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EP 11: A proven path to help others heal (even if you feel like you have more healing to do yourself)
21 Plays21 days ago
There’s only one pre-requisite for becoming a modern-day healer.
It isn’t a degree, a certification, or anything you can learn from a book.
It’s living your truth, in your wholeness, as the Light that you are.
Today’s episode is my story. It’s a story about how I used to live my life in a constant state of defense.
How I used people, drugs, alcohol, and even thinking to numb the pain of my very existence.
It’s a story of desperately wanting to help others but needing to learn how to help myself first.
This is the story of what life was like for me before I got out of my head and began to live from my heart.
It was a painful time, not just for me but for many others as well.
I grew up repeating the mantra, “Everyone has their vice,” to myself, justifying my escape routes until one day, I woke up from the nightmare and stepped into the dream that was waiting for me all along.
If your mission in life is to be of service and to help other people heal, there are some golden nuggets in this episode about how you, too can clear yourself out to become the constant channel for your higher self and light to flow through which of course, is the only pre-req for being a modern day healer.
Connect with me HERE and tell me what you loved most about this episode and what resonated deeply.
Join me in the upcoming (free) Unbothered Masterclass to learn a little-known but wildly effective mind-healing method to let go of negative thoughts in 10 minutes or less!! This one method literally changed my entire life by helping me clear out all of the negativity that blocked me from embodying my higher self. Click here to join us on October 7 @11am EST!
**If you loved today's episode, don't forget to give this podcast a 5-star rating! You can easily leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts by scrolling down on my show page, selecting a star rating, and tapping “Write a review.” This helps other modern-day healers discover the show, and your feedback helps me curate more content you love.
Thank you for your support!!
Love,
Dana
Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Modern Day Healer podcast. I'm your host, Dana Hayes, and I am so excited to share with you the stories, the trials, the tribulations, and most importantly, the triumphs of my own as well as many other successful modern day healers.
00:00:20
Speaker
We've gone all in to pursue our passion, to make an impact in the world by helping humans heal from the past and find true empowerment in their lives
00:00:37
Speaker
She is me and anyone else who feels a calling to help others heal, grow, and share their light. You could be a wife, a mother, a teacher, a writer, a speaker, a podcast host. You might be a workshop producer, a course creator. You're most likely an entrepreneur and can't shake the desire to make your calling your career because you know how much impact you could make if you went all in and had the opportunity to share your story with the world. That is a modern day healer. I'm a podcast host, a co-author of an amazing book about the journey of sobriety, a wife, a mom of two young children, and the creator of the spiritual lifestyle brand, Living in Power. I am Dana and I am a modern day healer. I am so glad you're here. Let's get started.
00:01:39
Speaker
Welcome but to the Modern Day Healer Podcast. I'm Dana Hays, your host, and today we have a very, very special guest, me.
00:01:52
Speaker
You know, today I just kind of wanted to go back and bring you into my story. This Modern Day Healer podcast would never be if I never made some insane life changes and i I wanted to walk you through them. I wanted to share them with you because I think that there's a lot of value to be had sharing each other's stories and I have one and if you haven't heard it, it could be interesting or it could at the very least leave you with a nugget of information that you can use for yourself to possibly
00:02:32
Speaker
make a change or to just become more light yourself ah so that you have more to give and more to share with the world. I really believe that's how we grow. that's We do it together. right One of us heals, maybe another one of us goes even further on the path of evolution. We share how we did it and Therefore, we get to help other people um do the same thing and grow and we hit these new levels of consciousness and awareness and it just permeates out to the rest of the world. And and I really, really believe in my heart of hearts, this is how we change the world.
00:03:14
Speaker
This is how we transform the world and how we create a new world. so I'm going to take you back. and I'm going to take you all the way back. I'm going to take you back to a time when I was in high school and I'm just going to share that I felt so insecure in my own skin and people thought I was such a bitch. They did not know what to do with me.
00:03:43
Speaker
I remember clearly one time being at a party and it was like one of the only parties I ever went to because to be quite honest with you, I just i didn't really want to party. I wanted to read Harry Potter and I hadn't like actively gotten into my alcoholism yet.
00:04:01
Speaker
so i i And I just didn't know how to relate to people, especially people in my high school. So I avoided parties. And I i also was just so just so insecure. I just didn't know how to be myself and how to be comfortable and um just let loose. So it was not a relaxing time for me. um So I did not go to parties often. But I remember one party, this guy named Mike came up to me and he was like,
00:04:31
Speaker
the nicest person. And I thought we had like a pretty good report. And he was drinking. So he was a little loose. And he was like, Hey, like, I'm surprised to see you here. Ah, God, I always thought you're such a bitch. I like was so taken aback. But That was like, that's the epitome of my entire high school experience. I think people thought that about me because I was so aloof.
00:05:04
Speaker
But in reality, I was just so painfully insecure and i I just couldn't relax. And I didn't know what to say. So it was awkward. I had anxiety and um I didn't know how to deal with it. And and at that time I didn't have any anesthetics in my life quite yet. I was smoking a lot of pot, like a lot, but only when I could get my hands on it and I wasn't gonna go buy it myself. um But other than that,
00:05:34
Speaker
You know, I didn't have alcohol. I didn't have any prescription drugs. I had nothing to like numb that painful anxiety I had around the other people. So Q college, I could not wait to get out of high school because I just, I wanted to be free and I wanted to like become a new person. So when I got to college, um,
00:06:03
Speaker
I took on this whole persona of academic. I thought of myself as just being the superior being who always had great grades. um I made it to college. like I was going to be the first one in my family to graduate from college, a four-year degree. you know I i just i That was where my pride was coming from. But in reality, did I have the best grades? No, I did not. I actually was a huge slacker in in high school and I kind of got by with a lot of lying, um a lot of asking for permission and forgiveness, permission to
00:06:51
Speaker
turn things in late, um forgiveness for turning things in late. um and i i did I was in ah AP classes and and I passed one of the two exams I took.
00:07:06
Speaker
but being in those AP classes, it was more of the facade, right? It was more of me just kind of like putting on a front. I think I i was, you know, I am smart, I know that, but I never still, I never felt like I belonged in a lot of the places I was in, like I was in Excels from third grade through whatever grade you're allowed to be in.
00:07:28
Speaker
But I couldn't do the math work. like I literally couldn't do it. So I questioned how I got into those things, but that's not what this is about. This is about me basically using those achievements that I still don't even know how they came to me as ah building blocks to create this armor, this facade, this rigidness.
00:07:53
Speaker
that ultimately was a persona I was creating for myself, but wasn't the truth. It wasn't the reality. It wasn't really who I was, but it actually, it protected me for a time, right? So i when i'm when you're young, you have this inability to cope.
00:08:13
Speaker
with life on life's terms. So you create these defenses. And one of my defenses was I'm highly intelligent, I'm an academic, I'm very analytical, I'll cut you with my words. Those were my defenses. So it was really my intellect that I clung to and I used and I really thought of as my biggest defense. And for a time it kind of helped because when you're young and you don't have anything else to help you cope,
00:08:43
Speaker
it It kind of, it's like a self-soother, you know, that that armor that you're you're creating for yourself is a self-soother. So whenever I would be upset, you know, I could go into that and feel better, superior. I just felt better than other people because I could cling to my intellect and say, well, I'm smarter than you. And if you hurt me, I'm gonna cut you down and I'm gonna make it an airtight statement against you and it's going to hurt really bad and you're not going to be able to have a comeback. That was my whole thing. And so in college, once I got to college, things started kind of crumbling because no longer could I hide behind that facade. I
00:09:30
Speaker
had to do the work or I was not going to graduate. High school was a little different where I feel like I could manipulate a little bit more. um there were There weren't as many impediments. There weren't as many obstacles for me to get my work done because, like I said, I was so insecure I wouldn't go out with my high school friends that I'd known since first grade um because they I felt like they could just see right through me. So I don't want i didn't want that.
00:09:57
Speaker
So in college, it was like, oh, now I've got alcohol, right? i've got um I've got tons of pot. I can smoke all the time. These people don't know me. And I can create this new life, this new persona. And all of a sudden, I just had freedom to create this new identity. And without any regard to like obstacles, like I said, everything was everything was in front of me now. I could cope by using anesthetics. i could I could numb myself from the anxiety that I felt about who I was becoming with alcohol. So that was my new crutch. um And basically I became a wrecking ball and there was no stopping me because there was nothing to stop me.
00:10:53
Speaker
because now I had something to numb the pain of who I was becoming. And anyone that got in my path really honestly got hurt. And at the time in college, i ah like I said, things were starting to crumble because I had so much work on my plate, so much school work on my plate.
00:11:14
Speaker
But i it was so hard to get through it because all I wanted to do was be numb. All I wanted to do was protect myself and defend and still also hold on to that identity of being an academic. So that was really hard because there was a severe incongruence between who I was being and becoming and who I really was, who I was actually being and becoming.
00:11:40
Speaker
And so I also learned how to use people to numb myself as well. I had a boyfriend that um actually i had two different boyfriends who loved me very much and were very, very kind, very sweet. But I used them and I manipulated them. And I was a horrible person to these people.
00:12:08
Speaker
And it was because I was so enmeshed in my narcissistic tendencies and I didn't even know it, right? I was just becoming this this person who is so afraid of life and so afraid of being herself that she would do anything, including using other people to numb the pain of her own existence. That was what was actually happening. And so I, you know, I tend to be really, really honest and, um,
00:12:44
Speaker
Some of this might be like cringy, but I'm going to tell you it because it's the truth and it's what happened. It's real. You know, this is the real, yucky, um, slightly embarrassing stuff that I went through and I want you to know that like,
00:13:04
Speaker
no matter what you've gone through, it is okay, right? We have this human path that starts with a lot of times, a lot of darkness and a lot of confusion and a lot of mishaps.
00:13:19
Speaker
But if you can get through that, that's where the, oh my God, the like, the exciting enthusiasm, the passion for life, the passion for living comes in to play and it affects everyone around you. It affects your whole life just like the darkness does. Because in this darkness, I was affecting so many more people than just myself. I was using people, I was in a love triangle.
00:13:47
Speaker
I literally had a boyfriend up north and I had a boyfriend in college and they knew about each other and both of them were like, I can, we'll make this work. Like that's how, so in another previous episode with Nicola, we talk about how I got into this love triangle a little bit.
00:14:06
Speaker
But essentially it's the idea that the people that I was in this love triangle with were also not okay with themselves. You know, they were, they were using me as their own drug, right? As their own tool to feel validated and worthy. and I was doing the same thing with them and I was so torn. And you know, so many people could listen to this and just judge me and be like, oh my God, what a horrible person. And I kind of was, okay? I'm not even gonna like, I'm not even gonna deny that. I was kind of a terrible person. And I hated myself every day. It was like groundhog day. I was like, oh my God, I've got to get out of this mess. And it wasn't just the,
00:14:48
Speaker
lies and manipulation and the anger and the tumultuous emotions. I was on this roller coaster for so long. It was so exhausting. I remember sitting outside in my car with the window down. It was off, but um i it was like 7 a.m. and I'm out there chain smoking cigarettes. And one of my roommates came out and he was like, are you okay? And I was like, no, I'm Not okay. It was because I had just gotten off a phone call with one of the boyfriends and, you know, they're begging me to make a decision.
00:15:25
Speaker
but I couldn't because I didn't know which way to turn. It was like, do I go with the one that's gonna be a doctor making tons of money? and like Or do I go with the one that is um cuter to me? like Neither of them were aligned with my values and and neither of them had the chemistry with me that I wanted that I knew I wanted in my life. And it ultimately ended in so much pain and heartbreak for everybody. it was horrible. And then to think of all the people that were affected beyond them, their parents, their families, people I had gotten involved with, like, you know, emotionally, my family, people were but my friends, my roommates, like this stuff affected so many people. And it was obnoxious. So here I am going through life, literally just like a wrecking ball, tumbling through people.
00:16:20
Speaker
um running over people, steamrolling people. And all the while I am hanging on by a thread with my courses, with everything I'm doing in college, and it's not going well. I am now lying to the nth degree. I am telling these teachers some heinous lies, some lies that I know people would be like, you're just straight up evil. but You should not have lied about that. And I have since made a lot of amends and have apologized to a lot of people for these lies and for the things that I've done. But you know, it's like, just looking back, I can see the insanity. There was pure insanity. But
00:17:08
Speaker
I had such a different perception of life at that point. I was so ingrained in my own mind. I was letting my mind run the show. I was letting my mind basically be the driving force behind every single thing that I do. And what I know now is my mind is terrified of living. It is so afraid and it is going to stop me in any way I can from being who I really am, because if it if if it doesn't do that, it's not going to be real anymore, right? Because the mind is a finite thing. It is going to die when the body dies. It's your brain. So this is where the ego comes in. This is the ego.
00:17:56
Speaker
If I'm letting my ego run the show, which is what I was doing, instead of letting my mind be the tool that you know i use I use to manifest what my heart really desires as opposed to letting it use me, if I'm letting it use me, right?
00:18:14
Speaker
then basically I am manifesting all of its biggest fears right there in full effect, in full force. And that is creating more insanity in this world. And that's exactly what I did.
00:18:28
Speaker
And so I had to have a full perception shift. I had to have a shift where I got out of my mind and stopped thinking from my mind. I had to stop thinking from my brain. I had to stop thinking from that fear-based spot where everything is terrifying and um I need to protect myself constantly. I had to move from that. into a soul-centered perspective, a perspective where I am no longer thinking from my head, but from my heart. I am actually thinking from a place within which the Bible and a lot of other um spiritual texts call the Christ within. this is not ah tet This is not speaking about Jesus. This is actually speaking about the part of us that is God, that has God in us. It's linked to God.
00:19:18
Speaker
Or whatever you want to call it the universe source energy doesn't matter. It's all the same. But I had to I had to start coming from that perspective, but I didn't even know that back then I didn't know what was wrong with me. I literally thought I was a basket case and I thought that I just needed like i I don't know. I thought it was crazy. I just thought that I was going to be like using pot and alcohol for the rest of my life to feel better about who I was and to get through each day because it was that painful. It was that hard. Everything was hard. I remember just like driving in my car in the mornings, taking now fast forwarding to when Roman was born, my now seven year old.
00:20:04
Speaker
I remember being in the car in the mornings with him, driving him to daycare when he was really little. Excuse me. And um just feeling like everything was hard. Like I had a headache and my energy was so low. I had no energy all the time. and That was one of the hardest things, no energy.
00:20:26
Speaker
um And most of the time, you know, I was hung over. So that added to everything, but you know what? Take the alcohol away. I still got a huge issue. The alcohol was actually looking back, not the problem. The alcohol was my solution to a much, much deeper problem. And that problem was a spiritual one. It was that problem of perspective. It was the problem that I'm thinking all of the time,
00:20:56
Speaker
And also the thinking became an addiction as well. I don't have to think all the time anymore, thank God. um But I was thinking all the time and I was coming from a perspective of mind, of fear, of finite being terrified. you know And I needed to learn how to come from, again, that soul centered perspective. That's where the real shift happened. That is where everything changed.
00:21:22
Speaker
it's It's all in the way that you view the world. Either you're looking at it as if everything's terrifying and you've got to protect yourself or you're looking at it as if everything is amazing and miraculous and there's nothing to be afraid of and you can just walk into it, being who you are, expressing yourself at the highest level and just doing that. It's a choice.
00:21:46
Speaker
But again, like I had a lot of things I had to, and I continue to clear out of the way so that i can I can really live in that perspective. And that's what we call embodiment. So I had to get rid of the alcohol. I had to get rid of the um codependent boyfriends and the codependency.
00:22:09
Speaker
for myself on other people, not just them. I had to get rid of you know using food as a tool to help me cope. And I'm still working on that one. I have not had any flour or sugar for the past, I don't even know, it might be one and a half months. That's not very long, but man, it's very helpful because it's another thing I'm addicted to. um I've had to get rid of my,
00:22:38
Speaker
you know, my habits of like watching TV incessantly. There are so many things. And it was really, it it's hard because you come from this, person you have this one little perspective of life based off of your past experience, right? Based off of your parents and your history and your childhood and all of this stuff. And um my mom used to say often, like, everyone has their vice. Everyone has their vice. And I internalized that. And I was like, okay,
00:23:07
Speaker
Like that's okay. So I'm going to justify the way that I live by that mantra. Everyone has a vice. And what I've come to learn is that's not necessarily true. Actually.
00:23:22
Speaker
the more that you learn how to live a spiritual lifestyle, the more that you connect ah to your higher self and genuinely fulfill that whole that we all have until we fill it with the only thing that ever could, which is spirituality, which is that spiritual connection to our higher selves. We're going to try to fill it with all of the external things, with people, with drugs, with alcohol, with food, with TV, with sex, with video games um with thinking even, you know? And until we fill that void, those things are going to call our names and they're going to be really, really loud. But what I have found is that when you focus most of your attention, 80% of your attention on living a spiritual lifestyle, which means reading spiritual books,
00:24:16
Speaker
um Watching spiritual you know programs like on Gaia, the Gaia app is amazing. i Meditating is a necessity. Praying, praying is literally just talking to your higher self and asking for what it would have you be. And then doing that, taking action on that, that's where true inspiration comes from. Inspired, it means to live in spirit.
00:24:44
Speaker
When you do that and you focus most of your attention on it, I can tell you that a lot of times, many of the addictions and the addictive cycles and the um the numbing agents and the vices, the tools, the external things that we constantly grab and find ourselves attached to begin to fall away naturally.
00:25:05
Speaker
They fall away naturally because there's no longer a need for them. There's no hole to fill anymore. We've already fulfilled it with our spiritual nature, with who we really are. And when you fill it like that, you become you you can't help but be over, you know you're in overflow, you're in a state of overflow because you are fulfilled. And what is overflowing? It's your spirit, it's you, it's your highest good, it's your highest self, it's love, it's the felt experience of what you are at the core, was it which is a spirit. And when you are overflowing in that and you're channeling it at a level
00:25:49
Speaker
where you just can't keep it in anymore, that's when things start moving. You know, you're listening to the Modern Day Healer podcast. I talk to people who just want to be lights in this world and help other people find theirs. Whether you're doing it as a career or you're just simply doing it as a soul with a mission,
00:26:16
Speaker
You know, this is how it's done. It's actually really simple, but this is how it's done. And if you're looking for that momentum though, if you are building a business and you're looking for that momentum and you're looking for that ah motivation that does not stop, that's where it comes from. It comes from the channeling, from the ability to channel that higher self, that higher person perspective, because that again is where your inspiration living in spirit comes from. And so all the ideas, the opportunities, right? The insights come from that place. They come from the overflow. They come from
00:26:59
Speaker
you channeling your higher self. But what do you have to do in order to get to that spot where you are consistently channeling? And that is you have to clear yourself out first. And that's what we're kind of talking about is dropping the vices, dropping the things that block you from that. People call it self-sabotage. I've kind of moved away from that language, but at the end of the day, it's the same. it It is what it is. You have to drop the things that are blocking you from channeling your higher self. Anything else that's coming through that is
00:27:34
Speaker
coming from the outside world, any place that you're looking for God, for your higher self, for a sense of ease and comfort, for stability, for love, for validation, for acceptance, for worthiness, for even like, even for um entertainment,
00:28:01
Speaker
right? Even those things, like trying to fix your own boredom using outside things, anywhere you're looking for that, that is going to become a blocker if you get attached to it. I should say that people like the Dalai Lama, for example, he loves, he has some TV shows that he loves, okay? But he's not attached to them. That's the only difference.
00:28:27
Speaker
you can have these external um joys. That's okay. we're We're human, right? We live in this human world. We're here in the physical. It's not about renouncing all of that and acting like it's not here because that would be really difficult and not fun. And that's, you know, we have this material um existence here because it's basically our playground to see what's possible in physical form. But it's all about not becoming attached. So when you do become attached to a vice and outside thing, that's when you become blocked. And those are the things that we need to look at and that we need to drop in order to feel free and clear and
00:29:15
Speaker
Like we are able to channel the light that ultimately like at the end of the day, that's that's what we are. That's it. Okay, so I'm moving through the through college. I have had this crazy love triangle happen. I have been cheating. I have been lying. I have been in every way, not just with the guys, but like in school. I graduate by the hair of my teeth.
00:29:46
Speaker
Now, I go off into life. This is not good, okay, because I still, I am forging a path of resistance. I am resisting life in every single way at this point, because now I'm not in college. I don't have an excuse to drink the way that I was in college, yet I'm still doing it.
00:30:08
Speaker
now I have to get a big girl job. And people are telling me about 401ks and pensions. And but I mean, that's not available in South Carolina, but that was like the dream you know for a generation before. And they're telling me about medical insurance and things that I need to have, which by the way, I don't completely reject. Again, I live in this world. I I'm not new here, right? So some of these things, yes, cool. But for some reason, my soul just was shrinking by the second hearing about these plans that I needed to implement for my life in order to be safe. And so what do I do? I go get a big girl job. I'm drinking more than I ever have, even in college at this point. I am driving home with water bottles full of vodka.
00:31:02
Speaker
Yes, drinking and driving, super selfish, I know. I'm not proud of any of this, by the way. um And thank God for being able to change. But I am drinking heavily and now I've got the love of my life. you know I don't know how that happened, but it was what I call grace. Did I deserve it? No. Did it happen? Yes. So now I've got my future husband who bought a ring you know four months into dating.
00:31:32
Speaker
or madly in love. and um And some of my vices for a minute there and some of my defenses really went down, you know, because I was in love. I didn't have anything. yeah I was like living the felt experience of being my higher self. And so I didn't need anything because I was already feeling so fulfilled. Okay, cue nine months into that relationship. I am threatening to ruin it all with my behavior with everything.
00:32:01
Speaker
And ah just the world really bothered me. And in my job, in my career now that I've got at a small boutique wealth management firm, I am literally dying inside. I mean, I want to i want to die. I am just sitting at this computer in this very small office.
00:32:22
Speaker
with these ugly clothes on that I hated. There is a very conservative office. um So I had to be very covered up in clothes. And I don't like that. like I don't. And um I could just feel myself dying on the inside. I find coaching. And I'm like, what's this? And you might be able to relate to this moment. But I was just like, oh my god. like This is what I want to do. I want to help other people.
00:32:50
Speaker
I think we all have the propensity to have that desire because I kind of think that's what we're all here for. I kind of think we're all here to walk each other home sort of thing. um So when I saw this idea ah for coaching, I was like, oh my God, this is like sounds like everything I ever wanted to do. I have a degree in psychology. like i This is what I want to do. And so I start.
00:33:17
Speaker
learning more about it then I learn about online businesses and I learn about online courses and I'm like oh my god this is it because there's no ceiling on anything on the expression of self there's no ceiling on how much money I can make there's just like no ceiling I get into it I start coaching I um I don't you know I had I did have clients but I'm out of my mind. you know I am really suffering at this point. And I had this codependent thing going on with all of my clients where I would make myself super available and they would cling to that. And I would basically do their work for them because what am I trying to do? I'm trying to get them results.
00:34:09
Speaker
But what I've learned is I cannot ever get anybody results in anything. It's up to the other person. And so I was just living this horribly ah existence where I'm on these calls hating the calls because they're taking forever. I am not being compensated enough for the amount of time and effort and energy I'm putting into it. I'm getting off the calls mad. I am,
00:34:36
Speaker
literally judging these people left and right for their own insecurities and for their own um shortcomings. I'm complaining about it left and right to my husband. I am just being obnoxious again, but like in a worse way because now
00:34:59
Speaker
I'm supposed to be doing the thing that lights me up. So this this was supposed to make me happy, right? Coaching was supposed to make me happy and I'm still not happy. And so everyone's confused and nobody more than myself, trust me. What the hell is wrong with me?
00:35:16
Speaker
What is going to make me happy if this doesn't? And i just I just couldn't figure it out. And all I did, all I know that I did was I blamed everyone else. I blamed my clients. I blamed my husband. I blamed my son. I blamed my family. Oh my gosh. I blamed my friends. I blamed everyone else. And I would sit there and I would try to take responsibility and I'd say, like I'm taking responsibility for this, but you need to too.
00:35:45
Speaker
And come to find out that's not taking responsibility. yeah That's pointing the finger and blaming and also just giving my power away constantly to other people. So I did this for a really, really long time. And I want to get back into the defenses thing because I was talking about how they they do protect you for a short amount of time. Like when we are teenagers, when we're children even, when we're children, we start
00:36:17
Speaker
We start developing these self-seeking modes of behavior. These are our defenses. and Like I told you, one of my biggest ones, well, two of my biggest ones, one is ah was mind reading. So I would constantly analyze what you were thinking and know for a fact, this is what you were thinking and this is why you did what you did. And then another behavior that I started exhibiting in childhood um was
00:36:52
Speaker
like just being nasty with my words, just being really angry and taking that to the next level and then cutting you down as far as you could go without letting you out. So like just creating these very airtight statements that would hurt you. And I knew would. And again, those protected me in some ways in my childhood because of the things that I went through, but you eventually grow and you go through your 20s a lot of times and then I have read that by the time you hit you get into your 30s and I was 29 when all this like transformation happened but all of a sudden this is when all ah many many people have what you would call a quote unquote midlife crisis and I know 30 isn't very old but
00:37:40
Speaker
It's where all of a sudden you have this this sudden desire to change, this sudden desire to stop. Defending yourself the way that you have been to let go of these modes of protection that you have had for your entire life so far and To be free of these things so you can live a liberated life like that's basically a midlife crisis is you realizing how defensive you've been and not wanting to be anymore and You either
00:38:12
Speaker
learn through desperation, how to do that, or through inspiration. And like for my sons, I'm really hoping that they can learn through inspiration, watching us be on the path that we're on. So they don't have to go through the desperation, but many, many times people do have to go through that desperate stage.
00:38:31
Speaker
And it's not a bad thing because if they can get through it, it's what will ultimately set them free and put them on the path of light of being light. And so, um so now I'm like I'm 29 I am out of my mind I'm angry I'm just a really angry person blaming everyone else.
00:38:50
Speaker
i have these crazy modes of defense. They're just getting deeper and deeper. I am like going further and further with my words, with my cutting words. I'm tearing people down left and right. I'm cursing people out. I mean, I had these just moments where, I mean, I would say things that I could not take back, you know, and I really hurt people. And um I didn't want to, but I did not know how to stop and I really, really thought it was everyone else. So I started meditating and I did it because I just had this inkling that that was something
00:39:37
Speaker
that I should be doing to like manifest my next level of life, because that was my goal. I wanted to become the best person I could be. I wanted to like live up to my full potential so I could help other people do the same thing. That was my motivation. So I'd meditate, but I would like meditate drunk, which didn't work, by the way. um And um I know in my heart of hearts that because I started meditating, because I i was practicing it often, um that is what gave me this moment of clarity, which was me basically walking down the hallway from my then two year old's room, having this sudden realization that I was an alcoholic,
00:40:23
Speaker
And knowing, I mean, within a split second, I could either get sober and go get help. It was really about me accepting the help of other people to stop trying to figure everything out on my own and to just go accept help to humble myself. That was the real thought. It was like, you could either go accept some help and change literally everything in your entire life for the better and get everything that you've ever wanted plus more or you can just not tell anybody that you had this thought. Continue drinking, continue doing what you're doing, continue trying to fight tooth and nail to get where you want to be without getting anywhere and living this continuous groundhog day for the rest of your life and possibly never getting this opportunity to make a choice again because
00:41:17
Speaker
At the end of the day, like I really feel like that was not a choice for me for a really long time. I didn't have the clarity, but I also didn't have the willingness. So in that moment of willingness, I decided to say yes, and I took this big leap.
00:41:32
Speaker
um and I had never been courageous before in my life. I can tell you that courage really is just doing the thing without knowing what the outcome is going to be. Whether it's going to be good, bad, are people going to judge me for getting sober? Am I going to have friends anymore? Is my family going to want to be around me? like How am I going to cope with anything? like Is this going to be okay? This is my biggest addiction.
00:41:55
Speaker
but I honestly just turned all of those fears off. I just, I knew what I had to do. So the next day I walked into my first 12 step program and it changed my entire life because it humbled me. um I remember somebody raising my hand to read a chapter out of the text that we were reading. And I remember thinking to myself, I'm going to slap this lady. And then I was like, you need to humble yourself little girl that,
00:42:25
Speaker
was the first time I put my ego in her place. And it was the first time that I was able to quickly get out of my own way. And when I say my own way, I mean, get my ego out of the way for my soul to start coming back, right? It's about remembering who you really are. It's about discovering what has always been there, this wholeness that you,
00:42:52
Speaker
innately are, inherently are, and always have been, but needing to get your ego out of the way to see that. So she started to shine, right? Like that piece of me, that wholeness within me, that is me started to actually peek through because I started pushing my ego out of the way. I was like, humble yourself, get out of here. Like you you have no place here. And Little by little I started clearing out all of the anger that I had towards other people all of the judgments all of the superiority complex that I had and you know, I think it's interesting because they'll say it's a um
00:43:37
Speaker
an ego maniac with a superiority with a inferiority complex, that was me. An ego maniac with an inferiority complex, that was me. I was so insecure until I finally learned how to get my ego out of the way because that was what was inferior. i Living in this way now, where I'm living in my truth, I'm expressing my highest self,
00:44:03
Speaker
It feels so different. It feels so good. I feel like I actually have something to share, something to say, something worth um giving to other people. And I don't feel like I have to i have to get anybody results anymore. like As a spiritual teacher, as somebody also that helps people build businesses, I no longer feel the need to get you results, because I know that I can't. And actually, it allows me to take the pressure off of myself. And it allows all of that inspiration and that guidance to flow through the channel, because the pressure is what really blocks you, you know, it's the pressure, the resentments, the anger, the low level negative emotions, which pressure is a huge part of the anxiety. Those are the things that block us. And so I
00:44:55
Speaker
learned how to get myself out of my own way. how to dissolve all of the negativity from the past, which ultimately healed my entire past. I believe that the past can be yesterday. It can be you know from when you were four years old. It can be when you were in the womb. It can literally be just a second prior, right? The past just means like what's already happened. And so I do believe in my heart of hearts
00:45:29
Speaker
that because we are already whole, there is nothing that we need to put us all back together. All it is is a scraping, a clearing, um a getting out of ego and into soul, a switching of perspective. Because of that, I do believe that there we have the ability to completely heal our past completely. And then it's a game of maintaining that clarity.
00:45:59
Speaker
maintaining that healing so that every single new thing you try, every modality that you implement is not there to fix you. It's there to take you higher. It's there to um elevate your existence. It's there to help you reach higher states of consciousness as opposed to fixing you because that's not what healing modalities are for. I am I'm so excited because I will be teaching a free masterclass on this subject on October 7th. So if you're listening to this right now ah and it's, you're in the year 2024.
00:46:39
Speaker
and you're before the date of October 7th, 11 a.m. EST, you're in luck because I am going to be teaching this exact process that I've gone through over a thousand times to learn how to clear out that negative low-level energy right You hear so many people saying, just be positive, just think positive, or even like I could so easily be like, just go from thinking with your mind to thinking with your soul. How? How do you do that? Unless you have a very clear process for doing so.
00:47:12
Speaker
It's extremely difficult to just think yourself into the next phase. it's It's impossible. And also I really believe that you cannot fix a sick mind using the sick mind that created that sickness in the first place. So having somebody there to show you the way, to show you the ropes, right? That was where I needed to humble myself. I needed to realize like,
00:47:36
Speaker
Oh, like I do know a lot, but guess what? I don't know everything. And people other people can save me literal decades of learning in seconds if I let them do it. And so the growth opportunity is just absolutely limitless, boundless if we allow other people to help us.
00:47:57
Speaker
And if we learn how to get out of our own ways, if we learn how to get our ego out of the way so that we can channel our soul. And that is what I'm teaching. So this is called the unbothered masterclass because it's all about letting go, letting go of anything that has happened to you, becoming unbothered. You're going to learn the unbothered method.
00:48:20
Speaker
which is all about dissolving those negative low-level energy emotions, the anger, the resentment, the blame, the victim, the victimization. These are things that we would rather not think of ourselves as, like we would rather think we don't do that, but the truth is in the way that you feel. If you feel, if you're not feeling happy. If you're not feeling joy, if you're not feeling passion for life, if you're not feeling those things, there's a there's a reason. There is something there. And that's amazing because when you can start recognizing that there is something there, that's That is a marker for you to look at and to say, oh, I'm going to zero in on this, on this thing I don't feel good about. It could be like a memory from the past. It could be something that happened to you. It could be really, really big. It could be really, really small. Like it doesn't matter if it's just a slight irritation or if it's a huge like blackout rage inducing experience from the past.
00:49:29
Speaker
you have the ability to clear these things out and all it takes is a difference in perspective. And again, that's what we're going to be learning in the Unbothered Masterclass on October 7th. So I really hope you'll join me. I'm going to put a link to the Masterclass in the show notes for today's episode. um And I really hope that you got a ton at least, I don't know, maybe some entertainment, maybe some like, ooh, that was o cringy and like, so maybe a little confidence to share your own story shamelessly, you know, telling some of the details of your past, knowing that like,
00:50:11
Speaker
humans are humans. And if anybody has anything to say about it, they're just not ready to fully turn on their real selves yet, right? They're not ready. And that's where I started. And now it's like, I don't care.
00:50:27
Speaker
hey I don't care if somebody judges me because I know for a fact that the reason I'm sharing these things is because it will help somebody else. and what somebody If somebody doesn't understand that, it's okay. It's okay. Maybe they'll come to it in time or maybe they won't, but I'm not so um invested in changing the way other people feel.
00:50:50
Speaker
I am not so invested in changing the way other people feel about me, the way that I used to be. And so I hope that if you do feel any like, ugh, over sharing your own story, that you will overcome that with time. And um because people really need to hear it. They need to heal hear your story. This is how we heal the world. This is how we share our light. This is how we turn the lights on for other people. Richard Rohr calls it a um a good lamp. You need to have a good lamp inside of yourself that becomes brighter and brighter and brighter and never goes dim, right? Because that's how you help other people turn on their lamps and make their lamps get brighter and brighter. And what's amazing about light is that like if you think of a flame, for example, if you light a match and you then use that match to light another match,
00:51:45
Speaker
Does that first flame get smaller? No, it does not. So this is the beauty about light. The more that you give, the more that you share your story, the more that you put yourself out there, the brighter you're going to shine. And then the more people you're going to ignite, the more people that you're going to help. So I highly recommend you put yourself out there and start doing it if you're not already. Um,
00:52:11
Speaker
And I also hope to see you in the Unbothered Masterclass on October 7th at 11 a.m. EST 2024. I will drop a link in the show notes here. Okay, I hope you guys enjoyed my special guest today. And I will, I'll see you soon. I'll see you next week. All right, have a great day, bye.