in Canada. Yeah. Well, canada Canadians pretend to be nice, dude. The Geneva Convention was because of the Canadians.
00:59:49
Speaker
Like, if you hunted a person up there, you can just leave him to the wild. Yeah. The wild take care of it. There's a lot of wild. A lot of wild. Is that what would happen? Like, if somebody did win, he'd be like, all right, well, pack it up. Let's go. That's what I think. Because he's a man of honor. Well, no one's just dead to me. Yeah, I do think so. Ten thousand dollars is fucking nothing to this guy at all.
01:00:07
Speaker
So well, I was saying his name, but or his face, because then they'd be like, this is what he looks like. Now, he's a ghost man everywhere. He's a ghost man. You can't find him. He finds you. He just grows that like go to you. Mustache thing he had going in Stone Cold.
01:00:26
Speaker
Yep. Yeah. And Quicken the dead. Yeah. Yeah. The Quicken the dead. Oh, my God. Is he in hiding in Stone Cold? See, they're not twin brothers. It's him. Just like, you know what? I got to lay low. I'll be a Nazi terrorist biker. What was what was first? Stone Cold was first. OK. Wasn't that 90?
01:00:42
Speaker
Yeah. OK. That's a prequel. But so so Van Damme interrogates Poe, our fat guy. ah The guy's getting a massage. And these people obviously like Van Damme because he just steps in and starts basically choking this dude with his face down into this thing. And he's like, you're going to tell me or I'm going to fucking kill this masseuse will not touch this big. No, dude. She's got a towel around his neck. Yeah.
01:01:05
Speaker
Well, it's summertime in Louisiana. And he just looks like so we're not trying to fat shame. This guy is slobbingly. Yeah, this is an early 90s fat. Yeah, it's it's it's also about just his look of a chompy cigar. He's always wet. Oh, he's always wet along his fucking dashboard. His car is disgusting. Yeah, he has more chips than a fucking late night Nick at night rerun.
01:01:31
Speaker
When I was like 19 and I basically lived in my car, I lived with my parents, but I was never home. I was in my car all the time, because that's where I could smoke weed and drive around. Yeah. My car was gross. Gas was $0.99 cents at fucking gallon. It was like $1.17. Oh, OK. Mom's $0.99 cents when I started driving. I was like, I'll go anywhere you want, dude. Your car gets messy now, but it's not that messy. No, no, no, this is disgusting. Poe sells out Arnold Vazlu pretty quickly. um We did see during the last scene where they were hiring or this new guy was paying. We got the the doctor was there. They just call him a doctor. But here we find out he's the medical coroner for the police.
01:02:09
Speaker
The detective is asking him about redoing the autopsy on Bender and all this stuff. So we go back to his palatial estate.
Violence in Cinema and Its Impact
01:02:17
Speaker
He's got this old like Gothic mansion in fucking New Orleans. Well, it's probably ex plantation, New Orleans. And he's just destroying evidence. Lance Hendrickson shows up menacingly. You know what I appreciate about this movie?
01:02:31
Speaker
It has an 80s amount of smoking in it. Oh, yeah. Like cigarette smoking. There's this Dr. Lance. I mean, there are fucking people are just sucking down. Well, this is rated R, although if you look on IMDB, it says NC 17. But that was the wu cut. Well, that was the wu cut. And then also apparently they had to recut the one they were releasing multiple times to get it out of NC 17 and into our. Bring it back, baby. And this is before showgirls had ruined NC-17. Yeah. It was still, though, you were going to make less money no matter what. Because in our movie, an adult can bring their kid with them. and NC-17, they can't. You have to be 17. What does NC stand for? Non-consensual. No children. Oh. No children under 17.
01:03:12
Speaker
Oh, so that weird sex scene with Jesse Spano. That might have been part of it. Showgirls was like one of the last big NC-17 movies. Like after that, people were like, because that movie made zero dollars. Paul Verrahoven. Yeah.
01:03:27
Speaker
Tits. It's a good movie. Well, it's not a good movie. It's not. It's a fun movie. You like it. You might even love it. Don't change that dial. It's not a good movie. I also have that on 4K. Of course I do. Of course you do. You're not allowed to say that. Saving time. Saving time. I'm Lorne Michaels-ing this. you're You're wasting time. I've got places to meet and people to be.
01:03:46
Speaker
I always say I got people to do and places to see. I don't have anyone to do. But I love this. ah the The doctor hears some noise and shit. and So he goes around and he's like goes to look through the peephole. And this bothers me in movies, but it's cool here still bothers me very much and because he looks at you. You know, exactly. Arnold Vazlu fucking shoots this guy right through the peephole. But how do you know the person is looking? I guess he's outside and it's pitch black. So he's just watching for the light to be blocked. OK. OK. Hold on. Lance Hendrickson is the devil.
01:04:15
Speaker
Viz-Lou is his second, or Vaz-Lou is his second in command. He can see through the door. Telepathic abilities. Okay. He's like, he's at the door now. But when Vaz-Lou shoots this doctor, this shit just splatters all over this fucking hallway. And then you get the best scene ever. And I say that so many times in this movie. Lance fucking Hendrickson goes and fixes his hair in a blood spattered mirror. Yeah. Tightens his tie. Awesome.
01:04:43
Speaker
Yeah, it's a good shot because the blood's all over the mirror. The shots going right to the mirror. And you see Hendrickson walking up, so you see him and his reflection. It's always just nice to see a good shot into a mirror. Yeah, this is at an angle, obviously. Yes. But without like, obviously, this is without the assistance of computer stuff. Oh, they do it now where people can be you can be looking directly into the mirror because they can just another mirror scene. We skipped over because we talked about them getting a new client. Yes.
01:05:08
Speaker
But that scene opens with him playing, I think it's Beethoven. I'm not that versed, but he's playing some fucking very classical music. Some Tinky Tinky stuff. Yeah. And he's looking in the mirror when he's playing Tinky Tinky stuff. Oh, he's looking in the mirror. When we were watching it, all I thought of was... He was fucking himself.
01:05:24
Speaker
Christian Bale and American Psycho. Because it starts and he's looking kind of to camera a bit where he's playing. It's very intense. He's not saying anything. He's playing. His body's feeling the music. And it's like, oh, man, he's he's into something right now. Hands around. It's like, oh, he's into himself. Yeah. And exactly American Psycho, dude. Very much so. Elijah Roper.
01:05:44
Speaker
goes and he meets up with Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vaslu. He's looking for Poe. We're like, he couldn't make it. He had an ear infection. Oh, I'm sorry. You're not laughing because you don't know. I cut off part of his ear. Sorry. So they they tell him the deal. Ten thousand dollars. Get to the river. You can keep it. That's it. Get to the job. Don't mention that he's going to be hunted. But well.
01:06:05
Speaker
He asked what happens if I don't get there? And fucking Vaslu says, you're a sportsman. You figure it out. And then all these dudes pull in and these jeeps and dirt bikes and start hunting him, which I still think is cheating, by the way. Well, and OK, they're dogs. I know he calls them my dog. Yeah, they're like his is not sporting. It's just it's just like hunting now. Like it's not as guys who are paying to do this aren't good marksmen or Sportsmen, especially this is this guy's first fucking time. Yeah, these are just rich dudes. Yeah, absolutely poor form. These are just rich dudes. So you're you're you're hunting them with the assistance of people who know what they're doing. ah But they have a chase through a cemetery because it's Nalins. You have to have a cemetery. Got to.
01:06:48
Speaker
Uh, there is a great moment where Roper is hiding behind the statue and Lance Hendrickson pulls out his gun. The fucking that ah was it when I said Thompson center contender. Yeah, I don't think he shoots the statue. I think this is still xenon. Oh, I thought it was Hendrickson shot the nose because he's not. Hendrickson is not doing anything yet. OK, but yeah, he's pokes his head up behind the statue. The statue's head gets blown off and Roper's head is right there. Look, he's got it like, oh, face. Oh.
01:07:16
Speaker
It's his old face. It's my woo face. He does end up stealing. Show me your roof. It's he doesn't end up stealing the gun from this dude that kills him. Just blasting the fuck out of him. Yeah, he does. And at first, I think everybody's like, oh, hey, you did this guy is dead. Turn the corner. Nope. Homeless guy's got an automatic weapon. Oh, now I've got an automatic weapon.
01:07:38
Speaker
Whoa, whoa, whoa. So he gets away out into a street full of people who are all just like, ew, gross, homeless people. Don't touch me. This is where we see Ted Raimi. What was his line? Man, I ain't got change, man. I ain't got no change, man. I ain't got no change, man. I'm from New Orleans, man. He starts with man. I ain't got no change, man. Because that's a note somebody gave him, was like, people from New Orleans say things like, babe and man.
01:08:06
Speaker
Hey, man, I got no change, man. Like I said, channeling Dennis Hopper for this. I don't got any change, man. Fuck, yeah. I loved it. I fucking loved it. And they just fucking light this dude up in the middle of the street. Dude, he stands and he's like, you know what? None of these fucker. I would have taken the belt and thrown it at people. Oh, great maneuver. Yeah. Because now you have a catastrophe in your hands. You kill a homeless guy? Sure. You know, you got to pick up and leave. You throw that money and now everybody goes after it. You just killed a bunch of tourists. Yep. That gets attention. Yeah.
01:08:35
Speaker
See, but he also does a character trick thing where he's just like, you know what? I'm here. He doesn't want in a sense to die. He's like, I took this deal. Light me up, dude. One of the things when he was offered this money when or when Lance Henriksen was telling him about the money for the thing, he's like, you can get a house. You can get the respect of people. You can look people in the eye while you walk down the street. You don't be ashamed of who you are. Yeah. And here he's asking for help, begging for help. And all these people are like, you gross. Get away from me. And so I think he's just like, OK, this is me. Fuck it. Like, yeah.
01:09:05
Speaker
Yep, you're right. I'm at my low. Yeah. See, I think Lance is a good devil. Randall Poe is trying to flee from the city. He's like, well, fuck this. This is getting too hot for me. I'm out. Yeah. Throwing all his shit in his car, not closing his trunk. Because it doesn't close. This is like you've heard of beaters. We've heard of jalopies. This is worse. This is fucking worse. This is a Lincoln Continental that somebody lived in. But also shat in. Oh, yeah. I mean, we were talking about full living. Shitting is part of living.
01:09:34
Speaker
Thanks for the fuck cab. Dirty Mike and the boys. Yeah, they call it a soup kitchen. But as he's like closing the car, getting started up, Arnold, Arnold Vaslu shows up and smashes through this guy's fucking window. Who puts the shotgun, the the barrel now to the base of his skull skull. Yeah, it's it's you're going to you're going to take off a lot of flesh here if you pull the trigger, which he does.
01:10:00
Speaker
but But the first he gives that line he's like because he's pleading for his life. He's like, please ma'am. Sorry. I was gonna call you just you know, he's always like I know you would call me. My mom mom you don't get sick my mama got sick of him Biloxi. I know you didn't want to hurt my feelings. Bam. And just we get the view from front yes right of the car. Like if we're looking at it the right side of the car. Yeah stage left.
01:10:26
Speaker
And fuck, dude, just blood splatter and shotgun spread. Open this window up. Just beautiful chunks of glass flying out the window. Does that chunks of brain? Did they pull it? The window does that like puffed out like you it's not supposed to shatter, right? It's a more modern tempered glass. yeah So what I want to believe is when they did that shot, obviously a human was not sitting in it.
01:10:46
Speaker
But maybe like a dummy filled with jello. Oh, yeah. You had to put a water they just put a but with a watermelon on it and check it full of blood and blasted that fucking watermelon. Yeah, it worked. I would have done it too loved it. Did he get real skinny all of a sudden? Almost looks like a broom. Doesn't matter. His head looks the same size.
01:11:05
Speaker
Yeah. And this is one of those scenes where I see it. And like I said earlier, I'm like, there's a more violent version of this movie. Yeah. Bring it. I want to see it. Apparently, it was ah part of the reason it might not have made as much money as there was people like against it because of the level of violence in the movie. Is this the most violent J.C.V.D?
01:11:24
Speaker
Cause like, I mean, we get stuff like blood sport has some blood to it, but I mean, this has got the glass on the knuckles and stuff, but that's still a whole different level. This has heads blown off, eyes shot out, ears cut. I feel like this should have been called blood sport and the other one called our target. How dare you blood sport is perfect. It's based on a true story. Kind of according to the guy that told him it's a true story.
01:11:49
Speaker
The reason this movie has to be better than Bloodsport, and I love these guys, but Bloodsport is canon. Not like Star Wars canon, canon films. Yes. And there's no way that any the anything canon films made will be worse than most other things. but Even though I love them. that That movie
Nostalgia for Van Damme and Woo's Signature Style
01:12:09
Speaker
is lightning in a bottle, but I will say this. I rewatched it recently, and I'm not criticizing the movie. I forgot that it's not I am going to criticize it. It's boring when there's not fighting everything that's not the fighting. I was like, man, I remember this movie being so much better. It's so much training. It's and just when the fight's happening, you're like, cool. This is the Street Fighter movie. All those all those Mary Sue guys that were mad about ah Force Awakens would have loved Bloodsport. Yeah. Show the work. And they did.
01:12:36
Speaker
Because that's all it is. It's train, train, train, train, train, fight, train, train, train, train, fight, train, train, train, fight. That might be Kickboxer, too. Same thing. Yeah. Basically. Actually, Kickboxer is the better version because Kickboxer has the glass on the knuckles thing.
01:12:52
Speaker
And also was... Oh, what's that big fucking angry dude's name? Attila. No, not that big angry dude. Barf. Oh, is it Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds? That's what I was trying to think of. No, the Asian dude was like super fucking ripped.
01:13:09
Speaker
molo Yeah. Bolo. Yeah. And something. He's in some of the Tiger Claus movies, which means something to you. um Cynthia Rothrock movies. Jean-Claude Van Damme and Nat show up and Arnold Vazlu still there. They show up with the detective.
01:13:26
Speaker
You know, she shows up separately and then they show up. No, no, that's she's driving them. They're in the back of the cop. They get there right at that time. Arnold Vaslu is still there. Big shootout. This chick is not making it out of this. No, like immediately Arnold Vaslu blasts her. It's an unceremonious death. Well, it's because Nat was a dumb bitch and got out of the car. Not wrong. This lady also yeah but lady i like got out of the car immediately and was like stay in the car and then got blasted before it like while Nat was getting out. And she's trying to protect Nat.
01:13:56
Speaker
But it's a fucking job. Yeah, this lady gets blasted with a shotgun and then she gets shot again. And like that's like trying to hold her and like revive her. And he's like, dude, she is dead. Yeah. Just leave. Well, but we we forgot one. We forgot one quick ah corey got a choreography moment where as she's like dying and falling back, she places the gun in his hand.
01:14:15
Speaker
Very another very John Woo thing. Yes, that's why I bring it up. He grabs her from behind and grabs her hand with the gun and points the gun out. I almost expected her to like throw it in the air and him catch it. that's later earn say I like the sensual like up the arm. Take your hand. It's a almost like Ghost. Yeah. oh If Ghost had more murders. Not just the one murder.
01:14:39
Speaker
John Woo directing Ghosts. If John Woo directs Ghosts, that clay scene with Whoopi Goldberg and Demi Moore is so different. Would we see more tits? Oh, plenty of tits.
01:14:52
Speaker
I don't know if John was I don't know if that's his game. I probably know. No tits in this. I mean, the John Woo movie. I know off the top of my head. I don't remember any tits. Yeah, I don't think he would want to distract from his art, which is action, slo-mo and flying birds. But there is like if John Woo were a direct ghost, I think you'd have more of the training scenes with the one guy who's trying to show him like use your anger and like you'd have more violent shit in there. The demons taking the bad guy down, like that would have been even once he did learn how to use his ghost powers. It'd be a whole different movie. Demons are taking that dude down. Birds are flying in a circle. Yeah, crows, bats. Oh, crows, crows for sure.
01:15:33
Speaker
So yeah, he loves a good murder of crows. But during this fight, there's a great thing where Jean-Claude, there's this dude riding his dirt bike at Van Damme and Van Damme just does a jumping roundhouse kick and kicks this dude right off the dirt. And in real world, dislocates his foot or shatters it because this guy is fucking riding at you. I don't know what he's saying. Fifty five. Yeah. Fifty five miles an hour. And you roundhouse kick him into a helmet that's meant to protect him at 100 miles an hour. Hundred pound pressure on your fucking ankle. If your foot is moving at 15 miles per hour and the motorcyclist is moving at 35 miles per hour, what is the speed of impact? I need to know what time the train's leaving the station. And that was that was a Whitney joke while we were watching. Yeah. Yeah. Credit where credit's due. I'm so funny. It's funny.
01:16:24
Speaker
It's a shattered foot is the answer to that equation. shattered fight Whatever you said plus whatever you said equals shattered foot movie over. He died. He takes the dirt bike and that and they go. They drive off the car and the jeep was cha are chasing him and some other dirt bike people. There's always a posse.
01:16:42
Speaker
Uh-huh. In the interview with Yancy Butler that I watched, she said that Van Dam was adamant about driving this, like, riding this motorcycle. Not with her in the back. He's like, I know how to, I know how to ride a bike, don't worry about it. She was on the bike, they rode it. And during the driving, he almost immediately crashed. Yeah. And so they both had to spend a bunch, of like, a half a day or a day, like, in a hospital, getting looked at and all this stuff.
01:17:09
Speaker
they came back to do the scene the next day. right So they're all like, they're just beat to shit. And she's like, and we were so fucking high on whatever they gave us. So like this whole thing, when they're like, look at the kid they are just stoned off their ass. Nice kind of shows in her face a bit. Well, but she does give like her facials in this movie. In the beginning, she's so.
01:17:28
Speaker
naive and young and just like what I don't know she's learning that her she's been in communication with her dad because he was writing her letters for a while but he never mentioned he lost his job or is homeless so I can get her I can get her being naive about that you know because it's like ah my dad my daddy said that he was doing fine and now my daddy is homeless and dead I guess we'll all wellll allll guess all dead people are homeless oh you have a hold of piss in They aren't pissin' anymore. Well, seep and decompose in. That's all I want in life is a hole to decompose in. Is it a barrel? No, it's a dirt bike. I am setting you on fire, sir. They're on this bridge and this guy is riding a dirt bike at the moon. Van Dam shoots it and it explodes.
01:18:09
Speaker
Oh, it's great because she, dude, it's a really romantic scene. He's like, grab the handlebars and grabs his MP5. He stands up, she's fucking riding he's like driving this horse. Did you smell that fart? Sorry. The dirt bike explodes and like as Lance Henriksen and his folks are coming up in their vehicles, Van Dam, this thing's sliding at him on fire. So he
Action Sequences and Practical Effects
01:18:33
Speaker
jumps through the fire, gets another dirt bike or maybe the same one that they bailed on. Probably the same one.
01:18:37
Speaker
And then, yeah, he starts riding at this fucking Bronco or whatever it is. And just how motorcycles work, he lets go of the handlebars and stands completely straight up on this motorcycle. That's definitely not on a trailer. He does. the Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me on top of a motorcycle. Yeah. And he's blasting these dudes. the The motorcycle is leaking gas. You can see what's coming.
01:19:00
Speaker
He jumps off this thing. I didn't see this coming. I knew I was like, all right, he's going to like jump backwards and launch this thing. No, no, no. He waits for the suburban or Bronco to hit and has it it hit the bike and he just goes over the top parkour style like Sylvester Stallone. It's amazing. He did go over top. If John Claude Van Damme had a hat, it would have been backwards right here.
01:19:22
Speaker
But he flips over the the truck, turns around, shoots the motorcycle, it explodes, the Bronco or whatever explodes, more explosions, just fire everywhere. For a second when you said like Stallone, I was like, oh no, does JCVD like getting pooped on under a table?
01:19:38
Speaker
Who do you know? I don't like poop or do you think introduced alone to it? It was my honest.
01:19:47
Speaker
But they jump off the bridge onto a train and get away. Lance Hendrickson holding out this gun, which I mentioned earlier, but it's this Thompson Center Contender. OK, I did brief research because it's a dope ass fucking dragon slayer. I mean, this is a one shot gun. It's a that has that has a it's it is the definition of a hand cannon.
01:20:05
Speaker
1000% and it has apparently you can switch out the barrel for different caliber rounds. So that's what made it so sought after it's a really from what I looked up and just briefly um It's a hand ah handgun hunting gun and you can change out the calibers Which is awesome with just a couple of different switches of barrels and sights, but it's super accurate And this is starting to make sense why he uses it. It's a big game hunters gun well What's a bigger game than man? This was this one was also features whales, lots of things. This gun was also featured in hard target. So I thought, oh, yeah. Hardboard. Sorry. This is hard target. Yes. Well, I thought that's why it was here because John Woo. Right. But in the interview I watched with Lance Henriksen, he said he specifically requested this gun and probably because he had seen it in hardball. Sure.
01:20:54
Speaker
His whole thing was he's like, I didn't want my character firing just machine guns. He's like, he takes his time. He takes one shot at a time. And he was really proud of this scene because he's got the gun up on it. He actually is on his arm. He's holding out like a pool cue. Yes. He's got it up and he's aiming it at them as they're riding away on the train and he doesn't fire because he doesn't have the shot because that's his character. yep He's 100 percent like I take the shots that matter. And he's got a little belt, an ammo belt with maybe looks like six or seven shots.
01:21:22
Speaker
because that's but that's what he's got you know what i mean he's not solid 12 in the final fight for sure but i also am every up i'm also almost 100 sure that van day i'm using these pistols goes well over their capacity even though he's reloading the ones i can think of like berettas have i i'm i think it's 16 in the clip and then you could put one in the pipe He still goes over. Yeah, he's shooting 25, 30 rounds. He still goes over 17. I'm sure there's a smaller caliber gun that can fit more, like an extended clip 22. Yeah. That's not what these are. These are barrettes, it looks like, to me. Before we get too far, I want to mention, so they shoot this guy in the head, right?
01:22:01
Speaker
Poe, I want to mention I found something looking through IMDB. So they have the section of like goofs, you know, yeah errors or whatever. I sometimes look at it, but it's like it's not it's usually just assholes being assholes about like, well, this is incorrect and whatever. But I had to write down this one because you see Poe in the car in the driver's seat afterward, not when the shot first happens, but during the gunfight. And you see his head still there.
01:22:26
Speaker
This goof on IMDB, a shotgun blast at close range to the head will not leave the head intact. You know what? Somebody felt the need to add that to IMDB. yeah And John wo was like, I know that's why I didn't want the head in the shot. He's like, I know they wanted art. He put a slug in there at close range. It's just blew a hole. through Well, you do see like a spread come out, but still either way, like just the fact that somebody was like, um, actually a shotgun blast would obliterate your skull. Like no shit. Yeah. Yeah.
01:22:58
Speaker
He put that thing on him, not close to him, on him. There's a great fucking stunt and just explosion here where one of the guys on the dirt bikes gets blowsed right up, but we get a good dummy here. Oh my god, I love it. And the dummy stays on the motorcycle, on fire, and we're all happy about it. We are very happy. We will always take a dummy on fire that looks ridiculous on our CG that looks terrible. Jared pointed out the CG looks terrible.
01:23:23
Speaker
The dummy might be like, oh, that's not real. None of them look real. At least give me a smile at the dummy. Yeah. A CG tumbling body doesn't even look like even on like top budget. Good shit. A CG tumbling body looks like a CG tumbling body. Yeah. Yeah. A dummy looks like a dummy. I would rather have a real thing on fire. Yes. Get get dummies real work here. All right, guys. They are free. Not let's just call this cheaper and they look better. Let's just call this. I don't know. Boomers going on Gen X, the podcast. I don't know because I'm just like, why are computers back in my day? We used to use dummies, fake people, not fake people, but like fake people. Yeah, we're all like early millennials, but I just that this whole like.
01:24:06
Speaker
Where's the fire? It's the back of my day. Yeah, it makes me feel like a boomer. Like, well, you know, in my day, we did things. i yeah I'm not a boomer because I know that houses cost more than fifty thousand. dollars Yeah. Oh, only. But they leap on the train, they escape. And this is where we get to the the meat and potatoes of this. move We are about to get to what but the Wilford Brimley of this. fuck yeah Well, the second video, the potato would be Wilford. He is a potato.
01:24:34
Speaker
And it is second movie because again, it's been nonstop, but there's different fields to each of these action scenes. Yeah. And this is, this is the most charming at part of this fucking movie. So Wilfred is like doing his moonshine thing first. Oh, for sure. Real quick. Oh, do not skip the snake. We'll get because first they get so. Do you trust me? Well, that was way wrong. Good enough. No, no. It's exactly the same. You cannot do a bad van damme because van damme. Exactly. He can't do a good one. Do you trust me? Oh, nice. I like it. But like they say, yes, they get to the bayou. There's he's talking to the girl. Close your eyes. Yeah. Why do I have to trust you? This fucking rattlesnake comes up over the tree. He grabs this thing by the neck.
01:25:19
Speaker
Boops it on the head. She smacks it like a bad fucking little baby. bad sneak And then he punches it in the face and knocks it out, which I don't think is how snakes work. when You don't know how Jean-Claude Van Damme works. And then bites the rattle off. Yes. And Yance Butler said in the interview, that she has like a deathly fear of snakes. Like worse worse than Indiana Jones. Oh, that man. amazing So this is a mechanical. So those eyes are huge. You can tell this is a mechanical snake. Sure. Because they have an act perfectly. And there's you can get good at dog actors. I don't think you can get that good of a snake. act No, not that not a rattlesnake either. But no, not like that. um Not like that. Not like that. Yeah. He grabs his thing, knocks out with a punch, which the first time I saw this movie, which was probably about two years ago, I watched him knock this snake out with a fist and I was like,
01:26:08
Speaker
Five stars. This is the actual best part of the movie. This is the actual I have sent multiple gifts of this right here today. This imagery, of there's gifts of him punching the snake. And then the next gift you get is him biting the tail off. And he bites the tail off because I feel like would make it die. No, no, it does not die. It might not be around for long. OK, it just can't warn you now. That's the point. He puts it in a tree to set a trap. He even has like a piece of Vine that's like there to be like a trip wire to pull on the snake. Uh-huh. Question mark. But it's it can't rattle. So when Hendrickson comes through a few minutes later with his group of hunters, which. With his dogs. Contains. Svenal Thorsen. Woo!
01:26:52
Speaker
Love this man. We've talked about him before he was on quick in the dead quick in the dead, mul rat which we've talked about He was in George of the jungle, which we've talked about so twelve um But he's a he's a Schwarzenegger guy, yes yes, it's interesting to see him in another action guy's movie I've seen him in movies that are not Schwarzenegger I think this is a guy that will take any role you can give him. But you want me to play a fucking guy in a Hawaiian shirt that smokes aar a cigar with a fucking gun? I got it. Oh, wait. Hold on. When he talks. Oh, when he talks, it's clearly dubbed. OK, so we've had him on. This dude has a big old Swedish or something accent. Yeah, I was going to say, he's been on the show. Yes. So we know he's got that like, dude, he's part of American. And all of a sudden, his voice is like. I think he's cleared out already. All clear in here. It looks like about left about an hour ago. By the way, my name is Svenal Thorson.
01:27:39
Speaker
I was like, what the fuck? In this movie, though, he does look like, um, not Hawaii Five-O. What's the mustache? Tom Selleck. Yes. Magnum PI. Thank you. He's like Magnum PI. He's completely clean shaven, which I don't like. Uh-huh. And he is wearing a Hawaiian shirt. He might have been clean shaven in... No, he has a goatee in mall rats, right? Yeah, I think he's clean shaven in fucking Running Man. But I just want to... What's this episode? What's the weird alien movie we just did? The Dark Angel, not Dark Angel, the one where. Oh, maybe Power Rangers. It wasn't with him. It's when you watched where it was like a Braxis. Thank you. Maybe it's a gun. This might be second. Yes. But because this is episode one hundred and we've discussed Veno Thorsen a couple of different times,
01:28:27
Speaker
We like us as Fennel. I just want to ramble off real quick, because he is an Arnold guy. Yeah. So just listen to the Arnold movies he's been in. So he was in both Conan movies, playing two different characters, by the way. ah One of them you see his face. He's a main villain kind of guy. That's like the sidekick of the main villain. That's the first one. yeah Second one, he's got a mask on. But even I watched him side by side. And watching it, I was like, man, that's Fennel. That's Fennel. Look at it. You can't hide from me, Sven.
01:28:54
Speaker
He's in Raw Deal, Predator, The Running Man, Red Heat, T2, Collateral Damage, End of Days, Eraser, Last Action Hero. So he's in like all of the Arnolds. So it makes me kind of wonder, is he Austrian? Or but like Thorsten just sounds so fucking Nordic. I think what I had heard before, and I don't have this verified, I'd heard, I think I heard it on another podcast, that he was ah an Arnold like stunt guy.
01:29:20
Speaker
Oh, OK. I got you because you don't have a lot of big stuntmen back then. So it's like they don't have the same body type. Exactly. Probably someone he knew from bodybuilding. Yeah. And then there was a good friends with and was like, this guy could be my stuntman. They're like, yeah, pretty close. All right. Just as long as he doesn't have to talk. Not that Arnold's voice is much easier to talk. We're going to dub him. He's going to sound just like this. We're going to need to dub him with Arnold's voice. Oh, I'm going to do it flawlessly. I've never heard me speak in my California accent.
01:29:51
Speaker
Hang 10, you know, do you want to hit me? Do a Texan accent? Are you the governor i saw riding and roping shower boy? And there is a guy to in this group who gets killed here at the end, the the third act that looks an awful lot like Jesse Ventura with the mustache and everything. It's not because he's only like, I heard you got my friend's fiddle, force it in your movie. I could die in a wine shirt.
01:30:14
Speaker
Arnold, why didn't you call me? I'm not in that movie. But I saw that you had your friend there smoking a cigar. You've got something to do with it. Why didn't you call me? I know you could have put a word in. um The mate. Doug, fight.
01:30:30
Speaker
All right, that's the last time we talk about spin-all forces. The main reason I know that this other guy is not Jesse Ventura is because this guy's like five, six. Yeah, and he doesn't have a long brain. I don't know, but he's a wrestler and he's a lot taller. Jesse Ventura. Also, he never calls anybody. ah ah Oh, slack jawed F word. Yeah, he doesn't turn into a fucking sexual Tyrannosaurus.
01:30:53
Speaker
Sorry, the yeah the guy that gets hit bit by the snake is where we get the line because he's dying loudly. I'll i'll fuck you and I'll eat you. And he just fucking shoots him. And he's like, this is if you guys died quieter and kept fucking moving, he wouldn't have time to set up these fucking traps. I'm i'm not an expert on how snakes work because I've never been bitten by one. But this rattlesnake, I know that the top two fangs are the ones with the venom. Yes. This rattlesnake goes right through this guy's cheek. Yep.
01:31:22
Speaker
The venom comes out after they bite. So wouldn't this guy be okay? No, I went into his tongue. He's dead. Oh, the it bites and then seeps in there as it. Yeah. So I mean, I guess unless he swallowed the venom, what Derek is saying is it went through and through. frame But it went through his cheek. It's in the I think it was more on the top part because he was like, they show two holes, right? You know, who doesn't you know, who doesn't care? And that's Henderson. Yeah, that dude is like, i hundreder you're being loud. Yeah, you're being a wild little baby. Oh, a snake bit me in the face. Get over it. Here's a bullet. Suck on that.
01:31:55
Speaker
But so the hunters are there to help find Jean-Claude Van Damme. ah And Lance Henriksen also shoots the fuck out of the snake. Oh, yeah, it was its head right off. He was one of his few rounds to blow up for snakes. head Now I have to reload, you fucking snake. And then we meet Uncle Duvet. Oh, Uncle Duvet. I'm not going to move, Sean. I'll tell you, man. Go move, Sean. Make a joke. I know a duvet is like a bed thing. It's a friend. that Do you think you think that's what it was? The the guy, ah Chuck Farrow, writing the script was like, what's a French name? Do they surprise his last name? He's a gumbo. This is my uncle. Gumbo. Good gumbo. Make an eagle snap of the dragon. And Wilford Brimley, for those who don't know, nuies does that mean this guy also from our house, our our house, I guess.
01:32:46
Speaker
It was a show from my younger years. but he's no previous coon He's previously been on this show in Remo Williams, The Adventure Begins. Go with that. Sitting in a chair for the entire movie. I wasn't on that episode. We've talked about him. Unlucky. Was she? Unlucky. don't tell her it's a really bad movie I listen to the episode. Suck it. I've had to sit through. But if she watches it again, I have to. Yeah, but you also get to suffer and I don't have to be here. ah Don't tell Jack that we're watching that tomorrow together. You just put it in. like You want to watch Jojo Rabbit again? This looks a lot like Remo Williams. Why am I strapped to the couch? Why do you have ah toothpicks and a glass of milk and a bowler hat and makeup on one eye?
01:33:34
Speaker
Why is
Climactic Showdown and Stunt Choreography
01:33:35
Speaker
the dog sitting on my chest? It's time for a bit of that old ultra boredom. Let's be all in, out, in, out, baby. But yes, as Jack said, Wilford Brimley's first line is good whiskey, make a jaar jack rabbit, slap the bear. Oh, boy, let me tell you. bo off oh go ah He is putting sauce on it. It does come and go. You are right.
01:33:55
Speaker
But I think when his is on, it's better than I think it goes and for a matter of like John Woo is directing the scene. Wilford Brimley delivers it in ultra Cajun. And he's like to his translator. What the fuck did he just say? And his translator is like, oh, I didn't even think about that French. Yeah, it's just like homo, not somebody sees. But i think he does speak French and some of these lines that are subtitled according to subtitles. He does. But it's so Cajuny that you can't possibly understand. No way.
01:34:24
Speaker
Like I said, I've been there. You can't understand them. Like, think about think about of Brad Pitt from Snatch. Oh, yeah. But like in the south. Hey, well, Jack, I make it. go boost I make a jackass. Exactly. I tell you what. I tell you what. I'm sure you tell me the first time you watch that movie, you didn't have subtitles on. I didn't because it was in the theaters. Ooh.
01:34:47
Speaker
Burn sick burn. Tell me the second time you watched that movie, you didn't have some time. I want to lie. Like, I watched it again at theaters the next week, but I didn't. I watched it on VHS. I was in the Snatch Broadway production musical. My really good friend Crystal. I want to see a Broadway musical of Snatch. Sorry. Do you like dogs? Oh, dogs. I like dogs.
01:35:08
Speaker
I like dags. Sorry. I need a caravan. What the fuck's got a caravan's got no wheels? Canavan's got no wheels. So my friend Crystal worked in the theaters when Snatch was in theaters and she saw like four times in theaters. Fuck yeah.
01:35:23
Speaker
And theaters, you know what? I think it was I thought it was probably released in like what two thousand two dozen one. Yes. So I was working in a movie theater. So there is a chance that like the first two, three, four times I saw it two, three, four that I watched it in theaters because it was one of those. So you worked at the theater that is now known as Roadhouse. And we had a pretty fucking lax place there. So like the manager was like, dude, we could just fucking close up a a little bit early and start watching movies and drinking. ah So Van Dam tells Wilford Brimley, like, hey, there's someone after me. He's like, I know I could smell it. I could smell you, your girlfriend and all of them. I smell trouble. You smell like trouble. Also, check your front pocket. That chocolate is melted. ah Do you still have that 30 out of six I gave you? No, an alligator. That condom in your wallet is expired.
01:36:13
Speaker
i can smell How dusty is this shotgun? It's only dusty for the shot because it is disgustingly dusty by the way And then we yeah, you get fucking JCVD just doing the and it's a slow-mo John Woo fucking Oh, yeah, not a flashback people. He just blown that does it is so much He blows it off, but then he cocks it and dust just flies everywhere The ghost of Anakin is just like god dammit that sand is everywhere and dead skin cells. Maybe not. Maybe not human skin. No. JCVD leaves to try to like draw them away, I guess. Yeah. Wilford Brimley and Nat are still there. The hunters show up. Svenal Thorsen goes in and just goes ham on this fucking house. i du And that's when we get the lines like all clear because you just kicked the door open and fired an entire clip into this goddamn place.
01:37:02
Speaker
ah No one's here. I didn't kill anything. I just wasted $20. All right. I'm going back to Sweden. That's where I'm from. By the way, can't you tell by my flawless accent? But Wilford Brimley is hiding in the bushes with Nat and fires an arrow. a regular arrow? Sometimes a scorpion going to stand up and fight a giraffe. Because he fires it at this moonshine. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because he hits the moonshine countertop.
01:37:28
Speaker
He's working on. that Sure. That shit is flammable as fuck, though. Yeah, and as soon as one of those things breaks, everything goes up in flames, lighting a fuse that leads to a bunch of dynamite. This house is fucking wired. it likes A string of dynamite. It lights a couple of people on fire, too. yeah And I only bring it up because one of the hunters is trying to put the guy out and Lance is like, we have no time for loud deaths and shoots this dude in the face. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah.
01:37:52
Speaker
And the house consistent guys this house fucking explodes, and it's one of my favorite parts of the movie Yeah, because there's so much shrapnel. It's not as much fire as i like in my but I wanted the wood to be on fire sure It's not a big bottom boom. It's not the biggest bottom boom. Yeah, but To Derek's point, man, it is fucking debris. All these actors are there. This is no like we filmed this and then did rear projection with the actors. These actors are hundreds of feet away from these flying wood chips. Yeah, yeah everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, that could you use real shingles. Those are dangerous. So can I out. He also he also has a shed that explodes with some dude standing next to it. Uh huh. Just just people being incinerated left and right, which is quality television. You know, even a little body booms are good body booms. Yeah.
01:38:37
Speaker
So they start hunting Van Dam with their helicopters. Lance Hendrickson is not about that life. Yeah, he's like, no, we need to do this the right way. rosally A real man does it on foot. Yeah. Vausely, dude, I can take him out from the air. Not a fucking problem. It's like, no, we're going to do it eye to eye on the ground because fuck him. I'm the devil. They end up chasing him to this factory and like Mardi Gras graveyard. No, no, no. First, the front half is like a factory. Yeah. like There's like machinery and belts and all this stuff. And then he opens a door into a Mardi Gras storage warehouse. Well, how do you think they made these Mardi Gras things? Well, he even said. Like a heavy machinery. Paper mache? How do you think you make paper mache? Lays and mills. Yes.
01:39:17
Speaker
He even said when he's like, I'm going to I'm going to sneak away to the Mardi Gras graveyard. Yeah. That's what they called it. Right here. We get fucking Wilford Brimley on a horse. And it's legitimately the best part of the movie. It is the best shot of the movie because he is feet out riding this horse on strong. And you see Butler had a story. So Wilford Brimley is really riding this horse because she's like, he's a rancher or something. I'm like, well, he owns a ranch. i He has a work day in his life. I don't think he's a rancher. But apparently she was like afraid to ride off quickly on the horse. So he just slapped that thing in the ass with his bow and it took off running. And she's like that had stuntmen chasing me because they couldn't get this horse to stop.
01:40:03
Speaker
It wasn't the dogs that was a stuntman. They kept the shot. Here's where we get like he's going in before he gets into the Mardi Gras half of the factory. Oh, we that's why I brought up the horse riding. He's so sorry. i'm I'm not trying to cut you off, but um fucking Uncle Etou Fe tells her there's he says the name. He's like, it's an anvil factory up two miles up the road. I'm going to go there. You go call the fucking sheriff. And she just bolts to the factory.
01:40:29
Speaker
So it is a factory. But but so I think it's both. Like you just said, here's it. A matter of fact, where's the best place to store these things made out of paper mache next to the barrels of gasoline and oil?
01:40:42
Speaker
Good call. good Also, don't update the electricity in there. Make sure all the wires are exposed. We want some shocky shocks every now and then. But we get Van Damme running through here and like right before he he picks up this gas can and kicks it at this goon. This is the best part of this movie. There's ah a dirty ass pigeon flying over his head. And John Woo was like, I'm known for doves. He's like, but we're in New Orleans. So I used pigeons. So that one earlier might have been a pigeon also, even though it was a white Doves and pigeons are the exact same thing. It's just that those are just a little smaller pigeons ate human food. That's it. You don't eat. You don't eat pigeon, but you do eat dove. It's called squab and you do eat pigeon. It's a trash bird. I'm not out of doors, dude. I'm in a you go to a fancy restaurant and pay too much for pigeon. They call you not. He he orders chicken tenders. I would eat a squab.
01:41:34
Speaker
I love chicken tenders, and I'm not going to be chicken tender shamed right now. But he kicks the gas can at one of these dudes and shoots it right before it hits him in the face. And this dude, oh, this was the dummy. Because this dude lights up and flies through the window. This is a dummy. Yeah, this is another one. Is he on the motorcycle here? He flips over the motorcycle, or he's sitting on it. This might be the dummy. It might be. Either way, this dummy flies through a window on fire, which is class acting. Yes.
01:41:59
Speaker
and he gets into the Mardi Gras warehouse, fucking Van Dam descends upon these people on a paper mache swan just blasting the fuck out of everybody. I thought it was a pegasus for a second. No, a pelican. It was a pelican, but I thought it was a pegasus. I thought it was a swan. Just because New Orleans, pelicans, that's what I think of. That makes more sense. But he ends up lighting Lance Henriksen on fire.
01:42:22
Speaker
Yes, which is and he's really on fire comes up. dude This is legitimately the best scene of the movie. Yeah. yeah gently Legit. he He is on fire and just not worried about it. And he's just fucking. Oh, full Lansing, full and all of a sudden, I mean, and it's obviously it's safety stuff, but all of a sudden his hair. is Yeah, I don't I don't fucking care. im I don't either. I don't give a shit. This is great. Yeah. Nobody here is complaining about that. And he's like fucking just like God damn, this guy's good. Taking off slowly. His fiery jacket. And I love that Lance did that. I bet you he was like, no stunt man. Lance was a player. I mean, like, I don't mean that like a play. There is a point where he's a fucking. When he first catches on fire, he turns his back and it's just like a person fully consumed in flames. Yeah, that's almost surely a stunt person with the whole body suit. But him standing there i casually on fire is him. Yeah, you can see his face. it's Yeah, I'm taking off the jacket on fire. And it's not tosses that jacket. He's like, what the fuck are you guys standing around for? This is what you paid for. Get some money. You are a fucking buffalo. And JCD comes.
01:43:30
Speaker
front flipping over through fireworks and explosions. but One of many times that he does it just unneeded acrobatic acrobatic. Yeah, because this one is a regular front flip. Later on, he's got one where he does a pike but upside down. Yeah, he doesn't. I feel like I'm watching the Olympics. He does a flip a break dancing part. Well, this is this is an an Australian movie. I want to say it's a front flip pike twist.
01:43:56
Speaker
Sure, do you you all i know is making it up and we cannot just know all I know is he's upside down I'm saying you might be making it up, but I couldn't tell you all I know is he's upside down and spinning at the same time Uh-huh, which is impressive. Yeah, but doing an upside-down pick six. He kills one dude takes his gun fires it upside down by holding the the Butt of the gun the handle with one hand and then going and then just fanning trigger with nine nine scully. We call this the upside down Yeah yep But he fires this dude. and This dude doesn't go down. He fires an entire clip, it seems, into him. He's still got a few rounds left. yeah Again, one of many. And then Roundhouse kicks this motherfucker in the face. Another thing he likes to do a lot is empty clips and then still kick them. Because why?
01:44:40
Speaker
Well, Kicking's not going to kill him. You kick them down when they're down. But he did it with Spinel Thorsen. Like, he fucking unloads two guns. Sorry about your shirt. Dude, fucking, this guy's got a minimum of 57 bullets in him. Like, the way that we watched him shoot. And he's just like, you know what? Roundhouse kick. And then, yeah, start about your shirt. These one-liners. It's like the double tap. You've got to make sure. Here's one of the things I love about this movie. What do you love about this movie? There's lots of love. You do have this phenomenal action. We're gushing about Lance Hendrickson, right? Yes.
01:45:11
Speaker
but then you have these shitty JCVD moments that I absolutely love. It's this just nebulous movie of it's so amazing and also just super cheesy. And this is proving it right here. It's like, sorry about your shirt. I think this would have been more successful if we would have had the wu cut. I think so too. I think Lance Henriksen was the star. Yeah, because it would have been a Lance movie. This is barely a cult classic. I mean, not a cult classic, but this barely has a cult following. Yeah. It would have a huge one with the wu cut. Although this is my favorite Van Damme. Who do you think you are?
01:45:42
Speaker
No, it's a it's um'm correct. It's it it's up there. It's really hard for me not to say double impact to van dams. Yeah. Count them to. But it's dumber.
01:45:55
Speaker
This is like an actual story with a movie attached to it. Oh, I'm sorry. Twins that are rich and separate at birth and one is raised poor and one is raised rich. And one wears silk underwear. And one wears silk underwear. He's a little more preposterous than a guy trying to help a girl find her dead daddy. Yes. OK. Yes, it is. I have one thing to say that you guys are probably not going to agree with me on this one. You don't like JCVD? This scene is a little too long for me.
01:46:22
Speaker
Oh, no. Yeah, I definitely I I was like starting to ah man I respectfully accept your answer, but definitely disagree with it for me. That's what I know. I know you guys are like, oh, my God, give it to me. And I'm like, oh, my God, just fucking come to the end. This part of the movie is exactly why I'm here. This movie is 97 minutes long. And this scene is a solid 27 minutes. And we were recording for five hours. I think it's because it's just been so high impact the whole time that the finale I'm just like, oh, oh you got she got Rainbow three'd.
01:46:52
Speaker
Oh, you got Rambo 3. Yeah, you weren't bored. You were just tired from all the adrenaline. Yeah. So yeah, you can't you came too early and your partner usually happens. so Your partner being the movie is still going the distance. Yes, that's not what happens. i mean I just mean not you guys. But no, that's what happened. You said scare me first. You had your fill of that action was like, oh, and there's more to go.
01:47:17
Speaker
OK, I was just like, OK, come on, guys, you're spending 15 minutes in this scene. This last scene is like John wo was like, OK, all the stuff I didn't include, that's my like trademarks at this point. We're putting it in here. Dude, him and the Vasslu duel. Well, so first, do Uncle Duvet and Nat show up. Duvet shoots this dude through the neck with an arrow, which is pretty fucking cool. Oh, he does it like through another. We talk about Duvet. Oh, yeah. Do we talk about Duvet's outfit?
01:47:46
Speaker
No. It's got fucking just overalls, red long johns, and white rain boots. Well, they're not even like just overalls. It's like bordering on those ones that you use to like wade in like the cranberry pools and shit. Waiters. Waiters, yeah. Except it's not rubber. He's about to go fly fishing. He goes up so high, yeah.
01:48:06
Speaker
Nat does get to kill somebody. Oh yeah. And she shoots this guy in the dick 150 times. I really wish you'd said point your dick north and go to hell. Because it's the same guy. It's the same guy. But she didn't hear him say that. I know, but fuck don't take this away, Derek. But JCPD told her because he told her to tell him. Yes, thank you, Whitney. I do want to mention Yancy Butler said that she lost a bunch of weight to be extra skinny because she wasn't comfortable playing like the damsel in distress.
01:48:31
Speaker
So she thought if she was skinnier and smaller, people would believe it more. And that's all she is in this movie, by the way, is damsel in distress. Yeah, except for this one scene where she shoots the fuck out of this guy's balls. And then she freaks out. She's like shell shocked. Like, oh, my God, I just killed a man. She does take that gun, though, like, really quickly here. Van Damme comes, like, diving over some shit and she tosses him the gun and he catches it like midair and does it. Yeah. And here's her sexy shot. So that's a John Woo. That's a John Woo thing.
01:48:56
Speaker
um Also, when he's walking into these little offices and he sees another reflection of Arnold Vaslu behind him. Oh, there is one time where he's got like one of the dogs with the helmets on. Oh, it's when he kills Fennel Thorsen. And no, no, no, no, no. That's how he sees that's how he sees Fennel Thorsen coming up. is Oh, that's right. That's how he's that's the reflection. No, that's what I was talking. But in in here he sees ocelots or whatever. What's his vazlu the mummy? oh Yes. Yes. Yes. He sees the reflection and the because he's got the dude up against he's got the helmeted motorcycle up against something and he sees his reflection and that's how he's like
01:49:33
Speaker
No, when he sees the reflection, the motorcycle is that's that sourcing. He's got that bright. What happens with Voslu is he sees the reflection of the guy with the grenade behind him. And now we get spinny J.C.V.D. bullet sprinkler, I call it. Well, and they're doing this thing. They run across two sides. J.C.V.D. is in this like little office. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool. And then they have they go back to back on either side of the wall, which is another John Mu trademark thing where like they're they're talking to each other through the wall.
01:50:03
Speaker
And then they just turn around and start firing at each other wildly. And it's just really funny. I know it's movie stuff, so it's fine. I do have to say. But they're firing at each other wildly, and Vaslu doesn't get hit once. But the second Van Damme turns around and there's a dude behind him, every bullet goes into that man's body. Yeah. So.
01:50:21
Speaker
Jack heard something when we were watching this, and I don't think we were supposed to hear it. I think it was a safety thing when you're like. Oh, the very fucking beginning when they're. You're firing too close. Binder. Yeah, you hear somebody say you're firing too close. And I couldn't figure out who said it, because in the scene, everyone's got a pretty good gun line, a firing line going. So I don't know. Oh, man. It might have been a safety thing. Because even if it is a blank, if you're too close, you'll. Yeah, yeah.
01:50:49
Speaker
Or it could have been... Alec Baldwin taught us anything. It could have even been the fucking translator. Brandon Lee taught us anything. It could have been a translator too. Like in John Woo being like, hey, you guys are way too close to each other. It could have been something as simple as that. But I know that your wife just said that she was like kind of over this moment, except for this scene. Except for this scene is my fucking favorite. Yeah, I was gonna say, this brought you back into it. this one because there's a part like you said they're they're dueling they're coming down the windows and then like mummy has the grenade and Van Dam is like trying to get out of this hole because another dude is coming in with gasoline and fire and And so Van Damme jumps out of the window right as Mummy throws the grenade in and you see it in sync. No, no, that one wasn't from him throwing it in. The guy he was just shooting has a grenade and he got shot. And he pulls out the pin and then he gets shot a bunch because they show the close up of him just like dropping the grenade. Which, by the way, especially the first time I saw it, I thought it was going to be like a Jean-Claude Van Damme grabs the grenade at midair and throws it. I do want to point something out. We're what, two hours in?
01:51:54
Speaker
And we just now refer to him as the mummy. I think we did pretty good. Yeah, it's been fossilist. I thought for sure we were going to be like, you know, the mummy and just go right away. We did a good deal. I mean, you guys said it. I don't know his name. um But it's no, he was. She called i she called him Van Der Verven or something just now. Van Dam and Henriksen have their like face off, um which I would like to watch those two and face off. Oh, God, yes. Pretending to be each other. Lance Henriksen would do such a good JCVD. and JCVD would do an awful Lance Henriksen. I am definitely a miracle. I'm going to fuck you then I'm going to eat you. I go kill you and I'll skin you with a knife dipped in shit.
01:52:41
Speaker
You are either my bulldozer or the biggest pork chop I'm ever going to eat. Right before they finish off though, he goes up to Uncle Duvet. He's like, can you stand? And he's like, I cannot dance, but I can stand. Dude, yeah. All right. Can you just answer me correctly real quick, Uncle Duvet? I just need a yes or a no. I don't need a fucking little quippy word of wisdom every time I answer a goddamn question. No, I have to give you special joints.
01:53:06
Speaker
Yeah. Are you OK? I've had a better Sunday morning on the Tuesday than this, but I'll be OK to go for a while. I'm Friday. day Oh, because we didn't mention, though, that all happens because Duvet did get shot at one point, right? Oh, he got an arrow. he got No, no, you get to the up right now. He got shot in the leg. Yes.
01:53:24
Speaker
Van Dam flips through fire again. No reason. Shoots it at Lance Henriksen. This is the Pike one, right? This is when Lance Henriksen, I don't know what the Pike one means. Oh, Pike is when he's like straight up. Yeah. Oh, we should say he does in Vazlu. And when he does, Vazlu's trying to do my move.
01:53:40
Speaker
of like, I'm dying, I'm pulling the pin on the grenade. Yeah. But he just doesn't have it. Because Van Dam's on the ground. Vaslu's body is falling on him. So Van Dam's just holding him up with his foot. Uh-huh. So he's thinking if I can get this grenade. That's the way to go. I mean, I'm not an evil guy, but if somebody was trying to kill me, I would try and kill them back. Yeah. Yeah.
01:53:58
Speaker
You know, I would shove it in their mouth. Oh, yeah. Or down their pants or down their pants. He does get the grenade from Vaslu. And that's what he does, the the tying it up in a shirt because he's a wrapping up a grenade in a shirt. And he's just got a flex to do it. um But he grabs Wilford. Lance Henryson grabs Wilford Brimley, stabs him like in the heart ah region with an arrow. Obviously not in his heart because he does live. Oh, yeah, he does just hand.
01:54:24
Speaker
Yeah, I bet you in the wu cut, he does. And then he grabs a gnat. And this she said this was a Lance Hendrickson idea. He takes the arrow, twisting her hair and twisted around and then pulls her head. Beautiful. I fucking. So her hair is wrapped in this arrow and then the arrow is up to her throat. So you can't get away. And he's got her at gunpoint. Yeah, especially roommate. Our a hair is long enough to do that. Oh, yeah, I got that.
01:54:51
Speaker
I got hair in my butt crack these days. Not, maybe his beard. Not my hair. Yeah, his beard. You can do a beard. You can grab an arrow in my beard, but then you couldn't put it to my throat, because he'd be. but So yeah, he's like, I got you. um Challenge accepted. And good good on Nat, by the way. She's like, just fucking shoot him, dude.
01:55:07
Speaker
Yeah, he's like, yeah, he can't. He's got a shotgun. If he does that, we're both dead. What's his line? He came prepared with the wrong. He came prepared with the wrong tool. Yeah, because he's got the shotgun. He's like, if he shoots me, he's going to shoot you. He tells he tells her to load up his gun away.
01:55:22
Speaker
And but then again, this arrow where it is, I wouldn't want if Lance goes down right now, if Lance goes down with the hair pull, he's going to pull the hair down and that arrow is going in her fucking jaw. And he's pushing it up in there. I mean, yeah it's tight. It's tight, tight. Henriksen said this was one of the reasons he wanted this gun, too, was this scene because he has because you have to open up the barrel and load the one. Oh, it's so beautifully sexual, too. He's like, and he makes Matt do it.
01:55:48
Speaker
And the way he says I load me. And she goes and grabs the bullet in a pretty she provocative way. She looks at JC first. But Lance just goes, ooh. And literally right before she loads that bullet in, though, it's like a video game or something. it's like And I'm going to bring it up again. Jack's going to be like, of course.
01:56:08
Speaker
Scott Pilgrim versus the world. OK. When like he's about to start fighting somebody, they'll have a little tussle and then they have like that moment where they face each other and the camera zooms out. yeah like soand So and so versus, you know, it's just that because they have a little bit of back and forth. He flips through the fire, all that. And then it's just it's Hendrickson and Van Damme standing feet away from each other facing off and the camera does like a zoom out. Yeah. And we're a pullback. It's not a zoom.
01:56:34
Speaker
But Van Damme sprints at him. Oh, look at you being dumb. Oh, I fixed it, though. Excuse me. I didn't call it a pan. and We wouldn't have known. He Peter pans out. if What's funny is if he wouldn't have fixed it, we wouldn't have known.
01:56:47
Speaker
say zoom but uh no dude jcvd sprints at him and kicks lance so hard in the chest he just sps out blood spurt oh ah not blood sport blood spurt i believe it's flying all over behind him one does it oh yeah we're wooing weasel oh yeah the note i have here for that is monster kick yep because he shatters this man's insides with one kick I'm surprised as you can talk and laugh. He says, yeah, haunting season is over and he drops the fucking grenade in Lance Hendrickson's pants and just shoves them away. And I just love it because Hendrickson is like he falls. He takes a second. and He goes, there's a grenade in my pants. Oh, fuck. Scramble, scramble, scramble. He gets it out and and it's it's an old school. It's one of those little round grenades. It's not the the like the honeycomb fragmentation. It's not. Yeah.
01:57:34
Speaker
He twists the top and pulls out the fuse and it says right on it, fuse. And he's like, oh, thank God. Hasn't too close, baby. The fuse sparks, but it's too close. It sparks and he's, oops. Oops. Kaboom. Oops indeed. Not like William Forsythe's last word being badass. His last words were, oops. Oops.
01:57:54
Speaker
And literally movie over. Yeah. Well, not not sorry, not literally at the one moment of Uncle Duvet being like, are you OK? Because it's after he got stabbed. Yeah. No, it's really a tragedy. And he pulls out his wholeness. in last Alligator skin. And then just not even even a freeze frame. Right. Like them walking away fade to black. They walk off of the sunset to ah born on the bayou. but Written by somebody who was born nowhere by you.
01:58:18
Speaker
Yeah, but CCR is
Episode Wrap-up and Listener Engagement
01:58:20
Speaker
still awesome. I know they, well, I don't know about awesome. They're pretty awesome. I like them. You like a Vietnam movie? Yeah. Then you have to like CCR. Fortunate Son, baby! Good morning, Vietnam. Do you like helicopters flying through Vietnam? Fortunate Son is a song for you. Love Good Morning, Vietnam, by the way. That's one of my favorites. That's my favorite. I don't know if they're in that, but they probably are. But that's it for our 100th episode and for Hard Target. I think we deserve a golf club. Yeah.
01:58:47
Speaker
And thank you for listening. I mean, we wouldn't do it if it was just us. Golf club for you, too. Yeah. Shout out to the patrons, the patrons. Yeah. That just sounds like we're masturbating. Well, not me. Want to be authentic? Do you give me a shirt full of jello? That's a joke only the patrons get. Become a patron, by the way. It's only $3 a month, guys.
01:59:11
Speaker
That's what I was about to say. Yeah. Patreon dot.com slash worst people. Three dollars a month. You get a free episode every or not a free episode. You get a bonus episode every month. You get hot took shots first, early and uncut or an ad free. That's the words I'm looking for. Uncut. You get a newsletter every month and we're going to have more stuff coming from the more patrons we get, the more stuff we're going to try and do. Yeah. So we have a lot of ideas. So.
01:59:34
Speaker
I know times are hard out there, groceries cost like $75, so you get a bag of Cheetos and a frozen pizza. Skip a day of getting coffee and just- All right, let's not start to sound like fucking old boomers. Don't boomer us here. Just stop having avocado toast. If you've got $3 a month to spare, we could really use it. It helps keeps the light on and it helps you get extra content. You can support some Working alcohol. Yeah, some high functioning alcoholics.
Teasing Future Episodes and Recommendations
02:00:00
Speaker
On Patreon this month, our Patreon exclusive mental health episode will be Tremors, the original with Kevin Bacon. Oh, boy. And oh, man, what's his name? Fred Ward. Well, Fred Ward, the guy from Big Trouble in Little China. Oh, Victor Wong. Victor Wong. Victor Wong. Yeah, there you go. Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell was in Tremors. You fucking wish. I do too. He said Big Trouble Little China. I know, but I knew exactly. I was cross-referencing in my head, and I knew that Kurt Russell wasn't in it. I didn't listen to that part. Victor Wong owns the grocery store. He plays Waltz. Oh, right. Yes. Got it. Also, don't forget about the dad from Family Ties. Never. Or Reba MacIntyre. Reba MacIntyre is in the movie. I hope you guys like really bad Reba MacIntyre impersonations, because I couldn't even get a penetration with the elephant gun on its way. So that's this month. Next week.
02:00:52
Speaker
We continue the show, as we always do. On Monday, we will be releasing our next episode, which I'm also very excited about. And it was a close tie for 100. But because we have only done one JCVD movie, we did Hard Target. Yeah. We're doing Hackers. Oh, yeah. Hackers would have been a good 100 as well, but but it's the day after it released 25 years ago 24 years ago, whatever else so that'll be fun That's our next one. That's a but Johnny Lee Miller and yes also known as angelina joli's first husband I Like how we skip to the recommendations because we all just recommend it. Oh, yeah We did not talk about that five feel like we already knew i recommend wendy might give it a four star at a five and that's the low we I know that we're giving it five I said two and a half thumbs
02:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, she started talking. Patreon and I went into the I know yeah as you should, you're a businessman. Yeah. Recommendations, right? I mean, all record. We anybody who listen to this knows we all recommend. Yeah, you heard the episode. Jack and I more than Whitney, but barely. they're Not by much. It was just the end where that I was getting, like you said, fatigued. And then I got right back into it. Some action movies make you tired, but not like ah Michael Bay action movies, which make you really tired when you're sitting there and you're like, it's been an hour. And there's still a two hour movie left. Yeah.
02:02:06
Speaker
this is up going to see it it was ah last year's um version of violent night. It's our new our new tradition in America, apparently is hyper violent Christmas movie. Oh, so last year was Silent Night with Joel Kinnaman, which looked interesting, but also the trailer looked full of really bad CG. That's what turned me off. And I never wanted to see it because my God, your trailer looked like that. You couldn't even just leave that out. I mean, who knows what we're doing in December. That's months away by violent night, about three months away.
02:02:51
Speaker
I mean, violent night will probably be there, but if it is, it's Patreon. Love that one. I don't care what anybody says. Yeah. I don't care what you say. But I'm still recommending it. What? Violent night? Yeah. I was talking about Silent Night being looking talking about this. Oh, OK. Who knows what we're talking about anymore? Welcome to 100 episodes of Confusion. I've been Derek. Whitney's drunk. I'm Jack. Go to whiskey and make a Jackrabbit slab of beer.
02:03:44
Speaker
Work on your fucking New Orleans Bayou calls. but you butjiciba yeahur dady ki butji butjiba chief chief chief chief chief chief You hear that? Whistle whistle whistle. It's a wizoo bird. chi chip chi chi chip Oh no.