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EP 03: Giving yourself permission to show up and be seen as the realest, rawest you - even if it means twerking on IG w/Taylor Tosczak
32 Plays2 months ago
In this soul-inspiring episode, Dana interviews the radiant Taylor Tosczak, a holistic life coach and feminine business mentor, to share her empowering journey of embodying vulnerability and unleashing unbridled creativity with zero apologies. Prepare to be mesmerized as Taylor bares her soul, twerking and dancing with the universe in raw, unfiltered self-expression.
Through Taylor's captivating storytelling, you'll discover the transformative power of embracing your sensuality, letting go of fear, and allowing your authentic self to shine.
As she vulnerably recounts her struggles with body image, self-hatred, and the impact of sobriety, you'll be inspired to embark on your own path of self-discovery and healing.
This episode is a sacred invitation to awaken the goddess within and create a life of profound beauty. Taylor's mission is to liberate women from self-imposed barriers, igniting their creative fire and empowering them to thrive as radiant entrepreneurs. Her raw, embodied approach will leave you in awe, sparking a desire to fully inhabit your truth and share your light with the world.
Prepare to be ignited, uplifted, and forever changed as you journey with Taylor and Dana into the depths of vulnerability, self-expression, and the art of living an empowered, soul-aligned life as a modern-day healer.
Hold on tight for this one...if it doesn't make you nervous, it'll definitely turn you on!
Connect with Dana HERE and Taylor HERE and tell them what you loved most about this episode and what resonated deeply.
**If you loved today's episode, don't forget to give this podcast a 5-star rating! You can easily leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts by scrolling down on my show page, selecting a star rating, and tapping “Write a review.” This helps other modern-day healers discover the show, and your feedback helps me curate more content that you love. Thank you for your support!!
Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Modern Day Healer podcast. I'm your host, Dana Hayes, and I am so excited to share with you the stories, the trials, the tribulations, and most importantly, the triumphs of my own as well as many other successful modern day healers. We've gone all in to pursue our passion, to make an impact in the world by helping humans heal from the past and find true empowerment in their lives today. So what exactly is a modern day healer, you might ask? A modern day healer is you.
00:00:37
Speaker
She is me and anyone else who feels a calling to help others heal, grow, and share their light. You could be a wife, a mother, a teacher, a writer, a speaker, a podcast host. You might be a workshop producer, a course creator. You're most likely an entrepreneur and can't shake the desire to make your calling your career because you know how much impact you could make if you went all in and had the opportunity to share your story with the world. That is a modern day healer. I'm a podcast host, a co-author of an amazing book about the journey of sobriety, a wife, a mom of two young children, and the creator of the spiritual lifestyle brand, Living in Power. I am Dana and I am a modern day healer. I am so glad you're here. Let's get started.
00:01:38
Speaker
Welcome to the Modern Day Healer. Today's episode, I have the beautiful, sexy, vivacious, gorgeous, just vulnerable Taylor Kozak. She is a life coach, a holistic life coach, I should say. um A somatic relationship coach and a feminine business mentor. And when I say that this girl lives beyond any title that you could ever give to her. I mean it. The second you see her Instagram, you will know exactly what I mean. She liberates women from the barriers that keep them within themselves and she allows them to express themselves in their fullest so that they're able to create from their fullest. And I am so excited to have a conversation with Taylor today because
00:02:29
Speaker
I feel like there's so much that myself and any other modern day healer can just soak up from somebody that is so embodied in the work that they're doing. And when I say embodied, I mean literally just like in the body. and ah When you go to her Instagram and you will, you will, you will see what I mean. So I'm so excited to learn from you today, Taylor. And I really, really want to get into the vulnerability aspect. This woman shows up as her full raw, raw, uncut, authentic self twerking in front of the camera.
00:03:12
Speaker
literally just being the sexiest female. ah When I was watching your clips on Instagram, I felt like I was watching you make love to the universe, okay? And it got me. I was like, oh my god, I wish I could. I wish I could. And so I have done so much work on becoming the most vulnerable, version of myself and it's taken a lot of not just time but true work inner work to get to this place that I'm in now and I feel like there's just still so much more to explore and um specifically body stuff like showing up in front of the camera not being afraid to really really be who I am
00:03:59
Speaker
um And I know that our listeners can so relate to this because how many times have we heard somebody say like, I just feel like social media. I'm not, I'm not myself. Like I can talk all day long to somebody in person, but I get on social media, blah, blah, blah. There's so many things, but I i want to hear your story, Taylor. I want you to tell us how you got to where you are now. um And I'll let you take it away. and Wow. What a like, Well, beautiful, deep introduction. Thank you so much for first and foremost having me on the show. Thank you for looking at your triggers and the like parts of you that are like activated in my expression and really leaning into them. And I think that's one of the most beautiful things and empowering things that we can do whenever we
00:04:50
Speaker
see a woman who's liberated in her authenticity or in her expression and there's like these vulnerable parts of us that are activated in the process. I know in my own experience sometimes I want to like avoid people like that. I'm like I'm not ready to look at the trigger. I'm not ready to go there. But then like we were talking about we come back around and we see them as an example of what's possible for us and My journey actually started as a very insecure young girl where I always felt like the women around me had something figured out that I didn't and they were just so confident and so expressed and I remember being in like.
00:05:33
Speaker
grade four, grade five, and seeing this group of older girls and being like, I wish I could be like them. I wish I could just be confident. I wish I could just be self-expressed. And it felt like the furthest thing. And I truly believed that some people were born with it and some people had it and others just didn't. And I actually grew up with a lot of like insecurity about my physical image as well. I used to have so much self-hatred for the way that I looked and the way that my body was and looking at myself in the mirror, I would be like criticizing every single piece of me. Like I wish I looked different. I wish I had different hair. I wish my eyes didn't look like this. I wish that I had bigger boobs. I wish that I had a bigger butt. I wish that I wasn't so small and like constantly looking at the lack of my self-image and what that spiraled into is a lot of
00:06:27
Speaker
Like a lot of self-hatred where I got on the journey of really numbing myself out and really disassociating from my body because I i could not be in my body. And I saw a lot of validation externally through men, through partying, through, you know, really through my self-image but not my true self-image. It was like push-up bra and makeup and eyeliner and hair and like being the cool chill girl on the outside but being so disconnected from my true self on the inside. And I
00:07:06
Speaker
this This is like a total side story but i I was very bullied in high school and I was actually bullied a lot for how I looked and so I had a very disconnected relationship with my feminine and with women and I ended up skipping so much school because I was so insecure that I ended up getting kicked out of two different high schools and getting put into a high school which was essentially fully supervised. You had five teachers, ten students. We couldn't leave. We were like locked in and it was very intense because I was like so far disconnected from myself. And while that was one of the more shameful things that happened to me, ultimately what it led to was
00:07:47
Speaker
me discovering discipline and really showing up for myself for the first time in my life ever. One of the things that we did was we'd walk on the treadmill every morning and we'd go to the gym and we ended up like you know, really learning how to connect with our bodies. And I started working out at that time. And I found how much working out was actually building this strength and this confidence and this love in myself. And that was my saving grace for me.
00:08:19
Speaker
And I stopped drinking. I stopped hanging out with some of these people. And I ended up graduating high school with honors because I started showing up for myself. And what that led to was me really leaning on building my body. And you know it came from a level of like loving my body. but still wanting to change my body, still wanting my body to be different. And I ended up moving away, you know, I had a whole bunch of other experience that happened at this time, but I ended up moving away from home. And when I did, I found myself in the mountains of British Columbia, which was one of the first times that I ever left home and I fell in love with it. And while I was there, I started working out at the gym and
00:09:05
Speaker
You know, just like being myself, this is kind of when my spiritual awakening happened, I ended up leaving a three year relationship with a guy who went to jail and just like, you know, finding myself and choosing myself for the first time. And in the process of this, what ended up happening was I was at the gym and the manager there was like, Hey, I really appreciate your work ethic. Would you like to work here? And I ended up getting a job at the gym. And what that led me to was essentially a four-year job like working working my way up to being the assistant manager, getting into a relationship, but then in the process of that kind of feeling really boxed in in the process. So I always knew like as a little girl, I always had this feeling like I was here for more. I know I'm here for more. My family doesn't really set an example of like what I want with my life. My dad's an alcoholic. My mom has a job that she hates. My whole family around me isn't really
00:09:59
Speaker
isn't really doing anything with their life and I felt like I'm here to do something different and what this ended up leading to was like always having this inner ambition and like this inner visionary that's like I gotta do something different I'm here to do something different and I ended up like getting certified as a personal trainer and like starting to work with clients and at this time I was struggling in my relationship i had been in the relationship where i was really repressed and depressed and disconnected with myself and i ended up drinking going back to drinking going back to party and going back to like really.
00:10:37
Speaker
just like disassociating because I was so unhappy in my external life that like that was my source of joy. That was my source of happiness. And I ended up completely sabotaging that relationship, not doing well at my job. And then after that, leaving leaving the job, leaving the relationship, and basically going all in on healing. Because I was like why did i like, why would I cheat on my partner? Why would I drink? Why would I do all these things? like I don't understand why. And that was how I got into my healing journey. And at this time I was working with clients as a personal trainer, but I started to share with them some of the things that I was learning through working with my ah first ever life coach. And they went from not only having like these wow body transformations and like finding this deep level of confidence in themselves, but also to like leaving abusive relationships, repairing marriages, starting their business, getting raises at their jobs. And I was like, Oh my God, if I could do this, like,
00:11:33
Speaker
this is what I want to do. It's so much deeper than the body for me. It starts with the body, but then it ripples out into everything else. And so I like quit my job went all in on being an entrepreneur. And that was in 2019. And I've been doing it full time ever since that's like a whole other journey in itself. But that's essentially how I got to where I am. Oh, my God. and That was amazing. OK, so I there are so many relatable things here, especially for anybody who has sat there and been like, I feel like I'm made for something different. Like I'm here for something different. I don't feel like I fit in with the people that are closest to me in some way, just like ah especially in the purpose. um
00:12:21
Speaker
aspect. I feel like I had the exact same feeling. It was like having that same gut wrenching like pull towards something totally different and coaching ended up being the thing. It was like so obvious and so clear and I i think that is one of the core relatable things that this podcast is going to be touching upon for our listeners. I think that that's the one thing that's gonna that's the golden thread that binds us all together is that pull that draw to that visionary self and that next step of like becoming the person that does something different. And so with that being said, it's like, okay, we, we can have this idea of wanting to do something different, but, but a lot of times there's a but, and it's like, how do we go from
00:13:13
Speaker
Having that pull, having that sensation where it's like, I think this is for me, okay, I know this is for me. I want to do this, but i there's a huge part of me that isn't able to go all in, right? because you, Taylor, Tozak, are all in. And when I say all in, again, it goes back to that vulnerability thing that we're talking about and touching on. If I'm watching somebody,
00:13:44
Speaker
doing whatever they feel is the highest expression of themselves online in front of thousands of people. And you have thousands and thousands of followers that see you do the things that you do and non-followers, I'm sure. How do we go from a place of like, I want to do this and I want to be i want to be fully expressed to being fully expressed and going all in? Wow. Wow. That is such a beautiful question. And the response that I have to it is it begins with the knowing that you are here to be that. I love to say that if we desire something, it's because we are destined for it.
00:14:33
Speaker
And whenever we see people around us that are expressing themselves in a certain way and like we were talking about, there's that trigger and there's that like contraction, but it's also like, I can't stop looking like I love this and I hate this at the same time. I love to look at the people that I am inspired and or activated by and utilize them as an example of what's possible for me and start to essentially Learn who I am through someone else's expression. And this is why social media can be so beautiful when we take the jealousy and we take the insecurity and we turn it into like, oh, desire. You know, jealousy is just an indication of what we desire. When we see someone doing something, we feel jealous. It's like, oh, I desire that. When we feel insecure, it's like this part of me wants to be expressed in this.
00:15:25
Speaker
and i am like i love working with the purpose driven women the pattern breaking women the black sheet the wounded healer that i don't fit in i don't belong this is not what i'm here for but i don't know where to go from here and my favorite way of doing it is like making my future more real than my past because the thing is and like you mentioned there's this part of me that just like feels so scared and it feels like it can't do this and essentially that's the default pattern that's like been so wired into our nervous system
00:15:56
Speaker
based on the ancestral patterns that have been passed down to us. Like our ancestors are essentially most of them. I know for me, a lot of a lot of my ancestors, my family, my parents, they were more focused on survival and getting by and like avoiding pain rather than creating pleasure and creating a thriving life and doing risky things. And I believe those of us that are listening to this are the ones that are like That's not it for me. Like I'm here for more. I'm here to do something different than what I've seen but done before. And like, how do I do that? And for me, it starts with like tuning into the desire and letting my courage become stronger than my fear. Like courage is essentially when we let fear and our willingness exist at the same time. And this like all in energy really comes from
00:16:53
Speaker
our commitment to our vision and being more committed to our vision than we are to our circumstances, because we can see what happens when we're committed to our circumstances. We can see what happens when we fall into those default patterns and those default paradigms and those default programs that our parents had, because we can see like, okay, this is the life that they're living in. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but I know that's not what I'm here for. I'm here for more. And whenever we get that intuitive inspiration that like shows up inside of us where it's like, do this thing. Here's the action. Here's the thing. It's finding the courage to actually act on that thing and then do the inner work afterwards. Do the self-regulation right after. Do the self-soothing practices after you did the thing. And like my first time of doing this was in 2019, right after I quit my job. I literally went on my Instagram stories and shared about how I
00:17:46
Speaker
like I had all this relationship stuff happen, but I did it from a place of power, right? Like I think there's a difference between being vulnerable in a place of. Like we're exposing ourselves seeking validation or seeking approval versus being vulnerable of like, I'm scared to share this thing, but I'm going to choose to do it from a place of power, choose to do it from this place of like inspired example. And there's that dance between like, okay, the vulnerability between, yeah, this is a tender part of me, but I'm also going to find the courage to show up and share versus like, this is a tender part of me. And if someone pokes at it, I'll need to contract away.
00:18:28
Speaker
So it's a dance between like, okay, do I have enough support within myself or within my relationships around me that I can share this? Because when I first shared that story on my social media, I had done like my first ever Instagram story and I was terrified to do it because I was sharing something that was like super vulnerable for me, but I found this like, This is bigger than just me and my own ego. I'm not making it about myself. I'm making it about the people that this is going to help. I'm making it about the people that are going to gain something from this. And what I did is I did this story, I uploaded it, then I turned off my phone, put it on do not disturb, and I went for a walk. And I breathed and I reminded myself that I'm safe. I reminded myself that I'm okay. I reminded myself that like,
00:19:16
Speaker
It's okay and I've got this and we start to regulate our nervous systems and start to repattern safety into the body when we are stretching into uncertainty and stretching into the unknown and letting ourselves be seen and not constantly checking. Did someone like it? Did someone approve of me? Did someone like? Or do they still like me because we have that primitive part of our brain that's always seeking approval and validation. And when we don't get it, we're going to feel so unsafe in the body. But when we create that safety within ourselves, then it's like, oh, yeah, I can do this. I can do this. I've got this. I've got this. I'm going to keep going. And then you create this evidence that like you've got your own back that
00:19:57
Speaker
is perfection you know i kept thinking to myself like what so you you know what is the practice here what are we how do we apply this practically to our life and that's what it is i do the exact same thing when i have shared something truly vulnerable like it's been integrated i know that i'm coming from a place of power i am not seeking validation. I post it and I leave I like go for a walk just like you said and I literally sometimes I will even put my phone on do not disturb because I just it doesn't need to be on I don't need to be on anymore because
00:20:35
Speaker
the the reactions or the lack of reactions, which sometimes can feel worse, right? Like none of that actually matters. It doesn't mean anything about you. And that for me has been so liberating is to know that none of the reactions or the lack of reactions have anything to do with me. And again, I think this comes back to, as you definitely know, that infinite timeline, right? So if you have this outcome in mind of what's going to happen when you post something or when you are vulnerable and you're like, this is gold, this is amazing, right? Like I have integrated, I've done the work and now I'm in this space of like sharing it and being truly vulnerable and then there's crickets.
00:21:25
Speaker
It's like getting yourself to the point where you just put the reps in, right? It's like working out. It's like, just get the reps in, still do it. Because eventually, eventually, like you were given this calling for a reason, like you said, and eventually it is going to pay off. It might not pay off in the way that you expected it to, but that is besides the point. And actually, that's another that's another ah angle to work with is like what are our expectations letting go of those so that we have this openness and this um this unlimited space and freedom to allow whatever is meant to be to be and I will tell you Taylor that like
00:22:12
Speaker
Just putting into action some of the things that you've mentioned so far has taken me pur as a as a person, but also as a business entity to levels that I never ever imagined were possible and in ways I never expected to get to those places. And that also comes with the courage. because it's about saying yes when you have no effing idea what the outcome is going to be and doing it anyway. Yes, that's exactly it. That's where the face comes in and that's where more than what our mind can even imagine comes through because we have that expectation of how we think things are going to go or how things should go or how we want things to go. But what I've realized and what I've learned is like there is a
00:23:05
Speaker
version of me that has and all of us like there's a version of you that has everything that you've ever dreamed of and more that is wealthy and healthy and loved and free and express and authentic and so you and when you set the intention to align with that vision which you and everyone on here listening to this has because we have that inside of us where it's that vision and that calling for more and we're the visionaries that are holding the holding the frequency holding the vision of a new world of a new reality that's like we don't have an example of it we don't see it it's like we know it we feel it we're like this is real even if it's not here yet and we're all so alive and so
00:23:54
Speaker
peaceful and expressed and safe and secure and abundant in that reality and when we when we're essentially what's happening right now is that we are holding the vision of that reality for humanity before it's ever happened and we're essentially bringing that vision into reality And that doesn't happen the way that our mind thinks it's going to go because we it's never happened before. We haven't done it yet. So we can't know how it's going to happen because it hasn't happened. And this is where we get to let go of the expectations and how we think things are supposed to go and really lean into that intuitive inspiration and trusting those divine downloads that come through and knowing that every single thing that comes up along the way
00:24:37
Speaker
Every doubt, every story, every belief, every scarcity, every program, all of those things that come up are showing us what's not in resonance with that reality, what's not aligned with that version of us, what's not aligned with where we're going. And that's where we're like, we know how to do the inner work. We know how to hold ourselves. We know how to actually regulate ourselves. and become this higher version of ourselves because the more that we do that, well, then, inevitably, the more that that vision is going to come in. And then we get to set an example for everyone else in the world. Like, how magical is that?
00:25:13
Speaker
but I'm over here with chills and, like, applauding you and, like, throwing my hands up in the air like, yes, this is the conversation we need to be having because it's so true. It's true. It's true. It is the highest frequency and right now on this podcast during this episode while we're talking these words, this is the expression. This is it being manifested. This is what we are bringing to the new world. Like we are creating it right the second in this moment and it's happening now and
00:25:44
Speaker
I don't know what these episodes are going to hold. I have no idea how they're going to go. Like, it's not up to me. And I think that is one of the keys is letting go of of how it's going to happen. Because truly, if I try to control how and what we're going to say and and how we're going to say it, that that is not the new expression. That is not the highest expression. That is my mind. and my little tiny finite mind that is so sweet because it's always trying to keep me so safe but it is so limited. That poor thing is just a tool and it's just a tool to bring in the downloads from the universe out into the world the way that we are right now.
00:26:27
Speaker
but when I try to put parameters on it and I try to come in with my my my hands clenched you know and and and ready to just like bring down the hammer and say, this is how we're going to do it. This is how it's going to sound. This is how it's going to look. That is leaving out an infinite amount of knowledge and wisdom and um just ah exactitude that i can't I can't find on my own with using just my own little will. Um, and I think that that's another little, just a sidebar. You know, when people come into coaching, I, I, I remember feeling this way, but it's been so long. So now when I hear it, I'm like, wow, I forgot what that's like, but so many coaches come in.
00:27:13
Speaker
trying to get results for other people. right they I remember doing the same thing. This is back when I drank. This is back when I was trying to control every external circumstance in my effing life so that I could make it happen. So I could make it happen. Little Dana could make it happen. I wasn't being a vessel. I was completely blocking myself from being the vessel. Therefore, nothing happened except a lot of frustration, a lot of anger, a lot of negativity, which blocked me further. And so what I want to say just real quick is letting go of that need to control the outcome in all scenarios in your life, as well as the results that your clients are, quote unquote, getting from you. It's not about you.
00:28:01
Speaker
right It's taking yourself out of it and allowing yourself to be like the middle man between the higher you know order of existence and the person that has chosen to work with you or that the universe has brought into your space. Do you have experience with that? Did you ever feel like that like where you were trying to control things and then you learned like not to do that? Oh my goodness. Yes. I feel like there's still times where I'll fall back into that old pattern. And then I get to remind myself of like, this isn't me. This is like, I am a channel for transformation. I am
00:28:39
Speaker
the transmission for the divine this is coming through me for whoever is resonating with the messages that are coming through my through my being and you know when i first started my business i was in such a flow state that i was just like letting things come through and i would always set intentions before getting on a call or with clients or whatever it might be. And the results were mind-blowing because I had no expectations. The results were like, holy shit, we just created something new. like we just like Something happened on this call. And I couldn't explain it where it's just like, it is divine. It is mind-blowing. It's like,
00:29:17
Speaker
We shifted timelines through just the conversation that we had and that's wow and that's wild. And then I hired business coaches that told me here's how you got to do it. Here's the things that you need to do. You need to pick a specific result. You need to market in this specific way. You need to do this specific thing. And then I became very boxed in and very contracted and I went from being So free and flow and in in my like purpose to feeling so contracted and controlled and boxed in and always trying to explain myself and like what I did. And as a byproduct of that business became really hard. I wasn't attracting aligned clients. I felt like I was resentful and like burnt out in my business where it's like, why the fuck am I doing this in the first place?
00:30:04
Speaker
And then I went on a path of like liberation again. So it's like, I feel like whenever we're not getting necessarily the external validation or the results that we want, our mind will seek to control our circumstances and also try to control our client's results, to get that validation, to get that like, I'm good, I've got this, I'm worthy, I'm i'm valid. But when we can really lean back into that sense of trust and knowing that the perfect people come into your world at the perfect time, your soulmate clients are inevitably going to be attracted to you when you are being your most authentic self. And you don't need to know what happens because we can't control what happens. Like the people who are attracted to you are attracted to you and your frequency and your beingness and your energy.
00:30:55
Speaker
and your energy is your best strategy. In my experience, like your frequency is your best strategy. When you are so tapped into your radical, authentic self-expression, sharing your story, sharing your vision, sharing your sharing your dreams and desires, like you are going to attract the perfect people into your space that are like, I don't know why, but I need to work with you. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, that is my experience. Exactly. I worked with people who made me feel burnt out. I like was so misaligned with myself and with them and my work. And I genuinely felt like such a fraud back then. I remember I was like, this is like 2014. And I would sit there.
00:31:37
Speaker
with a coffee cup full of wine, by the way, like I was crazy. um and And if you're listening to this and you don't know, hi, I am a recovered alcoholic, but I digress. So I'd be sitting there so angry. And then at the dinner table, I would just be bringing it into my relationship with my soulmate. you know And I'd be sitting there bitching about so-and-so and about how they just were not getting it, right not getting whatever it was that I felt they needed to get in order to get results so that I could feel validated in my business and have proof to show to other people that, hey, see, I know what I'm doing. I can do this. And now, what it like just like you just said, what it has come down to
00:32:25
Speaker
is healing completely and knowing that I will continuously evolve, but healing the past, healing my perception of my past so that I'm able to really show up today as a clear vessel, right? And what happens is this is what I have found and what I've experienced. I can literally just be in a container with somebody and not say a damn thing. I don't need to do anything. It's the vibe. it's It's the vibe. It's people listening to this right now. You will be changed if you are ready for it. If this is what you're meant to be matched with right now, it's going to change you on a cellular level. That's the way this actually works. And that's it's so simple that I think
00:33:13
Speaker
people discount it because it is it's so simple. But it is that simple. And then you get to show up to your work with no pressure. It's like, ah of course, I take full responsibility for my my position as a leader and as somebody that needs to show up and constantly work on herself so that I am the highest version of myself for you. but Other than that, you and your results are not my responsibility. Like it's on you to do what it takes and to continuously follow the path of highest alignment for yourself and allow me to be there to walk with you hand in hand and basically to put your hand in the hand of something bigger. It's not my, you know, I am not the thing. I am not to be put on a pedestal. I am just a human. So it's like I get to take myself off the pedestal and and make it so much easier.
00:34:05
Speaker
really does. When we're all responsible for our own results and our own experience, we will absolutely transform on such deep levels because I think what can happen in the coaching industry is that there can be codependent dynamics that are created between coach and client where we're playing out like our inner child wounding with our coach and there's also them they have their own wounding that's playing in like i i deeply believe in soul contracts and that every single person that we attract is supporting
00:34:41
Speaker
us in rising into the highest version of ourselves and our soul evolution. And when we can recognize that every single relationship that we attract is ultimately for us and for them. And can I receive the lessons from this relationship? Can I see myself through this relationship and see it as a mirror for me if I'm getting triggered or frustrated or angry or taking responsibility or you know feeling like this person reminds me of someone like what is my role in co-creating this dynamic and where are we head of stalling people at the end of the day when the hierarchy doesn't even exist we're all on the same playing field there's just some of us that are
00:35:26
Speaker
a couple steps ahead of the other person and it's like hey here's the path i've walked but you're still the one who has to walk it i'm not going to put you on my back and carry you and i'm not going to be the one to like do it for you i want to empower you to do it for yourself because i did it for myself and i've made the mistake in coaching containers of taking on responsibility for my clients. And I've also made the mistake of thinking my coach is gonna get results for me. And through those experiences, we can really reclaim a deep level of radical responsibility and become the creator of our reality again. And I think that whenever we have these moments where we forget how powerful we are and we disempower ourselves, whether that's as coach or as client, it's like, ooh, what is this teaching me? Like, what is this experience?
00:36:16
Speaker
showing me about myself what parts of me are playing out in this relationship and can I come back into my center and into my alignment and be the lighthouse remembering that I don't need to go into the water looking to save all the boats to try and get validation be like well look at me I did it but instead we're standing there shining and we know that like the perfect people are coming and in the perfect way at the perfect time ultimately serving us, supporting us and stepping into our highest expression and their highest expression. And sometimes that means we have karmic patterns and karmic relationships with people, but it's not just for us. It's also for them too. So we get to trust like every single relationship that we attract.
00:36:58
Speaker
is is so essential and so important and I i did, a I led a coaching certification a couple years ago and one of the things that I talked about in that is like recognizing that you are responsible for your own results and your client is responsible for their results. It's neither one of us that's like, like you, I think, yes, like your energy, like you were saying, your beingness, your embodiment, your energy is what influences, that's what creates this like cellular level cellular level shift.
00:37:33
Speaker
And the more that you are embodied in your own frequency, inevitably, what's going to happen is you're going to inspire the people around you, and they get to rise with you. and Or they're going to be triggered by it, and then they're going to not want to do that work yet. But we get to trust that like the higher that we rise within ourselves, the more that we're going to inspire the people around us. It's so funny that you are mentioning triggers again right now, because I'm like sitting here listening to you going, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I know that in the past, and I don't know if I actually mentioned this in the beginning of the episode, I know that we had talked about it, but going to your page, watching you dance so freely, being so embodied in your highest expression, right, and doing it the way that you wanna do it, a i I remember seeing videos of you doing that, and I guess it was years ago, um in a waterfall in Costa Rica, and I remember going, nope, and just like,
00:38:32
Speaker
cannot watch this girl anymore. And it's because, like you said, it's like that trigger, it was a trigger because it's a desire for me. It's like, I wish I could. I wish, not necessarily, I wish I could go dance in a waterfall. Of course I could go do that. I wish I could stand in, I wish I could dance in front of people in public. You know, this is like something that has actually torn me apart. on ah on a deep level, once I got sober, and this was i'm in my sixth year of sobriety, but once I got sober, you know I had to learn how to feel everything without an anesthetic.
00:39:12
Speaker
and um And, but with that came this unbelievable liberation where I'm like, Oh my God, I'm going to finally do the things that I've always wanted to do sober um and actually feel it and feel the joy from it. So in my first year of sobriety, I'll never forget it. I was at a um ah Christmas party for my husband's work and it was in Florida. We got flown down to South Florida. We were in the most insane ballroom and I have a hard time dancing to anything if it's not like really high upbeat like
00:39:50
Speaker
It's going, you know, it's like bumping. This DJ was insane. I have never, ever witnessed a better DJ in my life. there were fought There was like fire being, like it was crazy. It was so amazing. My point is, is I was dying. I was literally dying inside because I wanted to dance so bad and my husband is like, vibey like this dude he can dance and he loves to dance and he is so sweet and empathetic and he won't go like all out if I am not gonna go and be with him he's not gonna leave me so he he didn't go out on the dance floor I know he wanted to he did not say it but he was just like moving you know and it it really hurt me very badly
00:40:34
Speaker
And I remember leaving crying like we walked back to the hotel room and I cried the whole way because I was so disappointed in myself because I could not get myself to get on the dance floor and actually do that. So it's interesting that your embodiment is it's such a specific trigger for me like in a very, very um Oh, I don't even know how to explain it. Like just such a primal way. Like I feel that in the depths of my soul, like that is the one thing that, you know, and I've never said this, this is me being vulnerable right now. um I have never like said this online, but that is probably one of my deepest regrets is that I have never like let myself go dance
00:41:18
Speaker
when I want to, when I i want to, like I want to do that. And I'm scared because there have been times in my life where I tried, and somebody would like make fun of me, you know, like a friend would be like, you need to like move your shoulders more or whatever. And I would just get so painfully embarrassed. And I just couldn't do it. And I would retract. And I still feel that retraction. So then I see you. And I see you doing things that I'm like, oh my god, like, if I could do that, and if I could like do that in front of my husband, like, He would be so excited and my view like I have been and I started this episode by saying this over the years working on my vulnerability like a lot a lot practicing it you know in every single moment that I can literally praying for
00:42:06
Speaker
the ability to get out of my own way and allow myself to be sexually charged and to allow myself to like connect with the sacral part of me, which I never, ever was. like I considered myself almost asexual. I was like, I just don't feel it. I don't feel turned on ever. And now you know six is it's it's going into the sixth year of sobriety, but it's it's the sixth year of true transformation. I have like the amount of work that I do, like I said, to to pray and to um really take action when I see it. And this is a daily thing, you know? It has shifted things, um and I'm just gonna say it. This is a numbers thing, but if you had asked me two years ago how often like we were having sex, you know, it was like,
00:42:56
Speaker
I don't know, once every two weeks. And I remember saying to my sister, like, I just, I, I don't know, I can't get there. Like, I just can't. And then now it's like, you know, twice a day, you know, and it's, it's so different. And so I'll do little things though, like I was in the shower yesterday and I like put my butt up against the glass and like danced a little bit. And I feel so bad if any of his families.
00:43:24
Speaker
my family, my poor, I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry, Fran. I'm sorry, everybody. um But it's true. so And, you know, like, obviously he loves it. But He and I have connected on such a different level lately. And this, of course, is relative to business and to being a modern day healer because it's a it's an aspect of our reality here. like Getting in touch with that part of ourselves is so real. And it's the rawest part, I think. And you have so beautifully
00:44:02
Speaker
um gotten in touch with that physical part that I have yet to do. And i'm so I'm like sitting here going, okay, well, I need to go back and look at her Instagram and start looking at what she offers. because it is what it is. Like I was definitely triggered and I was almost a little triggered this morning when I was looking through before our call and it was like okay there's something here and I already knew that so I love that you've explained that to the listeners that when there and this is where I'm going with this um when there is a trigger for me at this point it's like
00:44:36
Speaker
I know now the faster that I stop resisting, the faster that I um essentially go towards and lean into the trigger, the faster I become, right? The faster I become. So um yeah, it's just like now it's like a matter of time. I've just like told the world my innermost secrets, you know, and but it's like, it's just a matter of time now where that gets integrated because I work with somebody like you and then Now, does that mean I'm going to be like twerking in front of the camera and like doing the things that you do? Maybe. But maybe not. And that's kind of where i want to i I want to ask you about that. So if somebody is like triggered by something like that, where the physical embodiment of your highest expression, your highest form is triggering,
00:45:26
Speaker
And somebody's like, OK, I know that's a trigger. Does that necessarily mean that now you go work with that person and that means that you are going to be embodying them in the same way that they embody this highest expression? Does that make sense? It absolutely makes sense. And the answer would be no, because none of us are the same. And the way that life moves through you will be radically different than how it moves through me. And ultimately what it's coming down to is
00:46:01
Speaker
The way that I am is the is essentially I'm expressed in my full expression. And that's what's triggering you, is it's like she's in her full self-expression. And that's what's triggering you is like, I'm not in my full self expression. And so then it's like, as you do it, you're actually liberating your authentic expression, your full self expression, which could be working on Instagram, or it could be like, pressing your titties up against the glass for your man. like
00:46:36
Speaker
whatever it is for you. It's not what it is, it's what it is for you. And ultimately, it's like letting that come through you, which whatever way that wants to come alive inside of you. And so when you see it in me, ultimately, I'm just like, hey, you can have this too. like You can be so fully expressed as well. And I'm so excited to meet the way that it wants to come through you, which will be different than how it is for me. right You might try something on, like you might try to twerk and be like, Fuck yes, I love this. This is so fun. This is so amazing. Or you may try and be like, maybe it's not for me. But like it's the exploration of expression that really allows ourselves to get to know ourselves and to feel free and like who we be and how we are and all of these things and like being
00:47:22
Speaker
courageous to be vulnerable as well and like I just want to like acknowledge your vulnerability and say like wow what a beautiful thing that just happened like what a beautiful thing that just happened you shared that like this has been something that you've been expanding into is that vulnerability is expressing yourself in these like parts of you that maybe don't want to be seen but you're doing it you're doing it in such a beautiful way and such a graceful way and it's like oh my goodness that's the infinite evolution of what we're walking it's like it's infinite it's always evolving it never ends and like you're meeting these deeper parts of yourself every single step of the way it's not like
00:48:06
Speaker
we heal and then we can go do the thing. It's not like you go do the thing and then suddenly you're it's like both are happening at the exact same time. The more that you take the actions towards this version of you, the more you're going to see these parts of you that are scared, that are vulnerable, that are unintegrated, unhealed, then you heal them and you keep taking action. And then it's like, oh my goodness, I am the most free, fully self-expressed version of me. What the heck? How did I get here? And it's by doing what you're doing, what you're doing. like taking the courageous action and like letting yourself be vulnerable in the process because essentially vulnerability is just being in uncertainty. That's it. It's like can we be in uncertainty and find the excitement in the vulnerability like find this like excited turn on like oh my goodness what's gonna happen I don't know.
00:48:54
Speaker
I don't know. And rather than contracting, can I expand into it? Can I open my heart? Can I open my body? Can I allow myself to be in the mystery? Because that is like that where the divine feminine comes through, is in the uncertainty, in the mystery. And when we expose our vulnerability, it's like, can I Breathe, can I open up? Can I soften? Can I let go? Can I create safety in my body and like find this excitement and aliveness? And essentially like, that's what we all crave. And that's why seeing someone in it is like, ah, what the fuck? Why am I not doing it? this It's because we have an embrace vulnerability. Yes! I... I just have to say like the uncertainty aspect here has been so important. I know that for myself and for almost every single one of my clients, um ah the fear of uncertainty is what has kept so many of us, not just small,
00:49:57
Speaker
but more specifically numbed out, right? Because that is where that is where I run. If I don't know what the outcome is gonna be, if I am afraid, right? And so I have this huge fear of uncertainty of just sitting in the void of like, what could actually happen here? That is my um my biggest trigger to go and numb myself. And that's why I, I mean, that was one of the reasons I used to drink. The biggest reason was because I had this, whole the size of the universe and I had to fill it with the universe, right? But essentially that fear of uncertainty is what makes me and many, many, I mean, I i really think it's all of my clients. We've all done work on the the fear of uncertainty because it's the thing that it seems to be the scariest
00:50:45
Speaker
And so I love the fact that you say vulnerability is just like you just are uncertain. You're just sitting in the void. You don't know what's going to happen. And so now it's like, okay, after all of these years of playing with vulnerability and so playing with that fear of uncertainty and transmuting it into like excitement, right? But maybe not getting to the dancing yet, right? But I've done it in so many other ways and it's like with the sex. and like showing up naked. I mean, those things were really, really, really hard for me. i I had never done it sober in my life. And then I had to learn how to enjoy it. And now I do. But now I feel like the next step for me personally, and it's like you as a listener, what is the next step for you? um What is the next step of of of
00:51:34
Speaker
a vulnerability of walking through the fear of uncertainty and um and staking your claim as ah as a human being here in this physical form and doing the next really exciting thing that might feel like fear but on the other side it's like pure um love and expansion and just like oh there's no word this is like the ineffable kind of stuff you know and it's that is what you exude in your instagram and what you embody and what you show physically and that i am so impressed with and i want to kind of
00:52:09
Speaker
end this with the idea that, you know, you saying that it's triggering for me because it's you in your highest form. It's like, yes. Oh, my God. That is exactly it. I am feeling pangs of envy because I want to express myself in my highest form. And that's what we're here to do. And I genuinely feel like my work, your work, any work of the modern day healer is to be able to fully take off your mask as much as you can in this lifetime, right? That's the whole thing. That's the work to take off your mask so that you can know other people and be a mirror for other people and show them that they too can, it's safe. It's safe to take off their mask and to show up as their full authentic selves. So I want to thank you, Taylor. This was
00:53:00
Speaker
phenomenal. Like I knew it was gonna be good. But I my mind is blown. And I have chills sitting here right now. And I am 100% going to go back and look at everything you have going on. Because I know for me, like there's no point in sitting around and lamenting like a trigger. There's just not might as well just go dive into it. Sometimes it feels like it sucks. But then when you get on the other side, it's like you you again, you become you become you can and that's the whole game here. And it's It's fun because it's freeing, it's liberating, right? So I want to say thank you again. This was amazing. I know everyone listening got so much out of this. And if you would be so kind, um please tell the listeners where they can find you, um what offers you have going on if you have any, and um yeah, so that they can they can keep up with you.
00:53:53
Speaker
Oh my goodness this was such an incredible podcast like I have full body chills as well it was so fun to jam on this and just like yeah like what keeps coming through is like You are a unique puzzle piece in the masterpiece of humanity and you're not going to look like anybody else. You're not going to be like anybody else, but you being yourself is what sets an example for everyone else to be themselves. So you can find me and follow me on Instagram at Taylor the life coach. Hopefully I trigger you. Hopefully I turn you on. Hopefully I remind you of your power that exists inside of you. And when you meet that edge of expansion and uncertainty and like,
00:54:37
Speaker
claiming your highest, your most liberated, your most authentic free expression. There's a few ways that you can explore my world. One is I have a monthly membership called Magnetism. And this is a space where you get almost daily downloads, live masterclasses around feminine embodiment, conscious relationships, creating a soul-led business and living a life in alignment with who you authentically are. I also have a free monthly mastermind called Free As Fuck, and this is a space where you can get free coaching from me. um This is by application. I've got a like free online community as well, but this is a space where you get to drop in, bring whatever is alive, what's present, what you're navigating, what you're feeling stuck behind, and get that personalized, tailored life coaching to help you see your blind spots and help you liberate yourself, your most authentic expression. Get out of the box. Get back into life.
00:55:34
Speaker
And then the third way that you can work with me is Unleashed, which is my year-long experience. It is weekly calls, somatic sessions, personalized coaching, monthly masterclasses, guest expert workshops. And this includes access to magnetism plus all live programs that I host over the next year. So those are the ways that you can explore working with me inside of my world. And I would be absolutely honored. It's so grateful to have you and work with you and go deep with you and help you really Rise into the highest, freeze freest, most liberated, expressed version of yourself because the world needs you to be you all the fucking way. I just say here, I'm like hugging myself like, Oh God, this is so good. And also so scary and also so so good. It's just so honest. I love it.
00:56:24
Speaker
Okay. Thank you for being so raw, vulnerable, and just like showing the world what it is like to actually vibe and to express at the highest, at the highest expression of self. Like this is it. And when you people see Taylor, you're going to know exactly what I'm talking about. So thank me later. Thank you again, Taylor. It was a amazing. Thank you. Thank you for having me. That was so much fun. I adore you. This was amazing.